#i told my irls that i got a cosplay of my 'oc' and they were soooo impressed im so cool guys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queen-of-my-goofball-army · 2 years

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“Friends are something that for most of my life I haven’t had very many of. People often quickly got frustrated with my one track special interest and found people that better understood what sharing a conversation meant. I’ve had very few people go out of their way to defend me and then comfort me out of the goodness of their heart. This is where Oliver comes in.” (Me.)

As most people know, friendship edits were how I first started to express my feelings platonically for the people that have come into my life and changed it forever. My friends are some of the strongest, quirkiest, and most adoring people that I have ever met in my entire life. Through everything they're always there to love, support, and push me forward through every life change that I've had. I've been extremely blessed to have some amazing people in my life. One of my more recent changes that I've been through is having a Discord chat for voice actors and celebrating everything that they do. I've made two really amazing friends through Discord and this edit is for one of them that is utterly amazing and strong. My more recent friend Oliver that has quickly become one of my favorite people that I've ever met.

While I might have only met him recently (last week) Oliver has quickly become one of my favorite people in my friend group. He first reached out to me due to us having a mutual friend both online (and he knows her irl) but we quickly found common ground as spectrum buddies and anime fans alike. One of the first things that he told me was about his unique relationship with My Hero Academia, specifically the relationship with Deku and All Might that reminded him of his recently deceased step-father that honestly brought a tear to my eye so I had to include their relationship.

I quickly realized even just a few days after meeting him, what an amazing friend and protective person that Oliver truly was. He's the kind of person that stick his neck out for any of his friends that are not feeling comfortable, whether that be with their body, or with their special interests. I can count on two hands the number of times that people have actually stood up for me and my interests. And two of them so far within the last week have been Oliver. Every time he does it he'll always reach out to me and ask me how I'm doing like I'm not tearing up with emotion that someone cares enough about me to go out of their way to defend me like that.

Oliver could be going through his own version of a personal hell but still be worrying about other people before he even thinks to take care of himself. Whether that be someone just having a bad day and just needs to either vent, or someone just needing to be acknowledged for their interests he's there to encourage with some of the most heartfelt words that I've ever had come my way. Whether that be the simple encouragement on some traced cosplay art that I've done with one of my OCs, or just acknowledging my rambling when no one else seems to he's always there knowing exactly what to say.

Despite only knowing him for a short amount of time I can say without a doubt that Oliver might be one of the closest spectrum buddies that I've ever had. His unwavering loyalty, passion, kindness, open heart, and protectiveness seeps into everything that he does and I appreciate him so much for that. Even though our friendship might be in the early stages I can't wait to get to know him more and more overtime.

#friendship edits #i have amazing friends #discord #discord pals #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #all might #tamaki bnha #sabo one piece #brook one piece #hinata shōyō

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animecat33 · 3 years

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I’m in a mood, so here’s some an extremely long post with shit conflict that happened on deviantart when i was younger that i’m still petty about and i wanna vent about it because if i wasn’t so young i woldn’t have let people step on me like that

No one should read this, tbh, it’s a fucking horror show out here

oc: Shinju

When i made her it was the first time one of my ocs had like effort put into it, i designed her, make her backstory, put her in kirigakure, and i spent a long time researching names for her, looking up japanese words that i think would fit her, Ren Takeo

One person commented saying that they had an with the same name, from the same village, though they didn’t mean any harm by saying that, and even said it was fine

Here’s where it gets tricky.

I then got comments and private messages from OTHER PEOPLE telling me to change the name

So, like the weak bitch i was, i changed her name

Oc: Roxy

I’ve talked about this one before, but i have this sonic oc named Roxy, i loved her, she was a bit edgy but like, queen, 10 years ago we were ALL edgy

I really wanted Roxy to be a lesbian, but i didn’t like, put that in the info, at the time gay ocs we’re really taken very well by the community, plus a few of my art friends were very iffy anytime i implied that some of my ocs might not be 100% straight.

now, i WANTED Roxy to be a lesbian but i was guilt tripped by some dude to roleplay with him, no matter now many time i said i didn’t roleplay, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and I was very easily guilt tripped into eventually saying yes

A roleplay starts with Roxy and his Male wolf characer, John, when we started he assured that they were gonna be friends but one thing lead to another and he pressured me into role playing a sex scene, i was 14, i didn’t want to, didn’t even know how to write that. At that age i hadn’t really even seen porn before, but a few days of mowing down my boundries and he guilt trips me into saying yes.

At that point, he essencially took Roxy and did whatever the hell he wanted with her. Next thing i know, Roxy was married to this male character and they had a baby? I even ended up making some art of them because he kept saying how he was tired of making all the artwork himself.

Thank god, eventually he forgot about me and Roxy for a lot time. The last time i talked to him was on a pm where he warned me he was gonna delete all his ocs, including Roxy and Johns child, i think he wanted me to convince him not to do it but by that time i was older and just said “alright man, see ya”

Thank fuck, that problem solved itself, but i’d be better off not going through it in the first place

The cosplay hellhole

When i first started cosplaying, i posted my pictures to DA too, since there was a cosplay community there, didn’t think anything would happen

When i got my first Harley wig and makeup i was so excited i posted them on deviantart, and they did quite well, tbh. Some people asked for fansigns, and i didn’t even know who those were but, once it was explained to me, i did some for people who requested them, from there it was also fine, but stay tuned, cause it’s gonna bite me in the ass later down the line

I start getting wierd dms, very sexual in nature, which grossed me out, since i was already 20 it wasn’t like, illegal or anything, but there was a pattern of people asking for sexual content followed by “it’s okay if you say no, though” and when i said no, they would be pissed at me, calling me a whore, saying if i didn’t want attention, i wouldn’t cosplay Harley.... keep in mind, all of my photos where from the shoulder up at this point, i muscle through this time, i’ve been harrassed enough to have a lil bit thicker skin.

But over time, the pile up of messages from diferent accounts were getting to me, and i was starting to delete photos.

AND THEN

He said he was embarrassed of having to send me these things but if i wanted the photo taken down i’d have to report it myself, thankfully he also found the direct link to the report page so i didn’t have to dig through the website. Thankfully the report worked and the photo was taken down

I receive a pm from a friend that scared the shit out of me. He was going through this porn website called Xhamster, he recognises someone using one of my fansigns as a photo, now he KNOWS this isn’t me, because i’ve been vocal about not wanting to be sexualized while in cosplay. Someone took one of the fansigns, edited out the words, flipped the image, and photoshopped their own signature on to the sign in hopes of like... getting verified or something?. In short this person was using my photo as if it was a photo of them.

That mixed in with the still incoming pms from creeps made me delete every cosplay photo i’ve ever posted on deviantart.

Years later i did post new cosplay stuff again, now giving a warning right at the top of the description and being very okay with using the block button to my leisure.

I’m taking a long as fuck hiatus from posting on deviantart, it’s been over a year now, but i still go on a block spree when someone breaks the rules i’ve set

The whole “Luís” saga

Sit down for this one, it’s the weirdest one

I had a friend named Luís, we weren’t super close, in fact he was mean to me a lot, making fun of my english, even though neither of us were native speakers, refering to my home country as “Spain’s bitch”. Sending me cartoon porn when i was underaged was a big red flag that i didn’t even think was a big deal until i was older and thought back on it, like that was fucked up.

One day, i had critiques open, Luís sends a super spammy message and then blocks me. I was like “okay, whatever, i’m tired anyway” and i blocked him back.

THAT is when shit hit the fan

He tries to unblock me and talk to me, when that doesn’t work he makes a secondary account and starts sending me very aggressive pms. I’m was tired of how he acted with me, plus something about him being so desperate to be unblocked didn’t sit right, so i just blocked the new accounts

He made 15 separate accounts, getting more and more angry with each one, i block all 15.

Suddenly i’m getting pms in english and spanish from people i’ve never interacted with, but aparently Luís had told them i was being some sort of monster, some of them backed off after seeing the full picture, the others got blocked

Luís girlfriend was friends with me.

He then threatned to leave her if she didn’t block me.... she left HIM, and now I’M being blamed for that

Someone shared some uuuuhhhh fanart he drew of her after that, it was super sus, it was a comic about him seducing her with a kiss in order to make her hate someone, girl you’re better off without him, jesus christ

Now shit starts moving off of deviantart

He finds my personal facebook, which was NOT disclosed to the public, and starts messaging me, from there he found my twitter, youtube, skype, starts messaging my irl friends, quite a lot of them did not even know english at the time.

In the few messages before i blocked him, i warned him to stop, i warned him he was stalking me online and that shit isn’t okay. THIS DUDE

this dude replied with “it’s not stalking because i’m younger than you”

BOI

this happened over the course of a year, and it was the first time i ever reported someone, hell it’s the first time i’ve seen a report be successful, because i contact deviantart with a list of everything he’s done, screenshots to prove it, links to his separate accounts where all the comments are ONLY about me

a week later they DELETE THIS MAN’S WHOLE ACCOUNT

I have not heard from him in almost a decade

This is like, the ONE TIME i feel like i won

Aaand well, done, those are the most serious one, there’s some minor shit that’s not worth talking about, but looking back, wow, i used to get a lot of sexual harassment on deviantart huh?

#waste of posts #long post #vent

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branchofcinnamon · 4 years

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💘🔪🍓🌈🦄

Ty for the asks! I kinda wrote a lot so i put it under a cut ^^’’

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

1. liking the same obscure stuff as me lmao

2. idk just talking to me. im shy irl and online so im rly bad at making conversation/initiating conversation

3. being nice? idk lol. i can’t stand rude ppl. even when my irl friends are rude about my interests im kinda just >:( it’s a wonder im still on this site...

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

this isn’t the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me but i guess i’ll tell this story. i’d never told anyone this before (that sounds so dramatic lol) SO.

There was a convention i was at in 2013, i was around 17. On the last day of the con i had to take a shuttle from the hotel to the convention center. I had to take the shuttle alone so i was really nervous because 1. im awful with directions so i was scared i was gonna get lost. and 2. the fact that i was alone. I remember clutching my backpack like it was my lifeline. There was a guy on the bus next to me in a Doctor Horrible cosplay... I don’t remember who talked to who first, it was probably me pointing out who he’s dressed as. You probably know where this is going but we were talking and i don’t remember what he said but i remember feeling uncomfortable. I think he started singing for some reason? Singing a doctor horrible song. Like idk dude i dont wanna rain on anyone's parade but twice its happened where dudes have randomly sang to me at a con and i just feel uncomfortable when ppl do that. Part of it is probably the embarrassment/the attention. But anyway! That’s not really the “bad” part.

We got off the bus and went to the convention center. He.. was following me around like we were friends. Of course I didn’t want to be rude so I didn’t say anything. So it was whatever i just walked around with him and figured he’d leave eventually. THEN. As we were walking he asked me if he could put his arm around me?! (At least he asked? right? (sarcasm)) So. I am so glad in that moment i didn’t give into my nature to say “yes” to everyone and i flat out told him no. He was like “oh so you don’t want me to mess up your cosplay right?” I awkwardly laughed like “Yep... my cosplay...” Then I told him i have to meet up with a friend and i left.

Phew... sorry that was long lol. So yeah I know not a big deal compared to other girls experiences but it sure freaked me the heck out :/

🍓- one secret about yourself

uhhh... when i was like 12 or something i had a self-insert/OC “fanfiction/story?” that were about friends in a rock band and I used pictures of generic anime girls to represent the characters. I also used pics of haruhi suzumiya to be the “villian” in the story (had no idea who she was or what the anime was i just found the pics on google lol) i cringe whenever i see haruhi suzumiya now. i remember there was a part of the story where *I* was pushed into a big hole by whatever-i-named-haruhi-suzumiya-girl and i had to go to the hospital. *Insert that spongebob inhale meme* Also “me” and the characters that were my friends all had boyfriends with the same hair color as each of us. because oF cOuRsE.

I posted this on the website Kupika. which is like. hmm.... bad. 4chan vibes? idk. i just searched it and i am sHOCKED its still active.

The THINGS we REMEMBER hUH?

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

🤔... oh! freckles! lmao legit... i think freckles are v cute. (i was sitting here trying to think of something lol)

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

...uh... not great tbh lol. I’m in my 20s [exact age redacted] and im still not confident enough to drive by myself, im taking college classes AGAIN even though i do have a BA degree but i ended up hating the thing i majored in so i am BACK IN SCHOOL. and i dont know if its cuz of zoom school or the content but i DONT LOVE IT. and ARGH. what am i gonna do with my life? pathetic. deep down i know i want to be a writer but i dont have the brain cells to put together a whole book rn.

#asks #im so sorry i ramble on lol #dalekofchaos

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upsettlspaghettl · 4 years

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Empire City Con 2019

I can say with confidence that this has been the best weekend of my life. People will be so quick to say that the Steven Universe fandom is one of the most toxic fandoms out there, but in all my years of going to conventions, this has been the most welcoming and friendly by far. Now, this could be because it’s a convention based on one singular fandom, as opposed to the mishmash of fandoms that gather at other conventions, but even Bronycon was nowhere near this level of welcoming. Then again, I only got the chance to go to 2 Bronycons so I don’t know if I can say much.

The flight to North Carolina was surprisingly not that bad. I’m very prone to getting lost, but I left 4 hours in advance and I didn’t even need those 4 hours. But this was my first time ever flying somewhere completely alone.

I got the chance to meet Deedee Magno Hall, who signed my Guide to the Crystal Gems. Now it’s my goal to get all the character pages signed. But it’s got all the fusions of season 1, so chances are I won’t ever get the chance to get Sugilite’s page signed. Oh well, a fan can dream, right? Just kind of a bummer because she happens to be my favorite fusion.

She also validated my OC ship with Yellow Pearl which was super cool of her. Deedee is a really sweet person. While waiting in line to meet her I made friends with a kid, and he was fanboying like crazy. Later on we met somebody else, and we all did karaoke together. Then they got to do a group Karaoke with Deedee, which I was unfortunately too nervous to join. She said she would try do one with me but we never got the chance, but either way I’m so grateful. She’s a really kind person and I hope I can meet her again!

My part in the karaoke was still really fun though. Me and my 2 friends were having a hard time figuring out what song to do, and since the instrumentals were live, the people playing only had a limited number of songs they could play. Eventually we agreed on Stronger than you. But the instrumental team couldn’t play that one, so one of my new friends asked everybody to sing along and be inclusive. I got to to do the Peridot rap onstage too! Only me and 1 other person in the audience did that though so it was really scary and I fumbled a lot... but I’m still so happy that I got to because it was just such a good time for everybody.

There was actually a garnet cosplayer who’s act was right before ours and they were still by the karaoke lineup, so one of my friends asked them to come join us. Toward the middle of our act, this same friend spotted a Jasper in the front row, dragged them up on stage, and we had an adorable fake fight scene. I had to hop off stage right before the song ended to hug somebody in the front row who was crying. I was relieved to hear that they were tears of joy. In the end, they invited my group to sit in the front row with them.

Right, and Garnet’s act! They actually sang the original SU opening in German which was super amazing. Toward the end, there was a Pearl cosplayer in her Mr. Greg tuxedo who sang It’s Over isn’t it with Deedee, and a Yellow Pearl cosplayer who did an amazing Yellow Pearl-y take on Do it for her. So yeah the variety of acts was fantastic and the whole thing was just so feel-good all around.

At the very end of the karaoke, after everyone had gotten a chance and we were all just hanging out in the karaoke room, I was given a Spinel promo pin by a Mystery Girl. Not literally a Mystery Girl cosplayer, but somebody who I thought was just... well, somebody. They mentioned having extras from the movie screening in CA, and were handing them out to Spinel cosplayers. Of course I was hopping up and down being super thankful to an awkward degree, like I normally do.

That night, I told my roommates what happened, and they told me just who that Mystery Girl was. None other than Mackenzie Atwood, creator of the Pearl’s Secret Rap Career series. My facial recognition is terrible, so I didn’t realize at the time. I was lucky enough to run into her again the next morning during breakfast in the hotel lobby, so I got to thank her personally in the end.

Speaking of Mystery Girls, there actually was a Mystery Girl cosplayer who was especially awesome. Not even ten minutes after arriving at the convention, I see 2 Spinels who welcome me into their Spinel group. A Mystery Girl cosplayer is with them, and they hand me a pair of shoe squeakers. They look like tiny clear whoopie cushions, and Mystery Girl was handing them out to all the Spinels. I don’t know about everybody else, but mine drew a lot of attention from other con-goers because I was super happy and energetic at this con so I ran everywhere I went. People were always laughing and it made me so happy that I was able to make people smile. I’ll definitely be using them again in my future Spinel cosplays.

One of the people I shared a hotel room with was a Spinel cosplayer on the first day, and they were carrying an amazing Spinel plushie that I remember seeing a photo of on Deviantart, and later showed up for sale on Etsy. It was super expensive and I remember wanting it, but I couldn’t be jealous because I know I was super lucky to even see the thing in real life!

On the second day, I met a sweet little girl who seemed to think I was the real Spinel. She drew me a picture of Baby Spinel, and I gave her my drawing of Baby Spinel which I’d made earlier that day in the quiet room. Later on, one of the convention organizers was holding a game session, and this kid crushed me in a round of Gem Gem Clod... which is Duck Duck Goose, but better. Note to self: playing games that involve running when wearing pink high heeled boots probably isn’t gonna go well!

After some games, we made some meep morps. Somebody started a trend of drawing Lion on the little canvases we were given, but my Lion wasn’t coming out quite right, so after I finished drawing his head I just. put it on one single leg. You’ve heard of Leg Pearl, now get ready for Leg Lion. I was super happy about that too because I made everybody laugh.

Once we ran out of canvases, the organizer offered to take polaroids of some of us, so now me and this adorable little kid had matching photos, which we put in tiny pink frames and put a Spinel gem on each.

oh also! the game organizer had a tattoo on their leg of a bunch of anime characters, mainly the cute “squad mascot” archetype. There was Hawk, Happy, a few other characters, and Keroro! I totally freaked out over Keroro because it’s a relatively obscure series, and it was the first show that really got me into anime! I’ve always loved things like Pokemon and Naruto, but Keroro Gunso was my gateway to the anime community as a whole.

At around noon, I spent a little more time in the room where the games were held, which had some board games of its own, books, and art supplies and overall functioned as just a room to hang out in. There I met a Pink Diamond cosplayer in a pink schoolgirl uniform and an Uravity hat (really cute outfit!), and a goth Spinel cosplayer. The Pink Diamond cosplayer was a great artist and drew a really cute magical girl Steven. These 2 people also taught me what a vsco girl was when they were joking about the fact that Pink Diamond would totally be one. I was super confused but it was really funny after they explained it.

There was a cosplay fashion show much later in the day and I made friends with a Ruby and Sapphire while sitting in line. They were a couple irl and went on stage together and they were adorable! They were also both Hazbin Hotel and Harry Potter fans, so we had a lot to talk about. We kept talking while we waited in line for the Sadie Killer and the Suspects concert too, and a few other people joined us. I’d only just met these people but I really felt surrounded by friends.

Earlier in the day, while I was waiting in line to meet Kinetic Cosplay, I ran into an amazing Sour Cream and Buck Dewey. I got their photo, only to later see them on stage as a part of the real life Sadie Killer and the Suspects. Jenny Pizza was also on stage, but I didn’t see her before that.

While the convention was great, something also happened that scared the hell out of me. At NYCC just last month, I bought some very tiny stickers, one of which was Froppy from BHNA. When I got home and unpacked, it was gone. I thought maybe it fell into the fabric of my backpack, and if it did, there was really no way to retrieve it unless it decided to fall out again. However at the convention... I was at the registration table, decorating my con badge. I pick up my phone, and suddenly the Froppy sticker falls out of nowhere. It looked like it came from the phone, but I can’t imagine where it would have fit and gotten stuck. It kinda just fell out of the void. Either way I’m glad to have it back.

Lets see... I also got some pictures of the real life Mr. Universe van... and later on I ran into the owner of the van in full Mr. Universe gear.

The Garnet cosplayer was Cotton Candy garnet on the second day and I still can’t get over how sweet and nice they were.

There were some family cosplays. On the first day I saw a Yellowtail carrying a baby doll dressed as Onion, and then on the second day the same person was with a Vidalia cosplayer, and an actual child dressed as Onion.

There were also a pair of parents dressed as Connie’s mom and dad, and their kid dressed as Connie.

On the first day there was a Mr. Smiley which was super cool and unexpected, and then on the second day they were Bismuth. There were actually 3 Bismuths in total at the con which was surprising because that wig looks super difficult to make. Anyone who can pull that off is amazing!

The last day only went on until about noon, but my flight didn’t leave until the next day. I didn’t book my hotel room for that night because I wanted extra time in case I got lost on the way to the airport. Turned out there were free shuttles. I ended up in the same shuttle as that Pink Diamond cosplayer and her dad, and she showed me this adorable RPG game app called Wholesome Cats. We took some snapchats together and now I know what I’d look like as a boy...

Since there was a shuttle to the airport, that meant I was super early for my flight. Super early as in, almost 12 hours early. After going through security, I was planning to just sleep at the gate, but my gate number wasn’t on the screen. So I asked an airport employee, and he told me that I wasn’t even supposed to be let through security until the next day, which was when my gate number was supposed to show up... whoops. It wasn’t so bad though, either way I’d just be hanging out at the airport for the night. I decided not to sleep though, just in case. It felt weird late at night, when the airport was more or less completely empty. It was so nice and quiet, and the Starbucks was still open so I had a super yummy dinner of pumpkin bread and cheese danishes.

I think that’s about it? If you wanna see pictures, I’ll be posting them all to a public album on Gnomie Leviton on Facebook, and I’ll also select a special few to post on QueenGnomie on Instagram.

If you add me on FB please tell me your url! I only add people who I've talked to before.

In conclusion!

This was by far my favorite convention I’ve ever been to, because you could literally just go up to someone, start talking, and you’d immediately have an awesome new friend. I’ve never been to a con before where every single person was so approachable. It really felt like everybody there was one big family. I already have a potential roommate for next year, so I really hope to get back on my feet soon so I can go!

#i dont wanna play anymore (MUN POSTS)#long post #hazbin hotel tw #harry potter tw #bhna tw

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spiriitgun · 5 years

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hello fellow muns! come and have a seat for fatal irl story time! today’s chapter is about a friend who had/has a crush on me that developed into an unhealthy obsession!

so for my own sanity, we’ll use D in reference to this person. i met D back around 2015. it was during one of the many cosplay meet ups i had been too, so i had been around the block a few times. D, however, was new. this was a spring meet up, so it was a bit chilly. even still, to keep ourselves entertained, we usually bring games or just strike up convos (which are always interesting and fun). D was dressed as a vocaloid, and seeing as it was nostalgic for me and D was new, i struck up a convo with them and their friend. all was well

next coplay meet up was in summer and lasted two days. swimming was a thing we went and did near the end of the day but i had decided not to go into the water turns out, D didn’t really feel like swimming either, so we sat on the side of the river bank and chatted. turns out their friend (that came to the spring meet up but couldn’t attend the summer one), confessed to having a small crush on me. i thought it was cute and kind of lightly teased, but didn’t say anything to them (still haven’t actually) and thought it was just the one friend. i was wrong.

i believe it was the 2016 spring meet up, i was an oc of mine and D hardly recognized me at first (as it is with cosplay, and to be fair, i could barely recognize them as well), but got excited and we chatted once more. friendship with actually remembering names happened then.

halloween meet up of that year was when their feelings were really apparent but i didn’t want to really assume anything or jump to conclusions, but D did try to spend a lot of time with me and keep close to me. i didn’t mind, as i’m a fairly physically affectionate person to my friends. however it really came to light around a local con (that is no longer here :c). D sort of confessed they wouldn’t mind going out with me. i wasn’t really sure what to think and didn’t really reject them or accept.

but a mistake was eventually made

i led D on by never properly addressing their feelings and just continuing on with my affectionate ways, not really realizing i was only really making things worse. it came to a point where, i was single for a while (small separation of a year from my current fiancee to figure myself out) and actually considered D (and someone else) as an option. but after testing the waters with the other person, i was highly uncomfortable with them and ended up going back to my current fiancee (and we can see how that turned out).

but at the end of the day, i am poly. i fall for multiple people and cannot help or control it. i wish i could honestly. and become i jumped back to my fiancee so quickly, my mind was still open. so i told D that if she was okay with it, than we could be a thing. at the time, she needed time to think on it. D was okay with waiting. in that time, my fiancee and D met, and she got off vibes from D and even told me about it. i should’ve read those signs sooner honestly

D moved out of town to attend college elsewhere, and about a month or so after, my fiancee came to a conclusion that she cannot help that i’m poly, but as long as communication is established and she at least gets to meet my other potential partner, all is good. i was going to tell D about it, but then noticed they got into a relationship. so i backed off but kept casual contact.

it was when they tried to force poly on their bf to be with me that red flags began to pop up. i was also friends with their bf at the time (still am) and he was really stressed out because of it. he didn’t have a good experience the last time he tried it and honestly, cannot blame him for not wanting to risk it again. D then tried to pretend it was to be with another guy, but the first bf couldn’t handle it. D broke things off. yeah, i was surprised too. D then went with another guy, whom i consider a good friend nowadays who really gave me the true light of D

although our contact became less and less, D only talked about me more and more with their bf. tried to get him to be open when he stated he was pretty monogamous, went on and off with him for a while, jumped from bf to bf without break and apparently insisted they be open to allow me in, and would only ever really talk to me when they got into a new relationship in order to gush about their new bf and how D wanted me to meet him and see if it could work. D actively began comparing people to me, idolizing me and placing me on some kind of weird pedestal. it was awkward to hear from my friends of all people, especially since they had kind of stopped talking to me, only popping in every once in a blue moon to say hi or something.

it’s like D purposefully stopped contacting me regularly so that their image of me wouldn’t be tainted or something. and once i was told all this by multiple friends, i felt really... strange. now it’s just, at that. D still probably obsesses over me and won’t say anything. i have stated more than once if they try to pull that shit around me, i will end it, but nothing’s happened.

and that’s the story of the person who became obsessed with me! what a wild ride!

#long ass fuckin story under the cut #you don't have to read but like #yeah #it's a trip guys

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lashydsdomain · 5 years

Note

1-154. you wont

bitch

bet i will

1: Full name

lashy. das all you get

2: Age

3: 3 Fears

stairs, glass breaking, not being able to get ahold of someone

4: 3 things I love

my ocs uwu, my friends, my fucking tablet goddamn

5: 4 turns on

not comfy sharing on tumblr

6: 4 turns off

ill say ill come back to this one then leave this in the post

7: My best friend

rn i would say it’s probably blitztrolls

8: Sexual orientation

pan uwu

9: My best first date

ahh.... i havent had an in person first date still ;u;

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

not being stressed eue;;;

12: What time were I born

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

13: Favourite color

pale blu

14: Do I have a crush

ye u//w//u

15: Favourite quote

you know these things are asked and my mind goes blank

16: Favourite place

the woods just after it’s rained

17: Favourite food

im a basic bitch and just gonna say mac n cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

no absolutely not. nope.

19: What am I listening to right now

ambles playlist- it’s on ocean eyes by billie elish rn

20: First thing I notice in new person

prooooobably like. their face? typing style if it’s online

21: Shoe size

uhhhhhh i think like a womens 10?

22: Eye color

blue/green

23: Hair color

dark brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

loose and baggy because if i cant be comfortable what’s the point

25: Ever done a prank call?

HELL YEAH

27: Meaning behind my URL

lashyd was one of my first fantrolls and i liked the way it sounded

28: Favourite movie

mmmmm either labyrinth, princess mononoke or annihilation

29: Favourite song

no clue my friend im bad at picking

30: Favourite band

same as above sweats

31: How I feel right now

excited but tired

32: Someone I love

passivetrolls u//w//u/

33: My current relationship status

in a relationship!

34: My relationship with my parents

love my dad, kinda dislike my mom

35: Favourite holiday

christ mass

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

none, im so scared of needles ;u;

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

mmmmmaybe something stupid and simple on like my ankle?? i dunno what tho sweats

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

another fandom and i got bored with homeschooling lmao

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

i dislike them but they have tried to contact me a few times before i blocked them

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not usually

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i dont text so ill go w discord and no i have not the last person i messaged was you shenk gdi

42: When did I last hold hands?

the 2nd ;u;

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

7ish minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

hellllllllllll no

45: Where am I right now?

room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

prooooobably my bf or my dad. hate alcohol tho

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

loud but only w speakers

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

only da

49: Am I excited for anything?

absolutely motherfucker im making new friends left and right

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

i got two uwu

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

:))))))) irl most of the time tbh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i would probably cry ugnfldkjfgslfdjg the last person i kissed was my bf wheezes

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i mean probably.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

ehhhh nothing bad has really happened today

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

probably my friend from serbia uwu

57: What do I think about most?

ocs probably sweats

58: What’s my strangest talent?

burping on command? i dunno

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

glass shattering ouo;;;

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

beh ind

61: What was the last lie I told?

calling myself a basic bitch lmao

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone probably? video calls make me nervous

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

hell yeah to both

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah i yell tossing salt on all my rocks

65: Do I believe in luck?

yeee

66: What’s the weather like right now?

uhhh clear i think

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Shibuya Goldfish

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nop

69: Do I have any nicknames?

lash, lashy, gremlin and then stupid relationship nicknames gldsfgjfgs

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

prooobably almost falling down some stairs at a con and chipping my shin and probably partly pulling my shoulder out of the socket

71: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but end up spending it ouo;;;;

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nearly

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

there are some half customized MH dolls so i guess yeah

74: Favourite animal?

cat uwu

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

drawing ambles trollcall pick

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

satan stan obviously

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Here - Ancient Magus' Bride OP

78: How can you win my heart?

art of my ocs ngl

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

fuck if i knew

80: What is my favorite word?

probably fuck if you would ask my phone lmao

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

passivetrollsblitztrollstavvys-trollsfilibusterfrogwe-are-the-legion

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

hey fuckers lets rumble

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation ngl

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

probably 87

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

sweats how about we move on

88: Bought condoms?

89: Gotten pregnant?

hell no

90: Failed a class?

i think yeah

91: Kissed a boy?

yeeeeeeee

92: Kissed a girl?

nop

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

does it count if we were indoors

94: Had job?

not yet wheezes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i dont think so i mgiht have when i was younger

97: Had sex in public?

n o

98: Played on a sports team?

ye!

99: Smoked weed?

ye.

100: Did drugs?

only weedles

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nop

102: Drank alcohol?

yes and i hated it

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nop

104: Been overweight?

105: Been underweight?

nop

106: Been to a wedding?

nop

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

every day p much

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

nop

109: Been outside my home country?

ye!

110: Gotten my heart broken?

;;;; yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

112: Broken a bone?

possibly?

113: Cut myself?

if this is on accident then ya

114: Been to prom?

prom is a waste of time ngl just go to arbys

115: Been in airplane?

yeye

116: Fly by helicopter?

n o

117: What concerts have I been to?

blueman group and the 4th of july ones that play around here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeeee

119: Learned another language?

bits and pieces

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

nop

122: Had oral sex?

lets just skip the sex questions

123: Dyed my hair?

yeee

124: Voted in a presidential election?

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nop

126: Had a surgery?

nop

127: Met someone famous?

yeye

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

god no

129: Peed outside?

this question is weird

130: Been fishing?

hell the fuck yeah

131: Helped with charity?

prrrrobaby?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah ;u;

133: Broken a mirror?

i dont think so

134: What do I want for birthday?

money

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

136: Was I named after anyone?

i was named after two people uwu

137: Do I like my handwriting?

i can barely read it lmao i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

my stuffed tigger uwu

139: Favourite Tv Show?

fuck i dunno probably cyberchase or fetch i dont watch tv anymore lmao

140: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere quiet but convenient

141: Play any musical instrument?

flute and violin

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i have a scar on my knuckle from making garlic bread ;u; wasnt even good

143: Favourite pizza toping?

banana peppers

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

nah

145: Am I afraid of heights?

mmmm at times

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

yeah >w>;;;

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

all the mc fuckin time

148: What I’m really bad at

telling people when im not up for something

149: What my greatest achievments are

being alive you fuckers cant beat me i won over hundreds of other fuckers and im here

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Lets Not, Kids

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy so much cosplay shit and helping friends get what they need

152: What do I like about myself

im getting better uwu

153: My closest Tumblr friend

passivetrolls or blitztrolls wheezes

154: Something I fantasize about

being able to help my friends out of the places they are right now QuQ

155: Any question you’d like?

more questions for amble and my other girls!

#mun chitters #you thought i wouldnt do it did ya fucker #shenktrolls #ask

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bendixreblogs · 3 years

Text

A little trip down memory lane about my comic and what I’ve been through in the process of making it.

Mentions of suicide, death-threats, grooming, PTSD.

I'm so glad that I'm finally having so much fun making my comic. Every time I open my comic files, I'm just so full of joy and energy and I enjoy writing and exploring the world and my characters.

For so many years the experience of looking at my characters and trying to delve into the story, was poisoned by past experiences by people I shared it with. At the time, it seemed like the only way I *could* share it, and I’m glad I’m almost able to separate those experiences now.

SO, I have PTSD and sometimes I’m pushed back into old memories and my characters have been such a huge part of those exact memories, that they sort of go hand in hand, and sometimes it’s nice to just get those thoughts out of my head because they take up a lot of space.

These characters have been through so much with me and I’m just glad I didn’t abandon them despite of it. I created them when I was 12 and I had a couple of friends and classmates who was into manga like me, who was into my story and encouraged me to keep working on it!

I then got a friend who was two grades above me, I was 14/15 and they were so into the story that I was just overjoyed to share it with them, especially because they could draw and she started drawing my characters. At the time I had just moved school because I was severely bullied at my old one, and making friends was still very new to me so I latched unto her. In the end she wasn’t a very good friend and would threaten to kill herself and me if I didn’t hang out with her, she faked to faint whenever I was talking to someone else but her, so I had to take care of her, and on my 16th birthday, she faked to faint again and woke up as my character, Kain. She pretended for the entire day that she was Kain, I was so worried and horrified and fearful that it was real and that she would faint again, that I didn’t dare to leave her side and talk to my other friends (just as she wanted) and I couldn’t eat for the next two days, because she kept the act going for two days straight. She pretended to also wake up as the villain of the story which was Satan (I was 12 when I came up with this story, sssh) and threatened to kill me again if I tried to stop her or tell anyone that this was happening.

She did a bunch of other stuff besides this and I ended up breaking contact with her completely a year or so after because my parents had continuously urged me to stop talking to her. In the end one of my very good friends told me that they couldn’t handle looking at me anymore because I was a wreck because of her. I had to tell her that I would call the police if she got near me, for her to stop talking to me.

I very rarely drew my characters after that and ended up joining an rp group on deviantart for the first time when I was 17/18, and was instantly pulled into it - the cool people in the group were about 20+ and I wanted so bad to impress them and fit in, but I wasn’t nearly as out there as everyone else was when it came to rp’ing smut. I was honestly repulsed by it, and I tried to laugh it off when people tried to force my character together with someone else in the group, and I ended up going along with it because I didn’t dare to say no. At one point in a Skype group chat, two of the people in the chat had rp’d very hardcore porn that I woke up to reading mid-way and they told me that they did it on purpose, to shock me, and I knew then that if I wanted to fit in, this is what I had to do. I had to write about the same things as them, or not be a part of the group. I tried initiating it when I could because I genuinely thought I had to and I kept pushing my own boundaries. During this time, I was also rp’ing with my rl friends from cosplay groups, with my OC’s from my story. At the time I had given up on ever turning it into a comic, but I still wanted to do something with the characters, so I tried rp’ing with them and ofc, with loads of shipping, because that had become the norm. Especially in the cosplay community were everyone was yelling “YAOI” “RAPE” and “GLOMP” at everyone and *everything*. I was once tackled at a convention where someone yelled ‘rape’ at me and tried to pull my clothes off because I was one of their favourite characters and I had no idea how to get them off until they eventually ran off on their own, and no one did anything because everyone thought it was the norm and so I didn’t say anything and slotted that into the “I guess this is normal” box, along with everything else.

Eventually, in the rp group, everyone began to call me a whore behind my back, which I found out because one of my friends in the group actually came to tell me about it and I felt disgusting, dirty and shameful, like I had misunderstood something or I was genuinely just a gross person through and through. I still have a lot of fond memories from those groups, and I don’t think anyone pushed me into smut-writing deliberately or with ill intent, it felt like everyone were sort of playing along with the same “this is the norm” idea. Especially the events that were hosted were super fun, so it thankfully it wasn’t all bad and I still chat to some of the people from those groups.

I quit the rp groups all at once and instead just rp’d with a single friend at the time, both our own characters and established franchises. At the time, there was an incredibly popular artist on dA, who happened to be danish and who was attending a danish convention for the first time. Another friend of mine, who was a huge fan of her, invited her to her sweet 16 and she said yes to come along. This artist was around 27 at the time. I was at the party too, turning 18 that year, and she commented on how special and pretty my face was and that she found it so unique she had to walk around me to see it from all angles. We became friends and I suggested we do an art-collab. I drew my character Kain hugging someone because I thought hey, that’s kinda cute and I had hoped she would draw someone else hugging him back. She drew her paedophilic priest hugging him back, licking his lips and ready to rape him.

I didn’t dare to say anything despite how uncomfortable it made me, and it was another instance of - well shit, this is just how it is apparently - and I went along with it. She told me stuff like we were fated to meet and that we both had to meet five people in every lifetime we ever live, and once we’ve met those five people, we would both die. I had apparently met about three of them, so guess how terrified I was to meet the remaining two. I felt like I depended on her and that we were connected because of the things she said, and my mental health derailed completely. We also mashed our characters together, and I offered to bend and twist my characters until they fit the likes and dislikes of hers because at this point, it meant so much to me what she thought of me and my art that I didn’t care about anything else.

She encouraged her followers to write smutty fanfics about *us* together, which I for once told her I didn’t like, but she laughed it off and kept encouraging them.

I lost my irl friend during this as well because I was convinced to stop writing to her, because this artist always showed interest in me and always wrote to me every single day, but my other friend didn’t, and so this friend had to “prove” herself to care - “if I stopped writing to her, would she write back?” she asked. She never did and we lost contact completely, and looking back I don’t blame her for that with everything that was going on and how affected I was by this person.

I ended up cutting contact with this artist from one day to the next because I ended up feeling sick near her. I felt nauseous, scared, sick, clammy and uncomfortable and I blocked her from everything. We met briefly at a convention some time after and we exchanged a couple of dm’s on deviantart to try and reconcile where I was honest and told her I couldn’t stand being near her, I wasn’t sure why (at the time), but I just had to get away.

She told me the same, that I disgusted her and she couldn’t handle being near me either and she thought I should know that everyone in the cosplay community were spreading rumours like; “she’s the type of person who makes people fall in love with her, and then break their hearts”.

These experiences in particular completely soiled my relationsship to my characters. It took me a while to break away from them and sometimes, because the memories are still right there in my mind and jump out at me from time to time, I feel like they’re going to physically come back to haunt me and ruin it for everyone else as well. Because of all of this, I wasn’t able to trust that I could ever make it into a story or deserved to, like I wasn’t worthy to tell it because I felt just as used and broken and bended and twisted away from my original person as my characters. I had forced myself into fitting in with people and scenarios I wasn’t supposed to fit in with, I forced my characters into that as well, and it still takes so much mental power to tell myself that I’m not a broken person and my characters are not apart of those people anymore and neither am I.

I’m so glad I have my friends like Anja, who was there when I first created the story and she was the first to encourage me to keep working on it and she always knew the heart of it and was ready to remind me, because sometimes I’m still pushed back into old memories, I forget the heart of my story and myself and I just feel shame.

#rant #ramble #personal

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