#i literally would not miss you youve ruined so much and if you shut up forever id be happy

[heyitsyn]

Prince Iwa-Chan

Oikawa!Sister x Iwaizumi Hajime

a/n: it aggravates me that my mans bara-arms-iwa-chan is so UNDERRATED!!!!

requests open!!

like look mom, im in love

ofc youre an oikawa

tbh, i dont think iwa wouldve been comfortable w you when yall first met

lets say youre a year younger than tooru

its a well-known fact that theyve been friends since they were really young so you, being oiks’ baby sister, was also part of your little trio

like lets say they met when they were 6

that would make you about 5

since yall have an older sister, you were exposed to the girly girl stuff like dolls and princesses

ngl, tooru was too thats why hes so flamboyant

but seems his fashion style refutes that

ya didnt hear that from me

anyways

tooru had already developed a deep fascination w volleyball bc he saw it being played during the 2000 summer olympics

but you remained w your sister and continued letting her treat you like a princess

im not really sure how old his sister is but lets say she was about around middle school when you were 5-6

however, tooru still made you play w him even though you didnt know how but you didnt care bc you were close w your brother so you would play ball w him

then came along iwaizumi hajime that tooru met from school

he found out that this boy also liked volleyball and tooru yeeted them both home so they could go and play at the back yard

you peeked from your window and you just thought iwa was the most handsome boy youve ever met

ofc, you just bolted down the stairs to where your brother and his friend was

oiks saw you standing by the door w a red face and him, being still a child and not understanding crushes, thought you were sick

he went to you and beckoned hajime to follow him inside

tooru sat you down and asked if you were okay but you just kept staring at hajime

he figured that you were just confused as to who this person was

‘oh! iwa-chan! this is my little sister, y/n! y/n, this is my classmate, iwaizumi hajime!’

cue iwa hitting him at the head

‘i can introduce myself perfectly fine, bakakawa!’

iwaizumi hajime,,,

iwaizumi hajimeee,

iwaizumi y/n

that thought made you turn even redder and you squealed in embarrassment before running back to your room

lmao what

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

he be getting the oikawas though

iwa was actually concerned but oiks waved it off

‘don’t worry, iwa-chan. shes weird like that. lets go toss the ball!’

so that was kinda how he met you

now, since hajime basically lived in your house by how much him and your brother hung out, youve slowly mellowed out and gotten to be friends w him

despite your hatred w bugs, you still went w them to explore just bc you wanted to be around hajime

lmao tooru youre now irrelevant

hajime didnt mind and he always made sure you were okay with the adventures of the day

even though you were only like a year younger, he cant help but baby you bc of your much smaller height than him and overall cute baby face

one day, they both came home from school all sweaty bc they raced home

‘iwa-chan! you can settle in the living room while i go shower!’

‘don’t call me iwa-chan, bakakawa!’

‘then stop calling me that!’

he sat down on the couch and started doing his homework when he heard you come home from school

lmao how do little japanese kids go back and forth from school to home at the age of 6

idek how to cross the street

‘tadaima’

‘oh, okaeri, y/n’

you perked up at his voice and you ran to the living room, seeing him

‘iwa-chan!’

he grunted and you threw yourself to him in a hug

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

part 2

tbh it doesnt even faze him anymore since you do this to him every time

he continues doing homework and just wraps one arm around you and starts patting your head

‘tooru-nii?’

‘shower’

‘okay’

then silence

but its the good kind of silence

you and iwa just sit there with you snuggled up on him while he continues to add numbers

then it was ruined

by the pterodactyl oikawa tooru who comes flying down the stairs and glomps on to iwa’s other side

‘y/n-chan! stop hogging iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine, tooru-nii!!’

you pout while iwa turns and gives him a glare

‘shut up, bakakawa! and stop calling me that!’

‘aahh!! you were mine first, iwa-chan!’

‘i was never yours! be quiet!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine forever! we’re going to get married so butt out, nii-chan!’

‘HAH?!’

once everything calms down, yall actually start your homework and work

‘anything happen today, y/n-chan?’

oikawa always asked that question bc he believes its his duty as older brother to be caught up in your life

thats actually annoying bruv

‘hmm, me and the girls in my class were playing princess tea party today and a boy asked to be my prince.’

‘WHAT!’

oikawa is 7 now and he faintly has an idea about crushes and his father made him promise that he would protect you from nasty boys

‘calm down, bakakawa’

iwa mumbled, continuing his homework but also paying attention

‘WHAT!? NO! WHATD YOU SAY, Y/N-CHAN! YOUR BROTHER IS THE ONLY PRINCE YOU NEED!’

‘i told him i already have a prince’

oikawa was so smug and crossed his arms

‘hm, serves them right-’

‘prince iwa-chan and i are going to get married and live in a castle so there’s no room for anybody else’

iwa had to double check and turned red really fast

like who was this iwa-chan

wait, what his name?

his name has iwa in it

is he iwa-chan?

y/n’s prince iwa-chan?

was he really iwa-chan?

‘NO! YOUR NII-SAN IS YOUR PRINCE! IWA-CHAN CAN BE YOUR KNIGHT OR SOMETHING! BUT IM YOUR PRINCE!’

you glared at tooru and shook your head

‘no. iwa-chan is my prince’

you were so shamless about this fact

lmao i want your confidence

from then on, youve called iwa as your prince

like his name on your phone is literally prince iwa-chan

then when you were in middle school, you’ve started calling iwa as haji-senpai

there wasnt even a large event that spawned this

well,,, actually,,

youve noticed that iwa hated the nickname ‘iwa-chan’ a lot and he hit tooru many times bc of it so you stopped calling him that bc you didnt want him to be mad at you

so you started calling him senpai bc he was technically an upperclassman

when you first called him this, iwa was lowkey shook

‘haji,,,, senpai?’

you nodded from your spot on the couch, not looking up from your homework

‘see? i can only call iwa-chan, iwa-chan! OOF!’

that was iwa hitting tooru at the face with his pencil case

‘y/n, you dont have to call me that. we’ve known each other since we were little so you dont have to call me by an upperclassman term’

you shrugged

‘i know. but you dont like it when you’re called iwa-chan, do you?’

‘not if it’s by this trash’

he jutted a thumb to the fallen tooru

‘so,,,, iwa-chan is fine?’

your eyes sparkled at the permission of being able to freely call him that without worry

he gulps at your face and turns away to hide his red face before nodding

‘my prince iwa-chan!’

‘no! my iwa-chan!’

‘shut up shittykawa!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

keeping up with the oikawas

this nickname will forever be stuck

since you went to the same middle school, you were known to be around your brother and iwa and even staying behind for practice to walk home w them

it became a bit of a joke to the team of you picking up your prince

one day, a teammate called iwa, ‘prince iwa-chan’ and he almost busted a fuse

was ready to square up bc only his babie can call him that

but when you came through the door

‘prince iwa-chan! your princess is here!’

he turned all soft and squishy and pats your head so gently that they couldnt believe this is the same boy who is the ace

you were interested in volleyball so you were kinda friends w the team but you didnt really care for the sport, mainly focusing on your academics

thats how it really was for you three

they focused on sports while you studied

oh my here comes highschool

oikawa and iwa were already known throughout the FREAKING PREFECTURE bc of how TALENTED THEY ARE AT VOLLEYBALL

and you were already known by your pretty face and your cute personality

basically genderbent oikawa

and just wanted to stop you from reading by telling you that you are beautiful and you are a KWEEN and you are a GODDESS and confidence is the most beautiful thing to wear and best of all, it’s free!!

ofc, youd have to go to aoba johsai bc your brother was there

‘y/n-chan! you need to go where your brother is! you love him, don’t you?’

‘sure, tooru’

you actually went to seijoh bc you would see iwa 

you didnt hear that from me

your first day, boys (and gals) were already flocking towards you when they saw you walking with iwa and tooru

still being the overprotective brother since day1, oikawa was just snarling at anyone getting close to his baby sister

lmao what baby

hes only like a year older

but iwa was being terrirorial protective bc he finds it as an obligation as tooru’s best friend and your childhood friend

when oiks wasn’t paying attention and being drowned by his fangirls, iwa was your bodyguard

there was this one boy who started walking towards you as yall were going to your class but hajime placed an arm around your waist and pulled you closer

‘oh? i’m only at the first floor, iwa-chan. don’t get all clingy now’

lmao, girl hes trying to show that boy that hes your unofficial mans and will cut off his family jewels if he tries to even BREATHE in your direction

umm,,, iwa’s not yandere in this one yall

iwa just rolls his eyes and makes you walk forward until yall are at your door

‘i’ll see you later, iwa-chan!’

‘yea yea. i’ll pick you up’

he starts to walk down the hallway but you poke your head back out and shout

‘i miss you already, prince iwa-chan!’

he turns red all over and freezes for a 0.0002 seconds before raising a hand without turning around

now ladies and genitals

this is when iwa-chan starts to catch feelings like he catches them spikes

your cute smling face and saying his dumb nickname that he actually loves was like a recipe for a stroke for him

it has come to the point at the mere thought of you would make him all flustered and red

it tripled over when this happened:

puberty was kinda late for you and you actually just woke up looking like a goddess one day and you were like, lmao what

your chest just ballooned up and your height just skyrocketed that your skirt was now very short

ew i dont know what i would do in this situation

you were self-conscious about this and was kinda scared 

obvs, you would scream for your mother and she and your father and brother bolts up to your bedroom thinking there was a whole michael meyers in your room

but when you explained that your uniform doesnt fit anymore, she starts making appointments to get you fitted for another one

but you had to wait for a few days

so you went to school looking like a whole snacc

more of a snacc than you did before

when iwa saw you, he had a literal nosebleed in the middle of campus and runs to the bathroom to get all cleaned up

why in the name of asahi do you look like that?!

when you saw your prince look at you in horror and run away, you cried

you were already very self-conscious and him doing that just topped the cake

cake that tooru doesnt have

oop imsorry

tooru reassures you that he had a nosebleed and he was just sick and ran to not get any blood on his clothes

but you just walked away with your head down low

it didnt matter to you if this caught all the student body’s attention

that their precious oikawa y/n, little sister of the oikawa tooru, was a walking perfection goddess Venus

all that you cared about was iwa’s opinions bc he was your prince and your best friend

girl, accept that you actually like the mans

this was the worst day of your entire life and you went straight to your locker to get your gym clothes out and wear it for the day

it was tight but at least it covered skin

and it still attracted enough attention to be catcalled and whistled at

it felt violating

the entire morning, there was more attention and more people flocked over to you and guys were staring at you as if you were a piece of meat, not a girl

‘harry potter is a boy! not a piece of meat!’

sorry i cant help it

you were so uncomfortable that you called your brother during lunch time to come pick you up for lunch bc you were too scared to walk alone after being catcalled during your walk to your class

tooru sends out iwa to go help you as an apology from this morning and he just runs to your class bc you were in trouble and he was going to protect you!!

go iwa-chan!

he finds you sitting on your chair, looking down at your desk as there seemed to be boys piled up on top of each other, trying to get your attention

first world problems, amirite

‘OI!’

that angry grunt but at 2x bass boosted

hearing his voice, you were still embarrassed from earlier but you were so relieved

‘iwa-chan!’

iwa pushes people away and he grabs your hand to pull you up before wrapping an arm around your waist, protectively

‘if i see you idiots making her uncomfortable or even trying to touch her, i will destroy you’

protection and the feeling of safety is my fave

he leads you out of there to the stairway where him and his teammates were eating

he held your hand tightly and you squeezed it, trying to show that you were grateful

even if they were still male, your brother was there and if something happened, they were both strong enough to take them on

besides, its just mattsun and maki anyways

tooru saw you and he hugged you before leading you to the 2 others

‘guys, this is y/n, my sister. that’s mattsun and that’s makki.’

you slightly smiled and raised a hand in greeting

‘yo’

‘hello’

to be safe, iwa made you sit a step down from him so that if something happens, he could protect you

idk how but you do you boo

‘i can protect her too, iwa-chan!’

‘shut up, shittykawa. youre literally sticks and bones’

‘so mean! iwa-chan, you’re so mean!’

you giggled, head leaning down to rest on iwa’s right thigh since you were full and tired and he runs his hand through your hair

mattsun and makki shared a look before asking

‘are you dating our ace, y/n-chan?’

at the mention of dating, you both turned red and you sat up

‘OF COURSE NOT, MATTSUN, MAKKI!’

iwa shouts but his red face and ears betrayed him

‘iwa-chan grew up with us so he’s naturally like that. we’ve adopted him into our family!’

oikawa explained but you looked at him and he gave you a knowing look

oh he noticed everything

the lingering looks during practice

the bashful smiles during hang outs at home

unnecessary touches during the walk to school

oikawa may be annoying but he’s observant and he is smart

after that fiasco, the two boys were a little wary of letting you walk home alone so iwa offered to take you since he was already making more progress and didnt need extra practice while tooru wanted to practice more

‘iwa-chan, can we go to your house this time?’

he turned to look at you curiously since you never ask to go to his place

‘i miss your mom and ive been meaning to go visit her. so can we, iwa-chan?’

you squeezed his hand and showcased your pleading look making him agree

‘fine’

his house wasn’t a frequently hung out spot since your house was closer but you were still familiar with his home since his mother was fond of you

‘tadaima’

mama iwaizumi peaked from the kitchen and greeted him home before squealing at the sight of the youngest oikawa

‘oh my, y/n-chan! hello!’

‘hello, auntie!’ 

she gave you a big hug and you returned it with a laugh

iwa just standing there to the side with a smile bc his mom approves so all is good in life

‘you’ve grown so much, y/n-chan! so much prettier too!’ you turned bashful at her compliments.

then she leaned forward to whisper in your ear but made her voice loud

‘say, has my son finally ask you to be his girlfriend?’

omg mama iwaizumi really ships it

iwa turns red and complains to his mom about being in his business too much

‘don’t be so timid, hajime! y/n-chan could be taken from under your nose any minute now!’

‘dont you think i know that’ he mumbles but very lowly so that no one hears him

but you decide to tease him more

‘no. but i’m waiting for it. i’ll tell you once he does, auntie!’

fed up with the teasing, he grabs you and drags you up to his room to change into comfortable clothing

you sit on his bed while he rummages through his closet for a sweatshirt and sweatpants

‘here! change into these!’ he shouts, still flustered and refusing to look at your eyes

youre an oikawa and you lived to tease so you stood up, tossing the clothes to the side and wrapping your arms around his neck

ooo gurl you want iwa to die today, don’t you?

he gets even redder and scowls

‘oi, y/n, what are you doing’

you shook your head

‘nothing. i just miss my prince iwa-chan. you were so brave for saving me today, prince iwa-chan’

the nickname used to not affect him that much but now, he watches the it fall from your cherry lips

‘say my name’

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘iwa-chan?’

he gently shakes his head no

‘my real name’

‘iwaizumi hajime’

you say, distracted at the way his mouth moves

‘and what’s yours?’

‘iwaizumi y/n’

you breathed out

he growls softly before taking your sinful lips

wowza jesus took the wheel bc he stepped on that pedal

we going straight 100 mph up in this bih

iwa really said, ‘skip the confession. imma go straight for my babie girl’s lips. also, proposal who? let’s go get married in vegas!’

it wasnt even been literally 15 minutes until you came bounding the stairs wearing hajime’s signature grey hoodie with his seijoh sweatpants and calling for your auntie to announce you were now dating are going to get married

‘WHAT!?’ 

she screams and comes running from the kitchen, holding a ladle

you flashed a grin while iwa shows a small smile with red cheeks from behind you before telling you that you were both too young to get married

‘i told ya you would be the first to know’

after dinner, you call your brother and hes like, ‘okay, since you’re not at home i’m assuming youre at iwa’s’

‘omgomgomg, nii-chan! i just had dinner with my boyfriend’s family! they accepted me!’

‘BOYFRIEND?! DOES IWA-CHAN KNOW!? HOW COULD YOU BREAK HIS HEART?!’

oikawa just has that special type of voice that even without being on speaker phone, it sounds like he is

iwa laughs at his friend’s worried questions

‘better hand over your princess to the prince, grand king’

oikawa screamed

i hope i did my mans justice 

#iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime imagines #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi hajime fluff #iwaizumi fluff #iwa chan #oikawa sister #oikawa reader #oikawa #haikyuu #haikyuu fanfic #iwaizumi hajime fanfic #iwaizumi fanfic #hq iwaizumi #iwaizumi headcanons

[littlebabycrybtch]

im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me. 

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism. 

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

#tw ableism/// #a little rambly but tldr i love the concept of pro recovery but oh my god if uckgin hate pro recovery people so much u are all so stupid #i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are #like mam are you pro recovery or are you anti visible mental illness. take a sec to ponder ill wait #long post #and for me its like. i dotn trust ppl who feel they have to clarify and say that why cant u just say ur a disability/mental illness ally #why cant you just say you support us. why cant you say you want us to be happy. why do you ahve to put #literally ALL of our value in your eyes on our recovery aka how far we can stray from being nd

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: where the fuck mckenna Joe: stuck at this thing Ronnie: like i fucking said Ronnie: where Joe: oh Joe: this kid from my course was doing open mic so we all had to show up Ronnie: youve done youre time then yeah Joe: overtime Joe: i wanna be home bad Ronnie: leave Ronnie: whats keeping you there Joe: them Joe: you know how people are Joe: buying me more drinks Ronnie: fuck em Ronnie: down whatever youre on & fuck off Joe: i will Joe: i am Joe: you picked up or am i Ronnie: its on you Ronnie: for the radio silence Joe: come on baby Joe: can't hear myself in here nevermind my phone Ronnie: not your fucking baby Joe: don't be like that Ronnie: i dont only exist when its quiet in your head Ronnie: thank fuck Joe: no one does then Joe: that's the whole point ain't it Ronnie: the point is where the fuck have you been Joe: i told you ron Joe: if i didnt have to i wouldn't be gone from you Ronnie: if you werent a pussy you wouldnt have to do fuck all Ronnie: grow a pair for christs sake Ronnie: baby is fucking right Joe: ive got to go out sometime Joe: if i didn't show to uni i couldn't afford half the shit we cop Ronnie: you aint at classes Ronnie: so unless some bitch off it is paying you to escort i call bullshit Joe: sadly not Joe: see if any of 'em are game maybe Ronnie: with 1 foot out the door Ronnie: you wish Ronnie: no fucking game when youre trying to play fuck all except cello Joe: 💘 for my cello skills Ronnie: youve got groupies Ronnie: go cry to em like Joe: you're sick of me, yeah Ronnie: work it out cunt Joe: we don't need to play games Ronnie: goin from baby to middle fucking aged aint cute Joe: you've got it covered for the both of us Ronnie: fuck you Joe: now I can't call you cute Ronnie: you cant call me old shithead Joe: i weren't idiot Joe: come on Joe: it'll all be good when i get there Ronnie: you come on Ronnie: I could be fucking dead Joe: you aren't Joe: don't say that Ronnie: no thanks to you Ronnie: or fucks given by you Joe: stop it Joe: you're the only person i care about Joe: literally Joe: not even myself Ronnie: & this is how you show it yeah Joe: i'm shit Joe: i know it but i never told you no different Ronnie: get another drink bought for you mckenna Ronnie: drown in it Joe: we got better plans Joe: and methods Ronnie: stop pissing about then Joe: will you be my baby again Ronnie: not that easy Joe: what if i get you something special Ronnie: do it & find out Ronnie: why the fuck would i commit to a yeah for a maybe Joe: 'cos you know i'm gonna Ronnie: your word is for shit Ronnie: i know that Joe: fine Joe: i'll stop talking Ronnie: promises promises baby Joe: 😶 Ronnie: left yet Joe: just me and my two feet Joe: no promises Ronnie: if you aint & youre silent on me to talk to some other bitch you wont be walking anywhere Ronnie: thats a fucking promise like Joe: if you were trying to get me to go faster Joe: why would i wanna talk to anyone else Ronnie: why else go out with those doss cunts Joe: part of it is keeping 'em thinking i'm normal Joe: can't just show up and nod out Ronnie: youre the only 1 with your ma on speed dial Ronnie: who fucking cares Joe: means i don't need to go back don't it Joe: or would you rather i was in dublin every other weekend Joe: i do what i gotta for a reason you know that Ronnie: theres fuck all need to have that many playmates Ronnie: if you planned that it was to piss me off Joe: i wouldn't need to plan that Ronnie: fuck you Joe: and i didn't Joe: they're boring Ronnie: 💔 Joe: i am Joe: i miss you Ronnie: you dont Joe: yeah i fucking do Ronnie: you fucking dont Joe: how do you want me to prove it Joe: tell me Ronnie: i aint spoonfeeding you ever day of your fucking life Ronnie: not that bitch Joe: you want it you ask for it Ronnie: you wanna prove yourself do it Joe: i will Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: picked a boss day for romance Joe: have i Joe: i'm always romantic Ronnie: dont you know what day it is Joe: oh Joe: lol yeah Joe: i'll get you garage flowers instead Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: theyll die quicker than you Joe: picky Joe: put the rig to another use after then Joe: 🥀 v classic Ronnie: ill carve it into my arm as you like it so much Ronnie: cheers for the easy design Joe: you could wait 'til I'm there Joe: so mean, baby Ronnie: course you wanna watch Ronnie: putting down the glass like Joe: if you don't know me by now Ronnie: so misunderstood yeah Joe: 💔 Joe: you wish Ronnie: yeah you know me proper well Joe: bollocks Ronnie: keep the sweet talk coming baby Joe: that's not what you like Joe: silence is golden Ronnie: you reckon you know what i like now Joe: yeah Ronnie: took you long enough Joe: you been waiting all your life yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Ronnie: puked enough today cheers Joe: see? s'your favourite Joe: can't get enough Ronnie: hating you fuels me Ronnie: aint denying it Joe: you're so welcome Ronnie: got that from your avoidance tactics Joe: i'll turn around then Joe: give you a real reason to live Ronnie: try it Ronnie: ill fucking kill you Joe: have to come find me first Ronnie: yeah & Joe: you threatening me with a good time ain't how this day is supposed to go Joe: know that much Ronnie: itll go however the fuck i say Joe: yeah? Ronnie: you know that much about me mckenna Joe: ain't denying nothing me Ronnie: too busy doing it round your besties Joe: 'cos i don't owe them shit Joe: only you get to know me like that Ronnie: you said you were killing the sweet talk Joe: it ain't its just how it is Joe: you know me Joe: no one else, end of Ronnie: come be with me then Joe: i am Joe: one stop but that'll be worth it Joe: come to mine and stay yeah Joe: don't wanna see the others Ronnie: ill be there before you Ronnie: few streets away Joe: good Joe: i like it when you're there Ronnie: want me to kick the door in so your flatmate girlfriend has a heart attack Joe: go on Joe: if she lives i'll say you forgot your keys Ronnie: ill say its your 💘 day pressie Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: if you're also in a mac, believable Joe: her boyfriend dumped her so she'll definitely be in Ronnie: tonights the night for that 3some Ronnie: hot Joe: only if you kill her first 😏 Ronnie: we need her tears for lube Ronnie: think it through like Joe: we've always got blood, baby Ronnie: keep it up & ill deffo stay Joe: forever Ronnie: ive been waiting all fucking day for you Joe: i'm sorry Joe: i'm making it up to you, alright Ronnie: i mean hurry up Joe: 🚖 it and everything Ronnie: your gf will be thrilled Ronnie: can hear her crying from here like Joe: maybe its the cat Joe: very similar Ronnie: watch your fucking mouth bitch Joe: 😂 Ronnie: 😾 Joe: you're both very cute Ronnie: say that again & well both fuck you up Joe: adorable Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: 👼 you Ronnie: you wish soft cunt Joe: nah Joe: but i'll survive Ronnie: you fucking wont Ronnie: i know you like Ronnie: & what you like Joe: 'cos its you Joe: all you Ronnie: ruined your gfs rom com Ronnie: shes gonna need some of whatever the fuck youre bringing Joe: too bad Joe: its for you Joe: i might have some benzos she can have though Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: its wild being here when you aint & she is Joe: rude of her to have her drug-fuelled orgies when i ain't in Ronnie: party can really start now i am Ronnie: know shes dying to break the tension Ronnie: 👊💋 Joe: won't make you wait for me on that score, babe Ronnie: like you could Ronnie: bitch is ready to go Joe: you trying to make me jealous of sophie Ronnie: wouldnt use her Ronnie: fuck that Joe: awh Joe: 👼 Ronnie: you trying to say shes hot enough to bait you Ronnie: step your pussy up mckenna Joe: no Joe: i'm saying if you wanted to i would Joe: i'd obviously do anything for and with you Ronnie: we aint taking her virginity Ronnie: youre hard enough fucking work Joe: shut up 😏 Ronnie: make me baby Joe: that's part 2 of the plan Ronnie: you gonna talk me through it or you gonna do it Joe: i know what you like Joe: and how you feel about talking Joe: even if it ain't no empty words bullshit Ronnie: youve still got your tongue Ronnie: means i must wanna hear some shit youve got to say Joe: that means i can tell you all how you won't regret giving sid my tongue as a toy when it can be yours Ronnie: you wont regret leaving those cunts there & coming back to me Ronnie: [pics from his bed like hey it's me] Joe: i already knew that Joe: but keep reminding me whilst i wait for the man Ronnie: you gotta know it harder Joe: you'll know how hard i know it Joe: i'll make you feel it too Ronnie: you can keep you fingers unbroken too like Ronnie: typing that shit while we both wait Joe: don't reckon much to a dealer's idea of foreplay Joe: and i've waited too long for you already Ronnie: youve gotta bring it to em baby Ronnie: junkie law states it aint a real addiction til youve sucked a dick for it Ronnie: romance him Ronnie: [pics again like these will inspire you] Joe: fuck Joe: how 'bout I stay up here on my high horse and enjoy just being addicted to you then Ronnie: how bout you come the fuck home Ronnie: now Joe: yeah Joe: i gotta Joe: i need to see you right now Joe: i got what i really wanted we can top up later Ronnie: ill go out then Ronnie: they plug me faster than theyll do it for you Joe: can't blame 'em Ronnie: yeah you still smell like 🍒 Joe: and they know they ain't getting nothing sucked Ronnie: you could do a toe Ronnie: dont be a pussy Joe: 😂 Joe: i think they'd rather my money Joe: not cute like you Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: big cal is well into it Joe: tempting Ronnie: hell tell you how pretty you are Joe: just what i need Ronnie: yeah i know Joe: nah you know what i really am Joe: and that's what i want Ronnie: ive got eyes like Joe: me too Joe: even when they're half-shut or pinholed Ronnie: cute Joe: you Ronnie: dont Joe: why Ronnie: cause fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: forget it Joe: i'm practically in the door Ronnie: make me

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #rant #i sincerely doubt anyone will read to the end of this but whomst knows #besides it feels nice to just scream

[incoherentlynonexistent-blog]

Unfortunate Outcome

Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....

It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...

Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....

Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....

Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....

It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.

Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want

Idk what I need....

I know I dont need this constant bullshit

Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations

Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be

Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long

The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....

Doesnt matter where they go

Doesnt matter the time they let slip by

Hell it doesn't matter what they do .

In still feeling the same things

I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this

I live everyday waiting still

I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again

I literally feel myself slipping

I'm already dead because of them

Added with how I'm still feeling

I'm not sure of this feeling will subside

It's all mind consuming

I can't just stop about this

It's the one thing that no-one understands

The reason why I'm like this

The answer is simple

Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage

I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....

I didnt get closure

Instead I get the only thing that's never changed

Them leaving my life.....

Something promised against but in the end

They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......

It's hard living and feeling like this

I have no faith

I don't have confidence

I'm trying to find a purpose

But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....

They're just haunting to me now...

Only because of how and what I've done

You really think I can just magically become better

No.

It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here

Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring

Until I'm given that

I will not get better.

I will not heal

This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence

This isn't what I what wanted

None of this is

I don't want the depression

I dont care for the desire.

I just want to feel happy again.

I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......

I just wished someone would hear me out

After asking for three years now...

I cant just move on

God Damn it man

If they only knew just how bad I really am

I wonder if things would be different....

I wonder if anyone wouldve left....

I just want someone to be here for me

Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship

My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here

Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again

Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.

I don't trust anybody any more

I don't even crack a smile

You know who you are

The person im addressing anyway ..

I hope you're happy

I hope you feel accomplished at what you created

With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....

Idk how else to stress this fact

Because I cant get that little bit of respect....

When I shouldn't have been involved anyway

I should've walked away

I should've listened to the voice in my head

"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat

If I'd knew then what I knew now

I would've never showed up

I would have never existed

But its thanks to you ive gotten like this

Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me

Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.

Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..

Days I'm angry, I blame you

Days I'm depressed, It's your fault

Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.

Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.

It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....

I'm not fine

Im not ok

I'm suffocating myself

Its hard to not still be bitter....

How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....

Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....

You wound up treating me the same

This is my unfortunate outcome

Its been a battle especially the last two years

I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain

Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you

The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back

I already know how it's to be

Its why I never understood you

But I still kept trying to

Maybe that was my mistake

Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....

Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....

Its ruined

We're ruined

Were gone....

The end....

Hope you're doing well.....

Sorry for being impulsive and annoying

I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....

Wishing you luck on your endeavors

Ill miss you

I have been already

Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.

It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.

I just idk how to be ok.....

I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence

As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....

Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...

Respond or don't respond

Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.

Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....