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catxsnow · 3 years

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DAMIAN WAYNE FLUFF ALPHABET

A/N: It was pointed out that this got deleted so here it is again! Damian is 18+

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Damian doesn't focus on the physical attributes of you, so he finds your personality the most attractive. If you can keep up with his wit then he knows that you're a keeper. However, he does find himself getting lost in your eyes quite often so he would have to say that he loves those the most. B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

I'm gonna have to say no. Damian loves you and he doesn't believe that he needs kids to keep loving you. Maybe when the two of you are way older, but he doesn't see having kids for a very long time. He would be open to adoption when you guys are too old for having your own kids. C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Damian hated cuddling with you at first. He ran warm enough as it was and to have another body under the blankets? He was sweating. Once he got used to it, Damian liked when you laid on his chest and he could wrap his arms around you. D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Either ridiculously mundane or over the top extravagant there is no in between.

One time Damian took you across the world just to go hike and buy local delicacy. Another time he considered the grilled cheese sandwich Alfred made for you both a date. It really depends on what kind of occasion it is. E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world...))

Damian says 'habibi, ya nour el ein' which means 'you're the light of my eye' in Arabic. F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

It took Damian a long time to realize that he was in love. It's not easy for him to love someone after the way he was raised to opening up to you was a side that he didn't know he had.

He realized it one night when you were tending to his wounds as being Robin. You worked silently as you always did. Damian realized that if there was anyone he wished to stitch him up day in day out it was you. He broke that silence with an 'I love you' and you had nearly fucked up his wound even more with shock. G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Damian is gentle but he gets violent when he had nightmares. He never means to hurt you and you know that, but he always feels terrible when he sees that he left you with a bruise because of his rash actions while in his sleep. You never blame him for his nightmares, he's gone through so much as it is. H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Damian doesn't like to hold hands, especially in public. The only time that he will willing grab onto you hand is if he can tell that you're nervous about something. Otherwise, just standing next to you is enough. I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He didn't like you. Then again, he never liked anyone at first. J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Damian gets jealous for reason you never expect. He gets jealous of his brothers and when you spend time with any of them. He gets when Alfred the cat sits on you rather than him. He only got jealous at another man once and it didn't end well at all. He was all over the papers and Bruce nearly had a fit when he tried to fix what happened. K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You did. He was being an asshole and wouldn't shut up about something so you decided to make him quit talking in a different kind of way. Damian didn't complain about it though. L = Love (Who says 'I love you' first?)

He did. You felt it first, but you never said anything until he felt comfortable enough to realize that he loved you too. M = Memory (What's their favourite memory together?)

His favorite memory was when he was trying to teach you to draw. Damian held the utmost patience for you and he genuinely enjoyed spending that time with you. You spent the whole day practicing and looking for his approval. He loved everything you drew simply because it came from you. He still has your drawings hanging up. N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Yes. Without question he'll buy you everything that you could ever dream of. Being the heir to the throne of the League of Assassins and son of Bruce Wayne he got a lot of items that he didn't even need. He loves to spoil you with things. O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Red. As calm and as patient as you were, you had a fiery side when it came to Damian being a brat. When he saw anything red, he always thought about the times that you called him out. P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Beloved (as every Damian fanfic has ever had) Habibti/Habibi (my love), Ameli (my hope) Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

Damian is surrounded by tech all day. So when he takes to the time to read a good book, he's in his happy place. He's read all the great historic literature and has tried more modern books but didn't like them as much. R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Damian likes to draw on rainy days. He's got a great talent for it and doesn't get enough time to practice it. You'll be laying on his bed while he draws and the rain patters against the window. When you get lonely, you'll stare until he notices and then pout until he joins you in his bed. The half a drawing left no longer matter, he just wishes to hold you. S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Damian cheers himself up by training. He'll spend hours working out and training like he did back in the League. When he's finally wore himself out, he'll find you and pass out in your arms. That's all he needs.

When it comes to cheering you up, Damian became a great listener. He refrains from making snooty comments about the people that you are ranting about and tried to give a level headed solution to your problem. However, he's always ready to go petrify anyone that has made you upset. T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Damian's got a well-rounded knowledge about everything. He could talk to you about every war that's ever happened or how the earth works. When he's in a talkative mood, he loves to spill facts about everything that he knows. It's not a way of him being cocky, he's just genuinely excited to tell you things. U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Damian doesn't relax. But when he does, its when he's injured or forced to stay home. You'll baby him for the night and even though he seems mad about it, he enjoys it (only when it's from you, not anyone else). He'll get Alfred to bake you guys cookies and settle in for a movie of his picking. V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Damian's proud of everything he does. He's a show off particularly with his athleticism. He doesn't have one specific thing that he likes to show off, except maybe his art. W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Damian doesn't. X = Xylophone (What's their song?)

Bloodflood by alt-j Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Nope. Damian doesn't see the need for you two to get married. He doesn't want some fancy wedding just to show off your love. As long as you know how much he loves you, then that's all that he cares about. If he were to get married, it would be something extremely lowkey. Your immediate family and his, that's its. No supers, no teams, nothing. Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Damian was ready to adopt a whole herd of cows do you really think that he's going to settle on just one more pet? No, he's gonna get every single helpless animal that he can.

#damian wayne #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne imagine #damian wayne oneshot #damian wayne x y/n #damian wayne fanfiction #damian wayne headcanon #robin #robin x reader #robin imagine #red robin fanfic #robin headcanon #dc one shot #dc imagine #dc #batfam #batfam x reader

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ceciliavonwrites · 3 years

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(Alt 9) Memory Loss - Sonic

Sonic woke up with a pounding headache. Ugh. He winced, shifting around on the couch he found himself on. He rolled over under the blanket some thoughtful soul had put on him.

Geez, his head hurts. He rubbed his temple with one hand and found bandages there. The rest of him hurt too, actually, in a dull aching way. He felt like he’d run a marathon, given blood, and then been hit by a truck, all in one day and not necessarily in that order. Even just the thought of moving made him feel tired.

Where was he? The little room was unfamiliar. Light streamed from behind him, presumably through a window. A coffee table sat across from the couch, with books and papers and tools strewn across it. Against one wall was a cozy little fireplace with more stuff sitting on the mantle, and to its left in the corner was a stairwell leading down. The stairwell and the other wooden furniture in the room looked handmade and rough.

Steps echoed from the stairwell. Sonic gingerly rolled onto his back and up against the couch’s arm to get a better view.

A little orange dude’s head popped up. “Sonic! You’re awake!” He hopped up the stairs and into the room, two tails swishing behind him. He rushed to Sonic’s side, full of worry. “How are you feeling?”

“Ah…?” Who was this? “Well, my head’s killin’ me, but I’ll live. Who--” His head throbbed. He winced and burrowed down into the cushions. “Ow ow ow ow ow.”

“Take it easy, alright?” The little guy said, concerned. “We just got you back!”

Got him back? What...what did that mean?

He tried to remember. To remember what they got him back from, who “we” could possibly be, who the name of this boy who was so worried for him was. He only found blackness.

Sonic, very quietly, panicked. “...R-Right...Uh… Hey, don’t worry.” He put effort into smiling and keeping his voice steady. No need to worry this poor kid any further. “I’ll, you know, rest and get better, easy. I’m too sore to...ow...to move, anyways.”

The boy was not surprised by this. “It’s amazing that you’re alive at all, really.” He then smiled. “Though if anyone was going to make it through that, it would have been you. Do you want anything? More pillows, water, food? We have stuff for chili dogs.”

Was that important? “Just some water, please. Ow.” He groaned, and curled up in the blanket. “An’ something for my head if you’ve got it. Ow.”

The boy raised a brow, said okay, and went away back down the stairs.

Sonic closed his eyes, hoping that less light would help the headache. Exhaustion hit him again.

When he woke up again, the window light was bluer, and there were two people in the room.

“SONIC!”

Someone very loud and very pink fell on him, crying.

Sonic froze, no idea what to do with someone sobbing into his blanket for who knows what reason. “U-Uh...”

The girl lifted her head, tears streaming down her face, smiling in a wet and wobbly way. “Thank goodness! We were so worried about you!”

He stared at her, his brain whirring. “Oh. Ah.” Quick, think of something comforting to say! “I-I’m okay now! Promise. Healing up a-and…” Oh god brain give him a good way to end this sentence. “And stuff.” NO.

The orange boy, who was holding a glass of water, now spoke up. “Give him some room, Amy. He’s still feeling pretty bad.”

Amy! Sonic felt a rush of relief. Her name was Amy. That was a good start. Amy, please say the little orange guy’s name so he can know both. Please?

The girl wiped her tears. “Right…” She sniffed and pulled herself together. “Tails says you turned down chili dogs. You must feel awful!”

His prayers are answered! The dude with two tails is...is named Tails? Not that it doesn’t fit, but who came up with that? “Oh, well, I...” Shoot, the chili dogs WERE important. He winced again. This was not helping his poor head. “I guess I’ve been better.” Probably. At some point.

“Are you hungry at all?” Amy said, leaning forwards. “I can make you something! You need to eat healthy to keep your strength up!”

She can cook, okay. Pink, Amy, cooking. “If, uh...If I can stay awake long enough, sure.” He smiled wanly. He was so exhausted it overrode being hungry. “‘M worn out.”

Amy nodded in sympathy. “You look worn out.”

“S’at my water?”

Tails realized he was being addressed. “Oh, yeah.” He held it out to him, along with two little pills in his other hand. “All we’ve got is Tylenol. I hope it helps a little.”

Sonic sat up and accepted both things. “Thanks, Tails.” He popped the pills in his mouth and washed them down in one gulp of the water.

He had made the mistake of moving too fast; his head screamed at him. “Gnh…!” His hand clapped to his head.

When the spasm of throbbing pain faded away, he opened his eyes to the other two looking at him with sympathy.

“Hang in there,” Amy said gently. “Do you think you're sick too? You seem kind of...” She made a wobbly gesture with her hand. “You know, not right.”

“She’s got a point.” Tails studied him. “Do you feel feverish, Sonic?”

“Uh...” Oh, geez, is he not acting right? Is that the problem? Or...okay, okay, no need to panic. It’s probably just because of this monster headache. He’s exhausted and in pain, anyone would be bound to be out of it if they were him. “Nah. I don’t think so.”

Regardless, Tails stepped forwards and felt his head. “Hm. I don’t feel a fever.”

He had to try to put them at ease. And himself too, honestly. “H-Hey, guys, c’mon.” Sonic said, shooing Tails away. “You’re worrying too much. I only started getting better, like, today. ‘M here and everything, I just…” He ran out of steam mid-sentence and had to take another breath. “Lemme rest.”

Tails and Amy glanced at each other, and they both nodded. “Okay, Sonic,” Tails said. “If you say so.”

“You’d better!” Amy said.

Another wan smile from Sonic. They were threatening him. They must be his friends. Surely, surely he would remember them soon. “Yeah. ‘Course I will.”

“Okay, let’s clear out!” said Amy, pumping her fists. “He needs to rest and we need to cook! If you’re awaken Sonic, I’ll bring you dinner!”

Tails looked at her. “We? Ah!” She grabbed his hand and dragged him off. “Uh, have a nice nap!”

Amy made them fly down the stairs.

“Heh.” Maybe things would be alright after all. Sonic set the water glass on the floor and closed his eyes again.

When he woke up the third time, only the dim light of the stars came through the window. Sonic lay there blinking, still sleepy. He was starting to feel better, thankfully. Head still hurt, but he felt less beaten up and dead. That was good. Now all he had to worry about was…

Okay, he could worry about several things. But those were all after-he’s-better things. Right now, everything’s fine.

“You’re awake.”

Sonic turned his head at the unfamiliar voice. This was someone new. The moon shone faintly on the edges of another hedgehog’s sharp features, standing just a few feet away. Black and red, spiky and grim. The stranger’s hands were fists at his sides.

Ohhhhh boy. Now he was VERY awake. Friend or not friend? “Uh.” Sonic pushed himself backwards to sit up against the couch arm, eyeing him warily. “Hi there.”

He paused. The stranger just stared at him.

Well. Okay. He’s not being attacked. So far the evidence leaned towards a friend, if a menacing-looking one. “...Where’re Tails and Amy?” Sonic asked. He couldn’t use that trick from earlier to get his name if no one else was here to tell him what it was.

“It’s past midnight.” He said. He spoke without much intonation or emotion. “They’re downstairs asleep.”

“Oh. It’s that late?” It kind of felt like it, but honestly right now he was tired at any hour. “Geez. What’re you doing up, then?”

“I don’t need sleep.”

Sonic blinked. He soon gave up on trying to puzzle that one out. So the grim guy is weird. Fair enough.

The stranger stepped forwards, his shoes clunking on the wooden floor. Sonic had to look at them to see why the noise. The soles looked like they were made of painted metal. That could not be comfortable.

He held out one hand. “This is yours.”

Sonic looked. In his hand was a rectangular gold buckle. The stranger’s hand shifted and the buckle glinted with a reflection of the moon.

Pretty! And, uh, completely unfamiliar. “Oh, hey, thanks,” Sonic said. He reached out and took it, admiring the gold sheen. “I’ll have to find somewhere to put this.”

The stranger raised a brow. “Find somewhere? It has a place.”

Uh… No no no it’s okay, he can still talk himself out of it. “Uh, yeah, that’s what I meant.” It was not what he meant. “Putting it where it goes. But you know. Later.”

Now his brows went down. “It’s just right there.”

Right where? It looks like a belt buckle and none of them wear clothes. “Uh...I’m not getting up. Too tired. Tomorrow.”

The stranger was incredulous. “Too tired to reach for your own shoe?”

Oh. Oops.

“...Yes. Exactly.” He spoke faster. “You coulda waited until morning, you know, it's not like whatever hour at night is, uh, a good time to do anything, much less buckle my shoes--”

“What is my name?”

Sonic immediately was unable to keep talking. Cold washed over him.

“Uh.” He unfroze. “Of course I know who you are, good pal buddy.” He said this very fast, a very very fake smile plastered on his face. “Haha, uh, why’re you asking?”

“You have a head injury, and you are a very poor actor.” His voice lowered. “You’ve lost your memory.”

Ouch. Saw right through him. “Er, okay, you’ve got me there…” He gingerly rubbed his head, the bandages rustling between. Honestly, it was kind of a relief that he didn’t need to keep trying to hide it from him. “Last thing I remember is...I’m shorter, and running over a green hill somewhere. That’s pretty much it.”

The stranger crossed his arms. “Amnesia isn’t easy to deal with.” He said slowly. He had stopped his stare, and was looking aside. “Know that you’re still the same person regardless.”

Sonic looked at him in surprise. There had been a little emotion in there that time. He wasn’t sure what. Sadness, maybe? “Thank you, man.” He said. “I do still feel like me, if that makes any sense.”

The stranger nodded, a grim look still on his face. Even grimmer than what he’d started with, somehow.

“Hey, c’mon, don’t look so down. I’ve got this.” Sonic waved one hand at him. “I can figure this out because I’ve got friends around, you know? It seems like I’ve got a good life here. It would suck if nobody was around to tell me what was up.”

He was looking away again. “...Yes.”

Huh, what’s the matter with him? Maybe the amnesia thing just hit close to home for him for some reason. “Eh, we can talk about something else...”

The stranger shook his head. “It’s nothing. My name is Shadow.”

Shadow, huh? That name suited him. “Okay, Shadow.” He smiled. “It’s nice to meet you. You know, again.” Then he yawned, showing off little fangs and a big mouth. “Mm… Geez, I’m tired… How about we catch up later?”

“Tell your friends what’s going on.”

He still didn’t want to do that. He’d only just found out he has friends…his first act wasn’t going to be to make them cry. “I’ll...do that.” Sonic lay down and curled up in the blanket. “G’night.”

He heard the clonking of the metal shoes on wood, and then silence. He went to sleep again, finally destined to wake up tomorrow.

#whumptober2020 #Sonic #Shadow #Tails #Amy Rose #canon #a longer one

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doctorgerth · 4 years

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Hi Coop! Love ur blog sm!🥺 Could I pwease ask for a naughty matchup? I'm Melon, 23, 5'9, pan, curvy alt girl, ISTP, and a Scorpiho. I don't display much emotion, but I take care of loved ones and I nearly perpetually have a clown wig on. I like cock warming+milking, knife play, blood, ropes+harnesses, and when the right ppl smack and throw me around... It's bliss😳. I adore brats and hot-headed dorks, as well as slight degradation on either side. Thankies Coop, u one of the best out here!💜🥺🤘

Oh my goodness, you are just too sweet, darling, thank you!! 🥰 Eeeee this is my first time doing a naughty matchup...thanks so much for the request, I hope it’s good! 🔥

Your match is...

Eustass Kid (Capricorn, ESTP)

All of your sexual interests just screamed Kid to me, honestly! Kid is a horny, kinky motherfucker and all of your kinks either match his or are new adventures that he’s totally down for. You’re very imaginative when it comes to your sex life and Kid’s got the stamina to match. You both thrive on physical pleasure! Also let me just say that your sex life is incredible. Not only because you both share a lot of the same interests, but you two form an incredible relationship outside of the bedroom as well! Kid digs that your relationship isn’t overly romantic but there’s still a clear understanding that you two are committed to one another and are utterly crazy for each other. He doesn’t have to woo you with grand gestures and cheesy romance, you’re both comfortable with yourselves and each other, which makes him all the crazier for you -- and ultimately makes your sex just mind blowing. Sex with Kid is already great, but sex with Kid when he’s in love with you...*chef’s kiss*.

He is sometimes a little too impatient for cock-warming, but if you try to challenge him, Kid will refuse to give up. Plus the feeling of finally being able to fuck your brains out makes the wait at least a little worth it. Knife and blood play weren’t kinks he ever really thought about before. But when you expressed interest, he was very intrigued and decided to entertain the idea - he’ll try almost anything once. He’s got plenty of daggers that fit the situation, thankfully. The first time he removed your clothes with a dagger, he decided he was very much into this. Holding it against that soft, supple skin of yours, dragging it in dangerous motions across your neck, tits, stomach, everywhere. Sometimes he gets just too entranced at the way the cold, sharp blade makes your skin dip. He doesn’t like to go overboard with the cutting, so he’ll just leave little nicks here and there and will lick up the blood that trickles out. He is a true dom, so having you at his will, seeing you so submissive will always turn him on. He doesn’t care much for you using knives on him, but he appreciates the challenge when you try to be the dom. Blood doesn’t bother Kid one bit so that means period sex is a-okay with him as long as you’re up for it. Kid doesn’t have to deal with a few days of no sex? Don’t have to tell him twice!

As I’ve mentioned, Kid is a true dom so binding you and tying you up is definitely incorporated during sexy times. Now, he’s too impatient and lazy to do any intricate binding, so all you’re really gonna get from him is securing your wrists to the headboard and maybe some hogtying. Again, he enjoys having you at his mercy, and being able to tease you and have his way with you while you’re squirming underneath him, major turn on. Kid did not enjoy being tied up at first, but after some time, you’ve been able to convince him. Being at your mercy can be fun for him, and it’s especially fun because it involves one of your favorite personality traits of his - his bratty side. Kid is a truly bratty bottom/sub. He’ll go all the lengths to test you and get you riled up, testing how good of a dom you actually are. He’s also just a glutton for punishment from you, whether he’ll ever admit that or not!

Degradation is a common thing in the bedroom as well. Kid’s got a filthy mouth, so he’s not shy to calling you a slut, whore, bitch, and anything else demeaning, but of course nothing that’s just over the top or that he knows will hurt your feelings. He’s not that cruel. He doesn’t partake in a lot of physical degradation besides cumming on you. Kid can handle mild degradation. Belittlement is pushing it and if you ever try to insult his penis...that’s not gonna end well. But name-calling is fine, and sometimes it encourages him to go a little rougher with you! He’s all for spanking you, choking you, slamming you against surfaces for some rough fucking, and maybe some slight slapping. To him, that just seems a little much so he doesn’t do it often. But whew boy, Kid fucking loves to get smacked around by you! The pure adrenaline that courses through him when you slap his face, chest, whatever, it drives him absolutely wild and makes for some intense fucking. All in all, you two are quite adventurous in the bedroom, sharing lots of the same sexual interests and even indulging in new adventures, and Kid honestly just likes you for who you are in general. You two are match-made sex partners.

Other potential matches:

Nami (Cancer, ESTJ) - Nami is another one that you share a lot of the same interests with! She could care less for knife and blood play, but bondage, rough play, and degradation? She is all for them. It’s about even on who gets tied up the most. Nami can be a switch, but she truly shines as a dom, so maybe you get tied up just a bit more than she does. She’s all into being rough, both giving and receiving, so if you ask her to smack you around a bit, she won’t hesitate! Nami is also a total brat so degradation is commonly incorporated during sexy times, on both ends. For her, she only prefers name calling. But for degrading you, she’s not shy to make you do some embarrassing things for her sexual enjoyment!

Bonney (Virgo, ESTP) - Another total bratty partner, probably the biggest of them all right next to Kid. Bonney shares some kinks with you, but she’s also got enough kinks of her own to introduce to you as well! You two are never ever bored in the bedroom. She doesn’t care much for blades, but the blood play does intrigue her. She doesn’t care for harnesses, because tying up your wrists is just as good as anything else! Smacking you around is fun, she really likes when you two get rough. Don’t slap her though, she’s not into that. She is the queen of degradation. She gets off on belittling and embarrassing you, and she’ll go as far as you let her. But don’t worry, she always comforts you when it’s all over!

Zoro (Scorpio, ISTP) - Who is the king of knife play? This guy right here. He might not care much for all the other kinks, but he will gladly fulfill all your fantasies with those blade skills of his. He’s damn near perfect at it, being a top tier swordsman and all, he knows exactly how to graze it against you and even incorporates temperature play with it. He doesn’t usually go for blood, he just likes the thrill of dragging the blade across your soft, beautiful skin. Zoro can also be pretty rough. He’s not going to slap you, but he’ll definitely throw you around like a rag doll if you ask for it.

#doctorgerth #one piece #one piece matchup #op matchup #matchup #naughty matchup #ns.fw matchup #ns.fw #filth #filthy #sinful #1000 follower event #matchup event #dickflattener

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golgoterror · 4 years

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Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake.

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet.

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again.

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat.

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat.

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again.

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to.

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing.

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid.

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really.

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

#ooc.#headcanons.#about.#ableism tw #and i hate to do this but after the speech impediment post i must:#dont steal these headcanons.#(unless youre a jake rper then by all means thats fine!)#yes these arent exclusive to jake but this took a lot of time and effort #id appreciate it if youd all respect that #tia! <3

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reddiess · 7 years

Note

your reddie first kiss fic was sooooooo lovely v v cute. if ur still taking prompts could i suggest reddie where richie pathetically attempts to get eddie to wear his jacket without actually saying 'pls wear my jacket u would look so cute'

thank you sososo much anon, I’m sohappy you liked it! I loved this prompt so much because it made me think of90′s punk Richie and preppy Eds ugh I could write 30k more of this so I hopeyou enjoy~if you have a prompt for me feel free to message me i love making myself cry(i also made a mixtape for this listen to it oops)As the months and then the years pass on after the summer of1989, Richie somehow finds himself in the music scene of the eighties and earlynineties. He listens to the radio stations that play rough, raw songs from hisfavorite local bands all day, even obtaining an electric guitar somehow onwhich he strums Don’t you (forget about me) by Simple Minds when he’s alone at home and wants agetaway. He thinks the lyrics he listens to speak to him, and maybe they reallydo. They help him clear his head and gather his thoughts when he feels likefalling apart. He records the bestsongs he hears and makes mixtapes of them just so he can play them again andagain, eventually learning all the words while he struggles to copy the chordprogressions on his shitty guitar. He wears torn jeans that are too short athis ankles and plain shirts he tucks into them. His hair is getting longer andlonger, unruly curls framing his face more and more before he decides to get itcut again – the hair is unstoppable, the speed it’s growing at. He has it shortin the summer because he doesn’t aspire to spontaneously light on fire, but nowthat it’s September and it’s getting colder and colder he doesn’t have itchopped off quite as regularly.

Eddie can’t pinpoint whenit happened, but he does notice that Richie has been really into music andradio lately. He finds it extremely cool – it suits Richie and with the way helooks now, like he could have his own punk band it just somehow all fitstogether. Eddie doesn’t know when Richie became so cool and he doesn’t know whyhe’s friends with him still, plain old Eddie with his clean-cut appearance,hypochondriac Eddie Kaspbrak with his button ups and suspenders. He imagineshow weird they must look next to each other, total opposites. But Richie’s beenhis best friend his whole entire life; he doesn’t give two shits about otherpeople’s opinions.Richie has this jacket that he really likes; it’s a denimjacket that he’s sewn all kinds of things onto himself – he’s proud of hishandiwork. It’s warm, it looks very alt-rock and it’s patched up with all ofhis favorite band’s logos, plus it looks really good on him so what’s not tolike? Eddie says he should take that thing off sometimes but Richie has grownquite attached to it.Eddie hopes he washes it because he sure does wear it a lot. “Thanks Eds, you wanna try it on?” Richie asks thefirst time Eddie compliments his jacket. The smaller boy insists he’s fine soRichie stays put, except now he can’t get that image out of his head – becausehonestly, Eddie would look so cute in something that clashes with his style somuch. He continues sewing stuff like studs and patches onto thefabric until it looks well-worn and much like the ones he’s seen Joe Elliotfrom Def Leppard wear. Several opportunities present themselves where he couldgive it to Eddie, except Eddie Kaspbrak is always prepared for the worst andnormally has his own with him - even in summer. What a loser.*As Eddie steps out into the late September wind, raindropsstart falling onto him right away, dampening his hair. It’s not actuallyraining per se, but it is falling lightly, like water is being filtered througha strainer onto his head. He hates this kind of weather, but if you live inDerry you learn to get used to it. “So cold,” he mumbles to himself, looking for thewarm sweater he wore this morning. “Shit, I left my sweater inside! Waitguys, I’m gonna go grab it.”There’s a jacket being flung out in front of him, the denimone Richie always has on. “Wear this,” he says and upon looking,Eddie realizes his friend is only wearing a thin t-shirt.“No way, you’re going to get sick! Put it on, I’m goingto get my sweater.” He’s already walking inside when Richie decides to puthis jacket back on with a frown. So maybe he has pictured Eddie in his jacketbefore. So what if he wants to keep Eddie warm at all times. It’s not like heactually gets to do it.Eddie emerges from the school once again a minute later, nowclad in a soft looking gray jumper. It makes him look even smaller than heactually is and Richie wonders, not for the first time, how little Eddie wouldlook like with his jacket on. It would be far too big on him, but Richie issure he could pull it off. Eddie has grown over the years but is stillconsidered small for his age - he’s not all skin and bones, more of a soft,slim figure, but he never grew tall. He remained as delicate and graceful as hewas and in Richie’s eyes that’s better than anything else.It hurts to not be able to tell Eddie how much he cares forhim and it hurts not to be able to hold him, or to kiss his cheeks or hold hishands. There is no use in lying to himself. But at the same time it’s ablessing to have Eddie as his best friend because he is the most amazing friendanyone could wish for. So he walks Eddie home in the rain as he normally does; it’sin the opposite direction of his own house but the longer he doesn’t have to gohome the better. They’re walking with Mike for about halfway but he has to takea left where they go right, so they say their goodbyes. Eddie is visiblyshaking from the cold wind, trying to warm up his arms as he walks - Richiecan’t take that, it just won’t do.“Will you please put this on?” he asks, taking hisjacket off again but Eddie just shakes his head. “It’s really cold now, I don’t want you to get sick.We’re almost home.”They round the corner to the house as he shrugs it back onagain. He still can’t get the picture of Eddie, pretty, delicate Eddie in hisjacket out of his head. This is ridiculous.They sit around in Eddie’s room for a while, the smaller boydoing homework while Richie reads a book. Jet city woman by Queensrÿche is playing - one of Richie’s favoritesongs of all time - and he can’t help but fidget all around with nerves. He’strying to gather the courage to say something, to do what he’s wanted to dothis whole week now, except Richie is a chickenshit when it comes toconfessing. For another hour he doesn’t say anything, but then he’s aboutto leleave and it’s almost too late again. Eddie walks him down to the frontdoor and Richie is already going except - there’s something burning a hole intothe inner pocket of his jacket and he wants to get rid of it. Just as Eddie isabout to close the door, Richie turns back.“Wait,” he walks up to him again. “Um… Ihave something to give you.”“Yeah?” Eddie hums, unsuspicious.Richie pulls the item out of his pocket and thrusts it intoEddie’s hands. “Here. Just, um. Listen to it okay?”And just like that he’s gone; his long legs allow him to getout of view fairly quickly. Eddie looks down; it’s a casette that says Mixtape for Eds in Richie’sfamiliar scratch. He runs up the staircase so he can listen to it, and by theend of the casette he’s crying.*Richie is standing at the stairs with Bill and Ben, waitingfor the bell to ring and the others to arrive when Eddie spots him the nextmorning. He’s in all denim today with his pants ripped at the knees, whichEddie knows is more a statement than anything else, his glasses are slidingdown his nose – and he looks so good.He doesn’t notice Eddie until his friend is standing rightnext to him, tugging on his sleeve. “Can I talk to you?”“Sure, Eds,” he answers in surprise, followingEddie somewhat further away from their friends.“What’s up with those two?” Ben turns to Bill afterthe exchange, who just shakes his head.“N-no-not a clue." "I’ve got one,” Stan chimes in. Ben shouts insurprise and almost falls down the stairs.“When did you get here?” He wheezes, clutching hischest. If Richie were here he’d make a joke about Ben having something to hide,but he’s over there talking to Eddie and they… both look weirdly emotional.It almost looks like they’re fighting, with the way Eddie’s eyes are shiny withtears. They can only see Richie’s back now but even that looks slumped.“I think Richie finally confessed." "What?!” Bill and Ben exclaim at the same time,turning to their friend.“What? He’s been in love with Eddie for like twoyears.” Stan deadpans. “Don’t tell me you guys didn’t know.”Bill is not sure you’re supposed to give out someone’s secretlike that, except maybe it wasn’t such a secret, now that he thinks about it.Maybe it does all make sense now, as he looks back to his friends and seesEddie yanking Richie down for a kiss so quick you’d miss it if you blinked. Andmaybe it makes sense that they both look happier they’ve had in a long timethat day, and the days after. Maybe it makes the most sense to see Eddie inRichie’s beloved jacket all the time now, wearing it proudly on top of hislight-colored button ups as if it was a statement. Maybe it is.

#anon #answered #reddie #oneshot #it #it movie #it 2017 #reddie fanfic #reddie oneshot #i write things

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jaketheaudiophile · 5 years

Text

Best Albums of 2018.

This is the thing I look forward to most every year. I probably start internally ranking albums after purchasing them and have a conversation with friends and fellow musicians about their favorite releases starting in September.

I personally thought 2018 was a very good year for music, and already have some stuff I’m excited about in 2019. Let’s just jump right in.

HONORABLE MENTION

TTNG: “Animals Acoustic” released October 5 via Sargent House

It doesn’t feel right to consider this a “true” new album since it’s only an acoustic reworking of TTNG / This Town Needs Guns’ seminal debut album. However, this is more than just a re-release; there’s unique, varied instrumentation added cleverly to every song, including strings, pianos and The Kraken Quartet on percussion. It also never gets old hearing Stu Smith sing again or hearing Tim Collis recreate his wizardry on an acoustic guitar. It feels like a brand new thing, which is impressive considering the source material is a decade old.

#15.

The Decemberists: “I’ll Be Your Girl” released March 16 via Capitol / Rough Trade

Props to my buddy Branden for recommending this, but in general Decemberists albums are an automatic purchase for me. I wasn’t crazy about their last few releases (particularly the collaborative Offa Rex LP) so I wasn’t completely up to date on their current activities, but this is another solid entry into a pretty stellar catalogue of music. The lead single “Severed” is a bit of a curveball, but it shouldn’t scare off old fans. In a strange way, this album is a reinvention of sorts but also a harkening back to the songwriting and cleverness that made these alt-rockers famous (”Everything is Awful”, “Once in My Life”). Perfect for old and new fans.

#14.

The Wonder Years: “Sister Cities” released April 6 via Hopeless Records

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but this is probably my least favorite Wonder Years album. It should have worked perfectly on paper: The old pop-punkers expand their sound and influences and graduate to a new level of maturity and success. And in a way, this is exactly that. However, the last half of the album, particularly the closing track, “The Ocean Grew Hands to Hold Me” just feels uninspired and lazy. There’s something to be said for purposeful dynamic choices, and that was something these Philly rockers nailed on previous releases. Still, TWY are master craftsmen, and there are a few great songs and moments throughout this record (”Pyramids of Salt” in particular), but this feels more like a transitionary phase than a masterpiece.

#13.

Mouse on the Keys: “tres” released May 23 via Topshelf Records

Japanese jazz aficionados Mouse on the Keys were a relatively new band for me this year, and their latest record certainly lives up to hype that I’ve seen them receiving. Bringing in a strong, varied collection of guest musicians works out splendidly at times (such as vocalist Dominique Fils-Aime, who absolutely kills it on “Stars”, and CHON wunderkind Mario Camarena’s solo on “Time”) and falls slightly flat at others (unfortunately, La Dispute’s Jordan Dreyer’s spoken word contributions to “Shapeless Man”). When left to their own devices, however, the skills and performances of these three dudes are admirable (”One Hundred Twenty”). The album feels a bit more of a collection of ideas than a full record, but is still worth checking out for any technical music or jazz fans.

#12.

mewithoutYou: “Untitled” released October 5 via Run For Cover Records

This album is a textbook example of what could have easily been a classic, or even an album of the year contender. However, it seems like these Philly indie rock mainstays lost all momentum halfway through and ended not with a bang, but with a whimper. The last two songs on this album are basically useless and meandering. It also seems like the band tried to get in the headspace of their earliest material, maybe pulling some influence on a few album anniversary tours, which is a welcome return to form (”9:27A.m., 7/29″). With that in mind, why are Aaron Weiss’ vocals so low in the mix or drowning in effects to make them unrecognizable? His poetic lyrics are what make so many fans keep coming back, so the choice to completely smother them is an odd one. The highs of this album are here, but they are too dragged down by the uninspired lows to make this a completely stellar record. I hold these guys to a pretty high standard, though, so maybe I’m more critical than most here.

#11.

Between The Buried and Me: “Automata I” and “Automata II” released March 9 and July 13 via Sumerian Records

It doesn’t feel right to separate these albums as its considered one long story and they really do work in tandem. Personally, I like Automata I a smidge more, but they are both pretty damn good. I is a more traditional metal (with the exception of the the epic Dream Theater-esque closer “Blot”) and II allows the band to sow their wild oats a bit, worshipping at the altars of Queen and Danny Elfman at times. Regardless, this is a mammoth achievement for these metal titans, who seemingly never seem to run out of ideas for brilliant, varied albums. Some songs are a bit overlong, and the few purely filler tracks may be a tad unnecessary, but it’s still a rewarding listen.

#10.

Horrendous: “Idol” released September 28 via Season of Mist

Perhaps the only disappointing part of this technical death metal release is the fact that it’s only 40 minutes long. Most bands in this genre would be content to tease out a riff or interlude and create a 12-minute song, but not these guys. Not that there are a lack of ideas; they’re just packed in so tightly and laser-focused to make every track feel adventurous, varied and finely tuned. Combined with one of the most unique vocalists I’ve ever heard (the most apt comparison is “Wolfman transforming from Wolfman back into man”), the listener is left with an album that truly leaves them wanting more. Also, kudos for the creepy Clive Barker-esque cover art.

#9.

Mom Jeans.: “Puppy Love” released July 3 on Counter Intuitive Records

Mom Jeans. scratch an itch I’ve always had for quality emo music and nicely fill a void You Blew It! left when they broke up last year. There’s certainly not a ton of brand new ideas on display in their music, but its earnestness and heart make up for it. I’m willing to overlook a few cliche moments (the acoustic album closing cut, the more-or-less straight up rip off of Weezer’s “The Sweater Song” on “Glamorous”) and instead be grateful that tracks like “Sponsor Me Tape” and “Pickle Bart” took up permanent residency in my head for most of the year. Keep doing what you’re doing.

#8.

Delta Sleep: “Ghost City” released August 10 via Big Scary Monsters

Longtime friends may remember that Delta Sleep’s 2015 effort “Twin Galaxies” was my favorite album of that year. The bar was set pretty high for the follow-up, and for the most part, they delivered. The production is top-notch, the arrangements are all over the place but locked in and expertly performed, and the band cements their status as one of the best in the genre. Unfortunately, there are just a bit too many filler tracks and interlude cuts to really make it stand out, and they tend to make me either skip songs or not want to jump back into the album. This is particularly odd as I didn’t mind this much on their last record or previous EPs, but I feel like they need to ditch this particular crutch in the future. Again, I’m most critical of the bands and groups I adore the most, so maybe I’m nitpicking. This is a really fun record (“After Dark” and “El Pastor”) and is certainly worth your time.

#7.

Tangled Hair: “We Do What We Can” released March 16 via Big Scary Monsters

Without overhyping it, this was easily one of my most anticipated releases for 2018, and something I was hoping for for several years. I quite enjoyed the two EPs this British math rock trio had previously released, and was a huge fan of Colour, a legendary group two of Tangled Hair were a part of. This album did live up to these hopes and dreams, but sadly the last third was lacking that extra “oomph” to make this a perfect record. That said, the drum work of James Trood is well varied and creative (”Keep Doing What You’re Doing”, “Yeah, It Does Look Like a Spider”) and while not full of over-the-top tapping riffs, the songs and riffs have a fun technicality to them (”Nao is my Driver”, “Catalina”). Tangled Hair have a way of crafting songs that don’t beat you over the head with their musicianship but incentivize the listener to pick them apart and then be amazed. This is why I’m a fan, and why I adore this record. Hopefully a US tour is their next big step.

#6.

Antarctigo Vespucci: “Love in the Time of E-Mail” released October 26 via Polyvinyl

For those unfamiliar (which included myself until I heard “Freakin’ U Out” through Anthony Fantano), Antartigo Vespucci is a project made up of Chris Farren (Fake Problems) and Jeff Rosenstock. I have never been a huge fan (mainly out of ignorance) of either’s previous work, but that seems to be at my detriment because I really, really love this record. It’s minimalistic, straightforward and effective. Most songs aren’t longer than 2 minutes and are chock full of hooks and fun instrumentation (”Kimmy”, “Breathless on DVD”) that keep you coming back. The word that resonates and fits most for this record is “sharp”. The songwriting, production and attitude is such. It’s a truly fun little release that came out of nowhere for me.

#5.

Tiny Moving Parts: “Swell” released January 26 via Triple Crown Records

I’m quite impressed with the consistency of these Minnesota rockers. They seem to crank out a quality record every 18 months or so, and their latest offering is no exception. It’s airtight and jam packed with energy and emotion, not to mention the occasional insane guitar tapping lick (”Feel Alive”, “Caution”). Perhaps not as polished as 2016′s “Celebrate” but still damn good. Damn damn good good (”Applause”, “Wishbone”). Anything these guys put out seems to be a lock to be in my Top 5 every time until proven otherwise.

#4.

Justin Courtney Pierre: “In The Drink” released October 12 via Epitaph Records

Like most people, I was incredibly sad to learn Motion City Soundtrack decided to call it quits a few years ago. Frontman Justin Pierre decided to at least make the transition easier by releasing his debut solo album, and it’s full of so many of the things that fans of MCS came to adore. It’s not quite as diverse or well produced as their material, but still contains Pierre’s trademark honest lyricism and songwriting chops. Also present are a few of the members of longtime Pierre side-project Farewell Continental, which makes this feel closer to one of their albums, particularly with the presence of guitar feedback and female vocals. I wasn’t really expecting this to blow away anything Motion City has put out, but it holds its own quite nicely without overstaying its welcome only being 28 minutes long. I’m just so happy Justin is continuing to put out music.

#3.

Vein: “Errorzone” released June 22 via Closed Casket Activities

It’s so fitting that this band is named after a vital part of the human body. They feel essential and basic, but not in a boring way, and aren’t too flashy or breaking any molds. I guess the theme of most of my favorite music of 2018 is “Well, it’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s still awesome!”. This bleak and brutal hardcore record sums that up quite nicely. Taking influence from Glassjaw, Deftones and every knuckle-dragging breakdown factory playing on the side stages of every Warped tour and sharpening the edges with razor blades, this album’s raw energy and brazenness makes it feel bombastic and energizing. This is also the band I’m most excited to see what happens in the future, as this is their debut full length, and I imagine giving them room to grow and mature will lead to some outstanding things in the future. The traditional hardcore moments are awesome (”Old Data in a New Machine”, “Demise Automation”), but the occasional breaths of melody (”Errorzone”) and clever electronic samples (”End Eternal”) are surprising. Far and away my favorite heavy music record of 2018.

#2.

Lifted Bells: “Minor Tantrums” released March 30 on Run For Cover Records

Bob Nanna must be one of the coolest people ever. The longtime Braid and Hey Mercedes frontman seems to have his fingerprints all over great bands and projects, and this Chicago indie rock collective is certainly no exception. Each song feels like a symphony of spastic drums, distorted bass and Matthew Frank’s (he of Loose Lips Sink Ships and Their / They’re / There fame) insanely varied and skilled guitar lines (”Inevitable Devil”). Every song feels completely unique and different, making it a pretty perfect rock record (”Follow Me”, “Choir Sings The Cure”). Nothing feels unnecessary and it’s infinitely re-listenable. Pretty good for a first full length, huh?

#1.

Monobody: “Raytracing” released November 1 via Sooper Records

I’ve been playing music in some capacity for 25 years and generally try to go to as many concerts and buy as many records as I can afford. With all that said, I have a hard time fully grasping what this Chicago jazz collective have pulled off on this gargantuan release. Seemingly going in every musical direction at once while somehow being accessible and downright fun to listen to, it’s kind of hard to describe exactly how it all works out, but it does. I can’t really recommend it to casual music fans, but if you’re willing to take the plunge into something dense and different that is truly at its best as a whole album and not individual songs, this will reward you. I can’t put any other full-length record above it, so it is without a doublt my favorite LP of 2018.

...except...

So, about that word “full-length”...

...welp...

ACTUAL FAVORITE RELEASE OF 2018:

Invalids: “Fulfillment EP” released March 28 via Choke Artist

I’ve never been in this situation before. I can’t in good consciousness say that I liked any music that came out this year more than this EP, so it feels wrong giving it any other spot. Invalids is a math rock project that was essentially just guitarist / vocalist Pete Davis until recently. For this EP and a few recent tours, he joined forces with 3 amazing musicians who could keep up with his absurdly technical yet melodic songwriting. I hesitate to use the word “perfect”, but I cannot find a flaw on this EP. Earlier records were perhaps impressively performed but lacking in memorable songs, or meandering or bloated. This EP instead sees Davis and company trimming the fat but still keeping things varied, clever and jaw-dropping. Yeah, it’s a technicality calling this “album of the year”, but it’s a glorious album and one I’m willing to make an exception for. Thank you, Invalids.

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