#i need help. support. therapy. Something

[naamahdarling]

.

#got a cardio appt in the morning that's too early to sleep before and too late not to fuck up my schedule so that's going to be fun #and im worried about it #I'm only mildly worried about there being something wrong #but i am worried about getting on the 'furher testing' railroad because i have NO spare energy for more medical shit right now #im dealing with like 3 other specialists right now AND therapy and I don't have a car #and also i just can't do more than 2 appts a month AND deal with prescription bullshit and the inevitable clinic fuckups #just that much messes me up #i do not need more #god help me if something IS wrong because I absolutely do not have the spoons or the ability to deal with interventions #or god save me '''''lifestyle changes'''''' which they offer NO material support for but for which I need material support #ugh #i want to get this checked out but it had better be nothing just like last time #im also having one of those evenings where my hands are so unsteady i can't do fine work at all #but at least i got myself into the studio for a while even if i wound up doing something else

[skillzissuez]

Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed

#god I hate it here #not to mention you mother and father #SEEING this #simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead #like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀 #I don’t know how to fix this #I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days #but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive #Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭 #it’s so bad though #I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress #and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc. #it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me #sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong. #Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong #but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me #My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents #but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department #I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really #I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪 #As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷‍♂️ #I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you. #seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind #if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps #but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now. #anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize #it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys #I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno #tw vent #tw mention of abuse

[dmclemblems]

dimitri literally is completely suicidal in this game right to the end

is nobody going to actually help this man i mean he literally just said there is nobody he more desires to end than himself and then says he must thank their adversary for letting him kill a phantom of himself

like

is nobody going to help him

not even after this being one of many instances of him being utterly suicidal

i mean he’s very vocal about it

is nobody... gonna... help him...

#Three Hopes #Dimitri #literally like ??? i get that there's only so much time for writing and stuff #but with the amount of times he says suicidal things you'd think they'd have room to like #stick something in there where someone gets super worried #especially after chapter eight I mean you'd think with how strong his support system is #that ppl would be like whoaaaaaaaaaa back up what did you say #BUT NO NOPE NOBODY EVEN SITS HIM DOWN AND TALKS TO HIM and I don't even blame the characters #I blame it on being a poor writing choice bc the characters SHOULD and ABSOLUTELY WOULD #but the writers for some reason just decided not to include it which is kinda lame #he obviously needs a lot more than just a support system alone #as someone who has been in the same mental place and said the same kind of shit just as often #he needs a lot more than just good friends bc good friends are great but that alone doesn't cure the problem #ngl he's the most openly suicidal character probably in the FE franchise and it's a huge shame that #they didn't bother writing in people actually trying to do something about it bc when it comes to #how severe Dimi's mental illness is they did a good job with that esp in AM #but they don't rly have ppl properly helping him through it and you can do that without needing modern therapy #I mean if Rodrigue heard him talking like this you better BELIEVE he would not let it go and would talk to Dimi #it's a shame they basically just left out all the blatant worry and care that everyone would have had

[nyanryan]

the need to have "neurotypical" and "neurodivergent" be two completely different things with no grey area in between is a disservice to both groups. i would say every single person on this earth could qualify as neurodivergent if they bothered to go see a psychiatrist. its just that only certain ppl are going to be put in a situation where they cannot function and need a label to explain it bc society

#btw I am convinced that I am the only person who truly understands the field of psychiatry. or the lack of evidence to support one. #there are so many symptoms that are just the exact same thing but described in different ways and depending on the biases of whoever #diagnoses you You will end up with a completely different disorder! #there is no way to be objective about something as subjective as human experience #this is a vaguepost ab r/adhdwomen btw i love the group but also freshly diagnosed ppl be acting in ways. #being neurodivergent forces you to be more in touch with your own needs but every single person on this Earth would benefit from that #so please for the love of God teach the neurotypical people in your life to do that too #I also saw a post earlier about how shopping around 4 therapists should not exist because you don't shop around for surgeons or restaurants #and it made me so mad because you literally do shop around before therapists and for restaurants #and there are 1 million different subfields of therapy please for the love of God do not give up if CBT does not work for you. #if your therapist is so unskilled that they cannot help you because they cannot change the physical reality of your situation #then they are a bad therapist. they are bad at their job! #their job is not to make your situation better their job is to give u the ability to deal w the situation no matter how bad it is. #ryambles #my only sources are that i am mentally ill and have been in therapy since i was 14. but im right. #i meant to say for surgeons and restaurants but i was typing too fast. bc of the adhd. sorry. #i am reading all of this over and maybe it makes no sense but i dont care. read my post boy.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

"I aM tHiS wAy CuZ iTs My PeRsOnAlItY tYpE"

No....dad thats the childhood trauma.....and the not being able to control your tone is the autism homie.

#''i dont wanna identify as autistic cuz id use it as an excuse'' but also ''i struggle to control that cuz im an entj'' dude #''no matter how i try to communicate but nobody fuckin understands me'' DUDE #AHHHHH #GO TO THERAPY #A DEBATE IS NOT A CONVERSATION #YOU FEEL THE NEED TO BE COMBATIVE CUZ YOUR PARENTS MADE YOU FEEL THE NEED TO ASSERT YOU POINT #im banging my head against the wall #like holy shit not everything has to be a debate #this fucker istg #''EMOTIONS ARENT LOGICAL SO I DONT TAKE THEM INTO ACCOUNT'' sir. #youre not taking everything into account then #mercedes screaming cuz he wont shut up lol #you tell him #i like to imagine she is telling him to go to therapy #im just listening to this shit from my room btw #like my dude this is why im not ''out'' as nonbinary to you holy shit #cuz its not something you fully understand so while you would be supportive youd also want me to like...defend my point to help you #understand. like i dont need to have a debate over my identity. #like it doesnt matter that im fully aware that you dont actually mean anything by it #i dont wanna write a fuckin thesis on my gender identity for you and then yell it at you to help you understand it #not my fuckin job man #we already did this with they/them pronouns #luckily that was an easy enough thing for me to google

[stillfruit]

self sabotage knows no limits i’m this close to starting two master’s degrees at once

#do i need this? absolutely not is it even good for employment? i doubt it #i'm still not 100% sure this is possible bc i might have fucked something up when i turned in my bachelor's degree thing #but if not i can just continue on the master's degree programme on that while i start the new one i got accepted in #and then i'll fill in my elective blocks from both of them with the other #idk i just flat out don't think i could live with myself with graduating only to a master's in economics and business that feels. bad #so to have a master's degree in development studies on the side?? would make me feel less evil #anyway barely survived my bachelor's but like i can't even remember that now i felt nothing what's two more years #or three if i go slower bc of the workload but still what's the worst thing that could happen #i'm out of therapy i can do anything babey except really i can't it's a fragile balance and if it's disturbed i just get completly exhausted #but i jsut have the thing where i think i can do anything and if i can't it's because i'm too weak and lazy #the sensible thing to do would be to just start the new one and then change back after a year if it sucks but idk if could live with myself #having wasted that much time? when i already worked for 2 years before starting uni #i make nothing but bad decisions so making the decision to do both simultaneously and dump one of them if it gets hard feels less #destructive to my ability to make changes than just starting one and being stuck in that for a year #the problem kind of comes from governmental financial support for students which requires a certain amount of courses for each year #so if i can't drop the programme i get the financial support for otherwise i lose the support #anyway i have less than a month to decide we'll see where that'll take me i'll also ask my irl friends that have helped me get through uni #pretty sure they'll be 10000% against this but. what can u do i'm stupid #shit talking

[mars-ipan]

sidenote now that the idea of me actually getting a for real diagnosis for something is a VERY REAL possibility for the VERY NEAR future i’m like. getting nervous about it

#marzivents #on one hand. what if they tell me i’m all good when i’m clearly not #that’d fucking suck and hit me with a whole wave of self-doubt #on the other hand. what if they tell me exactly what it is!!!! #like!!!! don’t get me wrong i want a diagnosis so bad. i think #but like…. if i know then like….. idk something about it frightens me!!! #maybe it’s bc i’ve been talking to my dad #he personally never got an official diagnosis bc he didn’t want to have the stigma on him or be put in a box #and that’s like. a very understandable thing to want #but for me it’s like. i want help. if i get a diagnosis not only will doctors respect that i need help but also they will have a starting- #-point to base that help on #i’m willing to take the stigma because i know i have a good support system and i’d be welcomed into whatever community i fall into #i mean i’m already gay and trans right. kinda used to being the weirdo anyways no big deal #but anyways. i think the fear stems from how like. i’ve internalized my lack of diagnosis for so long that it feels like it’s part of me now #so like. once i know. that’s it. there’s.. nothing else #just. therapy and maybe a prescription. which is a whole other can of worms #it’s sorta like how when you’re first learning to recover you’re terrified because being unhealthy is all you’ve known for so long #i wasn’t expecting to run into that feeling again. it makes sense in hindsight though #i dunno. i’m gonna go to bed

[medicinemane]

I'm very tired, I have to do everything around the house myself (as in, I keep having to turn the water off and on to the kitchen sink until I teach myself to install a new faucet, and negative cleaning gets done if I don't do it), and the money is in the hands of the third worst person in the whole family when it comes to money (the worst being my grandpa who is dead, and my grandma who blows all her money on overpriced jackets and other junk)

I'm very tired, I have to teach myself how to do everything, and I have almost literally no support in any way shape or form ever

I can't remember the last time anyone said they were proud of me... I don't actually know if anyone's ever used that word with me before. When I do something like get the trailer cleaned out or buy a house, frankly no one gives a fuck, except my grandma who gets mad

I haven't actually had a chance to see anyone that counts as a friend in like 15 years, and I mean even in high school everyone liked me but no one could be bothered to actually ever even talk outside school... so even back then it's not like I had anyone I was close with

I'm providing this version where I totally remove how I feel or how I view myself from the description and instead try to provide something close to an objective description of things

So if you wonder why I say what I say about myself, honestly I think it's pretty much all summed up here

#mm tag so i can find things later #also this is why you can maybe piss off instead of coming around here and saying I should get off the internet and go to therapy #in spite of how morose I am; I'm actively working to fix this stuff by... at least learning more of the skills I need #like... learn to replace a faucet; then at least I don't have the sink issue weighing me down #and maybe if I fix enough of it someday things'll be ok #although... in my mind no matter what I do I'll still be alone and unlovable; but that's just a description of how I view things #regardless of how I may feel; I am trying to do stuff to fix how I feel by trying to fix my situation #so like... if you're gonna come here and tell me I need to fix my mental health #may I respectfully say either you can lend me a hand or maybe you should mind your own business #cause what the fuck do you think I'm trying to do? #not that anyone will read this or particularly care #not trying to be rude or something; just extrapolating past data to make a prediction #it's not that people here don't care or don't like me; it's just we're all busy with our own lives and no one really knows what to do #well I'm... I'm trying to write you a guide; I'm asking for help here #...to an extent it's totally fine if no one helps... but you kinda don't get to go around acting like you love being asked for help #I mean... you do; it's your life... but I'm just saying... this is me asking for help... yet again #but I expect nothing because that's what usually happens #I really don't mean to... to imply anything about anyone else; it's just descriptively I don't get help and I don't get support #and... based on all the information I have my model for the outcome of this says no one will even notice it #that tag of mine of things I can find later or whatever... it has me outright saying a number of things #...no one ever hears or listens #anyway; there it is... another pointless cry for help #...don't say I didn't warn you when I wind up killing myself one day #probably not anytime soon; maybe not ever... all I'm saying is don't pretend you didn't see it coming or like I didn't reach out #at least... as best I could... maybe I could have done better #like sure; could I walk up to specific people and say 'I need you to do this'; sure... #but I find... I find people just ignore it if I say that too #so I've given up; you know? #this is the best I can muster #don't say I didn't tell you

[georgia-stanway]

Ironically considering everything about that match it actually cheered me up (or distracted me idk) so I didn't actually need to go to the crisis sanctuary and I'm doing a bit better ☺️

#i have an appointment on with support and wellbeing tomorrow which will hopefully help #though I'm in limbo a bit because im on the waiting list for nhs therapy but i don't know when that will be and i kind of need something no #i can just become increasingly suicidal whenever anything goes wrong at some point I'll stop being able to talk myswlf out of it and i don' #want to reach thay point #*can't

[nope-body]

.

#I suppress so much of what I’m feeling when I’m around my parents #like just automatically. I don’t feel super happy and I don’t feel super sad I’m just fine #because I have been taught that I can’t be anything other than fine when I’m here #I can’t relax here either. I was given homework from therapy to try a relaxation meditation and I just can’t relax and actually do it #I could when I was with the psychologist though. because I wasn’t here #i always forget how detrimental being here is to my mental health and it sneaks up on me slowly but it always impacts me #i push myself too much and don’t use my cane enough because I don’t want to have to explain it or argue my healthcare choices to my #parents. because they can’t adjust to me using a cane full time so I don’t use it until I need it #but it was never meant to be that. it’s supposed to be a preventative measure and then a support. not a fallback #I want to try this medication that should help my pain and reduce my flare ups but my dad doesn’t want me to start it without giving pt a #chance when my last pt told me that I had to take pain medication before I could continue with them because my pain wasn’t going down #is this pt better? yes. am I expecting it to magically cure my pain? no and neither is anyone else! #this med won’t cure my pain either but it would be wonderful to have something that can actually alleviate some pain even when I can’t do pt #for a stretch. It would make it easier for me to do my pt because I’m in less pain! #everyone keeps expecting an immediate change after one appointment and no one seems to understand that there’s intake and then I have to #actually do things for a while before they can help #is my posture a bit better today? sure! is it a radical lasting change? no because that’s not what happens after one day of pt! #I just don’t want to be in pain. that’s it. I want to be able to go skating after work. I want to lie in bed without having to take stock of #what hurts and whether I can do anything about it or not and if it’s even worth it to try #i just don’t want to hurt anymore

[notthebeststufftbh]

You know that feeling when you hug someone and they cling onto you way more than you thought they were gonna and they stay like that longer than you thought they were gonna and suddenly you realize that like wow this person really needs this

#that's how I learned not all adults are okay when i was 13 #(i was a compassionate teenager okay i was practically an emotional support to most adults in my life cuz they were all wrecks) #theres something to having a grown ass man holding you like that #is that just my experience? #lol #current mood #moodoftheday #emotional support #who needs a hug #ya'll need therapy too tbh im far from professional help

[slippery-minghus]

thinking about how, when i was a kid, i had this really big and important support need. it was not something i could do by myself, and every time i tried, it ended in a meltdown/panic attack. it was something i needed done for me every day, and made things like staying the night somewhere without my mom difficult at best. i was shamed to hell and back for having this support need, and on top of that it was framed as me just refusing to stop being a baby about. i couldn't conceptualize of a future where my mom lived any further away from me than next door so that she could help me with this very basic thing. i'm still so ashamed of it.

my mom will deny until the day she dies that i wasn't always her number one priority. in her eyes, she dropped everything and ran if i so much looked in her direction. but she was severely mentally ill, and parenting me was only something she really bothered to do when it felt good. when she had the energy. when what i needed wasn't too much for her limited energy. i learned from a very young age that she was not someone i could rely on. except for this one thing that i was just so world-shatteringly terrified of doing myself.

i still vividly remember the day she had enough of that last support need i dared to have. she was tired, laying on the couch for one of her endless naps. micro-abandonments. i told her i needed help. she got angry. she was half asleep, so i doubt she'd even remember. she exasperatedly told me to deal with it on my own and. holding back tears (which i was starting to get better at) i did. i figured it out. it was awful. it's still awful. and i never asked her for help for anything that really mattered ever again.

and i think about myself now, as an autistic adult who has had to mask so thoroughly just to survive that i don't have support needs anymore. i can't even really wrap my head around the idea of a support need for myself. because even that one need, that dire awful thing that ruled my childhood... i could still do it on my own. i was physically capable. and with enough force, mentally capable too.

what is a support need, if not something you are physically+mentally incapable of doing? if i could not muster the coordination to tie my shoes, for example. or couldn't go into a grocery store without a meltdown in the first aisle? if i can make it through the grocery store, and be able to keep it together long enough that i don't have a meltdown until i get home, then that's not an issue. it's not a support need. i can do it myself. i might suffer for it, but i can still complete the task.

what is a support need, actually, if not that?

#if i can do it myself - no matter the mental cost - then it is not something i *need* help with right? #pushing through my limits to do a thing still means i'm perfectly capable of doing it on my own yanno? #it sucks ass but it's still my responsibility #if i broke past my limits and still couldn't do it then maybe that would be an actual support *need* #but anything short of that is a luxury #a luxury i neither deserve (because who the fuck am i? a prince?) nor can afford #i order food delivery every now and then but that's the extent of it #i'm perfectly capable of fitting in with neurotypical society regardless of the toll it takes on me #because even with that toll i can still do everything i need to on my own #which makes the toll moot #and honestly i should be grateful instead of moaning and groaning about it #because it's not fair or reasonable or safe to rely on other people to get your own needs met #what makes *me* so special to deserve that yanno? #when i can clearly just suck it up and do what i need to do #so yeah maybe it does make my brain feel like it's on fire sometimes but at least i can do it on my own #other people are deserving of care and help. i'm not. so i'm grateful that i don't need it 🔥 #personal #oughhhhhhh i know therapy this weekend is gonna be overridden by talk of moving but my shrink would love to unpack all this 🙃

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[piplupod]

i made the dire mistake of looking up a term that i saw in someone's DNI and finding. an entire... "community" of people who are ... uh. well there is something deeply deeply not okay with them oh my fucking god, i feel nauseous.

#its uh. ppl who support and are into c*nsens*al in*est #I COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH FUCKING HAPPIER NOT KNOWING THESE PEOPLE EXIST JESUS CHRIST THERES SOME NASTY SHIT IN THAT TAG #I HATE IT HERE #i hate learning new things sometimes! much happier to just stay under my rock and block out how many fucking nasty ppl there are out there #LIKE FINE. IF ITS CONSENSUAL. I GUESS. BUT LIKE. AAAAAAA NO #i dont know. this is going to be something my brain is going to fixate on figuring out the morals and ethics of and make me miserable #god i hate this i hate finding new shit like this and then knowing my brain is going to ruminate on it and figure out the ''right'' thing #even though there is no correct opinion probably. OR MAYBE THERE IS IDK #i need... to get evaluated for OCD because this shit is what makes me have the worst time #my brain fucking hates me and will tear me to pieces trying to figure out the right way to think about smth #and if smth is actually bad or good even if it is a neutral thing #god. i am not looking forward to the next couple days lmao #actually an OCD diagnosis probably wouldnt even do anything for me lol its not like i can get therapy for it (no therapists available) #and i dont think meds help with it so like. fuck me i guess hdsgjkl it might not even be ocd anyways #incest tw #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[arthur-r]

trying to have someone pick me up from school because i’m having a major anxiety attack and my sister can get me but not for 20 minutes and i’m going to explode

#and a friend of mine who i was trying really really hard to be normal in front of knows now #falling apart because i feel like a stranger in my own skin #and i know a lot of this is whatever stupid period imbalance whatever but it’s so fucking bad #anyway philosophy club was cancelled and it made me fall apart entirely #because also. said friend that i’m trying to be normal in front of. isn’t going to go there anymore #we can’t have philosophy club without her. and i’ #i’m getting too attached and i’m scared cause no matter what i always manage to do that and i can’t be regular for anybody #i either don’t care and i’m a stupid terrible friend or i get so much where it’s #friend who i’m just gonna call c cause her name is too specific and i don’t want her to see #yesterday she had therapy and so she had to leave class early and i asked when she was going to be back and she said she wouldn’t #and something of my expression she asked like wait is that okay?? are you going to be okay???? #and i just feel terrible because it’s just. i can be fucking broken!!!! people can let me be broken i don’t want to ruin your life #it doesn’t fucking matter if i’m gonna be okay about it just please stop looking at me #because i don’t do it on purpose and it feels like i’m guilt tripping. and now today i’m falling apart and just trying to be normal and it’s #i don’t need you helping me please hang up on me if i’m being stupid #i just!!!! i’m so tired of not being enough and making my stress everyone else’s problem. i should be able to sit still and shut up #i feel like that stupid guy from that stupid story. ordinary to an exponent. dragging everyone down with my impossible to ignore inadequacy #and i just made eye contact with my fucking counselor i hate it here. sitting in that stupid secret room i found last year for when im dying #the one my teacher called and let me go there instead of lunch and none of my friends were worried about me when i didn’t show up at lunch #and it’s an offshoot of student support and i can see everyone on their way to college appointments and i don’t want to be here #my sister will be here soon but i don’t want to talk to her i just want to go home and not be here anymore #i’m having a crisis and i don’t want to be having a crisis. i was supposed to ask if c is going to the charity gala today #and other normal person questions. i had normal person questions for so many people #and once i cross the line into crisis then things aren’t normal and i can never go back #to the things i want to know about and say and just being normal please!!!! #and so here i am and i’m struggling. my sister will be here soon. i’m just so upset and tired and want to go home #and i guess i will but that’s not the place i mean when i say that. so i’m not going to be home for a long time #i dont know. i’m sorry. almost out of tags. heading home soon #vent cw #friends only

[capricores]

if you have strong mutable (gemini, sagittarius, pisces, virgo) placements then you NEED to write things down if you don't already. all those thoughts that constantly swirl in your head: the frequent tasks, goals, feelings, aspirations, opinions, etc - WRITE THEM DOWN. this is not only therapeutic & stress-relieving for you but almost necessary, or you're going to burn out and overload your own mind constantly.

when you bottle, or when you let plans, goals, dreams, to-do lists, projects, etc live solely in your head - you'll notice you can't sleep as well, it's harder to rest, your memory gets more foggy than usual, you feel burnt out and unable to connect, etc. specifically:

write down your feelings. this will be your ultimate (free) therapy. start to journal, write a diary. make a private twitter/tumblr where you spill your feelings, frustrations, thoughts. you will feel an immense sense of relief by writing or typing your feelings out - even if no one is reading it but you. mutable moons especially. our feelings tend to change rapidly, but it doesn't make them less valid. don't bottle out of the fear your feelings will change/you'll just "get over it"!! write it down and let it out!!

write! to-do! lists!!!!! these don't have to be for important things. you want to learn digital art? you want to study coding? you want to learn french? you want to re-decorate? you probably have a billion things you want to do, and then you get overwhelmed by the options, and do nothing. write down all the things you want to do. make a to-do list for these things. get them out of your head and somewhere permanent/physical. looking at the options in front of you will feel much easier.

make excel project trackers (you can even make these for to-do list items/goals/etc)! mutable placements have a tendency to start a lot of projects or tasks, and never finish any of them. make a simple tracker for all the projects you start. you won't forget what you're working on, and you'll be less overwhelmed trying to remember what you have going on (example of the one i always use pictured below)

talking out your thoughts and feelings is also very cathartic. make fake (or real, i support u!) youtube vlogs where you spill your feelings and talk about your plans, your day, what you have to do, etc. talk to someone you love and trust, vent to them about how things are; or about what you're getting up to. i find writing has an edge, because you can go back to it for reference (mutables tend to forget things easily) - but as long as you're getting the swirl of your mind somewhere outside of your head, you'll feel so, so much less stressed.

mutable dominants tend to constantly live in go-mode, we're restless and always doing something. we feel uncomfortable and sometimes guilty about staying still. our minds don't ever shut off. it's very important for mutable placements to learn how to rest, be present in the moment, and learn grounding. this can be done in many ways, but i've found personally that writing works best for me. other helpful practices can be: talk therapy, acceptance theory, yoga, meditation, hiking, camping, etc.

i also want to remind mutable signs: we change a lot. we have a lot of ideas. there's so much we want to do. we often feel like we have no path, no big goal; we can struggle with purpose as we don't often aspire for permanent things or "one big goal". this is NOT bad. there is nothing wrong with changing your feelings, your mind, your goals, your life path. you CAN do all the things you want to do! you have your entire life ahead of you! yes, you can learn all those languages. yes, you can have three different careers in your life. yes yes yes! don't listen to negativity from others. don't beat yourself up for not having one big goal like some people around you might. cherish and embrace all the things you want to achieve and complete (both big and small). learn to follow-through with and finish the things that matter to you (writing things down will really help with this, make action plans/steps - break everything down into smaller pieces). take the time to slow down and enjoy the moments as they come. you got this!

#like PLSSSS it is so important you all NEED to write/type your thoughts and feelings #talking abt them will make u feel amazing but writing them out will get them out of your brain #astrology #mutable #luna.txt #i love u mutables <3 #this post was so scattered and random and all over the place in true mutable fashion #but im not editing it because this is for the mutables anyway and yall will get my scattered-ness #mine