#i know its gonna be worse later on

[2smolbeans]

Small personal vanilla rant:

You'd think that March break would give you some time to relax as a student right? Nope- I currently have 12 assignments that STILL need to be completed and I'm so goddamn TIREDDDDDD

It's like 12am and I wanna SLEEP FUCKKKWJDJFWIIWBSBB ヽ( `皿´ )ﾉ💢

#2smolbeans ramble #like fuckkkk man #i know its gonna be worse later on #so god help me when im in uni #like I'd work- but then my brain would just scramble all over the place #next thing you know im pacing around the room trying to concentrate while my mind is just hyper and all over the place #why 12 assignments? procrastination and also i have 6 classes in this semester #so fuck me #i managed to submit 5 in but it feels like ive done nothing aaaaaaaaaa

[hi-there-buddies]

Me: I think I’ll draw a fun little scene from my Steven Universe inspired Transformers au. Nothing too big, just something fun

Also me: *cries*

I told myself I wouldn’t spend too long cleaning this up so forgive the messinESS

#tweaked the bumblebee design I posted a while ago #fuck designing transformers is HARD #you basically just look through all the transformers iterations and pick the features you like most lmao #TWO DOWN #I have ratchets design ready but I’m still tweaking it #don’t even know what I’m gonna do for the others but we’ll cross that bridge later #transformers #Steven universe #transformers au #Steven universe au #bumblebee #tf bumblebee #this scene WRECKED ME the first time I saw it #love bumblebee’s backstory in this au can’t wait to write it all out #I’m giving them eyebrows and noses because WHO CARES #IF OPTIMUS CAN HAVE EYEBROWS IN TFP #AND THE BOTS CAN HAVE NOSES IN IDW #THEN I CAN DO IT #also I’ve looked at this for too long so I’m kinda blind to its big flaws so pls tell me if it’s uncanny lmao #he’s talking to ratchet btw #which I was gonna draw #but the only thing worse than designing transformers #is drawing them lying down #so idk lmao

[yooniesim]

yall come on, if I was that troll blog the insults would actually be funny... and have some real receipts...

#ceci speaks #nonsims #text #delete later #negative #gif warning #that gave me such a chuckle #whoever that lil bitch is theyre scared of me #deleted what they said about me lickety split #anyway yall know i dont talk on anon i always talk my shit under my name #unlike some of yall... 😂 #anyway i remain simblr's trendsetter and #im actually pretty satisfied i still live in somebodys mind rent free #but baby if i ever say anything its gonna be with all these screenshots in my inbox not calling ya sim ugly #theres worse things than what ur sims look like and its ya personality #simblr's trendsetter #simblr's boogeyman

[alibonbonn]

The foster kittens are having pretty gnarly diaper rash and for some reason this is the one that gets to my head the most. Like ..it hurts them so much. Their little lungs cry so horribly when I clean them and put ointments on their butts, they'll hurt worse if I don't. Maybe I'm just in a god awful headspace today idk how vets do it, they're so small and they're hurting so much and I cant make it better, and I'm making it about myself, the babies are the ones in real distress and I'm making it about myself

#might delete later im just . goog god #please pray for dilly and dally's butts theyre raw and it hurts them to poop :( #i don't want them to just make it i want them to be feel comfortable to feel loved #which..man i dont know. i hate that i dont know #im just so sorry that im not a good momma cat. a good momma cat wouldn't let this happen #its almost worse knowing that they're too younf to have a grudge. #gonna stop listening to my brain and go to bed and hope im back in the game tmr #ali babble

[yuudamari]

Very slow on my orv reread bc i keep getting distracted by other things like an entire 348 chapter and ongoing manga i read in 2 days

#literally at hsy introduction i mean the appstle one not her as her just yet #been having fun gping throguh the horrors of knowing everything its gonna be worse later

[beautifel]

seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level #for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her #still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions #Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later #jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this #not fair not fair at all this is evil #and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences #i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it #i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity #is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike #Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂 #AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪 #at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even #LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it #what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol #hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather #kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter #how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there #n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng #or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak #n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own #well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her

[bmpmp3]

and unfortunately i am like the equivalent of one of those true crime girlies but like, with white collar crime and corporate scandals. except instead of getting paranoid about random people minding their own business being serial killers coming for me, i just keep telling every tall skinny whiteboy friend about how much financial crime they could get away with if they put on the right posture and confidence.

#is this worse or better. is this worse or better. #they never take me up on it. the whiteboys ive collected tend to be too kind and awkward to do any of this tbh #BUT IMAGINE.....WHAT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH..... #sorry my dad once told me about a job he was contracted to do to set up some computer equipment for some college #and apparently a day or two later he was contacted because someone just walked in with confidence and stole thousands of dollars of equimen #and they wanted to know if he saw anything. he didnt cause he didnt really work there but apparently it was just some tall skinny white guy #glasses simple short hair probably a plaid button up. it was the 80s. you could do anything if you looked like that. its crazy #maybe my dad should have never told me about that because it like lit a fire in my eyes. im not gonna do any white collar crime i prommy #but lemme tell you. i think about it. all the time HJSKHKDS im too conspicuous but MAN if i was a tall skinny whiteboy............. #and okay the financial ciminal possessing my body aside - i also just get really into this stuff #its my favourite nonfiction stuff to read about. like to get serious for a sec: i wanna see companies get caught is the thing #being into this stuff tho - you will feel a lot of righteous and burning anger about how little these companies end up paying #so many huge life ruining corporate scandals have only just barely started paying out damages to victims like. maybe this year #it can feel like a start to see shit like whatever was going on with we charity or somehting get noticed #but theres always still a long way to go. still exploitation going unchecked. it keeps on happening but i wont forget

[databent]

siiiiighs. curse of everything costs money all the time

#.pdf #rd #i was actually feeling excited to start putting some work into my aquarium hobby again after a year and a half of feeling too demoralized #(because of june 2022 when my air conditioner went out while i was away from home for a few days and i came back to 95 degree tanks- #-and a total loss of all the fish i had in them for no reason at all other than the fact that the ONE TIME my ac stopped working i was away #so i lost motivation to do aquarium stuff for ages after that. and i was just getting back into it and making plans to get more supplies etc #aaaand now it looks like im going to have to push that back a long ass while! because i noticed one of my cats has a few loose teeth and i- #-dont know how long theyve been like that and while i dont have money for this i DEFINITELY dont have the money to spend thousands later if- #-its left untreated and develops into something worse #but the cheapest place near me i can find is 50 exam fee plus 275 dental base rate plus up to 250 dollars for extractions. so. fuck me #especially if thats a per tooth extraction rate. and then including costs for bloodwork and medication and shit. god. #anyway. gonna call and ask for details about their dental rates and payment options soon i guess. wish me and oolong luck #(oolong is cat)

[cathalbravecog]

Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

#long #ramble #cathalposting #i...may delete this later i dont know. i both wanna talk to ppl i know about this #but also Do Not Percieve me. I am Afraid Of What People Think #Stay Back Foul Beasts ! #alsoy eah i had other stuff to talk about...more on the negative side i guess but??? its. a bit difficult to #give and .. angstier things? negative thoughts? to a character who you see a lot of comfort in. they make you happy #they help you feel better about yourself. you want to see them happy. if theyre happy #youre happy. if theyre sad...well. you are sad. sadness is natural. its a real thing. it happens sometimes. its a part of life #and i have attached some of these things to cathal already. but a few things are hard for me to consider because of The Brain Worms. #i dont want to see him hurt either yknow. #anyways i hope you enjoyer my mental illness ramble. im not normal and you shouldve known that when you followed me #thank you for existing cathal ray toby braveswag #hey fun fact remember how i said i get tired of stuff myself easily well this whole thing made me tired. i was gonna #answer an ask but now im like. man. (melts into a puddle) #(doesnt take a break bc i need instant stimulation and makes things worse for myself) #do yall see why i like cathal so much now gamers? #ya. sorry this got personal. if any of you can handle reading this u deserve a reward. #and maybe i need to start talking about personal things this much. but whatever #this is my blog i can talk about anything and thats the COOL THING! #MWAHAHAHHAHAHA! #dies #ivegot a lot going on in my brain rn cant u tell

[lynxalon]

gamers i feel fuckennnnnn terrible ✌️

#hm. #like. this particular situation feels hopeless like i cant salvage anything #its like when glass cracks and u know its broken and dangerous and all it would take is one lil push #and itd just fall #like. i always wanna be someone who tries but. i always try until im raw and bleeding and worse for it #theres trying and theres not knowing when enough is enough and i just dont know where the line is between that #is it really unsalvageable or do i just not wanna hurt over this any more #i know im cared about but. theres one person who i wish cared more. who i wish didnt say things and promise things #because now that its later down the line its clear none of that meant a thing which is exactly what i said then #promises like that dont last. especially from those with commitment issues. i would know. #its why i dont make those kinds of promises. only very rarely. and now im gonna be made into a liar #promise breaker. i hate that #i keep complaining about this and. i keep giving myself a few days. a week. over and over. #'maybe it'll change when my heads clearer. maybe i'll feel differently later' #and tbf i do for a bit. but it doesnt last. it lasts for less time each time i try that #im still mad and upset and hurt #i'll figure it out but. why me. why does this happen

[caruliaa]

i hate tht so much of my life has been me begging others to care about me the way theyre supposed to . i hate that instead of wishing i didnt have to i wish that for once theyd say yes

#aggh. tfw when u start talking more w ur parents esp ur mother who have deeply traumatised you in the past #and who you dint know if u can rly forgive even if they did ever apologixd #they r at least currently being rly nice and somewhat supportive #and you really need that rn after the most important person to u ended ur friendship with them #but then u think abt spending more time with them and do spend more time with them and enjoy it #and then u think aby how one day u r gonna give them they im queer accept it or bye #and you know they arent going to based on past reactions so it is def bye #but you realise ur starting to reach a point again where losing them from yr life is gonna be rly painful #and you dont know what to do bc its not that u cant stay in the closet for tht long #bc u can happily but u dont wanna like. come out and face tht regection later when it hurts more bc u got more attached #got just. fewlings r so stupid why do i like. care about anyone. all its ever gotten me is pain and hurt #its only ever made things worse caring sm i just wish i could turn it off #flappy rambles

[yooniesim]

Not the antiblack, transphobic troll blog doing a classic dirty delete... Can't delete dumbassery love, that stays on the internet forever 😂

Dumbass already forgot the teen life stage exists, misgendered me in a random post showing both they ass cheeks, doubled down about it with a classic "he/she/it whatever they are", made fun of a black person's black sim's lips being "too big" while randomly hyping up a black sim made by a white simmer, posted 90% black sims making fun of their features while reblogging posts w/black celebrities like ice cube and Rihanna (probably the only black ppl they know) to add to their lil act, said "i don't only make fun of blacks" and blocked when confronted about it (soooo obvious), which was all pretty boring and expected and not worth acknowledging... but then they deleted all of that cos the big bad honest troll blog got no spine! which has me fucking rolling HELP 🤣

How ya gonna act like the voice of the ppl and delete all your bad takes? Didja get too many mean asks about them, baby boy? 🥺 can't stand by all ur meaningless dick swinging? feeling insecure about having no comeback skills on top of that? 🥺 every time someone bucks up at you you do a delete and stop acknowledging them and its so damn funny for someone pretending to be so hard and real. I mean I knew you were gonna mention me once you saw I said you have no skills, I was waiting to see what you'd come up with, but I didn't expect it to be this weak... imagine being a troll and taking obvious bait 🤭 just to confirm u got no talent. soooo sorry 😂

So much for "honesty" 😢

#ceci speaks #nonsims #text #delete later #not some of yall rallying around an obvious bigot pretending to be black #just say u want an excuse to talk about ppl sims instead of making it a civil rights issue #id respect u more if u did #but got theres nothing worse than a weak troll that got no skills #still aint gonna mention ur name bc i know its driving u wild not to get the free advertisement #you might as well stop deleting cos screenshots are forever sweetheart #sorry to address a troll yall but all this deleting is tickling me so bad #'it feels so good to be honest!!! im having a blast!!! really!! im so cool someone believe me!!!' #*deletes everything they say the minute they get backlash* #😂😂😂 #these 20 year old minors aint never gonna learn the game #if ya get mentioned dw that lil bitch babie will delete it within 24 hrs #before mommy checks they internet history #🤣🤣🤣 #i know i preach about not feeding trolls but yall got NOTHING to worry about with this one #im sorry love but some ppl got it and some dont... and u dont

[lemoncake438]

How do u know if its love or mental illness?

#I'm so fucked up in the head #so glad I have therapy later #love #bpd #bipolar #fawn response #like ugh I am so fucking afraid of myself #I take a look at my past 3 relationships and I have absolutely devastated all three of them and I don't want to hurt anyone else #but I'm literally 3 for 3 in the ruining lives department and like okay yeah 1 and 2 eventually got over it and moved on but what if 3 #never does? I mean I guess its all so new and raw but like I feel so awful. I feel like I'm never allowed to love again until I can like #not hurt people? but I think we are all always gonna hurt people. ugh love is so stupid I wish I could just turn it off!! #I wish I could just rip it out of my chest and fucking kill fucking beat the shit out of my heart so it never dares to feel or want again #and then I get surprised when I tell people that and they look at me like they're going to cry #why in the world should I be allowed to love?? when it clearly does so much damage?? #and then its worse right because then when I love someone I google the symptom of every fucking mental illness imaginable. bpd. bipolar. #adhd. autism. you name it I've searched it. and like I have bipolar so then I start invalidating my own love. I tell myself things like #oh youre just manic and thats making you think that this person is in love with you. oh you're just manic you think you are the center of #everyone's universe. oh you're just manic you aren't actually happy around them they just enable your ugly illness #and then like the things in question that are making me think this as like totally valid and normal things #like oh you're just manic you think they love you- my brother in christ they remember the smallest details about me and always know how to #make me laugh. we can't lock eyes longer than a few seconds before we both smile etc etc etc #but then it gets analytical- you know? bc then my brain is like ok we have to disprove our own personal bartholomuel that nafty brainworm #but you cant logically analyze something like love I don't think #right and then like I'm so deep in this hole of analyzing I start running the simulations of all the damage I'll do if/when it ends poorly #because I'm a piece of shit and I always always always go stir crazy and lose myself in it and panic and try to run and then bury my own #personality and wants and needs bc I want so badly to be loved I subconsciously shape shift myself into their ideal partner #right okay so then I'm minmaxing it- I'm speed running the imaginary relationship in my brain start to finish every single day and living #in a fake scenario where we break up every single day thousands and thousands of times over and none of that even happened #its like- because I have to prove to myself that its pure and genuine love and not mental illness or attachment or pure lust allows this #evil part of my brain to just take over and go hog wild torturing me with all these awful situations that don't even exist!!

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it #anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack #i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that #has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects #try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns #i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like #thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me #to get panic level overwhelmed #its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does #microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety #autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and #overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though #also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are #unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with #which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain #way more than like bugs or folk tales. #one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse #in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway #i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse #this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me

[p33p33p00p00]

hi gamers. i hate my primary care doctor <3

#they all keep saying the same exact fucking shit and they dont listen to me. im not gonna FUCKING take that medicine because its gonna make #me worse. 'you dont know if you will have side effects' i was told the EXACT SAME FUCKING THING when going on antidepressants #AND IM STILL SUFFERING WITH THE FUCKING SIDE EFFECTS TWO YEARS FUCKING LATER. IM NOT TAKING THEM ANYMORE AND IM #STILL FUCKING LIKE THIS. IM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER #oh emmet brickowski we're really into it now

[insertcoolnameherethanks]

My one fear is that ST5 does go back in time and no one remembers, therefore Steve is still King Steve and loses the friendships he's made with the kids and Robin

#Like dont get me wrong I love King Steve type media BUT THE CHARACTER GROWTH WILL BE GONE #bad ending right there v bad ending #“Well at least he's alive” no. Shut up #I am that no fear one fear tshirt guy #Robin walks past and Steve gets a confused look like SOMETHING is off but he doesn't know what #Then proceeds to let his friends bully her??? I actually will riot #“But that means they can save Eddie and Barb” BRO BARB GOING rip Barb IS NANCY'S WHOLE ARC #SHE WOULD NEVER BE THE BADASS BITCH SHE IS IF BARB DIDNT GO rip Barb forever will be missed #LIKE YOU THINK LIL MISS STRAIGHT A NANCY WHEELER IS GONNA HAVE GUNS IN HER ROOM AND GO AGAINST THE GRAIN? #NAH SHE GONNA BRING HOMEMADE STUDY CARDS #I LOVE EDDIE JUST AS MUCH AS THE NEXT PERSON and I do think it was unnecessary to kill him off #Because they can say “oh its growth for Dustin's character” we've already seen a lot of growth for his character #It made no sense to do it and didn't further the plot and literally everyone seemed to forget 2 seconds later (ya other things were happeni #But like you mean to tell me no one but Dustin told Wayne????) #Duffers said we originally wanted to kill Steve off and regret we didn't so we're gonna create someone JUST to kill off #Like every death makes sense to the plot and to further the plot except his and yes I can go into detail BUT I WONT #BACK TO STEVE BABY #This is quite literally the worst thing for his character if they make him grow so much snd become loved #Just to put him back into asshole douchebag status (of course I would still let him get it rip to u but im different) #Like honestly that's worse then death for him and if Duffers are doing that??? #Duffers its gonna be ON SIGHT #You will catch these hands #Steve Harrington #Stranger Things #Stranger Things s5 #Stranger Things thoughts #King Steve Harrington #Hello I'm speaking here