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#how mac got fat
sewercentipede · 1 year
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the gang had it right. huff solvents with your friends while u watch tom and jerry and then take a nap together. or huff solvents with your friend while he dances to techno for you.
maybe the key is less about huffing solvents and more about having friends (who huff solvents)
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if anything youve made this intersection safer
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juniperhillpatient · 11 months
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I’m re watching How Mac Got fat & realizing I definitely should have realized something was going on considering Rob McElhenney isn’t fat in the flashbacks 😅 Glad it was finally pointed out to me about the unaired episode. Also? What a great episode. I love everyone’s characterization & how it fits in with Mac’s storytelling & the scenes with the priest are so funny. This is especially peak Dennis characterization. My favorite Dennis is a Dennis who’s scared & insecure & pathetic hiding under covers & asking his sister & bf in a small voice if they’d wear a mask of his face if they could
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angelic-charlie-kelly · 8 months
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does mac ever like work??? like i don’t think I’ve ever seen him do anything in the bar
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badnew2005 · 1 year
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secretromanticsstuff · 11 months
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Am I the only one the planet that wants to talk about the Mac trauma in the next one? Him brushing off the cigarette burn like it's just a normal mom thing to do? And then pushing away a kindhearted father figure? Probably because he only knows his parents brand of parental "love" and is just drawn to that because it's all he knows you guyssssss. He doesn't want anyone except his own parents but just with more acceptance and regard from them but it's a fool's errand. His own parents acting how they act while caring about him... but then they wouldn't act that way would they? It's an impossible contradiction he can't stop chasing until it becomes possible, doomed to set himself up for neglect every chance he gets, not even realizing he's doing it, man, this might have been the heaviest Mac episode so far, and yes I'm accounting for Finds his Pride when I say that.
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cutemeat · 5 months
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A Woman's Right to Chop is actually all about embracing glenn's impulsive decisions
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number-one-hog-hater · 10 months
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Now that we are past mac and dennis break up I am Waiting for s7. Such a good season
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season1mac · 11 months
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“everyone knows who superman is and they know it’s not you”
“shit :/”
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colleendoran · 3 months
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Great Big Good Omens Graphic Novel Update
AKA A Visit From Bildad the Shuhite.
The past year or so has been one long visit from this guy, whereupon he smiteth my goats and burneth my crops, woe unto the woeful cartoonist.
Gaze upon the horror of Bildad the Shuhite.
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You kind of have to be a Good Omens fan to get this joke, but trust me, it's hilarious.
Anyway, as a long time Good Omens novel fan, you may imagine how thrilled I was to get picked to adapt the graphic novel.
 Go me!  
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This is quite a task, I have to say, especially since I was originally going to just draw (and color) it, but I ended up writing the adaptation as well. Tricky to fit a 400 page novel into a 160-ish page graphic novel, especially when so much of the humor is dependent on the language, and not necessarily on the visuals.
Not complainin', just sayin'.
Anyway, I started out the gate like a herd of turtles, because  right away I got COVID which knocked me on my butt. 
And COVID brain fog? That's a thing. I already struggle with brain fog due to autoimmune disease, and COVID made it worse.
Not complainin' just sayin'.
This set a few of the assignments on my plate back, which pushed starting Good Omens back. 
But hey, big fat lead time! No worries!
Then my computer crawled toward the grave.
My trusty MAC Pro Tower was nearly 15 years old when its sturdy heart ground to a near-halt with daily crashes. I finally got around to doing some diagnostics; some of its little brain actions were at 5% functionality. I had no reliable backups.
There are so many issues with getting a new computer when you haven't had a new computer or peripherals in nearly fifteen years and all of your software, including your Photoshop program is fifteen years old.
At the time, I was still on rural internet...which means dial-up speed.
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Whatever you have for internet in the city, roll that clock back to about 2001.
That's what I had. I not only had to replace almost all of my hardware but I had to load and update all programs at dial-up speed.
Welcome to my gigabyte hell.
The entire process of replacing the equipment and programs took weeks and then I had to relearn all the software.
All of this was super expensive in terms of money and time cost.
But I was not daunted! Nosirree!
I still had a huge lead time! I can do anything! I have an iron will!
And boy, howdy, I was going to need it.
At about the same time, a big fatcat quadrillionaire client who had hired me years ago to develop a big, major transmedia project for which I was paid almost entirely in stock, went bankrupt leaving everyone holding the bag, and taking a huge chunk of my future retirement fund with it.
I wrote a very snarky almost hilarious Patreon post about it, but am not entirely in a position to speak freely because I don't want to get sued. Even though I had to go to court over it, (and I had to do that over Zoom at dial-up speed,) I'm pretty sure I'll never get anything out of this drama, and neither will anyone else involved, except millionaire dude and his buddies who all walked away with huge multi-million dollar bonuses weeks before they declared bankruptcy, all the while claiming they would not declare bankruptcy.
Even the accountant got $250,000 a month to shut down the business, while creators got nothing.
That in itself was enough drama for the year, but we were only at February by that point, and with all those months left, 2023 had a lot more to throw at me.
Fresh from my return from my Society of Illustrators show, and a lovely time at MOCCA, it was time to face practical medical issues, health updates, screening, and the like. I did my adult duty and then went back to work hoping for no news, but still had a weird feeling there would be news.
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I know everyone says that, but I mean it. I had a bad feeling.
Then there was news.
I was called back for tests and more tests. This took weeks. The ubiquitous biopsy looked, even to me staring at the screen in real time, like bad news. 
It also hurt like a mofo after the anesthesia wore off. I wasn't expecting that.
Then I got the official bad news.
Cancer which runs in my family finally got me. Frankly, I was surprised I didn't get it sooner.
Stage 0, and treatment would likely be fast and complication-free. Face the peril, get it over with, and get back to work. 
I requested surgery months in the future so I could finish Good Omens first, but my doc convinced me the risk of waiting was too great. Get it done now.
"You're really healthy," my doc said. Despite an auto-immune issue which plagues me, I am way healthier than the average schmoe of late middle age. She informed me I would not even need any chemo or radiation if I took care of this now.
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So I canceled my appearance at San Diego Comic Con. I did not inform the Good Omens team of my issues right away, thinking this would not interfere with my work schedule, but I did contact my agent to inform her of the issue. I also contacted a lawyer to rewrite my will and make sure the team had access to my digital files in case there were complications.
Then I got back to work, and hoped for the best.
Eff this guy.
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Before I could even plant my carcass on the surgery table, I got a massive case of ocular shingles.
I didn't even know there was such a thing. 
There I was, minding my own business. I go to bed one night with a scratchy eye, and by 4 PM the next day, I was in the emergency room being told if I didn't get immediate specialist treatment, I was in big trouble.
I got transferred to another hospital and got all the scary details, with the extra horrid news that I could not possibly have cancer surgery until I was free of shingles, and if I did not follow a rather brutal treatment procedure - which meant super-painful  eye drops every half hour, twenty-four hours a day and daily hospital treatment - I could lose the eye entirely, or be blinded, or best case scenario, get permanent eye damage.
What was even funnier (yeah, hilarity) is the drops are so toxic if you don't use the medication just right, you can go blind anyway.
Hi Ho.
Ulcer is on the right. That big green blob.
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I had just finished telling my cancer surgeon I did not even really care about getting cancer, was happy it was just stage zero, had no issues with scarring, wanted no reconstruction, all I cared about was my work. 
Just cut it out and get me back to work.
And now I wondered if I was going to lose my ability to work anyway.
Shingles often accompanies cancer because of the stress on the immune system, and yeah, it's not pretty. This is me looking like all heck after I started to get better.
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The first couple of weeks were pretty demoralizing as I expected a straight trajectory to wellness. But it was up and down all the way. 
Some days I could not see out of either eye at all. The swelling was so bad that I had to reach around to my good eye to prop the lid open. Light sensitivity made seeing out of either eye almost impossible. Outdoors, even with sunglasses, I had to be led around by the hand.
I had an amazing doctor. I meticulously followed his instructions, and I think he was surprised I did. The treatment is really difficult, and if you don't do it just right no matter how painful it gets, you will be sorry. 
To my amazement, after about a month, my doctor informed me I had no vision loss in the eye at all. "This never happens," he said.
I'd spent a couple of weeks there trying to learn to draw in the near-dark with one eye, and in the end, I got all my sight back.
I could no longer wear contact lenses (I don't really wear them anyway, unless I'm going to the movies,) would need hard core sun protection for awhile, and the neuralgia and sun sensitivity were likely to linger. But I could get back to work.
I have never been more grateful in my life.
Neuralgia sucks, by the way, I'm still dealing with it months later.
Anyway, I decided to finally go ahead and tell the Good Omens team what was going on, especially since this was all happening around the time the Kickstarter was gearing up.
Now that I was sure I'd passed the eye peril, and my surgery for Stage 0 was going to be no big deal, I figured all was a go. I was still pretty uncomfortable and weak, and my ideal deadline was blown, but with the book not coming out for more than a year, all would be OK. I quit a bunch of jobs I had lined up to start after Good Omens, since the project was going to run far longer than I'd planned.
Everybody on the team was super-nice, and I was pretty optimistic at this time. But work was going pretty slow during, as you may imagine.
But again...lots of lead time still left, go me.
Then I finally got my surgery.
Which was not as happy an experience as I had been hoping for.
My family said the doc came out of the operating room looking like she'd been pulled backwards through a pipe, She informed them the tumor which looked tiny on the scan was "...huge and her insides are a mess."
Which was super not fun news.
Eff this guy.
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The tumor was hiding behind some dense tissue and cysts. After more tests, it was determined I'd need another surgery and was going to have to get further treatments after all.
The biopsy had been really painful, but the discomfort was gone after about a week, so no biggee. The second surgery was, weirdly, not as painful as the biopsy, but the fatigue was big time.
By then, the Good Omens Kickstarter had about run its course, and the record-breaker was both gratifying and a source of immense social pressure.
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I'd already turned most of my social media over to an assistant, and I'm glad I did.
But the next surgery was what really kicked me on my keister.
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All in all, they took out an area the size of a baseball. It was  hard to move and wiped me out for weeks and weeks. I could not take care of myself. I'd begun losing hair by this time anyway, and finally just lopped it off since it was too heavy for me to care for myself. The cut hides the bald spots pretty well.
After about a month, I got the go-ahead to travel to my show at the San Diego Comic Con Museum (which is running until the first week of April, BTW). I was very happy I had enough energy to do it. But as soon as I got back, I had to return to treatment.
Since I live way out in the country, going into the city to various hospitals and pharmacies was a real challenge. I made more than 100 trips last year, and a drive to the compounding pharmacy which produced the specialist eye medicine I could not get anywhere else was six hours alone.
Naturally, I wasn't getting anything done during this time.
But at least my main hospital is super swank.
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The oncology treatment went smoothly, until it didn't. The feels don't hit you until the end. By then I was flattened.
So flattened that I was too weak to control myself, fell over, and smashed my face into some equipment.
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Nearly tore off my damn nostril.
Eff this guy.
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Anyway, it was a bad year.
Here's what went right.
I have a good health insurance policy. The final tally on my health care costs ended up being about $150,000. I paid about 18% of that, including insurance. I had a high deductible and some experimental medicine insurance didn't cover. I had savings,  enough to cover the months I wasn't working, and my Patreon is also very supportive. So you didn't see me running a Gofundme or anything.
Thanks to everyone who ever bought one of my books.
No, none of that money was Good Omens Kickstarter money. I won't get most of my pay on that for months, which is just as well because it kept my taxes lower last year when I needed a break.
So, yay.
My nose is nearly healed. I opted out of plastic surgery, and it just sealed up by itself. I'll never be ready for my closeup, but who the hell cares.
I got to ring the bell.
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I had a very, VERY hard time getting back to work, especially with regard to focus and concentration. My work hours dropped by over 2/3. I was so fractured and weak, time kept slipping away while I sat in the studio like a zombie. Most of the last six months were a wash.
I assumed focus issues were due (in part) to stress, so sought counseling. This seemed like a good idea at first, but when the counselor asked me to detail my issues with anxiety, I spent two weeks doing just that and getting way more anxious, which was not helpful.
After that I went EFF THIS NOISE, I want practical tools, not touchy feelies (no judgment on people who need touchy-feelies, I need a pragmatic solution and I need it now,) so tried using the body doubling focus group technique for concentration and deep work.
Within two weeks, I returned to normal work hours.
I got rural broadband, jumping me from dial up speed to 1 GB per second.
It's a miracle.
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Massive doses of Vitamin D3 and K2. Yay.
The new computer works great.
The Kickstarter did so well, we got to expand the graphic novel to 200 pages. Double yay.
I'm running late, but everyone on the Good Omens team is super supportive. I don't know if I am going to make the book late or not, but if I do, well, it surely wasn't on purpose, and it won't be super late anyway. I still have months of lead time left.
I used to be something of a social media addict, but now I hardly ever even look at it, haven't been directly on some sites in over a year, and no longer miss it. It used to seem important and now doesn't.
More time for real life.
While I think the last year aged me about twenty years, I actually like me better with short hair. I'm keeping it.
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OK. Rough year. 
Not complainin', just sayin'.
Back to work on The Book.
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And only a day left to vote for Good Omens, Neil Gaiman, and Sandman in the Comicscene Awards. Thanks. 
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sewercentipede · 1 year
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also his facial journey and little gasp when Charlie's dancing for him and eats his eyes and his face is all red from the acid mask 😂😂
that is one of my absolute all-time favorite scenes in television history i have to post it
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watching charlie … do his thing ... and it’s like good man it’s good
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bluesidez · 25 days
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The Love Lab presents:
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One Bite for You, One Bite for Me
💗 THIS IS MY 100 200 300 FOLLOWER SPECIAL!
pairing: Miguel O’Hara x AFAB!Reader
summary: One of the things you and Miguel bond over is delicious food. One day, you notice that your clothes aren’t fitting like they used to. Miguel is there to remind you how beautiful you are.
content warning: established relationship but they’re not married, 18+ so MDNI, non-Spiderman Miguel, LOTS OF MENTIONS OF FOOD AND DRINKS, weight gain, cycles, insecurity about body, alcohol, body worship, unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up 🫵🏾), cunnilingus, lots of praise, a little Spanish (if wrong please lmk)
credit for art + dividers: Me! + @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
a/n: This is actually the first fic I wrote when my Miguel hyperfixation came back in full force. I based it off of this video and a comment saying that girls are usually the ones that gain weight super quick in a relationship. Please know that gaining weight is not a bad thing, especially in this story. Relationship weight can be positive and food is here to nourish your body! Also know that everyone’s body is different. Our bodies will react to things in different, unique ways. If you’re ever feeling icky about your weight/health, please take a step back, breathe, and know that you’re beautiful no matter what. There are also sources out there that can help you if your thoughts overpower your heart. Please don’t hesitate to seek help.
word count: 4.3k
To all my food-lovers and fellow plus-size girlies, kisses to you! You’re beautiful!
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SPRING 🥭
“Baby!”
You grinned as you heard Miguel’s shout from the front door. His voice had a giddy tilt as if he made a breakthrough in one of his projects.
“I was finally able to stop by the new Jamaican spot before they sold out and look what I got us,” Miguel says before he slides the take-out bags across the table. “Ribs, oxtails, rice and beans, mac, and your favorite…fried plantains!”
You quickly untie the bags, happy to have a break from your research paper, and immediately get hit with the smell of spices both sweet and savory. “Oh my god! That looks incredible.”
After frantically digging around for a plastic fork, you were finally able to pull a piece of meat off the oxtail. It looked mouth-watering and tender. One bite of the meat and you’re immediately groaning, slumped in your chair. You nod your head and scrunch your face, watching as the juice from the gravy soaks into the pieces of rice stuck at the bottom of the take-out plate.
“That is so fucking good, Mig. No wonder there’s never any combos left by the time you leave work.”
Miguel just watches you eat with a glint in his eyes, happy to see you so relaxed and enjoying the food. He reaches into the second bag, pulling out two bottles of juice, “And to make it better, I got their fruit juice, made fresh daily-”
“Passionfruit and mango flavor!” Your eyes got big as you jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck. He knew how much of a juice fanatic you were, so this drink was just the cherry on top of the large ice cream sundae that was your generous boyfriend.
“Thank you, baby,” you giggled and gave his cheek a fat smooch. You patted his chest twice and moved back to set up the table, “Now, hurry and wash up so we can eat this before it gets cold! We’ve got shows to watch.”
“Entendido, I’ll be right back”
SUMMER 🍦
You and Miguel were walking hand in hand along the Cancun Hotel Zone, taking in all the sights. Miguel’s job had given him a promotion along with an extremely high bonus, so what better way to celebrate than to use his PTO and bring the love of his life on vacation?
Granted, the area you guys were currently in was a little touristy, borderline bougie, but it was all worth it when Miguel got to see your eyes light up as you watched the turquoise waves fade into white foam along the shoreline.
You wobbled a bit while clinging to Miguel’s side, a little tipsy from the frozen paloma you drank to pair with today’s lunch. It was a waterfront restaurant with a live band so the vibes were just right for a little bit of liquid fun.
The downside was that the two of you were supposed to meet up with Miguel’s family later that evening and while you were fine with the confidence boost you were sporting, you wanted to be more alert when speaking with loved ones. Plus, you needed to give a good impression to the relatives you hadn’t met yet. It will be nice to put a face to the names of Miguel’s childhood.
“What do you say we stop and get some ice cream?” Miguel suggested, chuckling at you when you grinned up at him, ecstatic over the proposed plan.
“You know me so well,” you said, arms reaching around his waist, face squished into the side of his chest. “I would absolutely love some ice cream. Cool me down from the inside.”
Miguel chuckled and kissed the top of your head. You were especially cute when you got like this.
FALL 🍕
“Baby, check this out,” Miguel shouted, finally returning to your table with your food.
The fair was packed full of people, especially due to the pop-up food truck festival happening that same week. You had never seen more people run to get fried turnip greens and loaded fries in your life.
Still, this was just another chance to hang out with Miguel. You really didn’t care where you went with him, as long as you got to see that pretty smile.
You look down at the table and see what he brought back. Before your eyes sat the most un-Miguel order ever: birria pizza and two walking tacos, one Hot Cheetos and the other Dorritos.
“Dorilocos, Miguel. Really?” you raised an eyebrow watching him try to steady the open chip bags over some spread-out napkins.
“Amor, don’t look at me like that! I had to get them because Gabriel kept talking my ear off about this new food truck that made them better than the ones we used to eat on our trips back home. I, for one, don’t believe that for a second, so what better way to test that theory than to eat it with my baby?” Miguel gave the saddest look he could muster and slid his hand across the table, trying to convince you to indulge with him.
“Fine, fine. Don’t give me that look,” you say, pulling off a slice of the pizza, making the cheese stretch as long as you can. “Just don’t complain to me from the bathroom while your stomach fights to digest something it hasn’t had in over a decade!”
Miguel pursed his lips while shoveling as much food as he could on one Doritto, “Shouldn’t I be the one telling you that? That’s a lot of cheese, babe.”
“Oh my god, some queso tears up my stomach one time and you can’t let that go, can you?”
“It was once and yet you were in agony about it for days. I think I’m allowed to remind you at least monthly.”
“Just eat your food and leave me and my iron stomach alone. We’ll see what happens between today and tomorrow,” you quip, pulling your phone out ready to record Miguel’s reaction to send to Gabriel.
Miguel takes a bite and just leans against the table, head slumped on his clean head.
“Dios mio, he was right. This can’t be happening,” he groaned, slightly annoyed that Gabriel wasn’t exaggerating. He was also shocked at the fact that someone even came close to getting the local snack right.
You giggled behind your phone, happy that his reaction worked in your favor. You zoomed in a little more on his face, capturing him smacking his lips and licking off excess sauce. He was so zoned in on his food that he didn’t even notice you with your phone up.
“Is it good, Mig?” you asked, mirth in your voice.
He looked at you ready to answer but his eyes snapped to your camera and started to whine, “Amor, please stop recording!”
With a small smile, you made sure to add the video to your folder full of Miguel. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You just look so cute, I couldn’t help it.”
Miguel just mumbled to himself while stacking up another chip, neck heated over the interaction. “Here, just try this,” he said, holding a nacho close to your mouth.
You opened your mouth, just barely getting the chip in. Cupping your hand under your head, you begin to hum, the flavors all tangy, spicy, and savory. “I don’t know what your childhood Dorilocos tasted like, but this is really freaking good.”
“Just know that this one is only slightly better. By 0.00001% to be exact,” he said, rubbing sauce off of the corner of your lips and licking it off. The movement was muscle memory for him as he always liked to watch your face when you ate food, especially when it came to any nostalgic or homecooked dishes you never tried before. It warmed his heart to see you find comfort in his favorite foods.
“Well, I can tell you it’s 100% better than the ‘Taco Tuesday’ luncheon my job hosted last month. Nothing but unseasoned ground beef, endless black olives, and store-bought guacamole for two hours,” you respond, shuddering at the memory of soppy taco shells and your coworkers complaining about how spicy the mild salsa was.
“On second thought, this is absolutely a step up. Was the guacamole name brand at least?” He asked, peering up at you with a twist on his lips.
“I’m pretty sure it was a grocery store brand, so no.”
“Damn.”
WINTER 🍫
You were at your apartment in your bed, completely covered under the comforter with a fluffy blanket on top.
It was snowing heavily outside and you were freezing. However, your heater tended to make your apartment feel like a sauna, so you kept snatching the blanket off only to put it back on minutes later. Plus, your cycle was here. Your cramps left you lying on your side, rolling back and forth between the cool side of the bed and the warm side.
Physically, you were exhausted, but mentally, you knew you had so much to get done.
Christmas was just around the corner but you still had so many presents left to buy and wrap. Your job was doing the dreaded Secret Santa gift exchange and you were stuck wondering what gift would appeal to the stuck-up director in the accounting department.
You and Miguel were also hosting a small Christmas party amongst your friends, and there was still food left to buy. To top it all off, you were worried about your gift for Miguel, wondering if a silly little apron saying “Kiss me, I’m Irish” would hide the fact that you spent a ridiculous amount of money on some new tech he was eyeing.
You heard the apartment door open and close.
Knowing it was Miguel, you groan out dramatically.
He opens the bedroom door and peaks inside, “Baby?”
You just groan out again, “Everything hurts, Miggy.”
He comes up to bed and sits on the edge, “I know, amor. I’m sorry.” He bends down to kiss your head. “Want me to plug up the heat pack?”
“Yeah,” you say, leaning into his hands. When he gets up to grab the pack, you whine at his absence.
“I know, I know. I’m coming back,” he says, voice soothing.
Instead of turning the pack on, he removes your covers and sits back down on the edge. You shiver a little bit and he’s quick to cover your body with his, rubbing the top of your head as he kisses your temple.
“Are you feeling too bad to eat something for me?” Miguel asks, the timber of his voice settling you.
You shake your head and lean in closer to him.
“I think I want some food,” you reply, squeezing his body. “I haven’t eaten anything yet.”
Miguel tuts as he sits up and pulls you up with him, “That’s no good, baby. You have to eat so you can feel better. Your body needs it.”
You groan again and put your face in his neck, not wanting to move.
“Come on,” Miguel says, rubbing you from your back to your leg. “I got you some soup and a grilled cheese.”
“Did you get the stuff for the hot chocolate bar? For the party?” you whisper.
“Mm hm. Jumbo marshmallows included.”
You nuzzle his neck before you look at him, “Carry me to the kitchen?”
He makes a swift move to wrap your legs around his body and hike you up.
He gets up and holds you close, heading to the kitchen, “Let’s get some food in you, yeah?”
SPRING 🍇
The short spring break trip that Miguel surprised you with has been lovely. Miguel woke you with kisses down your body, taking you to the hilt with his mouth alone. You had to muffle your cries as to not disturb the neighbors in the inn. As his tongue danced inside of you, you gripped his hair with one hand and his head with your thighs. Miguel wouldn’t want it any other way.
After his first course, Miguel treated you to breakfast on the balcony. You two enjoyed looking over the horizon as you ate yogurt parfaits and fluffy omelets.
Later on, the two of you enjoyed a few tours of the vineyard and the city. The sights were beyond compare and the atmosphere was serene.
“Thank you so much for this Miguel,” you say, interrupting the silence.
“Anything for my lady,” he says back. “You’re doing great work this semester so you need the break.” Miguel stopped and turned to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.
You leaned up and kissed him, hands warm on the sides of his face.
You both started to makeout for so long that Miguel forgot about the massage he had planned for you before tonight’s farm-to-table dinner.
Needless to say, he laid you out on your bed and oiled your body down. Your head was in your arms as rubbed his hands up and down your back. His hands were heaven and you felt like puddy by the time he flipped you over.
After he massaged your inner thighs he pounded you into the mattress. Something you’re sure the hired masseuse would never be able to do.
Miguel joked and called it the Miguel Magic Massage when you asked if he offered this special regularly. The price? Being his cariño, his amor, his sweetheart.
By the time dinner started, you were glowing. You felt adored and the courses were amazing.
Miguel made sure everyone knew you were his. His hand never left your thigh the entire meal, staring down the older men sitting at the end table who were looking a little too long at the dip of your dress.
You were oblivious, feeding Miguel bites occasionally and humming at how fresh and delicious everything was.
After the last course was over, the men came to you all’s side of the table quickly. All of them started to make conversation with you, plugging in their businesses, and stuffing their business cards in your hands.
It was as if Miguel was invisible. He scowls deeper when they let out hearty laughs at something you said.
“Are you fellas here with your wives?” Miguel asked loudly, completely irritated. “My wife and I have really enjoyed our time here. It’s a beautiful place for couples.”
Some of the men went red in the face flustered at Miguel catching their scheme. Others just scowled, pissed off at being interrupted.
None of them could answer his question.
You looked at Miguel, eyes heavy and relaxed.
“You gentlemen have a great night,” you said, putting your hand in Miguel’s as he guided you to the exit.
“Your wife, huh?” you asked, core on fire. It was hot watching Miguel get so worked up over you.
“Baby, they were looking at you like you were some fresh meat. Like I wasn’t even sitting there,” he grumbled.
“One of them already offered to bring me on a cruise. He’s staying right next to us,” you say, standing outside your room as Miguel swipes his card at the door. You walked your fingers up his chest, heated over the grit you could see from his profile.
He was oh so upset.
“He’s next to us? Right here?” Miguel asked, voice low.
You nodded as you bit your lip, arm around his neck.
Miguel picked you up and dragged you to the bed. You giggled a little to yourself as he plopped you down. Mission accomplished. Silently, you thank those older men. If it weren’t for their overconfidence, Miguel wouldn’t have been tearing at your clothes like he us right now.
Miguel kept you up almost that whole night, making sure that the neighbors heard your cries. Those old geezers were sure to know his name by the next morning. Buying you a ring wasn’t enough. He needed a bat.
It was all worth it to see the tired and flushed looks of their faces when you all checked out the next day.
SUMMER 🍯
“What the fuck,” you mumble, looking down at the pair of jeans you were trying to put on.
It was early morning. You had a family reunion that you and Miguel would take a bit of a drive to get to.
You made sure that everything was packed the following night. Some clothes to stay for a few days, a few snacks for the road, a book for you to catch up on, and even a crossword puzzle book for Miguel.
You planned ahead. You were diligent. So why is it that when everything else is going right, your pants decide not to button up?
You pulled at the flaps once more, trying your hardest to connect the button with the hole. It fails as they slip from your grasp. You try again, sucking in your stomach as much as you could. You get the button to snap in this time, but it’s digging unbearably into your skin. The zipper fights against you as you try to pull it up.
You huff out in frustration and the pants snap open again.
Defeated, you let out a watery sigh and look in the mirror.
Your stomach was bigger than you last remembered, fupa a little more prominent. Your thighs were also a little thicker, the jeans hugging them a little tight. Your breasts looked a little big in your shirt. The family name stretches a bit more across your bust than the original design intended. Even your face was a little chubbier than normal. When was the last time your jaw was like this? High school?
When did you get like this?
You felt your throat start to burn, a sob building in your system. You’ve always been fine with your body, loving the dips and curves. Adoring your flaws and finding beauty in what society decides is not worthy.
You knew this. You knew that you were beautiful. Why was it so hard to get that thought into your conscience?
You felt the tears roll down as you peeled the jeans off of your legs. They were especially tight at your hips and you wondered how you even forced them past in the first place.
You didn’t know what to do. It was so hot outside, so you needed something comfortable, but those jeans…you had your mind set to wear those jeans.
You rummage through your closet in frustration, pushing and pulling the clothes across the rack.
By the time Miguel found you, you were squatting in the closet, hot tears covering your face.
“Babe, it’s been almost 30 minutes and we need to head out before the work traffic starts-”
Miguel stopped in the doorway as he noticed the state of the closet, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? ¿Que pasó, cariño?”
You wipe furiously at your face, sniffling loud as you hear Miguel push clothes to the side to get to you.
“My pants don’t fit. I don’t think anything else will fit either,” you say, stuttering out your words as Miguel gets to your side.
You let him pull you up into a standing position. You felt defeated.
Miguel looked at you and wiped away the tears that you missed. You feel horrible as your face scrunches up again, tears forming in your eyes.
“No, no, no,” Miguel says, hugging you close. “Listen to me. I know that this feels like a lot, but this is normal. Your body will always change with you. You’re still the same beautiful, gorgeous woman I met years ago and that’s not changing because you got some extra hips, baby.”
“But Miguel,” you say, voice so sad. “I feel like I just got those pants. And. Nothing else in here goes with this shirt. I’m scared that nothing else will fit-”
“And if that’s the case, I’ll buy you new clothes,” Miguel says, pressing kisses over your face. “If these clothes mean that much to you, I’ll take you to the gym. Let me work out with you, but until then, I’m loving your body as is.”
You stare at Miguel, heart beating at his revelation. He stared right back at you, daring you to question or challenge his words.
“Don’t beat yourself up over something like this. If anyone has ever let you feel insecure about your body, they’re an ass, let me deal with them. If I ever do anything to make you feel insecure, tell me. Yell at me. Question me, because as far as I’m concerned, that’s not me.”
He hiked you up on the closet island in the middle of the room. You shiver a bit as your naked legs hit the wood.
He leans closer, placing his hands on the side of you, “Now, let’s think. Don’t you have a pair of cargo shorts that match the ones I’m wearing right now?”
You whisper out a yes.
“Would you be ok with wearing those? I’m sure they fit perfectly.”
You say yes again, head leaning onto his. You could accessorize it perfectly. It would make a great couple’s look.
Miguel knew this much, he just had to get you to see it.
“I love you, ok?” he says, voice clear.
“I love you, too. Thank you,” you say.
“Anything for my girl,” Miguel says. “My beautiful girl. She’s just for me. I can’t believe it.”
Your heart beats faster as he starts to kiss down your body.
“Her face is so lovely.” A kiss to your cheek and your lips.
“She’s always working so hard.” A kiss to your neck and your collarbone. He pulls your shirt over your head.
“She makes me so happy.” A suck to your breasts as he unclasps your bra.
“Her body is beyond comparison.” A trail of kisses down your stomach, your belly twitching as his breath twinkles on along your skin. “Soft. Amazing. Irresistible.”
“Her thighs are my earmuffs.” A caress to your inner thighs. Your legs snap a bit, ticklish at his ministrations.
“Miguel?” you whimper out.
“I have to relax you before this ride. Can’t have you upset,” he says, kissing his way up your thighs to your panties. “May I?”
You nod your head, fingers grasping at nothing but then a flat surface.
Miguel was swift. He pulled your underwear down and kissed at your clit. You could only hold tight as he pulled your body forward and dove in.
It wasn’t long before you were shaking like a leaf. Miguel sucked at you for minutes, pulling a long orgasm out of your system.
He kneaded your thighs as you trembled around his tongue, humming as your legs squeezed tighter. That was the queue for him to go further, so he added his fingers to the mix, moving his mouth up so that his fingers could pump in and out of you.
It took all of your strength not to let your body drop off the other side of the island.
“Miggy, please,” you wailed. You wanted more.
Miguel looked up at you whining above him. You pull your legs up, holding your hands under your thighs, practically begging for him.
Miguel kissed up your body again. He was swift with removing his clothes. You still had to have these clothes fresh for later and Miguel was about to wear you out.
He moved to push himself inside of you, grunting as you gripped him.
He replaced your hands with his and pulled your legs up by his head. You balanced yourself on the island as he slowly started to thrust.
“So good. Just for me,” Miguel said, watching as your body moved with his movement. “Perfect. And all mine.”
You remained quiet, whimpering softly as he dragged against you.
“You heard me, hermosa?” Miguel said. “You’re beautiful. C’mon. Say it for me.”
“I’m,” you stopped, mind foggy. You didn’t know how you were supposed to respond when he was going so deep.
“Say it.”
You cried out as he snapped harder, “I’m beautiful.”
“That’s right baby,” Miguel praises you, bending further to give you a kiss. “So amazing.”
He praised you until you finished, squeezing at any of you that he got his hands. By the time he was done, your arms felt like jelly from holding you up.
He carried you to the bathroom for a quick shower, never stopping his reassurances of you.
You guys made it in the car an hour and a half off schedule, but it was worth it for the uplifted way you carried yourself throughout the day.
It was worth it to see you happy and healthy.
By the time you made it to the reunion, it was like you were born anew. You greeted your family with smiles and laughter. Miguel couldn’t help but to cheese watching you do your thing.
He felt his heart soar as you caught up with family. Your smile was the biggest as you were out on the floor line dancing your heart out. He was right up behind you when Outstanding came on. The song was really a declaration of how he felt about you.
You giggled as he crooned in your ear.
“You light my fire,” he sang, swinging your hips in time with his.
“I feel alive with you, baby,” he spins you around to him, a smile on his face.
“You blow my mind,” he pulled you out and back in.
“I’m satisfied,” you squeal as he spins you in the air and puts you back down to keep dancing.
Outstanding. You really knock him out.
Another season where Miguel adored you more.
Another season where Miguel wanted you to be forever his.
Another season where he made sure he fed you well.
Another season of you making his heart pound.
Another season of your love reaching to the fullest.
Miguel was excited for the next season with you.
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As always, I hope you enjoyed reading! 💗
Any likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated. Let me know how you feel! 🥺🧁
Until next time,
-Lauro 💗
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humanveil · 1 year
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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia — 7.10: How Mac Got Fat
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dennisboobs · 5 months
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7x10 // How Mac Got Fat
↳ Charlie & Dennis + getting high together
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allfryam · 8 months
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freshman 15
jake was finally done. He had just graduated high school and he would be heading off to college in a couple months. It all felt so surreal to him. After this summer, he would never see his classmates again. He wondered what they would look like in a few years time. Jake would also have to leave behind his soccer team. Jake was the captain of his team and soccer was what got him through high school.
all of the exercise was great for Jake as he had rock hard abs on top of a flat stomach. He had defined muscles on just about his entire body. His wavy brown hair was parted in the middle and he had ocean blue eyes you could drown in. Everyone envied his extremely attractive appearance. Jake often went to the gym and ate well to maintain his physique. A bad metabolism ran in his family so he had to work extra hard to eat right and stay fit.
the time had finally come. Jake was in his new dorm when his roommate walked in. His name was Ben. Ben was tall. Really tall Jake wasn’t short by any means but he had to look up to talk to Ben. He looked to be about 6’ 7” with short blonde hair. He had brown eyes and an impeccable jawline. The only flaw that Jake could see was that he had a little bit of a dad bod. Jake could see Ben’s belly pushing against his tight shirt. When he stretched his shirt would ride up to reveal a fuzzy stomach. This disgusted Jake. He couldn’t understand how people could live with being fat. Jake decided not to say anything.
Ben told Jake that this was his second year at the college. He invited Jake to a freshman welcome party that night and Jake was not one to pass up on a party. When he arrived, Ben went straight for the alcohol. “No wonder he was so fat” Jake thought to himself. Jake just hung around and tried to meet new people.
a few weeks into the school year and Jake hadn’t even been to the gym yet. The campus was so big he couldn’t find it anywhere. Besides, he was so busy with his schoolwork that he would t have much time for the gym. He wasn’t worried though. He was confident his body could maintain his amazing fitness until he could get back into the gym.
Jake had been eating less healthy than usual. He would have late nights studying, and the only places that were open only had fast food. It didn’t help that Ben would often order takeout for the both of them and Jake would eat it so Ben wouldn’t feel bad.
One night, around halloween, Jake had been partying all night and decided he would drink some alcohol to take his mind off school. Drinking became a regular occurrence for Jake and it was beginning to take a toll on his perfect body. Jake hadn’t noticed yet but his perfect abs were completely gone. The only thing Jake noticed was Ben, who was also getting fatter.
Jake was able to visit his family for thanksgiving. His brother was the first to comment on his weight gain. “Looks like the freshman 15 got you bro”. He said. Jake looked down and saw a sliver of his belly peeking out from underneath his tight shirt. His face turned red. “Relax. I’m just bulking” he lied. He ran away to the bathroom to examine his new fat. Yup. It was true. His perfect abs had disappeared. They were replaced by a curved stomach and a soft layer of fat. Jake decided to take it easy on the alcohol from now on.
his family prepared an enormous feast for thanksgiving. They had a turkey, stuffing, baked beans, mashed potatoes, casseroles, gravy, Mac and cheese, and delicious rolls. Jake loaded his plate with all of it and drenched it all in gravy. Then he began to feast. He tore through the meal like it was his last, scarfing everything down as quickly as possible. When he was done, he grabbed more eating another mountain of delicious food. The mac and cheese was his favorite he ate like 10 servings! He didn’t tell anyone, but after the first plate, he went to the bathroom to loosen his belt. It was getting uncomfortably tight.
after everyone had finished, Jake was fuller than ever he sat on the couch rubbing his taut stomach. But not long after dinner came dessert. Jakes family prepared pumpkin pie, apple pie, different kinds of cakes, ice cream, cookies, brownies, and pastries. Jake didn’t want to be rude and refuse his family’s cooking, so he prepared his belly for more food. He ate a slice of each pie topped with a scoop of ice cream, a few cookies, at least one piece of each cake,(the banana crème cake was so good he had to get another slice) some brownies, and a big strawberry pastry. After all of that, the buttons on his shirt were starting to get tight. He put on a sweater just in case.
back at college, Ben poked jakes gut and said, “looks like you had a nice thanksgiving”. Jakes face got red and he went to the bathroom. Jake had bought a scale to help maintain his weight while he was in college. This was his first time using it since he got here. When he first arrived he was 154 pounds. Surely he couldn’t be more than 160 now right?…. 170 pounds. Jake couldn’t believe it. He had actually gained 15 pounds. But… maybe it wasn’t so bad. Ben seemed fine and he was way fatter than Jake. Jake decided it wasn’t a big deal and he would lose it eventually. He was hungry though. McDonald’s sounded good…
to be continued….
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celestialwhoree · 3 months
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Casserole 🏜🥘
Fleetwood Mac hums low on the radio as you dance around the kitchen, curtains blowing softly against the windows let in to allow the evening breeze to cool the house in the hope of a good nights sleep tonight. The clatter of pots and pans is music enough, the sound of cicadas and birds settling in for the evening melting away as you focus on the large hunk of meat your large cleaver currently works to methodically debone. Lassie sits patiently at your feet waiting for any meat scraps that may fall from the counter, her head settled between her paws as you sing softly along to the quiet crackle of the music, slicing meticulously away, occasionally throwing a piece of fat down to the collie for her patience, and a show of your appreciation for her quiet company.
You swung by the auto shop on the way home, asked Dean what he knows about this new guy in town, found out he lives not too far from your place, confirmed Marlene's gossip that he's retired military. British SAS guy supposedly, and like Marlene, Dean also said you'd like him, and despite how much you'd love to deny it, they're both probably right, seeing as they've known you since you were in diapers and baby boots.
The pot on the stove bubbles along slowly, the smell of hot stock and vegetables permeating the kitchen as you allow yourself to get lost in your thoughts, from everything to bringing in the horses for the night to car parts you need to fix up the beat mustang which currently sits dormant in your garage. You've been far too busy to tinker with it, let alone to go out and buy parts that are tough to find for a car of that age.
:・゚✧:・.☽˚。・゚✧:・.:
When you stand on the porch of the man you don't even know, you suddenly realise how bad of an idea this really is, how maybe you shouldn't have let Marlene talk you into this. There's a reason you never got back out there. It's too late to back out now seeing as you've already knocked on the door, and that heavy footfalls can already be heard approaching it. A gruff voice breaks you from your internal panic with a rumbly "Can I help you?"
You have to strain your neck to look up at him, eyes inadvertently widening as you clutch tighter to the handles of the casserole dish, looking at the man before you like a rabbit caught in a snare. You think he's smirking, although it's hard to tell with the balaclava he sports, odd considering he's in his own home, although maybe he heard your truck pull up along the gravel driveway
"I bought casserole." You mumble, sounding far less committal than you'd wish to, than you normally would. You practically shove the heavy pot into his chest, as though trying to prove yourself, which makes him chuff in amusement, looking down at you and the cast iron pot you clutch onto like a lifeline.
"Casserole." He repeats in an amused tone, looking attentively down at the pot with a raised eyebrow, reaching slowly out to the pot you grip, moving carefully as though trying not to startle you, a smirk pulling under the worn cotton of his black balaclava. "Famous Southern hospitality, huh?" The man before you muses, and your tummy flutters - you haven't felt this way in a long time, makes you so nervous you could puke, or squeal like a lovesick teenage girl.
"Only polite to welcome new folks into town. We don't get so many of them." You squeak, flushing red with embarrassment, albeit your shoulders drop in relief when he takes the weight of the casserole dish from you, lifting the lid and taking a sniff, eyes crinkling at the corners when his lips pull into an appreciative smile. He seems to freeze in thought for a moment before holding open the front door in a wordless invitation for you to enter.
His house is notably quiet, pretty empty too, which is understandable considering he's only been in town for a couple weeks, although it still feels odd compared the the homey atmosphere of your place, but then again, you've lived in it for most of your adult life, reliant on the quiet safety of a town which you know like the back of your hand, finding protection in nosy neighbours and the unchanging inhabitants of this place.
The man, who's name you still haven't caught, leads you into his rudimentary kitchen, placing the pot on the stove and clicking on the gas. "Never told me your name." You play at nonchalance, leaning your hip against the counter, crossing your arms against your chest whilst you stare - ogle - his back, and the wall of muscle that pulls under the fabric of his shirt.
"Simon." He grunts, turning back to you with an intrigued sort of look before he reaches into a half empty cabinet, withdrawing two glasses and a bottle of bourbon.
"You drink?"
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