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its-an-inxp-again · 2 years

Note

Please Ramble To Me About The Possible Enneagram Associations

*bottom eyes emoji face here*

you really really want me to???

I did dive a bit into it answering that post in another reblog (unless tumblr ate it???) but I can't find it (obviously).

The gist of it is that both in numerology and in the enneagram 9 = 0. This is for a multitude of reasons.

- Enneagram 9 is the type that unconsciously strives to connect to everyone and everything: it disperses and forgets itself to make space for other numbers / people. It is everything and nothing at the same time. They continuously adapt to others until they can't find themselves.

- From here. The basic idea is that the enneagram is constituted by triads. Its basic unit is, thus, 3. 3 is one unit. 6 is two opposing units: good/bad, light/dark, true/false, black/white. 3+3. "E9 adds a neutral 3 to the two opposing 3s…bringing a potential integrative function…or a dispersive haze: bifurcation becomes tri-furcation…i.e.- self-dispersion/distribution into the many. The ego is more porous and has softened here. Emulation/modeling becomes merging and harmonization, tuning the self musically to outside forces. There’s an identification with the zero point of the Neutral; the self disappears and makes way for others — to be absorbed in various ways/forms. Add the number 9 to any other number, and the 9 disappears, while the other number gets a second iteration…e.g.: 9 + 5 = 14, add the 1 and 4…the 5 gets reconstituted…the 9 is gone…"

- Moreover, being the center of the body triad (8 9 1), their main issues are rooted in "what does it mean to exist as an entity at all, in the first place". "do I even exist?". The "body" is shorthand for a gut felt sense of self, which is very rigid or expansive in types 8 and 1, but is fluid and floaty in 9. Being at the center of the triad means being out of touch with that very triad. Thus, the 9 often feels like it has no sense of self - a struggle to "embody itself" and "take up space in the actual, living world". It self-erases (to zero) itself on a visceral level, and that's the whole issue with the "Sloth" (9 fixation). "I want to make myself as little as possible to leave space for everyone else". That compulsion is 9.

- The 9 does this because it's naturally attuned to "the whole", it naturally sees a more general, (higher?) perspective, and wants to keep that wholeness intact. It naturally perceives the "waves" it makes in the outside world. In the enneagram symbol, 9 is the higher point, as if they're viewing the entire humanity (the 9 types) from up above, both detached and involved in what's going on. There's obviously a hidden narcissism here.

- The 9 "encapsulates" all the other types: it has the capacity to "shapeshift" into any other type (ie person it is interacting with) without even realizing. It's like stem cells, or the blank slate from which anything could take origin from (again, blank = ZERO).

- The 9 encloses the symbol itself: it's the beginning and the end of the enneagram, the start and the finish of any project/process. The enneagram is constituted of three parts: the circle, the triangle, the hexad crown. The 9 encloses and captures the entire circle. The whole. circle = 0.

- On the other hand, 1 is the less "zero-like" number, possibly because it strives to be the first step into a new process, and has an inherent rigidity to it in that it wants to set and exists "just right", in a specific, fixated way. The number itself is a straight line, defining and imposing order (1). Whereas 9 is about "just being, just existing, floating in space", 1 needs to correct that and create... 1 way of existing. While 9 can be anything and everything but also nothing (0), 1 needs and feels like it should be 1 specific thing.

- Then I could go on... 2 is the heart felt type, the relationship between "you and me", two entities that come together and unite and rejoice... it has a specific "I want YOU" thing going on, as opposed to the absolute generic universality that it's so... ironically, specific to 9. Most of the stuff I'm saying comes from / is inspired by the author I linked before, anyway, and it probably relates to some numerology stuff, not sure.

Thank you for making me ramble a bit lmfao if you're interested I may ramble some more <3

#ask #enneagram #sometimes i say stuff

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all-drarry-to-me · 3 years

Text

Queer book recommendations 📚

Okay, so I received this super nice ask, kindly requesting another list of book recommendations, but when I finally got around to answering it, Tumblr (being the hellsite that it is) ate the ask. Emi, I hope you know how thrilled I was to see that in my inbox — not only have you read some of my favorite books based on my recommendation, but you liked them enough to ask for more! I’m happy to put together another list, and please feel free to message me at any time to talk about books!

Without further ado (and in no particular order), here’s part two of some of my favorite queer books:

1. All for the Game trilogy by Nora Sakavic: I could talk about this series for ages. Listen, I know it’s problematic: they’re not the most well-written books, the plot is insane and there’s a whole host of trigger warnings that go with the series. It focuses on college athletes, who come together through Exy, a made-up sport that the mafia is involved in. Somehow, despite all of that, I managed to fall in love with the series quite quickly. It’s like nothing I’ve ever read before, and the characters — even with their numerous flaws — really drew me in. The found family trope is so well executed (I couldn’t help but root for the Foxes throughout the series), then I absolutely love the way they handle consent. Of the core characters, there’s two who are gay and one who’s definitely on the ace spectrum, though it’s not outright stated in the book. And while I said they’re not the most well-written series, which I do stand by, there’s also a handful of BEAUTIFUL lines from the books.

2. “Running with Lions” by Julien Winters: This is the only other sports-themed book on the list, I promise! Some of my love for this book likely stems from my own years running around the soccer field — this takes place at a summer training camp, but that’s definitely not the only reason it’s on this list. I’m a big fan of enemies to lovers, and while this is more ex-friends to lovers, there’s definitely some animosity to be worked through when Emir unexpectedly shows up at the soccer camp. I love the way he and Sebastian bond, and the way their friendship evolves before becoming a more romantic relationship. There’s some standard coming-of-age vibes within the book, but the plot and the characters are interesting enough to help set it apart from others in the genre.

3. “Orlando: A Biography” by Virginia Woolf: This one is a little different than the others on the list, but I wouldn’t recommend it any less. I feel a little in love with Virginia Woolf over the past year and, of her books that I’ve read, this one really stands out. It’s from the 1920s and features a main character who lives for 300+ years — and who’s trans (Orlando is born male, then wakes up one day as female). With the way time works and the plot itself, it’s a bit strange, but I found it captivating, and the whole thing is a love letter to Vita Sackville-West, another writer with whom Woolf was in a relationship with. (Don’t get me started on their relationship — there’s a book of love letters between the two of them that’s achingly beautiful, but the book is hard to find.)

4. “Upside Down” by N. R. Walker: This is trope-y and wonderful and I would highly recommend. It has issues with pacing, but it made me genuinely happy as I was reading it. I finished it in a day, maybe two, because I couldn’t put it down — and I have two of the author’s other books in my Barnes & Noble cart as I’m typing this. In “Upside Down,” both of the main characters are ace; one is sure of his identity and the other is just starting to figure it out, and they work to navigate that together. It’s sweet and a quick read if you’re looking for something fairly fluffy.

5. Iron Breakers trilogy by Zaya Feli: If you take the plot from Captive Prince and mix it with the writing of All for the Game, that’s a close approximation of Iron Breakers. The main character is hard to like at times (he has a lot of growing up to do) and the plot isn’t groundbreaking — there’s a lot of similarities to Captive Prince — but there’s also a lot of positives the series has going for it. The world building is really interesting, the love interest is wonderful and the series has some compelling twists. The first book is free through Nook and I bought the second two immediately after finishing it, then could not put those down until I was done!

6. “Olivia” by Dorothy Strachey: There’s not enough wlw romance on here, which is one of the reasons I wanted to add “Olivia.” It’s another one that’s slightly different than the others on the list; it was originally published in the 1940s and is loosely based on the author’s own life, telling the story of a girl who goes to finishing school and falls in love with her teacher. It’s the story of first love, and forbidden love at that.

7. “Cemetery Boys” by Aiden Thomas: This book absolutely worth a read — Yadriel is trans, and is trying to prove to his family that he’s a “real” man by summoning a ghost to help solve his cousin’s murder. Instead, he summons Julien, then proceeds to fall for the ghost while trying to help Julien figure out how he died. Thomas creates such an interesting world within the book and the three main characters (Yadriel, Julien and Yadriel’s cousin/best friend Maritza) are so much fun together.

8. “Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda” by Becky Albertalli: Look, I think most people have heard of, if not read, this book but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include it on my list. It was actually recommended to me last time I made a queer rec list and it didn’t disappoint. In some ways, it’s a relatively standard coming out novel, but it has some really interesting differences. The way in which Simon is forced to come out makes the plot unique, and I love how supportive Simon’s family is — there are so many books where the character comes out and is subsequently kicked out, and it was nice to see a different take (I may have cried a little at that point, but that’s neither here nor there). If you haven’t read it, I’d definitely recommend.

9. Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo: This is like, “Ocean’s Eleven,” but with teenagers. I liked the first book slightly better than the second, but they’re both great — they focus on a group of six planning an elaborate heist, with Kaz as the leader of their little gang. Each character is really well-developed, and both the plot and the world-building are first class. There’s a mlm romance on the side, so this one’s a bit more subtly queer than some of the other recs, but they’re still great books.

10. “The House in the Cerulean Sea” by T.J. Klune: This book is wonderful in so many ways. It’s focused on Linus Baker, who’s sent on a classified mission to a magical orphanage, where six “dangerous” children live with their caretaker, Arthur Parnassus. The characters — all of them, big and small — are compelling and interesting; they’re well-thought out and unique, which I think is a huge strength of Klune’s, visible in this book and the others I’ve read by him. Linus and Arthur are a bit older (in their 40s) and I love the way that contributes to their relationship and their character development, then the plot is somewhat simple, but the characters and the world are compelling enough that you don’t need any major twists or turns.

Next on my to-read list is “The Mercies” by Kiran Millwood Hargrave, which I’m absolutely psyched about, and I’m counting down the days until “One Last Stop” by Casey McQuiston is released.

(You asked if I've read anything by Seanan McGuire — I haven't; any recs for what to start with?)

Please let me know if you ever want more recs and I’ll be happy to throw some titles out there, and I'd love to know what you think if you end up reading any of these!

#dot posts #reading

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creative-poptart · 5 years

Note

Hello! Shark tunnel anon here, I really loved your headcanons regarding that and I was wondering if I could request the same headcanons for Ut and Uf bros too? C:

SO TUMBLR ATE MY ORIGINAL ANSWER TO THE UT BOIS SO I’M SORRY IF THESE ARE SHORT!

That aside, welcome back and I’m glad you enjoyed the last ones! Let’s finish out the set!

UT Sans/Vanilla: Whether you’re taking him out to Grillby’s to get a bite or snuggling up with him on the couch all day, he’s more than happy to let you take hold of the reins for your dates. Not that he doesn’t put forth any effort, but he’ll let you take control if you want to for a change of pace. When you bring up the aquarium as an idea, he’ll mildly complain in a joking way that you’re trying to turn him into a health nut with the walking he’ll have to do to see all there is to see. After you assure him that, no that isn’t the case, he’s willing to go and take a look at what it is. He’s rather curious about it, as he’s never really been to the ocean or anywhere similar before and there’s a whole lot of things for him to learn about there. Vanilla’s woefully under-informed about sea life, so he’ll be taking his time to read up on the tidbits that the aquarium provides. However, he’ll move at your pace if you want to speed up or slow down, he’s got nowhere to be and he can always come back to read more on other things. Once you get him into the tunnel, he’ll stop and stare at the fish surrounding him with wonder and amazement. Hope you had a camera ready, because that’ll last for all of six seconds before he’s grinning and punning at you like no tomorrow about anything related that he can think of.

“i can certainly sea why you wanted to bring me here on a date. next time we’ll have to be sure to stop by here again and give the fish a wave before we go.”

UT Papyrus/Creampuff: There’s no doubt that he loves to go anywhere with you and try anything you have to offer him at least once! Upon mentioning that you want to go and see the aquarium with him, he’s ecstatic and eager to go! He’s going to want to see everything that they have to offer, so it’s best to choose a day where you both can be open the entire day. Choose a pair of good shoes too, you’ll be walking around a lot. Creampuff is certainly going to want to make sure that he gets all the information that he can about the fish in the aquarium, storing it in his memory. He’s also taking notes on what you seem particularly interested in, and will make a note of what he should look at for you at a later time. When you’re about to take him into the tunnel, you actually have to stop him or he’ll run in on his own, and you request that he close his eye sockets for a few moments so you can lead him in. You’re not going to miss this reaction that is about to happen and you know it’s going to be good. He’s a bit confused as to why you want him to do that, but he agrees and lets you lead him. When he opens up his sockets again, he’s silent for a few moments, taking in all that he can see with his jaw hanging open a bit. After the initial shock, Creampuff will scoop you up into a hug, nuzzling into you happily.

“I WAS NEVER AWARE THAT THERE WAS SO MUCH BEAUTY IN THE OCEANS AND ALL AROUND US! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BRINGING ME HERE DATEMATE, I WILL CHERISH THIS MEMORY FOREVER!”

UF Sans/Red: While he certainly isn’t one for moving around too much when it comes to the dates you two go on, he isn’t one to tell you no either. Especially not when you get so excited to tell him about the aquarium and all the cool fish and things it has to offer. He’ll go for your sake, though he’s not too happy about all the walking that will be entailed into the trip. When you get there, however, he’s a little more interested than he initially thought he would be about the whole thing. There’s fish of all shapes and sizes here, and he finds it oddly fascinating that there can be so many types all at once. Red’s still not happy about having to walk around so much, but seeing your cute face light up at all the “pretty fishes” as you put it makes it much easier for him to put aside his grumbles. Once you get him to the tunnel, he’ll not be looking at first, instead choosing to look at you. When he does look up at the tunnel, he’s awestruck at the way the light is shimmering through and how the fish are casually swimming around like there’s nothing there. He’ll let out a low whistle and stare, for once without constraint of what other people think of him. He’s not going to want to leave there for awhile, picking out a small bench that the two of you can sit down together and watch the fish for awhile, his hand in yours. Every now and then, Red will squeeze your hand gratefully, and grin at you.

“an’ i thought that there’d be nothin’ in th’world that’d be cooler than bein’ freed, but here we are. this is somethin’ that i’d never expect on’na surface... thanks sweetheart.”

UF Papyrus/Fell: To get him to clear an entire day for an aquarium visit is nigh impossible with how busy he is naturally, but for you? Anything. He’ll set up the date weeks in advance when you suggest the outing, and you have to do the same thing, making sure that there’s nothing too far off that it’ll throw you both for a loop. When the day arrives, he’s in his usual mood, though he’s got an undertone of excitement about him that you didn’t quite expect. Fell’s eager to learn about what sorts of things there are in the waters surrounding most of the Surface world, and he wants to take detailed notes. It’ll take a few minutes for him to actually absorb the information he wants at each section, simply because he’s watching every fish with incredible patience. When you finally get him over to the tunnel, he’s still observing everything in an almost clinical manner. You physically have to stop him, push him out of the tunnel, and tell him to cut it out so he can just enjoy the view before he goes back in. He’ll humor you, and come back in with more of a natural curiosity than something you’d find in a researcher’s gaze. He’s asking questions about the mechanics of the tunnel and how it holds its shape, but now he’s less focused on trying to study every single detail and just to marvel at the things he’s seeing. It’s going to be a fairly frequent date spot for you two from now on.

“I DID NOT REALIZE THAT HUMANS WERE CAPABLE OF CREATING SOMETHING SO INGENIOUS AS THIS WHERE THE FISH ARE UNAFFECTED. THIS HAS BEEN A RATHER INFORMATIVE AND INTERESTING DATE, THANK YOU DATEMATE.”

#undertale headcanons #undertale imagines #undertale sans #undertale papyrus #undertale #underfell sans #underfell papyrus #underfell #anon ask

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mwagneto · 5 years

Note

1, 30 & 36

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

oh god you're braver than any us marine ok so instead of what everyone expects I'll do a detour and start with the honourable mention that is rdj sherlock, i was super depressed (and I mean like. incredibly so) after sherlock s4 because it just sucked so bad, like i was deadass in ruins and i was trying to find ANYTHING to take my mind off it and by the end of February I watched and read pretty much all Sherlock media there is except for rdj because for some reason I thought it was bad?? but then I noticed the first movie was downloaded on my laptop so I went ok fuck it and watched it on the 26th of February and HOLY SHIT I fell in love with RDJude's dynamic literally immediately their chemistry was so fucking good and the plot and the script and the setting and the music and- point is I fucking loved it so I watched the second movie on the same day and Mother of FUCK it was somehow even better and gayer and sweet Jesus I've been obsessed with them since

NOW onto the real deal, light of my life and my reason for living....Rocketman

Jesus Christ I don't think I've ever been this hyped for a movie in my life

I saw the first trailer on November 11th but I wasn't into it at all mainly because I saw it in theaters and they played the censored version and made it look like some het movie about an imaginary person

But then I saw it trending when the second trailer came out and I scrolled through the trending tag and watched the trailer and boy I was HOOKED

And holy fuck the wait was Agonising especially since the fandom on here consisted of like. Me and 3 or 4 other people and then some ppl who didn't post but reblogged stuff - point is the fandom just. Didn't Exist

By the time carpool came out there were a bit more but still basically nothing, hell in my desperation I even looked at stan tw*tter a few times but I regretted it each time and thankfully I don't remember anything specific

But anywayS so the movie is supposed to come out on the 31st of May but for some reason they release it on the 18th in the UK and then turns out it won't come out until the 5th of June here???

I was so fucking mad my friend and I literally almost went to Wien to watch it

Worst of all, the big cinema chain that's in my city didn't even put the tickets out

And when they did they only put them out for Thursday and only the dubbed version

Which, ew, but I was like I don't care I'll take what I can get

But THEN I went into the city one Saturday and I was just riding the tram listening to the soundtrack when in passing I saw a theater that had a big ass Rocketman sign on the front

It was literally like a 0.1 second glimpse because the tram was going fast but I immediately went rabid and found it online and turns out not only were they showing Rocketman on the 5th of June, they also have the original English version

So I booked two tickets immediately and waited because I still wasn't sure the usual cinema wouldn't put their tickets out

So I stayed up every night until midnight to see if there were tickets but No

Finally they put them out on Tuesday midnight so a day before it's supposed to be released but only for Thursday so I was like ok fuck you I'm going to the other one

Oh yeah by this point I've been logged off Tumblr for weeks because i didn't want spoilers so I didn't have Any Rocketman content at all, I didn't even dare to look at YouTube videos or anything because I was scared the recommended section would spoil me

So yeah I was absolutely content deprived

Fucking FINALLY the 5th of June rolls around and we get to the theater and wait for it to start and jesus fukingn

I'm gonna be honest I literally don't even remember much because I was so high on "oh my fucking god I'm finally watching it" but holy SHIT IT WAS JUST. SO GOOD.

I do remember a few things

I know I screamed out loud when Richard first appeared during crocodile rock (even tho I knew he was gonna be there at some point but it was still so sudden I fuckin lost it)

Also I held my friend's hands during tiny dancer like my life depended on it skdnd

And I've told this story a million times but tmttp shocked the soul out of me coz I knew what it meant scene wise and I didn't think they'd play it so fuckign early skmfsk I had like a full body convulsion and drew my hands back and my calf muscle cramped so hard it hurt for a whole week afterwards

anyway I didn't cry

somehow

I thought I'd be sobbing like mad but I didn't and I still haven't

Idk for some reason I just can't cry over this even tho I SHOULD and I want to

my friend did sjsnfjd

we were fucking. spent dude I don't think I stopped smiling until I fell asleep

Anyway after she somewhat finished crying and we exchanged a few words we somehow got up from our seats and left

She had to print a few things so we walked to a photocopier and talked about the movie but it wasn't anything more coherent than just verbal keysmashes

Literally it was so smfjsjjdsjdn i felt high

I was so fucking HAPPY bro it was so fucking good and everything I expected and way more like we were over the fucking moon

I brought food coz I like to eat during movies but I didn't even dare to look away from the screen during this one

While she got her printing sorted I logged back into Tumblr and checked the tags (they were still disappointingly empty😔)

We then went to a park near the tram and ate the food I brought and talked abt the movie till it got dark at which point we headed for the train and talked there some more before she had to get off at her stop

I spent the rest of the ride smiling like an idiot listening to the soundtrack and texting her & other people

I went for a bit of a walk on the mountain I live on to clear my head but I was literally so happy and giddy I couldn't stop smiling hhh I'm losing it just thinking about all the stuff I felt

By that point I was super low and empty coz of school stuff and irl stuff so to feel so many emotions after months of feeling absolutely nothing was a LOT

Anyway I got home by...idk, late, and blasted the soundtrack on full volume for a while before booking her and myself tickets for Thursday so we could watch it again

And we did

And it was just as amazing as the first time

And then on impulse I watched it again on Friday

And then I went to watch it again on Saturday and as soon as it ended I ran to a nearby theater and watched it again immediately

Then again on Wednesday

After watching it on the 5th I lost my appetite both for food and for water, and also my need for sleep, so until I gained it back after watching it next Wednesday I basically didn't eat, drink or sleep for an entire week but it didn't take a toll on me, somehow

The Rocketman power

Anyway we watched it again on Saturday and Sunday (the girl I mentioned came with me both times then and on Saturday so did another girl)

And then I had exams, a class trip and a family vacation so I couldn't watch it for an agonizing two weeks

but then finally watched it again on the 3rd of July with another friend (a 3rd one)

And then on the 6th of July with the original girl

And then on the 7th and the 9th at home alone and them on the 12th with yet another friend (4th one)

Then I went to watch it in theaters alone again on the 18th

And then one more time with the first girl on the 24th

Then on the 3rd of August alone

And then the first girl came over on the 9th of August and we watched the deleted scenes and the extras and then the extended movie

Then I was once again busy so I couldn't watch it until the 25th

And I took my laptop to the hotel I'm staying at for two weeks rn so I watched it here on the 30th

And now here we are

Jesus fucking Christ I'm so sorry for making you read all this

This took me like an hour to type

Anyway! Peace and thanks for asking skdmsmcmsmmd

30: Talk about what turns you off.

I don't have any turnons or turnoffs tbh skdndn I'm. not about that sorta stuff

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

sometimes I hateread awful old fanfics on Wattpad because they make me wanna die but like in a good way

#rocketman #i got mail!

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mayitellyoumydreams · 6 years

Text

I definitely progress.

Well, life is actually about constantly taking progress. If you are doing things right, you will be always better, you will become slowly the person you always wanted to be. if not, you are becoming better and better in lots of things, cannot avoid it, I’m sure, you just refuse to notice these steps forward because you concentrate on the missteps too much) Yes, it requires time, I guess, sometimes a lot, but you should not be worried. There are always phases when you just stop and look back. Then you see how much you’ve gained so far.

Now, there is this kind of period present in my life again. I made progress. Really happy about it.

First of all, I am on Tumblr, finally. (Love this place, but cannot really use it or idk, spread my blog, so nobody might read this when I post it, but I am just happy to post it for some reason...) Formerly, I was on the standpoint that it is not my platform, this is not where I really want to be but on Instagram or something like that which was really poisoning for me. I always compared myself to the fake people there and wanted to stand out and be the one whose content is great and people are listening to my words etc. I was wrong. I am sure there are a bunch of good guys on Ig, but as I have seen this is rather a business now than a platform where you can be yourself and where you can grow as a person.. And, this kind of constant comparison is not helpful when you are depressed as hell because of the university, lack of ambition, and creativity. When your self-image is in ruins and you cannot even do the things you like, e.g. painting and artistic stuff because you are convinced that you are a trash. I quit Ig.

Months passed by, things that caused stress left my life for good, but that bastard still left its results or effects (idk) behind. However, I stopped caring about these shitty things. I refuse to let stress in my life again. I am not willing to see how crappy things might be. I am only looking at good stuff. At my personal growth.

So, I began journaling and writing. I recognized that my “talent” did not disappear from me, but it was only ME who blocked its way to break through. I stressed the hell out of it. I wanted to write something meaningful, something cool or original, something that reflects my inner world and is good enough to call literature. I stressed about the language as well. Well, I am Hungarian, and I love Hungarian language and writing in Hungarian, but I also wanted to share it, to make my writings “universal”, to be possible to read by anyone who is interested or something like that. But I can express myself in my native tongue the best, but does not want to belong to this small Hungarian group of people, whom I often find disappointing. This country is sometimes just hella stupid. Okay I might have gone too far. So. I am not okay with the “I-am-not-good-enough-to-write-in-English-cause-I-cannot-express-myself-in-English-as-good-as-I-am-able-to-do-in-Hungarian” attitude, I will fuckn learn how to write in English, how to be literary in English. Just needs practice. Secondly, I believe in myself a lot more now. No one has the right to say what is worth to call literature or art and what is not, and I just stop worrying about this. It does not have to be good or artistic. The point is, that I write. Nothing else matters.

Aaaand yaas, art. You know I love painting and drawing but I recently had the same issue with this as I had with writing. From this period on, I am only drawing and painting from my heart, my paintbrush is led by my feelings. And then art completes its most important mission... It eases my soul. I just let the overwhelming feelings run out from the very end of my fingertips to personify themselves on the canvas or paper. I let them live.

And thirdly, what it probably the most important of all, I quit stress in every field of my life as well. During the university semesters I was depressed all the time, I was anxious that I am not going to finish in time, I am not able to meet the requirements, I am not good enough to get my paper in the end. But I am. I can do this without being anxious and depressed. I have time. I can sit and write a (probably too long) post on tumblr. I have time to do my research in field that currently interests me like healing with crystals, witchcraft, lucid dreaming, herbs, characterology, personality types, Buddhism, literature, movies, creative writing, and music. Yes, I am finally listening to music again, I have relearnt to enjoy music and I have found my style. *I am incredibly happy about this* And, I am reading again. Not only two pages because of the pressure on my shoulder that I have to go to class tomorrow, and I will be sleepy if I am not going to bed right now blabla. I really read. I am engaged with the characters, with the world that the book offers me to dive into. Cannot be happier, really.

What is more, I was concerned about food really really badly. I worried that I am not taking in everything what my body needs, the vitamins, minerals, etc. I ended up eating tons of food, salads, protein rich stuff, basically everything what is considered to be healthy, but I actually overate. I ate all the time because I was worried that I am going to be hungry during class, If I am not eating something right now. Hhowever I was not hungry at all and eating all the food made me sick. I was bloated and wanted to throw up. Well, I am over this. I LOVE cooking, and I am talented in it, I think, and realized that it will ruin my body and life if I continue this routine. Now I eat less, and slowly and feel amazing. And I don’t care if I will be hungry for an hour, but I won’t overeat If my body does not need any fuel..

I am listening to my gut. I am paying attention to people and trying to help them, to be their happy ray of sunshine. That is my mission, to let the people in my fairy-world and advise them and see their smile. I am doing this again, and it recharges my whole being every single day.

I began to pay attention to my dreams too. Recently my dreams are very vivid, I remember them very well, and decided that I am going to write a dream journal to recognize the patterns and to be able to decode their meanings. I believe they are metaphorical, and worth to pay attention to and listen to their warnings. I am conscious of my subconscious and I am going to watch the signs.

I summarized this some days ago when I went for a walk into the forest that is nearby our apartement. I smoked a “mind-enlightener” and got a little bit high, and strolled among the bushes and trees, amazed by the infinite number of fall colors.. The sun was going down, so everything was slightly red and orange, and I just broke down my inner walls and became one with all the energies that surrounded me. I listened to my heart beating, to my breath, I payed attention to the air touching my skin, on my steps on the ground, how my muscles tighten and then relax again. I listened to every single noise from the city, to the wind, to the brook as I got closer to its shore. I was really present at the moment. I was wallowing in euphoria.

I still am.

p.s. I am really open to make friends here so feel free to message me if you want :)

#personal #confession #journaling #perosnal shit #emotions #overcoming depression #joy of life #my story #from my heart #happiness #life stuff #overcoming struggle #i dont give a shit #spontaneous #outburst

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aceofstars16 · 6 years

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I was tagged by @nightfell and @mandaloriandragontrainer ^^

1. Top Three Ships: Oh boy...hnnng...right now? Pepperony, Percabeth, and Sabezra (mainly just Marvel things though haha xD)

2. Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick

3. Last song: “Your Love Is Strong” by Jon Foreman

4. Last Movie: Well, I’ve watched...parts of a lot of movies??? I think the last full movie I watched was Dr. Strange??? But I started watching Iron Man today and I also watched parts of Pride and Prejudice the other night...and some of Band of Brothers today but that’s a show...xD

5. Top Three Shows: Parks and Rec, Stranger Things, and Star Wars Rebels

I was also tagged by @simplyghosting

Ten things about myself

1. A while ago I got some Spiderman Homecoming Kleenex boxes and I kind of still have them because I’ve been reusing them (hey at least I don’t have any of the Civil War ones anymore...xD)

2. I usually get exercise by running around on the trampoline while thinking up story ideas

3. I have like four Captain America shirts, two of which I made for my Great Adventure teams (I was the captain or co-captain when I made them and I was Cap both times xD)

4. There are a lot of likes on my tumblr that I never reblogged because I went through a phase of liking things but never reblogging anything when I first joined xD

5. I’m named after both of my grandmas, also my middle name is spelled different than I think it normally is (not saying what the name is though xD)

6. I was 15 when I first did NaNoWriMo, and I actually won! Though that story has now undergone a lot of changes and is still a big WIP...

7. I have like a whole bunch of stickers on my laptop...when I took it to get looked at I was a little embarrassed but it does make it easier to spot xD

8. I’m 99% sure my first fanfiction was a Frozen one that’s honestly pretty bad...though I may have written some other stories that are kind of fanfiction before that...???

9. I love Tony Stark, but I only own Iron Man 3, I legit had to borrow Iron Man from my bro to watch it (though I did put the first and second movies on my b-day list so we shall see if that changes haha)

10. I pretty much always have peppermint essential oil with me because I use it a lot to help my stomach

I also got tagged by @todaybybryn

(1) Name and/or nickname: Ace, that’s my nickname xD

(2) Favorite animal: Cats, horses, or Dragons

(3) One place I want to visit: Iceland

(4) Dream career: Hmmm...someone who gets to hang out with cats??? xD

(5) Country of origin: The US

(6) Ethnic background country/countries: From what I know? Germany and Czech, but probably a mix of other things too

(7) Birthday: A week from today ;p

(8) Top three favorite movies: WHAT?!? Okay ummm....Spider-man Homecoming, HTTYD, and Princess Diaries 2 (based on the “I could watch this movie any day/this movie helps me feel better after a hard day” factor xD)

(9) Top three favorite music bands/artists: NEEDTOBREATHE, Owl City, and ummm Switchfoot I guess?

(10) Song currently stuck in my head: It changes so much??? Though earlier it was the beginning of Back in Black cause...the beginning of Iron Man xD

(11) Favorite music video: Ummm I don’t really watch music videos? Maybe “Story of My Life” by the Piano Guys?

(12) Last movie I watched: *looks at the earlier ask* I’m just going with Iron Man...even though I’m kind of waiting to finish it with my fam

(13) Top three favorite tv shows: White Collar, My Little Pony, and The Tangled Series (I decided to list some other ones I love xD Also the new Spider-man show is great, and B99)

(14) Meaning behind my url: Ummm, not really a meaning, I just came up with it after watching Ace of Hearts and 16 is my favorite number xD

(15) Last tv show I watched: Band of Brothers, though that’s kind of a miniseries so if that doesn’t count then I think Brooklyn 99

(16) Favorite fictional character: Ooooo goodness....right now...either Tony Stark or Peter Parker

(17) One role model (not family members): Ummm...like most of my role models are my family??? Maybe Letita Wright?

(18) Fashion type(s): Comfortable, if it’s not comfortable I’m not going to like it

(19) What I’m wearing right now: My Flash t-shirt, and jean shorts

(20) Favorite song: This changes so much??? How about “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury

(21) Favorite book: *forgets all the books I’ve read* I’ll just go with...Cress by Marissa Meyer?

(22) Last book I read: Hmmm, I mean I read this one every day (I’m almost done with it) but I’m too lazy to go see the author...I think it’s called “Let Me Be A Woman.”

(23) Favorite actor(s): Oh goodness there are a lot??? Right now maybe Tom Holland?

(24) One thing on my bucket list: Meet/see American Pharoah

(25) Three current obsessions: Marvel...I mean I guess if you get technical...Peter and Tony’s relationship, my Pepperony kids, and FREAKING INFINITY WAR

(26) Last thing I ate: Ummm, key lime pie I think

(27) Top three favorite hobbies: Creating characters, drawing, reading/writing

(28) Favorite flower: Bluebonnets <3333

(29) Last place I went: Wal-Mart

(30) Last thing I bought: With my own money??? I don’t remember, I’m just going to say a commission cause that might be true? xD

#about the aceo #this is so long...#i also have a wip tag but i haven't written anything new in a while *flops*

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shytiff · 3 years

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June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins.

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients.

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning.

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers.

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward

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riotatthemovies · 4 years

Photo

So welcome back to another QUESTIONS WITH RIOT!

So here is a nice big post for you to read, see it on my tumblr page and the facebook group and maybe in a new book someday.

I will be reaching out to B movie directors and actors in the next week or so with a handful of (often similar questions) .

They are not real time interveiws , I just sent them the questions and they msgd me back. Because they are awesome people.

Todays guest that I suckered in to using their precious time to answer my questions for b movie film makers is Richard Mogg a fim maker from Vancouver. Richard chilled us with the Massage Parlour of Death! As well as hit us right in the Easter time nightmare of EASTER BUNNY BLOODBATH which just recently released a sequel. Riot at the Movies folks will remember BIGFOOT ATE MY BOYFRIEND that played on the first ever Terrible Two Day best a few years ago. On top of all that he is a writer of a few of the most detailed go to books on the genre of shot on video and low budget underground film makers.

Lets get to the questions

ADAM RIOT : SO RICHARD, IF YOU WERE GIVEN A MULTIMILLION DOLLAR BUDGET WHAT WOULD YOU DO? GO CRAZY?

Mogg: To be honest, I'd split it - but only half of what you're thinking. I'd take half and make THE ULTIMATE sci-fi Extravaganza! Then I'd make a whole bunch of small independent features. So yes, I'd make my GALAXINA but with a bunch of cheese to go with it.

Adam Riot: HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU WRITTEN SOMETHING AND SAID "OH THAT'S SO BAD, BUT I'M KEEPING IT IN"?

Mogg: Actually never... unless it overwhelmingly sucks. I've been writing scripts long enough to know you can write unlimited, but it's smarter to write what you can actually do. So write ambitiously but never against your vision. One time I thought to not include something, but after we shot the film, I was able to edit back in my original idea... so first impulses are usually the right impulses.

Adam Riot: WE DO TEND TO DOUBT OUTSELVES TOO MUCH. OF ALL THE MOVIES YOU HAVE MADE WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE? FROM EXPERIENCE OR FINISHED PROJECT, WHAT MADE IT YOUR FAVORITE?

Mogg: My favorite film that I've done is BIGFOOT ATE MY BOYFRIEND, which isn't gory at all but heavy in the awkward comedy I enjoy. But the real reason it's my favorite is that everything seemed to come together. It was the first time my vision matched execution, and the final product was as good/better than I had hoped. BIGFOOT was my 5th feature film, so it took that many tries to get things right - plus I had my all-star cast.

Adam Riot: WE ALL LOVED IT HERE.

HAVE YOU MADE FILMS THAT YOU HAVE NOT SHOWN TO THE WORLD THAT YOU JUST DIDN'T LIKE SO YOU HID IT AWAY?

Mogg: There are films I've done that haven't been released yet, but that doesn't have anything to do with hiding them. Sometimes it seems that opportunities come up and you have to be ready to jump in... my 3rd feature film was shot just as 2013 rang in, but that was the year I found out we were having our first baby. So after quickly moving and getting our lives set straight, I had an empty bedroom while we anticipated the baby's arrival. But did I waste the opportunity of an empty bedroom? Heck no, so I quickly shot MASSAGE PARLOR OF DEATH using the bedroom as a massage parlor. So MASSAGE took the place of that 3rd film I shot (which hasn't been released), but that's the way life happens sometimes. One day I'll release everything but timing and momentum occasionally get in the way. I still have 3 films in the can yet to be released: HOT CHICKS BLAST URANUS, DEATH RIDES OF DEATH (formerly ROLLERCOASTER KICKBACK) and my "exotic" picture JOHNNY GLOBBER.

Adam Riot: I AM ALMOST SCARED BY THOSE TITLES BUT CURIOUS AS WELL. AND LAUGHING THE MASSAGE PARLOR BECAME A BABY ROOM.

WHAT MOVIES IN A MICRO BUDGET GENRE HAVE IMPRESSED YOU RECENTLY?

Mogg: You know, I'm so obsessed with watching older films to see their overall genre evolutions that I don't get to see many "newer" films. Drew Marvick's POOL PARTY MASSACRE was a favorite, as was 2019's MORBID STORIES. I recently caught Dave Castiglione's rerelease of DEEP UNDEAD and it's a knockout with some amazing underwater photography - stuff you just don't see in a lot of micro budget flicks. And that's the great thing about lower budgeted stuff... it's made from the heart using igneous techniques rather than boatloads of money.

Adam Riot: WHAT MAKES YOU LOSE YOUR LOVE FOR INDEPENDENT FILMS, THE PEOPLE? THE MONEY? THE RESPONSE FROM FRIENDS OR BUYERS? HOW DO YOU OVERCOME IT?

Mogg: Wow, LOSE my love? That's a tricky question. I think there are personal turn-offs that might not let me get into a film, but the filmmaking spirit never leaves. Yeah sometimes the people involved are only out to "get rich quick" can be trying, or rip off artists who turn out flicks every week with no investment in their content... that's a turn off. I don't personally enjoy mean-spiritedness in movies, which is why all RickMoe titles are lighthearted and silly. But as a pure business, I think basic indifference and self-righteousness in people infront and behind the camera can really effect the product. But that's true of any business really...

Adam Riot: WE ALL KNOW THERE NEEDS TO BE SOMETHING MORE THAN MONEY. YOU HAVE BEEN MAKING WITH A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE, HOW DO YOU FEEL FRIENDSHIP IN THE INDEPENDENT FILM WORLD IS IMPORTANT AND HOW HARD WOULD IT BE WITHOUT CLOSE FRIENDS?

Mogg: Great question. Close relationships and treating people with respect is everything. Acknowledging that everyone counts and their efforts are never taken for granted is key to longevity and happiness in this business. It's true, in independent filmmaking many (perhaps all!) people involved in making films don't get paid financially... maybe they do it for a credit or recognition or even just to have fun, and we as the audience need to know that people really do put their blood, sweat and tears into these movies. Sure there are straight up jerks running around with a camera, but when you start seeing the same people out there having fun and KEEP TRYING, you really get to feel that they're being honest with the audience. Making movies IS fun - even when you're against problems - but a positive, uplifting leader can make the world of difference. And I think that positivity can draw others together. So making close friendships is really the sign that you're doing things right.

Adam Riot: WHAT'S YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE STREAMING SERVICES, DIRECT DOWNLOAD, TUBITV THAT KIND OF THING?

Mogg: ANY OPINION? Well I'm trying it now for the first time with EASTER BUNNY BLOODBATH 2: NO MORE TEARS. I went thing route (direct streaming through Vimeo) because I needed to have quick access for viewers before Easter. But also because of this damn coronavirus pandemic. So being able to have audiences access something instantly without waiting for physical mail was very important. But in general, I'm a physical media type of person. I WANT a VHS/DVD/BLU copy on the shelf to look at, admire, hold. I don't think I'll ever get away from that need to hold a film... because when everything is digital, it almost feels like it doesn't exist. Delete and it's gone forever!

Adam Riot: FOR THOSE READING RICHARD MOGGS EARLY WORK IS ON SRS IS AVAILABLE ON TUBITV NOW.

IS THERE A CHARACTER YOU SHOWED THE WORLD THAT IS ON THE TOP OF YOUR WANT LIST TO BRING BACK?

Mogg: 100% our Federal Bigfoot Investigator John Saurius (played by the incredible Kirk Munaweera) is a character I'd bring back for EVERY film. He's so applicable to any story, and he carries a comical vengeance (his dick was torn off by Bigfoot). But I'd like to see him lead a film completely too... he sorta does with EASTER BUNNY BLOODBATH 2: NO MORE TEARS, but I'd like to bring him in in a bigger way for our upcoming Noir picture.

Adam Riot :I do hope to see the son of the kung fu kid or something (smirk)

YOU HAVE WRITTEN SEVERAL BOOKS ON THE SHOT ON VIDEO GENRE, ONE THAT'S NOW BASICALLY THE GO TO ENCYCLOPEDIA FOR THE GENRE AND ON THE TWISTED HORROR LOVE FOR CHRISTMAS. IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE ON THE DRAWING BOARD/TYPING BOARD?

Mogg: YES! And thank you for asking! I learned a lot writing "ANALOG NIGHTMARES" and even more with "GIFTWRAPPED & GUTTED" and the door is always open for another... maybe even a revisit. But the next writing project excitedly being discussed is turning some of my own films into novels. And not just the movies written as stories... but actual novels based on the ORIGINAL SCRIPTS of the films we've made, including much more graphic ideas. For example, sex scenes were originally written in our early films that (of course) our actors weren't too interested in performing for no money... but NOW! Now we can really write in detail the spicy hot sex always intended! And same goes for the gore!

Adam Riot: EASTER BUNNY BLOODBATH 2: NO MORE TEARS IS ONLINE NOW AND ITS A VERSUS TITLE. TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT THE MOVIE AND TELL ME WHAT VERSUS TYPE MOVIES IMPRESSED YOU IN THE PAST.

Mogg: YES! EBB2 is a "BIGFOOT VS BUNNY" sequel! So there's an amazing climax where the two beasts meet for a showdown to the death! After shooting BIGFOOT ATE MY BOYFRIEND, I knew that the only way to bring Bigfoot back would be to pair him against and equal of physical strength... and the Bunny hit me like a ton of bricks. Plus it was great fun revisiting 2010's EASTER BUNNY BLOODBATH which isn't the best film around but was my first feature length film (which I lovingly say "taught me all the mistakes I wanted to teach myself"). So in making this sequel (after making tons of other films), I was able to re-examine my early approaches and redo things from a new standpoint. It was also fun to reuse some of the old musical cues and try to match the style of the first film. But I think the biggest difference was in the editing, because I have become a much more experienced video editor since then... learning how to better time things for a greater payoff. But as a versus film, I felt it was important to focus clearly on the Bunny storyline first, then bring in Bigfoot almost unexpectedly at the end - surprising the audience. And that's sort of the way I cut films, leaving the end to play out in a zany over the top fashion (anyone who made it through TEENAGE SLUMBER PARTY NIGHTMARE can see this). But I do love THE TOXIC AVENGER III's pair off with TOXIE and the DEVIL...

Adam Riot: Thanks so much Richard, now every get his books and get your Easter and rent or buy Easter Bunny Bloodbath 2. Stay Safe and Stay Awesome

Rent or download Easter Bunny Bloodbath 2 here https://vimeo.com/ondemand/bunny2/

Ps I will post a review of Easter Bunny Bloodbath 2 tomorrow on my social medias as well as the Riot at the movies instagram. Regardless you know I think you should see it too.

#rickmoe #richard mogg #easter bunny bloodbath #bmovies #thank you #riot at the movies

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lovethyfanperson · 7 years

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All the Greek god asks?

Uhh, Okay!Zeus: What’s your name or nickname?Reese! It's not my birth name, but it's the name I go by on TumblrHera: Where are you from?America!Athena: How old are you?I am 16 going on 17Hephaestus: When is your birthday?November 6thAphrodite: What’s your relationship status?I am taken, and have been for a year and three monthsPoseidon: What are your pronouns?I use all pronouns except for the term "it", I find it degradingzDionysus: Are you and extrovert or an introvert?IntrovertDemeter: Do you have any pets?I wishApollo: What kind of music are you into?I don't really have a music type... i like songs from all genres and artists. Artemis: What do you first notice about new people?Eyes and hairHades: What’s a big fear of yours? Being left alone and forgottenAres: What’s a big pet peeve of yours?People throwing an arm around my shoulder. There are few people who are the exception.Hestia: Where do you consider home? The TheatrePegasus: Last movie you watched?Kingsman: The Golden Circle Mermaid: Last tv show you finished?Finished? Uh... Teen WolfCentaur: Last book you read?Read or finished? Read, it's "The Fever Code". Finished, it's "The Yellow Brick War"Siren: Last song you listened to?Don't Go Away (Remastered) by OasisGorgon: Last thing you ate?A watermelon Blow PopCyclops: Last time you cried?Uh, yesterdayMinotaur: Last time you were truly happy?Monday when I saw a movie alone with my bfSphynx: Last text you sent?An "ok" to my dadChimera: Last call you made?To my mom yesterday to tell her rehearsal was overGriffin: Last thing you did before going to sleep last night?Texted my boyfriend goodnight because I do that every night.Nymph: Last dream you remember?I was at this really demented version of Disney land. I'll tell y'all the dream later if you'd like, it would make for one hell of a story!Satyr: Last time you couldn’t stop laughing?I was laying with my boyfriend cuddling and I just started laughing and couldn't stop. He's used to this by now.Heracles: Have you ever had a dream come true?Well I used to dream about my crush kissing me and that happened so yeahTheseus: What is your worst regret?Not joining Theatre Freshmen yearPerseus: Have you ever been arrested? NopeCadmus: Have you ever had your heart broken?Yes. I don't really like to talk about it, but I'll just say I had a crush on a good friend who found out.Achilles: Have you ever had to be hospitalized?Yeah, two summers ago I had a bad UTIActaeon: Tell about a memory you wish to forget.My boyfriend having to kiss another girl for the school playBellerophon: Have you ever passed out?Yeah. Right in front of my fsmily. We have a hallway that connects to the kitchen, and one of the walls is this giant closet with sliding doors (and the doors are mirrors). I was walking down the hall to get to the table for dinner (we have dinner together every night) and I passed out in the middle pf the hall and hit my head on the mirror. My dad yelled "WHAT THE FUCK"Agamemnon: What is an achievement you’re proud of?Being in almost all the productions I have auditioned for (with the exception of the first one I ever tried out for)Oedipus: Have you ever been in love?YesJason: Have you ever travelled abroad? Where?Nope. I wishAtlanta: Have you ever stood up for someone else?Every day sweetheartHippolytus: Tell an experience you will never forget.I got to help create an original play with the help of other theatre students my age, act in it, and perform it for not only my family, but my boyfriend's family, and my theatre teacher. And a whole bunch of other people.Trident: Who are your favorite people?My boyfriend Laurens, my parents, and my best friend.Lightning Bolt: What are your top three favorite movies?Grosse Point Blanke, Ant-Man, KingsmanSun Chariot: What is your favorite mythological creature?OOOOOO, I really like Cerberus, Valkyrie, Sirens, and my social life.Lyre: What are your top three favorite songs?Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, Brighter by Patent Pending, Breaking the Habbit by Linkin ParkCaduceus: What is your favorite color?Maroon at the momentAegis: What is your favorite book or series?Either Percy Jackson and the Olympians or Dorothy Must DieScythe: What is your favorite tv show?Teen WolfBident: What is your favorite way to spend free time?Writing, or snuggling my boyfriendHarpe: What are your top 3 favorite places?Home, the Theater, anywhere w/ my boyfriendCornucopia: What is your favorite place to eat?A place called Britos they have some HELLA good friesWinged Sandals: What is your favorite thing to do when you hangout with your friends?Play games, watch videos, or see plays/musicalsGolden Fleece: What is your favorite animal?PenguinOlympus: Describe your dream job.Simple - novelist. Or a baker.Tartarus: What’s a short term goal you hope to achieve?Uh... Finish five chapters for my book before the end of the semester.Underworld: Describe your dream vacation.Disney World with enough money to get a few things for myself and my friends, and where my best friend or my boyfriend (or both!) are with me to enjoy the experience.Styx: How would you like your life to look like in 10 years?Finished my first book, in a healthy relationship, financially stable (one can dream)Athuna: If you could live anywhere in the world for the rest of your life, where would it be?I would live in/close to New York so I can see shows on BroadwaySparta: Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s on it?Act in a professional musical/play, write a book or two, meet Matt Smith, meet all three broadway Ben's, meet Jeremy Jordan.Elysium: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?ConfidenceOgygia: Describe your dream husband/wife/life partner?Troja: What is the craziest thing you wanna do before you die?Eat a cookie, and then... eat another cookieThe Labyrinth: Have you ever died and came back to life as a vampire? Shit, how'd u know?Delphi: Are you currently doing anything to pursue your dreams?Writing an original story that is not yet titled, but is saved in my google docs as "My parents are Dead", in which I use musical character names as place fillers for my characters so I can name them later.

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frozensnares · 7 years

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Have you blocked me? Every time you reblog a cute ask meme I send you something and you never answer. I don't mean to make you feel guilty I am just curious,

Considering I don’t know who you are, I’m not sure, but I don’t think so! I’ve just been extremely busy for the past few weeks and massively overwhelmed by anxiety, so I’ve been neglecting tumblr as a whole until my brain was in a better place.

For instance, I just came on and found 4 things to reply to, so I’m just getting to those now. Also, I massively misjudged how much my work life will affect my downtime to goof off on tumblr, and I’m trying to better prioritize my time.

I’m also trying to finish the first major edit of a revision of my original novel and I wanted to prioritize that over writing fanfiction, but I should be able to steadily get back into it. (Especially since I accidentally typed Rickon’s name instead of one of my characters. Whoops.) Then, I have work to do, which is way more than I probably should be doing for my job, but I feel very committed to my cause. And then, I have to do everything I need to do keep my anxiety in order and keep myself healthy.

In other news, maybe I just needed to blabber about nothing. Because you didn’t ask about any of that. So recap: You are likely not one of the three people I’ve blocked on tumblr. I’m really bad at time management. And I will get to the things sitting in my inbox right now. And if your query doesn’t show up there, then tumblr ate it and I’m sorry.

#though if you want to come off anon and just fuel my brain with headcanons that'd be great #because i've been in a massive writing slump #and i need something to get my back into it #and my apologies for telling you my recent life story on your ask #i needed it #about me #ask #anon

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obwcmp · 5 years

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First Year Done

2018 is pretty much done! As is my first year of CMP. It’s crazy to think that there’s only two years left... I’ll be sure to make the most of them! With this post i’ll be going through the final stretch at the end of semester 2, and looking at a bunch of photos i found recently which date back to April this year. In my previous post I said i’d hopefully post something after the 25th. Well... here we are a month and a half later. On to it!

As of writing this intro on the 16th of December it’s somewhat of a blur as to what happened in the last couple weeks of the semester. After my Folly Foley post a bunch of things changed in rapid succession. I got week long extensions for VFX and 3D Modelling, and Sound as I was running out of time and nothing was done. That week (week 12) I attended fewer classes than I had for the duration of the semester. Taylor had his week 12 set out in such a way that it was possible to skip on of his lectures which was a huge help. That Friday (19th of October) I felt somewhat down as it would’ve been great to have pretty much everything done by then, but I kept trudging on.

In the days leading up to our group’s transmedia pitch I mostly worked on my other stuff but made sure to stay in contact with Paris and Hunter. We had a final meeting not long before the pitch, either in week 12 or 13, and settled on what we were going to do and then left it until the day of the pitch. They both wanted to use a script to be sure everything would fit in, but at the time I was against the idea almost entirely. In retrospect it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and they both did a fantastic job. All in all our pitch went super well, Kevin loved the ideas presented, provided good feedback (as usual), and we managed to score an A+. What a relief!

I seem to remember that i finished SND at some point earlier than VFX or 3DM but i could be remembering that wrong. In fact as I type this I can remember standing in 1D12 alone in the dark playing through our movie soundtrack over the projector and loud speakers to make sure our levels weren’t fucked on the night before I was due to hand it in. In retrospect, my time management was completely fucked! But I got it to a point where I was satisfied with everything in the ProTools project. I cleaned it up, prepared a package, and had it on a USB ready for 11AM on Friday the 26th. I met up with Mereana and Paris, and we headed in to a mixing booth with Neil. He actually really liked it! Another massive relief. There were a couple of details we had put in that no other group had which made us feel good. There were some sounds which we just completely ran out of time to record, but I managed to keep all the sounds we used originating from our own recordings. Some of them sounded strange, but some worked really well and it was satisfying to listen through the completed product. I wrote up a big document with details on all the sounds the night before, and Neil responded to that later with fantastic feedback (as always) and suggested things we could do to improve it. The same thing happened with the Formative assessment, where he even created a new ProTools session with a little tweak he made to one of our sounds. He’s a fantastic teacher. Mereana and Paris were also the best teammates I could’ve had. I failed to show up to so many recording sessions and meetings (for Transmedia too) and they still persisted with me which was really cool of them. They were also great when it came to talking to Neil during our presentation, they made it easy which was the best. Same goes for Hunter and Paris again with Transmedia too.

After the pitch and sound presentation, it was time to move on to completing VFX and 3D Modelling. I took a short break, then headed over to K3 and set up camp. As expected, K3 was busy as fuck! Many people were in there finishing their stuff, and it wasn’t just first years but some second and third years as well. I remember starting with VFX. It was the one I was finding the hardest at the time as the assessment was so vague, and as a result I hadn’t properly started something which was worthwhile. After a bunch of different prototypes I came up with the idea to create a similar effect to a move by Katara in ATLA where she stops the rain in it’s tracks, creating a dome of water, turning it into sharp ice shards and sending it careening towards a target. I didn’t get quite that far with it, but I ended up creating an interesting effect where a fractured object explodes, the pieces fly into the air but are stopped in their tracks, and then are thrown into the ground. Looking back, it would’ve been fun to expand on with some animation and cinematography but there was no way I could’ve done it all in one day of course!

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By the time I was ready to render I was actually running out of time. To my knowledge K3 closed at 1am so I started creating a manual render farm out of the now empty computers there. I set up 4 computers all running Arnold renders at once doing different portions of the video. It was awesome! To figure out a networked render was the dream but I had no time to figure it out at that moment. I managed to get down to 100 frames left before 11pm when the awesome security guy came along and politely told us that the labs actually close at 11pm and that we really should clear off before then. I stopped my renders just before 11pm, packed all my shit, and cleared off. I was sorta bummed but I wanted to keep going and get this sucker done otherwise it’d get in late. I set up my laptop that I’m writing this on in the coldest part of my room in such a way that allowed for plenty of airflow, and just let it whirr on while I fell asleep.

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By this point I had actually finished 3D Modelling, I ended up creating a hand painted, slightly low poly Toad from the Mario Bros. series. Unlike VFX, I had been working on this model previously so it was mostly creating maps, painting, and rendering while I simultaneously worked on VFX. We were using Quixel to paint and man that program is a pain in the arse! I used to be a staunch defender of it in light of Substance Painter but man at this point I’d go over to Substance any day, Ddo really got on my wick. I managed to complete it and hand it in on time, unlike VFX which I ended up handing in the next day.

08:55MON22OCT2018: Work on Toad begins...

15:56FRI26OCT2018: The joys of xNormal’s 3D viewer

17:29FRI26OCT2018: The painting is done!

17:38FRI26OCT2018: Sadness from across the room

18:59FRI26OCT2018: A new legend is born from the mind of Marie...

It’s Toadd Howard!!!

Oh shit!!

20:12FRI26OCT2018: Rendering in progress

The last thing I did was write up my individual report for Transmedia on the 27th and... that’s it! First year was done. It felt strange at the time and for at least a month afterwards too. I felt completely devoid of purpose, for a while when hunting for holiday work I felt the same way. I was still hanging out with friends which was what saved me from feeling any worse than I already was. It took me a long while to figure this all out too, it was the end of November when I realised that I have a need to create things constantly otherwise I feel like garbage! I also had the daunting task of moving out the cube ahead of me after all of my uni work was done. I managed to land my new place on the 12th of November and moved in at the end of that week on the 18th.

Always interesting to see just how much garbage accumulates over the course of a single year.

At some point around the 22nd or 23rd I went and hung about Hayden’s room at the Cube for an entire weekend. We ate junk food for 4 days straight and just sat around doing fucking nothing but playing games and watching shows. It was kinda fun to begin with but it was what finally made me realise that to get myself out of my slump I was in I just had to create and do something. Anything! So I hauled arse out of there and started to make some changes. I stopped looking at social media. It sounds so obvious typing it out but MAN it took a lot of time out of my day. YouTube especially had the potential to scoop hours out of my day. YouTube, Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram were all huge time sinks which I removed from my daily schedule. Of course this filled my day with... nothing. Around this time I was lucky enough to come across Lisa Kogawa’s Time Management Stuff when my friend Lauren reblogged it. I decided to use her method to fill my day with a bunch of projects which would keep me creatively busy over the holiday period.

I went on a spur of the moment trip of Auckland for a week to relax and help me recoup, then as soon as I got back I was into cleaning my Cube apartment. I still hadn’t cleaned anything despite moving all of my shit out and the lease ended on the 8th of December. So both the 7th and the 8th were busy days for me but I got it done in the end, I had held on to my room until the very end and it was sad to see it go. I had many good times there and it was the perfect introduction to Wellington, student life, and university as a whole.

See you 2F ...

That pretty much brings us to the present, but there are a bunch of photos and videos i found on my phone which I wanted to share here.

10MAY: Digital Video Production in semester 1! My room briefly turned into a studio for our summative assessment. So many people ended up using the Cube for their DVP projects in semester 1 and to an extent those who took Film on Location in semester 2 continued to.

STUURRRRTTT for Computer Animation in semester 1! For context:

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24JUN: One of many great views from the windows of 2F

In the process of uploading these photos and videos I actually found out there’s a ton of photos that predate April! It’s probably too many for this one post though, this is long enough! I’ll be waiting until Stream is updated with all of its new course pages to get writing on the impressions and anticipations post for semester one of year two, 2019!

#Y1S2 #Y1 #VFX #3DM #SND #TNT

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