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thegeek-s · 3 years

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28. the carnival is over & side B

PREVIOUSLY: Kat is still daydreaming about a real relationship with Chris and still refusing to admit it to herself; Eva and Jeff run into each other at a basketball game and end up hanging out together since they both came alone, she gives him a ride home and they make a friendly bet on who can make more tips at work; Gwen and Mike have made up once again, which he thinks is a sign that she’s learning to ‘go with the flow’, which is exactly the quality she lacks, according to him; Mark has been living on cloud nine –Mudhoney announced a European tour on his twenty seventh birthday and living with Kristine seems to be going well too; this goes on for a couple of weeks until it comes to a screeching halt - all the stars align just right and both him and Gwen find out that Mike and Kristine hooked up in his car: cue shouting, swearing, and storming off.

P.S. this and the previous (it’s a family affair & side B) chapters contain the full track list of the mixtape Kat made for Mark; if you’re curious, you can figure out what all of the songs are (or you can listen to this playlist, eight songs per side).

“I’ll miss your bed,” Chris casts a glance at my apartment building.

“I’m sure yours is just as good,” I pat him on the shoulder. He picked me up after work and we went for a dog park walk with Lucy, who’s currently napping on the back seat. That dog is a fucking beast and I usually avoid going on these walks with it, but we had planned for Chris to come over tonight and that’s not going to work right now. I briefed him on what happened last night and we agreed that it’s probably best if we leave my neighbours’ skylight alone and give him all the time and space one might need in a situation like this.

My forehead crinkles as I dart my eyes to the radio that’s singing ‘Lipstick on your collar, told a tale on you, lipstick on your collar, said you were untrue…’ I turn the volume down a little, briefly imagining some bizarre, 50s musical version of Gwen’s break up.

“I’ll miss your legs,” Chris flashes me a devilish grin. I am sure he says things like that solely to see me struggle to respond.

“Yours are definitely better,” I assure him, pleased with myself.

“What are you going to do when you fall in love with someone? You’re going to argue with him every time he compliments you?”

“Chris, I told you I like you too, but I just don’t see you and I going far,” I fake a worried expression, fully aware that he didn’t mean himself and that I’m actually the one who’s got her feelings all tangled up and around him.

“Well, I’ll miss your bed all the same. Will you ever fuckin’ stop acting like that?” He adds, a clear note of annoyance in his voice now.

“Acting like what!?”

“Rolling your eyes, scoffing, snorting... Why is it such a foreign concept to you that I like you, I feel good around you. I like our friendship and everything it entails.”

Yeah, me too: the whispered literature arguments, the lounging around when we’re tired or when neither one of us wants or needs to be talking, the jokes and puns, the deep conversations that are impossibly difficult with other people, the sex, all the sex with probably the hottest person I will ever sleep with, the solace of not having to be anything or anyone after a long day, the feeling of someone wanting to be around me, really wanting me, actively seeking me out, showing me that I’m important, significant in his life somehow. But I don’t need to say any of that out loud, it doesn’t really mean anything anyway. “Thanks, Christopher.”

“There, that’s much better.”

“Don’t make me fight you,” I growl at his shit eating grin.

“Fight me? I’d like to see that… Wait, is that Mike?” He perks up all of a sudden and I follow his squinting gaze to the other side of the street where, sure enough, Mike Starr is circling his car, looking mighty frustrated. Good.

“Wonder who he’s here for,” I spit out bitterly.

“Should I walk you to the door?”

“No, no. I’d love to fist fight that shit rag,” I say without a hint of a smile but then quickly add, “it’s literally just feet away, I’ll be fine. Thanks though.”

“Alright then,” Chris smiles at me as his hand finds mine and gives me a light squeeze. “I’ll see you later.”

Ahh goddamnit, since when do I like him this much… Lately it feels like I’m constantly thinking about not acting too girlfriend-y, which is very alarming. And dumb, too, since it was me who made a case out of not knowing how to be affectionate, how to even exist in a relationship. “See ya, Christopher,” I say as I get out of the car.

“Don’t forget your Leaves of Grass,” he hands me a little book that I’ve asked to borrow. “Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems, you shall possess the good of the earth and sun…” He trails off with that devil-or-angel smile painted all across his features and I swing the car door shut behind me before my brain melts and trickles out through my ears...

As I make my way towards the entrance to our apartment building, I become aware, just out the corner of my eyes, of a figure crossing the street.

“Can you tell Stone to…” Mike’s obviously talking to me but I just keep walking, inside, and straight for the staircase. “Hey!” He runs in after me. “I’m talking to you!”

“Oh, I didn’t realise.”

“Don’t irritate me, okay? I don’t want any trouble.” His voice calms down all of a sudden. “Can you tell Stone to move his car? He parked me in, I can’t leave.”

“Stone?”

“Yeah,” he answers harshly again. “He’s upstairs at…at one of your apartments.”

“But I only have one apartment,” I play dumb.

“You know what I mean,” he grumbles as I stare him square in the eyes. This motherfucker has some oversized balls if he thinks he can show up here and boss people around after what he’s done. At this point, not even Lizzy would think twice before punching him in the face, I’m sure.

“Sure. I’ll tell him.”

Without saying anything else, I turn around and go up the stairs. Yeah right I’ll do that, and then I’m gonna tell Gwen to forgive Mike and blow him. Tss. Once I reach our floor I start down a hallway that’s been converted into what appears to be Kristine’s own personal thrift store. There’s a few boxes and piles of stuff, like clothes, some binders and notebooks, makeup bag, shoes, and other stuff, while Kristine herself is banging on Mark’s door. I’ll go ahead and assume it’s correct to say ‘Mark’s door’ again at this point.

“You can’t do this, Mark! I live here, I have nowhere else to go!”

How lucky of me to run into both Mike and her within the span of three minutes.

“What are you fucking staring at?!” She glares at me as I approach my own apartment door, the only entrance to the place of my residence, but okay… “You must be fucking stoked, huh?” She screams and even so, I can still hear The Crew Cuts singing “Life could be a dream, sh-boom! If I could take you up in paradise up above!” at the top of Mark’s sound system.

“Yeah, I’m so stoked you cheated on my friend and fucked another friend’s boyfriend. Truly overjoyed.”

“Shut up, you ugly bitch,” she fully turns to me now. “You think you can have Mark now, huh?”

“Why would I…” I swiftly shake my head, deciding to not engage an obviously deranged person.

I’m feeling, I don’t know…relieved? Yeah, I think I’m relieved to know that both Gwen and Mark kicked their respective assholes out of their lives. But when I walk into our apartment, I’m faced with the ugly reality of it all: Gwen’s curled up on the couch, her head in Lizzy’s tearstained lap. I become even more unsettled when I look over to the kitchen where Eva’s standing around, wringing her hands, looking all worried, while Stone is making tea, I think…

Not exactly my trademark move, but I step over to the couch and lean in to plant a kiss on Gwen’s head. She just lets out a soft sob and Lizzy gives me a distraught look as her fingers continually stroke our friend’s blonde hair.

“What’s going on?” I ask in a hushed tone once I’m standing by the kitchen sink. I get this sense that we’re at someone’s funeral, it’s so eerily quiet in here, except for Kristine’s yelps coming from the hallway and the bubbling of boiling water.

“I want to fucking punch her,” Eva mumbles feebly.

“I’ve been trying to tell Eva it’s not worth it, but I don’t know if she’s convinced,” Stone turns to me, his eyes as big as dinner plates. “I mean, Eva’s got a black belt. That bitch – pardon my French – would probably die from a single punch.”

“I would punch him if he was here, too,” Eva speaks through gritted teeth. “Oh, that would feel so satisfying…”

“Oh, he actually is. I just ran into him,” I explain quietly, not wanting Gwen to hear me.

“What? What did he say?” Eva demands.

“Oh, just that Stone parked him in,” I say and watch Eva shrug and Stone’s eyebrows go up.

“Ah, oops,” is all he says.

“So he didn’t come here then?” I look at Eva.

“No… He must have thought twice when he saw that bitch flipping her shit out in the hallway.”

“Huh… Weird. Why are you here again, Stone?” I ask as we’re continuing to ignore Mike Starr’s parking problems.

“Funny story,” he says as he watches me stop Eva, who’s bringing a mug of tea to Gwen. “Xana’s been pestering me about you again, said she wants to have you over sometime. So I called you but it was busy. I couldn’t get through for like two hours—”

“Lizzy and I figured we don’t really need anyone calling us right now,” Eva explains and I notice that the phone receiver is not on the base, and I’m sure that they did it in case Mike tried calling Gwen.

“You kept calling me for two hours?” I quickly grab a half empty whiskey bottle from one of the cupboards and add a little splash to the hot drink. Eva nods in agreement and takes it to our friend.

“I called a couple times but don’t let that get to your head. Anyway, I thought I’d drop by, see if you guys committed a quadruple suicide. But instead, I walked into this…”

“Which is far worse, arguably.”

“Anyway, I’ll tell Xana you’re not available for at least the next five business days,” Stone looks at me and I nod. “I should probably get going…” He continues to cast these long, sad glances at Gwen as he speaks. “Gotta tell my band that we’re boycotting Alice In Chains,” he dramatically raises his voice while grimacing and rolling his eyes at me.

Just then, Gwen sits up on the couch, sloppily wipes her tear soaked face, and looks up, first at Lizzy, then at the rest of us. “Thanks, guys…” She croaks. “For taking care of me. Thanks for making the tea, Stone,” she beckons him to come over and, without getting up from the couch, pulls him into a hug. “Not sure why you’re here, but thanks…”

“Anytime…”

Under any other circumstances, there would be jokes and jabs galore, not to mention that I can’t even imagine another situation where Stone and Gwen would be so tender towards each other. Instead, we’re all weighed down by this unusual heaviness. I think even Stone can appreciate how weird it is to see Gwen be so crushed and heartbroken. And what about Mark? I hope he’s not alone in his apartment… This is all so fucked up. What Mike and Kristine did…it’s like an all-consuming tumour that they’ve unleashed.

“Okay, I’m done crying for now,” Gwen informs us after Stone leaves.

“You are?” Lizzy eyes her.

“Yeah. I don’t wanna walk around looking like a whole beehive stung me on the face,” she motions at her swollen eyes. “You guys…you guys warned me about him,” Gwen looks over at Eva and me now and I’m not so sure that she’s quite done just yet. “You were right about that piece of shit.”

“Doesn’t matter whether anyone was right or wrong,” I shake my head.

“But honestly,” Eva speaks up, “fuck that motherfucking filth.”

“Yeah, fuck him sideways with a chainsaw,” Gwen cracks the tiniest smile as a tear rolls down her cheek.

* * *

I’ve been swimming laps around this empty pool for ten minutes now and while I’m aware that it won’t help me escape this anger that’s filling up my whole ribcage, I keep doing it anyway. It helps in a different way, it gives me something else to focus on, like breathing, pushing forward, counting laps. I’m not a good swimmer by any means but I do enjoy it, a lot. I’ve just been trying to wrap my head around what Mike and Kristine did to Gwen and Mark but I don’t really think I can… What kind of a rotten person do you have to be to act like that? Surely, they knew exactly how much and how many people they’d be hurting, but they still did it! And it just breaks my heart to see Gwen like that… We’ve been best friends, pretty much inseparable, for over four years now and she’s never been this hurt by a guy. What Mike did left her feeling so betrayed and blindsided, and that’s probably the worst thing you can do to Gwen. Ugh!

As I round the corner and start another lap, I see a pair of bare feet standing right on the edge of the pool and I swear, I almost jump all the way out of my skin! My whole body flinches so I end up inhaling some water and then proceed to violently cough.

“Lizzy! Are you alright!?” Jerry’s worried and blurry face floats in front of me; he’s crouching down and reaching for me now.

I finally stop chocking and partially because of that, partially because I’m so mad, I respond to him way louder than I need to. “I’m fine!”

“Are you sure?” He still lingers, locked in that pose, but I just adjust my swim cap and carry on with my laps.

He showed up!? Despite the fact that his bandmate just cheated on my best friend! “I’m sure!” I manage to sound a lot more pleasant and cheery now as I swim away from Jerry, although I don’t know if I really managed to keep the anger out of my voice completely. I realise, a moment later, that he’s just walking right along with me around the pool anyway.

“I apologise I’m late, Liz. I could have sworn we agreed to meet out in the hallway…” He drawls in his stupid, shameless, Southern white boy voice. “I thought you might have forgotten about me. I’m glad to see you haven’t.”

In a brief moment of panic of not knowing what to say – I didn’t wait for you because you’re a lying ass? I didn’t want to see you because you probably knew Mike was cheating on Gwen and did absolutely nothing? – I just say, “oh yeah? Must’ve misremembered…”

“You’re mad at me, you’ve made that very clear,” he says so seriously all of a sudden that it stops me in my tracks. Before I can respond though, I feel my face heat up when I look up and notice what Jerry’s wearing – speedos. He’s actually wearing blue speedos. He’s wearing only speedos… And he looks really good… Oh gosh! Focus, Lizzy!

“Yes, I’m mad,” I admit.

“I didn’t know that Mike hooked up with Kristine. I swear!” He rushes to assure me when I open my mouth, so I close it again. “He only told me afterwards and he said it only happened that one time.”

“Oh, well then that’s fine! I’ll tell Gwen and they can maybe get back together,” I frown at him.

“I didn’t say that. Look…” He says and then all of a sudden dives into the pool with his arms above his head… “You know that I don’t like cheating,” he breathes after resurfacing just a couple of feet away from me, his ponytail now a wet mess. “I’ve told you all about Dee. I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in if I was cool with cheating, would I?”

It’s true, I know a lot about his relationship and it always seemed to me like one of the biggest struggles for him is deciding whether to stay in a long distance relationship or whether it’s not going to work and he should break up so he could see other people. He’s lonely, I know that. I think he’s especially lonely for a certain kind of physical connection but, from what I know, he’s remained faithful to Dee.

“So you’re telling me you didn’t know?”

“That’s right.”

“You swear?”

“I swear, Lizzy,” he offers me a smile. “I knew that they had some issues in the beginning. My understanding was that it was mostly Mike acting stupid… Look, him and I don’t exactly agree when it comes to these things, so we don’t really talk about it. Otherwise, we’d be arguing the whole time. You don’t seem convinced…” His face clouds.

“It’s just so…” I sigh as I search for the right words.

“Fucked up?” Jerry suggests.

“So fucking fucked up!”

“I agree,” he says and splashes around for a bit until he’s floating on his back. “I already feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place, so if you would cut me some slack, I’d really appreciate that.”

“I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m usually a lot more centered than this…”

“Yeah, I like that about you. You’re always have this happy, authentic energy about you.”

“Thanks, Jerry…” I lean back and start floating on my back too.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as the pool water rocks me ever so gently. Neither me, nor Jerry say anything for a long time – and if I don’t even feel like talking, that just shows I really don’t feel like myself… Honestly, in anticipation of today, I thought a lot about what Mike’s betrayal means for my friendship with Jerry. We’re not that close but I like him, I think he’s an actually nice guy. But is he?.. And even if he is, is it still okay for me to continue being friends with him, considering his proximity to Mike? It feels wrong somehow. Gwen assured me it’s fine, but I don’t know if she’s just saying that because this break up actually drove her crazy…

It’s been weird – one day I feel like I’ll need to call the ambulance so they rehydrate Gwen after all the tears she’s shed, but the next – she acts as if she’s completely over it. And then we’re back to crying again. Although it does seem like it’s getting better each day. I’m glad that Gwen has so much self-respect, I think that’s been really helpful in getting over this whole mess, getting over Mike.

“What are those scars from?” Jerry’s voice makes me flinch and after I avoid drowning for the second time, I find his head bobbing above the water right in front of me.

“What scars?”

“On your leg,” he looks at it through the water.

“Oh…” I unwittingly cross my legs in a vain attempt to hide what’s already been seen. “I broke my leg when I was a teenager and had to have two surgeries,” I explain the nasty lines going up my left shin, over the knee, and up the thigh.

“Ouch. How did you break it?”

“Horse riding accident.”

“Horse riding? Cool! Very cool.”

“They look gross, I know…” I kick off the bottom with my toes and start going around the pool again.

“What?” Jerry laughs and when I glance at him, I see his face change from amused to confused. “They’re just scars.”

“Maybe for a guy, but I’d prefer to have nice legs.”

It’s always been an insecurity of mine. My mom has really helped me to overcome it, for the most part, but once in a while, I just wish I could have normal, smooth legs. Instead, it looks like somebody tried to set up a vegetable patch there but abandoned it halfway through.

“But you do.”

“Really?”

He looks at me with glaring doubt in his eyes. “Liz, you’re gonna make me blush if I have to say it out loud!” He barks out in laughter but he really does seem kind of embarrassed… That’s actually so cute… “One Christian to another, you have really nice legs, Liz.”

“Aw, thanks, Jer!”

“Now I hope you don’t think I’m a deformed freak, but…I have this…” Jerry throws his right leg out of the water and somehow manages to put his foot up on the ledge of the pool.

I have to swim over to him to see what he’s pointing at, because at first it looks like he’s just showing me his crotch… “What’s that from?” I ask when I finally observe that he’s showing me a nasty scar on his inner thigh. It looks like a chunk of meat the size of two quarters had been ripped out of it.

“From my teenage years as well. My friends and I had been loitering around places we had no business being, so we had to make a hasty getaway at some point. Unfortunately,” he says, finally putting his leg back into the water, “I got caught on a fence we were jumping over. I only really noticed it a while later, when I got home. I realised my pants were bloody first, that was a nice surprise,” he pops his eyes at me and we both laugh.

“I don’t mind other people’s scars, I guess, I just really don’t like mine.”

“Well that doesn’t seem fair.”

Jerry’s words put a smile on my face and I bob my head in response. “I guess you’re not wrong…”

“Anyway, is it always so eerie in here?” He looks around the completely empty pool.

It’s not a huge place, but it does feel eerie because it’s the first time I’ve seen it completely empty. Actually, I was really happy to see that it was when I first got here, because I really didn’t want to see anyone. And I don’t often get that lucky! I usually come here after work, later in the evening because that’s when most guests are having dinner.

“It’s usually a little livelier in here.” I wish they played music here but of course, most of the time it wouldn’t matter because there’d be people splashing around and talking, and you couldn’t hear it anyway.

“Do you mind if we listen to some music? I have a mini boombox in there,” Jerry’s upper body turns as he points at the men’s changing room door.

“Heck yeah,” I chuckle at the coincidence. “I was just thinking that! And I’m also ready to move to the hot tub. I can only swim so many laps before I’m spent.”

“Alright, meet you there,” Jerry grins at me and goes to hoist himself out of the pool.

He comes back out only a few seconds later, just as I’m getting into a hot tub, and as he flicks the radio on, the tiled room is filled with echoey music: ‘I chew my nails and then I twiddle my thumbs I'm real nervous, but it sure is fun…’

“Jerry Lee Lewis married a thirteen year old girl,” I blurt out – clearly, a year and a half of living with Kat is showing. “Isn’t that messed up?” I ask Jerry as I watch him getting into the tub and setting the little radio on the edge of it.

“And his name is Jerry too, how embarrassing!” He fakes an offended gasp and switches the station, landing us in the middle of a post-break up ballad: ‘Once upon a time that little girl was mine, if I'd been true I know she'd never be with you...’

“So you’re a horse rider?”

“Yeah. Well, not anymore. Growing up, my parents had a couple of horses,” I explain. “What about you?”

“I don’t wear cowboy hats for nothing, darlin’,” he chuckles.

“An all American boy, huh?”

“Actually, partly Norwegian and Czech, thank you very much.”

“Hm I can see the Norwegian in you, I guess,” I cast an obvious glance at his long, blonde hair. “I miss riding horses, actually. Maybe one day I can have a bed and breakfast and some horses on the property…”

“That’s the dream, huh?”

“I know, pretty modest, but those are just things that make me happy.”

“Sounds fuckin’ delightful, actually,” he awards me with a smile. “And very attainable, I would say.”

“I remember, I once wrote in ‘mom’ to finish one of those ‘when I grow up, I want to be’ things in third or fourth grade. I guess I always come up with attainable dreams!”

“Smart! Explains why you’re so delightful to be around all the time. I definitely remember finishing that sentence with ‘rock star’ when I was around that age…”

“Aren’t you getting signed by Columbia?” I raise my eyebrows at his little snort.

“Well yes, but that might have never happened, for all I knew.”

“Jerry!” I laugh. “It makes no sense!”

“I know, I know,” he mirrors my amused expression. “Yeah, things are good.”

Things are good. I get caught up in how my friends feel, but really, I myself am doing fine. I can always stand to be happier, but at the end of the day, I have a job I love, I live in a great city, and I’m surrounded by people I care about and who care about me. So why does it feel so lonely sometimes? Why do I feel like something’s missing, something I can’t put my finger on? I drift away into my thoughts, only half listening to Jerry humming along with the radio, Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine. My darling dear, love you all the time. I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you…

* * *

The bell above the Raison entrance doesn’t chime as I walk in since the door is propped wide open – it’s been getting that warm outside. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the dimmer interior and then I realise that Eva and Jeff, who I knew were working together today, are talking to Chris, who’s standing on the other side of the counter, looking somewhat out of place.

“Hey, Gwen!” Eva greets me and the two guys turn and say hi as well.

“You know,” I walk over and lean on the counter, “Kat’s been looking for that shirt,” I nod at the baggy t shirt with a black and white picture of a doe on it.

“I found it! Maybe I’ll even wash it before I return it!”

“Boys,” I nod at Chris and Jeff. “Having a band meeting on company time?”

“You do know we’re not in the same band, right?” Jeff gives me a wry smile as he points at himself and Chris alternatively. "You’ve been to our shows, you should be aware.”

“Ah, I’ll get it right someday,” I shrug, making everyone laugh.

“Controversy everywhere you go, huh?” Chris smirks at me sideways, yet still manages to look like he either doesn’t want to or shouldn’t be here, as he always does.

“So what are you up to?” Eva asks while stepping over to the espresso machine to whip up a latte for me without me even needing to ask for it.

“I’ve that meeting in about half hour so I thought I’d drop by beforehand. Get a little caffeinated for it.”

Truth is, there’s nobody home and I just really didn’t feel like being cooped up in there alone. I left way earlier than I needed to because I figured I can at least take a walk while the nice weather lasts, air my head out, distract my mind.

As I was leaving, I heard Elvis Presley crooning Blue Moon in Mark’s apartment. I didn’t realise he’s a fan of ancient pop ballads, but I guess a break up will do that to a man. Speaking of, I haven’t actually seen him since that evening and it’s been almost a week… I wonder if he’s avoiding me? Why would he though… I guess it wouldn’t be just me because Kat said she hasn’t seen him either, except for passing him in the hallway once but he quickly slunk away mumbling a half assed greeting. She also knocked on his door a couple of times and got no answer; whether because he wasn’t home or just didn’t want to open the door is unclear… He’s probably just going through a phase. I personally would love to be able to talk to him about…about what? I’m not sure… Ask for his interpretation of what the fuck just happened to us? Ask him if he saw it coming? Was it just me who was completely blindsided? Either way, I can take a hint – he doesn’t want to see me, or probably most people, right now.

And me? I’m just tired. Tired of feeling so fucking dumb and gullible, tired of knowing that I could have noticed all the red flags and done something but chose not to… Tired of wondering if I pushed Mike away or if he was going to do it anyway… I’ve been venting at my roommates and they’ve all been so supportive, but I still can’t get away from these thoughts wherever I go and it’s really exhausting. And then there’s the grossness of it all too. It makes me want to gag when I imagine how this little twisted deal between Mike and that bitch went down. How smooth and clever he must have felt to be getting away with it. Makes me sick to remember him going to the dance social with me, talking to me, laughing with me, kissing me as if nothing happened, as if he was just a good, decent boyfriend. I can’t believe I’ve been so fucking stupid…

“Everybody tips her!” Jeff’s yelp jerks me out of my thoughts. “Old men, young men, little girls, college students, old ladies… Eva’s a fuckin’ delight, she laughs at everyone’s jokes like it’s the funniest thing she’s heard… I can’t keep up with that!”

“So you concede?” Eva turns swiftly around, a freshly made latte in her hand and a devilish smirk on her face.

“Never!” Jeff throws his head back but then very quickly finds his humility again as he addresses Chris: “You’re gonna leave a good tip, aren’t you, buddy? Help a friend out over here, huh?”

“Eva, it sounds like he’s cheating,” I nod at the bassist.

“Oh, that’s alright. It hasn’t really worked for him that well so far so I’m not that worried.”

“The cockiness,” Jeff growls but his eyes are sparkling as he grins at Eva. These two are really quite something. It’s good to see them redirect their weird tension into a friendly competition though, it’s good to see them laugh together.

“Well, I think I’ll get going,” I say as I drop a couple of dollars into the tip jar and Eva grins at me.

“Mind if I join you? This competitive energy is cramping my style,” Chris perks up too.

“Not at all, plenty of room outside.”

“You want another cup of drip?”

“I’m not tipping you, Jeff. My moral compass doesn’t agree with it. You have to win it fair and square.”

“Fine. You can have half a cup…” The bassist sighs begrudgingly and refills Chris’ cup.

“Black? Not even any sugar?” I remark as the two of us walk outside after saying bye to our friends, and then blurt out, unable to resist. “That’s how Kat takes her coffee.”

“Oh really?” I watch Chris feign a clueless smile and it’s actually pretty adorable – I’m still not really sure why they don’t just come out with their relationship but I guess I can appreciate the simplicity and ease with which they can be together but not let anyone else in on it. Like it’s their own personal special thing that only they get to enjoy and nobody else even gets to have an opinion on. And perhaps most importantly, they’re not hiding from their actual significant others – they’re hiding because they’re weird and there’s really no harm in that, I suppose... “How is she?” He asks me unabashedly.

“Oh, she’s great, really great, I think.”

“Good, good…” He glances around and gives the tiniest shrug in an obvious effort to seem nonchalant about his secret girlfriend as we start walking down the sidewalk. “I’m glad to hear that. And how are you?” He returns his gaze to me.

“I uh…” I stammer, caught off guard, as if I didn’t realise that people ask you how you are all the time. “Been better..?”

“I’ve heard…” His eyebrows dip momentarily, as if he’s unsure whether he wants to finish the sentence, “about what happened with you and Mike. Or rather, with Mike and Mark’s girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend, from what I hear.”

“Thanks for bringing them up, I really was in too good a mood today,” I bare my teeth in an obviously fake grin.

“Sorry.”

“How do you know anyway?”

“Uh…” He hesitates. “Stone told me.” Nice save.

“I hope he didn’t go into too much detail describing my snotty, teary, swollen face.”

“That bad, huh?”

“I mean, it’s not been great, you know?”

“He’s a fucking idiot.”

“You don’t have to tell me that. And we really don’t need to be talking about it anyway.”

“Understood. Well you look great. Healthy,” he adds with a goofy smile.

“Thanks. I would hope so.”

“I like how you take a compliment,” Chris wheezes. “You just absorb it, like it belonged to you all along.”

“Absorb it?” I laugh out a question.

“Yeah. Some people can’t take a compliment. Some people will do anything to dodge one.”

Yeah, I know what he’s talking about – take our mutual beloved Kat. You say something nice to her and she makes a face as if you just punched her. Wonder how they get along on their secret dates… Actually, now that I’ve conveniently run into Chris, maybe I can get some more information out of him…respectfully, honouring whatever boundaries Kat has put in place, of course. I guess I’m not looking for anything specific anyway, I just want to figure out his vibe.

“So how’ve you been?” I ask as we near a bus stop that I was heading for.

“Oh, you know…” He sways on the spot, his shoulders drawn up, as I stop in front of the bus stop bench. There’s music pouring out through an open door of a record shop just feet away from here – it really feels like Spring. Finally.

“Actually, I don’t, no,” I blink at him and then take a seat, motioning for him to join me.

“Good,” he curves his lips in a defeated smile and sits down next to me, throwing a foot over his knee and his arm over the backrest. “Been writing and reading a lot, so that’s good. Hiro can’t stop playing jazz, that’s not so good—”

“What have you been reading?”

“Cold, Gwen, that’s really cold. You can’t even pretend to care that my band is falling apart?” He gasps.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”

“My future is on the line here.”

“You’ll find someone better…”

“Will we?”

“…and get over Hiro. And sounds like he’ll be happier without you too.”

“Are we talking about break ups again?”

“Why? You have one planned anytime soon?” I shoot right back at him with a grin.

“I love Stone very much, I would never break up with him,” he glares at me before hiding his face behind his cup as he takes a sip. Seems like he can keep up which is good. But of course, Kat would never be with a guy who’s not quick on his feet. And if she ever finds herself with one, she’ll be bored to death.

“So what do you read? I’m very eager to find out what the stomping singer of Soundgarden is into!”

“Oh now you can tell the bands apart, what an interesting talent for saying the right thing at the right time,” he smirks. “I was just reading Walt Whitman the other day. Why? What do you make of that, miss politician?”

“Not very exciting,” I crinkle my nose. “What else?”

“Not very exciting?” He breathes out a laugh yet I sense that he’s actually a little annoyed. “Katherine Dunn.”

“Uh-huh, I’ve heard about her.” From Kat, who just bought Geek Love. So no surprise there, of course they share books. In fact, I’d bet money on literature being one of their favourite date topics. “What have you been writing?”

“What’s your meeting about?” Chris retaliates with a tilt of his head.

“I see, I’m being nosy so you’re going to be nosy back,” I smirk.

“I didn’t realise this topic is off the table?”

“I’m just kidding, you pumpkin head!” I laugh. “It’s not a secret, I’m just meeting up with someone who knows someone who works at the Mexican Embassy. I’m trying to get a job…or at least an internship there,” I explain.

“You’re really serious about this whole politician thing, huh?”

“What, did it sound like I was joking?”

“No, no, I’m just continually amazed by it…” Chris stares at me with a dazed smile to emphasize his point, I guess.

* * *

Or rather, amazed by how unequivocally perfect this girl is – clever, funny, hot, enjoys all the right things and knows her worth better than anyone else. I forget that someone so attractive is allowed to also be really intelligent. With the risk of sounding like a common douchebag, there’s a lot of girls in Seattle that go too far in one direction and build their entire personality around looking good. Of course it’s no surprise that Mike Starr is a cheater, but he really fucked himself over this time, in my opinion. And I’m sure he knows it too.

“What can I say, I can’t help how amazing I am!” Gwen cackles.

“Must be exhausting.”

“So what else have you been up to? You feel the Spring in your bones yet?”

“I do, actually. I’ve been hiking a lot with Lucy—You’ve met Lucifer, right?”

“Your giant pupper? Yeah! That sounds fun,” Gwen beams at me and I get the strange sensation that I’m being watched. Except that surely, I’m not – it’s just that this is the first time she seems so interested in me. “You know, I should go hiking more. I mean, I only really ever do it when Eva makes me, but I don’t know… Maybe this Spring is my hiking spring.”

“I think you should, this part of the world is gorgeous once you get out of the city.”

“And what’s wrong with the city?” Gwen’s eyes sparkle as she stares at me daringly.

“Just some people, I suppose. Most people.”

“Most people!? Ever the pessimist.”

“I said most, not all,” I coax a melodious laugh out of her.

“Well… You know, sometimes I feel like I can agree with that.”

“And those times wouldn’t happen to overlap with your shifts at Rock Candy, would they?”

“Elementary, my dear Watson. Loads of unbelievably sleazy guys here in Seattle, you wouldn’t believe it!”

“Yeah, I believe it,” I slowly bob my head.

“I didn’t mean you, you know.”

“I’m touched.”

“You know,” she sits up straighter, smiling at me as she does, “I think I’ve deducted that you’re a good person.”

“A good person?” I quirk an eyebrows. “Again, so generous with your words, Gwen, I don’t even know what to say…”

“Shut up!” She laughs and slaps my knee…hm. Interesting body language. “I think everyone in our household agrees. You’re one of the people none of us want to murder, anyway,” Gwen leans slightly forward and tosses her coffee stirrer into the bin on my side of the bench and I can’t help but notice how close she is. “And that fourfold overlap doesn’t happen often, believe me!”

“Huh, I must have done something right…”

“Oh, I think that’s my bus,” Gwen cranes her neck and then points at a bus stopped at a red light a couple of blocks down. “I’m sorry to say I don’t have time to sit around with you the whole day.”

“What, not even with this excellent music?” I gesture at the records shop that’s blasting: ‘You send me, I know you send me, I know you send me, honest you do…’

“A tempting facet but no,” she grins at me. “It was nice running into you though,” she adds standing up and I follow her suit. “Genuinely.”

I have no idea what comes over me just then – Sam Cooke? The sunny Spring weather? Gwen’s perfume? – but I cup her face with my hands and press a kiss to her lips. She pulls away instantly, evidently unable to keep from gaping at me, completely speechless for a moment. Something tells me it’s not because the kiss was that good… “I know about you and Kat…” Gwen finally hisses. “What the hell are you doing!?”

“Shit, I…” I retract with a step backwards as if shocked by electricity. “I didn’t mean to…”

Fuck. What the fuck did I just do!? I just completely forgot myself, like a fucking animal. But the sun’s out today and it was hitting Gwen’s hair in this way that made her look even more beautiful than usual, and we were just sitting here talking and connecting, and for a second there, I could have sworn she was coming onto me…maybe? Does that make it okay to fucking kiss her though!? She literally just got cheated on, she just got her heart broken… Good fucking job, Chris, using a vulnerable moment like that… And what about Kat!?

“You didn’t mean to what?!” Gwen insists as her bus comes to a halt in front of us. “Was this an accident then? Your lips just fell onto mine??”

“I forgot mys—”

“You forgot you’re dating Kat!?”

“Kat doesn’t want to date me,” I hear myself give her a bitter retort. Honestly, I have very clearly majorly fucked up just now, but I still wouldn’t use the word ‘dating’ when it comes to Kat. She was the one who wanted to hide everything, not make it into a thing. She never once indicated that she’s interested in having a real relationship with me. So yeah, ‘dating’ is a bit extreme, I would say. Although I’m aware that’s entirely besides the point right now.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Look, I didn’t mean to do that just now. I mean, I guess I did but…” I mumble, “I wasn’t thinking, is what I’m saying. I shouldn’t have done it.”

“You think!?” Gwen scowls at me and turns towards the bus. But before she gets on it, she lingers on the spot, turning to face me again. “I’ll tell Kat about this, you know that, right?”

“Of course you will…” I don’t know that I would know how to anyway. I don’t even know that I’m entirely sure of what just happened quite yet.

“She’s like a sister to me, do you understand that, Chris?” Gwen walks up to me again. “The four of us, we’re all sisters. And people like you should know better than to mess with us,” she warns me calmly before finally getting on the bus.

* * *

After a whole night of listening to Lukin’s relationship advice, having Steve pat and rub my shoulders so many times that they’re probably bruised now, and getting filled to the brim with whatever alcohol Danny would hand me, and after two days of non-stop shrieking right outside my fucking door, and after five days…huh, or is it seven? Let’s say six…and after six days of not leaving my apartment to go anywhere other than the laundry room for band practice, I think I’m finally ready to go get cereal! But uh… Maybe later, the day is young.

I just haven’t been feeling like talking to people, that’s really mostly it, and people are unavoidable. If I hear a knock on the door outside of when the guys are coming over, I don’t bother answering because I truly, deeply, honestly want to be left the fuck alone just for a little fucking bit.

And then, of course, there’s all the usual crippling feelings generally associated with my existence. Like, am I that fucking awful to be with? Why was I so horrible to her? How did everything go so wrong? Why did she do it? Did she think that I was cheating on her? Was she getting back at me?? Why the fuck did she do it? Did she think of me when she was fucking Starr? Would she come home and sleep with me the same night? Was it fun for her? Or did she despise me that much?

I have to literally shake my head to pull myself out of this fucking vortex of despair. I peel myself off the couch and slowly drag my body into the kitchen, and as I open the fridge, my stomach gives out a loud rumble. Like something-might-be-permanently-wrong loud. I could just walk over to apartment number 36 and ask to borrow some food. Although chances are, somebody would be in the middle of their meal so I’d just stay to eat together. Would that happen though, Mark? Would it really? Or would Eva put me in a headlock and then they’d literally nail me to an upside-down cross…

I probably shouldn’t have thrown Kristine’s food out into the hallway with all her other stuff. I could have just kept it… It just felt fucking disgusting, I don’t want to have anything of hers anywhere near me. Out of the fucking blue, this feeling bubbles from my stomach to the top of my head: “Fuck!!!” I kick the now closed fridge door, but my foot slips and I kick the trashcan over instead, scattering its contents all over the floor. “FUCKIN’. A.”

I chug a bunch of water straight out of the tap and check the time in the stove clock. It’s almost 1 pm. What do I have to do today? Really, I should be getting ready for our tour, but in actuality I’m free to continue to decompose on the couch. What do I want to do today? I don’t know, maybe feel alive, maybe laugh some, eat some food, stop feeling miserable. Instead, I walk back into the living room and hit ‘play’ on the cassette player.

“They asked me how I knew my true love was true? I of course replied, something here inside cannot be denied…” Leave it to Novak to listen to this. What a bizarre girl. “They said someday you’ll find – all who love are blind… When your heart’s on fire, you must realise, smoke gets in your eyes…” Ah, I see, this is a break up song… How fucking prophetic.

I snarl at it and yet, it sounds…okay. It sounds like something I need to hear right now. Maybe it’s because it’s so different from all the other music I listen to. And I don’t really want to hear that right now, it also feels weird and gross. This song is actually pretty punk – the guy sounds like he’s…weeping, but he’s singing. Not that I feel like I personally need to weep…but the song fits the bill. Actually, pretty much the entire B side of the mixtape felt so…appropriate? I can’t think of a better word. I’m not sure in what way, but it was good to listen to it. Maybe there is something to this whole break up song thing…or maybe I’m going batshit crazy. Could absolutely be either one.

I’ve been hearing a lot of sad music blasting from across the hall…weirdly interspersed with Latin dance music, so I guess Gwen is coping. God, she must hate my fucking guts and who could blame her? I asked Kristine to move in with me and for what? Even she herself was sceptical and cautious and I just stupidly thought that we’ll work it out, figure things out as they come. So fucking childish. I brought Kristine here and that resulted in this whole fucking mess. Who would blame Gwen for hating me? No one. They probably all hate me now, which I think is pretty unfair… Unfair! What a funny word! I just really shouldn’t make big decisions on a whim; I should have more sense than that at this point in my life. How’s us being neighbours gonna work now?

I briefly saw Novak the other day and I completely chickened out and ran away from her. I could tell myself that it’s because I didn’t want to make her confront me about any of this, or I could admit that I don’t think I can handle Kat being actually brutally honest with me right now, I don’t want to know what a piece of shit she thinks that I am. But that’s not really going to work long term, is it? At some point, I will have to listen to whatever she has to say about how I fucked over her friend’s relationship and about exactly what size piece of shit I am.

I sink back into the couch and close my eyes and as soon as I do, I’m assaulted by a string of images of Kristine – sitting on this very couch, watching The Never Ending Story for the tenth time; arguing with me over which apples we should buy because she only likes two particular kinds; dancing in the middle of the living room after a call with a client because it had gone so well; checking the locks of all the windows during a thunderstorm over and over again; twirling her hair around a finger and staring at the oven door while waiting for her dinner to be done after a particularly long day… Simple, mundane, normal images like that, that I really don’t want to be thinking about right now. So I remind myself of the mental image I’ve constructed of her in Mike Starr’s car. And it does nothing but make me want to gauge my eyes out.

Maybe it is time to go to the store, after all. I get up again, slowly put my shoes on, grab a flannel off the coat rack, find my keys and wallet, go pee, go look in the fridge again, pat my pockets one more time, and finally head for the door. As soon as I open it though, I stagger on the spot because I realise just in time that there’s something on the floor, right in front of me. I bend over and pick up a Tupperware with two muffins, two apples, and what looks like a tuna sandwich, and a big bag of chips.

#if you've been here long enough you'll remember that i don't proof read absolutely anything so good luck my dude #fanfiction #grunge #seattle #80s #mudhoney #mark arm #soundgarden #chris cornell #mother love bone #jeff ament #alice in chains #jerry cantrell

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pastrnaks-sainz · 4 years

Note

can i request a best friends to dating with matt grzelcyk? also i love your writing sm omg 🥺🤍

My Whole Life

Pairing: Matt Grzelcyk x female!reader

Type: Fluff

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1979

Summary: You had always looked at Matt one way. You met him in high school and instantly became best friends. Over time, you’d developed feelings for him. But the thing is, you hadn’t known it until he went to play for the Boston Bruins and you saw him again for the first time in five months.

A/N: remember y’all, my requests will CLOSE on Sunday!!! and omg bb thank you so much!!!

~~~~

Freshman year of high school was the best year of your life. See, freshman year was when you met Matt Grzelcyk. He was a better, closer friend than the ones you’d had since you were a kid. You did everything together. Not a day went by where you weren’t joined at the hip. Your friends had joked about planning the wedding, both of them only being half kidding.

The friendship you had with Matt survived all four years of high school. You both decided to attend Boston University, Matt with a full ride hockey scholarship and you with one for law studies. Matt always joked that you’d one day leave him for Harvard. Little did either of you know that it was him who would be the one leaving for bigger and better things.

When Matt told you about his contract with the Bruins you could not have been happier for him. You were the first person he told. He told you before he told his family. However excited you were for your best friend, it paled in comparison to his excitement when you get accepted to the Harvard Law Program. ‘My best friend is gonna be a lawyer’, he’d said, the excitement in his voice made you light up like a Christmas tree.

Over time, you’d fallen head over heels in love with Matt and you had no idea until he left to play hockey. You’d been blind to the feelings growing in your heart and in your mind and you had no idea how in love you were.

You hadn’t spent more than two days apart from each other, and now, with you buried in your studies and Matt playing in the NHL, you were apart for six days a week. You managed to get together for coffee or dinner or a movie every Sunday. But all that changed pretty quickly. You passed your Bar Exam and Matt had made a place for himself on the Bruins roster. With everything going on in your lives, you hadn’t seen each other in person in months.

Working for the DA’s office had taken up all of your time as you worked your ass off trying to climb the rungs and leave the DA for a private firm. And Matt? Well, Matt was off becoming a star NHL player. Between both your career paths taking up your entire lives, you’d been relegated to texts and FaceTime calls. They mainly fell between your court cases and his practices and games.

Your boss at the firm had finally taken notice of everything you were doing and forced you to take a week off. You’d been lucky in the fact that it had coincided with the All-Star break. The first thing you did when you got back to your apartment was call Matt. You hadn’t heard his voice in so long, so when he picked up on the second ring and answered with that cheery tone you hadn’t heard in months, you nearly broke down crying.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” Matt said. You could nearly hear his smile on the other end of the line as you let yourself fall back to your bed. “Now there’s a name I haven’t seen cross my screen in many a month. How you been?”

“If I see one more dickwad loser drunk drive himself into a telephone pole then sue the bar for emotional trauma I am going to throw myself off a cliff,” you huffed as you desperately tried to ignore the pang in your chest at the sound of your best friend’s laugh.

“That sounds like hell,” he said. “So, why are you calling? Did something happen, is everything alright?”

“God, you are adorable,” you giggled and shook your head. “Everything’s fine, Matt. I just wanted you to know that I was forced to take a week off and I know you’re free this week and I figured it’s time for us to get together. It’s been too long since we’ve done something together.”

“Yes,” Matt said. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Sleeping in for the first time in five months,” you huffed.

“Alright when you wake up I’m gonna pick you up and then we’re having a good old fashioned Matt and Y/N day, okay?” he said with a small chuckle. There was that pang in your chest again.

“Okay,” you said. “Goodnight, Matt. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You woke up the next morning at nine o’clock to the smell and sound of sizzling bacon. Something you hadn’t done since you were in high school. Wait. Bacon. Your roommate was away on a girls’ trip to Vegas.

“Mornin’ sunshine,” Matt smiled when you walked into the kitchen. Your chest panged yet again. Something in the back of your mind couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to wake up to this sight every morning.

“I would ask how you got into my apartment but since you made me bacon, I’ll skip on pressing charges,” you said with a smile and walked around the kitchen counter and straight into Matt’s arms.

Matt engulfed you in his arms, holding you tight to his chest. You wrapped your arms around his waist and took a deep breath, breathing him in. He ducked his head to the crook of your neck and buried his face in your hair. Your heart sped up on its own accord at the physical contact with your best friend. Your mind raced. You had never felt like this when you hugged Matt before. You had no idea where these sudden feelings were coming from and, if you were being honest, it made you nervous.

“I missed you,” Matt mumbled after a few moments of silence. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“I missed you more,” you laughed lightly before pulling away from him, despite your heart screaming at you to stay in his embrace for as long as you possibly could.

“So I thought there was no better way to start a classic Matt and Y/N day with a nice, home cooked breakfast. Well, nice home cooked bacon. I uh, I don’t know how to make anything else,” Matt chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. He’d always done that when he was nervous. You never found it adorable until now.

“Well lucky for you I make a mean bagel,” you laughed and reached for the bag sitting next to the toaster. “Still like it burnt to a crisp?”

“Hey,” Matt laughed, bumping your hip with his. “I like it slightly blackened.”

“Burnt to a crisp it is,” you smiled. “So what do you have planned for the day? Do I need to wear anything special?”

“A sweater,” Matt responded as he stepped up beside you at the oven. “I have a fun day planned for us.”

“Can’t wait,” you tossed a grin up at him, still ignoring the pang in your chest.

“Y/N, I swear, I thought he was gonna rip my head off,” Matt laughed as you walked through the lobby after breakfast. “It was terrifying.”

“What did you expect when you decided to fight Deslauriers?” you giggled, locking the door behind you. “Good Lord it’s cold out here.”

“And you don’t have gloves do you?” Matt asked, glancing over at you. You shook your head and shivered. He wordlessly took your hand in his. Sparks ignited from where your skin touched. You shivered again, this time not from the cold.

“So,” you cleared your throat, desperately trying to brush away the thoughts your mind was tossing before your eyes. “Where are we going?”

“I wanna see if you can guess,” he said, tossing a look at you. You raised your eyebrows at him and pursed your lips. “Fine, it’s the first place I took you when you moved to Charlestown.”

“I always thought you were crazy for bringing me to a graveyard,” you laughed as the Uber Matt had ordered pulled up in front of you. He opened the door for you, letting go of your hand briefly as he climbed in beside you.

“Bunker Hill Cemetery, please,” Matt told the driver. He nodded and pulled away from the curb. Matt looked over at you and held out his hand again. You sucked in a subtle breath and laced your fingers with his. He’d never done that before and it had your lawyer senses kicking into overdrive trying to figure why he was doing it now.

“Remember when I tripped over the tree root and tore up my knee?” you asked, pointing to a gnarly, overgrown tree root that had cracked one of the headstones straight up the middle.

“Yeah,” Matt laughed. “You could barely walk, I had to carry you home.”

“Good times,” you sighed, looking around the snow-dusted graveyard. It was creepy, sure, but where you used to be scared of it now, when you were with Matt, you felt safer than you ever had before.

“Next stop?” he asked after you completed your round of the graveyard. You nodded, grinning up at him.

“So I know it’s a little out of the way,” he said as you got into another Uber after hitting all your childhood haunts. “But I thought you might be up for a North End visit?”

“Cannolis from Modern? Absolutely,” you giggled.

“Modern?” he asked with a chuckle. “Everybody knows Mike’s is better.”

“Mike’s? Are you kidding me, Matt?” you gasped. “Every self respecting Bostonian knows Mike’s is a tourist trap.”

“It might be a tourist trap but it damn well has the best cannolis,” Matt protested.

“Did Deslauriers punch you too hard?” you asked, shaking your head. “You’re crazy.”

“Fine, we’ll get cannolis from Mike’s and Modern then go back to my place and have a cannoli taste off then watch movies,” Matt decided. “Deal?”

“Deal,” you nodded, laughing to yourself. “A good old fashioned Matt and Y/N movie night is just what the doctor ordered me to do with my time off.”

“Just you wait,” Matt smirked as the Uber pulled the curb between Mike’s and Modern. “Mike’s is wipe the floor with you precious little Modern.”

“Just you wait,” you retorted. “Modern is gonna beat the crap out of Mike’s.”

“Oh my God,” Matt mumbled, his mouth full of a cannoli from Modern. “I digress, you were right.”

“I was what?” you asked, smirking at him, desperately trying to push the pang that was still in your chest out of your mind.

“Shut up,” Matt laughed, wiping the powdered sugar from his mouth with his sleeve. You glanced up at him to see a spot of sugar still left on the corner of his mouth.

“You, uh,” you paused before reaching over, your fingers hovering just above his skin. “You missed a spot.”

Matt looked at you as you wiped the sugar away. He was shocked. This was the first time he was seeing you in this light. He watched the way your eyes glimmered in the low light of his living room. He had looked at you countless times, seen the way you looked in every light imaginable, and only now, only today after not seeing you for five months, did he realize how completely and utterly in love with you.

“Y/N,” he whispered. “Can- can I kiss you?”

His question took you aback. But your heart and your mind didn’t argue in saying yes.

“Please,” you said, your voice needy.

Matt cupped your cheek and kissed you instantly. You felt yourself melt into him as his lips, chapped, pressed against yours. You and Matt relished in the moment. Neither of you knew just how much you wanted to kiss each other until now. You never thought how amazing it would be until now. You never thought you would find yourself kissing your best friend.

#matt grzelcyk #x reader #matt grzelyck x reader #nhl x reader #fluff #matt grzelyck fluff #nhl fluff #one shot #matt grzelyck one shot #nhl one shot #fanfiction #matt grzelyck fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #nhl oneshot #hockey oneshot #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #mainlypastrnaksbae

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msinha-galaxy · 4 years

Text

Motherhood of 16 years.

Amazing years-They just went by swiftly. When I look back to her turning 16; each moment of her being is just divine; A God’s angel gifted to me. She gave a meaning to my life; living my life and my childhood once again through her eyes. Her first cry; her first word; to her first test; to her first sadness; to her first friend all are truly special moments. I wish I could again live them each day.

0 years in the tummy: Kicking mummy dearest with all her might.. for every month making her mumma cry in pain almost bed ridden- Mamma feeding herself Rasgullas and pomegranates and all nutritious food for healthy good looking baby.

I will be helluva of a girl Mamma ! Watch out for me...Navratre comes; full blown pregnant mumma dreams of Durga and Laxmi. Is there a cute little Meri Durga in my tummy?.. mumma is dreaming of little princesses clad in white lehngas running around laughing and giggling around the house with sounds of lil girls wearing Payals. Yes it is the sign of my princess arriving my Durga my Laxmi my Sarswati arriving..

Two days post Dusshera she is Born Eshita Vani !! aka Laxmi Sarswati...

0-1 year : was the most quietest time; beautiful angel always looking towards her mummy with blue eyes. Lil angel beautiful; pink as a rose; doe eyed - mumma’s heart out of her body..

1-2 years: Loathed the Crèche. Howled her lungs out as she had to leave Mumma’s arms. Always looking for mummy’s bosom for breastfeed - the moment mummy is in sight. She knows no one except mummy and mummy’s arms. She cried and cried when she went through a mundan. Mummy’s heart wept to see her that sad.

Calls her father Daadda; doting father; who just lets her do everything- right to Painting the Ghar ka wall with Crayons to not wearing anything only undies...

Comes Mausi the villain - gets the little Esha wean off breast milk - mummy’s heart bled watching Lil Esha lick salt and mirchi. Cried all night missing her comfort - mumma’s Duddhoo. Mausi is practical and loving will sleep with Esha for next 7 days...

2-4 years: Now found new love in grandparents; Aaka; and Mausi. She is fast; supermodel always infront of mirror; changing clothes every 30 mins. Cat walked her way every where.

Mummy made a really bad hairlook to school yet told her teacher my mummy says I am beautiful and look like a princess.

Pride of a lioness cub; lovely as a doe; yet feisty in 2 feet of her being.

Her Aaka is the greatest; her first friend; she ruled him with her demands and he reciprocated with all his love to his Eshu.

Meri laado ki mehndi every weekend courtesy Naana!!

4-6 years: Blackmailed her mummy to buy clothes with her little tantrums in the mall. You should now know her as my little Paris Hilton - color coded top to bottom with mini satchel; sunglasses; shoes and dress. She is my Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell walking out of Lilliput Kid’s Store.

Enrique Iglesias croaking for her always since kid...A 5 years old Esha singing along I'm not in love it's just a fase that I'm going through i 'm always looking for something new 🎶🎵🎶🎵

Her Daadda disappears... Esha is a l’il sad each day as it goes yet each day a lot more happier with her new life with Naana; Naani and Mummy enfolds with new adventure infront of her... Her Naana becomes her strong fort around her. Her Aaka becomes her bro her friend her mausa No he is only Aaka....

Naani’s little brat was scolded- Little Esha packed her Barbie stroller and said I am leaving the house... couldnot help but turned back from the front door oh she doesn’t know where to go!

Homework with mummy never ! Mummy and home are supposed to be fun... PTM teacher pointed out she doesn’t do homework... Hello aren’t you supposed to teach her... she is supposed to spend time with Mumma and simply have fun.. school changed their rules...

Esha watches her Mausi’s tummy grow with doted eyes who is in there; will be taking her space.

Esha is 5 years and her sister arrives Anika.... She see her come to this world...her mausi shouting to top of her voice.. Amazed to witness the birth of her baby sister

They grow...4 and 9 uff.. what rivalry they share... right from Dresses to Doremon toys-Nothing to share with each other - every minute of love and play broken by a bout of fight and heartbreaks.

Esha growing with Naana and Naani and mummy.. Esha a little sad a little happy as new life stores lots of adventure and new world.

6-10 years: Comes Naani the SuperMom- life mein Twist... Naani brought Esha back to two T-shirts’ and two jeans. Finally hindi lessons and writing at age of 6..

Naani made Esha Raani excel in class. Every year Golden Star award! My Paris Hilton became Super achiever. Every year strived to do better than before...

My Golu molu angel had best of time with her Naana ... Naana loved his piece of heart... Her every wish is a command for him...

Yuvaan her lil brother comes to the world.., Lil Esha all overwhelmed looking at her small bro - dances in celebration in Mumbai along with Anika. She is taking care of her Mausi.. as she is happy for Yuvaan..

10 years-12 years Golu Molu Esha is a bunny toothed. Anjali Ekka is a soul sister; growing friendship see no bound.

My friends are her friends.. Her first pasta at Bristol with Abhishek uncle; Abhishek Uncle became the Pasta Uncle... every weekend she said innocently Aaj pasta uncle ke paas jaa rahe hai Kya ?

Sprite her favorite drink- Naana has smuggled Sprite at home come what may..

She is in love with her Maths teacher Richa Ma’am- she made her fall in love with maths for life...o Richa Maam married why O Richa Maam pregnant ohNo...

13 years - finally teenager Smita mausi - comes with a lot of teen wisdom n a lot of checklist for Lil Esha to accomplish. Her first kindle arrives with Smita mausi. Her love with books grows from here.

Arpita mausi nicknamed Eshita “Rockstar” - shares same interests - mimeing and singing. Hearing Arpita mausi sing- Esha finds her new interest of singing.

13 years : Watches Beti Bachao Andolan asks why it is important... and her existential question where is her dadda.. on talking with him for 3 days she says - mamma I am proud of you .you made the right decision.

Esha I am proud of you... you are my lil hero who inspires me to be the best version of me every day. To smile come what May ...

14-15 years - Mausi and Aaka are the guradian angels. Mausi keeping hawk eye on Esha’s progress.

Gets herself braces. the unbearable pain of braces for the entire year but the future to have better teeth than bunny teeth.

Anika’s Didi is growing; she is the big sister now.. Still sharing rivalry not for Doremon but for “she said- I said” “don’t disturb me”and wet eyes....wahi roothna wahi manaana... Esha Didi is teenager and Anika a small girl still... want to spend more time with Esha Didi. Esha Didi make pasta for me- says Anika

15 to 16 years: Anika’s Didi is motivating Anika to be focused and determined to excel.

Best gift for life embracing Nam myoho renge kyo.. she chants for great boards result and she aces it. Hurrah!

Not to forget Vampire Diaries Netflix Binge watching.. in love with Sherlock Holmes and Suits..My Lil Paris Hilton is now Hermione Jean Granger ( aka Harry Potter fame).

Her favorite actor is some... very difficult spelling ... Ian Somerhalder

Poor Esha - boards over yeah!! blends with lockdown - no respite...

Reading books and more books - her favorite book Becoming Michelle Obama.

My little Paris Hilton is growing taller to read taller books and quotes Michelle Obama on and off to her mummy...“I hope to be exactly like my own mother though not so at all like her at all...,

Hurraaahhh the dreaded Class 10th boards Lil Esha now competitive ; burning Night oil day and night Yesss she aced it she aced it... Aaka sends Gulab Jamun just as Results downloaded...

Nana panicking; Naani trying varied devices to download the result.. bingo SMS arrives the Ace result...Aaka Mausi joins in a dance jig in the evening...

Studying during the day and karoaking with her new mike in the night.. striving for perfection to every song she sings ... not sharing with anyone.. Nah ! It’s not perfect enough to be shared ...

Challenged by her mummy to dance like AlayaF- yeah she does accept the challenge and yet again had fun making her new video jig..

Hazel & Yashica besties forever ! Making new friends; deepening bonds of friendships.....all friends’ late night Zoom calls and socials - the joy; the laughter.. my lil Paris Hilton is now a debating Teenager - bubbling with loads of aspirations and dreams.

To many more trips to Zara, Mango and H&Ms with you...May you always dress the best and look like an angel from heaven as beautiful as my lil Eshu..

Your eyes sparkle with many dreams with focused goals - shhh don’t say it out...

Happy birthday My l’il Paris Hilton you deserve the best in life... look forward to you leaping ahead in life - I would keep looking from here... Cheers to many good days and also to some not so good days - All of universe will manifest to make you stronger and better human being each day as it goes.

Expect the best out of yourself; you deserve extraordinary hence first shape up to be extraordinary. Have a big heart for everyone. Be compassionate And courage to make your dreams come true.. live life to the fullest yet strive for excellence in everything you do..Dream big and live life like a Disney princess!

Your Proud Mother of 16 years

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