#i hate taking breaks to make smth to eat bc then i cant get back into the thing after aghh

[kitty-thinks-stuff]

MURDER DRONES RAMBLE ‼️spoilers for eps 1-5‼️

i have GOT to talk about this show bc i have soo many thoughts. a lot of this is gonna be rambling about my pet peeves and plot holes and what i wished happen though (keep in mind this is with the knowledge up to episode 5, i havent watched farther than that)

feel free to discuss these points with me!! id love to hear other perspectives on it!! (please dont give me spoilers past episode 5 though!!!)

ALSO! i am in no way saying this is a bad show. its amazing and i cant wait to see more, plus obviously its an indie show and its got a small budget and all that stuff

so far my biggest pet peeves are the fact that the show doesnt seem to take itself seriously enough, and the way uzi is written

the whole "not taking itself seriously" thing REALLY shows in episode 4. the whole time all this super crazy stuff is happening and the jokes just ruin it. take the moment where Rebecca is crawling back to the campfire, LITERALLY CUT IN HALF

this is a BIG moment, scary, suspenseful, all that jazz. and imagine how terrifying and traumatizing it would be to see your friend crawl back to you, NOT IN ONE PIECE

but the moment gets really ruined by the "forgot name. not popular" joke. it makes what couldve been a creepy horror moment into a lame, kind of awkward joke.

then you have the scene where uzi is chasing all the campers. HUGE, RIGHT? i mean shes become this mutated, bird like eldritch horror creature, and shes "lost control of herself", murdering the people she knows (obviously shes not super close with these people but. murder is big no matter what)

this should be TERRIFYING!! its huge dude, uzi is running rampant, murdering and eating robots, scaling the trees!!!

and it just gets. kind of smushed by the jokes.

i will admit, they did a *little* better with this scene. so props to that! but still. ouch.

now onto uzis character

she could be SO complex. i mean imagine living your life hating the murder drones, only to end up becoming friends with one, and then realizing ur actually really similar to them (needing to eat people blah blah), to finding out you have powers, you have to eat robots, all that stuff

and so much of her big character moments are small and shrugged off really quick.

take her powers for example. she learned to use them like. right after she found out she had them

i could get it maybe if they just alluded to maybe her learning? or at least made it to where it was a situation where she HAD to use her powers (a fight scene, maybe a scene where n was gonna get hurt?)

but it was all stuff she could do herself, like picking up papers and opening doors

so i think its safe to say we couldve kept a whole "idk how to use these brand new powers" thing going for an episode or two.

"but they needed her to use her powers so it triggered the over heating" i hear u and that makes sense. however, they couldve kept this!!

so she breaks the mirror, fixes the bug. fixing the bug couldve been an "experimental" moment with her powers (thanks reeses for that idea) instead of smth she just. knew how to do. all of this couldve triggered the over heat. dont forget, shes new to these powers! she might not have built up the "stamina" for it yet, so using it these couple of times might be too much for her

she has the moment with v, blah blah, leave the powers out until the arrow scene. then her powers trigger again! she was about to get hurt, it would make sense. then boom, overheat again (remember, considering shes brand new to these powers, this is a lot!)

she runs away, maybe opens the door with her powers (though its kinda unnecessary, i could kinda see it considering shes got all the adrenaline going)

then we have the murder scene, which ive already talked about

then afterwards, its all resolved REALLY quickly.

murdering people you know, even if you didnt like them/know them, is never easy on anybody. literally the whole reason she hated the murder drones was because they killed her people. and the whole reason she excepted them now, was because they decided to STOP killing people.

but its just kind of a whole "oh well!" situation and it! bothered me!!!

i mean, they couldve gone SOOO many routes with the murder scene.

maybe a scene where n comforts her and helps her through the trauma of killing someone? maybe where the people around her struggle to except her again bc shes changed?

my personal favorite is where n attempts to comfort her because shes killed someone, and she makes a comment along the lines of "im not like you!" (but yk. more hurtful and angsty and close to home for n)

this could further her isolation, which could build on how she might see this new version of herself

it could also open the doors for an uzi/doll interaction where doll tries to reach out and help uzi, making uzi conflicted on what side she should actually be on.

but, i digress

now lets get onto the smaller stuff that doesnt really matter (its really just personal peeves)

i wish we got more on the murder drones being excepted into the worker drone society. this kinda falls under "the show doesnt take itself seriously"

i mean, these drones killed their family and friends but, "oh yeah, they said they wont and now we love them!"

this couldve been really good development for v and n but they just move on so quickly. also they brushed past all those missing campers super quick

i wish we got to see more of lizzy and dolls relationship. why were they close? did lizzy feel conflicted about working with uzi and the others instead of doll? (idk maybe im biased cuz i think doll and lizzy should kiss but thats besides the point)

i think that might be everything!!! ill probably make a more positive post too bc I DID LIKE THIS SHOW!!! its soo silly and im really liking it

#this was very long SORRY LMAO #i lovveee analyzing things #kitty thinks #murder drones #md uzi #n murder drones #murder drones uzi

[catspinach]

I've found the only days that I'm ever productive is when I eat like nothing but drink 6 cups of english breakfast tea

#i hate taking breaks to make smth to eat bc then i cant get back into the thing after aghh #but like then i end up eating a ton of shit right at bedtime #had cheetos for lunch AND dinner the other day djhdjak

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

#ushijima x reader #ushijima scenarios #ushijima angst #ushijima fanfic #ushijima reader insert #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi

[konaizumi]

A Tale of a Thousand Stars ep 5 thoughts/reaction

so tian killed torfun, but does tian know this yet? bc that would make more sense for why his parents didn’t want him to know about the donor

 tian, pls stop comparing yourself to torfun, you don’t like phupha bc of her heart and he doesn’t like you bc of her heart

also, yesterday i listened to the full ost yesterday for the first time with the lyrics and it’s so beautiful and meaningful

tian had better be on his on the get his medication refilled

i love tul’s pretty casual reaction after being able to contact your friend for the first time in two months after they vanished with only a vague note

awww, tian looking up stuff to do with the children

poor yod, just wants to eat

can’t believe phupha is still trying to deny his feelings to his friends

lol p’aof

but what’s he gonna do with the second scent pouch?

dr nam, at it again

tian trying to trash talk phupha but with a smile the whole time

dr nam knows exactly what he’s doing

tian, pls stop lying to the doctor, the one that’s going to have to take care of you if something happens, like i get that you don’t want people to know, but dr nam is literally the person who needs to know

“like those who reforest but decorate their house with ivories” tian throwing shade at his father

prediction: tian’s father will get involved with the situation at some point and will somehow be involved in resolving the situation with the mob boss (bc he’s the minister or former minster of environmental smth)

tian really is a trouble magnet tho

it’s great to see tian interact with an old friend, mix and white really have good chemistry of friends who’ve known each other forever

i can’t stop laughing at the product placement being used as an excuse for tian to be horny

*pictures shirtless buff phupha* “yeah it is good for your health” XD, i cant

tian, i know why you don’t want your mom to know where you are, but pls at least give her a call

tian complaining but seeming super happy about the bad parts of the village is so pure, my boy is so happy

not phupha going through the 5 stages of grief while tian is gone

he’s such a tsundere

I’m all for phupha being one of the main reasons tian stays at the village but at the same time there’s no need for them to downplay the importance of the rest of the characters to tian’s happiness, like the village and the children are allowed to be just as important as romantic attachments

phupha’s like a dog with separation anxiety

i loved tul and tian’s whole conversation about tian being gay, i was so relieved that’s how it went

can’t believe gmmtv actually avoided making an entire plotline out of a character being gay but thank god

also the implication that tian knew he liked guys even before he started liking phupha, pls give us more content like this gmmtv

also i love the editing that switches between tian’s and phupha’s conversations

also i just love nam/yod/rang/phupha friendship

thank you tul for immediately telling tian that torfun’s heart has literally nothing to do with tian’s feelings

“ i never said i had feelings for him” lol, sure tian

phupha lowkey sulking while his friends make fun of him

tian literally can’t trash talk phupha without smiling, huh?

pls stop hurting my precious baby, he’s very fragile right now

“i have someone there protecting me already” oh if only phupha could hear that

i’m just very glad that there’s not a whole plotline around tian and phupha realizing and admitting their feelings to themselves, like they both have reservations about telling other people, but they both are clearly aware of their own feelings and seem pretty comfortable with them

i can’t wait for tul to meet phupha and spill all the of tian’s dirt

gives the middle finger (affectionate)

tian seeing that phupha is sulking and immediately assuming it’s bc he didn’t tell phupha his plans (and he’s right lol)

tian being super confused by nice phupha

phupha trying really hard to follow dr nam’s advice is so cute

tian, he’s literally smiled for so many times

“what do you want me to be?” my boyfriend

tian immediately feeling embarrased after calling him p’phu

tian brings up phupha’s relationship status for someone who “doesn’t have feelings”

god, phupha smiling a the secret picture he took of tian is just so pure

the phutian content throughout the whole episode is honestly god tier

you know it’s a good scene when you sit there mentally shouting at the characters to just kiss already

(and you know they want to kiss each other so bad)

i really appreciate them giving phupha valid reasons for being insecure like he’s much older and he’s tied to the village, starting a relationship with him would mean staying in the village rather than going back to the city, and him thinking that tian (a young 20 year old rich boy who’s still in the middle of a college degree to be an engineer) wouldn’t want that isn’t unrealistic, like i just appreciate that his reasons for hesitating aren’t stupid

shit, there’s so much fondness~~~~

how many sexual innuendos did phupha make this ep lol

i love how natural their relationship feels too, like it’s just genuinely two people falling in love with each other

everytime phupha fondly watches tian interacting with the children, i gain a year of life

okay but i love all the forest rangers encouraging phupha to ask tian to stay longer

they’re literally so in love it hurts

tian using phupha’s full title when he’s embarrassed

they’re so happy flying the kites together

the very last scene is heartbreaking but also very satisfying to watch

the fear in phupha’s eyes

also i imagine it must be pretty terrifying bc tian’s not just passed out, it’s not like he just fainted, he’s still conscious but can’t move or speak and seems to be in a lot of pain and to have to watch that and not knowing what’s happening to him or what to do

but that’s literally why you need to tell people, tian, so they can help you in emergencies like this

dr nam, hate to break it to you but phupha definitely knows how to flirt

“im also strong” i cant with this man

yes, dr nam, tell my son to quit being such a dumbass and take care of himself

tian and phupha better kiss next week, they deserve it

shit, this was such a good episode, all the quality phutian moments, finally the heart transplant will be revealed, the tul and tian content was great and I hope we see tul again

MVP of the episode: Tul

#atots #1000 stars #a tale of a thousand stars #atots spoilers #1000 stars spoilers #atots ep 5 #1000 stars ep5 #konaizumi

[gayregis]

angouleme can have little a avuncular guidance. as a treat ... heres some semblance of a compilation of regis being a guardian to angouleme, things i think about . both funnie and sad moments included i think

angouleme sneaks out at night to get into trouble / does other questionable things around the palace nocturnally, regis always catches her and it’s always on accident since they just have very similar time schedules. angouleme stares at him intensely in “oh fuck i just got caught” like O_O for a good 30 seconds EVERY time this happens but regis is just like :| and shrugs saying “i didn’t see anything, i’m a human, i can’t see at night or whatever” and walks off. also the next morning geralt always questions him as to what angouleme was doing, if he saw her when he was coming home, and regis always denies knowledge or says smth along the lines of “i’m not a narc, geralt :/”

angouleme yelling/losing her shit/saying wildly inappropriate things ... regis produces a ye olde granola bar from his bag and gives it to her and she quiets down immediately and is like :) content eating the granola bar. you can also substitute the granola bar with a bag of baby carrots.

similarly angouleme saying crazy shit and geralt telling her to be quiet and asking regis to recount this instead and regis says something incredibly similar/the exact same

that one time that milva was teaching angouleme to shoot and angouleme clear missed the target and got regis instead and actually for the first time was incredibly upset and regretful and guilty that she had inflicted pain and potentially death upon someone and was very worried and apologetic and ashamed ... but also when regis inevitably just plucks out the arrow and hands it back to her and says “oh i think this is yours” angouleme is like wait so he litcherally cant be killed... this is epic

basically angouleme who’s been abandoned having an immortal protector and mentor. peace

as i said in the tags of this post here: regis comes of as so peaceful as an individual that at first angouleme resents him a little, because she associates peace with arrogance... like, oh youre content with your life and dont hate yourself? so you think youre better than me? fucker. and she’s so used to asshole men being creeps in her life that this company still seems really bizarre in the regard that none of these men are dangerous. but then she learns about what ... who ... regis was in the past and she realizes that they’re similar, and then does the math and realizes that maybe one day she’ll also find this inner peace and can stop hating herself so much for the things she’s done and the things that have happened to her. angouleme not feeling as though she's so alone and such a fuckup that only she could ever get into such a mess like this... i feel like she has an unhealthy amount of survivor’s guilt, as in she blames herself for not dying while everyone else in her band did, and she also feels like what the world has given her she deserved because she was a fundamentally bad person from birth bc of her status, and that she will be stuck in this violent hellscape of a life forever and thats just how it is and she has to continue violence... but i think when she meets regis (and also milva) she realizes that violence does not need to be a cycle and change is possible.

also in the tags of that post: i think... regis developing more understanding/empathy and putting ethical philosophy into actual practice where it actually has stakes (haha haha haha stakes haha haha haha haha haha). i think in the hansa he learns what humanity actually means

also bc vampires just... do not parent, it’s not in their culture to, regis learning what guardianship actually means and growing into this position where he protects this child and begins to understand humanity on this deeper level of the feeling of protecting a child, because that’s very human, valuing and protecting the progenity for a new generation is incredibly human

also geralt arguing with regis that “humans don’t regrow their heads” so he can’t just be supporting her doing all sorts of dumb shit just bc he did it and he turned out alright... they kind of have to argue on how to parent i’m saying bc again vampire parenting is not much parenting at all. just let them go wild what’s the worst that could happen... they’ll learn sort of thing. so regis has to confront the idea of human fragility and mortality

i think regis also learns from angouleme in that it’s very easy to hate and loathe your past self and curse your past self, asking “what could i have possibly been thinking, what an idiotic thing to do...” when your past self was not actually devoid of any redeemable qualities and was actually just misguided and without hope... regis condemns his past self quite harshly but because he would never admonish angouleme in such a way i think he realizes that the self-loathing is excessive and unproductive and potentially harmful

i said this in a post already, but geralt is overflowing with fatherly vibes and milva is also stern so i think there is a lot of value in regis to angouleme , in that she can tell him practically anything and he won’t get on her case for it . she finds this kind of amnesty in him whereas with the other members of the hansa they’d freak and start asking her all these questions. regis is just like “hm ok” and maybe discusses a little but doesn’t give her shit for it. this allows angouleme to confide a lot of stuff that she wouldn’t normally feel safe to tell someone else, and also probably gets her out of a lot of trouble bc someone (a very powerful someone) will know where she is and what she’s doing... so if she gets into trouble, she has a lifeline

this also means she can tell him a lot of funnie stories that she doesn’t have to stop herself with because “was gonna say smth funny and then remembered it involved murder.” also regis has like a thousand stories too obviously so he counters her wild tales with smth even crazier and then they’ll try to compete for a bit like “well ONE TIME i...” but angouleme actually always wins and neither knows how she does

surgery lessons, or basically regis was sewing someone up and angouleme invaded the scene going “can i watch can i watch”

also alchemy lessons, which turns into basically “so that’s how you make fisstech... interesting”

i think also in these mentorships regis quizzes her lightly like “and what reactions does this species of plant produce in the human body...?” and angouleme says the right answer, “oh they drop dead” and regis is like “very good!” and angouleme kind of goes insane with happiness a little at being called ‘good’ / being praised by a parental figure for maybe like one of the first times in her life. similarly, i think regis would attest to angouleme’s character at the breakfast table in discussions, and say things like “well our angouleme is very smart” and she’d be like >:3!!!

as in canon, adopting each other’s speech mannerisms... not just regis adopting angouleme’s unique phrases, but i would also like to think abt angouleme saying smth pseudo-philosophical to throw someone off of her tracks... like “so, i owe you money... but what is the concept of debt and ownership, anyways? isn’t it all just a construct by society? by humanity?” and then she bolts and evades her creditors

regis trying to teach angouleme stuff and then being like “oh wait i forgot you can’t fly, hmm... ” “oh wait i forgot you can’t hypnotize people, hmm....... that complicates things...” ... jokes on regis though bc apparently angouleme can scale buildings and talk her way out of a lot of situations, so that’s almost as good as flight and hypnosis

im trying to not be sad rn but i think regis would be a very good person to cry on. like his cloak is very soft. and he smells like herbs. so there you go. but i think also angouleme having a breakdown would be cathartic for both of them because angouleme realizes that she’s being vulnerable around an adult and she isn’t afraid of them and regis realizes that he has a responsibility to not treat physical wounds, but rather to treat emotional ones and that’s infinitely more difficult

i think angouleme would have breakdowns to regis about: her family/her mother, geralt taking her into the hansa but she feels like he probably just sees her as a replacement daughter, i think also she gets into too much trouble one night and regis has to get her out of trouble and she kind of just breaks down because her life is crazy and has always been crazy and there’s no way out because this is all she has

i think angouleme also gets pretty upset at seeing children/teens with “perfect lives,” like she just gets crazy bitter about it... and there’s no shortage of nobility around the palace, so she’s constantly reminded of her background. i think regis’s not-being-a-human-isms and philosophy that stems from an immortal perspective that all humans are equal in life and death can help with this. but also he kind of has to learn that you can’t just talk about smth abt society or the past that is fucked up and solve it by having had said it... it will always remain an issue...

i also think that regis has his ravens scout around for angouleme’s lost pendant with a sea-cat on it, but when she gets it back she gets mad and says that she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to be reminded of her mother, regis is like “ok” but angouleme is still mad, she realizes she’s mad because she doesn;t think that regis realizes that he’s actually become more of a guardian to her than her biological mother was, and tries to provoke him but regis is unprovokable ofc so he’s like hm explain that and angouleme just spills her emotions

to bring this back to happy i think they could also prank geralt pretty hard. and or eavesdrop. plus there will be times like where angouleme is waiting by a door trying to listen in and straining and regis stands like 3 feet from the door and hears everything perfectly, just recites it all aloud and she’s like oh this is so much easier. 

also once angouleme was eavesdropping on geralt and dandelion arguing and regis approached and was like “angouleme :/” and angouleme was like >:/ “get out of here i’m tryna eavesdrop” and regis was like “there’s a more professional way to do this” and disappears through the door, angouleme is like “showoff!” ... geralt smells sage and throws a moon dust bomb at him and regis coughs up silver shards for the rest of the day. also when angouleme hears the explosion she jumps in, so this was a failed attempt all around

#angouleme #regis #the witcher #sorry for longpost.........

[kpop-stole-my-sanity]

Insomnia // Hwang Hyunjin [bulleted scenario!]

Summary: In which you and Hyunjin are both too oblivious to realize your true feelings... until it’s too late? 

Genre: angsty, floooof, gender neutral 

Word Count: 2175

Warnings: Just some cursing 

A/N: This is my first time writing a bulleted scenario and i quite enjoyed it :) idk it’s fun to not care about settings too much and punctuation and stuff. I also liked adding my own little dumb remarks here are there :PP it was fuN! This was another scenario that kinda arose while i was napping i hope you guys enjoy it! <3 i love stray kids 

i’m also gonna try to make all my scenarios gender neutral from now on (unless specifically requested) b/c we are all about inclusivity here !! :)

This was originally gonna be like a real fic

But the writers block was REAL like i really tried to set the scene and everything

But it didn’t turn out right

And i really wanted to get this one out so HERE WE ARE TRYING THE BULLETED SCENARIO OKAY YAY LETS BEGIN!

Trainee au!! Kinda :D

Like skz didnt go through the survival show yet

Ok so SEtting thE SCeNe~~~~

You just walked into the jyp building bc jyp hired you as a new producer

Like to study under him and potentially help w producing in the future

Like jyp 2.0 ya know

Jyp meets w you himself bc you’re like a prodigy

And a foreigner so he thought you’d be more comfortable w him speaking toyou in english :D

So he explained what you gotta do during your training period

Like studying more about composition and production

Learning korean to more easily communicate w idols and what not

And also honing your own style and figuring out who you are as an artist

So he pairs you up w the trainees bc it be good practice

More specifically skz bc they seem to have a more flexible style

Also like he thought it would be good for you to work w chan and the rest of 3racha

Like bc yall around the same age

And it helps you become more comfy

And familiar w the company and the producing rooms and recording studios and what no

Like

Yer

And then like

Through working w them to produce a song for the trainee showcase

Yall get mad close

And like

You have your eyes on hyunjin from the start

Like bc who couldn’t

Like

Gorgeous boy

At first you were just like “this is admiration”

“He very handsome i just admire his features”

Yeah

And maybe it was..

At first

Now it's a full blown crush

Like

For real

That boy is so hard working

Like you constantly see him asking for help

So he can improve

And like

People always said he was a visual only

Which made you feel bad that you saw that at first 

But you realized later

That like

You actually like him bc of his personality

What a hard worker 

For real

Angel

Anyways

Little did you know that your crush was NOT one sided

Hyunjin admired your hard work in producing

And how you always took criticism well and only worked to improve your work

Also

He thought you were hella cute

So yall were both kinda obvious

Him more than you

Like by a loT

So skz knew for a fact that hyunjin was head over heels in love w you so they pushed him to confess to you

Yeah he was like no

But after PEEr pRessUre

He finally agreed

They was gonna plan something like a party for you

To celebrate the time you’ve been w the company

But the showcase came before the celebration and suddenly they were on a survival show to see who would debut

So the party was postponed OOOODDDDD

But you didnt even know it was gonna happen so you didnt mind anyways

Soon enough it got closer to your birthday, and skz just decided to make it a birthday celebration instead

Hyunjin was more iffy about confessing bc what if you dont feel the same and he ruins your bday oh no

But at this point, skz was sure you liked him back so they were like dont worry about that they aren’t like that your relationship will be fine

So the party happens ladida

You were super surprised and sosososososo happy

Bc like

Your hart

These boys were precious and totally made your day

Tbh bc of your work

You almost forgot it was your birthday

After the crazy loud party, you wanted to like take some quiet time for yourself so you excused yourself

And then walked to the hallway and sat by the window and looked out at the city and the night sky

Beautiful

And suddenly you heard footsteps

It was this boy named jason who you were friends with

He was from the same town you were from so you got close p quickly when you first got to jyp

And jason had a not-so-secret crush on you

That ofc you were oblivious to

But he came over there to spend time w you and wish you happy bday

Little did you know

Hyunijn was mentally preparing himself to confess to you down the hall and around the corner w a pretty bouquet of flowers what a sweet boy

And when he finally works up the courage, he turns the corner and sees jason giving you a bday hug 

And he cant help but feel his hart drop

Yall look good together and like you were from the same town so similarities

So he was heartbroken needless to say

 He quickly turned around and walked away

But you heard the footsteps and saw just a glance of his outfit retreating

You excused yourself from jason’s company and ran after him bc you are so in love w this boy

You were gonna hug him and thank him, but when you approached he took a step back

Like ow

That hurt

He quickly stammered that he had to go home bc he was tired and left

He was hiding the flowers behind his back :’(

And then tossed them as soon as he left the building

He went for a long ass walk to clear his mind and soothe his aching heart

You were so worried

Was he okay?

You went home soon after bc you couldnt help but worry and that made you super tired

But you couldn't sleep

InsOMniA

Goddamn it hyunjin

You messaged him

“you’re prob sleeping but i hope you feel better”

Dry ass reply: “thx”

Like wow

Rude

But you let it go

jic he was actually really exhausted

You knew he took criticism from the show too so maybe it was that

Hopefully he’d talk to you about it bc he usually did

But he didn't

He avoided you

Your heart really couldnt take it

Meanwhile you and jason got closer bc you didnt have hyunjin to hang out w anymore

Despite your many efforts

And this just further fuels his belief that yall are together

So to ignore the tinge in his heart every time he saw you, he buried himself in practice

Didn't sleep

Didnt drink enough water

Didnt eat enough

He was getting dangerously skinny and unhealthy

And it affected his attitude

Not only to you but to his members

One day you were asked to come in and monitor a recording session

And he was happy and giggly in front of the camera

But as soon as it turned off u could see the fatigue

And you told him that he should take better care of himself

And he SNAPPEd at you

 You actually flinched bc he was so aggressive

Your heart SHATTEREd

And you, also sleep deprived as FUCk

Slapped him

Not super hard, but like a “what the fuck is wrong with you”

And you walked right out, not even bothering to hide your tears

And he was sad but he thought that you hating him would help him get over you

What a dumb boy

You completely avoided him after that

You also still had restless nights 

God that convo kept playing over and over in your head

YOU COULDNT SLEEP

But one day you got a call from chan

He needed your help

Hyunjin was seriously overworking himself and he was afraid hyunjin was gonna collapse

Luckily you were still at the company working on smth bc ofc you couldn't sleep anyways so might as well make use of your time

So you finally agree bc even if you’re still angry at him, you are srsly worried about this boy

And when you get to the dance room your heart breaks all over again

Hes so pale

And sickly looking

And hes shaking but hes still dancing

You knock and hear a gruff “its open”

The music pauses for a moment but when he sees its you he scoffs and turns it back on

“what do you want”

“Uhm.. are you okay?”

“Why? You wanna slap me again to make me feel better?”

Ofc you rolled your eyes bc wtf hyunjin you were being nice

“I dont even know why i bothered”

You go over to the stereo and turn it off yourself

And he turns to you angry

ARGUMENT TIME

Him: “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

“MY PROBLEM?!!!?!?? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME AWAY FOR NO DAMN REASON!! AND EVEN AFTER ALL THAT, I STILL TRIED TO BE NICE AND ASK IF YOU WERE OKAY. I WAITED FOR YOU TO OPEN UP TO ME. TO TALK TO ME ABOUT WHATEVER WAS BOTHERING YOU!”

At this point, you’re practically sobbing like udk if he can understand you but who cares

All this frustration that was pent up inside felt good being released

Bc at this point, you had nothing more to lose

Hyunjin already hated you so like why not just speak your mind amirite

 Anyways continuing w the dialogue:

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEM WHEN MY PROBLEM IS YOU!”

Cue awkward pause/break thing (AWKwARD SiLEncE)

“What are you talking about hyunjin?”

He sighed defeatedly

It was now or never. He felt like his relationship w you was ruined already anyways

So he, like you, also had a ‘what do i have to lose’ mentality

“I was going to confess to you y/n. That night at your birthday party. But i was too late. I saw you with jason and you looked so happy and perfect together.  So i left. I cut my ties with you because i didn’t want my own feelings to get in the way of your happiness.”

You were completely utterly speechless

Like there were an overwhelming number of feelings enveloping you atm

Bc on the one hand:

The love of your life just confessed to you

But on the other

Like

What a dumbass

You end up laughing and scoffing at his words bc

Hes so dumb

You dont like jason

God you’ve been in love w hyunjin for so goddamn long

And now you’re debating over how to respond

But like your anger and frustration kinda takes precedence bc youre also sleep deprived and you go

“ so, you broke your own heart and then you broke mine because you didn’t want to talk to me about it you dumbass ????”

And he gives you that classic confused puppy-dog look

W the head tilt and everything

And you go

“Hwang hyunjin, i’m fucking in love with you”

And he just stares blankly at you and blinks like 8 times trying to comprehend what just came out of your mouth

And his lips form an ‘o’ shape

And then hes coming closer and wrapping his arms around you

And you dont even mind that hes still sweaty and kinda smelly

Bc hes finally in your arms

But holding him so close also makes you super aware of just how skinny he’s gotten

Like it was worse than you thought

So you pull back and you open your mouth to chastise him

But before you can even start he’s cupping your cheeks can pulling your face to his

Your lips collide and then they're molding into one another

And your mind kinda blanks out

But your automatic reaction seems to be letting your fingers run through his hair and pulling him closer towards you

And when yall finally come up for breath

He tries to go in for another one like immediately after

Like slow your roll boy you guys can kiss all you want later

If you said that out loud, he wouldve responded w something like “we gotta make up for lost time”

But you put your hands on his chest and hold him back

And he pouts

(you almost squeal at how cute he looks)

“Ok, now that we’re dating, i am literally commanding you to take better care of yourself because this,” you eye him up and down, “is unacceptable”

And he quirks an eyebrow up and is like

Oh? I don’t recall asking you out? On a date?”

And you get all blushing and become a blubbering mess and hide your face in his chest like

“Shut up hyunjin”

But he’s just giggling at your embarrassed face :D

Then, him being the dramatic hoe that he is, he gets down on one knee in front of you and says

“y/n, y/l/n, will you go out on a date with me?”

And ofc u say yes

And after that whole dramatic scene, you pull him out of the practice room, fingers intertwined, ready to stuff him with food

And he goes

“I dont think i said it back.”

“Said what back?”

“That i love you”

UWU

And the rest is history

#stray kids #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #skz #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin imagines #skz imagines

[maureenbrown]

very basic timeline of spy au

saphael past

simon gets assigned job by luke and says his goodbye to the sh gang (minus magnus for now?)

he flies over to raphs location and introduces hmself. and they meet and such.

so then its just super lowkey. simon makes contact with base to let them know hes okay

then they have dinner my god already so romantic i hate them

but then raphael leaves to see his lil bro (hes engaged!!) and to cover someones shift at work

he returns back to see simon still working bc “im a night owl” and then falls asleep on simon

simon smiles and gently closes his laptop and goes to sleep too. he drapes a blanket over them first and sets an alarm for raphael

raphael wakes up in the morning and has such a cheesy smile on his face like wth

but he gets up and then makes breakfast for him + simon for when he wakes and leaves

simon wakes up and is like?? what happened?? but sees the food and is like! AWWW

anyways he goes about his day but also gets kinda bored and he isnt sure where the tv remote is so he starts watching on his laptop

raphael walks in to see a nerdy boy crying as he yells “GO GET HIM” at his screen and is like??

simon tells him to come over obv. and raphael just says no and angrily stalks upstairs

and simon is curious. so he goes upstairs and is like what happened

and raphael doesnt say shit bc hes still a stranger

so simon just brings his laptop and he sits next to raphael even tho hes still at a distance they watch some movie

and honestly its so nice. and once again they fall asleep on each other.

anyways this adorable thing keeps continuing until THE FRIENDS come over

and simon is like!! gotta impress them even tho he and raph arent dating yet

but his friends come over for dinner and are all sizing up simon like. is he good enough and who tf is so special they would make raphael smile

they decide they like him. very much.

more just getting to know each other until one day simon is like. i want a tour of the city gimme

so thats what they do bc its raphaels day off or w.e.

and theyre going around and being SUPER cheesy but its fine. its not like raphael cares

theyre getting to know other random facts about each other like fave __ bc simon points to things and is like!!!!!!

then. they find vidia and just cant leave

he sits down and is like. i’ll wait for the parent to come so the baby isnt all alone

and raphael is about to say that no one is going to come this baby was/is abandoned

but he doesnt have the heart so he sits down next to him

is ofc v good with babies. simon is not but its fine

but it gets to be night and no one came but simon is adamant. so they stay ALL FUCKING NIGHT WITH THIS BABY (except for one time when they left to get food)

and again. no one comes so theyre about to leave but then raphael says fuck it and they take the baby with them (they’ll real with the legal stuff later)

and ofc simon is still simon so hes like. we need to name her, and also put up posters JUST in case

they do that. but for naming they are very very argumentative.

raphael says the last name is rose bc they found a rose next to her and she has such a nice rosy face and simon agrees

simon wants to name her something disney related like vidia [bc he saw it recently and it was THE BEST]

raphael is like no?? lets name her something proper.

they still argue but decide to call her vidia SOMETHING rose

w.e. they continue and then it hits simon...soon hes gonna leave

and he realizes he doesnt wanna leave. not raphael or vidia

anyways they keep tiptoeing around this love thing they have

and they keep falling for each other as time goes on

eventually one night vidia is sleeping and theyre just watching some show

and theyre cuddling and raphael just leans down and kisses the top of his head

and simon...doesnt move away

he looks up sure. and they make eye contact and slowly come in closer...theres music playing from the show...their lips meet...

they start a relationship

nothing really changes they just...kiss more

and then raphael is like?? i gotta take you on a proper date FUCK

so they go clubbing bc simon insisted

simon gets rlly drunk and like. hooks up with some guy he thought was raphael but in the morning realizes HE WASNT FUCK

he tries to play it off tho and lie to raphael

“i woke up in a parkng lot” or smth but he lies

he doesnt tell about his hooking up no....someone else does

and raphael gets SO angry

not at the hooking up but the lie and betrayal

he doesnt talk to simon for weeks

they have this weird relationship where they work together for vdia but not together...

it makes simon go crazy and he almost leaves

but he also gets sick of it so he gets raphael to talk

and they kinda make things better. they arent the same but they amend it a bit

then!! they also gotta go to a wedding (raphaels lil bro)

and simon is a p r o he gets the job DONE

he kills valentine and has a dance with raphael so a+ work tbqh

he lets his orginzaiton know. but asks for one more week to stay bc raphael

but then he overhears raphael talking [to camille whos also at the wedding] and learns that raphael is an assassin

but he refuses to believe it. he also goes home tho and the car ride is super awk but he refuses to believe it. or talk about it

when he gets home raphael goes into the shower and simon just. cant let go of the feeling. he goes into raphaels room and goes digging

finds a file. on him

raphael walks in and is like?? the hell are you doing but simon is so angry

he yells he screams he throws things and then he picks up vidia from the little crib and runs. just runs and runs.

he finds a bus stop and gets on it still running. from raphael. from everything.

he makes contact with lydia who get shim to a house

the end

the beginning

simon and vidia are chilling

when like simon gets scared suddenly and orders her to upstairs

its too fuckng late and someone breaks open the door

someone being raphael

vidia gets knocked out and when she comes to shes so ???

and raphael is cryptic like hello child who is my daughter

and vidia is just. not taking it. and is jsut really confused

but then a bomb suddenly goes off and simon thrusts her towards raphael

and they run

she gets knocked out for like the second time that day

when she finally comes to again raphael is bandaging himself up

(she is already bandaged up)

she demands to be let go and is just. no she doesnt know this person she needs to go save her dad

and he gives like a hallow laugh and tells her that there is no saving her dad

hes gone most likely

but vidia is still held in disbelief and just doesnt believe any ofit

in fact she doesnt even know whATS happening and so very slowly he tells her

well about the spying and that he and his father had a disagreement

(he doesnt say shit about camille)

she still is just very adamant on leaving and doesnt believe it (refuses to) and so she still demands to be freed

he frees her and lets her go

she walks around bandaged and so confused/lost as to where she is

she meets a nice lookng girl and asks for directions

the girl offers to how her the way and walks along with her

she asks what vidia is doing all alone and very hesitantly vidia just says that she + her dad got hurt and separated

they walk and the girl says that yeah shes an orphan too and you know. gets more information out of vidia

they get to the house [remains of the house] and just. everything is a mess

and she sees raphael arrogantly standing and is s o angry

and is about to tell him off

but all he does is hand her a file where there are actual pics + documents

and just. a part of vidia knows its makes sense with all the closed doors and whispers

and raphael also gently remains her that he’ll let her keep running if thats what she wants but he’ll still be following her/watching her

and vidia is just. really tired but shes also really curious and she kinda agrees

they go to the hq [aka hotel dumort] and vidia gets her own private room and wanders around for a bit

she gets so lost because everything is so big but finallly finds like. the kitchen and remembers oh shit i gotta eat

she eats

soon enough guess who comes strolling in?? lita

and vidia is so caught off guard and also so annoyed?? LIKE WTH

lita smirks and takes an apple watching her

she briefly explains with a smrik that shes a con artist. she knows how to manipulate and vidia get sso angry its so funny

i need more plot points but basically they train her and she gets to know lita + raphael and she finds out more about her past. and about the other relatives that know about it and is just so !? and then she also goes around stealing and fighting corrupt and fighting her father

#clearing out drafts

[tangyss]

have any headcanons for lance?

OH MAN DO I HAVE LANCE HEADCANONS!!! here are some soft, kind of random ones just for u

lance would be that one human that literally all animals love. he’s like a capybara. no matter how dangerous the animal, they all feel really safe and chill around him and just.. stroll up to him and sit on his lap or smth lol, and at this point lance is just like “cool” and scratches the back of their head or runs his fingers through their fur

lance had gotten into the habit of buying treats for animals he finds on the street. he has a whole selection and has looked into what animals are allowed to eat what

he gets a little homesick seeing the empty packet of cat treats in his pocket, and he hopes tiffany the stray cat and her kittens are doing okay without his daily visits

he loves animals too.. after working on the farm, he’s found animals so calming to be around and watching all the different ways animals behave

this also goes with spiders as well… like he was fucking Terrified of them as a kid but that fear left when he needed revenege on his sister for doing the whole “water bucket on the door” prank and surprisingly, chasing after her while she screamed and sprinted in the opposite direction while a spider chilled in his palm made him feel a lot better about them

in space it still happens!!! he’s a little surprised at first when twenty bat like creature start hanging from different parts of his armour, but he goes along with it like “alright so this is still a thing” and enjoys the little coos and hums they make when he walks along

one day the team is trying to make their way through a cave system, but they get stopped by a tiny dragon (tiny like. bigger than a house but smaller than a voltron lion) and this dragon is MAD and STRONG and tbh they’re considering just bolting so that they dont get any more serious injuries than the bad burns and cuts they’ve gotten.

lance is lagging behind due to sniping a few galra sentries that were following them, yet as soon as he arrives, the dragon kind of stops and looks at lance

and everyone is like “oh shit this cant be good”

but the dragon sort of tucks its wings away and shuffles over to lance and plonks its head down right in front of him and stares at him with expectant amber eyes

its really silent for a moment before lance carefully reaches a hand out to touch the dragon’s snout and just runs his fingers along the scales, his skin tingling as he feels the hot breath from the dragon’s nose through his armour

the dragon just. falls alseep.

lance looks up at the team with a smile and says “alright lets go” and continues on with the rumbling snores of the dragon echoing down the cave’s passages way, and the team staring after him like he was a god lol

lance didn’t think it was a big deal. it’s what his cousin’s snake liked, so he thought a dragon would appreciate the same

(hunk is laughing his head off at their reactions bc he’s seen this happen a hundred times before)

(allura and coran are even more fascinated with humans)

on the topics of animals…. if you asked him if he was a cat or dog person he’d probably just break down into tears because “you cant make me PICK between a CAT or a DOG, HUNK!!! I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH!!!! THEY DESERVE ALL THE LOVE I CAN GIVE THEM!!” 

just because he pilots a big robot cat doesn’t mean his day isnt made whenever he see a dog run up to him with its tongue hanging out and its tail wagging so fast its just a blur

like,, obviously i have to talk about cuddly lance because this is the inspiration behind my url… my branding…..because IN MY HEART HE IS THE CUDDLIEST PERSON EVER. he loves giving hugs to people!!! it honestly makes his day getting to pull someone he loves in close and squeezing them with all the strenght he’s got

his heart SOARS when the person he’s hugging is laughing because he can feel it rumble in their chest and bubble out through their mouth by their ear and he’s like!!!! i made someone do that :D!!!!

u can’t convince me that lance wouldn’t be the type of person who after talking to someone one time, he’s throwing his arms out wide and then tugging them into his arms the next time he meets them, like they’re an old friend

it surprises a lot of people, but after a while (and if they’re comfortable with it) people are throwing their arms just as wide and being as excited as lance is when they hug him back

he definitely always makes the little squeaky toy noise every time he gets hugged. that’s canon and it shouldn’t be ignored.

ALSO u might look at lance’s shoulders and be like “hmm they look strong and broad” and like duh ofc but IT’S A BARGAIN BECAUSE HIS SHOULDERS ARE SUPER COMFY TO REST UR HEAD ON!!! they’re like pillows!!!!!! watching movies with lance is honestly the best thing ever because u just rest ur head down and suddenly it’s like ur resting ur head against a cloud,, no matter what angle, it’s perfect, it’s like he’s a big teddy bear with no bones and lance has had his nephews and nieces fall asleep on his shoulders so many times he’s unphased by drool now lol

lance’s broad shoulders being soft like pillows is the best okay

keith thought that he’d hate movie dates with lance, mainly bc he’s got a lot of energy and isn’t too big on sitting in the same spot for a few hours just staring at a screen, but after one stress filled day that needed a relaxing popcorn, chick flick and cuddles evening, keith discovered the absolute bliss that is lance’s shoulders and tries to find as many movies as possible as an excuse the cuddle up to lance and take naps on his shoulder isuhgsidug

this one kind of goes without saying and it’s basically canon at this point but lance is 100% photogenic in every picture ever and he can put on any piece of clothing. literally ANYTHING. and he’d look absolutely fantastic,, vogue is shaking!!!!!

idk why but i can see lance being amazing at trampoline flips and shit?? like his mum would just look out the window to check on him and nearly faint at the sight of her 8 son lance doing some fuckin olympic level backflips in mid air and basically shooting off into the sky like a gd rocket hdiusghs

he calms down when he’s older tho because he doesn’t want to break through the trampoline, but he’s really elegant in the way he jumps and spins

he only started jumping when he first decided he wanted to go to the garrison/go to space, and he wanted to see what it was like being off the ground

lance’s mom when he was 8: be careful lance! if you keep jumping so high, you’ll end up in space!

lance, now floating in the middle of space as a paladin of voltron: mom warned me about this

sorry for the long post i just love lance lol

#THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG IM SORRY DSIGUHSIGUS #but yahhh here u go!! thanks for the ask my buddy my pal my bro my girl #isdughsiud these are really dumb i hope u like them anyway tho #i havent proof read this either so sorry for any typos lol #lance #lance voltron #voltron #voltron legendary defender #i love lance.txt #long post// #anons #asks

[owlpajamas-archived-blog]

yuu dies au

basic summary: “i thought kagami treated me horribly but then i met you lot” -- mika

“no one is happy and mika is the least happy”

the agenda: - make everyone sad - make ourselves sad

nory: heyyy remember yuu dies au bee: r u about to angst on us nory nory: welll i was thinking about it some more bany: Oh Boy

created by moi, @distressedphilosopher​, @forblazes​, and @celestialshinoa​

GIANT HUGE CONTENT WARNING for: suicide, self harm, fucked up mental shit, fucked up coping methods, disordered eating (kinda??), pain and suffering

Setting: during the Final Battle, yuu goes seraph and sacrifices himself to cleanse the entire world. kinda like what he did at nagoya but on a larger scale

yuu was secretly planning smth like this ever since they started planning the final battle (in sanguinem?? tokyo again???) and he was dropping hints leading up to it and being super duper affectionate and emotional towards everyone and spent a lot of time reassuring them all that he loves them so much etc etc. and insisted on mika drinking from him one last time the day they leave bc that means so much to both of them. n at the end of the battle yuu goes seraph and does the thing and there's this huge explosion/burst of incredibly bright light and a huge shockwave and it lasts for several minutes and when the dust clears yuu is lying at the epicenter of a huge crater

and mika gets to him first and the others just hear him scream with grief/pain and they Know. mika is completely incoherent and refuses to leave yuu's body and doesn't let anyone else get close for a while........maybe that's the first time mika tries to kill himself...this is getting a lot darker than i first intended

ok so it's after the battle right and yuu's body is at the morgue and the shinoa squad is back at their house recovering physically and emotionally from everything

like it's their first day back from staying at hospital overnight

and it's morning and mika drags himself out of bed and downstairs and he's dissociating like whoah; and he opens the fridge and the first thing he sees is the several bottles of blood. and it's yuu's blood that they made before the Final Battle; and mika just falls to the floor sobbing bc yuu is gone, he's dead, and yet a part of him is still here?? and feeding mika was always something special for the two of them, it was calm and safe and bonding time

and after mika drinks this yuu will be gone for Real

he's just hit w all this existentialism and reality of the situation

shinoa runs into the kitchen and finds him and he's totally inconsolable

the remnants of the JIDA become the new human government and they let the shinoa squad, including mika, retire early to a house in the countryside for their service.

t starts off w the squad in their new home and it's up in the mountains and it's nice and quiet and there are fields for them to grow their own food and they have a goat or chickens or smth idk but it's empty and they're all grieving

no one really knows what to do w themselves bc not only is yuu dead but they're all retired indefinitely now

kimizuki tries to distract himself w cooking

mika sleeps All The Time like for days at a time bc of vamp metabolism is weird af. so if u add in severe depression and grief u get....sleeping for 3 days straight. also in attempt to get mika out of bed kimizuki ropes him into House Chores™. picture mika and kimizuki at the sink. mika is robotically peeling onions mika and kimi become the food prep team

 he likes feeding the chickens. shinoa takes up crochet. shinoa gave the chickens all stupid names

everyone struggles to cope and mika is actively suicidal and the squad tries to bring him out of it

mika loses his appetite from grief/depression and refuses to drink for a week+ at a time and gets really weak and sick. it's ironic bc all this time drinking blood has been the thing he hates most about being a vampire but he kept doing it so that he could save yuu/live with yuu. and now yuu's dead and he doesn't even care about blood at all. like under any other circumstances this would be a GOOD thing to not be thirsty but.

it's a struggle to get him to drink anything bc the old solution of "confront him and cut ur arm or show him blood and then he'll give in and drink" doesn't work anymore bc mika just Doesn't Fucking Care.

someone just ends up jamming their arm into his fangs and he hates it but his instincts are screaming at him to eat, eat, survive even if his mind and heart don't want to

like once he starts drinking his body is like Oh Shit wait this is a really good thing u need this to survive

and then theres panic among the person who jammed their arm into his teeth because oh fuck his jaw locked (as vampires do when feeding sometimes. this was completely on accident on mikas part tho)

at one point yoichi is trying to convince him to drink and is getting really really worried bc mika is in a Bad Place and so he kind of yells at mika “yuu would want you to!!” or smth like that. and mika snaps and starts yelling at him and is Really Angry in a scary vampire way. like he just whirls around and yells at yoichi to shut the fuck up, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, he slams his fist into the wall, he’s baring his fangs and his eyes have this dangerous glint. and yoichi starts crying bc he’s just so scared and worried for mika, and he’s also grieving yuu so much, and he can’t help but be scared when mika acts like that

and then mika feels even worse!! >: D

yoichi is sobbing and mika doesn’t kno what to Do he’s so confused and disoriented and he feels so awful and it’s a Mess. the rest of the squad comes running in and intervenes cuz they heard the yelling

bany: also u know how cats will purr when either happy OR distressed as a self-comfort mechanism?yeah. that happens. its not a happy purr sound. its miserable and throaty and stuttered.

yoichi is crying and saying “i’m sorry i’m sorry” and “i miss him too!!” and kimi and shinoa are trying to comfort him and mika is floundering and sad-purring

bany: mika just. gives up and curls into a ball. just him and the squad and the vibrations in his throat

kimi drags yoichi away, who doesn’t want to leave until mika’s ok, and shinoa and narumi stay and try to talk to mika. he caves and drinks from narumi and then falls asleep for like a day and a half after that. depression symptoms become more exaggerated when ur a vampire bc their metabolism is slower. mika becomes the master of the depression nap.

hey hey what if he and yoichi cuddle after the fight as an apology. mika falls asleep and yoichi starts petting his hair and mika starts purring, then yoichi falls asleep too. yoichi Insists that mika drink from him, or at least drink /something/ bc mika’s had no appetite for weeks and is p much starving himself

bany: he feeds so infrequently and in such small portions the squad starts to notice signs of continual starvation (his cheeks are hollow, his spine should not be that pronounced, holy shit ribs) and say okay this has GOT to STOP

permanent dark circles under his eyes and shaky hands, dizzy spells All the time, his skin was always pale but now it’s paler than normal and all the color is washed out or greyed out

bany: vampires have slow heartbeats right? it should not be as fast as it is

nice thing about living w a group of powerful demon users/human experiments is that they all have a pretty good healing factor so they can lose a lot more blood and be fine than a normal human could

after yuu’s death and things settle down a little and the squad resigns from the JIDA and live in a house together in a small town thats being built again. theres a grave and shrine where yuu is buried, its in the woods a little,  and thats where mika spends most of his time. shinoa helped him plant perenials to plant on the gravesite. mika spends most of his time dissociating and remembering and talking to yuu outloud. about how much mika misses yuu and how desperately he wants to be with him, mika cant bear the thought of existing in a world where yuu no longer exits, and that hes so sorry that he could save yuu and that he wants to join yuu in death but he cant bc its impossible. and hes so lonely and he feels like something has been ripped out of him, bc yuu was mika’s life parter and fp.

he tells yuu about all the stuff that happens everyday too, and he also cries a lot. he tells yuu about how his appetite is gone and how ironic it is that something he wanted so bad to happen (to not want to drink blood) was caused by his worst nightmare (yuu’s death)

Melissa: Mika realizes how much he actually appreciated drinking Yuu's blood n stuff and how much he hates that he has no other options now

The squad keep a little schedule without mika knowing and they go and visit him and let him feed from them (or rather, make him)

He doesn't fight back as much as he used to because he just doesn't care about anything

Nory: he reaches a point where he doesnt cry or anything anymore but the only emotion he has is overwhelming grief and self loathing. he talks about how grateful he was that yuu accepted him so enthusiastically and whole-heartedly and always looked out for him even when mika made it difficult; and how much he misses drinking from yuu and how comforting and safe it was because he loved yuu so much and they had so much trust in each other. the first time he drinks directly from one of the squad members he breaks down and is flooded w memories of yuu

also he gets really really furious at the other squad members bc they arent feeling the grief as powerfully as he does. like they still are absolutely grieving for yuu but they start to recover and move through the stages of grief and mika cant

Melissa: Mika thinks it's because humans are fickle and care less and he gets mad at them for being so "shallow"

he takes his grief and angery out on them and yells at them and gets into fights, yelling how they couldnt posssibly understand what hes feeling right now, how dare you, how dare you start to move on….etc..

During one of his angry spurts he just runs into a forest and starts knocking down trees

Nory: someone tries to comfort him and he curls in on himself and hes termbling and sad-purring. kimi tries to stop hm and mika whirls around and snarls “dont touch me” and he looks really feral and its a little scary.

Melissa: He does the neck grab attack thing on someone then looks down on them as tears fall from his face into theirs then he gets off and turns his back toward them and just says "...I'm sorry" then flies away

Nory: he doesnt come back for a day or 2 and he comes back really exhausted and dissociating and bleeding a lot

Melissa: he stabs himself a lot (cue nory sobbing)

he hasnt had any blood in over a weak and he just makes it to the front porch before he faints, his injuries arent healing bc hes so weak. And everyone is like "how do we feed him if he's unconscious???" he wakes up a little when they get him inside and immediately throws up from internal bleeding. (I LOVE SUFFERING)

And they just like try to stop his bleeding enough to get him to be conscious enough not to choke on it.

he drinks from kimizuki then bc his body is running on autopilot at this point and hes to tired to fight the impulses anymore, and after he gets enough in his system he watches his wounds start to heal and he's like "damn it" and is mad and embarrassed w himself later for causing a scene and being an inconvenience.

he was also so drained and out of it he wasnt even thinking about dying he was just in pain and his instincts took over completely

he was dissociating and he didnt even remember going back to the house or fainting, he just wakes up in his bed not knowing what happened or where he is

after a while mika starts sleeping in yoichis room bc its comforting and it lets him forget about anything and just pretend hes a normal teenager

Sleep deprived angst talks are the best kind

yoichi + mika have late night talk sessions that usually involve at least 1 of the crying

mika comforting yoichi tho?? good shit……..in a very quite, subdued way, lots of hugs involved, purring, crying. they finally fall asleep at like 3 am and dont get up till past noon. mika is clinging to yoichi like an octopus.

Mika: holds yoichi

Yoichi: is held

yoi always wakes up earlier than mika but he stays in bed and falls into a doze and hugs mika instead of getting up

bc its so nice to have companionship and also he knows that mika will get really anxious if he wakes up and yoi isnt there

oooooh maybe the first time they sleep in the same bed yoichi gets up in the morning to have breakfast and mika’s still asleep (he needs his rest). and then mika wakes up and panics bc yoichi is gone, and he immediately thinks someting bad happened

mika rushes downstairs bc Gotta FInd YOichi and sees everyone in the kitchen eating breakfast and everythings fine, but he still hugs yoi and checks him over for injuries and doesnt want to let him go. vampire instincts say Gotta Protect Yoichi

and hes like trembling a little bc what if something had happened to yoichi or any of the others??

scenario: mika spends days at a time at yuu's shrine and it's pouring rain and getting to be nighttime so yoichi goes to look for him and he's bleeding from his wrists and not healing bc he hasn't had blood in a week. and yoichi eventually persuades him to come inside. (bany: this kills the man). and basically half carries mika back to the house, and the other squad members are anxiously waiting in the kitchen, mika is basically incoherent but he's just so. miserable. and everyone hurts. he’s dripping blood and cold water and hes a Mess™

yoichi and shinoa get him upstairs and into the bath and mika doesn't even care bc he's just. done.

(also there's mikayoi going on bc i'm lov that shit)

mika says that his life his worthless if yuu is dead and that he's failed his only purpose - to keep yuu safe. and yoichi and shinoa talk about how they need him too bc he's their family now too. and there are nice tender moments with yoichi washing mika's hair

bany: good because his hair would be Nasty and prob needs a good brush

 afterwards mika drinks from yoichi bc he's too exhausted to even protest and they have another Tender Moment™

anyway imagine mika and yoichi hugging each other quietly remembering yuu 

:" )

the squad ovs ends up sleeping in the same room/mattress pile (comfort among others, ect.) but they have like. babysitting mika shifts. they take turns wedging him into the corner of the pile so 1. he can get some fucking sleep and 2. he won't get up and try anything self destructive at tnight.  lot of times he can't even sleep OR he sleeps for days at a time

thats it for now :3 thank u for reading so far and also im sorry

#owari no seraph #ons #owari no serafu #mika #mikaela hyakuya #yuichiro hyakuya #mikayuu #yoichi saotome #shinoa hiiragi #sote #IM SORRY #this is honestly how i cope with my mental illnesses

[ilygsd]

odfidk: 270618

i cry at least once aday cus im only surrounded by whites but like.... there are poc here. theres other adoptees of color and some poc in my DM’s wanting to chat with me and maybe even hang out but fuuuCKKK WHAT IS WRONG WTH ME WHY AM I NOT SOCIAL

i also always cry about how social and happy i used to be but im doing anything about it lmao. like i KNOW that in order to get my shit together i need to sleep and eat and exercize and shit..... do i do that?? absolutely the fuck no cus i love to feel sorry for mysel and watch myself destroy everything

i hate myself, i hate my life i can feel the anxiety coming and when that is i always call my mom but she’s white and im so  paranoid i dont trust white people with anything i REALLLY RESLLY REALLY want a therapist of color but my lazy ass cant even manage to call one cus i’d rather lie in my bed and DIE than doing smth productive with my life

also im together with a white dude and just thinking about how confused i am about this relationship makes me want to die alone. i cant trust my own thoughts and feelings but i SURE AS HELL cant trust anyone else either. not white people, no poc and not adoptees of color either. the only person i trust is my partner cus they know me better than anyone else and theyre wise but fuck i dont trust them either cus i cant even manage to tell them this cus ive already been such a horrible partner and i dont want to huet them but hey no its not even about that. its about ME not wanting to lose them cus im so fucking selfish which is only another reason i should break up. if you knew what a horrible partner, friend and human being ive been you’d all hate me. im such a hypocrite and when i hear my partner forigve me despie me KNEOING what i am like.......

how will i ever find someone who loves me like them. i’ll never find anyone like them. does it really matter that they’re white in that case? yes it does can i’d literally kILL myself if our children were to become white. how can i love myself after all of this. im holding onnto a dream of re-visiting my homecountry and my birth place. im holding omto a dream of learning mandarin and more abt my culture and get lots of chinese and asian friends but like..... who am i kidding. that wont solve my problems. what i feel is so much deeper. what i feel is nothing that can be fixed

IM SO FUCKINF SAD EVERYONE. IM SO SAD AND I MISS MY BIOLOGIAL PARENTS SO FUCKING MUCH. I HATE EVERYONE BUT ONLY BC I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY OWN SELF HATRED AND DISSATISFACTION. IM SO SAD AND FRUSTRATED AND LONELY AND I JUST WANT TO BE IN MY MOMS BELLY.

why did it turn out like this. what am i so problematic snd why am i not doing anything about it. why did i destroy and fux up every single relationship i ever had. why cant i love my adoptive family like anyone else. but why al i not strong enough to cut them off. is it bc i actually love them? or is it bc im scared of being alone? will i love them again when i’ve healed, when i’ve revovered from whatever it is im revorigin form. abandonment? loss? lost family, lost identity, lost culture, lost people

it doesnt matter how many POC i connect with or how many adoptees i connect with. i’ll always feel lonely. i’ll always be lonely. and im so pathetic i cant stand it. i’d rather kill myself than knowing i’ll always be lonely. ive fkd up every friendship and relationship i have and im too scared of building new ones bc im so over attatched and want to rely on them forever. and now i dont even feel anything but anger and hatred. im such a fucking mess. im a danger to myself and everyone around me. im abusing the ones i claim to love, i dream about taking a gun and just shoot everyone down. i dream about committing suicide but not bc i actually want to, but because i want to revenge. on who? i want my family to suffer. i want society to suffer and know my pain. but they wont. they never will

im all alone, im so lonely im so lonely i keep isolering myself. i keep dreaming about fkn kpop idols and anime characters. i will never get better if i dont do smth but im so tired and im so angry. but it only hurts me. im only hurting myself even more. no one cares. no one will ever care, its only hurting ME

i thought i had gotten better. i used to feel like this everyday. now its only once a month. but idk. i cant think straight, i cant control myself. i know i shouldnt post stuff lile this DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IVE FKD UP CUS I CANT CONTROL MYSELF WHEN IM IN THIS KIND OF STATE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY THOOUGHT I WAS GONNA KILL SOMEONE AND THEN JUMP IN FRONT OF A BUS

im sitting in my room. my little sister is outside and when im done with this message i’ll go out to her and pretend nothing happened. i cry for myself. i cry for other adoptees too. i cry for my adopted little sister and how white she is. i cry for all adoptees who’ve grown up to become whites. i cry because im such a fkn mess. i cry bc my abusive tendencies started so early. i abused my little sister bc of my own fkn issues and our adoptive parents didnt even care, they didnt even realize.

i feel like this is who i was supposed to be. a disgusting manipulative abuser but i know thats just another excuse for me to not do smth about myself

why dont i care about my family? about my partner or my little sister? i’d say i love my partner the most but i care more about my little sister

sometimes when i see children of color, or asian children i just feel something so fucking strong. i feel like i want to die for them on the spot. i feel like straight out giving them my jeart and protect them forever.

i got pregnant when i was 17 and it changed my life. ive never been interested in children but after that i was. but its so unhelathy. im only interested bc i want someone like me. i even doubted the abortion. fuck i felt like absolute SHIT after the abortion. i felt like they took smth from me, they took my mom, they took my baby. everhthing was taken from me and i got nothing. if im not able to have biolocial children in the future i’ll kill myself. if my children is looking white or nothing like me i’ll kill myself. im happy i had an abortion tho. i wasnt mentally stable. poor child would have only been born bc i was feeling lonely

i’d be such a horrible mom too. i’d be so overprotective. im always like that. overprotective in a possessive kind of way. like YOURE MINE. my child would hate me and i wouldnt blame them. i just feel like i have to protect something. i NEED something to protect. no one ever needs me. im always clinging into others but no one ever needs me as much as i need them. a child would need me. but they would eventuellt grow up so im thinking about a dog or a car instead. they would need me.

you know what i want? uncondotional love. from people of color. yes i have that from my white adoptive parents but i dont feel it. instead i feel like im using them. im shitting so fucking much on them and i dont know if i do it even more cus i feel guilty for shitting on them. most times they just take it and its like that makes me even angrier but if they were to argue with me i’d fkn explode right there and now. ive always been such a problematic kid. i can feel it. my sister’s been so calm and perfect but ive always been unstable. its like i always test people. ive tested my adoptive parents for 17-18 years now.

but everhtime i actually have someone love me uncondotilnally i feel like i have to isolate myself. its such a weird fkn thing i have such a weird fkn conception abt relationships and such. its just the way i thought it was like. in a friendship, relationship or family theres ONE dominant and ONE submissive. i realized relationships doesnt work lile this AT AGE 17 WHEN I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS. can you believe i’ve lived like this for 17 years???? i still categorize ppl into this and its so fucked up. how could i think like this?? how can I STILL think like this?? the submissive have to love the dominant one but the dominant will always protect the submissive one. i always, ALWAYYS go for dominant ones. and its always, ALWAYS going shit. either bc i expect too much from them. i expect them to love me back snd PROTECT ME or im just too clingy and get rejected. bc when im the dominant one i get bored. its like i WANT to fight for peoples attention. i see them as superior and i feel good when they give me that. but not too much cus if they give me too much I’LL feel superior and then i feel bored. thats basically my relationship with my partner now. ive been an awful fkn asshat and they’re still staying with me. it disturbed me once so much i forced them to break up with me only to guilt trip them when they did.

im so fucked up i really am. my partner deserves so much better. im so fucked up that i want to break up with them but if i would, if they would, i’d go fucking banans. thats not a healthy relationship. i shouldnt be in relationship

i should be alone til ive fgired myself out. but lonliness and isolation drives me mad. i dont trust myself

this post wasnt supposed to be lile this. i was going to write smth intellectual but instead im exposing myself like this. why do i do that? i dont know. do i wan people to feel sorry for me?? is that what i want? do i want advice? advice that i know i wont follow anyways cus im a dumbass?? is it because i just cant hold it in? why dont i post it somewhere else private? especially when i KNOWW THAT ILL GET SO FKN ANXIOUS ABT POSTING THIS THAT ILL NEVER FACE ANYONE AHAIN SND ILL REBLOG SO MANY TAEHYUNG GIFS AND JUST LAUGH IT OFF BUT LILE..... IM STILL GONNA POST IT???

sometimes i tell myself i wouldnt care if i died but im actually so afraid of dying

i want to be happy i want to be good but i dont know if i can or if i deserve it. when im not feeling like shit i dont want to talka but this bc then i’ll feel like sjit snd im scared of myself. i feel like im turning into a demon, something i cant control and im scared i’ll do stupid shit

how do i get rid of this? how dont become happy. the fact that my family is white, my partner is white. is that a problem or is it only me? do i have to break up, do i have to cut off my family in order to become satisfied? in order to decolonize? i know adoptees who have. mostly cus they got real weird fkn prents but my parents are....... so-so. they’re white. they’re good parents except they’ee white. but other adoptees parents weren’t even good parents to start with and their whiteness and racism made it 722771x worse

i hate feeling so split always having to choose. choose between AP and bio family. whites and poc. i’ll choose poc. i’ll choose my birth family. but i dont have a birth family like...... and now im stuck with this white one. ive been abandoned multiple times im not strong enougg to get rid of my AP’s even if i want to. but i dont think that i want to. i think i love them. im just so fkn heartvroken abt the fact that they’re white and therefore constantly hurting me and my sister wether they want it or not. im stuck. its like a fkn curse.

i was a fine kid before. i always had these issue but the abortion def triggered it. the abortion and break up with my friends that was like the 3rd break up and i just knew that damn i dont have the energy to keep going. dont even get me started on the breakup. i was a sjit friend. yeah im still a bit salty cus i think hey could have handled it better but tbh........ they probably sensed the fucking freak inside of me me before it jumped. i keep telling myself they only protected themselves but im paranoid and hate everyone and when i feel abandoned and rejected i deal with it with being an abusive asshat

i wonder why im like this. im obv not the only one since i keep reading abt adoptees who murder and stuff. i kinda think thats me sometimes. that im gonna turn out like that and just go on a murder spree. when i see x-men or the black panther...... i always feel for erik and eric (sre they both named eric lmao). mage to and killingen. and all charcters like that. i cried so much when i watched these movies cus im so sensitive when it comes to families AND people. (xmen jewish ppl) (black panther black ppl). and i kind of undersyood them

especially xmen apacolypse. he really tried to turn good. he really got himself a family but even they got killed. everyone got kille. i kinda admire him but i also think he’s weak. how come he’s able to just turn good after that?????  i’d probably kill the whole fucking world. like what kind of propaganda IS THAT??? is that even real??

and i feel so awful cus i had a good childhood i guess??? i mean fkn killmonger grew up all alone and poor and he found his fkn dad murdered??? i understand that trauma!!! and magneto had his mom shot in front of him and watched his whole people fkn die. and what about me? i havent been through any of that

ofc i dont know. i dont know what happened before and i dont remember. my APs got divroced tho and my A mom got PTSD and i def think that affected me as well tho. i kind of lost my family AGAIN. and ive never really tristes them after that. even there u could feel me snd my fucked up ness

i was such a shithead to my mom who had freaking PTSD. i blamed her for everything. breaking up with dad, bad ekonomy and then our fkn white big brother moved home bc he was depressed too or smth and there we were. 3 kids sharing a room while mom was unemployed and slept in the living room. that was such a messy time and my 11 y/o self was so angry and aggressive. and my poor sister was so scared and shy. of me. of all of us

anyways why didnt my sister turn out like this? is it bc of my temepramwnt?? maybe. ive read abt mental illness but i dont really feel like anyone fits. im leaning more towards bpd. bipolar and ptsd are similar but i dont rly get those periods and i dont get flashbacks of my trauma either cus im not even sure what my trauma is. its more like..... a feeling rather than smth specific. i mean its not like i remember anything

but why did i tjen out like this. irs cus everyone hates me right? lmao u always think lile that ots so pathetic. i always think ppl do shit to huet m. my poor partner and ex-friends..... the simpliest mistake would make me crazy.

im such a horrible human and sometimes i dont want to do anything abt this. i just dont wanna CARE but i know i feel line that cus i feel guilty deep inside. and it wont make me happy either

if i recover will i stop hating white people? will i stop hate my family and non-adoptees? probably not white ppl and non-adoptees. i mean i still hate men and so so why would i stop just cus i recover. but my family? will i forgve myself? will i fogive them? i cant forive them ew no. ugh idek what im saying. what do i have to do to stop feeling like this?

maybe get out of bed? yeah thats a start

thanks ill reblog bts now and then ill turn off my phone and never come back. cant wait to comeback and cringe the fuck out of myself wow i love