#i finally got around to watching itsay for the first time and it is SO GOOD

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Thank you for the Ask! Typically I find these questions difficult because I consume a lot of content and I love so many things dearly, and I inevitably forget about things that I cherish and then feel bad about it. So here are 10 of my favorite pieces of media I’ve pulled from my mental list of all the things in the world that have made an impact on me, I’m going to do these in alphabetical order

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us 

I only saw this show recently but it is an absolutely gorgeous piece of media. I have a bit of a theater background and this show definitely reads like a stage play, in the dialogue, in the setting, in the way that Nike carries himself around the space as Inthawut. This is a perfect piece of media in my opinion. The performances are a masterclass in acting, the use of vertical lines that place barriers between the characters or that cage them in, the complicated dynamics between the characters, the throughlines of grief and pain and loneliness that just radiates out of the screen for every character in this story. I have been through some shit, let me tell you, but there was a ten second moment in the final episode of this show that sent me in to the worst emotional distress of my entire life for a totally innocuous, complete reasonable, and minimally tragic scene and for that it does deserve immense praise. 

Big Eden 

I am making up for forgetting to put Pike on my Favorite Characters list by remembering to put  Big Eden on my favorite media list! I saw Big Eden for the first time in my freshman year of college. Back then I was not aware of, or at leas was not acknowledging my own queerness, and to find a film like this one just healed a part of my soul I didn’t know was wounded. When I say I watched this film back to back two or three times when I first saw it, I mean that this is one of if not the only film that I have immediately started from the beginning the second that the credits started rolling. I love this film for what it gave me, an older queer romance, non-existent homophobia, PIKE! Some of the greatest lines of all time, that to this day get reactions out of me, mainly:

“I just want things to be nice for him” 

and

"Well, screw you, Henry Hart. I do know what love is. You are my family. And I'm sorry... I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you."

And

“Why can’t you see how much love there is that people want to pour on top of you? I can’t help thinking that your grandma and I didn’t do right by you somehow. I feel like maybe we taught you something wrong, because you won’t tell me who you are. Did we teach you shame? Did I teach you that? Because it would break my heart if I had,” (watch the scene here)

Don't let the stars go out at night, don't let the moon break your heart, indeed.

I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You The Moon

ITSAY/IPYTM is two parts of one continuous story and therefore counts as a single piece of media. 

I just got done gushing about this show the other night, because for me it is a foundational piece of queer media. It is one of my favorite pieces of media, point blank, period. Queer characters are allowed to complex, three-dimensional, and frustrating. They are allowed to make mistakes, and hurt the people they care about in their quest to better understand themselves. They are human. And the emotional honesty and vulnerability that the script and the actors showed struck deep in to my experiences figuring out my own identity. It has some of the strongest characterization that I have ever seen in media. The actors commit to the craft, the production team clearly put love and care in to every aspect of this show, every frame of it. The director trusted the audience to understand what was happening and trust the actors to play with silence. There is so much silence in this show because the actors portray so much with just the way they move around the space, the way they carry themselves, the way they look at each other. It is a gorgeous, gorgeous piece of media. It took me three watchthroughs of I Told Sunset About You before I was able to form a single analytical thought about it, because the first time I saw this show my brain went fuzzy. This show rewired my brain and changed my DNA. 

And as a side note, anyone that thinks that Billkin is a bad actor or a bad crier can kindly meet me outside the Denny’s parking lot at 3am because I will not stand for Billkin slander in my household. That man is absolutely demolished the role of Teh. The constant fidgeting, the way his whole body just screams out whatever he is feeling without him ever having to say a word. 

Moonlight Chicken 

I have talked numerous times about why this show remains my favorite, and a lot of that has to do with the community that I gained around me because of it. But stepping back to the piece itself, I love how much this show is really dedicated to the importance of community. To showing the different mindsets of three generations of queer people, the way they struggle and don’t. The conversations that happen around poverty, and disability, and grief. The way that Li Ming and Heart are screaming to be understood. The way Jim has been hurt too many times and how that makes him scared to start over with Wen. The way Aof was able to take this BL structure and transform it into the story whose primary focus is on how a queer elder keeps and cultivates a relationship with his queer nephew. Jim and Li Ming’s relationship is the focal point of this show and I am so grateful to have that. The acting is phenomenal, the lighting is incredible, and it is a very technically strong piece. I know that Aof tends to tell us sad gay stories, but by god am I in love with every single Aof show I have seen (GOBK(with Jojo), ATOTS, HCTM, BB, MLC)

Pushing Daisies

What a deeply deeply tragic story wrapped up in the shiniest paper! I will never get over the fact this show got canceled because it is one of the greatest of all time. I love that Lee Pace has acknowledged how queer this show is, and how intentional that was, even though it was not discussed at the time of its release. Like, fundamentally this is a show about a man named Ned and his partner Chuck who can never touch. I’ll talk about this a little later too, but I am just such a sucker for stories where people can’t touch each other. I love the angst in it, the wanting to, the need to be intimate, to comfort, to care for someone and just…not being able to hold them. I loved watching how Ned and Chuck navigated this issue, the kissing through plastic wrap, the dancing in beekeeper suits, them getting excited for winter cause it meant they could wear gloves and hold hands like any other couple. 

This show is hilarious and funny and fast, with a really intriguing concept and an extremely clear vision and it did not deserve the end it got. 

I heard it might be on HBO Max, not sure if that is still true, but if you can find you, and you haven’t seen it, you should absolutely watch it, and if you have seen it, this is your reminder to watch it again. 

Sense8

Before I begin, I just want to say 

FUCK

NETFLIX

Once again, another incredible show, with very interesting themes, and things to say was canceled before it’s time. I will die mad about the fact that Netflix did not give this show the room it deserved to tell the story THAT THEY PITCHED TO NETFLIX AS A FIVE SEASON ARC. This show was so good, it got my homophobic dad to watch the whole thing without even squirming at the gay sex (like he did when he watched Game of Thrones). 

I love love love love love this show. I love the way it connects people from all over the world, I love that these random strangers become a family, I love what it says about every day people being important, having important skills, and how much that can vary from being a good actor, knowing chemistry, driving, and being a skilled martial artist. I love how sex positive this show was. I love the utilization of orgies to demonstrate the way these characters are all connected to each other. I loved the mystery behind it all, they way the function of this psyllium network got progressively more understandable to us as time went on in much the same way that the characters get used to it. I love the humanization of drug users, that it touches on the struggles of trans people, queer people, eldest daughters, poor people, etc etc etc; ON BODY AUTONOMY IN MEDICINE!!! I truly believe there is something for everyone in this show and even though I am mad we really only got a two hour filmed storyboard of general concepts the Wachowski sisters were planning on diving in to over the next three seasons, I do love with my whole heart, for the memes, that Nom’s mother gets over her transphobia as a result of one very good weed brownie. 

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom

I got in to these books after seeing the first season of Shadow and Bone on Netflix. Full disclosure, I did not read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, I will not read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, I do not care about the Shadow and Bone trilogy. This is a Crows Only household. Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom are very incredible heist books first of all. The main plot is compelling in and of itself, before you even add the characters in to it. And what phenomenal characters we have: Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Matthias, NINA MY BELOVED. I’m glad they aged them up for the show, but it is very funny to me to think of a bunch of gremlin teenagers running around and taking down criminal empires for the sake of revenge...and coin. Leigh Bardugo is a disabled woman and I love that she gave Kaz her same disability because it means that we get a really authentic portrayal of disability. His cane is seen as important, he is never embarrassed by it, and his chronic pain is always highlighted. (can we also talk about how pissed Kaz was when Genya offered to fix his leg?). I love how contradictory he is, how much he loves Inej and wants to be with her, and wants to touch her, and the way his trauma and touch repulsion just constantly stops him from being physical able to do what he actually wants. Inej, who loves Kaz back, and sees the boy underneath the image of a monster he has crafted for himself, who has her own hang ups around touch and understands Kaz, but values herself enough to not pursue a relationship with him if he will not or cannot work on himself. Who grew claws with the knives she carries with her, who herself is a walking contradiction, deeply religious and also murderous, and so brave, and kind, and patient, and who I love with my whole heart. 

Wylan, whose own father tried to have him killed because he was dyslexic. Jesper who has been hiding who he is because of what his power did to his mother, who is always the comedic relief while harboring pain, our favorite gambling addict, ADHD, gunslinger. Matthais who has to confront a lifetime’s worth of propaganda. Nina who is just an all around badass motherfucker, who is fat and sexy and brilliant. My favorite superspy <3

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh 

You really have to go looking for this film if you ever want to watch it, because it has almost entirely been wiped away, which sucks because it is one of my favorite movies. Why? 

Because it is one of, if not the most visually stunning piece of media I have ever seen. The plot for this film is a stuntman (played by Lee Pace) falls, is injured, and hospitalized at the same time as a 5-year-old Romanian immigrant who fell and broke her arm picking oranges. Roy (the stuntman) starts telling Alexandria (the little girl) a story, to manipulate her in to doing things for him, like spying on people and stealing pain meds. The movie cuts between real life, present day, and this grandiose epic tale that he is telling. This was 150% a passion project on Tarsem’s part, he spent 30 million of his own money making this movie, for it to only make 3 million in theaters upon it’s release. It took four years to film and was filmed in 24 different locations. 

I love the overarching story, and how the growing friendship Roy builds with this little girl literally saves his life. The cast of characters is certainly interesting, Charles Darwin is a character in Roy’s story, but by GOD is it just a great watch, hours of stunning cinematography, with incredible costumes. Would highly recommend watching this if you can find it. 

The Magnus Archives

I love this podcast for many reasons. First, because I think it was absolutely brilliant to start this show off as almost an anthology, lulling the audience in to a false sense of security by having each early episode be completely unrelated to one another, until they aren’t. Until names start popping up in multiple tales, until monsters and ghosts and any number of other unexplained creepy things start showing up in other people’s stories. How slowly you start to realize everything is connected and always has been. That set up was just…beautifully handled. Second, I love what this show says about survival and fear. That the more we believe in fear, the more powerful it gets. I love how often the survivors of these tales come out the other side of these experiences by thinking of people that are important to them, people they love. When The Buried tried to get that spelunker trapped in the cave, it was the thought of finding her sister, of getting help for her sister that got her through the other side. When Martin is in The Lonely, it is his thoughts of Jon that get him through the other side. I love that the avatar of Death is kind. I love that the Boneturner just wants to build a garden. I love the experiences and the world that Johnathan Simms builds in every story, and that he is able to create so many different types of fears, a little something for everyone. I love the heart at the center of this show. 

The Princess Bride

Again, another piece of media that is fast paced and full of quips, with a beautiful, ridiculous, hilarious story, and a solid emotional core. I was raised on this film, which is part of why I love it so much. You can see and feel how much fun the cast had making this film. To this day it is beloved, highly quotable, and poignant. Also a great fencing movie, but I’m biased on that end as a fencer myself. I don't have much more to say about this film because I think it is perfect and I have no notes, but I will say I love how much this film helped Mandy Patinkin process his own grief around the loss of his father.

#wka answers #180 degree longitude passes through us #180d #big eden #i told sunset about you #i promised you the moon #itsay #ipytm #moonlight chicken #mlc #pushing daisies #sense8 #six of crows #crooked kingdom #the fall #the fall (2006) #the magnus archives #tma #the princess bride

[ktrless]

RIVAL

INIMATE

SECRET

SIGN...

LOVE

#itsay #i told sunset about you #i promised you the moon #itsay 2 #itsay fanart #teh x oh aew #bkpp #billkinpp #art #procreate #digital art #i finally got around to watching itsay for the first time and it is SO GOOD #i could not for the life of me get billkin looking right in the 2nd one😭 #and am i stupid or is there not a chinese character for episode 4? i just improvised😣

[myshyyangel]

BLs of 2020 *year in review(>×<?) *

Hi, it's me again. I just wanted to say first, this is my opinion, second, please, do not send me any message to tell me how wrong I am. THIS IS MY OPINION, feel free to comment on the post BUT don't send me messages threatening me. Anyways, as I said yesterday, today I'll do my list of bls that stood out to me and why, I mean the best lol.

7. Gameboys - good.

So gameboys, Woah! It was good. Great script, acting on point and direction. It was different obviously, but it managed to stay on top of "bls based on the pandemic that we are living while the bl was being filmed". The acting is on another level, it's funny in the right places and serious too. There was not much of one side and then nothing from the other. My problem with bls is how they tend to be unbalanced, and even if Gameboys was filmed during dark times, it managed to surprise everybody *I'm sure*. The side characters were not overwhelming, and the acting was good too. Yes. We love to see it. Re-watch value 8.5/10

6.Why r u - good-ish.

Why R U, so I was skeptical with this one, but I wanted to see how Saint (whom character I hated so much in LBC) would turn himself around and prove that he is a good actor. And boy, he did not come here to play. Zee was good too, and Tommy and Jimmy. Now, aside from them, it was a mess. So that's why my grading is good-ish. I skipped half of everybody else's story. These two couples were the saving grace, and like here's my thing... Overload. Wanting to cover a lot but you don't have to. Anyway, I'm glad we got to see the whole story completed now. It was a good series, the writing was a little questionable but the acting was there. The story was cliché, but still. Puuur. Re-watch value 8/10 but like only if it's the main couples. 6/10 if it's the whole series.

5.Mr. Heart - good, cute, aksjaks melt my heart.

Sooo... I just loved this series. The thing is, the actors were so likable and loveable that I didn't even care about how short it was. But I did re-watch it and some things need some work. The script was one of them, it was kinda confusing, but as I said, the actors are so charming that you need to watch it again just to pay attention to the whole thing. Anyways, the direction was good, and the color palette... LOVED IT. The story itself is a little cliché like almost every bl that came out this year. Re-watch value 8/10

Now MY TOP BLS OF THIS YEAR.

4.Where your eyes linger - excellent

First off, LET'S GO KOREAAA YAAASS. second, mmm Viki girl- I had to subscribe just for this series. Third, ugh It was so good. The acting, the script, the direction, the colors, the acting, aksjaksk what else can I say?. The production team did know where to take the series and in such a short time. Both actors shine and their chemistry is palpable. The music was perfect. I mean, best of the best when it comes to bls. I hate to compare but, how come Korea made this bl and it became UNFORGETTABLE and half of the bls that came out were all the same? I think it was bold to separate the main characters, I thought it wouldn't happen cause you know... Cliché. BUT IT DID HAPPEN and the best part is how the end comes fully in circle. Anyways, re-watch value 10/10.

3.Gaya sa Pelikula - unforgettable

This series is everything you wish every bl was in 2020. The lessons that they tried *and succeeded*to teach the audience, how to call an LGBTQ+ person, HOW YOU CAN BE RAISED BY PARENTS WHO ARE CONSERVATIVE and still not act like an AS*HOLE, the script was magic, the direction was on point, the acting. This series would go down in history as one of the best bls. Thank you to the actors, to the crew, and everybody else. Re-watch value 10/10.

2. 2gether - excellent

Polarizing at best. 2gether marked me, yes, it did. From the acting to the story. Yes, I know, "there are hundreds of bls similar..." not to me. And there's just so much I can take from this series, I even wrote a long character analysis on this app, but I'll summarize. Growers, there's character development, there are jokes and seriousness. And the plot is new *to me* so I was surprised. No character falls into the same category as other bl characters, and the energy the actors bring is just amazing. The color palette (yes, I am obsessed with it, it gives me different moods that's why I feel like it is important in a series) was beautiful, the music used was EVERYTHING, my only complaint is the direction, too many cuts (GMMTV girl you better stop). The cast shines. The finale is what was polarizing, no kiss, but I was sooo okay with it. Re-watch value 11/10, yes, I've seen it many times after it ended.

MY NUMBER ONE IS...

1. Cherry Magic. Excellent, unforgettable, chef kisses, best BL IN THE WORLD.

Cherry magic is the perfect example of why you don't need to have 45 minutes to make a good ss series. 20-24 minutes and we still got this much. Character development was there, cute moments... Everywhere to be found, the script is A HUNDRED for me, the director did not get me dizzy *giving actors screentime TOGETHER IN JUST ONE SHOT was just loveable, thanks*, the acting: out of this world. When you watch Cherry Magic, you feel like you are part of Adachi's world, or like you are watching a little kid growing up and you feel proud because of the decisions he takes. The same thing with Kurosawa, I've never seen a bl character like his, the guy is confident but respectful and it just makes you wonder if you'll ever find someone like that. The side characters didn't outshine but were not at the corner. That's what I call BA LAN CE. This is my favorite bl series of all time (which used to be DarkBlueKiss). I hope we get to see more, NO SPECIAL EPS PLEASE DONT RUIN IT. Re-watch value 1000000/10

What you guys think? What are y'all favs bls of this year? Some series I'm still on it like ITSAY and Hello Stranger. While there are some new bls that I'll review when they end.

Credits to the creators of the gifs, I do not own them, therefore if you see yours, message me and I'll add you, thank you.

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#gameboys #why r u the series #why r u zon #why r u saifah #mr. heart #mr heart #where your eyes linger #gaya sa pelikula #2gether the series #2gether #brightxwin #bright vachirawit #win metawin #cherry magic #30 years of virginity can make you a wizard #machida keita #akaso eiji #year in review #bl series #bl drama #thai bl #japanese bl #pinoy bl

[shortpplfedup]

ITSAY Rewatch Anatomy of a Scene Sorry Is The Hardest Word, or how to end a tale in the middle

In which Teh and Oh Aew don't dare to hope, but hope wins anyway.

I Told Sunset About You, Episode 5 Director: Boss Naruebet Kuno Writers: Boss Naruebet Kuno, Goy Arachaporn Pokinpakorn, Kate Karakade Norasethaporn, Junior Naron Cherdsoongnern Cinematographers: Tang Tawanwad Wanavit, Lin Rinrada Pornsombutsatien Score: Vichaya Vatanasapt Cast: Billkin Putthipong Assaratanakul and PP Krit Amnuaydechkorn

Hey, the sun is out. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?I passed the exam and got in. You came, finally.Well, I had to take care of a new uni student. Congrats to you. You’ve made it.If you hadn’t relinquished, you would’ve worn this uniform.Don't think about it. When I gave it, I really gave it to you. I think I’m gonna try studying at Pratchayanant first. If it’s not okay, I’ll drop out. My dream is in here. But you! When I gave it to you, you didn’t even say anything to me!I did, on Instagram stories.That doesn’t count. It's alright. From now on, I’ll be the one who says first.No, I’ll do it…Bas and I went back to being friends.Tarn and I went back to being friends as well.How about you and me? Mmm. I understand. Right now, I don’t care about anything. Becoming friends with you once again, I can do that. Or even becoming a rival, I can do that too. Or even you liking me or hating me, I can take it all. You can be whatever you want to be. It's not important to me anymore. But can I ask you for one thing? Do not disappear like that again, please.If I can be anything, can I be your boyfriend? I won’t disappear ever again.

Every time I watch this scene I can't believe it's the first thing they shot. It's a ballsy move to shoot the end of the story first, when your cast and crew are still adjusting. I suppose it helps to have a cast that's already as in sync as Billkin and PP, and a crew you've been working with on other projects, but still. For the emotions to be pitched exactly right for this point in the story when the rest of the story hasn't even been filmed...well that takes skill, and a little bit of luck. And the emotions are pitched so, so perfectly here, helped out by the luckiest sunset ever (seriously, watch the behind the scenes documentary, that sunset was a sign from the heavens). The direction here really shines. I can almost feel the warmth of the sun and the breeze and smell the tang of the ocean watching this.

It occurs to me each time I watch this that Teh never apologises for what he did, not in words. It always bothers me that Teh seems to feel absolved from some of the hurt he causes because his intentions were good. It's one of the motivations behind his Grand Gestures of Guilt, of which this whole run that ended them up here is one. He's not incapable of saying the words 'I'm sorry', he's done it before and meant it, which is why it's always bugged me that he didn't say it here. But then, the two main emotions in this scene are relief and hope; there isn't really room for regret.

There's a kind of euphoria here that puts you in mind of the satisfying exhale you let out when you've finally completed a long and difficult task. That moment when they break through the trees and emerge into the sun, it feels like a renewal, like things which were in pieces and tatters being knitted back together. And then this conversation...when these two talk, REALLY talk, it's always so beautiful. And this time you feel like they're almost humbled by the beauty all around them. There's no place here for animosity, for anger, for jealousy, for hurt, for fear, for pride. This is a loving place, a loving moment, and only truth and hope and beauty belong in it.

It's a really good way to break the story, at the apex of the mountain before plunging down into reality once more.

#itsayrewatch #itsay #i told sunset about you #anatomy of a scene series #on art #translate my love with your heart

[skamamoroma]

I can’t quite get “Last Twilight in Phuket” out of my mind.

I’ve seen so many people say that ITSAY was a masterpiece and that it stayed with them in quite a fundamental way and I’d 100% agree. Everything from the scenery to the music to the way P’Boss shoots a scene to Teh & Oh’s relationship feels warm and familiar and moving.

Seeing them again and as a total surprise and getting to see them in their home, in Phuket (which was 100% a character in p1) and having an insight into their happiness and comfort in the place they belong is not only a gift for people who adore ITSAY but also necessary before we see them move on. The tone was so perfectly done, pitching between blissful happiness and melancholic worry it would all be taken away.

It moved me so much. I’m sure most of us know that feeling Oh felt when he was overwhelmed, standing by the sea in the place he calls home with the person he calls home knowing he loves both and feels content but also feeling frightened of the unknown, already feeling shut out a little from his own safe space by the closure of their private beach and all of the changes he started to see. It’s that feeling of being lost, up ended, having your comfort pulled away from you and I thought the whole 14 minutes perfectly encapsulates what it is to grow up and to be forced to keep moving forward even if you want time to stand still. It made me cry watching Oh’s tears run down Teh’s back... cry in a way I’ve realised ITSAY and that whole universe can cause so easily!

The score was so perfectly scattered through it too and I don’t know of anyone who watched ITSAY who didn’t fall head over heels with the music. It made the show what it is and to hear those familiar sounds was just instantly comforting and familiar and emotional!

But the overwhelming factor for me is, yet again, the attention to detail. The red and blue shirts that they’ve now owned as their colour pallet, the shadowy shots of the iconic locations, the way the bars of their tutor school fell over their faces showing how distant they are already starting to feel before they’ve even left, the significance of them riding in the side car together again and the way Old Town was cast in darkness as they rode away only for the fairy lights to gradually turn on and frame the moon - their next step!

P’Boss, Billkin and PP make magic together and I never ever needed a Part 2 or anything more than Part 1 because it was so perfect for me but I just know I will miss P’Boss’s stamp on things. I guess this is why this little surprise felt so special as it was his magic once more.

Not to mention BK and PP’s chemistry. UNMATCHED. Honestly, some of the most sweet and natural and endearing chemistry that there is truly barely a need for words often, so much of their dialogue is silent. They mastered that in ITSAY and they’ve just got better. The way they use movement as a story telling device will always impress me.

The dynamics between Teh and Oh are so beautifully developed from where we left them. Teh had stood at the sunset and cried because he felt at peace again, he had found some comfort in his own skin after struggling for so long and Oh had been given what he wanted so badly - reciprocation. We got to see Teh’s glorious development from not being able to articulate himself emotionally and being so wound up tight to seeming so chill and mesmerised in his happiness next to an Oh full of confidence and sweetness who just welcomes ever shred of Teh’s weirdness and the edges of his still existing struggle. Teh felt shy, couldn’t quite be tactile in that moment the way Oh wanted but he just smiled, told him if was ok and while still pushing a little (which is GOOD for some like Teh). He did what he always told Teh he’d do - he was attentive and observant. Teh doesn’t need Chines characters or tutoring or metaphor to explain himself anymore.

To see Teh saying “I love you” and speaking out his feelings was so moving and I am endlessly grateful for P’Boss and the writers for that. It had to be him. It shows how far he’s come and that he’s owning his own feelings. To see Oh so adored even while he’s struggling was the perfect mix of contentment and melancholy as they watched the sunset. It’s THEIR sunset. They owned it, made it their thing and found so much comfort in it. It represents so much for them and the fact the day was centred around sunrise to sunset, watching them cherish their final one together is just absolutely the most meaningful thing the writers could have done. They are now adopting the moon, trying to find a new thing that they can make theirs and isn’t that what Part 2 seems to be about? This idea of growing and changing and being forced to face what it is to grow up - it’s scary and you do change. Those struggles are hugely relateable and so human. Change, however, isn’t always bad and they have taken that first step towards it by accepting their sunset cannot be the same anymore but perhaps the moon can replace it?

At the moment they’re in “twilight” and I adore the fact that we get to see how they reach the next phase (pun entirely intended!). I just know that whatever Part 2 is, Part 1 and this little surprise today are so perfect to me and so moving that they are enough. Now I need to go cry again 😭

#itsay #ipytm #i told sunset about you #I promised you the moon #bkpp #itsay thoughts

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 2 (thoughts + spoilers)

i’ve been trying my hardest to forget about iptym during the week so the countdown to each new ep won’t feel as long, but i don’t think i’ve succeeded. with each new ep i feel more and more nervous and excited bc i know the conflict and angst is only going to keep ramping up as the series goes on (and this ep was a good indication of that...not FULL BLOWN angst yet, but the undercurrent of angst is slowly starting to come to the surface). i’m def more prepared for it than i was during itsay, but that doesn’t make it easy ;;;

the standard ‘this is not a proper analysis’ here...i’m completely aware that this post in particular is really messy, but i just had a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts with this ep. one day i will learn how to condense my thoughts better, but today is not that day so i’m doing this under a read more for once bc it’s embarrassingly long 😂

we start off with teh in acting class where his teacher is explaining how you need to be able to understand yourself before you’re able to understand other people (and therefore put yourself in the shoes of the character you’re playing)...which even before i knew where this ep was going to go felt a lot like foreshadowing for the events that were going to unfold in this ep.

the acting exercises are basically a lot like the ones that we see bkpp (and the rest of the cast) having to do as part of their workshops in the documentary eps, so it’s kind of cool to see them incorporate parts of that into the actual show itself. feels more authentic since, if you’ve watched the documentary eps, you know that this is actually what the actors have to go through when they’re learning to let themselves go and get into character.

so through this montage of all of teh’s classes, we get to see how much he’s enjoying learning more and more about his major. it’s truly his passion, and he’s finally in his element. and it’s great that he’s surrounded by so many seniors that are also as driven and passionate about performing as he is...i find it interesting how teh, even from the start, has always been most attracted to people that have the same sense of ambitiousness as he does. in itsay, his best friend (aside from oh-aew obv) was tarn, who had a very similar mindset as him. so here, it’s not really that much of a surprise that all his uni friends are basically the drama club seniors that he sees as role models. oh-aew is kind of that one outlier bc he doesn’t fit that same mould/personality type that teh tends to surround himself with, which is where you can already start to see the discord between them arising. in itsay, bc oh-aew was working towards the same end goal as teh at the time, it wasn’t as much of a conflict. but in ipytm we can see that their paths are starting to diverge more and more. that being said, oh-aew’s someone that teh truly needs in his life bc he offers a different perspective to most of teh’s other friends, and as we can see later on, teh REALLY needs that.

now THIS was one of the interactions i was really interested in. we already knew from the ep 2 teaser that teh isn’t exactly happy with oh-aew’s new friend group, so i’ve been waiting to see how teh acts when he’s around them. everyone’s at q’s house celebrating plug’s birthday, and honestly?? they’re all really sweet and accommodating of teh (they get him sweet drinks bc teh tells them that he doesn’t drink bc it’s too bitter, and they don’t pressure him when he says he can’t drink bc he’s got morning classes). but then the conversation turns to teh and oh-aew becoming actors and earning lots of money (and how convenient that is), and teh starts to get a little riled up. i don’t think they mean anything by what they’re saying (they’re just playing around), but we know that teh's sensitive to this sort of thing, and i think to him, it’s almost like they’re saying it’s ‘easy’ to become an actor and start making bank. teh, who already knows how hard it is (esp since he’s been watching how difficult it’s been for khim in particular), starts getting defensive about it. the focus being on money hits a nerve with him too bc teh is very clearly majoring in comm arts bc it’s his dream, not bc of the money he could make from it. teh and oh-aew’s gang are just on different wavelengths, and you can really start to see how teh’s having trouble bonding with oh-aew’s gang bc of their differing mindsets.

it makes me slightly sad that you can see how worried oh-aew is about teh and his friends not meshing. it’s like we, the audience, are all feeling what oh-aew is feeling...his nervous glances at teh bc he’s afraid that teh might not like them. and the discomfort on teh’s part too. all of oh-aew friends tend to be a lot more like him, relaxed and happy to go with the flow, but we know that teh can be pretty rigid and intense about the things that he’s passionate about. oh-aew recognises this, which is why he’s as anxious as he is in the first place.

oh-aew’s tea tattoo in honour of teh is actually so sweet 😭 it shows how much teh means to him. he really got a permanent mark on his body to symbolise his love for his boyfriend ;;; but from teh’s perspective, it’s literally that first mark of change. it IS a pretty big decision, so i don’t blame teh for being shocked about it, but teh likely sees this as oh-aew’s friends being a ‘bad’ influence on him (which we know gets brought up again later). not bc of the tattoo itself, but bc of what it represents. it’s like he’s watching oh-aew start to change before his very eyes and he doesn’t know how to deal with that so he brushes it away for now.

the framing of that shot where teh and oh-aew are facing each other and then q comes to walk in between them is A LOT like how they used to frame the both of them in itsay and having bas walk in between them. interesting.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THE FACT THAT OH-AEW SPEAKS CHINESE WHEN HE’S DRUNK...that’s just plain adorable :’) it’s like he’s reverting back to when teh was teaching him chinese and they were first falling in love again. teh’s method of getting close to him was always tutoring oh-aew in chinese, so it’s as though oh-aew is trying to feel closer to teh again by speaking chinese to him. sort of like he’s trying to recreate that feeling all over again. i also love that this is basically the opposite of that oppo short film ad bkpp did haha.

we got the “ke yi ma” “ke yi” again ;;;;;;;; i love their little domestic moments. they’re so soft when they’re like this (i know we’re gonna have to weather the angst, but i hope we still have a lot more fluffy moments like this too pls). side note, i really love the lighting in these scenes!!

when oh-aew reads teh’s note about the kimchi jjigae and smiles but then reads the “do not skip class” and his smile fades away...oh, oh-aew, i feel u.

so now we get to see oh-aew in acting class, and the difference between oh-aew’s feelings towards class and teh’s feelings are like night and day. teh’s classes make him feel so fulfilled...this is genuinely something that he wants to do. but oh-aew is struggling. he doesn’t have that same sense of purpose as teh bc he’s starting to realise that this might not be what he really wants...he’s trying but just not enjoying it at all. when teh tells him about the casting call, i feel so much dread for him bc he’s clearly not looking forward to it whatsoever, but he knows how much this means to teh...so he’s willing to ignore his feelings for now if teh’s happy :(

is it just me or was this when oh-aew stopped carrying his ‘heart attack’ bag too??

idk this struggle in particular just feels so personal to me. i really identify with oh-aew when it comes to this bc when i was at uni i changed my major like 3-4 times (and changed unis a bunch of times on top of that) bc i had NO IDEA what i wanted to do. even now, i still have no clue what i’m doing a lot of the time. i’m glad that oh-aew at least managed to find some sort of clarity when he dropped in on his friends’ advertising class and realised that this was something that he enjoyed and was good at :’)

teh’s so excited and focussed on this audition that he can’t even see how worried and reluctant that oh-aew is about this. he wants them to have the same dream so bad that he can’t see that this might not be oh-aew’s dream anymore. but anyway, oh-aew is the sweetest, best boy as always. he’s so, so encouraging with teh. so patient. he really such a great balance to teh’s more volatile nature...but that contrast is also what makes you feel so bad for him when teh lashes out at him without thinking (as he’s prone to doing).

i LOVE khim. i just have so much respect for her. she’s always trying her hardest, and it’s painful to see her give so much of herself yet constantly be knocked down. the resilience that takes. i know that that’s part of the industry she’s in, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. there’s a lot to be said about how harsh the entertainment industry can be (and the inherent ageism/sexism/homophobia within it), which i don’t have the time to go into here, but having to hear criticism like that...purely based on your looks (you don’t look smart enough, young enough, manly enough, etc.) is so incredibly disheartening. teh commenting on how harsh it is, and khim saying that it’s super common and telling the both of them how they’re gonna have to go through all of that the more casting calls they go to...OF COURSE oh-aew is only going to feel even more dispirited about this when he’s already realising that this might not be his thing anymore.

being able to take rejection and criticism is really fucking difficult (i know i could never do it)...and seeing oh-aew being told that he’s not ‘manly’ enough/too ‘girly’ in acting class and again at the casting call is yet another knock at his confidence. the way you physically see oh-aew get more flustered and anxious as the audition goes on, when he sees the crew shaking their heads at him :((( i feel all the nervousness, anxiety and embarrassment that he’s feeling right down to my very bones. then to walk out from that audition to khim talking about how damn hard it is to keep doing this time and time again only to be continually rejected?? my poor boy :( what’s fascinating to me is how differently the both of them interpret khim’s speech. teh latches on to her words and sees them as motivation to keep going...to keep trying and persevering. like a challenge. but to oh-aew, he just sees the difficulty and rejection. the instability of this career path, and how hard this could potentially be on his family as well. they’re both hearing completely different things.

teh being so happy about his audition even though he didn’t get the part and the way he turns around to face oh-aew directly when oh-aew tells him they said he was “too girly” and how he couldn’t change his personality to be what they wanted :((( pls. i just want to hug him so bad. teh’s “i like you the way you are now” and reassurance that so many other people do too  😭i know he kind of makes a mess of himself later on, but i’m still so glad that oh-aew got to hear that from him at least.

this show is the best at making you feel all that nervousness and anxiety when any of the characters are about to drop some big news. i was waiting with bated breath when oh-aew told teh he wanted to transfer majors. it makes me sad though that oh-aew has to constantly feel like he’s walking on eggshells when it comes to teh...he’s always most worried about teh’s reaction, and that’s prob the main reason why he didn’t opt out of comm arts even earlier. but oh-aew has all these mounting doubts about his major, and there’s only so long he can stick it out for teh’s sake, and the casting call (and khim’s words) really solidified that for him.

teh’s "you haven’t given it your all”/”you haven’t done your best” rubs me the wrong way bc it’s easy to think that way when you’re set on something and know that that’s what you want to do...but when you’re doubting/not sure about something, it just isn’t the same thing. we all have different thresholds when it comes to what we can endure and how much we can put into something. teh’s a hard worker, we’ve seen how dedicated he can be when he really wants something, but not everyone works like this. not everyone can be a teh or a khim. and esp not when they’re having to give their all to something that doesn’t feel right for them. and oh-aew’s right...sometimes once is enough to know that something’s not a fit for you.

when oh-aew mentions that he sat in on advertising class and thinks he might be into it, it’s like a parallel of that scene when they’re kids and oh-aew told teh that he wanted to become an actor like him. only now it’s the opposite. teh’s had this plan in his head that he and oh-aew are going to reach their dream of becoming actors and the lead protagonists in a movie/series together for so long now that it’s hard for him to reconcile that oh-aew might no longer want this as much as he does anymore. it’s like he can see this ultimate goal of his crumbling. so just hearing that it’s bc of q and the rest of the gang’s ‘influence’ that oh-aew sat in on their advertising class in the first place (and this triggered his interest in advertising) is like strike two for teh vs. oh-aew’s friends.

i’ve def mentioned this before, but oh-aew has always been the more pragmatic of the two, whilst teh is more idealistic, so i understand why he would gravitate towards something that was more stable of a career for him. more of a guarantee. he knows that advertising/marketing suits him better (not to mention that he’s always had the resort as his safety to fall back on too), and it’s something that he’s discovering he actually enjoys more in general too.

when i first watched this, i was like “oh wow teh’s matured so much!!” bc he didn’t blow up at oh-aew during this scene...that kind of ended up backfiring on me towards the end, but at the same time, i do think there’s a certain level of growth there since he does end up trying to reassure oh-aew (even if the blow up still occurs later on). it’s a process though...and even baby steps are progress.

8 months later and teh’s walking past that same place he and oh-aew walked by during his first night in bangkok...only now the poster is no longer the same red one. it’s blue... as though it’s signifying that this is just teh’s dream alone now, and teh clearly still hasn’t come to terms with that yet.

i’m really happy seeing oh-aew in a much better place now!! it’s so good to see him happy and actually involved in uni with his friends. but watching teh struggle going through casting calls and rejections makes my heart ache. hearing khim’s experience with auditions, and actually having to experience it irl, are two entirely different things. it’s like the reality of the situation is starting to hit in for teh. and that, on top of oh-aew not being there to support him in the same way bc their goals in life aren’t similarly aligned anymore, is starting to take its toll.

god, when teh lined oh-aew and was waiting for his response i was like nooooo don’t do it DON’T DO IT only for him to open ig to check oh-aew’s story 😭(though it IS cute that they have couple pfps). but we’re regressing. and now that they have different social circles it’s even harder to connect than before. teh feels like oh-aew’s being pulled away from him, into another friend group that doesn’t include him...and his insecurities are bubbling to the surface again. teh’s always needed that reassurance that he’s ‘special’ to oh-aew. clearly, we know that he is...but even now that they’re dating, it’s still something that he questions. and esp now that oh-aew is starting to feel like he’s fading further and further away out of reach.

i love seeing all of teh’s friends encourage him. they all understand how tough it is, and to see them all pull together to lift his spirits again is so lovely. but then his mood completely changes again when oh-aew comes to join them for dinner :( teh’s doing that thing again where he says everything’s fine when everything’s not fine (cue that “they ask you how you are and you just have to say you’re fine when you’re not really fine” meme). the flash to teh’s face when top says that he didn’t pass the exam to get into anantasart, and you know he’s just thinking about how he gave up his spot for oh-aew initially, and now that oh-aew’s transferred, it’s kind of like he’s turned it down twice. oof.

when teh tells them all that oh-aew’s transferred to advertising, it’s as though this is his way of trying to separate both his worlds. like oh-aew doesn’t belong here with his drama club friends, and it’s that pettiness that we got from teh in itsay is back in full force all over again. it reminds me so much of that time oh-aew told the itsay gang that he was a virgin, and so teh told his friends at school that he was a virgin too. or when oh-aew sent him that picture of his and bas’ legs touching, so teh retaliated by putting that pic of tarn on his story and leaning in to kiss her. it’s like he always needs to one up oh-aew. he doesn’t want oh-aew to feel the same bond with his drama club friends that teh has (esp when he sees that oh-aew is so close to his uni friends). where oh-aew was anxious about teh and his uni friends not getting on, teh is anxious that oh-aew and his drama club friends will get on too well so he has to create this distinction between them. kind of like his petty attempt to be all “i have my own friends too!!”, but it’s also combined with that feeling of inadequacy that he might not fit into oh-aew’s life anymore. he might not be ‘special’. idk if that makes sense but basically i think that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things during this scene.

when he starts attacking oh-aew at dinner...that was really hard to watch. you ever feel like you want to reach through the screen and just put your hand over someone’s mouth so they stop talking?? it was rough :/ it’s one thing to fight when it’s just the two of you alone, but it’s another thing to tear your partner down right in front of your friends. i understand teh’s feelings (and i know that they’ve been building up over this time), but my frustration was through the ROOF during this. it’s on brand for him, but still. and then poor khim :( i know oh-aew didn’t mean it in that way but the awkwardness of this entire dinner was just overwhelming.

another thing that’s sad about what teh said about oh-aew is that this is a huge sore spot for oh-aew, and it’s always been one of his biggest insecurities. the reason they stopped being friends when they were kids was bc teh said that he was going to quit eventually, so for teh to talk about how “shilly shally and indecisive” he is/how easily he ‘quits’ at things is a low blow when he already knows how much those words hurt oh-aew.

teh has a habit of jumping to conclusions based on oh-aew’s social media posts instead of actually talking things out with oh-aew so naturally it would make an appearance again here as well. and calling oh-aew’s friends “shitty” bc they’re different to him (aren’t as driven as teh and his drama club gang...therefore a bad influence on oh-aew) makes it really evident that teh still has a lot to learn. he really needs to start taking those acting class lessons to heart so he can see that not everyone is the same, and that other peoples’ experiences and perspectives are valid too.

teh’s long pause and “maybe” to oh-aew’s “and if this is what i really am, you’re not gonna like me anymore, are you?” BIG SIGH. it’s so typical of teh. i know he’s honest to a fault, but he REALLY needs to learn to think before he speaks sometimes bc he always ends up regretting it. i love that impulsivity of his, but it’s also one of the most frustrating things about him.

one thing that i find kind of annoying with the time skip is that we miss so much of teh’s festering feelings that it’s a bit harder to empathise with him when he has his eventual blow up?? i think if we were seeing this more consistently, it would be much easier for us to understand things from his pov better. like if we could slowly see this building up more and more as time went on, rather than just time skipping the 8 months until the blow up.

anyway, now khim and top are graduating ;;; i really hope that we’ll still get to see more of them in the next eps. i also love how the people in teh’s life are always so concerned for him (and how oh-aew’s doing). the message behind the book teh gets for khim’s graduation present is really sweet.

when khim first tells them that she’s going to be a flight attendant and teh blows up, i felt really angry at him initially. but upon reflection and rewatching this ep again...i think i understand where he’s coming from a lot better now. obv i still think he was out of line bc of course what khim’s saying makes sense...she can’t keep going to casting calls and scraping by with minor roles when she has to support herself and her family. in the end, we all need money to survive, and sometimes we have to be realistic about it. i really loved what she said about how we can have multiple dreams at once. but yeah, my heart really went out for her so much here :( it might be difficult for teh to see (or accept) rn, but he’s a lot more privileged than he realises. he still has hoon and his mother to support him financially, but not everyone is in the same position. not everyone gets to be as lucky.

regardless, i still understand why teh gets as torn up about it as he does. khim is someone that he’s looked up to and respected SO much...and his own doubts and insecurities have been steadily increasing. first, oh-aew changes majors, then, he keeps getting rejected at auditions, and now, the senior that he respects the most bc of her hard work and determination, is giving up her dream (at least in his eyes) to become a flight attendant. it’s like the world keeps telling him to give up bc it’s not going to work out for him. and he’s invested EVERYTHING into this dream. it’s all or nothing for him. but it’s like everyone else is slipping away, and it’s getting harder and harder to hold onto.

when teh looks at the tie and is reminded of oh-aew always being there to put it on for him :(((((((( ngl i was hoping that teh would be the first one to approach oh-aew (since their fight was bc of him), but i’m glad he apologised at least. and that they had a good talk about their feelings. but then again, this reflection after their fights is what they’ve always been fairly good at. teh just has to learn to stop internalising things so much that he ends up exploding so they don’t get to this point in the first place. so much has flipped from the first ep where oh-aew was the one feeling lonely and out of place. now it’s teh’s turn to feel all alone as he sees everyone’s dreams and goals (but his) start to change. like everyone is moving on and learning to adjust while he’s being left behind.

when they’re promising each other that their love for one another will never change, it just makes me feel so SAD. seeing them in the moonlight like this compared to the first ep when they were on the beach in phuket and teh was so hopeful and oh-aew was so worried :( everything’s already changed so much. making this promise under the moon like this reminds me of how bkpp kept talking about how the ‘ipytm’ title itself means an impossible promise...the two of them hugging in the moonlight as the score plays just feels so painfully bittersweet somehow ;;; my heart is aching, and i want the next ep, but i can’t deny that my anxiety is slowly building.

anyway, i know the end of this sounds so negative but i’m still banking on our teh/oh-aew endgame!!!!!!! it just needs to get worse to get better, and there’s still so much space for them to grow and learn. so many more experiences in store for them.

#i promised you the moon #ipytm #text #i'm sorry this is so long and that it took so long #if you read this whole thing you deserve some type of medal bc idk HOW it got to this point #if only i was able to be this dedicated to my assessments back when i was studying #i was mad with teh during the first watch but that simmered down a whole lot during the second watch #i think it's just hurts me to see him keep shooting himself in the foot #but i know that you mature through your experiences and the way he acts in this is still so consistent with his character #just...can he not hurt oh-aew like this. i just don't want to see him sad anymore pls stop making him sad #ok i'm going to sleep now peace out and until next week where hopefully there'll be some structure to my thoughts for once

[watchinglikeafangirl]

The problem with GMMTV shows

Many, many Thai BLs were published and lauched by GMMTV and some of these shows are probably the most popular BLs in the genre, although other ones like ITSAY also get a lot of attention these days. GMMTV definetly is a monopole when it comes to producing such content because they produce the most BLs per year. There's always a new fandom rising in the background and that's not necessarily a bad thing but everyone knows by now what to expect from a GMMTV show and these expectations are pretty low. At least my expectations have sunken to zero when it comes to acting and I'm already impressed if the kiss looks real or if they actually cry some tears. I know, crying is hard and I find it unfair they don't even try to change the script, so the actors won't have such a hard time. I think the worst crying I have seen so far would be Tine in 2gether when he thought Sarawat was in love with that girl. Left alone that his reason doesn't make sense storywise, his crying was aweful and I actually skipped this scene because I was cringing so much.

Anyway, back to my topic.

Honestly, I have to give GMMTV credit for their marketing office because the marketing and promotion of new shows is pretty good. They publish posters, drop a cute trailer and give us a shipping to wait for. Although the design of the posters is not good and the trailers don't match the show's actual story, we are willing to wait. The bad design doesn't leave our minds and we are curious what new low quality show will be published. GMMTV knows pretty well, we all make fun of the shows and don't find them good but watch them nevertheless. That's how they make their money.

I can't help but wonder if the actors sign binding contracts or not because every one of them has at least more than one GMMTV project going on. Mix for example is in atoats, a short movie and in futs. Earth was already seen in Kiss me again, then atoats and this short movie. I find this very suspicious.

Now, lets get to the low quality of all the GMMTV shows. They really mastered their strategy. First, they create a world only revolving around the main couple, so we get a lot of screentime and cute moments of them. Second, the character traits and backstories look interesting at first, catching our attention. Third, the characters are pretty flat, so everybody can somehow relate to them. Fourth, the world these characters live in is simple and the less we see of it the better, because then we can project ourselves into it. Fifth, create a plot that looks interesting from afar and then let it play out in the most passionless way but everybody watches anyway because they want to see the happy ending.

In all these BLs the dialogues, story and acting is not really on point. It is average, but they try to cover it up with jokes, sound effects and cliffhangers to make you believe you had a good time, so you go back the next week and watch the new epsiode.

Here three examples with which I'm gonna explain how the stories are created.

Fish upon the sky - the beginning

I only started watching this show because of the title. It contains a metaphor we don't know the meaning of but we sure know it has a nice vibe and probably a deeper meaning between the two main leads. It seems like a private thing only the these two understand. In general, this metaphor is kind of cute, I have to say. This whole "fish upon the sky" vs "star in the ocean" thing, they got me there. But the rest and the way it plays out is boring.

In the trailer, only these scenes with the metaphor and deep talks were cut together, so we thought this whole show would have that vibe and I still hope but after this 8th episode my expectations nearly vanished.

So, in the first two episodes, the characters are introduced alongside the problems and relationship they have. Thank God, Pi doesn't have friends, so he can have more screentime and not even more people have had to be casted, right? No, because friendgroups make more clear what kind of person the protagonist is, but okay, he interacts with his brother instead. Problem is, Duean is - how do I put this - aweful. He is terrible and only exists for the jokes. So, no deep conversation there. We get nothing from Pi. His character is build up and within the first two episodes we know his character completly because GMMTV characters are designed as simple as possible, so you won't have a hard time understanding them and their actions. You don't have to analyze to get them. This leads to inconsistency and plot holes later on.

During these two episodes, the most story happens apparently. So, we think as much will happen later on, but no, this is GMMTV. But since we're already invested because of the simple world and relatable characters, we don't stop watching every week.

Tonhon Chonlatee - the middle part

I guess this show is the perfect example of catching us with an okay story and then letting our hopes drop at an instant. This ending showed how you don't do it. But okay, we're not talking about the ending here. It's about the middle part.

This is the main problem with GMMTV shows. Nothing happens in the middle part and I guess Tonhon Chonlatee is the perfect example for that.

We know Chon has a crush on Ton since they were little kids and he gets super excited when Ton shows up again. Sadly, he turns out to be pretty homophobic. Okay, that is a conflict I can understand. But the thing is, the characters don't have another story apart from that. They don't grow. They don't change their mind. That just happens at the very end. Tonhon is introduced as homophobic and stays homophobic during the whole middle part. Not many moments take place and he doesn't seem to regret what he says against the LGBTQ-community. There's no confrontation to raise my excitement. The show goes on with no real input.

This is something all these shows suffer from. The middle part is very poor and they don't even try.

A tale of a thousand stars - the end

Okay, this example is based on my upopular opinion and wish for a bittersweet ending because I still believe this ending didn't fit.

This show wasn't as boring as the other two examples but it still wasn't great. After a boring middle part, we get a lot of drama until they finally get their happy ending. The problem with atoats was Tian suffering the whole time and without a detailed explaination why. Maybe I missed something but I think they could've gotten more into this idea with him living with another heart inside but instead they chose to give us a bunch of cuteness between Tian and Phupha and Tian and the kids.

In the end, Tian tells everyone that Torfun is dead and he cries a lot because Phupha totally overracts. There's a bunch of crying and I was sitting here still not getting it. Why is it such a bad thing he has her heart? Why is it such a burden? Still, the explaination in the middle part was missing. The inconsitency and plot holes I mentioned earlier are showing up and make the ending illogical, rushed and forced.

Outro

They just threw the drama away and came up with a solution to give them a happy ending to let us believe we had such a good time because we got what we wanted and what we've all been waiting for.

GMMTV knows we expect a happy ending and just hang on until we get it. That's why I went behind my back and continued futs even though I was extremly mad about the racism. Because I know, PiMork will have a happy ending and I'm curious hownit will play out. The middle part is awefully boring but I can't stop wondering. That's probably the essential part of GMMTV's strategy. They create boring shows which are compelling nevertheless.

Anyway, this is just my opinion on what I saw of GMMTV so far. Feel free to dicuss. Maybe someone of you has an answer to my questions about atoats...

#fish upon the sky #atoats #2gether #kiss me again #they all have a problematic middle part #a lot of back and forth over nothing #unnecessary drama #a very long rant #just go watch itsay instead #its so much better #i told sunset about you #i promised you th moon #GMMTV #gmmtv should focus more on producing a few good ones than producing many

[0reblogufufu0]

Spoilers Ahead For IPYTM Finale!

Time for the end to this insane ride! Pumped and full of so many feelings of not wanting to let this series go, IPYTM and ITSAY, knowing there will be no season three of continuation and that this is it, but I feel so lucky to have gotten into this series and been along for the good and the bad!  Let’s watch episode five!

Immediately already in the first couple minutes we get a lot of contrast here from the ending of the last episode. Last time, things ended on a very somber note, with both Teh and Oh-aew struggling with their break up. But, here, having time skipped over to their senior year, the first thing we see is a lot of thriving while we’re on Oh-aew’s side.  He’s successful in school as well as in his internship, leading already to other options for him once he graduates, and the scene we get with his friends, is light-hearted as they all lament their tiredness from the work of it all. But, it’s obvious there’s a satisfaction in the work, things have definitely gotten better since last time. Also, the flashcards from ITSAY made an appearance! I always love to see the call backs (though I waited the entire time to see a call back to Oh-aew’s nose thing, and it never did, so a bit disappointed) Something that really solidifies the difference between now and then is Oh-aew’s reaction to Teh, as well as their status as exes. It’s not bitter or hung up, but genuinely happy seeing him succeed enough to be getting TV interviews about his projects, and he says he’s Teh’s ex to his friends without it seeming at all rough, like it’s totally in the past now. It’s really sweet, because the smile Oh-aew gives is so soft you’d think there was nothing between the two that was at all negative.  He’s really grown. But it also goes to show that after everything that happened Oh-aew’s feelings for Teh didn’t divulge into hatred, he’s still wishes him the best and wants him to thrive. But, oh my gosh how that contrasts with Teh’s condition is so great. Like, while Oh-aew is feeling more himself than he ever has, relishing in the life he’d always sought to have, even if some pieces had to be knocked out of place to achieve it, everything is falling apart for Teh in a way he can’t run from this time. When we meet him in his dressing room, just the coloring of the frame shows you the difference. Oh-aew’s space with his friends is vibrant, soft, and bright, while Teh’s is sort of dim, filled with neutral colors and soft lights. He talks with Top about feeling like he doesn’t want to do anything anymore, not his acting work nor his thesis which he’s struggling to come up with an idea for, and it’s a really big deal because Teh’s one consistent aspiration has always been chasing acting as far as he can, but now he’s achieved a relative fame and wants to take a break because the feeling is so not right. He says he feels like he’s missing something, and it’s obvious not just from last episode but from the conversation he has with Oh-aew later that it’s their relationship. Before, even if things were in shambles and changing, Teh could always turn back to Oh-aew being there with him, even if sometimes that was what was so overwhelming was turning back to face his boyfriend who kept on changing, Oh-aew was never missing in his core, but now that he’s basically entirely by himself with nothing feeling good for him to accomplish or strive towards, he feels how important that was now more than ever. I just gotta say wow to the scenes where Teh and Oh-aew meet again for the first time, there’s so much in it just with mannerisms or the way they speak. Oh-aew speaks with confidence, he answers Teh’s questions quickly when he asks them and doesn’t stutter or pause when he goes to ask some of his own. When he talks about Teh’s life he sounds and feels genuinely curious and happy for him in a way he really only can because he’s so sure of himself in it. He knows how he feels, how he felt, how he’s grown from then and that it’s time to move on, and he’s taken steps to do that. He’s really become his own person and it looks great on him. Meanwhile, Teh is awkward, averts his eyes whenever things hit too close to their past and dances around asking what he really wants to ask Oh-aew with stammers or lead on questions (like when he says Oh-aew can bring a plus one to Hoon’s wedding to see if he has a new boyfriend). It always feels like he’s kind of waiting for Oh-aew to say something to let him know he’s still thinking about him, that he feels how Teh does. But, Oh-aew speaks to Teh like they’re old friends, all the while Teh’s eyes linger on Oh-aew when he leaves, when he speaks, he leans in to sniff him when his head is down and he’s desperate to stay with him for as long as he can. It’s obvious what this has done to Teh and watching Oh-aew deny him what he’s looking for makes you feel pity for Teh and proud of Oh-aew all at the same time. It’s super great to watch when the facade breaks sometimes, though. Because, you can definitely see that some of Oh-aew’s confidence is definitely fake it till you make it type. He’s unsure at first whenever Teh makes his way into his space, and you can see how he still isn’t entirely ready or prepared to talk about relationships again with Teh, especially so when it’s revealed Teh broke up with his girlfriend weeks ago because they didn’t share the same thoughts anymore. I also think you can see it in their relationship status’. Though Teh isn’t in a relationship anymore, he’d opened himself up to someone else (though I think it was a Jai thing again, where it was just to have something to cling to which was familiar), while Oh-aew is single, turning away any chance of relationship (even when his friend hints to subtly liking him) even while he acts as though he is over Teh. It brings up bitter memories and Oh-aew ends up going deep into scolding Teh for not having fought harder for her or changed himself some to fit her when she couldn’t for him, it’s all spoken like he’s asking Teh why he didn’t do those things for him, like he’s telling him what exactly he wanted Teh to do for him when things got hard instead of what happened. But things ends on a warm note for their meeting, even if it’s obvious their both healing, they’re definitely not in any way holding resentment for the other, but rather a regret that seems to hang over both their heads for how things turned out, or a disappointment. Now, I just want to say, the play thing was a bad idea. Not just for showing to Oh-aew but also the play just seemed so bland? Like a spoken autobiography lacking a ton of context, I’m not sure Teh is passing with that work. But, for Teh, too, it was such a bad idea to force all that on Oh-aew. He thought it would be like a apology to Oh-aew through the play, that he’d be able to convey all his feelings in a way that wouldn’t have to be spoken recklessly in the moment and that Oh-aew would be able to understand him better, but again, he’s acting selfishly. He’s thinking about what he wants Oh-aew to see, what he wants him to hear, to understand and to even feel towards him but he never thinks maybe Oh-aew doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, or doesn’t want to get back together even if he does. Teh has spent all his waking hours feeling like something is missing without Oh-aew then becomes completely enamored with him all over again when they meet in person for the first time, it’s hard for him to believe Oh-aew hasn’t spent as much time on him as he has on Oh-aew, that he didn’t want everything to turn out differently and for them to still be together. But, Oh-aew has spent his time away from Teh trying his best to move on from him, to work himself into a place he can be happy for himself and for Teh without having those things be exclusive or his memories bitter, he’d been focusing on his gains and relishing in them, all up until Teh comes to crash the party with his presence and Oh-aew struggles not to fall back into him and what they had before, what he felt before when it ended. Still, he shows up to support Teh on his play when he receives a ticket, he’s being supportive and isn’t pushing Teh away or forcing the past on him when they meet, still, Teh forces his feelings on Oh-aew, what he felt again seeing him for the first time, his regrets, his struggles, and it’s all selfish even if he frames it in a way of wanting to make up to Oh-aew. He obviously doesn’t mean it as such, but it is the truth of the matter. It takes little for him to go back into the relationship because Oh-aew didn’t hurt him. He doesn’t have to make the decision to trust him again, trust his love, trust what he says about him because that was never a doubt for him, but Oh-aew has to think about those things in order to open himself up again. Bas was so cute when he showed up I screamed silently into the night because he is so baby faced I just want to squish his cheeks and hug him! He comes back to serve as some advice for Oh-aew on whether or not to take Teh back after he tells Teh he doesn’t want to get back together in the parking lot during the play. They talk about whether or not things can get better if you get back together after a break up and if Oh-aew’s feelings for Teh are good enough to warrant them getting back together or if there’s something better for him out there, whether he should allow Teh to ‘win’ by seeing he is still hung up over him or if moving on is better for his own sake. It’s short, but I’m just glad we get to see Bas. The scene feels weird a little, since we just saw Oh-aew having such an emotional reaction to the question of getting back together and now he is considering it, but I think it can be tied up to his feelings coming crashing down on him after he meets Teh again after all that time and even more so once he has to relive the failure of their relationship, so he’s stuck and conflicted with all these feelings on hand. This feeling of the revelation not exactly feeling right lasts all the way to the end, when they do get back together, because though it’s been built to for a little, we don’t even get the entire episode for it because they had so much to do this finale. But, okay, whatever, alright, I can’t stay mad at it. I love Oh-aew, I love Teh, I love ITSAY, I love IPYTM, there are flaws in all of those, but I love them still, I’m happy we got a happy ending, really. I was happy to see Teh’s mom again and Hoon, because they’re both a delight, was glad to see Teh’s friends and Khim making an appearance at the end, too. There are many upsets with how things padded out in them getting back together, especially the scene where it all comes together, because though I like Teh listening to Oh-aew, it skims over a lot of the issues we see reoccuring from before in this episode, so who can say if their relationship will be okay from here or not. I personally feel they may break up again but will not be able to stay from one another, so they may not be able to actually settle down until they’re old and grey and know each other best to avoid what has caused them trouble time and time again. Anyway, this was a ride and I definitely won’t stop talking about this forever, but yeah, it was the end! Goodbye to the crew, and the show, I’m gonna miss them so much and will think of them every time I play Skyline on my kalimba (it hits so different hearing the song this episode knowing how to play it now) and eat anything with coconuts or smell them, or see red and blue, or draw the sunset or when there’s a full moon or their songs come up on my playlist. I’ve accomplished a lot because of this series, accomplished a lot during, and I appreciate it so much. I always give so much grief to people blinded by nostalgia, but this is my exception, because I will always think positively of this series despite it all. Good bye! I am going to miss making time for this on thursdays and writing these at ungodly times of the morning! Thank you to all who worked on the series and read these reviews, I’ll miss it all! <3

#ipytm #i promised you the moon #i told sunset about you #itsay

[faaltuprem]

March 11, 2021 We are getting I told sunset about you part 2 and this is the first time I have processed the calendar year as a real thing that I am looking forward to.  Here are some deeply personal thoughts I must expel into the world but are definitely not worth reading. Yes it is vague because I don't want strangers knowing the details. 

THIS SHOW BLEW ME UP INSIDE! 

Currently I'm in my senior year of university, applying to graduate schools, living with my girlfriend in New York, experiencing a Saturn conjuncting the Saturn in my chart, halfway through its first cycle in my life and my priorities are so deeply disorganized, waiting to be reorganized. 

Watching I Told Sunset About You in the middle of all this really did blow me up inside, because it exploded the senior year of high school that I had put off processing fully until March this year (when the pandemic had me move back in with my parents for seven months and suddenly I was watching thai BLs, animes, etc. again and deeply regretting not having gone to art school). It was in 2016-17 I had suddenly moved to Thailand, living in Nonthaburi outside of Bangkok, really fucking alone except the one bi white friend I had who moved with me for similar reasons, whom I had confessed feelings for before the summer that changed our lives quite a bit, who left me hanging and ran away in gay panic. In my senior year, I was so confused about whether I would get into university, especially art school because my family didn't fully support or encourage me, I was deeply behind in studies, I was isolated from everything in the awful gated expat neighborhood separating me from the beautiful Nonthaburi, and the one new friend I had made -- we flirted and then it didn't lead anywhere but then she also didn't care to stay friends when I had no one in that isolated place. 

When I finally got through that year, getting into universities but not for art, not doing as well as I wanted in my art classes, feeling totally unlovable and friendless in a place where everyone passed time partying and being in relationships, I had gathered the hobby of spending weekends in the city with my friend who I moved with until she had to leave the country. I became attached to the city, it was the only friend I had for a while -- I put everything into just going into the city, wasting time walking around and doing shenanigans, meeting people I disliked or who had discarded me so I had excuses to go to cafes.  Until my friends from junior year and a best friend from middle school flew over for a "senior trip" that I went on with them and my whole ass family to Krabi. I was feeling love, feeling really free, mourning a crush on a straight friend, and just really fucking having a good time finally laughing and just feeling like I had footing and horizon to look to. Krabi felt sacred to me, it is sacred to me. 

At the end of my first semester freshman year, my parents were still in Nonthaburi, I had moved to New York and met my girlfriend and even though shit was rocky I was slowly figuring out things for myself. Including the fact that I was never really bisexual I was a lesbian and that came with mourning the heterosexual ending to my gay 20s that I had always imagined I would need to compromise to keep my family intact. I flew back to Bangkok really really changed but still wounded and got further wounded when on New Years I came out to my parents in an explosive fight, while my girlfriend and I were separated by timezones and depression habits. That explosion, that feeling that everything is gone to hell and you are so alone that was stuck in the air in Nonthaburi became flammable. 

It finally exploded summer 2018, when I had discovered that I could still make friends in my hometown while being out and I had been radicalized and politicized and that exactly what I wanted was finally within reach, just strings to pull together rather than a giant leap that would kill me. But my confession to my parents ended in them moving away from Thailand and back to the US because they felt my hometown would not be safe for me as a lesbian. It sacrificed the scholarship that had made me feel less guilty about coming to New York and it made being in America a permanent and non-negotiable outcome, heavy with my parents sacrifices and all the unknown consequences I had not counted on. Suddenly, I was leaving Nonthaburi and Thailand without having processed everything I experienced, owed to, and learned from over there. (The reckless) part of me still wants to move back because that's where I really did learn to rely on myself at my lowest because I didn't have so many people rallying for me and that is where I had made bad decisions and hurt myself. The only way out is to repair over there, to redo it all and do it better. 

But I managed to keep all of it quiet and go on with sophomore year and then junior year, forgetting the flammable feelings inside me but surrounded by warmth and whole new sets of problems. A righteous anger for justice, stronger than before. A self-doubt coming from principles stronger than before. A new fork in the road that I needed steady ground to contemplate and prepare for. But suddenly, March 2020, I was suddenly leaving New York behind, without any say, just like in 2016. And the match was really really lit. 

I've basically been shifting in and out of the growing pains, the trauma, and the really really really intense nostalgia that has rained down on me since then. I cannot explain how deeply I Told the Sunset About You has effected me -- I feel so soothed. I feel like I've lived their lives and they have lived mine even though its soooooooooo totally different for us. I absolutely LOVE romance and to be inside those deep friendships and all that love I feel so honored and so relieved. Just like Krabi, this show feels sacred. I felt every moment of that show in my body. Justin Sinseri from the Polyvagal Podcast has been helping me understand my embodied anxiety, depression, maybe attention disorder, and some of the trauma buried within. He explains that we are all just nervous systems interacting with each other, co-regulating according to perceived danger and safe and social conditions. When I'm in my head and my trauma unlatching my body, the flame burning within my gut (And yes it literally feels like my body is overheating and my gut is on fire and the only way out is to shut down). 

The night before last night, I had finally finished my first graduate school application through all the fucking turmoil. I feel like I have fallen behind in my classes as a sign of failure, I have dropped off of the face of the earth and left behind so much that I have as familiar to me. I am grateful to all the people who support me but I constantly feel like I don't deserve it. And after going through some gender realizations, home has become an even more alien space to me than it had already been. Last night, i was seeking for co-regulation, but something so deep that a person can't give it to me alone. I started watching the show with my girlfriend, and as someone who finds so much solace in artistry, in music, in Krabi and hearing the Thai language, in thinking about and looking at life that is similar toa place I called home (what could have been), I was feeling sooooo soothed. 

I am grateful for all the ways in which that show was attentive to friendship. The ways in which the actors were attentive to pain and love and joy. I am grateful for the care that comes through in that movie. I am grateful that it doesn't attempt to traumatize me, trigger me into seeking comfort. I am grateful that is as soft as the shores where the sea meets Krabi and as radiant as the sun enveloping the sky over Krabi. It made me absolve so much of my childhood in the ways that I wanted them absolved. It made me happy about the life I have. It made me happy about having lived, indebted to, the places which I called home and call to for home. It actually made me even forgive and miss my parents a little. It made me reaaaalllllyyy start to forgive myself (rather than just letting myself off the hook). It made me want to want what I want with the whole heart. It made me want to be in right relationship with land and sea and sky (and the Ocean who I write to in my journals) Damn. I could go on though. Dear ITSAY creators, team, lil parallel universe where this story was realized, you spoke to me. 

#please don't RB or interact with this post #it is for me #if you read it don't tell me #tp #itsay

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

#i told sunset about you #itsay #like there's more angst to come but the real climax of it was in this ep that's how i feel anyway #idk if both of them will get in. i HOPE both of them do. #but i just think that when things get angsty at this point of the story there's always a chance for it to turn around #you just need to worry when things are too happy UNTIL you get to the last ep #tbh though i would like a kiss between them out in the open when teh's finally stopped repressing himself #just so he can show the character growth of his whole arc. so he can be free. #i would obv very much like for them to end up together but there's only one ep left so idk if they can get to that point when there's still #so much that teh has to learn to come to terms with #and he's going to be so so stressed with the exam too (i saw the previews and am bracing myself for more heartbreak as he cries) #i did not mean for this to be as long as it was but i was sporadically writing it as i worked and kept thinking of things to add #and it somehow became an essay #i wrote more in this than i've ever written in any of my uni essays GOD #if you read this whole thing you need some kind of medal or something idk man #also random note but teh's mum's kebaya looks like one that my mum owns #text

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.

they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.

teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.

the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!

i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;

i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.

another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...

but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.

the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again?????  PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.

the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.

so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.

anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.

#wait have i talked about the ost and how they use music and silence in this bc it's brilliant!! perfection!! #i told sunset about you #itsay #bkpp #text #oh and not to mention the chinese lyrics being translated to thai STUNNING #nothing else can compare to how this series makes me feel i could write essays upon essays of my thoughts and it wouldn't be enough #it's the headiness of the two of them that has taken my apart in every way #this has felt like the longest week ever and this next week is going to feel even LONGER until the day i get a new ep once again #i think i prob have more things i want to say but i can't think of anything else off the top of my head i just needed to rant somewhere #normally i would just leave my thoughts and feelings in the tags but this is just too much the way the both of them overwhelm us all #you KNOW i'm gonna rewatch this again bc i can't help myself i really can't #i have a couple feelings on how the end could go and it absolutely worries everything inside of me bc there's A LOT of foreshadowing #going around and it's just got me feeling :/// #climax next week (i'm pretty sure it'll be next week) is gonna feel like a volcanic explosion after all this waiting #i can't wait till we get the other teaser and i know what's happening in the next ep preview one too #we're getting the infamous neck kiss in ep 4 and it's gonna scrape out my insides just you fucking watch #i will sob until there is nothing left of me #didn't billkin describe the neck kiss as just the sauce???????? fuck i'm not ready I'M NOT READY #the way this is the only thing i want to talk about for days months years decades #the feel of it def reminds me of cmbyn and yeah i totally see it #it's the authenticity of it somehow

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 5 (thoughts + spoilers)

i feel like i’m on a high that i’ll never come down from :))) the itsay effect. this show is truly a cultural reset.

first up, i just want to say that i have never been more worried about a final ep before IN MY LIFE. for the past couple eps, i’ve tried to watch them live raw, but for this one, i was afraid of spoilers (and wanted to understand everything from the first watch), so i waited for the vimeo ep to drop and let me tell you...that was both the longest and shortest wait ever...the excitement and the dread i’ve been feeling this whole week has been unreal.

as usual, this is not an analysis. tbh there’s prob going to be even less analysing in this one bc most of the time i was either crying or yelling at my screen (and i feel like this ep in general didn’t have as many scenes to analyse?). but god, i’m SO GLAD that they gave us a happy ending bc it would have broken me into pieces if i had to rewatch and recap this knowing everything had fallen apart for them (ecstatic that wasn’t the case, and my feelings from last ep on how things might go in this one actually panned out!!). after what went down in ep 4, i always thought that that was going to be the peak of the climax/conflict, and that this one was going to be much more of a healing ep...the ep that would bring more closure to each of the characters and their relationships, as well as wrap things up as a final ep should.

so the way this ep starts is actually kind of anti-climactic. esp after the intense emotions of what happened at the end of ep 4. which is understandable? like they were being petty teenagers angry at one another, but now it’s a few days later, and all those heated emotions have tempered down. they’re in that awkward stage where neither of them even know how to start approaching one another after the loaded feelings of the last ep (basically this is what happened to them when they were children. no one reached out, and they both drifted apart...only now they’re aware of what might happen if no one reaches out and it’s a question of whether they let history repeat itself).

oh-aew using the cue cards that teh gave him and being worried ;;; doing that thing that teh told him about writing something over and over again when he can’t say it out loud...teh deleting his line chat history ;;; i was torn with this one bc on one hand noooooo, but on the other, it could be representing them starting anew again?? ALSO, they always know how to make the most of the ost in this show (i think it’s the can’t translate/lost in translation instrumental?). i was literally shaking the first time i watched this.

i was actually very worried about how his mum was going to treat him after last ep...i thought she would be angry/ignore him, and i was feeling so anxious about it...maybe bc i personally know what that’s like. that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re scared of how they’ll react to you after a fight. teh wanting to make his mum proud is hugely important to him, so when she handed him the plate, i actually let out a sigh of relief. i’m glad that his mum understood and backed him when he needed it most (she may not be fully all the way there yet, but feelings are raw and it takes time). and i already knew hoon would, so i wasn’t too worried on that front.

tarn is so good for teh, and i really see why they were drawn to each other. but i like how she’s prioritising what’s right for her, and also telling him like it is. they need to focus on their studies now and figure out the other stuff later.

teh loitering outside the tutoring classroom before entering sort of reminds me of ep 1 when teh and oh-aew met up for the first time after their first fight...just this time it’s less straight up antagonism between the two of them and more hurt feelings as they avoid each other instead. i also appreciate the gang during this. they’re so normal and encouraging about the whole situation. they know something went down between teh and oh-aew, but they don’t really press too much about it. just let teh know that they’re here if he needs someone to talk to.

the ep 5 trailer played us!!!!!!! i was WONDERING why oh-aew would suddenly say all that nice stuff about bas (not that bas doesn’t deserve the nice stuff, he’s an ANGEL) in front of class, but their teacher was the one that put them up to it. the horror i felt as i watched teh look straight at oh-aew but turn to bless phillip instead and then start on that whole spiel about how phillip “never sees the good intentions of friends as worthless. never says ‘no’ to what friends give you” and how he’ll never leave him because of that. ALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF OH-AEW’S SALAD...STOP TEH. PLEASE. he’s digging himself into this hole himself with the passive aggressiveness again. THEN BAS COMING IN TO STEAL THIS WHOLE SCENE. i don’t think any of us were expecting him to be as forward as he was but omg. he laid it all out on the line in the way that teh couldn’t (at this point in time). i’m really, really glad that oh-aew got to hear what bas thought of him though, and that bas got to tell oh-aew all his feelings. nothing is misconstrued. he’s so brave and the utter respect i have for him increased by tenfold...what a fantastic character. just so sure and convinced in how he feels, and so uncaring of what anyone else thinks. it’s so damn refreshing. and for oh-aew to know that there’s nothing wrong with him at all. that he’s desirable and wanted and loved (it calls back to ep 4 when oh-aew’s sobbing and desperately asking teh “what did i do wrong??” again and again). it must have meant so much to him. the conflict i felt in my heart watching that and knowing that bas would be SUCH a good guy for oh-aew, but also knowing that sometimes that’s just not enough.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TEH’S REACTION TO ALL THIS. he’s truly facing the consequences of his actions in this one. but just imagine being in this position, being too scared to own up to your own heart, and then watching this other boy do it like it’s the easiest thing in the world?? like it’s just another regular day?? like it’s nothing?? all to the boy that you’re in love with. to the boy that wanted this exact thing from you, but you couldn’t give. it’s like teh’s watching oh-aew slip through his very fingers, but knowing that it’s bc he never had oh-aew in the first place (and the reason for that is himself). i also really love how no one in class (including their teacher) makes a big deal out of this? they’re all just applauding bc it’s a sweet confession. it would be so jarring for teh to see this acceptance when the fear of society not accepting his feelings for oh-aew is one of the reasons he can’t accept them himself.

anyway, i had like one thought in this next scene and it was just DRINK THE COCONUT TEH. DRINK IT!!!!!!! so nice to see how his fam loves and believes in him.

teh watching on as bas and oh-aew take the first step with their left foot :(((

LOVE how they use the firecrackers going off to represent anytime there’s some sort of shift in teh and oh-aew’s relationship (when they first met, when they had their first fight, and now again when they talk for the first time after the fight and oh-aew tells him teh that he and bas are dating now). it’s such a great way to symbolise the spark and passion of their relationship. anyway, this meeting mostly consists of the both of them trying not to cry as they act civil with one another and skirt around what happened. teh asking about what the deal is with oh-aew and bas is like a parallel with what happened last ep when oh-aew asked about teh and tarn...only this time oh-aew and bas are actually dating...man, this is really not the kind of news you want to hear right when you’re about to sit one of your most important exams ever :/// teh holding himself together until the moment oh-aew leaves and then just having a fucking meltdown over the news :((( as always, it just hurts to see teh torture himself in this way. but esp when he’s supposed to be sitting his exam and he just can’t stop crying in the exam room (been in that position and have almost done the same thing before). when he hadn’t finished his exam and they were like “time’s up, pencils down” the sheer panic i felt at this...ugh. i hate it.

the elation on bas’ face when oh-aew asks him out for chinese new year. he’s the cutest. THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST. and then when he holds oh-aew’s hand????? the boldness of it. he. just. does. not. care. i wish i had that sort of confidence!! oh-aew’s shock at this too. his realisation that it’s okay. that this is okay. and then bas being all “why would i be?” after oh-aew asks if he’s embarrassed. bas is literally giving oh-aew everything that he wanted from teh and more (compare this to that scene in ep 3 where teh and oh-aew grazes hands but don’t hold each other’s hands). he’s proud to be with him and to show the world. and, you know what?? i would do anything in the world for bas to be happy.

AND HERE WE HAVE IT. MY LONG AWAITED HOON/TEH HEART TO HEART. i wanted teh to tell hoon soooooooo badly, so to hear the words come out of his mouth...that his brother was the first person he told. i felt so relieved bc i knew that hoon would support him no matter what. the struggle in teh’s face and words...he fought so long and hard against ever admitting these feelings to someone else out loud that it would have felt so incredibly terrifying, yet also like a weight being lifted off his chest, to finally get them out there. to have someone else know his secret. and to know that his brother loves him unconditionally regardless. “if you like him, you go after him” THE WAY I SOBBED DURING THIS. i really loved what hoon said to teh. he didn’t sugarcoat things and say that everything was going to be fine if teh liked boys too. not every single person you meet is going to be okay with who you are, that’s just a fact, but i loved that he emphasised to teh that HE was okay with it. it’s just what teh needed to hear. and that it might take their mum some time to accept it too, but all she truly wants is for teh to be happy. just the feeling of hearing his brother, someone that he very clearly looks up to and respects, tell him that he can like whoever he wants to like?? that it’s all up to him and he’ll still be there for him whoever he wants to be with?? teh sorely needed that and i’m glad he got it. hoon encouraging him to go fight for his love!!!!!!! i was cry laughing at how teh just starts bawling his eyes out at hoon telling him to go after oh-aew, but then teh telling him that it’s too late for him bc he likes someone else. like from hoon’s perspective, he’s prob just like ‘this is so needlessly dramatic’ and the sibling energy during that whole part is too real. i love them.

watching bas/oh-aew with the rest of the gang and their respective girlfriends really makes you realise how open and accepting they all are. like teh was terrified in the scene just before about how his friends might not accept him and oh-aew, but then you see them here with bas/oh-aew and no one even cares (which i expected bc they’ve been supportive since day one, but it’s just nice to see in practice too). oh-aew teasing them all ahhh. cute. phillip being the relatable only single guy there (me at every gathering i go to with my relatives omg).

THE PIANIST PLAYING SKYLINE. they really wanted us all to be SAD sad huh, and they succeeded. how it pans to oh-aew and this song is yet ANOTHER reminder of teh...you know he’s thinking about cape scene where they were singing and translating to one another. on the day they made their promise to each other :( and teh being there too??????? all alone with his bowl of oh-aew on the table. feeling the exact same heartbreak that oh-aew’s feeling too :( it’s the way that so much of their relationship is beyond words for me. but they’re also both hurting so much that i just want to push them together and make them talk so they can clear everything up.

hoon talking in cute japanese to nozomi on the phone while teh goes through oh-aew’s old worksheets and cries I HATE IT HERE. i love the different ways in which teh has smelt oh-aew’s coconut scent since ep 2. how it evolves from curiosity to desire to him heartbrokenly reminiscing, every feeling changing with the shifts in their relationship.

can i just say that oh-aew’s parents are ADORABLE. but also, finding out exam results is the worst kind of anxiety. was so happy that oh-aew got in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he worked his ass off for this :’))) teh not getting his first pick wasn’t altogether surprising bc it did feel like they were leading up to this. but when he apologised to his mum about it ;;; noooo, she’s so proud of you. as someone who’s been through this process before (and didn’t get my first pick either), it always feels like it’s end of the world when you don’t get the uni pick that you want, but it really isn’t. still, it sucks when you’re in the moment there’s no denying that. but i get that it’s also particularly sad for teh since he’d already basically gotten his first pick before he gave it up for oh-aew. but again, it’s all part of the learning process, and the consequences for his actions. 

BAS BEING BEST BOY EVER YET AGAIN. how he knows exactly how oh-aew feels bc he feels it too, but he never imposes those feelings on oh-aew. he knows that oh-aew’s heart isn’t with him, can’t be when it’s with someone else, and bc he cares that much about oh-aew, he guides him in teh’s direction. it’s never a good idea to date someone who’s hung up on someone else, but i’m glad that they tried at the very least. the both of them did what they could, and oh-aew needed to experience it to know. i’m really glad that bas was there to make oh-aew realise how worth it he is too...and bas deserves someone that loves him back just as much as he loves them. seeing bas cry is the worst experience ever. 0/5. never want this ever again thank u. their hug scene was just devastating, and worse still bc it’s not anyone’s fault...you just can’t help how you feel, and that’s just the way it is sometimes.

idk why but for me, the scene with tarn was possibly the hardest scene for me to watch in this ep. it’s interesting how he’s wearing the shirt that oh-aew was wearing in ep 3 in this scene (with the bold ‘sunset’ lettering). i guess it symbolises him being ready to open up about his feelings on where their relationship is heading? either way, she’s a great friend. she’s so encouraging, and understands him and his ambitions to a tee. the both of them are always filled with such fierce determination. they just know what they want and go for it. but that’s also why these past couple eps have been all the more confusing for teh since he’s always been so sure of himself before. how she tells him that no one can take away his identity and that no one can take his dream away from him?? all these characters just knowing exactly what teh needs at the right time. she’s so incredible. no wonder teh is so scared of losing her as a friend. it’s great that he apologised for how he treated her last ep bc it’s def the least that she deserves. that being said, watching her heart get broken as teh tells her that his feelings for her have changed and asking if they can still be friends...like damn, that fucking hurts. there’s something in tarn’s face in this scene that stays with me every time i watch it, and it’s that heavy feeling of knowing that the opportunity is missed. they had the potential to have been something, but it’s slipped by now, and now they can’t go back to those initial feelings anymore. too much has changed. but it’s also that she, like bas, values teh’s happiness too much. values their friendship so much that even if she’s heartbroken, she can still overcome those feelings of heartbreak bc she cares for teh so deeply and wants to see him happy. despite the pain she’s feeling, she still encourages him to make the first move and talk with oh-aew bc she knows that oh-aew is who makes him happy. anyway, we already established this in my last rant text post for ep 4, but i love tarn with my whole heart and only ever want her happiness too. the purple hibiscus in her drawing for teh was like a final stab to the heart :(((

what i love about bas and tarn is that neither of them are the bad guys in this situation. this drama has no outright antagonist, and a lot of the time in BLs (even in standard dramas in general) that’s what the secondary love interests are used as...a hindrance for the main couple to get over. but the both of them are written (and acted) with such respect and care. it’s really hard not to fall in love with them too. the real conflict and antagonism mostly comes from within teh himself, so this series is his own journey to overcome that. a true coming of age story.

oh-aew in his uni uniform!!!!!!!!!!! cue me constantly chanting “come through, teh” over and over as oh-aew passed the restaurant hoping to see him. and I KNEW HE WOULD. not me bursting into tears as soon as they show him following oh-aew on the motorbike ;;;;;;; he loves oh-aew too much, and this was too important, he was never going to back out on this promise. i mean, he gave up his uni spot for oh-aew so he could keep this promise. technically, if you think about it, it worked in a roundabout way bc teh giving up his place was what made oh-aew decide to do the admission exam again...and better still bc he got into his first place uni all on his own accord. he proved to teh that he could do it like he always wanted to.

love that teh pushes the good luck coconuts onto oh-aew too, like his mum and brother always do for him. it’s cute. when they go to the temple again, and the significance of it being open this time so they don’t have to sneak in anymore????? my heart is FULL. another thing i love is how teh’s kind of behaving like how oh-aew did in ep 3?? being flirty?? almost toying with him?? like that part when they’re drinking the coconuts together, and he sort of slides backwards drinking the coconut, eyes not leaving oh-aew before bouncing away. that’s an oh-aew move okay. and, as always, teh encouraging oh-aew when he’s down bc the sun isn’t out. rival and inspiration. i love them more than words could ever describe.

skyline instrumental is legit the perfect song bc sometimes when you listen to it, it can make you feel like you’ll never be happy again, but then other times (like when they’re walking to the tip of the cape), it’s like a shot of pure hope to your chest. that shot of them going through the trees and right into the open space of the tip of the cape with the sun shining all around them was BEAUTIFUL. the freedom of it all, of no longer being constrained. seriously, these shots of the two of them standing in front of the golden glow of the sun are just *chef’s kiss* so stunning. cinematography on point (but when did this show ever fail me on that front).

“when i gave it, i really gave it to you” I’M NEVER GONNA STOP CRYING. i literally cannot watch this part without getting choked up and/or screaming. they’ve missed each other so much, and it’s piecing the broken bits of my heart after the last 4 eps back together again. THEY’RE FINALLY TALKING.

okay i really have to talk about this scene when oh-aew asks teh “how about you and i?” bc of the war flashbacks i’m having back to the last time this question was asked and how disastrous that turned out. it’s in how oh-aew asks it and reads teh’s hesitancy as teh thinking the same as he did last time...oh-aew’s fake smile (the same smile he put on when he asked teh how things were between him and tarn and teh told him they were pretty much the same) when he thinks that teh still isn’t willing to acknowledge he likes him back. it’s how oh-aew is willing to accept ANYTHING from teh...whether he wants to be friend or a rival...whether teh likes or hates him...as long as teh stays in his life. he’s willing to accept whatever teh wants to define them as bc he’s just missed teh so much and can’t stand to be away from him. and it’s like this is what finally clicks in for teh. that restricting himself this way is only ever going to constantly hurt the both of them. teh finally saw past himself, and realised what this meant to oh-aew. it’s like he’s finally looking at oh-aew and seeing what oh-aew needs most (has always needed most), and that in turn helps him gain the courage to say it out loud bc the love he feels for oh-aew (and for himself) is ultimately stronger than any fear he has about society not accepting them. it’s such a beautiful scene. after pushing back at himself and his feelings time and time again, he can’t deny himself anymore. his character arc has come full circle ;;; everything teh’s done in previous eps for oh-aew has shown how much he really loves and cares for him, so it just makes me happy that he released his breath and let himself be happy. it’s all i ever wanted for him.

the amount of tears i shed at teh asking oh-aew to be his boyfriend...i knew teh was very likely going to give in to his feelings for oh-aew at this point, but this was even more than i expected. that was so SMOOTH. oh-aew bursting into tears after that...SAME. then the hug in the sunset WITH the new ost song. and that last shot of teh’s handwritten full pages of ‘love’...they did the MOST with this and i’ll never ever ever be over it.

then the part 2 announcement!!!!!!!!!!!!! after so much angst, i can barely believe we’ve been given so much in such a short space of time omg. i love how teh’s tie is red and oh-aew’s tie is blue for their respective uni uniforms. ADORABLE

i know everyone was afraid (myself included) that this was going to end sad from the get go. from the trailer to the ost, we were all TERRIFIED bc realistic shows like this often end in heartbreak. we’re so used to it. but i saw someone describe itsay as a love letter to the lgbtq+ community, and i totally agree. it could very well have ended tragic/sad, but instead they subverted our expectations of the traditional ‘bury your gays’/sad gay ending we’re so used to and gave us a story that showed us that there’s realism in happiness too. there are so many struggles and hardships that lgbtq+ people have to go through bc of the world that we live in, but they CAN be happy too. this post that nadao tweeted of teh crossing out the lyrics of skyline and writing “let me set my own destiny“ instead is SO powerful, and shows the immense character growth he’s gone through over the course of the series. it made every single tear that i have shed for this show completely and utterly worth it.

i’ve mentioned this multiple times before, but i’m so grateful to nadao for giving us this drama. literally one of the best dramas that i have ever watched in my entire life. i’ve never felt so passionately about a show before, or been so attached to the characters and their relationships. everything about it...the directing, the writing, the cinematography, the acting, the soundtrack, EVERYTHING has been set to such an impeccable standard i really don’t know how, or if, i’ll ever get over it (prob not). i know i’m not the only one that thinks so, but it’s truly a masterpiece. i hope it sweeps all the awards bc it’s the least that it deserves. moreover, i’m so happy that their story isn’t over bc this cast of characters are some of my fave characters ever and i genuinely cannot wait to see more of them in march next year :’)

#i told sunset about you #itsay #so thankful we still have the documentary for the timebeing!!!!!!!!!! #i need more fill of this show before i have to await the drought #anyway this took longer than expected and i know it's a mess but it was harder to contain my feelings into words with this ep #mostly bc i felt TOO much #so sorry if it's just more run on sentences than usual #rewatching this was me pausing to cry ever five mins love that for me #text #i'm super excited for part 2 but i'm also worried a little bc if they're in uni now it would most likely be set in bangkok #and i'm gonna miss the phuket setting so much #i have faith in the cast and crew to create something different for us though so it'll be interesting to see how they do things #with a very similar setting to most other BLs...like how they change things up #and i know they can bc the writing and directing in this were in another league so i'm feeling hopeful