#i have to get peerpressured by my friends all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notafraidofredyellowandblue · 9 months

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i don't wanna cause any more drama but have you read the new Spiegel article? About the friend of the daughter of another bandmate :/ and being 15 gosh. I don't know what to think anymore honestly.

Serious post alert, and it will get long too...

Please skip or block it as you feel needed. This story will not be graphic (at least i will try not to), and let me state up front that nothing bad ever happened to me personally, nor that i know of ever happening to people i know.

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This ask i got right after the Spiegel article was published, which was right before the Brussels concerts. I deliberately didn't answer it at that time, because ofcourse the timing of the media wasn't a coincidence and i don't play that way, and i wanted the final concerts to be just about music, the band, and fun.

In short, the story is about a lady, now 28, who 13 years ago was (and possibly still is) best friends with a daughter of a bandmate of Till, even was in a band with her, she joined the family on a vacation in Germany, and met Till there. They talked, had some drinks, and kissed. Later they went beyond that. Her father found out and ended the situation. When she was grown up she reconnected with Till and they again had an affair. Two bandmates of Till are said to have known about the situation.

The story is under an alias, so if you feel that it's anonymously, i don't argue with that, but realistically, those of us who follow the band a little, know which bandmate and daughter would seemlessly fit that description, and although we don't know the person by name, i'm sure for people who are in their personal circles, it won't be a secret who it is. This is my assumption at least.

The story also does not involve any criminal act, because having sex at that age is legal in Germany (with consent, but consent can be given by anyone over 14 i think).

And ofcourse this is just the one story, no comments from Till, his lawyers or the band have been made, so at this point it is 'a story' and not more than that. We have heard similar stories or shards of it in the fandom over the years, but these too were never substantial. So what was it about this one...

Thing is...this story didn't shock or surprise me. It didn't have me rolling my eyes and thinking 'how could that even happen'.

And maybe more than anything my initial reaction surprised me. So i also took these last days to consider that, and figure out why that was.

-------

I think i figured out...and it's a couple of things, and none of it really have to do with Rammstein...

For those who don't know, i am rather older than the average tumblr user, and as this may be relevant in this case (generational gap?) i will state again what i usually say "i am younger than most of Rammstein (but not all)". What also may be relevant is that i grew up in west europe (netherlands), a very liberal country, sex wise (certainly when i grew up).

Firstly, different from some reactions i read on social media by fans (i don't read much about the Rammstein allegations, but i read some about this one), i am not mortified at the idea of a 15 year old having sex. When i was in highschool at 14/15 i had several friends who had adventures with guys on the weekends when they all went camping. I happened to be a rather naive and unexperienced teen, but my friends sure weren't (i learned much of my sex-ed from them, let me tell you). There boyfriends were usually teens themselves, although usually a few years older, but that sex happened was clear. Also, in the teeny magazines i read at the time sex was on many of the 'sent in questions' that the magazine answered.

(the Rammstein guys are about my age, i think when asked when they first had sex, they all mentioned being in their mid-teens, Richard a bit younger at 13)

I didn't have the sex myself as a teen, i stayed pretty much naive, unexperienced and unremarkable for a long time (maybe i still am), but also, i never did things *because* others did them, peerpressure never impressed me. If i didn't want something, i didn't do it (still don't). I didn't drink alcohol either as a teen, even though that too was pretty common for other teens.

In my early 20's i still didn't drink, still didn't have the sex, and was still naive, and unremarkable. What i was, was being very active in a youth movement (bit like 'Scouting' but a different one). Our youths varied from age 6 to 18, so where we as staff were in large part in our twenties, some of the teens in our groups were almost our own age. Some of the older youth also helped out occassionally as staff, and i have known many wonderful, active and dedicated teens (15, 16, 17 etc). Ofcourse when they helped we always made sure that there was an adult present, that they were never alone responsible for a group, but as there was sometimes only a few years between us, we did not see a problem in them having a beer with the rest of the staf when they helped out (just one, we always made sure no one would overdo, but we definitely weren't alcohol-free).

What also was part of the movement, was that we as staff had courses to teach us skills on things to do with our groups, you know: making fire, frying food without a pan, setting up a camp with tents etc etc. Staff members who were more experienced would be the tutorsand these courses were great fun, camping out in the woods, getting all grimy, long nights at a campfire, singing songs.

One of the tutors who was often involved was a guy who must have been in his mid 30's (maybe near 40) at the time, a great guy, very charismatic, well respected by everyone, because he knew his stuff and explained things very well. There was a great vibe about him, people loved hanging out with him, making things, building stuff, making better campfires. Everybody in the youth movement knew him, and valued him particpating in a course, a real people's person. What we also all knew of him was that he was a ladies man...he regularly had a new 'girlfriend', and even more snogs with not official girlfriends. He didn't flaunt it, but rumours were many, where he was seen heading of to a tent at the end of a campfire night with a woman. We all knew it, women informed eachother about that fact, so anyone getting involved was aware of his reputation.

Like i said, we as staf were usually all in our 20's at least, you had to be 18 to be official staf and to particpate in courses, so i never heard about him getting with younger women, but i realise now that with him being, let's say 35, a 20 year old, may have been a significant age gap in itself from an outsider point of view.

And for me being the naive, unremarkable person...it was amazing that this guy, when i met him on my second course, remembered my name, came up to talk, gave me a 7-up (remembered i didn't drink). Between planned tasks, he taught me as a sidenote, to make a fire with rubbing too sticks together (a pretty timeconsuming way, and not on the official courselist, we had easier ways to do so), which was a fun thing to know. Everybody always wanted to be near him and chat, but if he ended up next to me, he chatted with me too (that never happened to me normally 😊).

I never made a move, and he never did either...but realistically...if i had been interested in 'more', i don't doubt that he wouldn't have turned me away for a night in a sleeping bag..

Years later, i was already away from the movement because i had a busy job, there was a huge reunion, of people who had been staf in the past 20 odd years. So i went, just out of nostalgia, over 300 people attended and the guy was there too (with how much he did for the organisation, not a surprise), and believe it or not, he still remembered me, and we had a nice chat, before others came to talk to him and swooped him away.

I have lost touch with that crowd by now (work, also moved away), but if i met him now, and if he'd remember me 🌺 i'd love to have a bit of chat. But how many women he snogged or shagged back then...no idea...

----

When i read the story in Der Spiegel, unlike what i see many say as it being unbelievable...i totally get it. I was early 20's, but naive, more naive than my schoolnates at 15. Here is this guy who is easy to talk to, and makes you feel he's interested in what you say (me! never..). I didn't make a move, he didn't either, but had i maybe had a bit to drink, i might have (i sure crushed on him a bit).

And meeting up years later and being remembered, that makes a person feel good. Add a bit more alcohol...well...

Let's say i get it.

I hadn't thought about the guys in over 20 years, but when i read this, i did..

I've been wondering if a guy like that should feel skeevy to me now, with what i know these days, and how much moral has changed. And i don't know.

Do i think now someone should have intervened and have that guy not attend the courses...i think no...like i said, all adults, and we all knew his ways. But is that still an acceptable excuse nowadays. I don't know that either.

Should the guy have kept his youknowwhat in his pants and just had a steady girlfriend, possibly...but i never heard he forced anyone, ever. He just...had a way about him, women were as interested in him as he was in them.

So that's where i am...

If the story in Spiegel did happen, i wish it hadn't, but i'll react to it, when that's confirmed.

Until then, i'm still gathering my thoughts...and try to figure them out..

#my 2 cts

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ranboo5 · 9 months

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also my opinion about c!bench is that i do get why people wanted it to be a thing, even setting aside cc stuff which was tbc VERY MUCH A FACTOR, bc it's in fact true that every individual relationship that makes up c!bench is compelling. you can argue that this is true for a lot of dsmp relationships that aren't compelling as trios but most of those tend to have less ~overlap? e.g. while c!bedrock and c!peerpressure are both compelling relationships, they're pretty firmly associated with different eras, whereas bee & allium are both compelling over the same time period (& clingy forever ofc), and all three relationships have a lot of lighthearted Hanging Out Goofing Off Being Friends such that it's easier than a lot of the dsmp relationships to go "what if all three of them hung out at the same time". however in canon it is kind of nothing. they hang out a few times sure but the majority of times they hang out more seriously/IC-y it's marked by jealousy and exclusion and tension lol. just bc each individual relationship is a compelling friendship doesnt In Fact make them a trio

This is pretty much my exact thoughts... It's Very . It's Very

#This is why WKTDAU works also... It's the fact that cbench isn't cbench it's always 2+1

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dungeonsdragonstdelinquents · 1 year

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again exposing my aromantic love people as they are acts of creation agenda again

i used to think that i was just having a bi panic when i saw people because i would literally freak out and freeze when i saw certain people because wow. youre really pretty. it wasnt until much later when my friends were like !!! you should ask them out. you clearly like them. if you like them you should say something! that i started to feel uncomfortable. i felt peerpressured into saying something and i felt peer pressured into a sexuality and romantic orientation.

i just wanted to look at people. they were just so incredibly beautiful. i like collecting facts about other people, and i often wondered if other people did that for myself. there was this guy that i briefly dated (that is a WHOLE other story) who was so incredibly beautiful. the reason i finally accepted my “attraction” to him after ? a year of dating (i was too scared to say no when he asked me out because i didnt want to hurt his feelings, and i thought i could learn to love him) was because he looked like a ballerina. He looked. Like a ballerina. he was incredibly graceful with hands made for piano, and he had dark hair and the smoothest widows peak i had ever seen in my life. i could wax poetic about his widows peak. he had crooked teeth that were so cute when he smiled and hazel eyes. i used to write poetry about him and i drew him all the fricken time. i could barely speak around him because i was so uncomfortable in the promise of a relationship. he had little freckles on his ears. i often wondered if he even knew they were there. i wanted to be his friend so badly--i would have dreams after we broke up of us rekindling and becoming best friends and pen pals and i would always awake horribly disappointed. i didnt get to experience his existence like most of the people we knew did--all i had was an awkward silence and the fact that he kissed someone else while on vacation.

then came my start in my realization of queerness--this was around the time that i was still dating the guy above. i was having some level of feelings for this person i knew and was close with but i didnt know what they were. looking back on it, i still dont know. i definately had an aesthetic appreciation for this person, possibly bordering on cupioromantic feelings for them. they had a crush on me, and i actually helped them realize they liked girls (and boys). i didnt let their confession stop our friendship and it didnt make me uncomfortable. they werent expecting anything from me--they just wanted to tell me. i often think about that difference. i used to think because it didnt bother me, that i must have liked them back. but now i realize it was more that they just wanted to be honest with me, let me know how they felt. they told me before hand that they werent trying to mess with my relationship with the first person, they just wanted some closure for themselves and i respected that. in every other situation, i have never felt listened to by the confessing party. there were even times where i borderline begged them to wait and let the person of their affections (i wasnt supposed to know it was me) to make their feelings clear before they confessed. they ignored me. anyway, back to this person. i didnt understand what i was feeling for them. i wanted to be close to them, and i loved when they played with my hair. they had big brown eyes and a sharp personality with pretty hands and the softest freckles i had ever seen. they made me a bracelet made out of paper, once. we almost kissed like twice, once on a sunny spring day and another at their house. i couldnt get a solid answer from myself--did i like them? what was wrong with me, that i coudlnt find an answer? i cried and cried and cried over it, trying to talk with my mothe about it. she stopped me, not even wanting to think of the possibility that i could like someone who wasnt a man. she took me to dennys to make me stop crying and i had a milkshake.

soon after came my first time being in the presence of a butch lesbian. she was so fucking beautiful. the gay guy who sat behind me thought so as well and went up to flirt with her before she told him that she was in fact a lesbian. i saw the lesbian twink encounter with my own eyes folks. it does happen. she was so handsome, she looked like someone off of a magazine--i didnt get to go up close to her because--well, why? i just thought she was handsome in her sweater. she looked like an english professor and had short cut slicked back hair and thick arms. i was so shy and preferred just watching people from afar. (to any masc aligned people reading this--yall cute as hell. remember that.)

then there was this girl who i ran into while in the restroom--i was awkward and the sinks were broken and i heard someone start to come in so i didnt want it to seem like i didnt wash my hands so i ran back into the stalls and waited a few minutes and flushed the toilets and came back out. she giggled the most beautiful laugh i had ever heard when she realized that the sinks werent working. and then i turned and looked at her, and i panicked. she was tall like--super tall. like mega height. and she was fat (nothing wrong with that word babes!) with a round face with the longest eyelashes known to man. her hair was wavy and brown with gold highlights and was very long. she had the biggest smile and i choked at how beautiful she was. i sputtered something probably inchoherent and ran out of the bathroom to go find another sink. all my friends thought, this is it! this is you realizing you like women! but i felt uncomfortable in their notions. she was pretty, yes. she was so beautiful that ive drawn her a million times in my sketchbook, all vauge figures turning to be her. but did i like her?

i would talk about my first girlfriend, but i know for a fact that she knows my tumblr and im not taking that chance in case she sees this. lmao

#alterous love #alterous attraction #aromantic #aro

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warriorsbutnotreally · 3 years

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Sandstorm Is Tigerstar's Daughter AU

So, to preface this

a lot of changes had to be made to canon

but in the end it came to a result that made me happy

and to add - this isn't super long

I don't even span the full first arc

Self edit before this is even posted; I got carried away and this is longer than I expected

this was a fun idea and [admittedly] I almost ignored it - cause I was worried I would have no ideas - until a bunch of cool ideas hit me at once and then I got excited about it

There's also changes to some relationships for very obvious reasons!

Sandkit is born alongside her brothers Swiftkit and Lynxkit [who are not Patchpelt's kits. You cannot convince me they're Patchpelt's. I have a lot of negative emotions towards the retconned family relationships in Warriors]. They are born about six moons before Rusty / Firepaw joins, meaning Swift and Lynx are older than they are in canon.

Sandkit is very proud of her heritage, as is her brothers and the three are close. Lynxkit is the most level-headed as his brother and sister can be stubborn and hot-headed.

When they're apprenticed, Tigerclaw goes out of his way to have his kits apprenticed to cats he considers his friends by convincing Bluestar and Redtail that it's a good idea. Sandpaw goes to Whitestorm, Swiftpaw goes to Longtail, and Lynxpaw goes to Darkstripe.

When Firepaw joins ThunderClan, Tigerclaw is quick to make sure his kits do not like and do not trust this kittypet and allows them to openly antagonize Firepaw. This gets so bad that apprentices den is split into two factions; the group who likes Firepaw; Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw and the group who wants him gone; Sandpaw, Swiftpaw, Dustpaw, and Lynxpaw.

However, after their first patrol together, Lynxpaw is the first to change his mind about Firepaw. He becomes more welcoming, but expresses to Firepaw in private that he doesn't want his siblings to turn against him. Firepaw and Lynxpaw bond quietly behind Sandpaw and Swiftpaw's backs.

Sandpaw sticks close to her father or her mentor most days and as Bluestar's mental health starts to slowly decline, Tigerclaw is planting the seeds of disloyalty into her head. This only gets worse when she learns that Lynxpaw and Firepaw are friends and she lashes out at her brother

Swiftpaw is still on Sandpaw's side, however, and refuses to budge, though he's unsure about being angry at their brother.

When Fireheart and Graystripe become warriors, Sandpaw is even more outraged and - with some prompting from her father - starts making plans to make Fireheart's life just a little worse every day

Sandpaw sticks with Tigerclaw and it's thank to him that Bluestar finally gives her and her brothers their warrior names while Fireheart and Graystripe are out saving WindClan; Sandstorm, Swiftfang, and Lynxclaw.

When Tigerclaw tries to clear Bluestar on the Thunderpath, Sandstorm does manage to stop Cinderpaw from going as she knows the apprentice isn't the target.

After Bluestar fails to show, however, Sandstorm and Tigerclaw start up a different plan. Sandstorm openly blames Fireheart for the fact she didn't show, despite her being sick with greencough.

They do try to drag Swiftfang into their plans, but he expresses concern. He only agrees after Sandstorm peerpressures him into it, but it's clear that he believe they're going too far.

When Bramblekit and Tawnykit are born, Sandstorm becomes like a guardian older sister who spends time with them. This has her thinking of starting a family, but she wants to wait until she finds a proper mate - she is considering Dustpelt - and when her father is finally Tigerstar

Swiftfang does eventually tattle on them before the rogues attack and turns Sandstorm and Tigerclaw in as traitors, as he finds himself unable to just sit back and let them kill Bluestar and Fireheart, especially as he believes Lynxclaw loves the former kittypet.

Sandstorm is outraged as she and her father are exiled from the Clan. She tries to get Dustpelt to join, and for a moment she thinks he will until he reveals he'll never be able to stand beside someone who willingly walked with Redtail's killer.

After joining ShadowClan, Sandstorm assists her father in working hard, though she dislikes ShadowClan's territory. She starts considering having kits, not for a family, but for strong warriors that are loyal to her and her father.

When he becomes Tigerstar, he makes Blackfoot his deputy and Sandstorm is irritated but decides that gives her time to work out her own plan.

She starts carefully deciding which cat is the strongest in ShadowClan and, after being rejected by Blackfoot, settles on Boulder to sire her kits.

While she's courting Boulder, she learns of BloodClan and tells Tigerstar. The three go and meet Scourge and her plans change as she starts talking with Bone.

She's early into expecting Bone's kits when Scourge kills Tigerstar and she lashes out at the BloodClan cats. She isn't killed and ShadowClan ends up exiling her after she refuses to renounce her father's crimes.

When Scourge and Bone are killed, Sandstorm sneaks into the ranks and quickly earns favor with BloodClan as they know who she is and she reveals that the kits she's close to having are the proper heirs of BloodClan.

Cats try to challenge her, but Sandstorm allows herself to be brutal and relentless, which soon catches the eye of a certain one-eyed molly.

Fury becomes co-leader as she teaches Sandstorm the shaky customs of BloodClan and the two become close by the time the kits are born.

There are four kits born to Sandstorm; a dark calico tabby she-cat named Omen, a pale ginger and white tom named Talon, a mostly black tom named Bane, and a dark tabby with white patches named Tiger

Sandstorm instantly favors Tiger more than any other of her kits and is determined that he'll take over BloodClan when the time comes.

As the kits grow older, Fury and Sandstorm grow closer and eventually the two becomes mates and work together to help BloodClan grow better and stronger.

Sandstorm starts spying on the Clans again and learns, angrily, that Firestar and Lynxclaw are mates now and that the two have had a litter of kits together; Squrrielkit, Leafkit, and Spottedkit [Squirrel is dark ginger, Leaf and Spotted are both tortoiseshells] [how is also up for interpretation]

Sandstorm starts making plans again to take down ThunderClan and Fury is more than happy to help.

This comes together in an idea to steal the kits and hold them hostage until Firestar comes to get them.

The first attempt doesn't go well and many BloodClan cats are wounded in trying, but that doesn't stop either leader and they try once more. This time they manage to steal two of the kits; Squirrelkit and her brother Spottedkit.

While watching the two kits, Sandstorm is overtaken by rage at her brother becoming mates with 'the enemy' and for a brief moment she actually considers killing one of the kits. She actually almost kills Squirrelkit before she is stopped by Bane [he and the others being the age of older apprentices].

Bane becomes the watcher of the kits and he bonds well with his cousins and feels pity for them. When he learns his mothers' plans, he convinces Omen to help him carry them back home before any needless death happens. Omen is hesitant at first, but agrees and the two carry the kits back to ThunderClan.

When she learns about this, Sandstorm is outraged and she considers a regular punishment until Fury insists that Bane needs to be made an example of.

Sandstorm allows Fury to publicly kill their son and Omen feels like she's the only one truly horrified at this. Talon seems openly interested in the violence and Tiger was never easy for her to understand, as they are rather withdrawn and never talked to her or their brothers as they were being trained to take over BloodClan.

Sandstorm goes on to not allow Omen to be alone and Omen has a guard with her at all times.

Eventually Omen escapes her guard and flees to the Clans, being taken in by ThunderClan, who promise to protect her.

There she meets her cousins again, plus Leafkit, and gets to know her uncles, Lynxclaw and Brambleheart. She is treated with love and welcoming for the first time in her life and she finds herself about to cry.

She chooses to join ThunderClan after a moon of thought as well, as she fears what will happen if she ever encounters her mothers again. She is given the name Lightpaw.

Eventually Sandstorm does attack again and Lightpaw tries to hide, only to be found by her brother Talon and attacked. He almost kills her only to be killed by Firestar.

This outrages Sandstorm even more.

She attacks Firestar and takes away one of his lives, but before she can do more harm, she is attacked by Lightpaw.

Lightpaw fights her mother off and Sandstorm swears that she'll have her revenge and that ThunderClan will never be forgiven

Lightpaw tries to reason with her sibling, Tiger, but they push her away and lash out, angry that she let their brother die She tries to reason more, but it's useless

She watches as they leave

BloodClan does return in the form of Tiger, eventually, but my brain didn't plan that far, but Sandstorm eventually does pass away and Tiger kills Fury in a silent retaliation against her as they never forgive her for killing Bane.

She and Fury do also end up with another litter; a ginger tabby she-cat named Wrath, and an albino tom named Wisp.

Lightpaw eventually earns the name Lightstep and she's the one chosen to represent ThunderClan in the Great Journey.

Spottedkit/paw ends up being killed by BloodClan in a random, aggravated attack and Squirrelflight almost dies in the same attack, but survives, unlike her brother

Squirrelflight eventually becomes mates with Shrewpaw/heart, who survives in this AU and they have a very happy and healthy relationship

Lightstep originally is crushing on Feathertail, but she passes away. Later she actually becomes mates with Daisy and the two are very happy and comfortable wives to help take care of kits who need help raising.

Swiftfang leaves ThunderClan and ends up joining WindClan to get away from all the drama involving his family. He never takes a mate or has kits and he's perfectly happy just living a nice life.

#au #sandstorm #tigerclaw #tigerstar #bloodclan #warriors #warrior cats #i really like this au #and honestly #towards the end #it turned a little too much into omen's story #but that's cause i love her

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ranvwoop · 2 years

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3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

AAAAA.

A lot. Most of my writing is just the thing I want to do and then how to get there. to name some off the top of my head.

- Butler's Arc in the DSMP FE au. He's only seen like three times, as a side character in a single chapter of Techno's prologue and maybe Once during the pre-war phase of the Actual Story. But like. I only care about him and the implications of what he's been doing since. Which is Having a Bad Time. they started as cannon fodder for the fe au .... now i love them so .... I'd also like to really like to write the part that they were originally cannon fodder for, Billiam decides it would be a good idea to contract Techno, a bit of a folk hero after freeing his village and surrounding areas from an oppressive emperor, to steal a magic artifact from some royal palace during a celebration of the birth of another kingdom's prince. For reasons absolutely unbeknownst to Techno, Phil, who Techno had a friendship very circumstantial but very meaningful when they did end up the same pace, was also attending the party/had friends in high places. Things go sour very quickly because of incompetence and spite on the side of Billiam and Butler, and Techno does soul searching on what he's actually doing with his life because being a mercenary and doing the bidding of random people is not it. And later on per loosely 3H's actual plot, there's like. side stories to deal with holders of magical artifacts and the consequences of that.

- the culmination of Fools (peerpressure) Talk About Their Feelings. I know what's going to be said. Just need to get there. I need to make them talk about their feelings. They need it.

- and then ones i actually plan on writing so I'll not share.

[link 2 ask game later]

#vwoop.answers #☆mairen☆#thabk u for the ask!! sorry its so late #Fixes The Typos Real Quick #it is important to note that like. w the fools n feelings.#its not that rnboo actually spills and its not like tchno actually knows what to do for him.#it doesnt help. but it IS the thought that counts #and i think. i think they

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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urgh im less upset abt grandma dying nd more upset abt my family being so fucking STUPID for acting like they cant do anything anymore during the pandemic nd inviting me for a christmas dinner nd my cousin saying they ‘should just do w/e we want instead of look at rules, because this loss is more important now’ nd the rest agreed O_O

like u fucking DUMBASSES, THE VIRUS IS THE FUCKING REASON GRANDMA DIED ND U WANT TO HAVE CHRISTMAS DINNERS ND MEET UP W THE WHOLE FAMILY IN 2021????

THE CONCEPT OF FORCED 'GEZELLIGHEID' ('cozy togetherness'?) IS LITERALLY WHAT IS HAVING PEOPLE KILLED IN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY

also i feel fucking disgusted for letting my brother pull me in a hug (nd my mom hugged me too which i hate bc shes literally a risk group) bc hes a fucking fascist nd i saw him in a whatsapp group w antisemitic meme today nd i want to puke !!!!!!!

i dont want to fucking see my family during this pandemic but they always force me to be together w them bc thats considered 'GEZELLIG!!!' and normal and fun nd im too bad at saying no when im peerpressured, i fucking hate it nd don;t want my mom or other grandma to die bc of their dumbass behaviour by continuing to visit ppl inside their homes. they really talked about how different it was this cremation vs. decades ago at the same place bc “now we couldn’t enter at the same time nd people could touch each other and sit closely” LIKE U??? LITERALLY SAT NEXT TO PPL WHO DONT LIVE W U W 0 TO 30 CM DISTANCE BETWEEN EACH OTHER?? U LITERALLY HUGGED PEOPLE TODAY?? THERE WERE LIKE 40 GUESTS IN A WAY TOO TINY ROOM FOR THAT AMOUNT LIKE R U KIDDING ME??? I DONT WANT TO FUCKING SEE THIS EVER AGAIN. ALSO i wish death upon my brother but not rly bc it would hurt my mom nd his daughter but jfc i fucking hate him. also my cousin nd his dad are just like him. fascism is so normalized in dutch society nowadays idek where to draw the line between a person who is slightly bigoted nd the ‘never talk to a fascist‘ scenario jfc.

i always feel so fucking mixed abt my family urghfhgh like i truly do care abt my parents nd i guess one aunt nd uncle maybe but i dont want to fucking see them during this pandemic nd i preferrably dont see my brother either. but fuck i REALLY dont know how ppl cut family out of their lives bc i would have to pick and choose who i would stay in touch w but they all communicate to each other so u rly cant keep a secret. if i were to try to close off family i would need to delete my fb + ig bc i do have an aunt who keeps finding me there, nd i would need to never tell any of them my new address if i ever move. but also we never had a huge fallout so i dont think theyd get it?? nd my family on my mother’s side, aside from my american uncle nd aunt, all live rly close in either this city or one nearby so idek how you could avoid them. like im conditioned to care abt them but i honestly really dont care

i got invited by my parents to this christmas dinner over at their house and they didnt see the issue in inviting me, my friend, my brother and his daughter, “bc it’s legal to invite 3 people and children under 13 years don’t count [according to the legislation]” nd said ‘oh your friend will feel lonely on christmas if he’s just home alone‘ NO HE WON’T?? HOW DO U KNOW?? WILL IT LITERALLY KILL U TO TRY TO NOT KILL OTHER PEOPLE??

the only reason i cried at the cremation today was bc i thought of my mom dying nd having no idea what i would say in a speech then. like i dont remember my mom’s speech well but i was impressed how she said positive things abt her mom considering she was rly physically nd mentally abusive of her kids in the past nd left my mom scarred for life. it made me think when people deserved to actually be remembered for the ‘good’ stuff, just because fucking family is supposedly important. nd i just couldnt remember positive stuff abt my mom other than ‘i would miss her‘ but i couldnt think of what exactly i would miss abt her bc our personalities rly clash.

she rly stressed me out today, like she kept honking for the whole neighbourhood to hear bc i wasnt immediately outside when the car arrived in my street, nd at a certain moment said i should take a flower from the bouquet (tht was paid by the nephews nd nieces (minus me bc my parents paid it bc im broke)) nd so i did but then my aunt complained right beside me that she thought it was wrong that people just pulled out flowers ffrom the bouquet so i was like :( oh ok, but my mom kept yelling ‘NO TAKE MORE FLOWERS!! COME ON TAKE ANOTHER ONE!! PUT IT IN YOUR HOME!!‘ nd my aunt kept complaining nd i felt so guilty suddenly for having those flowers as i got more pushed into my hands by others. like my best friend has a rly chill family who srsly didnt pay visits at home or vice versa once nd im so jealous bc when your whole family understands how the fucking virus / social distancing works nd doesn’t look egocentrically only at the lax legislation or treat forced gezelligheid as the ultimate goal, it would prob be a lot easier to actually just not meet up. bc the question of meeting up or having to see each other all the fucking time isnt even a thing. but to him my family is rly weird nd strict while before him i only knew ppl w stricter parents nd i had the easy ones bc i was allowed to drink nd go out nd date even though i didnt want that. urgh im just in conflict nd feeling a bit desperate abt the ppl in this country. nd i worry abt my mom getting sick

#also might have sensory overload from being around ppl who make me uncomfortable nd yell over each other #like i dont have anxiety around crowds or anything like i LOVE concerts but this was fucking hell #rambles #family stuff #tmi #death mention #abuse mention #if a close friend / mutual could talk to me abt this pls do

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poepill · 4 years

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askmeme

@cybzilla hello n thnk u for the ask cyb !!💕💕💕

also idk what i did but tumblr ate up half of my responses so i had to retype and make it in a separate post bc it wouldn’t let me edit the first oops, but !! here it is !! srry it took a while, putting it in a readmore since it got a bit long

Be- Have you changed much as a person in the last year?

mm i like to think so. in the small ways, there are little habits i hav now that i didnt then. like drinking peach tea every morning and waking up at 6 am every day. just the idea of peach tea gets me out of bed in the morning, which i gotta do if i want to get my bby bro to school so they count to me!! and then there’s bigger ways, like how a year ago i was living on my own & moving back home has been a shift to my priorities and hav taken on more responsibilities. hopefully the changes to come will be for the better too

In the Woods Somewhere- Have you ever had a supernatural experience?

ohhhhh i gotta think. it'sbeen a while, and most stories i know happened to other ppl….mm ok this got a bit long and not as spooky, but the first supernatural thing i can rlly remember happened at my cousins house when we were like 10? 11?? we would do our own ghost investigations (thank u zak bagans ghost adventure) which their mom HATED, but the five of us would sit in their bedroom in Complete darkness in different corners of the room, digital cameras rolling, asking questions & just waiting, Hoping for a voice, a touch, Something to happen…i mean we watched ghost adventures we were practically EXPERTS (buzzfeed unsolved who ?????) also this always done at their house bc that place was Haunted haunted. it was mostly my grandparents who experienced it, from seeing figures and touching and hearing voices, but theyre mexican Mexican™️ so they were p chill w it all lmao especially after the ghosts helped my grandpa from falling off the bed (another story).

anyway we wouldnt get much in our investigations tbh, plus 5-10 yr old kids sitting in a totally dark room in tense silence??? oh we were TERRIFIED, but we had to find proof no matter the cost!! (aka until their mom found out & made us stop). we would get small things like balls of light something that sounded like voices, mayyybe some shadows, yet the most memorable time of the whole thing was once when we left the camera on while we went to eat, and when came back to check the camera was dead. after it charged it we watched it, and within the first 10 min we saw a ball of light (thank u again mr bagans) leave the baseball we’ve been tryin to convince the ghost to move, zoom right towards the closet, and then a few seconds later there was a creaking sound, and we realized that the closet doors were sliding themselves shut…and those things were HEAVY, u needed two hands to do close them, and hav definitely never moved by themselves before. then a few minutes later we noticed a pencil on the desk slowlyyy, slowly roll right off (which was not as big but still exciting esp when we tried to recreate it and it wouldnt roll no matter where we put it). we watched it over and over, and while not too intense as other supernatural things that hav happened to us we were ECSTATIC (& scared as hell esp my cousin who didnt want to sleep in their house anymore after that oopslkfkfjdjd). we had proof!! gosh i wish i could find the video,,but it had mysteriously disappeared a week later....altho that might hav just been one of our parents lol.

our “ghost investigations” were TERRIFYING ngl but genuinely fun and, in hindsight, Maybe we Hadnt caught a ghost or supernatural presence, mayb it had been a few kids w a camera scaring themselves in a dark room, but,,,mayb,,just maybe,,,,*clenches fist* there Had been Something in that room,,,

either way there have definitely been more credible occurrences since then but that’s for another time @ryan bergara hmu for ur next bfu my dms r Open

Nobody- Who in your life is important to you?

list of ppl important to me aka “ppl I’d die for”: my friends, who promised to watch sonic w me so u KNO this is for life 😔💕; my bby bro, who kindly peerpressured me into buying the quark shirt im wearing rn

and.a lil cheesy but. myself too ✌💕

#ahh these r fun thank u again !!💕💕💕#personal #anyway living in mexico you're for Sure going to experience something supernatural my grandma has some of the wildest stories #but what is life w out a demon or two ?

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narryblossom · 6 years

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Sorry to bother, but I'm new to the Narry fandom. Your blog has really taught me a lot. I was wondering if you have a rec list of your favourite Narry fics? The longer the better. Thank you for being awesome!

No bother at all! I’m glad to be of service, Narry truly is a wonderful ship. Let’s talk about fics! Here are 50 that I love:

if I got a condo on a cloud then I guess you can stay at my place by orphan_account – 8.3k, pretend boyfriends au

Harry can’t just show up to his sister’s wedding where his ex boyfriend is going to be without somebody with him, I mean he can’t just loiter around the chocolate fountain. So that’s why he enlists Niall’s help.

Turn all your grey skies blue. by mogigraphia – 9.7k, kid fic

Niall’s a new single dad, and Harry’s his daughter’s teacher at the daycare.

The Wedding Singer by littlecather – 27.5k, strangers to lovers

It’s not that Harry doesn’t believe in love, exactly - he just thinks that romance and marriage and all that comes with it are overrated. Niall has sung at over a hundred weddings, and is determined to prove Harry wrong. After all - there’s a reason for all those songs.

Frenemies by alteringegoism – 8.1k, enemies to lovers

Harry hates Niall. Niall hates Harry. But Harry wants Zayn and in order to get to him, he’ll have to go through his best friend Niall. Harry will just have to kill Niall with kindness. That’s if Niall doesn’t kill him first. Oh and Liam and Louis are getting married.

When I Close My Eyes, All the Stars Align by FallingLikeThis – 11.6k, soulmate au

A Beauty and the Beast Au in which Harry’s only beastly qualities are his hair and his bad attitude and Niall arrives to spy on him for his sister but ends up staying for so much more.

Lips As Red As Mistletoe by runawaymind – 9.2k, friends to lovers

It’s near Christmas time at Hogwarts and these damn magical mistletoes seem to chase Harry wherever he goes, and it’s a riddle of its own as to why Niall is close by every time one of those stupid plants seem to bloom out of nowhere.

take me over the edge by jamesniall – 6.7k, smut

“The bathrooms are in the end of that hallway, turning to the right.” Harry says, voice slightly lower and deeper than what Niall was used to hear out there in the golf grounds. “Go in there and wait for me.” Harry finishes, softly slapping his cheek, cleary not intended to hurt Niall, but still enough for him to feel it in his gut, making blood rush faster down to his cock. It feels heavy, more than halfway hard in his briefs and Niall has to bite down a whimper when Harry opens his mouth again.

“And don’t touch yourself.”

Or, Niall is Harry’s caddie for the first day at The Masters, at least that’s how it starts.

baby, you don’t know what it’s like by peerpressure – 31k, strangers to friends to lovers

Harry tries really, really hard to only see Niall as a friend.

It’s not working very well.

Because Niall is simply amazing and Harry is so stunned that he’s even allowed in his presence. And also because he wants to suck his dick. Just a little. But he also wants to cuddle him and maybe share food and fight for blankets and press cold feet against each other and shampoo each other’s hair.

Harry just wants to be with Niall.

(In which Louis is a good friend, Liam is kind, Zayn is always stressed, Niall is the new guy and Harry falls in love)

friends just sleep in another bed by littlecather – 39.2k, canon complaint

“Just - I’ve just been hanging out with Harry. A lot - slept over a couple of times.”

“You slept over?” Dougie echoes.

“Not like that,” Niall rolls his eyes - even though it kind of is.

Tour starts; Niall and Harry grow closer.

must have been the mistletoe by countthestars – 7.3k, friends to lovers

“Hey, Harry,” Niall says, voice low and conspiratorial. “Look up.”

“What?” Harry whispers back, because there’s a lot to look at up there, blinking lights and boughs of garland and… “is that mistletoe?”

“'Fraid so,” Niall confirms. His lips twitch like he’s fighting a smile, but he keeps a straight face as he taps his finger against his mouth. “It’s bad luck not to kiss someone underneath mistletoe.”

let’s spin the world around by jamesniall – 4.4k, college au

“Superlatives are just about putting the word más before an adjective or a sustantive. Like más grande which means bigger, or más fuerte, which means harder” Niall says, looking pointedly at Harry and Harry is 99% sure he’s doing it on purpose.

“más rápido means faster” Niall continues, “Are you getting hard from this, Harry?” and if Harry would have had something in his mouth he would have spilled it all over Niall’s face.

Or, Harry learns spanish thanks to Niall’s dirty talk.

Maybe You’re My Snowflake by pintsandguitars – 20k, college au

Harry Styles loves the snow. Niall Horan loves the stars. And somewhere between snowflakes and night skies, they start loving each other.

A head for business and a body for sin by flickerbyniall – 2.1k, au

He first time he caught Harry’s eyes was about an hour ago, the boy was eating some strawberries from the buffet table around the corner, oblivious to the fact he was standing out in the crowd with his rebellious look.

or Harry goes to a Gala and can’t take his eyes off the boy wearing a leather jacket.

Searching by littlecather – 12.1k, au

Niall has been hired by a magazine to track each employee’s searches on Google. Harry uses Google a lot.

wide open spaces by outwardbound93 – 18.8k, au

“Well,” Harry says at the end of the day. The sun sets late in Texas like it doesn’t want to go, clinging to the scrubby flatlands with the last reaches of striped sunbeams. Niall leans on the broom and watches Harry fidget with a bundle of notecards he has to fill with peoples’ heartfelt sentiments. Love notes, apologies, get-well-soons, Harry’s got them all. “Will I see you tomorrow, then?”

Niall props the broomstick against a shelf holding a bunch of little green plants he doesn’t know the name of. The shop is bursting with green leaves, colorful blossoms like pops of candy mixed with buttered popcorn at the movie theatre, and at the heart of it, Harry. Harry, with his languid speech and that one curl that stubbornly sticks out on the side of his head that Niall always wants to twirl around his finger and that smile that arrives in a flash or unfurls slowly.

“Yeah,” says Niall. “I’ll be here.”

Relatable Content by makesomelove – 12.3k, au

Harry glances down at the floor, then up at Niall, lip curling up in a bashful smirk. Niall wants terribly to kiss him. The opportunity is right there in front of him, and it’s the worst idea in the entire world.

It would reach the press. He’d be in the news - CEO and Founder of BeepFodder Niall Horan Sexually Manipulates Underlings. His mum has an alert for him on her computer and she’d see it and have a heart attack. They’d lose sponsors. Even if they didn’t publish the footage, it’d still exist. It all still would have happened. Harry would know Niall likes him. The thought of the most vulnerable spots in his heart being captured on film and shown to millions of people makes Niall sick. Going through with this in a legitimate way would ruin his life no matter what.

just a little rush, babe by theamazingpeterparker – 10.3k, vampire au

“You know everything they say about Dracula? All that stuff I wrote in my paper?” Niall asks as he rips one of the glazed donuts in half. Harry hums. “It’s all bullshit. Real vampires do tomato juice cleanses and do yoga. Fuck.”

Harry’s a vampire who’s awful at parallel parking, being scary, and being alone. He meets Niall walking home alone one night.

this could be the end of everything by basementhero – 20.4k, mythological au

The Norns remembered each cycle of time and would recount the tale if asked: Harry and Niall were not the first of their kind, nor was it the world’s first attempt at existence. Some cycles were short while other stretched on for tens or hundreds or thousands of millennia. It was always the same in the end, though, no matter how many intervening years it took to get there. Baldr always fell; the giants always attacked, and the realms of Yggdrasil—the world tree—were always plunged back into the void after Ragnarök, waiting for rebirth.

But not everything was so set in stone; at least, it didn’t seem to be.

(or: Niall and Harry are immortal deities, but even gods are subject to fate.)

We Could Be The Ones Who Matter by jibrailis – 17.5k, canon complaint?

Harry and Niall both get weirdly intense about things, and by things, they mean competitive Scrabble.

Uncertainty Principle by jibrailis – 81k, au

He didn’t expect this: Australia, the vineyard, and Niall who won’t look him in the eye.

lovesick boys will write you lovesongs by narryblossom – 15k, past relationship

When Niall walks through the gate at Dublin Airport at four in the morning, jet lagged to hell and back, he feels like he’s home. He thinks he’s never felt so happy to hear an Irish accent, and he certainly has never been so happy to have no fucking clue what he’s doing.

(Well, he has some idea of what he’s doing, he just isn’t sure it’s going to work out the way it does in his head.)

(An AU where Niall dreams of his lost love and finds himself going home to search for him.)

let yourself be enchanted by acastle – 23.8k, hogwarts au

“Which means, I’ve got a Charms post to fill. And do you know who he suggested for the job?”

Harry doesn’t trust the wide beam on his face, and Louis goes on, “Well, he’d told me about this bloke. Class of 2011, student rank number three but top at Charms of his class, Hufflepuff, prefect, atrocious Quidditch player, but he makes a great treacle tart-”

“He suggested me?” Harry says blankly.

Along the Way (Something Changed) by catrinahart – 25.2k, au

For the last five years, singer turned actor, Harry Styles has had Niall by his side to help manage his incredibly crazy life. They met and quickly became the best of friends. Then people start asking questions, making Harry think, what do they see that he doesn’t?

baby, you make my heart beat faster by countthestars – 9.8k, au

Niall’s into Harry. Harry’s into taxidermy.

move your world a little closer by countthestars – 45.8k, alien au

In which Niall is a bit lost, Liam and Louis can’t seem to get their shit together, and Harry is literally out of this world.

(aka: alien narry)

and days gone by by outwardbound93 – 20.7k, college au

Niall catches himself glancing at Harry in the backseat. The tops of buildings are lined with Christmas lights like the iced piping on a gingerbread house, and the crisp sharp light of a winter night makes Harry’s skin look warm and soft.

riverina by outwardbound93 – 13.2k, royalty au

Harry looks up at Niall, the sharp, almost antique lines of his face thrust into regal beauty by the stadium lights. Harry’s ribs press against the size of his heart.

Or, a royalty!au where Niall’s a prince and Harry’s the reporter that writes about him.

and you know in your heart it’ll be worth it by outwardbound93 – 12k, mythological au

“At home, we sleep on the,” he points at the ceiling. “The top, so we don’t float away.”

Niall laughs. “The ceiling, you mean?” He traces the line of Harry’s dimple. “I figured you slept inside a castle, like in the pictures of what Atlantis looked like.”

“I doubt that’s accurate,” Harry says. He palms Niall’s thigh, running his hand down to his knee, where he pauses to feel out the unfamiliar bones with his fingertips. “Otters sleep holding hands so they won’t drift apart, did you know that?”

“What, are you an otter?” Niall asks.

“No, but it might not be too bad,” Harry says. He lays his head to rest on Niall’s chest, over his heart. His fingers tangle with Niall’s in the sheets, his skin tanned and smooth, Niall’s pale and scarred.

“Eh,” Niall says. “It’s not too bad, I guess.”

let me photograph you in this light by storhan – 29.6k, college au

“I like that one,” he says, turning the camera back around to show Harry the picture he took earlier that day of Niall reading. Harry also finds himself smiling, he quite likes that one too.

“Me too,” Harry says softly.

Or, Harry’s a photography major and Niall is his muse.

something so magic about you by storhan – 14.7k, kid fic

Niall’s a single father and Harry’s his neighbor who never seems to wear a shirt.

i sing you like a song i heard when i was young by disequilibrium – 17.7k, magic au

Niall never thought he’d find his way back home. But then, the wind works in mysterious ways: a stranger at the door, an impossible escape. A whisper that changes everything, forever, again.

St-st-stuttering by asaprockme – 8.8k, college au

In which Harry has a stutter that he just can’t control. Niall doesn’t mind.

If we dream forever, whatever happens next by brokendrums – 6.3k, au

Niall meets Harry on the train and can’t stop thinking about him. Then one evening when they get off the train, Harry invites him back to his.

let’s start right now by dramaturgicallycorrect – 29.6k, au

[Harry’s a professional cross country road trip driver, and Niall is his latest fare.]

What’s A Fella T’ Do? by iwanna_seeyou_undoit – 35.6k, pretend relationship

Pretend!Boyfriends AU where Harry doesn’t own any trousers that don’t have holes in them, Niall is the only one who can drive, and they definitely aren’t shagging.

I’m not trying to stop you, love by littlecather – 27.4k, college au

Niall and Harry are the only ones left on campus over the Christmas holidays, and even though they’ve never really hung out before, they manage to spend most of the week holed up in Harry’s room, together.

the piano man’s playing some old melody by littlervoice – 5.6k, pianist au

Harry is a piano player. One day his neighbour puts in a request.

Do you want to come to the gym? by maxette – 3k, strangers to lovers

Niall is Harry’s personal trainer: a romantic comedy without the middle forty-five minutes of misunderstandings.

running around in love again by mozartspiano – 2.5k, college au

they meet at a coffee shop on valentine’s day. it’s all a horrible cliche.

place your head on my beating heart by takesmeunder – 5.3k, college au

That’s usually how they fuck, with Harry on his hands and knees with Niall doing him from behind. It’s impersonal and something they both enjoy, but something twists in Niall’s heart at the thought of doing it that way tonight.

You Feel Like Home (You’re Like A Dream Come True) by roughvoiced – 16k, pretend relationship

Niall sighs and unwraps the scarf from around his neck. “A plus one,” he repeats. “I need one.”

“For what?” Harry asks, watching as Niall unzips his coat, letting it slip off his arms and drop to a rumpled pile on the carpet before slipping off his shoes and striding over to Harry, plonking himself down on the sofa beside him and snuffling up under his arm, waiting for Harry to pull him in close before he speaks.

“Greg’s wedding.”

or, the au where Harry offers to be Niall’s plus one and ends up with a whole lot more than he bargained for.

This Time Tomorrow by colbyjack – 36k, dancing au

Even under the yellowing light of the streetlamp above them and the faint, milky glow from the moon; even in a vacant street in a bustling city and the entire span of states farther than the hills’ green border; even under the rain, Harry thinks Niall is the most wonderful person he’s ever met—the very ‘you’ in his journal.

A story in which a contemporary dancer/ballet teacher and a Latin ballroom instructor fall in love within the first year they meet.

Another Auld Land Syne by colbyjack – 6.2k, this is probably my favorite narry fic of all time i think of it constantly and idk why ok bye

“We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to now. And tried to reach beyond the emptiness, But neither one knew how.”

Harry and Niall are old flames who eventually find each other again, of course, because the universe doesn’t want to give up on them.

stacked against you by siempreniall – 3.3k, college au

Niall hates the library. All of the computers are always taken, the stacks make him feel claustrophobic, and his short attention span has never given itself well to studying anyways. The cute boy at the information desk makes it all worth it, though.

i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by siempreniall – 6.2k, secret relationship smut

Niall doesn’t know what he’s still doing there. This isn’t really how he likes to spend his Sunday nights. He doesn’t want to be yelled at and made to feel guilty for something that happened months ago. All he wants is to leave, really.

heartbreak hero by acastle – 30k, enemies to friends to lovers

“So you want me to hear your side of things?“

“Yes, that would be a start.”

“Fine,” Niall steps forward, so he and Harry are practically nose to nose. “Come back tomorrow at 8, so you can air your side of the situation on my segment.”

In which Niall is a love guru of sorts on the radio, who thinks love is the bane of the world, and Harry is a fuckboy who’s lovely, surely, but is not the best boyfriend in the world, not by a long shot. His girl breaks up with him while on air with Niall, and Harry isn’t having that, so he forces Niall to help him win her back.

(Alternatively, Niall’s Guide On How to Win Back the Girl, patent pending. It should work, in theory.)

hold me closer tiny dancer by countthestars – 3.6k, strangers to lovers

Dancing isn’t really Harry’s strong suit. Niall doesn’t really care.

Home is Wherever I’m with You by ziamfcks – 5.3k, strangers to lovers

Niall is blind and Harry works in a coffeeshop. It’s love from the start.

[Click this link to see drabbles from tumblr I’ve rec’d]

So there’s that! I’ve read soooooooo many fics over the years and I’m sure there are a ton that I’ve forgotten. There’s also a narry only fic rec blog called @thenarrystore that posts every day so that’s a good place to find more!

#handleidreaper #answered #fic rec #narry fic rec #narry

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theimperfectgracefulindividual · 6 years

Text

Slow To Anger.

Things to take care of:

1. MY APOLOGIES FOR THE LATE POST! This was honestly supposed to be for last week, but I feel like I’ve been thinking too much about how to write it and what no, and because I’ve been busy getting ready for summer semester.

2. My Mother’s Day post will be out by Sunday!

3. Now that all things have been cleared up let’s get down to business!

The Good Stuff:

Scenario #1:

So here is the scenario. Two weeks ago, one of my good friends at work, let’s call her France, was leaving work to go back to her home country, and worked her last shift. Although I work and get a long with a lot of people at my job, I can confidently say I am close to about 3 (now 2) other girls (not including my older sibling... If we included her it would be 4 (now 3 people)). So we decided that since she was leaving to go back to her home country, we thought that we should go out have dinner as a group of ladies and just spend time together, because who knows when all 4 or 5 of us will be together again. As I go around to confirm via text (I legit was not at work that week because I had one more final to write.) who was coming and who wasn’t, I find out that my party/ group of 5 turned into a party of like 10. I didn’t even invite anyone extra, and I have no clue as to how others found out!

In the end not everyone came, which I must be thankful for, but I’m also not gonna lie I find it a bit annoying the whole situation. I don’t understand why people would invite themselves, ya know? Why would people who do not get along come to the same party? Why do you need to cause unnecessary drama? One individual literally wanted to come just to make pictures. The idea was that anyone who came would help me split the bill so France would not have to pay for anything. and its sad cuz in the end that did not happen either because this individual was not willing to split the bill. (UGH!) Nonetheless, I can safely assume and certify that this individual lives for the likes. This person literally throws a pity party for themselves, and continually fishes for comments from everyone, we’ll call her Insta. Another individual who is a ‘friend’, who we will call ‘Peerpressure’, also only came for the purpose of instagram, but also came for the sake of being able to come and drink. I’m a christian. I don’t think drinking should be banned and whatever, but I mean C’MON! This person also did not get along with one of my closest friends, so to me I don’t understand why they would come? What’s their purpose. They weren’t even that close with the person/ friend who was leaving. Anyways, what upsets me is the fact that people invited themselves. To me I find it rude. What I also find pathetic is the amount of hate I get from Insta. Yeah! believe it or not, Insta kept giving me a hard time. I mean in the end we said that they were welcome to come. Why is it my fault you decided to go somewhere else?! Why is it my fault that you were out in Abbotsford, taking pictures? Anyways at this point I have learned my lesson. I have come to the conclusion that I should never plan anything ahead of time. I wanna try and plan things last minute that way there is no way that people will find out.

From this whole experience I feel as though I still struggle with the whole in one way out the other. I also feel like I struggle with being slow to anger but easy to love other individuals. I feel that my whole life, even through getting extremely bullied, I feel like my whole life and way of surviving/competing with others was through analyzing and comparing myself to others. I feel that Christianity and the word has definitely encouraged me to just love others as they come. I understand not everyone is perfect. It’s difficult , but I feel that through applying and trying to be more aware of my actions and thoughts, I feel like I will slowly get to the point where I will embody this slow to anger but easy to love individual. Not gonna lie, I broke it just last week. So here’s how I broke it the next week.

Situation #2:

So basically the Monday after, a lot of us sat together in the same area doing our work. I come and there is a spot for me next to coworker who no one really talked too because she was the conservative type. We shall call her ‘silence’. What I love is her depth of knowledge and her appreciation for others, but not only that I admire the fact that she can be so willing and easy to love, and slow to anger. Whats the Problem? Well Insta and Peerpressure, kept talking down to Silence! They kept ignoring her, interrupting conversation, they kept disregarding her comment and basically treated her like she didn’t exist.They even ordered her around and told her to go work somewhere else that she wasn’t cool enough to hang in the same area! I am honestly so baffled by other’s behavior. I don't understand why people cannot just get along and work with one another. I also understand life isn't always perfect, but can't we at least try?! So after a full day of thinking and working, it legit got me thinking about the message/ sermon I want to share with you guys.

So basically (I think this is going to be like the third time I’ve said this but.... I am a Christian) I attend church every Saturday (Fridays during the school year in case we can't go Saturday or I’m actually busy with school or because we can’t go Sunday) and it hit me. That weekend we talked about this idea of kingdom apparel, let me explain. So when we go into the world, the idea / my interpretation, is to go into the world and to just be yourself, but also emulate the teachings of God. What stuck with me is the quote from my pastor that “I/ We/You are the only image of Jesus that people will see”. I find that true, but then it has me questioning so then how do people see me? Since we go out into the world we wear 8 pieces of kingdom apparel; Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness, Patience, Forbearance, Forgiveness, and Love. Reflecting back I find it difficult to have to wear compassion, humility, forgiveness. However I also realize that by wearing these three pieces of kingdom apparel, this can easily help me grow towards being the slow to anger but quick to love individual, I want to be. Therefore what struck me hardest was the idea of keeping relationships (with other church members, family members, romantic partners, and coworkers) can be peaceful and well maintained/ organized is through wearing kingdom apparel, not only when we go out into the world everyday but also as we pray. I feel as though once I wear the kingdom apparel I will become a different person, which will hopefully emulate the image of love that people need.

Goals/Personal Growth/ Maintenance:

1. Try to avoid drama, and the toxic individuals with whom I work with.

2. Continually stay strong in prayer, and continue to wear the kingdom apparel even though it may be difficult sometimes.

3. Be more conscious/ aware of my thoughts and actions not only towards others but towards myself.

4.Continually stay grounded, and continue to refer back to the Bible for advise/ Wisdom on how to continually grow

5. Treat others how I would want to be treated.

Anyways thats all I have for you guys for now! Again my apologies for making it super late, but I promise mother’s day will be on time! Enjoy the rest of your week and see you either Saturday or Sunday!

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mthokozisinkosi-blog · 6 years

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Do What You Love and Love What You Do

Most of us often spend our lives doing what we were trained to do. Some do what they were asked to do. And most of us do what others need us to do. All the while we wonder why the feeling of fulfillment eludes us” _Bishop TD Jakes_ We sometimes tend to focus more on the challenges that life presents to us and then we forget or lose ourselves in the process. How often do you see your peers applying for jobs they don`t like just to escape the unemployment line? Settling for less compensation than they deserve, because they pursue employment in the field of work that undermines the talents and skills they possess. Then after some years, they begin to realize that there are no opportunities for growth. Most of us have been there. Stuck in the same place, doing routine work, wasting time and wasting our talents and skills, working for someone who found the thing they were created to do. We are afraid of going after what we always dream and fantasize about most of the time. The one thing that makes us tick. Sometimes you just need to go down memory lane. Remember back when you were just a kid? There was always this one thing that you enjoyed doing with a passion. When I was a kid growing up, I was very creative. I used to love drawing anything I came across, whether it`s a motorbike, a car, an animal, people and any object I laid my eyes on. I was also in a primary school choir and used to sing gospel songs to my mother. I wrote short comic stories and read them out to my classmates. When you are in primary, that`s when you get to know yourself a little bit better. You experiment with different activities until you find that one or two activities you love with a passion. It is where you discover most of your talents. And high-school just sort of helps you focus on what you love most because you`d be a teenager by then and you meet other like-minded teenagers and become close friends. High school is also where we lose ourselves most of the times because we mix with the wrong crowd, and there`s a lot of peerpressure. Sometimes you just need to go down memory lane. Remember back when you were just a kid? Brian Tracy once said,"As children, we are born with no fears, excerpt those of falling and loud noises. All other fears are taught to us as we grow up" We develop two fears and those are the fear of failure or loss and the fear of criticism or rejection. In order for all of us to start doing what we were created to do, we need to first conquer these two fears. We need to have faith, like when we were kids and go after what we love to do. You may be sitting there reading this and thinking that the reason you cannot succeed is that you lack funds, and that`s a lie. Let me be real with you. The real reason why you are not succeeding is not that of lack of funds or resources but a lack of belief in yourself. You are afraid that you will get ridiculed; they will laugh and make fun of you if you fail. It`s true some will do, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. All you need to do is decide to get started, right where you are. Feel the fear and just keep taking action and you will begin to see incredible things happen. You may not necessarily need to quit your job, but rather use the money that you get from your job to finance whatever it is that you want. TAKE ACTION right where you are and as you keep pushing and challenging yourself, you will begin to love what you do and doing what you love. All you need to do is keep planting seeds and when harvesting time comes. You will go straight to your current boss and uttered the words “I QUIT” and it’s not because you are not happy with the opportunities they provided you, but because you are going to do what you were created to do instead of what you are always told to do and what others expect of you.

#love #dowhatyoulove #lovewhatyoudo #passion #beliefinyourself #bigdreams

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ranvwoop · 3 years

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TALK ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHY IT'S THERE BUT I WANNA HEAR THE EXPLANATION ALSO THE ONLY HOUSE THAT"S NOT ON FIRE (YET) FOR THE SAME REASON I JUST WANNA SEE THE ANALYSIS:TM: IF U WANT I WANNA SEE IF I GOT IT RIGHT :D

Hi :DDD. Thank u for asking,,,, I have many thoughts. I am sorry in advance. This is one of those things I will put under a readmore because I am into rambling. IT GOT A LOT LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED IM SORRY. Like. a lot. It was 4 pages in google docs because i dont trust tumblr to save my drafts

Okay a lot of my Ranboo thoughts are about the syndicate / boreal trio / peerpressure duo. But you’re probably aware I am a Them enthusiast first and both a dsmp enjoyer and person second. Because. I really like the syndicate. I also don’t have too too many thoughts on the more recent lore past the experiments. Once the in character monologues stopped, so did my brain. I communicate through monologue to monologue communication.

American Healthcare is actually gonna be the main reason why this is so long bc it works Very Much for like three different reasons. One sorta niche and abstracter reason is a stream that was basically never elaborated on back in March, either the day after or very close to the peerpressure Egg confrontation stream. The egg called him a coward (for some reason my brain can Only come up with the “stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb, and a coward, and i am NOT a coward” vine), and he is not a coward, so he decided to make an action plan to bring the server together by acting as a mediator for all parties and try to make sure that everyone is happy, because he’s the only one that can see all sides, or something. This was where he said the big happy family™ line but other than Ranboo Become Dream?? analysis nothing else really happened and everything went along as normal.

(I also always held a little bit of suspicion on this stream actually and thought it might be the influence of the egg, because it says it can give one whatever they want, and ranboo wants to make everyone happy and this was a totally foolproof way of doing that. Sort of in a similar way that BBH is convinced that his plan will totally make Skeppy happy. But also Ranboo is just like that, but this felt a little more on the nose than usual and he did fall into the egg and made his decisions after being egged on by it, buT WE’LL NEVER KNOW, WILL WE?

… also I really wanted to see more egg conflict at the time. Peerpressure rlly got involved in the egg plot for cameos at the banquet and nothing else. I do not blame anyone and respect the ccs for all of their attempts to weave plots together but also. also…. we.. we coulda had so much…)

That was a little off topic from the point, but… he really just thinks he can save the sick… he can see that everyone on the server is unwell and is wrong but, y’know, look inwardly, the unwell is coming from inside the house. And an inherent problem of the way that the server runs. And if this is still lowkey in effect or not (idk man a) ranboo has monologued a lot I simply chose a one off from march to grow emotionally attached to and b) i think that my brain has shut off once ranboo stopped solo lore streams), it would probably go the way that most choosing to change the system from the inside goes. Which is the point of the song and stuff! He will inevitably decide what’s too far, whether he will either admit it’s a choice or just feel that it’s what he has to do. The, uh, dealing with the devil, to be polite.

in conclusion (but we are not close to done here i’m holding you for a bit longer), i think a lot about that stream and i think that shows what he wants to be, at the very least, and continuing down that path would definitely go into being far more trouble than just a noble goal of wanting to help people, from negotiating with corruption (The lobbyists, the Congressmen and lies bit) and that the server can’t really be brought together and saved like that (When things are more and more this way / Sometimes it's like they'd rather die)

THE LESS. vwoop why have you written an unnecessarily long post about one stream in your playlist character analysis reason is both more literal and piece by piece and also Syndicate, My Beloved, you know the drill. We are going line by line because I have a lot of feelings about American Healthcare, apparently.

This also comes back to that everyone on the server is doing Really Badly, all of the time, but mostly his time in L’Manburg. For one, he is pretty complacent in everything and doesn’t really accomplish much in terms of actual change, so like Well people die every day / I wouldn't have it any other way / I just think they should feel good while they are alive. An example of this is Exiled Tommy — who I’d also metaphorically put as the dead man just for funsies, since Tommy’s whole exile thing was one of the first things Ranboo experienced on the server—as he did try to be friends with Tommy and keep him company with his letters, but he still has no power over the actual issue at hand. Just trying to make it a bit more bearable. Similarly is Techno, while Ranboo still participated in the butcher army that was trying to kill him, he helped in the meantime until he “died”.

And then it’s the Realization that participating in the system doesn’t really help much, and the subsequent Everything. It could be getting mad at the whole government system and that he didn’t mean to contribute to the harm, or how he fought with Fundy using hs ideology but not in the way that Ranboo thought. It could also be standing up to his hallucination Dream, in that he doesn’t try this hard to be a good person just to be accused of helping with all of the things that he may or may not have helped with. (That is… a discussion for not right now, I don’t know.) And I think this sort of area is also where it’s like they’d rather die is also relevant, cause Doomsday. Nobody could just set aside their governments and just get along, though Ranboo had his own solution to fighting and things.

And then he joins the Syndicate! And the lyrics of the song are directly Government Bad, because government bad. Canon anarchist, has done things that he’s not proud of as a part of the government. The lines it was the government / … It got louder over the years / Until all that I could hear was flies and all.

But honestly I think in the Syndicate he’s still trying to “save the sick”! Because the Syndicate don’t All fit eye to eye either. He’s the token pacifist, and a vote against violence whenever it comes down to it. Not all anarchists are violent but Techno and Phil will probably react strongly when provoked, due to All the past events, and I live in a world where their trauma and issues get talked about as much as everyone else’s. Since everything is decided by vote it’d probably be split between them and Ranboo + Niki, who is in her healing/no longer resorting to murder arc. He’ll help them negotiate and then everything will Be Okay, ideally.

(Also I just like the idea of Ranboo believing that he is helping the people he’s living with because canonically cc!Ranboo has said he just really cares about his family and the syndicate are included in his family shut up but they also just believe they’re helping him and yes it’s self indulgent. I care them. Particularly Endduo, actually, or whatever they're called, I am not bold enough to think Ranboo looks at Techno and thinks I Can Fix Him, but. Philza Minecraft will one day talk about his feelings. One day.)

There’s also radioduo and beeduo as of recent— really I’m just saying I think that Ranboo constantly has a Need To Help People, believes he can do it, and it will come back to hurt him in the end (except for the Syndicate because I’m in denial. The Syndicate can’t fall out if they never stream together :) ).

THIS CONCLUDES THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE PORTION OF OUR SHOW.

The Only House That’s Not on Fire Yet !! I like this one. This is also blatantly there cause Syndicate. They are the only faction that is not actively falling apart, and this could absolutely be because they never stream together. But I do not care. However we are also going to go through this one piece by piece because we’re nearing 1500 words here and I might as well embarrass myself more. I am writing an incredibly informal essay about Ranboo My _Beloved (i assume his middle name is My, and he’s just one of those people who write his full full name) and this is the third page. If you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. Here we go.

There are lines that just seem like an unwell but recovering person, and I like to sort of think that way about Ranboo in the arctic during the down time. “I feel knotted up today / But in a most exquisite way” and “I feel strangely regular / But honestly I prefer it to / The usual bizarre” are just! He’s just hanging out. He’s doing good. There is the acknowledgement that he’s usually not doing well, and all of the episodes that he’s had in the past, and it’s probably strange to be doing well in the midst of everything, and there’s probably something impending, but now? He’s doing good!

The verses directly after both of those ones are about uncertainty and trust and such, and I feel like that’s not necessarily about just One relationship but all of them. Will cause problems as long as he has an accomplice. He is not confident but he trusts and loves people.

“This suit doesn’t fit me / I made it conterfeitly” I just like to think about Ranboo in his fancy suit, but it’s just a little wrong because he actually has no idea what he’s doing. I also like to think about Ranboo in a cape to fit in with boreal trio and later the syndicate, and emerald duo had matchy blue outfits from the Antarctic Empire… and trying to fit in with them…. or maybe They make him something.. You know. Much to think about.

“Killing me with déjà vu” I think is like. A little less fun, because despite how well things are going, the enderwalk is still not resolved and he had even less answers when I started thinking “this is a ranboo song”. Just as it relates to having a strange sense of reality and stuff, which goes into specifics of enderwalk headcanons, which would make this far longer. Even though I’ve framed it as a negative, there is also the more positive note of “Oh! I just thought of how to change all the hate / Into love with the old switcheroo / Dancing in my déjà vu / You'll be dancing too” which I’d rather explain broken up but I feel like as it’s a full verse it should be together. The first part is connected to my general thoughts of him explained earlier tbh, he’s trying Very Hard to make everyone happy and fix things. And adding the second part to it is just like! He is trying to make sense of everything, and it’s not so scary as time goes by. Since the experiments where he’s been (questionably) trying to be more comfortable and get more answers.

This was very long. I am sorry. I am ending it here and probably not going to do much formatting to make it readable because it is very late o’clock and also this is four pages and 2000 words I am so sorry. But if you read this far then. Uhhh thank. ^v^.

#asks #vwoop.noises #☆graphite☆#Reader. graphite in particular. i am so sorry.#this is. kind of just embarassing actually #if you notice a tone switch at the end its cause i got tired and didnt want to finish this in the morning #and look at my past sins #2k words of analyzing r*nboo in the direction of some internet songs. not. the thing you want to think hard abot that when you wake up #ok i fell asleep looking at the post page. 10/10 #but uh otherwise thank u for asking (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

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