#i just get off on thinking about breaking up allos don't mind me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kittycathat · 3 months

Text

Shuffle on repeat trend, but not

except its my AURORA only playlist, which is pretty much my on repeat playlist atp

except not tagging people / wasn't tagged because i dont have friends /hj

except im doing more than 10 because its tumblr, i get to ramble

open under cut bc its a long post, lots of images lol

"I know I'm just a girl, but can I change lives?" literally big inspo right here,, i love this song sm

such a catchy song,, but its not a bad thing bc i love it (plays in my head on repeat while running. partially against my will. but its ok)

recently discovered this song is about being queer so i love it even more ahaha also the music video is fire

i like this song but not as much as the others yk? but its still rlly cool and spooky. i have no idea what the lyrics are or waht they mean and want to look them up but also i think its fun to interpret stuff ur own way

recent addition, I don't know this song very well yet tbh. but its rlly pretty <33

i love the live versions of this on yt,, would highly recommend! also have no idea the lyrics/meaning for this one but thats. ok

"Im tired of the rules and your corrections" "if i'm not pure, i guess that i'm too much" "the television lies and now my mind hurts" bro this song has so many lyrics that are just gems

<333 IM AROMANTIC BUT THIS SONG IS GONNA MAKE ME ALLO I SWEAR /j

"are you awake or are you sleeping?" i have listened to this song while falling asleep. so i guess i was both?

10.

"you are the victim, the victim of my love" this song is fire <33 and the music video?? its so cool asjdhflaskd

11.

"it fills my heart up and it breaks me at the very same time" IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL LISTENING TO THIS SONG <333 its so pretty im dying (also its crazy its been 3+ weeks since it came out?? bc like how did time go that fast)

12.

just added this song to my playlist i dont know it well at all tbh

13.

same with this, saw it while watching a concert recording so i just. threw it into my playlist.

14.

"father, dont blame us for trying to live" very cool religious references very very cool song

15.

Pretty good song, a lil bit overused (imo) but thats ok.

16.

"let love conquer your mind" as a person who believes in kindness myself, i love this aaa

17.

<3333 the live recordings of this song are soo pretty! pls go look it up on yt right now akldsjfhal the "cinematic dream" and "simulated dream" lyrics itch my brain so good aa

18.

"And i was running far away, would I run off the world some day?" this song is RIGHTFULLY aurora's most popular song. like come on ofc everyone likes it /gen

19.

has helped me multiple times getting through math class, from being stuck in my head. ily aurora for writing this lol (also the music video <33)

20.

"do you miss the sadness when it's gone?" i used to think this song was ehh but it's grown on me sm lol

anyways tysm for reading my rambling have a good day

#aurora #aurora aksnes #music #lgbtqia #warriors and weirdos

4 notes · View notes

hellfireconfessions · 4 months

Text

So I wasn't really wanting to share anything about hellfire, given hellfire for me was full of ups and downs. Made some amazing friends and dealt with many people I grew to not like, or generally just detested do to the amount of rule breaks they'd cause. Then would be unpunished even with mass amount of evidence against them. But it was a mix between both staffing and community that caused the issues I'd see.

One time for instance I was mixpacked with some Herbie's, and the same Allo pack followed us the whole session, they had a scav who always found us right before they appeared (this was during the whole "ambush, non ambush allo fiasco) we saw the allos a mile away was 3 calling them still came in anyways failed to kill one of our members, instead had to kill another few allos who challenged them for the hunt. We sat to let the player they targeted (our shant) heal their bleed at night before we all had to move do to food issues. (We had a cama with us so food was always hit and miss, the vacuums camas are) then that Allo pack harassed our shant about it in dms. Deleted or edited the harassment before we made the report so lost evidence. Hunted us AGAIN the next morning after a failed hunt (and guess what scav was there before the allo pack? Same one! Shocking!) And killed our shant. Rinse repeat on a anky the next day cycle. Sam scav. Same pack. This ticket was open for months with no communication then suddenly closed, from my understanding as I had irl come to the forefront so had to disappear from hellfire for months before finding out it shutdown. The allo pack was still around and nothing occured from the report, but I might've seen wrong the few times i looked into hellfire.

The playerbase was and always had been hit and miss I dont really think any of us can deny that

And on the point of handling tickets made about certain topics, a rule set in stone was this "if you don't have permission from whoever gave you info to make a report on their behalf we can catalogue the info and monitor but we can't take action" that's at least what I was informed (made a report against a player and had to scramble a long time to get that authorization to use the info I had) a lot of delays on certain reports wasn't just the staff hading it, or understanding, seems to have been from rules set in stoneby the highest ranks as a protection against falsified information, by having approval the person who gave the information originally was held accountable.

Don't get me wrong their was some horrible staff members I couldn't stand, but on other staff keep on mind while their actions came off lazy, wrong, or just plain toxic, some protocols within hellfire also held them to a certain rope that made them unable to handle things the way they may have wanted or felt.

Hellfire is a great example of stuff getting out of hand, rules in place to protect people had loopholes, it has issues, needed a revamp and might've been blocked from doing so (a lot of my information was given to me by staff at he time I was active, or my own experiences and how it came off) and one bad egg in a staff team spoils the bunch. Sadly it was a downward spiral, hold the staffing team accountable yes, but also don't forget to hold accountable the community members who did also cause the issues in the first place. It's a give and take

And don't take any of this as defending one side or the other, I have many grievances left over from hellfire. But we need to look at all sides as well that's my opinion. In the end from what I've read, there was a failure to protect those who needed it from the staff. But also certain community members were abusing the system off all I've seen, it's both sides here. Not just one. Sorry for the long submission wanted to share my views off al I've read. And my own experiences/what I was told back in the day.

Good luck hunting on the isle everyone may your dinos thrive

#submission

2 notes · View notes

aroaceconfessions · 3 years

Note

About the fear of being disposable, there's also the shame attached to it.

Or, maybe it's just me.

Because when your friend finds a partner and their face is glowing, you want to be completely happy for them, because they found someone that can make them happier, that can make them feel loved and cared for and cherished like they deserve. You're trying your best to be happy for them, and you are, except for this small part in your mind that whispers that this is the beginning of the end. Get ready to see them less, get ready to be pushed to the side, get ready to be disposed of. It's only a matter of time.

(Or if your friend and their partner move in together or any big step like this.)

But don't let it be seen on your face, don't let it be heard in your voice. Your friend has been waiting for this for so long, don't you dare doing anything to spoil this happiness. Don't you dare make this about you.

You are happy when your friend gets more friends, because those are more people that can make them happy. You are happy because you know that there's enough room in their heart for more than one person (well, usually at least) and that they deserve everything they want. You know that your friend can still love you and want to spend time with you even if they have other friends they love and want to spend time with as well. Or if they got a job they like or have a hobby they're starry eyed about or a pet or anything else that can make them happy other than you.

But when it comes to a romantic partner....

This fear of being disposable prevents you from being truly happy for your friend. And it makes you feel ashamed. It makes you feel like you're being selfish and possessive, even though you know that you're neither of those things, you're just scared of being left behind.

Maybe... It would be best if you would be the one to drift away first? Slowly, spend less and less time with them until you're no longer friends? I mean, maybe it wouldn't hurt so badly if you would be the one pulling away first? They probably won't even notice because they'll have their partner, and you already know that most people don't treat friendships as you do.

If you're going to end up lonely anyway, why delay the inavetable?

But you think again about how much they mean to you and you can't bring yourself to push them away like this.

You're scared, and you can't see anything certain in your future, but you can't bring yourself to be the one to burn your bridges.

Why? For the vauge hope that things may end differently? To hold on a little longer something that will probably fade away on its own? To keep living in the illusion that you matter to them as much as they matter to you, until it will forcibly shatter in your face?

I don't have an answer to that yet, I hope I will one day.

cont.

And, you don't know what other choice do you have other than to live with this fear (of being disposable).

Cutting off all your friends will make you lonely and misarble.

Forcing yourself to get a partner for the sake of keeping someone in your life (which is again not even certain because partners break up too) won't actually make you or your partner happy, and won't be enough to replace the role of all the people who were important to you before (because expecting of a single person to fulfill all your social needs isn't going to work).

So, is your only option is making sure you get attached only to people on the aromantic spectrum (and the ace spectrum as a few comments said) because you know that they probably may be the only people out there who treat friendships like you do?

As if close friendships are so easy to achieve and aren't something that forms over a long peiriod time due to common interests and a good match of personalities, and you can just decide you're never going to let allo people get inside your heart again. As if aromantic people aren't about 1% of the population and you can find them everywhere and make friends with them.

So, I am pretty lost. The only thing I can do is hope things will somehow be okay.

#friends #friendship #aromantic #aro #amatonormativity

105 notes · View notes

saturnsstufff · 3 years

Text

The Empress- Darker the Weather // Better the Man

Warnings: topics from the empress, Violence

Sarah laid on the makeshift cot. Lately with how everything had been pulled out, the war seemed like it had no end. Her eyes danced dully well her fingers fiddled with the locket from her lovers. Tears easily welled her eyes at the thought of them waiting for her.

Distant, everything is scattered

She missed them, she missed them more than she thought she truly would. The way their fingers danced warmly around her locks. Or how mornings were spent wrapped up tightly within her wives arms, the cold artic air contrasting to the warm blankets. She just missed the softness of the lingering moments.

When your mind is shattered and torn apart

She knew the war wouldn't last forever, yet with every passing day, it seemed the ending was fading. Sarah knew she shouldn't be mad at Technoblade or (y/n), but she couldn't help it.

Maybe it started with (y/n), the way she clinged and lulled the grand emperor into a false sense of pride. She easily Loathed that. Everyone within the empire assumed the Emperor was in control, but Sarah- being the general, knew exactly who had the power.

In an instant, I can be indifferent

But could she really bring herself to hate her? After all she was pregnant with the Emperor's baby as of currently.

She knew she shouldn't, yet it was so easy...

When she walked into the tent to see the Grand Emperor packing his things- it left her seething. He was going to leave them- leave his troops- his people- people who gave so much in hopes to end the conflict quickly. Technoblade should have known others were missing important family events, yet here they stood, proudly serving under his name.

The blame is always shifted from the start

And it was all because She, called- begged, him to come home.

She couldn't linger about any longer, she needed to distract herself. So grabbing a cloak she left the base camp, although some of the men asked about where she was leaving too. Sarah simply wiped her eyes with pride and assured them of her return.

Leafless treetops in the snow

Views of death and bitter cold

The walk towards the nearby village was a bore. Due to the cold, barely any animals found home within the snow, anymore Sarah was starting to see the appeal of moving somewhere warmer.

Instead of visiting a bakery or a warm café, Sarah found herself wondering into a bar. Perusal, only the odd were within the warm walls. Brute men and sly women hogging up around the bar.

Without a step of hesitance she took her seat at the bar, the two brooding men beside her looked as if they should have scared her off. Yet when they tried to comment on Sarah's seat she simply sent a cold glare. Towards them, a wordless death threat of silence.

When the men backed off, they ultimately decided to move seats completely. In turn a younger gentleman took their seats.

Sarah didn't acknowledge him, something seemed off about it, yet she couldn't place her finger quite on it. The man took a glance to her, his fluffier Blonde hair radiating a familiar tone.

"You seemed troubled..." the man purred, sending Sarah into a eyeroll. Typical men. She thought, knowing exactly where this was leading.

"Don't think like that." The man said, his green eyes flashing slightly as a warning. "I'm only here to hear out a strangers problem... I'm hear to help." He mused.

Although Sarah was offset and held the high urge to not tell a thing to this man. Something told her it was worth it. She needed to get it off her chest.

So she did.

And through that, she felt her nerves lessen. With layer, and layer dropped about Technoblade, his wife, his family, everything. She felt a silver lining.

Something that should have stuck out to her however, was when she went on about Technoblade, the Man seemed to just know everything about him. Even things she didn't know- things that seemed future related. It was odd.

Yet here she found herself, drink in hand, explaining her problems to a lost man at a bar. Through the end of her rant, the only thing he had to say was "Men are hard, but im sure you've herd it before..." at the line she shrugged and looked to her glass.

The swirling bourbon within held her reflection, but something eerier about it, was when she glanced to the man inside the glass. The reflection, although looking exactly like the man beside her, when looking closer she saw halo's crossing over his face, Golden beams of bended light.

When she looked back to the man, he was looking at her unamused. "You know, there is a saying out there, that you may find, useful..." the man said.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

"What is the saying..." Sarah asked cautiously, now alarmed from the mans reflection. She watched the man take a drink before smiling- almost sinisterly.

"The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man" he said. Sarah gave a odd look to him, not understanding, but it didn't take long for the man to elaborate. "Say something hardens the man your talking about. Something that will truly drive him cold. He may turn out better than you expected. After all, weaklings rarely survive war." The man said casually.

The line rang around inside Sarah's mind, what could make techno so cold, that he refused to go home. The man watched her, trying his best to hide the wicked smile he held.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

And then it hit her. Almost like sheer brilliance, it hit her dead on.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

The letters to you.

You can't have my-

When Wilbur was tasked with waking you up, it was easy to say he was always overjoyed. With techno being absent from your side, Wil always tried his best to make you smile. Sometimes even Tommy would tag along.

Of course, Tommy didn't understand the severity of the moment how heartbroken and lost you felt, but he could easily tell you were sad at the least. So he also tried to cheer you up.

Sun shines through an open window

So on days he woke you, he would often run into Technoblade room, your silhouette laying within the oversized bed. He often viewed it as misplaced for how lonely your body looked.

But that didn't ever stop him from pulling the curtains open, the light rarely shined brightly through the glass, but in the end it did allow more light within. Well Wilbur pulled the curtains, tommy would often bounce on your bed, doing his best to make you smile.

Close the curtains real slow to hide the light

Although you would hide your face and try to hide, tommy wouldn't stop his smiling and joyful laugh. Yet Wilbur would always watch how your eyes would linger to techno's side of the bed. Wilbur hadn't seen the letters between you and techno, but he always saw how they tore you up. Whatever he was saying was hurting you, and Wilbur despised it.

But in time, maybe I can change it

At the least Wilbur was thankful you had Orion beside you, he was able to calm most of your haywire nerves. Of course, Wilbur never liked how close he was to you. But, he understood it was a time where you just needed someone.

We'll find someone who feels the same as me

Wilbur saw how you tried to hide your pain, your long nights spent crying, the days you refused to eat, the way you refused to acknowledge techno's lost presence. It was obvious who you were not on good terms.

Wilbur couldn't help his curiosity, he knew it was wrong, yet he did it anyway. When you had left your office for bed Wilbur snuck in, it was the first time he was in Technoblade office alone. The sword you made held high on the wall, truthfully it was poetic.

On a plaque underneath it, was lettering inscribed "the Empress" like the embodied empress, the sword similarly hung alone. With care he slid into your chair, slowly pulling the letters out to read.

You broke me down and stole my soul

And oh was his pissed. For good reason, he saw why everyone was so upset with him.

Left me vacant and all alone

Out of everyone, Orion was the one to see you at your worst. Never had he assumed he would have been so close to someone that he would have gave everything to take your pain away. It left his blood boiling to see you hurt the way you were.

Months of being alone, feeling lost, unloved, unwelcomed. It truly left him with a burning hate. Orion knew he could treat you so much better, that he could take care and provide for you and your infant child.

Over the time techno was gone, he felt he was the only commander to truly hate his leader. Hate what he puts others through, he hated the sorrow he brought along.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

But nothing compared to the pure rage Orion felt when he herd what techno did to you. When you all rested at Foolish's summer home, you didn't lay with techno right off the bat, instead you explained what happened between techno and you.

And Orion was livid.

Techno had put his hands on you- had put his hands on your throat. Orion felt every bone in his body scream to get even. No one raises a hand to those they love, it was just a unspoken law. Orion would have taken to Technoblade as well, only thing holding him back was your tender soft words.

"Please don't- please Orion... let it stay between us..." you begged to him. Soft doe eyes pleading to the Enderian.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

Although it gnawed at Orion’s heart, he respected your call and left it lie. But that didn't stop what fallowed.

With the Enderian's blood flowing strong with rage, emotion, and the urge to defend, he couldn't help the way his eyes slit with the dragons hue, the blood curdling purple that drove fear into those around him.

You were far down the hall, everyone was asleep, it was a perfect time to let everything go.

You can't have my

And go he did..

He had never felt it, even though his blood ran with the Enderian's, he had never felt his anger hit the point of breaking.

The point that others forewarned him about. The point where his jaw would dislocate and his skin would tear open to allow the canines of a monster to show.

It wasn't a side he thought he had.

You can't have my

Yet when the thought laced through his mind again. The thought of techno putting his hands on you, he felt the pop, and the blinding rage that fallowed. Throwing the nearest object as he let the curdling scream out.

You can't have my soul

When techno undressed for the night, he couldn't explain the shame and hurt that he felt. He couldn't meet his own gaze within the mirror. He knew you were willing to bathe with him again. Lay for the night and try and wish it to be what it once was.

But he knew he Hurt you. He knew it wasn't his direct doing, but he was involved- he took it too far.

He could still see the nail marks from where you grabbed his face, he hoped it wasn't the same for your neck.

He didn't deserve you.

He knew it. The way he lashed and you too willing asked him to bathe with you like it was over. You taking his hands, his face his body into your hands, you were truly too wonderful. To amazing for him.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

When you stepped into the bathroom he saw your tired eyes, your arms firmly around Thena. He saw how attached you were to her. She was your world, she was the world techno wanted to live with.

Techno knew he had no right to ask to hold her, not after what he had done to his tiny family. Yet he couldn't help but want to feel you and her in his arms. He wanted to redeem himself and show you he was worthy enough to protect you both.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

After all he was still your husband and her father in the end, it was his job, his one thing he cannot mess up. He knew others were on the line. Others more important than a endless battalion, you were his wife, his life, the mother of his daughter.

You were his world.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

So from that day, he swore. Dare anyone lay a hand on his wife, and daughter. He would raise hell upon them.

He would never loose you too like he almost did.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

#technoblade x reader #te

130 notes · View notes

daphuu · 4 years

Note

I hope you don't mind me asking but how did you know you were asexual? I think I might be but I don't know... like maybe I'm just confused and it's not like I ever tried it? You don't have to answer if the question is too private or something

Hi hiii!! No, I certainly don’t mind you asking! Okay, I’m going to answer this ask as thoroughly as I can for you, anon!! Let’s break down your questions—

“How did you know you were asexual?”

My journey to realizing my asexuality was a bit unusual compared to most stories I hear. I’m 25 now. When I was figuring this stuff out, I was just hearing about genders and sexualities for the first time. I didn’t know asexuality was a thing until I was in college (around six or seven years ago—did I mention that I’m old?).

My journey began when I was 14. I saw people kissing and going gaga over people of the opposite gender. I’m going to make a numbered list so you can see my thought process in order, and how I sort of “moved” through several sexual self-identifiers.

Boys are gross. Totally a lesbian!!

But hey I think I like guys? Maybe I’m straight??

Both are pretty equal, actually. Bisexual?

More genders?? What’s this? And I’m attracted to them all the same amount, so?? Pansexualllllll~!!! (And at the time “bisexual” was much more limited than “pansexual,” or so my uneducated self thought!)

Well, yeah, I’m attracted to them all the same amount, but it turns out that amount is “barely existent at all.” Asexual.

Romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction? What?? So!! Panromantic. Asexual and panromantic. Yes!!!!

This process took me around six to seven years during which my poor parents were getting whiplash and my friends weren’t taking me (or my sexuality) seriously much anymore. My mother still calls me a lesbian, though I think that’s more about the stupid jokes we make than anything else. The process included me sleeping with a lot of people mostly out of curiosity. What was it like with a girl? With a boy? With people who identify as both, neither, anything in between and outside those restrictions? I realized I was having sex not because I wanted the person I was sleeping with but because I wanted sex. I wanted the intimacy of sex. I still do. I am not sex-repulsed, though you might find a lot more of that in the asexual community than in other areas of the sexual attraction rainbow.

(Sex-repulsed: when someone finds the idea of being involved in sex absolutely abhorrent and repulsive. These people tend to go one of two ways: never have sex and live with the repulsion, or try to work through that repulsion with their significant other. Both options are equally valid. There may be other paths for these people that I’m unaware of—if you think you might be sex-repulsed, please do more research and collect more information that what I’ve provided here!!)

Liking sex was a huge blow to me when I realized I was asexual. I didn’t think I could be asexual and like sex. I didn’t really know a lot about asexuality. I cried when I first fell in love after realizing my asexuality. Could I never have sex again? Were asexuals allowed to love? I didn’t know.

I started researching. I needed answers. Who am I? What are my limits? How does being asexual affect my day-to-day interactions with people? Do I need to tell people I’m asexual so they don’t lust after me? Are people allowed to lust after me? It took me about a year to realize that love is “allowed.” It took me a few months longer to realize that sexualities don’t “limit” people. I came to the idea that people lusting after me wasn’t something I could control, and I genuinely didn’t give a fuck whether people knew I was ace or not. What would they do with the information? What did it matter to them? To me?

It didn’t matter. It still doesn’t. I have no limits. I’ve felt sexual attraction before. I’ve looked back through my past. Asexuality isn’t limited by whether I’ve had sex or whether I’ve wanted sex or whether I’ve ever felt sexual attraction before.

“I think I might be [asexual] but I don’t know...”

Alright, the worst part about asexuality is trying to figure out if you feel sexual attraction or not. Some asexuals feel sexual attraction and still identify as ace (like myself, who feels sexual attraction towards my romantic partners after a while—though this, too, I often mistake with the desire to be intimate rather than sexually desiring my partners). First, let’s look at asexuality a little differently for a moment. People often refer to the “spectrum” of asexuality, but what does that really mean?

Now, I’m certainly no expert on every form and shape of asexuality. I’ll do my best for you, anon! Let’s look at some sexual orientations the term “asexual” encompasses.

Asexual Spectrum & Terms

Straight Up Ace As Fuck (commonly known as “asexual”): never feels sexual attraction. Ever. Pretty straightforward, really. Also the generic term greys

“Grey-A” (or “grey(s)”): rarely but occasionally might feel sexual attraction. Known as the “grey area” of the asexual spectrum. Fits anyone between asexual and allosexual (not asexual). Might identify with other sexualities as well. (There are many variations of this, but since I’m not gray-a I really don’t feel comfortable delving into it too deeply.)

“Demisexual” (also called “demi(s)”; also, me!!): Someone who doesn’t generally feel sexual attraction until after forming a strong romantic bond with someone. For example, I sometimes feel sexual attraction towards my romantic partners. I seldom feel sexual attraction towards anyone when I’m not in a strong, stable relationship with them.

“Allosexual” (aka “allo(s)”): someone who isn’t asexual. That’s the easiest one, in my opinion.

So there’s a whole spectrum here—mostly ranging from “I feel no sexual attraction ever” to “I feel some sexual attraction sometimes” to “I feel some sexual attraction in a very specific situation” to “I feel more than ‘some’ sexual attraction!” You could fall anywhere in this spectrum of sexuality. While allosexual isn’t under the asexual spectrum, it is a term found mostly when talking about the asexual spectrum.

To make matters even more confusing, there’s also romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is very different from sexual attraction. Romantic attraction is wanting to romantically be with/date somebody. Sexual attraction is wanting to sexually be with/fuck somebody. Do you see the difference there?

Romantic attractions follow the same prefixes as sexual attractions. “Homoromantic” is to feel romantic attraction toward members of the same sex or gender. Likewise, biromantic, panromantic, and aromantic, etc., all have correlating meanings. Some people identify as ace/aro, and that means they’re aromantic and asexual. They feel little to no romantic or sexual attraction towards other people. I identify as ace/pan—asexual (demi) and panromantic.

You can feel romantic attraction without feeling sexual attraction (and vise versa—aro/bi, for example). You can crave romantic intimacy but not want the sexual part of a relationship. You can crave strong friendships instead of romantic relationships. You can have strong sexual desires without wanting a romantic relationship. The attractions you might feel are limitless and may vary with time.

“...like maybe I'm just confused”

Most people are confused, anon. If you aren’t completely sure about your sexuality, well, nobody is rushing you to figure it out. For a long while I just gave a vague shrug when people asked about my sexuality and laughed it off. Who knows? Who cares? Certainly not me. Don’t think that just because you aren’t 100% certain about your sexuality that you aren’t just as valid as the people who are. Honestly, it’s more than fine to say things like “I’m still figuring it out,” or “I haven’t fully explored my sexuality yet.” Don’t stress about it, anon. I know that trying to understand your sexuality can be as frustrating as taking a university-level math exam with only the most basic of grasps on mathematics. Just know that as you live and learn and grow so will your perception of your sexuality, alright? Keep it in the back of your mind, but don’t let it overwhelm you.

“...and it's not like I ever tried it?”

“It?” Do you mean sex? Oh, anon, please please please do not limit yourself like this. People can have had sex with only members of the same gender before they realize they’re heterosexual. People can have had sex loads of time or not at all before they realize they’re asexual or bisexual or pansexual or any-sexual. Who you have sex with has no bearing on who you’re sexually attracted to. Let me repeat: Your sexual attraction to others is not based on previous sexual encounters or lack thereof.

If you want to add to this post then please do so!!! I love hearing how others explored and figured out their sexualities. 💜☺️

14 notes · View notes

starkerismysexuality · 5 years

Text

Call me by Your Name | Starker Au

Synopsis: Did you ever wonder what it was like to fall on love on vactation with a fustruatingly sexy man? Peter Parker has a fatuation with his fathers current docturate student, Tony Stark. In italy, the nights are wild and love is rampant, so what does the looks mean? Is it flirting? Was it all meant to end in flames? Only time will tell.

word count:1522

Edited by the amazing @dinocogs ,my amazing friend and beta xx

Also feel free to leave a message to be added to the tag list of this story, there will be roughly 3 chapters over all xx

--------

Lombardy, Italy.1983, Summer.

“Peter, ll mio ragazzo, come here darling! Come greet our guest!”

Peter tugged a thin white shirt over his head, huffing softly as the fabric covered his lightly tanned skin. He had only just woken from an afternoon nap, their hours of travelling were a little tiring, and to be awoken by May’s voice made him want to turn over and simply fall asleep once more.

It would only be another stuck up doctoral student, who would spend his nights in the splendor of women here, stick to his uncle's side and just vanish by the end of summer like they were never here in the first place. He didn't see the importance of coming to attendance when a new one appeared each year, although he didn't feel like being scolded by Aunt May for disobeying.

Short cut and skin tight shorts, Peter checked himself over in the mirror and then elegantly darted over to the window, where he could see a pastel yellow cab parked out front and his father talking to someone he was yet to meet. Huffing again, Peter was quick to scamper down the staircase. The sticky weather made him sweat buckets, causing his hairless skin to glisten. Peter’s nimble hands scooped up a plump peach from the fruit bowl on his way to the door.

Taking a bite, the juices escaped down his chin as he turned the corner to come face to face with an unfamiliar, but outstandingly handsome male standing by his Uncle Ben. The man stood around the same height as his uncle, wearing tight tan pants and a tucked in white dress shirt. Tinted sunglasses and a stylised beard, Peter knew right there and then his summer wasn't going to be anything but trying to either sexually pursue this man or get him out of his mind. He didn't even know this guys name yet.

Ben’s smile brightened as his nephew, his legal son, appeared from around the corner. “Ah! Peter, ll mio ragazzo! Here, Stark this is my son, Peter. “ he gestured to the boy, who had now licked his lips and rubbed his chin to rid it of juice “and Peter, this is my newest student Tony Stark”.

Tony reached out his hand, a wolfish grin on his lips. Peter could feel the elders eyes burning into him as they scanned down his lanky body, even with his tinted glasses on. It was smouldering, and it made Peter’s stomach turn and his hormones strike alive with desire and low levels of arousal.

“Nice to meet you, kid” Peter wanted to make a smartass remark about how he was also a kid, but to not embarrass himself or Ben, he reached his clean hand out and shook. “Allo stesso modo” Peter replied, a slight purr in his voice.

The moment seemed to last longer than a few seconds to Peter, a lifetime almost as his own eyes scanned over Tony’s body, fear settling in his chest as he saw the cross necklace on his chest. Ben cleared his throat, nodding his head towards the bags that were sitting in the doorway.

“ll mio ragazzo, please show Stark to his room and take his bags for him.” Ben ordered lightly, causing Peter to regret picking out the fresh fruit in his hand.

“Si papà” Peter stated obediently as he placed the peach on the bench beside him, wiping his sticky hands on his shorts as to not get it everywhere.

Leaning over, Tony’s eyes burning on his peachy arse, Peter scooped up the two suitcases. Standing straight, Peter shyly looked over to the older man and nodded towards the staircase. His eyelashes fluttered against his tanned skin, body contorting to look over his shoulder to make sure that his father's student was following.

“Please, come this way signore” Peter purred happily as he climbed the stairs, making sure his hips were swaying. Tony followed wordlessly, his backpack in his hand as they climbed the stairs.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Peter realised that they were going to be sharing a bathroom, both rooms connected by it. The thought alone sent tingles down his spine. Walking into the room, flicking the light switch, Peter placed the two bags on the bed and, taking a bite of the peach in his hand, turned on his heel. He watched Tony stalk around the room, taking in all his surroundings before stepping closer to the teen. Eyes keened, the elder gave a sly smirk.

“What do you do for fun around here?”

-----

“Perché non vai a suonare, Peter?” MJ suggested from her place of sunbathing, face covered by a hat.

They were both sunbaking, basking in the glory of the summer sun while other kids, and Stark, played some volleyball together on the soft grass. Peter’s toes curled into the soft grass as his he watched the players, his eyes keened in on the very shirtless and ripped Stark currently serving.

“Preferisco guardare l'opera d'arte” Peter explained simply, causing a small scoff. Of course she thought it was Peter’s fascination with the skimpily dressed girls, but the one thing catching his eye right now was Tony.

They all broke for drinks, the girls giggling and leaning off Tony like animals at a watering hole—they drank him up. Peter for the first time wished he could have been a girl. Zoned out in his jealous thoughts, Peter hadn't realised that Tony was now in front of him, knees bent as his eyes were searching for Peter's eyes. It shocked him out of his trance as the man's rough, calloused hands moved up and started to massage Peter’s bony and nimble shoulders. A small yelp left his lips in shock as he tried not to make a noise of pleasure as the large fingers dug into his tense nerves.

“My my, mia Colomba, you’re so tense” Tony used a lower tone, almost a whisper, to make sure no one else heard him, as he massaged the boys shoulders a little longer before leaning back on his feet. His cocky smile reached his eyes, the reaction Peter gave him was beyond intoxicating.

“Stark!” He all but whimpered breathlessly as the elder slowly rose to his feet, but not before snatching a drink from the cooler between them.

Tony simply laughed, opening his drink before taking a large swig, Peter completely mesmerised by the bobbing of his adam's apple and the way the sweat rolled down his olive skin—It drove Peter crazy. God damn his teenage horemones and the taboo desire for a man twice his age to fuck him until he couldnt speak.

“Loosen up!” Tony shot a small wink before he turned on his heel, running back to the others before starting up their game once again. Peters cheeks burned, and MJ couldn't help but chuckle at it.

He was a goner.

------

The sun was beating down through the leaves of the trees, warming Peter’s skin as he lay beside the pool. Shirtless, to try and gain at least some tan to his chest, the young male held a book in his hand, only half focusing on the words. His own little state of serenity, of neither here nor there, a liminal space. Breaths shallow, Peter realised this was what he had been searching for in his break.

Of course it didn't last long.

A splash to his right brought him to his senses, Peter rolling over to make sure his book was saved from the water droplets pelting his back. Huffing, he slowly lifted himself up, folding the corner of his raggedy old books’ page, before throwing it towards where Tony was studying earlier.

Turning, he raised his eyebrows as Tony was swimming around in the clear water. When the man wasn't studying under his father's gaze, he was drinking up this all with such vigor for life. That was Americans for you, they just seemed so… different. He had learned very little about Tony through his stay. He seemed to be a very closed and secluded man, the lingering touches and looks sending him mixed messages.

“Why don't you come swim with me, my colomba?” the nickname had seemed to stick to when they were alone, Tony really just calling him by name or ‘kid’ when they were out or around his parents. The nickname made his stomach turn like the first time he saw Tony.

Peter slowly let his limber, slender legs slowly dangle into the cool clear water. Humming gently, he couldn’t help but smirk slightly as he swung his legs around slowly in the water. This game was infuriating, he didn't know what Tony wanted, if it was all something to just play around with him or he wanted to pursue something further.

“I don't know vecchio uomo, think you can keep your hands off of me when I'm wet?”

------

translations!

Il mio ragazzo = my boy

Allo stesso modo = likewise

Signore = sir

Colomba = dove

Vecchio uomo = old man

Perché non vai a suonare, Peter? = why don’t you go play, peter?

Preferisco guardare l'opera d'arte = I’d prefer to see the artwork

49 notes · View notes