#i actually kinda am really proud of myself for this !!!

[the-kipsabian]

HEY FELLAS I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT (or well its important to me so. do whatever you wish with this information lmao)

i wanna show you something thats high key kinda cool actually

we did this today

now, to you this may not seem like much of a big deal. "oh wow a ship tag reaches 100 works on ao3, thats like every day"

except its not every day. not in this fandom, not with rare pairs, especially not with this one lmao. out of these 100 uploads, at the moment, 94% of them are literally just done by two people, yours truly and my blessed partner in crime @midnightpretenders0 💜 there are others, and bless their hearts and incredible fics, but seriously just.. i hate tooting my own horn but without our contribution this ship would be in single digits still very likely

theres just something about this that makes me really proud idk. that we ever got this far. having this ship be one of the few, i believe, in the aew tag that reaches in triple digits of fics. that i have such an incredible co-writer without who none of this would have been possible. without who i wouldnt be still writing and trying to create even nearly to the degree that i am. its just... power of friendship and being completely insanely delusional over our favorite blorbos making out ya know? 💜💜💜

im just feeling a lot of things right now but yeah. peep some fics in there. theres so much good stuff, which feels very selfish to say LMAO but its true tho. we got this far for a reason

anyways i love you all im just. very proud. of us. of bugs. of myself. just keeping this fucking thing up no matter what. god i dont. this is the stupidest post ive ever written and such a stupid thing to be proud of but who gives a shit after all this fucking effort this deserves to be said

💜💜💜

#..not to mention this is just a fraction of things that were actually uploaded to ao3. theres still loads more lmao #but those are a thing for another time if at all so. heres to a hundred. maybe more in the future #cheers i just wanted to be an emotional bastard for a while sorry not sorry LMAO #night is an absolute mess on main

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time: #but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place. #so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually! #growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(: #bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol. #mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

[chiropteracupola]

they can see right through me / of course they can...

[collaboration with @dxppercxdxver again.]

#em draws stuff #flintlock fortress #team fortress 2 #blood #gore #Surgery With Your Whole Polycule. As One Does. #one might think this is outside my artistic niche but do you remember that time I drew stephen maturin with all his skin peeled off... #'no I won't discuss the context' I say as I trip and a thousand-odd words of context fall out of my pockets #'y'know the thing where you stick your finger in the bullet wound to check the depth' I say like that's a nice monday morning statement #em cupola normal image time :] #(pretty proud of my normal image actually) #not fantastically on model face-wise (the up-the-nose angle is Hard) but I think I've got good hand recognizability going on here #the proportions are a little iffy but Hey I am not working with the most realistically-proportioned source material under the sun #you can kinda tell where I was really using myself as a reference and where I Wasn't. hmmm. #oh and lyrics on the drawing / in the caption are from the mountain goats' song of the same title

[catastrxblues]

hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters

#bridge to terabithia #how am i supposed to recover #i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess #i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean #i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now #i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts #and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t #because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me #and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing #so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah #my eyes feel so weird right now #also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case) #i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum #and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!! #and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!! #i like my ending better they really should change it #but no all and all the end was really beautiful #even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said #yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3 #i’m not sure what this is #but glad i could get it off my chest #let’s see how to tag how to tag #movies #just #childhood #whatever <3 #nadirants

[astrxealis]

my favorite teacher plays dnd and bg3 do you know how crazy that is to me

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #LOTS OF THOUGHTS HII GOOD NOON TODAY WAS A REAL FUN DAY #I ALMOST BROKE DOWN AND ALSO I KINDA VENTED AND G #UH. WHY IS TUMBLR WEIRD AND CLOSING MY POST. ANYWAY! #i did vent to my friends abt annoying classmates (aka annoying ppl who are irresponsible) that bring me and my friends and groups grades #down. and yeah. but i bonded a lot w various frienda and and and fun day and and and I LEARN ^^ AND #things are quite bad sometimes but sometimes they aren't actually that bad and idk school is just really fun i'm almost sad #just really happy with where i am rn and my friends are noticing too sniffs ..... noticing how i'm talking more or whatnot #and more comfy and whatnot and hey it did take like. quite a while. but still! just. really happy #bcs this Quite A While was either basically immediate but in the making (two friends) or gradual but always getting there (group in class) #and etc !!! like hey maybe some friends online or irl i am not talking to as much atm but there's the comfort that we still greatly care #for wach other. and whatnot. and there's just a lot and damn if i gave up this wouldn't be happening lol my point is things do get better #and a lot of it tbh is on how you improve and see things (???) idk but damn i'm just rlly proud of myself #I COULD STILL DO BETTER mbut idk all of this is me and im just rlly secure in that and i have been since the longest time ngl. im amazing #yeehaw ANYWAYYYYFGEGKR BG3 I STARTED A DARK URGE RUN LAST NIGHT YE GODS ITS A BIT SCARY TO ME BUT I LOVE THE BLOOD #im trying to fight against it bcs im using my main tav but boom make him a durge guy so ^_^

[knifegremliin]

still was feeling a bit bad so i just. fucking decided to make cookies for some reason?? and it turns out, i can bake! god damn!

#🔪.text #the cookies are really good btw #they kinda uhhh merged together a bit because i was using a small pan #since uh. i was using a... i don't actually know what it is. but it's like? a mini oven? #last time i tried to use the actual oven it set off the smoke alarm so i didn't want to attempt that again lol #but yeah #cookies were a success nonetheless #they're like. chewy and soft with a lil bit of a crunch on the outside #i am very proud of myself rn #i can make cookies from scratch!! #they're brown sugar cookies btw

[fairybumpkin]

ooo grindr is scary but i'm proud of myself for trying

#figured maybe i was ready to give dating/hookup apps a shot since im mostly recovered from top surgery! #but turns out it really just scares the shit out of me to go for hookups - and really just to get to know a stranger really fast online #at least in that sort of context #so had wee little panic attack - it had been months since the last one actually which is fantastic! #but i am very very proud of myself for going and giving it a try even when it scares me #i feel a little bad for just ghosting the one guy i was talking to but i really just... wasn't into him #sure i wanted to hear more about his physics research but everything else felt a little red flag-y and he just wasn't my type #and i gotta remind myself that I really don't HAVE to talk with anyone on something like that and ghosting is okay #i did totally delete the app though #which does make me feel better #and thus ive learned that its not my sorta thing! think i like starting as in-person friends with people; stuff kinda takes me time

[vogelmeister]

thinking about the australian cultural cringe on this sunny sunday hbu

#no but it's kinda true i do actually suffer from cultural cringe but i see how bad it can be for artists from australia #like idk its a big topic but like majority of our tv happens to be reality tv or imports #i actually saw a really good tiktok about how australian tv is stuck in a time warp #i feel like australian music is either indie triple j or x factor winners singles and x factor hasnt aired since 2016 #and international shit has taken over the hottest 100 #it says a lot that one of the few australian things to get impact internationally as of recent is bluey #dont get me wrong im so proud of bluey i love seeing my home country portrayed #but im 22. give me more. #and im not innocent to cultural cringe or alienation either but id love some good australian media that isnt americanised or makes me cring #even with heartbreak high i physically recoiled after realising it was australian #so i need to also work on not being so ashamed of australian stuff myself #and im not doing myself any favours by only listening to dutch music which in turn is a loop bc dutch ppl probs also have cultural cringe #actually they defs do #its an issue here but i defs talked to dutch ppl in nl who were suffering from cultural cringe she is international #hearing australian accents in songs is also a hard one for me. sometimes its cool but i cringe more than find it cool #even watching tina the tina turner musical when roger appeared i went FUCK NO NOT AUSTRALIANS #and the actor there is australian #idk i am rambling now #but like... this is a complex topic bc i know how bad it is for australian culture and locally produced music and shows and that #but like i do it myself #anyways doei

[darth-bagel]

okay so. @thelealinhypehouse @actualanxiousswampwitch

you ask and you shall receive owo

--yes they have dalish tattoos. no they have no idea how that happened, they woke up in an Orlesian pantry already like that.

or well, at least in the version where Skaia from @swtorcompanionsgoofin is the Inquisitor. seeing a mirror in either was something of an experience, certainly.

secret. secret. some screens with no Arcane GEN

#swtor #kinda? sorta. #it's dragon age au time my dudes #oc: sylvas sha'ael #chiss -> elf #actually this is a full circle creatively #because Sylvas originally was a dnd elf before i made them in swtor so XD #also looketh! #they are so fckn pretty it's illegal and i am proud of myself uwu #and i got them a really good outfit

[a-passing-storm]

I cannot study without deadlines and I needed to review all of my Latin vocab so I asked my teacher to give me a quiz (yeah ik... I’m a nerd) on the 17th and I have not reviewed all my vocab... It’s tomorrow. I’m at list 24/40... I have like 200 more words to go...

#dante dicit #okay so as much as i am like... 'ew studying' rn i actually am really glad that i asked for the quiz #bc if i didn't have this quiz deadline i wouldn't have reviewed at all #and tbh i do think i'll finish going through all my vocab before tomorrow #and even if i don't i have definitely re-learned SO much vocab because of my self-requested quiz #like maybe i won't know alllll the vocab by tomorrow but i'll know way more than i did starting and i'm proud of myself for #asking for the quiz bc that was Scary and kinda embarrassing but it has helped/will help #etc #school #latin

[noxtivagus]

perdev is now my favorite subject bcs these are literally the things i write to myself everyday

#🌙.rambles #i feel well again. maybe hearing the words from someone else is all i needed and wanted #i think i'm gna recite a lot in class this year aha #fr tho i really think n write this sort of stuff to myself a lot >< #i know i'm rather mature. i love myself. genuinely at the end of the day i will always choose kindness and love #it's kinda like drk tho bcs i also have quite the dark side #i wish i recited more actually bcs i have a lot of insight to share #my teacher read out all the things i put in the chatbox actually now that i think about it #i know i'm really proud of myself though. i know i'm self-aware #could always be better ofc n i still have a long way to go and a lot more to learn but i really am proud of all that i have accomplished. #this feels so good. i always love this level of peace. this kindness and gentleness i allow and accept for myself #i want perdev all day this is literally the topic i love the most #today WILL be the day i read a book again. and properly write #i can't believe it oh god but i really knew that #i really just want to hear and share it. to speak and be listened to. #my love and curiosity and passion for learning is endless timeless and boundless #i'll write and wander forever and ever. that's alright. even if i'm lost it's not like i need a destination all the time. #i'll forge my own paths. #there's still always this constant persisting pain and ache but that's alright #i really just want to continue writing and learning. i want to understand everything #i feel like rambling again rn but #classes nearly done for the day oh god i'm sleepy #2 hours of sleep 😭😭 i'll nap later #today's been a good day so far though. i'll be productive as well later on. i will definitely keep this up

[eyesclosedsleeping]

Wishing all my depressed homies a very enough energy to complete one task 🥰✨✨

#i myself have just taken a bath for the first time in two monts #i am feeling many things rn #can't really tell anyone bc they'll just think it's gross but this is kinda huge for me right now #big win for me actually #very proud #personal

[astrxealis]

good eve hope u all r well 😇😙💗✨

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #exam scores r pretty good YAYYY i'm just a bit disappointed for bio but i reached my goals for earthsci & physics hehe #i got perf on physics even ... which is rlly amazing tbh bcs i am the only one in my class and the rest have at least 3 mistakes #and only what. 5 of us. have above 40/45 KDBWJABSJDH #SHS IS DIFFICULT GUYS but not for me w physics ^_^ teehee. me and my twin!!! #i'm just rlly proud of myself yay :D it's really funny tho how FOR SOME REASON SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS KNOW..... how did news pass like that #wtf it's funny bcs my friend behind me in class was like 'apollo' when my teacher was like yo 1 person in this class got perfect and i #shook my head but tbf i was confident i got perf. then boom. it's me. KDBSKDN IT'S SO FUNNY BCS THAT SAME FRIEND who i love btw THEY BRAGGED #TO THEIR OTHER FRIENDS WHO R MY FRIENDS ON MY BEHALF it's cute tbh but yeah #and then my twin's class... one of the nice ppl there learned i got perf and told the other ppl in the class JFSHJDJS JUST SOME OTHERSBIN #IN CLASS BUT THAT'S CRAZY and then i learned rn that my other other friend knows................................ it's amazing tbh #i'm just really happy with that lol and for everyone else too who did what they could ^_^ uhh generally speaking! #anyway AGHH ARTEMIS GOT BG3 TO WORK RAGHDGDHEHEHW DHRGAHDJGJEK REGHDJGHEOFJ #apollo screams in tags again like its his newspaper so true HFHSJDJSJ HIII GUYS !!! hope u all are well <33 #new seating arrangement for 2nd half of this sem and i'm . bit scared since im in the front #which idm but my seatmate is the one person i hate in my class <3 aside from their friend lol #i have my reasons aha i only hate really irresponsible people or maarte rich kids who use their money to cheat or get out of trouble #but at least my other kinda seatmate is another friend in class :(( <3 #the real awkward thing tho is my actual seatmate is uh a group member we just kicked from our research group bcs she's irresponsible as #shit. lots going in there but let me just tell u she has 20+ absences 3 months into the sy and according to the school. not valid enough #excuses lmfao. girlie has a twin too and always cheats so i'm not surprised ^_^ i hate super rich kids !!! that flaunt it off !!! argh #anyway tea over yruchfhfhsh i only realt hate ppl like that ... anyone else is ok w me ^_^ yay #raghh good evening !! u all rest well !! esp in the ph bcs it seems like it's sick season D:

[queercatboyrights]

POV: You wake up in the morning and have enough motivation and energy to actually make yourself breakfast for once instead of just eating a granola bar or something

#nebbles talks #this is a rarity for me but i actually felt kinda proud of myself for once #like yes!! i made food!! AND cleaned the dishes after!!! #i would have never done this for myself 4 years ago #idk its just that to me its a sign of progress even if it is something little like making a meal #i used to never even have the motivation or energy to just. get OUT of bed to go grab something like a protien bar or some shit #i dunno its just so nice and healing to me to see all that progress ive made to get to this point #maybe i dont make myself breakfast every day #but im taking much better care of myself and the benefits are finally starting to show #it helps to show that all the efforts and struggles really weren't for nothing :) #anyways back to ur regularly scheduled shitposting i am done having my sappy moment

[ambreiiigns]

more whining i need to see my therapist sorry

#oh nay #i also just finished reading no longer human and i feel like that is kinda. giving me a kick to express shit. in a way #you know????? idk it feels like that unlocked something or gave me a push i didn't have #like why do i always always always feel at fault no matter what i do no matter where i am why do i always feel like i'm making everything #worse for everyone. i don't know if i've ever asked myself why this is #it's always like. it's just how it is #after enough therapy it did turn into. i feel like that and i'm wrong and it's insane to feel like that #like i can absolutely see how it's so unfair of me to see everything like that. and occasionally i can be like. no that is Wrong you're #doing nothing wrong it's alright or even. You Deserve Something‚ Actually #but idk i feel wuite helpless rn. i feel really bad i really do #i kinda just want my mom to hug me a lot right now i wish it wasn't only monday i wish it was the weekend so i could go back home and stay #w her some time. we didn't see each other much this weekend she was busy and she was sad abt it when i left #she was in the shower when i had to leave and she was sad couldn't say goodbye properly. said she was sad bc we didn't spend time together #and this is weird. she's not really sentimental like that. she's being a lot sweeter #wonder if it's because she misses me. bc i think i feel sweeter for her rn bc i miss her maybe it's the same for her #or maybe. more frightening. she's being sweeter bc of uni. bc i'm doing something that's making her happy and proud. so purposefully or not #she's kinda like. rewarding me w being sweet. and maybe she wouldn't do this/won't do it again if uni were out of the picture #she'll come here tomorrow. she has to bring my brother to guitar school. i don't know if we'll get to see each other actually #i told her i really hope we do meet up but now i don't know if i want her to? like i either lie abt the house. and don't bring it up. or?? #if i can talk to someone and have good news i'll tell her. if i get bad news idk. i probably tell her either way. i've hardly ever kept #secrets w her so. if i don't hear anything abt the situation i just don't bring it up until i know more i think #god what the fuck did they put in mother/daughter relationships #the point is. i wish i could forgive myself for being a person i think. i wish i could just accept that i exist #and that my mom made me exist so she gotta deal w me no matter what and if i wrong her it's on her as much as it is on me #but also it isn't. also it's just on me. but she has to deal w it anyway #i'm no good and even when i'm any good it's nothing special it's just the bare minimum and i shouldn't celebrate it #this is not like. an affirmation this is just. me putting into words something that i feel so i can perceive it. i'm not being edgy and #negative for the sake of it. + if anyone reads this and tries to comfort me by being like noo you're good you're great i might kill u #like thank you for the thought but it really does not make me feel any better so i appreciate it but fr do not say anything of the sort it #just makes me cry harder i mean it

[dumbkiwi]

hello professor(s) i have been not doing my homework or thesis or occasionally going to class for some good reasons and many bad ones, chief among them being that for some ungodly reason while i cannot focus on my homework or open my email (partially due to the fear of it already being overdue and so forth) the only thing i can actually do is write. 20 pages of fanfiction. in one night.

#sel speaks #for once it wasnt all pwp either #like theres actual plot and im ?? kinda hopeful abt being able to finish it??? #but that being said what the fuck is wrong with me i am so glad i have a psychiatry appt soon #i am so behind on so many things #and yet my izzy fic doc (of which ive only published abt 10k words of) is 150+ pages long #THIS IS LONGER THAN MY THESIS #I HAVE WRITTEN MY THESIS SEVERAL TIMES OVER #IN IZZY FANFICTION #HGNHGH HELLO GARY WOULD YOU LIKE SHAMELESS DUBCON #I ALSO HAVE 20 PAGES OF PLOT WITH CONSENT THATS NOT DUBIOUS #IM ACTUALLY KINDA PROUD OF THE PLOT SINCE IM NORMALLY (AND STILL) REALLY REALLY BAD AT PLOTTY THINGS #i still suck ass at pacing things that arent just. extended single scenes #which is why i really think i should branch out into twitter ficlets bc thats a thing and thats basically what im doing #and then id be able to actually fucking publish it #but i dont really want to do that???? #idk i normally have extremely low standards for myself but for some reason what i post on a03 is not like this #i am very stupid like that #but holy shit i need to do hw so fucking bad