#i think despite how much i want to believe im only giffing and editing for myself i dont | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

indieks · 6 years

Text

Not So Randomly | Part 5/5 [END]

🌟 Pairing : Im Changkyun (I.M) x Reader

🌟 Genre : Fluff, Angst

🌟 Warnings : I’m not a smut writer, but let’s say suggestive… 😏

🌟 Word count : 17.4k

🌟 Synopsis : Whenever you cross the path of Im Changkyun, that guy you hate and that hates you, it seems to be the worst day of your life. But, strangely enough, it also becomes the best and most accurate of moments you’ve ever had. So, the more you randomly end up stucked with each other, the more a question can arise : is it really chance that has something against you, or is it serendipity that drives you one towards the other?

Previous Part

🌟 A/N : This is it… This is the end, this is the last part, and I myself can’t believe it. I also can’t thank you guys enough for reading until then, for trusting my writing and waiting for the next part (sorry for publishing it after so long...). You, every single one of you that has read it, are the reason I could end it proudly and with a lot of joy to share it with you.

This is only my second work on Tumblr but my first series so I feel reaaaally emo about this now, I’m sorry, but once again T H A N K Y O U.

Enjoy this last part as much as I have, and stan MONSTA X! #DRAMARAMA #MONSTAX1stwin #letsgetit ♥♥♥

And to finish, I wanted to thank and dedicate this part to @bang-nao who has been of great great support since the beginning and helped me write this fic til the end with the best words she’s told me! I hope you like the end! ♥

Disclaimer : any gifs or images used, even edited, are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!

***

Love. One word that made the kids at school frown and say "errrrk" every time they're asked if they have a lover ; the teenagers and young adults' hearts flutter, bodies energetic and minds full of questions every time they feel he or she is the one before they end up crying with snacks surrounding them or taking poor decisions to digest their umpteenth breakup ; and parents think back of the times when they went through those same crises, with a smile on their faces as they watch over the very people who gave love a whole new meaning to them.

And to you, it was a mix of all that, but without being exactly the same : from the frown you gave the first time you had realized you loved Im Changkyun the asshole ; to the craziness of your heart, body and mind every time Im Changkyun the loveable had been near you ; to the tears you had shed because of his behavior as well as yours ; to the poor decision you had made just now by panicking while you were finally sure of everything ; to the smile that had disguised your lips as you had watched him on stage, and that he had taken away the second he turned his back on you.

The music was piercing your eardrums and the neon spots were blurring your vision, but you were trying your best to focus on every single human being under your eyes to find the only one you cared about right now. However, everything in the warehouse was hectic ; the party had really started in no time, bodies already bouncing against each other and yours by the way, screams of lyrics perturbing you, and darkness reducing your chances to spot him quickly. You then decided to go upstairs, where couches and tables had been displayed for momentary pauses or peaceful discussions, hoping you'd have a better view from above as you sure could recognize that fool only from the top of his head.

He couldn't have disappeared that quickly, could he...? Your hunt for Changkyun had only begun when you suddenly heard a familiar voice above the noise :

"Looking for someone?"

You turned your head to your right to discover Gyujeong, with his elbows leaning on the fence and almost touching yours, a smile on his face. You jumped in surprise before tipping back to watch if Hwimin was anywhere near him because if that was the case, you had to run away immediately. Not now. The dark-haired guy caught the fear in your eyes that were going back and forth between him and the landscape behind his frame, and he spoke up again :

"He's not here, oh my god Y/N calm down!"

"Sorry, I'm just... Not ready. I have something to do before!" you protested over the music, your attention drown back to the crowd dancing and cheering under your feet, and Gyujeong followed your stare.

"Who was the guy you were with earlier? You seemed pretty close…" he asked and you sighed.

"I don't really know right now..." you sincerely answered.

Gyujeong tilted his head before drinking a sip from his red cup, and he shot you a curious look once you turned to him, your left side against the barrier and a sly smile dressing your lips.

"And you? Shouldn't you be with someone we both know too damn well?"

He laughed and nodded in defeat, before biting his bottom lip.

"So you caught me... I'm actually looking for her too. Great view huh?" he smiled shyly, making you laugh.

"Do you want me to call her?" You asked, taking your phone from your purse but Gyujeong placed a hand on yours to stop you.

"You're okay with this? I mean... us?" He looked at you with concern in his eyes, and you used your free hand to place it on his broad shoulder.

"I totally get why you like each other, you're exactly the same" you breathed, closing your eyes in acknowledgement. "Yes, I'm okay. I bet on you since the beginning, and I can't waste all your efforts to get to her rock-like heart now that you're almost there!"

Gyujeong laughed another time and he let go of your hand, but the smile you had shared with him instantly disappeared when you caught a glimpse of a familiar silhouette approaching the both of you. Not now.

"Hey Y/N!" his high pitched voice melted in your ears, while his shy smile brightened his cute face, and you felt your members froze in their place as he was waving at you.

Hwimin made his way between Gyujeong and you, and you saw his best friend wiggle his brows at you before he disappeared in no time, leaving you both in an awkward silence – well with background music at least but your lips were sealed – and without you seeing it coming, your blood started to boil into your veins and you felt hot flashes burning your cheeks as well as your neck. Hwimin faced you, leaning his side against the barrier as you did and you could see from the way he was looking at the dark liquid he was turning into his cup, that he was as flustered as you to be reunited after so long, after your last goodbye that had been... Well… Emotional.

"Can we... Like... Talk outside?" he suggested, brushing his hair with his left hand and you felt your heart stricken into your chest.

You couldn't prevent yourself from thinking back of those simple moments when you had been going to high school parties together, enjoying with your friends and drinking love shots ridiculously, because that's how he was back then. But as you recalled his Instagram pictures, you shook your head as you now were sure you couldn't spend those kinds of moments with him anymore. He had changed and so had you ; so had your feelings for him, yet when he landed his squirrel eyes on you, you felt chills going down your spine and your hands growing wet instantly, showing you you were affected. But in which kind of way...?

"Y-Yeah, sure..." you reluctantly answered, gulping hard as you threw one last look towards the crowd without seeing Changkyun this time too.

However, if you had lost sight of him the moment you were separated, Changkyun had never lost track of you. He was posted at the very end of the bar, right next to the stage where he had performed with all his heart, heart that was beating hardly after you had just sat on it with your attitude. And right now, he was observing you going down the stairs with some guy he quickly but rightfully concluded to be your ex, and it definitely triggered the time bomb he had in him. You were going to deal with it like that? So would he. Changkyun emptied up his drink instantly and, like the time at the pool party, he decided he'd suppress his feelings for a while by enjoying everything tonight that hadn't anything to do with you, or your eyes, or your face, or your lips he was dying to kiss, or your hands, or your body perfectly fitted for your damn outfit, or your...

You hadn't expected to be that agitated by the return of your ex into your life, as you couldn't even reason yourself that it was just for one night at the moment. Why did it hurt in some way?

The closer you grew to him as you walked outside, the more every single one of the feelings you ever had for him started to tingle next to your unprepared heart, the souvenir of his small lips on yours suddenly the clearer it could be, those lips you were now able to see through the darkness and that finally moved once you found a quiet spot to talk around the warehouse :

"Long time no see." he finally said in a sweet voice, and your words fought in your head to get out at once.

You didn't know if that was because of the sparkling world Changkyun had left you in – despite your argument that had tarnished it –, but you found yourself thinking that he still was cute, even when you had summoned yourself to remain indifferent before you went to the party, even when you had been persuaded that your feelings for Changkyun were making you blind to anyone else's beauty anyway. How come your predictions about yourself could be so wrong? A few seconds went by and you still hadn't said anything, as you were growing close to the scary conclusion that even if it was just for one night, your reunion with Hwimin was going to ask from you a lot more effort than what you had planned.

Despite what he had done to you and how much he had seemed to change, you noticed that Hwimin still cared about you and had come to know you in his own way, as he didn't press you nor maintained his insisting look on your blushing face. Yet, he unexpectedly ran his hands through his pockets and didn't catch the surprise in your eyes when he took out a cigarette from them as well as a lighter, before he started to smoke, waiting for your answer.

"So now you smoke?" you finally spoke up, and Hwimin looked up to you with his brows up on his forehead.

"Oh? Oh I always have, I just didn't do it in front of you because I knew you didn't like it" he smiled awkwardly before breathing out some grey smoke in the air.

You didn't know if you had to feel disappointed that he had hidden such an important aspect of his personality from you back then, or thankful that he had been considerate of you doing so, so you only nodded, grimacing at the same time as the smoke came accidently right into your face.

"S-Sorry, I'll stop I-"

"That's fine, finish it" you cut him as he had bent down to crash it on the ground, so he straightened himself before putting the cigarette back into his mouth.

"So... How have you been doing?" he tried.

"Pretty fine, and you?"

"Same..."

Silence. You wanted to bury yourself into the ground, his eyes on you enough to kill you.

"Look Y/N I..."

"Don't tell me you're sorry again or else I'm leaving right now" you interfered, having had enough with his excuses as they had been the only damn words you had heard in your head every time you had thought about him.

He chuckled, throwing his head in the back before taking another puff on the thin cylinder of paper, tobacco and some other bad things for one's organism.

"I was going to say that I missed you, but I don't think that's any better now" he frankly replied and you got taken aback.

Gyujeong had warned you, when he had read the messages Hwimin had sent you, that his best friend was obviously trying to get you back, but you hadn't believed him at that time, or more precisely you had banished that foolish possibility from your mind as it wasn't logical in any way for you.

However, he had said it, with his eyes looking anywhere but you and his cheeks amazingly turning red from embarrassment, but even without this physical hint you would've known his state of mind just by his expression that was between the urge to laugh nervously and the shock from having been that honest without boundaries.

"You dumped me, Hwimin, remember? Don't you think it's a little bit late to regret and say this?" you asked, an ounce of sarcasm lacing your voice while you crossed your arms on your chest.

You needed to stay strong. To stick to what you had been saying to yourself ever since he broke up with you so you'd move on – well, had you really needed to do that little lecture? Or Changkyun hadn't he done everything himself?

"I know I know. But it takes a mistake for someone to realize things, am I wrong?" he exhaled, smiling to himself before locking eyes with you who had been looking at him stressing out ever since you had settled outside.

He marked a point, Changkyun could be the first one to testify, and so were you tonight after having been a coward, making you open your eyes on your feelings and what you truly wanted.

"You're right" you only added, waiting for him to continue – and somehow, to finish, soon, what he had to say.

"So yeah… I realized that I missed you, I missed..." he laughed, clearly getting shyer second by second and you could feel your heart melt before the sight. "I missed us." he shrugged. "I wasn't even interested in other girls you know, yes I had fun at my parties and stuff'-"

"I could clearly see that" you mumbled, cutting him off unwillingly and catching him off guard.

"W-What do you mean?"

"Your social networks tell a lot, Hwimin. A lot that I couldn't even recognize, and now that you also revealed to me you've always smoked even while being with me, I wonder if I ever knew you, at all. I wonder if the guy I dated, and ended up liking at some point, wasn't just some role you had showed off so that you could please me, because I know you liked me first. I wonder if the real you wasn't the one you are now, and maybe I don't know anymore."

"I'm still the same, Y/N, it's the business schools' life that I follow but I'm still me! I've always been true with you I swear!"

Hwimin took a step towards you after having thrown away his cigarette, and his arms extended quickly like a spasm before dropping to his sides, and you assisted to a wave of frustration drowning on him and his patience as he brushed his face with the palms of his hands while sighing loudly.

He suddenly looked… desperate.

"I know you don't believe in me right now. I… I fucked up really bad. But I swear I'm the same Lee Hwimin. I'm Hwim! And because I never felt that way with someone else before… Fuck, I missed you and I'm not here to apologize because I know you'll kill me, but to ask you to give me another chance."

You prevented your right hand to place itself onto your heart that was about to explode from its increasing heartbeat, or to maintain your jaw that could drop to your feet at any moment. How come you only met boys not only that regret passing by you, but that were also that fucking straightforward about their feelings? Shouldn't boys be the ones that don't express themselves and make girls run miles and miles after them only to have a semblance of demonstration coming from them at the end?

"I can't, Hwimin. I can't." you half-whispered.

It weirdly hurt you to reject him like that when he had just sincerely poured out his feelings for you, even more with that desperate and somehow needy look in his eyes, as you had known him to be discreet about them.

"Won't you ask me why?" you overbid, growing anxious at his lack of answer or reaction.

Indeed, your ex was just standing before you and it took him a few seconds before he nodded and smiled sadly, finally digesting the rejection after having been slapped by your words.

"It's the guy I saw you with earlier, isn't it?" he asked in return, digging into his pockets once again but more nervously this time, as he took another cigarette and lightened it faster than at the beginning of your discussion.

So he did see something… You felt short of breath all of a sudden, heat steaming under your eyelids and signaling you the arrival of tears that were, as usual, unwelcomed, so you looked up at the deep night sky to fight them back. Were they linked to your uneasiness? To guilt? To stress? Or to the souvenirs with Hwimin that kept confusing you and your decisions?

"Y-Yes."

He chuckled and the sound electrocuted you.

"I should be happy for you, that's right? I mean, I'm the one who messed up that relationship so I have no say in this" he almost said to himself, his eyes no longer looking at you as they were focusing on whatever was on the ground, and it killed you to see him like this.

You didn't blame him for dumping you with a poor reason anymore, and, as you had affirmed to Gyujeong, you still cared about him. So you started to feel bad for possibly making him think you had moved on that quickly from him, when you had left him with the image of you crying as the last one he could remember, image which was supposed to reflect how much you liked him back then. But deep down you knew, he had been some kind of rebound at first, and Solhee had told you she had warned him about it in your place ; still he had been willing to go out with you, and right now you felt bad about it. Really really bad.

"I… I just wanted you to know…" you stuttered, searching for the right words but shocking yourself for speaking up when in reality you had no idea what was going on in your busy head. "He's the guy from last summer. Hadn't it been for him, I wouldn't have been attracted to anyone else for a while. I really liked you, Hwimin. But… I think love him. He came back into my life, and he took back his fucking place, and I couldn't do anything about it."

Your ex finally acknowledged you as he heard the trembling in your voice, and the second his small and dark eyes landed on your confused face, you bit your bottom lip firmly so that the stupid tears wouldn't spill out. Shit, why were you so emotional about it? What about being indifferent? What about being disgusted of him and end up things once and for all without blaming yourself in the end?

"Hey hey hey, stop giving me excuses Y/N. And I see you want to cry you little emo…" Hwimin suddenly joked, and it magically lifted something from your oppressed chest. "I already told you, I have no say in this. I was close to you, Y/N, and even if it was just for a short moment, I still saw you were someone sincere. That guy is fucking lucky, he has no idea."

There he was. There he had been. The Lee Hwimin you had known. The Lee Hwimin you had fallen for, not deeply enough, but still. The Lee Hwimin who seemed to be a child, without anything mature nor serious about him, always telling jokes, pulling pranks, doing silly things, except when he had been with you and you only. There, in the school's empty hallways, in the streets or the parks with your hands intertwined, on his bed lying next to each other, he had been manly and had given you advices, reassured you, confessed a little bit more about himself ; he had let down his guard and had shown you he could be anything but the "cool and funny guy of the class". And there he was, being resolute but with a smile on his face, being understanding even if deep down you could guess he was hurt, being far from the party guy that had broken up to live freely. He hadn't changed.

"It's weird because I'm about to say sorry when to begin with you're the one who was supposed to be at fault" you giggled, caressing slowly your naked arms that were freezing cold.

"Then don't, I have nothing to forgive here. It's my loss lady!" he exclaimed, ending up his cigarette and this time, when he put his hands in his pockets, it was only to stay in a relaxed position that fitted well with the atmosphere that had become lighter.

You stared at him a few more seconds, making sure you had shut down every single voice in your head telling you something else than "you took the right decision, no regrets, you can feel at ease!" – lucky for you, they spoke up less than ten seconds, because your mind soon had welcomed back the memory of Changkyun rapping on stage, making your heart flutter and ache to see him at the same time. Your guilt towards Hwimin had just been put to an end and by him himself, leaving a vacant spot for the one you were feeling for Changkyun a few moments ago, that gladly took it back.

" Maybe we should stop talking already, if he sees you with me he'll-"

"He doesn't have a say in this" you quoted, making the boy in front of you laugh wholeheartedly this time. "But I'm not against going back into the warehouse because I'm going to die from cold!"

"You… You're okay for spending the party with me?" Hwimin shyly asked, his little mouth forming a round.

"Why not? We're okay now, and if I don't that means I can't stay with my own best friend because you're going to return to yours who's probably smooching her somewhere down there right now!"

You turned around and started to walk, feeling suddenly confident and a thousand times better. Now, all you had to do to finally have your life sorted out, was to find the ugly bastard you loved and clear things up, so you were growing impatient. Hwimin followed behind you, a smile now stretching his lips and if you couldn't hear it, he could feel nothing in his body but the boom of his heart against his ribcage.

"I'm fine with being friends, but if that's too selfish of me then I'm also fine if you don't want to" you finally confessed.

Maybe, you were letting yourself go too quickly ; maybe, you should settle for only making things up with your ex and not cross the line ; maybe, as most of people would say, it was a bad idea to keep him as a friend into your life ; however, your heart was telling you to at least try, the distance as a fatal argument to convince you it wouldn't be that hard to manage. Deep deep down though, your inner self was slowly admitting that you would actually like to meet with him and the potential couple from time to time, and that without feeling weird or uneasy towards each other.

"No, that's fine by me. I had prepared myself to be rejected and ask to be friends anyway, Gyujeong never ceases to blame me for having destroyed our super quartet" he sniggered and you turned your head to look at him and so did he, and in his eyes you could read his sincerity.

***

You entered the warehouse and as you started to follow him towards the bar where he guessed your friends would be, you suddenly spotted your long-hunted target, still at the end of the bar, apparently talking with a group of friends – all smiles and laughs, how curious for someone who was in such a bad mood before.

"Excuse me, I have something to do, I'll be right back" you informed Hwimin who nodded without asking, and you suddenly split your duo to go past more and more people, until you finally reached Im Changkyun the magnificent, in all his beauty and sexiness that shook you to the core for the fourth time in the evening, but you hurriedly focused on what you had to tell him – those fucking things he hadn't let you earlier.

Of course he would be at the bar. The first and only time you had went to a party with him, you could clearly picture the image of him running away from you after the kiss to go drink and drink in Minhyuk's kitchen, and now you knew it had been to mop up his emotions ; so it should be the case tonight. That was his own way of brushing off everything – as a lot of good drinkers around you right now – but you needed to explain yourself before he'd be too drunk to understand, your impatient heart unable to think of letting the situation pending any longer. You just had to say it : I really really really like you, Changkyun – not love, you were still scared of admitting it yourself and when you had dropped the word in front of your ex, you had been about to die. It was going to be hard, with people surrounding you and the loud music forcing you to scream it with all your heart when all you wanted was some intimate moment with him. Anyway, no time for whims and requirements, you had to fix what you had done.

You grasped his shoulder as he was taking another drink in his large hands, not caring about his friends that glanced at you with curious eyes. Yet, you lost confidence when his own dropped on you and you saw they were as dark as ever, the smile he had given to the barman also falling instantly.

"What do you want?" he said in a monotone, his famous leveled-up chin defying you, and you felt some urge to kick him pulsating into your veins as you wished for him to throw away his cocky demeanor sometimes.

"To talk. You didn't let me finish and just went your way, that's not fair Changkyun" you exposed over the music, and you plainly caught the annoyed look that got him.

His friends beside him signaled him they were returning to the dancefloor, especially a girl who clung onto him and started to drag him gently while smiling weirdly at you – was that even a smile? You couldn't mirror her hypocrisy as you shot her an angry look.

"Excuse me but we're not done here, so could you be polite and wait please?" you asked through gritted teeth, and the girl finally let go of your hopefully-soon-to-be-boyfriend, whom eyes grew big.

"Hey, stop it Y/N!" he finally interfered, then he turned away from you to whisper something into her ear, and you swore you were about to burst.

He wasn't paying any attention to you nor what you had to say ; he couldn't even dodge that girl to focus on you, no ; oh God, how you hated the fuckboy he became every time he entered a party.

"Who's she? She's ruining your mood when we're not even started…" you overheard the words coming from her pink-tinted plum lips that brushed against his pierced ear.

"Look, Y/N, I just want to enjoy right now, let's talk later, huh? I don't want to do this right now" he spoke up without looking at you and it left you shocked, your heart blowing up and the heat of your body going past the temperature from the hottest fever you ever had.

How could he care less? Changkyun nodded at the bitch that smiled at you slyly and gave him a high five he received without great enthusiasm, but still had.

"Wow. Wow, okay Changkyun. Yeah, let's talk later, if you don't end hooking up with some girl to forget about me, like last time" you spat and you saw it rang a bell inside his seemingly empty head, as some light in his dim eyes got finally turned on.

"Don't start with this, I just want to party and we can talk tomorrow! Don't try to make me take the blame here, you shouldn't have-"

"Have a nice evening." you smiled in a chanting tone and you went past him and his chick that you caught laughing, making you want to slap her for being this disrespectful, but only after having killed him for humiliating you right in front of her two eyes.

Let's enjoy he said. You couldn't wrap your head around his capacity of leaving your relationship under a question mark when so much had happened in no time, nor how he could have been so passionate about it earlier and so laid-back right now. You were truly angry and hurt at the moment, yet you were willing to wait for him to step down from his pedestal from where he had just looked down on you and your feelings, because you still felt guilty for having angered and hurt him too first. Such a beautiful give and take.

Nevertheless, your wish to ignore each other and spend a great night without thinking back of what happened wasn't going to last long, as soon a beer pong was organized outside by the student's association. To be honest, you were quite talented at this game – your friends in high school even called you Miss BPong – so you hurried yourself towards one of the two tables with your quartet as a team ready to challenge. However, you just had installed yourself and taken over the ping pong ball, when another group was called to face yours after having listed their team name near the student's association representative. And without great surprise now, your team had randomly ended up paired with Changkyun's, which included Hoseok, Jooheon, and also the clingy girl who didn't seem to be able to let go of the moron's arm. It made your heart sunk that he let her be, but your solid pride and the now sufficient amount of alcohol in your blood helped you smile at him who, on the contrary, couldn't hide how pissed off he became the second he heard you call for Hwimin in the crowd so that he'd get ready to play.

Oh, he didn't know what was about to happen to him. He didn't know how determined you were to make him pay right now. He didn't know the real reason behind the bright smile you gave both him and his chick, and you could clearly see in his sharp eyes that it confused the heck out of him. He immediately volunteered to face you, probably wishing it would destabilize you, when in reality it had been what you had wanted since you had spotted him in the opponent's team, so you chuckled as you caught him biting his bottom lip in anticipation. He looks so good, even when tipsy. You made the ball bounce a few times on the table, and when the representative gave the signal, you threw the little white object which landed perfectly in a cup. Your team and the spectators around you – curious students and smokers – screamed as you faked a reverence, then glanced at Changkyun who cracked his neck twice before emptying up the glass, all the while looking at you suspiciously.

Even when the players switched, Changkyun and you didn't lose eye-contact, making your heart pound hard into your chest and your body crave to go to him and steal him away, until a group of five girls approached him with smiles on their faces. Your eyes diverted towards them, curiosity tingling your insides, so you focused on hearing what they were about to say.

"Hey, we just wanted to tell you we were impressed by your rap earlier! You're sooooo talented" one of them engaged, and you could only shut your mouth and agree.

No way were you going to get jealous, because what they didn't know, was that beautiful rap had been written for you and you only.

"Oh… Thanks girls" the grey-haired moron answered while scratching his neck, sign of his intimidation, and you saw him look at you from the corner of his eye for less than a second.

"It sounded like it was for someone in particular, was it? I wish it had been for me…" another one chuckled in a way too girly tone for your taste, so you just rolled your eyes at her remark – and Changkyun gladly caught that.

At least, you could acknowledge her guts to flirt with him so openly.

"Yeah kind of, but everyone else can identify y'know it's the purpose of a song" he shrugged, straightening himself for you to witness how proud he felt right now, proud of being complimented but also proud of shoving a pin right into your face.

Seriously? You turned around to prevent him from noticing your upset expression, but luckily Hwimin made a goal exactly at the same time, helping you to smile and hide behind the victory's poker face. Changkyun was obviously analyzing each one of your actions and reactions, but you wouldn't give him any kind of personal satisfaction. So you only cheered with your team and when your turn came again, you were more than eager to make him drink and transform his fuckboy brain into nothing else but a puddle of alcohol. However, the boy knew the tricks to play on you, knew the right strings to pull at your heart, knew you were totally fond of him so as he had the privilege to shoot first at this round, he enjoyed it for taking his time in flustering you.

He first combed his hair in the back with his beautiful ringed fingers so that it would reveal his forehead – one bullet, bam! – ; then, he dropped his suede jacket on his broad shoulders that thankfully were hidden under his turtleneck but it fitted his torso in every single inch possible – second bullet boy – ; to finally glance at your more than boiling face. And he smirked, yes, he used that killing smirk of his, well aware that his looks had been an excellent weapon to use – all kill.

Well done Changbitch, you silently chuckled as regardless of the success of his attitude, he still had acted like some hot girl appealing her charms to her target. You both were being so childish, you both were way too stubborn to let go and surrender first, but how amused you were feeling seeing him trying hard to get through your façade.

So, with his overall sexy and cocky appearance, also shooting love bullets at every girl around that had their eyes full of stars on him, Changkyun threw the ball and of course, chance decided he would make it so it would be funnier. You nodded in silence, ignoring his last look before he turned to hug his teammates and thank his "fans" that were literally going crazy over one successful shot. You drank slowly, taking time in evacuating the effect he just had dropped on you, hoping it would join the liquor going down your body.

Then again, the sweaty palms made their great return as well as the wobbling legs, because the tipsy you could only feel more attacked than usually by all his inconspicuous and indirect actions meant for you. You shot the ball a little carelessly this time, as the need to step aside and breathe some fresh air was urging you to end your turn. Yet, your talent hadn't let you down as you successfully made him drink too, earning an expression on his face that clearly related what you shared on your minds : "Excellent".

"Waaaah Y/N you're really a pro, always making it at first try!" Jooheon suddenly exclaimed and his bright smile warmed you up, as well as Hoseok's thumbs lifted up to your address.

Changkyun was also smiling at you, then Hwimin slammed his hands against yours and grabbed you by the neck to shake it, like a gest of approbation that coaches do with their best sports' element when they win. You giggled with him, ignoring the deadly stare at you coming from the other side, as you now were strictly happy to spend the night with Hwimin and his true self that always made you laugh. Like old times, like good times. Alcohol had dispelled the awkwardness between the both of you, and it was as if you had returned to high school's parties with your favorite friends, the only thing that had changed being the word "friendship" instead of "lovers" labeled on your relationship with Hwimin now.

Players switched, Jooheon taking the place to face your ex, and you finally reported your attention to Changkyun that had crossed his arms and was poking his cheek with his tongue, obviously having been disturbed by the sudden skinship and friendliness going on between Hwimin and you. You just had reunited and he could touch you like that? However, as you watched each other in silence for a few seconds, you feeling totally satisfied by him being jealous, Changkyun's heart felt at ease with him being your only source of care again. Until Hwimin marked a point and pulled you into a team hug.

"What's going on between the both of you? Even I myself can feel the pressure, it's so thick guys" Hoseok whispered to his dongsaeng, who had started to tap his feet against the ground before exhaling loudly.

"You see that guy over there?" he answered, pointing at Hwimin who still had an arm on both Solhee's and your shoulders. "That's her ex. I can't stay calm."

"Ahhhh I see... That's why you've been acting like a playboy for ten minutes straight now" Hoseok mocked him, receiving a nudge of Changkyun's left elbow. "What? Admit it! Don't worry it works, she was flustered every time!"

"Who was flustered by what?" Jooheon entered the conversation as he had left his place for the only girl of their team to play.

"See for yourself" Changkyun shrugged, designating you with a small nod of his head, and by chance you just had landed your eyes on him at this very moment, a perfect timing for Jooheon to catch you in a moment of pure weakness as you were biting your lip.

"I. See. Sexual tension in here. You're too young for this maknae!" Jooheon whined before punching him hard on the arm.

"Yah! Are you crazy?! It hurts!" he frowned while checking if you had witnessed that – but no you were talking to Hwimin once again amazing –, even if deep down he had been more attacked by the s word than by the hit itself.

"As much as it hurts me to see two young people turned on! You're not even dating yet!" his best friend replied back, making Hoseok burst into laughter.

"We're not turned on! We're not..." Changkyun mumbled in a less convinced tone, his glance still on you who were fanning yourself with both of your hands.

Are we?

The game went on and on, Changkyun and you ridiculously pursuing your plans to destabilize each other as well as showing the other one you weren't affected at all – when in fact you both were dying to kiss those lips that met cups after cups. Changkyun felt his heartbeat increase every time he faced you in that fucking gorgeous bodysuit, with your lipstick starting to fade from the sour liquid brushing against it, but what triggered him the most was the kind of tension floating between the both of you. Sexual or not, bullshit Jooheon. He liked, no, he loved it, his competitive and manly side on the lookout, and the more his eyes landed on the proud and fiery woman you were, the more he wanted to push it further to the edge to witness what you would bloom into. He adored how mad at him you were and how swiftly you were taking your revenge right now, with a fierce look that had made its home in your eyes, a nonchalant demeanor that possessed your body moves, the smiles you were giving him ; everything that was supposed to frustrate him only stimulated him.

He, wasn't even mad anymore – did he even know in what state he was except that his body felt good with all the liquor he had drank by now? He didn't even care about your ex being here anymore, even if deep down it had reassured him to see you more into himself than into Hwimin's presence. Just with your little game within a game, you were showing him you had a real interest in him only, and that's all that mattered to him. He could grasp your attention, as even when you were not facing him directly behind the table, he felt your stare on him – and his "fans" he didn't give a shit about but only acted like it so you would be even madder. Oh, how he loved to be selfish ; but moreover, how he loved to feel desired by the woman he loved, when he had feared you didn't want him the way he did at the beginning of the party.

***

The last ball was shot, the last cup was emptied up, and with that, you linked your arms with your best friend that was drunker than you – she had started to hiccup as a hint – to go dance, because you hadn't truly enjoyed the music ever since you arrived, as you had only been going around the warehouse. As if the party had been located outside for you. You purposely didn't look back and left Changkyun behind you, still in the act of the indifferent but fatal girl ; still, your body and heart were screaming that your foolish and tensed game had almost killed them, even more than the alcohol which was finally manifesting itself. Your head was floating above your body, your vision saw brighter colors, you didn't feel the cold anymore, and the cheers on the dancefloor came louder into your sensitive ears. Thankfully though, you were not that drunk and still in control of your senses, except for the fact they were magnified.

So magnified that, twenty minutes later, when a hand closed itself around your naked arm, you instantly felt chills going up and down your flesh ; worse, when you discovered that the owner of this hand was Changkyun himself, your arm went numb. Like when you had been reunited just after his performance, some fireworks exploded into your stomach while your heart beat strongly but slowly, and you stopped dancing to face his silhouette under the spotlights.

"What do you want?" you imitated him, determined to resist a little longer to his charms because the reasonable side you were holding onto was reminding you of how cocky he had been back at the bar.

Changkyun smiled and looked up, not fully rolling his eyes, and you finally spotted something shining on his head.

"Where did you even get that?!" you shouted over the music, pointing at the fake crown perfectly disposed on his light hair.

"There's a lot of accessories in lodges you know! Didn't you see the girl who performed with that on the head earlier?" he asked.

"No sorry, I was too busy fighting then looking for your ugly ass during the rest of the concert" you replied and he laughed cutely this time, making you frown in incomprehension.

What was happening to him?

Suddenly, he bent down until his mouth was near your ear this time, and his low voice so close to your eardrums felt like white noise as you almost cringed at the sound.

"Let's go outside."

Without asking, you followed him – well more exactly he pulled you by the arm he hadn't let go of – and you went even further than where you had been with Hwimin. Changkyun leaded the way to another warehouse next to the party's, its big doors already opened and a lone spot lightning heaps of scrap garbage or whatever your eyes couldn't decipher through the night.

"Oh my gosh my ears are thanking me for this" the boy finally spoke up, his voice resounding in the whole building, and he freed you from his grasp to go and sit on what looked like the corpse of a destroyed car.

You stopped in front of the engine, too lazy to follow and you crossed your arms as you observed him starting to eat some snacks you didn't even want to know where he had found them. The picture looked surreal, and it felt like time had stopped to let you enter another place with Im Changkyun the prince ; you almost forgot about the party going on right next to you as you plunged yourself totally in the bubble you had been dying to find yourself in with him ever since your argument. Finally, the two of you were alone.

"Do you enjoy yourself tonight? Having a good time?" you asked sarcastically.

"Yesssss, and you?" he answered as mischievously as you, his head tilted on the side.

"It's not over yet you know, so what is it? I thought you wanted to party and talk to me only tomorrow" you shrugged as the munch sound of crisps in his mouth was almost as loud as the music back there.

"My stomach thanks me too I was so hungry..." he mumbled to himself in satisfaction. "Well, I changed my mind" he then answered louder, finally looking at you instead of his precious bag.

"And what made you do so?" you overbid, tapping your feet on the dusty ground as his gaze was somehow starting to make you nervous.

Nervous to finally talk it out, nervous to finally have him to yourself only, nervous to probably have to confess your feelings at any moment now. Changkyun chuckled and shoved another crisp into his mouth while making his right leg swing back and forth into the emptiness. Alright, it looked like he was willing to give you a hard time for a little bit longer.

"It's a secret." he said, placing a dirty finger over his full mouth. "Now tell me, what you wanted to say so bad, I'm willing to hear it."

Your heart went up your throat and your mouth went dry. What was clear in your mind was so hard to express vocally now that you had to ; with some beer in your organism, with his intense stare that could kill you, with the emotions you were put through every time he was near you.

"Okay hum... I... I'm sorry, for what I did earlier. But I felt uneasy with my ex being here. Not because I'm not sure about you, I am... Just because I wanted it to be a special and intimate moment, and... He didn't have to see this... Oh my god what am I even saying-"

"I got it." Changkyun spoke up in his deep voice, and he suddenly jumped off the car, landing right in front of you, without enough space to extend an arm between your two frames. "I've seen the guy too now, and honestly... I don't feel threatened in the end" he confessed – and lied – out loud, his eyes looking up as if he was thinking again about it before shaking his head from the left to the right in certainty.

Changkyun the cocky ass, never too far away.

"You're incredible" you scoffed in disbelief, and the boy laughed proudly before fixing his golden crown on his big head.

"Sooooo what you were telling me in the end is that you like me and only me right? You're finally accepting my confession that I worked so hard to write and rap for you tonight? Because you kinda left me in standby earlier and that perturbed and pissed me off y'know, you should know how it feels like to be stopped when you're about to kiss s-"

"Oh my god how come you are so talkative when you're drunk? Stop drinking and ranting and kiss me already!" you whined in frustration, cutting the speech he had delivered in a higher tone than usual and with some facial expressions you wished you could have taken a picture of.

Your little outburst made him freeze, his eyes going wide and his brows jumping up on his forehead, before they fell back to fit with a lustful gaze you hadn't expected to show up so soon. You suddenly regretted having lost your patience so fast and being so eager to feel him close, as the more he was looking through you without mouthing a word, the more you were starting to grow shy and unconfident.

"Don't you dare stop me this time. I won't survive it." he said in his lowest voice, giving you the chills and your weak arms previously crossed fell down to your sides, instinctively showing him you were not on the defensive side anymore.

And with that being warned, in the flash of a second, Changkyun's hands placed themselves in the crook of your burning neck and he gently pulled at it, until his thin lips pressed themselves against yours.

It was better than what you had ever tried to imagine when thinking about the very first kiss of your relationship. It was deep and full of passion, even more than last time when he had surprised you in the university's yard. Changkyun kissed you again and again, his breath coming desperately from his Egyptian nose brushing against your face. Oh yes, he was a good kisser, whatever the reason for it was ; he knew how to place his mouth on yours too damn well. Or maybe, it was because the kiss was from him that it felt perfect. In both ways, you were enchanted.

You weren't like the girl in dramas that stays petrified in her body and lets the guy kiss her, no ; you were more the type to turn into raging flames and allow your body to express itself ardently, consuming itself in the heat of the moment. So you suddenly wrapped your arms around his waist, under his jacket, surprising him without realizing it, and you grasped his black top harder than what you yourself had expected. You were seeing stars behind your closed eyelids, and you felt like you were transported in another galaxy where only you and him mattered, where he was the only thing you could see, smell, hear and touch ; yes, most of all touch, with his body under your fingers that was warm and securing, and that he pushed further towards yours to feel more and more of you.

Finally, he ran out of breath so he departed from you but without moving his hands from the spot they seemed to have been designed for, his thumbs now caressing slowly your jawline. He looked at your wet and glistening lips at first, wanting to print into his head this beautiful image and remember what they had felt like every time he would picture it.

"Was it intimate enough for you to like it this time?" he asked in a low and vibrating tone, and with your eyes still closed, you nodded slowly.

He gave you another kiss on the forehead, a long and meaningful one, hoping you'd feel how much he was head over heels for you. See, he had not even lasted more than 20 minutes without you in his sight after the beer-pong, your face the only thing he had been seeing and discouraging him from his initial plan to report everything to tomorrow. Finally, the both of you could be together. You and him had waited so long for this moment to come, turning around each other without ever reaching, and now that it had happened, you both felt the need to save this moment forever into your hearts and minds, so you stayed quiet for a minute, holding each other and feeling each other.

"Yah Y/L/N Y/N" he finally spoke up, his chin on the top of your head.

"What…" you hummed after having braced your emotions and caught your soul that had slowly escaped from your body to fly straight up to some kind of paradise.

"Are you trying to tear up my turtleneck or what?"

You leaned back to look at him in confusion, not even realizing your fists were strongly pulling at the fabric, sign of the rush of emotions striking your body.

"Hm? Oh shit I'm so sorry" you apologized quickly, suddenly letting go and lowering your head in embarrassment.

Changkyun finally unstuck his hands from their spot to grab your forearms, and he put you back into your previous position, all the while looking at you nonchalantly.

"I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if you had wanted to…" he said in a tone traducing his urge to laugh as well as his pride about this remark.

You pinched his back through the black pullover and he winced in pain, begging you to stop in a quiet voice.

"I think I like you the most when you shut your mouth" you mumbled through gritted teeth, shooting him an annoyed glare.

"I think I like you." he shrugged, and once again your heart sunk into your stomach, willing to abandon its role as it was asking too much effort tonight.

"You think" you insisted, unpleased with his choice of words.

"I'm sure. Now if you want me to stop talking…"

He closed his long eyes, signaling you he was waiting, and you chuckled before leaning to peck him shortly.

"Seriously?" he murmured, and then again he lifted his hands but this time to place them on your skull, entangling his fingers in your hair.

"Eager now, are we?"

"Do you know how bad I have wanted this?" he complained, his face coming closer to yours and a smile dressing his lips that yours were dragged to like a magnet.

"Shouldn't have snubbed me and you would have had it sooner-"

Changkyun kissed you sweetly this time, and you felt him smile under your mouth that was prickling. Again, he gave you more than one kiss, his head changing the sides it tilted, and you hugged him properly a second time, your hands almost reaching each side of his wide torso. You felt like laughing, as you were the happiest you've ever been in the past months since last summer. You felt complete, you felt accomplished, you felt confident ; everything with him in your life seemed right in its place, and your lips melting so perfectly against each other could testify how you had been made for each other.

"Let's stop being cheesy and return back there, deal?" Changkyun finally proposed, after having kissed your mouth then your nose one last time.

What he wasn't telling you, was that he had feared you'd have to stay into his arms all night if you both didn't separate right now. He had been so desperate to hold you, as the regrets of having gave you the cold shoulder, the fear of never get the chance to make you love him back again and not too long ago the burning desire to make you finally his, had tortured him and made the uncertainty even more unbearable.

"Lip…stick" you mumbled before lifting your hand to place your thumb onto his mouth, starting to brush it to mitigate its unnatural tint.

Changkyun smiled like a fool, his arms now resting on your waist, and when you were about to stop he bit your fingers quickly, a child's frown disguising his adorable face.

"Let go, and let's go kid" you ordered, rolling your eyes at the same time.

Changkyun opened his mouth wide and before freeing you from his hug, he pecked you once again, on the shoulder this time, leaving a burning sensation on the spot and you gasped in surprise. His satisfied look when he straightened himself gave you the urge to smack him but with a move of his chin, he indicated you the exit. Anyway, you too wouldn't have been able to let go of him had the hug and kisses lasted longer, so instead of kicking, you stole one last kiss from him and took a step back before turning on your heels.

Changkyun silently followed you and, once he caught up to your pace, he surprisingly rested his arm on your shoulders and held you close to him while walking.

"I thought you didn't want to be cheesy or clingy and stuff?" you teased, pinching lightly his hand hanging lazily before your collarbone.

"Shhht." he only answered, and you gave up, even lifting your hand to intertwine your fingers with his and you heard him chuckle like a fool.

"You like it that much, do you?" you looked up to him, and he gently knocked his head against yours as an initiative to make you turn away from him and his way too happy face. "I'll take that as a yes…"

***

The last hours of the party went smoothly ; you barely left each other's side, friends and even drunk strangers around you calling the King and the Queen Dowager because of Changkyun's shining crown still on his head, and his arm that hardly let go of your frame. You danced together and, when your group of friends finally reunited, Hwimin included, you were surprised to witness a scene of both of them talking a little bit without being rude to each other, making you feel at ease and thankful. Except when Changkyun slipped into your ear a "Who is he to give me advice" after your ex had apparently told him that you were a great person and that he should keep you. However it made you laugh wholeheartedly, his childish and proud side definitely under the spotlight once his blood was twisted with alcohol.

Finally, it was time for you to return to the dorms by shuttles, and Changkyun kissed you goodnight on the parking lot as he had to fulfill his duty of best friend, in other words he had to take care of his hyungs that had went over their tolerance to alcohol and couldn't walk properly nor take the shuttle on their own.

"I'm sorry... See you tomorrow, yeah?" he had almost whispered, his hands brushing your naked shoulders and you had pressed him to go and help, because as funny as it was to see Hoseok rolling on the ground and making weird noises that were supposed to be laughs, it also alarmed you on the severity of the situation.

You arrived to your dorms alone that night, as Solhee went to an after-party with her as fresh as yours boyfriend and your ex, who you had hugged to say goodbye earlier. He had permitted himself to kiss you on the forehead, his small eyes shining under the moonlight even when they were hooded by his drunken state, and it had made your heart flutter in some way. Too many things had happened in only a few hours, too many settlings in your messy life, and separating happily from Hwimin this time finally closed the wound you still had from last time.

However, being on your own and tipsy wasn't serving your need to sleep well, as you couldn't stop tossing and turning in your bed, thinking of Im Changkyun and trying to rewind your memory to the special but amazing moment you had shared in the abandoned warehouse. You wanted to go back to it again ; you wanted to be with him again ; you needed to feel him close to you again. You had spent so many evenings under your sheets thinking of him, whether it was in your vacation house, in your hometown or in that campus' bed, but tonight it was different, as for the first time you weren't imagining things. Everything had been real, every single one of your wishes had come true, every second of the movies you had played in secret in your mind had been exploited and improved into an even more thrilling and beautiful scenario. And right now, you hadn't had enough with this short film, this preview to what waited for you after, and your body was aching to be in his securing arms once again.

As every girl has done once in her life, you picked up your phone and started to scroll down his social media, but something reflecting your screen's light on your left caught your attention, and when you turned your head to look up to your nightstand, your eyes fell on the manifold plastic cups Changkyun had offered you by now, and suddenly you remembered it. Sitting in a jump in your bed, you started to chase the one that had his phone number on it, in a rush of determination. And once you found it, you laughed at yourself, thinking : yes, and what now? What would he think if you tell him you already miss him like a fool? It's been less than an hour Y/N!

You sighed in defeat and you sank into your bedhead. You were totally head over heels for this guy. Not that it was a new fact to you, but now that he was yours properly, you couldn't get enough of him after having waited for so long. At least, it would be hard in the beginning. You smacked yourself and slid under your covers once again, but a few minutes later, you gave in.

Had he really left you on read???? You little awaken shit. You looked one last time at the contact photo you had picked on his Instagram, a ridiculously well taken selfie, and it only urged your decision. You jumped out of bed and stormed to your door, half-putting some sneakers and shoving on a large hoodie on the way, ready to go out and to his dorms by yourself. You had always wanted to sneak out of your dorm room within the curfew hours, and tonight was the perfect night as everybody was going to share and mix rooms after the party – supervisors knew better than tracking every one that was a stowaway as it would last until noon.

The hallway was plunged into deep darkness and silence, so you barely breathed and slowly walked towards the emergency stairs as the lifts were shut down for the night. You were crazy to hunt someone without even knowing if he had arrived to the dorms yet, nor where to search first, but you still felt in some kind of secret mission and your drunk self was amused. Did you even know his dorm room number? What was it… You approached the plain white door and, just as you were about to push down the doorknob to open it, you felt a pressure coming from the other side, the door opening right after so you jumped back in surprise. But the vision of Changkyun appearing behind it almost made you faint, as if you were seeing a ghost, and his jaw dropped before he covered his mouth with his hands, stepping into the hallway and getting close to you.

"How is this even possible" he asked without asking, but you couldn't answer as you still were in a state of shock.

Chance. Once again. The probability that you were going to open this exact door, at the same time, while looking for each other, was so small ; yet, it still had arrived and if you wanted to laugh at how amazingly your relationship had been built up till now, your facial expression was still frozen in disbelief. Until Changkyun laughed quietly before you, bending to put his hands on his knees that had gotten weak from the surprise, and when he looked up to you, you finally shook yourself out of your trance.

"You were coming for me?"

"What do you think" he replied, straightening himself. "You don't know which dorm room is mine, and you had finally texted me, I had to come and thank you right into your face for this accomplishment, you dimwit."

"Wait wait wait, are you hurt? Is this a bruise I'm seeing right now?" you half-exclaimed half-whispered, suddenly reaching for his left cheek that obviously was tinted in something you guessed to be close to deep red.

"Ah that…" he muttered, putting the hood of the sweater he had changed for on his head and turning his head so you wouldn't see it anymore.

"What happened after I left?" you suspected, crossing your arms and Changkyun smiled faintly, his hooded eyes looking by the window in your back.

"I don't know… It's Hoseok and Jooheon, they argued with other boys on the parking lot and I got dragged into it without wanting to and I used my fists everywhere I could" he rambled in a child's voice, making you roll your eyes.

"And ended beaten up, wow… I won't feel in security with my boyfriend, amazing" you sighed before biting your tongue.

What had you just called him? "My boyfriend"? How cheesy!

"W-What?" Changkyun asked, his eyes and mouth getting rounder.

Oups…

You cleared your throat and started to walk away, wanting to lock yourself up into your room for having been so ridiculous in no time. You had just settled like three hours ago, and there you were already calling him "my boyfriend" like a high schooler. Changkyun followed you and you heard him laugh.

"Shhht! You're going to wake everyone up!" you spat, more pissed at yourself than at him but making him pay anyway. "Oh my god you can't even walk straight!"

You stopped in your tracks to go back to him who was laughing hard at you – or more precisely at how cute you had been and how hard it had hit him – and you grabbed him by the sleeve, rushing to your dorm room.

"Ah ah ah it hurts it hurts stop pulling so hard" he whined and you looked at him annoyingly over your shoulder. "They kicked my arm too so when you pull like that…" he pouted and you sighed loudly before the sight of the mix of a child and a drunkard he was now.

And of a man. But let's forget about this aspect for now.

You entered the small and quiet room, your bed undone as you had left it in a hurry so you pressed yourself to put the covers back into a neat disposition, before indicating the boy to sit down by a move of your head. You had been dying to be with him, but now that he was here in that little space that enclosed the both of you, you once again felt shy.

"I have to play the nurse for you once again, I can't believe it"

"Hey, I didn't ask you to, I'm fine" he retorted, sitting down on your bed until his back was reaching the wall and half of his legs were displayed on it.

"Do you want your left side to be enormous and blue tomorrow? No, I don't think so, you love your looks too damn much so silence kid" you commanded while you were looking for the small emergency kit you and Solhee shared.

Changkyun was staring at you, playing with his feet, and he felt his heartbeat increasing second by second now that there were only the both of you in a bedroom. Of course, a man was still a man, even more when he drinks, so he slapped himself internally when he realized he was thinking of his best friend's words back at the ping pong game, giving him hot flashes. You finally found the red box after having dug into Solhee's mess, and you knelt down next to him once you had turned on your desk's light.

"You have a nice bedroom" Changkyun stated out of nowhere, looking at the fluorescent stars on the ceiling and the tinsels hanging above the bedheads, and you thanked him quietly.

As you began to apply lotion on the big bruise, the boy enjoyed it for scanning your traits from the corner of his eye. You were so damn pretty. He had seen you with your morning face this summer, with your tanned skin, with make up on, and also tainted when you had cried ; now, he got to see you under some soft light, your face obviously having been washed, and he fell in love with this version of you as well. You were beautiful in every single way, and he quietly analyzed your serious face, your eyes focused on what you were doing. His cheek was melting under the painstaking and soft touch of your fingers that now were applying pomade, and it made his heart burst when you asked gently :

"Does it hurt?"

"No." he answered in his low voice that never failed to give you chills.

His biggest mistake was to let his pupils drift towards your lips, as it triggered something inside of him that made him crumple his sweatpants into his hands the hardest he could, or else he would have kissed you abruptly right now. Calm down, hormones ; calm down, whisky and beer. Calm d…

"Here, done." you spoke up, leaning back in your kneeling position.

Changkyun couldn't even thank you as he was struggling inside, his eyes on you now perturbing you so you covered your face with your hands, worried he was shocked to see you bare-faced.

"W-What? Why are you looking at me like that?" you panicked.

"You're fucking beautiful that's insane" he said in an inaudible voice, and as you were about to ask him to repeat, Changkyun gave in and he suddenly pushed himself with his two hands on the mattress so that he got close enough to kiss you.

You breathed out from relief and satisfaction, having missed his lips for hours now, and you quickly deepened it, passing your arms around his neck while he motioned your body to make you sit on his lap, his feet now touching the ground. You suddenly felt hot and hypersensitive to his presence, and when he put his hands under your hoodie and directly on your bare back, you gasped into the kiss but it didn't even disturb him. He didn't have any misplaced gesture, his hands only slowly stroking your skin and not going overboard, but this touch and the skin to skin contact was sufficient to make you lose your mind. Changkyun kissed you harder while your hands had gone up into his hair, a body talk to invite him to continue, and you felt him hug you closer than you already were – but never enough – when suddenly he stopped.

With his head leaned back, his famous leveled-up chin and his hooded eyes, the boy you liked looked at you and your flustered expression, making him smirk and confusing you even more. He then kissed you passionately another time but-

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god stop. We need to stop or else I'll end up do something I'll regret tomorrow." he breathed.

He had his forehead against yours and you could hear him inhale loudly, as if he had ran a marathon when he was only doing it to calm himself down.

"Not now Y/N. I don't want to rush anything."

You didn't know why, but some tears prickled at the end of your eyes, as you felt touched by his words. He was protecting you, him and your relationship and, even if you both wanted to go further right now, he was right ; it was too fresh and too complicated for you to go all in in just one night. You kissed him first this time before you dropped your head on his shoulder to hide your now more than threatening tears, and the betrayers went down your cheeks without you being able to stop. He engulfed you in his arms and he sighed, not aware of your wet face, closing his eyes as well and congratulating himself for this hard but manly decision. Looks like my drunken brain can work right too sometimes.

A few moments later, you still hadn't said anything and had wiped yourself without him noticing, and you stood up to drink in your bottle of water to wash the dirty thoughts of your dirty brain. Changkyun had already taken over your bed and covers, so when you approached your bed, you burst into laughter at the sight of him dying from a soon to be hangover, a frown clear on his face while he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"The ceiling's turning, huh?" you made fun of him.

And as an answer, you earned an ugly grimace from the childish side of him that could reappear even after the heated and intimidate moment you had shared.

"Sometimes I wonder how many of you are there in that big head of yours." you sighed before pushing him lightly with your feet so that he'll move aside, and the foolish prince executed himself, even opening the covers for you to enter easily.

You didn't feel weird or embarrassed to sleep with him so soon, as you wouldn't have closed an eye if tonight hadn't finished in that exact way. He welcomed you into a warm embrace and, as you now were starting to understand, he was the touchy and skinship-lover type, as he immediately put a leg over yours once you had settled your body next to him, your head on his broad shoulder. He hummed in satisfaction, closing his eyes but only for a short moment as he felt you lift your head up to look at him, so he leaned his own back a bit to mirror your stare.

"What?" he asked in a now raspy voice, accompanying his words by a light caress of your hair.

Oh God how you loved his touch and attentions. I think I love you. No : don't rush anything he said. Don't tell him now.

You only pecked his chin then his neck that were right before your lips as an answer, making him smile but furrow his brows at the same time, yet as he was too tired to bombard you with questions, he let you go this once and closed his eyes.

"Let's sleep."

And with those soothing words, you let yourself drift to sleep as well, rubbing your head a few times against the comfortable spot between his shoulder and the crook of his neck, and Changkyun held you closer to him with one last humming.

I know I love you. No : don't rush anything I said. No need to tell her now.

***

Changkyun. One name that was followed by an annoying joke every time his hyungs called him ; that made his parents smile proudly thinking of the good and smart son they had raised in spite of his mood swings ; that was spoken about from groups to groups of students the day after the party, as he had marked the spirits with his rap skills. And to you, it was one name that made your heart flutter, your body stimulated, and your brain dysfunction as once it thought of him, it couldn't find anything else to focus on afterwards. One name that had made your worst and best days through almost a year. One name that you would probably associate to your first – and hopefully last – love. One name that you moaned the next morning, as you found yourself in an empty bed.

Still in the hangover's mist, you were struggling to open your eyes, when suddenly a wave of panic hit you when you realized he had left. Was it all a dream? Or why would he leave without warning? Had you done something?

However, your rushed heartbeat stopped when your phone buzzed next to your pillow, and you felt dumb as you read the name above the notification of a new message.

Always in the perfect timing, always linked in some way ; chance never ceased to surprise you. You dropped your phone on your nightstand, hurrying to wash your face and make yourself at least look decent, and in no time you were going down the corridor to the elevators. The bags under your eyes could clearly tell the world you had only slept for four hours, but weirdly enough, you felt recharged. Maybe, just maybe, it was because you had had a good night in someone's arms, a small night then becoming more than what you could have asked for. Happiness was bubbling in all your body and you jogged outside your dorms straight to the cafeteria. Oh shit, you weren't a morning person usually, but here you were floating ridiculously on an invisible pink cloud transporting you to him. What had he done to you…

"Wow, when I said as soon as you see this, I wasn't expecting you to come like five minutes after…" Changkyun remarked with a surprised tone as you sat in front of him.

He had chosen a table for two near glasses, giving a view of the sleeping campus outside, and the morning sun was gracing his tired traits, and you were glad to see the size of his wound had diminished through the night.

"But you were expecting me to accept it when it's cold? Huh huh boy, you're wrong. I'd run to sip its proper taste" you hissed and you grabbed the cup without paying attention to the inscription on it this time, too lost into your thoughts and still shook by the fact that the boy facing you was now… In a relationship with you, officially.

Changkyun scoffed before sipping on his own drink, his eyes not leaving your face while you were forcing yourself to look outside, or else he'd see how flustered you were the second he'd catch the sparkle in your pupils. A silence settled between the both of you, but a pleasant one, and suddenly, you felt fingers brushing against the back of your hand displayed on the table. You looked at it and naturally, Changkyun intertwined his fingers with yours, immediately giving you chills and you reluctantly leveled up your eyes to watch the expression on his face. It was a shy one, him too looking at your hands in some kind of awe, and when you finally enclosed the gap and shared his move, you caught the proud smile on his lips which killed you in an instant.

"You really like skinship, am I wrong?" you pointed and he glanced at you, an inkling of confusion passing his dark pupils, but it soon was replaced by something mischievous.

"Yes I do, with you, why? You liked it yesterday didn't you?"

"I did. I do..." you muttered under your breath and he nodded in satisfaction, his thumb starting to caress yours in the softest way possible, and you swore you should have prepared yourself psychologically to every single thing your new relationship was bound to imply and unlock, because right now you still were cringing internally and your body was always overreacting to him being near.

When were you going to handle it?

***

A few weeks passed by, and you still hadn't gotten used to it. How was he supposed to be sarcastic when at the same time he was hugging you? Or how come he could be so manly when he had been such a teen before? You hadn't stepped down from your cloud, unable to reach the ground for a while, as Changkyun kept on pulling you higher and higher towards the pit of the Russian mountain that was your relationship. You hadn't become a cheesy lovey-dovey couple, yet you quickly grew closer to one another, constructing something intense between the both of you – but with all the bends you had taken and chance paving your way, you knew it had been bound to unfold like that. You fell in love deeply and truthfully, as well as his own feelings intensified, so much he didn't even know what to do with them anymore. Every single minute you both spend together, he couldn't prevent himself from phasing before your beauty, and he had a hard time controlling his passionate kisses.

The first college break came by, relieving most of you that had went through exams weeks just before, tiring you to the bone and almost slurping your souls and sanity. As a remedy, Changkyun, Jooheon and Hoseok offered you to come down with them to Busan, which you gladly accepted. During the trip, you couldn't prevent yourself from thinking of how everything had started, and you smiled as you never would have thought it would end up that way back then. Right now, you were traveling down the country without your parents, for a vacation, and on top of that, with a left hand caressing up and down your thigh, when you only had the privilege of touching it to stop its loss of blood back then. Right now, the boy you had developed feelings for first was mirroring them, when he had stepped on them back then. Right now, his lips were always looking for yours and hardly stopped kissing you, when he had lived your first kiss as a penalty back then.

Finally, the blue sea came into sight as well as its iodized fragrance that warmed up your heart, and you opened Jooheon's car's window to the fullest so the wind was brushing your smiling face, under the stare of Changkyun that felt as flustered as you to return to his hometown with you by his side. He was willing to resume from scratch, to rewrite a new chapter of your story that was born right here, but this time you would meet his friends and not avoid them, you would visit his favorite places and not have to flee from them, you would enter his house he missed every day and meet his parents who had been warned and glad to hear their son had fell for "such a nice girl".

You went back to your vacation house on the first day's morning, without the boys, to settle your things in your bedroom you were glad to meet again, while at the end of last summer, you barely had supported to sleep more and more nights in there, counting the days lasting before your departure far away from Busan and Im Changkyun.

At noon, you happily reunited with Hyunwoo, Kihyun, Minhyuk and Hyungwon that made fun of their youngest friend for "having finally grown some" and "listened to their precious advices". There wasn't a minute spent without them making fun of him or taking your side when you teased him, leaving him annoyed but speechless as he had nothing to say about this : they were right. You visited Kihyun's bar and this time, you could comfortably sit at their table without receiving a deadly stare from Changkyun facing you ; no, you could see in his sharp eyes how happy he was to see you blend in well with his closest friends, sometimes even getting protective – or jealous, but he wouldn't admit it – when they got too friendly for his taste.

But the most meaningful episode of your vacation, at least for you, was coming the next morning, as you were meeting with Changkyun before the market in the early hours, as you did back then. However, this time, you were on the side of the customers and, moreover, you were by his side not because he had been forced to, but because he wanted to. You spotted him coming from afar in the parking lot, tiredness obvious on his face, and he even had a face mask on, making you laugh at his overall appearance. The boys' reunion clearly led to a small night yesterday.

"No hot drink for me this morning? I'm almost disappointed…" you teased him once he was walking next to you, and he looked at you annoyingly from the corner of his eye, his arms up as he was stretching.

"Shut up, I'll buy you one later, it's eight in the morning, the shops are closed" he grunted and you laughed before passing an arm around his waist that was slightly showing because of his position lifting his shirt.

"But thank you for your mask, at least you know you might have bad breath because of alcohol" you laughed even harder as you knew well by now that when Changkyun was tired, he could get, well… Sensitive.

He stopped in his tracks and slid down his mask, before bending to try kissing you but you really refused, lifting up your hand to tap his mouth and faking a frown of disgust.

"Okay then."

The annoyance in his eyes became clear before he rolled them, and he then sped up with his hands still behind his head, making you chuckle at his childish and capricious attitude.

"C'mon I was joking! Wait for me!" you said in a higher tone as your laugh was twisting your voice, and you ran to catch up.

"This is so weird" he finally confessed through his mask, as you stopped before the glass entrance.

Then, he walked to the doors while your feet suddenly refused to move, your mind drifting into something nostalgic that froze you.

"What are you doing? C'mon!" your boyfriend then exclaimed in what was supposed to be an upset tone, but him turning around and extending his hand so you would grab it broke his credibility.

You obliged, hearing him grumble about how annoying you were, above the pounding of your heart into your chest that had busied your eardrums. Nevertheless, the second you stepped in the market, with its rich smells of fresh food and its bright colors, your heart warmed up and a smile graced your lips. You looked at Changkyun's reaction which was the same, as you could see only with his eyes that he was smiling, the fabric above his mouth not even able to hide it. You felt his grasp around your hand tightening, and then you walked slowly through the alleys. Some merchants recognized you and you felt touched, earning free food by the way, and you could see that it was getting Changkyun out of his hangover's bad mood. You spent around one hour and a half hanging in the market, sometimes recalling out loud what had happened between the both of you, those memories you could laugh about now, and your happiness reached its peak when you reunited with the granny that hugged and kissed you hard.

You exited the place with your stomach full for breakfast and a sensation of being enchanted. Suddenly, your boyfriend removed his mask and seized your face to pull you into a tender kiss. Nope, you still weren't used to it, as your legs almost gave up on supporting your upper body and butterflies seemed to never grow tired of flapping their wings into your stomach.

"Last time, you went that way and I went that way, remember?" he smiled, landing his forearms on your shoulders, and you nodded for him to continue. "But you never knew I always looked back at you."

Boom boom! Your heart exploded. He did?

"Are you openly telling me you watched my ass all summer long?" you joked to evacuate your… Whatever shitty emotions you were feeling right now ; you were just a mess in love.

Your boyfriend whined in annoyance, even if you spotted the corners of his mouth going up into a smile, and he put his hands into his pockets while sighing.

"I can't be romantic at all with you, I guess you don't like that." he thought out loud and you bit your lip in anticipation. "Alright let's go" he sighed again in defeat while squinting his eyes.

"Go where?" you asked.

"Wherever babe" he answered in english, using a "pet name" for the first time and your instinctive reaction was to punch him in the chest. "What? I'll stop being romantic and I'll be bold and skip steps now, deal with it, you asked for it!"

Deep down, you had liked it but you would never admit it in his face, as you already feared what would be coming from a fierce and bold Changkyun, so if on top of that he knew it worked… He'd kill me.

You had been right to fear it, because you had triggered something inside of him he had told himself to preserve for a little while ; but when night came, he couldn't hold it in him anymore. You had met the boys in the afternoon, sitting on the sand, eating snacks and playing beach games, as the weather was still too chilly to dive into the sea.

But tonight though, was spent between Changkyun and you only, after having had dinner at his house with his parents who had been excited to see you again. Everything had went on smoothly, and after a change of clothes for your boyfriend and a digestive ballad in the streets with your hand in his, you chose to go to your vacation house which was empty, ready to welcome two lovebirds in search of peace and intimacy. You talked on your terrace before the sea, the beautiful sound making you realize how much you had missed this place, especially the stars you could see in a clearer way than up in the capital.

"I would never have thought we'd end up like this" Changkyun chuckled, then he bit his bottom lip while looking at you.

"Neither would I…" you replied, your voice fading within your thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I wished I could have realized my feelings sooner" he regretted, tapping slightly his fingers against the wooden barrier delimiting your terrace.

You eyed him curiously before shaking your head, not even understanding where this could come from.

"I like it that way" you shared. "I like that you were slow, because I can cherish everything even more now…"

Changkyun's arms went numb as your words melted into his ears, and he took a few steps towards you that was leaned against your bay window with your arms crossed, your eyes unable to detach themselves from the now dark sea that looked like a bath of ink and flakes.

"Cheesy. We're fucking cheesy that's almost disgusting" he spoke up once he was standing before you to gain your attention, and you jumped in surprise as you hadn't seen him coming.

All of a sudden, the boy placed his hands on your waist and pulled you close to him, a smirk on his lips and his gaze as deep as the night, giving you the chills even when the night wind hadn't.

"What?" you feigned indifference. "What do you want now?"

You.

Changkyun closed his eyes, signaling you he was waiting for something – always the same damn thing, the guy never had enough – and you gave him, wrapping your arms around his neck and you giggled when he started to rave into a passionate kiss once again.

"That's why I'm sorry. Because I wish I had this sooner." he whispered against your lips and you analyzed his face in backlight with the moon.

"And now you have it, so what's the problem?"

"I'm always needy, I always want more, that's my problem." he confessed and you coughed, the first word choking you and he laughed out loud, throwing his head backwards. "Had I had it sooner, I wouldn't be that addicted. I don't like being addicted to you, you know? Where's my man pride in this?"

You pinched the skin of his nape with your nails, successfully getting out of his embrace as he lifted his hands to scratch the painful spot. With your legs trembling, you returned into your house to serve yourself a glass of water. How can he have no fucking filter?

"I told you I'll be bold now, so stop being so flustered" his voice resounded behind you as he entered the living room and you turned around with a gasp, almost letting go of your glass as he just had answered your inner question.

"Did I say it aloud?" you asked, your eyes wide open while he approached the kitchen island to lazily lean his elbows on it.

"Said what?"

"N-nothing…" you answered in a quiet voice, coming to install yourself on the other side of the island and, once you had emptied up your drink in hopes to lessen the fire that was spreading within your whole body, you sprawled on the table with a sigh, resting your head on your left arm.

You had been right to fear it, as indeed, his straightforward attitude was killing you. Changkyun didn't move and only watched you as your head was right in his sight, and when the weight of his stare became unbearable, you finally looked up and asked :

"What is it this time?"

He was lucky humans couldn't read into each other's mind, because you would be more than out of step if you knew what he was thinking right now. He couldn't suppress his desires anymore, not with your lips that appealing, not with his body aching day by day to feel yours, not with your large but revealing T-Shirt that was falling a little bit too much on your chest right now, not with his hometown's marine air that made him feel at ease and confident, not with the moon's rays through the bay window plunging your house into an atmosphere that, this time he would admit it if asked, turned him on.

"Am I not allowed to stare at my girlfriend?" he complained in a lazy voice, not moving from his position with his chin resting into the palm of hand.

"Cheesyyyy" you counter-attacked, finally straightening yourself to stare at him at eye-level.

This one word, pressed his lust button. He had warned you… Changkyun suddenly retreated to walk around the island until he was standing up before you.

"What? What? What do you want?" you still were joking, or at least you were trying to because inside you were freaking going crazy from anticipation.

You both knew deep down that tonight was the night ; however, he was the only one truly ready and confident right now. You too had been fighting your inner desires lately, as an intense relation implies growing needs and desperate want to have more of the significant other, but it was so new to you. Changkyun was staring at you, all of his face attracting the few lightning in the room, and you could read in his eyes that he was about to "be bold".

"You."

Bingo.

At first, he kissed you with his traditional signature of his hands on your neck, but to your great surprise, they didn't last long as they soon went down your body to take refuge under your top. Only with that you knew what was coming next, and, wanting him as much as he wanted you, you copied him and placed your tingling hands on his bare back then on his waist, his fair skin so pleasant to touch. He was losing himself into the kiss once again, his tongue now searching for entrance you quickly allowed, and really quiet moans were coming from his mouth from time to time.

"Oh my god I love you so much" he breathed out of the blue, his mouth brushing yours all the while and you gasped in surprise.

He had said it. He had said it. You knew you had heard well. It had been so desperate, so true, so beautiful to hear, so full of passion that your body trembled in an instant and he should have felt it as he secured you more in his arms. You were definitely a mess, from the unwelcomed tears of joy accruing under your eyelids, to the fast beating of your heart, to the needy pressure of your hands into his back. You kissed him slowly and bit his lower lip before whispering shyly :

"I love you too. I love you."

And that's what consumed the remaining of "holding back" Changkyun had in him, as you had just made his mind explode into a firework kindling his body that started to scream at him it was craving to feel yours. So, surprisingly again, your boyfriend lowered himself, grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist, before carrying you to your bedroom, all the while kissing you until you started laughing from his struggle on the last few steps that were less controlled.

He settled you on your mattress before he towered you, each one of his elbows on a side of your head, and he stared at you through his silver hair falling before his eyes, his breathing jerky. You took his face into your hands, signaling him he had your green light as you had caught the sudden worry in his eyes, searching secretly for your approbation as he knew it was your first time. He got the alert, and with speedy but efficient moves, the boy got both of you out of your clothes. He felt his heart throb when he faced your beauty in its totality, making him so happy that he kissed you again and again, his hands moving with precautions as they were scared to ruin your perfection, making you hypersensitive and overwhelmed by his lovely and caring attitude. You were discovering his manly and enterprising self, and you were so thankful and at ease, letting him direct everything going on tonight, as you were too flustered to take initiatives.

Under the ceiling you had always contemplated on your own, every single day when you had come home from work with your heart breaking and your head full of him, your bodies became one. If you already thought your lips were made to kiss each other, you got persuaded by giving him your first time and feeling his body fit so well with yours that he was more than special. Only his wet and trailed kisses on your neck, shoulders and chest could give you chills along with burning sensations ; only his lustful but enamored stare could pierce right through you to reach your secrets, wants, and needs ; only being with him could make you feel complete. Only him could have your love, all of your love.

One last hip move and it was over, both of you panting into each other's mouths that never stopped kissing. Changkyun rolled beside you, and you turned towards him, his arm welcoming your head drenched in sweat but with an expression on its face that showed the pleasure you had felt. You placed a hand on his definite and large torso, the sensation still giving you electric shocks but that you were getting recharged from, and you both fell asleep in each other's arms, him worn out after giving you his all, and you going numb from any sensation after having been a mess of emotions during the entire act.

***

Right back to where everything had started ; done. Right back to where everything had been supposed to stop : about to. You were walking next to Changkyun under Busan's sun, both of your mouths smiling after what happened last night – and this morning again… – , and he was taking you to the gigantic park and its kiosk, with a little idea in mind that you hadn't guessed yet.

"Here" the boy said once you arrived, and you stopped in your tracks in a particular spot of grass, one you could remember from the trees on its left.

It was the exact one where you had last seen Changkyun back then, when he had rejected you and whatever you were feeling at that time, in front of his friends. He was standing before you but wasn't looking at you, and you swore he could capture the sun's rays every time he was below it. His fair skin was glowing as well as his silver hair that was curling from his late shower, and you stared at him in a greater awe than yesterday, because making love with him obviously made you saw him from a different angle now.

"I remember" you chuckled, playing with the ends of your hair to hide how your hands had started to shiver without a reason you could pinpoint.

"I've taken you here because I want you to erase that fucking awful memory and replace it with this one" he confessed, still looking around.

"I can't" you shrugged.

"Can you at least try to?" he complained and you laughed.

"Then can you at least look at me, stupid" you retorted but he didn't oblige.

"Give me one more minute." he said in a resolute voice, making your eyes grow wider for a few seconds.

"That's too long!"

"Shhhht." he frowned as his head was facing the sky.

You sighed in defeat and observed him as he closed his eyes and took a deep inhalation, before exhaling quietly, and oddly your heart started to beat louder in your chest. What is he doing? Changkyun finally turned to you and he took a few steps forward, then he grabbed both of your hands that were still shaking. He looked at them and he smiled, leaving you speechless, then breathless the second his eyes plunged into yours. They were plain brown, with a tint of hazel, but they were mostly sparkling with something different than what you had ever seen, far from the indifferent look he had gave you right here last time, and you were dying to ask him to talk when-

"Y/N, I love you."

His hands were burning hot in yours, but they were no match to the heat under your cheeks. And you surprised yourself when you smiled. Yesterday, when he had said it, you had liked it but it still had been in the heat of the moment, as well as your answer. Not that it had been untrue, but you had been both so desperate to make love to each other that it probably had slipped from your mouths against your will. Now, right now, he was more than aware of what he was saying, he had even prepared himself for it, and you were so happy to hear those words. So crazily happy, that's why you were smiling right now. And that's how you could return his feelings back without stuttering, but in a clear and loud voice :

"And I love you, Im Changkyun."

Chance. One word that had so different meanings for each individual, as it could bring many kinds of memories and stories. Everything could happen thanks to chance, whether it was lucky or unlucky, whether you believed it was coincidental or due to fate, whether it brought joy or pain. It could change one's life, for the better or the worse.

And for you, it had turned into serendipity. Hadn't chance been on your side, hadn't it pushed countless of your steps into each other's life, you certainly wouldn't have realized how you were meant to be. However, you didn't care about chance anymore right now. Whether you were partners for life or simply lovebirds that were going to fly only for a while in the same direction, you believed that it was for the power of love to decide, and not the one of fate.

You, could change your fate. You, could build it the way you wanted to. You, had decided to let him in in the end. Your love, would help you to stick with him. His love, had made you the one for him.

Chance, was a word you could be thankful for. But love, was the only word that could explain why you had chosen to believe in chance and turn it at your advantage, paying attention to the boy you randomly had been encountering, instead of ignoring him.

You didn't tell Changkyun that day, that he had successfully replaced your memory linked to the park by the most beautiful thing for your brain to remember. When where you were standing had been supposed to be the last place you were seeing him and the ending picture of a summer romance back then, the three words, eight letters he had pronounced just now as well as the kiss he gave you, marked only the blooming of your relationship. And your body could testify how perfect it had become : no wobbling legs, no crazy heartbeat, no sweaty palms this time.

THE END.

74 notes · View notes

survivornavarino · 6 years

Text

Episode #11: I’m Gonna Beat Your Ass In Massachusetts Bitch -Julia

ok im rlly high and i accidentally joined this tirbal drama call and now im in too deep to leave and im crying julia is crackdt

Woo we love plans working out last minute

So I was just made out to be this terrible person and almost got eliminated, and I remembered how terrifying that is to have people upset with you. I don't think I'm gonna try villainy anymore (what just happened wasn't my fault btw even tho I was trying villainy I had nothing to do with this) it's hard to be a villain when you like everyone so I'm gonna stick to my hero stuff

Tesoro Tribe Call

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq_3DCxuV3g&feature=youtu.be

Daaaammmnn Matt deserved better..... AND SO DID I WHAT THE FUCK https://i.imgur.com/sSWMk6p.gif How am I not supposed to feel some type of way when I get bamboozled by AAAAALLLL these people? 7 DIFFERENT PEOPLE LIED TO ME yet I'm not on the bottom! Gee thanks I can really tell with all this deceit in the air. Like the only person who would've had probable reason to lie is Heather because we don't even talk. The other 6?? I talked to within 2 hours of the vote aka when all this fuckery was going down so that means they actively lied, actively kept me out, and actively don't trust me. Fucking up my game and my villain edit?? Unacceptable- I worked HARD for both of them but now I gotta pop off just to stay alive... like fuck https://media.giphy.com/media/yKibNueqBiqU8/giphy.gif And is Jake serious right now? The amount of dirt I have on him could bury him in a second but he's gonna blindside me, the person with the power to make or break his game. Eddie and I gave him the world and he just flipped like THAT? Inch resting. And the Drew thing isn't even relevant because Jake got a heads up, did actually have a working relationship with Drew, was indeed down for that alliance that didn't come to fruition, AND actually snitched about the Drew vote to Drew so take a fucking seat. It doesn't matter that I wanted him in the dark because I knew he would snitch and spoiler alert: HE DID #noregrets. This would only be the same if I found out about the Matt vote and blew it all up to Matt, yet I didn't and somehow Jake is no different than me. Save it- the difference between us is I actually treat you like an ally and you treat me like a fucking number. But I am somehow supposed to trust Jake when all I do is give Jake more chances to prove he's reliable and trustworthy and he flops. There shouldn't be multiple instances both from this game and Crossroads of you being a shitty ally- that's ugly and well all know it. Jake enjoys screwing me like the selfish manipulator he is and he cost himself real allies over people who throw his name out all day everyday. I can't wait for him to read all this back, know who really had his back, and just how badly he played himself BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT ALLIES DO!!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU KEEP DOING PULLING THIS SHIT MEANS YOURE NOT REALLY WITH ME AND IF YOU KNOW I COULD EXPOSE YOUR ASS WHY ARE YOU TESTING ME?!?! Big mistake https://media.giphy.com/media/ynxEIAfEyXjzO/giphy.gif https://media0.giphy.com/media/11LARa1r9DA4mI/200.gif And Julia really cut me deep because I thought her of all people would actually be honest with me out of respect. She's essentially saying she doesn't trust me with the Matt vote and that's why I got left out yet it's not what it looks like and I shouldn't be mad. But did we or did we not call earlier so we could "talk everything through?" You left a lot out sis, just so you know. MY FAVORITE PART is me and Rebecka calling her out on call as the Mo source but since she got the vote to be Matt and kiss-and-made-up with Mo, it's all good in the hood. Ummm NO IT'S NOT ALL GOOD and fuck this "do you guys have any more questions?" Get that condescending bullshit out of here- how we a pre-made Final 2 and you running blindsides on me? Keep it- Heather can have your allegiance I don't want it. I can't believe I gave these Crossroads snakes a fair shot and this is how they repay me- by making me look like boo boo the fool. That's ok though: Jake, Julia, Heather, Shoib- they all walking into jury next just watch also I recant from before- I love Eddie and he's the only person I actually ride with (besides Rebecka and lowkey Mitch). Like yes he's probably a bad influence and has Dr. Brenner tendencies but at least he's loyal. Everyone else will flip for anyone and anything and I'm like where is your self-respect. All I know is once I get power it's over for these hoes cause they just made enemies with the baddest player out here so let the games begin https://78.media.tumblr.com/e89499d0128508de7390015ff96fcbbf/tumblr_odd64ysiZI1snzc37o1_250.gif

Bamboozled- a memoir

Ok so last vote I felt like having a little fun since there was no drama and that's boring. Mo came to me and asked me what happened with the Ben vote and I told him that someone told me about a 5 person faves alliance so I panicked and voted out Ben. So the part where I heard about the 5 fave alliance is true BUT I heard it from Jake. I told Mo that Eddie told me about it and I also told Mo that Julia is the one who leaked it to Eddie. So then the vote is between Julia and Mo because Mo starts going around and throwing Julia and Eddie under the bus. Julia gets online and is PISSED OFF, she starts gunning for Mo. Eddie was sitting pretty since he was safe from vote off despite me telling Mo that Eddie leaked to me. Then Julia and Mo make up and turn the vote to Matt and he ends up going home. Out of all the 3 names spread last round none of them were fans names. Now this round we have Eddie and Julia murdering each other and I am just sitting pretty, this is perfection. Eddie and Julia will go for each other til death do them part. This will come back to bite me soon but for now imma enjoy it.

I love Julia but, LOVE BE SAVING MY ASS RN. HER FIGHTING EDDIE IS AMAZING. SORRY HUN

I’m so over this drama, I’m sure somebody else explained what went down in their confessionals but now there was a huge fight between Eddie and Julia. A pineapple gown with glitter on it, bitch? Girl I just can’t take this, it’s too much, gimme my pocketbook I’m leaving.

These kids think I'm floating, that's it I have had it. Time to crank it up a notch

i just love to start drama

so julia called me after the mo vote explaining that the whole eddie vs julia fight started with jake shit talking eddie. now i got them on call and hopefully they can work things through because i want them both to target eddie over each other so WOOOO let's see what happens. love you amanda lynn

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME THE ENERGY AND STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH ANOTHER DAY IN THIS GAME WITH JAKE AND JULIA I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!! ALL THEY DO IS LIE, TIPTOE AROUND TORCHING MY GAME, AND SPREAD FUCKING CHAOS AROUND CAMP AND I HATE IT. I'm at work? Julia and Jake are stirring the pot. I'm on my lunch break? Julia and and Jake are stirring the pot. I'm out with my family and using my 8% of phone battery to do a mastermind challenge for Atomic? Too bad because Julia and Jake are stirring the pot. I tried to take a fucking nap today and you know what happened? IT GOT INTERRUPTED BY EDDIE CALLING ME TO TELL ME THAT YEP YOU GUESSED IT: JULIA AND JAKE ARE STILL STIRRING THE POT. CAN I FUCKING BREATHE AND OPT OUT OF THESE JULIA AND JAKE NOTIFICATIONS THAT I NEVER ASKED FOR??!? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff5849875cf45c8711b1b55220c4adb/tumblr_inline_oqvdwiJ7vP1qmpins_540.gif FUN FACT: SNAKES SLEEP BUT YOU CAN'T TELL BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE EYELIDS! WHY DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR??? OH RIGHT! BECAUSE THERE ARE SNAKES IN THIS GAME WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ASLEEP CAUSE THEY AINT RESPONDING TO ME BUT DON'T WORRY! THEY'RE AWAKE THEY'RE JUST ON CALL IN PMS STILL SERVING FRESH TEA AT 2:04 IN THE MORNING ON A FUCKING WEEKDAY SO MY PARANOID ALLY WONT GO TO BED AND APPARENTLY THAT MEANS NEITHER CAN I AND IM SICK OF IT DAMMIT https://media1.tenor.com/images/9ce8330ea91f82d27ef3ceefbb69f277/tenor.gif?itemid=5307285

ok this is for julia post game. listen BITCH. i only leaked what you said to eddie twice (i think) well two major times so stop thinking that i’m a snake who leaked everything you said like YOU did to me with Ned in Crossroads. i told eddie you told me about your alliance with Rebecka/Matt but that wasn’t to put a target on you, Eddie did that by coming up with the idea to tell Matt you leaked it. Also I told Eddie that you said he was a snake in games and fucked over his friends because I wanted to know the truth. So yeah. I recorded a video confessional that i’ll post soon.

ok so i pulled out my macbook and im sittin here like xoxo gossip beckka. so heres the gossip!!!!!!!: a. i have no fucking clue how i won touchy subjects and im thankful for immunity but now it makes me look like i know what the fuck is going on in the game and i DONT i really really DONT!!!! much spook very scare. b. i missed a lot of the drama this round. like really im so confusion. i accidentally answered the call the other night right after tribal and then had to stay but i was too high so i said see ya later pals!! and went to sleep. Then yesterday at work the main chat was blowing up and i didnt have the energy, patience, or phone battery to keep up with it. Now this morning im in my alliance chat with eddie and autumn and theyre like referencing "what happened last night" and im like fuck i went to bed at 9:30 right after cash show like FUCK why am i always high or sleeping???? i should talk to my therapist about that tbh. c. eddie comes to us with this mastermind plan that we need to get out not jake, not julia, but SHOIB. what has shoib done? where are these numbers coming from? how is that not going to come back to haunt us next round? d. ive goat a bad feeling about tonight. instant tribal? fuck. i was prepared for it to be a physical endurance comp when amanda asked if we'd all be around with a computer bc i know i can probably win that but its not on cam so FUCK ME RIGHT????? e. im rlly tired f. when i get voted out and put in jury im going to respond purely in cortana suggestions for a day or so and not tell anyone and see if anyone notices g. ok thats it for now tata, cya later alligator, hasta la pasta & all that jazzy stuff bye!!! xoxo gossip beckka

update 5 mins later: eddies heart is telling him he cant vote jake. autumn and i rlly picked the wrong ally huh

also i miss matt double also i wish heather left instead of ben

Update: 5 hours before tribal and Jake rlly be coming to me spilling cold dollar store tea with a broken tea bag and there's just gross, cold, loose leaves floating around

I just wanna win man, send em all home.

happy to be immune bc the chances that we're going to rocks I'll put at like 70% hehe

i literally don’t even know how to process what the fuck is happening shit changed every 2 seconds i’m so confused ok so basically i helped flip the vote on matt last round because julia started to think that mo was being used and i knew that matt might have the idol bc eddie told me he probably did so i did that but left eddie and autumn out of the vote obv eddie was wicked mad and started going off on in the main chat and julia suspected that i leaked stuff to him based on what he was saying last night trixie called me and told me that julia was saying that i was a snake so we all called her and she said that eddie threw me under the bus to her and was leaking everything i told him about julia so i admitted it i was upset so i basically confronted eddie and he told me that he never leaked anything to julia and that she actually exposed me etc so i got pissed the fuck off and told eddie autumn rebecka trixie shoib that i wanted julia out julia gets home and immediately confronts me so i know someone leaked and trixie told me she was pretty sure that autumn or rebecka leaked and i don’t think trixie wanted me and julia against each other so we called our chat and i got julia to admit that autumn was leaking stuff to her and telling her that i wanted to vote julia out and that autumn wanted me out and autumn said that all the boys wantrd her out so now i’m fuckign freaking OUT BECAUSE AUTUMN IS A SNAKE AND PLAYING ALL SIDES AND JOW IT SEEMS THAT PPL WANT AUTUMN IUT I OFJT KNOW WHAT THE FICKNTO DO JM LITERALKY FREAKJNG OUT OMG FJQJSJDNSNSBS WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPNING THIS GAME IS LITERALLY CRAZY

I am very upset rn. I have had the hardest time just trying to survive this merge because everyone is againts me. I first have jake throwing me under the bus to eddie. FOR WHAT JAKE. i am still furious about it because he legit had NO right to do me like that. Like NONE. So ive been calling him back and forth but there is apparently a bigger snake in the game. Hi autumn! She wants to lie and say the boys all want me gone. She only did that to ensure heather and i were left out of the vote. How fucking low of her. I deadass opened up to her and Eddie, and I get done like this. Its a Shame truly. Anyways, i have to now worry about surviving yet AGAIN, and to get autumn voted out.

Im at work and i think autumn will officially be out of season!

My mood is Julia and Heather selling me out on International Women's Day as the Julia leak to be with power snake Jake and ugly ass Shoib but doing it in front of Eddie, who told me immediately, so not only am I staying but one of these antifeminist hoes is getting rocked out. Can we talk about that I KNOW Heather and Julia are full of shit so how has no one thought that maybe I forced all this?? Like they wanna clock me for playing the middle but the gag is I'm about to chop the tribe in half and there will be no middle as of 9 PM EST. Me still surviving the strategic mess I accidentally created? More likely that you think- legends never die. I was scared about tribal, sure! And then I remembered who I am so I'm excited for this messy ass 5-5 vote and why wouldn't I be? I now have 4 strong allies in the other faves, Mitch is turning on Shoib, Eddie is going against Jake, I found the right people who can keep a secret and have my back, and a line is being drawn in the sand tonight. Jake and Julia ain't going to rocks over no damn Shoib and I surely will call their bluff. The snakes are working hard but I'm working harder https://78.media.tumblr.com/4d981ac983bcb46cbba1ef0358d4b27d/tumblr_oq0f7ahXLt1qb87xmo5_r1_250.gif I can't believe Jake and Julia have the audacity to make an enemy out of me THIS EARLY. They thinking about Crossroads when they need to studying All Stars and Himalayas cause Crossroads was the exception in my org career not the rule. I'd like to politely remind everyone that my brand is flipping votes, poisoning jury, forcing ties, and getting shit done. So the way I see it is I'm just getting started- I have enough votes to stay by forcing a power play and I'm blowing this whole tribe up. I cannot wait for Jake and Julia to see who they're dealing with and shut the fuck up for the first time all week. And don't let me win immunity cause it's REALLY a wrap. Timing is everything in this game and I simply don't believe tonight is my time. It is time to take the trash out though and I got my gloves on and my Lysol ready https://78.media.tumblr.com/f28b1221360a1842c17d4a5af90fe6ec/tumblr_op2o8k2P9u1slyfzno1_250.gif

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt_dZVzZUXc&feature=youtu.be

SHIT WERE AT TRIBAL AND I FORGOT THIS KSNFLSDNFSDKF WERE GOING TO ROCKS I HAVE BURGERS AAAAAAa

#TurnUpTheHeat #confessionals

0 notes