#i am so fucking exhausted. i’ve worked an 8 hour day and i do NOT feel like working another entire 6 hour shift 😭😭😭 with no break

[stardustvanfleet]

hiiii my gresties….. i hope everyone’s having a good day!!! i’m in the midst of a 14 hour workday…. worked my first job 9-5 and now i’m off to my second from 5:30-11 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 please send good vibes my way….. right now the joshdown is what’s getting me through!! ily all sm

#i am so fucking exhausted. i’ve worked an 8 hour day and i do NOT feel like working another entire 6 hour shift 😭😭😭 with no break #besides the 15 minutes it takes to get home and the 5 minutes it takes to change #siiiiiigh. i wish joshy were here #li speaks #josh #BTW still finding time to work on my current josh wip and uhhhh. i may have another one in the works already too also about josh #what can i say? he simply has been making me feral lately

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Oh my god. You know it’s getting bad when you start doing things you don’t even want to do to procrastinate on something you really do want to do.

It would be one thing if it were something like a hobby; but the thing I want to do is also extremely necessary to my life.

#Hhhhhhngh #for three weeks I’ve been doing this #I’ve had all the time in the world #and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m doing this out of a subconscious desire to prove to myself that I’m actually fucked up in the head #Which is already proof enough that I have that desire in the first place; but I keep going because it’s not enough #I only ever feel like I need care when I’m at my absolute worst #And suddenly after being so exhausted that I fell asleep at 7:00 some days; I’m staying up until 2:30 AM and waking up at 8:00??? #and I feel fine and perfectly awake; but still can’t manage to get myself out of bed until 10:00 because Comfy #I sit and I read for an hour; then I go on my phone and emerge at 5:00 PM #If I go in the bathroom it takes forever to get back out because I end up talking to myself in the mirror about god knows what #I feel like I need some kind of… idk… very strong stimulant in me so I can actually care about things #not that stimulants work like that; but I need to have some kind of catastrophic life event… to get beaten up or something #something to put pure fear and concern in my veins #It is summer and there is almost no chance of me getting kicked or catching a football in the wrong place #and I don’t have to run right now either #I could do something #I know how #But even that is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation; because that ALSO makes me not want to do things #At least then I’d have a palpable (literally) excuse but uh…. I’m still kind of getting over the last time #I am on my phone all day and I recognize that’s bad; but the thing I need to do is to send an email… which is on my phone; so there’s that #hypocritical #idk there’s something about using limited supplies to deal with a problem that needs more and hoping for the best #it excites me #Makes me feel like a big boy who can handle serious situations #But if I create the problem then it means nothing except that I cannot handle problems at all #I should not have all the responsibilities I do because I am not entirely in my right mind #I am thinking about it though #It’s tempting #get behind me satan

[voulezloux]

.

#i am so stressed rn #like i’m constantly stressed all the fucking tiem #i somehow am keeping up with everything i have to do assignment wise for school #while also simulaneoualy feeling like i’m falling behind and i can’t get everything done #like it shows in my grades that i’m on top of shit #my lowest grade is a 92.9% in my law class and that’s still a fucking A #between work and school i don’t have a lot of time for myself #i need to write but i’ve been so fucking exhausted that i cannot even process writing #i’m barely processing any fic i’m reading #or textbooks that im reading #my life since january has basically been playing uber for my mom #driving my dog to and from the sitter’s #going to work #doing school #and going to all my fucking doctors appointments that i have every month #and i don’t mind playing uber for my mom i really don’t #but i’m also not getting a lot of sleep on top of everything #like at most i’ll get 7 1/2 hours on a good day #but i’m averaging 4.5-5.5 hours a night #because i stay up until midnight doing school work and i usually have to be up by 6a to drive my mom to work #i don’t go to bed usually until 1a because i’m still fuckign wired from the day #because i haven’t been able to stop and breathe #i’m p sure i’m developing some kind of eating disorder or at least disordered eating #bc since jan ive lost 22lbs #compared to march 2023 to jan 2024 where i lost 16 pounds #and i know i’m not eating enough or im not eating routinely enough and im diabetic i can’t go long hours between eating #but i’ll got like 6-8 hours between the time i eat lunch to when i eat dinner #i have to get my big bang done by the 28th bc it posts the 29th #and i have so much shit to do for school i do not know how the fuck i’m going to make it to the end of the semester #idk life sucks and i want to cry but i don’t even have time to cry

[starksbabie]

The Ink That Binds Us - Chapter 5

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Summary: In the weeks following your heat Roy has been keeping Gator extra busy, so you're missing your Alpha. Gator takes it upon himself to make sure you know he'd do anything for you, give you anything you want because you are his.

Tags/Warnings: Soulmates AU, A/B/O, smut, 18+ mdni, soulmates have matching tattoos, Gator Tillman (he’s his own warning). p in v, creampie, oral (fem receiving), breeding kink, reader takes a pregnancy test, use of pet names.

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: It's here! Sorry for the delay I have been wrapped up in a Prince Steve AU so be on the lookout for that coming soon!

Once again, you woke up alone in your nest. It has been two weeks since your heat, and you’ve barely seen your new mate. 

Gator slinks out of bed before dawn, pressing a gentle kiss to your shoulder before he goes, and does not return until long after dark if he returns at all. 

Sometimes he’s been opting to stay at his father’s ranch since most of his belongings still reside there, and it leaves him closer to be at Roy’s beck and call. 

You climb out of bed to begin your day, heading to the kitchen and wondering if Gator even made it home last night. 

Blossom 🌸 8:02 am: I miss you. The nest is beginning to smell wrong. Like you’re missing. 

His reply comes just a few minutes later. 

Gator 🐊 8:09 am: Dad’s got a lot going on so I have to be in charge for a while. I’ll be home for dinner tonight. I promise. 

You smile and bounce on the balls of your feet looking around the kitchen, you’re going to make the best dinner you can, your alpha’s been working hard. He deserves this. 

Gator pulls into the drive long after dark. He’s absolutely, overwhelmingly, exhausted, but he’s surprised to see lights still on in the house. Usually, you’ve been asleep for hours by this point. That’s when he remembers. He promised to be home for dinner. 

“Shit.” He curses under his breath. 

He hops out of the truck and quickly walks up the path, jumping the stairs before letting himself in. 

What he finds there nearly breaks his heart. 

You’re lying on the couch, wearing his favorite dress, it’s obvious you fell asleep waiting on him. 

And he can smell fresh-baked oatmeal-raisin cookies, and steak and potatoes. He knows you must have worked hard all day for him and he couldn’t even show up when he said he would. 

‘Deserves better’ his alpha snaps from the back of his mind. 

He pushes that down, walks over to the couch kneels, and softly runs his hand over your hair. 

“Blossom, wake up, baby.” He mumbles, gently shaking you. 

“Hmm?” You groan softly, waking up. 

You blink up at him, your eyes half-lidded and tired. 

“You’re home,” you smile sleepily, “I missed you.” 

You sit up and wrap your arms around his neck pulling him close. He buries his face in your neck as he climbs up onto the couch with you, lying down on top of you, inhaling your scent. 

“Missed you too, Omega. M’sorry, I’m late.” 

You gently run your fingers through his hair, softening the slicked-back locks into the soft tendrils you love. 

“S’okay-“ you begin.

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay. Fuck…” he groans softly, arguing with his Alpha. 

You hold him for a long moment. Letting him gently crush you into the couch cushions. 

“I’ve been a shit Alpha. You deserve someone who takes care of you. Who takes you out on dates? Who is good to you? Not me… not this fuck up.” He mumbles into your neck. 

“Gator, look at me.” You say softly. 

He refuses, sinking further into your scent and his self-doubt. 

You sink your fingers into his hair and gently tug at the roots. 

“Gator Tillman. Look at me.” You say, using the sternest tone he’s ever heard from you. 

He raises his head and looks at you, a little perplexed by that tone. 

“You are not a shit Alpha, and I never want to hear those words ever again. You’re my Alpha. Mine. I don’t care about going out on dates, and you’re very good to me.” You say, looking directly into his eyes, refusing to be the one to look away first. 

He leans in and rests his forehead against yours, basking in your words, for a moment. 

“But what about-“ 

“Gator, I swear,” you say, effectively cutting him off. 

He lets out a soft little laugh. 

“Don’t go turning into a brat now.” He says softly, brushing the tip of his nose against yours. 

“Then don’t act like a knothead.” You mumble softly, spreading your legs so he can slot between them. 

The two of you fit together like puzzle pieces, completing one another as he presses his lips against yours in a slow, gentle drag, his chapped lips against your pillow-soft ones. 

You pull away and press a small, soft kiss on his head. 

“My Alpha, perfect for me.” You whisper against his skin. 

He wraps his arms around you and buries his face back into the crook of your neck, softly kissing your mating mark as he falls asleep. 

You hold him close and close your eyes as well, letting yourself relax and be lulled into sleep. Comforted by your Alpha. 

You wake up the next morning and groan softly, stiff from having slept on the couch but feeling more at peace and well-rested than you have in days. 

You softly card your fingers through Gator’s soft hair, relishing the sleepy sounds he makes as he wakes up. 

“Good morning, handsome.” You whisper. 

“Mornin’ Blossom.” He mumbles, his voice still thick with sleep. 

You smile, you relish this, this softness, that no one else gets to be privy to. Something that is only between the two of you. 

“You want me to make ya some breakfast before your shift?” You ask, as you softly run your hand up and down his spine, unable to keep your hands off him. 

He relaxes into you a little more. 

“You don’t mind?” 

“Not at all, handsome. C’mon. Get up. You get ready, and I’ll fix you something to eat.” You kiss his cheek before dropping your arms from around him. 

He rolls off the couch, less than gracefully, before popping up and helping you stand. 

He drops a kiss to the top of your head, before heading off to the shower. 

You step into the kitchen and begin to fix him some breakfast. 

Eggs, toast, bacon. Doing your very best to have it all finished at the same time. 

Gator steps into the kitchen, hair slicked back, holster around his thigh, and the rest of his gear situated just right.

You both sit to eat, and you watch as he devours his food, as always. Light conversation about plans for the day. 

As per usual, Gator can’t tell you much about anything. You try to not let it bother you. Even though it does. 

You hold onto his vest as he kisses you hard before he leaves. His tongue slid alongside yours, his hands squeezing your hips, pulling you flush against him, making sure you’ll think about nothing but him all day long. 

After your shift at the diner, you stop at the pharmacy to pick up a few things. You walk past the pads and tampons and pause. You do the mental math and your eyes go a little wide. 

Your hand instinctually rests on your lower belly. 

“Oh my god…” you bite your lip and glance at the tests next to you. You grab one and toss it in your basket before you can think too hard about it. 

Once you get home, you sit in the bathroom on top of the closed toilet lid and stare at the package. 

“This is silly… it was one heat. There’s no way…” you toss the test into the drawer and head back into the living room to watch some mindless television. 

However, it’s like the test is mocking you from the other room. 

Soon you find yourself back in the bathroom, the foil ripped open, and you take the test. You sit on the floor with the test on the edge of the tub as you wait for the results. 

Your hand once again goes to rest on your lower belly. 

“You’re going to be so loved…” you smile softly. 

A few minutes later you lift the test and it’s like a rock develops where your heart should be.  

Only one line. 

Negative.

“Oh.” 

You suddenly feel so silly and stupid for your behavior. You quickly toss everything in the trash bin as your eyes well with tears. 

You’re not even sure why you’re so upset. It’s not even something you were really thinking about, but now that it’s not happening you’re crushed. 

You move to the bedroom and crawl into your next hiding yourself under your blankets as the tears begin to fall. ‘Bad Omega, failure.’ Your omega whispers in the back of your mind. That’s where Gator finds you. 

He’d come home expecting to find you in the kitchen making dinner, or at least in the living room watching something on the TV. When he doesn’t see you he begins looking around calling out for you, becoming a little more panicked when you don’t respond. 

When he finally finds you buried in your nest he’s concerned. 

“Blossom? What’s wrong, Omega?” He sits next to you softly cupping your cheek, his thumb wiping away your tears. 

You turn your head away from him hiding yourself from his gaze. 

“Don’t. Look at me,” He says, “Omega, what is going on? Talk to me.” 

“It’s s-stupid.” You mumble into the sheets

“It’s not stupid if it’s made you this upset. C’mon little one. Tell me what’s wrong.” He says, lifting your chin so he can look at you. 

You pause for a long moment looking up at him, thinking about how you want to tell him.

“I took a pregnancy test.” You finally say. The words slipping out easier than you thought they would. 

His face lights up, and that joy you see on his face, it kills you. It makes you feel even worse because you know what you have to say next, but he interrupts you before you can get the words out. 

“Omega mine. Why would you be upset about that? A baby is amazing.” He smiles and he moves to put his hand on your belly but you know if he touches you there you’ll scream. 

“It was negative.” you choke out.

“Oh…” he pauses and lays down pulling you close, letting you rest your head on his chest. 

You hold onto him nuzzling your face into his scent gland, calming yourself. 

“I didn’t know you wanted a baby so badly.” He whispers. 

“Neither did I.” You say, your lips softly brushing against his skin. 

He tries to contain the shiver that runs through him at the feeling of your lips on him. 

“But I do,” you whisper, “please Alpha?” 

He groans and rolls over on top of you pinning you to the mattress. 

“You’re killing me, Omega,” He softly rolls his hips against yours as he kisses you, “I’ll give you a pup. Fuck one into this cute belly of yours. Make you a mommy.”

He takes his time, slowly peeling away each layer of clothing. Pressing kisses to every inch of newly revealed skin. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful. I’m the luckiest Alpha alive.” He growls as he slips your panties off, and situates himself between your thighs, inhaling deeply. 

You blush at his actions, lying back in your nest. 

“Fuck, you smell so sweet for me. M’gonna get you nice and wet. So ready to take my cock, okay?” He slowly trails kisses up your inner thigh before burying his face in your cunt, tracing his tongue up and down your slit as his large hands hook under your thighs and settle on your hips. 

You gasp softly and close your eyes, settling more into the feelings. The softness of your nest, the roughness of Gator’s hands on your hips, the soft wet sounds of his tongue between your thighs, and the pleasure he brings you. 

He begins to softly suck on your clit as you begin to get wetter, he moans and the vibrations cause you to arch your back. 

“Good girl, Blossom. That’s right. Grind on my tongue, sweet girl.” He moans again. 

You thread your fingers in his hair, tugging lightly as you gasp out his name, the flames of pleasure licking up your spine. 

He slips two fingers into your entrance, your wetness making it easy, as he curls them and massages the soft spongy spot he knows drives you insane. 

You dig your heels into his back trying to scramble away from him as you reach that precipice. Your Alpha only holds you tighter refusing to let you run from your own pleasure. 

You scream out his name as you come apart on his tongue. 

He laps up your essence before pulling away and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand smirking. 

“Fuckin’ delicious, Omega.” 

You blush and hide your face in the crook of your elbow. 

He grabs your hand and uncovers your face smirking down at you. 

“Hey there pretty girl.” 

“Hi.” You smile softly looking up at him. 

He holds your hands down on either side of your head and kisses you softly as you wrap your legs around his hips, the head of his cock nudging gently against your clit once, twice, before he presses into you. 

He groans softly against your lips, “holy shit, Omega… how are you always so fuckin’ tight?” 

He gives you a moment to adjust before he begins slowly rolling his hips against yours. Each thrust was measured, slow and deep. 

“Feels so good, Alpha. Always feels so good.” You whisper, wrapping your arms around him, clinging to him. 

He presses his forehead to yours, taking his time as the pace of his thrusts speeds up, still just as deep, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix each time he presses into the hilt. 

“You feel like heaven, my love. I’m gonna give you a baby sweet Omega. Gonna give you everything you want. I promise.” He kisses you deeply as he gets closer, picking up speed as he gets closer.  

You gasp softly at his words, “I’m close Alpha, please.” 

“I know, Omega. I can feel you squeezing me. I’m almost there. Gonna fill you up. Gonna give you all of me. Fuck… wait for me, baby.” He growls softly. 

He holds you close and kisses you deeply the curly hairs at the base of his cock stimulating your clit in just the right way as he grinds his hips into yours. 

He thrusts a couple more times as he cums deep inside you, his thick spend painting your inner walls as you gasp and come hard around him. 

“That’s right, Omega. Doing so good for me. Taking me so well. Love you so much.” He holds you close as you both come down from your euphoria. 

“Love you too, Alpha. Thank you… thank you.” 

You press soft kisses everywhere you can reach, keeping your legs up and wrapped around him. 

He presses his hand down on your lower belly.

“This is where my pups will grow. Just give it time, Omega mine. Just give it time.”

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#alpha!gator tillman x omega!reader #gator tillman #gator tillman x reader #gator x reader #gator smut #gator fargo #fargo fx #fargo season 5 #fargo s5 #onyx writes things #gator tillman smut #gator tillman x you #gator tillman fic #gator tillman imagine #a/b/o #a/b/o dynamics #a/b/o au

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for abandoning my assistant at our new job?

I (22F) am a grocery store department manager and my assistant (26F) is my best friend. We previously worked at nice, low-volume, good work culture type store for a year and a half together while she was still a clerk. The notoriously horrible and constantly-falling-apart store down the street suddenly had two openings for our department for manager and assistant manager. She was definitely overqualified to become an assistant and I had good reports as the manager at this location, and thought we could work some magic on that place and really shape it up. So we made a plan, applied for the transfer and we were accepted. Once we started working there the department started performing amazingly and the people within the department were very happy with us as the new management crew.

Two issues - number 1 there is a store assistant manager who is racist, homophobic, and sexually harasses employees (she has 15+ HR complaints against her and it’s beyond me why corporate doesn’t fire her). She has targeted my assistant and within her first 5 days of working there, she wanted to call for a replacement, and called her lazy. I knew about this person before transferring but my assistant didn’t. I warned her beforehand and encouraged her to use the corporate HR hotline to report any and all behavior. (I have been a victim of this lady too, she asks me invasive sexual questions…)

Number 2 - I am now being worked 7 days a week, 10-12 hour days, and various start times anywhere between midnight and 1 pm. I’ll be off at 4 pm from a day shift, have to go back in at midnight, work midnight to noon, and then cover the evening call out by going in for another 2 hours from 4pm-6pm. Because I’m the manager, I can be worked like a dog but other people are not allowed to even stay an hour of overtime per week. My sleep deprivation has led me to faint, be hospitalized, miss doctors appointments, etc. All around awful. My store managers recognize that I’m suffering but due to corporate standards for scheduling, there is no escaping this, unless I want to make my poor assistant go through what I’m going through, which I refuse to allow another person to experience this.

I can’t take it anymore. I finally broke when I showed up to a scheduled overnight shift 2.5 hrs late due to pure exhaustion, and started having hallucinations on shift. Corporate surprised us at 8 am that day and gave my department a bad review, and I broke down in the middle of the sales floor in front of corporate, customers, and my store managers screaming “FUCK THIS I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE.”

I was surprised that I wasn’t fired but store management was surprised that I didn’t walk out. I didn’t because I have rent to pay. But the incident finally made me realize that this store is hurting my health and I’ve decided to send applications out to other jobs. Stepping down within the company or transferring back to the old store is not an option because department head is not open and even if I stepped down, they’d still work me like a department manager because they know what work I’m capable of. I want something new, a fresh clean slate.

However my assistant very badly needed this pay raise and guaranteed full time contract. She wouldn’t leave. She has an upcoming wedding and needs to put food on the table for her child. She is my best friend outside of work and we’re very close. I would feel terrible abandoning her in an already shitty work situation that I dragged her into - it was my idea and my reference for her promotion. I made promises to take care of a certain portion of duties if she did another portion. If I left, it would be ALL on her, job of both assistant and manager either as an assistant or if she’s offered manager. Either way, that would be a worse schedule than what I’m going through right now. And she would have to deal with that terrible store assistant alone. Anyways, I’d be scared to lose her friendship if I left. But I can’t take it anymore. She recognizes that too, however, she’s sympathetic to the literal medical faults my schedule is causing.

I feel like it’s my fault that she got harassed in the first place, and I feel like it’s my fault that she’s now unhappy with her job. I don’t want to lose my best friend.

WIBTA for leaving my job?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[popcornforone]

Christmas Wish

A Tim Rockford fan fic

I got in from the cinema tonight at about 10:30 watches a bit of tv & then went on tiktok & then couldn’t sleep. It’s now 2am & a small idea I had I’ve now almost completed a first draft of. & I think you will get the finished product soon. See this is why I have lots of fics in draft. Because bang I will get a new idea & then I’ll just write. Also I can’t believe I’m writing Tim again. Send help (but please don’t)

Synopsis: your taking your kids to see Santa but your husband isn’t sure he will make it on time. But a Santas wish box might make all your dreams come true.

Word count:3800

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF TOU ARE UNDER 18! PIV sex, breeding kink, pregnancy, swearing. Previous sexual encounters & fantasies mentioned. Husband & wife, swearing. Mentions of alcohol, teasing, crime is mentioned but not in detail, bedroom voice, Tim likes to be incontrol but he’s not a dom. cock warming, intense sex.

Thanks as always for reading peoples. All feedback is welcome.

3 rings, he always answers exactly after 3 rings no matter who it is. Today is no different.

“Detective Rockford” he answers professionally.

“Tim?” He turns red straight away & starts mouthing to the two other officers in the room with him working the case. He’s saying it’s you & it’s a family emergency.

“Ahhh hang on” he scurries out of the room & into his office down the corridor closing the door behind him. “Sorry still working the case, we’ve almost made a break through.” He says as he rubs his hand across his forehead. He always tried to think like the criminal to catch them & this case has pushed him a little. He’s often got home late exhausted & full of concern that that longer this person is on the loose, the harder it will be to find them.

“That’s not the only thing that needs to be considered” you say. He can hear babbling going on in the back ground. He’s worked out it’s your 5 year old & 2 year old. “How much later are you going to be tonight Tim?” You sound exasperated.

“Maybe an hour, so close, we’re so so close,” he then pauses “wait… I’m missing something, arent I?” He says. You falling silent down the other end of the phone confirms this. “Fuck! What am I missing?” His eyes scrunch up in anger, that he’s got caught up in his work once again. You knew being Mrs Rockford would come with moments like this, but recently it’s becoming more frequent.

“It’s 5pm at the moment, we are meant to all be meeting Santa at the North Pole Grotto at 6:30pm” you say calmly down the phone. You know annoying him by going I told you to set a reminder when you booked it 2 months ago, will piss him off. “I understand though Tim, this is a huge case. It will make our town safe. I can call them up & push it to next week if I do it in the…” Tim then hears your 5 year old son start singing jingle bells in the back ground. He knows he’s probably in his light up raindeer jumper & is so excited to see Santa tonight.

“No, you have to go. I’ll try & get there. I’m sure I’ve got the address, I’ll do my best”

“Tim I can…”

“No I can hear Jason singing in the background, don’t break his heart, I’ll make it up to him & Grace & you, especially you.” He looks at his watch. He can do this. He’s then disturbed as someone taps on the glass of his door. “Baby I gotta go, but promise me you’ll take the kids okay, even if I have to then come back to work, I’ll do my best”

“Tim I…”

“Promise me” he used his moody interrogation voice. That’s how you met. You had been a witness to a crime & he talked to you at the police station. He got no new clues out of you, but you left your number in case he needed to ask you anything else. 3 weeks later, you were handcuffed to his bed, screaming Tim’s name as he licked every inch of your pussy. His face glistening as he told you how good you tasted before he ravaged you for the next 2 days. Even detective Rockford through a sicky to pleasure his new girlfriend. That was almost 8 years ago. You knew what you were getting yourself into by having a relationship with someone like him, both work wise & sexually.

“Okay detective” you say & then sigh. He doesn’t even say bye down the phone, clearly somethings come up. You say to the beeping cancel tone “I love you baby” before Jason starts jumping about to the next Christmas song.

*

You are sat in the ‘north pole’ bouncing Grace on your lap who looks adorable in her snowman outfit. Jason is busy saying exactly what he wants Santa to get him.

“A rocket ship, lego, slime, chocolate, more chocolate…” the list keeps going.

“Yea Jason. Santa will see us in a second. He’s got lots of people to see. I think you just need to pick 3 items for today.” You say & he sits down next to you.

“What do you want for Christmas Mummy?” He asks. You had no idea your son was so thoughtful. The look on his face is genuine. He really wants to know.

“For you & your sister to have the best Christmas” you say & wrap your arms around him. His hug is pure love, the only kind of love a 5 year old can give.

“Oooh im not sure I can wrap that up, what can I actually get you?” Jason hugs you. You know what you really want but you know Jason can’t get it for you. You go to answer with something trivial, but your then interupted by a teenager dressed as an Elf.

“The Rockfords?” You stand up & go to speak.

“Yep that’s us” an echoing voice comes from down the corridor. Tim is lightly jogging your way & the beam on your face can’t be denied.

“Daddy!” Tim scopes Jason up into his arms.

“Hey sport” he gives his boy a big kiss & ruffles Graces hair as she’s almost asleep on you. “Couldn’t miss this for the world” he kisses your cheek & you turn as red as a robins breast. Tim is still in his full detective gear. Holsters & everything. It’s giving you flash backs to some previous role play. He’s previously just left his tie & the holsters on while he’s fucked you & fake interrogated you in bed. The last time he did it, he growled just before his point of climax are you on birth control, you screamed no. You didn’t know Tim had a breeding kink until that moment as he went oh we’re gonna make this stick then. He fucked you all night, even when you woke up in the morning. He was late for work that’s day & you walked slowly for a week. The man delivered though, 9 months later Grace was born.

“I’m glad you made it baby” you say to him as you enter the first room & you are both offered a mince pie. Tim bites into his & his face lights up even more.

“Oooh this tastes good, I haven’t eaten since breakfast” he says & after you’ve had a small bite of yours, you offer it to him. There’s no point rolling your eyes at Tim not eating, his job means he sometimes doesn’t stop for hours. “Thanks beautiful” he says.

You’re then asked if you’d all like to stand infront of a fake fire for a family photo. Usually Tim hates this but he sees Jason get ready to pose & smile.

“Oooh absolutely” a few sensible & also funny family photos are taken in front of the fire & you know by the time you are done with Santa, you will have the jpegs emailed across to print off at home. Tim smiles genuinely in every single photograph. It makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. Those eyes that made you fall for him, dazing in the fake fire light. So warm cozy & loving much like his hugs on a cold winters night. He sees you look & looks back into your own soft blue eyes. “Hello you” he whispers. He can see the love reflecting back to him. His hand slowly fits in yours. So large but soft. The way his thumb goes across your knuckles to start with arouses you.

“Are you all ready to meet Santa?” the elf says, bring you both back to reality.

“Yes” Jason shouts. You & Tim both nod. You’re just happy to see Tim enjoying a family moment & forgetting about work stress.

“Well let’s go” The elf lifts up the icicle beaded curtain & Jason bounds in & you & then Tim follow.

There sits Santa. On his big red chair. A large tree, 3 large sacks of gifts & a few toys on the floor. It’s in a cabin setting. Jason doesn’t move, hes star struck.

“Go on Jason” you say & he then grabs Tim’s leg feeling a little shy.

“Hohoho is that Jason Rockford?” Santa asks in his deep voice. Jason nods, but still hangs onto daddy. “& that then must be mummy & daddy & is that your little sister Grace?” He asks, rubbing his belly. His beard is magnificently white & the suit is cherry red. You knew there was a reason why people booked up this Santa experience.

“How do you know my sisters name?” Jason asks suspiciously.

“It’s my job to know everyone’s name” Santa laughs “especially those on the nice list” Jason still hasn’t budged from Tim. Tim then gets down to his knees & looks at his son.

“Come on Jason, it’s only Santa, he wants to talk to you” he gestures. Jason still says nothing, not moving, standing firm. “Didn’t you want to tell him what was on your Christmas list, you told mummy earlier didn’t you.” Jason then shakes his head. Seeing Santa might have been what he’s wanted for the last 3 weeks but a 5 year old can’t process all those emotions. “Then tell me, tell daddy.”

“Chocolate” Jason says quietly.

“Sorry sport, speak up I missed that”

“More chocolate”

“Oooh chocolate I love chocolate” Santa Ho Ho Hos again & leans into a box,” i like Milky Way”

“That’s my fave too” Jason turns his head & he sees Santa holding one. In a flash Jason is no longer star struck or shy. He is on Santas knee, telling him about his gifts he’s like & what he thinks Grace wants & the elf’s take photos.

“He’s forward like his mum” Tim whispers in your ear as you hand Grace over for the kids to have their own Santa photo.

“& shy to start with like his dad, but then once your out of the shell” you smile at him.

“Thought you like me being outgoing and adventurous” Tim says. He then does that thing with his hand, the way he rubs it around his neck always has you pining, you have no idea why, it just does.

“I want any version of you my love” you then see Santa start to wrap it up the fun.

“Now here’s a small gift” he starts & he hands one to Jason & one to you for Grace as Tim picks her up.” To keep you going until Christmas night okay”

“Wow really, thanks Santa” Jason hugs him & we thank him too.

“Don’t forget to put your Christmas wishes in the box on your way out. Ho Ho Ho & Merry Christmas” he says & your family leave the room.

You look at the wish box & get Jason to write his down & you do one for Grace. But then you see Tim with a piece of paper.

“Baby what are you…”

“You need to do one too” he says as take a photo of his before he drops his in the box “otherwise your Christmas wish won’t come true” you smile & do the same.

“Okay Tim” after dropping your wish into the box, you leave as a family & Tim helps you get the kids in the car, once you get to the car park.

“Are you coming home” you ask being hopeful.

“No I’m not, I have to go back, I’ve got a murderer interview to conduct.”

“You found them”you say excitedly.

“Yes, the team left to arrest him while I’ve been here, but I promise to not be too late okay” you can tell by the looks of it in his eyes that he wants to do nothing more than follow you & the kids home right now. Both will be sound asleep before he gets home tonight, there’s even a chance you might be.

“It’s okay baby, I get It” you smile & go to open your car door but he blocks you getting into it. Your eyes connect & the kiss Tim gives is sweet & soft & your gloved hands graze his beard. You don’t want this kiss to end. He looks full of both sorrow & love as the kiss breaks.

“I love you” Tim says & he traces his thumb across your lips & leaves you standing by the car as he walks off to go get in his.

*

Christmas Day madness has happened & you get into bed in your new pink fleece snoopy pyjamas that you got for Christmas. The clean up can start tomorrow. Your parents have agreed to get up if the kids are an issue tonight. In walks Tim into the bedroom in his dark blue pinstripe Pyjamas & he gets under the duvet with you & kisses your cheek.

“I’ve got 1 more Christmas gift for you baby & I think you have one for me”he says with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Tim you know that we were always going to have…”

“No no nope, im not talking about sex” he says & he grabs his phone. “I want to show you what my Christmas wish was that I asked Santa for.” Your eyes dilate. You’d forgotten you did that on the evening you met Santa but now you’re excited to see what his was & to share yours.

“Really Tim?” You say excitedly & move close to him under the duvet. Your hand goes for his groin automatically, you know full well that sex is also on the cards, as you slip your hand beneath his bottoms. He lets out a small deep moan & you’re not just hot due to your new fluffy sleep wear. You want your husband, & he wants his wife.

“Y…ye…oooh yes” he says. You’re not sure if that’s a reaponse to sharing or your hand working his length or both, but the way his eyebrows twitch & the more breathing he does you think it’s more from arousal. He then grabs your hand & takes it away. “I don’t want to cum already” he mumbles & pulls you in so your head rests on his top. Such a firm chest & the broadest shoulders tower above you.

He scrolls through his photos.

“Your not worried you wish won’t come true baby”

“Ooh sweetheart” Tim kisses your forehead “it’s Christmas it’s a time for miracles” he says cockily.

“Did you just try & be Hans Gruber?” You ask & you both giggle.

“Guilty as charged” he says & then he flips his phone around & you look at what he wrote on the piece of paper. Your eyes well up.

For my families love & understanding everyday, not just at Christmas.

Your arms fling around his neck & you kiss him hard. So deep so passionate so intense.

“You’ve always had that Tim”

“I know, I just sometimes take it for granted” the way his hand strokes your hair sends a sensation down your spine. His lips are soft as the keep making contact with yours.

“Do you…”

“After this” he moans as he reaches the hem of your fleece top, always a man who knows what he wants. A man who gets results. He might not be in his detective gear right now, but it wasn’t the detective fantasy you fell in love with 8 years ago. It was those big eyes, that smoulder, the messy hair, the deep sexual voice, those large hands that make your body do extraordinary things. You love Tim Rockford, he never had to be a detective to get you in bed, although now that is sometimes useful.

Your pyjamas are off before his & he kisses your tummy. Your stretch marks always get the first kisses just before he slips inside you. You still don’t like them & always gasp when he kisses them.

“There’s nothing sexier than these baby, they made the two best things in my life, be proud” his top has gone & his bottoms follow quickly. His long length dripping already. You’re so aroused that you know you won’t need lube tonight. The way his hands caress your hips as he goes between your legs. You feel the tip tease your clit & the moan you let out has Tim licking his lip.”okay maybe that noise is, make that noise again” he breaches you. He’s not fully in but it has you hand clutching the pillow. He always makes you stretch. He likes to go in slowly & sensually. You oblige & moan again. “That’s my good girl, you’re on my nice list” the next rock he’s almost fully inside. You’re already clamping around him. He feels so good.

“a nice list?” You stutter.

“Yes” the next thrust he’s completely inside you & you cry his name. “You are such a good girl except when it comes to sex, then your naughty but you do that to make me happy” he raises his eyebrows as his next thrusts hits the soft spot. The one that makes you see starts. You close your eyes, pleasure taking over as he slowly rocks into you & your body responds enjoying each movement. Your eyes open after an extraordinary kiss. He feels even deeper inside you tonight. You’re extra sensitive to each graze inside your core.

He lowers himself so he’s all but lying on top of you. Just hoovering slightly. His hands grab either side of the pillow by your head. You lift your hands up & hold his face, & look directly into his eyes. The sweat glistening off his head. His body moving in a rhythm that’s unmatched. It makes you purr.

“Baby”

“Oooh baby”

It’s intense staring into each others eyes. The way he works his hips. Your friction against him has you whimpering.

“Ooooh yes yes yes yes don’t stop, keep going oooh fuck” your heart races.

“Oooh you like that, fuck you do” those massive brown eyes are the largest you’ve ever seen. He’s lost in his lust & desire for you. That turns you on even more.

“Tim oh Tim. Yes Tim”

“You take me so well baby” one of the hands stops gripping the pillow & lightly goes around your neck. Each thrust deep. It hits the spot without fail. You feel extraordinarily sexy as his grinds his teeth. The beads of sweat drip onto your chest.

“Keep going im so close” you just about get the words out. His grip tightens & you start gasping & he is pulsing. You’re sure the bed is creaking. You’re hoping no one can hear your collective moans.

“You wanna cum?” Tim growls as his other hand tugs at your hair. “Do you think you’ve earnt it? Do you want to drench me? Make me spill inside you?” you love it when he gets in the zone & starts using his menacing voice. Criminals cave in for this tone but you squirt when he gets it right. What brings nightmares for others makes you orgasm.

“Ye yea…. Yess”

“If I cum your gonna keep me warm, your going to sleep all night with my hard throbbing cock buried inside you. We’re gonna stimulate you so you stay wet & I stay hard. You’re gonna be cock drunk when you wake up on Boxing Day, my naughty wife.” You hear these words escape Tim’s mouth but they don’t make sense. You’ve lost all cognitive thoughts. Your about to scream so that everyone knows your husband has satisfied you. “Cum baby, cum for your hubby”

The way you scream Tim’s name is deep & low, because you are almost speechless. You gush & drench his length as he keeps going inside you. Even if you weren’t speechless, nothing could describe what you’re experiencing right now.

“Yes baby, that’s my girl, oooh fuck oooh god oooh yesssss” Tim screams. His hand squeezes once more around your neck, his sperm flows inside you, filling you up. His body also juddering, from the extreme pleasure. He sharply let’s go of your neck & you gasp for as much air as you can in 3 seconds before your mouth is occupied with his. Your bodies roll you both out of your highs, slow rocks to calm you down. His hands are in your hair & on your breasts. Yours are also in his hair & stroking that small little patch he has in his beard, your favourite place for cheeky kisses. Eventually your bodies do stop rocking & your collective panting goes quiet. There is a squelching noice from his penis still semi hard inside your.

“Baby” you eventually say & flutter your eyes open.

“Ooh baby in deed” he goes to roll off you & then remembers his promise. You moan slightly as he withdraws but he is swiftly back inside you semi hard, being your big spoon. Even like this he feels good inside you. Cock warming is often something you do as you fall asleep after sex.

“Was that the best Christmas gift?”Tim whispers.

“Well it’s either that or the watch?” You giggle as he moves your hair to the side to kiss your neck. Such small soft little pecks.

“See we can make everyone’s Christmas wish come true” he says. “Hang on you never showed me what you asked santa for”

“Did I not?”

“No we got so into the moment after my reveal that we forgot”

“Hmmm”you reach your arm out & grab your phone. A smile comes across your face. “Promise to not over react?” You say with a little snigger.

“Baby what could…” Tim then looks & the photo on the phone startled. He takes it from you & stares at it. He then throws it down the end of the bed. His hands trail down your body as harder kisses fill your neck & cheek. “Seriously?” You nod “but today? How?” He’s really shocked.

“I was in charge” you smile & turn your head around so his lips can find yours.

“My cleaver girl”

You slowly both nod off to sleep exhausted, his cock still inside you, the kisses eventually stop. His hand also stops rubbing his most favourite place of all. Eventually your phone screen turns off. Your wish was always going to be true.

For Jason & Grace to love their new sibling, who should be here come August.

#pedro pascal #fanfic #my fics #smutt #no minors #over18 #pedro pascal cinematic universe #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal fan fic #pedro pascal fandom #tim rockford fic #tim rockford fanfic #detective tim rockford #tim rockford #tim rockford fanfiction

[defira85]

I've got an hour and a half left of the year so let's be introspective - 2023 was pretty fucking garbage, and that's saying a lot after the mess of last year

It was the first time in 8 years that I struggled with active thoughts of suicide again

I really wanted things to get easier this year after the shit that went down last year - the sudden death of my mother-in-law, being absolutely dragged through the mud by my Covid infection, and a colossal mess with work when my boss developed Long Covid and ended up taking 5 months off of work. I thought that, given time, the grief would become easier to manage, and the work stress would ease up when my boss returned to work in January, and my health would be manageable

The larger cracks started forming in around April, and in July I started seeing a psychologist again. The decline got worse around August, and by late October it was... well. It was that.

The grief never got easier. I'm still waiting for it to be something bearable, but I think the fact that she died of a very traumatic heart attack and - for those who have been paying attention to my posts - I run a practice for a cardiologist means that I have to go into work every day and look into the faces of people who don't want to take medication for their hearts, and who don't want surgery for their hearts, and I want to shake them and tell them that they're resigning their families to unbelievable trauma and heartache that is literally preventable... it's not the same job as it was eighteen months ago

Add on to that the fact that our receptionist got more and more aggressive towards our preventative health measures as time wore on to protect the doctor and enable him to keep working with Long Covid and literally keep us employed, resulting in massive outbursts from her in October and November that I had to just sit and take because I had to be the professional even while she was lashing out and treating me like shit

It's been hard. It's been really hard. Last year was garbage but god this year was bleak

I tried getting back into fandom this year after the start of the pandemic just killed my spirit dead in the water, and it's been miserable. 2020 was only 3 years ago, but the difference in 3 years feels so so stark. The bleak silence in response to "content" instead of community like I used to see and partake in is so demoralising and so humiliating. I write because I have stories I want to share, but who am I sharing them with? I don't know! The numbers tick very slowly up, so SOMEONE is reading, but I don't know them from a bar of soap. I've tried joining conversations in a couple of fandoms on tumblr and it all fizzles out to nothing. Everyone and everything is on discord these days, and I'm just not interested in that for fandom

No prophesying for 2024, but the receptionist quit on the last business day of the year, so I never have to see her again. I'm terrified that the doctor will decide we don't need to replace her and will expect me to be his receptionist and nurse and secretary and practice manager and hospital bookings manager all in one... without the pay rise to match, and without the acknowledgement that I absolutely cannot do all of that by myself without help. I'm glad the bitch is gone but I'm so miserable thinking about the coming years work. My doctor wants to do more mental health stuff including eating disorder stuff and it's exhausting still trying to get that under control when I'm nearly 40

I don't even know what the point of this post was. It's not a happy one. Maybe it's good to spew it all out here with the intention of leaving it in the past

I just don't know what the future holds. I don't know what to hope for anymore. I just want this year to be over though

#Defira rambles #suicide mention

[hiraeth-witch-11]

Possessed

Oneshot? TBD. Maybe I'll use this storyline to practice writing smut.

Warnings: possession, Billy Russo

Word Count: 800ish

“This is not how I expected being possessed to go. Not that I ever gave it a whole lotta thought, but if I did, this wouldn’t be it.” You stare into the mirror, watching as the black clears from your eyes.

You’re tellin’ me, the demon grumbles.

“Hey, this is on you. I didn’t ask to be possessed.”

I tried to possess literally anyone else. It didn’t work.

“It’s not my fault you have performance anxiety, dude.”

I’ll have you know my performance is just fine. Or it would be if I had my own body.

“Why don’t you just leave and go back to hell? Start all over again.”

I am not goin’ back to hell. I just need some time to figure this out, is all.

“Well you’re in my head and I don’t know how well we’re gonna work out, considering you sound like a guy and I’ve got tits and all that.”

I noticed. The bastard sounded smug about it.

“Hey! Keep your eyes to yourself!”

I can’t help what you see, princess.

“Don’t call me that, asshole. I have a name.”

You haven’t told me your name. How am I supposed to know?

“Oh, my bad.” You tell him your name and he repeats it to himself.

I’m William Russo, but you can call me Billy.

“I would say it’s nice to meet you Billy, but it really isn’t. I’m going to have to ask you politely to leave. Please.”

Not gonna happen, sweetheart.

“Don’t call me that either. If you won’t leave on your own, I’m going to have to make you leave.”

The demon-Billy chuckles in your mind. Go for it, baby. 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! Enough with the pets names and wipe the smug look of your nonexistent face. I’m a quick learner- well maybe not that quick- but I’m not stupid and I’ll figure out how to exorcize you if it’s the last thing I do!”

I guess I’ll be here for a while then. How long do you humans live these days?

“I’ll figure it out. I will, Billy. Just wait and see.”

Okay, darlin’. I believe you.

“That’s still a pet name. We need to come to some sort of agreement on all this otherwise we’re gonna drive each other crazy.”

Speak for yourself. I’m already insane.

“That is not reassuring to hear at all, William.”

Just bein’ honest. What’d you have in mind?

“Uh I haven’t thought that far. Gimme a second.” You take your time and think. If Billy can see what you see and feel what you feel, this could get awkward fast. How could you go to work if he was constantly chattering?

I do not ‘chatter’.

“You could hear me thinking?” You ask with a start.

Every word.

“Can you please not do that?”

I’ll do my best, doll. No promises.

“Okay, so we need to have some ground rules with this. I gotta work and it’s gonna get distracting if you’re in here causing problems. And who the fuck even says doll anymore?.”

I’ll try not to distract you at work, but I’m not gonna be silent for 8 hours-

“12 hours. Most of my shifts are longer than 8 hours.”

Shit. Yeah, no I won’t be silent for that long. I’ll get bored and you don’t wanna deal with me while I'm bored.

“I don’t want to deal with you at all,” you complain.

What’s next?

“You can’t look when I’m showering or getting dressed or doing anything like that.”

I can’t really help what you see.

“Are we like completely sharing all my senses?”

Mmm not completely. I gotta focus to get past sight and hearing.

“At least that’s something. I guess I’m showering and changing with my eyes closed from now on.”

I’ve been in hell for God knows how long and you’re gonna deny me the first good view I’ve had in years? 

“Don’t be a pervert.”

I prefer the term ‘lecher’.

“That really isn’t much better, Russo.”

I may be a demon, but I’m still a man.

This is why I’m gay, you think to yourself.

You’re gay? I can work with that. We both like women, we got somethin’ to talk about now.

“I am not talking about women with you, Russo. Look, I’m exhausted and I want to go to sleep. This whole possession thing has been draining.”

Fine by me.

“Glad I have your permission, William,” you say sarcastically as you shuck your clothes, eyes squeezed shut. You slip on your pjs and practically sink into your mattress.

This is a real comfy bed. Much better than what I had back when I was human.

“Thanks, now please stop talking and let me sleep.”

Good night, love.

“I’m not your ‘love’.” 

Good night, William. 

I wonder if I’ll be able to watch your dreams. 

“Oh my God just please shut up!”

Let me know if you want to be added to or removed from a taglist. Feedback is the spice of life, any and all thoughts are welcome.

Billy Russo Taglist: @snowkestrel, happydeanpotter

Everything Taglist: @kayhi808,

#billy russo x reader #the punisher #fluff #demon!billy russo #possession

[honmyoseagull]

WHUMPTOBER 2023 MASTERLIST

DARK REIGN BULLSNIKT: HISTORY OF A RELATIONSHIP FROM BEGINNING TO END. (INDIVIDUAL LINKS TO AO3 IN THE TITLES)

PART 1, prompts 1 to 8

SHOCK VALUE

The courtship started in an explosive way. Then comes the first date. Obviously, this is Daken and Bullseye, so don't expect rainbow and roses. More like torture and constant denial. And maybe the tiniest bit of longing.

No. 1: Safety Net | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”

No. 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.” Thermometer | Delirium | “They don't care about you.”

No. 3: “Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon.” “Make it stop.”

No. 4: “I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.” Shock | “You in there?”

No. 5: “You better pray I don't get up this time around.” Debris | Pinned Down | “It's broken.”

No. 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.” Made to Watch | “It should have been me.”

No. 7: " “I paced around for hours on empty; I jumped at the slightest of sounds.” Radio Silence |

No. 8: “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.” Overcrowded ER | Outnumbered

PART 2, prompts 9 to 16

NOTHING PERSONAL

Fighting together (or against each other) is easy. Fucking, they learn to manage. Kinda. Since this is Daken and Bullseye we're talking about, they're rubbish at dealing with their feelings, though. And the more they run from them, the more it hurts. Literally. Also, it wasn't what they had planned with their day, this 'Meet the Family' thing.

No. 9: “Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days.” Polaroid | Mistaken Identity | “You're a liar.”

No. 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?” Broken Phone | Stranded | “You said you'd never leave.”

No. 11: Animal trap | Captivity | “No one will find you.”

No. 12: “I haven't slept in days but who's counting?” Red | Insomnia | “I’m up, I’m up.”

No. 13: Cold Compress | Infection | “I don’t feel so good.”

No. 14: “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.” Water Inhalation | “Just hold on.”

No. 15: Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | “I’m fine.”

No. 16: “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” Gurney | Flatline

PART 3, prompts 17 to 24

FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE

A learning curve. Dealing with blasts of the past. Blasting the past. Again. Learning to be two. They are who they are, they work (mostly) and they rock. (Even if the ground they tango on is rocky.) Now, if ghosts could stop crawling out of the woodwork, that would be nice.

No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.” Touch Aversion | “Leave me alone.”

No. 18: “Hit them harder.”

No. 19: Floral Bouquet (of tea (a)) | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

No. 20: Blanket | Found Family | “You will regret touching them.”

No. 21: “See the chains around my feet.” Restraints

No. 22: “They never saw us coming, ‘til they hit the floor.” Glass Shard | Vehicular Accident | “Watch out!”

No. 23: “It’s gonna get me by the end of the night.” Shadows | Stalking | “Who’s there?”

No. 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.” Goodbye Note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”

PART 4, prompts 25 to 31

BREAKING EVEN

They need each other more than ever. Are ready to give and take more than ever. And yet, they still crack at the seams.

No. 25: “You’re not delivering a perfect body to the grave.” Storm | Buried Alive | “They’re not breathing!”

No. 26: “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.” Seeing Double | Working To Exhaustion | “You look awful.”

No. 27: Matches | Scars | “Let me see”

No. 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.” Bloody Knife | Sacrifice | “You'll have to go through me.”

No. 29: “I only sink deeper the deeper I think.” Scented Candle | “What happened to me?”

No. 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.” Borrowed Clothing | Bridal Carry |

No. 31: “I thought that I was getting better.” Emptiness | “Take it easy.”

(Fifth fic about Mourning the relationship based on the alternate prompts will be done when it will be done ^^;; Gimme a break. No, not bones.)

#whumptober #whumptober2023 #whumptober masterlist #forgot to press post this morning #masterlist #daken #bullseye

[sarcasticdolphin]

Todolf Music Conservatory AU "(All) Night"

@anne-prouvaire ask and you shall receive ;)

Cut is for the usual power dynamics issues in this verse and Rudolf being in a very poor mental state.

The door opened mere moments after Rudolf gently wrapped his knuckles on it, revealing Tod’s beautiful face.

“Rudolf.” Tod waves him in, and Rudolf nods in gratitude. He’s so tired, and he can already feel the headache building from his earlier practice.

“You’re early.” 

Rudolf glances at the clock. 7:30, not 8:30. He could have sworn the clock said 8:30 earlier. He nods. “I guess I am.”

He puts down his book bag. There’s nothing unusual in it, but it’s so heavy today. Rudolf gives a little sigh of relief as his hands come up to rub his eyes. He could almost fall asleep standing.

“Rudolf.” Tod’s voice is gentle but commanding, and Rudolf looks up. “How many hours did you sleep last night?”

The guilt comes at Tod’s words. Is it that obvious? “None,” Rudolf admits, voice quiet and small. “I-” his brain is too tired to come up with proper excuses.

Tod’s hand is cupping his chin, soft but insistent as it tilts Rudolf’s head up so he meets Tod’s eyes. “You know it’s not healthy.”

Rudolf nods miserably. Tod places a soft kiss on Rudolf’s forehead before stepping back and retrieving something.

The coat is long and much too big for Rudolf, but it is so warm that Rudolf barely notices as Tod shifts him toward the small sofa that occupies part of his office. His head is pillowed on Tod’s thigh as he snuggles further into the coat, his eyes so heavy that he doesn’t really even get a full thanks out before he’s asleep.

-------

Rudolf wakes in a haze, warmth all around him and soft scratching noises coming from above. He doesn’t want to move, nuzzling into his warm pillow. But a hand cards through his hair a few moments later and he reluctantly blinks a few times, starting to sit up as he rises.

It feels like he’s slept hours and hours. Fuck. He’s probably slept through class he’s-

Rudolf’s eyes find the clock. 7:50. Only 7:50?

“Prof-” Tod had asked him to use his name when they were alone. “Tod.” It’s a pretty name, and Rudolf likes how it rolls off his tongue. 

“Rudolf.” Not nearly as much as he likes his own name rolling off Tod's tongue, though. “Feeling better?”

Rudolf nods. “Thank you.” 

“What happened?” The question is so soft, so gentle. But still, guilt roils inside of Rudolf, that he disappointed Tod.

“I-” He looks down. It all seems so silly now. “I was working on a take-home exam. It’s been a busy week and I’ve procrastinated doing it a few times. It’s due today. Then I was only halfway done and it was 2 am. Then I still had a problem left and it was 3:30. And when I went to print it the clock already read 5:15. And I was assigned the 5:30 practice slot for today.”

Tod’s arms are so gentle. He must be disappointed, but nothing in his face, in his touch, betrays that. Only a gentle worry. 

“Practice-” Rudolf closes his eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate. He’d gone to practice, but it’s all so fuzzy. “I don’t remember much of it.” 

“You need your rest, Rudolf.”

Rudolf feels himself nodding. He does. And it’s always too little. “I-” His thoughts are more chaotic than he’d like. Perhaps still a relic of his own exhaustion. “I wonder if it’s all worth it. If it wouldn’t be easier to just leave.”

He thinks about dropping out on occasion, even now. Even now that he is so close. But it’s not only dropping out that comes to mind. The thoughts have seemingly always been there when he’s alone, especially after long hours of practicing for his grandmother or for Gondrecourt.

Where will his life lead? Is there really a point in going on?

Rudolf glances up at Tod as his professor pulls him closer. Tod has such pretty lips. It seems childish, but Rudolf makes himself a promise that he’ll taste those lips one day. Silly as it seems perhaps that shall be his goal in life.

“Rudolf, Rudolf.” There is something about how Tod says his name. Something that just makes Rudolf melt. “You’ve come so far. Don’t turn back now.”

The reality of the situation comes to Rudolf and he ducks forward so as to avoid Tod’s eyes. He feels ashamed to have admitted it, even in vague terms like this.

“I know it’s hard. Not everything in life is so terrible.” Rudolf nods at Tod’s words. Somehow the professor just always knows exactly what Rudolf needs to hear. The professor’s cool lips brush Rudolf’s brow as Tod extricates himself, and Rudolf’s eyes go to the clock. 7:55. Tod’s Music Theory III section starts in five minutes.

“Odds on your favorite student making it to class on time?” 

Tod picks up his folio and smiles at Rudolf. “I have it on good authority that he was two and a half hours early.” Rudolf blushes as Tod continues. “But generally Mr. Mozart sees fit to join us 20 or so minutes late.”

“Have fun.” Tod’s thigh had been more comfortable, but the pillows on his sofa are still so soft and warm. 

A low chuckle permeates the room as Tod bends down to place a final kiss on his brow. “Rest.”

The word seems to cast a spell over Rudolf and his eyes are fluttering shut once more.

Tod always knows what is best for him. Though Rudolf would confess that he is curious about what it is like to be in class with Wolfgang Mozart. Perhaps he should sit in the back one of these days. Tod won’t mind, and Rudolf likes to be close to him. 

He glances at the clock. 7:58. He’s glad that it’s still so early, but it just feels so off. Had he indeed slept less than half an hour in Tod’s lap? It felt as if he had spent the entire day there. 

But for now, Rudolf is grateful for the rest, letting his mind slip back into a dreamless sleep.

#my fic #todolf #music conservatory au

[makoheadrush]

I’ve been working late every day lately and I am fucking exhausted. Slept a solid 8 hours last night and I’m still tired.

Taking a whopping two hours of comp time off today to just TRY and decompress.

There is just so much to do - both at work and at home - that I feel overwhelmed. And then I’ll tell myself I’ve “failed” at one thing or another. But I have NOT fucking failed.

Overwhelmed does not mean unaccomplished.

#it probably doesn’t help that I have a freaking cold either #that welcome back to school gift that is now circulating

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

It would happen to me that I spend a month and a half job hunting only to then get two jobs in the same week, both of them full time and highly demanding.

So basically I interviewed for a bakery retail assistant role and an unqualified nursery position, and after trial shifts for both I got them both, which I was shocked by. The timing of it all is so unfortunate; the nursery interviewed me last Friday and then invited me to a trial on Tuesday afternoon; the bakery then wanted me to come in for an interview and trial shift on Monday morning and so I agreed in case the nursery one fell through. The bakery offered me the position first on Monday, literally five minutes after my trial ended (god knows why since I felt awkward and didn’t know shit), and so I - rather stupidly - accepted it over the phone and started on Wednesday so I could still do the trial; I thought that I would get an answer about the nursery on Tuesday so I could have the chance to take it while still having the back up choice. Lo and behold, the nursery has accepted me and wants me to start next week, meanwhile the bakery has already put me on the rota for the next week and a half.

And now I’m stuck.

The nursery was my first choice, to be honest, and while I had been hoping to step away from childcare after working in schools and at daycare camp for the past few years, it would be with babies through to pre-school, which is a group I’ve not worked that much with (though I am good with babies it turns out). I have experience in this field already which helps.

The bakery job is selling bread/cakes/coffee as well as prepping sandwiches, cleaning etc. As I’ve discovered over my last two shifts there, I’m fucking abysmal at making sandwiches, keep forgetting things etc., but because it’s only my second shift I figured it’s just a matter of learning.

Hours wise, the bakery is 40 hours over five days, the nursery is 38 hours over five days (3 10 hour days + 2 half days of four hours); the bakery job means doing 6am-2:30pm/6:30am-3pm or 7:30-4pm, and while Sundays are off it means working Saturday with a day off during the week, which is a problem because in November I have a Saturday filled with pantomime performances (three of them!). Meanwhile the nursery is Monday-Friday, and the hours would for a full day would probably be something like 8-6:30 or something(?), meaning if I have a rehearsal at either 7:30-9:30 or 8-10 (evenings), I’ll have very little to no time to prepare or get my stuff ready etc, let alone eat anything, plus it doesn’t fit with performance days where I have to be in by 6pm.

I’m having to get up at 4:45am to every morning, so doing that and then having to stay awake until 10-11pm on days with rehearsals is AWFUL.

The benefits at the nursery (free gym membership, 40% off food/drink, discount at the salon/spa facilities on site) outweighs those at the bakery (free coffee/lunch), and the nursery pays 40p more per hour than the bakery.

The bakery at the staff are just, to my knowledge, so fucking nice most of the time despite me being useless and older than them, the manager is nice, and if I leave them it leaves them in the lurch and understaffed, which is so unfair on them. I don’t really know the staff at the nursery that well but I don’t think they’re horrible tbh, though they seemed absolutely exhausted and done by the time I went in for my trial shift on Tuesday afternoon.

The nursery wants me to start next Monday, but the bakery has a two week notice period so I would have to talk to both places and apologise profusely to work something out. If I don’t work the notice period then I could end up not being paid for the 34 hours I’ll have worked by Saturday evening.

I don’t want to go into childcare for the rest of my life, quite frankly, but the nursery has offered to pay for me to earn a qualification in childcare so long as I work a year afterwards (if I left before a year I’d have to pay them, which I suppose is reasonable), which would then mean I could be paid more in the future as I’d be a qualified childcare worker and not just an unqualified glorified babysitter.

They have a ball pit, a bunny and two Guinea pigs at the nursery - which I know aren’t for ME necessarily but I would get to go in the ball pit with the kids and see the bunny/animals so that’s a bonus

Travel to either isn’t really an issue as they’re both close, though the bakery DOES mean walking 40 minutes at 5am to get there while it’s dark in the winter

So… yeah. I’m feeling quite torn and lost right now, and I have no idea what to do.

#I just needed to rant #I’m up in less than 3 hours so goodnight #tbd #jobs #job hunting

[beenjen]

Ooooh boy, today, this week, the past few months, the last several years…. It’s not been peak y’all. Not peak at all.

But. BUT. I have listens…. Check it -

This album was everything back in my 20s. The closest friend who in turn ended up introducing me to Chris brought this into my life… let’s just stay today has been a musical journey while it poured rain and ‘tunda’ on middle tennessee… we haven’t had rain in so long, the grass is dying, my flowers despite watering 2 x a day are struggling, my saplings have needed daily drippage, it’s been DRY, also, no matter what the weather channel says, it’s been > 100 for 3 weeks, with ‘feels like’ 110 and higher - so I’m not complaining, I just didn’t go on a hike.

We made cherry turnovers, butterfly art, and owned Minecraft -

We have a burn ban. We have brown foliage. We have humidity of > 70%. Welcome to the dirty, dirty south 🤘

Before I’m interrupted. Here’s the nitty gritty -

I did hit that extra 20, I assume the scale was predicting the future. Before I get neggy here, I just want to add, this has been what it is. I am not negative with myself. I’m not mad. I can’t deny a little disappointed that I gained 20 of the 70 I lost back, it wasn’t the 70 though, and I’m still down to clown. Workouts are non existent aside from some stollen made up mat time of my own for maybe 20 minutes, a mile or 2 walk at work on the days I’m there, sometimes weights, more likely not. I’ve continued 16/8 fasting and have extended to a couple 48 hour fasts and it really does do wonders for my hectic mind. I only push for it if I’m not hungry, and it’s not a FULL fast because I will have my collagen and kombucha. It is just, something I’m trying to maintain and not be detrimental to my mental here and now - it’s not like we don’t have a heap of other bs on our heads.

Mom.

Her ct showed positive movement of her tumors. - I didn’t realize that was plural until recently, so while we are ahead at this point, the war is waging. And I say that not to be over dramatic, it’s just, I have to not be mopped with small wins and no victory, and it’s been a rollercoaster, and I’m swamped with just, grief. It’s grief, sitting with our necks on a chopping block, waiting for it to drop, and no one tells you this. That every visit is an anxiety laden heart attack. That each treatment and lab draw is a potential harbinger, and it’s fucking a Hoover to my soul, it’s an emotional leech on my folks, it’s exhausting. We tally ho of course, and I have this intense guilt for my feelings when it’s happening around me and not TO ME, it’s epically hard though. It’s hard. All of it.

Dad.

He’s hitting the ground running. His treatments for the myeloma have been great. The oncologists have gotten together and they can do Oral hormone therapy for his relapsed prostate cancer, then switch to pills for his multiple myeloma in the coming months as well. Positive on that front.

The summer programs with Jamis have been a hit. He has had a blast playing with cousins, doing ‘science’ and he is thrilled for legos this coming week. Best decision ever - also, not having to deal with the day to day dramedy that is my in-laws feels like we’ve had a damn colonic - the total crap of their instability and inconsistency is GONE, and hubs not having the day in and out with them has boosted his mood so far it’s stratospheric at this point. It’s as if I’m married to another man. His parents baggage was so heavy, not having them insert themselves 20 times a day for diet, questions about shows to watch, bathing suits, sun block, random ‘he doesn’t want to do x’ it’s been a breeze y’all. Easy breezy beautiful cover girl over here with excommunicado in-laws.

My SIL and bro are out the outskirts too as they’ve contracted Covid again, for the third time. Even though it’s apparently not real and a conspiracy. Just made the 4th easier. With the burn ban, we did paper lanterns that burn out in the atmosphere and are biodegradable-

The rest is history. We are all chugging along. Work has been so incredible. My current working with team has been elevated, and turns out I WILL be getting what I previously had; work from home day, procedure day, and position increase to lead NP. So, I followed my gut, and it worked out. Honestly that restored some of my distrust in humanity and Karma. Always a good thing.

Hope you guys are all doing fabulous. Sending you much love and encouragement through the day to day xx

#east nashville #make the best of it #family time #working mom #looking at the stars

[emeraldsage98]

I posted 516 times in 2022

20 posts created (4%)

496 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@usagi323

@gentrychild

@araceil

@agent-teacup

I tagged 474 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#it's queue to you sir! - 219 posts

#it’s queue to you sir! - 92 posts

#fanart - 74 posts

#takami keigo - 71 posts

#bnha hawks - 62 posts

#hawks - 61 posts

#bnha fanart - 60 posts

#dabihawks - 51 posts

#dabi - 48 posts

#boku no hero academia - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 77 characters

#ngl im tempted to watch stranger things solely for the context of this gifset

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Takami Shinya and Takami Keigo going grocery shopping at 3am by @tangerinegod

Commissioned by the wonderful, incredible best friend that is @usagi323

This was one of the most incredible birthday gifts I’ve ever gotten and I absolutely adore it - especially how the artist like pulled my image of Shinya straight out of my head.

If anyone is unfamiliar with the names - Takami Shinya is my and Usagi’s OC version of Keigo’s (the future pro-hero Hawks) dad.  He’s a decent human being, an above average parent, and would probably kill a bitch if they touched his lil’ chick.  And the image above - the two Takamis grocery shopping past the witching hour - comes straight out of one of my fanfics: gon’ pop like trouble

All of which means I can finally tell people who ask: MEET TAKAMI SHINYA

AHHHHH, I’M SO EXCITED

If you’re interested in more Takami Shinya, or Takami family cuteness, check out The Thief and His Chick on AO3

16 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#4

Summary: Keigo's life was a monotony. Work until he drops, wake up, do it all over again. There was nothing else in his future - save his ultimate, exhausted death one day - doing his duty as a deity of Life under the Madam's control was all that existed since he'd been stolen away. The only relief - the only moments of joy in his life, outside of the people he helped, came from Dabi.

And Dabi, well. Dabi had a problem with that.

20 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#3

I see your "Alfred is a Disney Princess" characterization and raise you "Walt Disney met Alfred and then based his princesses of HIM."

We can be friends.

That's a fucking fantastic raise, and I love it and am adopting it as a HC immediately.

26 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

#2

Summary: It was so unfair, Keigo thought, that Dabi was using that voice. Keigo couldn't say no to it, and he knew that.

Especially when his shitty boyfriend had given Keigo more than enough reasons to dump his toxic ass.

Notes: Inspired, yet again, by one of @tiredhawks’s posts on tumblr, linked here for your convenience. Fic is definitely best read while listening to Dove Cameron’s Boyfriend, on repeat if that is your preference (as that’s certainly mine).

31 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Summary: “Sensitive, little bird?” he asked gleefully, delightedly, his smirk just shy of wicked as Keigo glared at him and didn’t deny it. He didn’t have to though, since Dabi could see the answer as it stared at him. Saw it in the way Keigo couldn’t stop the discreet but unmistakable shiver that came over him as Dabi dragged a warm thumb down the feather’s barbs, gentle but noticeable pressure mixed with a heat his birdie was all too weak to. Saw it in the way those keen eyes slid half-mast, unfocused for a split second as the sensation registered and overwhelmed him, just until Keigo could reign it back under control.

Oh, Dabi could have some fun with this. At least, until the thought hits him.

Notes: Inspiration sparked by the contemplations in "this post" by @tiredhawks on tumblr!

Title based on the Emily Dickinson poem: "hope is the thing with feathers"

33 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #tumblr

[mass-convergence]

So I’ve been dealing with probably the worst anxiety symptoms I’ve had in a while these past few weeks. Thursday I actually felt like someone was crushing my heart in a vise and I was feeling the first indications of a panic attack while at my job.

Warnings for some shit in here: I’m going to talk about a fatal car accident involving a semi truck. I was not directly involved in said accident but I do feel some measure of grief about three lives that were lost in that wreck.

Strap in. It’s a long one.

I feel like I’ve been at a dead sprint since maybe the beginning of April. 

I’ve had to go find a new place to live and now I’m moving in a few weeks, I also finished up an intensive training course that took like 4 months and ended in a week long “in residence” course at the college I did undergrad in. Which was super fun but towards the end I was very much worried I wouldn’t finish in time to do the in residence course. 

Course went better than okay but it drained me mentally and physically, even though I had a great time. It was basically 8 am to 5 pm learning how to issue storm warnings and then from 5 pm to whenever I got to sleep (usually around 11 pm or midnight) I was out socializing. 

And the thing about me is that even though I’m probably closer to an ambivert than a true introvert, it still really friggin’ drains me to be socializing - especially after the COVID quarantine years. I was exhausted after the course.

And then my flight got cancelled and I was stuck in a city I’ve had little experience being in for like 4 days. 

I was basically confined to the hotel for those 4 days while dealing with the increasing stress of: making sure I got my hours in so I didn’t need to take leave, finding clean clothes to wear, dealing with an increasing financial burden of having to pay for a hotel room out of pocket (how it works is that I’d pay for it with a credit card and later I’d get reimbursed by my job), and then just wanting to be home. I cried a lot those four days.

Then back to home and immediately back to work and I was hitting the ground running. Drove 2 hours with my boss to give a spotter talk the day after I came back, three evening shifts in a row (including one OT shift I signed up for), three days off that I barely feel rested from. Wednesday wasn’t horrible but I still had to get up early and go to work.

Also that previous week on Friday, April 29 ... three students from my alma mater died in a car wreck. I didn’t know them, they were undergrads. But they were meteorology students and I am still very close to the community at that school. It was fucking devastating. I still feel pain whenever I hear about the accident. Like ... they were hit by a semi and trapped in a car for 5 and a half fucking hours. That’s horrifying as fuck.

Then this Thursday I had to give a talk to a room full of emergency managers and I didn’t feel remotely ready to do so. Some other shit happened that I’m not going to elaborate on here but basically that was when the whole “Someone is fucking crushing my chest” symptom started and I nearly had a panic attack at work. Like I’m honestly shocked my lead didn’t notice something was wrong because I was like crying at my desk. 

Weather offices are extremely “open concept” to facilitate communication.

People will notice.

That didn’t help.

So basically let me be honest with y’all ... We had severe weather in our area today. I worked 11.5 hours today because I worked 2.5 hours overtime on the radar issuing warnings and making sure people knew what was up.

Somehow... Somehow ... making decisions that literally impact people’s lives was the least stressful part of the past month.

It’s been a shitty ass three or four weeks or however long it’s been.

So fuckin’ bear with me.

I’ll constantly apologize for my existence.

I’ll constantly just fucking wish to not exist. Not in a suicidal way.

I just ask for your patience.

And I’m sorry.

#anxiety #mental health shit #Probably won't get any real breaks until the beginning of june tbh #I'm trying here

[throatpunchqueen]

Venting about my job again

Maybe I wasn’t cut out to work here in the first place - maybe I used it as an excuse to deal with some work shit and just hop into another fire.   It seems i can’t do hard anymore - at least at work.   Once it gets too challenging i say I’m done!   Not sure I’m a wimp but i’m starting to think so.    I only have so much time and so much energy and i’m wasting it on work.   but is that necessarily so - i do got out a lot but i’m always smoking to bring back my old person.    i feel like i’ve lost myself in the last few years...i wish i knew then what i knew now.    i had it so good.   i’m too reminiscent of what life was then but rather i should be focusing on how amazing my present is.   ti think the reason i’m not doing that is i don’t think it’s amazing. - i do amazing thing but i find no joy from them.   i get this sort high from it but it doesn’t last.... vacation high lasts hours not days anymore.      maybe i’m too numb - maybe i’m just done with all the bullshit.    i don’t feel like i have my person yet - patty is the closest and even the conglomration of the girls doesn co ver it.   i miss sam.   he was my person - in the height of our friendship i could tell him anything 

have i really gotten to the get off my lawn mooment... damn last night i almost hit someone.   i was such a bitch and iw as okay with that.   fucking say excuse me you self entitled bitch.  common courtesy... really can’t stand general admission anymore.   it’s h append... i’m gonna start hating going to shows. 

i keep trying to open up and then i feel vulnerable and afraid someone is going to hurt me again.   my BEST  friend destroyed me... i’m seriously considering taking all my photos where ellie is in them and cutting herout of them.   i fucking hat eher.   that was uspposed to be sam and i.   she fucking ruined my lfe.   she took my best friend.   sam needs  a back bone and it hurts me so much that he doesn’t treasure our friendship like i do.  i’m trying to show 

While     Asshat company I work for should done more validation it was outlined in the SOW and the     conversion plan that useless company was responsible for production validation

We are     doing their job and they will not be able to support the system when they     leave

They     work their 8 hours and leave…. Why are we being punished because they don’t     do their job

Dani’s     team has no accountability for their actions – in the end it is always our     fault

Cal     is a condescending asshole

We     do all the research for them and then they come back to us with basic     questions

Hand     holding and doing their job is what we are doing

Validation     is difficult when you are doing their job

I should     have left production validation on the issues log

dumb blonde   needs to be more assertive with original douche bag  – she threw us under the bus

A lack     of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part

While     I am partially responsible there is not way I could have been the app     architect when I was running the comp workstream with the most difficult     channel

Rolling     off smart DI  at the end of the year expecting me to be able to answer all the     questions

No thought     for our time, our commitments outside this job… just because it’s your     life doesn’t mean it has to be mine

Destroying     my sense of self… have never felt more inadequate or useless or u unhappy

Need     a job that will encourage me, not coddle me but HELP me to grow.. not this     bullshit roll over for the client but don’t make them accountable

freak child     did one thing… status reporting.   

Help     me to understand exactly what you expect out of a delivery lead – because     if it’s all the shit I did in the beginning of this project there is no     way anyone can do that and not crash and burn.   And if they can, go head…but strive to     make us better, not exhausted beyond relied

I feel     guilty for taking PTO.   I have the     time but only take if I am going to be away  - I’ve not taken time to just staycation     because that will never fit into the project.   The fact that I feel guilty EVERY time I     take a day off is ludicrous.   I do     have a knack for scheduling vacations at critical point in the project –     believe me, I wish that were different.       But I work this fucking job so I can travel—- it’s a means to an     end, not something I enjoy in the least.       I work with a bunch of narcissistic assholes who think Accenture is     the end all, be all.   You have no     respect for the people you work with and that work for you.   I believe that rescue dude e is probably     the only person I have worked with that acknowledges the ridiculousness of     this account.   I want them to fail….    

I will     NEVER get promoted and frankly the way you treat your SM’s I don’t want to.   Less respect for their time and far     more responsibility.  And notice who     did NOT get promoted this year – Worthy woman .       She should have been promoted and instead we propagate this boys     club bullshit that is our practice.      

People     have emotions – acknowledge that.   Mental     illness is real and this job has made mine a fucking train wreck.    

I     don’t think I’ve got what it takes to do this job… I’m not strong enough, I’m     not smart enough and I’m certainly not clever enough.    I’m never going to be good enough to succeed     at Asshole company company I work for  and I have to learn to accept that.   I need to get out of this cycle of self     hatred and that needs to start inside of me.   Although the best thing I can do right     now is find a new job that doesn’t mean I will be happy.   I need to work on all the issues…. It’s     not weight but healthiness

Don’t’     get me started on useless MD  That dude     is an MD at the account level and is the most kiss ass, dim witted fool I’ve     met at the firm.   He has no damn     clue what he is doing and he’s just there to appease the client.