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church-of-lilith · 1 year

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I would like to see the neurodivergent Abbott character notes? 👀

hello anon! for those who don’t know, this ask is in response to this post of mine. and i am here to provide you my notes. they’re long but here’s all my musings about each of the characters and my headcanons for them in terms of neurodivergency.

please note that I am in no way qualified to be making any of these headcanons. i’m not a medical professional i’m a teenager with autism & adhd just out here calling it like I see it.

Gregory Eddie

Gregory definitely shows signs of autism, and this is probably the most popular headcanon of the whole show.

- In canon right now I don’t believe he is diagnosed or ever really thought about or explored the possibility of being neurodivergent. His father doesn’t seem like the type to ever support him getting a diagnosis in early life. Moments that stuck out to me as an autistic person to lead me to this conclusion:

- His relationship with Gritty in the season 2 premiere. The whole “I just don’t get Gritty” thing. It’s a common thing for autistic people to not understand elements of culture that are important to most people. Gregory didn’t understand the hype around Gritty, and didn’t anticipate the negative backlash he would get from his coworkers upon admitting so.

- His ongoing problems with food, most notably in the episode where pizza is discussed. He has stated in canon before that there are only certain foods he can eat because of different issues with texture/temperature/flavor. i.e. “fruit should not be hot.” his boiled chicken sandwich, only eating pure dark chocolate. while I would not make these same choices in my eating habits, I understand having the ick towards certain foods. this is an autistic trait.

- Taking things too practically. Often times autistic people struggle to understand metaphors and take them way too literally. One of the examples of this I can think of in recent times was a conversation he had with Barbara in which she encouraged him to work through his problems. She said something along the lines of “This color does not look good on you.” Referring to the way he was acting. Later, he confesses to the camera that he thought he was dressed nicely that day. Clearly misunderstanding what she was trying to say.

- Having to stay organized with absolutely everything. We see this at the beginning of season two where he attempts to plan every day of the year down to the minute in order to stay in line with teaching guidelines. This, of course, before Barbara steps in and helps him realize this is improbable. Just the way he reacts at the idea of getting off schedule is incredibly reminiscent of how some people with autism become overwhelmed at the idea of things not going the exact right way.

- Gregory also really enjoys sticking to schedules. In the fire episode he tells Janine he has the fire drill schedule memorized. And during the teacher’s conference episode his need to have a schedule in order to feel comfortable is mentioned multiple times.

- In the teacher’s conference episode Gregory and Janine have a conversation about romance and relationships. He expresses that he feels like he is the problem in all of his relationships. That he’s the ‘weird’ one, so different that no one ever wants to stay. As an autistic person this one was extremely relatable to me.

In conclusion I wait for the day his neurodivergence is properly explored in canon. Because I do believe the day will come. And so does SLR apparently because at one point she tweeted an article about Gregory being great autistic representation. And then deleted it (😭)

Janine Teagues

Janine is also autistic, and let me tell you why. It all goes back to her velcro shoes (among other things but just let me have this moment real quick).

- In one of the season 2 episodes Janine talks about never learning how to tie her shoes and still not being able to, so as a result she wears velcro shoes. This is a very common (if not universal) autistic experience. It’s also a sign of childhood neglect but that’s a conversation for another day.

- As we know, she also has a problem picking up on social cues. She doesn’t let this stop her, and often does not have the social awareness to recognize when others are uncomfortable with something she’s saying or the way she’s acting until she is explicitly told so. We see this throughout the series but one moment that stuck out to me specifically was in the episode where she goes to Melissa’s house for cooking lessons. When she first gets there she won’t stop talking about her family relationships and doesn’t understand that Melissa wants her to stop talking as she loudly grinds the blender to drown her out. Even Melissa realizes it’s a moot point after awhile and gives up.

- Keeping a proper schedule and staying organized is also very important to her, (not as severely as Gregory) but still notably enough that she would probably get upset at any major variations. During the sick day episode when Ava has to sub for her we see that she has very detailed plans, like.. binders worth of plans. And she keeps her class on a tight schedule with story time, and listening to music, etc.

- Janine has the undeniable urge to fix literally every problem that comes her way. Even if the problem isn’t hers, she is so confident that she can fix it despite anyone or anything logically telling her that hey, maybe she shouldn’t. Once she gets her mind set on something, though, she cannot let it go. She has to be in control of every situation—or at least feel like she is.

Melissa Schemmenti

Probably the next most canon neurodivergent character. Personally I headcanon her as having ADHD, and at this point she canonically has dyslexia.

- Obviously in terms of her dyslexia we have that whole episode where she helps one of her students with difficulties reading.

- The way she talks with the student’s parents about getting her tested/possibly getting a diagnosis and then is clearly upset when the parents react negatively really stuck with me. Obviously when she first realized she was neurodivergent as a kid she didn’t have the resources to figure any of that out. It makes me think that she was initially resistant to getting diagnosed as she grew older (No doctor could tell her more about herself than she could. And if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?) But at some point when she started teaching she realized she owed it to herself and in some part to the students she would be teaching to really figure herself out.

- Melissa strikes me as someone who is very impatient and gets easily frustrated with herself. But she would never get frustrated at a student who’s struggling with reading or otherwise. She doesn’t know how to go easy on herself.

- The reason I headcanon her as having ADHD is because of the way she self stims in some scenes. One that comes to mind specifically is when she’s arguing with Gregory about pizza and rocks herself back and forth.

- In one episode Melissa also has problems hearing things. It’s not mentioned again that I can remember but the auditory processing issues can be a sign of inattentive adhd (although if anything I’d say she shows some signs of both inattentive and hyperactive)

- Melissa’s obsession with firetrucks is something I would be remiss not to mention here. It’s a delightful hyperfixation and I love her for it. Her insistence on sharing this knowledge and trying to get others to enjoy her hyperfixation also screams neurodivergence to me.

Ava Coleman

Ava definitely has hyperactive ADHD. I see this a lot in the way she talks and acts.

- One of the most common signs of hyperactive ADHD is impulsivity. I would say that she makes a lot of impulsive decisions, specifically when it comes to shopping. In early season 1 we see her spending all of the school’s extra money on a large sign, for example. She also has a LOT of clothes to the point that she has her own business selling them. She also jumps into pyramid schemes with great ease.

- Another sign of that is talking excessively (and also at greater speeds). Ava talks pretty fast at times, and is always the first one to jump into a conversation with her thoughts. She has a hard time waiting her turn in conversations.

- The way she acts with the students in the episode where Gregory sends Micah to the principal’s office makes me think that Ava can relate to being ‘the problem child’ when she was in school. Her being hyperactive (unable to sit still, talking incessantly, acting impulsively etc.) makes sense under this lens. Her teachers likely wouldn’t be able to recognize her ADHD and would label her a problem, meaning she probably spent a lot of time in the principal’s office as a child herself.

Barbara Howard

My general analysis of Barbara is that she has OCD and suffers from repressed lesbianism. Both of these are rooted in her extremely religious upbringing.

- I do believe that a lot of Barbara’s OCD comes in the form of fixating on the rightness vs wrongness of things. And that this stems from her religious upbringing. An example of this is with Tamika’s mom and her utter fixation on the woman freely using profanities. This is wrong, so the woman must be immoral, and that’s a problem. When she actually gets to know Tamika’s mom and realizes that she’s actually a pretty great person, she doesn’t know how to comprehend that until Ava puts it into perspective for her. This can apply to herself too, (not wanting to roll around in the mud with melissa or having a crisis learning she’s been in the wrong with lighting her candles on school grounds.)

- Her interest in religion and the church borders on compulsive. This is why she’s very overtly religious, (introducing herself as a woman of god to anyone who will listen etc.) From a very young age I imagine that she’s had the idea of morality and being right instilled in her, which developed into this obsession as she got older.

- Barbara also seems very comforted by following a routine. She and Melissa have had the same spots at their table for years. She goes to the same place to get her nails done every week.

Jacob Hill

I do believe that Jacob suffers from an anxiety disorder of some kind. And also possibly autism but I’m less confident about that.

- Jacob comes across as a very nervous person. I suspect that this may come from his childhood although we don’t know much about it. He strikes me as a kid who was never really heard. That he’s always had a lot to say, but always somehow faded into the background when talking to parents/family. Him joining improv would add up with this, as it would finally make him the center of attention and force people to pay attention to him after being ignored by those closest to him for so many years.

- Similarly to Janine he’s not great at picking up on social cues. He doesn’t understand that people don’t appreciate his infodumping about random topics until he is explicitly told so. We see this most highlighted in the desking episode where we meet Zach for the first time and see his methods of helping Jacob stay on track of the conversation and prevent him from straying too far off topic

- He talks fast which is also something attributed to anxiety. It would also add up if he did struggle to get all his thoughts out as a kid as I suspect. Talking fast is a habit he’s grown into as an adult, so that no one can interrupt him or talk over him. If he gets all his thoughts out he doesn’t have to worry about not being heard.

- In a recent episode he talked about having night terrors, which definitely connects back to having anxiety. (Although we don’t know now frequently he has them or if that was just a one time thing). The way he reacts to the thought of Abbott turning charter also screams chronic anxiety to me. He loses it because it’s a situation he cannot anticipate.

Mr. Johnson

“Is the single most well adjusted man I’ve ever met.”

#abbott elementary #character analysis #neurodivergence #gregory eddie #barbara howard #melissa schemmenti #janine teagues #ava coleman #jacob hill #mr. johnson #janine’s velcro shoes had an insane hold over me #I wouldn’t shut up about them for weeks

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sylvies-casey · 1 year

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thoughts on the whole Selena and Francis drama? tbh I’m not surprised everyone still believes everything they read🙄

i genuinely think it couldve been handled offline. francia couldve just texted her or smth cause no way she thought she could comment and then delete it a few minutes later, not thinking anyone will see and not expect selena to get some sort of 'backlash'. i think it is so disgusting of people to be commenting on the fact that selena should 'give back the kidney'. like that literally SAVED her life. i just think that this is a topic people should not be commenting on, knowing how sensitive and real it is. the kidney jokes will never be funny. and to all of the comments from people saying selena and her are fighting, and how selena 'forced' francia into the transplant is all bullshit. idk how you can even have the heart to say that. its crazy to see how one lie can spread to so many people and people just go along not knowing how much it could hurt so many people.

#ask

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locally339 · 2 years

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feeling like i should at least explain this shitty ass drama I've been in for the last who knows long before NuggetB0iYT comes after me with his gang or whatever you want to call it. more or less, this just feels like someone trying to milk the fuck out of things that aren't even worth riling up anyone over in my opinion.

for all i know this happened a few months ago and my memory is often foggy over things like this so this is as much as i can remember clearly about what happened to me, my friends, and even my boyfriend.

i was on discord, in my boyfriend's server (we weren't dating yet) and i was just hanging out with some friends. the server was always nearly quiet due to Nugget spamming mute on literally anyone he could, but we eventually moved on from that.

for what i know, SpacyQuaser5617 was his favorite to harass. almost daily i could see Nugget talking about things like how Spacy is a baby or how he'd like to hurt him. nearly pushed him to suicide but in the end, Spacy was still alive, and everyone eventually moved on from that (now that im thinking about it i should have tried to help Spacy before he blocked me for whatever reason)

I was in a bad mood at the time and nothing was really helping to calm me down or whatever so I dm'ed a few people, and then I went to the server I usually went before it was deleted by Nugget.

Spacy's 1 week mute had finally expired, and he actually got to speak for a minute. all he says before probably being muted again was something like "i'm back"

Nugget is online and just responds with "welcome to hell"

all I said in response to that was just 8 simple words, and thats what set off the ticking timebomb.

"well, with you here, I can see why"

and I ended up getting backlash after backlash for that. random dms from random people that were most likely alt accounts of him and his friends, and some of the people i knew well weren't spared the backlash either. I swear I saw a channel celebrating one of my friends getting really sick as well.

sometime when I started dating my current boyfriend, videos started surfacing about him harassing someone in perfect English.

it was obviously sketchy with some of the claims.

1. the harassment claims were weird because he was speaking proper english, correct grammar and everything despite him at the time not knowing English that well. (he is Brazilian)

2. the rule 34 accusations seemed more like an inside joke that went too far instead of something to be taken seriously. (if anyone really has any proof William Cat draws rule 34 could you please link here? the one image he has on rule 34 doesn't count since it doesn't match any of his artstyles.)

3. him forcing a relationship on two people that i have looked up countless times and don't show any results. maybe they do exist but there was no proof that i could find of this being real so for now this stays debunked.

there is a few more things i would like to point out, for anyone really looking for some proper dirt on Nugget, but i can't prove too much as usually when he does this kind of thing, it's gone before i can screenshot it.

he has posted NSFW art of bob x opheebop in a server with mostly minors.

he has (if you already haven't gotten the hint) harassed multiple people over and over again, me being one of the victims obviously.

and he has drawn some questionable art of characters, minor characters. (i only have one image but if you ask around there might be a few more people who have more proof than i do)

one more thing to address, he has attempted to try and resolve this, but all he said was the equivalent of that he's black and i'm not.

do whatever you want with this information. if you're gonna take my side, go ahead. if you're gonna take Nuggets side, all i can say is good luck defending someone who's only excuse of why he should keep doing things like this is that he's black. there's a lot more to be addressed, but that's all i can remember. you can dm me on Twitter for the proof. till then i feel like I've said enough.

Locally_Blob is my Twitter username. dm me and if im awake i'll show you the proof.

this probably won't go anywhere as always, but i don't really care if it does anymore. I've tried again and again but it always just vanishes from whatever i post it on. so thanks to whoever keeps spam reporting it to make it disappear or whatever is going on just to protect someone who really needs a wake-up call at this point.

if Nugget can expose my boyfriend for things that happened half a year ago, i can expose Nugget for things that happened half a year ago.

locally339 signing off. goodnight.

#explanation #controversy #blobsona #discord stuff #call out #long reads #i swear i'm not making this up

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emimothvine · 3 years

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📂 I love your headcanons so much!!!

Thank <3 I hope you know that every time I see your username it makes me happy.

TW: Mitsuki is a terrible fucking parent.

Every time Katsuki is forced to come back home for a visit, his mother decides to watch the news instead of her usual soap operas. Her favorite channel is one garnered towards young heroes and hero-hopefuls specifically, and she never fails to turn up the volume when they inevitably start talking shit about her son. He’s been one of their favorite topics ever since the sports festival, and Kamino only made it worse.

They call him unstable, volatile, and dangerous. They suggest that he went with the villains willingly and that he had a hand in All Might’s downfall. They spit poison and hate, claim to fear for the safety of those around him - and in the same breath they shove it under a guise of concern for his mental health. As if they didn’t just waste ten minutes verbally eviscerating his character.

Mitsuki likes to send him blog posts, too. And articles. She texts him links throughout the week, all written by either fake-worried parents or alleged “professionals.” It hurts him, having everything she says about him confirmed through writing. It feels like dozens of tiny needles slowly digging their way through his chest, into his heart.

He still reads all of it. Listens to everything they have to say. He doesn’t know why; he doesn’t want to see this - doesn’t even need to, really. He already knows he’s bad, knows what to expect with every familiar ping of his phone. But for some reason, there’s this thing in his gut, this pull urging him to look, look at that. It tells him to read and to re-read; to hear it all and see it all a hundred times over; to dissect every word.

When he’s home, it’s all she talks about outside of reprimands and strange, bipolar bullshit with his father. His father, who sits silently as she pokes and prods at everything that makes Katsuki bad and wrong; who tells him that she loves him. Wants what’s best for him. His father, who tells the prettiest lies.

(And her husband, too, whom she calls a pushover and a coward. Whom she scolds relentlessly for every mistake and every weakness, and then laughs at when he tries to change. Katsuki isn’t like Masaru. Katsuki won’t change a damn thing for her, no matter the hurt. He isn’t like Masaru, because cruelty is all she’s ever given him, and he refuses to fight for something that isn’t there.)

(No, he won’t seek her kindness or her affection. He doesn’t need something as superficial as his mother’s love to succeed.)

(And yet.)

(And yet he’ll never admit to the bitter ache he feels when he hears her tell Masaru she loves him.)

When Katsuki has the nerve to snap back, to match her loud volume, or (when he’s feeling particularly daring) to raise his voice first, she slaps him. But Katsuki doesn’t care - she smacks him all the time. What really gets under his skin is the question that follows, the “you gonna try to fuck me up like you did that gravity bitch at the festival?” Fuck, does it piss him off.

All of this, every word and hit and passive-aggressive taunt, her way of saying “See? The world agrees with me. You can’t be who you are and still be a hero.”

Katsuki refuses to believe the second part. But the first? Yeah. He’s a piece of shit. Makes sense that the world would hate him. He can’t say he likes himself much either.

...What Katsuki doesn’t realize is that Mitsuki’s sources are a load of bullshit.

That news channel? Filled with misogynists and homophobes and just about every brand of bigot out there. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone that actually takes them seriously - not in this day and age.

The blogs, the articles? She has to spend hours scrounging the internet to find people stupid enough to bash her son. And when she does, the comments are either filled with angry fans of his, or the comment section has been deleted entirely.

Katsuki doesn’t know that after the sports festival, UA went under fire from all directions. Furious parents, angry teenagers, various news outlets. The school was canceled on Twitter, and the hashtag was trending for a solid four weeks before the internet calmed the fuck down.

Then Kamino happened, and All Might fell. That one reporter that questioned Katsuki’s morality got demoted after a petition to have them fired received over a hundred thousand signatures. UA was canceled yet again, and it was even worse this time - because All Might’s fall is big news, and it was inevitable that its reach extended past Japanese borders. The whole world caught wind of All Might’s end, and with it the story of the boy who was stolen from right under the heroes’ noses. The infamous scene from the sports festival spilled across international borders, along with speculation that this was the reason villains targeted Katsuki in the first place.

And the fucking. Backlash. Good lord.

A couple thousand Katsuki stan accounts were created to go along with the dozens he had before, and anti-UA hashtags were trending in France and Russia for at least two days. UA ended up releasing a public apology for their actions at the sports festival and their negligence at the training camp (neither of which are seen by Katsuki, courtesy of his mother).

His classmates make jokes, sometimes, about all his “fans.” But Katsuki thinks they’re just that: jokes. He sees people staring at him on the street, and he assumes their looks come from a place of disgust. He knows that people are intimidated by him, but he doesn’t know that their trepidation goes hand-in-hand with their admiration - he’s powerful, to them, and he’s been through some shit. But he’s still standing tall and proud and unshakeable. He burns so brightly, and he has this air about him that makes you want him to like you, to be impressed by you - and that makes people nervous.

That was way longer than I intended, what the fuck.

tl;dr Katsuki thinks that the public hates him way more than they actually do, and thus does not realize that half of Japan’s population (plus a small percentage of the rest of the world) hardcore stans his oblivious ass.

(He finally starts to figure it out when some douchebag on the train starts heckling him, and he stays quiet because he’s learned by now that lashing out will make it worse.)

(He does not expect an enraged five-year-old girl to show up out of nowhere and kick that motherfucker in the shin.)

(He also does not expect for half the train car to back her up. Loudly.)

(All he can do is stare in blatant astonishment as a crowd of complete strangers rises to his defense; as some random teenagers approach his gaping visage and tell him to ignore that bastard, that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, that his opinion means shit.)

(And Katsuki doesn’t know what this is - if it’s pity, if he should be angry - but it makes his chest burn and his eyes sting and for once, he thinks, it’s okay. Doing nothing and watching in heart-wrenching astonishment - it’s all okay.)

#france and russia both have a respective hero school that is considered on par with ua #the rivalry is partially why backlash was so rough in those two countries #okay now I'm gonna start posting au ideas and wips along with headcanons #bakugou katsuki #bakubowl #kinda #bakugou mitsuki #bakugou masaru #all might #yuuei #I just want my boy to be loved okay

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gesternchen · 3 years

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Just randomly reviewing scenes from the movies no one remembers now. This week: Avatar (2009).

It’s not like everyone forgot James Cameron’s Avatar. Since we’re still getting some footage from behind the scenes of the sequel and news about the cast, at least someone takes pains to remind themselves of this cinematic experience from the year of 2009. It’s already been 84 (just kidding, 11) years and I’m still looking forward to at least watching the teaser (fun fact: I was 11 when Avatar came out, I’m 22 now). I even bought the Darkhorse comic book on Tsu’Tey’s backstory to, you know, investigate one of my favorite characters a little bit better (spoiler: the backstory wasn’t very much eventful but I noticed a nice detail there which I may talk about briefly a bit later).

Throughout the years Avatar has received a lot of backlash and more or less justified criticism, mainly for the plot and its problematic packaging. I believe, it depends on the perspective one watches a movie from. Of course, I wouldn’t call it an absolute gem of exciting storytelling, even though I truly enjoy it, as in majority its twists are undeniably predictable. However, I always disagreed with people saying relations in Avatar aren’t deep at all. Well, romance between Jake and Neytiri, which, let’s be honest, except for the scene of telling the truth, went too smoothly, and this is why I strongly believe clash of interests is inevitable in sequels. Their interaction remained the key one for the whole movie, and nothing is bad about that, people enjoy a nice lovestory, so do I. But 11 years after I’d like to focus on the disturbing conflict everyone prefers to ignore for some reason when recalling Avatar. For me it’s always been Jake versus Colonel Quaritch.

You guys may have already guessed which scenes I wanna talk about. Those really important ones that I consider climactic to the pace of narration. And what is more about them, they give us crucial details in character development and actors’ play to think through. The main message: Quaritch knew it was coming.

Let me firstly touch upon the scene of short conversation between Jake and Quaritch prior to Sully presumably leaving Pandora. While Jake is awating Quaritch in a large empty hall, he hardly seems to be calm about the talk, every nerve in his body is trembling, but why?

The way Jake’s drumming his fingers on the table makes me wonder if he’s okay.

Then Colonel enters the hall, grabs a chair and reminds that it had been more than two weeks since he got the latest report on how the misson was going. He knows, Sully is questioning reality, and no, he’s not ‘doubting his resolve’. He knows, the right moment to ‘terminate the mission’ is missed. He knows, he lost Jake. He knows, he’s talking to the deserter. Yet Quaritch speaks indifferent. He praises Jake’s effort and rewards him for that. With real legs he promised to him when they first talked. Quaritch hoped they’d trigger the realization in Jake. Which doesn’t happen. How sad he looks when Jake openly refuses to accept the reward.

In just one sequence Stephen’s face demonstrates the shift of all four feelings Quaritch goes through: dissatisfaction, melancholy, shame, disgust.

Quaritch sensed the moment when Jake expressed superiority to the mankind. Jake grasped that Quaritch knew everything, he played with fire, and that’s why he felt anxiety. And it lasted all the way until Quaritch stepped back for leaving the hall. But did Colonel really surrender? I doubt that.

The tension between them both feels electric, so it’s explainable why Jake’s transient smile is so awkward. Sam then heavily staring straight at Colonel's back suggests that up until now Jake regarded Quaritch as his enemy. The enemy he knew he would not be able to defeat.

I remember when watching this scene, I couldn’t get myself the answer to one question. The question was: which report did Quaritch refer to? ‘That report from two weeks ago’, but such information wasn’t satisfactory for me. To be honest, this small discovery became the actual reason why I decided to type this study. Let’s assume that this particular report which Quaritch mentioned was the videolog where Jake confessed that Omaticaya wouldn’t leave the Hometree. Here’s why.

The general audience is used to perceiving Quaritch as a cruel short-tempered military man who just waits for the starting pistol’s shot to destroy everything in sight. Again, nothing is wrong about this, the fact that his character was simply meant to be a generic personification of such type doesn’t leave us with any alternative impression of him. Let’s say, if he was given the order to ignite the operation of the Hometree’s destruction to screw the tribe out of the site, he would absolutely go for it (and so he does). He’s a man of his word after all. Let’s also say, if he was pissed off by Jake’s betrayal, he would transport himself to the mountain site in a blink of an eye, turn off the link and put Jake in jail right after the talk in the hall. Instead, Quaritch decided to wait and give Jake the last chance. Jake preffered unearthly wings to those more tangible, so Quaritch chose not to cut them so abruptly.

We’re moving to the next scene, taking place right before a toned down fight between Tsu’Tey and Jake (I’m saying so, because it’s actually one of the deleted scenes that got edited out of the final cut, and believe me, the pressure between two rivals there is way too intense). Quaritch is watching the record of Jake destroying bulldozer’s lenses with a stone. After that Jake’s face is zoomed and we watch Selfridge get frustrated, Quaritch looks pretty annoyed as well but doesn’t seem to be much surprised. What he’s feeling, is bitter disappointment in himself and knowing that he totally failed to persuade Jake to change his mind.

Just observe Stephen Lang’s performance here. He absolutely nails cold-eyed look, the fire burning slow inside of him is so palpable, and guess what, in a flash he flies off the handle.

Now, shall we check the ultimate scene, preceding the destruction of the Hometree. Though Grace versus Parker juxtaposition is central to this scene, the last time Quaritch confronting Jake face to face in his human body is essential to consider for making things clear.

When it comes to revealing to Selfridge the vainness of further negotiations with Omaticaya, isn’t it just interesting how fast Quaritch manages to find the correct videolog? It literally takes him not more than a couple of swipes to produce the proof. Here is why: he’s already watched the record and is completely aware of the Jake’s values having deteriorated.

You can tell, Jake knew he was under control, but he would rather like to ingnore this fact. His pathetic glance at Quaritch, who’s almost impending above his head, causes to think Jake would guess that Colonel could have watched this videolog. Rather, it was a mutual secret between the two of them until a turning point. But the moment of truth came, and Jake didn’t change his mind. Quaritch made sure of that and finally it was his time to triumph.

So how was it even possible to assume Quaritch may have watched the videolog I’ve been talking about for so long? Well, my explanation may be too easy to believe, but still: we can tell by Jake’s appearance and the date of the record that it is the vlog we need.

This telltale videolog was recorded 16 minutes after the another one, when Jake says that he’s uncertain, who he is anymore (LST abbreviation stands for Local Standard Time). Jake might have suddenly felt depressed and hopeless and got back to the camera while being too emotionally instable, and so must have forgotten to delete the final record.

I have one more note for you. If you check the videolog library Quaritch is swiping through, you’ll see that the latest important record, which he actually needs, is made in the interior of the mountain site block and dates back to August, 13. Other recent vlogs’ covers look nothing like Site 26 sequence. Jake may not have done any of these records at the mountain site. I still wonder though where those three or four ensuing videologs were recorded, the location seems to be red lighted, which means it isn’t blue lighting at Site 26. I may even assume he recorded some pieces at Hell’s Gate. Why would I think so? Probably because in those two scenes (dialog with Quaritch and confession at Parker’s office) Jake looks ten times better than before, he gained some weight at least and doesn’t resemble a living sceleton.

Selfridge gave Jake an hour to relocate the tribe, while gunships led by Colonel’s Dragon were already on full alert. Quaritch had no doubt that Jake’s peacekeeping mission would fail. He knew it from the beginning. Hence he sounds so sarcastic seeing Sully’s avatar tied.

Now Quaritch sipping his villain’s morning coffee tasting like fresh genocide doesn’t feel so cringy: he’s celebrating his victory over Jake (still I should agree with critisism on this point, it really is a stupid cliche and wasn’t intended to carry a deep meaning).

Now I should admit, it’s been a long journey to run this investigation and bring it to light by finally posting it. It took me around a day to collect my thoughts and express them by means of more or less readable English. Just would like to make a little side note: English is not my native, so I promise I did my best! Thanks to James Cameron for making a movie, which woke me up in the middle of the night to start reflecting, and to all the fans out there who still exist and remember this movie and so can read this essay. @avatarmovies I found your blog not so long ago and you guys say you enjoy headcanons (and movie reviews probably?..), so it would be nice if you reblogged this but I’m not insisting!!

#avatar #james cameron #james cameron avatar #movie reviews #avatar movies #colonel quaritch #jake sully #characters in conflict #gesternchen reviews

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tuiyla · 3 years

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A Definitive History of Bubbline

With “Obsidian” coming out in two days, it really is time for a definitive history of Marceline and Bubblegum’s relationship. And by that I mean the tumultuous road that led us to “Obsidian” from a production and fandom point of view. For a list of Bubbline episodes, check out my Bubbline Guide (and part two) - which I need to update, I know I know. For this post, I wanted to highlight how far this pairing has come and what Bubbline means to queer representation in children’s cartoons.

This is less of an analysis and more of an overview with links to more information on specific incidents to keep it (relatively) brief. I say it’s a definitive history but it isn’t an exhaustive one, so do check out the links included to learn more about how we got here. I realize not everyone cares about these kinds of things but I think it’s important to know how hard Adventure Time’s creators had to fight. Bubbline is a pioneer ship in many ways but it doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves.

Initial Concepts

As is the case with much of Adventure Time, the initial concept of who the characters of Bonnibel and Marceline were going to be is very different than what we ended up getting. @gunterfan1992 explores this and other production tidbits in depth in his book so I do recommend checking that out. The short version is that these two were created to be opposites and with a Betty and Veronica type dynamic in mind where they would both be love interest to the protagonist, Finn.

This didn’t quite end up being the case but remnants of this concept are seen in “Go With Me” (March, 2011), the episode with the first on-screen Bubbline interaction. As Marcy helps - and sabotages - Finn in asking Bonnie out, she also becomes a potential love interest for him but she shuts him down immediately. So while Finn’s crush on PB continues, the notion that Marceline would be part of a love triangle is dismissed. Instead, this first Bonnie and Marcy interaction established that the two already know each other and there’s some bitterness in that past.

“What Was Missing” and the Mathematical Controversy

A potential preexisting relationship between the two was further explored in “What Was Missing” (September 2011) just a season later. The episode was written and storyboarded by Rebecca Sugar and eventual showrunner Adam Muto. Sugar was responsible for much of the character depth added to Marceline and later even played, quite aptly, her mother in the Stakes miniseries. It was Sugar who wrote the now beyond iconic “I’m Just Your Problem” based on personal experiences and suggested that Marcy and Bonnie be queer characters with a complicated romantic past.

“What Was Missing” was hugely important in how it hinted at a complex relationship through character interactions, Marceline’s song, and the last scene twist with PB’s shirt. The AT crew were supportive of the idea and sneaked in plenty of queer subtext, but this is where I have to point out that 2011 was a very different time and it’s thanks, in part, to Bubbline that things have changed. Autostraddle’s article from back when covers what is now known as the Mathematical controversy. Audiences picked up on the subtext and Cartoon Network was not having it. The popularity of the ship soared but the execs were not taking to queer implications kindly.

Great Bubbline Drought

So, the ship has sailed but controversy looms over it. “What Was Missing” s subtle by today’s standards but it was enough to keep Marceline and Bubblegum apart for two years on-screen. Each character went through wonderful development in the meantime, as did the show itself, but there’s a certain sense of bitterness to what came to be known as the Great Bubbline Drought. CN got so afraid of the potential backlash that they waited two years to have a new episode featuring the pair, “Sky Witch” (July 2013), by which point Sugar had left AT to work on her own show, Steven Universe. I’m happy that Sugar got to create her own show and push for even more queer representation, but it’s also sad that she never got to write more for the ship she pioneered.

“Sky Witch” still happened, though, and featured even more subtext, from PB’s side this time around. The shirt returned and there was hope as Marcy and Bonnie were seen hanging out together more often (”Red Starved” and “Princess Day”). Another controversy threatened to emerge in August 2014 when Olivia Olson, Marceline’s voice actress said that creator Pendleton Ward had confirmed a pre-show Bubbline romance. It was a messy ordeal with deleted tweets and questions about whether the two could get together again in the series. Fortunately, though, things changed in the three years between 2011 to 2014 and another Bubbline drought didn’t follow.

The Season That Changed Everything

It took another two years after “Sky Witch” but the ball was finally, inevitably, relentlessly rolling. “Varmints” premiered in November 2015 and three episodes later, the Stakes miniseries kicked off. What season 7 meant wasn’t just breadcrumbs and (not so) subtle songs anymore: suddenly, there were too many Bubbline moments to count. “Varmints” served as a follow-up to “What Was Missing” and a final reconciliation, and though Stakes was primarily about Marcy, it also developed her relationship with Bonnie. Afterwards, it became clear that Bubbline was heading somewhere.

It’s worth noting that the cultural context also changed between when “Sky Witch” and “Varmints” aired. In December 2014, The Legend of Korra ended with Korra and Asami beginning their romantic relationship, and Rebecca Sugar was making Steven Universe more and more explicitly queer by the day. Adventure Time started the ball rolling but now it wasn’t alone as a popular Western cable cartoon with queer characters. However, Bubbline was still very much subtext at this point, just with significantly more hope of becoming more.

Late Series Entanglement

But at what point does subtext become plain text? Bubbline fans sure did have fun with that question between Stakes and the finale. Bonnie and Marcy became near inseparable, with most of their major appearances involving one another from this point on. These included the meet the adoptive dad date “Broke His Crown” (March 2016), the Elements miniseries (April 2017) and the nigh on obnoxiously on the nose “Marcy & Hunson” (December 2017). In fact, all but two of Marceline’s major appearances from season 7 on included Bonnie - the exceptions being “Everything Stays” as part of Stakes, and “Ketchup”, which really wasn’t any less gay.

Bubbline moments really did become too many to count, with the vast majority of them having romantic implications. And with queer representation becoming more and more prominent in Western animation, canon Bubbline romance seemed like a question of when rather than if. I’d like to point out here how this was often frustrating, though. After the very rocky start, this relationship was thriving and was really basically confirmed, but that last little push to make it undeniably a part of queer history was still needed.

“Come on!” - The End and Beyond

The almost three years that passed between Stakes and “Come Along With Me” (September 2018) were much more tolerable than the Drought; after all, there was plenty of Bubbline content in the later seasons. The big question as the finale came was whether Adventure Time would fizzle out on its early pioneer of a wlw ship or follow through, once and for all. Almost four years after LoK ended and just before season 1 of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power dropped, Marcy and Bonnie had an emotional moment, kissed on screen, and ended the series together.

The intricacies of why a kiss was needed as a signifier of romance is a discussion for another day. But wouldn’t it have been strange after almost a decade of build-up for them not to seal the deal with a kiss? And to think it almost didn’t happen, as by that point it was so obvious they were together. Again, I direct your attention towards Paul Thomas’s book, he explains how it was storyboard artist Hanna K. Nyström’s call to add this final detail. Because, come on! Sometimes, you need to be as clear as possible, and that’s the case with queer representation in animation.

Since the finale, the comics have been continuing the Bubbline train - which are not technically canon but one can have fun regardless. In any case, the existence of Marcy and Bonnie’s relationship, of their queer identities, is not something that can reasonably be denied. It was a long road, and, make no mistake, an arduous one, but this is the story of a win. A win for storytelling and a win for wlw relationships.

We’ll Build Our Own Forever

So, there you have it, a Bubbline timeline of sorts. In March of 2011 we had the first on-screen interaction and now, in November of 2020, we’re getting a 45-minute-long special with the two of them as the central characters. They’re canonically in love, with King Princess covers of Bubbline songs and more. I tried to contain myself, for once, and not write too much. I think it’s important that people have a general idea of just how monumental all of this is and how, even just 9 years ago, “Obsidian” would have been totally inconceivable.

Some of this might have come as a surprise to you. It’s certainly not been easy to get to where we are now with Bubbline and it’s yet to be seen how open “Obsidian” will be about the relationship. I’ve been talking about Bubbline for years and attempted to chronicle their relationship many times so I’m happy I’ve finally done it from this perspective as well.

Adventure Time: Distant Lands “Obsidian” is streaming on Nov 19 on HBO Max. If you can, stream it so we can show that there’s popular demand for stories like that of an angry vampire and a despotic piece of gum.

#Adventure Time #bubbline #obsidian #marceline abadeer #adventure time distant lands #at #pb #my thoughts #definitive history of bubbline #there you have it folks #princess bubblegum

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souryogurt64 · 3 years

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16 CANDLES ANON ONCE AGAIN HOPEFULLY FOR THE LAST TIME BUT I DID IT I CONNECTED THE DOTS I CRACKED THE CASE.. basically someone commented on my initial ask saying that they remember the artist being exposed for something pretty bad and i sat there for five minutes thinking about that before i realized WHY the art style of the comic looked so familiar.. idk if u saw this shit go down but basically 1/2 of the couple running that mania au thing from a few years ago (not the one with the disloyalorder username like i initially thought but his gf) admitted 2 dating a fifteen year old when they were like 22 and im pretty sure they said something about dating ANOTHER kid but i couldnt find solid evidence for that part but still very weird either way and the bf basically publicly supported her throughout all this and i guess she couldnt handle the backlash for being a creep bc it looks like she deleted like. ALL of her social media shit which explains why i couldnt find a single trace of her besides her linkedin and bc she deleted everything i couldnt find her art to prove if it matched up with the comic's art style so i had to go 2 to the comic and look at the little copyright credit label thingy that's at the bottom and it had her full name and when i went back and found the old mania au thing's blog and looked for interactions between her and her bf where they mention each others names...... lo and behold it was the same name as the name credited on the comic so what i think happened is that she was putting out the comic and then got exposed and she intentionally dropped the comic the way she dropped having ANY social media presence at all however since i dont have specific dates for when she got exposed and deleted all her shit there's still a possibility that i'm wrong and she just got bored of it and gave up on it BEFORE admitting 2 being a creep but i like to think that my hypothesis is what happened i'm actually so 2,snhfjhe fnckgkgk right now like the whole time i thought the bitch just had writer's block and seeing someone so hellbent on finding out what happened would inspire her to come out of hiding and continue it and now youre telling me that she was messing with kids [easter island emoji bc im on my laptop].. like do i have 2 write that shit myself to get the ending i deserve is that what needs to happen.. anyway thank you for being a core part in this journey with me i hope my next fucking.. internet quest gives me more closure </3

glad u got it figured out my favorite fob drama will always be dru or that person that got caught faking being an artist then got caught racefaking and then faked their own suicide

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lastsonlost · 4 years

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Well that was fast.

Felicia Sonmez is a national political reporter for The Washington Post

She was suspended by the newspaper on Sunday after controversial tweet

Sonmez was roasted for a post hours after Kobe Bryant died in helicopter crash

She tweeted link to a 2016 story about the 2003 rape allegations against Bryant l

Twitter users blasted Sonmez for the timing of the post, which she then deleted

Sonmez replied that 10,000 people sent her 'abuse and death threats'

In 2003, a 19-year-old woman alleged that Bryant raped her in Colorado hotel

The charges were dropped and the two sides settled a civil lawsuit

A Washington Post journalist has been suspended by the newspaper after she tweeted a link on Sunday to a years-old story about the Kobe Bryant rape case just hours after the basketball legend and his daughter were killed in a helicopter crash.

Felicia Sonmez, who covers national politics for the Post, took to Twitter shortly after the world learned of Bryant's death along with eight others aboard his private helicopter which crashed outside of Los Angeles.

In follow-up tweets, Sonmez writes: ¿Well, THAT was eye-opening. To the 10,000 people (literally) who have commented and emailed me with abuse and death threats, please take a moment and read the story - which was written 3+ years ago, and not by me. Any public figure is worth remembering in their totality even if that public figure is beloved and that totality unsettling¿

'To the 10,000 people (literally) who have commented and emailed me with abuse and death threats, please take a moment and read the story - which was written 3+ years ago, and not by me.

'Any public figure is worth remembering in their totality even if that public figure is beloved and that totality unsettling.'

Sonmez continued: 'That folks are responding with rage and threats toward me (someone who didn't even write the piece but found it well-reported) speaks volumes about the pressure people come under to stay silent in these cases.'

In another follow-up tweet, Sonmez wrote: 'As an addendum: Hard to see what's accomplished by messages such as these.

'If your response to a news article is to resort to harassment and intimidation of journalists, you might want to consider that your behavior says more about you than the person you're targeting.'

Sonmez deleted the tweets due to the overwhelming backlash, but others on Twitter screengrabbed the posts and responded with disgust.

The reaction on Twitter from Bryant fans was so severe that the hashtag #FireFeliciaSonmez was trending.

Tracy Grant, managing editor of The Washington Post, told DailyMail.com on Sunday: 'National political reporter Felicia Sonmez was placed on administrative leave while The Post reviews whether tweets about the death of Kobe Bryant violated The Post newsroom's social media policy.

'The tweets displayed poor judgment that undermined the work of her colleagues.'

On Twitter, reaction to Sonmez's tweet was scathing.

'What a disgusting post from Washington Post reporter Felicia Sonmez immediately after Kobe Bryant and his daughter's death,' tweeted one Twitter user.

Another Twitter user demanded that Sonmez post messages like the one posted by former President Barack Obama

Twitter users slammed Sonmez for the timing of her tweet, which was posted hours after it was learned that Bryant and his daughter died in a helicopter crash near Los Angeles

One Twitter user called Sonmez a 'heartless reporter' for posting the tweet when she did

Are y'all trying to get him to pay for his "crimes" in the afterlife?' one Twitter user asked

Another Twitter user wrote: 'It takes immense skill and stupidity to find a way to play the victim, in a moment where 9 people lost their lives in a helicopter crash.

'Again, delete your account.'

One Twitter user demanded: 'Hey @washingtonpost , do the right thing and show the world that irresponsible journalism is unacceptable.'

Another Twitter user wrote: 'There's a time & place for everything. Bringing up dirt on someone that just died only a few hours ago is neither the time or place. Felicia is a f***ing disgrace to her profession.'

Wrote another Twitter user: 'Whether it was written by you doesn't matter. It was YOUR boneheaded decision to repost it within hours of his death. You're slime.'

Another Twitter user wrote: 'Here's an idea for @washingtonpost...Send Felicia to Wunan [sic], China as a permanent resident reporter to cover that region. Like next flight out immediately.'

That Twitter post referred to Wuhan, the city in China where a new strand of coronavirus has broken out and spread to other parts of the country and the world, infecting thousands.

At least one Twitter user, however, sympathized with Sonmez, writing: 'The minutes someone passes people try to completely erase their wrongdoings'

AND JOURNALISTS WONDER WHY PEOPLE HATE THEM.

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terrascookiejar-archive · 4 years

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Terra has a Chat with a REAL Moderator this Time

In lieu of my original post that gained a lot of traction, and me talking about being “contacted” by someone claiming to be a mod.

An ACTUAL mod from the Official Cookie Run discord managed to contact me and set the record straight on a few things, as well as discuss a few things regarding what happened. So it seems that this whole situation has indeed caught the attention of the mods of the Cookie Run Official Discord, and even MicMac himself. So what’s been done?

I do wanna talk about it in greater detail, so I’m gonna put everything in a cut, starting now. If you want the TL;DR version, skip to the second picture of Chestnut with Walnut at the end.

First things First, the person who I talked on the moderation team was someone by the name of Zayder, who contacted me on anon with their details. Using some help from friends We were able to background check and confirm, yes this person is actually legit. So I was reassured I wasn’t walking into some kind of trap.

(The photo given to me to prove authenticity by a friend. I blurred out their Discord number myself just for the courtesy of privacy)

What’s Being Done to Protect Artists on the Discord, Moving Forward?

I think this is the big question on everyone’s mind since I made my original post and all eyes are on the moderators and MicMac to make the change.

There seems to be a genuine admittance to the fact that the previous way fanart was moderated was ineffective and caused issues such as the theft and reposting to happen.

So they’ve gone ahead and added stricter measures to prevent this from happening again. Including preventing new members from posting until they get the “Cookie” role, a cooldown on the channel to allow for easier moderation and viewing of said artwork, and heavier infractions laid down for art theft.

I mentioned that the cooldown also allows for time for people to appreciate genuine artwork posted. So considering the magnitude of its members I’d say that’s a great first step in moving forward towards protecting community fanartists. I got confirmation from members in my own discord that the cooldown IS indeed already enacted and even increased from 10 to 30 minutes, so I have reassurance that what’s being told to me is true.

They DO have a report system on their bot, but it seems most people prefer just messaging mods so that system in itself is rather flawed, but only so much you can do there.

(^ This one’s my own artwork, btw!! ^) Zayder also asked me for my own feedback on what could be done to help protect artists, since I am an artist myself. It seems most of the moderation team are not artists and this probably lent itself to making moderation there so weak.

In summary my main suggestions that were noticed were being mindful of traced art, and a dedicated section or post explaining art theft and how it harms artists and the importance of crediting artists. As not everyone understands how it hurts us, some people genuinely are uninformed. Which Zayder stated he would forward to Mic Mac. (Not sure how I feel about my own suggestions going directly to MicMac himself, but you know!!)

Fawn’s Situation happened so Long Ago that most of it is Lost (or worst case scenario, was deleted by a member of the moderation team)

While the general consensus now is indeed “Yes, Fawn created Nutmeg Cookie,” there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of evidence towards who the perpetrator was (We had their username, hazbinalastor666, but not their ID and they’ve since changed it to cover their tracks) and the moderators involved with Fawn’s “Ban” to be found on the Official Cookie Run Discord. At least not anymore.

Zayder has confirmed that Fawn “left” the server in December of 2019, which lines up with Fawn’s own statements on the situation. However Zayder stated that whoever kicked her didn’t actually put her on the banlist. So either they kicked her manually, or they used the bot and then used it to erase all evidence of it and pretend nothing happened (which he certainly HOPES is not the case, and I do as well). It did not help that Trial Mods were not a thing yet by this time (They were not introduced until February of 2020), according to what Zayder told me. So things on that Discord were essentially pretty gun-ho. It’s not as simple as looking up a term and going to “Oldest” to track down stuff from the time. Plus a good chunk of it seemed to have happened through DMs so... Good Luck getting that evidence.

Zayder informed me that Fawn is welcome to come back at any time. Though speaking with her she’s chosen not to, and considering her situation I don’t think anyone can blame her. I would like to believe that the version of the Discord that Fawn had to go through is not the same as the one we have now but something like isn’t essentially going to wash away what happened.

As for evidence that Fawn created Nutmeg first? Yes I do have it. The original incident, hazbinalastor666 claimed that they created Nutmeg in November of 2019, However there’s evidence in our own discord showing Fawn creating Nutmeg as early as September of 2019.

As well as the day Fawn came forward on our discord about the situation after keeping quiet out of fear of backlash, ignited by seeing the thief get a commission of Nutmeg. However, I don’t plan to post that publicly unless I have Fawn’s okay.

Yes. The First “Mod” That tried to Contact Me was Pretty Undeniably Someone Posing as a Mod From the Official Discord

“I'm also really curious on what you found false on what the "moderator" said to you. Nobody on the mod team ever told us they were gonna contact you, so I wouldnt know who that is.”

So that was my first sign that clearly the original person who contacted me at least wasn’t doing so without the consensus of the other mods, and neither did they consult the mods afterwards... So very, very likely they were a fake from the start. Some of the things that were off that I told to Zayder, and that we found through conversation were as follows:

The first person contacted me on a throwaway and refused to disclose who they were. Zayder gave me the ID of his personal discord and we could verify who they were easily.

The first person blew off my own suggestions for helping improve the fanart channels with statements like “We’re already cracking down on it.” Zayder asked me for my own suggestions as an artist without even being asked.

The first person kept trying to get me to get Fawn to use a VPN in order to get back into the Official Cookie Run Discord. Despite being told repeatedly that’s not how a VPN works. That’s just fucking weird.

The first person couldn’t track anything down regarding Fawn’s situation years ago, Zayder was at least able to actually pinpoint the date in which Fawn was kicked, and rather quickly too I might add.

Zayder had pretty proficient knowledge on the bot the Discord uses for moderation and how it works. Which he explained to me a few times. The first person said to me at one point, and I quote, “For all I know the bot gives messages when infractions are laid.”

So seeing how talking with a real Moderator like Zayder was, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that someone was trying to dupe me here for some reason. Was it revenge? Did they want some sort of blackmail? Did they want me to proverbially “back off?” And if they ARE a mod why wouldn’t they give the info and such that I gave them to the other mods? Who knows.

TL;DR:

Long Story short, it does appear as if the Moderation Team and Mic Mac have heard the artists of the fandom and are going to be working hard to lay down stricture rules regarding posting and doing their best to make sure credit goes where credit is due.

Fawn’s incident happened so long ago there’s not much evidence to be found on the Official discord, but we DO have proof that Nutmeg Cookie belongs to UpsetFawn!

The First Person who claimed to be a Mod was a fake and talking with Zayder proved it.

Overall, my talk with Zayder was very pleasant and enlightening and I believe Zayder would say about the same! I never meant to cause such an uproar, but I’d like to think things will change for the better now that we’ve all spoken up on behalf of our fellow artist.

What we need to do now is watch how the Cookie Run Official Discord moves forward and if they’ll stick to their word towards protecting fandom content creators from theft and uncredited reposts. Though after my talk I’m certainly optimistic they will.

Always have your back for your fellow fandom artist, TerraTerraCotta

#Mun Updates #Mun Posts #Cookie Run #Cookie Run Official Discord #Cookie Run Ovenbreak #PSA #Signal Boost #Be sure to pass this along!!

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crossiantgay · 3 years

Text

OK, THE FIC IS FINALLY DONE!

This is a logince fic based off of @mizsfathiful's post on instagram, which was based off the song "In Your Eyes" by the Weeknd!

Edit is also due yo @mellowscoffee who helped me edit this!

Anyway, let's get into it!

Pairings: logince

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: pining, overworking, repression (?)

(-----)

Yet another family movie night had rolled around, and this time it was Virgil’s turn to choose the movie. Per denying most of his previous requests for being too explicit at 10:30pm, he eventually settled on Nightmare Before Christmas. Patton sat on the floor as he usually did, and Virgil was huddled in the corner. Janus and Remus were both not in attendance, though Roman doubted Virgil would have liked either of their presence anyway. Roman was lying against the armrest, despite Logan's protest saying he was going to break the couch and Logan was sitting in the middle.

They were about halfway through the movie, Patton having already fallen asleep after not really enjoying it; particularly the boogie man. Roman’s boisterous voice rang out at ‘meant to be’, sending a particularly amorous glance towards Logan, who was finding it more and more difficult to push down the blush becoming apparent on his cheeks. He cleared his throat and focused his attention on the movie, and Roman’s smile fell. Roman pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. Virgil looked to the two, in slight confusion. The harsh light coming from the TV and the light above him dilated his pupils, making him look even more skeptical about what was happening.

Eventually, Roman's curiosity got the best of him and he glanced over at Logan. He couldn’t help smirk fondly at the sight. It was kind of charming in it’s own right. The way Logan would grunt or grumble if something especially illogical happened. Like when the boogie monster first appeared. Roman watched Logan squint, as if he was trying to make sure he was seeing right. Oh my, he had been staring at Logan’s face for quite a while now. Surely that’s creepy. He'd just have to pray Logan hadn't seen him.

The movie ended unceremoniously and without incident. Virgil brought Patton back to his room, leaving Logan and Roman on the couch. Roman stood up to go to bed.

“Specs, I liked hanging out with you.” Roman smiled a bit and offered out an arm.

“Your attendance was pleasant, as well.” Logan looked to Roman’s hand. “I think I’ll stay down here a bit longer, I'll try to catch the end of the History channel documentary.” Roman put his hands in his pocket and nodded.

“See ya, then.” The end of his voice fell flat and Logan listened as he heard roman’s very heavy footsteps head up the stairs.

Logan replayed the events of that evening in his head. It was true, Roman was always flirtatious but was he being arrogant if he felt those comments were specifically targeted at him? No, it was completely conceited if he thought that Roman might like him. At least, in the way Logan did…

The sounds of the documentary that was currently playing had long faded into background noise, providing as a backdrop for his wandering thoughts. Eventually realizing that he needed more data and overthinking this would lead to no clear end result, he shut off the tv; leaving the room in complete silence with only the afterglow from the TV lighting the room. He pulled some of the blankets down from where they kept them, making an improvised bed on the couch. He finally fell asleep, despite the swirling thoughts that would haunt him when he woke up.

(----) Scene 2

Because the living room was often lit by natural light alone, he woke up at the sunrise, much earlier than anyone else. He grabbed a yogurt--definitely not a suitable breakfast but he could worry about that later--and headed up to his room. He opened his laptop and turned on his desk lamp to dull the harsh light from the computer and started working. As odd as it was, he felt a strange solace in his work. It had a clear question and answer, it was not a game of trial and error that had devastating backlash if you guessed wrong; not unlike this emotional dilemma. There were also guaranteed steps you could take and plot out. It was reliable. Whereas humans were subjective and unpredictable, equations were a constant. The clicking of keys was more beautiful than any symphony, in his mind. The sound was also oddly therapeutic. However, no matter how focused he became, there was always a thought nagging at the back of his head. Glistening brown eyes, caramel curls. A boisterous laugh was stuck in his head like an earworm, echoing around his mind.

He stared off to the side. The pestering thought just would not go away, and now he’d realized he had been holding down the “g” for about a minute. He winced and began deleting the many “g”s. If he hadn’t have gotten distracted by thoughts of a certain side, with his perfect hair and beautiful voice, and a beaming smile that figuratively warmed his heart and- He groaned as he saw he had gone too far and accidentally deleted more than half of his paragraph. He hit the back arrow and tried his hardest to push out the thoughts of a certain someone.

It was only when he heard a door shut loudly outside his door that he bothered to draw himself from his work. He now realized the room was barely lit, the sun having set long ago. He checked the time and was taken aback when he saw it was just a few minutes to ten. Then that meant, he not only missed dinner but their daily meetup to discuss what they had done that day; which for Logan wasn’t much. He couldn’t manage to get past the first paragraph, hitting a figurative wall all day. Lucky for him, he was ahead of schedule.So this missed day of work didn't put him behind. He still couldn’t shake the dreading feeling of unaccomplishment, however. He yawned and his eyes flicked over to his bed, but shook his head and packed his stuff to sleep on the couch again, wishing to be rid of what had happened last time.

~~~~

"I'm sorry for any trouble- it just the AC broke in my room and your room is just so much colder and-"

"It's fine, Roman. You can stay here, unless my room has any unpleasant effects on you" Roman smiled, clutching the throw blanket tighter. He kneeled on the floor, and Logan shook his head.

"You can sleep on the bed, I can practically sleep anywhere" roman gave him an unsure look.

"You sure, specs? I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." Logan's smile was reassuring, and Roman's wavered at the edges. Within minutes, Roman was sound asleep. Logan was placing some blankets where he was going to sleep, and he heard Roman stir and mutter something. He looked up worriedly, thinking he had woken him up. However, roman had only rolled over, so he was facing Logan. Logan put down the blankets he was holding, a smile crossing his face. He slowly reached out a hand, and couldn stop the gasp that escaped his throat when his hand came into contact with Roman's caramel locks. They were so much softer and lighter than Logan ever thought they'd be. He slowly started combing a hand through Roman's hair and he swore he could see a smile flicker across his friend's face. At that word, his heart ached and Logan was snapped back to reality, realizing quite how weird this was. He stepped back a bit too quickly, and he saw Roman stir and pull his knees up to his chest, clutching the blanket tighter. Logan frowned and the guilt that traced his thoughts. He laid down, with his back to roman and fell into a dreamless sleep.

When Logan woke up the next morning, Roman was gone without a trace. Logan put the blankets he was using away and went over to make his bed, when he was hit by a fragrance. It smelled of roses and cinnamon and crayon wax, and so, so, Roman. Logan felt cold tears slide down his cheeks and he dropped the sheets with shaking hands. He fled from his room, shutting the door with a heaving chest. He wiped his eyes and sighed, trying to pull himself together. He didn't care how Roman felt about him, he just wanted this to all stop. Smelling Roman shouldn't have set him into such a state of- he didn't even know what that was. It was completely irrational and idiotic, and he just wanted it to be over. All this guilt and sadness and crying, oh god, he hated crying. He just wanted it to all be over.

~~~~

He was staring at the ceiling, at some ungodly hour of the night, wishing the neighbor's dog would just shut up. This was one of the bad things about being outside his room, he had no control over the environment. But he would rather have a barking dog over ro--that. He rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head. He heard footsteps enter the kitchen and the fridge opened. The lights flicked on, illuminating the living room slightly. He groaned.

"Hey?" Luckily, it was Virgil. The footsteps grew louder and Virgil looked over him.

"Why are you up so early?" He squinted "early?"

"Yeah, it's 6:30. You look like a mess"

"I feel like a mess," Logan sighed. "didn't sleep" he clarified and Virgil winced.

"Yikes. You should get some sleep" Logan rolled his eyes.

"I'm trying, and failing miserably. Like everything else." He shouldn't be telling Virgil any of this; the lack of sleep had taken away his filter and the words were spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"You good? You seem a little-eh" he motioned a 'so-so',holding his coffee tumbler.

"I am anything but good, fam.." Logan sighed and Virgil frowned.

"What's going on?" Virgil set his coffee down and sat beside logan.

"Everything and nothing at the same time" Virgil sat back.

"Well that clears things up," There was sarcasm dripping from Virgil’s voice and Logan rolled his eyes.

"My emotions are getting in the way of my work" Virgil raised an eyebrow.

"Emotions?"

"Icky, romantic ones" Virgil snorted and Logan hit him in the arm. Virgil put his arms up in mock surrender. "Ok, ok I'm sorry. Are you saying you have a crush though?"

"It appears that way, yes" Logan went to adjust his glasses only to remember they were in his room.

"Well?" Virgil asked. Logan looked to Virgil, confused. "Who's the lucky guy?" Oh… Logan sighed.

"And you assure me if I tell you, you won't speak of this to another person?" Was this a mistake? Should Logan be telling Virgil this?

" 'course, specs. It's the bro code." Logan made a mental note to look that word up after he got some sleep. Virgil sat up with more interest, resting his forearms on his knees.

"It's- it's Roman." A metaphorical weight was lifted off of Logan's chest, only to be replaced by growing dread. He trusted Virgil, but there was no guarantee he might tell Roman.

"Huh. That's- huh." Virgil thought for a moment and Logan sat up on his forearms.

"What do you mean by that?" Logan furrowed his brow, expecting an insult coming his way.

“No, it’s nothing. Just try to get some sleep, yeah?” Virgil hit Logan a bit too hand on the shoulder and Logan winced.

“You promise you won’t tell Roman?”

“Yeah.” Virgil tried to make his voice sound confident, but it just felt shallow and that only fed Logan’s growing troubled thoughts.

(-----)

Logan had made it crystal clear he didn’t want Roman and that, frankly, hurt. It was a blow to Roman’s pride and made that hole in his heart only grow bigger. It made Roman mad, and upset and sad all at the same time. Lately, it had seemed he wasn’t good enough for anyone. Well, oh well, it was fine. He would just set his sights upon someone else, who actually wanted him instead of chasing something he could never obtain. And that, also made Roman upset. The fact that he couldn’t do something about this situation made him feel so out of control. He just needed to put this all behind him and be thankful he made this decision early before he was faced with the bitter sting of rejection. He walked into the kitchen to find Virgil working at the dinner table.

“Intriguing seeing you here,” He stepped beside Virgil, trying to tame his unkempt hair. Virgil paused his music and turned to Roman.

“Yeah, just needed a change of scenery” He shrugged. Roman leaned back on the table.

“Hey, once you get a chance, wanna watch that new disney show, WandaVision?” He saw something flash across Virgil’s face that he couldn’t pinpoint in time.

“Um, yeah, sure” He shifted. Roman bit back his excitement.

“Just tell me when, I’m free like all of today” Roman laughed and saw a smile cross Virgil’s face.

“Gotcha, princey” He gave a two finger salute and slid his headphones back over his ears.

---

He heard his door gently open and he turned around.

“Wanna watch that show now?” Virgil asked as he slowly stepped into the room. Roman shut his laptop and hopped onto the bed, grabbing the remote. Virgil chuckled and sat beside him. Roman put on the show and propped himself up with two pillows and Virgil pulled his knees up to his chest so he could rest his head on his knees. He heard a laugh come from Virgil, turning towards him and saw Logan where Virgil sat. He heard Logan’s laugh, quiet and bubbly and saw the TV reflection on his glasses. He couldn’t stop a smile from crossing his face. He shook his head and turned towards the TV. Roman unconsciously started moving closer and Roman went to wrap an arm around Virgil’s shoulders only to have Virgil shift away. Roman felt like he wanted to cry. He instead fixated on the TV, in hopes that this picture-perfect romance on the screen would create one of his own.

----

Virgil knew what was happening. Roman was still head over heels for Logan and was trying to distract himself with Virgil. He saw that gleam in his eyes that only shined when he looked at Logan, or how he smiled whenever a scene he knew Logan would like came on. He should feel bad for himself, that Roman was using him but watching the dorks pining for each other was more upsetting; and additionally nauseating. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roman try to wrap an arm around him, and instinctively ducked. It was stupid to try to get in the middle of their romance, and he knew blantantly denying Roman’s attempts to woo him--that sounded wrong, they weren’t in mideval england--would lead him back to Logan. Who knew playing matchmaker was this easy?

----

A few weeks after the incident with Virgil, Logan and Roman had to meet up to discuss plans for the new video. Logan’s sleep cycle was grossly out of whack, so 8pm was a good time for them to meet up. Additionally, Roman’s room had essentially become an oven at all other hours of the day, so it was the only time that really worked. Roman had repeatedly asked if they could do it in Logan’s room, but he denied, making up some poor excuse such as ‘it was messy’ or ‘the door was locked’. Roman didn’t want to pry, so he made do with his room. This particular summer’s night was humid, so the atmosphere was literally as thick as it was metaphorically. They sat in awkward silence for most of it, however Roman felt something in the air. The conversation thus far was excruciatingly dull, it actually pained Roman a bit.

“So with our set budget, we only have-” Roman cut him off.

“I tried to find love in someone else, but all I could see was you.” What. WHAT. What was he doing? Alarms were going off in his mind, but the words just tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

“Wh-what?” Logan sputtered out.

“It was always you. Believe me when I say you're the one that was on my mind.” Logan looked up at him in utter confusion. At this point, Roman had said a figurative ‘screw it’. He sat up, sitting down right in front of Logan so their noses were almost touching. His eyes stayed fixed on Logan’s, almost as if he was searching for something. He brought one hand and Logan felt his face heat up as Roman cupped his cheek in one hand.

“There’s something you’re not telling me…” Roman’s voice was soft, and almost out of touch.

“What do you mean? Roman you-” Logan’s breath caught in his throat as Roman gently placed a finger on his lips, effectively shushing him. He brought the hand back down, but Logan still couldn't find it in him to speak.

“In your eyes… I see there’s something burning inside you”

With that simple sentence, Logan broke. He felt something deep down inside him crack, and shatter into a thousand pieces. Before he knew it, there were hot tears streaming down his cheeks. Roman gently wiped them away with one hand before pulling him into a one-sided hug. Logan’s glasses fell off in an attempt to wipe his face.

“You always know just what to say,” Logan let out a hoarse laugh and Roman slightly smiled. “You’ve tried so hard to have me, and you had no idea how bad I wanted you. Instead I-I…” Roman traced circles in Logan’s back gently.

“Deep breaths, love.” Logan nodded and did so.

“I just pretended like I was in the dark because I-I didn’t know if I could face the loss of losing you.” Roman’s expression switched to something Logan couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“I would never leave you… you are my forever and always.” Logan

“So instead I pretended like I was oblivious when I’d rather be with you… I-I’m blind.” Roman gently kissed him on the forehead and Logan dissolved into a puddle of his own emotions, arms wrapped around Roman.

----

The next morning, Logan had finally decided he needed to sleep in his bed; however this time there was a change. This time there was a very cuddly Roman tucked into his side, fast asleep. They should be feeling the sticky summer air creeping in, but for some reason everything felt just right. The boy cuddled into his side stirred and Logan combed a hand through Roman's hair. Logan made a mental note to talk about his feelings more.

5 notes · View notes

leakinghate · 5 years

Text

Chasing the Ghosts of Season 8

Let’s skip the flowery intros and get to the point, because this is important.

Lotor’s vindication and reunion with Allura were originally part of VLD s8 and I can prove it. Most animation relating to this plot was excised, while other clips were re-purposed to make it look like he was dead all along: but some are still in there.

The removal of this plot line was one of the major factors in completely messing up season 8, and it was a change that was made very recently; no earlier than August in fact. There is a significant, non-zero chance that an unedited version of Season 8 exists in its entirety; completely finished.

The evidence is below the cut.

Trigger Warnings: Gore - that image and discussion of it, body horror, sexism, and major character death.

There’s something rotten in the house of Voltron, and by that I mean Dreamworks animation, because for reasons yet unknown the season 8 we got was not the one the writers had planned to give us.

The people involved likely can't talk about it due to NDAs, but I follow *most* of the cast and crew on social media, and from the way many of them were talking prior to the drop it’s obvious that whatever they'd recorded had led them to expect a very different season.

The almost total radio silence afterward is also telling.

So far as I can tell, AJ (Lotor’s VA) is the only one actively posting about it, and his posts have been expressing his distress over what happened to Lotor - a stark contrast to his excitement about the season prior to its airing. It’s very apparent that he thought Lotor would have a very different fate than he appears to. At the moment of the season drop he tweeted out “Lotor was framed”, and later didn’t seem to realize that ‘Allura’ was trending because she’d died.

Some of the other VA’s scarce posts lead me to believe that they’re having similar reactions: a now deleted post from Bex (Pidge’s VA) about having watched up to episode 6 consisted of an image of DOTU Lance captioned with “[internal screaming]”. Bex has since removed all references to VLD from her bio.

I’m certain that the VLD s8 we got was NOT the s8 that was originally planned. Or the one the writers and VAs had been alluding to in various interviews up until recently.

We know there were some very last minute changes to season 8. I guarantee you that Ezor was actually dead before the backlash over Adam in August, and you're kidding yourselves if you think that epilogue existed before then either.

Kihyun Ryu's 'last Shiro' tweet - that we now know to be from the wedding epilogue - was posted on September 13th, 2018. Less than two months ago these changes were still in progress. Less than a month before the first trailer premiered at NYCC these changes were still being made.

And those was absolutely not the only things which were changed. It was hinted we should pay attention to the s7 episode "the Feud" to spot some foreshadowing. Well? I've seen both that episode and s8 and I sure as heck can't find it.

This was beyond last minute.

JDS and LM were still talking in ways that would lead us to expect Lotor’s redemption roughly up to s7 in August; so whatever happened, it went down between August and November. Which is probably why s8 is so shitty; with such a terribly compressed timeline to make edits.

And edits they were, because with those time frames season 8 was either completely finished or very near to it when someone decided that things had to change.

I can prove it.

Do you know how?

Because the animation was recycled and altered to fit the new story, with only small parts made new for it. And because it was something else first, it’s still possible to partially reconstruct the original Season 8 from it.

Lets start with the big one, the one I’m sure you’re here to read: Lotor’s redemption and reunion with Allura.

One of the most frustrating things about season 8 is that it leaves the colony unexplained. The big question, the thing that results in Lotor’s murder at the hands of people he calls friends, and leads to a power vacuum that causes the deaths of untold billions of people. What was Lotor doing at the colony?

It’s never addressed or given an answer.

At least in the version of season 8 that we got.

Or is it?

Because they might have removed the conclusion to that plot thread, but they couldn’t get rid of it entirely.

In e8 ‘Clear Day’. Allura's suffers from several nightmares/dream sequences. They don't make any sense in context, and it’s never explained what caused them. Except, they make perfect sense, if you watch them as the first step towards understanding The Colony.

Allura sees herself standing in a Juniberry field on Altea. Her mother greets her and proclaims that Allura has arrived just in time, and that only she can save them, “Only you can protect us.”

A Galra fleet passes over head, raining down laser fire.

Allura suddenly finds herself the pilot of one of the white mechs. She plunges her spear into the ground, draining the quintessence, and then fires on the fleet; obliterating it.

But as she grins in victory she realizes that the quintessence she siphoned from the planet has turned her immediate landscape to ash, including her mother. Allura is horrified, but as her mother crumbles away her voice echoes, telling Allura she is so proud of her.

In case me describing it wasn’t clear enough: what just happened to her was that Allura was literally put in Lotor’s position, operating one of his mechs. The places and the people were those that Allura cherished deeply, so that she could understand how terrible Lotor felt about what he had to do. It literally puts Allura in Lotor's place: having to take the responsibility of destroying parts of something she loves in order to protect the whole.

And her mother? The Altean who was ‘sacrificed’ in this scenario? Praised her for taking the actions she did, because Allura was the only one able to do it. And the only choice was to save most of Altea, or none of it.

When Allura eventually does take the entity into herself we see the lights of Honerva’s mech’s faceplate lighting, then flash to a scene of Lotor in Sincline. He’s laughing, grinning as he did during s6′s finale, and as the camera zooms in on his face he shouts “Follow me!”

Briefly we see Voltron in front of the planets of Earth’s solar system, which is drowned out by a peculiar scene transition: an intense white light that appears to obliterate everything as though in an explosion.

None of these scenes are ever explained, but it’s reasonably comparable to the flash of images that Haggar sees in season 3 when she is first confronted with Zarkon’s memories. We’re left with the impression that we’re about to be enlightened, and the end of the episode reveals that Allura has passed out on the floor unconscious.

In this version of season 8, we never are told what exactly caused Allura to experience those visions. We can guess: was it perhaps the entity tempting her with its dark magic? Honerva attempting to place her under a spell?

But is the entity really dark magic? It’s different from the types of magic we’re used to, and the colors of it are certainly dark, but it in itself never actually causes Allura harm. Any harm she suffers after taking it into herself is caused by Honerva exploiting it.

Could it be a spell by Honerva? Unlikely. It took her almost two whole episodes of the paladins fooling around inside her mind for her to notice they were even there. If Allura had never taken the entity none of Honerva’s plans would have ever been found out. Yes, she did steal all the energy from the Atlas’ crystal, but she did that primarily to combat the Atlas and disable it. She didn’t need to get it from there, the energy her Komars were able to provide was all she needed.

So what caused those visions?

Lotor did.

Once he was free of the rift he was able to connect with Allura somehow and reach out to her. That was really him. Where he is now, trapped under Haggar’s control, he has no means to combat the witch. But Allura does. Everything he says to her? Is true.

The next episode, s8e9 “Knights of Light: Part 1″ begins with Allura awaking, Coran and Lance by her bedside. She’s been asleep for two quintants (days). She has apparently come up with a plan to infiltrate Honerva’s mind, but from whence she gets this plan is never explained. That’s because we’re missing an entire episode between these two. This is where Lotor’s redemption happens, where he and Allura finally reunite. God knows what else was in that episode, what else was happening while the paladins were waiting for Allura to wake. Lotor bids Allura to follow him, to finally allow him to tell his side of the story, and for some reason we weren’t allowed to hear it.

But from what we did get to see? It all but confirms @crystal-rebellion‘s Colony Theory. Albeit, the white mechs were built by Honerva, but Lotor was attempting to keep the colony safe in the only way he knew how. The Alteans who died did so willingly; to preserve the lives of all the others.

There’s a repeated narrative that the only person who encourages Allura to take action, to strive and push forward, is Lotor. Sometimes others accept it, but they never encourage her. Everyone else seems to consider her too fragile, or not capable of making her own decisions. They want to protect her and coddle her, don’t believe she should be taking any risks. They are supportive emotionally, but want to limit her physically. They care about her, but don’t truly trust her judgement or want her to be making her own choices.

With Lotor though, it’s different. He truly sees her as an equal, respects her judgement in her areas of expertise. This plot line revolving around the entity is a prime example. Lotor provides Allura with the information, that she has everything she needs to take down Honerva right in front of her; she just needs to utilize it. But from the moment Allura wakes the people closest to her doubt her decisions and choices.

And yes, those choices lead to painful consequences, but in the end they are proven to be the right ones, to have been necessary. Allura took a calculated risk, and it pays off - if she hadn’t they’d have never caught Honerva in time to stop her from destroying everything. They wouldn’t even have discovered her plan in the first place.

If Allura hadn’t made the choice to listen to and trust Lotor, by her own judgement, reality itself would have ceased to exist.

Both Coran and Alfor are given specific scenes this season where they judge and approve of Lance in his pursuit of Allura. But key, neither of them ever ask - or even mention - Allura’s feelings on the matter. The s8 we got, rather disgustingly, portrays this as the right thing. I believe the original s8 was meant to subvert this. Because Lance is everyone else’s choice for Allura, but when Allura was allowed to make her own choice? She chose Lotor.

Allura once again ends s8e10 ‘Knights of Light: Part 2′ unconscious. I firmly believe we are missing more moments - if not an entire episode - with Lotor here, in s8e11 ‘Uncharted Regions’ - probably explaining somewhere along the way how exactly he is able to contact her in this manner.

Which, uh... as to my personal theory on how that is, well... what did Lotor and Allura do together that might have crafted a unique spiritual bond between them?

What did you two experience in the quintessence field Lotor?

But, those were happier times...

I also think this is the episode, this missing one, that that particular image properly belongs to. We now see it in the previous episode, as one of Honerva’s memories. But the reason we see it is that the paladins apparently see it too. The only problem is, they don’t react to it at all. They literally have a stronger reaction to finding out they can see Honerva’s memories in the first place. There’s no possible way that Allura saw the melted corpse of the man she loved and had no discernible reaction. We see her reactions to Lotor’s presence multiple times over the course of s7 and s8, and they’re always intensely emotional ones.

But speaking of that image, since we’re on the topic. That’s a very detailed image.

There’s details there you don’t immediately spot, because you’re too distracted by the horrific imagery of the corpse of a main character. A character who’s tragic, abusive childhood was the focus of almost an entire episode earlier in the season.

Details such as the motes of light floating up from his body.

Motes of light we’ve seen in exactly two instances before: from Zarkon and Honerva’s eyes immediately after they were restored back to life by the rift.

And from Zarkon’s body: vanishing after he died.

Yeah guys, I’m about to make that image much worse.

That’s not Lotor’s corpse, because he’s not dead.

He’s still in there, in that state, and he’s been in there for over three years.

Melded, physically and mentally, with Sincline by his time spent in the quintessence field.

What. The. Fuck.

As the season progresses it becomes much more difficult to tell what was supposed to be happening because of how badly it’s been chopped up, re-arranged, and edited.

But there is a very distinct difference between Sincline’s two appearances in action - that is, it’s only in the first one that it actually is in action.

The last time we see Sincline move of it’s own accord is e6 ‘Genesis’. From the moment he reappears Lotor is on the attack; he is stopped only two times, once of his own accord and once by Haggar’s mind control.

And that one time he stops himself? Is when he takes aim at Allura. She’s running across the ground, about to strike Honerva with her bayard, when he raises his right arm and takes aim. We see her in his sights, through his eyes. And the view zooms in on Allura’s face.

Lance sees what’s happening and dives in Red to stop him, but is blocked by one of the white mechs.

Yet. He lowers his arm and doesn’t take the shot.

Lotor never fires.

But immediately afterwards the white mech lingers too close and Sincline impales it with it’s tail. It’s not an aversion to killing that stayed his hand.

It’s that it was Allura.

This scene unambiguously shows that Lotor is both alive inside that mech and somewhat aware of himself. He’s become a robeast.

Yet after that episode the mech never moves again. It hangs lifeless in space during the battle at the pyramid; the white mechs having to do the fighting. The lights on it’s chest have gone out, only relighting when it is charged with quintessence from the Komar. For all intents and purposes, Sincline is empty.

Oh, and speaking of Sincline, up until s8e9 it’s only ever referred to as “Lotor’s mech,” but suddenly, in e11 ‘Uncharted Regions’ they’ve learned its name and Allura calls it “Lotor’s Sincline”.

I think that at some point between ‘Knights of Light’ and the second half of e11 ‘Uncharted Regions’ Lotor was to have been rescued. 'Uncharted Regions’ is one of the worst episodes this season for flow: it’s extremely choppy and hard to follow - flicking back and forth between scenes without anything really happening in them.

But the most telling thing?

‘Uncharted Regions’ begins with Honerva in her haloed mech searching Alternate realities for her ‘perfect’ one. We see several clips of her doing this, the mech floating in front of the pyramid, alone, with the spinning disk of its wings as a viewport.

Suddenly, almost exactly halfway through the episode, we get an image of Honerva kneeling inside the pyramid, in her Altean commander uniform, one uniformed Altean to either side. She says “The princess has awakened,” and then the scene changes.

When next we see Honerva she’s floating above the pyramid, the silent and immobile Sincline by her side.

The entire time this is happening there is combat going on around the pyramid, first with the coalition fighters and then with the Atlas itself. This sequence appears in episode as though it all happens successively in a very short period of time. But it doesn’t make sense like that. Why should Honerva stop what she’s doing, and exit her mech just to check if Allura is awake?

In this scenario why does Honerva even care if Allura is awake? By this point she’s apparently found her perfect reality and is prepared to move on to it? She doesn’t need Allura for anything, none of her plans require Allura. Why should she even bother to announce that Allura is awake, as though this is something she’s been waiting for?

This entire episode, including the fight scenes, has been chopped into little pieces and rearranged. Other scenes have had edits to their animation, or were re-done entirely. What we have in ‘Uncharted Regions’ is a frankenstein’s monster of an episode constructed of the tiny remnants of of at least two, possibly three, original episodes.

If you watch this episode carefully you’ll notice that there’s a clip out of order. The lights on Sincline’s chest are dark until it’s charged with the quintessence from the Alteans on the Atlas. But. The close up shot of Sincline the paladins see immediately upon exiting the wormhole in front of the pyramid has the lights lit up. This clip clearly is part of the sequence we see later in the episode just before the mechs combine. So when the crew on the bridge of the Atlas is shown reacting in horror, whatever they’re actually reacting to has been cut out.

These original missing episodes would have contained what I’m fairly certain was our big Alchemist vs Alchemist reprisal fight between Honerva and Allura; something we’ve been waiting for since season 2′s finale.

Why was such an anticipated fight removed?

I think it’s because the fight was over Lotor, and ultimately Allura would have rescued him.

Every time Allura uses the powers she obtained in Oriande it’s mentioned where she got them, and often that she has them because of Lotor.

She’s shown again and again restoring life and health.

What happened, what we’re missing, is her using the abilities she has thanks to Lotor, to save him.

Allura is supposed to storm that pyramid, infiltrate it, and rescue Lotor from the evil witch holding him captive. She’s supposed to find him in that horrible state we saw him in, and she’s going to heal him. She’s going to fight for him, to protect him, when no one else in his life ever has.

There’s also a clear switch. When Sincline is active and alight Honerva several times refers to it as ‘my son’ but afterwards, she stops and uses Sincline as a tool for her to reach an Alternate Reality and obtain a ‘new’ version of Lotor. With the exception of one shot, where, since we can’t actually see her speaking it seems that the audio and animation are sourced from different original scenes, Honerva ceases treating Sincline as Lotor after the lights go out.

The line that causes Honerva to snap s8e12 ‘The Zenith’ is when the little alt Lotor says “My mother is dead”. It’s framed like a deliberate callback, like it should be echoing something. But it’s a line we’ve never heard. I’d hazard that this final rejection, this line was spoken by *our* Lotor as Allura is rescuing him.

Lotor was not dead in there, he was alive, and he was saved.

There is a really good theory going around, my friend @tsunemori told me about it. I don't know who first came up with it, but I fully support it, because I noticed the scene in question was really off too.

But the theory is that that hospital bed scene? Was originally Lotor in the bed after they rescued him, and Allura was in Lance's place. Which makes total sense, because after that scene, when Lance takes Allura to the bridge? His height is all wrong, and he is hanging onto her for support instead of the other way around: it should be Lotor there.

Do I have any concrete proof of this one? No. But there is something off about that scene. It just doesn’t feel right.

So yeah, if I ask myself, “Is this a scene that might have been re-animated, the characters traced over and re-drawn as different ones?” I can absolutely see that. When looking for places where actual edits to the animation have been made you have to factor in several things: the complexity of the animation - how many characters, how many settings, how much movement, who is the focus/moving/talking.

This is both a pivotal scene, and an incredibly easy one to alter, comparatively. Two characters, one laying still in a bed and only getting a single one-syllable line - the other character’s name, which might have been taken from anywhere. Lance has a long string of dialogue, but he’s sitting beside the bed the entire time, and he moves very little.

I strongly believe this scene was either altered significantly or created whole-cloth for this edited version of s8.

Things that are much harder to alter, because they’d be much more expensive, are the fight scenes. It’s where I started looking once I suspected what had happened with season 8, and it’s where I started finding things.

S8e12 ‘The Zenith’ is one of the best episodes in terms of flow, and I believe that’s because it suffers some of the least editing.

We are however missing at least two scenes: a farewell between Allura and Coran - presumably as Allura boards the Blue Lion - and an explanation as to how Voltron followed Honerva into her destination reality after the rift closed on them. I believe both of these scenes were edited out because Lotor was key in them; several scenes in the following episode s8e13 ‘The End is the Beginning’ lead me to believe that he spent the final battle in the Blue Lion with Allura.

Two scenes during the fight stand out to me: the first, a split screen where Keith is mysteriously given a double width section as compared to the others. It’s especially noticeable, because he’s not even centrally placed and he’s scaled to a different size than his fellow paladins. In the entirety of the series we have never before seen a split screen cut among an even number of characters where one of them is given odd prominence like this. The screen is arranged so the characters appear in a color gradient, Keith is red-black and immediately to his left is Allura who is blue. If there was a missing section here, the color space would correspond to indigo/purple - and those are Lotor’s colors.

The second is a moment when Allura is speaking facing forwards and very clearly looks to the side and makes eye contact with someone. Now, VLD does have moments when the paladins will react in their own lions as though they can see each other, but this isn’t like that. It’s the way her eyes move, and look, she’s talking to someone who’s point of view we’re seeing her from. And that person is Lotor.

There’s also a peculiar moment in this episode where the same split screen is used twice; another thing which has never before happened in the series. It appears first about a quarter of the way through the episode as the paladins enter the stage for the final showdown and then again as they push Honerva into the glowing whiteness at its center. I believe that the second one of these is its proper place, and that the one that originally went in the first instance had Lotor included in it.

Finally, and this is going to take several images, so be warned. When the paladins appear before Honerva in the heart of it all, fading into view, they’re spaced very strangely.

There’s six of them, so you’d expect they’d be spaced something like this:

But they’re actually spaced like this:

(yes, I know Honerva would be blocking someone there. She moves. I just picked this cap so you could see all the shadows; there’s no point showing you the empty space)

It rather looks like there’s someone missing.

The last half of the final episode is so heavily manipulated that it’s difficult to say what actually happened. But we have two very strong clues from which we can reconstruct it.

Remember the leaks?

Now that we know the leaks were real, it begs the question, why was this scene one of them. Unlike the others, which were all from the epilogue, this scene is from roughly halfway through the episode.

Well, I believe we have the answer now: whoever leaked them chose those because they were the scenes they had on hand. These were the scenes that were not originally part of VLD s8, and were added only in the last minute edit.

This one in particular is another where I think it’s taken an actual scene and traced over it to make it into something else. Lance is far too tall here, and doesn’t look like himself hardly at all.

It’s also very clear from the framing of the shot where Allura is going down the line of paladins and hugging them that Lance should be getting a send off in sequence to the others, not apart like this.

No, I think Lance was animated over Lotor here, and the audio was spliced in parts from Lance’s actual goodbye scene and Allura’s “I will always love you” comes from somewhere else. That portion of the line is said in a distinctly different tone of voice than Lance’s name beforehand. There’s different emotions to it than the rest of their conversation, and I’d guarantee we’re hearing it out of it’s original context.

I don’t know what else changes in the ending, but I’m very certain that it was not supposed to be read as Allura dying.

The reason we now read it that way is that Allura and Honerva are seen greeting the spirits of people we know that are dead. I’m fairly certain this scene is either new, or it was only Honerva going to meet them, and of course, that Lotor wasn’t among them.

And I think it was Allura and Lotor who stayed behind to do the work of restoring all realities. My proof of this is one of the very best and strongest among my evidence: the very last closing shot of Voltron: Legendary Defender, after the credits.

The lions of Voltron take off to rejoin their new Cosmic Entities; Allura and Lotor. Whoever was responsible for editing Lotor out of this picture only actually slightly blurred him.

Thanks to @articianne for the outline!

If you play around with the image contrast and brightness it’s even more obvious that the both of them are there, back to back.

It only looks like Allura dies because the spirits but without them there? It looks like they ascended to a higher plane of existence or something.

They haven’t died at all. They’ve become, of all things, like Bob, the gameshow host from s7e4 ‘The Feud’. An ‘all-powerful, all-knowing interdimensional being’.

And y’know? Bob was perfectly able to interact with the paladins no problem.

I don’t understand why these changes were made. To me? This looks like a perfectly happy ending.

What else was cut I don’t know. But I found all this evidence by looking for the things that weren’t there, that a competently structured plot would lead me to expect would be. Chasing ghosts, as it were.

A short list of additional things I strongly suspect were cut?

Several scenes between Keith and Shiro.

A pivotal scene between Allura and Coran.

A follow up event with Pidge referencing her sacrificing her videogame to get Allura a dress.

A scene between Lance and Pidge, possibly referencing said videogame.

A resolution to Lance and Pidge competing to get Allura the best present.

A conclusion to Axca’s sub plot.

A Hunk and Shay scene, to explain how and why the Balmeras all show up in s8e12 ‘The Zenith’.

An additional scene with the blade for the same reasons.

Actually, y’know what? I’m not just going to leave this, because I have a strong suspicion what one of the other cut subplots was about.

You see, the other half of ‘Clear Day’ isn’t entirely filler - it’s specifically a callback to the season 2 episode ‘Space Mall’, and it’s not the only one in this season. The little shopping trip from s8e1 ‘Launch Date’ is also one. Specifically they’re part of a plot for Pidge about her feelings for Lance.

In ‘Space Mall’ Pidge and Lance spend their time scrounging up change to buy a videogame console. The game that they purchase is part of a series that Pidge later trades the only copy of the latest version of to get Allura a dress. During ‘Clear Day’ Pidge and Lance both spend their time trying to get the best present for Allura (hint hint, Pidge is the one who actually got the ‘”something sparkly”).

Now, as I’ve already covered, there’s missing content between ‘Clear Day’ and the next episode. Part of that content should have been what the other paladins were doing while Allura was unconscious. And in series, we never actually see Allura receive either of those presents that were bought for her. So where did they go?

I think Pidge and Lance spent the time waiting for Allura to wake up together, and they got to talking about how Lance has once again failed to acquire the sparkly thing Allura would like. Perhaps Pidge trades her mining helmet for Lance’s signed Blue Lion, and then it comes up how both times Lance went to get a present for Allura he ended up getting one for Pidge.

And that first time was the video game wasn’t it? A perfect place for Lance to find out what happened with the video game in s8e1.

So why did Pidge trade that game? To make Allura happy, yes, but also to make Lance happy. Because Lance likes Allura and Pidge wants them to have a good time, because Pidge likes Lance. Like, check e1 when Allura tells her she's going on a date with Lance, Pidge's reaction... isn't really a happy one.

I think this should have been the turning point for Lance, where he learns the difference between infatuation and sincere affection. I think very soon after this his relationship with Allura would end, and he would naturally progress into a different sort of relationship with Pidge.

As much as I love s8e7 ‘Day Forty-Seven’ I don’t think it was originally part of season 8. I also get the feeling that s7e2 ‘Shadows’ may be composed of scenes we were supposed to have gotten throughout the later half of season seven - though I expect that this change was made in a much earlier spate of edits, likely when s7 was re-done. It’s been confirmed that this happened, and that s7e4 ‘The Feud’ was made to ease the pressure on the exhausted animators who’d been working overtime to get the other episodes done in time. It’s never been confirmed what exactly was changed about season 7 or why, but I highly suspect it was to include more content with the MFE fighters, who the higher ups at Dreamworks might have been hoping to spin off into a sequel.

I suspect that the episodes were shifted forwards, because the first half of the season has no 'event' episode. s8e6 ‘Genesis’ should have been that, and what we're missing is the mid-season event. Which was where they would have saved Lotor. They excised an entire climactic fight between Allura and Honerva, reprising their battle from season 2. The alchemist vs alchemist fight that was repeatedly alluded to being inevitable, yet we never got.

It was animated and voiced to be Lotura and Lotor's vindication.

But someone wanted that changed.

We know when and why ‘The Feud’ was created, and because we were teased in several interviews to pay attention to it so that we might spot some foreshadowing, we can definitively say that the mucking around that was done to season 8 happened at a much later date.

In fact, the animation portion was likely completed all the way back in June. These are two bumper images that were used to advertise Season 6, which released on June 15th.

We haven’t yet seen this image of Lotor appear in the show (for what it matters, the full color one is the correct way around; Lotor’s hair always curls up over his right shoulder, the left can go either way), we have scoured every frame of him to find it, but it’s just not there (yes I know it looks like it should be from s5e4 ‘Kral Zera’, but trust me it’s not). Every other image that’s ever been used in these promotional bumpers has been from somewhere in the show, but this one is so far absent. Therefore it’s from a piece of animation yet to appear, and one which was made by the time these images showed up in June.

Now that we know what the truth is, I am sure we will get the full story eventually. It's only a matter of time before it filters out.

But right now is the key time if we want to convince Dreamworks to release the original season 8. Tweet at them, email them, snail mail if you have the time! Sign that petition!

The fandom response now will determine if we find out what really happened sooner rather than later - and later could mean years.

We are the only people who can make this happen. The cast and crew are all bound by NDAs, and publicly reacting negatively towards a show you worked on is practically career suicide.

It has historically been fans who’ve made a difference when companies interfere with their favorite shows. Fans have been able to effect change in the past, and they will again in the future; lets make sure this is one of those times. We need to fight to get the VLD we should have gotten in the first place.

Just remember to apply your energies in the right places. JDS and LM aren’t perfect people (no one is!), but this isn’t their doing. This is someone above them responsible for the mess that was s8. Dreamworks Animation is the culprit. There is a very real chance that the original season 8 is completely finished and able to be released, and we just might get it if we’re persistent enough.

Be polite, be reasonable, but be firm. Take this proof and use it. Show them that we know they changed things and that they can give us the original if they so choose.

The messages they inadvertently pushed with this slap-dash edit are vile and toxic, and people far more knowledgeable than I in those areas are speaking out about them. This needs to be fixed.

They need to say something. They need to tell us why they changed it. They need to give us the original Season 8.

Click here for Part 2: Seek Truth in Darkness

I, and any of you who enjoyed this meta, owe @nomadicism a huge thank you. She reminded me of that strange "Follow me!" scene, which prompted me to crack open 'Clear Day' for another watch... and I realized that Allura's dreams weren't nonsensical at all.

As always, thank you to my many friends in the Lotura Discord. You give me the strength and encouragement to keep going. I couldn’t have done this without you.

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letitgoandneverlookback · 4 years

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Thoughts on the Connor Army you might wanna read before you get involved

I need to say this and I don’t know where else to say it, so here we go.

I have been a fan of Detroit Become Human since it came out. I have been following DechartGames since the beginning. I will not share more details with you than that because none of them are necessary and I’m sure this post will be met with resistance.

In the beginning, the community was small, but enthusiastic. Highly inappropriate at times towards Bryan (general thirsty comments in chat, things the mods dealt with), but generally okay. I can’t say I’m enamored of the main mods in the community since I truly believe one in particular uses the community as a means to boost their own platform and uses their association with the Decharts as a means to lord over everything the community ever does. This has been that way from the beginning, but I thought I could overlook it.

Honestly? I can’t. Because I can’t stand by and act like there isn’t some extreme cult-like behavior going on here. Do I think the the Connor Army is a cult? No. Do they act like it? Yeah and it’s getting worse.

To be clear, I don’t blame Bryan or Amelia for this. In fact, I don’t think they’re even readily aware of it because they’re just trying to make a living. I can understand that and pass no judgment over either of them. However, I do think Bryan plays favorites. Mainly to his mods or anyone who’s willing to stroke his ego over DBH or something he’s done in general. I do think one of his moderators is constantly buzzing in his ear about members of community about who’s worthy or attention and who isn’t. But whatever. Not what I’m here to discuss, though I do find it somewhat troubling.

What I find MORE troubling however, is that none of the community members seem to have any interests other than Detroit Become Human or the Decharts themselves. Their social media accounts are RIDDLED with content regarding them. Granted, one can have a social media account based around anything one likes. Fandom, business, whatever. But I’ve been around a while. I’ve seen people’s interests and personalities change to suit the mentality and interests of the group.

A close friend of mine is still deeply involved with the community and is a Twitch streamer herself. She only ever seems to post about Bryan or what Bryan’s doing. She only ever plays games based off what Bryan’s playing and gets discouraged when she doesn’t get raided or get a lot of viewers from within the community. Everything in her life revolves around this channel. Every game, every conversation, every Twitter post. Her streams sometimes function as a waiting room so she can raid when DechartGames goes live. Friends she’s had from before don’t seem to matter as much anymore. Me included. It hurts because I knew who she was before all this and I’ve all but ceased contact with her because I don’t know what else to do.

Again, NOT blaming Bryan or Amelia. If anything, I blame the hive mentality because I’ve had other people say the same thing about losing friends to this, but I don’t know if there’s anywhere to lay blame in the first place.

I do, however, blame myself for giving as much money to the community as I have.

Because I’ve noticed something as of late and that’s the fact that if you gift sub or cheer or donate, you’re far more likely to get noticed. Which is exciting! “Hey! The guy that played Connor recognized me?! OMG!”

It was fun for a minute. It felt good. I believed in the community and the friends I’d made. I still do regarding some people. I wanted to give people access to the emotes because in all honesty, they’re clever and cute and I wanted to make other community members smile as much as I wanted to be noticed. Fast forward two years later, though, and it kinda seems like they just want you to sub. They don’t care who you are or how long you’ve been around. Just maintain that air of false positivity and kindness and PAY.

So did I have to give out all those gift subs? No. That’s on me. But do I regret it? Boy howdy, do I.

I remember an instance where this girl’s name was repeatedly pronounced wrong. He’d been corrected a number of times on how to say it - not by HER, but by people in the chat and Amelia herself. His response to it was to look into the camera like he’d just been stabbed in the leg and said “K.” Funny way to apologize there, but okay.

But that’s what brings me to this point - you can’t speak out. You can’t have an opinion that differs from the community’s. You can’t tell jokes that the community might take the wrong way. Whatever Bryan or Amelia say, you have to (rare) parrot it. If you call bullshit on one of the mods, you get blacklisted. If they raid you and you don’t react to the raid with tears and happiness, you didn’t do it right. If you say “Hey, this is how you pronounce my name,” you get met with sarcasm unless you happen to be part of the special club cultivated by the mods.

Who, by the way, call themselves the Modfia. As in mafia. Needless to say, that doesn’t paint an encouraging picture in the minds of some and for good reason. Tweets and reddit posts get deleted anytime someone says anything remotely negative about the community. I’d even venture to guess people are scared to speak up for fear of the backlash since I can think of at least 3 or 4 people from the beginning who’ve since deleted their Twitters.

I guess what I’m saying at the end of this very long rant is that the community will do as it pleases. They can have moderators who act like enforcers and they can perpetuate forced positivity while playing games they only half care about. I just hope people learn to think about what’s going on and come out on the better end of it all. I hope Bryan finds that shy, easygoing guy that did the Heavy Rain playthroughs and call him up sometime. And I hope Amelia does well in all aspects of life.

All in all, I’d rather see things get better instead of worse. And something is seriously rotten in Denmark. It was a good community once. There are still good people in it. Just don’t go around thinking the streamers/actors or mods are the be all and end all.

#connor army #detroit become human #dbh #dechart games

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cutie1365 · 5 years

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A Kid from Queens Part 10

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: language, lmk if I should add anything

(no Far From Home spoilers)

A/N: I’ve mapped out the rest of the story through Homecoming and I’m excited!!... Please give this some love! Like and reblog, let me know your favorite part and what you think is coming next in the comments! Please, these things are so small but help us writers so much! Thank you!

Masterlist linked in my bio. Taglist in the reblog (inactive will be removed)

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The moment you woke up you knew: today would not be a good day. Your head was pounding, it was as if you had a pulse vibrating from ear to ear. You threw the covers off of yourself and sat up, your legs dangling over the side of the bed. You held your head in your hands for a moment before glancing to your bedside table, where you noticed a glass of water and pain meds that you certainly didn’t put there.

You were immediately struck with a wave of embarrassment. You didn’t expect to get that drunk, and you hated feeling like a burden. You felt horrible that Peter had to go so far out of his way to get you home and into bed.

It wasn’t until you were pulling the coffee pot out of its metal entrapment that you remembered.

I kissed Peter... and confessed that I liked him.

Your face went flush, all you could think about was how your father would kill you and Peter if he ever found out. Yesterday’s article already has him suspicious.

You felt trapped, you were running through your mind what you would even say. Surely after your brief texts last night he’d want to continue the conversation. Before, you could be honest when you said nothing happened, now... not so much. You didn’t want to lie to your father, or yourself. Slowly more and more memories came back to you from the party and you began to feel a pressure in your chest. You weren’t sure if it was just embarrassment, or anxiety for what was to come, or a combination of the two. You needed to get out of the tower, that was all you knew, you needed to escape and take some time to sort everything out.

That’s how you ended up two hours later at the compound upstate. You weren’t sure yet if you wanted to forget about everything that happened, or to fixate on every detail and relive it.

You hadn’t even been sitting on the balcony of your room for 30 minutes when you heard a jet landing. Surely your father wasn’t back a week early?

You slowly made your way out onto the tarmac, greeting a few Stark employees on your way. Your feet hit the dark pavement and you waited, wrapping your arms comfortingly around yourself wondering what you would even say to your father. You had no idea.

The jet door fell open as your father began his descent down the stairs and it hit you. All your emotions at once: guilt, embarrassment, heartache, all of it. As Tony’s eyes landed on you, he raised an eyebrow in confusion before shifting into parent mode.

“Young lady we got a lot to talk about-” Tony began to scold you as he stepped of the plane, an authoritative finger pointed at you. He was cut of by you throwing yourself into his arms, wrapping your own around him, breath shaking as you began to cry.

Tony was confused and stood frozen for a moment before enveloping you in his arms and rubbing soothing circles onto your back.

“Baby, what happened?” Tony asked, worried.

You unburied your head from his chest and looked up at him. He saw your tears, your expression, and your inability to articulate what was wrong. It was as if you couldn’t form the words. Your lips parted to speak but you just shook your head.

“You gotta talk to me, kid, I can’t read your mind.” Tony spoke softly.

“I- I fucked up.” You confessed, and he raised a brow in response.

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An hour later you found yourself sitting in a conference room with Tony and your publicist, Linda. You’d told Tony everything... well, nearly everything. You’d left out some of the intimate details, but he got the gist. You’d agreed on one thing: no more secrets. He wasn’t mad, per se, sure he felt betrayed but at the end of the day he understood. Young love wasn’t a mystery to him, even though most of his younger days were spent as a playboy.

Tony wanted you to be happy, as all fathers would. But he also recognized the conflict of interest. He was the figurehead of the Avengers. You couldn’t be dating someone who is practically a member of the team, especially one with his identity still a secret. That was another thing you had agreed on: for both of your safeties, you couldn’t be together.

Now this agreement was met with tears... lots of them. You knew you’d be putting Peter at risk, and you’d be sneaking around. You were tired of sneaking around. You wanted to love someone and let the whole world know. You wanted to be happy with no buts. You were tired of buts.

I want to be with you... but we can’t tell your father.

You’re brilliant... but you’re too young.

You’re a Stark... but you’re not Tony.

So you vowed, from that day forward, to never lie to those that you loved unless absolutely necessary. No more secrets. You’d made a promise. You’d also made a mess of things and had a press nightmare that needed to be dealt with.

That’s where Linda came in. She’s been your families publicist for years. And you had rudely hung up on her at the party. Maybe if you had listened and never went to that stupid party none of this would have happened. Of course, that picture of you and Spider-Man would still have been circulating New York faster than one of your jet engines.

Linda had a plan. She didn’t know that you actually knew Spider-Man and that the article was true. She just thought you didn’t want the bad publicity, and to be linked to a ‘vigilante’, especially with everything going on with the Accords.

In reality you didn’t care about protecting yourself from this backlash, you cared about protecting Peter. If the public thinks you’re dating, the bad guys will think that too. Starks have enough enemies and you didn’t want to put him in the line of fire, no matter what your heart wants. You had to change their minds... whatever it takes. Linda had a plan... but so did you, though you knew your father would hate it.

Linda’s plan was, well, going to be fucking exhausting for you. For years you’d denied any and every interviewer that came your way. You had always hated the idea. You were an electrical engineer, not some media plaything. But you knew that if you wanted to have any control over the public’s image of you, and to keep Peter safe, this was the price. You would do all of the shitty interviews you detested for years: Vogue, Vanity Fair, Cosmopolitan, you get the point. You’d play their game, steer the conversation.

“Are you sure this will work?” Tony questioned, knowing you were very vocal about never doing interviews. They didn’t care about what you had to say or your brain, they cared about how you look and your last name.

“It would have about a 75% success rate. We can’t delete the article, we can’t make people forget, but we can change the subject. I think we would have even better results if there was something equally as big that you were moving that subject too.” Linda explained.

“And it won’t look suspicious that I’ve never accepted an interview in my life, and now after this picture comes out I’m on everyone’s screens?” You asked, skeptically.

“With the right cover you should be fine. I was thinking you could be promoting the philanthropy work of Stark Industries.” Linda suggested.

“What if we were announcing some type of new grant or scholarship program? Promoting kids in the STEM field, open for anyone to apply? We could be offering a few internship positions or a chance to meet Tony, something interactive, worthy of an announcement.” You spit-balled.

“A real Stark Internship program.” Tony nodded. You both knew that was Peter’s cover when he went to Berlin, so why not make it a real thing? It had also been something you were thinking about, despite the unfortunate circumstances it had been brought up in.

“It’s perfect, we can even have you doing some of the interviewing, so there’s another incentive.” Linda beamed.

“Great, how fun.” You rolled your eyes, Tony gave you a warning look as if to say ‘You don’t get to be picky, we’re trying to fix your mess here’.

“I think this will work perfectly. I’ve got some friends at NBC so I bet I can get you on within the next week. We need to start big, maybe late night, and work our way out. I’m thinking YouTube, I’m thinking morning talk shows, you’re gonna be a household name by the end of the month.” Linda stood, excited, and rushed off to get to work.

You put your head down onto the cold conference table and sighed. Tony rolled his chair towards you and began to rub your back.

“You’re doing the right thing here kid.” Tony spoke softly.

“Doesn’t feel like it. What will I even say to him?” You looked up to him, eyes prickling as tears threatened to spill.

“The truth never hurt.” Tony suggested. Since when did he get so grown up and mature?

“Then why do I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest?” You groaned, laying back onto the table, your head hitting it with a thud.

“Hey, I’m supposed to be the dramatic one here, right? You had a crush, he’s a good kid I get it, but you’ll get over it. Right?” Tony said, as if it was going to be that easy.

“Mhmm.” You let out a mumble of agreement, but something told you it was never going to be that simple. It never was when it came to you and Peter, you would always have unfinished business.

“Alright, come on I got something that will cheer you up.” Tony helped you to your feet and took your hands into his, “Close your eyes”.

He led you from the room, and judging by the proximity and number of turns, you had surmised that he led you into the lab.

“Are you ready?” Tony asked, you simply nodded, “Ok open ‘em.”

Your eyes shot open and grew wide. Anyone else would have seen a triangular hunk of metal sitting on a table.

“Oh my god, did you finish it?” You lifted it gently from the table and began to analyze it.

“Mm, it’s a little finicky, needs your magic touch kiddo. Have fun.” Tony patted your back and left you to work. He knew that was exactly what you needed to get your mind of everything. You needed to tinker, you needed to create, to think and use your mind, and most certainly not think about Peter Parker.

You had been so concentrated on your work that you didn’t notice a figure drifting through the door.

“Ms. Stark, I had not expected to see you here at the Compound.” You recognized the voice immediately, one that had guided you your whole life, and yet now he was, well, a ‘he’.

“Vision! You scared me.” You laughed.

“My apologies.” He smiled, accessing your work. “Working on something new?”

“It’s just a housing unit for nanoparticles. One day one of these will replace all of Tony’s clunky old suits.” You smiled.

“Well if anyone can do it, it’s you Ms. Stark.” Vision smiled politely.

“Thanks Vision. How’s the compound been here without me?” You joked, taking a break from your work.

“I must admit it has been quieter. It’s not quite the same without the Captain and Natasha. Perhaps we need some ‘young blood’ as they say, like your friend Mr. Spider-“ Vision began but was cut off by F.R.I.D.A.Y. altering you of an incoming call from Happy. You quickly apologized to Vision before telling F.R.I.D.A.Y. to put him through.

“Y/N,” Happy sounded frantic, as per usual these days, “The kids looking for you.” Your eyes grew wide, you weren’t ready to face this yet.

“Happy, I’m upstate.” You stated.

“Upstate? You promised me Monday.” Happy spoke and it was as if you could hear his heart palpitating with stress.

“Everything’s packed, you can have it moved out whenever you want. Hap, I gotta go I’m in the lab.” You hoped he could move your stuff out early and cross one thing off his to-do list, not that it would have much of an effect on his stress levels.

“Well what do you want me to tell the kid, he won’t stop texting me.” Shit. If he had been texting Happy that probably means he’s been texting you, and that wasn’t something you wanted to deal with right now, but you knew that the longer you put it off the worse it would be.

“I’ll be back Monday Hap, I’m sure you can handle him for two days.” You snapped, ending the call. You rested your head in your hands with a sigh.

“It does not bode well to put off our problems Ms. Stark, especially when involving your heart, and the heart of another.” Vision spoke wisely, as if he understood the entire situation.

“Easier said than done Vis.” You muttered.

You spent the rest of the night tinkering in the lab. You had a suspicion that your father could have very easily finished his work on the housing unit, but instead saw it as an opportunity to both distract you and keep you busy.

When you finally decided to retire for the night with a nice hot bath, you had yet to check your phone for most of the day. You were dreading the inevitable, but as you tucked yourself in bed you knew you had to face it sometime. The bright screen illuminated your face as you read the notifications littering your lock screen.

Peter Parker 9:45

Hey, how’re you feeling this morning?

Peter Parker 2:30

Stopped by the tower to check on you, you ok?

Missed call from Peter Parker at 4:41

Peter Parker 8:50

You’re kinda worrying me Y/N, are you ok?

You felt bad for ignoring him all day, but even now all you felt was embarrassment at your actions the night before. You weren’t sure how he was going to react in the light of day. Details of your conversation were still blurry, but you sure remember that kiss, and him pushing you off of him. Sure he did so with good reason, and it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Why had you even decided to do that in the first place? You decided on a quick and simple reply before your thoughts began to spiral and throw you into another panic attack.

Hey Peter, sorry I’ve been in the lab upstate all day. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ll be out of town til Monday.

Vague but better than ignoring. And only a little white lie. You decided to return to town tomorrow, Sunday afternoon, not Monday. You knew Happy would have moved your stuff into the apartment by then and you’d like to start unpacking.

As you attempted to fall asleep, you tried to keep your mind off of Peter, but that proved to be an impossible task.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next morning, you enjoyed a peaceful drive back into the city. When you arrived, the movers were still working on getting all the furniture inside and into place. Instead of sitting in the apartment and watching them work, you decided to take a stroll around Central Park to clear your head. You needed some alone time with your thoughts to work out everything. You still had details to put together for the Stark Internship and the execution of Linda’s plan to get the world to stop asking about Spider-Man. She basically wanted to turn you into some sort of social media influencer, and the idea disgusted you.

You spent the rest of the night thinking and relaxing, vowing in the morning to start working on the piles of boxes now littering your apartment.

And true to your word, that’s what you did.

As Monday afternoon rolled around, you had successfully unpacked and organized the contents of about 15% of your boxes. Not a small feat considering half of them were shoes; thank god for walk in closets.

You were busy unpacking boxes of books and alphabetizing them onto your book shelves in the living room when you heard a knock at the door. You furrowed your brows in confusion, not thinking anyone knew this address besides your father.

You opened the door, revealing the curly haired boy that had consumed your thoughts for three nights in a row now.

“Peter, what are you doing here?” You asked, a stack of books still in your hands, letting him into the apartment. Your heart sank, knowing what you were about to do.

“I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff.” Peter admitted, while you walked back to the bookshelf and resumed placing the books into their new home.

“Peter this isn’t a great time.” You tried to put this off, hoping maybe you could prolong this internal purgatory you were in.

“Y/N, about the party-“ Peter began, fidgeting with his hands nervously.

“Ok, guess we’re doing this,” You slammed the remaining books from your arms down onto the coffee table, whipping around to face him, “Listen, um, I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry. It was a mistake. I was drunk, I’m overwhelmed with all this moving stuff and-“

“It’s ok.” Peter nodded sweetly, but you could tell he was breaking inside.

“It’s not,” You didn’t even sound like yourself, like you were already playing the role of the woman your father and publicist so desperately wanted you to be, “My father was right, this can’t happen Peter. There’s too much risk involved.”

“What if it’s worth the risk?” Peter asked, almost begging you to listen. You removed your hands from your hips and began to wave them about as you ranted.

“People like us don't get to make that decision Peter, we don’t get to choose ourselves over the job we have to do, and the people that need to be protected.” Your voice raising in volume.

“Is this your dad talking, or you? You really don’t think you deserve to be happy?” Peter argued, knowing you didn’t sound like yourself. But his words hurt, because you knew he was right and there was nothing you could do, because you knew how dangerous it could be.

“I think you should go Peter.” You spoke, turning your back to him, you dropped your head into your hand. Peter thought you were angry with him, and had turned in an attempt to restrain yourself, so he tried once more. Last chance.

“Y/N. Look at me and tell me honestly that it was a mistake, and that you don’t care about me.” Peter spoke with more confidence than he had the whole conversation. You turned back to him after a minute and slowly dropped your hand and lifted your chin, your vision clouded with tears.

“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Your voice shook as your tears ran free. Peters eyes grew wide, he hadn’t expected that.

And almost in a moment of clarity he realized, you did care about him, that much was obvious from your reaction, but he also realized this wasn’t your decision. And that meant that you didn’t have much power to change it. You were hurting, and he just wanted to sweep you up in his arms and make you forget all the pain, but he knew that would make things worse.

As he left with a nod and a mumbled apology he realized just how much of a fool he had been. A fool to think he, just some kid from Queens, had a chance with the brilliant billionaire he’d soon never be able to forget.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You gave yourself an hour to cry and grieve the loss of someone who’s still alive, before making your way back out into the world.

Linda had her plans... and so did you. You knew there was one thing you needed if you really were going to sell this whole ‘perfect Stark girl’ media image and finally put to bed the Spider-Man rumors.

That’s how you found yourself, two hours later standing in front of a large oak door in a sundress. You knew the best way to forget about Peter, was to occupy your mind. You needed work, a distraction, and answers. Were your intentions pure? No, but then again neither were his... and you were getting impatient.

You knocked again, as the door was pulled open, revealing a face in utter shock.

“Y/N?” He asked, his eyes growing wider, if that was even possible.

“Thomas. We need to talk.” You spoke with so little emotion that it scared even you as you strutted past him and into the lavish townhome.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker imagines #spider-man x reader #spider-man imagines #spiderman imagines #spiderman x reader #stark reader #mcu #marvel #thor4 #tony stark #tom holland #far from home #spider-man ffh

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kimdaily · 4 years

Note

Can you reflect on your experience as a popular bts tumblr blog? Maybe describe how it felt when you were at your peak in a fandom that was stanning a group that was beginning to dominate kpop vs how it feels now to still be present (and still fairly popular I assume! ) in the tumblr sphere of the fandom post bts blowup? Also what do you miss most from your early days on here? And what are you most grateful for now?

oh wow this is such a fun question djgndskgn ummm okay well

I looooooved being on tumblr, it was an escape from my reality and pressures of school and life. before this blog “blew up?” it was so fun and relaxing. I met soooo many amazing people, a lot of which I’m still currently friends with outside of tumblr/have visited/travelled the world with/stayed with/ have stayed with me, etc. it was incredible, it was such a nice welcoming community, I was able to just be myself, talk to fellow fans, create content, act dumb, joke around, meme, talk about serious things, have in depth discussions about so many things bts and non bts related. especially with being a blog for one of the least ‘liked’ or stanned members, it really meant that everyone who was following me was a namjoon stan and wanted nothing more than to just talk about him, it was like a tight knit community within a huge community. it was so crazy and so exciting to see the fandom grow with every comeback. that was my favourite time during entire time with this blog on tumblr. that was my favourite part. people who spoke to me were genuine and kind, they wanted to get to know me, the person behind the blog and also just treated me like a human lol which definitely changed drastically

then this blog really started to get a loooottt of traction, and as soon as I hit 10k, things really changed and it was never the same. as this blog continued to grow bigger and bigger, things became increasingly intense, and INCREDIBLY negative and just super stressful. as the followers continued to grow, the less people viewed me as an actual human who was doing things on here during my incredibly limited free time as my own escape and ‘fun’ time, and the more they treated me like, straight garbage? lol I was constantly being picked apart, everything I said was scrutinized, things I would say would always, without fail get twisted and people with do whatever they can to get whatever negative narrative they wanted. I remember me once saying it was none of our business to discuss the members sexuality and that we shouldn’t just assume their sexuality and to leave them be, somehow turned into me ‘pushing a straight agenda’??? and I was literally just dragged. which still to this day I still don’t understand how people somehow decided to take that out of what I said. I was always happy to speak to everyone and help anyone with any question they had but at one point, despite me still trying my best, I was treated really poorly and like a literal like machine. if I missed something, or didn’t post something my inbox was always full of people yelling at me that this was my job and my job was to make things and keep the entire fandom updated with what’s going on. I also fully remember missing namjoons solo comeback because I was at work, and couldn’t be present to gif and make content, I got a shittttt load of asks telling me I was a horrible namjoon fan who doesn’t support him and stuff? like lol okay? what? or I would get yelled at if I didn’t respond to asks in a timely manner, because that was once again ‘my job’. my inbox also became google apparently. I would get hundreds of asks a day, with not a single person talking to me, and if I didn’t respond to those asks, I would get yelled at. I never really spoke about how many followers I had because tbh it didn’t really matter, I actually would often wish I was back to being a 5k blog and just having a good old time, I would get horrible asks about me being a bitch because this blog was ‘popular’ and that because it was, I was a horrible person?? or to just shut up because no one cares about me, or that I thought highly of myself because this was a ‘big blog’ which I still don’t understand, because I never acted differently throughout the years on this blog. I was always just myself. if anything I just became more closed off and learned to not bother speaking about myself/things going on in my life because I felt like people would be happier if I just did my ‘job’ even though this blog, was always just a personal blog that had a loooott of bts content, I was not like a dedicated bts blog. oh and I remember because I always was and still am a very blunt straight forward person, I would just speak whatever is on my mind, people would always misconstrue that as me being mean or rude. but anyway, I digress

I remember becoming incredibly scared to post, to say things, to do things because I was scared of continuously being attacked. I was scared to open my inbox, or my messages. like tbh even writing this I’m thinking “omg what if I don’t word something perfectly and people will get mad at me.” it’s honestly such a weird feeling to feel like you have to constantly edit yourself but also still trying to be yourself? idk how to explain it

but as much as I would crack and let all this shit get to me at times and publicly get upset, hurt or mad, I would also keep a lot of it to myself and just deal with the toxicity on my own, and just delete a lot of the messages or asks I got. because to me this blog was an escape, not just for me, but for everyone who followed me. I didn’t want people to come here and just see the negative shit constantly, I wanted them to continue to come here, have fun, and forget about whatever was going on in their lives, even if it was for just a few minutes. so even though that was no longer the case for me, I still wanted that for others. but it also got to the point that I was scared to turn off anon because I was scared of the potential backlash, but I also wanted those who wanted to be anonymous, who were not comfortable talking to me off anon to have that comfort in the anonymity etc. things just were really difficult, I always felt like what I was doing was wrong no matter what.

it also was very disheartening to notice a lot of other people only wanting to befriend me or interact with me because of the size of this blog. it kinda made it hard to become close to people after a while. people would make assumptions about me or literally hated me without even talking to me just because of the size of this blog.

there were so many times I wanted to delete this blog and make a new blog where no one knew who I was, just so I can start off fresh and relive the best parts of blogging in the first place. just have fun again. but I also didn’t find it fair to those who followed me, who relied on this blog for some sort of comfort. nor did I find it fair for me to lose something I worked hard on, and loved

but on the other hand, there were SO MANY incredible people that followed me that made everything feel worth it. and I am so incredibly thankful and grateful for each and everyone of you. some of you really helped me when I was having some of the hardest times. some of the messages I would get had such a positive impact on me and my life. and like I mentioned before, I have met some amazing friends because of this site that are still some of my closest friends to this day. and for that, I will always be beyond thankful.

unfortunately I can’t say much about what has really happened on tumblr in the last like almost 2 years? I haven’t been around much and definitely would not consider this blog very if at all relevant haha in like mid? 2018 I kinda vanished from this site. I had a looooot of things going on in my personal life, like an insane amount of very complex, dark, hard, just straight up depressing things going on, and I was not able to deal with all of that, and the darkness of this blog so I left. I never meant for it to be as long as it has been, but it kinda just happened. like tbh part of me would love to kinda just open up about everything, though I did post a little something vaguely explaining what was going on with me. I know it didn’t make sense but I also wouldn’t even know where to start when it comes to explaining what has been going on. I also know because of what has happened with me, I was a real shitty person to some people on here. I also feel terrible that I had over 100 messages I never got around to answering during this time, and the 600+ asks I have sitting in my inbox right now. I know I let a lot of people down. but I also would like to say thank you to everyone and anyone who tried to reach out to me or giving me their best wishes during that time despite me not responding to most of you. please know I read every single thing that was sent to me, thank you

like part of me wishes I never left, but I know I wouldn’t have been able to do both, I was barely able to even survive what is going on in my personal life. I really miss this blog, I miss making things, I miss interacting with people, I miss fangirling, I miss so many things about this blog. despite everything, I would not take any of it back. having this blog was such a fun and unique experience, for the most part at least.

some unique ass moments like the fact I made a goupchat for namjoon stans to have fun and interact with each other and befriend each other in a more accessible and less intimidating way than over tumblr and I think at the peak there was 300+ people in that chat. and that chat is I believe 3 years old and is still active to this day. or that I somehow was in talks with a lot of namjoon fansites and actually worked closely with a namjoon fansite working on things. or people recognizing me in public which I still find wild, meeting some of you at the concerts and hanging out. or being able to befriend people with the same interests as me, becoming close friends and travelling together/visiting each other, etc. or the fact that I was able to help some of you though out some dark or difficult times, or opening up to me with things you’d not feel comfortable talking to with anyone else. or being told I was the inspiration for some of you to do so many things, like going back to school, changing majors, seeking help, loving yourself, etc. or getting sent fan art of myself???? that was crazy! there are so many more things I could say, but this post is already so long, and I doubt anyone is even still reading haha. but I never thought things like that would have happened to me ever, but it did, and I will be forever so thankful to all of you. thank you, and thank you to everyone who was there or me during the ups and downs. I know I wasn’t always the greatest friend I could have been, thank you for accepting me for who I was, thank you for being there when I needed an escape, thank you for everything.

this whole post is probably so poorly written, but esdljgknx I tried, I know I’m leaving out soooooooooo many things that I could have said or should have said, but this is already sooooo long holy. plus I have to get back to working on my stuff, the reason I came out to this coffee shop I’m sitting at right now haha

#anonymous #answered

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likesolastalgia · 5 years

Text

drink (coffee) with me

It’s been six hours, according to Combeferre’s watch. Six hours since they’ve closed the door on a whirlwind of shouts and sirens and the familiar glare of hospital lights. Six hours since the longest he can remember going without sleep not on shift, since the third time in their friendship he’s seen Enjolras cry. Six hours and counting since they returned from what might objectively be the worst experience Combeferre has ever had.

By the time he and Enjolras returned home, neither of them wanted to talk much about anything. He looked at Enjolras once, saw an expression on his face that he was sure he never wanted to see again, and went straight to bed.

And his next coherent thought is that he’s clearly forgotten to turn off his alarm, because it goes of as usual four hours later. His heart starts pounding the moment he opens his eyes, his body still responding to imagined unknowns with spikes of adrenaline. He sits up, shakes his head to clear it of left-over memories, shouts and chaos, and puts on his glasses. A part of him still feels lost in an afterthought of the day before, stranded in the normality of his own room, his daily life vague and unsure around him. But in the absence of anything else, Combeferre decides to stick to routine.

First step: coffee. He opens the door to his bedroom and makes his way down the flat’s short hallway towards the kitchen, pausing at the open door to the living room as a small movement catches his attention.

“Enjolras?” He glances around the door. Enjolras is curled into a corner of the couch, his laptop balanced on his knees. The news is on the tv in front of him with the sound turned all the way down, panning slowly over an all too familiar aftermath. Silent images cast flickers of light across his face in the early morning darkness. He looks exhausted.

Combeferre frowns.

It takes Enjolras a moment to respond, his eyes still locked on a newscaster forming silent words with cheery red lips.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Enjolras seems to finally acknowledge him enough to react, tearing his gaze away with a visible effort and choosing instead to stare blankly at his laptop. “I have a paper due next week, thought i’d get a head start.”

Another worry joins the already overflowing heap in the back of Combeferre’s mind. He takes a step closer.

“You didn’t wake me, “ he says. “My alarm went off.”

Enjolras types a word, stares at it for a moment, deletes it again.

“Did you get any sleep?” Combeferre asks. He maneuvers a few books off the couch and sits down, turned towards Enjolras, who shrugs.

“Enjolras.” Combeferre tries to sound stern, but the combination of the early morning and the haze of confusion in the corner of his mind that he’s trying his hardest to ignore makes it come out softer than he intends. “You need to sleep.”

“I couldn’t,” Enjolras says shortly, and when he speaks, his voice is softer too. “And this is important. I’ve been neglecting it, with everything that was-” He cuts himself off abruptly. “I can’t seem to do this either.”

There are a lot of things Combeferre wantsto say, things like how brains can’t function on no sleep, and how Enjolras is clearly putting more than half of his attention into monitoring coverage of the backlash of the night before. Things like the fact that he can barely hold himself together enough to have this conversation and that he understands better than anyone the thoughts that must be going through Enjolras’s head. He says none of them.

Instead, he stands up, turning away.

“I’m going to turn this off,” he says, trying to instill some measure of calm into his voice as he motions towards the tv, trying to formulate a sort of plan in his head as he goes, to sound authoritative enough that Enjolras will snap out of whatever traumatized, exhausted daze he’s in and really listen.

“Wait, stop!” Enjolras half-rises from his awkward, curled position, but he pauses as Combeferre holds up a hand.

“I’m going to make coffee,” he announces, with enough false conviction that he hopes it will become a reality.

“Sure.” Enjolras sags back down into the couch. “I can’t do this, anyway.”

Combeferre pauses, bites down a sigh; he’s not ready for this conversation yet. Enjolras is looking down at his laptop, one hand picking at a loose seam in the couch. “The words just won’t come. I feel like i’m broken.” He takes an uneven breath. “I didn’t do enough. I tried so hard and I let everyone down.” He’s clearly not talking about the essay anymore.

The living room is small and Combeferre crosses it in two strides. He stands in front of Enjolras and slowly reaches out to slide his laptop away from him, closing the screen and replacing it with his own hand, palm up in a wordless offer of comfort. “Come with me.”

After a short moment, Enjolras takes the hand and lets Combeferre pull him upright, swaying slightly as he stands. It’s exhaustion, Combeferre knows for a fact. He made sure that Enjolras wasn’t injured the night before and anyway, he’s fairly certain it’s not something Enjolras would hide from him.

When they get to the kitchen, he takes his time making coffee in a way that he doesn’t usually have time for during rushed mornings or short glimpses of afternoons before a night shift. He lets himself be methodical, putting on water to boil, measuring beans, setting out the french press like any other person would, enjoying a leisurely weekend morning.

Behind him, Enjolras has fallen silent, perched on a stool at the kitchen counter with his chin in one hand and a distant expression on his face. They’ve known each other long enough that they don’t need to talk in order to know what the other is thinking, but there are certain things that Combeferre knows need to be said out loud. And he can’t bring himself to do it yet, not when he has the false stillness of the morning all around him and the smell of coffee filling the kitchen and Enjolras’s steady breathing behind him. He can almost pretend that nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

“Isn’t that a myth?” Enjolras asks suddenly. “Storing your coffee beans in the freezer?” Combeferre closes the freezer door and turns around to face him, resting his elbows on the counter behind him.

“I didn’t think you cared,” he responds, with a small smile. He’s glad Enjolras is talking, having opinions again, even if he still sounds lost and sad in a way that Combeferre wishes he knew how to begin to fix. “I know for a fact that you would inject caffeine directly into your bloodstream if it was an option.”

Enjolras rolls his eyes and the tension in his shoulders drops slighty. “There’s not enough time in the day as it is. Why waste more of it making coffee to stay awake when I could multitask?”

Multitask, like he’d been doing earlier with his essay, Combeferre supposes. He glances down at his watch (six hours, thirty-eight minutes) and then moves over to push down the top of the french press, pouring it out into two mugs, one of which he sets in front of Enjolras. He wraps both of his hands around his own mug, breathing in the subtle nutty aroma, letting it warm him as he studies Enjolras over the top of it.

Enjolras takes a sip of coffee and meets his eyes briefly before looking down into his cup.

“I really do have an essay due,” he says quietly, as usual, knowing exactly what’s on Combeferre’s mind without having to push too hard. “I’ve been putting it off planning all of this.” He gestures vaguely around them with his free hand, as if to indicate in some vague sense of what ‘this’ is.

Combeferre nods. “I know. And you’ll get it done faster if you actually sleep.”

It’s Enjolras’s turn to nod. “I know. It’s just,” they share a look, full of pain and guilt and something like shame. Combeferre takes a sip of coffee as Enjolras continues. “Sometimes I dream about Paris burning. It’s all smoke and flames and I can hear people shouting for help, but I can’t get to them.” Combeferre sets his mug down on the counter, takes a step closer as Enjolras pointedly looks away from him. “I don’t know.” He can hear the quiver in Enjolras’s voice. “I just always thought we could put that fire out before it started.”

He’s close enough now to wrap an arm around Enjolras as he leans sideways off his stool, resting his head against Combeferre’s shoulder. His back hitches once under Combeferre’s hand as he struggles to control his breathing.

“We can still put it out,” Combeferre says, finally, not knowing exactly how true his words are, but knowing he has to believe them, for Enjolras, for himself, for every person and everything they dedicate themselves to helping. “Maybe not today, but there’s still time.”

Enjolras shrugs under his hand, leans more heavily against him.

After a moment, he picks up his coffee again and clinks his mug lightly against Combeferre’s in a sort of cheers. “Thank you for being here.”

They both drink.

To early mornings and friendship and to the pain that comes from having tried and maybe failed, and whatever else it is that Enjolras is drinking to. Combeferre’s arm is still tight around Enjolras’s shoulders and for now, they let the world exist around them: flawed and imperfect, but still breathing.

#enjolras #combeferre #les mis #FRIENDSHIP #the other thing enjolras is drinking to is grantaire #obvs #um #sorry if this is awful #i just like have feelings #also like this is def a contribution to the combeferre coffee debate #and also like enjolras will drink any caffeine dont @ me

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