#i know it's distressing to see negative talk about smth you like but. you need to recognize when that reaction being used against you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

therhythmafterthesummer · 11 months

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Chris x pretty are so perfect ( the Drabble was so effing cute ugh!) but now I’m thinking what are their respective red flags ?? Like what are things that they need to work on in their relationship?? We’ve seen from that previous chapter that sometimes it does go down between them..

ohhh, good question, good question. i don't include this much in the stories because most of the time i just want to write the positive stuff lol i'm already too sad irl to deal with it constantly in my silly little stories as well, but i have certainly thought about this before, so i'll leave some thoughts under the cut:

so... Chris is very stubborn. very. he believes his ways are the best ways, you know? although he does try to let go of this and let people do what they want or feel like they need to to, he'll always have that little voice on the back of his head telling him that his opinion on any matter is the right one. see their argument in afraid to lose you, he was tired, scared, and it was near impossible for him to believe anything other than that his opinion on pretty turning was the only one, you know?

besides, he's half animal. he's incomprehensible levels of Intense™. in general, it's hard for him to be normal when it comes to emotions. he feels too much, too quickly, and depending on the situation this can cause both him and his partner distress and start misunderstandings (it's great when the emotions are positive, tho. as we've seen...)

also, he's very career driven, and tends to lose himself in his day to day job, to the point where he doesn't take care of his basic needs (food, sleep, cuddles with his pretty girl, etc). if he's too engrossed in what he's working on, he'll lose all sense of self and his surroundings, which will make pretty mum's left eye twitch in annoyance because he's a grown man that needs to take care of himself.

pretty is intense as well, although to a lesser, more human degree. i don't think their relationship would work if she weren't, tbh. chris' inner voice said it in the narrative of Alpha Dog, he'd been told he was too intense before, which is smth pretty hasn't done because she's just the same. again, this is great when it comes to positive emotions, because they're able to enjoy their love to the fullest, but when negativity seeps in, it can cause arguments and disagreements.

additionally, pretty can be... insecure. we know she's not particularly insecure about her looks, so this is not the source of her insecurities. it's her capabilities that she often worries about, which leads her to overthink things, to isolate herself from her loved ones because she feels like she can't fully provide them the support they need.

contradictorily, she likes to mother people. she's always been the mum friend, probably not only because she cares deeply about her friends and because she's good at it, but also because she likes to feel needed, you know? which is part of the reason why Chris' lack of care for his basic needs when he gets in his heads gets to her so much, because she doesn't want to mother him, but she feels like she'll eventually end up doing it because that's just who she is, and a girlfriend shouldn't really be mothering her boyfriend that's not how that works lol.

one thing that causes arguments sometimes is that Chris doesn't like to burden people with his problems, whereas pretty ALWAYS wants to help people with their problems, so sometimes it's like they're both on the opposite sides of a spectrum where she wants to know what's weighing heavy on his mind to help him, but he doesn't wanna tell her so she doesn't worry about him.

ultimately, they're both mature enough to know these things. not the things in themselves, but also in each other, and they really do try their best to communicate. Chris has gotten better at opening up, just like pretty has learnt to let things go sometimes when he's too closed off, simply reminding him that if he does want to talk about it, she'll be there.

they try to support each other even in their bad days, and if any arguments occur they'll always find a way to work it out.

#anon #ask #wereroomies ask #wereroomies headcanons

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shitilostmypotato · 6 years

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Things I’ve learned/realized in therapy

Repeatedly following destructive patterns doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to/aren’t able to follow better ways. It just means that in a time where you were unable to deal with your feelings you found a way to do so that worked. Self hate too is just a way your brain learned to take as a reaction to feelings. That doesn’t make it right, but it makes it changeable.

Everyone. Relapses.

Seriously, recovery isn’t about never relapsing again and never having a breakdown, it’s not even always about dealing with that in a non-destructive way. Sometimes it’s just accepting that it happened without beating yourself up for it so you can deal with it better the next time.

Therapists may have a lot of experience with your illness, but you are still the expert for your feelings in the room. Listem to them, but correct them.

Fear won’t go away until you beat it.

You are not your illness! Even if it feels like it controls your every move, it’s not you. Don’t blame yourself for the things it makes you think. Distance yourself. It’s not you.

It may be hard to see in times of great distress, but self harm doesn’t have any long term advantages (except itself). Every single advantage it brings you is temporary and long term all it’s effects are negative. Try to find other skills to calm your emotions. Deal with them when you can breathe.

Self worth is tricky because when it’s down you feel like you don’t deserve to be treated well, so you don’t do so, proving to yourself that you aren’t worth it. It’s an endless cycle. And the worst is that nobody can break it for you because your mind will always find something bad about you if it wants to. You can break it by though treating you in a positive way, but it will feel strange and wrong at first. It will feel like you don’t deserve it and there will be an imbalance. So start with little steps but keep going. It’s so worth it.

Even therapists whose literal job is to understand the thoughts of you that even you don’t understand yourself can’t read them when you don’t tell them, so don’t believe this little voice in your head when it tells you what others “are thinking”.

Others can think for themselves! Really, they can. And as I said, they can’t expect you to know their thoughts until they tell you. And it’s not your obligation to make them. If it’s really important, it’s on them (unless you keep talking them over or are blackmailing them but I am gonna assume you don’t). You don’t have to think for them. If you are planning to do smth and are worried they don’t want to, ask them. If they can’t say no that’s not your fault. They can think and speak for themselves.

Negativity is a really good way to get attention. And I don’t mean that in any negative way, it just is. And wanting attention is natural. There is a reason why you keep doing so, for me it was hurting myself over and over hoping that someone may see the pain without me telling them, because that’s the way I learned from my parents, that my pain isn’t worth noticing until it broke me down. Don’t beat yourself up for it, there were times when you needed those mechanisms. But those times probably passed. I no longer live with my parents and I have other people caring about me. Give yourself time to change those patterns, but change them. Negativity works, it’s a way you learned to take, but I promise you there are positive sides on you you can get attention for if you allow yourself to.

Making new patterns takes time. At first you might just get little glimpses of what your new way could be and then you fall back for days or weeks. That’s normal and absolutely not your fault. Though, the more often you remind yourself of where you want to go, the longer you will stay on your new way and the shorter on the old one. It takes time, maybe even years, but some day the old way will be the one you only get glimpses of.

Reward yourself for every little step you take

Your past will stay a part of you for the rest of your life. There is no “until” to come, there is no point where it just stops and you will get a “normal” life. You can’t change it, it’s part of you, and it may be awful and wrong, but “what if"s won’t get you anywhere.

No one can change your mind except yourself

Don’t wait for the moment to get special. Make it.

You can’t control your feelings. They are what they are and they always have a reason to be like that. But you can control your actions. If you keep falling back into negative thoughts but decide to get yourself help, it’s not a sign of weakness at all. It may feel like that because you make others realize that you are overwhelmed, but those feelings are not you. You are your actions and you decided to get yourself help, even if every inch of you tried to keep you from that and if that isn’t a sign of strength I don’t know what is.

It may feel like yes, many of your symptoms come from you illness, but there are still feelings and thoughts that you hate and that feel like they are coming only from you. I can’t promise you that they don’t, but for me every single of those that I brought up in therapy revealed to be pretty common/explainable/also a symptom that I misinterpreted. Every single one. No exaggeration. It’s absolutely worth talking about, and it’s okay if you may need an anonymous setting for that because you are ashamed.

Even with all those problems and thoughts in your head, you are still a human. This may sound stupid because it seems pretty obvious but it can be a pretty surprising realization. You are a human, you started up like everyone else, and yes, there has been happening shit and yes, this shit made you feel and act different than most people around you, but you are a human being like everyone else. You are no exception from anything. You are not a mistake, you are not followed by bad luck, you are not a failure. You have the same rights as everyone around you.

Recovery is worth the fight.

...to be continued...

#therapy #recovery #depression #bpd #borderline #trauma #cptsd #ocd #ed recovery #positivity #advice #i have been wanting to make this post for like forever #reminder #getting help

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