#i still think u urself should

[unexpectedbrickattack]

experimentin w shit heehee

#fake peppino #arts #mine #horror #eye strain #guh #body horror #a lil tho but i just think thats a more commonly blacklisted tag than 'horror' #spooky month is the only time im like. i guess i should TRY to draw spooky shit #i always feel like my style is too loose and roumnd to convey it in the way i want to #but spooky month is like okay u can fuck around and fuck up and itll still be good. the spirit of spookyness n all that #i love horror so much but it feels so hard to grasp. like what is ACTUALLY scary yknow? #its very easy to say whats not scary but then its also so hard to stop urself from doing the same things lol #to be fair. stories and 'motion' (through the use of comics or animations) are far easier ways to convey things like suspense n stuff #still art is like. well that is an image alright lol #not entirely true tho; theres an artist i dont know the name of that did trailcam images that were photorealistic #and theyre sooooooooo fuckin creepy #like when i get around to doing more fp art i wanna use that and the lighting in it as practice #okay thats it i think; gonna draw furry shit bc i need comms yay yippeeeeeee

[tweedstoat]

#covid #coronavirus #the only bright side here is that there will be a comment period #i think people should give them hell #anyways this is why im always saying covid is a labour issue #they dont care about whether ur healthy they care whether u can be forced to drag urself to work so they can say the GDP went up 0.0001% #covid 19 #oh and ofc they say all this while politicans still have onerous testing protocols

[cinna-bunnie]

so like..

is the idea that as a compromise to only having to toggle off tumblr live once a month, you now have this permanent tumblr live icon regardless of ur setting choice stuck to the bottom in the middle of everything in the hopes that i click on it accidentally anyways even though it's clear i don't want it or? where is the NO 100% STOP GIVING ME THIS SHIT I DON'T ACCEPT YOUR POLICIES AND LITERALLY COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT TUMBLR LIVE AND WILL NEVER BE INTERESTED IN THIS TYPE OF FEATURE OR FORMAT.

@zingring @photomatt @humans idk how many feedback requests people have to cut tumblr for "no" to just be a valid response here. ppl aren't dumb and see u inching over the line trying to force this on them despite the snooze choice.

what, are there so many ppl snoozing and such a low adoption rate that you know you need to trick users into using it so you can "make number go up" or? 🙄

#snoozing tumblr live for a month but perpetually having a big centered button that will take you there immediately at all #times while also inherently meaning that you've accepted the privacy policies and TOS for using a third party service #tumblr is so fucking annoying is2g i should just pester my mutuals repeatedly about getting onto cohost and being active instead #of talking to a fucking brick wall because obviously NO ONE at tumblr gives a shit that NO ONE wants to use their shitty third #party live stream feature. for the millionth time leave me alooooone #my patience and grace for this site is almost entirely spent y'all ngl (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；��) tumblr is like one or two annoying updates away from #me bugging y'all to get on cohost. was hoping there'd be a few more good updates before we got back to the annoying enraging ones. #like.. seeing if ppl r mutuals or followers on mobile? 👍 snoozing going from 7 to 30 days? 👍 live being there despite snoozing? 👎🔫 #I'm STILL not over this whole twitter UI too in the browser too. tumblr's trying sooo hard to be a blogging platform in a twitter trenchcoat #u ARE a blogging platform and are functionally different than a typical social media site in multiple key ways. why r u downgrading urself #it's bc matt thinks elon's sooooo cute and wants to kiss him so bad he'd do anything to get his attention #even crash the popularity of his site and burn his good grace he had w the platforms community. #y'all rich mf need some hobbies i swear to god (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) y'all get bored or divorced n start tryna fix shit that ain't broken. pests. #now it's everyone else's problem too 🙄

[mysicklove]

MELLO YOU HAVE ABS???

NO

i have big ribs so it makes me look like i have ablines

i will respond to this ask appropriately in 3 months from now

#💌 - love letters #secret admirer #i actually used to be #sooooooooo toned #i was in my yoga era #and then i got tumblr #LMAOAOAOOA #spent all that time writing and talking to u ppl #but i am still in pretty good shape so i think getting abs again is obtainable #i have the base #LOL #i hope this doesnt make anyone uncomfortable #cw body talk #maybe i should tag it #idk #EVERYONE LOVE URSELF !!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh. #i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days. #unrelated

[meatmensch]

.

#thinking again abt the horrible things he said to me bc some of them were so stupid and mean i will never truly get over it until i go to #his house with the hammer!! #'why are you interested in the yiddish language' 'well first of all most yiddish speakers are dead it's a dying language it's a fucking #murdered language and i think it's important to preserve plus it's cool' 'well by that logic most english speakers are dead too' here's #what i should have done in that scenario. get up grab my things grab my keys and leave. versus what i did. continued to try to explain to #him why i'm passionate about the culture for hours and he never truly got it. #and it was so funny because the next day HE was all mopey. i was like 'what's your problem' he was like 'i think i feel bad about some of #the stuff i said last night...' here's what i should've said. 'yeah you rat bastard you should feel really bad you suck i hate you beg on #your knees for forgiveness.' versus what i did. a simple dose of the silent treatment #i will never get over this i will never get over this because no one i have cared so much about and thought was so kind and understanding #has been so stupid he's just an antisemite. i was like he's not a nazi he's just dumb. girl when u gotta ask urself 'is he a nazi' get out #of there pronto. and of course i feel stupid for still having feelings about this a year later. but i don't need to feel that way it's ok. #ok i'm tired. goodnight #personal log #back again. reread the texts i sent to my best friend immediately after that conversation like righttt i'm not crazy that WAS mean. thank #you melanie from a year ago!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Do you think highly referential and derivative art can truly be creative? Or is it cursed to not be anything but sign pointing at something else?

hmm, well, at this stage in the game i feel that Everything is a reference to something! in 2023 i think its inescapable & u will drive urself crazy trying to invent something thats 100% new pure detached from any social trend thats ever happened in history.. imo the best use of references is when u can bring together juxtaposing ideas in order to showcase them in a way ppl might not of considered b4. kinda like how scene fashion bloomed from ppl combining opposites emo & preppy, w a dash of 80s references. u can easily dissect scene to pinpoint all the different things that its payinh homage to yes, but u cant deny it was creative. also w the term creativity i think at its heart it should be about enjoying urself & the process, u dnt have to Be the one to revolutionize The new art movement, thats a lot of pressure. there r rare kinds of ppl who want that pressure but i still consider many who dont to be creative. the value of art is what u make it, doesnt all have to be, So intellectual, IMO :]

#like if u want to challenge urself challange urself. but i dnt think the standard for everyone should be #“well if its not completely unique then its worthless” #it cld still make someone smile ^_^

[melting-morning-blues]

tagged by @icychoerim! ty :D

rules : you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs, and then tag ten people. no skipping!

① waterfall by milet

② july (later on) by lily williams

③ suzume by radwimps ft. toaka

④ there by stray kids

⑤ emulation by stargaze shelter

⑥ W●RK by millennium parade

⑦ FAM (korean ver.) by stray kids

⑧ BIBI vengeance by BIBI

⑨ INVU by taeyeon

①⓪ I GOT A BOY by girls' generation

tagging some people, but u can ignore!!

@lacunasbalustrade / @end1essquestions / @thehistorynut19 / @kawaiilizzie / @dudebro231

#mio talks aloud #this feels serene and introspective #until u meet work which is more about badassery!!! rebellion!!! go embrace urself!!!! #and then we pivot to fam which i ADORE #ending off with an existential crisis with bibi vengeance invu and igab #yes i suppose i am still in discovery of myself and my identity #and i think everyone should give these songs a try #cuz they're really good!!!

[sanchoyo]

why is job hunting so hard and bad. im literally not made to work i should be someones funny little live in entertainment jester/ trophy boyfriend fr this sucks 😭

#if its called job HUNTING i think i should be allowed to shoot the job listings with a gun #*hands shaking holding a handgun 2 my computer screen* IM JOB HUNTING IM GOING TO GET THESE BASTARDS (the job listings) #sanchoyorambles #like no joke ive been sick and shaky w anxiety for what feels like weeks or months bc none of the interviews are workingggg no one wants #to hire me. then i go on indeed!! and the job listings are still up!! so CLEARLY!!! u still NEED SOMEONE!!!! #to do that job that u wouldnt give 2 ME.... #im so sick of doctors but maybe i really should try for ss one last time. i keep saying while not doing it #the process was so bad and hard and embarrassing tho tbh they rly make u drag urself thru the mud......augh #sorry to be a debbie downer this morning it is just VERY unpleasant job hunting. u guys know what i mean #when ur sick and everything is hard and bad. #it just makes me hyper aware of everything i CANT do and that sucks!! #theres some specific things i think im really good at!! but they arent profitable or things ppl would hire me to do

[intertexts-moving]

hate it when disabilities are like. u know. debilitating. etc.

#have been trying to avoid thinking ab it or whatever for a while but wow!!! hate it!! #trying to drag my brain into being nice to me like it's a fucking dog on a leash. -_- #didn't get around to doing anything fun like art or design or even fucking opening csp today which well ive barely #done that all fucking summer because of the other commitments and also the disabilities too but like. idk. sucks man.!! #& then i'm like. oh my goddd this was ur 1 free time chance to work on art. and u just sat around playing magic & listening to video essays #slow clap.& then i have to be like jesus fucking christ you have been miserable and stressed and so fucking busy and exhausted all fucking #summer with ZERO time to urself it is ok and expected to not do shit if u havr the chance!!!! however it still sucks that i didn't do as #as id have liked :( #idk. feelsbadman! anyway i am so sleepy tired but i really should take a shower b4 i go sleep. hhggbh. maybe. #txt #neg

[radicalhighway]

man. sux to see ive actually radically dropped interest in pokemon. been meaning to replay violet for yonks now and i still have yet to even buy the dlc. used to be day 1 super excited go crazy go stupid over that shit but now its just smth neat i can put on the back shelf and interact w later. wild

#id say ‘oh maybe it has smth to do w my recent departure from a friend group’ but #no. i think its just harlivy/dc filling that big interest role now #like i still love pokemon to death its just. not my main thing anymore #which is weird and kinda sux bc its been my Thing since i was like. 5. #anyway. im not back yet. just wanted to pop in i suppose. had a bad mental health crash a few days ago n im still recovering lol #everything sucks and is bad when u purposely make ur friends u talk to daily hate u so u can remove urself from a cycle of pain #but it only makes it worse for urself. but hey. least they should all be doing better i suppose #eugh sorry for venting online ill stop that shit right there and just go back to my hidey hole. take care xx #bloom doom

[gifti3]

#actually we should normalize that not being “beautiful” is fine #u can still aim for beauty but people who dont reach whatever that standard is shouldnt be treated poorly because of it #also for me personally #PERSONALLY #(you see that personally) #not putting ALL my worth into how i look helps with self confidence #i cant exactly change my physical features but i can really work on my personality #so if im having a bad day with my looks or im breaking out or whatever i dont spiral #its not easy to just change our thinking but i think its important to still try #ik it sounds kinda contradictory in a way #like oh beauty standards are narrow #but also dont obsess over it #but i think both ideas can exist #this rant is brought to you by losers on reddit rating people harshly based on a very narrow standards #and people WILLINGLY posting their photos on these subreddits #stoooppp #stop doing that to urself #like i get wanting to be considered pretty cause im not immune to this want but i still think people put too much capital into it #and get self conscious when they dont fit the standard #so they want to look for outside validation....from people who look to the standard......like how does that help you #theres like more to this whole idea but im just a person ranting on tumblr about some random stuff so i dont wanna keep going on and on

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i need to just sit down and not stand up until this phd proposal is written #i cant focus. im too tired #literally its only one page and the topic is cool as fuck. not that hard to write #but im tired 😫 and ive got other things i also have to do #ugh im too deep into my burnout phase #i think abt the past version of myself and it makes me tired. u do work all day then happily go transfer algae for 3hrs? how? #i say happily but thats a lie. i sometimes walked into the building on the verge of tears. but like i still did it so idk #sigh... i just need to get thru applying to places and pray that they all accept me so i can choose where i wanna go #im just so tired tho. #photosynthesis! fucking the power to harvest the suns energy! god i wish that were ne #me. just throw me into a puddle of ooze. let me be reclaimed by the cyanos. i dont wanna take measures on them anymore #not with the machines i have now. im not strong enough. idk i think something irreparably broke on my head in the spring #last time i was taking measurements and im gonna have like 3 months straight worth of samples. which given my track record. does not bode #well at all. but maybe itll be fine. maybe i wont drive myself to the edge of sanity #we have 2 sampling trips pending in the next 2 weeks. im v nervous abt the 2nd bc im worried itll be idaho all over again #everytime i do field work now i feel like im losing my mind. somethings broken and i dont kno how to fix it #let this be a lesson kids. dont overwork urself. dont push and push until u collapse #bc all the color drains from the world and suddenly ur just doing things that feel pointless #ugh. i should sleep. but my brain wont let me #maybe ill just lay down all day tomorrow. maybe maybe maybe #unrelated

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

someone convince me that if I invite my new uni friends to a small party they a) wouldn't not want to hang out with me or b) they wouldn't think I'm lame because my kinda parties involve playing games on a picknick blanket and talking

#i've literally been going back & forth on whether i should even bother throwing a party for weeks #(would be a pre-birthday party bc i'm not actually in germany for the next couple months) #and technically they know i don't drink & have never pestered me abt it but still #it's like when u repeatedly have been told that u are boring for not being a party-er u kinda believe it urself #also doesn't help that i already think everyone secretly dislikes me & just hangs out w me out of pity

[sad--tree]

i 100% absolutely cannot i repeat CANNOT allow myself 2 fail this course bc this is my last chance at taking it otherwise im removed from the program but i

cannot make myself do the work. i can't start. we're halfway thru the term ive lost a HUGE percentage of the grade already and i sit down 2 start googling how tf to do what i need 2 do and i fucking c a n t and now the whole course has become this hot-stove-item in my brain and im lying in bed practically vibrating with anxiety abt to let another (re-negotiated!!!!!!!) deadline pass and like!!! why am ilike this!!!!!!

ANYWAYS if any of yall know literally fuckall abt python...... pls........ 🙏 help........ 🙏

#if i could just figure out how 2 get started but like..... what does a python project even LOOk LIKE??? #whats the file structure??? is it like java with classes?? how many files should i even end up with??? #i hate college #literally just thinking abt this project in order 2 write this post has me on the verge of crying #how hard can it possibly be. and yet. 💀 #nothing worse than asking 4 an extension then fucking that up too ohhh my godddd #in theory i agree w/ the principle of a self directed course where u gotta teach urself bc obvs thats important in coding but..... #i am very small. and very stupid. and need some1 2 hold my hand thru the dreaded Getting Started process #except i shouldve been Getting Started 7 weeks ago not uhhh 4 or 5 deliverables tho #technically. TECHNICALLY. i can still pass. maybe. theres 60 marks remaining. so far i have................................................5 #:( #gotta uhhhh use a record object and file i/o and a given dataset and smth smth CRUD functions smth smth MVC design pattern & idek what else #if ever there was a time 4 a random unexplained jet engine 2 take me out donnie darko style...... jus saying....