#i am on so many fertility apps!

[ofhouseadama]

i'm alive, emdr plus ttc plus getting a promotion at work are just. a lot to juggle at the same time.

#we went to disney! it was fun! #i'm training to be a director at work! #i am on so many fertility apps! #we have a donor! #there are doctors involved! #i am losing my mind

[arielburrow]

A touchdown to remember

Thank you for this beautiful request! I hope I followed the storyline to your liking. TW: mentions of pregnancy/miscarriage

“She’s so beautiful.” You smile as you coddle your sisters newborn. You adore her with your whole heart, but can’t help to feel a little saddened by the thought of her as well. Your sister had brought up the idea of pregnancy just a few months after being married, and before you knew it, she was growing a bump. You and your husband on the other hand, haven’t been so lucky.

Last season was a roller coaster of emotions for both you and Joe. The pressure of Joe’s rising fame, a successful playoff run, and trying to start a family was a lot to say the least. Joe assured you he was ready and that this was what he wanted, but you two just hadn’t had any luck. You were starting to get worried and even visited your OB who assured that you were in fact fertile and would be for many more years. You two spent the off-season traveling and relaxing together. It was a much different environment than during the season; however it was about to be that time of year again.

September was your favorite month. Not only because it was your birthday, but it felt like a signal month. A signal for football season, a signal for a weather change, and a signal for the holidays. Arguably some of your three favorite things.

“Joe!” You call out, arriving home from your sisters. You find him reviewing some film upstairs and wrap your arms around his body. “Hi y/n” he smiles looking at you rest your head on his in the reflection of the mirror. “How’s the baby?” he asks. “She’s good, she’s healthy and Fara says she’s right on track for all her measurements.” He pauses the film and turns to you, “That’s good to hear.” He stands up and pulls you into his arms. You giggle as he squeezes, pulling you onto the bed with him. He lies next to you and leans in to kiss you. He rolls on-top of you and hovers over your mouth. “Joe, I don’t know, I’m not really in the mood for more disappointment.” You shrug.

“hey…that is not the attitude we need right now. You know anytime can be the time.” He raises his eyebrows convincingly. “I know it’s hard baby, but we can’t give up. This is what we’ve wanted for almost a year now.” You nod and pull him into your lips.

3 weeks later

“I know, I know, tell everybody i miss them and i’ll see them soon. Okay, love you, bye.” You hang up with Robin and frown to yourself. This was the first game of the season, and you were sick as a dog. It was only 10 am, but tailgating had already begun and had people looking for you. Joe left before you woke up, you felt him kiss you goodbye just minutes before hurdling to the toilet to throw up. Since then you have been lying in bed, trying to rest enough to make it to the actual game.

You thought for some time about what could have gotten you sick. You hadn’t gone anywhere out of the usual recently, you and Joe had been home as he prepared for the season. You decide to stand up and try to walk around for a bit, feeling the nausea where off a little. As you step down the stairs, a notification goes off on your phone. Looking at the screen, you see the message from your period app, but you don’t even have to read the notification to know what it says. Your phone hits the step below you.

Suddenly the symptoms you were feeling seem to evaporate, as your mind drifts somewhere else. You sprint down the stairs to find where you had stored the pregnancy tests. The cabinet that before held so much sadness, might possibly hold hope. You run back upstairs with the box in hand and fiddle with the box until you finally get it open.

Your hands shake as you wait, you had the test upside down on the bathroom counter and you just stared at yourself in the mirror. You heard your phone ding, but didn’t dare break eye contact with the mirror. After about 20 minutes you finally talked yourself into turning over the stick. As you do so, your heart drops.

Two lines.

You immediately felt tears roll down your cheeks as you knelt to the floor. You examined every inch of the test, making sure you were seeing right. You went ahead and took two more after that, which both revealed the same result. You were having a baby.

It was now about an hour till kick off, and you had yourself composed as much as possible. Getting ready to leave, your mind raced with ways to tell Joe. A Burrow onesie? A poster? A cake? You couldn’t decide on what to do, but you knew you wanted to tell Joe ASAP.

Arriving to the suite, you catch up with everyone and assure that you were just fine. You sit through the game with a huge smile on your face, one that only grows as you watch Joe run off the field after beating the Browns.

You find him immediately after and he pulls you in for a tight hug. “Hey you! I heard you weren’t feeling good what happened?” he asks sounding concerned. “I think I just had a little stomach bug or something, but i’m good now!” You assure kissing him. After he says goodbye to his family and you hug everyone, the two of you depart to your separate cars. Driving home your mind is racing, you had to tell him now. You didn’t have any cute surprise or anything but you just couldn’t wait. This was the one thing the two of you had been aching to get for months, and you wanted him to savor every moment right along with you.

You get home before him and grab the test from upstairs and slide it into your back pocket. You hear the front door open and head back downstairs. “Jesus, didn’t realize you were an F1 driver?!” Joe laughs walking in the door. “Yeah…I just…had to pee really bad.” You lie as you both walk into the kitchen. He puts his stuff down and leans against the counter taking you in with his eyes. “You good?” he curiously questions. “Never better. You just got the first win of the season my love.” You smile and peck him on the lips. “Wanna order food? I’m starving.” He says picking up his phone, but your eyes stay glued to him. “Yeah, just, here come sit down i want to show you something.” You say leading him to the kitchen table. He sits and eyes you curiously. “Okay so…I might have lied about the whole stomach bug thing.” You say slowly reaching into your back pocket as Joe eyes you. You pull out the stick and hand it to him, watching every detail of his reaction. You watch as he accepts the test, than scans it, then finally takes in what he’s seeing in-front of him. You watch him look up to you with glossy eyes. “y/n…this is…you’re…we’re having a baby?” his voices goes higher as he stands up in question. You smile and nod with tears streaming down your face.

You immediately wrap your legs around his waist as he picks you up in a spin. You both giggle in a stream of tears and he places you back down. “Oh my god, we’re gonna be parents!” he exclaims excitedly. You had never seen him so overjoyed about something, he looked more elated than the day he won a national championship. “Joey…” You cup his cheeks and pull him close to you. “I love you so much.”

“I love you y/n”

The next couple of weeks felt like you had stepped into a whole new life. You were now managing doctor’s appointments and morning sickness continued to hit you like a brick. Joe went to as many appointments as he could, but for the most part you were on your own. Which was fine because all that mattered to you was the fact that you were carrying a healthy 7 week old baby.

The last couple of weeks have been filled with football and family, which is always the case especially in the beginning of the season. That being said, keeping the secret from both of your parents would have been impossible. You guys took them out to dinner last night and surprised them with “Baby Burrow” onesies and a picture of your first ultrasound on top. Of course there were a lot of happy tears and a lot of hugging. It made the moment feel so much more real to you. You also insisted that they keep quiet, given your plan to keep the baby a secret until later in the pregnancy.

Sitting through games through the middle of the season with family and friends always made you feel so warm for your little one. You were so excited for him or her to come into this world because you know they’d have a village of people for support. The hardest part of keeping the secret was avoiding alcohol. Your “headache” excuse had only worked for about two games, before you had to start pretend drinking. Although it was hard, it was also fun for you cause you knew once all your friends knew they would be over the moon.

At the beginning of December, Joe insisted on you being forbidden to enter the extra guest room near you’re guys shared master. “It’s a surprise!” he would insist, but it nagged at you everyday.

“Merry Christmas!” You hear Joe yell before you feel him pounce on you, careful to avoid your little bump. “Merry Christmas!” You say bringing him up to your arms. You were very thankful that once the morning sickness subsided, your symptoms were very mild. “I made us pancakes.” Joe says smiling, knowing that was your number one craving. You slid your elf slippers on and headed downstairs following Joe. One thing you two had set in stone was no matter how hectic football season got, you would always put up a tree together. It sparkled above the wrapped gifts, highlighting every ornament on the tree.

You both sat down for breakfast, but Joe was anxious to get to gifts. He wanted you to open his gift for you first of course. “Here. Open” he insists as he hands you the gift from the tree after you sit on the couch. You carefully open the wrapping and the box that sits inside it to reveal a Van Cleef Alhambra bracelet. You’re eyes light up and you smile at Joe. “Joe this is gorgeous! Thank you baby.” You stand up and hug him and he lies his head on yours. “Okay now open yours” you insist but he shakes his head. “wait! I have one more thing for you, cmon.” he leads you upstairs past your shared room and right to the closed door of the room you have been banned from for the last month.

“So i thought this was perfect timing since we decided to announce the baby soon…” He turns the handle and you step into the room, almost tripping as you do. Your mouth hangs open at the sight in front of you. It was the most beautiful nursery you had ever seen. The gender of the baby was still unknown, so the base was mostly neutral for now. There was a backsplash of vines and flowers that resembled a garden. The furniture was all set up and arranged beautifully. The floor had been redone, and the walls were painted a light forest green. “Its kinda boring now, but once we know the gender we can bring in the fun colors and stuff.” Joe says wrapping his arms around you from the back. Your eyes start to tear up, “Joe..this is so perfect…thank you.” You turn to hug him and you both remain there holding each other in awe of the room that would soon house your little one. The thought of Joe putting so much effort into this room, and your child being able to come home to it warmed you in every way possible.

It was now January, meaning you were about four months pregnant, luckily this cold weather meant big-baggy clothes could hide your growing bump. January also meant playoff season. The Bengals were making there way through, looking forward to the divisional round next weekend. You were so excited both for the game, and to finally announce your pregnancy, which you both decided to do after the game.

Today was Monday, meaning Joe was at practice, and you were doing some errands. Walking through downtown was like therapy for you. Joe was worried about you going out by yourself, but he also knew you needed it for your sanity. Walking into a local boutique, you’re greeted at the door and your immediately hit with all the bengals merchandise. This was one of your favorite things about the city, how supportive they were of the team through thick and thin. After the game, you both wanted to have your closest people come back to the house for dinner so you could make the announcement. Joe promised, win or lose, he still wanted to have the dinner; so you were shopping for some decor for the house.

Bringing your bags inside, you smile, thinking of how excited you were to finally let the cat out of the bag. You decide to lay down and rest for a while before Joe comes home. Even doing the smallest thing made you exhausted at this point in pregnancy. You are almost asleep when all of a sudden you feel a sharp pain, almost like a cramp. You sit up and wince at the feeling, confused as to what’s happening. The pain only grows worse, and as you remove the sheet from across you to stand up, you realize what is happening.

Time felt like it stopped, like you kept moving, but everything around you had froze. You weren’t sure when you picked up the phone to call Joe, or when he had ran into the room to find you hunched over in tears, or when you ended up in a hospital bed with a doctor by your side.

Once your mind finally felt like it stopped spinning, it all hit you, the look on Joe’s face, the sympathy from the doctor, the feeling of Joes hand on yours. It all crashed down on you as you let out a sob. You cried in Joes arms, no words were shared, just cried between the two of you. “Joe what happened?” you sniffle, pulling away, and wiping tears from your eyes. “He said they can’t tell exactly…” Joe veers off, “they said maybe a womb structure issue, or an infection, either could be a reason for all the bleeding. They’re running some tests now.” he finishes, wiping his own eyes. “No…I cant, how is this happening? I mean I was so far along, what did i do wrong Joe?” you whimper and his eyes meet yours. “Don’t say that y/n, you know this was not your fault baby, this was not something you could control. Okay? I need you to understand that.” you nod and he leans in to hold you again while you cry. Your mind was a mess. You had it, you had what you wanted, you were so close to being a mom, but it left far too soon.

Soon after, the doctor comes back to explain that there was some kind of infection within the placenta that rarely develops, but when it does, it inhabits wombs that are carrying children for the first time. You couldn’t really focus on what he was saying, but he informed you that your health was in the clear now, and you could go home, but had to get a lot of rest.

Both sets of parents had been in and out of the hospital, supporting you and Joe but also wanting to get everything ready at home.

You were in the hospital for less than 24 hours, but stepping inside your house felt different. Walking up those stairs, with Joe helping you along, the guilt only continues to pile up. As you make the turn to your bedroom, you stop and look at the closed door of the room next door. The room that was supposed to be your baby’s home, would never get to meet him. Him, your baby boy, your baby boy who you never actually got to meet. Your baby boy whose gender was only discovered after you had lost him. Joe kisses your head and urges you to lie down in bed.

Downstairs, you hear a few voices quietly talking. You get yourself out of bed, sick of being in the same spot for so long. Entering the kitchen you see both moms and your sister gathered around the island, with Joe sitting on the couch. All heads turn to you and you offer a small smile. Your sister pulls you into a hug, not saying anything. “We brought some flowers over and cooked some food for you guys. We’ll get going, but we’ll come check up on you guys soon okay?” Your mom says as everyone says their goodbyes. You join Joe on the couch, he opens his arms for you, but you only stay seated near him. He frowns a bit but understands. “How are you feeling?” he asks, “I’m okay, how are you?” you ask. He shrugs and you nod. The T.V plays silently as you both blankly stare at it. “I talked to Zac today, told him i’d be out of practice this week.” you turn to him with curiosity. “Okay…you’re doing that for yourself though right? You’re not doing that because of me Joe…” he shakes his head. “y/n…i need to be here for you. I don’t care if we aren’t even sleeping in the same bed, i’m not leaving this house until i’m sure you’re okay.” You wanted to argue, but didn’t have the energy. Instead you just go back upstairs and run a bath.

The sheets were changed, Robin immediately doing so once she heard the story. The bed was made brand new like nothing had ever happened. The moment you hit the pillows your eyes fall into a deep sleep.

Waking up, you hear voices downstairs and decide to stand up. walking into the kitchen, you notice both you and Joe’s mom and your sister gathered around chatting. Your sister wordlessly hugs you and you offer a smile. “Honey we brought over some food, we’ll get going now, but i’ll call to check on you later okay?” Your mother says. You say your goodbyes and notice Joe on the couch. You sit by him as you both stare at the silent television. “How are you feeling?” he asks. “I’m okay, How are you?” he just shrugs. “I talked to Zac, told him i’m taking the rest of practice this week off. I just don’t think I can handle it and i want to be here with you-” “Joe, i’ll be okay, you don’t need to do this for me.” You cut him off but he shakes his head. “I’m doing it for us baby, I can’t be out there knowing your here alone.” You nod your head and lie back against the couch.

Zac came over to the house later that night and sat down with Joe. He brought flowers and some cookies his wife baked. You thanked him and engaged in some small talk before heading to bed.

Joe and Zac sat at the kitchen table talking. “Listen, this is what is important right now Joe, I know you are capable of greatness, but you have to take care of her first.” Zac says. “I know, that’s why I can’t come to practice this week, but as for the game, i mean i’m not sure…” Joe trails off. “Listen, don’t think about that right now, when the time comes you can make a decision. We have time, it’s only Tuesday. I’ll let the guys know what happened, and as for media. I’ll keep it quiet, I promise,” Zac says. Joe thanks him and walks him out to his car once they finish talking.

The next morning Joe turns over, surprised not to see you there. Downstairs, he notices you curled up on the couch. Making some coffee, his mind runs with what could have brought you down here. “Hi lovie,” you say stretching and standing from the couch. “Hey…you okay?” Joe says hugging you. “Yeah…I just…I couldn’t sleep, I needed a little change.” Joe nods. “What do you want for breakfast?” You shrug and respond that you’re not hungry. “y/n…you have to eat.” Joe insists . He ends up making you avocado toast anyway and watching you as you eat it.

The next few days, Joe saw small improvements in your demeanor, but was still a little worried. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been pushing down his own grief to focus on you. Which, you insisted you didn’t need taking care of. Saturday rolls around and Joe finally had his decision made. You decided you wanted to get out of the house, so Joe drove you to a friends to spend the day with. “Have you decided yet?” You ask Joe in the car. “Yeah…I’m gonna do it.” Joe replied looking over at you. You squeeze his hand, “good.”

Later that night you and Joe lied in bed together holding each other. “I’m glad you’re playing tomorrow Joe. Even if you’re not completely focused, it’s better than you not being there at all.” you say looking up to him. “I know. Are you going to go to the stadium or stay here?” he asks. “I’m going to stay here I think. I don’t think I can handle all the commotion, plus by now everyone probably already knows the news and I don’t really feel like taking about it with everyone.” You say shutting your eyes. “Good, I wanted you to be here anyway, I love you.” he whispers. “I love you too.”

The next morning you shot everyone a text letting them know that you would be home today and you’ll miss them. Joe left a couple of hours ago and you were settling into the couch to focus on the game. Last night was the first night you and Joe had slept in the same bed and it was the best night you’ve had all week. You’re glad you both had this distraction for the time being, and you didn’t want to think about anything but the game. Zac did a really great job at keeping the press mild and many of Joes teammates had reached out to you. You had seen one post from some tabloid about your pregnancy which you were originally pissed about, but decided to let it go.

You watch as the game begins and they take on the Bills at home. Joe was playing good throughout the first quarter, the second one a little rocky and you could tell his mind was somewhere else. At halftime, you made yourself something to eat and stopped when you noticed the ultrasound picture on the fridge. Your heart dropped for a moment and you weren’t sure what to do. You took the picture off the fridge and headed upstairs.

Finally getting yourself to open the door that you have had mentally locked. You gaze over the room as you take in every aspect of it again. It doesn’t bring you the same joy it did before, instead it’s just a reminder of what could have been. You pick up the empty picture frame that Joe had put out on the changing table. He wanted to put the baby’s first bubble bath picture in their. Instead you open the frame, carefully placing the ultrasound picture inside and closing it again. You place it back on the changing table as a tear rolls down your cheek. You only let yourself linger for a moment before leaving the room, and shutting the door behind you.

The second half begins and you watch as the bengals take the first few snaps, making there way down the field. All of a sudden you watch as Joe quickly decides to keep the ball and takes off running. You stand up as you watch him sprint down the field, outrunning every other defender. He quickly makes his way into the end zone and you here the announcer over the television. Touchdown

You clap your hands over your mouth and smile to yourself as they show the whole stadium in cheers. They pan to the sideline where every Bengals player and coach was jumping for joy.

Then they pan to Joe in the end zone and you watch as his knees hit the ground below him and he holds the ball in his hands, staring at it with emotion filled eyes. In an instant his team is surrounding him hugging him and in cheer as they all recognize how big this moment actually is for him. The weight of the world was resting on Joes shoulders all week, this felt like a shift in reality for him and for you. You find yourself in tears once again seeing your husband in such a vulnerable state. You watch as he composes himself on the sideline and even finishes the rest of the game with a win. This was no doubt the hardest thing you and Joe had been through, but you were getting through it together.

#joe burrow #joeburrow #joe burrow fic #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x y/n #joe burrow x reader #joeburrow request #joey burrow #AMfic

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

reposting one i read on reddit that got removed but i just need to know what tumblr thinks:

AITA for finishing in my girlfriend during the full moon, thinking it was not possible for her to be fertile?

I know the title sounds weird, but I promise this isn't a shitpost, metaphor, or a joke. I (20M) was raised by a single dad, never knew my mom who left me as a baby, and growing up I didn't really have many female (or male, tbh) friends.

The reason I say this is that I don't know all that much about female anatomy; yes, I had sex ed in school, but seriously don't remember anything except "wear a condom", basically.

I met my girlfriend "Beth" (21F) in college and she's the best. It's my first relationship, her second. We've been together for a little more than a year now, and had sex for the first time about half a year ago. After the first couple times, Beth told me that she has a really regular and average period that she's been keeping track of with an app since she was literally 14, plus in the last few years she also started taking her temperature to get even more accurate results; I didn't understand exactly how this works, but she was so reassuring and confident I didn't question it.

Ok, now this is where I might start sounding like an idiot... So she told me her period is an extremely regular 28 days, and she has literally only strayed from this pattern once since she was 14. I also am aware that moon cycles are 28 days. (Correction here: since this incident, I Googled and it's actually about 29 days... but that's besides the point I guess.)

Women tend to be associated with the moon, like Artemis; I truly, deeply believed that the moon phases and all women's menstrual cycles were inherently connected, but just like, different women had their more fertile days with full moons whereas for some it corresponds to a different moon phase, like the new moon, and this is why women differed.

So the reason Beth told me about her period being super regular is that she was confident she knew when she was or was not fertile, and told me she wanted me to finish in her on safe days. We've been having sex like this for the last four months where she tells me the window of time she's safe, she's happy, I'm happy, it's working fine.

I started noticing that the moon tends to be really full and bright every time we have unprotected sex, maybe not necessarily always on a "true" full moon, but definitely around that time. I made a mental note that my girlfriend is a "fertile during a new moon (when you can't see the moon)" sort of girl. If you're wondering why I never just outright asked her about this, it just seemed really obvious to me and I didn't see the point in talking to her about something potentially a little embarrassing for no reason.

June 3rd was the most recent true full moon, and I decided to sort of surprise her by inviting her to my apartment and just pouncing on her wordlessly as soon as she came in. She was into it, we had sex, I finished inside her, she didn't complain or stop me at all.

While cooling off, she remarked that she didn't remember telling me about her safe days in a while, so I must be tracking her period, which she actually thought was sweet lol. I said, "well of course it's a safe day, the moon is so bright". She asked me what I meant, and I said something like "I know you can't possibly get pregnant during a full moon".

She seemed really confused and started getting a bit tense, questioning me more, and I, also confused, started explaining to her about the moon cycle thing I fully believed up until that moment.

This is where she freaked out completely, jumped up and asked me if I was a complete moron. She started yelling at me and freaking out about how insane and irresponsible I was for finishing in her. I was truly shocked I had no idea what to say, especially because it WAS still truly a safe day, but she actually just grabbed her stuff and stormed off before I could do anything.

Well, after she left I googled a bunch of stuff and yep, turns out I'm completely incorrect. That being said, it WAS still a safe day for Beth and she wasn't actually upset about me finishing in her or anything, just the reason I did, I guess. So, AITA?

So generally I don't want to rerun posts from reddit unless it's your own story, but we'll make an exception just this once

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[brewed-pangolin]

I’m making it canon that Soap was actually raised in a big fucking family and I mean big, from my understanding there’s a good size Catholic community in Scotland, also was raised by two parents who are absolutely in love with each other and thus enters you. Soap makes it his damn mission to not only knock you up if you are a person with a uterus but he’s got the biggest breeding kink I’ve ever seen and just the thought of this fucking beefy man, absolutely destroying you just to create, what’s in his head, a perfect little family ughhhhh makes me sweat and cry and puke and drool!

I agree with the first part 💯! And I'm going to do a bit of a self plug here.

My fic First Flight of the Scottish Hawk breaks down the dynamics of the MacTavish household.

He has two sisters, three brothers, and two parents who absolutely adore him.

I won't lie, I could gush so much about this. I have a special place in my heart for this fic. But I don't want to bore anyone with that.

From here we move onto the baby making factory that is John 'Soap' MacTavish.

Just a bit of NSFW under the cut...

--

Once you and Johnny decide it's time to add to your own family, you'll be hard pressed to have a moment of peace to yourself.

Man's on you like clockwork. The menace even has an app that follows your cycle. Knows exactly when you're most fertile and will bury himself so many times into your aching cunt that you'll be nothing by a babbling mess by the end.

He desires nothing more than to see you heavy with his child. Watching as your overly plump belly moves with the next generation of his family name. And he'll put as many mini MacTavish's in you as you so let him.

--

Now, I'm going to go onto the side of the spectrum because I am of this ideal. And I know I'm not the only one who stands here.

Johnny is a man who has nothing but respect for his lover. He may have a breeding kink like no other, but if the one he loves does not desire to have children, then he's still game.

Adoption is always an option. And it doesn't always have to be children.

You want to raise a family of Scottish deranged huskies. He's in.

Maybe become the resident cat household that welcomes all those felines who were cast away and forgotten by previous families? Soap's got two cat condos in his Amazon cart and ready to purchase an overpriced cat tree.

How about a farm with a family of goats, cows, a miniature horse, and a donkey? He's already signed the mortgage for a plot of land nestled in the country.

The point is that Johnny loves who he loves. Whether they want a family of mini MacTavish's or to run a sanctuary that puts the local zoo to shame.

Johnny boy will stick with you thick and thin. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

#thirsty soap thoughts #mactavish family household #baby making factory #have to include those who prefer the furbabies as well #soap squad™️ #johnny soap mactavish #anon asks

[doulayogimama]

This post is super TMI 😬

Sooooo for the first time in almost exactly 3 years, we had unprotected sex. I was so terrified of the thought of doing this until the last few months. I remember the first 2 years PP, I was so scared that the thought of having UP sex and risking pregnancy literally revolted me. I can’t believe that at 3 years PP, even hours later, I’m hoping that we made a baby. That I’m excited to be back in this space, knowing everything I know about pregnancy, labor, and PP depression. Like… I really want this. It will be different in so many ways and whether I’m pregnant now or will be in the future, I’m excited.

Before I got pregnant with Sky (like way before) I dreamt of an Aries baby. She ended up being an Aries. For a long time, I’ve had this gut feeling this next baby will be a Sagittarius baby (if I am pregnant, due date would be in Sagittarius season). I know it’s so silly to some, but way back in 2017, I was in India and I got a natal chart reading. The lady told me I’d have 2 children, born in 2021 & 2024. I remember being low key outraged like… WHAT DO YOU MEAN???? I’m not going to wait that long to have a baby… but then we took another big trip, then we moved to NYC, and then it took me a year to get pregnant. (I got pregnant the literal month after I was told by my GYNO that all my fertility tests came back totally fine and truly believe stress kept me from conceiving)

I also remember thinking 2021&2024… kids 3+ years apart????? I would never do that, my kids are going to be less than 2 years apart … and the reader was very no nonsense, like… honey, this is what it is. I’m just reading what I see. I’m really hoping the lady is right 🥹✨(although I know I know, first time trying and getting pregnant is rare)

I’m going to go buy prenatals today and start taking those ASAP. I just have to pray for the best. I’m healthy, eat well, I’m back at my PP weight, and I didn’t overthink it. I just told Kevin I was ready and he obliged happily 😂🙈

I’m very familiar with FAM and track my cycle every month. Yesterday, before we had sex or knew that we would have sex that day, I wiped in the bathroom and was like WHOA — if I wanted to get pregnant today, pretty sure I would have a good chance. I was also having ovarian pain, which is my telltale sign that ovulation is gearing up to happen. After so many years of tracking with temps and OV sticks, I know my body very well. I’m very grateful that my cycle is consistent —every 25-30 days, I get my period. I checked my tracker app late last night and saw that I was on CD13 and due to OV in 1-3 days (can’t know for sure without BBT but once cervical fluid is dry, that’s how one knows OV has happened).

Ahhhh I just can’t believe it. I’m back in “not trying, not avoiding” and I’m excited. I want another little baby to hold and love. I want Sky to have her own baby sibling ✨🙏🏽🤍

#ahhhh I’m excited

[gurugirl]

I am literally ovulating right now, seriously, my fertile window is so active according to my app! lmao. And that was everything from my sex dreams. I have such a major breeding kink, especially at this time of the month, though that's a totally other topic to the uncertainty of your natural scent and not being clean and "prepped"... so relatable! But so fucking hot to think about a mature and attractive af man being so into it and actually thriving on it.. idk where those available men live but I have heard it's possible. So thank you for feeding this visual! Amazing! As always.

Oh my god seriously! And you don't have to be stinky for them to notice when you're ovulating. It's more of a pheromone thing but many men do detect it whether they realize it or not.

BUT this post was totally self indulgent 🤪

I'm really glad you liked this! Thank you hon 🥰

xoxo

#ask #next door neighbors

[continuations]

My Super Short Twitter Wishlist

Elon Musk has successfully acquired Twitter. Many people seem convinced he will ruin it in short order. And while that's of course conceivable, it is also possible that he will fix some long running problems. It' s not like Twitter had been a well-run company. So now seems like a good time to resurface what I had tweeted in April.

Restoring full API access would dramatically shift power back to endusers. We could run apps other than the official Twitter client for interacting with Twitter, which would enable, among other things, a proliferation of different timeline algorithms. I first started speaking about this seven years ago and have an entire section on it in my book The World After Capital.

Fixing the blue check mark mess is something I first wrote about in 2017. Here is a quote from that post:

The net result of all of these mistakes was that the verified checkmark became an “official Twitter” badge. Instead of simply indicating something about the account’s identity it became a stamp of approval. Twitter doubled down on that meaning when it removed the “verified” check from some accounts over their contents ...

Twitter had conflated identity verification with this account is "important" or "good" in a completely arbitrary fashion. And yes this has been allowed to fester for five years which is a perfect example of the failure of prior management to address basic problems in the service. I sure hope this gets fixed quickly and my post makes some suggestions. Since then a number of crypto-based self sovereign identity systems have started to come up, such as Proof of Humanity, and it would be great to see support for those.

So I for one am taking a bit more of a "wait and see" attitude with regard to what changes to Elon Musk will bring to Twitter. And if these two changes were to be implemented, I could see Twitter becoming a fertile ground for badly needed innovation in the relationship between endusers and networks.

#twitter #elon musk #api #programmability #identity

[dark-muse-iris]

Good morning Iris! Quick question - what programs/apps do you use for writing and organizing your notes for fics? I'm also worried about privacy (like the one anon mentioned like a week ago) so do you use any specific programs/apps for writing/note taking that doesnt require all your information? Thank you so much and hope you have a good day (even though its only Wednesday!!!)

Hi anon! I've migrated all my writing planning and drafting to Notion. I previously used Scrivener and Notion blows it out of the water for me.

I have a separate email address for different identities. The writer Iris has her own email and I use Notion through that. It didn't need anything extra like my address or credit card.

The privacy concerns I talked about previously are more tied to living in a region of the United States where I can go to prison for having the "wrong" kind of birth control or miscarrying or having an ectopic pregnancy. My area is controlled by Christofascist extremists, much like ones in the cult I was previously in as a child. Purchases not done in cash are traceable to locations like a credit card billing address and I don't want contracted "bounty hunters" or Bible nuts to show up on my door wondering when my last period was. If they do, I am fully armed to take care of them in accordance with my non-Christian beliefs and application of local "stand your ground" laws. I hope, for their sake, they leave me the fuck alone. But I've had issues with this BS years ago as LGBTQ+.

Until then, I've scrubbed all traces of medical data related to my menstrual cycle online. I track on a cheap paper calendar I can burn every 1-2 months, same as I did before we had mobile apps. I will no longer answer questions related to my cycle or fertility to any medical staff. I will no longer consent to pregnancy tests at a clinic unless I pre-checked via at-home test (paid for in cash) in advance and know it's negative. For me, it is no longer safe to trust the system where my autonomy and health are concerned because the white supremacists want me to breed as many white babies for their replacement theory goals as possible, and I refuse to cooperate with what I know to be systemic eugenic practices necessary for ethnic cleansing.

#iris answers #dearest anons

[kyemeruth]

Too little, too late?

It has been some months since I last posted here. A lot of things happened. Went back home to teach after studying for a year, organized a month-long training, volunteered for campaigns until the final days before our elections yesterday.

Last night I cannot sleep. I'm trying to sing Rosas in my mind, praying for a miracle. I've always prayed for a victory against the son of the dictator, even with the littlest of margins. However, we may be confirming what surveys have been telling us all along. My heart is pounding while I try to sleep. I've been fidgeting, feeling hungry and woozy at the same time. I tried reading but Marie Lu's Legend also deals with a plague and a torturous Republic. So I closed my eyes but here I am wide awake, typing words that seeks refuge and meaning.

I outlined the lessons I'd be recording and teaching for the next few weeks. Hoping I'd find yet another resolve to speak and resist; but also knowing that our state universities as bastions of academic freedom and expression are on the verge of losing it to a possible resurgence of the dictator's son. It is scary.

I wanted to cry, to let the tears flow; but even then, it won't. I'm holding onto the hope that our people's movement would translate into resistance, even at the slimmest numbers. I have not checked Twitter and closed messaging apps with my friends since 11pm last night. There remains a quiet hum in the streets, telling us that the days would continue.

Have our efforts been too little, too late? We did our best, to my mind. But maybe, the very disinformation I am studying has found fertile ground among many Pinoys. They remained disenfranchised and unheard, and so maybe, that message of unity have resonated, that promise of gold or even the aspiration of living a bit better took hold.

Time and again, we cannot blame such fervor. There's never that "bobo" vote. Our choices reflect our values and aspirations. The majority vote may be different from ours, but still this is the beauty and damnation of democracy: that we speak from the overflow of our hearts. Indeed, we cannot discount the fact that fraudulent activities and further disenfranchisement of voter rights have occurred. We must make every effort to demand accountability from these kinds of actions.

May be rambling here. Sleep evades me still. Later on, we must carry on; with greater resistance and charge even with fear beckoning us from behind. We must continue to teach in the face of historical revisionism; to deliberate and demand for critical debates instead of relying on propaganda speeches and evasive statements.

There are many stories that I've held onto amid these trying times. Frodo was ready to give up towards the end of The Two Towers, but Sam beckon us towards hope:

"I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness, and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something... That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo...and it's worth fighting for."

More recently, in my daily devotions, the Word of God asks us to hold on. The people of Israel found an honest and virtuous judge with Deborah. And last night, I found some grounding from Jesus' unfailing promise: that He delivers. Fear can be overwhelming, even the mighty David trembled; but God tells us to trust his power and deliverance. In the same thread, we must always thank God for leaders who deliver. He has overcome the world for His, and I trust His sovereignty in all these trying times.

#elections 2022 #philippines

[envelop-ing]

october 1, 2023

I just found out I'm pregnant! I'm going to use this blog to document my experiences, symptoms, feelings, things going on so I don't forget. I'm not experienced whatsoever; this is my first ever pregnancy and it's so early on that I don't want to tell people in my life yet, but I still want to write about these early days somewhere.

We decided that we were ready for a baby, so I started reading a lot about ovulation and fertility, and taking it seriously. I started tracking my cycle rather than relying on an app for my cycle like I'd done for about a decade, and got pregnant on the first try after that.

My cycle has always been regular and predictable, down to the day, so I had a feeling getting pregnant would be a straightforward task if I simply kept up with the tracking. The only time I ever had a delayed period was post-vaccine, and I didn't have a period for about three months (negative pregnancy), which was a phenomenon that affected many women, apparently?

---------------

My early (noticeable) symptoms:

Thirst (I am so, so, so bad about drinking water normally, but I've found myself seeking out actual water instead of juice, coffee, etc.)

Cramping (I always get cramps before my period, and I was so sure AF was coming because the cramps were so noticeable and painful. I was getting them in the evenings before bed. I started getting suspicious when I noticed they were more painful than normal; it just felt off.)

A late period, obviously, with no spotting. I normally spot a little bit before my period. I was/am three days late, and only seeing CF (I actually kept thinking my period was coming and going to the bathroom to check my underwear because of cramping and normal CF without a speck of blood).

Very vivid dreams. I normally have vivid dreams before my period, but it was a terrible nightmare that I can still remember clearly.

This was an odd one (and perhaps TMI), but I woke up out of my sleep two nights ago and could SWEAR I smelled dog poop; like strong, pungent ammonia. I said, "it smells like Sophie pooped, could you please go check? I can smell it, do you smell that?" and went back to sleep. R got up to check and said nope, nothing; and when I officially woke up, I couldn't smell it anymore. I've never done that before, but after reading about smell sensitivity, it just seems funny now.

Minor sore boobs.

Minor hot flashes that come and go; when I'm getting my period, my hot flashes are pretty persistent.

Overall feeling "off". Again, not unusual at all for me, and I genuinely thought I wasn't pregnant this month and was fully expecting AF/BFN. I wasn't sure if it was back on Wellbutrin and was just leveling out/re-adjusting to it, or what.

Notably, I have a PMDD diagnosis and always get extremely irritable in the weeks before my period. I didn't notice persisting irritability this time, even though R and I butted heads last weekend.

------------------

What I'm going to do now:

I already booked an appointment with the local midwivery to establish care. I've read about experiences with midwives vs. OBs and I'd like to give the midwives a try first, although I will probably opt for a hospital birth assuming this pregnancy is successful.

Go out and get more prenatal vitamins.

Read everything I can about pregnancy nutrition. Some things that I'm going to do immediately are: absolutely no more processed sugar, no coffee for the first trimester (🥲), up my protein and water intake, start tracking calories again, and aim for whole foods only. I will probably stop eating fast food.

Go on walks. I usually walk more on the weekends since we live downtown and walk to get around the neighborhood, but I'd like to start doing 20-30 minute walks with R to stay active.

Look into core strengthening.

Do checks/research on the makeup, skincare, and hair products I'm currently using to make sure they are pregnancy-safe. I may toss everything and look for clean brands only.

Take stress-reduction measures. This will probably require me getting more organized and planning routines/structures around my day, and possibly going to therapy to learn emotion management skills. I want to be as stable and healthy as possible for R and our baby.

---------------------

I can't believe I'm growing a BABY? There is an entire LIFE inside me right now. So wild. Five years ago, I didn't even want children; I'm so glad I've changed my mind about that, and so thankful that we were able to conceive easily, and so relieved that we both have amazing jobs and health insurance and everything we could possibly need to have a baby. I feel so blessed right now.

I doubt anyone will, but on the off chance that anyone sees this, please pray for me.

[loveletterstothepast]

Stranger

I found out that a long part of the grief process is having an identity crisis. Which I’ve so profoundly have expressed I felt. I can’t go back to who I was because she was lost to me the moment I found out about my pregnancy. I can’t run to being the person I wanted to be because I lost my child.. but somehow in the silence of figuring out who I need to be in this moment I’ve learned a few things about myself. I’ve left everything to fate and never tried taking things in my own hands. I am forgiving. I am a powerhouse. I’ve lost everything I believed in yet again.. and I still find strength in myself. The most reliable person I know is myself. I may not be able to move on from the grief completely and I’ll always miss that perfect boy but I’ll never make those same mistakes twice. We’ve decided to try again. As many times as it takes to have a child. I’m hoping with all the prayers that we somehow overcome all of this and become the parents we wanted to be.

I’ve had dreams of my dad holding my son and him cooing in my dreams babbling sweet baby talk. I hear my dad telling me he wants to come back but he’s waiting for his sister to be ready to come. That she’s on her way for us. That they’ll come together. People are praying for us to have children. We’re testing for ovulation and Thursday the 30th starts the process and as I take these kits and tests, we’re going to try and hopefully convince this cycle. I’ve written the days down and although you can’t completely trust apps alone to figure it out we’re going to try everything. April 4th we’re going in for our 6 weeks checkup and I’m hoping, praying that we tell our doctor our goal and she gives us the okay. I’ve taken my prenatal’s still. I’ve started taking vitamins that promote fertility. I’m not sure if my boyfriend has been praying with me to get pregnant but I know my own particular goal is this. I drink water and tea only. I’m letting go of vaping and I’m giving up drinking permanently. I started up again in dry hopes of being able to see if I could be the old me again and it turns out that she is lost. Even though I’ve outgrown her, I know she was a large part of me. I pray that we are successful so that we have a perfect pair in December. I hope that we find our new selves too. Since I’ve healed and grown so much since February I only hope for some golden hours in this time. I pray we get blessed with a set of twins and one is that beautiful little boy again and a perfect beautiful little girl. I’m thankful that I made it through this. Hopefully soon we get that positive test and get to cry happy tears together again.

To our Zoe Jane and our Jesse M. I hope we can start writing and talking to you in my tummy. I pray that we get blessed. Bless us God with two. No matter how frustrating or tired we become. Give us happiness to hold onto and love.

[zylahealth]

Health benefits of Ashwagandha | Zyla Health

Some very common questions that I get asked nowadays are, “Can I take ashwagandha?”, “What are the health benefits of ashwagandha?” or “Is it ok to take ashwagandha every day?” etc.

Now, these questions might seem easy to answer but they have a certain depth to them…

You see, you might know ashwagandha as an ayurvedic herb that provides strength but do you know that it cannot be consumed by everyone? It can help you sleep well and feel healthy but do you know how much to consume it every day?

You might be a little bit confused right now but don’t worry, I am here to help you through all the ‘yes’ and ‘nos’ of ashwagandha so sit tight and just enjoy the ride.

In this blog, we’ll discuss the health benefits of ashwagandha, it’s not-so-ok effects on health, how to and how much to consume and most importantly, who cannot consume it. Let’s begin…

Ashwagandha

Ashwagandha has a long-standing history of being used for multiple diseases in Ayurvedic medicine. It is considered one of the most important herbs of Ayurveda and has been used for hundreds of years as a Rasayana — tonic.

The name ashwagandha is derived from the smell of its roots, which resembles the smell (gandha) of a horse (ashwa).

Ashwagandha which is scientifically known as Withania somnifera is a herb that uses its roots and leaves for maintaining a healthy energy balance in the body.

The roots of ashwagandha have anti-inflammatory and anti-stress properties and are also one of the herbal remedies to improve immunity. The ashwagandha leaves are used to improve swelling and fever.

Now let me tell you the reason behind all the health benefits of ashwagandha…

Health benefits of ashwagandha

1. Reduces blood sugar

Ashwagandha can reduce the blood sugar levels in people with diabetes by increasing insulin secretion and by improving the muscle sensitivity in our body.

Looking to learn more about Diabetes and some common myths? Check out our blog on 11 Diabetes myths and misconceptions.

If you’re seeking help to improve your diabetes and want a personalised care, you can download the Zyla app or visit our website Zyla.in and enrol in the defeating diabetes program.

2. Stress management

Ashwagandha helps to manage anxiety, depression, discomfort and disturbed sleep. It blocks the pathways of the nervous system that activate the stress hormones in the brain. It also reduces the cortisol (stress hormone) levels in the body and acts as a stress buster.

3. Increases fertility

This amazing herb can boost testosterone levels and increase the fertility rate in men. It can also improve sperm quality, increase the sperm count and motility.

Do you know that normal vitamin D level is also essential in men for a healthy conception? Read our blog, ��Keeping vitamin D under check for a healthy pregnancy” to know more.

4. Reduces inflammation

Ashwagandha also helps reduce inflammation in the body caused by diseases/medical conditions, lifestyle changes and diet.

5. Improves brain function

Ashwagandha slows down or prevents the loss of brain function, improves memory and increases the mental focus by exercising the brain cells and relaxing the nervous system of our body.

Available scientific data shows that the health benefits of ashwagandha are many and that it is a real potent regenerative tonic. It has positive effects on neurological diseases like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. It is considered among the best nerve tonics of Ayurveda.

6. Improves heart health

Ashwagandha helps to boost heart health by lowering high blood pressure, lowering high cholesterol, easing chest pain, enhancing cardiorespiratory endurance and preventing heart disease.

7. Ageing

Ashwagandha is seen to have an anti-ageing property on the body as it delays the ageing process by firming the skin and making you look younger.

8. Weight management

Ashwagandha helps in managing our weight, by speeding up the metabolism in our body, decreasing inflammation and helping in burning belly fat and other stored fats in our body. It helps to increase the muscle mass and strength of the body.

Want to lose weight with some simple walking techniques, read our blog, “Walking techniques for weight loss”.

Did you know?

Ashwagandha (Withania Somnifera) is considered ” nature’s gift to mankind”. It is commonly called Indian ginseng, poison gooseberry or winter cherry. Its flowers are small, green and bell-shaped and its ripe fruits are orange-red in colour.

Let us now look at some common questions that people have about the health benefits of ashwagandha.

What is the best way to consume ashwagandha?

You can find ashwagandha in different forms like roots, leaves, capsules and liquid extract. There is no one size fits all approach to taking ashwagandha. Ways to use ashwagandha are:

1. Ashwagandha powder

If you’re wondering, how to use ashwagandha powder, then here is your answer…

Made from the roots or leaves of ashwagandha, the powder can be consumed in quantities of 4–5 grams per day. Boil the powder in water for 5 minutes, strain the mixture and consume 1/4th cup twice daily.

The powder can also be roasted in ghee and add a pinch of cinnamon. Cool to room temperature and add 1 tsp of this mixture to warm water or milk and drink it.

2. Ashwagandha capsules

1–2 ashwagandha capsules can be taken twice a day with meals. The total dosage should not exceed 2 grams a day.

3. Ashwagandha liquid extract

In a day, it is advisable to take 5 ml of ashwagandha liquid extract and up to 1–2 times.

While there aren’t any exact dosage metrics available, it is safe to take up to 5 grams a day, depending on the kind of supplement. For more exact dosages, please consult your physician.

Did you know?

Studies show that ashwagandha slows, reverses and stops nerve atrophy (wasting) and loss of nerve structures. Ashwagandha can be used to treat Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s and other neurological diseases even before diagnosis.

Is it ok to take ashwagandha every day?

Yes! It is safe to take ashwagandha daily and it is advised to be regular in order to receive maximum health benefits of ashwagandha.

But the twist is that, you will have to be regular with it for a specific period of time. It may be 1 month of you and 3 months for someone else. It all depends on your medical history, current medicines, lifestyle etc.

Since ashwagandha can have interactions with some food items or medicines, it is important for you to discuss about it’s consumption with your doctor and take as advised by him/ her.

If you want to better manage your health conditions, you can download the Zyla app or visit our website Zyla.in and check out the health program which is suitable for you.

Moving on to another commonly asked question…

When is it best to take ashwagandha?

While there is no specified way to take ashwagandha, it can be taken in the morning or with meals to maximise the health benefits of ashwagandha.

Again, your doctor will look at your medical history, medicines etc and guide you when and exactly how much you have to take it for…

So, is this queen of herbs a part of your daily routine yet?

Have you ever wondered if there are any side effects in addition to the many health benefits of ashwagandha? Read on to find out more!

What are the disadvantages of ashwagandha?

Any food when taken in the right amount acts as a superfood to our body. Too much or too little can be harmful to health and the same is with ashwagandha…

Too much ashwagandha might irritate the gastrointestinal (GI) tract, causing vomiting, diarrhoea and other GI disturbances.

An increase in thyroid hormone levels is seen when consuming an excess amount of ashwagandha. Know more about thyroid gland and hypothyroidism through our blog, “Hypothyroidism-Understand symptoms and treatment”.

No doubt that ashwagandha helps in improving sleep quality, it’s intake can also cause you to experience drowsiness.

It can cause you to experience low blood sugar episodes because of it’s blood sugar controlling properties. If you’re experiencing blood sugar drop at night, read our blog,” The 3 am blood sugar phenomenon” to know the right treatment for it.

So, this is why I am asking you again and again to consult your doctor before taking it. Never self-medicate. Now, let us look at some absolute contraindications to the health benefits of ashwagandha!

Ashwagandha should not be taken by

Pregnant women, as it might lead to miscarriages.

People suffering from auto-immune diseases like Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus and rheumatoid arthritis.

People with very low levels of Blood Pressure (BP).

People taking sedative medications (medicines for sleepiness and drowsiness).

People consuming alcohol on a regular basis.

Ashwagandha is truly nature’s remedy, though ways to use ashwagandha are many, the health benefits of ashwagandha can increase greatly by including it as a part of your daily supplements. It can help you sleep better, manage blood sugar levels and heart health, improve memory and strength etc.

However, I will encourage you to consult your doctor before starting any supplements. Your doctor knows better than anyone about your health and he/she will recommend what’s best for you!

If you’re seeking help to improve your health and want to better manage your health conditions, you can download the Zyla app or visit our website Zyla.in and check out the health program which is suitable for you.

Zyla has a team of 50+ medical experts who can provide personalised treatment through a holistic approach. Start your health journey today!

Stay strong! Stay healthy!

Connect with us:

Subscribe to our Youtube channel: https://bit.ly/2o19OzE to watch videos on health and health-related conditions.

Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/zylahealth

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Visit our website: https://www.zyla.in/

Talk to us on WhatsApp — https://goo.gl/kjofP

[downscopeland74]

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[fykimtaehyung]

V: “I wish we were back with ARMY, laughing together” (cont.)

What instructions did you give to the other members when they were singing on your song, “Blue & Grey”? V: I didn’t really have to give them instructions much. I told them it would be nice if they could think of all their problems and then try healing those wounds with their voices, since if they focus on those emotions, there’ll be more feeling in the song. They all did a good job expressing the emotions I wasn’t able to. It seems like you intended “Blue & Grey” to be a melancholy song. I heard you had originally planned to put it on your mixtape. V: I wrote “Blue & Grey” when I was at my lowest point, when I was actually asking whether I could keep going with my work or not. Even the fun parts of work became a chore, and my whole life felt aimless. “Where do I go from here? I can’t even see the end of the tunnel.” Those kinds of thoughts hit me hard. Was there a reason for that? V: It was when work was a major challenge. When I’m happy, I want to work, and when I’m happy I can put on a smile and see the fans, but there was just so much work to do. I’m an easygoing, you know, laid-back person, but I was stretched too thin and I was starting to sputter. What I mean is, I was having a really tough time, and thinking, “What’s waiting for me at the end? It’s important to be successful, but I’m also trying to be happy, so how come I’m not happy right now?” That’s when I started to write “Blue & Grey.” So writing the song was sort of your way of bringing yourself some peace of mind. V: There was a time I was going through something like this. I was having the toughest time, but I couldn’t keep carrying that feeling around with me. Instead, I could use it as a kind of fertilizer. So I took care of that feeling by constantly writing it down in my notes. I just kept writing everything down, and when finally I felt like I wanted to try writing a song, I did. After the song was finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment, and that’s how I was able to let go of “Blue & Grey.” That was one way I wanted to try getting over my problem.

The songs you make or sing solo on all have similar images: night; loneliness; snow. V: I like nighttime and the late-night air, and when it snows, too. I liked those things since way back when, but lately I feel things like snow and the night air keep me alive. They may just be another part of normal life to other people, but to me, they represent very special moments. That makes me think of the ending from “Blue & Grey”: “After secretly sending my words up into the air / Now I fall asleep at dawn.” V: I don’t really sleep well. I toss and turn and get caught up in a lot of thoughts. Even when I turn out all the lights, I can see everything clearly. I close my eyes, but all my thoughts spread wide open. Then I’m sleepy at work, and staring off into space when I’m alone, with bags under my eyes, but if I want to avoid that then I really have to sleep. Except, with the way I am, it doesn’t allow for it. I wrote about that in the first and second verses; a feeling like, “When I’m stuck thinking like this, everything is grey, and I’m all blue.” I wrote these feelings out as a song, and now that I’m thinking about it again, I’m actually over it. I feel a lot lighter. I sent my words out into the air, and now I fall asleep at dawn. You’re supposed to sleep at night, but I’m sleeping in the morning again. So I say “good night,” but it’s not actually a good night. “I pass out because I’m exhausted” kind of thing. It’s the emotions I felt in those moments that I wanted to express. What do you hope hearing about that feeling will do for listeners? V: Rather than just some stranger telling them to cheer up, I think it’s better to say something like, “You seem depressed lately,” or, “Seems like these days it’s tough for you to perk up.” “Blue & Grey” is the same: “You’re depressed lately? Me too. We’re in the same boat. Wanna talk about how you’re feeling? You wanna feel better, right? I know, but sometimes it feels like you’re being washed away by a whirlpool of stress.” I want the listeners to hear me saying that to them.

It’s important to express your emotions right away when they’re so overwhelming. V: Yes. I usually write a lot of songs when I’m feeling emotional, but these days I have so many different things to do that I can’t really write anything. I tried to write something before when I had a little time, but nothing came out because the feelings I had were already gone. So I tell myself, “You gotta write a lot when you’ve got the feels!” (laughs) And then I open my notes app and come back to old notes, like, “Ah, so that’s how I was feeling back then? I see. Well, that’s how I used to be, I guess.” So I tried to write “Blue & Grey” quickly, as soon as a big feeling came on. Then it’s important to revisit those feelings when you’re producing a song or choosing which songs to release? V: If you can’t bring the feeling back, you can’t make the song, either. I release a song if I feel it expresses who I was and how I felt at the time when I wrote it. Even if we record it perfectly, if the result sounds artificial, I would rather release another, more honest sounding song instead, even if it’s not perfect. Are those the kinds of songs you selected for your mixtape? V: Um … I don’t know. This is my first mixtape, you know, so I feel a ton of pressure about it. I’m thinking all the time about what kind of album I should make so that I can feel satisfied with it. The title track is the title track, but everyone also says to just leave it as it is, but I keep getting the urge to keep putting in more and more.

You usually write and choose songs based on your emotions. Maybe the pressure to make your first mixtape comes from you having a hard time with that. V: I think it still has a long way to go. Maybe it’s because it’s my first mixtape, but it’s so hard. And I feel like it’s a little lazy. People tell me just to put it out and see how it does, but I’d rather know what needs to be fixed before I release it. I also don’t want the title track to be depressing. I want it to be positive and help people beat those depressed feelings. But it’s not easy. That sounds a lot like what the members conveyed with “Life Goes On.” V: I think we showed the current situation in a very straightforward and honest way. We’re still going, going, going. And the going is tough. But it doesn’t end here. I wish we were back with ARMY, laughing together. I hope we’ll all be happy in the future and keep on doing our own best, cherishing our hope for our happy future.

#201125 #taehyung #v #bts #bangtan #t: interview

[coochiequeens]

I’m not conservative. If I agree with conservatives over this, it’s because it’s revisionist shit. People in the time of Jesus and before knew who was a man and who was a woman.

The German Bible Museum exhibited an exhibition claiming that Bible studies have an LGBTQ theme and hosted a play introducing the transgender Jesus Christ as a man and a woman. According to the museum’s website, the exhibition was held at the Bibel House in Frankfurt until December 19th and was performed on December 15th.

The exhibition “G * ttw / m / d” encourages visitors to “see the diversity of gender identity from the Bible and modern times and find God’s answer that fits all questions: you are you. It’s as good as. ”

LGBT Exhibit Bibelhaus (Vibel House)

The Bibelhaus website has three exhibits. A statue of the goddess Ashera, an image of “New Adam” with the LGBTQ pride rainbow flag, and a statue of Conchita Wurst, the drag queen persona of Austrian singer Thomas Neuworth.

Christian scholars rip psychological studies claiming that LGBTQ activities do not pose a threat to Christians

“Even in the Bible era 3000 years ago, it was clear. The fertility of soil, animals, and people depends on the gods,” reads the slogan of the exhibition about Ashera. “God can do both-to give birth and to give birth.” The museum states that “Jewish and Samaria Ashera still belonged firmly to many families.”

LGBT Exhibit Bibelhaus (Vibel House)

“Adam made in the image of God is a blueprint for each of us,” explains the museum’s website. “What does it reveal about the people themselves, God, and more importantly, ourselves? Medieval alchemists have found a fascinating answer. The image of God has all begun. When, and finally, in origin, both men and women. In the future, in God’s new creation, it no longer applies to men and women, but everything is one. “

LGBT Exhibit Bibelhaus (Vibel House)

In addition to this exhibition on June 23, Bibelhaus hosted the play “The Gospel by Queen Jesus of Heaven” by British transgender writer Jo Clifford. It was first performed in German on December 15th.

The Queen of Heaven, first staged in Glasgow in 2009, includes the “Bible Story” being “reconsidered by transgender Jesus.”

Clifford, a transgender woman, explained the origin of the play in an interview in 2019.

“I grew up as a Christian and taught that when I don’t know what to do, I should think,’What will Jesus do?’ I said,” Jesus is now back on earth and I am transgender. What would Jesus do if he was a woman? What would she do and what would she say? ” That was the origin of the play. “

LGBT Exhibit Bibelhaus (Vibel House)

Franklin Graham, president of Samaritan’s Purse and the Billy Graham Evangelical Association, blamed the exhibition and play in a statement to Fox News on Wednesday.

“The idea that the Bible has an LGBTQ theme is a lie,” said Graham, son of the late world evangelist Billy Graham. “When homosexuality is mentioned in the Bible, it is sin, rebellion against God, and related to God’s judgment.”

“The proposal that Jesus Christ is transgender is not only wrong, but just sick,” Graham added. “This is just someone who is trying to bring God down to his level.”

“Fortunately, God has spoken himself in the Bible, so we don’t have to wonder who Jesus Christ is,” the evangelist added. “When God sent his son to a rescue mission to Earth to save us from our sins, he chose to come to us as a man, Jesus Christ.”

”From the time of the birth of Christ on that first Christmas morning, to his sacrificial death on the cross, to his resurrection from the tomb, the Bible refers to Jesus Christ only as a man,” Graham said. Said. “There are many names of Jesus in the Bible, such as the Son of God, the Son of Man, the Prince of Peace, the Kings of Kings, and the bridegroom of the church.”Click here to get the Fox News app“The Bible leaves no confusion or uncertainty about how God revealed himself to us,” the evangelist concludes. “This is why any effort to describe Jesus Christ as transgender must be condemned as a blasphemous overthrow of the Bible.”

The German Bible Museum began playing to introduce Jesus as a transgender a few weeks before Christmas.

Source link The German Bible Museum began playing to introduce Jesus as a transgender a few weeks before Christmas.

The Queen of Heaven is a title for the Virgin Mary. All this play did was take a title from a woman and give it to a man.

#Bible museum #Germany #Queen of Heaven #Trans jesus

[bigfrozenfan-fanfics]

Chapter 07 - Mattias and Halima

Links: Chapter overview, Character list, Map, Glossar Rating: M over all Publishing cycle: each Friday on (link)

Remarks: all my chapters contain carefully selected music tracks. It’s your own decision if you want to use them or not while reading. The purpose is to musically support the respective mood of the plot. If you can please use a browser for reading (not the Tumblr app) due to the text formatting.

It was just before sunset when they reached Arendelle. Mattias' timing had been correct. They rode right through the upper rock gate and all the splendour of their homeland opened before them. When they left two days ago they still had the journey ahead of them and did not look back. But now they had Arendelle in front of them and the view from up here was overwhelming. The fields on the mountain slopes glowed in intense colours, from the gold of the wheat, through rich green and yellow of different crops for humans and animals, to a bright mixture of colours from the many fields of flowers used for decoration and for sale in shops and at the market. In the harbour the ships and boats rocked in the soft, warm breeze and behind the majestic castle of the royal family, bathed in the orange light of the setting sun, the calm waters of the Arenfjord glittered.

Mattias could not tear himself away from the sight and gently brought his horse to a halt. Halima did the same and looked over to him. He had a dreamy expression on his face and she had to smile. She could understand his feelings, as harvest time was approaching and his homeland showed itself to him in all its beauty and fertility. She was looking forward to the harvest festival. This time they would celebrate it together.

Finally they rode up slowly and they heard the bell at the clock tower in the distance strike seven times. On the way down they passed Halima's cozy little cottage and they reined the horses. Mattias jumped boldly out of the saddle and walked around the horse to help Halima get off.

“Mattias! You jump off your horse as if you were still the lieutenant from back then. Remember that you are not young anymore. You could easily sprain your ankle,” she said laughing and shook her head over his exuberance.

He grinned and helped her dismount. “Don't worry, dearest, I'm not that old.” They held each other in their arms and looked at one another in love. Time seemed to stand still for a moment. Then he kissed her tenderly and she lifted one foot in rapture.

When they separated again he gave her a last short kiss on her cheek as a farewell. “I have to ride to the castle now to take care of everything before nightfall. I will see you later. I'll pick you up for dinner.”

“All right, darling. I'll just go down to the library and drop off some books. I'd forgotten to bring them back before we left. I hope it's still open. I'll see you later.”

He got back on his horse, put the other one on a leash and waved to her as he rode off. She waved back and gazed after him till he vanished behind the next corner of the houses. Then she went inside to get the books.

~~~

As he had passed through the castle gate, he handed the horses over to a stable boy who was just passing by, and was about to go through the front door of the castle when the captain of the guard approached him.

“General Mattias. May I have a word, please?” He saluted him and Mattias nodded.

“What's it, Captain Einar?”

“Well, I ... am a little confused. I see you, but where are the queen and her fiancé? Has something happened?” His gaze showed a mixture of amazement and concern, but Mattias also noticed a slight hint of anger on his face.

“You have nothing to worry about. She is well and she is still with her sister, Elsa. She'll be back in two days.”

“With all due respect, Sir, but you left without any protection from her guards and now you're returning alone? That's-“

“Irresponsible, you mean?” Mattias gruffly interrupted the young, overzealous captain of the royal guard. But he looked at him favorably. “She is in the best of hands with Elsa, no bodyguard in the world could protect her better than she. Have you forgotten what she did last autumn to save us all from the flood? Well ...?” He looked at him, waiting.

The captain became a little pale around the nose and stuttered, unsure what to answer, “Um ... yes, well ... in that sense, of course, you're right, Sir, I just thought I ... I mean ...”

“That's all right, Captain Einar. You're just doing your duty and being very observant, that's fine. Keep up the good work. But if you'll excuse me now, I have important business to attend to.” Mattias turned and left the captain stood speechless.

~~~

Of course, it had only been half the truth and he had to lie partly; Mattias thought, but in this situation it was necessary not to tell the captain everything.

In the following hour he called together some of the older councillors who were still faithfully carrying out their duties in Queen Elsa's time and informed them of the precarious situation. He instructed everyone to keep it under wraps and to treat the matter as confidential. Everyone agreed without reservation. On most faces there was great concern and some asked about the condition of their Queen Anna. He answered their questions in concise words, but made it clear to them that a lengthy discussion would have to wait until their return.

He then went to the royal physician and asked him to prepare everything necessary and to look for answers for Elsa's condition. He did not need to tell a doctor about his duty of confidentiality. The physician nodded and hurried away to look for precedents in his textbooks.

Finally, only one thing remained to be done. He had to find two reliable people to accompany him and he already knew who.

When he stepped outside again it had already become dark and the courtyard was bathed in the flickering light of the fire bowls and some big torches. He had fresh horses brought and rode to his home. However, on the way he stopped briefly to visit two of his old comrades who were locked up with him in the Enchanted Forest. He could trust them absolutely. Among them was a woman who was supposed to take care of suitable camouflage clothes for Elsa. He gave the man the order to get an inconspicuous wagon, some ranged weapons, food and everything else for such an action. Both of them did not ask any questions and immediately took care of this responsible task, with the intention not to arouse any suspicion.

Arriving at home, he threw on fresh clothes suitable for a dinner. After his return last autumn he had to take care of a completely new wardrobe, because he simply did not fit into the old clothes anymore. He always took care of a tidy appearance, especially now, because of Halima. He took one last look in the mirror before leaving the house again.

~~~

The host cleared away the leftovers of their dinner while they leaned back contentedly. He enquired how it had tasted to them.

“That was delicious,” enthused Halima, smiling at the host and wiped the corner of her mouth with the tip of a napkin. “Compliments to the cook,” she added as he left. Her eyes lit up at Mattias, who rubbed his belly with satiation.

“I must have overdone it a bit with the portion,” he giggled and reached for his glass of red wine. “To your health, Halima.”

“To us, Mattias,” she said as she lifted her glass, toasting with him, while they looked each other in the eyes.

A short time later, they went for their walk, as previously planned. It was a starry night and Arenfjord glittered silvery in the bright moonlight. Down in the village all the lanterns were lit and from up here you could see that the taverns were very busy, now and then even the laughter of some guests came up here.

“How did it go at the castle?” Halima asked abruptly.

“Good. Everything is arranged and prepared. All is according to plan.”

“What time are you leaving tomorrow?”

“Before sunrise. On the one hand, we gain some time, because of the vehicle and on the other hand, there is hardly anyone on the streets and we will probably come out unnoticed.” He paused. “How was it with you? Was the library still open?”

“Yes, barely. Mr. Oddvar was just about to close, but I was able to return the books.”

They sat down in the grass and Mattias put an arm around her. Halima looked at him and then rested her head on his shoulder. They both remained silent and enjoyed their romantic evening on the hill above Arendelle for a long time.

~~~

Kristoff had woken up in the middle of the night because Anna was snoring loudly. It was still dark so he closed his eyes again. How would it be once they were married and he would have to sleep in their bed from now on; he thought. Then he grinned. He hadn't known that about Anna yet.

He recalled last night before his inner eyes. They had talked for a long time about what Anna had seen, and he had tried to convince her that what she had observed did not necessarily have to be true. Perhaps this impression was troubling. At some point she had calmed down again and he went out to get them both a warm dinner, which they then consumed silently inside the hut.

Afterwards she had prepared herself for the night while he turned his back on her for decency. She did not want to sleep alone and asked him to lie beside her. Inside the kota it was quite warm and so he asked if she would mind if he took off his thick leather tunic. She grinned at him and shook her head. It hadn't taken long then and she snuggled up comfortably against him. Through her thin nightdress he felt her warmth on his naked upper body, his hand lay light and tenderly above her waist. He enjoyed feeling her closeness in this way. Her slender, warm body seemed so fragile at this moment, but he knew that it was not so. If she wanted to, she could unleash an unimagined strength, not to mention her willpower and her sometimes almost unbearable pig-headedness. But at the moment all he felt was her softness and warm breath on his chest, her gentle hand on his back and her hair tickling his cheek. Sometimes she hummed softly and contentedly when she moved.

Finally her breath became more regular and she fell asleep. This night could last forever if he had his way; he thought, if only there wasn't this little thing that she snores such like she does now. But at some point he got so tired that it didn't bother him anymore and he fell back asleep with a broad smile on his face.

~~~

It was already after midnight when Honeymaren stepped out of Elsa's kota and almost silently closed the flap behind her. Elsa had fallen asleep at some point and she didn't want to wake her up.

She looked up and watched the twinkling stars in the cloudless night sky. The moon had already set and so she was now standing there in deep black darkness. “Crap,” she whispered softly to herself and turned towards her own kota by feeling. She knew that she would also find the way blindly and it was not far away. Nevertheless, she moved forward very carefully, one arm stretched out in front of her, to notice trees or a hut in time.

She finally reached the kota and listened. An unmistakable snoring told her that she was standing in front of the right hut. Her parents had certainly wondered where she was again, but it was extremely rare that she was so late. Silently she opened the flap and crept in. She groped her way to her sleeping place, unbuckled her belt and pulled the tunic over her head. Then she lay down, sighed quietly and soon fell into sleep like a rock.

~~~

At sunrise Yelana left the camp and made a long walk to a kota far away. She hadn't been here for a long time and when she finally stood in front of the hut, it immediately struck her that it had seen better days before. The wood was heavily weathered and there were open gaps between the boards in some places. Nobody had repaired or renewed anything here for a long time. She opened the flap and stepped in. In the middle of the kota sat an elderly woman who was busy with a handicraft.

“Hello, Gyda.”

“Don't call me that, Yelana. You know very well I hate that nickname.” She did not even look up when she answered in a dark and powerful voice, but continued to care for her traditional duodji. She just made one of the belts as they all wore it over the tunic here in camp. However, certain details onto it told Yelana that this belt was meant for an unmarried Northuldra.

“Well, Gyríðr, but don't you think we're both a bit old for this kind of subtlety?”

Gyda looked up briefly, swung her head back and forth in a judgmental manner and then continued with the work indifferent. Yelana took a look around the dwelling. It was full of old traditional items, including a richly decorated rare gievriej, a very old sacred shaman drum, as the noaidi used to use it for their rituals. This was long before the People of the Sun moved here near by Ahtohallan and the fifth Spirit was chosen among them. All that remained of the old tradition was the soul song of her tribe. But this one here must have been made by Gyda.

Yelana looked at her again. She had become a very old woman, the deep wrinkles in her face showed her long life experience as wife of the fifth spirit. But it was also evident that she was still troubled by the fact that he had rejected her at that time and that she was losing her high position in the tribe on those days. At some point she retreated to this place and since then she had lived as a hermit. Afterwards she only had contact to the tribe through the few Northuldra that brought her food to survive. In return, she voluntarily made traditional clothing and therefore was provided with leather, fabric and all the other things that were necessary.

Yelana didn't know everything that was going on that time then, but she needed to know if Gyda had a child with him and could somehow hide it. She cleared her throat distinctly. “There have been disturbing events and I have an important inquiry.”

Gyda didn't respond.

“Please!”

The elder woman paused and finally put her tools aside.

“Ask.”

“Had the fifth spirit begotten a progeny with you?”

Gyda gave a short, dry laugh. “Are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten what happened back then?”

Yelana tightened her eyebrows. “No, of course not. But you've been living so far out here for so long that nobody notices anything, even if you're pregnant, if you know how to hide it. I need to know, and also who helped you.”

“Even if it were, what do you care?” Gyda picked up her tools again.

“Wait. Please listen to me.” Yelana sat down and told her everything, including her suspicion that Gyda's child might be responsible. Gyda listened to her attentively and asked no questions, only her gaze grew increasingly darkened. At the end she nodded and after a little while of consideration she finally answered quietly.

“Yes, I had a child with him, a boy. I gave him the name Kolgrimr.” She hesitated, but then continued, “I was already pregnant when he abandoned me because I was no longer good enough for him and could no longer perform my duties as he expected of me to. You surely remember what he was like, how ruthless and pressing. But I wanted to protect my unborn child.” She interrupted herself and took a deep breath. “I gave birth to the child some time later and Jonna helped me with. Then this king came from the south and all these strangers started to build this dam and ...,” she faltered and looked sadly to the ground. “Sometime after the completion of this stony monster, he finally came back to me and told me something about a fraud and that the land was dying and the reindeer were suffering. He was so excited and angry, I can still remember it like it was yesterday.”

“What happened next?” asked Yelana when Gyda lost herself in memories and did not continue speaking immediately.

“He took Kolgrimr from me. Said he had to make sure that his descendant would take over when he himself was no longer around. I didn't know what he meant then and I tried to stop him, but without success. I never saw him again and later heard that he was killed in his human form. Shortly afterwards the sun darkened and this fog came. You know the rest of the story.”

“Yes, and Jonna also died fighting with the men of this dreadful king. I knew her quite well. I just don't understand why she never told me about it.”

“Because she had to promise to me not to tell anybody.”

Yelana understood and nodded. She felt pity for her, grabbed Gyda by the arm and said, “I'm very sorry for you, Gy- ... Gyríðr. No one knew about your child, and none of us wanted you living here alone. None of us ever really got it right.”

“It's not our folks' fault, I know. It was my own decision and I had my reasons.”

“Have you ever seen your son again?”

Gyda looked up. Then she slowly and sadly shook her head, “No. He's probably long dead, too.”

When Yelana later returned to the camp, she first went to her kota and thought things over thoroughly. One thing led to another and slowly a picture formed itself in her mind. It was time to make a decision, one that was very tough for her. And so she got up and walked out.

~~~

---

I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you liked the story, I would be pleased to read your opinions, even criticisms. If you want to be tagged as soon I publish the next chapter please let me know.

Tagging: @karma26 @whether-near-to-me-or-far @annaofthenorthernlights @igotelsapregnanthelp

#frozen #frozen2 #frozen3 #fanfic #epic novel #the broken bridge #chapter 07 #bigfrozenfan