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harry-trumans-dishwasher · 2 years

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My Thoughts on Every Discworld Book

The Color of Magic: The Anti Book. The Great Leveler. The Big Bang that strips the medium of all pretense (y'know, stuff like Plot or Structure) and allows the wild stallion of creativity to prance unheeded on the empty stage. Love it or Hate it, there are few books as impressively unbidden.

The Light Fantastic: Right when we get the scene of the Wizards standing around in their pajamas, you can feel the long lost thrill of a "Plot" stretching out in front of you! This was the book that made me love reading again and also made me a good deal dumber, too.

In the whole of Discworld, there will never be a fight scene as intense as the two scrawny wizards flailing desperately at each other. Rincewind gets his happy ending, which is like watching It's A Wonderful Life and you knew there were going to be four sequels where George Bailey's life just gets shittier and shittier.

Equal Rites: A lot of people say Granny Weatherwax's first book is Wyrd Sisters, but this is an important book for seeing how Pratchett's thoughts on Why Merlin Never Married eventually grew into one of his best characters. It's also one of the best books that applies Pratchett's background on physics to magic (before he discovered the word "Quantum").

As for the events of the book, just watch one of those old cartoons where a small baby wanders amiably across a dangerous construction site and you'll get the idea.

Mort: The first in a line of "Boy gets a new job, boy meets girl, boy saves the day and never comes up again" books that Pratchett will reproduce and refine until we get Going Postal. Unlike a lot of those books, this one's great! Death is at his most Enigmatic, but it lays down the rules for Death that carry on into the series.

Sourcery: Unlike every other Rincewind book, this book is about Rincewind. Every character, every plot point, and every message is built around Rincewind's deal. This is a rare (only?) Discworld book that is focused on one singular source of inspiration: A Wizard That Doesn't Do Anything.

Wyrd Sisters: I have a quote for you:

"(His) name, you may depend on it, stands absurdly too high and will go down. He has no invention as to stories, none whatever. He took all his plots from old novels, and threw their stories into a dramatic shape, at as little expense of thought as you or I could turn his (stories) back again..."

Sound familiar? That was Lord Byron talking about Shakespeare. Willy Shakespeare took existing stories and recontextualized and reexamined them for a new audience. And then Pratchett did it again! This is a really good book! The book I point to whenever I encourage anyone to give Discworld a try!

Pyramids: Boy gets a Job, meets a girl (sorta), saves the day, disappears forever. There're a lot of great ideas in here, though! You've got the assassination test, the World War Z scene, sun-sports, Pratchett rotates a polyhedron in his mind harder than anyone before or since. And most surprisingly, Dios becomes one of the most sympathetic villains across all of Discworld! It has some interesting takes on Fundamentalism and Exoticism, but a lot of it comes off as "Boy, those Egyptians sure were silly, huh?"

Guards! Guards! "Hmm how can I write a book about underdog policemen? I know! I'll make crime legal! I'll make the policemen alcoholic and despised and outnumbered and this and that and and...." And what you've got is a fine book! Although the summary on the back of the book spoils its best twist (and if you know me, it has to be a Really good twist to get me concerned about spoilers).

It's a book that benefits from rereading. Sometimes to examine the copaganda, the comparisons between the book of laws and the book of dragons, the comparisons between Ankh-Morpork and Sybil, or just to laugh again at the Cultist scenes!

Eric: The most maligned of the Discworld books. It's short, it hand-waves a lot of things, it veers out of the way to make fun of Mayans, it's not great. What is great is the description of Hell. Somewhere along the trousers of time there's a version of this book that's less of a parody of Faust and more of a Parody of Dante's Inferno. I like this book because it's fun to read it and imagine I'm reading a better book.

[One thing that the worst Discworld books have in common is that they're Inspirational. They make you think, "Gee, I could write a better story than this!" Although you're probably wrong, it takes the right kind of bad book to make this enjoyable. If Art inspires the audience to happily make more Art, that's good Art!]

Moving Pictures: Boy gets a new job, meets girl, saves the day, fucks off forever. I can't stand this book, man. The description of Holy-Wood is evocative, yeah, the introduction of Ridcully is cool, sure, the book ends after a fashion, definitely... but... y'know those scenes in Soul Music where characters just make References again and again and again? In theory it's cool you have a fantasy world that's suffering real-world radiation and you have all these References punching holes in reality, but that's the whole book, yo. Maybe I'll feel different once I've already read every other book in the world and feel moved to re-read this one.

Reaper Man: Now here we go! Now remember everything that made the Light Fantastic an "Anti-Book?" References nobody gets? ideas stacked on top of ideas on top of ideas? Well it's all coming back, baby. The chaos is much more controlled, yes, but you have to work at it if you want to see the sense in this book. Twist your eyes, reread things out of sequence, read online forum discussion, randomly alternate your IQ scene-to-scene... It's a heartrending and absurdist read that, like the best bubblegum, is a delight to chew on for hours! If you ask me what my favorite Discworld book is, I’ll say, “the Reaper Man you get after reading it 3 times!”

Witches Abroad: This might be my favorite of the Witches books! It’s funny, it heartbreaking, and you’ve only got one (1) stupid reference that contributes nothing! (”ullo it’sssss my birthday”) Unlike Reaper Man, this is a book that speaks for itself. Every book about the Witches reveals a bit more about their personalities, but I think this book shows us the most! The racial politics of this book are very complex, however. If you stripped everything down, you will find a trace of “White Savior” in the text. Whether or not you think Granny Weatherwax (the white-skinned witch) truly earns the respect of Mrs. Gogol (the black-skinned witch) is left to the reader, but Gogol’s arc may’ve deserved a bit more attention than Terry paid.

Small Gods: The religious book! If you’re used to the other Discworld stories (at least, the ones not written for children) you may be surprised with this book’s serious tone. If you’re like me, you’ll certainly need a lot of faith in Pratchett; faith that he’ll deliver on the well-earned happy endings we’re used to. It’s an atheist’s poison-pen condemnation of fundamentalism in religion that somehow manages to be a love-letter/apology to gods... while also comparing gods to eagles, lifting up and killing tortoises (prophets) for no good reason. The good guys win in the end, ushering in 100 years of intellectualism and tolerance. The dichotomy is resolved and... well, we’ll get to Carpe Jugulum soon enough.

Lords and Ladies: Another fun book that recontextualizes more than it invents, as Lord Byron would say. It says a lot more than just “what if elves were Baaaad” and expands on that subversion more than I could elaborate about it here. Every Discworld book is about old vs. new, and this book reintroduces Granny Weatherwax as a symbol (for better or worse) for younger witches. We first had Eskarina, Magrat, Diamanda, and then we’ll have Agnes and Tiffany. All this takes a backseat in my mind to the scene where Shawn Ogg turns to the “Advanced” chapter of Marital Arts. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

Men At Arms: The pigs are back! It’s a great whodunnit in a city where everyone’s always murdering each other anyway. Don’t question it for now. Guards! Guards! was great, but this is the book that establishes Vimes’ role in the world at large: either shaking his head at the injustices of the world or exerting himself beyond his physical limits. Some of the earlier books have teeth, but this is the book that introduces Politics(tm) to the series! The other watchmen do well to move the story along until Vimes is needed to do something unenjoyable.

Soul Music: Boy gets a new job, meets a girl, saves the day, goes away. Remember how much I hated Moving Pictures? Well, this book manages to space out its references a little better. A lot of them are actually clever, as much as I hate to say it! Susan doesn’t really come into her own yet, but Death’s arc though the story picks up well after Mort (since it’s probably best to ignore Reaper Man). It’s not the biting satire of the music industry you’re hoping for, but the climax with Imp and his Harp is the heartwarming scene that earns my thumbs-up.

Interesting Times: Ooh the racism one! Well, not really. The “Racism One” is a title that probably goes to Thud! or Snuff. This is the Cultural Insensitivity One, which doesn’t fall off the tongue so easily. Rincewind cannonballs through Fantasy China, bouncing from one mildly comedic scene to the next. What you get is a lot of punching-down humor. The peasants are so compulsively docile, their revolutionary slogans are things like “Slightly Bad Things Please Happen To Our Enemies.” Every school subject tests their students on poetry instead of anything else. People complain if their street food is too fresh. The jokes go on.

Once you get past that, once you get to the punching-up humor, the book comes into its own. Mr. Saveloy’s arc blew me away. The evil Lord Hong’s dehumanization of his people comes back to bite him. Rincewind’s nihilism clashes violently with revolutionary idealism. Twoflower returns. However, Rincewind ends up taking off his own wizard hat to disguise himself (betraying one of his most establishing character traits) so I’m not very enthusiastic about this one at all.

Maskerade: Fatphobic, some say. But I still like the idea of a character so ground-down, even the narrator can’t resist making jabs at her. It makes me like Agnes a lot more than I would’ve otherwise! Arthur Plinge’s Forrest Gump schtick is tiresome, if just because Granny Weatherwax ends up curing it at the end. Hooray and etc. But it’s still a book I recommend! The villain in this book isn’t the best one we’ve had, but he’s definitely one of the most memorable. Naturally, Granny ends up stealing the show, introducing what’s known among witches as “Cackling.” Magrat is presumably absent because she’s busy wearing fake mustaches and having sex.

Feet of Clay: The greatest whodunnit ever written even though it’s pretty obvious whodunnit. There’s not a lot of surprise or mystery in this book, but it’s endlessly fun to go through this book with a pen and circle the clues! Dorfl’s scene of self-possession is the crown jewel of the book, and the fact we’re supposed to forget about Minty is whatever the opposite of a Crown Jewel is. The worst thing about this book is that there’s no way in Hell you can recommend it. If you’ve read the preceding Watch books, you’ve (I hope) read this one. If you haven’t, this book won’t make any sense!

Hogfather: Although not as absurd as Reaper Man, this is definitely an Alice in Wonderland kinda book. Death takes over for the Santa-Expy, and the arc he goes through is surprisingly complex (transitioning from envying the Hogfather to developing a class-consciousness). Susan comes into her own in this book, as well. Instead of catching Arthur-Dent-itus, you get a feel for her motivation and unique take on things. If you ask me what the Reason for the Season is, I’ll point to Hogfather with one hand and Scrooged with the other.

Jingo: This is the ultimate British fantasy. Your ex-empire country goes to war for a stupid reason and the characters use brawn, guile, brains and bravery to make it to the frontlines and heroically surrender! It’s a great book in it’s own right, but it gets so much better the more you learn about the Falklands War Conflict. In real life, however, Britain played Argentina’s game and won those stupid little islands.

Stupid, of course, until they struck oil after the fact...

The Last Continent: Remember how I said Sourcery was the most Rincewindy book? Fuck you I never said that. THIS is the most Rincewind of the Rincewind books. Everybody’s favorite wizard pinballs around from one gut-buster to the next across Fantasy Australia. Shitty beer. Waltzing Matilda. Fuck you. Here’s what I want you to do: Look up any fantasy map drawn up by an idiot. Here I’ll pull up the Forgotten Realms.

Looks familiar. And look, there’s “Osse” right where you’d expect it. Long before I discovered Discworld, the omnipresence of Fantasy Australia always dumbfounded me. Christ, why make up a whole fantasy world if you’re just going to plagiarize real life and wow your readers with how ignorant you are of everything south-east of Fantasy-Europe?

I don’t think Pterry was an idiot, of course. I think he was a man with massive testicles who decided to base a book on Waltzing Matilda and fill it with as many jokes as his own logic would allow. That scene where they have to have “The Talk” with an island god? Genius. If you ever feel unsure in your life, if you ever feel like the all the hard work you do every day will only culminate in a wet fart, so to speak, I want you to pick up this book and know in your heart that that’s ok.

Carpe Jugulum: Granny faces her greatest challenge yet [checks notes] a member of the ruling class whose ambition proves to be their downfall. I’m not going to copy-paste the Byron quote (Terry copy-pasted enough for the both of us, hyuck hyuck hyuck) but this book is unique in that we’re actually frightened for ol’ Granny! She’s brought to her absolute lowest, takes the vampires’ petard and damn well hoists it back on ‘em! Remember Small Gods and everything we learned about tolerance and intellectualism? Well, fuck that! Gimmie some of that old timey Omnianism! Never invite a vampire and don’t forget the old hymns!

The Last Elephant: Nah vampires can be cool, too. A lot of people reach for this book with the attitude of “alright just one more Watch book before I get to read Night Watch,” so this entry is a little overshadowed. But it’s a fine political mystery; unlike most of the Discworld Whodunnits, who dunnit is surprising. I like watching Sam learn more about Werewolves throughout the book and eventually using all he’s learned to defeat Wolfgang.

Carrot can just be a little frustrating to me. At the very end, after Carrot uses his innate kingliness to restore order to the watchhouse (I don’t know why people get the idea Terry was a royalist smh), Angua confides in Carrot how frightened she is of herself. She wants to know that if she ever becomes an evil werewolf like Wolfgang, Carrot will be the one to do her in. I would’ve liked it if Carrot (the man who could single-handedly usurp Vetinari) said “Yes, because you’d do the same for me.” But instead he says “Yea sure.”

I just don’t buy Carrot is as Simple as everyone thinks he is. I would’ve liked it if he dropped the act and exhibited signs of self-awareness for a second. Like he did with Vetinari, I guess. Onto the next book,

The Truth: Boy gets a new job, meets girl, saves the day, and cameos in nearly every Discworld book since. I don’t get it either. It’s a good entry, but it’s hard not to think of this book as “The Less Cool Daniel” after reading Going Postal. Anyway, remember Vampires? God, we love Vampires, don’t we! I’m sorry for going through each book and saying “Remember this villain? This villain was one of the best!” but this book has like five of Discworld’s best villains so you’ll just have to bear with me. I think it’s also the first book to introduce Sam Vimes as an anti-villain, which is a big part of what makes Discworld so special!

Anyway, if you’re ever feeling down, just shout “The truth has got its boots on, and It's going to start kicking!” at yourself in the mirror.

Thief of Time: Gaiman’s favorite. I like it, but it’s a lot more middle-of-the-road in my mind. Lu-Tze is pretty cool, but the real star of the show are the Auditors! They’ve appeared in past books, but this is the one where you really get an idea of how complicated they are! It’s also fun to compare and contrast the Four Horsemen in this book with the Four Horsemen in Good Omens. I think I like the sympathetic horsemen more! Susan does a good job of moving the pages along, but her out-of-the-blue romance with Lobsang feels like an untidy way to leave things off with her.

The Last Hero: I don’t think I’ll ever want to re-read this one. Carrot saves the day by being brave and straightforward, Rincewind saves the day by being genre-savvy and helpless. Lenny of Quirm gets some cool lines, but it’s a short story that could’ve been a lot shorter.

The Amazing Maurice: Definitely my favorite of Terry’s books for younger readers! It’s horrifying and tear-jerking and probably the bloodiest Discworld book of all time. You probably had more human death in Sourcery or Lords and Ladies, but the gratuitous rat death in this book has every other book beat. I can’t wait for the animated movie of this book to come out, take out all the blood, and cause Terry to spin in his grave so fast it shows up on seismographs.

Night Watch: Fantastic Literature. Blows every other policeman-story out of the water. After so many books full of happy endings and progress, it’s startling to revisit the Color of Magic’s vision of a gritty Ankh-Morpork. Sam Vimes, lord and master of shaking his head at the injustices of the world, takes center stage and shakes his head like he’s never done before. The ground trembles, the thrones of tyrants shudder, and the pillars of corruption sway in sympathy to Vimes and his shaking head. Sometimes he has to take a break from shaking his head so he can overexert himself, physically, and thus literature is created.

The Wee Free Men: I don’t know why so many people turn their nose up at the Tiffany Aching books. I like this one! It’s simple, it’s gripping, and it’s especially interesting if you enjoyed Lord and Ladies. You’re loving life if you’ve read this book. Tiffany’s starting out her adventure, and things are looking up! Hey what does “Cerebus Syndrome” mean?

Monstrous Regiment: I love this book and I love telling people about this book. Imagine Mulan but she keeps finding out her fellow soldiers are also women in disguise. Also Mulan is on the bad side. I get it some people are tired of Terry replaying “War (what is it good for?)” but if you’ve made it this far and you’re just now getting tired of Terry and his Ctrl, C, and V keys, I think you ought to think on that. Anyway, I think it’s his best book on the Gender and is fun rereading (especially once you’ve gotten a grasp of the litany of characters and their names, real names, and nicknames).

It’s a book you can read first, but if you do, you’ll probably be shocked Vimes doesn’t show Polly his binder at the end.

A Hat Full of Sky: A story about witches that isn’t an obvious parody of another well-known story? Where did this come from? Who sent you? It’s an alright story. I like how the witches of Discworld slowly became more structured over time out of necessity, similar to how the Wizards became less insular over time. The ending is a little weird how Granny is supposedly doing power-plays at the Witch Trials, but the new characters manage hold their own.

Going Postal: Boy gets a new job, Boy meets girl, Boy saves the day, Boy gets two sequels. Terry had been working for decades on this formula. Staying up late in his laboratory, mixing and matching different narrative elements, creating such abominations as Moving Pictures. This continued until his hand slipped and added the secret ingredient, “Make The Boy Interesting,” and thus history was made. I reread this book three times and gave it away to a friend for Christmas. I’ve been itching to hold this book in my hands again...

Thud!: High on his horse from Going Postal, Terry decides to take it easy and write a book about the Police’s role in racial tension. Going Postal and Night Watch are tough acts to follow, but Thud! succeeds in not shitting the bed at all! Dwarven culture became a surprisingly nuanced part of the Discworld and have made discussing their upstanding and problematic aspects relatively delightful! Trolls are involved too, yessir, they sure are!

Wintersmith: This is where the Aching books get significantly more serious, but the jokes still land every time! My favorite part of Wintersmith is Annagramma, I think. She starts off as a bully to Tiffany, but by the end, they’re friends! Annagramma doesn’t really stop being a heel, but she and Tiffany reach an understanding and sincerely try to help each other. Can you imagine if Draco Malfoy did something like that?

Making Money: A great sequel to Going Postal that’s more fun to read than to remember. The jokes are funny, the stakes are high, the villain is one of the greatest we’ve ever had... I regard all these things dispassionately, but it’s the one book that still manages to get me jumping up in my seat when I reread it! I still have no idea how gold standards work, but I love it all the same!

Unseen Academicals: A long book that feels longer. It could’ve been shorter if Terry had fallen back on ol’ reliable (boy plus job plus girl equals one saved day) but instead he decided to do something more complicated: Two Boys and Two Girls! Six times as much plot! Similar to Night Watch, this book takes us forward into an equally alien and unfamiliar Ankh-Morpork. I liked the parts about Nutt (10% of the book) and the parts about Football (5%), and as for everything else, I hope to one day understand it once an English translation comes out for all the hooligan slang.

I Shall Wear Midnight: Unlike every other Discworld book, the funniest parts of this book aren’t supposed to be funny. An evil ghost shows up and Tiffany meets girl (who’s an expert at pacifying ghosts) and disregards her out of hand. Eskarina Smith, legendary Wizard who hasn’t appeared since Book #3, shows up out of nowhere and tells Tiffany not to be such a fukcing pussy. As soon as the YA book starts, Tiffany confronts a father who beat her pregnant daughter so badly her baby died. I’m losing my mind.

I haven’t read The Shephard’s Crown, Snuff, or Raising Steam yet, but I’ll append this post as soon as I do!

The short stories are all generally fine and I don’t feel strongly enough about any of them to go through the trouble of typing their titles out. I will say that it’s weird so many people have latched onto Troll Bridge over the years.

In Conclusion, it might sound like my least favorite book is Moving Pictures, but this is incorrect. My actual least favorite book is The Dark Incontinent. This is one of the books Terry threatened to write before he passed, but never got to. From what little we know of this book (Rincewind visits Fantasy Africa) I can infer that this book would single-handedly blow every other Discworld book away.

Even if The Dark Incontinent were an enlightened examination of Apartheid, Heart of Darkness, and African Exoticism in fantasy, this would all be rendered moot by the title: The Dark Incontinent. A title that makes me thankful for the steamroller. It’s fine if you disagree with me on this, because I’d know that you haven’t thought about it as much as I have.

#discworld #terry pratchett #taggitytagtag #pratchett #GNU terry pratchett

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charliejrogers · 3 years

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Klaus (2019) Review & Analysis

I remember recently discussing with my fiancée how, though there have undoubtedly been a number of Christmas movies released in the last twenty years, none have really risen to the level of a “classic” – something you would want to watch every year as part of a tradition. It’s true I have not seen it, but still something tells me that 2008’s Reese Witherspoon vehicle Four Christmases is not on anyone’s annual watchlist… nor 2017’s Mel Gibson-infested Daddy’s Home 2. We concluded that the last “classic” was 2003’s Elf. And, while Christmas movies don’t have to mention Jesus or religion obviously, please don’t try to tell me that Frozen is a Christmas movie… it’s not! In some ways, given how secular things are, I began to wonder if there even was a market for holiday family fun movies, but of course, I’m an idiot because you can just make a whole movie about Santa Claus. Move over, Jesus, we gotta talk about the reason for the season!

Klaus released last holiday season on Netflix and at least in Chicago I saw billboards for it everywhere. Netflix went all in on promoting this as the next big Christmas movie and had some moderate success; they even grabbed an Oscar nom for best animated picture. Unlike most animated films these days, Klaus was made by neither DreamWorks nor Disney, and it shows. It lacks the refined polish of a Disney/Pixar feature, but also has a heart unlike a DreamWorks picture. The animation style can be best described as a hybrid of 2D and 3D (yet not quite 2.5D). At times the character models look like classic hand-drawn 2D models set within a mostly computer-generated 3D environment. But at other times, they look more 3D. It’s confusing to describe, and inconsistent to watch. It often felt like I was watching a compromise between a studio that wanted a distinct animation style but didn’t have the budget to fully realize it. Still, more often the not it’s a pretty movie.

More than the raw visuals, the movie has a fantastic sense of atmosphere… perhaps even too much at the beginning. Klaus is, in one sense, the story about how a lonely woodsman becomes the legendary Santa Claus, but for such a jolly premise, much of the film is shrouded in shadows and dominated by an oppressive, cold, snowy bleakness. In retrospect, this makes sense as the true triumph of Santa and “Christmas spirit” can only be best appreciated when it brings light to the darkest of places and times. Still, upon first viewing, I was quite surprised and shocked by the dark atmosphere and downright violent imagery on display at the beginning of the film, so much so that I was wondering if this really was a Christmas movie!

The darkness stems from the fact that our woodsman Klaus lives deep within the forest on a far north island, far far from the closest village which is a town called Smeerensberg and is famous for its never ending feuding and wickedness. It’s a genuine Nineveh of the North so it seems. The town’s feud centers around two rivalling clans (the film’s equivalent of the Hatfields & McCoys) and every villager belongs to one clan or the other. The two families’ feuds go back longer than anyone can remember (cave paintings exist that depict their feud), implying an original sin of sorts with the town being more born from hatred than spawning it. Hatred is so foundational that it infects every part of society. Unwilling to allow children to interact with the rival clans in classrooms, children just don’t go to school. Instead, they roam the streets playing pranks on old people and stabbing snowmen with carrots.

For the most part, Klaus lives his life separate from and unbothered by these unruly residents of Smeerensberg. What breaks his solitude is the arrival of a new post officer to Smeerensberg. More than a trivial side character, this post officer, Jesper Johansson, is surprisingly the main character of this movie all about the origins of Santa Claus.

Much like the residents of Smeerensberg, we the audience come to the film with a primary misunderstanding, much of what makes Santa famous today (the home invasion via chimney, the responding to letters, the reindeer-pulled sleigh) were the creative inventions of a spoiler-brat-turned-postman. So despite this movie being about the origins of Santa Claus, being a Christmas movie, you should have guessed that this will be some variant on Dickens’ classic tale. Jesper isn’t a classic Scrooge in that he doesn’t abhor Christmas, but he is self-absorbed, materialistic, and all-around not a great guy. He’s the spoiled son of a successful postal worker who controls a postal empire that looks more like an army. (The true fantasy of this movie has nothing do with sleigh bells and stocking stuffers… it’s the idea that the post office is a well-organized, well-respected, successful enterprise.) Anyways, recognizing his own son’s worthlessness, Jesper’s father decides to whip him into shape, ship him off to the God-forsaken land of Smeerensberg with an ultimatum: Jesper must process 6,000 letters from the town of Smeerensberg in a year or else be cut off from his father’s wealth. The problem? With how ugly the feud is in Smeerensberg, no one needs to write a letter to express their feelings when a cold snowball to the face (or worse) will get the point across quite clearly.

So now with the spoiled postal heir longing for silk sheets as he tries to survive out in the cold boonies, the movie gets a hint of the Emperor’s New Groove flavor… sans llama. It is only by sheer “chance” (we’ll get to that) that when Jesper visits the woodsman in a last ditch effort to find one person on the island who wants to send a letter, a piece of paper falls out of Jesper’s bag as he flees in horror of the woodsman (we’ll get to that). This piece of paper contains a drawing that a little boy made of himself locked in a high tower looking sad. In a very humorous scene, we had seen Jesper accidentally stumble across this drawing and then unsuccessfully try to scam the boy into giving him money so that Jesper could “mail” it back to him, rather than just give it back. Regardless, recognizing the little boy’s suffering, the woodsman decides to do something about it and enlists Jesper’s help. Luckily for the children of Smeerensberg, the woodsman has a barn full of toys. Yes, “a barn full of toys” is as creepy as that sounds and the films uses that creepiness to full effect when Jesper first meets the woodsman. The large, imposing, hooded, axe-bearing woodsman is far from the jolly fellow we know he is destined to become. He’s downright scary and given how violent the town of Smeerensberg is (Jesper almost dies when he first arrives because he’s tricked into ringing the war bell which sends the whole town into violent frenzy), we and Jesper are not wrong to assume the woodsman holds only ill-intentions. Essentially, the first meeting with the woodsman is supposed to be something akin to the reveal of the Beast in 1991’s Beauty & the Beast, a film so scary it sent my then two-year-old sister running out of theater in tears. Ultimately, I can’t speak for the mind of a child, but the tension for me here is certainly lessened by the fact that… well… we know the woodsman is Santa Claus. So even though Jesper is scared shitless and flees after meeting the woodsman, we know that there will be more to their story.

Still, even if not necessarily scary, the film does successfully shroud the woodsman in mystery, and his backstory is slowly and beautifully revealed throughout the film. I won’t spoil it here, but the script does a fantastic job of contextualizing the woodman’s stoic and aloof nature and explaining why that barn is so full of toys. The explanations come naturally and speak to a real human pain that I was not expecting from this film. In terms of emotion, the woodsman’s backstory almost reaches the opening montage to Up. ALMOST, I said, so put down the pitchforks!

So Jesper and the woodsman team up to deliver a present to that first child from the drawing. Or more accurately, the woodsman throws Jesper down a chimney to deliver a present while the woodsman looks on. The ensuing scene when the boy opens his present brought tears to my eyes. The woodsman (and we with him) watching the pure joy of a child receiving a present is truly nostalgic in its most literal sense. It hurts to see such joy, remembering that at one time you too could feel such joy from a hunk of plastic, and knowing you will never feel that way again. It’s a joy that few films outside of A Christmas Story with its the red rider BB gun really nail. Anyways, the little boy sees the woodsman through the window and finds his original drawing of himself locked in the tower which the woodsman leaves behind by accident. He surmises that the postman had devliered his drawing to the woodsman, and the woodsman responded with a present.

After that… well the rumor spreads wildly of the mysterious woodsman who comes down chimneys at night to give presents to children in response to letters. Now, the once dormant post office becomes a bustling hub of activity as children from all over flock to send letters to this Mr. Klaus. Kids even beg to go to school so that they can learn to write in order to get presents (much to the dismay of the disilliusioned teacher who long ago gave up on her dreams of teaching in a town where no child goes to school and had turned to being a fishmonger in order to pay the bills and one day afford to leave the town for good).

Gradually the children, who seemingly had no toys prior to Klaus and Jesper’s escapades, now joyously play together, regardless of which clan they belong to. Initially this upsets their parents greatly, but in the end it’s hard to really hate the parents of your children’s friends. The film promotes an age-appropriate and inspiring, if fanciful and naïve, notion that all the world’s problems would be solved if we all thought like children. As by spreading joy throughout the town, Jesper and Klaus inadvertently make the town a better place to live. It’s the theme of the film (not that they’re subtle about it): one act of good-will always begets another (or something like that). Still, all this doesn’t please the village elders, who abhor the change from the town’s hateful origins. They will ultimately serve as villains trying to put an end to all this gift-giving business.

Of course, there’s another villain of sorts, as well. Despite all the good he’s doing, Jesper is ultimately still motivated mostly by the notion of getting back to his old cushioned life. He is essentially using Klaus and preying on his kindness in order to launch himself back to a life of selfishness. It’s here the story feels most Dickensian, particularly in a scene where the school teacher (now love interest) acts functionally the same to the ghost of Christmas present and takes Jesper to the city center to see for himself the love and joy that he has helped bring to the world. But, still his desires to go home are strong, and, of course, he keeps them a secret. So between Jesper’s inner conflict about where he belongs in life and the external conflict of the community trying to fight back against a change in its culture, the film naturally comes to climax when the two conflicts meet and Jesper must confront both challenges at once.

What I’ve realized in writing this review … is that I am very impressed by the plot’s complexity and depth. The film weaves together at least three solid story arcs (Jesper’s coming-of-age/Scrooge-like-change-of-heart, Smeerenberg’s bubbling kindness revolution, and the woodsman’s aged hero who finds redemption and purpose after so many years alone). That all three feel fully supported and without any bloat is a testament to its absolutely solid writing, and for a kid’s film no less! Furthermore, the “origin” story genre can sometimes fall flat as it can just feel like the writers are writing more Wikipedia entries, explaining how every little aspect came to be more than just telling a good story. I call it the Han Solo trap. As for Klaus, the little tidbits about why Klaus uses reindeer and not horses, who the “elves” who work his workshop are, always clever and grow organically from the plot.

Plus, despite my opening doubts regarding whether the dark tone really fit a “Christmas” movie, the film very capably captures the joys of the Christmas season. Like Christians think about Jesus, Klaus/Jesper bring a world of light into a world of darkness. The film teaches about the importance of creating a loving community, of being selfless, and most importantly of respecting the spiritual aspect of the season. Even if this is a decidedly capitalistic/entrepreneurial movie, the film is not without a spiritual side. The previously mentioned “chance” of the woodsman seeing that initial drawing of the boy locked in the tower is no chance at all. Instead, throughout the film we see that the woodsman is “haunted” in a sense by a ghostly wind that points him in the path of righteousness. The film has its own explanation for what the force behind the wind is, but it is not too far of a stretch to point out the similarities between the wind and the Christian idea of the guiding Holy Spirit. Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that the woodsman represents God the Father and Jesper God the Son, (or is Klaus more the Christ figure?) because I think this movie is decidedly not Christian, but more I just want to highlight that I enjoyed that the film allowed for the presence of spirituality, which moves this film from the realm of secular kindness to one that recognizes the power and presence of some spiritual goodness, aligning with how many think of the “Christmas spirit.”

Now, let’s be clear, this is a fun, family classic, but it’s not a perfect film. In fact, I downright disliked the first twenty to thirty minutes, for the aforementioned tonal reasons, but also because I really disliked Jason Schwartzmann’s voice acting in the lead role of Jesper. My dislike lessened with the introduction of the woodsman, but it never went away fully. I can’t help but think this movie would be better with a different actor voicing Jesper. Everyone else does an adequate job with the voice work. J.K. Simmons as Klaus takes on an almost Batman-like stoic gruffness, and Rashida Jones as the teacher and love interest is just fine. And, again, I never really fell in love with the art style and it sometimes distracted me, and I found the soundtrack, particularly the main song to be rather lame and too much “of its time” than the typically timeless, more Broadway productions that Disney/Pixar put out. Still, director Sergio Pablos has done something I did not think possible. He and his team created a *new* Christmas classic, one that I’m sure will be played on an annual basis in many households across the world.

***1/4 (Three and a fourth stars out of four)

#klaus #klaus 2019 #jason schwartzman #rashida jones #j.k. simmons #sergio pablos

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sigmaleph · 4 years

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Book recs masterpost

y’all really came through here, thanks! Here’s a collected version, I will continue to update it if recs keep coming. Format will be a little inconsistent but I will try to keep books by the same author together and give the summary if it exists and who provided the rec.

Under a cut cause it gets long:

Gene Wolfe:

The Fifth Head of Cerberus

Three interconnected novellas about life on an authoritarian twin planet system where humans have apparently wiped out the natives. Superbly well written and thoughtful imo

rec by @femmenietzsche

Book of the New Sun

rec by @napoleonchingon

Octavia Butler:

Dawn, rec by @empresszo, @typicalacademic

Parable of the Sower, rec by @st-just

Kindred, rec by @squareallworthy

Angelica Gorodischer:

Kalpa Imperial

epic fantasy in the style of conan the barbarian, we see the stories of an old empire in some nondescript country, a nondescript amount of millenia ago. small vignettes of different time periods within the country. very light in fantasy, basically an entire book of nothing but lore for a D&D campaign

Trafalgar

comedy sci fi. the life stories of a sales man, a guy who goes door to door selling whatever he can, except IN SPACE. all the stories are framed as him in his little bar in rosario with his friends or drinking mate, telling his latests adventures through space.

La saga de los confines by Liliana Bodoc

lord of the rings except instead of taking inspiration from nordic folk tales is based on the american conquest. see fantasy races and cultures based on the native american population from south america. lots of poetry, lots of cool classic fantasy with a fresh new flavor

(Already read)

la batalla del calentamiento by marcelo figueras

the fantasy here is very understated to the point of it being magical realism but still my top three favourite book of all time. it starts with a man who suffers gigantism receiving a message from heaven delivered by a wolf speaking in latin. the most colorful and endearing little town with the most wacky of habitants open their arms to the guy who is desperatly in search of redemption

homestuck (by Andrew Hussie)

there is really nothing i can say about this that you havent already heard, so im not even going to bother. just give the first arc (which is about a hundred pages long) a change and see where it goes from there

All of the above suggestions by @fipindustries

Ada Palmer. Terra Ignota series (starts with Too Like the Lightning) (seconded by @youzicha)

(read the first one, have the second one but haven’t read it yet)

Jo Walton, Thessaly series (starts with The Just City)

Yoon Ha Lee, Machinaries of Empire series (starts with Ninefox Gambit) (seconded by @terminallyuninspired)

Ann Leckie:

Imperial Radch series (Starts with Ancillary Justice) (seconded by @youzicha and @squareallworthy)

Raven Tower

N. K. Jemisin:

Broken Earth trilogy (starts with The Fifth Season) (seconded by @typicalacademic)

Dreamblood duology (starts with The Killing Moon)

Seth Dickinson, Masquerade series (starts with The Traitor Baru Cormorant)

(Good rec, already read the first one)

Jeff Vandermeer, Southern Reach series (starts with Annihilation)

Victor LaValle, The Ballad of Black Tom

Tamsyn Muir, Gideon the Ninth

Arkady Martine, A Memory Called Empire

M. R. Carey, The Girl With All The Gifts

All of the above by @st-just

Le guin:

The Dispossessed, rec by @st-just, @youzicha

The Left Hand of Darkness, rec by @youzicha and @typicalacademic

both also seconded by @squareallworthy

(I love Le Guin, read both of these)

Zelazny: Lord of Light, rec by @st-just

Charles Stross:

Missile Gap.

A Colder War.

Peter Watts, Blindsight

Bruce Sterling, Heavy Weather. (I assume. There are multiple books named such)

All of the above by @youzicha

Fonda Lee, Jade City

Richard K. Morgan, Altered Carbon

Shining Path, more thorough rec here.

all by @typicalacademic

Lois McMaster Bujold:

the Vorkosigan Saga

(rec by @omnidistance, seconded by @squareallworthy. Already read all of them, excellent choice)

The Curse of Chalion, rec by @theorem-sorry

Greg Egan:

Permutation City

Orthogonal

above two and “anything else” by him, rec by @saelf

Diaspora, rec by @squareallworthy

The Clockwork Rocket

Physicist discovers relativity in a Riemannian (as opposed to Minkovskian) universe. Also the world is ending.

rec by @jackhkeynes

Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday

Dick, The Man in the High Castle

Gaiman, American Gods

Gibson, Count Zero

Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.

Liu, The Three Body Problem

Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

Niffenegger, The Time Traveler’s Wife

Niven and Pournelle, Footfall

North, The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August

Powers, The Anubis Gates

Wilson, Spin.

All of the above by @squareallworthy

Pratchett, Discworld books (going postal, thud!, unseen academicals, or the wee free men recommended by @acertainaccountofevents, Wyrd Sisters rec’d by @squareallworthy)

Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomicon & D.O.D.O.

Ted Chiang, Story of Your Life and anything else by him

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis (also suggesting this review)

C.J. Cherryh – The Faded Sun Trilogy.

Honestly not sure there’s anything groundbreaking or unique about it but a solid scifi tale with aliens and politics and it really fleshed out and made me empathize with all the opposing and strikingly different factions.

Taiyao Fujii – Orbital Cloud

A space-related technothriller, quite fun! If you liked the first 2/3rds of Seveneves you’ll probably like this.

Gwynneth Jones – Life.

Story of a woman trying to be the best biologist she can despite a lot of setbacks, bascially. Barely counts as science fiction, really, but I just really like Anna and Spence as characters and their relationship. This a very feminist book, at times quite preachy–but personally it came across as characters being preachy not the author, and therefore much less annoying, but ymmv.

Katherine Addison – The Goblin Emperor.

Fantasy high politics but nice? Like also pretty level headed but not grimdark like fantasy high politics usually is. Also love the worldbuilding, the linguistics, and my precious cinnamon role Maia who deserves good things.

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet

River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey

the most tumblr print book I have ever read. TBH the cover blurb is better than the book but it’s a quick read and enjoyable.

Paolo Bacigalupi - The Windup Girl.

Ian MacDonald – The Dervish House.

The twenty-minutes-into-the-future setting has aged weirdly since it was written back when Turkey was trying to join the EU, but I reread it recently and the plot and characters are still compelling.

All of the above by @businesstiramisu

"James S. A. Corey", The Expanse series (rec by @justjohn-jj)

Mariam Petrosyan’s The Grey House

kids and minders in a boarding school for the disabled, their relationships and their setting. Mostly a coming-of-age thing but with a lot of weirdness and some fantastic elements. Extremely readable

Arkady and Boris Strugatsky:

Hard to be a God

Inhabited Island

Roadside Picnic

Stanisław Lem:

Fiasco

Cyberiad

Karim Berrouka’s Fées, Weed & Guillotines

what it says on the tin. Pretty fun. I would suspect his other fantasy mystery novel comedies are good too.

The Invisible Planets anthology

extremely hit or miss, but definitely has its hits.

Bernard Weber’s Les Fourmis

All of the above by @napoleonchingon

The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells

Sarcastic cyborg tries to avoid humans and watch entertainment media all day and perpetually ends up saving some. With all the snark.

rec by @rhetoricandlogic

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August, Claire North

Guy is born in 1910s, dies at 80 or so… and is born again in the 1910s, and so on. Also the world is ending.

The End and Afterwards, Andy Cooke

A probe to Alpha Centauri, an idealist Nigerian biotechnician, a humdrum English family – and then the world ends.

Against Peace and Freedom, Mark Rosenfelder

50th century interstellar humanity is mostly doing okay. But socionomics doesn’t cover crises, such as the dictatorship that’s taken over Okura, or the unscrupulous tycoon who’s plotting something over on New Bharat. For that we have Diplomatic Agents. Like you.

all of the above by @jackhkeynes

Meta-recommendations:

worldswithoutend.com, their list of lists, and in particular, defining science fiction books of the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s.

@squareallworthy

Jo Walton’s Revisiting the Hugos series. (by @businesstiramisu)

#book recs

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the-light-followed · 4 years

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THE COLOUR OF MAGIC (1983) [DISC. #1; RINCEWIND #1]

Rating: 5/10

Standalone Okay: Yes

Read First: NO.

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x]

* * * * * * * * * *

Ask any Discworld fan, and we’ll all pretty much universally agree that The Colour of Magic isn’t the pinnacle of the Discworld experience. Nobody really recommends that new readers should start here, even if it is the first book in the series chronologically. I’m pretty much a writing-order-equals-reading-order purist, for reasons best discussed elsewhere, and even I would absolutely never start people off with this one. (I tend to go for Going Postal or Wee Free Men—again, for reasons best discussed elsewhere.)

It’s not Pratchett’s best work. It’s not even his tenth best work. If I have to rate it (and I do, because that’s kind of the point, here), compared to the rest of Discworld, it’s down at the bottom of my list.

It’s pretty damn good, though, for what it is.

For me, it’s a genuine joy to read the early Rincewind books. This is because, in my head at least, it makes total sense that everything involved in them is baffling and strange when compared to the settled absurdism you get from other Discworld novels. Further into the series, it all feels a lot more comfortable and fleshed-out: yes, the things Pratchett writes about are often genuinely ridiculous, but usually the setting explains those things and packages them up neatly enough to make them acceptable. And the characters treat everything as perfectly normal, business as usual, so the reader is gently encouraged to do the same.

Thinking about it, I would argue that a lot of the Discworld shenanigans aren’t all that different from a lot of the real-world nonsense that we all just accept as totally normal. Discworld nonsense and our nonsense just come from different places. For us, it’s stuff like the fact that some cops still ride horses for absolutely no good reason, or that tipping is part of a server’s pay in an American restaurant, or that water is usually free but we all let movie theaters charge us like $5 for a bottle, and what’s that even about? In the Discworld, the thieves and assassins have unionized, and if you slip up, it’s entirely possible to just fall right off the edge of the world. It’s weird, and it’s not exactly fine, but it’s not about to kill us right this second, so we all just let it happen. We accept it.

This is not at all the case for our unwilling protagonist, the original Discworld hero-who-is-absolutely-not-a-hero, Rincewind. He’s scared of everything. He is a genuine, bona fide coward. Absolutely everything that happens leaves him baffled, terrified, and/or dismayed, and to tell the truth I unconditionally respect all of this about him, because most of the absolute bullshit nonsense going down around him is baffling, terrifying, and/or simply Not Good, and he and the reader have to learn to live with that together.

Over the course of this one novel, failed-wizard-slash-reluctant-guide Rincewind is:

Involved in burning down large parts of the city of Ankh-Morpork, because he left his friend unsupervised and the city really wasn’t ready for the invention of ‘insurance’ without the accompanying understanding of ‘insurance fraud.’

Chased, threatened, and variously menaced by a sentient suitcase known as the Luggage, which canonically has huge teeth, a mahogany tongue, hundreds of little legs, and an insatiable hunger for the flesh of its owner’s enemies. Also, it does your laundry if you leave it inside. Isn’t that nice?

Forced into a duel by dragon riders, where he must fight upside-down while wearing boots that basically Velcro-attach their wearers to the ceiling.

Captured, imprisoned, and scheduled to be sacrificed to the anthropomorphic personification of Fate in exchange for success in a scientific endeavor—specifically, checking the biological sex of the giant turtle carrying the Discworld on its back through the universe.

Dropped over the Rimfall, the waterfall at the edge of the Disc, which in Roundworld terminology is something like tripping and falling off the surface of the Earth and flying into the abyss of space.

Repeatedly almost forced to speak one of the Eight Great Spells that created the universe, which will do…something, possibly catastrophic, when spoken. No one knows exactly what it does. Rincewind certainly doesn’t. This spell attached itself parasitically to his brain years ago, and, in the meantime, has shoved all the other wizard-y type things he could have been doing right on out of there.

So, basically, he’s going through a lot. And this list isn’t everything, just the bits I pulled out by opening my book at random spots and reading a couple of lines. It kind of makes sense, in my opinion, that things feel a little topsy-turvy. Shit’s wild.

On top of that, I’d also argue that Pratchett is playing pretty fast and loose with plot and story structure in this book. It can feel sloppy at times, more like a bunch of little vignettes that have been strung together than a single, coherent storyline. The plot loosely wobbles along the tightrope strung between Rincewind’s uncanny luck, good and bad, and cheerfully-blockheaded-tourist Twoflower’s unstoppable ability to trample through the middle of every single situation that could possibly try to kill him. Very bad things happen, but somehow, they miraculously fail to die, and so Rincewind is still stuck shepherding Twoflower along through the next incident of someone or something trying to brutally murder them both. There’s no real greater plot or driving need, just Twoflower with his little camera, wanting to take pictures of every beautiful and dangerous part of the Disc.

If a rabid wolf the size of a bus came up and tried to eat him, Twoflower would take pictures of the inside of its mouth and say, “Oh, wow, I’ve never seen teeth that big before! Rincewind, won’t you take a picture of me with this magnificent beast?” And Rincewind wouldn’t answer, because he’d be half a mile away already and still moving fast, with nothing but a cartoon cloud of dust left behind to mark where he’d been.

[Here’s the boys, Rincewind and Twoflower, just doing their best. From the BBC two-part miniseries called The Colour of Magic, which actually spans the plot of both The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic. Yes, that is Samwise Gamgee playing Twoflower, and yes, I did get distracted by that a lot while watching. Twoflower has all of Sam’s earnest faith and absolutely none of his common sense.]

Fun!

The whole thing actually is pretty fun, though. It’s witty. It’s got something to say, even if that something is just “hey, aren’t all these identical High Fantasy Adventure books all overdramatic and ridiculous in the exact same ways?” Pratchett is writing this book as one massive joke he’s telling about the genre, the tropes, and the archetypes, and he does a pretty decent job even by today’s cultural standards, let alone the standards of 1983. Chances are that any point he’s making here in The Colour of Magic is something he’s going to make again, better, in a later book, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the seeds of something here.

As a main example, I’ll point out Liessa Dragonlady, who has arguably the biggest role in one of the major conflicts of this book. Liessa is initially presented as the quintessential High Fantasy barbarian warrior lady, which would typically be more about sex appeal than any actual skill—except that Liessa is actually highly intelligent, 110% more talented and qualified as a leader and warrior than her brothers or literally anyone on the protagonists’ team, and is aware the whole time that she’s struggling against the patriarchy and her society (and the tropes) in trying to take what should be her rightful place as leader of the Wyrmberg. The sexism exists in the Discworld, not in the writing.

[Liessa from the BBC’s The Colour of Magic, wearing—no joke—a crop top armor chest piece. Actually, I think it’s technically a bikini, based on the bottom half of the armor. Or should I say the lack thereof? Classic.]

Liessa is a decent example of Pratchett’s ability to look at the tropes and the reader’s expectations, and then go and take his writing somewhere else. But even so, I’d absolutely point to Monstrous Regiment or even Equal Rites first for anyone wanting to read a really solid exploration of femininity and what it means to be a woman in a traditionally ‘masculine’ field. Or I’d suggest just about any book starring the senior witches or Tiffany Aching for examples of well-rounded female characters that demand respect in a world specifically designed to not want to give it to them.

But that’s just one example. The Colour of Magic has the seeds of quite a few really good ideas that Pratchett will explore in more depth later on.

I think those seeds are part of what makes The Colour of Magic worth a read at some point, even if it’s never going to be anyone’s favorite Discworld book. I love seeing the foundations of Future-Discworld, that settled absurdism I was talking about earlier, in this. We’ve got our proto-Vetinari, long before he had a name, being generically threatening and Machiavellian and as close to ‘cackling evil overlord’ as it’s possible to get without actually cackling, or at least without some sort of thunderstorm rumbling in the background. Ankh-Morpork is a wonderfully scum-filled cesspit of depravity and immorality. There’s no effective City Watch to kick things into a rickety and leaking approximation of ship-shape, so it’s probably a good thing that the river Ankh is so thick with pollution that you don’t need a ship to cross it—you can just walk.

There’s even some early conceptualization of Pratchett’s special brand of everyday magic, the kind that will show up over and over again in the Discworld: the idea that even with a reality full of gods and wizards and hyper-powerful, monstrous things, there’s still a lot of power in everyday, ordinary people.

Pratchett is all about belief. He preaches the importance of the self, in terms of making reality into the place we think it should be. In Pratchett’s world, the things we believe in matter, and not just in a philosophical sense. Belief is a real, tangible form of magic—in this book, specifically, Twoflower manages to summon an entire dragon out of nothing, just because he believes strongly enough that dragons should exist the way he’s always dreamed them to be. In later books, sheer belief and willpower are shown to create and fuel gods and spirits, to contain quasi-demonic entities of vengeance and darkness, and to form the backbone of every other more ‘traditional’ type of magic.

It’s nice to see the early forms of it here. I’m not going to get too into it, because it’s going to show up a lot in later books in more significant ways (I’m thinking Hogfather, Small Gods, and even Pyramids) and I don’t want to beat that horse to death just yet, but it’s one of the foundation stones of the Discworld. It’s somehow comforting to know that it’s been here since the very beginning.

It’s also funny as hell to see the stuff that Pratchett will eventually change, soften, or drop entirely as he settles into the way the Discworld will work. Did you know there are eight seasons on the Discworld? And that in my 1985 edition of the book, the footnote where he explains these eight seasons takes up the bottom half of two entire pages?

That’s one single footnote there. The first ever footnote, even, and it’s almost a full page long and utterly ridiculous. It’s incredible, and I love it a lot. I also love that almost none of the details here are ever mentioned again, and if they are, it’s never in a significant or memorable way—and Pratchett certainly doesn’t waste a whole page on any of them ever again. Well, except for Hogswatch, because Pratchett knows when he’s got a real winner. It might have taken him thirteen years, but he wrote a whole damn book about it, and we all can agree that Hogfather is a joy and a delight.

Not so much “Autumn Prime,” “Crueltide,” “Winter Secundus,” and blah blah blah etcetera whatever. I’m not ashamed to admit that I forgot them while I was literally still in the middle of reading them. And what the hell is “Reforgule of Krull”? No clue. It’s total nonsense, never seen again, and I think we can all agree we are fine with this.

On second thought, I think Pratchett does end up using Hubward and Rimward pretty regularly as directions. But without this info-dump, when reading other books, I think that even I figured out how “Hubward” and “Rimward” work on a flat plate of a world with a Hub in the center and a Rim along the outside. And I am so bad with maps and directions that I literally get confused trying to give people directions to the parking lot outside my work.

I’m no good at wrapping these things up, so I’m ending this post the same way that Pratchett ends the book: with Rincewind abruptly falling off the edge of the Disc.

[Originally, I was going to go hunt down some fanart or something, but I don’t have permission to use any of that, so instead you get my doodles off the scrap paper I steal from work. Luckily for everyone, I’m an artistic genius. The dot representing Rincewind obviously isn’t to scale, since one human person would be much smaller than that, but if it represents the size of his body and the size of his scream, then it’s basically accurate.]

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

Rincewind’s insane luck, good and bad, is because he’s a favorite of the goddess referred to only as ‘the Lady,’ since invoking her true name means she has to leave. She’s the anthropomorphic personification of Luck itself, and she’s the reason Rincewind always survives whatever terrible situation he finds himself in—but also the reason he’s stuck in that situation in the first place.

Everything that goes wrong, and the dramatic escape that inevitably follows, is because the Lady likes to play dice games with Fate, using normal people on the Disc as game pieces.

Rincewind, it turns out, is the human equivalent of her favorite Monopoly token. (The iron, maybe? It has the same sort of Looney Tunes cartoon-anvil vibe as Rincewind’s whole, well, everything.)

Death as a character makes his first appearance in The Colour of Magic. However, here it’s implied he actually is involved somehow in the killing process, and his role can be filled in by apparently random low-level demons on their days off, whereas later books make it clear he just collects and shepherds the dead onward, and actually the issue of his replacement is a big deal, cosmically speaking.

Pratchett sort of avoids this issue by claiming that Rincewind’s life timer is so complicated and convoluted (because of all the weird accidents and magical incidents) that Death just can’t tell when he’s actually supposed to die.

I guess Death shows up every time it looks like Rincewind might kick the bucket, just in case? And in that case, all the threatening stuff he says to Rincewind in these early books must be because he’s so irritated that he has to keep coming out for no reason, only to find that Rincewind has, once again, managed to survive. And maybe the low-level demon showing up instead was just, uh, Death trying to scare him into actually beefing it, this time…?

Although the Unseen University Librarian exists and is human for the entirety of this book and only this book, he does not appear at any point. He’s briefly referenced—or, at least, a librarian is referenced, but this is referring back when Rincewind was young and read the grimoire that left one of the Eight Great Spells parasitically attached to his mind. There’s no guarantee it’s the same librarian, and based on the turnover (read: murder) rate of University wizards at the time, I don’t think it’s likely that anyone managed to hold onto their job that long. On Google, I did find a thing where someone cut together some shots of him in human form from The Colour of Magic BBC show, so that’s pretty fun:

Once he’s changed into an orangutan in The Light Fantastic, he’s described as still looking a bit like the human Librarian: with that beard and hair combo, I think they nailed it.

* * * * * * * * * *

Favorite Quotes:

“Inn-sewer-ants-polly-sea.”

“She was the Goddess Who Must Not Be Named; those who sought her never found her, yet she was known to come to the aid of those in greatest need. And, then again, sometimes she didn’t. She was like that.”

“It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists’ houses and smashing their windows.”

“Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”

“‘I’m sure you won’t dream of trying to escape from your obligations by fleeing the city…’ ‘I assure you the thought never even crossed my mind, lord.’ ‘Indeed? Then if I were you I’d sue my face for slander.’”

“It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself. But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple.”

#the colour of magic #discworld #rincewind #I don't know why I'm doing this #and I don't think anyone will actually read this #but if you do come talk to me!!#I'm going to be going through every single discworld book this year and writing up one of these #and I want to hear what people have to say #also tell me when I'm wrong because there's forty one books of material to go through and I'm absolutely going to miss stuff and mess up

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nyadere · 5 years

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Reposting this bc the link got messed up when I changed URLs!!

My all time favorite Destiel fics, in no particular order. (More to be added over time) {last updated 10/08/2019}

Too Much TV Will Rot Your Brain by EndlessRain Rating: G Words: 7397 Summary: “Angel?” John asked. He had been in Heaven for a pretty long time, and had been hunting even longer, and he never had heard of angels actually existing.

“Oh for God’s sake,” Ellen said, “That’s your kid’s boyfriend!”

Notes: A short, sweet fic with mostly humor and a bit of angst mixed in. – How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (accidentally) raised each other (and Sam). by Vera Rating: E Words: 69693 Summary: In which, Gabriel meddles with the time line and Castiel becomes Dean’s angel rather sooner than intended.

Notes: This is a must-read, the writing is perfect and the idea is also perfect. Throwing Castiel into the boy’s lives from the start and the dynamic it brings is such an interesting take on the story.

–

Destiel, Actually by Bloodism Rating: E Words: 15973 Summary: Picture your typical rom-com cliché. Now picture Dean stuck in that rom-com cliché. With Castiel. Because that’s what happening to him - a crazy whirlwind of your typical-and-not-so-typical cliché’s. He’s playing the main lead in all of them and Castiel’s his counterpart. Of course, the culprit is obvious. Gabe’s enjoying himself too much, lying back on his favourite cloud with a tub of salted popcorn.

It was about time someone kicked the two knuckleheads into gear.

“And… ACTION!”

Notes: Funny & light-hearted, featuring everyone’s favorite trickster.

–

Angel’s Wild by LimonadeGaby, riseofthefallenone Rating: E Words: 389271 Summary: But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Notes: Another must-read. This fic is a huge, long and a bit of a slow-burn but its so worth it. One of the first destiel fics I fell in love with, an immersive AU with fanart included.

–

Things Dean Winchester Loves by tuesday Rating: M Words: 3623 Summary: Castiel makes a list, Sam gives good advice, and Dean takes a while to catch on.

–

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things Rating: M Words: 57268 Summary: Dean drains his bottle of beer, sets it on the table and gets up, heading for the kitchen. Maybe to fetch another, maybe to leave. But Castiel doesn’t want him to go, doesn’t want to leave this conversation unfinished; he remembers his regret of just a few hours ago, that Dean had never known how he loved him.

“Wait,” he says and gets to his feet as Dean passes by. They’re standing close – close enough that Castiel can feel the heat of Dean’s body, the vibrancy of his soul brushing against his grace. “Dean, I have to tell you something…”

Set after the S11 finale.

Notes: another long, slow-burn. The buildup in this fic is fantastic, dealing with a jealous and in-denial Dean while poor Cas is dealing with his own feelings. This fic is so in-character I can see it happening in the actual show.

– Everything Comes Back To You by VioletHaze Rating: E Words: 32970 Summary: Dean knew better. Of course he did. But Cas seemed so charmed by the antique-filled bed and breakfast that Dean went along with it when the proprietor mistook them for a couple. Telling himself it gave them a strategic advantage to be so close to the crime scene, he agreed to the weekend special she offered them. When the case ended up being a bust, they stuck around anyhow because hey, the second night was free…

Notes: I love love loveeee this fic. Canon!verse with fake/pretend relationship. Dean in denial with mutual pining? Yes please. – Sam Winchester Sees the Light (And Dean’s Awkward Boner Face) by YamiTami Rating: G Words: 2447 Summary: Castiel is falling and he has to start doing human things to save energy. That means eating for sustenance, sleeping, and learning how to use a washing machine. This leads to a revelation.

Shamelessly inspired by a gifset of Misha putting a shirt on.

–

The Mirror by cloudyjenn Rating: M Words: 24568 Summary: When Dean touches a strange mirror, he’s whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn’t take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something.

Notes: This. fic. is. amazing. I love reading about AU versions of the boys and this one has plenty of variety. Cute with a bit of angst mixed in.

–

In Your Sweet Little Bungalow by annodominique Rating: E Words: 13680 Summary: All things considered, Castiel has a house. All things considered, Castiel has a life. Without Dean.

It has been seven years since Sam died, seven years since Dean left Castiel, broken and human, and disconnected from humanity. Cas had to cope on his own somewhere along the way. He chose a little town of Oregon to settle in.

Seven years, and Dean shows up at his door on a chilly February night, saying the stupidest set of words to ever be said to Castiel’s face.

“I was–just passing by the neighborhood. Thought I’d drop by…to see you.”

And Cas doesn’t know what to do.

Notes: This fic is so angsty but so worth it.

–

When the Bough Breaks by captainshakespear, deanisthesun Rating: M Words: 73963 Summary: Years after the Darkness has been defeated, Dean and Cas are living the apple pie life in small-town Kansas. They don’t hunt anymore, and would like to keep it that way, but some young hunters knocking at their door have different plans.

Dean, Cas and Sam reluctantly agree to help out, but what ought to be a simple case becomes way more complicated and dangerous than they counted on. And when the hunt starts to invade the normal lives they’ve carved out for themselves and their kids, Dean and Cas begin to wonder if escaping the hunting life altogether might have been wishful thinking.

–

Home is Where by ChasingRabbits Rating: E Words: 15170 Summary: Casual vagrant Dean Winchester blows into Palo Alto to check on his little brother. What is meant to be a quick visit ends up drawing out when he meets and accidentally ends up clicking with Sam’s strange, grad student roommate Castiel.

Notes: non-canon verse AU where Cas has Asperger’s and is Sam’s roommate, this fic is very cute.

–

Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone Rating: E Words: 488608 Summary: Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Notes: I cannot express how much I love this fic. Another huge AU with copious amounts of fanart and detail. Slow-burn, Merfolk AU. I will admit I was hesitant to read this at first as I don’t usually like mermaid/merfolk AUs but this story is so beautifully written and the attention to detail is amazing. Riseofthefallenone never ceases to amaze me.

–

Going Postal by captainbarnes Rating: Not Rated Words: 6799 Summary: Castiel,

Hi. My name’s Dean, just Dean — that’s all you’re getting out of me.

I don’t really know what else to say, I’m not good at this and I really don’t want to talk much. But it’s for a grade, and I’m already flunking English, so I guess I don’t have a choice.

Your name is weird as fuck.

— Dean

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak became pen pals because of a school assignment, and they tried not to get attached to one another. They really did. Sort of. Barely.

–

King of the Road by loversantiquities Rating: E Words: 15890 Summary: Contracted out by the local police in Moriarty, New Mexico, Dean is sent to investigate the happenings around a church outside of town, the Angel-worshiping congregation reportedly flocking to the location in recent days. As it turns out, though, instead of snake charmers or devil worshipers, Dean finds an Angel crucified to the cross, said Angel unreasonably snarky despite being tied up against his will.

Turning over Castiel to the authorities, though, doesn’t work in Dean’s favor. With nowhere to go and Heaven having abandoned him, Dean agrees to haul Castiel across the country on two conditions–he doesn’t smoke in the car, and he doesn’t rob convenience stores in broad daylight.

God, Dean might actually kill him before this is over.

–

Rock of Ages by winter_of_our_Discontent Rating: T Words: 7430 Summary: It starts because they need a rock. Not, of course, just any rock, but apparently this particular critter needs an Aztec-style obsidian-and-jade dagger right through its human-teeth-and-eyeball-eating heart to actually kill it.

In which Cas gets a ring, and Dean (finally) gets a clue.

–

So There It Is, I’ve Said It All by PorcupineGirl Rating: G Words: 3898 Summary: “Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don’t think I’ll like?”

I think I’m in love with you.

“Yeah. I guess so.“

–

Receipts by surlybobbies Rating: T Words: 1391 Summary: He’s about to put the receipt down, no harm done, when something about it catches his eye. Pen ink, on the back. He flips it around and reads:

With Dean. He shared his pie with me. His smile was radiant.

Dean stares. Reads it again. Nothing’s changed.

What? -

The Fourth Wall by entanglednow

Rating: T-E (this is a series so different parts have different ratings) Words: 40,339 Summary: (There’s not an exact summary for the whole thing since its a series of 15 different works but basically the boys discover fanfiction about themselves and things get wild) I can’t believe I didn’t add this one before but its one of my all time favorites! I’ve read it multiple times because its just that good. Lighthearted and funny. This series also includes Samifer which I’m a big fan of (but if you’re not into that each part is appropriately tagged so you can skip over it).

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark Rating: M Words: 45,876 Summary: Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight. Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away. Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked. Notes: Lots of pining, supportive Sam, angst with a happy ending, the good shit. - Everyone is Trying to Get to the Bar by Balder12 Rating: E Words: 8,111 Summary: Dean still has enemies in Heaven. True!form Castiel to the rescue!

Notes: I love true!form cas fics and this one is written beautifully, the ending seemed a little rushed to me but other than that I really enjoyed this fic.

As You Pass Through Me by wannaliveindeansdimples Rating: E Words: 30,548 Summary: Cas has lived in this house all his life... and since his untimely death. The last thing he wants is a new roommate, but it seems he's getting one anyway.

Notes: a wonderful non-canonverse AU with ghost!Cas....but there’s a twist! This fic is incredibly cute and entertaining and makes me smile everytime I read it. There’s a little bit of what could be considered dub-con in a few chapters but before said chapters the author usually has a note at the beginning.

#Destiel #Destiel fic rec #Destiel fanfiction #deancas #destiel fic recs #supernatural #spn

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chandlerpaintingpros02-blog · 5 years

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Home Exterior Painting - Colors For Every Unique Home

Painting your home's outside is a great means to make your home appear new. Due to the fact that every home is different, there might be multiple options for selecting the best shades. In some cases, houses have features that can either be dealt with or flaunted with a good paint task. The colors are the key to an effective outside home remodeling.

Your home exterior painting task can produce an often much-needed makeover to your home. Houses that receive a lot of sunlight and also go through periods with really various climate are excellent candidates for light and pastel colors. The light and also shade will certainly supply an ever-changing shade to your home, nearly as if your home changes with the seasons. Light colors additionally soften the look of residences that have remarkable detail on their outsides.

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The tones that you select for your home exterior painting task ought to conceal your home's problems and also flaunt its toughness. Ensure you have actually fully assessed your home's shape and dimensions prior to selecting your shades. A stunning, distinct home that you didn't know existed is waiting for you. Chandler Painting Pros Services appeal to provide the best Interior House Painters, exterior house painting and Drywall Repair and Installation at the best prices. For more information visit Chandler Painting Pros or contact us. Company Name Chandler Painting Pros City, State Chandler, AZ Postal Code 85286 Country USA

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welllpthisishappening · 6 years

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It’s the Thought That Counts (2/3)

It was, in theory, a good idea. It was, in theory, an absolutely fantastic idea. Because there was still, sometimes, a crisis or two in Storybrooke and nothing would be more chaotic than trying to find a Christmas present on Main Street, while also trying to keep said Christmas present a secret. Ordering gifts on the internet makes sense. It’s just a few clicks and online sales and the presents will be there in plenty of time for Christmas to be perfect.

Emma and Killian are positive.

Except then the presents don’t show up and it’s Christmas Eve and plan B isn’t so much a plan as it is just a bit of pre-holiday desperation and the entire town knows what they’re up to.

Rating: Mature’ish. Eventually. As it is, Killian uses some vaguely pirate-type curses in this chapter. Word Count: Like another 8K’ish. It’s gotta be even or something. AN: Hi internet, it’s me again, with a questionable amount of words and adjectives and Emma’s POV. This is still my CSSS gift for @theonceoverthinker who continues to be excellent and deserves all the words and adjectives. So, this is still the same day - Christmas Eve in Storybrooke, but Emma was lying before about paperwork and....now we’re going to find out why. There are more words coming tomorrow. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Shoutout to @distant-rose for always listening to my plotting issues and questions and but what would they even get each other for Christmas questions. Also on Ao3 if that’s how you roll.

She’s going to hit something.

Or kick something.

Possibly her desk.

And just like...the world.

Emma has no idea what to do next. There’s no time to do anything and the whole point of this was to save time and make things good and great and perfect and now it’s not going to be any of those things because she only has a few hours to figure it out and her mother will not stop promising everything is going to be fine.

Snow White is frustratingly optimistic no matter what – even in the face of postal service crises.

Emma makes some kind of noise that absolutely does not belong in any sort of fairytale and when she does, finally, give into her frustration and kick her desk, it hurts even more than she expected it to.

“Damn,” she mumbles, twisting her mouth in pain and her father does his best to turn his laughter into a convincing cough. “That didn’t work at all,” she mumbles, resting her weight on the side of her desk and she didn’t even get enough power behind her kick to leave a dent or anything.

“It wasn’t really my best effort,” David admits, crossing one foot over the other where he’s leaning against the far wall. “And I really do think you’re worrying over nothing. He’ll understand.” Emma rolls her whole head in frustration, pointedly ignoring her mother’s half-opened mouth because she’s not sure what she’ll do if she hears another round of it’s going to be fine and her toes can’t really take another round of kicking whatever it is her desk is made out of.

“This is a disaster,” Emma mumbles.

It’s not.

She know that. Rationally.

She knows Killian will understand and Henry will smile and promise it’s totally cool, Mom and they’ll still go to her parents' house tomorrow night and eat a questionable amount of food, but there had been a plan and a schedule and now it’s all blown up in her face.

Metaphorically.

She knows nothing is actually blowing up. Rationally.

But there’s this other, vaguely irrational side of Emma that just wanted everything to be some kind of Yankee Magazine type of perfect on Christmas and Regina had promised it would work.

“There’s not really a town line anymore,” she’d said, weeks ago with a nonchalant shrug as if the lingering threat of losing all your memories when you walked by the sign at the edge of town wasn’t really that big of a deal after all. “There hasn’t been forever.” Emma shook her head and waved her hands in the air, what felt like a million questions struggling to find their way out of her at once. Regina rolled her eyes. “People have been coming and going from Storybrooke for years, Emma,” she said, the struggle to keep her voice even so obvious it felt like it reached out and slapped Emma in the face. “And now that we’re not…” “Facing imminent death?” Emma interrupted and Regina didn’t even move her eyebrows.

“Something like that. Now that we’re not on the defensive, people can come and go as they please, particularly at this time of year when the potential for those seeking some kind of festive ideal is so high.”

“I’m sorry, hold on...you want to turn Storybrooke into a tourism destination?” Regina tilted her head. “It’s a consideration, but that wasn’t what I was alluding to at all. I’m agreeing with you that, with the holidays coming up, and things, relatively calm now, we might be able to expand our gift-giving tendencies.”

“And no one is just going to….you know, forget their entire being if I order gifts off Amazon and get them delivered to my house? Like an actual, normal person? Who just wants to celebrate Christmas and buy actually good gifts?”

“No,” Regina sighed, lifting one eyebrow and Emma hadn’t planned on talking for so long. She wanted this to be good. She wanted this to be festive. She wanted her house to appear in a publication she was only dimly aware of and not entirely sure was all that profitable.

“You’re sure?” “I don’t know how many times to tell you the same thing with different words.” Emma growled in the back of her throat and that wasn’t going to do her many favors in quest for holiday perfection. “Ok, ok, I get it. I just…” “Can’t find the perfect gift for the pirate who has everything with four storefront options on Main Street?”

“Something like that.” Regina’s expression softened slightly and it was, easily, one of the stranger conversations Emma had ever had. That was saying something. She was fairly positive she’d watched her mother converse with several birds a few days before. “I promise,” Regina said. “You won’t ruin anyone’s entire existence by buying gifts.”

And, well, that was that.

Emma started researching and buying and it didn’t take nearly as long as she expected and she found the perfect gift and she was considering some kind of victory celebration as soon as she got her order confirmation.

That celebration would have been premature.

Because now it’s Christmas Eve and her phone is dinging with updates from Amazon’s distribution center in Portland and there’s been some kind of issue and she didn’t really read the e-mail because she was too busy trying to kick her desk into submission.

“It’s going to be fine,” Snow says again and Emma’s not sure which noise is louder, her responding sigh or her father’s tongue click and her mother just smiles encouragingly at the open air in front of her.

“Did they at least give you a new delivery date?” David asks, pushing away from the wall to take a wary step towards Emma. She can only imagine what her face looks like.

She kind of feels like she’s on fire, which is a strange feeling to feel when the sheriff’s office is always so freezing cold, but every single one of her nerve endings seems to be pulsing under her skin with something that might actually be fury. She’s a bit surprised to find that her fingers haven’t started sparking.

It’s her goddamn magic – she knows that, rationally, but irrationally it’s kind of like being drunk on aggravation and the presents were supposed to arrive at the station two days ago and she’d planned this.

There was a schedule.

There were expectations.

There are no presents.

And she has no idea what to do next. She needs to get her magic to relax.

She needs to buy presents.

She needs some Christmas, God damnit.

“It’s….” Snow starts again and Emma’s head snaps up so quickly she’s momentarily concerned about the state of her spine.

David shifts in between them, lifting both hands like he’s regulating a boxing match instead of the eternal optimism of a fairytale princess and his slightly despondent daughter. “We just need to come up with a plan,” he says and it’s practical and rational and Emma can probably use a bit of both at this point.

She should make a list or something.

“And you never answered my question,” David adds, glancing meaningfully at Emma with the unspoken plea not to yell at her mother or kick the office furniture again.

Emma heaves a sigh and it’s probably not that serious, but the gift was so good and she was really considering that celebration and their house is covered in lights and there's garland on the railing outside and watching Henry and Killian try and make sure a tree stood straight in their living room did something very specific to her heart. Made it grow or stutter or something.

She wants a little Christmas.

No, that’s a lie. Emma wants a metric ton of Christmas and she wouldn’t be opposed to a little snow because after everything – curses and death and darkness and the goddamn Underworld – they deserve a lot of Christmas and even more festive and she’s fairly certain rum goes well with eggnog.

“December 29th,” Emma grumbles and David can’t quite mask his immediate response. Snow practically sags in front of them. “Which you know...is not great.” “Yeah, that’s a little after the fact.” “They were supposed to be here two days ago because I planned this. I paid for extra shipping! I’ve never paid for extra shipping in my entire life!” David laughs before he can stop himself and Emma’s clearly losing her slightly tenuous grip on both reality and her magic. The combination of those two words in a single sentence is, possibly, the most absurd thing she’s thought all day.

And at one point she considered sending out a locator spell for her presents.

It absolutely would not work.

“Killian really will understand, Emma,” Snow says, leaning back against David’s chest out of instinct as soon as his arm wraps around her shoulders. “And it’s not as if you’re not going to give him a gift. It’s just...delayed.” “I know, I know,” Emma mumbles. She drops onto the edge of her desk, bumping up against a stack of paperwork she didn’t remember finishing and that’s probably a sign of something. That’s she’s losing her mind. Likely. “But this is…” “A big deal,” David finishes. “Trust us, we get that.”

He says it with such conviction and a hint of emotion Emma doesn’t entirely expect that she feels her eyebrows pull low in confusion and Snow bites her lower lip.

Oh.

Emma isn’t the only one who wanted a periodical-worthy Christmas experience.

“You guys are really living up to your character stereotypes right now, you know that?” Emma asks, drawing a quiet laugh out of both her parents. Snow smiles softly at her, reaching forward to squeeze her shoulder and Emma is going to fix this.

Everyone will be gifted appropriately.

That’s not the correct verb.

“Alright,” Emma mutters, exhaling loudly and David clicks his tongue again when she nearly knocks over the paperwork. “Seriously where did that come from?” she asks distractedly. She, apparently, is only capable of following one plan at a time.

“No idea,” David answers. “It was there yesterday though. Probably more backlogs for you to go through.” “Jeez.” “It’s not as if you have to finish it today.” Emma nods, eyes flitting towards Snow and it takes, approximately, two and a half seconds for her mother to realize what’s going on. “Yes,” Snow shouts, practically leaping towards Emma and David’s arm hangs awkwardly in the air when he blinks blankly at the scene taking place in front of him.

“What am I missing?” he asks. Emma grins.

“But isn’t he supposed to be coming in here today?” Snow asks, already three steps ahead of a plan that’s only half-planned and built mostly on a little bit of hope and maybe a hint of Christmas. “You’re going to have to tell him not to come in today.”

David nods, his quiet ohhhh echoing off the walls of the office and Emma scrunches her nose. “You can’t just lie to him, Emma,” he continues, crossing his arms and it’s the most dad thing he’s done in, at least, thirty-six hours.

Emma waves a dismissive hand through the air. “I’m not going to lie,” she promises, but that’s also a bit of a lie and none of this feels very festive, but her mother looks thrilled and maybe she can find something on Main Street and she really just wants to do this right.

She wants to make sure there are gifts to open in her house on Christmas morning.

In her house.

With her family.

She’s waited long enough. And she refuses to accept Amazon’s apparent incompetence and inability to follow a schedule.

“I’m not,” she says again. “It’s...an excuse.” David lifts his eyebrows. “An excuse? On Christmas Eve? Seems like that’s against the rules.” “There is no Christmas Eve equivalent in the Enchanted Forest, you can’t possibly tell me about the rules of a holiday you’re only just getting to celebrate.” “Those are the dad rules. That’s how it works.” Emma scoffs, but the fire and the flames and the frustration that had been working through every single inch of her just a few minutes before seem to ebb just a bit. “Oh, yeah, well, that makes total sense,” she laughs. “And this is good. I’ll just...say something and then Mom and I can go march down Main Street and…” “Shop,” Mary Margaret finishes, nearly shouting the word in Emma’s face. David pulls both his lips behind his teeth to stop himself from, presumably, cackling.

Emma nods. “Yeah, exactly that. Maybe one of the dwarves owns a seafaring….store we don’t know about yet. I just need to make sure…” “Killian doesn’t show up on Main Street during patrol in the middle of the afternoon?” David asks.

She nods again. “Where’s my phone?”

It’s behind the paperwork she’s absolutely going to ignore until, possibly, after the New Year and Killian’s phone goes to voicemail. “Damn,” Emma groans, but Snow already has her phone out and he’s still not answering and maybe something happened and maybe he’s already on his way here and...he answers when she calls a second time.

Emma doesn’t wait for him to actually saying anything. She’s never been very good at patience.

“Killian?” she asks and David widens his eyes meaningfully because she sounds like she’s preparing to tell a lie or brace for some brand-new curse. Emma tries not to groan. “Where are you?” “Home, Swan and uh…” “Oh, ok, good.” “Is something wrong, love?”

She winces. David’s eyes are going to get stuck mid-roll. “Is he still home?” Snow asks, barely keeping her voice even remotely in the realm of whisper. Emma nods distractedly.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” she says, far too quickly. “Totally fine.” And she knows he tilts his head and narrows his eyes and he’s probably doing something stupid with his eyebrows because he’s impossibly good at reading her, even when she’s on the other side of town. “You’re a rather terrible liar, you know that?” Killian asks. “Did something happen with this snowstorm?”

“He totally knows, doesn’t he?” David asks, arms crossed again. Emma glares at him.

“Swan,” Killian continues and her heel slams into the front of her desk when she nearly jumps to attention. Snow’s eyes widen at the litany of curses that fall from Emma’s mouth. “You’ve got to tell me what’s going on because I’m thinking I may just stay home if there isn’t anything else…” Emma’s eyebrows pull low, but she barely gives herself a second to consider that because this is going to work. “Yes,” she yells, grumbling when her father starts laughing again. “Yes! You should absolutely, definitely stay home.”

“Overselling,” David mumbles and Emma’s breath catches when she realizes he’s right. And Killian’s offered to stay home. “Wait,” she says suddenly. “Why do you want to stay home? Are you ok?”

“You called me, Swan. And told me I should be staying home.” “Yeah.” His eyebrows are doing something stupid, she’s positive. “Yeah?” Killian asks. “No explanation? Just...yeah?” “Uh...yes?”

Killian laughs – loud and easy, right in her ear and Emma smiles immediately, some kind of instinctual reaction she’s still trying to get used to. Her parents have started discussing the layout of Main Street and which stores might be best and she just wants to do this right.

“That’s not much of a change, darling,” Killian says and Emma sighs, falling down into her desk chair and pleasantly surprised when it doesn't break under her. “And you need a new chair.” “We need a new everything in this office, we’ve been over that eight-hundred times.” “True,” he agrees. “That’s still not an explanation though. Why do you want me to stay home?” “Why do you want to be staying home?” He doesn't answer immediately. “Killian.”

“It’s nothing,” he says, like that’s an explanation and genetics are absolutely a thing because Emma actually tuts the same way Snow does when Killian doesn’t continue. “Just feeling a little under the weather and I don’t want to miss any of your parents' plans tomorrow.”

If she weren’t also telling a lie, she would probably be offended by the one she’s just heard.

It’s almost comically bad.

And obvious.

She scoffs, narrowing her eyes and ignoring whatever David is doing with his face. “That was almost painfully bad,” Emma mutters, but she’s trying not to laugh because he didn’t even try.

“If you don’t need me in the station or questioning dwarves about weather patterns than I’m happy to stay home for the day, love,” Killian continues. “Although I think we both need to work on our excuses.”

Emma licks her lips, butterflies in her stomach and heart hammering against her chest and her father looks almost too smug because, of course, Killian figured it out. “It’s not an excuse,” she says. “It’s...whatever. There are no weather issues because that snowstorm thing was a total lie and Dad went to go check it out already anyway. So there’s...you know...not a ton going on here.” “Of course.” “You are infuriating when you’re all-knowing.” “I’m not anything, Swan. Except possibly learning what something called wrapping paper is.”

The muscles in her face are starting to ache from overuse, but that seems almost appropriate on Christmas Eve and a town full of actual characters and maybe it’ll snow later. Emma hopes it snows later. The lights on their house will probably look fantastic in the snow.

“Wrapping paper, huh?” she asks, laughing softly. “Interesting. Any particularly good patterns on this wrapping paper?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Ah, we haven’t gotten that far in the instructional period, huh?”

She can see the smile inch across his face, as clearly as if he’s standing in front of her and Emma’s not sure her heart is ever going to recover. Merry Christmas, or something. “Not as such, no,” Killian answers. “But I’m sure we’ll get to that part of the rules eventually.” And, rationally, she knows he doesn’t mean it like that. She knows her dad didn’t mean it like that. But, irrationally, that little voice in the back of Emma’s mind, the one who only knew about lights because of TV shows and ancient VHS tapes that, more often than not, broke in even more ancient VCR’s in houses across the country, isn’t sure she can have all of this without paying some sort of festive price.

“What?” Killian asks, the concern in all four letters obvious even on the other side of town.

“I just...I mean there aren’t rules to this, you know. It’s not like I’m…” She needs to finish a sentence. And she’s fairly certain she could hear Henry before.

“Swan?”

“I mean presents are good, but you know we didn’t really talk about gifts and you don’t have to…” He doesn’t wait for her to finish. “I want to,” Killian says, voice softer and more determined than she’s heard it in weeks and she sighs out a breath of air that’s decidedly close to swooning. Her office chair squeaks when she sinks further into it, ignoring whatever silent conversation her parents are having with their eyes and she’s going to buy him the greatest goddamn gift in the history of last-second Christmas gifts.

Or something with fewer curse words in it.

“See, saying things like that out loud is just absolutely unfair,” Emma says. Her chair is some kind of torture device. The thing is out to destroy her back, she’s positive. “What am I supposed to think about for the rest of the day?” David sticks his tongue out. Snow looks like she’s trying not to cry. “Hopefully that,” Killian says and Emma bites her tongue. Her heart is trying to expand.

“Ah, that was even worse.” “You’re telling me these things like they’re an insult, Swan. I’m failing to see that point of view at all. It all seems almost romantic.” “Almost,” she repeats, tugging her hair over her shoulder and sitting up straighter and Snow is bobbing on the balls of her feet, excitement rolling off her in waves. For half a dozen stores on Main Street. There better be something nautical out there.

Although that might be too similar to what’s, maybe, coming on December 29th.

“You really don’t have to come in today,” Emma continues. “We’ve got everything taken care of and I’m just going to get caught up on some paperwork while things are still quiet.” “You’ve told me several times I don’t have to come in today, love, I understand.”

Emma tilts her head, eyebrows pulled low and something’s going on. She knew it as soon as she picked up the phone, but now she’s positive and she can’t hear her kid anymore.

Her super power hasn’t exactly been necessary since they avoided the end of the world, but it’s still there and it’s practically ringing in her ears now, some kind of warning bell or signal that’s impossibly loud and even more difficult to ignore.

And Killian Jones, pirate and reformed scoundrel and the love of her life in a true-type sort of way, is, quite clearly, up to something.

“Right, right,” Emma says, wondering if she left her hat in her jacket pocket or on the hook just inside the front door of the office. “And you know, paperwork. Lots of it.”

“Right,” he agrees. “Paperwork.”

Emma nods, not sure if she’s trying to convince herself or him or either one of her parents and Snow is pointing towards the door like they’re on a holiday timetable. They kind of are. “Exactly,” she says, doing her best to infuse some certainty into the word. “So, uh….I’m going to go do that and you’re going to stay home and probably read, like, twenty books.” “Seems rather ambitious, don’t you think, love?” “The paperwork or the books?” “Either or.” She laughs under her breath and the chair makes noise when she stands up, walking towards Snow and her coat and her hat is hanging out of the side pocket. “I’ll see you later,” Emma says. “For movies and hot chocolate.”

“I look forward to it, Swan.” She smiles. “Yeah, me too. I love you.” It’s strange – a string of letters and words and feeling that she was so terrified of coming so easily now, but the sentence seems to just roll out of her with practiced ease and Emma means it in some kind of monumental way.

She hopes he knows.

“I love you too,” Killian says and she bites her lower lip, closing her eyes lightly and trying to let his voice silence whatever warning bells her superpower is still ringing in the back corners of her brain. She’s going to find the perfect gift.

It, however, Emma is quick to learn, impossible to do that in Storybrooke.

Particularly when her mother keeps buying all the goddamn gift options.

She tries not to be frustrated. Really she does. But her magic keeps fluttering in her fingertips and maybe she can just poof herself to Portland and back without anyone noticing and she’ll just...steal her presents from the distribution center.

That is, absolutely, against the rules.

“We’ll find something,” Snow promises for the umpteenth time, but the sentiment looses some of its shine when she’s already laden down with bags of her own. Emma’s wallet might be burning a hole in her bag. “Those little anchors weren’t bad,” she adds, an attempt at Christmas comfort that also falls a bit short in the middle of the sidewalk. “Even if they were a little…” “Touristy?” Emma suggests and Snow shrugs. “They were for the tourists, Mom.” “But they’d look cute in your bathroom!” Emma groans, the sound falling out of her before she can remember all the reasons Snow is just trying to help. “You want me to buy Killian something we can use to decorate our bathroom?” On Christmas?”

“They were willing to customize it.” “For the tourists,” Emma repeats, dragging out the words like she’s arguing the most important thing in the world. “So they can put their names on anchors that say Storybrooke, Maine on them. They’re for kids. And incredibly overpriced.” “Happy said he’d give you a discount.” “Because he’s thinks he’s supporting the monarchy or something. He bowed!” “It was polite,” Snow argues. “Just be glad Killian wasn’t actually here. He probably would have saluted him.” Emma rolls her whole head back, staring at the sky and asking several different deities to just let her find something because she can’t go home empty handed. Or deal with any more dwarves calling her Princess like that’s a normal thing. “Oh my God,” she sighs. “That is insane. You know that’s insane, right?”

Snow shrugs again, mouth twitching like she’s trying not to beam at Emma right there in the middle of the sidewalk. “They respect you. The entire town does, both you and Killian and it’s well...it’s tradition. Even if it is a bit antiquated, monarchy-type things.” “Monarchy-type things,” Emma repeats and her mother gives up on that whole not smiling thing. “Are you sure there isn’t a Christmas equivalent in the Enchanted Forest? Everyone seems to know how this is supposed to work.”

Snow considers the answer for a moment, rocking her weight between her feet and scrunching her nose slightly “I mean there isn’t a Santa Claus leaving presents or breaking into homes around the world, if that’s what you're suggesting.” “I promise, it wasn’t.”

Snow stops smiling long enough to shoot Emma something that might almost actually be a glare, but it barely lasts a moment before she dives back into the story and it’s all just a bit maternal, like she’s learning some kind of family tradition or recipe that’s been handed down from generation to generation.

It’s nice.

“So,” Snow continues. “No Santa, no elves, no presents under the tree or nice and naughty lists, which again, just...don’t get me started, your father has been listening to me question this since the start of the month.” “Mom are you anti-Christmas?”

“No, no, no! I am just...well, it’s all a little confusing isn’t it? The rules and the quasi-lies and it seems a bit like a deceptive way to get children to behave. That’s not how Solstice is at all.”

“Solstice?” Emma asks and they’re moving again, making their way towards that one clothing store and maybe she can buy Killian something made of leather. A belt? Boots? She might be the worst gift-giver in the history of the world.

Snow hums, changing her grip on the half a dozen bags in her hands. “It was never an actual day, just sort a general time during the month, right when winter started. And there were lights and candles and carols of a sort and you’d exchange gifts, but they were always little things. Knick knacks that were personal and meaningful and it was…” “That sounds nice,” Emma says when she trails and Snow smiles at her. There’s snow on the ground and it’s all decidedly picturesque, but Emma’s stubborn and she wants to give her husband a good gift. She wants the best of both worlds. “You really can’t buy anything in this store though or I’m not going to be able to find anything for Killian.”

Snow blinks, pursing her lips slightly and she’s probably going to do permanent damage to her fingers because she bought David some kind of actual scabbard-type thing in Happy’s store and it must weigh, at least, twenty-five pounds.

“The anchors were good though, I’m just saying,” Snow starts, but Emma’s already shaking her head and she doesn’t even check for traffic before crossing the street.

“Yeah, well, I’m just saying,” she argues. “Mom, this needs to be good. It can’t just be…”

Emma freezes, tilting her head and she barely noticed the shadow when she was so busy learning about Enchanted Forest traditions, but she can’t ignore the set of footprints moving away from the sidewalk towards the alley.

Her superpower makes more noise.

“Those are recent,” Snow says, coming up next to her and, somehow, bending down to examine the marks without letting her bags touch the ground. “And moving back into the alley. Why would anyone be going back there?”

Emma shakes her head, mind racing and defenses rising automatically and if someone is going to do something stupid on Christmas Eve when she doesn’t have a present for Killian, she’s going to use her recently-acquired powers of monarchy to throw them in a cell for several days.

God bless us, everyone.

She clicks her tongue, taking a step towards the slightly darker space next to the store and her fingers tap an uneven rhythm on the side of her jeans. “Yeah,” she mutters, trying to peer through the darkness for someone or something and she wonders if Solstice traditions also include fighting monsters. Or potential thieves looking to empty cash registers. “Why would anyone want to be in this alley? You think there’s a door to the store back there?” There’s scuffling a few feet away from her and Emma’s right hand lifts automatically, fingers twisting in the air and she’s dimly aware of her mother mumbling something about wishing she had her bow. Emma’s gun is in the station.

It seemed wrong to bring firearms on a Christmas shopping trip.

She takes another step forward, boots crunching on the snow and it’s icy back here, where the, rather limited, expertise and execution of the Storybrooke Public Works department didn’t reach.

She almost falls over when someone shouts her name, twisting back to gape at a slightly terrified looking Archie, just barely visible outside of the shadows in the alley.

Emma curses, again, and her mother doesn’t look quite as stunned as she expects, making a noise somewhere between a guffaw and a snicker. She tries to keep her footing as she moves back towards the sidewalk and she just wants to get in this store because she’s actually kind of freezing.

“Just saying Happy Holidays,” Archie says before Emma can even ask and she takes a deep breath through her nose. “Out doing a bit of late shopping I see?”

Emma’s breathing gets louder, but Snow is already muttering about plans and stores and she feels herself being tugged into Modern Fashions before she can even begin to formulate a response for Archie.

“You’re some kind of Christmas diplomat, you know that,” Emma mutters, smiling at Snow when the bell above the shop door dings loudly. They’re the only ones in there.

Snow scoffs. “You grow up in a castle and a quasi-revolution, you learn some of these things. And you don’t need to be diplomatic, you just need to remember that Killian will appreciate any gift and no one is going to tattle on your present issue. They probably all think Killian’s on patrol anyway. And, well…” “They’re still slightly intimidated by him?” Emma suggests.” “Yeah, you know, maybe some of that too.”

Emma rolls her eyes, but it’s definitely true and she’s running out of time to find some kind of mythically perfect gift.

And there’s a store clerk talking to her. It’s Bashful. He can’t meet her gaze.

“Afternoon your highnesses,” he says, mostly into the slightly worse-for-wear carpet that runs from wall to wall. Emma groans. “You uh...you just missed…” “We’re looking for a gift,” Snow interrupts in a decidedly un Snow-like way and Emma’s not sure what to do with that, but she’s more than willing to let her mother take over the reigns of this conversation if it means she can try to find one single item of clothing that doesn’t appear to be made out of polyester.

They need new stores.

She’s fairly positive the dwarves made some kind of deal with Regina to own every store.

Bashful blushes and the thought leaves Emma close to hysterics because this is all absurd and she's probably going to have to suck up her pride and go back to that first store and buy those stupid anchors because there is nothing in this store that screams Killian and at least there was some kind of theme with the tourist stuff.

He can put them in the brand-new sea chest that will maybe, hopefully arrive somewhere in town four days after Christmas.

And that might have been overpriced too, but it was perfect and Killian was starting to collect things – a mix of modern and not and just a bit of pirate and the thought that he could do that in a space that was, unequivocally, theirs left Emma’s pulse thudding in her ears.

So she’d bought the chest and Amazon claimed it was an antique and maybe she’d make a joke about that. Or she would have if the stupid thing came on time.

She resists the urge to start mumbling nautical curses under her breath again.

She's not sure Bashful’s face can get any redder.

Emma spins on the spot, nearly knocking her shoulder into a rack of clothing and she doesn’t even say anything before Snow nods, a knowing smile on her face. “Yeah,” she says. “Not much, huh? I don’t even want to buy anything.” “Rough review.” “Nothing here is even vaguely nautical themed.” “You’re really big on the nautical theme, aren’t you?” Snow makes a noise in the back of her throat that might be a disagreement or an agreement and Emma laughs, shoulders sagging slightly because this was supposed to be easier. She should just be able to find something.

“I have a tendency to harp,” Snow admits and Emma’s going to dislocate something if she laughs any harder, the absurdity of it all hitting her suddenly and forcefully and there are tears in her eyes. Snow makes a face. “What do you say some grilled cheese and onion rings?” Emma perks up – like she’s actually her thirteen-year-old kid and Snow looks like she’s just seen a particularly beautiful sunrise. Bashful continues to stare at the ground. “Grilled cheese and onion rings?” she echoes, something settling in the pit of her stomach. “Yeah?” “Yeah,” Snow says, somehow shifting the bags in her hand to squeeze Emma’s shoulder.

“Hot chocolate?” “That goes without saying.”

Emma nods, any trace of lingering frustration or superpower or whatever Bashful had been trying to tell them when they walked into the store forgotten in a moment of something vaguely maternal and she doesn’t even argue when Snow directs her back across the street towards Granny’s. It’s nice and simple and, for the first time all day, she’s almost breathing normally.

Until they nearly run over Killian and Henry.

“Swan?” “Killian?” “Mom?” “Henry?” “Hey,” Snow says, leaning to her side and nearly hitting Emma with bags when she tries to wave one hand. “Happy Christmas Eve!”

Henry laughs under his breath, grinning from ear to ear, but Killian looks like he’s just encountered the ghost of Christmas past, present and future all at the same time. Emma can’t move. Her eyes are so wide they’re starting to water.

“What are you guys doing here?” Henry asks brightly, trying to peer into the bags. Snow clicks her tongue.

“We thought we’d get some food.” “In between stacks of paperwork?” Killian asks, gaze darting from the bags to Emma’s still wide-eyed face and she tries not to scowl. “Is that right, Swan?”

She looks anywhere except him and it’s as bad as if she were to start shouting I lied about paperwork in the doorway of Granny’s. “We’re taking a break,” she says instead. “And I’m starving. And Mom was...you know, boosting the town’s entire economy in one day. It’s...we did not plan this.”

“Naturally.” “Did you guys eat?” “Pie and fries,” Henry answers excitedly and, at least, forty-seven alarm bells go off in Emma’s head. She’s surprised when her eyes don’t actually fall out onto the step they’re all occupying.

“Pies and fries?” she asks. “Did you unearth some kind of world-ending evil or something?”

She shivers because her coat is actually a piece of garbage and she should really buy a new one, but she’s been lied to enough about the productivity of the United States postal service and she hardly has half a moment to consider if there’s a magical equivalent of that before she feels herself being tugged a few inches to her left and Killian is incredibly warm.

She rests her head on his shoulder.

“I promise it’s not that serious, love,” he says, but she twists her eyebrows when she glances back up at him “It’s not.”

“We were just hungry,” Henry adds. “And there was new pie. Or fresh pie. What would you call still-warm pie?” “I think fresh is the correct term,” Mary Margaret says.

“Yeah, that makes sense, right?” Emma pulls back to stare at Killian. She wants some answers. “What are you guys doing here though? What happened to wanting to stay home?”

He shrugs, but doesn’t actually say anything and they’re clearly both out of lying practice because it’s like some kind of massive billboard right in front of her face announcing that there is a story here and she’s missing a few key facts.

“There’s only so much reading you can do in one afternoon,” Killian says. “And not much food at home.” Henry makes some kind of impossible noise – a warning or a caution and his jaw almost audibly snaps shut when all three of them turn to stare at him. “Nothing, nothing, nothing, I mean...nothing. We should probably go though.”

They’re a family of horrible liars.

“Go?” Emma repeats. They haven’t actually closed the door. Granny doesn’t sound pleased. “Where do you have to go?” “Home,” Killian and Henry say at the same time and the obvious reaches out and smacks her. She’s clearly lost all concept of rational thought at this point.

Snow nods, humming softly as if that makes sense, but Emma’s somewhere in the realm of complete disbelief at this point. Fries and pie is some kind of chaos code. “Did you two practice that or…” She trails off, widening her eyes and Henry shuffles on his feet.

“Back to the books, Swan,” Killian says. “This was just a break, right?”

She’s, quite clearly, not going to get any answers out of this conversation and she’s not sure how much longer than can influence Granny’s heating bill before she comes at them with her crossbow.

“So, uh…” Henry wavers. “We going to go or….” “Aye,” Killian says, pressing a kiss to the top of Emma’s head and she just barely feels it through her hat. She twists back to look at him, determined to get something out of this, but she also doesn’t want to give up any information and it’s a fine line to walk on a holiday when she’s fairly close to freezing and decidedly present-less. “I’d suggest the pie, Swan,” Killian adds, squeezing her hip and she nips at his lip out of instinct.

“Our refrigerator is filled with food,” Emma whispers.

She silently congratulates herself when he freezes in front of her, but that lasts all of two seconds before he’s smirking at her and that’s not the way this was supposed to go. “I finished all the paperwork two days ago,” Killian says, resting his forehead on hers and her heart drops into her stomach. Damn. That’s why it was sitting on her desk. “And we haven’t arrested anyone recently.”

He flashes her a grin when her eyes feel as wide as saucers and Snow hisses in a breath of air. Henry’s already halfway down the sidewalk, looking as if he’s ready to start jogging in place.

“I’ll see you at home, Swan,” Killian smiles, turning to take a step, but Emma’s a hint quicker nad her fingers tighten around the collar of his jacket.

She kisses him that time.

And he tastes a bit sweet, like pie and something that’s probably the milkshake no one was going to mention because that’s kind of against the rules at Granny’s, but it makes her smile and want and a slew of other verbs she’d never even allowed herself to consider before this town and this family and everything that’s landed at her feet in the last few years.

“I’ll see you later,” Emma mumbles and Killian’s eyes seem to get bluer when he glances at her once more before practically bounding down the steps towards Henry.

The door to Granny’s slams shut behind them and the entire restaurant turns towards the sound, staring at Emma and Snow expectantly.

“Oh,” Granny sighs, head propped up on her hand and leaning against the counter. “You’ve been successful, I see.” “Kind of,” Emma corrects. She weaves her way around tables and chairs and drops onto the first stool in front of her. Granny’s lips quirk. “What?” “Nothing, nothing, just rumors.” “Rumors?”

Granny nods knowingly and Snow winces when she finally lets go of the bags. “I think I’m going to have marks on my fingers until New Year’s,” she sighs. “But we did get some good stuff.” “That so?” Granny asks and Emma gets the sudden suspicion that they’ve been ratted out by several Storybrooke pedestrians and, possibly, more than one dwarf. “You seem to have shown up rather empty handed though, Princess. Grilled cheese or onion rings?”

“Both,” Emma sighs. “And whatever milkshake my kid just had he wasn’t supposed to.” Granny’s whole expression shifts, sarcasm turning into enthusiasm and Emma wonders if it’s healthy for her emotions to flip as often as they have in the last four hours. It’s exhausting. “Strawberry, chocolate and vanilla,” she says. “That pirate of yours is a pushover.”

Emma laughs, mostly because she’s not sure Granny will appreciate if she just melts into a puddle of something on her floor. And there’s already two steaming mugs of hot chocolate sitting on the counter in front of them. “Cool trick,” Emma mumbles and Granny hums in agreement. “What were the rumors?” “I am just the messenger. I don’t want to be arrested for crimes I didn’t commit.” “We’re not that kind of monarchy,” Emma promises and Granny’s smile, somehow, gets wider.

“That was diplomatic,” Snow says, something that feels like pride in her voice when she smiles at Emma over her own mug. “And I bet it was Archie, wasn’t it?”

Granny nods, eyebrows lifted in not-so-silent judgement. “Said he saw you coming out of that that knick-knack store. One of you looking victorious and the other looking...testy.” “Testy,” Emma echoes. Granny shrugs. “And that store is for whatever tourism schtick Regina has been on for the last couple of months. It’s not a good spot for gift-giving inspiration.” “I’m not disagreeing with you, merely reporting the facts. And you really shouldn’t rehash old gift ideas either. No repeats of previous romantic moments.” Emma narrows her eyes and she’s finally starting to regain feeling in her hands, the longer she holds onto this mug. “What do you know?” she asks. “And have you heard anything about some break-in attempts around here?”

It comes out like an accusation.

It might be an accusation.

She grabs a menu, if only to do something with her left hand that isn’t waving it through the air in getting late in the day, no present panic and Granny’s eyebrows shift again.

“You should have bribed Archie not to talk when he saw you,” Granny says. “And I know everything. I thought that was a well established fact by now.” Snow coughs when she nearly chokes on her hot chocolate, trying not to laugh too loudly and, at some point, Emma burnt her tongue. That seems like a sign.

“Repeating is cheating,” Granny intones and Snow is barely staying upright on her stool.

Emma puts her mug down. “What do you know?” she repeats, pausing between each word for dramatic emphasis and she knows it’s not going to work as soon as the words are out of her mouth. “And I’m not repeating anything...I didn’t…” “Plan that one date you and the captain actually went on?” “Wow, that’s just rife with judgement isn’t it? How long have you been holding that one in? Is it because we didn’t come here?”

Granny shrugs. It’s definitely because they didn’t come there. And not technically true because they went on more than one date during those six weeks of peace, but it usually ended with stolen makeouts in the backseat of her bug or Killian’s room upstairs and Emma isn’t sure she can bring that up in front of her mother without wanting to actually to die of embarrassment.

“That’s neither here nor there,” Granny says, tugging the menu of her end. “How deep would you say you are into your current state of lack of present panic?” “Inching closer and closer to drowning.”

Snow makes a supportive noise and even Granny looks almost empathetic for a moment, eyes flitting back towards the door like she’s looking for someone or something or perhaps the inspiration for the perfect present for the pirate who has everything.

“You’re thinking too big,” she says, as if that makes sense. “Did you try something in leather?” Emma rolls her eyes, shoulders shifting with the force of her sigh and Snow squeezes her shoulder again. “If it even looked remotely like leather or was vaguely nautical we considered it, but there aren’t really that many options.”

“And for that ship of his?” Emma blinks.

“What?” she asks, flinching slightly when a waitress puts a plate in front of her. There’s another one on her other side and the smell of onion rings seems to attack every single one of her senses at once.

“A captain has a ship, yes?” Granny asks and Emma nods slowly. “Then it only makes sense that he’d appreciate something for his ship, yes?”

Emma’s not sure she entirely appreciates whatever tone this conversation has taken, but Snow is already listening off parts of a ship and ideas for thecaptain’s quarters and Emma, maybe, blushes at that because Granny laughs loudly, head thrown back and smile wide and that could work. It’s a good idea. And The Jolly could probably use more...blankets or something.

God.

She’s awful at this.

They eat the rest of their meal with Snow talking and planning and Emma drinks her milkshake so quickly, Granny makes not-so-quiet comment about the similarities between parents and children. She dips one of her onion rings into the glass.

It scandalizes everyone within a ten-foot radius.

And they’re halfway back down the block when she hears it – Henry laughing and Killian’s footfalls and Emma barely considers the state of her mother’s hands before she’s tugging on Snow’s wrist and pulling her into the closest doorway she can find.

They nearly fall into the library.

“God, fuc…” Emma sighs, knees buckling under her and Belle looks a little stunned and Mary Margaret’s bags aren’t looking quite as festive. They’re looking decidedly crumpled.

The door is still open.

And Henry is still laughing. “Killian, you’ve got to slow down,” he shouts, but there’s a note of excitement in his voice that has Emma gaping at Snow and waving a hand towards Belle when she opens her mouth to ask questions.

“He’s going to be asleep by the time we get there, if we don’t hurry up, lad,” Killian counters. Emma’s not sure who’s smiling more – her or Snow and it’s probably her because she might also be trying to will the memory into every single corner of her mind and even Belle looks somewhere in the realm of sentimental.

“We should probably close the door, don’t you think?” Belle asks, nodding towards the still-open piece of wood or whatever it is. Emma nods dumbly, taking a step further into the library and grabbing some of the bags that had been rather, unceremoniously, dumped on the ground.

“Sorry about that,” Emma mutters as the door slams shut behind her.

Belle shakes her head before the entire apology is finished. “Are we hiding from something?” “Christmas in general?” “And Killian,” Snow adds. Belle’s lips twitch, tilting down slightly in surprise and, well, it is kind of surprising. They’re never going to get to the homegoods store Doc owns at the other end of Main Street.

“Killian,” Belle echoes.

Emma shrugs, not sure what other excuse she can possibly come up with at this point. “He was supposed to be at home,” she says, realizing midway through the sentence she hasn’t actually explained anything. “We’re uh...we’re having a present issue.”

“That so? Did you try something in leather?” Snow laughs, sinking onto one of the chairs at a table a few feet away. “You know, I’m starting to suspect we’re not the only one’s with present problems.” It takes, exactly, five seconds, two deep breaths and one slightly dramatic gasp for Emma to understand.

“You know the internet is really the worst,” she grumbles and Snow laughs, a bit freer that time when Emma doesn’t immediately burst into frustration-fueled flames and magic. “We should just go back to this Solstice thing and ignore all these other Christmas expectations. I can’t...buying blankets for the Jolly is so lame.” “That is kind of lame,” Snow admits and Emma waves both her hands through the air in unspoken question. Her mother shrugs, stretching her legs out in front of her and Belle can’t seem to decide if it’s appropriate to laugh or not. “I...well, it is kind of lame. And not, you know, sentimental, which is kind of what Solstice is all about and...blankets are so lame.” “Have you been thinking that all day? You wanted to buy those anchor things! You were talking about decorating the bathroom!” “Which one?” Belle interjects and Emma’s eyebrows leap up her forehead. “I mean...your house is very large.” “That’s true,” Snow agrees. “I really did think the anchors were cute. Plus that discount.” Emma growls, sliding down the door she’s only dimly aware she’s still leaning on. Her legs splay out awkwardly in front of her and she’s momentarily worried she’s actually concussed herself when her head bumps back against the wood.

“This is a disaster,” she sighs. “An absolute….” Snow tilts her head when Emma trails off, but she barely pays attention to that, gaze directed at Belle and ideas firing and a plan forming and maybe this will work. It is, after all, about sentiment.

And he probably could have read twenty books that afternoon on pure determination and desire and Captain Hook was a bookworm.

“Belle,” Emma snaps and the woman’s head snaps up quickly. “Do you...could you…”

She jumps up, the muscles in her leg protesting at the movement, but Emma’s already moving towards the back corner of the library, her mother and Belle trailing after her and she’s mumbling under her breath about constellations and history and her husband is such a nerd – it makes her heart pick up a little bit.

“Wait, wait, wait, Emma,” Snow starts, tugging on the back of her jacket and that can’t be good for the slightly loose stitching. “What’s going on? You’re not making any sense.” Emma spins on the spot, smile wide and Belle and Snow exchange confused glances. “Are you alright?” Belle asks cautiously, like she’s going to combust with Christmas Eve and Solstice excitement. “You look….thrilled.” “Will you take cash?” Emma asks. “Or, you know, Savior-type IOU’s? I have no idea how much cash I actually have.” “I really don’t understand what you’re asking me.” “I know what to get Killian.” “And you need to...pay me for that?” Emma’s practically jumping up and down. “Yeah, maybe,” she admits. “Come on. I think I remember seeing it back here.” She’s going to save Christmas.

#cs ff #captain swan ff #captain swan #cs #cs fic #itttc #csss17 #snow white hates santa claus #pass it on #laura writes canon

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iammariatsmith · 4 years

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What Are Some Of The Best Christmas Books To Read This Year?

Christmas brings us joy and most importantly, holidays. Nothing excites more than a cup of coffee with a good book to read. We have brought you some of the best books you should read this Christmas. A good holiday session should be greeted with the joy of books and the good warmth of coffee. In this article, we have compiled a good list of some books that have proven to be the best. Books are an excellent source of learning and as per experts, they are also a good source of knowledge and empowerment. So, reading these books will bring some very intense changes in your knowledge as well as you will never ever ask any of your friends to “write an essay for me”. So, keep reading as this article is getting more excited.

4 3 2 1 (2017) by Paul Auster

Auster’s work is for all seasons: I would choose The New York Trilogy for Spring, Sunset Park for Summer, Brooklyn Follies for Fall … Save yourself any time for 4 3 2 1, an instant classic. Because in the almost thousand pages he takes up the playful structures of his first novels — in this case telling the life of the same person, who looks a lot like Auster himself, with four different destinations — but this time the background has more power than artifice. His definitive treatise on youth, love, and art.

Berta Isla (2017) by Javier Marias

After meeting Berta, the cloud of smoke is going to stay a long time in your head. It would have been fairer to highlight Your face tomorrow, but we will give a little to the pressure of editorial news. If that trilogy marked you deeply (like me), Berta Isla is a very joyful return to the world of spies and counter-spies, now with the added perspective — and humanly even more interesting — of the woman of one of those chosen. The approach with Homeric dyes reaches the root of the concept of loyalty, analyses and shapes the material from which personal ties are made and further obscures that shadow over the identity of oneself and others that Marias has forever cast on all Your readers.

The map and territory (2010) by Michel Houellebecq

In times of suffocating political correctness, any text by Houllebecq is, to put it finely, a good host all over the face. The classic of nihilism the elementary particles, the fantastic Lanzarote, the (too much on purpose) controversy Submission … I especially recommend the map and the territory because it walks through areas so far unexplored of the always intriguing relationship between reality and art. And because Houllebecq has the great idea of killing himself — he also showed himself at the movies, he doesn’t quite like him. Of course, if you’re on a bad run with your father, maybe you cut your veins a little. This is a manual of feelings and not self-help books.

Pride and prejudice (1813) by Jane Austen

If you think it is a novel for women, it is true, it is wonderful for women. Exactly as wonderful as for men. With just 20 years, Austen marked one of the most vigorous portraits about desire and its containment, about love and its social fit, about honor and its impossible complete realization. Pure chemistry, a million times imitated and inimitable at the same time, which takes place in the recurring London countryside of the early nineteenth century.

Crime and punishment (1866) by Fiador M. Dostoevsky

Crime and punishment, a cliff-hanger in his time. Raskolnikov is an intelligent, cultivated and attractive twenty-three-year-old boy who lives in a St. Petersburg attic. From the beginning of the novel, a plan to steal and kill a heartless lender urges, for him, the old woman’s meanness justifies the crime. It was published the first time for deliveries, often Cliff-hanger, it would be something like the Stranger Things of the time.

The Foreigner (1942) by Albert Camus

Albert Camus’s foreigner inspired the first single from The Cure, Killing an Arab. The work investigates the circumstances that lead a man to commit a seemingly unmotivated crime. The outcome of his judicial process is meaningless, as is his life, corrupted by everyday life and weariness. A reflection on how responsibility and guilt, how is the first thing that the human being strips when other forces govern his soul.

The forge of a rebel (1941–1944) by Arturo Barea

The Clash group owes its name to the third part of the trilogy The Forge of a rebel by Arturo Barea. Exiled in England since 1938, Arturo Barea expressed his experiences in his autobiographical work, The Forge of a Rebel, a trilogy that is among the best-selling Spanish books abroad. In our country it is practically a stranger, because the work was banned during the Franco regime and only saw the light in its original Castilian in Argentina in 1951. The Clash group takes its name from the third part of the trilogy, which was titled “He calls it and addresses the Civil War” as lived by Barea. In my opinion, the work that best explains the conflicts of Spain in the early twentieth century.

The Catcher in the Rye (1951) by JD Salinger

The guard in the rye of JD Salinger caused a great controversy when it was published because of the provocative language he used and the crudeness of his protagonist. The adventures of a teenager in a New York recovering from the war influenced successive generations around the world. In his sincere and direct confession, Holden reveals to us the reality of a boy faced with school failure, the rigid norms of a traditional family, his first sexual experiences.

Kill a Mockingbird (1956) by Harper Lee

The novel is inspired by the author’s observations about her family and social environment, focusing on an incident that occurred near her city in 1936, when she was 10 years old. It speaks of inequality and injustice, but also of integrity and morals.

The teacher and Margarita (1967) by Mikhail Bulgakov

Although the novel was written in the 1930s, it did not see the light until 1966, in Moskva magazine and in a censored edition. It is not surprising, because the work is a hard and incisive satire of Soviet society, its corruption, its mediocrity, and its hunger. He inspired the theme Sympathy for the Devil of the Rolling Stones.

Blade Runner: Do androids dream of electric sheep? (1968) by Philip K. Dick

Masterpiece of the cyberpunk subgenre, in apocalyptic and technological key, rabidly known for the film adaptations of Ridley Scott. It is not only a novel about the use of science fiction, but it addresses ethical and philosophical issues such as the vague limit between the artificial and the natural, the decay of life and society and the limits of morality.

Slaughterhouse 5 (1969) by Kurt Vonnegut

The novel is based on the experiences and memories of a soldier during the end of World War II. It focuses on the Allied bombing of Dresden, which the author lived in his own skin and that marked him deeply. Not only is it a diatribe against war, but it addresses issues such as the futility of existence or the insignificance of the human being, all with a corrosive and lacerating mood.

Postman (1971) by Charles Bukowski

Postman is based on the experiences of its author, Charles Bukowski, who spent 12 years working for the US postal service. It is a bittersweet satire on the monotonous work of a post office worker, a work that the author did for twelve years of his life. It is the first novel written by Bukowski. Its protagonist, Henri Chinaski, alcoholic alter ego, misanthrope and womanizer of the author will then appear again in Factotum, The Path of the Loser, Hollywood and Women.

Only for women (1977) by Marilyn French

Only for women of Marilyn French is a fundamental book that in our country has gone unfairly unnoticed. The story of a group of women who gradually cease to be mere wives and housewives to become independent human beings who live their own lives and refuse to meet the traditional expectations of society. The book had a great impact at the time, although in our country it went unnoticed. Its reading is now as necessary as 40 years ago.

Watchmen (1986–1987) by Alan Moore / Dave Gibbons and John Higgins

Watchmen is for many the best comic of all time. Watchmen was a before and after in the comics industry, for the first time, the heroes became antiheroes, with very human anguish and flaws. Its peculiar structure, of non-linear narration in which I tell him, jumps through space, time and its own plot, has made many scholars consider it the best album in history.

Read More: https://bestessaywritingservice.org/blog/best-christmas-books-to-read/

#christmas #christmas books #christmas books to read #blog #education #essay #writing #write an essay for me #best essays

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blogjallan · 4 years

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What Are Some Of The Best Christmas Books To Read This Year?

4 3 2 1 (2017) by Paul Auster

Berta Isla (2017) by Javier Marias

The map and territory (2010) by Michel Houellebecq

Pride and prejudice (1813) by Jane Austen

Crime and punishment (1866) by Fiador M. Dostoevsky

The Foreigner (1942) by Albert Camus

The forge of a rebel (1941–1944) by Arturo Barea

The Catcher in the Rye (1951) by JD Salinger

Kill a Mockingbird (1956) by Harper Lee

The teacher and Margarita (1967) by Mikhail Bulgakov

Blade Runner: Do androids dream of electric sheep? (1968) by Philip K. Dick

Slaughterhouse 5 (1969) by Kurt Vonnegut

Postman (1971) by Charles Bukowski

Only for women (1977) by Marilyn French

Watchmen (1986–1987) by Alan Moore / Dave Gibbons and John Higgins

Read More: https://bestessaywritingservice.org/blog/best-christmas-books-to-read/

#christmas #christmas gifts #christmas day #blog #education #essay #writing #online essay writing #write an essay for me #best essay writing service #custom essay writing service #write my essay for free #best essays

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canvaswolfdoll · 6 years

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CanvasWatches: Violet Evergarden

Ugh, I hate writing about good shows. It’s always so difficult to find something to talk about. With bad or average material, it’s so much easier to point at weak points and say ‘Yes, that wasn’t good. Here’s what I would do.’ Which is my favorite exercise when watching things.

But Violet Evergarden is good. Real good. The only complaint I could imagine lobbying is that Netflix didn’t simuldub it stateside. The villains.

I mean, it’s a show with a blonde protagonist who, out of love, lost limbs and had them replaced by mechanical prosthetics, with the actual story happening in a quasi-european setting approximately after a WWI analogue. Somehow, it’s not Fullmetal Alchemist, nor does it try to be. Freaking Magnus Bride had less superficial similarities, and it still fell into that trap.

It’s laudable.

What Violet Evergarden does do is done amazingly.

Spoilers, by the way. Go watch the show now, it’s that good.

I don’t cry for fiction. This isn’t a macho claim, I honestly view it as a minor failing of mine. I can identify sad and tragic parts of a piece, and I have emotions,[1] but when it comes to fiction, there’s just too big of a separation for me. I can see the strings.

This remains true for Violet Evergarden, but there are some real strong attempts to coax tears. Strong and original.

I like the ‘Girl learning to be Human’ trope.[2] Well, Person learning to be human, but, well, cute girls make everything better.

Point is, there’s a charm to watching someone who, through their personal circumstances, has zero idea how to operate in society, and approaches everything with naivety and a hunger to learn.[4] It’s a good character premise that gives ample comedic potential (Faux Pas, satire, general oddity), dramatic potential (lost time, awkwardness, satire again), and fanservice if you feel the need to provide it. It’s a great tool for side stepping ‘As You Know’ exchanges and still actually teach your audience about your fantastical world![5]

Violent is given this status by, initially, being raised as a tool for war. She doesn’t know her family, her age, nor have a name when she’s gifted to The Major by his brother, and from there begins her journey to learn to be a human.

It’s not until she’s finally removed from the context of war and loses the man she devoted herself to that she can truly begin learning the hardest part: empathy.

And you thought my ‘don’t cry at media’ tangent was unrelated! Ah-ha!

Up until Violet begins her job as an Auto Memory Doll[6] people existed in one of three categories: Enemy (people to kill), Allies (people not to kill), and The Major (Person to take orders from). Sure, The Major gave her a name, and taught her to read and write, but on the battlefield, where most people have to be broken down into a state of “Kill or be Killed”, it’s hard to teach a young girl to be a person.

We begin the story right at the point of transition: Violet has lost both her arms, hasn’t heard from The Major since their last operation, and the war’s pretty much over. And her broach is missing. A lot’s happening suddenly, and she’s being taken off by a retired officer turned postal company president, Claudia Hodgins. It’s a confusing time for those involved.

Here’s a fun trivia fact I had to have explained to me: you may ask yourself ‘Why does Violet bite things? It sure helps make her seem alien, but why did she develop the habit?’ Well, Violet doesn’t have hands anymore, so that leaves her sensitive lips to feel things with![7]

Anyways, per The Major’s wishes, at first Hodgins attempts to leave her with some of The Major’s relatives (The Evergardens), the matriarch of which expresses hope that she and Violent can help comfort the other after losing family to the war.

Violent, of course, misreads the intent and explains she won’t be able to replace to Ms. Evergarden’s son. Violet is also generally uncomfortable with this prospective life of not doing anything or receiving orders, so runs after Hodgins, rejecting the Evergarden home.

She does, apparently, have no qualms taking the surname, which seems like a weak justification for it. She’s closer to The Major, shouldn’t she have adopted that complex noble name instead?

Speaking of which, an anime trope grosser than Student/Teacher relationships: The Usagi Drop![8] It’s a romantic relationship where one of the participants (literally or essentially) raised the other! Ah-ha, what a disgusting abuse of a power structure.

Now, to the anime’s credit, there’s at least ambiguity to Violet and The Major’s exact feelings towards each other. The Major isn’t around to clarify if he views Violet Paternally or Romantically, and Violet’s still working through being emotional stunted. However, it’s ambiguous enough to make both options equally likely.

During the first couple of episodes, the meaning of The Major’s ‘I love you’ being a romantic confession could’ve been kosher, and even expected. But as Violet’s backstory is revealed, and we learn that The Major pretty much raised Violet, romance ceases to be charming and instead shifts into worrying.

This isn’t helped when a parallel is drawn with a diplomatic engagement between a 14-year old princess and a prince at least 10 years her senior.

Surprisingly, when it comes to royal pairings, I find myself a bit more forgiving about more squickier elements. Yes, the massive difference in ages isn’t an ideal depiction, and the princess being underaged by modern standards doesn’t help, and the fact it always seems to be an older man courting the younger woman is troublesome.

However, what the situation does have is extenuating circumstances. It’s not just a precocious crush being exploited; it’s years of bad tradition, diplomatic planning, and the fact that it’s two individuals obviously trying to make the best of a bad situation.

The princess is going to get married off to someone for diplomatic gain, might as well be to someone who’s shown empathy for the princess and the situation.

But for Violet and The Major, I would hope the final call comes down on The Major viewing Violet as an adopted daughter

There’s a second major point of ambiguity surrounding The Major to drive the plot: is he dead? Most of the cast accept that his Missing in Action status after a major bombing of the building Violet was found in means the man’s likely dead, but Violet holds out hope.

In most stories, if The Major was still alive, there’d be more hints than provided by the anime, or they’d just accept he was dead and continue forward.

The Major being dead provides a stronger break and arc for Violet. Not only has the war she’d been existing for ended, but the man she’d been devoted to entirely is also gone. At the start of the series, Violet has nothing and must rebuild herself. To deny closure of that chapter by letting The Major be in hiding would just undermine the entire opening premise.

So, of course, the last shot of the series is an ambiguous shot of Violet arriving at the house of an unseen client and stumbling with her well rehearsed introduction, giving the audience a winking ‘Is he?’.[9]

If he is alive, it’d be a massive jerk move because it’s not just Violet’s life he’s derailing and introducing tragedy to. Major Gilbert Bougainvillea has a family, after all, including a mother who mourns him and a brother with undirected rage over the loss of his younger brother. Also friends probably. We’re not given any real reasons for The Major to crawl out of that final battle, put his fists on his hips and say ‘Sweet. I’m gonna abandon my old life!’ Admittedly the backstory of The Major is very light in the anime adaption, but that lightness also paints a lack of past tragedy.

The rules of ‘show don’t tell’ and ‘write the story about the most interest point in the character’s life’ also implies that which is not depicted is not interesting.

Thus, The Major should be dead and should stay dead.

Which concludes my… review of a single character…

Let’s talk about the show proper.

Much like Isle of Dogs, it ticks off a few items on my favorite things list, but more of the narrative devices.

It’s a series of vignettes with a reoccuring protagonist acting as bridge, set in a light fantasy world that is much closer to modern day than is traditional, and has major emphasis on writing as a narrative device. And alsi fantasy prosthetics, a fondness that will go unexamined today!

Also, one of the other Auto-memory Dolls wears glasses.

It’s produced by Kyoto Animation, which I think is tying with Studio BONES for my favorite studio (based solely on the works they produce), which is a major plus.

The individual episodes are very character-driven, including one about a playwright that made me really want to get back into writing plays myself.[10]

Most episodes explore Violet from the perspective of the episode’s client, while offering some world building. Episodes one and two, as a pair, exist to introduce Violet and the world, and thus don’t have much for Hodgins (who gets his development through the rest of the series) and Erica (who doesn’t actually get much besides explaining the origins of typewriters and the term ‘Auto Memory Doll’).

Episode three is when the series rolls up its sleeves and says “Ah, we’re learning what it means to feel emotions? Get ready to choke!” and sends Violet to school, where everyone’s soul goes to die!

While trying to earn a coveted accreditation, Violet meets Luculia, who lost both her parents in the war while her brother returned home with an injured leg and a chip on his shoulder. During the course, Violet shows she can get the practical skills down easily enough, but when it comes to putting any actual soul into her letters, she turns in only tense reports.

Luculia graduates top of the class while Violet does not. Still, Luculia has decided she’s friends with Silver Arms, and sets to help Violet do better. Luculia’s attempts fail, and instead the two have a short heart to heart. Luculia’s brother has fallen to drink and hasn’t come to terms with coming home from war to find his parents gone, and Luculia doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s nice that they still have one another.

Violet takes that in, writes a letter for the brother, and repairs the relationship! Yay!

But that’s the formula. Everyone knows those beats! Got to earn the heart-wrench.

Episode four, Violet escorts her co-worker Iris back to Iris’s hometown for a surprise birthday party. Iris isn’t happy about this turn around, due to a rejection of her feelings and her parents not really supporting her life path.

Again, Violet writes a letter, makes everyone feel better. As you do.

But we also learn the origins of names: Iris got hers from the flowers blooming when she was born, and Violet… got hers at the training center when The Major awkwardly realized Violet didn’t have a name. Thus strengthening the parent/child relationship of The Major and Violet and they better not make this gross, I swear!

Then we reach the royal engagement. I mostly discussed that in the relationship dissertation, but episode five is a strong examination of making a relationship work, despite distance, age, obligations, and other fragile matters. The episode also gently nods to the fragile state the continent’s in after the war, with dissidents to the results of the war still out there, waiting to take center stage.

Episode six is fine. It is. Massive library, Violet meets a reclusive nerd scared to follow the path of his parents. Reclusive nerd crushes on Violet. Violet is ignorant of his feelings because of course, and she accidentally inspires him to change jobs from researcher to Action Archivist! Roaming the world searching for lost texts! Good world building, not heavy on the emotions.

And so we come to Episode Seven: probably the closest I’ve arrived at crying in years.[11]

Violet is hired to transcribe a famous playwright’s newest play. He’d been out of the public eye for a while, but he’s much lauded. However, his house is a mess, he’s slow to get the work started with Violet, using her as a maid for a bit and inspiring her to try cooking.[12]

Anyways, Oscar Webster is writing a children’s play. His first, I believe. Which is a dead give away for his emotional problems. Still, the snippets we get really showcase the creative writing process and hit me with nostalgia for the Theater for Young Audience class I took once, and the child’s theater summer camp I worked for.

Then we get flashbacks to Oscar and his daughter moving into a new place after his wife’s passing,[13] then watching his daughter progress through what is one hundred percent cancer as we get the snippets of what inspires the play.

And Violet meets him living alone in his ill kept house.

Which is where I’m ending my summary.

Violet Evergarden is a good anime. Beautiful visuals, distinct characters, strong world building, and amazing writing.

Go watch it now.

Though, on your way over, consider supporting my Patreon. Then, after you watch all of Violet Evergarden, come talk to me about it. And maybe check out the other things I’ve written and drawn and otherwise created. Especially since I’ve decided I’ve procrastinated long enough on a certain project.[14]

After all, August 1st is coming. Sounds like a good day to go camping and/or catch a wave.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Often strong ones! [2] A specific variant of the Fish out of Water trope that, unfortunately, TV Tropes doesn’t seem to have an entry for, as it hasn’t been applied to Violet.[3] [3] Wait, found a video essay. “Born Sexy Yesterday”. Which, admittedly, examines the trope’s problemsome aspects, but,eh, I stand by its strengths. [4] This is why Starfire is the best character on Teen Titans. fight me. [5] I keep meaning to use it myself, but the concept I have would spoil a major setting secret for my current project. [6] A scribe with a typewriter. Anime has an ability to give fanciful names to things at a level I hope someday to emulate. [7] Why she did it during the flashback when The Major got her the broach is anyone’s guess. Maybe it relates to that anecdote about a kid eating a letter from Maurice Sendak. [8] Named for a manga that was apparently pretty cute until it suddenly really wasn’t. At all. I haven’t read it, but reputations do flourish. [9] The light novel isn’t as ambiguous, but I won’t spoil it. Also, totally looking forward to picking it up once it gets translated. [10] I guess I do have that play about tabletop rpgs that needs another draft with a better plot… [11] Since I came downstairs after bedtime at exactly the wrong time of a medical drama show. Was like, four or five. Saw a man coughing up blood. Good times. Before my soul froze up and withered to the merry husk I have now. [12] I really like seeing cooking used as a narrative device. [13] Moving after a spouse dies is a very sad and subtle trope. [14] Though a Three Leaves, Three Colors review may pop up first. It’s the current bedtime anime.

#CanvasWatches #violet evergarden #anime #netflix #CanvasReviews

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bernardwiggins6-blog · 6 years

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Sprucing up Your Kitchen area

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Indicators on dubai lodge burj al arab You Need to have to Know اشهر مواقع حجز الفنادق

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