#i started journaling again for it and in general ive been feeling way better & happy <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fuckthisblog · 4 years

Video

I need to spend more time on tumblr I forgot how calming this was.

I haven’t blogged since April it looks like so fuck...uuhhhh i used to make mini timelines on here and idek how to sum it all up but imma give it a shot for future me cause i always like to come back and read these - gonna go back in time a little to get the full covid picture but it ends with talking about the woods walk that lead to this video which brings me SO MUCH JOY

march 12th ~ last day i was at clinicals before it cancelled april 1st - online class stuff officially starts happening it probably happened before this but this is when i made a record of it. started anatomy review n shit for big ass exam april 5th - judging by my writing.. depression kicks in hard but also studying WAYYY too much every damn day april 14th ~ big deal first job interview april 17th ~ did the breakup thing, think that was the last time i wrote on here april 29th - found out big ass certification test on may 20th is scheduled for TBD ~ also found out i got the job but awsjhcfksdjhk now certifcation is postponed for got knows when may 1st - journal says “i got to see syd and i feel better”, dont think i realized how hard the breakup feels were hittin me cause i remember casually hanging out n then suddenly crying may 13th - slept through last day of my fucking class like a goddamn depressed dummy may 18 n 19 n 20 - miss kitty to the er, and then to her nuero appointment and they think brain tumor but cant afford MRI but prednisone instantly makes her better. all the scared feels of losing her and class being done and no certification exam in sight and just general awful nothingness floating through the void (still studying way too much everyday day) seems like i saw kirk like every other weekend idk how to feel about that im the worst w clean breakups may 21st ~ technically ive graduated but it feels like nothing. also idk if he did it this day or the next but kirk dropped off flowers and a card and a you did it! smiley face thing with a grad cap on that yells YOU DID IT whenever u touch it lol may 26th ~ study sesh w shawna n jordan i know i did other study seshs w them too but idk when, and then home and parents had signs made on the lawn to congratulate me graduating, and then sydney got dropped off and we headed to rhode island may 28th ~ very interesting/bad/idk wtf mushroom trip. adderall was still in my system and i dont think my body liked that mix and then i took xanax to try to calm down but theyre not pharm approved xanax so i just lost some time but syd took awesome care of me and we laughed about this weird juicy couture dress idk even though it was bad it was great cause i was with her. i do remember petting miss kitty and she had like overlapping colored outlines and looked very ethereal and it kept me calm while syd was outside. before the trip was great too i went to ocean state job lot and syd and i made a bonfire and ate donuts n delicious coffee milkshakes honestly it was all great slept entire day after bad trip but then wokeup and immediately started studying again lmao june 1st - called the people to try to get my test scheduled but that was a no go june 4th - letter arrives can actually schedule test - schedule for 16th STUDY STUDY DIE DIE DIE STUDY DIE STUDY DIE SHdkjceshkfchsdjc june 16th - FUCKIN PASSED MY TEST june 30th - mask fitting n stuff july 1st - good hangs w syd im lucky to have her july 5th - go to the fells for the first time in FUCKIN FOREVER cause syd and lucas were going n invited me and im so happy they did swimming felt so good omg july 7th - first day o work july 10th - officially scrubbed in again, feels good, but exhausting july 21st - all nighter where connor tells me he never loved me but in the context of an actually really good heart to heart session (which weve been having a bunch of latelyp) im upset but also not at all, work is exhausting but ive started taking my antidepressants again (literally that morning lol) and i go for a woods walk n swim after, and a deer follows me in the forest and its magical and life is good july 22nd - fuckin slept through work and thats never happened so been pushin myself a bit too hard july 25th - yesterday, worked saturday w j so we’re the only tchs there and did 2 lap apps and a hemiarthroplasty and it was good but also a little discouraging idk if this career is for me

and that about brings it up to today. talking to kirk less which is good for both of us. connor and i having lots of heart to hearts n genuine friendship chats. glad thats come full circle. lucky to have syd in my life. just generally idk that bears repeating haha i love her and writing this is realized how many times i wanted to write “and then syd made everything better” - she was the first person i called after i passed my test and she started screaming for me cause she knows me and knows my past and how hard ive worked and idk just a lotta love there. im lucky. word end of things idk wtf is going on but does anybody really? hahahaha. this career is not for me and i know it deep down but ill finish orientation before i do anything. but as of right now even though lifes good it kinda feels bad cause almost everyday im sweating and shaking and in so much fucking pain for a 10 hour shift and then i come home and collapse. antidepressants are helping though. i havent been on them for the entirety of my program/job so i thought that the job just came w this sort of exhaustion. but now im remembering theres after work tired and then theres depression tired.

#personal #video #deer #woodswalk

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greymuse · 4 years

Text

Witchy QnA

1. Are you solitary or in a coven?

Solitary!

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?

Witch, or Enchantress if I wanna sound fancy

3. What is your zodiac sign?

Leo sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?

Nope

5. Do you work with a Pantheon?

Nope

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination?

Tarot sometimes

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)

Im just starting to get into more physical items. I was raised to do most things mentally.

8. How would you define your craft?

Im not sure? Green but a lil eclectic

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?

I dont think of it as cursing. More so protection from certain people.

10. How long have you been practicing?

I found out about what I was already doing as being Witchcraft a couple months ago. But Ive been using Tarot, using kitchen Witch spells, as “prayers” as spells since I can remember

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?

Nope. I hope to have one soon though

12. Do you believe in Karma or Reincarnation?

Absolutely believe in karma. Reincarnation, possibly. Its definitely something I think about

13. Do you have a magical name?

Nope.

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?

My whole moms side practices casually, so I mean I guess? But I havent referred to myself as a Witch or something like that.

15. What was the last spell you performed?

I enchanted a ring I got. Also, a money spell that worked but uhh its definitely showing me that I need to work harder.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?

Im pretty decent. Most of what I look up is common knowledge to me

17. Do you write your own spells?

I havent yet, but I also dont do many spells verbally. I more so visually manifest

18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up?

I do, Its just a plain lil notebook, I have just some basic reference sheet type things in it.

19. Do you worship nature?

Absolutely

20. What is your favorite gemstone?

rose quartz. or tigers eye

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?

I dont particularly enjoy using animal/ human materials. I use natural things, like dirt and water.

22. Do you have an altar?

Not so much a physical Altar, but my bed is definitely my safe space and I can clear my mind here the easiest.

23. What is your preferred element?

Water, but fire always make me wide eyed and curious. definitely curious. but its destructive potential scares me.

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?

Not art all haha

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?

Im not sure!

26. What got you interested in witchcraft?

realizing that I had been practicing for my whole life and I hadnt known before

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?

yeah, with my mom and her mom. I just didnt know at the time. We do protection spells often.

28. Have you ever used ouija?

yup! with my mom and her mom. Its just a family thing we do every time we all get together. I grew up thinking it was completely normal.

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?

My mom says I used to be. I used to dream about natural disasters before they happened as a kid. I dont think im too good anymore. just empathetic.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?

I dont think I do. If anything, I do feel a feminine energy? dark (like a shadow, not negative) and watery is the best way I can describe it. But its not a human entity. Just energy.

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?

That not everyone believes what you do. And its totally okay! Just maybe dont loudly announce your Ouija board antics with your science teacher in middle school.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?

I havent before, but im going to try to this year

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?

Absolutely. I want my son to grow up the same way I did around magick. Itll be normal for him.

34. Do you meditate?

Sometimes! its definitely something im trying to do more often.

35. What is your favorite season?

Fall and Spring! Theres so much change

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?

Im not sure yet! Ive only just started branching out and actually considering what ive been doing all my life as magick.

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?

Daily affirmations/ protection spells, I manifest me and my sons happiness and safety every day.

38. What is your favorite witchy movie?

I dont think Ive seen any haha

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?

The Darkest Powers books by Kelly Armstrong. More supernatural (vampires, werewolves, stuff like that) but I loved it growing up.

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.

Knowingly, a protection spell from someone who had hurt me

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?

Im not sure! I can see auras if i really focus and can tune into someone, so maybe when i saw a family member with a pure black aura? That was freaky

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?

I dont use candles! Bonfires or fires in fireplaces usually, to burn a paper if needed. Again, I dont trust myself with fire very much.

43. What is your favorite witchy tool?

My crystals and my tarot. They all have vibrations. Everything does but especially those, because im so connected to them

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?

I want to! Havent yet

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?

Spirits, yes. I can call on family that Ive known in person for protection. Been doing that as long as i can remember

46. Do you practice color magic?

I used to! i dont really anymore.

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?

My mom, aunt, and grandma!

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?

Dollar store, thrift store, antique stores (though im always hesitant to use something that belonged to someone else. If there isnt a close emotional attachment, there wont be any noticeable vibrations.

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?

I think theres a general way that things can happen. More like a decide your fate book. There are multiple options, it just depends on what you choose.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?

Meditate, or go to the lake.

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?

ohhhh boy. I got stories.

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?

People thinking theyre better bc they have a crap ton of materials, thinking im less than because I visualize easier than with material items.

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?

I do, I just cant very often. I have a child and very smell sensitive people livingg with me

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?

I rarely ever remember a dream, so no

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?

Im not sure ive had one yet

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?

I havent seen who i dont want to see since protecting myself

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?

Everything, haha. I think thats why I enjoy visualizing instead of rituals or verbal stuff.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?

Absolutely!

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?

yes, I feel like it //can be// kinda like a genie in a bottle type thing. Itll work, but not without a price.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?

Nope

61. What is something witch related that you want right now?

A cauldron to mix and burn things in haha

62. What is your rune of choice?

I dont know yet! Runes are something Im looking into

63. What is your tarot card of choice?

My birth card, the Tower.

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?

I love lemon and eucalyptus

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?

nope!

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?

Nope

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?

No one that would feel that way knows anything about it

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?

nope

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?

Yes. Its like knowing world history and us history, We need to learn from the past.

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?

I feel powerful, and connected and accepted by nature.

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?

having to tiptoe around things around certain people

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?

Nope! ill have to look into it

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?

I havent fully figured out what i want to do for the moon cycles yet, but I definitely want to. the moon and water are so closely related

74. Do you ever work skyclad?

No, but i mean.. maybe one day?

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?

I feel like i have more control of how im able to use my emotions and feelings

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?

The energy i talked about before.. It gets more intense and stronger sometimes, and i know i need to put more time and effort into my practice

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)

no, but i do believe in energy. not ghosts per say but definitely energy

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?

I try to make most of them myself. I have one for protection while driving that i use for me and my boyfriend a lot. And one for the safety of my son.

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?

Not as of right now. I did bleed onto my tarot cards on accident though..

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?

Theres a difference between “doesnt understand and doesnt care to” and “fully doest support and refuses to let you practice safely”. I dont mind the first, but wouldnt stay with the second.

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?

Reading auras, and tarot. Also just connecting with nature more

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?

I love fall scents! but no, i dont really use candles

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?

Meditate and protect

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?

My mom honestly lmao. i dont think she views herself as a full witch though.And my aunt

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?

I dont worship dieties. But i like to just be in natural and connect emotionally, nonverbally to this energy Im somehow connected with.

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?

In this lil wooden box my mom gave me for my birthday to hold the tarot cards my grandma gave me haha.

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?

my mom. aunt, and grandma. I know my grandpas grandma was a voodoo witch too.

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?

I havent seen much about nonverbal, mostly mental witchcraft. So i guess thats one unique thing.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?

A couple things. Feeling vibrations, the connection to nature, auras, growing up surrounded by it.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?

I believe you can initiate yourself. I dont feel the need for someone elses validation is i know my connection with nature is real

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?

crystals, lmao

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?

The southern oregon coast. honestly everywhere in oregon feels so alive and vibrating so heavily with energy. The water and the lush greenery is perfection.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?

I have no idea, I dont follow a deity

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?

quiet, listen to music i like and that help calm me, slightly cool, a breeze is good. the sound of real water flowing from a lake or ocean. recordings of water dont help me. sometimes white noise if theres too much noise

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?

visualization is the easiest thing for me. ive always daydreamed so heavily that itll be like im dreaming with my eyes totally open and tracking.

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?

early mornings, right as the sun is coming up.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?

I like doing spell work before bed, when the moon is bright enough to light up what im doing

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?

I dont know if it counts as casting a circle? but i visualize a swirling white ball of energy, starting out like a strawberry size in my hands, and every time i breath in, it gets bigger. Its a protection circle. i learned to do it at like?? 3 years old?

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?

Yup!

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?

If i had to guess, id say multiple gods/ goddesses. one entity shouldnt have that much power imo.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?

Ive been trying to go vegetarian, and i eat minimal eggs and dairy.

102. What is your favorite color and why?

dark, smokey colors. grey, black, dark muted purples, navy, smoky pink.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?

I dont have many people im even slightly into that stuff, let alone a witch. So usually just “how do i cleanse my house? i think its haunted” type stuff

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?

Feel, haha, physically and emotionally.

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?

Always properly cleanse new materials, haha

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lilytcyip · 4 years

Text

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week!

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing!

#diary #personal #thoughts #last post of 2019

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raitrolling · 7 years

Note

9, 14, 25, 27, 31, 40 and 41 for Katrin!

9. How do they manifest energy, exhaustion, tension, or other strong emotions?

katrin tends to keep a lot of her emotions to herself, and doesn’t really show them outwardly. she spends a lot of time in her own head, so she’s not really focused on how she appears to others and doesn’t think people would actually want to get to know her. when she’s stressed/panicky or particularly upset she’ll start talking really quickly and repeating words/phrases and basically go into stream of consciousness mode re: verbalising her thoughts. but otherwise, she’s usually fairly quiet and hesitant with her speech, which can make it hard to tell what she’s feeling apart from ‘probably feeling down, as always’.

she can be a little cheeky and mischievous when she’s around someone she’s comfortable with and she’s in a good mood, which usually manifests in somewhat unpredictable and almost out-of-character actions.

14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed?

katrin loves two things: money, and daydreaming about being rich. she writes as a form of escapism, and uses her stories to create an ideal world where everything is perfect and she’s super rich and loved by everyone. because of this, she tends to create plans in this fantasy world about how her life and the world around should go, and gets upset whenever things don’t turn out as planned (nevermind the fact that her fantasies are completely unrealistic). while her motivation to write tends to waver depending on her mood, she’s still very attached to her fantasies and tends to use them as a method to pretend her real problems don’t exist.

her love for money is what turned her to a life of crime, due to her ex-moirail’s influence and the fact that she’s really bad at running legitimate businesses. she’s fairly committed to her red-eyed raccoon persona, if only because she can kind of live out her fantasies as her self-insert character who is The World’s Best Thief. however, her lack of sense and inability to consider the consequences of her actions tend to cause her to lose any money she gains incredibly quickly (usually by purchasing more alcohol or wasting it on get-rich-quick schemes), but she still keeps trying because she doesn’t know what else to do otherwise.

25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it?

katrin wants, essentially, a fairytale romance. a handsome prince (or princess) on his white horse who’ll scoop her up from her dreary life and take her to his magical castle and solve all her problems and give her all the gifts (but especially all the money) and let her do whatever she wants and she’ll never ever have to worry about anything ever again. unfortunately, that’s both A. incredibly unrealistic, and B. katrin’s own issues (a terrible combination of being horribly dependent on other people but also having a tendency to isolate herself from those she’s close to whenever she’s having problems) tend to put a strain on her relationships, especially since she makes no effort to better herself and never learns from her mistakes.

what she needs is someone who is kind, gentle, and patient with her since it takes a long time for her to feel comfortable around someone, but is also able to put their foot down and force her into recognising her faults and working towards changing her ways. they’ll need to have a high tolerance for bullshit (since kat tries to take advantage of her friendship with people to try and get free things out of them, or just outright stealing from them but expecting to not face any consequences), but if they come across as being too violent or forceful she’ll get panicky and lash out or start avoiding them entirely. she needs to start taking steps towards considering the consequences for her actions, and being a bit more emotionally available to others and healthily depending on others (i.e. being able to share her problems and talk about how she’s feeling, instead of bottling everything up and making people feel sorry for her so she can use them for money/food/gifts/etc.), but she can’t do it on her own.

27. What do they strongly like and dislike, in any category? Why?

katrin loves money because it’s something lowbloods can’t normally have a lot of. she thinks it’s unfair that highbloods get to be rich and have all these nice things while she can’t, just because she got hatched into the lowest caste. also, money can solve all of her problems: you can buy food, you can buy nice clothes, you can go to fun events where there’ll be free food and drinks, you can buy nice things to decorate your hive and make it look fancy, you can buy things that’ll make you happy, you could even buy friends if you really wanted to. she’s very greedy and materialistic, but also sees material items as showing status, and believes that people will like her more if she has cool things she can show off. she also likes comic books and superheroes (particularly Wonder Woman, Black Widow, and Rocket Raccoon) for the same reason she loves to daydream: they’re full of super strong and super cool people who always win their fights and are loved by all. her reasons for liking anything are fairly simple and childish, really.

she has a strong dislike and is terrified of firearms, due to previously having a stalker who used sniper rifles and would try to kill her because he had a blackcrush on her. she’s quite hesitant of blackrom in general because of this and relationship with her ex-kismesis, and her views on what is considered a healthy black quad are very skewed.

31. Is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? What makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? Why?

despite constantly taking advantage of people’s kindness and cheating people out of their money/possessions, she hates it when someone does the same to her. she thinks it’s unfair and cruel that someone would do such a thing to her, but when she does it it’s fine because she actually really needs whatever she took from them. she also doesn’t like it when people tell her she can’t do something she wants to do, though rather than it being a ‘dealbreaker’, its more of a thing she’ll get pissy about and then try to do it anyway (and then wonder why she’s getting punished for it).

and for the reasons mentioned in the previous question, she won’t fuck with anyone who uses guns as their strife weapon or happens to have a gun on their person. at least, she won’t fuck with them unless she thinks she can get away with it.

40. What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is?

i’ve kinda already been answering this question through every single previous question, since her imagination is so focused on her self-insert fictional world and the fanfiction she produces as a result of it. but she usually writes in journals, then types them on her computer to upload online. while she mostly writes original fiction, she’ll sometimes swap out the names of her own ‘characters’ (read: real people she knows), to characters from whatever series happens to be popular at the time in order to create fanworks in hope they’ll get noticed and make her rich. hey, if it worked for the 50 shades woman, it should work for her, right?

41. What associations do they bring to mind? Words or phrases, images, metaphors or motifs? Why?

since katrin started out as a self-insert i started rping for shits and gigs, when she became a legitimate character she kinda developed into something that somewhat parodies her own origin. she writes her own self-insert fanfiction and lives in her own fantasy world where she’s the perfect protagonist who is amazing at everything and everyone loves her and she has the best relationships ever and everything she does is always right and always goes perfectly and all that jazz. like every babby’s first oc who is a self-insert because we don’t really know how to write proper characters yet, her fantasies are always super idealised and nothing can ever go wrong for her, until reality comes crashing down on her which she tries to recreate her fantasies for real.

the concept/theme of time is also a theme that tends to crop up for her frequently, too. her sgrub au counterpart is a time player, her ‘true’ psiionic power is chronokinesis, and in times of turmoil she often finds herself wishing that she could either have more time to figure things out, or that she could go back in time to retry everything and make it better. she tends to find herself preoccupied with the past and what could have been, that she doesn’t consider the future and how she still has time to improve and actually make up for all her mistakes. there’s nothing particularly symbolic about it, it’s just something that happens to crop up from time to time.

i tend to associate her with bookish heroines (such as liesel from the book thief, briony from atonement, and matilda from... well, matilda) due to her writing habits and tendency to live in her own head. although unlike those characters, katrin isn’t really an avid reader aside from comic books. on a side note ive wanted to read northanger abbey because of its premise reminding me of kat, but i always find jane austen books to be kind of a slog to get through.

#katrin rissah #headcanon #finally gets around to answering this #here have an essay or five #scrambledtrolls #asks

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fenfyre · 7 years

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Ive got a question! How do you manage to write continuously? Ive been struggling a lot in that area since I dont write that often, but when i do its 4k words. You seem to write pretty regularly. Do you have some tips for those who fail to do so? And how can my writing attract attention? when i post something and it only gets 2 likes and no reblogs its pretty unsatisfying... keep being awesome! and keep up the great work~ -a secret admirer who hopes that their english grammar didnt sound too bad

First of all thank you for your message and please don’t worry, your English is fine! I wouldn’t have known you’re not a native speaker if you hadn’t mentioned it (but maybe that’s cause I’m also not a native speaker, who knows).I am definitely no authority on good writing habits and there’s as many different ways to write as there’s writers out there. But you asked how I manage to write regularly so I’ll just tell you about my habits. Just keep in mind this is what works for me personally, you can tweak and change my tips however you want to make them fit for you!I think it’s important to mention that I don’t always manage to write as much as I do right now. That’s mostly because I have a lot of free time at the moment. When I’m stressed I write way less, maybe once or twice a week or not at all. Because then I’m tired and don’t have any motivation left after a long day at uni and let’s face it, writing is damn hard. But I also greatly enjoy it, creating something makes me feel good about myself and helps me cope in difficult situations. So when motivation is low and I feel like just crawling into bed instead of sitting down in front of the laptop I try to remind myself that writing is not some chore I need to get done but that it’s something I truly, deeply love and that I’ll feel so much better after getting a few words down.That’s one of the first steps for me. Making writing precious and part of my me time, thinking of it as a form of self-care. Maybe keeping a little writing journal can help with developing a positive attitude towards writing. Just jot down a few words about your mood before and after each writing session. If you’re similar to me you might notice a trend that looks like this “Before: tired, annoyed, anxious. After: proud, more relaxed and happy”Then I make sure to choose a time for my writing where I can be uninterrupted and focus just on the task on hand. Maybe that’s early in the morning before classes, in the afternoon after work or at night before bed, all depends on when I can make time to be productive for a bit. I get cozy, make myself some tea and get a few snacks, put on some music (I generally like instrumental or sometimes indie for the smuttier stuff) and get to work. Before I start I always have a certain goal in mind, usually to hit 750 words. That was the number to hit every day during a challenge I took part in years ago and that kind of stuck with me. I work in 25 minute intervals, taking small breaks to review my process and it usually only takes me two of those to hit my goal. See, I’m not a particularly fast writer, I average about 900-1000 words an hour and getting down 4k like you in a single setting would be near impossible for me, even on a good day where I do nothing but write. But that’s fine, everyone has their own style. I managed to build somewhat of a habit, 50 minutes of writing a day. 50 minutes of me time to reboot and refresh and that accumulates with time into longer stories.I also recently started using a free app to track my writing, where I can put in what projects I’m working on with overall and daily word count goals, a writing log and graphic charts to track my progress, reminders to write and all kinds of neat little gimmicks. It’s called Writeometer in the Playstore if you want to take a look. It also keeps track of your writing streak so there’s an extra nudge not to slack off when you’ve built a nice one. Definitely helps to keep the momentum going!Another big motivation for me is to post here, get a bit of feedback and feel like people are waiting for more. I’ve been really lucky with and so grateful for all my sweet followers who keep supporting me, reblogging my things and sending cute messages. But it’s hard to get out there and I understand the frustration of working hard on something, being proud of it, wanting to share it and not getting any feedback at all. I’ve been there. Still am a lot of the time, depending on what I’m working on. I’m not a big name myself and I deeply appreciate every note floating my way.It’s hard for writers on tumblr. Fics are so much harder to consume than fanart, you can’t tell by a single glance if you like them and want to share them, blobs of text don’t look cute on blogs and many people don’t take the time to work their way into a story when they’re just idly scrolling down their dash. That doesn’t mean artists don’t deserve every bit of the attention they’re getting! It just would be nice for writers to be recognized as well. But that’s not something we can really help so here’s a few things you can do:Get out there, make friends and have fun with them! Reach out inside your fandoms and see if you can get connected, maybe visit streams of artists you like to get to know people (shoutout to fabulous sintral, I still love you all very much I’m just a little shit!) or just beat down your anxiety enough to message someone whose blog you enjoy. Offer to fill prompts or write fic for fanart you adore. It’s insanely flattering to get art for your fics or fics for you art and if they brag and squee about it, that’s exposure. And you made someone happy! (This isn’t to say you should only try to make friends to get more notes on your work, that’s kind of a dick move. I’m just saying that getting connected is fun and will help get your stuff out there).It’s also helpful to not chill in mostly dead fandoms all the time (like me) (sorry snk fandom I heard there’s shit happening again soon. Hang in there). I got the most feedback on the Yuuri on Ice fics I wrote when the fandom was at it’s peak. So where there’s actually lots of people there’s more chances of being recognized. Though I also understand if your passion lies somewhere less crowded. Don’t force yourself to write something just because you think you might reach more people with it.Overall I’m not an expert on how to best attract attention. I think a lot of it is just luck and persistence. Keep writing, keep putting yourself out there, have a good time and in the end you’ll find cool people with similar interests. At least that worked for me?All the best to you, anon! And if there’s any more questions feel free to send me another message.

#anonymous #answered #nice things #fen gives advice #that's apparently a thing i do sometimes?#who knew #also this got long #i'm sorry #long post

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jess-oh · 5 years

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Reflection 22.4.19

hey journal, ive been starting to think about my life in catalyst and whether or not i would want to stay if that ministry continues in the state it's in. because jason is right. they do expect to be fed and the current leaders seem more bitter than anything else that more people arent willing to step up and just see it as a burden. and im sure it must be hard, bc there's no set pastor for the young adults and it's up to them to figure things out. at least in movement we have pjosh as the main head but they dont really have anyone. sure pjosh and psam are there but they manage their own separate ministries. catalyst is a place where they should be able to relax and just be present and not worry about managing it. and i get that, thats totally fine. i dont think having a pastor come in and take the burden of the whole ministry will solve/fix everything. it really has to come from a place of willingness.i kind of want to start doing some digging and see how Koinonia functions without a "head" pastor for that specific life stage. Or maybe it just falls on Pastor William's plate! And if so, maybe having a head pastor to make the final calls would drastically help Catalyst. I am going home in part to do some research on how Sa-Rang functions as a church like in Holy Wave and seeing what I can see what they do right and wrong and what knowledge I can bring back to Lakeview to help them grow and how to fix them. On the one hand, I don't want to leave because it is safe and comfortable at Lakeview and I know it well. I really enjoy the people in Kidsland and Koinonia and Movement too. And even Catalyst. But I don't know if I want to enter a ministry where I feel like I have to give and give so much and just get so burnt out in the end again. They definitely need a culture shift and a group of individuals that genuinely value loving Christ more than just doing things because it's easy or convenient. Maybe I'll just serve in Kidsland and spend all my time there and with Koinonia instead. I do really enjoy hanging out with the parents and I think they have a lot of wisdom to share. I really enjoy just casually talking with Julie, Ed, PDubs, Jenny, Mike, Sung, even Lois, and the other adults too. And Lois, Jenny, and Julie have been sosososo more than willing to selflessly allow me to stay in their house. And I know they're adults and have a more stable income and there are a lot of other factors at play here. But it's the heart that really counts and matters. I know that my mom is paying for my rent right now. But if any of the Movement people ever needed a place to stay, I would be more than happy to allow them to sleep in my apartment. Really. But I know most of them wouldn't want to travel that far anyway so it doesn't really matter but that heart is there. They can eat my food and enter my home and use my gas and electricity to do whatever. And I also get that I just generally enjoy hosting too so it's different but the heart is there. It doesn't matter that I don't have a stable income or career yet. I genuinely care for my peers and because I do, I'm willing to let them stay in my place. And that heart is lacking in Catalyst. Sometimes I think they'll say, "I would let you do this or do this for you but..." There's always a but. But why? They aren't willing to give. And I know I shouldn't be so quick and harsh to judge but it's true, isn't it? I want to enter a community where I feel like I can rest and don't have to try so hard or worry about anything. And plus, sidenote, it's weird that the life groups leaders arent considered the leaders for Catalyst! They're separate entities! What do the life group leaders handle verses the general leaders then? Is it on Tim, Jeff, and Elsa to think of all the events and organize/plan everything? Why is that not also the responsibility of the life group leaders? Why can't they co-exist? And also, I feel like Elsa is kind of looked down upon and treated like an outsider bc I know Tim and Jeff are close. I'm pretty sure they both went to UChicago, met in Movement, and have been friends for a long while whereas Elsa came as a newcomer as an adult much later. And maybe I'm just being paranoid on behalf of her because shes my friend but at least what I've observed, it does seem like that. I see her as an equal and I think she sees me that way too. And I'm happy to have a friend I can be present and honest with like her. We've talked about some pretty deep things and I'm happy we can. And I think she is intentional and does genuinely care. But, sigh, I don't know. Am I just being selfish in all of this? Because I don't want to serve anymore? Because I don't want to feel the pressure or the need to serve because if I don't, no one else will? I just want to come as a newcomer and take it as it is and not have to worry about making it better and fixing it and I also know I've already been fed myself a lot this past year and I'm currently trying to feed right now. I'm really grateful for the seniors for being willing to feed me but I feel like they've been my friends as well and while I'm sure I havent been nearly as helpless, I think I was able to feed them too. Not as well as I could have but I think I did. We both don't know a lot. There's a lot beyond what our lens can currently expand over. I just. I want to have guidance and be fed again and be given advice and have people to look towards and not like it's all on me to put in all the effort and bring up all of these ideas. And it's honestly just a burden. I want to be willing to put in the effort because I genuinely care for the people in the ministry and honestly, having people that are also grateful for that. And I know that serving is a thankless job and I shouldn't expect any praise or grace in return BUT, it is just my human nature talking i suppose.i just asked David if he's going to leave Lakeview once he graduates and I'm planning on asking Cecilia why she decided to leave Lakeview. And I'm sure other factors would be at play here and I know I still have a whole year to decide and a lot can change within the ministry in the span of a year too. But I am curious. Because I am tired of serving and giving and maybe it's just burnt out me talking but at least with college, I have the opportunity to rest at the end of a school year and restart things at the beginning of the new term. And we no longer have that option in Catalyst. You just have to push through and be intentional yourself and be the one to keep each other accountable. In a way, it's like everyone is serving just to be a Christian. I just, sigh, ahhh, i dont know. I'm just frustrated at the state of the ministry I guess and the prospect of having to start all over again from square one intimidates me and it isn't something I want to do. God, I just honestly really want to ask for guidance from you. I feel so much more at home and comfortable with my InterCP friends and I feel bad because I'm barely even involved in the organization. I just contribute to the discussions every now and then and show up for our check ins on Wednesdays. I'm just really tired I guess and feeling burnt out. And I know that I've allowed Johnathan, Jason, and Amanda to really strongly influence me this past year and I don't want to be so overly dependent on them or anyone else anymore. And I know Amanda and Jason are planning on leaving and checking out other churches in part because of the current state that Catalyst is in. But come on, even PJosh isnt super on board with them! I think theres a lot happening in Movement right now and a lot of change for the better. We're getting to be much more grounded and are unveiling our identity that fits who we are and our culture. And I really like it. But Catalyst is still figuring that out. I was just cleaning the ceramic wheels and while I was, I was thinking more on this topic. I think Catalyst needs to get closer with Koinonia and learn from them and look to them for guidance. Because their identity is still blurry and until they can figure that out, it'll be tough for us to look to them for guidance when they themselves are still trying to figure it out. I think Movement is getting to place where we can be people that Zion looks up to and I think that will bridge the gap between the two ministries and become more encouraging for youth group students to enter Movement once they return home for college instead of just hanging around with the other youth students. Oh also, I've always wanted to ask Cecilia why she decided to leave and just assumed it was in large part because of work and the location of it but she said that it isnt just something she can answer in a couple sentences and is worth meeting in person to discuss. So I guess this was a very long though out decision and I am excited to hear what her response is next week! Also, I asked David too and he said that he would probs stay at Lakeview if he decided to stay in Chicago bc while he would want to go back to his home church where it's familiar bc he feels he can grow more at Lakeview. Which I respect. Good for you, David! I just had a lot of fun chatting with Joyce and David in the senior banquet group chat and I'm glad that I can be more present and intentional with them and just joke around. I definitely want to catch up and hangout with them in a one-on-one setting again. I think we have and we do just by serving together or being driven home or late nights at Norris or whatever. But scheduling the time to hangout is a bit different, I think. Anyway, thank you for listening to my vent and allowing me to word dump, journal. I'll talk to you soon! As always,

Jess

#reflection

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sarahburness · 6 years

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The ABC’s of Personal Growth: How to Live a Happy, Meaningful Life

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” ~Abraham Maslow

Throughout my life, I’ve moved countries, studied a foreign language, changed careers, launched a business, run a half marathon, written a book, faced agonizing loss and grief, won awards, been deeply hurt, created awesome charity campaigns, lived with huge uncertainty and pain, found love and friendships to cherish, and given birth to three miraculous humans.

Throughout these and plenty more crazy, insane, complex, and utterly beautiful life events, I have collected treasured building blocks that help me live a life of meaning, purpose, and joy every single day.

I want to share them with you in the hope that throughout your own daily trials and triumphs, you can use these ABC’s to help you create a life you love.

Transformation is not a switch; it’s more like a gage.

The beauty is that you don’t have to flip a button and practice and internalize all twenty-six letters instantaneously.

Like learning anything, start with just one at a time.

Once you’ve mastered it, add another.

With consistent repetition, you’ll be fluent, and these personal growth building blocks will lay a magnificent foundation for all your life’s work.

You are the author. You hold the pen. You get to learn and read and write your own masterpiece, chapter by chapter, line by line, letter by letter.

You are the hero of your own story.

So let’s get back to basics: the ABC’s of personal growth.

Acknowledge:

Knowing your strengths, talents, and abilities is the first step to unleashing your potential and power and creating meaning and lasting transformation. We are all blessed with so many wonderful gifts, but we can’t unwrap and share them with others if we fail to acknowledge what they are. Acknowledge yours today! What are you good at? What do people come to you for help with? What experiences have you gone through, and what have you learned from them?

Blessings:

Blessings are all around us. If we choose to look for them, we will certainly find them. What are you grateful for? What makes you smile? What positives do you notice in your life right now? Each day, look for three things to be grateful for. These blessings multiply!

Control:

There are so many things in life that we have very little or no control over—what happens to us, what other people say or do. We are not the general managers of the universe. However, we have incredible control over how we choose to respond to every experience we encounter. Our control lies in our attitude and our behavior—our choices. Choose wisely.

Discipline:

The master key to success lies in discipline. We are surrounded by enticing temptations and obstacles that deflect us from our goals all the time. Discipline is like a muscle; the more we work on building this skill, the more we develop excellent habits that bring us closer to achieving our biggest success.

Discipline means asking yourself: What is the very best use of my time right now? And then consistently following through. Small increments every day lead to tidal waves of success—step by step, day by day with consistent discipline and dedication.

Encouragement:

We are all fighting battles, and a gentle word that offers hope and support can literally save a dream.

Are you an encourager or a critic? Do you accentuate problems or encourage solutions and creative thinking? Do you lift people up? Are you inspiring, motivating, and supportive of helping others to get further and reach higher? When we lift others up, we rise. Commit to becoming the most encouraging person you know. The world needs more cheerleaders desperately!

Focus:

What would you be doing with your time if you knew you had only six healthy months left to live? Focus all your time, energy, and resources on the things and people that truly matter most to you.

Vague goals produce vague results. Blurry goals yield blurry outcomes. Take the time to get clear about where you are going and what you’d like to accomplish. Write this down. Then focus. Whatever we focus on grows. Get clear and then laser focus on your most meaningful priorities. Don’t sweat the other stuff. Keep it simple and focus on what you care most about.

Give:

Giving to another person and knowing our contribution has had a lasting impact creates true happiness and peace of mind. Anytime you give, you grow; every time you give, you get, whether it’s a kind word, giving charity, volunteering, or connecting to a cause that speaks to you. Your giving has the power to light up the world.

Ask yourself each morning: How can I give of myself today? How can I show up more fully? How can I be of value and service today? How can I contribute today? What difference can I make today?

Help:

Think about the people you look up to, those who already are where you’d most love to be. Ask them how they did it. Reach out to the experts. Spend time with them. Learn from them. Get their help. Use the love and support of family and friends to spark your bravery and courage.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Make a list of where you need a hand and a list of people who could become your greatest helpers on your journey. We’re beings of social interest. Helping is who we are. We thrive when we help.

Give and get help wherever you can. It’s a showcase of wholehearted and vulnerable living, which makes you real. People like helping real people. We’re all just walking each other home at the end of the day. That’s what it’s all about.

Inspiration:

Read, learn, blog, journal, go to classes and talks and lectures that inspire you. Commit to starting and ending your day with inspiration. One minute of inspiration can ignite a passion inside of you that can alter the course of your life forever.

Get out more, be curious, ask questions, become more open-minded. Inspiration is everywhere. Look for it. Inspiration is what charges us. When we are charged we grow. When we grow, we are happy.

Joy:

Choose to become joyful. Appreciate the gift of life. Each moment is precious, and fragile, and denied to many. Laugh and smile, have fun, and lighten up. If you see someone walking around without a smile, offer them one of yours.

Not feeling like you have joy to share? What lights you up? Do you have a list that you can plug into your week?

My joy list includes: a delicious cup of coffee, time with the people I love, a great run or workout, reading something magnificent, laughing and watching the sunset, to name but a few. I make sure to do these daily. You’d be amazed how many people love writing and sharing their joy list, but they forget to schedule and do the very things that bring them joy. Create your list and then live it—joyfully.

Kindness:

Imagine a world where each person is deeply and truly devoted to kindness. Let’s work on being the kindest spouse, friend, parent, manager, employee, coach, and child we can be. I truly believe that kindness is the only thing that will change and save the world. Tiny acts of kindness create ripples so far and wide, we can’t begin to comprehend just how far they can reach.

Learn:

I am known to be a forever student. As I complete one course, I enroll in another. My bedside table has a tower of books and I soak up learning with a desert-like thirst.

When we learn, we open our minds and discover new possibilities. We can learn to pioneer anything! The sky is the limit. Let’s give ourselves permission to try new things, take risks, and be humble enough to learn from new leaders and teachers.

Lessons are all around us. Failure can become our greatest teacher. Mistakes can become our greatest mentors. Make sure you spend time with people who know more than you. It’s humbling and awe-inspiring. Write a list of some of the things you’d love to learn this year. Each day, record one new thing you didn’t know before. Watch your horizons expand exponentially!

Mindfulness Meditation:

Slow down. Take time to breathe. Mindfulness offers incomparable value to the human spirit, psyche, and body. Dedicate a set time each day to pausing, being truly present, and listening to your soul and inner wisdom.

The research available on the huge benefits of meditation is mind-blowing. Treat yourself and everyone you love to the gift of meditation. Even a few minutes a day has the power to awaken, elevate, transform, and enhance your life in ways you can’t begin to imagine.

Neuroscience has evidence today that meditation literally rewires your brain and can change your thinking, habits, and negative beliefs. It’s miraculous and it’s accessible to every one of us. Try it for yourself. Start to live a mindful life of greater peace.

Never:

Never give up. Never do a permanent act based on a temporary feeling. Never say, “It’s impossible” when really, it’s just hard. Never listen to naysayers and non-believers. Never push aside a dream that means the world to you because of the time or effort it’s going to take to make it happen.

If today, “Never” is all you do, it’s more than enough, it’s plenty; in fact, it’s everything.

Optimism:

When we are optimistic, failure is merely feedback giving us significant information; hardships are learning experiences that help us grow and build resilience for bigger things; and even the most miserable day always holds the promise that “tomorrow will be better.”

Today, when faced with adversity, ask yourself: What would an optimist do right now? What would they try? What’s might be possible because of your optimistic outlook? What can you see that you never saw before?

The optimism sees the sunset and knows that even the most awful days can still end beautifully. The optimist knows that a few steps backward after moving forwards is not a disaster, it’s just a cha-cha, and the optimist knows that the cup is refillable!

Prioritize:

Prioritize your life so that your highest value activities take preference. Enhance and refine your time management skills so that you are able to identify what tasks you need to tackle first. Say yes to your priorities and make each day count. When you live this way, there is no regret.

Complete your highest value activity first so that it’s done. Done is better than perfect. Get the important stuff done before anything else. Always prioritize in writing. It’s not enough to merely think about what matters most to do; grab pen and paper to record and track your priorities so that you can measure and accomplish them every single day. Start today. Plan for tomorrow. Celebrate a life that’s not wasted!

Quit:

Originally I was going to share a long list of things to quit—like complaining, making excuses, indulging negative habits, staying in the same place when you’re itching to move, and letting fear and naysayers control your life. Then I realized it’s human nature to do some of these things from time to time. So work on these things, but quit being hard on yourself when you struggle.

You will never be able to completely stop doing all things that are unhealthy for you, but you can always give yourself credit for trying.

Release:

What are you carrying right now that is too heavy? Every day, practice letting go of the things that weigh you down.

It’s not easy to let go of regret, mistakes, anger, resentment, ego, jealousy, and compassion, but each day offers us abundant opportunity to practice. Try to catch yourself when you’re getting caught up in a story in your head so you can take a few deep breaths, center yourself, and free up your energy for the people and things that bring you peace and purpose.

Sorry:

We all need to learn how to apologize to those we’ve hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. And though will all deserve the same in return, we also need to learn to accept an apology we were never given. Then, we can move forward without anger. Forgiveness is a gift both to others and ourselves.

Let’s decide today to be courageous by apologizing or offering forgiveness.

Turning the page allows us to move on to the next chapter of the story. We can’t do this if we keep re-reading the one we’re currently stuck on.

Thank You:

We all want to be acknowledged for our efforts. “Thank you” is such a simple phrase, yet it means so very much.

Recognizing what others do for us not only reminds us to be modest and humble, but it opens doors to more deeper and meaningful relationships, enhances our empathy, and improves our psychological and physical health.

Who can you thank today? Start with one person and extend your appreciation as far and wide as you possibly can.

Unplug:

Unplug from technology. Switch off. Spend time with yourself, by yourself. One of the greatest discoveries of self-transformation and personal development is not only getting to know yourself, but getting to like what you find.

Connect to all your loved ones. Look people in the eye. Listen with all of your senses. We miss out on so much when we are plugged in to devices rather than to hearts.

Spend time in nature. How can you redesign your day so that you create time outside? Do you take regular breaks? When was your last vacation? When was the last time you admired a flower? Do yourself a favor when you have the time. Take off your shoes and go walk outside barefoot on the grass. Watch the sunset. Play with a ladybug. Stare at the clouds. Just be.

Voice:

Speak your truth. Wear your passion. Let people know what you care about. Let people get to know the real, beautiful, one-of-a-kind you and what you stand for.

You have a unique voice. You have greatness within you. You have something the world needs. That’s why you are here. Use your voice to speak your goals. Use your voice to care. Use your voice to inspire. Use your voice to make positive change. Use your voice to pray. Use your voice to sing. Use your voice to laugh. Use your voice to help. Use your voice to care. Use your voice to love. Speak up.

Work:

Even the most brilliant, tried-and-tested life tools in the world can’t work, unless you do. There are no quick fixes or magic wand. Real transformation is a slow, gradual, and real process that requires hard work and consistent effort. With commitment and dedication to working hard, nothing can stand in your way of moving forward.

Hard work means that we are willing to try, fall, and stand up again; we are willing to be bold; and we are willing to face ridicule and criticism. Work on your goals each day, step by step. We are designed to grow. As we work toward our dreams, with patience, comes tremendous reward. What you put in is what you get out.

eXtra:

Don’t be someone who just does the bare minimum required in life. Go the extra mile and do more than you did before.

Expand your comfort zone with extra focus, extra power, extra love, and extra drive.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little extra. Today, where can you show up a little EXTRA?

Yesterday:

Leave it behind. Glance back to see how far you have come, but keep moving forward. Leave your past mistakes behind you. Yesterday just determines your starting point for today. It in no way predicts how far you can go.

Live now, savor the present, and plan wisely for tomorrow. Don’t get stuck in what was, you don’t live there anymore. Today is a new day to set new intentions, get inspired and motivated, and start taking meaningful action toward your goals.

Zest:

Do you do things just because, or do you do things with fervor, zeal, passion, energy, and enthusiasm?

Where in your life are you still fast asleep? Where are you merely snoozing or drifting aimlessly?

Now is the time to wake up. Choose one thing to do today that makes you come alive.

Today, you get to decide to be accountable, not helpless; you get to decide to be interested, not indifferent. You get to live your life today on fire. You get to put your whole heart into something.

What is the first thing you’re going to do, right now, to get the momentum rolling?

—

Each of these building blocks can stand alone or stand together. Choosing to work on even one of these will have a powerful positive effect on your life. Whether you are the kind of person who prefers a step by step process, one letter at a time, or you love to dive in deep and work on multiple tracks, these ABC’s will give you an outstanding foundation on which to build a more purposeful, happier, and fulfilling life.

About Andi Saitowitz

Andi is a Professional Life Coach, Global Personal Development Strategist & Lumina Practitioner, published author, motivational speaker, blessed mom of 3 awesome children, and lover of books, coffee, kindness and sport. In her spare time, she is involved in charity work and community. Andi’s coaching practice incorporates techniques and tools from the fields of Behavioral Science, Organizational Communications, Psychology, Mindfulness & NLP. andisaitowitz.com

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The post The ABC’s of Personal Growth: How to Live a Happy, Meaningful Life appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-abcs-of-personal-growth-how-to-live-a-happy-meaningful-life/

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hattrixx-blog · 7 years

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Personal journal 13

It's been another week without thinking about killing myself so that's good, but I feel bad for saying this I hard slowly started getting over her like I still smile and feel better when she txts Me...i seen her Sunday...she said she missed me so much...hugging her made me so happy...after a few drinks her and Megan were dancing and megs called me over and I joined in so us three were dancing on the porch, she smiles at me and says "this is gonna be awkward" and jolts back so it's just me and Katie dancing for a second before I let go...they both went back to parting and drinking and I sat back down on the corner of the couch being a lonely quiet loser as per usual....they kept drinking, after long enough my friend Sara made me a drink and it calmed me down a touch I went out front and walked around the yard watching the party and games going on, I didn't see her for a out 20 min and when I came back to the porch we said "oh good I was worried you left" and it made me really happy she generally sounded and felt like she missed me...now I'm crying thinking about her again 4 hours before I start my new job...i got there to help megs set up and cook at 1, Katie got there at 6:30 as she was parking I pointed out to megs that she was here, we were walking down the path down to the yard to play some games, she stopped walking and looked at me and ask if I was ok with that...it broke me a little...what problem would I have with it...did she say something did she have a problem with me being there...did anyone??...with kayln and her mom/siblings they all accepted me into the family but with megs family as much as I love her and them tommy and the girls don't really seem to like me much idk I haven't done anything and I really want them to like me id like to be around for party's and random shit for years...i lost myself last time I seen her...i feel find now but...when tommy was putting megs and Katie to bed before I headed out Katie hugged me for like a solid 3 min just resting her head in my shoulder telling me she missed me while drunk in my arms, ;^/ i know they say drunk brings out the truth bug that was loving hug idc what it meant to her if it ment anything at all or she even remembers...i felt truly loved in that moment...i didn't think anything else in that moment, time stopped and I just hugged her tight and held her close...i love her and I don't know what to do about it...theres parts of me that just want to blow her phone up and talk to her 24/7 but I don't want to push her away I want her to know i feel the same if not stronger then i did two months ago...i think about her so much...me and kayln when to the mall and when to a goof party store and I was looking at all the little funny buttons with jokes/memes/ symbols and my first thought would be how much she would love them...ive thought about killing myself alot in the last 7 years and I've never found a real reason not to but now I have found so many of them lately...kaylns family...megs family...katie...my family all of them are my family I love them all...i want to make them proud and happy...i just fooled myself into believing that no one cares and I would be alone for ever...evrn if Katie doesn't love me the same way I do her I can tell she loves me in it's own way...i have them all to talk to anytime I need... if they texted me at 4 am and told me to come save them i would be there asap no matter what I'm doing....lets see who will pick up faster the next time I need someone

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prohealths · 7 years

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Ulcerative Colitis + Entyvio Update

I’ve partnered with VSL#3 to bring you this post. As always, the opinions expressed are my own. Thank you for supporting CNC!

A bunch of you guys have asked how things are going on the Ulcerative Colitis front. I’ve actually debated writing this post for several weeks now because pretty much every time I write an update, things fall apart. (I even hesitate to tell friends and family when they ask!) I feel like I always jinx myself when I share good news, but *hopefully* it’s not the case this time.

Ok, so a quick recap for those of you who are new to my journey with Ulcerative Colitis:

June 2011: First diagnosed with UC after a bad flare. Get better. Stop taking meds.

February 2012: Second flare. Get better. Stop taking meds. (Clearly, I don’t learn.)

July 2012: Third flare. Stay on meds this time, but I become steroid-dependent. Go on and off steroids to control flare symptoms for the next 14 months. During this time, I try all sorts of things to fix myself with no luck.

September 2013: Get pregnant. All UC symptoms go away for 9 glorious months.

May 2014: Minor flare. Try all the usual 5-ASA drugs with no luck and eventually go back on steroids.

June 2014: Give birth. All flare symptoms go away.

July 2014: Start flaring again. Do the usual med game with no luck and eventually go back on steroids.

November 2014: I’m in rough shape (going the bathroom 30 times a day/feel like I’m bleeding to death). I finally decide to go on an IV prescription drug.

December 2014: After the loading doses, I finally feel better. The drug never puts me in remission, but I’m doing a lot better.

December 2015: I start having scary side effects from the drug (swollen lymph nodes), and it’s pretty much stopped working.

February 2016: I start a new IV prescription drug. It initially works (loading doses), but then my symptoms come back, not as bad, but I’m still pretty sick. My doctor says it can take up to 5 months to work, so I try a different prescription drug (one I’ve tried in the past) and other topical drugs to keep things manageable.

July/August 2016: Boom, I’m in remission! The first time in 5+ years!

Since the summer (*knock on wood*), when the second prescription medication finally kicked in, I’ve been in remission. I’m no longer using the bathroom a dozen times a day or feel like I’m bleeding to death. Overall, I feel really good, and I want to STAY this way, which is why I am so glad that VSL#3 reached out to me about participating in their #VSL3TheJourneyBack campaign. UC is a serious digestive condition and not fun at all, so I want to do everything in my power to keep my gut happy and healthy.

I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about probiotics recently. They’re just about everywhere nowadays—in dietary supplements, yogurt, kombucha, and even bottled water. Probiotics are important for keeping your digestive track healthy, and, although everyone responds differently to probiotics, there are specific qualities that can affect how well it will work and not all probiotics are the same. When it comes to serious digestive issues, you need a serious probiotic.

VSL#3 is a high-potency probiotic medical food that is clinically proven in the dietary management of the serious digestive issues irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), ulcerative colitis (UC), and ileal pouch and must be used under medical supervision. To manage these conditions, doctors recommend using a probiotic like VSL#3 to get the necessary amount of live bacteria to make a difference in your gut health. Other brands that you can buy over the counter, don’t have nearly as many. VSL#3 is 10 times more potent than the average probiotic (average CFU = 15.5 billion). The average probiotic (according to IRI data 09/12) contains about 4.3 billion CFU. VSL#3 formulations contain from 225 billion to 900 billion bacteria per serving (available by prescription).

Not all probiotics and bacterial strains are the same[1] . If you suffer from a serious digestive condition and have tried general probiotics without success, you may want to try VSL#3. VSL#3 is kept refrigerated behind the pharmacy counter, which preserves and maintains the high potency and vitality of the carefully designed formulation of billions of bacteria. It has eight different strains of bacteria, which makes it one of the most potent probiotics in the world and adding this specific combination of probiotic bacteria can help you manage your unhealthy gut.

VSL#3 has actually been the subject of 170 studies and is proven to be beneficial in the dietary management of UC, IBS, and ileal pouch. Guys, there’s scientific evidence that shows it’s a probiotic that works, so I’m hoping it helps me maintain remission for a long, long time. I’ll document my experience with VSL#3 over the next 30 days, and I’ll share the details via blog and video on CNC!

Additional information that you might find helpful:

For more information on VSL#3 please visit www.vsl3.com

Join VSL#3 on Facebook for giveaways and exclusive offers http://ift.tt/1LY0dNL

Check out their series of videos including helpful info about managing IBS & UC at http://www.youtube.com/user/VSL3Probiotic

You can find delicious low-FODMAP, IBS-friendly recipes at http://ift.tt/2qn1GsD

Question of the Day

Do you take probiotics? What has your experience been with them?

P.S. Interested in trying VSL#3? Now you can take part in VSL#3’s new Patient Savings Program. Simply print out this VSL#3 Patient Savings Card and bring it to your pharmacist, along with a prescription from your healthcare provider, to save up to $80 each month on your purchase of VSL#3 DS and up to $40 a month on VSL#3 unflavored packets. This is the largest savings ever offered for both VSL#3 and VSL#3 DS. Visit here for more information and talk with your healthcare provider today to take part in the savings program!

Reference: [1] Bertazzoni, et al. Journal of Chemotherapy.25.4.193-212 (2013); Fedorak RN, J Clin Gastroenterol. 42:S3; S111-115 (2008); Lammers KM, et al. FEMS Immunol Med Microbiol. 38:165-72 (2003)

VSL#3® is a high-potency probiotic medical food that’s clinically proven in the dietary management of IBS, ulcerative colitis, and ileal pouch. To learn more visit www.vsl3.com and LIKE the brand on Facebook.

This is a product-provided, sponsored conversation that contains affiliate links. All opinions, text and experiences are my own. VSL#3 is a high-potency probiotic medical food for the dietary management of IBS, UC and ileal pouch and must be used under medical supervision. Please speak with your healthcare provider for any specific questions. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. The product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

The post Ulcerative Colitis + Entyvio Update appeared first on Carrots ‘N’ Cake.

Ulcerative Colitis + Entyvio Update syndicated from http://ift.tt/2krk6T3

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