#i don't know what i'm ranting about anymore - stupid work being stupid and time consuming for nothing ?

[rapha-reads]

My problem actually is that when I want to write a story, I gotta do tons of research on even the most unimportant of details. It has to be correct. Even if nobody will care, I will know what I've written is not factually correct and it will upset me.

Wanna write a Torchwood/Doctor Who story ? Gotta learn everything about astrophysics, atoms, time travel, radiations, the aliens in the show, how the Tardis works. "It's science-fiction, who cares if you take liberties with the science parts?" ME, that's who.

Years ago I wanted to write a novel about a modern day girl traveling back to Elizabethan times and befriending Shakespeare (yeah, basic, whatever). Started reading whole biographies of Liz 1st and the Bard, and the theatre and life back then.

Wrote a fic about Tybalt and Mercutio from R&J ? Studied the play under every angles, wrote 8k words of academic essay on these two, researched Italia in the 11th-12th centuries, Verona's geography, Italian language, etc.

Trying to write - actually handwrote 30 pages of notebook on DDLJ ? Waiiiit, before you start editing all of it, you gotta learn EVRYTHING about India. So here I am compiling a whole word doc of anything and everything about India because gods forbid I get one detail wrong about weather, food, traditions or language.

I like to make my life unnecessarily complicated.

Tho the good news in all of that is that, hey, look at me, I'm writing again consistently after years of dry spell.

#anyway let's put a halt to the wiki dive before i go mad #i'mma learn the whole wiki page about punjab before i type one word of this fic if i go on like this #can't find any information on the timeline and places of ddlj so i'm gonna be creative about it #and if anyone has anything to say i'mma just point at google and say 'buddy there's no info out there' i did what i could #reminds me of that time i tried to write the shakespeare/lizzie 1 time travel novel - what a mess that was #i was literally reading and annoting super complete bios instead of doing my uni work - yes i've always been crazy thanks for asking #i'm getting mad because i keep getting interrupted (i'm at work) for stupid things and i can't do research properly or write #i don't know what i'm ranting about anymore - stupid work being stupid and time consuming for nothing ? #my inability to write stories without going way too deep into research and details nobody will care about ? #my worry that i'll get anything wrong and it'll upset someone ? sorry 'bout that #anyway okay let's see if i can start typing some pages already #this has turned out into a very messy and non-sensical rant - you can just ignore me - go ahead and scroll past that mess #rapha rambles #rapha writes #(rapha tries to write)

[whyralltheusernamestaken]

hi! just wanted to drop a request, hope you don't mind! i'm down for some sappy shit rn so throw some nasty angst of prohero!bakugo x s/o. maybe bakugo cheating on his s/o, that led to a big fight, then break up, but bakugo realizes he loves his s/o — something like that. make it as angst as you can. hope it's not too much, thank you!

I am so so SO sorry for not doing this sooner, I’ve taken a few months off I’m so sorry, I don’t even know if you will see this ahah. 

Warning : swearing, cheating 

Word count : 862

~~~

Royally 

It all seemed to happen too quickly. 

One moment you lay happily in his arms, your head resting softly on his chest as you watched the movie together, his fingers entwined with yours and then the next you had his phone in your hand, clicking on the message he had just received, the chat box opening to dozens of photos shared between the pair.

Who was she? And why was she sending nudes to your boyfriend. Or maybe the better question would be, why was he sending them back? 

Your finger automatically started scrolling, revealing the hundreds of back and forth material from the pair. He had even be texting her during your birthday! He was your boyfriend for crying out loud, and yet here he was sexting other women behind your back? You were sure that was only the tip of the iceberg, the texts leading you to the conclusion that they had indeed met up in real life more than once. 

You sat frozen on the couch, your eyes glazed over and as you stared in the direction from which Bakugou would be walking back. As you hear the flush of the toilet and his footsteps growing, you felt your initial shock turn into a fury, seething from your mouth as you watched him come back into view. 

“You are disgusting.” you snarled, chucking his phone back to him carelessly as he fumbled to catch it. 

“What the actual fuck, what has gotten into you?” You stared back in silence, hands on your waist as you gestured to his phone with your head and eyes.  

He felt his breath catch in his throat as he slowly lifted it up and unlocked his, the chatroom wide open. He was caught, he knew so. It was his fault, and yet his pride only made things worse, the thought of being a deer caught in the headlights slowly settled in him and he exploded him phone in his grasp. 

“Did I give permission for you to go through my phone?” he shouted, chucking the remains to the floor as he marched up to you on the couch. 

“And now everything’s my fault?” you shouted back, throwing your hands up in the air. “I’m not going to just ignore the fact that you’re seeing other people behind my back Katsuki.”

He opened his mouth to reply but you cut him off, continuing your rant. “I told you at the very beginning, I’ve already told you. I’m okay with you breaking things off if you want to see other women, I’d understand that and you bloody promised me you wouldn’t cheat. Some fucking hero you are.”

His hands continue to release explosions as he walked closer and closer towards you. He was fuming too, but you didn’t understand why he was mad. "You’ve fucked up Katsuki. You have, and we both know that, but if you’re going to be so childish and refuse to acknowledge that, then I don’t even understand why we’re dating. I don’t want to be with some cowardly boy.” you spat, grabbing you phone and bag and fast walking to the door. 

“Come back here Y/N.” he screamed, but his feet stayed frozen to the ground as you slammed the door. He fell backwards, sitting down on the couch with his head in his hands. 

He had fucked up royally. 

~~~

You sat quietly in the passenger side as Momo drove you back to her house. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” she asked softly, slowing down the car as the lights turned red. 

You stayed silent for a few more moments before sighing, wiping away the tears from your eyes. “I just-” you started, pausing to take a deep breath and you watched the light turn back to green. “Is it my fault?” 

“No of course not sweetie.” she reassured you, stepping on the gas. 

“I don’t understand. Where did everything go wrong. I thought we were both happy but obviously that wasn’t true in his case.” you ranted, running your fingers through your hair. “I made it so clear that I hate getting cheated on. He could’ve just broken up with me.” 

“Perhaps he didn’t want to hurt you.”

“And he totally didn’t hurt me now? What kind of fucked up logic is that? To keep me happy by not telling me? I just wish there were warning signs. Something to tell me, oh, your boyfriend of three years doesn’t love you anymore and is seeing people behind your back. I’m so stupid, how could I have no seen any red flags? How blind was I?” you screamed, gripping your bag even more tightly as you felt your eyes tear up again. 

“I just don’t know why I’m not good enough.” you sobbed. You felt the car come to a halt and Momo reached over, wrapping her arms around you shoulders and stroking your hair as you cried for what was probably the 4th time that evening. 

~~~

His friends were beyond worried for him. 

He had buried himself in even more hero work than usual, returning to his apartment alone at the early hours of the morning. 

They had tried all sorts of things, such as inviting him to the club. He had gone once, after hours of convincing from Kirishima, and yet the night ended with him ridiculously drunk and bitter. That was the last time they had ever suggested going to a bar ever again, and the boys tried to think of other ways to help. 

Therapy? No, he blew up in the reception. Asking Mina? She had simply told him the truth, and that was that he was in the wrong and you had every reason to leave him. Hero work? That was the only solution they could come up with. It was unhealthy, for sure, but it took his mind off his faults and he buried himself in the paperwork, rather than someone else’s legs. 

He had cut off all ties with the girls he spoke to, wishing he had done so months prior, but he knew that not even a quirk could help him right the mistakes he made in your relationship. 

He had called you millions of times, around twenty calls a day during the first week you left him. The one time you had picked up was the night he was drunk, and after that, you blocked his number. 

He felt utter despair. 

The person who had been by his side since the first day of high school and eventually had become his partner now wanted nothing to do with him. He couldn’t live with the guilt that consumed him. 

He loved you. 

He truly did. But he could never appreciate you or hold you again because he fucked up. 

Royally. 

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