#i still remember the day he left

[coddda]

L Change the WorLd Novel / Death Note Anime (2006)

Bonus: L Change the WorLd illustration / Episode 26

#death note #dn #l change the world #light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #yeah sorry i woke up this morning and chose violence #i feel so physically ill today so im inflicting my fandom illness on you all #but yeah doomed soulmates amirite. doomed in every universe. right. haha #i hate them i hate them so much #my last post was just me ranting about l change the world i have many thoughts /neg #thinks about how L remembers Light as a friend and still calls him a friend and keeps his broken watch when he dies #how he pays his respects to Light on his final day despite everything #vs Light destroying whatever legacy that L has left #removing all traces of his “firm achivement” taking his name seeking to destroy his succesors #augh. they suck okay #so now it's going to be your problem. l change the world readers we suffer

[malwarechips]

pebble 👍

#wow spears actually remembered to finish a drawing that they left the previous day . no way . i never do that /silly #the colour swatches are a little wonky but i couldnt be bothered to make a proper palette . so #btw despite being so Long he's still short . he's the shortest iterator to me . #he's lanky as fuck and like 80% limbs but he's still just tiny #lev.png #hyperfixation.txt #rain world #rw #rw five pebbles

[quirkle2]

the angst in your zombie au bREAKS MY HEART INTO PIECES (I LOVE IT VERY MUCH)

okay, okay, so!! if the kagebros got separated from reigen and teru when mob is still fine, i imagine that their reunion would be hEARTWRENCHING also, i'm a bit curious, would mob still be able to recognize teru and reigen? or would he thought about them as strangers?

(tbh, following your lore, i imagine mob would act a similarly like nezuko from demon slayer? but instead of little hums, his zombie sounds would more like babbling and incoherent mumbles :"D)

the reunion is fuckin AWFUL man it's SO gut-wrenching. both reigen and teru feared this for Months while looking for the brothers; pretty much the worst case scenario was that mob or ritsu or Both turned—a lot of humans prefer death over being a zombie any day, so the idea of ritsu or mob having to go through that and wander around aimlessly until starvation or smth else gets them,,,

it hurts them so much to think about. teru forces himself not to dwell on it and he's pretty good at that but reigen thinks abt it a lot and he's honestly not sure what scenario is worse. best case is that they're both alive and unturned, obviously, but what's the worst case? you'd think it's both of them getting killed, or turning, but reigen also knows that if One of them got killed/turned, the other would probably lose their mind, especially if they had to watch. the fact that they're kids makes this all three times worse and reigen has to act like he's Not worrying himself sick over the brothers while he tries to keep teru in high spirits

the reunion itself is rly fuckin gut-wrenching for them. they see mob from afar, wandered off just a bit from ritsu and tome who are just around the bend looting a place, and they book it bc ofc they do, it's mob!! but then they see how pale he is, and when he turns around they don't see that light in his eyes that's usually there and the red is dulled and dead looking,, teru almost moves in for a hug before he realizes mob looks vastly different when he Rly takes him in, and mob doesn't rly react too much besides staring at them blankly. the obvious answer is almost too horrifying to even consider, so it takes them a minute to rly,,realize what's going on

tome comes around the bend and shouts, cuz when humans and zombies mix it's usually guns pointed at zombie heads. ritsu comes running out after her and when he sees reigen and teru his thoughts go, in order: holy shit is that reigen and tero ohmygod oh my god they're alive they're alive ohmy god i could fucking cry, and ohmy god they see shige ohno oh no oh no

ritsu sounds like a lunatic when he pulls mob away from them on instinct and says that he's safe to be around and that he's "still him" and he's "not gone" and he's very aware of that. he's very, intimately aware that he sounds fuckin crazy, bc ofc he does, this is what all the crazy people in zombie movies sound like. but he doesn't care, he doesn't care if reigen or teru dismiss him as nuts—he has to make them understand that his brother is still in there somewhere

and yeah, they both kinda think that ritsu's lost his marbles a little bit, but while teru is focused on that and the fact that mob doesn't look like he's rly tuned into Anything that's happening rn, reigen is a bit more focused on the fact that both ritsu and mob look awful? they're both very skinny and very dirty, obviously barely scraping by. they're cut up and ritsu's jacket is basically blood and dirt with a little bit of green fabric mixed in. and just by the look in ritsu's eyes, reigen can tell, man ... reigen can tell ritsu is like.not okay at this point he's kinda lost it.

i think the most painful thing about this whole reunion in general is that later that night, when reigen and teru r finally like ok we get it he's,, he's still mob. we believe you (they want to believe him... [they Do believe him, later, wholeheartedly]) and they settle down someplace safe, teru asks how long mob's been like this. and ritsu has to answer "since we got separated" and they both have that to stew over while everybody else sleeps

they realize that ritsu likely watched mob turn, watched the entire process, and that process takes a long time. it's at least a week of deteriorating motor functions and cognitive skill, and the fact that ritsu stayed for that to keep mob company is .ough. and it doesn't end there bc ritsu obviously stayed after that too

given how these things usually go, ritsu probably did think about killing mob. it probably did cross his mind, bc that's basically what everybody's been told to do. kill them before they have a chance to do any more damage. and it's obvious that ritsu did not have it in him

ritsu not only did not have it in him to kill him, he didn't even have it in him to leave him there. the kid fucking took him with him. a zombie. and he's somehow made it work, for months. and the next few days are filled with watching him still treat mob like a brother and take care of him and gently steer him away from a bird he tries to follow down the wrong street.ritsu is as gentle and kind as he's ever been with his brother. and even tho they're both hungry and tired and barely making it, ritsu is doing a rly good job taking care of mob with what he's been given

the kid obviously wholeheartedly believes in a cure and that mob is still There. he's gone through the trouble to take care of him, and the grief of continuously seeing a loved one that many would consider effectively dead, to get him that cure. to get him his brother back. and mob doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress, so reigen and teru think that this path ritsu has followed is probably infinitely kinder than the mercy kill method they've been taught to do

i think they have a new respect for ritsu, after that reunion

#qktalks #anon #zombie au #and also yes!! mob Would indeed recognize them and not attack them #i've never seen demon slayer but im assuming ur talking abt the main character's ??little sister?? smth like that #but yes i adore the idea of mob saying rly weird incoherent sentences that Almost sound like real words but like slightly to the left #bein a zombie rewires ur brain completely man .his mind is struggling a lot to say what it wants to say #it takes mob a moment to rly catch onto who's in front of him during the reunion but when he does realize there Is recognition in his eyes #fun fact; if u hug zombie mob muscle memory kicks in and he hugs back! #reigen and teru don't find this out until a few days later. they're a bit.. scared of him snapping at them for a while #but once they see that mob never once snaps at ritsu Or tome they're a little more willing to get near him and touch him #teru finally hugs mob and mob hugs back and it makes teru cry VGEAYEAV #(ritsu has hugged zombie mob enough to where now mob leans into his hugs.just giving u smth to sob over) #still related to the reunion but focusing more on ritsu: #after they reunite reigen notices that ritsu has a lot more..authority in his tone. he's a lot more comfortable taking charge #but he also notices that ritsu looks Exhausted and for a while he has trouble relinquishing the lead role to reigen aka the only adult #and it's entirely bc ritsu is just so used to doing things on his own now that he Forgets he has people to lean on #so it takes a bit for him to remember he has an adult to take care of him now #bro definitely overworks himself a lot in his haste to take care of mob :( #ritsu eventually lets himself lean on reigen when he's tired #poor kid melts into that kind of care after so long of not having that and being the sole provider for him and mob #when tome came around it got easier. but that also meant it was another mouth to feed so.only a little bit easier </3

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

|Limp Bizkit's cover of "Billie Jean" (2009)|

#the way my eyebrow shot up seductively and chills that ran down my spine when Sam came in with that groovy bassline #and then when Wes came in with that iconic riff my soul left my body☠️ #and best believe John kept my foot tapping to the beat of his kickdrum #Loved hearing Lee's scratches mixed throughout the song so perfectly #and I much prefer Fred's singing this song compared to when LB covered this song with Corey Feldman on the mic in 2013. he did too much lol #this is my fave MJ song and to hear LB do a small cover of it... I hadn't lived until I heard this version #like AAF killed it with “Smooth Criminal” (god how I remember seeing that mv on MTV Hits back in the day. good memories) #but man oh man I'd give my left arm just to hear LB's studio recorded version of this #still salty that I never got to hear LB's cover of Paula Abdul's “Straight Up”. I still have hope of finding footage of it some day. #Limp Bizkit #nu metal #Fred Durst #Wes Borland #Sam Rivers #John Otto #DJ Lethal #lucy the rabbit's video edits #down the rabbit hole

[biillys]

something about when el went into void and found billy, she saw him on the beach surrounded by sunshine and love and truly fucking actually happy. something about how when she turned around and saw the storm, she put her hands out and felt the ash falling from the sky, and then saw neil abusing billy and abusing his wife. something about how even in the monstrous world from another entire dimension, neil's still the fucking monster in the story

#idk how the upsidedown and the void and possession work and at this point i dont fucking care #actually something about how she said she saw a someone pretty and then saw a boy #and didnt even click it could be billy until she heard his name get called out #like i guess she wouldn't know what he looked like as a kid and all that #but like.... they knew billy was possessed by this stage like? #and when she was like 'im at the beach' and lucas was like '??? hawkins has no beaches???' #max was like 'tell us what else u see' so pretty sure she was picking up what was getting thrown down #whatever none if this matters!!! i was just clipping up that scene for gifs today and decided to not mute it for once #and was like oh this is actually like genuinely fucking sad #like????? the fact billys hiding out in his memories??? except he cant actually live in just his happiest memory #cos even in his happiest memory #he asks to stay at the beach just a little longer #and his mum hesitates before giving in but still says if they're late then neil'll be mad #also the fact even his happiest memory is still surrounded by some of his most heart wrenching memories #like he can't remember the good without the bad #like his mind physically cant think about the one day on the beach were he caught a 7 foot wave #without remembering the fact that his mum fucking left #cant do this rn sorry guys im fucking emo #m #text

[legallybrunettedotcom]

it's so cool having celebrity gossip or whatever you want to call it, but when kate beckinsale was staying in the hotel i worked in, she was there for probably 2-3 months and let me tell you she is quite messy and disgusting and she also had cats and dogs with her so it was all super nasty, i wasn't in charge of her suite so i didn't do much there, but my coworkers were and they worked so hard every day. do you think she left a tip? a single tip in all those 3 months? nope.

#on the other side #i remember this one other guy who was there for probably 2 weeks and he left a tip every single day #and the thing is he was super clean and neat #it's not like much had to be done but still a tip was always there #this is a 5 star expensive hotel #like you can pay a hundred euros for a night but can't leave a measly tip? #i've seen some other stuff in her room that is hmmmm i don't think it's my place to share but it was such an insight into hollywood

[cosmicdenro]

post-fic fanart for this fic by flamingredanon lets GO i was yelling when i saw the tag "up to the reader to decide what happens" SO!! I DID DECIDE!! THIS!!

#i switched forget-me-nots' meaning here by implying those were keeping RHM back from remembering. #so the daffodils blooming represent rebirth as is! but the forgetmenots wilting means he's actually remembering now #hey humans made up meanings and i as human can change them meanings riiiiight #scriboozles #ANWAYS YEAH THE FIC IS GREAT ITS SHORT N NICE I LOVE IT LOTS . LEFT ME SOBBING #I STILL HAVE THE FOLLOW-UP-FIC COMIC IN THE WORKS FOR THIS #i am putting that beside the other drawings that will take a little more time than usual #so i can whip out the smaller drawing ideas ive been getting these days mein gott #the henry stickmin collection #thsc #copperright #reginald copperbottom #right hand man reborn #rhm

[hassianlovebot]

just finished the little boy blue quest and now i'm wondering if one of the reasons hassian stays in bahari bay is because going "home" would remind him that taylin is gone. obviously he does like the bay, i'm not denying that, but i wonder if being out there while she went missing somehow helps him feel closer to her. like there's a part of him that's still hoping for another letter from her about how she's coming home now.

we know he likes to look at the stars for the same reason. i wouldn't be surprised if being in sifuu's house is just too much of a reminder that taylin isn't there anymore.

#:( #hassian #MY BOY :((((((( #me: i love hassian quests!! #also me: OUGHHHHHHHH #obviously hassian respects majiri tradition a Lot so that adds to him staying there and training for that path with sifuu #but i wouldnt be surprised if he stays there because of taylin too #maybe he feels like leaving would be like leaving her too :( #i really hope she's still alive :') #spoilers #kinda? #its really interesting because his ending dialogue also implies some lingering resentment that she left in the first place #its a big reason why he hates monster hunting and has a lot of tension with sifuu who remembers those days fondly #its just.. OUGHHHH i NEED more hassian quests devs can you hear me devs devs devs im starving actually devs #aldgjdla

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[jutsuuu]

girl help I’m experiencing

#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to???? #everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want #one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around #I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow? #and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted #and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces #which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes #and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE #on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal #and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties #maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties #I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff #I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack #or early next year #and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it #ughghghghghghggh #I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat. #after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing #anyway how are you?

[regicidal-defenestration]

He ran a finger quickly around the rim of his glass. The note rang out sharp and clear. "A toast," Jonny proposed. "To bad decisions and worse people."

Chapter the last. Death to the Mechanisms?

#writing #the mechanisms #DIRECTORS COMMENTARY EDITION i have not been annoying enough yet #so this fic first came into being september 2020 (a writing rate of about 7 words per day if we ignore how i left it until july 2023) in #mostly the same format. 5 possible deats then DTTM. but! we didn't have a narrator in the same way - it was loosly jonny but he didnt play #the same role carmilla does. this was boring and very samey and i did not get past chapter 1 #cut to mechtober 2022. i wrtie a thing abt time loops and jonny speaking to the narrator and the idea that the mechs have died For Good #before but told a story well enough to keep on going. this will be important later #late august 2023! the fic is taking shape and most things will stay the same in idea if not exact words EXCEPT carmilla does not call jonny #she watches him go in silence and just Hopes #now this is not satisying imo like youre saying she spent 5 chapters watching+narrating and now shes in the story she still does nothing? #so i changed it to what it is now Except. because pf the premise of this fic. i think she 'remembers' that early draft #like this version of her character is aware a prvious one did nothing and that partly influences her actions at the end #anyway. yeah. were gettign meta

[thegirlwholied]

Charmed (1998) rewatch but only seasons 1-3 and then treating the season 4 premiere as an open-ended finale 🤷🏻‍♀️

#charmed #charmed 1998 #charmed wb #i remember what comes next all too well #honestly I am sorry to miss out on some of the phoebe/cole scenes of early s4 when they were still fun #but i don't think i can take the s4 plotlines again let alone the reminder of s5 looming #going back as an adult is fascinating though #1 - so much of the fashion is back in #season one especially #also wow preteen/early teen me was really oblivious to fashion though i did wind up thinking leather pants = cool from what i absorbed then #2 - i can absolutely see the change from the original showrunner and really wish i knew what constance m burge intended next #3 - the inconsistencies. the inconsistencies #not just the mythology they were making up on the fly #(how long are you a ghost v moving on to next life since past lives are a thing but also visitors from the afterlife etc etc) #but the timeline #how old was phoebe when victor left (thank god they recast victor absolute glow-up) #why did leo have a past life in the 20s when he should have been already growing up #cole refers to 'mornings waking up next to you' about his ADA apartment when it's very pointed that he & phoebe only hook up there once #4- fascinating how sex is treated in the early seasons v the latter #(it went over my head back in the day but) they very much make clear which boyfriends they're sleeping with v which they *aren't* #(i.e. they spell out that prue only sleeps with andy once & never with jack & that piper never sleeps with Josh etc) #5 - biggest mistake the reboot made was doing the half-sister storyline in episode 1 #it gave them no wiggle room when a sister DID leave the show but #more importantly you lose the original grew-up-together-push-each-others-buttons dynamic that is so good #not many siblings shows on that level (supernatural is the only comparison coming to mind) #6 - I'm so Team Cole still #talk about dropping the ball on character - his half-demon backstory motivated by saving his father's soul is great actually AND DROPPED #still about phoebe/cole but the prue and cole dynamic makes more sense knowing they were dating IRL #and shoehorning in paige out of the blue distrusting cole mid s4 as replacement for that dynamic just will never work for me #anyway as my sister is now my roommate in the old house we rent Charmed (early seasons) hits different and holds up better than i expected!

[s0fter-sin]

i had an eye test done a few days ago and one of the tests gave me mad vertigo, it only lasted a few minutes but i still have a major headache and nausea and it flares up when i’m scrolling. obviously the answer is to get off my phone but it’s making me think of the march that shall not be named when i couldn’t look at fucking anything and ya girl is getting nervous

#i know its from the vertigo #i know #i just need to give it a few days and itll go away #but that march was literally the worst month of my life and i live in permanent fear of it #this is like 5% as bad as that so i know i need to just chill #but if it would just go away already thatd be very appreciated!! #side note guess who needs glasses ✌🏻 #i have astigmatism which we been knew and my left eye is a bit weaker than my right which i also knew #but he didnt say anything about degeneration or anything even tho i emphasised that im always at home and always in the dark #so that was a little weight off my chest #but you know the big silver round thing they bring in front of your face that you rest your chin on #and they put the different lenses in and they ask one or two? #that spun me out something awful #i could only look through it for like a minute before i had to be like yo i cant do this #having my peripheral cut off just completely fucked me up #again it only lasted like five minutes #but still being nauseous and headachy is just making me nervous #i just need to remember it had an external cause and it will go away and theres nothing that suggests itll turn into another march #positive fucking attitude #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #spoonie #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #chronic illness #dysautonomia

[seithr]

Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now

(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)

(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)

Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh

#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.) #(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved) #(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.) #The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me. #All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so. #It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth #So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike. #There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars. #And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like: #He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover #And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery. #So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek #About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century! #Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but #I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name... #I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight #Armour clanking #I need an oc tag #What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference #and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶 #I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶 #He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER #What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶 #It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶 #I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶 #I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER #Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...

[britneyshakespeare]

throughout the series of drake and josh it pretty consistently implies that josh nichols is a christian (josh peck is jewish) and in the finale of the series helen (played by yvette nicole brown, not jewish[?]) is portrayed as a practicing jew

#i dont have a problem w either of those things necessarily i just find it interesting #if i had to guess. drake and josh was a mainstream that didnt wanna touch on religion generally #but josh was kind of a dork and usually when josh's religious beliefs are implied it is in dorkish ways #such as praying and thanking the lord after he has his first kiss. #but since dan schneider is jewish perhaps he wanted to make helen have a jewish wedding in the finale? #not that there needs to be a reason. but u do notice occasional jewish-related jokes in d&j but none of them are what you could call #offensive. in good faith that is. 'eric is a pacifist' 'i thought he was jewish?' like come on #text post #i have been rewatching drake and josh recently and i have had so many thoughts #im almost done. i just have left that stupid dance episode that they premiered last for the stupid reason #of a special dance-themed premiere night in fall 2007. they premiered the third episode of icarly and a new zoey 101 on the same night #which i think is so stupid. they should've aired really big shrimp last. it messed w my understanding of the series at the time lol #i remember not really knowing that the show was ENDING. like i knew icarly was starting & miranda was doing that #i thought really big shrimp was like just another special like go hollywood. #and then like two days later they premiered the helicopter episode for some reason #and i was like why is drake not famous in this. he just had a number 1 song in a superbowl commercial #and then a month later the dance one. which. if anything is satisfying about that as a final episode it's just that #that unnamed girl from the blues brothers episode who is obsessed w drake shows up again and congratulates them #and the very final line of the series is 'who is she?' because. because really who IS she? #that's a funny enough throwback to wrap things up with i suppose #drake and josh wasn't a highly serialized show so i can see how they could air those after the intended finale and act like it didn't matte #but i have to tell you it did fuck with my brain a bit at the time. lol. i still think of those episodes as having 'happened' after #and on paramount plus those episodes are still placed after really big shrimp. the injustice #but thats kinda messy. what a weird way to end such an influential and popular sitcom #season 4 had a few lowpoints while still also having some VERY solid episodes. #idk. ill have to continue my series review another time im getting way too longwinded here #helen dubois is jewish

[aethernightmare]

#i'll be real i've been feeling some kind of way this week and needed this reminder. #the refusal by him to go to therapy is also a conscious choice. #the refusal to at least attempt to get sober is a conscious choice. #the refusal to still pin blame on you when you're not the addict and you didn't lie or cheat in the relationship is a choice. #the refusal to improve any area of their life (job - therapy - medication - better friends - an apology to those they hurt) is a choice. #so much of what i mourn is that my partner was genuinely a different person before the substance abuse. #i don't know who this current man is but it feels like a stranger who murdered my husband and stole his body. #because the man i loved might as well be dead. i don't even see glimmers of him anymore. not towards me or other people. #there's no comparison anywhere. not even in appearance. #i can't even know if he'd go back to the way he was if he got sober - because it was impossible to get him to quit more than 3 days. #if it wasn't alcohol it was weed. if it wasn't weed it was alcohol. often blended with days of not logging off mmos. #like none of these things in a vacuum are bad but his relationship to them at the expense of everyone and everything else was. #to this day he thinks i 'left him' when -in an inebriated rage - he told me to never talk to him again. so i haven't. #when he was the one who burned our bridges - so it's also his responsibility to improve and reach back out. even just as friends. #which he said he'd do - but never has. #he may not even remember some of the awful things he said and did to me at the end because he was always getting blackout intoxicated. #but as a result he thinks i was the one gaslighting Him when his memory was full of holes. because he thinks he's above being that affected #he probably thinks i'm manipulative for wanting him to get help and do these things. #but if he actually went to therapy (and was honest) or attend AA he'd see these are the professional steps - not ones i 'randomly made up'. #idk. some days are harder than others to deal with the absence and the silence and the trauma he left behind. today is one of the hard ones #a letter to my ex