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saintobio · 3 years

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i’m gonna keep this short and say:

Me & the homies, we love MC, MC a baddie and we stan and love her in this household we can’t always protect her, like idk Ai, i know she’s a grown ass woman but like i genuinely wanna give her a hug and sit there & listen and let her cry about all her problems, she deserves so much i swear

Sera and I can fight like what’s up lil homie, I got a dollar store camera on me, trying to upload it to worldstar?? As hypocritical as this sounds, i genuinely hope that she’s pregnant so MC can divorce Satoru and live for herself and do everything she wants and deems to make her happy i’m talking bout mc rn,

I personally don’t associate with religion, i’m not even going to get into it, however i really do believe in the law of attraction that states: whatever you put out, you will receive, and i love applying the idea to Satoru because he was, for lack of better terms, a fucking gremlin-like-nightmare-state [derogatorily] like homeboy you got what you wanted and now that he’s receiving the same treatment that he gave MC in the beginning it’s like every time it’s like he’s having an epiphany and realization that he was (once again) a gremlin and a nightmare to live with/to be married to; Ironically i don’t even want to fight him anymore, its more like karma saw, took note, and is now giving back all the bad/negative energy he was putting out and you know what, as it should 😌

Anyways to continue on: Toji deserves to get his ass EATEN after making MC happy in the estate AND his successful attempt at getting Satoru’s ass jealous, catching him being a hypocrite n shit, [sigh] Toji, my beloved <3

The game they played in the car, i did something like that one time where every time he saw a red car he would tell me something about himself and everytime i saw a blue one i would tell him about a song that i like and why or a specific memory i have with it, anyways i broke up with that man a year ago (more or less) and now he’s dating my former best friend and even moved in with her lmaooooo

I genuinely hope you’re doing well Ai, i hope you’re hydrated and sleeping properly! Please take care!

yuli i am sorry for the late response but AAAAAA ur commentaries are always so funny to read bsjsnj and ur god tier memes pls, thank u for entertaining us <33 i’m doing fine so far, hope u are too !!! :’)

the last meme specifically made me screech GAHSHDHD

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not #sn: memes

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joshsandersons · 3 years

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congrats!!! 🥳 i propose a nsfw kirby dach headcannon 👀

oh my gosh yes of course 👀

Kirby Dach - NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

I can see this man literally being the BEST at aftercare alright

He will 100% run you a bath or if you’re too tired to do that, will get a warm cloth and wipe you down with that

He will literally get you anything you need, whether it’s water because you’re thirsty or his shirt because you’re cold

And he’ll leave soft kisses on the places that he bruised from gripping too hard

Basically he won’t even let you leave the bed unless he’s bringing you to the bath

B = Body Part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Now listen

Kirby is an ass man. Period.

So he loves your ass

Because it’s so easy to grab, kiss, play with and smack

Also loves your thighs

Especially when they’re wrapped around his head, and he loves leaving hickeys on them

I think his favourite body part on himself would be his hands

Just because they’re so big and he likes seeing them holding onto you yanno

Especially likes seeing them around your neck

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically..., I’m a disgusting person)

He LOVES to cum inside you

And he especially loves seeing it come out of you when he pulls out

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Listen

He would not mind if you got pregnant okay

He doesn’t care if you guys are young, he just wants to put a baby in you

Especially since he has everything to support you and a baby

In fact sometimes I swear he hopes you get pregnant

Just because he’d think you’d look SO hot carrying his kid too

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Kirby is young so he hasn’t been with too many people

But oh my god does he ever know what he’s doing

Especially with his tongue

And he just knows how to hit all the right spots all the time

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying)

It’s doggy

Or just taking you from behind in any way

Because he can have such a great view of your ass and can also grab it

Also because he loves to pull your hair and see your back arch and he KNOWS it hits all the right spots

Will also pull you up by the hair and hold you up against his chest with his hand around your throat

And he’ll just fuck you niceeeee and slow, but deep

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humours, etc..)

It honestly depends on the situation

For example if he just had a bad loss he’ll be serious

Like straight to business, his head is buried between your thighs and he’s going to town, no room for jokes

He just needs to get his frustration out, but he also wants it to be slow and drawn out

But if he’s in a really good mood, it’ll be goofy

Literally, so much giggling, will even tickle you a little, nice sex

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc..)

Homeboy keeps everything clean down there

He trims the hair regularly to make sure it doesn’t get too long

Also the same shade as his hair

Maybe a tiny bit darker

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, a romantic aspect..)

His way of showing intimacy is being close to you at all times

So he’s extremely intimate

Also will also kiss every inch of your body

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

The only time he masturbates is when he’s on a really long road trip

Or even if he’s just away from you and he wants to he’ll just call you up late at night and then you guys do it together

Phone sex is very crucial to him okay

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

O V E R S T I M U L A T I O N

Kirby absolutely loves to overstimulate you

He will just bury his head between your thighs and use his tongue and fingers to get you off for hours

In fact he actually did that a couple of times

L = Location (Favourite place to do it)

Since Kirby lives with other people and their KIDS

He just prefers to do it in the bedroom

Plus he doesn’t wanna get teased for anything so

But if no ones home and he knows nobody is gonna be home for awhile

He will have no problem bending you over the counter and just fucking you hard

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

If he sees you wearing his jersey

Or just anything with his name

Then that’s it, just get prepared for Kirby to be turned on

Especially after his games when you guys are leaving to go home

At least every night ends in car sex

Because he just HAS to have you as soon as he sees you

And it’s maybe happened once or twice in the locker room after everyone left

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

We all know Kirby gives off dom vibes but one thing he would never do is degrade you

He honestly just loves you too much to do that to you

And he just can’t see himself ever doing it

O = Oral (Preference in giving, receiving, skill, etc..)

Alright this one I have to say is just a complete 50/50

Because as much as he loves to just go to town on you

He also loves seeing you down on your knees for him

Especially while he puts his hand in your hair and guides you up and down

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc..)

Again, this honestly depends on how he’s feeling

If he’s feeling a little sad or upset, he’ll be slow and sensual and be a lot more intimate

But if he’s in a good mood, he goes fast and hard

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc..)

Quickies have basically become a regular part of your routine I swear

Because everything you do turns this guy on

If you guys are getting ready for an event? You bet your ass you’re thrown on the bed for a quick one

He sees you wearing something real nice at a party? He has you bent over the bathroom counter

Anyways yeah he's a horny one so quickies are often

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc..)

This guy would be SO down to blindfold you and tie your hands to the bed

As for risks

Kind of? But not really

He doesn’t want to risk anyone seeing you because you’re his and he won’t like someone else seeing that so

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last..)

Listen

He is a 6′3, young, professional athlete

He can go on all night if he wants to

Can also last real long too

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Kirby doesn’t like the idea of anything else getting you off

He just wants it to be him

BUT

I mean if you just happened to have a vibrator

He would totally use it on you

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

He can either be the most generous lover

Or the most cocky little shit and tease you endlessly

Most of the time he likes to be cocky

But he likes seeing you squirm and beg for him

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I feel like he isn’t that loud when it comes to moaning and everything

Unless you’re blowing him then his head is thrown back and he’s just moaning and groaning SO loudly

But most of the time during sex he’s just praising you

“you’re such a good girl”

“you look so good like this baby”

“takin me so well”

njdnckdmkfeovmdk

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

This guy LOVES having you sit on his face

He has such a perfect view on you when you do

And he loves watching your face as he eats you out

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Kirby is 6′3, big hands, big feet

Safe to say he’s PACKING

Probably around 6.5 to honestly 7 inches

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

As mentioned before

Very high

He can’t go like 2 days without sex I swear

Y’all have a VERY healthy sex life

Z = Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

It takes him at leas 10 to 15 minutes

He needs to wind down

And he just wants to hold you in his arms for a bit before he does

#g's 100 followers!#kirby dach #chicago blackhawks #nhl #nhl smut

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howlingcommandoreigns-archived · 7 years

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The stiffled laughter which greeted him as he was dragged through the shelter’s doors by a rambunctious pack of baying molossers had become a sound he was accustomed to these days working his shifts here, the dithering of volunteer workers workers who were alarmed when he first came in after a long walk with twigs in his hair and tarmac burns on his elbows dissipating when they realized his hands-on approach to the animals under their care and his penchant for gamboling with them when the opportunity arose.

“You fuckin’ pricks are makin’ a game out of this, swear to god.” Roman panted from the floor, finally releasing the eight leashes he had held on to like his life depended on it as he pointed at droopy-eyed St.Bernard with thick ropes of drool slowly pooling on the linoleum below from jowls which were lifted in a good-natured grin. “You---they had a bad influence on you, big boy. Which one done talked you into it? Bet it was her yeah? See you makin’ eyes at me missy, don’t think I ain’t keepin’ tabs on ya!” He tipped his chin at a Rottweiler who tilted her head to a side and he could almost see the wry amusement in her gaze as he propped himself up on his elbows and let out a breathless grunt when the St.Bernard decided to sit squarely in his lap and the rest of them swarmed him over with tails wagging eighty miles an hour.

“Yeah yeah, butter the boss up real good. Classy tactic.” The sound of a volunteer clearing her throat politely however silenced them all for a moment as he tilted his head over to where a mousey little teenager with a clipboard was nervously eyeing the large breeds with apprehension that generally came with being a---

“Newbie. Talk to me, kid.”

“Your visitor arrived five minutes ago. She’s in the waiting hall, would you like me to bring her in?” “Nah, I got this.” Roman assured her as he stood up and handed the dog’s leashes to a more experienced handler who led them back towards the kennels. Accepting the offer of a towel from another, he ambled over and poked his head through the door which led to the visitor’s hall and upon spotting the familial mane of fiery red, whistled to get her attention. “Ay Hot Socks! Over here!.” He beckoned for her to follow him deeper into the establishment, passing a brightly lit room where several puppies were playing with their handlers and a medical bay where the latest rescues were being treated. “It gets a lil’ hectic around here these days, but I’ve got the meeting room set up in the cat enclave. We’ve got several so prospective owners can meet with our residents away from the chaos of the surroundings.” Stopping in front of a room with a large glass panel through which they could observe its inhabitants, he gestured for her to take a look for herself at the five felines who were either at rest or amusing themselves with the toys left for them on the floor.

The sole exception however was a tuxedo Angoran who was sitting on the ledge of the window and staring right back at them curiously, mouth opening in a quizzical meow which couldn’t be heard through the glass. “Meena. You’ll notice she’s still got her collar on.” Roman tapped his neck for emphasis, his tone of voice taking on the air of someone who was clearly tired of the situation but still hoping for the best.

“Her owner surrendered her to us several months ago ‘cause they were movin’ an’ didn’t want her with them in their new home. She’s a good cat---affectionate as hell, won’t stop givin’ us kisses, but she’s real vocal. I figure she might be callin’ out to them still hopin’ they left her behind on accident. She gets violent when you try to take off that collar, so y’know. We left it on. It still means somethin’ to her even if she don’t mean nothin’ to ‘em anymore. I tell that to people an’ they deflate a lil’ ‘cause they think that means she won’t love ‘em or she’ll try to run or summat. I think she just needs a new family who’s gonna be there for her, yeah?”

The Samoan turned his head towards a sprightly, green-eyed ginger Manx who was batting at a mouse stuffed with catnip like he was hitting several homeruns---the others were wise enough to give him a wide berth though they weren’t safe from his explosive reserves of energy as he raced around the room and promptly ran into a Maine Coon who walloped him across the nose. This made him retreat quickly and he was back to gnawing holes in the toy mouse as Roman shook his head at the creature in amusement. “That clown is Jack. As in Jumpin’ Jacks, because that’s his mode pretty much until his Duracell batteries die down for the day. He’s a young cat, real energetic if that display ain’t enough to clue you in---nippy an’ we’re kinda workin’ out his thing with playin’ rough, ‘cause he was a feral through an’ through when we picked him up. He’s gotten better since. Ain’t got a fear of dogs which is a plus or a minus dependin’ on how you look at it--he tolerates ‘em pretty well as long as they don’t try assertin’ themselves on him. He’s pretty self-reliant an’ don’t need too much fuss. Give him toys, food an’ water an’ he’s happy keepin’ himself company while you’re gone.”

Roman directed Becky’s attention to the Maine Coon who had returned to feeding from the cat bowls after Jack’s collusion course. Unlike the rest, this one carried herself with a clear sense of dignity that befitted her silver-speckled fur and she went about to cleaning herself fastidiously after her snack. “That queen there is Delancey. She’s pretty old, sort of the Queen Elizabeth of the cats here to be honesty, but she’s still got it when it comes to showin’ who’s boss around here, heh. She can be a grumpy old hag which is why she’s gone through the system quite a bit; unfamiliar noise an’ sudden touches set her off which is why I ain’t recommended her for families with young kids, but she’s pretty affectionate once you have her trust. She’s also one of the few cats here who’s pretty chill with dogs as long as they don’t yark in her face an’ leave her food alone. She’s got a couple of meds she needs to take these days, comes with her age y’know?”

A bright-eyed Tonkinese had noticed Meena’s attentiveness to the figures beyond the glass and jumped up onto the edge to join her in studying the human they were familiar with who always smelled of dog, and this new one with the sunset hair.

“Tracy, she’s curious about everythin’. New friends, new food, new smells, new toys, everythin’s worth investigatin’ for her which is great since that means her first instinct to a new friend is to check ‘em out first instead of hidin’ out an’ hissin’ up a storm. She’s friendly even if she ain’t as affectionate as the rest---willin’ to give everyone a try. Problem is, she can get too friendly, too curious, an’ that spells trouble if you don’t keep an eye on her an’ she does things like try to eat make-up cake or lipstick which is how she ended up here an’ starts tryin’a commune with dogs who’re less friendly than Cadbury could be. She’s best as an indoor cat, outdoors only an’ only if you’ve got her on a harness, no matter how much outdoors might intrigue her.”

A striking Ocicat poked his head out of a box before sauntering out with all the confidence of a young prince and stretching out before hem so his markings were on full display before he walked over to the water bowl next to where Delancey was and began politely drinking from it. After several sips, he straightened his back and began grooming the older cat who closed her eyes contently. “Ram Dass is a gentleman, kinda like Cadbury is. He was born here---his mother came to us pregnant an’ was adopted out a while back so he’s young an’ this place is all the home and the family he knows so in his case, I can guarantee that he’ll have no problem with a multi-pet household since that was the way he was raised here. Thing with him is he’s always concerned, which is a thing that happens when you’re raised in an environment where y’know. Hurt cats an’ dogs are comin’ in every week an’ some of ‘em don’t make it an’ he sort of gets what’s goin’ on---he seems to be aware that livin’ things suffer an’ die an’ he’s always goin’ around checkin’ on his mates makin’ sure they’re OK an’ even the humans who’re tendin’ to him, so if he’s yowlin’ an’ demandin’ to be let into the toilet with you, know that he just doesn’t want you to be hurt or summat an’ he’s gonna check on you just in case.”

A nondescript bundle of fur nestled in a small hammock came to life as the last cat of the lot raised his head sleepily in their direction and after a split second of deciding on whether they were worth getting up for and investigating, yawned long and wide before settling down for another nap.

“Dorian. As in Dorian Grey. He’s spoiled silly, this one, an’ goddamn if he don’t know that he’s pretty. Got one of those owners who picked him up when he was small an’ cute an’ didn’t want to deal with him when he got older an’ started showin’ normal cat behavior. He’s always cool an’ calm---he don’t approach you, you approach him, there’s always a set number of strokes, six in all before he decides he’s had enough attention, an’ he can’t deal with normal cat food---dunno what he was fed as a kid but he can’t digest store-brand cat food without throwin’ it up so it’s got to be one of the vet-approved brands with little to no filler. He’s lazy as shit an’ is content with sleepin’ on the couch or your lap for most of the day, which is good because ain’t no one got time to be pickin’ fights with dogs, certainly not this homeboy.” Roman placed his hand on the glass, chuckling to himself as Meena and Tracy batted at it from the other side which made it look like they were offering him high-fives. He straightened his back and turned around to face Becky before waving his hand at the door next to the window. “Your call when you wanna go in or if you wanna go in first so they get to know you before you bring in Cadbury. You take as long as you want to know ‘em. I’ll be out here if you need me aight?”

@lassxkickerxlynch

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lorettalivingston6911 · 6 years

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Ronnie Ortiz-Magro Denies Cheating On Baby Momma Jen Harley — Only To Be Called Out By His Jersey Shore Family Vacation Roommates! Recap HERE!

how I looked younger without plastic surgery

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro is doubling down on his denial.

After seemingly cheating on baby momma Jen Harley while filming Jersey Shore Family Vacation, the MTV veteran came down with a case of amnesia while discussing the specifics surrounding the liaison. Just in case you missed the drama, here's what happened...

Related: The Situation & Fiancé Lauren Want To Get Married In Italy

After Ronnie met Antonia from France at a Miami nightclub, he brought her and her friends back to their little abode. At one point, Ronnie gave Antonia a tour of the house, which led to some kissing behind a closed door. The one-on-one time didn't end until his roommates intervened!!

All caught up?? Good.

So, during Thursday's showing of JSFV, Ronnie's castmates gave him some tough love regarding the apparent infidelity. Ortiz-Magro's controversy became a topic of conversation after he learned that Instagram footage showed him dancing with Antonia at the club. As his then-pregnant baby mama was back home preparing for the birth of their child, the reality TV personality moved quickly to try and cover his tracks.

After an informative phone call, Ronnie defended:

"She's building it all up in her head from [videos] of me twirling a girl. It's not like the girl was grinding on me or was bent over."

This, sadly, was a bold face lie -- something costar Vinny Guadagnino had no problem calling Ronnie out on:

"I'm not gonna lie though, that did happen … she was grinding on you."

You tell him, Vinny! Rather than admit he was in the wrong, Ronnie continued to maintain his innocence, even claiming that he was only "salsa dancing" with the side chick. After once again claiming that he "didn't do anything," Guadagnino hit back with:

"Yes, you did."

Snap! Snap!

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino then jumped into the conversation and reminded Ronnie that he closed the bathroom door behind him. Ronnie left his roommates dumbfounded when doubled down with:

"I did not close the door, and you know what, I didn't know that the fucking door had an ‘automatic closer' out of nowhere. So the door shut, so it looked worse than what it really was. I did not shut the door. Vin, the door closed. I had it open, then all of a sudden, it shut."

Homeboy is just scrambling here. SMH.

Eventually, Ronnie did get Jen on the phone -- who hadn't EVEN SEEN the damning footage. However, Ronnie acted so shady during the call, that we're certain Miz Harley picked up that something was up. (And, if she didn't know then, she certainly knows now!)

In an attempt to help his close friend, Pauly D dished out some advice about fatherhood. In case you forgot, the DJ has a 4-year-old daughter with Amanda Market.

Pauly noted in a confessional:

"I've been through the good, the bad, how it turned around, how it all came together, so I want to have a heart-to-heart with him before Jen arrives."

Smart, smart. He later admitted to Ronnie:

"I swear, I never thought in my life that I would love something more than I love myself. Dead honest … Everything I do, I do it for her...

Don't force yourself into a relationship that you're not gonna be happy in. If you end up with the baby mama, yes, that would be ideal. At the very least, you should have a coparenting relationship with this woman. Mine was so rocky in the beginning, it was nuts. But we got over it and now this is the best thing to ever happen to me."

Awwwww. Unfortunately, with everything that's gone down between Ronnie and Jen recently, it appears that the 32-year-old didn't heed his friend's advice.

For more Jersey Shore Family Vacation drama, be sure to tune in to MTV Thursdays at 8 p.m.!

[Image via MTV.]

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latoyarubalcava3546 · 6 years