#how the fuck am i going to earn money for it

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[daydreamingmiller]

#how the fuck do people figure out what to do with their lives #graduating from undergrad next week and have had zero luck finding a grad job/any industry job in the last 10 months #and I’ve applied to like 200+ atp #I don’t even like the degree or the field I’m going into but what am I meant to do atp #tempted to just say fuck it and save for six months then go work/travel overseas #but also I’m almost 23 and feel like I need to actually start a career and start earning big girl money #WHY IS LIVING SO COMPLICATED!!!!! I HATE MY TWENTIES #if u made it this far sorry just needed to rant #g rambles

[im2tired4usernames]

My parents should be fuckin ashamed

#you borrow 80 bucks then can only find me 21 back then i put that 21 into good for your kids then spend the rest of my paycheck getting #diapers pull ups medicine more food for kids and then i fill up the 15 passenger van and then when dad asks why i don't have money to eat #on my lunchbreaks at work like I'm some over spending wild irresponsible bitch when he's the one going to concerts and paying for fancy dat #s and jewelry for his gf and buying groceries for her but you know it's fine #take all my time and energy #so that i literally am a zombie and fall asleep on the very very very limited free time i get #(after doin extra chores to earn said free time) #wo that i fall asleep half way in which isn't fair to my partner and isn't fair to me #take all my income so i cant afford anything #take all my time #take all my energy #YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU GROOMED ME AND MESHED THE FAMILY'S ENTIRE LIFE STYLE FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS #I CANT MAKE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE I JUST CAN NOT FUNCTION IF I'M NOT GIVING EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE #IT SUCKS I HATE IT #THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT THEY FUCKED ME OVER #EVER #THEY'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO FIX IT OR CHANGE #AND I HAVE NO HOPE FOR ANY CHANGES #MY LITTLE SIBLINGS SEE WHAT I DO FOR THEM AND THEY HUG ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LIVE ME #'thank you so much for taking care of us' that tell me all the time 'you do so much for us' #it breaks my heart i wish i could give them the world i love them so much they deserve so much better #my mom lost her chance to be decent my dad better learn soon otherwise all his kids minus his favorite will hate him #i love ny parents #and i know they live me and my siblings #but they groomed me into the most miserable personification of elder daughter syndrome and they should be ashamed for what they've done #and be ashamed that they sucked so bad that they're own child had to step up

[arcaneyouth]

"well at least I'll get good sleep tonight" they said, not getting good sleep tonight

#vent post #negative #doing really fucking bad mentally actually #cant turn my brain off about how mad i am about money #about wasting my fucking time meeting people and their dogs they want me to care for #not getting paid for the fucking meetings that have been half the reason i struggle making progress on my personal projects #undercharging myself to hell and back just for the chance to get A Job #only for them to fucking cancel because they dont respect my time #cancel a meet up 3 hours before. cancel the booking less than 24 hours after making it. make me drive an hour for fucking nothing #begging me to lower my prices which are already lower than everyone in the area #i dont want to work anymore i want it to stop #going to do a week of dog sitting for less than 200 fucking dollars because its the only god damn fucking job i can fuckkng get #and it wont even happen for another month! who knows! they could cancel too! #if they cancel I'm deleting my fucking rover account! #i cant earn money. im trying so hard for nothing. #i cant apply to normal jobs because my job anxiety is So Bad i NEED someone to be with me as i apply showing me how it works #i dont know what job i want because i dont want a job i want to go to bed #im so so tired of going 'this could work! i could make this work!' and it just never gets far enough to matter #after 3 years of no progress you know what! maybe i cant fucking make it work! #i dont want to keep trying with this stupid shit anymore #im not even gonna be able to afford christmas presents this year. #anyways. whats a girl gotta do to get some fuckinf sleep around here

[leatherbookmark]

"ed shot izzy in the leg because izzy blamed the poisonous atmosphere on the ship on ed's love for stede, as if it was something bad, when it was in fact good and made ed happy"

god help me. literally what are those people watching the show with because it sure as hell can't be their eyes. ed shot izzy for talking shit about his pure and restorative love for stede. ed "fuck you, stede bonnet" teach. ed "freezes when izzy mentions a part of stede's catchphrase and goes to threaten the crew with a gun as izzy follows him stammering that he did not mean to mention The Previous Owner Of This Vessel" teach. this ed. the same guy who literally went krakenmode after stede abandoned him and had all of his things tossed off the ship -- along with the crew, "his playthings". ed "you're not a fucking mermaid >:(" teach.

THIS ED. shooting izzy to say "you're wrong and you're fired, loving stede was GOOD actually". ??????????????

#shrimp thoughts #what's going on in this club. is it the water? it has to be something #also i genuinely am unable to understand how people can still think the pink robe wearing songwriting and talent show organizing ed was GOO #he WASN'T HEALING. he wasn't being himself! he was adopting the thing he thought were stede -- fancy fabric! Healthy™ communication! #'why are we even pirates? we should do a talent show!' -- to distract himself from his own pain! what are you people ON #if ed's true self was a pink silk femme songwriter then WHY would he embrace it AFTER and ONLY after stede has left him at the altar? #metaphorically? do you people genuinely think that ed was super fine after stede just fucking disappeared into the night after his #confession? that he was fine n peachy to Talk It Through with his crew? that he was in his right mind when he told basically total stranger #who still knew him as The Blackbeard to just call him ed? ????????????????? GUYS. WHAT. #and ngl izzy was sorta right to blow the fuck up at ed. the way he did it wasn't good and it's clear izzy's response to traumatic emotional #events is to just process it quietly on your own and move on because there's work to do so he's NOT well equipped to deal with baby's first #heartbreak but dear godddddd piracy was their JOB it was how they earned money and supplies to LIVE. you can't live if you quit your #job to make friendship bracelets and give each other cute makeovers all day! how is that a controversial statement! #but then people are still convinced cottagecore retirement is 100% going to be the endgame so. what am i expecting here

[arrowpunk]

Current mood: gosh I sure would enjoy my life more AND make a good bit more money if I was able to just do art full time- Like if I spent 8-10 hours a day on art for commissions and such I would probably make twice what I'm making at my current job- but also I don't have much visibility as an artist which is fine, and I don't have the time to churn out shit for free in order to grow my visibility and market myself (because yeah sure I know drawing fanart would get a lot more eyes on my shit but I just do not want to so I am not going to) but also IF I had the ability to use all the time I'm currently at work on art stuff I probably Would gain a big enough following to at least get a decent amount of commissions- I mean I'm skilled enough as an artist that it's definitely not unthinkable- but ALSO I cannot afford to quit my job or take the time off of work to Have enough energy to churn out art pieces consistently enough to build a following and get customers.

In conclusion: my life is a Sisyphean nightmare of no money and no time but have to go to job that steals all my time to get enough money to barely stay afloat because the only other option is completely sinking and that is not something I will accept.

#ramblings of an arrow #anyways I've got a couple art things I'm working on now that I'll probably post soon-ish #depending on how much time I have in the coming weekends #my boss is just being kinda absolutely ridiculous and even tho my job tasks do not require me to be onsite 100% of the time #my boss has said I am not allowed to go home and do the rest of my shit there for the last few hours of the day #which is stupid #or like I can't log on before I drive to work and see what I can get done from home before going onsite #WHICH IS RIDICULOUS #why does it matter HOW the work gets done as long as it GETS DONE??? #I fucking swear when I move or when y'all fire me b/c you think I'm slacking you're gonna have to hire like at least 2 ppl to replace me #and then you're gonna regret everything #because I am fucking GOOD AT MY JOB #anyways just sitting here with the knowledge that I definitely can do art fast enough when I have sufficient energy #that if I spent the time I am at work working on art instead #and I was able to make money off of that art #I would earn at least double what I'm making at this boring af job that I REALLY DON'T NEED TO BE ONSITE FOR HALF THE TIME #I could definitely live off my art if I had like... the customer base.... to be full on commissions constantly #augh #anyways I am trying not to think about it too hard but also it's hard not to #simply i love drawing and i am gonna vibrate through the floor at work and set the building on fire b/c I could be at home #drawing #instead of sitting here b/c there is *such* a large amount of this job that involves waiting for applications to just load up #and I could have my work laptop in front of me while I work on art at home during the 10 minutes it takes the inventory system to boot up #i could get so much art done simultaneously while I do actual work at my job if they let me #but noooo #anyways it's whatever I'll live #but haha if anyone wants to follow/promote my art blog/reblog my art feel free lol jk jk unless... #I don't have the time/energy to market myself but like I'm definitely not half bad as an artist #ugh i have so many things I want to drawwwwwww #if I only had the time

[softenji]

.

#god I feel like. so fucking mentally weak #I asked my mom if she could help guide me prayer earlier because I literally don’t know how else to cope with this stress #like how am I supposed to cope with the fact that the money I earn that the government takes away from me is being used to buy and build #weapons and bombs that are being used to kill innocent human beings #I literally don’t know what else to do besides donate and pray like #I don’t know if cr has any protests and I don’t know anyone who would be willing to go with me so we could make sure we stay safe #like it just sucks so fucking much

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

officially said yes to a new teaching position and the dude immediately is like "so what about your salary?" as if i know what the fuck kind of salary makes sense ?????

#it's partly on me because i should have checked the statistics for that council #but i am also a very outspoken hater of this new system where teacher salaries are individual #which means someone who is more aggressive can just get loads more money #which means the school budget gets fucked bc the budgets are really limited #and i'm like. i'd rather have more qualified teachers around me than have a huge salary myself #bc i'm not in teaching for a big paycheck........ you know ??? #so yeah i just said £200 more than i currently have #and he went 'yeah let's agree on that' #so like. god only knows how much he was prepared to give me ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??! i hate money. i hate this system #but yeah. yay me. #it's wild being a teacher who is not from a middle class family bc i'm like. constantly earning more money than i've ever imagined earning #even though i'm teaching and teachers' wages are low and should be higher #anyways i get to cut my commute by 15 minutes and i think i get 2 coworkers of colour at this new school #at least if i go by their facebook page.. so all in all: a win #let's just hope i like this school bc i don't wanna go on another job interview for a fucking decade i hate this shit

[c0nes]

#its so awkward seeing the same homeless dude walking in the middle of the same trafficy ass street everyday cause i never have cash #n the guy probably remembers me as that one loud anisong blasting trash taste listening mf #had to resub a big assignment cause procrastinated 2 hard on it n it turned out shit <3 #but bffr who uses nuke?? ive never heard of a single soul using it ever #my brain cannot comprehend where to plug what node #and im never gonna need to use it ever again like my AE course #tfw all the money i earn disappears within the week how tf am i supposed to go to japan at this rate #my taobao cart is calling to me. #curse my brain for thinkibg supermarket shopping is therapeutic #curse these new shiny products in the drink isle #fuck you nootropic drinks i know you dont work #stupid ass organic probiotic canned fizzy no sugar drinks #bring back that box of turkish apple tea thats just some apple flavored raw sugar #bring back the good bbq bluebird chips from like 20 yrs ago #bring back the good lesnaks from like 10 yrs ago with the gooey cheese #BRING BACK OCEAN SPRAY PINK CRANBERRY JUICE THATS NOT THE LITE VERSION #I EMAILED THE COMPANY WHEN THEY FIRST HAD THOSE AND THEY SAID THEY'LL BE PERMANENT AS LONG AS PEOPLE BUY IT #IM PEOPLE??????

[real-emmet]

me at my college: Hello! i did not pass the year because of me struggling financially and with my mental health (which was influenced in some part by me struggling financially) What i need to do to pass it?

my fucking college: Oh, you're gonna love that..

#i did ask to retake the year. but tbf i am considering dropping it completely because of how much money i would need to pay to pass it #like I AM SORRY i was too afraid to go outside because i believed that is a high chance i will kill someone #for me to pass all oth these classes again i would have to pay the amount of earnings of two months full time job #i don't have the physical health to work full time. maybe if it was not a labour job and also sitting one i could do it #fiz.txt #actually now i want to cry. what the fuck is wrong with me

[busylilbee]

The benefit of providing childcare for a well-off family who pays you well and uses your services a lot: Money!

The Sad: Fucking T a x e s

#based on how much i made this month i am DEFINITELY going to hit the rax threshold #like...within another month. #i am very happy to be eadning income #i am less happy that despite earning a livable wage i am still required to fill out multiple forms and do hool hopping #like bruh i am a full time fucking study please have mercy #this is my side gig #why is the tax threshold for babysitting fucking $2600 in a YEAR #WHY DO YOU NEED MY MONEY #THATS LESS THAN $3000 YOU BITCH #it is my personal opinion that if you make less than like...idk $15k-20k in a year in total you should not need to pay taxes #thats not livable!! #if some poor bitch (me) is making like $10k a year from a part time job while going to school uncle sam should fuck off #go tax the fucking billionaires PLEASE #they do NOT need all that money!! #people are out there earning MAYBE $40k while providing for multiple children and Suffering #and then theres the pigs who have private jets #anyways #personal #i really love the family i work for though theyre so good #they pay me well and theyre PLEASANT and the kids are a hoot #like i actually feel for once that i am being paid equivalent to my value #which is a shock #the last 2 jobs i had steadily sucked the will to live out of me as i was severely underpaid for the work i did #and i still had to pay fucking taxessssssssssssssssssssssss #even though i didnt make nearly as much as i am with this family #i hate money shit i wish i lived on a self sustaining farm in a small village with a doctor and a cobbler or something #jm so tired

[orcelito]

I do love how I bought xmas gifts last week, got home, then shoved them in my closet to not look at or think about at all. Like "done with YOU for now. Bye."

#speculation nation #i should check on them to make double check i got everything and that nothing broke in the bike ride home lmfao #i literally just remembered it tho #went thru the heartbreak of paying large sum of money and was like 'ok time to not think about u for half a week' #i had. help. with the money actually. #it's a little hilarious lmfao. but like it's not like i broke my own bank or w/e #im just allergic to spending large sums of money all at once. whether or not it's money i actually earned </3 #ft me making orders for work & my eyes kinda bugging out seeing the like hundreds or even over a thousand dollar orders #on food items like every week #me starting out like 'what do you MEAN it's $40 for a box of milk?!?!??! HELLO????" #i feel like their prices r horribly marked up. but then again this is not my money and so i do not truly care lmfao #...anyways yea i got gifts but they are hiding. from both the world and from me. i do not want to see them. #im a lil excited for gift wrapping tho. i love wrapping my presents in increasingly stupid & creative ways #if i have any fun ideas this year i may just post the final forms. maybe. #this isnt in a way of like. making cool wrapping jobs that look like other things #im utter dogshit at wrapping and i dont care to learn how to make them pretty. so i just do whatever the fuck i want #my family has learned to expect it. if they see an eccentricly wrapped present under the tree they KNOW it's from me #practically my brand at this point. and i would hate to disappoint ❤ #i have one more day of work and then i go on break and i am so READY for it. filled with thoughts of having free time. ouughh

[soonhoonsol]

i hate money i hate that it’s necessary for everything i hate that it breaks apart families i hate it i hate it i hate it

#personal #cheyrants #im getting kicked out of my house! by my own mother!! #for context: i am starting my internship tmr and i'm getting paid a... pretty high amount for an intern #it's similar to my mum's starting pay when she first started working #(but also let's establish that i am a uni intern and she is a drop out with no certifications) #but anyways she was going on about how she had to split her starting pay amongst her my brother and i because she was raising us #and she's pretty fucking salty that now im earning the same amount as an intern and it;s just for me #and me...a 22 year old with nothing in my bank account other...wanted to save part of my salary just to build up the amount inside #cuz yk... the standard of living is expensive and i am expected to live off whatever is in my account #so i wanted to build it up but...my mum thinks that's incredibly selfish of me for saving everything in my account and instead wants me to #give it to her instead fo the 'family' aka she's gonna put it into an envelope and hide it somewhere in her bedroom never to be seen again #and like i'm fine with giving money to the family and all but yeah maybe i was selfish and wanted to build up my account first #BECAUSE I HAVE NO MONEY IN THERE BUT I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY TRANSPORT AND MY MEALS AND MY OWN BILLS AND UNI FEES AND OTHER THINGS #and she's also telling me 'oh youre young you should have a social life...go out and meet your friends' BUT THEN IF I DON'T SAVE UP THEN I #WILL NOT HAVE MONEY FOR ANYTHING? IDK LIKE... AM I MISSING THE POINT HERE OR IS SHE CONTRADICTING HERSELF???? #but anyways that aside... now i have one year left until i graduate from uni so until then i am responsible for my living expenses #after which i have to get a job within 3 months (hopefully it'll be fine) and then move out of my house :) #this...this is not america. we don't have space. we're not asked to move out at 18 years old because there's no LAND to move out to #rental costs are about $2k for the bare minimum of a BEDROOM. not even a house. and it's those bedrooms with just a bed and wardrobe #and i'm expected to find a place within the next year or so... i mean i guess it's fine? it'll probably be weird living with other ppl #but also this entire this is happening while she's angry and i tried to explain my perspective but she's like NO YOU'RE WRONG AND I'M RIGHT #i mean sure... kids are always wrong tho amirite? lollll haha... i'm gonna lose my mind #what a great start to my internship tmr! everything is great! everything is wonderful! #so yeah if anyone in sg knows a cheap room i can rent that would be nice thank you

[sapphic-schizo]

can't believe i'm crying over this stupid shit too i need to just kill myself already it's seriously pathetic

#my situation's pathetic my feelings are pathetic my words are pathetic #i'm supposed to be an adult but all i can do is whine online about not getting what i want #and like it's all my own fault anyways #all i did in college was fuck around and barely graduate #while my friends were doing internships and renting apartments and saving up money #i spent whatever money i earned on alcohol and drugs #because i was too pathetic and weak to handle being alone for like half a year #and now i have no skills no experience no money no friends no future #i couldn't even rent a room because i'm so stupid and useless i managed to fuck that up #so now i'm 25 living at home never had a place of my own working a stupid part time job #i want to go to japan but it's never gonna fucking happen #i can't even rent a stupid fucking room how am i gonna be able to do something like that #i'm so fucking stupid for even thinking i could honestly #i'm not a resourceful independent world traveler #i'm just a lazy coward shutin who gets stressed out by phone calls #and whines about doing dishes on the internet #no one even benefits from me being alive #i suck all the joy out of every room because i can't even be nice to people #also acutely aware that these temper tantrums get significantly less charming every year that goes by #like yeah maybe you should just kill yourself instead of making people read this shit #who the fuck would even care about this dumb shit #just endless whining she never shuts the fuck up

[oglegoggle]

I feel so paralyzed

#this is goggles #I want to quit I can’t go back there #but I need the money my life is falling apart #I tried so hard and I made it amazingly far but being a dumbass about trying to woo my coworker and not being able to quit smoking killed me #but holy fuck it was so stressful it was killing me #I desperately need to be less Me to make it in this world #I wish I could carve off parts of my soul so I can fit in and do what I need to to just survive here #I need help that I don’t know how to get or even if I can get it #I don’t know what to do I just want to run away #I want to throw everything I own in the van and disappear and never look back #I want to stay with my dearest friend they are such a warm support in my life but I don’t know if I’m capable of not letting them down #I constantly let myself down I don’t do enough to earn what I need but I desperately want to contribute but in ways that make sense for me #I wish I knew how to actually make money off my art #I wish I knew how to legitimately succeed in a way that doesn’t shred my mind #I deeply resent being autistic I wish I could just fucking be normal and tolerate this existence as well as anyone else #I resent not being able to keep up with all the bureaucracy our lives demand of us #I resent not being able to tolerate high stress environments #I wish I could have the space and peace and quiet and darkness and love I need to heal #I am so tired of all the sounds and the artificial lights I want to be held #I just want to be held more than anything else in this world #I am so very appreciative of my friend for tolerating how touchy-feeley I’ve been lately #it is such a great boon in my life part of my dearly wants to stay here and it’s that part of me that makes me resent failing at the new job #I wish so much I could be fucking normal and live in a normal ass apartment in a normal ass city and work my normal ass job #But I miss the woods where it’s so quiet and it gets super dark at night #I miss having a warm fire in the fireplace

[six-of-ravens]

sure you might have had a stupid moment, but at least you're not my 3rd(?) cousin who joined a cult, quit his job, refused to pay taxes for 3 years, and just lost the farm that's been in his family for generations.

#this is the start of a gothic novel #but also. what the fuck dude. idk what cult he joined but it's one that made him believe he didn't have to earn money OR play taxes #we suspect the q/ueen of c/anada #so now him and his wife and kids AND his parents who lived in a separate house on the property are all unhoused #i want to beat this guy to death with his own arms. his parents literally just GAVE HIM the family farm bc they were preparing to retire #and he does THIS!!! #where are they going to LIVE #who are going to raise the kids when him and his wife are in prison?? the grandparents he just UNHOUSED???? #I know how cults are but. seriously fuck this guy. how do you fuck up 5 other people's lives this bad. #all because someone tells you that ~money is all a lie~ #also his grandparents/my great aunt and uncle are devastated bc this is the farm they bought #she's got like stage 4 cancer she doesn't need to deal with you being a dumbass right now!!!! #anyway. luckily i am not at all close with that part of the family bc this is both awful and embarrassing. #and at least there is still a ton of family in manitoba that the guy's parents can live with but like...they were on the brink of retiremen #and now they have no home and have to work their asses off to rebuild their lives #anyway im just so angry. #oh also dude didn't tell ANYONE. AT ALL. they found out cause some guy showed up looking to see 'the farm for sale' #i guess hes so fkn brainwashed he was like 'oh they won't REALLY seize my assets!' #buddyyyyyyy were you dropped on your hard as a child. i hope your children never see your dumb ass again.