#i wanted to wait to post it bc im rly proud of it i dont want it to flop but :

[sutorus]

THE GRUDGE PROFESSOR!GETO for KINKTOBER 2023!

DESCRIPTION: everybody loves professor geto, and judging by the thousands of viewers you get on every live, a lot of people love you, too. but you and professor geto hate each other. you’ve had enough of his humiliation rituals, and decide to do something about it.

PAIRING: mean professor!geto x student!reader

WC: 5.3k i am an unstoppable beast

WARNINGS: 18+ MINORS DNI. fem reader, afab reader, teacher/student dynamic! adult age gap! (reader is in college, unspecified age), sw/camgirl!reader (don’t like don’t read! no shaming 😤), strong language, dirty talk, pet names (sweetheart, baby, angel, darling), reader calling geto "sir", unprotected relations, creampie, afab reader and terms

A/N: this switches between povs a lot so i hope that’s okay or at least readable lol! also i set out to write him so much meaner but he’s just kind of a simp... enjoy?

reblogs are very much appreciated i'll uwu for u :pleading eyes emoji:

it is said that those who cannot do, teach. 

geto suguru could have done many things. he had the brains, the muscles, the features, the traits. the ambition to succeed in any field he desired. satoru says in a world ruled by the strong there is no place for humility. 

but humility is not why suguru became a teacher. neither is ineptitude. no, he’d become a teacher because it was the right thing to do. 

to use his gifts to help shape new generations, help unlock potentials long dorment and buried deep under years of a lackluster schooling system. geto suguru prided himself, above all, in being a righteous man. 

but japan’s most upstanding citizen for 28 years in a row held a shameful secret. a secret in the shape of you. 

he saw the darkest sides of himself on your face (eyebrows scrunched, eyes shut tightly, jaw slack as you—), your voice (higher in pitch with desperate moans that sound almost scared on the brink of your—), your body (taut and plump in all the right places, glistening with sweat, bouncing up and down on a—). 

when you walked into his classroom that fateful day, the world tilted on its axis. his first thought was, fuck, then, it can’t be, then, most embarrassing of all, i’ll finally find out what she smells like. 

(he did, when you went up to his desk to hand over your test. a whiff of vanilla, argon oil shampoo. too sweet, too youthful. and he’d watched you leave, tennis skirt flowing like a water lily, dick already chubby in his pants.)

it was slowly starting to consume him.

the first time you spoke in class, he knew he hadn’t been mistaken. it was really you. the cute, slutty girl he’d been milking his cock to for the better part of a year. 

god, when you finally said his name. you would never in your wildest dreams think that he’d been imagining those words coming out of your mouth, of him coming out of your mouth, dripping out of you, all over you—

he was losing it. this was not like him. this was never supposed to happen, and he has to put an end to it. 

everybody knew of geto suguru, the prodigy professor. already getting a phd despite not even being 30, handling the administrative slack for the department while managing office hours every day of the week, promoting student events, helping organize spirit weeks and charity drives. 

everything he did, he did for others. those not as capable as him — which was most people. in other words, it was really, really hard to hate him. 

but you damn well managed to. 

and to think you were excited to take his class. everybody told you to run, not walk, to sign up for his twentieth-century Japanese philosophy chair. 

“oh, professor geto is just the best,” they’d said. “he makes it sound so interesting and engaging, he gives the most life changing assignments, he really cares about us.”

bullshit. 

the first time you stepped into that classroom, suspiciously full for a philosophy class, you felt a shift in the air almost immediately. 

and sure enough, professor geto suguru was eyeing you down like he’d just seen a ghost. it made you self conscious, like he’d taken one look at you and decided right then and there you were too dumb for the class. 

it made your blood boil. sure, you stood out a little bit from the actual philosophy majors, but that doesn’t mean he gets to judge you. he literally doesn’t know you!

but fine, first impressions are tricky like that. for all you knew, you could’ve been misjudging him right there. 

however, with each passing day, you grew more and more assured in your suspicions.

you knew the man had it out for you, always calling on you to answer when he knew you weren’t paying attention, never grading your papers above a B even though you did everything right, somehow managing to fucking avoid you during his excessive office hours. 

his looks were almost the most infuriating part of it.

his beautiful face constantly set in that nonchalant look, his big veiny hands always gesticulating, his huge fucking arms straining the fabric of those dress shirts, his ear gauges and man bun contrasting the prim and proper image the rest of him conveyed. 

under different circumstances, he’d make your mouth water. under different circumstances, you’d imagine him going down on you all night long, singing praise about how good you taste and how tight you are. 

but in this timeline, you absolutely loathed him. and he loathed you too. why? you didn’t know. 

but you knew for a fact that it was personal. 

“i don’t care,” megumi said around a mouthful of meatball, cutting your monologue short. “i’m not doing it.”

you sigh, melting into your chair. “megumi. please. i am literally begging you, i just need some hard evidence so i can go report his ass.”

he eyes you curiously. “report him for what?”

“i don’t know. bullying? sexism? whatever the hell his problem is,” you pick at your food, huffing in annoyance. 

“you’re overthinking it,” megumi replies, dismissively. 

“okay, how about this,” you lean forward, putting an elbow on the table. “if you write the assignment for me, i’ll get your dog that expensive halloween costume you’ve been wanting.”

megumi lifts an eyebrow. 

“you need to get one for each,” he says simply. 

you grin. “deal.”

suguru really does give it his all to make your life with him a living hell. pulls out all the stops, years of friendship with gojo satoru paying off as he comes up with ploy after ploy to get you to drop his class. 

it feels bad, being mean to you. but for the hidden, twisted parts of him, it feels delicious. 

watching you huff and puff, all hot and bothered when he corrects your answers on the spot. watching you nibble on your pen at the increasingly difficult exams he hands out. letting himself wonder if you missed a stream this week because you were too busy cramming for a make up test. 

he knows he’s pushing you to your limit, and even if there’s some sort of sick satisfaction in seeing you so agitated at his hands when it’s usually the other way around, he doesn’t enjoy upsetting you. 

the problem is, suguru knows it’s either he gets his shit together or he continues tormenting you, and, well. 

the spirit is willing but the flesh is so, so weak. 

he knows it’s getting worse, too, because he’s not infatuated by you only when you’re undressing on his screen, or all dolled up in class. 

when you tie your hair up in a ponytail, when you suck on a hangnail, when you lick your thumb to erase a smudge on your paper… all of it drives him wild. 

he can’t teach with a permanent half chub anymore. this has to end, one way or another. 

you sit down in front of your computer, adjusting the camera before turning it on. soon, viewers start trickling in, little dings notifying you of their messages. 

you smile, waving at the screen. 

“hi everyone! i know i’m a little bit late today, i hope you can forgive me…” your eyes scan the chat, giggling at the compliments. “‘you look tired, sad face’, ah. i’m sorry. i guess i’ve been a little stressed lately.”

your robe falls over your shoulder as you readjust your position. a few donations come in, accompanied by supportive messages.

“you guys are so nice. it’s not a big deal, it’s just this dude giving me a hard time at college.” 

you absentmindedly trace your collarbones, reading what your viewers are saying. 

“you’ll kill him for me? that’s so sweet,” you joke. “nah, it’s not a student. it’s a professor. exactly, ynlover444, a grown ass man picking on me!”

you sigh deeply, allowing your body to finally unwind and relax on your chair. you prop a knee up against the armrest, giving your viewers a little peek in between your legs. you’re wearing one of your favorite sets, trying to get in the mood after the week you’ve had. 

“ugh, sometimes i wish i could just…” you suck in a breath, clenching your hand into a fist before releasing it. “sit on his face and get him to shut up, you know?”

you laugh at the countless me firsts that flood the chat, bringing a finger to your lip. 

“anyway! enough about that horrible man,” you reach beside you to grab a box your viewers know all too well by now. “let’s get to the fun stuff, shall we?”

as always, satoru is no help. 

“why don’t you just fuck her?” he asks, eyebrows arching above his sunglasses. “ya gotta just fuck her.”

suguru clears his throat before taking a drag of his cigarette. “i’m not fucking a student.”

satoru shrugs. “everybody does it. besides, you basically already do.” 

suguru wonders, not for the first time, why he ever told his friend about his situation. about your streams, that he’d stumbled upon randomly and innocently and had gotten instantly hooked, about you barging into his classroom like an angel at hell’s gates, about you you you you, everything about you. 

“that won’t fix anything.”

satoru clicks his tongue, swirling his soda inside the can.

“poor, naive suguru. did you not just tell me about what she said on her stream?" and yes, regrettably, suguru had told him. "it’ll fix everything.”

suguru doesn’t even let himself consider it, except he does.

at this point it’s no secret that he’s thought about being inside you, but now that you’re here it’s just too real and too risky and completely fucking wrong. 

it goes against the entire life he’s built for himself. 

he’s lost. he wants you so fucking bad, wants you close, wants you so far away, wants to ravage you and never have to see you again. 

it’s fight or flight. if he got you alone, it could go either way, he realizes that. 

suguru wonders what part of him will win by the end of all of this. 

your heels clack on the linoleum floor of the hallway as you approach professor geto’s classroom, megumi’s graded paper clutched tightly against your chest. 

the thing about megumi is that he's a star student. he’s never gotten anything below an A on any of his essays, makes the dean’s list every year, tutors his seniors. so the big, bright B- on the page tells you everything you need to know. 

damn right it’s personal. 

you don’t even bother knocking, slamming the door open while still trying to contain your indignation. 

geto is sitting at his desk, piles of papers sprawled on top. he has his white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows and a surprised look on his face that would be cute if you didn’t want to slap it right off. 

he says your last name like he’d been expecting you all his life.

“to what do i owe the pleasure?”

your jaw clenches as you take a few loud steps towards him. you slam megumi’s paper down on his desk, leaning over. 

“professor geto, i demand an explanation. a real one, this time.”

the man takes a deep breath, lips twisting disapprovingly. he smoothes the paper over.

“as i already explained in my notes right here, the structure is fine, but i couldn’t help but miss a more in-depth analysis of the four nodal concerns of philosophy that we talked about in class, such as—“

“no,” you interrupt. “just no. you know you’re bullshitting me and i’m sick of it. this paper deserved an A!”

“miss—“

“what’s your problem with me?” you spit out. your eyes finally meet and there’s nothing in geto’s that could answer your question. your chest is heaving, lips wobbling and hands shaking, trying to contain your anger. 

geto clears his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “like i said, your paper could’ve used a bit more—“

“no it fucking couldn’t have, because it’s not my fucking paper, it’s fushiguro’s fucking paper and the only reason you gave it a B is because i was the one who handed it in!”

he sits up, straightening his posture.

geto sounds austere when he asks, “do you realize how much trouble this could be for both of you if i reported it?”

you can’t believe this man. he’s been picking on you the entire semester and when you finally confront him about it this is what he chooses to focus on. 

“are you fucking kidding me?” that earns you a stern look from him, eyebrow raising taller than that fucking high horse he sits on. “professor geto. what did i ever do to you?”

there must be something earnest in your voice because geto sighs, getting up from his chair. 

he walks until he’s standing in front of you, leaning against his desk and crossing his feet. 

“do i bother you?” is all he says. it surprises you. 

you jut your chin out. “as a matter of fact, you do.”

the man hums. 

“i bet that’s really difficult for you,” he speaks like he’s sympathetic, like he understands. he sounds almost sheepish when he says, “i bet sometimes you wish i would just shut up.”

you blink rapidly. “no, it’s not like that. it might shock you but i genuinely do enjoy your class, it’s just that—“

“or maybe you wish you could shut me up,” he continues, ignoring you. “maybe going as far as to say that you could… sit on my face to get me to shut up.” 

your mouth goes dry.

before your brain can fully process the shift in the atmosphere or the fact that your professor is maybe possibly hitting on you, you realize where those words are coming from. 

it’s what you said. about him. on stream. right before fucking yourself on your hot pink dildo. 

you can’t speak, can barely even look in his general direction. 

you had really thought things couldn’t get any worse. had barged into his office with nothing to lose, almost hoping he would cordially invite you to remove yourself from his class permanently. 

but now? now you have no idea what’s going to happen to you. 

“i…” you start, the words dying in your throat. geto chuckles, crossing his fat fucking muscly arms across his chest. 

he says your name, low and syrupy. “is it true? you’d like to?”

you can feel your face flush hot in embarrassment, and you shift your weight from one foot to the other, wishing desperately that you’d never walked into his classroom. 

you have half the mind to apologize to him, right now.

“it’s just a figure of speech,” you try. geto clicks his tongue. 

“what a shame.”

your wide eyes shoot up and meet his. “w-what?”

he smiles sweetly. 

“it’s a peace offering. you can take it, or we can forget you ever said anything,” and isn’t he just so slimey, actually, when he’s the one who brought it up. he had said it, and now… 

now you can finally allow yourself to look at him.

those delicious, broad shoulders, the ever-present bored look, the stubborn fringe that falls out of his bun. 

you could so easily forget what you came here for. 

“so, like, a truce?” you ask, taking a daring step forward. geto nods, uncrossing his arms. “and you stop treating me like i’m fucking dumb?”

he tilts his head. “i think you’re a very smart young lady. determined. entrepreneurial…”

“geto—“

“professor geto,” he corrects you, hands reaching out to graze your hips. “you’re intelligent. i just like to push my students.”

you both know that’s a lie, but it’s okay, because now you know exactly why you got under his skin and it makes your own burn. 

you run a hand down the line of buttons on the front of his shirt, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 

“then… push me, professor.”

it’s so incredibly lame, the porn line you hit him with, but to your surprise it works, a low groan rumbling deep in geto’s chest. 

he swiftly closes the distance between the two of you, grabbing both sides of your face and crashing your lips together. 

it’s ravenous, the way geto dips his tongue inside when you gasp in surprise. you moan against his mouth, slipping a leg in between his two. 

he’s half hard already when he rubs up against your thigh. 

geto picks you up with ease and sets you down on his desk, and it’s so fucking cliché, the papers crinkling under your weight, the pens clattering to the floor. but it turns you on beyond belief. 

you share a few open mouthed kisses, an exchange of tongue and moans and hot breaths between your lips. 

if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit that you've fantasized about it before. a silly idea, at first, something you'd just blurted out mid-stream.

but that little seed had been planted, and when you got yourself off that night, you might've imagined for a moment that it was your mean professor's cock squeezed tight inside you, making you come undone.

geto slips his hands under your skirt, grabbing your ass and pulling you closer to him. you line up your crotch with his, moving your hips in tight little circles that make the both of you groan. 

his fingers are tugging your underwear down, down, the soft patch sticking to your gooey cunt. he lets the soaked fabric dangle from your ankle, grazing the back of his knuckles on your core. 

“mmm, fuck,” geto breaks the kiss, swallowing. his pretty lips are flushed and shiny, parted around his panted breaths. “you always get this wet or am i special?”

he’s smirking, the bastard, leaning back in to kiss your neck.

god, you smell so good, like lotion and perfume and sunshine and sin. 

“shouldn’t you know?” you sneak your fingers up into his bun, pushing your chest against him. he works his lips expertly on your skin, using just the right amount of teeth, of pressure.

geto hums against your neck, kissing a line up to your jaw. he snakes a hand under your skirt, thumb pressing down hard to rub on your clit, two fingers slipping inside. 

you immediately clench, a soft, drawn out mewl leaving your lips. 

the slide of his fingers against your walls send a chill down your spine, filling you up so perfectly. you feel the thin skin at your opening stretch around him, burning at the friction as his fingers plunge in and out of you. 

“god, look at that,” he rests his forehead on your shoulder and pulls the hem of your skirt up. “do you hear that, baby? so fucking wet for me.”

you whine, hands cupping his jaw so you can kiss him again. 

“please…” you mumble against his lips. “more…”

you wonder how much of what you can say he's heard before, which exact words have left your lips and sent him over the edge. it makes you self conscious, oddly, like he can see right through you.

not-so-kindly ignoring your request, geto removes his fingers, bringing them up to his mouth.

you watch as his eyelids flutter in pleasure, a hum rumbling low in his throat. 

he looks so good like this, just edible.

you pull him in for a kiss before he can, relishing in the surprised little noise he lets out. your knees are wobbling, feet dangling from your seat as you taste yourself on his tongue. 

he swallows your moan hungrily, forearms trembling with the need to hold back.

geto knows this is wrong, so wrong on so many levels, puts both your positions in jeopardy, it makes him feel perverted and primal and so fucking alive. 

he’s been watching you fuck yourself on those silly toys for god knows how long now, knows every spot that makes your hips buck, knows exactly how to make you cream like a debased slut around a cock. 

it should feel unfair, how easy it’s going to be for him to make you cum, only if it weren’t for the fact that your mere presence is enough to get him hard as fucking diamonds. 

“tastes good, huh?” he whispers, thumb caressing your chin. you nod, smiling devilishly. 

“tastes better on your tongue, prof.” 

geto groans low like a starved animal, holding your throat in his hand with a loose grip. he’s overwhelmed, that much shows, not knowing what to do with you or where to start. but there’s one thing he’s sure of. 

he presses one last kiss to your spit-slick lips before dropping to his knees. 

you can hardly believe it. sulky, big bad bully professor geto suguru on his knees for you. you prop a foot up on his desk, your sole skidding on a piece of paper. 

“scoot closer, please,” he asks, cordial even like this. you bring your ass to the edge of the desk, your dripping pussy hovering over his face. 

he looks so good under you, hair already disheveled, a delicious tent in his tailored pants. 

you tuck the hem of your skirt into the waistline so you can watch as he sucks your clit into his mouth, moaning like he’s fucking relieved. 

you throw your head back, fingers buried in his silky hair as geto’s fingers find their way back inside. 

he fucks them in and out of you lazily, pushing out strings of slick. geto slurps it all up, spreading your wetness all over your clit and sucking it back in his mouth. 

god, his cock is straining in his pants but he doesn’t dare touch it, can’t until he’s inside you. you taste like fucking heaven, like all his fantasies, like he always knew you would. 

you’re whining softly, bucking your hips into his face almost shyly, as to disrupt his pace.

you sound so much better in person, although he can’t wait to have you moaning into his ear without needing the headphones. 

“god, this perfect pussy,” geto mumbles into you, his breathing labored. he runs a thumb all over your cunt, gliding it over your soaked lips. “been dreaming about it for so long.”

“yeah?” you ask. “tell me. tell me how you stroke your cock to me every night.”

and every night might be overselling it. geto is a busy man. 

but your words do make him realize that no girl he’s had since he found your stream has satisfied him quite like you do. your flirty smile, your moans, the way they sometimes turn into uncontained giggles as you stuff your pretty cunt with a dildo. 

so he tells you, blush spreading across his cheeks. 

“fuck, i do,” he tongues your clit, tracing lazy circles. “i do. just look what you do to me.“

and there it is, that cheeky, slutty giggle, directed at something he said this time. 

he takes his fingers out, spreading your opening with both thumbs as he licks you all over. 

geto gulps, tongue dipping inside of you, sucking your clit into his mouth, sliding down to your entrance, every clench of your pussy pushing out more and more slick for him. no one's ever eaten you out as thoroughly as this.

“oh, fuck, sir,” it slips out casually, the way it would were you talking to any other professor. but given the circumstances, you revel in the deep moan geto buries into your cunt. 

you trap your lips between your teeth to keep anything else from tumbling out, but it’s useless.

“please, sir, i’m so close—so close just keep doing that, yeah just like that—“

“fuck,” he mumbles, pulling away to suck in a desperate breath. then, “fuck,” sultrier, right into your core. 

you grind against his face, finding purchase in his hair as a final few flicks of his tongue push you right into the crest of a mind-numbing orgasm.

it’s so good, so much better than when you're alone. the friction so perfect, his long, thick fingers plugging you up last minute to viciously fuck into you. 

“god…,” you breathe out, legs trembling as he runs his hands up your thighs. 

his chin is glistening, bubbles of spit and cum gathering in the corner of his mouth. he looks so good like this, like he was meant to please you and nothing else. 

geto feels like a fucking teenager, so goddamn close to busting in his pants at the sight of you. his dick hurts, balls tight and the head throbbing where it’s tucked into his underwear. 

“please, sweetheart,” he can’t hold himself back any longer, slick fingers already undoing his belt. 

you get to work on his zipper, pulling his pants down along with his underwear and damn. 

you figured he was big. he was a tall man, broad shoulders, shoes the size of a yacht, and the bulge in his trousers was a pretty good indication. but it couldn’t have prepared you for the sheer size of him. 

longer than it is thick, cleanly shaven, pretty veins and ridges and standing angry red in attention. god, you want it inside you. 

he notices you looking. 

“do you need more prep? i can—“

“no, fuck no, suguru, need it inside me now,” you wrap a hand around him and he hisses, caging you in with his arms on the desk. 

he huffs out a laugh, blowing the fringe framing his face. “what happened to sir?”

you kiss down his jaw, squeezing right below his tip. 

“sorry, sir,” you say against his ear. “are you going to punish me for my slip up?”

geto groans, pulling on your hair hard and making you face him. 

“take your shirt off for me,” he instructs, and you obey, maneuvering around his tight grip on the back of your head. 

his spirit is so unbreakable.

here you are, teasing him, coaxing him to rough you up, push you around, relieve both your frustrations properly once and for all, but he’s just so… adoring, and hungry, and just so irrevocably into you, and you find out that’s so much better. 

geto relents his hold on you to unclasp your bra, cupping your breasts and sucking a nipple into his mouth. you whine, caressing his hair. 

“so fucking perfect,” he massages your tits, looking mesmerized. 

“yeah? they haven’t gotten old to you yet?”

he laughs, so cute, and you can barely remember that just hours ago you hated the sight of him. you stroke his cock up and down, squeezing harder at the tip trying to milk all that delicious pre he’s been wasting on the inside of his boxers. 

“no, f-fuck—never gonna get old,” he pushes your boobs against each other, imagining his cock sliding in between them, his balls nestled underneath, his load blown all over your pretty face—

fuck, he’s gonna cum if he keeps going like this. 

he rips your hand away from him, ignoring your knowing smirk and pushing his tongue into your mouth. 

“i’m gonna fuck you now, okay, sweetheart?” you moan, nodding, shimmying your hips so he can have the perfect angle. 

a big hand clasps your thigh to wrap your leg around his hips as his tip pokes around your entrance.

you’re whining in anticipation, clenching around nothing, nails clawing his clothed back. 

when he slips in, it feels like coming home. you’re like warm honey around him, cunt pushing him out but clinging to him at the same time, with every stroke. it’s fucking maddening. 

“ahh, g-god, sir, ‘s too big—“ you swallow around the lump in your throat, feeling the tip of his cock in your guts. 

he’s huffing, concentrated, bullying his cock into you inch by inch with shallow thrusts until he finally bottoms out. 

“fuuuuck, angel,” he grips your waist with both hands, like he could just fuck you up and down his length if he wanted to. “took me so well, look at that.”

you do, dropping your heavy head to look at where you’re connected. you clench around him and he whines, pulling out almost all the way before slamming back in. 

the metal legs of the desk skid on the floor, papers and pens raining down to the floor as geto starts roughly plunging in and out of you. 

you let out little ah, ah, ahs in time with his strokes, the ache deep in your stomach finally starting to fade. 

“f-fuck, you’re gonna—topple us over, suguru, go easy—“

“can’t,” he chokes out, wheezing as he pushes his cock in as far as it can go. 

he gives shallow little thrusts, his length straining the fine skin at your entrance so good, hitting a spot inside you over and over that makes your head spin. 

your fingers twist into the back of his shirt, pulling him in to whine right into his ear.

he’s so big, stretching you out so thin that you feel every ridge and vein, can feel both your heartbeats inside your cunt. 

“ohhhhh fuck, fuck sir, please please touch me—“

he grabs your ass before you can even finish your sentence and presses you flush against his hips. 

geto’s tip is kissing your cervix now, his balls sticky and creamy against your ass, your clit grinding against his pubic bone as his thrusts violently shake the both of you. 

“fuck, wanna do it so fucking loud but i can’t, we can’t, what if someone walks in—“

you moan wantonly at his words, expecting to be chided, but geto seems to love it despite his worries because his cock kicks deliciously inside of you.

“look how loud you’re being, listen to yourself,” he grunts out, the belt pooled around his feet clanging with every stroke, the absolutely lewd squelches from your pussy resonating in the entire classroom. 

you two sound so good together, better than you’ve ever had, better than he could’ve ever imagined. 

“so loud, so wet on this cock,” he spits out, sweaty strands of hair sticking to his forehead. “do those toys make you feel this good? this full? answer me.” 

“hahh, n-no, no one but you,” you can’t think straight, head thrown back in pleasure and eyes squeezed shut. “only you, sir.”

geto whines like he’s aching, pounding into you mercilessly and making a mess under the two of you. 

“fuck yeah, that’s right. i’m making you feel good, baby?”

“mm-hm,” you mumble, tongue lolling out. geto's going so hard now, has you pressed up so tight against him, body caging you in, fucking every breath and thought right out of you. “close.”

“yeah?” he speeds up his effort slightly, and you’re sure he’s going to have desk-edge shaped bruises on his thighs tomorrow. “gonna cum on my cock? cream all over me?”

you let out a long, drawn out whine, tits bouncing up and down with the force of geto’s thrusts. 

“let me see your face when you cum, darling,” he cups the back of your neck, breathing hard through his nose. “keep your eyes on me. that’s right, sweetie, so good, you’re doing so good.”

you preen at the praise, feeling suddenly self conscious with the man's laser focus attention on you. 

you coo out little noises, growing in desperation, holding onto his biceps for dear life as his hips piston in and out of you. 

your pull him into you closer and rub your clit against him, grinding helplessly as your orgasm creeps closer and closer. 

the moment you open your eyes and meet his hungry ones, you’re cumming. your walls spasm around him, making the glide of his dick impossibly wetter with your release. 

geto chokes on a sound, his cock hostage of your pussy’s vice-like grip as your greedy cunt milks him for all he's got. 

“f-fuck, baby, look so pretty when you cum, always look so fucking sexy so fucking perfect that you’re gonna make me bust, i’m gonna cum for you god gonna cum inside, gonna blow my load all deep inside this pussy—“ 

it’s the most desperate he’s ever sounded, speaking through clenched teeth and a soaked mouth. you moan in return, letting him use you. 

he slams his forehead down your shoulder when he thrusts once, twice, three times and cums, his balls drawing up so tight that it hurts. he fucks it into you with shallow thrusts, panting, almost wheezing in pleasure. 

it feels like it lasts forever, his orgasm. like all of the blood in his body goes straight to his balls to push out the thickest, most satisfying nut of his life into the prettiest girl he's ever seen.

you feel it fill you up so good, hear it, too, squelching and sticking to both of you. 

geto’s body slumps against yours and you stay like that for a while, catching your breaths. there’s cum sliding out of you, down his balls, onto some poor student’s essay you have your ass on top of. 

when he pulls out of you, he takes a beat to watch it spill out of you some more, his face and chest red, his smile groggy. 

“god, this,” geto has to fight the urge to say thank you for letting him fuck your brains out. he swallows. 

“yeah,” you blink away the haze, feeling sore and fucked out. “this.”

“…is probably going to happen again, right?”

he knows it shouldn’t. he knows it will.

maybe both parts of geto can learn to coexist.  

you grin, touching the tip of your tongue to his lips. 

“well, i still haven’t made good on that promise of sitting on your face, have i?” 

the next morning, in class, the students erupt in happiness at the news that professor geto had an accident that ended up ruining most of last week’s graded papers he had in his possession. 

so he decided to give everyone an A for their troubles. 

and finally, finally, there was peace in the world.

#OOF. #this was a doozy it feels like sooooo much more than 5k words tbh #i wanted to wait to post it bc im rly proud of it i dont want it to flop but : #i cant resist it i want it out #✩.kinktober #✩.geto #geto suguru smut #geto smut #geto suguru x you #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x y/n #geto suguru x reader smut #geto suguru x you smut #geto x you smut #geto x reader smut #ummm what else #jujutsu kaisen smut #tw power dynamics #jjk smut #kinktober #jjk kinktober #geto reader smut #✩.tw power dynamics #✩.petra.doc #geto suguru x female reader #geto x female reader

[quodekash]

IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE ITS TIME FOR EPISODE 4 OF DANGEROUS ROMANCE

I think they should probably kiss right now. that would be nice please and thank you

THE BACK TOUCH IM SCREAMING

bro why he look so confused

is he having gay thoughts or smth and hes confused as to why it's soccer-ball-usb induced?

I love this woman so much

my goddess

my queen

milf fr

OML-

IM LITERALLY CRYING FROM RESTRAINING THE URGE TO LAUGH

I WOULDNT SAY THAT, KHUN

WE DONT KNOW THAT FOR SURE

like yeah, sailom can't rly control kang's study habits outside of their tutoring sessions, but I wouldn't say he can't control him like... at all, ever.

he has top vibes tbh

HE AGREES WITH ME

"um, excuse me bitch (respectful), sailom controls me very well, I am a submissive QUEEN"

"do you want to go on a date with me?" "will you be my boyfriend?" "can I kiss you?" all of the above?

I know it wont be any of the above but I can dream

I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH

HE'S SO KIND ALL OF A SUDDEN???

he was fine with being the worst part of Sailom's life, and then suddenly discovered so many other things in his life that Sailom has to face every day, and the punishment he gets every month if he doesn't pay his debt, and Kang realises he's the least of Sailom's problems, and he suddenly wants to help him as much as he possibly can. previously, he was offering his money to Sailom but not as comfort or help, but because he recognised his privilege and power and used it to taunt Sailom and to remind him who is in charge. but then he saw two grown men assaulting him and nearly pressing a hot iron to his face, and Kang suddenly saw just how much power and privilege he has, in the sense that he can literally solve most of Sailom's problems (because they mostly boil down to money) without any change in his own status whatsoever

he went from wanting to be the worst part of Sailom's life, to wanting to fix the actual worst parts of his life, and I just love him so much can you blame me for loving him so much

OKAY BUT THE FACT THAT THEY'RE BOTH IN SCHOOL UNIFORM IN THIS IS SO INTERESTING TO ME

like. are they just taking a detour on the way home from school? or did they run away?

ive got my fingers crossed for an episode (perhaps two?) where they've run away and it's all happy and fluffy and they're away from the pain and the drama and its just me and you and you and me and we can be happy while we're here, we don't have to worry what anyone else thinks about us because we're together. and its probably at a beach.

HE GRABBED HIM BY THE ARM IM GONNA DIE THEY'RE SO REUBKJLF

just give me a moment while I sob

NO BC HE'S HOLDING HIS HAND

LIKE-

AAAAAA

THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER AND THE HAND ON THE HAND

I KNEW THIS FRIKIN VR SCENE WOULD KILL MY SOUL BUT LIKE IN A GOOD WAY

why am I crying.

can someone please explain to me why this is making me cry.

its so domestic. help.

YOU'RE LITERALLY SO IN LOVE WITH HIM????

THIS ENTIRE MONTAGE IS THE END OF ME HOLY HELL

THEYRE SO DOMESTIC. IM DYING.

KANG FALLING ASLEEP ON SAILOM'S SHOULDER??? SAILOM FIDGETING WITH THE PENCIL AND KANG LOOKING AT HIM AND THEN LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND THEN JUST SMILING???? SAILOM PUTTING THE BLANKET OVER KANG WHEN HE FELL ASLEEP AT THE TABLE????

THIS???????

IM GONNA CRY. AGAIN.

IM ALSO GONNA RUN OUT OF SCREENSHOTS FOR ONE TUMBLR POST BUT I DONT CARE, THEY MEAN TOO MUCH TO ME

THATS IT.

IM DONE.

THAT'S THE END OF ME

I SWEAR I FEEL MYSELF RISING UP TO HEAVEN

wait now I think im going down, maybe im going to hell

I have no sense of direction, I got lost on the way to wherever I was going and now im back in my body but HOLY FRICK ITS VERY LIKELY THAT I WILL DIE AGAIN

VUIERJSBDGOPUVJBEWSDOG

GOOD JOB

THATS SO FREAKING GOOD OMG

IM SO PROUD OF YOU HONEYYY

oh look, a not-so-subtle ✨metaphor✨

I think it's about them studying? without wind, the windmills can't spin, and then can't produce energy. without Sailom, Kang wouldn't have the push he needs to study?

it's something like that

it also might not be about studying. it could be about kindness

if it weren't for Sailom's situation, Kang wouldn't have had the change of heart that caused him to be kinder (particularly towards Sailom but im also hoping that he's helping him develop deeper empathy for others who also aren't as fortunate as Kang)

idk its something like that

he leaned closer and now I can't tell if he's genuinely asking the question, or if he's trying to flirt

OKAY WITH THE MUSIC PLAYING I THINK IT'S PROBABLY BOTH

IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED

HE FINALLY DID IT

THE TOP GOT FLUSTERED

BRO THAT IS SUCH A SUGGESTIVE SMILE

HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING, THE LITTLE RASCAL

I think he should give him a good luck and goodbye kiss

I think they should kiss is what im saying

pLEASEKISS-

WAIT I DIDNT THINK THEY WOULD ACTUALLY LISTEN????

I know they're not actually gonna kiss. I know he's just gonna like tell sailom about how his grandma wont let him tutor him if he fails his midterms BUT I DONT CARE, I FELT VICTORIOUS FOR A SECOND, AND THAT'S NOT A FEELING I GET OFTEN SO LET ME BASK IN THE GLORY FOR A MOMENT

DUDE YOU'RE LITERALLY THE WIND TO HIS WINDMILL, OF COURSE YOU HAVE INFLUENCE

AND HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MUCH STUDYING KANG'S BEEN DOING WITH YOU?? YOU'VE HAD SUCH A POSITIVE IMPACT ON HIS LIFE ITS INSANE (and you should totally kiss about it)

HE'S LITERALLY LYING AWAKE THINKING ABOUT HIM, IF THAT ISN'T THE GAYEST SHIT IDK WHAT IS

I mean maybe it's the exams hes thinking about. but he's mostly thinking about how, if he doesnt pass all his exams, he'll lose sailom, and he doesnt want that because a) sailom could get beat up to a pulp again, and b) he doesn't want to lose sailom as his tutor when tutoring is like the only time they get to see each other and hang out, and he's realised how much he likes sailom and that he desperately doesn't want to lose that friendship - or the potential for it to become something more

conclusion: gay.

Y E S

YES YES YES YES YES

SIDE COUPLE MOMENT SIDE COUPLE MOMENT

THEY HATE EACH OTHER SO MUCH RN AND IT'S SO ENDEARING TO ME

THEY WANT TO RIP EACH OTHER LIMB FROM LIMB AND IT'S SO ROMANTIC

juST KISS

you can do it bby, you are incredible

I think he'd do a lot better if he had adhd meds

because he has adhd. it's canon I decided.

do you want some of my Vyvanse, kang?

OH LOOK AT THAT, IM CRYING AGAIN

oh look at that, I ran out of screenshots

OH LOOK AT THAT, IVE BEEN WATCHING THIS FOR OVER AN HOUR AND IM ABOUT 15 MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE. FRICK.

#I guess im not sleeping until like 3am today because its already 12:45 #quodekash disregards sleep because of dangerous romance #dangerous romance #dangerous romance series #dangerous romance the series #perthchimon #marcpawin #perth tanapon #chimon wachirawit #chimonperth #pawinmarc #pawin kulkaranyawich #marc pahun #kanghansailom #kangsailom #sailomkang #sailomkanghan #guynawa #nawaguy

[bonesandthebees]

HI! this is an anlysis ask but i saw spruces ask and was like oh no did i do something, and wanted to say that in my last ask i wasnt trying to be negative or anything about niki, i just was talking abt what we were discussing in stars discussion in the discord. didnt mean to try and pressure you in any way, im not upset abt niki or anything! :) now onwards!

so proud abt stars, its amazing, loved the new chapter, super excited for epilouge aswell!

"i need to talk to my boys" AHHAHAJHDBHGDUYBEDGJSJSHLDKJ my childhood traumatized, found family loving, i wish that was me self is SCREAMING >:3

"never trust a traitor" love that quote sm, i cant explain or really describe why but there is something about it that i was just like, oh damn that slaps

glass divine: ive never read someone elses dream, and im not 100% sure i plan to, but i WILL be reading through a glass divine! so hyped >:D

tubbo's betrayal: i want to say i saw it coming so clearly, and honestly, the little voice in my head did, but part of me was also like, nooooo tubbo, he will get hurt, save tub boi, so i was 100% in denial lmao

so glad they got to hug it out man so happy 10000000/10

overall, it was amazing. (are we rly surprised, its always amazing since it is Bee) so so proud, so grateful, and i gotta say, this is the best fic ive ever read. i loved it. i will be buying copies for all of my friends, and if you ever do a book signing, i will be there (if i can convince someone to take me) ill be there in spirit no matter what. you are my favorite author. much love to you, and i hope you know how amazing you are, and that you understand how hard to do this is, dont be afraid to take a break after stars is 100% over, because this is a huge project thats taken you super long, and its done, dont be upset about that, and if you need anything at all, we are here! sorry for being sappy fren but im so proud! <3

-👑

omg no king anon you're fine, there was someone in my comments on ao3 who posted some critique that I made a post complaining about so that's what spruce was referring to. you're totally fine I promise!!

I knew the "I need to talk to my boys" line would get people screaming (and tbh I was so excited to write that too)

THANK YOU I was so proud of the "never trust a traitor" bit

literally no pressure to read someone else's dream you don't need to and tbh I do not like someone else's dream that much bc of how I rushed it so... also glass divine is gonna deviate from it so you literally have no need to read it. so glad you're excited for glass divine!!

awww thank you so much king anon. if I ever do actually get to publish stars as an original novel that'd be a dream come true, but we'll have to wait and see if it's something I'm able to do. I'm so happy you enjoy my stories though. and don't worry about me! I'm not taking a break because I actually need a writing project going on at all times or else I have no creative outlet and I get very stressed. I love writing so much and while I know I COULD took a break, I genuinely don't want to. I always make sure I have something planned I can be working on or else I just feel way too restless. I'm just so happy I have readers who I know will read and support whatever silly story my brain decides to come up with next :)

thank you for the kind words you guys are seriously the sweetest <3

#ask #the stars and their children #king anon

[chowonsang]

i meant to reply days ago on my post and only got reminded cuz your video BUT yes I was at the chicago concert!!! I also saw people saying it was dead and I was like huh what concert are you at it's almost Too loud.. also your video of d1 <3 he deserves the world he's so sweet. I read thru some of your poets, you gave the key rings at the fansign? How'd that go? also did you do any snapshots? rly I just want to hear someone else also gush/rant happily about their time hehe

its under the read more bc this just turned into word vomit bc i miss and love them so fucking much

I WANTED TO DO SNAPSHOTS SO BAD but i alread spent over 300 on the trip (tickets themselves + hotel room + gas to get there) so i couldnt buy them BUT when i gave them all the keyrings they were sooooo sweet about it and looked so surprised that i was giving them something that wasnt a letter ToT

changmin said it was pretty and dongil said that the picture i used was cute (one side was them after they debuted and the other were the pics of them when they were kids that they posted for childrens day). my hands were shaking A Lot and almost every member held my hand when i gave them the keychains telling me i shouldnt be nervous. they looked genuinely worried and i dont blame them bc i felt like i was gonna pass out (and i started crying afterword afshbkdj) and i think they recognized me when i went back back up to do the high five + group photo bc changmin asked me if i was okay now TT (tho to be fair having bright purple hair + giving them a gift + on the verge of tears/passing out + being one of the only ppl to talk to them in korean might have contributed to that...)

also maknae line were sosososo sweet and cute. i told junseo that hes really pretty and he looked so surprised and asked 'really?' and all i could do was say yes bc the staff were starting to get upset that i was taking .5 seconds longer than i should have (even tho DKB were the ones holding my hands what did they want me to do snatch my hand away? afjshk). yuku had the brightest smile and harry june asked if i was nervous and when i told him yes he looked so worried and said 'dont be nervous!'

when we did the group photo all in was playing and me and the girl next to me started dancing and singing along before the photo and heechan turned around in surprise as if us knowing the song was a shock afhsbk but he looked so happy so see us vibing with the song and he started dancing in his seat too it was cute

also like. i dont know how to describe it but they are soooo attractive in person. photos dont do any of them justice at all. im sure u saw bc u did snapshots with some of them lol but junseo.... god i just want to tell him how handsome he is that he shouldnt listen to those ppl who tell him otherwise and that we will love him no matter what... iirc him and changmin were the only members taller than me but to be 100% honest i was too focused on not bawling my eyes out in front of them to notice much on that front lol (but i do remember yuku and lune being so tiny and cute and all of their hands were smaller than mine ashkj)

i wish i had more time to talk to them to tell them how amazing and talented they are and how proud bbs are of them but the staff were really pushy with trying to get the fansign line moving. i get it, there were a lot of us, but a guy can dream. even though the time was short they really tried their best to comfort me in the time we did have and that meant a lot <3

ALSO slightly off topic but the main reason i was close to passing out was bc of how hot the venue was while waiting for the fansign. i was sweating so bad before during and after the concert so i got some water from the bar (four fucking dollars 😒) and i talked to the bartenders for a bit. according to them, the boys were super nice and sweet and like. ofc as bbs we think that the boys are kind but hearing from someone that has no emotional connection to them and interacts with hundreds of celebrities throughout the year that dkb are sweet boys... it just.. its nice. its nice to see that theyre kind to people who are outside of the fandom bc sadly thats not the norm for every group

#answered #anyhao #haiiiii mairin #this is only like. half of what i could say abt the entire experience #but my brain is mush from thinking about them #head empty only dakeubi thoughts <3 #getting sappy rn #i wish i could relive it

[legobatjoker]

okay its 4am iv been up for. almost 24 hours andi feel myslef spiarloing aggh. why am i like this lucy why di i do this to myself i also just went to csweekly and instead of queing a post were i fake how i excited i am just went fuck it its on pause no one seems to care abt this show anymore so why am i doing it bc im already so sick of running tihs blog nad then had a realization abt how dead the carulia and other cs tags are of lik.e why tf am i doing tihs if im theo nly one who still cares abt this show kinda and csweekly is doing notihng to fix that lmao which hurts bc i dont want this fandom to be dead but also its not like im adding to it when all my energy is going into running the stupid csweekly blog anyway agh sorry for kinda venting like i said ot doing the best lol so im going to go to bed like RN but boefire i do okay this is gonna se so shirt bc im so tired i just wnat ot acutally sleep but i do rly wanna say thait had sosos much fun listeing to speak now tv together nad calling today it really was soso wonderful just like it always is to spend time with you love nadi hope you know that you really are just the most ownderful incredible firend in the world and bring me soso much joy nad light and happinesss and im soso lucky and grateful to know you my love and you just makem feelsoso lveod and cared for and safe and warm with you and you really do just meaneverytihng to me and i hope you know i lrealyl do just lvoe you osso very much my dearest, gnight <3 !!!!

aghhhh nauurrrr not thee 24 hours awake miseries :(((!! i hope u can get smmmm rest and sleep in smmmm u deserve it especially with having had to deal with cs weekly taking soo much of your energy for so long and the reception for it trailing off like-___-!! that is rlllyyy very frustrating to see happen with something your putting that much effort and time into especially for such an amazing show that u love so much and like not being able to just enjoy it like you should get to like:((( thats rlly rlly tough but im really proud of u for making the decision to put the blog on break since that really sounds like it is the best decision possible for u rn and whether or not u decide to take it off break ill either be happily waiting for it or happy to just watch cs whenever which ykw is easy enough for me since i rlly love watching cs and i esp loeve watching it with you:33!!! but yeah anyway omgg calling today was sososoo much funnn im so glad we got to and yah ur just suchhh an amazing friend to me all around and bring smm joy and light to my world and u really do mean thee absolute world to me and!! i jsut love you sososo muchhh gnightt💕💕🫶🏻💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻

#iluuu💜💜 #mewtuals #castle.answers

[hyunverse]

yes i do! i grew up in boston and ended up getting a rly good scholarship at a school here in nyc so i live here now :)) it’s not too bad. tbh it’s pretty much the same as boston just a little bigger. andddd what’s ironic is even tho i’m from two of the like most known cities in america, i am terrified of rodents 😭. i see them quite often in nyc but not as much in boston. no matter how many times i see them i’m still terrified of them and i am fortunate enough to not be rodent infested 🙏🏼🙏🏼. also yep teef in the muscles is the best way to do it. i want to eat minhos thighs. like chomp is an understatement for what i want to do to those thighs and i have no shame in explaining. the gods ddu du ddu performance …. that’s all i need to say

omfg what is even the point of dating someone like that ?? it’s exhausting. i agree with just wanting to do your own thing. when i was younger i always wanted to date but now i just want to be aloneeeee. i do miss aspects of being a relationship but tbh i’m fine w waiting to experience that w someone like every day yk ?

hey man technique is technique 😏. also yes hyunjin and felix hand comparison makes me crazy. ngl i’m big on size diff and hyunjin just does it for me. so tall and lankyyyyyy he’s just my type. like no joke he is my exact type all around but especially physically. nothing better than a feminine man with so much androgynous energy and duality. like it makes me insane. when i get home i want to measure my hands so i can compare mine w everyone’s. im sure it will be drastic so i will keep you posted ! how tall are you?? im 5’1 .. 😟 it’s bad ik

watch me cry at how sweet you are rn 🥲. u make me blush 🙄. i did take some earlier this morning and i’m trying to drink as much as i can (maybe i’ll purposely forget to do all of this just so you can come here but you didn’t hear that from me 😇😇😇). CONGRATULATIONS THAT IS SO AWESOMEEEEE!!!! you should be so proud of yourself and know i am very very proud of you as well <33 that is literally so amazing, hard work pays off my love 🫶🏻 that’s so awesome. if we happened to not live all the way across the world from each other i’d treat you to a delish meal but i guess our lives failed us on that one >:|. what’s ur fave food btw ? sending hugs back to ur sweet self 💗💗💗💗💗💗💕💕💕💕💕 and a happy heart attack bc u deserve it hehe

- 🐈‍⬛ much love from ur g <333

that sounds nice!! honestly, from experience, moving from one state to another is quite tough. i’ve been living in the city my entire life, but had to make an entire 180° for university life ‘cause my campus is in a village! like an entire village — on the way to my campus, there’s a sign that says, “welcome to ***** village!” good god u can imagine my terror 💀 the facilities are not bad but definite different compared to the city </3 okay i sound like a brat, don’t i? anyway! bae, i’m dead terrified of them nasty rodents too. i feel like puking at the sight of them </3 so i 💯 understand you honestly.

CHOMPING ON HIS THIGHS YEP YEP. minho needs to drop the workout routine cs god his thighs are. . . sighs dreamily. love em. wanna bite em. talking abt that performance. . . lee yongbok. i will never forget that signature ab showing move tbh. gonna show them to my kids being all like this is ur uncle felix! (get it? cs imma marry hyunjin frfr! yes pls entertain my delulu pls pls)

RIGHT i feel like my past experiences and friends’ relationships are the cause of me not wanting one </3 scared me off legit. i think imma stick to writing 🙏 why experience it rn when i can be delulu with u?

UR TYPE AND MY TYPE MUST BE THE SAME THEN CS I LOVE TALL AND LANKY MEN MMM EAT THAT GENRE UP ALL THE TIME! when they’re 90% legs and have big hands? call me up. call me up‼️that is my type right there.

yes keep me posted with the hand comparison, baby. tell me ur hand size too so i can compare with me 🙏 i’m 5’2 so we’re both not that far off HELP. short gang ig 😔

PLEASE DONT FORGET 💔 MY ANGEL I AM TOO BROKE TO FLY TO AMERICA 💔 ONE DOLLAR IS ABOUT FOUR MYR 💔 PLS TAKE CARE OF URSELF 💔 AND THANK YOU BABY!! means a lot from u hehe. i have sm fave food dang. . . it’s hard to choose. i like steak, and ramen and this malay dish u call tomyum! very yummers. also loveee hotpots. i could eat hotpot everyday of my life. and donuts!! what about yours, darling?

you make me blush too ^__^ kisses to u frm me!!

#rin’s lovemail! #🐈‍⬛ anon 💌

[leafeonb]

what the fuck. lawyer videogame

#lulu.txt #aa lb #dgs lb #its like 3am.....o<-< wait watch how many incoherent thoughts about this videogame i can write /j #welcome to lu's epic videogame thoughts speedrun its 3:25am when i started writing this and i will try to finish these tags before 4am :-) #(HELP) IM STILL NOT OVER THE VOICED LINES what the fuck 😭😭😭😭 i wasnt expecting that i thought i would only hear beeps until the credits #i will not talk about a*****'s laughing sprite yes he looks kinda cute but 😭😭😭 i wont talk about it. i have a tag limit and a lot of #thoughts. ASOUGI KNEW HOW RYUU WOULD REACT I 😭😭😭 theyre best friends they know each other rly well and 🥺 bro..... #SUSATO IS GOING BACK TOO. AW MAN 😭😭😭 asougi plesse. go with your friends. idk. go swimming to the ship do something /J #SUSATO UR THE BEST LEGAL ASSISTANT IN THE WHOLE WORLD I 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 OH MY GOD....she WILL become an epic attorney ok 😌 #ASOUGI MUST BE SO PROUD OF HER he knows his little sister is rly smart and dedicated and was just #'yeah! shes an excellent legal assistant ^_^ ha!'. ALSO. OH MY GODDD 😭😭😭😭 THE LAST GOODBYE (NOT LAST. FUCK YOU. THEY WILL MEET AGAIN) #BETWEEN THEM.....ok is it gay to cross swords with ur best friend with the early morning sun behind u?....ok...😳 /J BUT ALSO 😭😭😭 DUDE... #THE ANIMATION..the lighting...WHEN OUR PATHS CROSS ONCE MORE.....he will wait for that day 😢😢😢 #his pride and joy.....o<-< ok. ALSO KARUMAS TIP IS BROKEN.....yeah it happened on the case but. its sad to see. #they WILL meet again. fuck this. but also i am so fucking sad oh my god THEYRE LEAVING HIM ALONE THERE??? THIS IS HORRIBLE I HATE THIS #OH MY GODDD....after everything. he will be alone again.........i dont like this </3 but i willtalk about more stuff thats for the #like 10 other posts I'll make tomorrow /j IM ALSO 🥺🥺🥺🥺 WHEN RYUU WAS THANKING EVERYONE FOR ALL THE HELP. FOR ALL THE HAPPY MOMENTS IN #THIS LAST YEAR I 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love them so much. they are a family WTF <3 PLEASE VISIT THEM MR HOLMES #when ryuu said 'this is the end of my story' at the end i was......AAGHH 😭😭😭😭!!! this makes me emotional wtf my heart hurts rhis is not #not ok. not cool. cried. dgs1 ending was a warm nice feeling but dgs2 ending is like 'hiii *stabs you* <3' THEY WILL MEET AGAIN. OK 🥺 #THEY WILL. I AM SAYING THIS. i am making a comic in my mind as i write this post /j that would take so much time but u may imagine it #ALSO OH MY GODDD 😭😭😭 THE SCENE WITH EVERYONE WAVING GOODBYE TO RYUU AND SUSATO I 🥺 baby iris...shes jumping those are her older siblings #AND WHEN THE NARRATOR OF THE SHERLOCK HOLMES BOOK WAS TALKING AND THEN IT SWITCHED TO IRIS BC #ITS HER. shes the author of the books shes telling the story i cried this is not cool its just 🥺🥺😭😭😭 OH MY GODDD #when holmes was talking about how a good friendship will remain true...and if u close ur eyes its almost as if ur friends are with u i #AND THEN IRIS SAYING THAT. AND REMEMBERING RYUU IM 😭😭😭😭 AAAAAAAHH. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN RYUU.... #THEN THE CREDITS!!! HAORI WAS THERE HELL YEAH HAORIIIII susato is coming back u will meet her again soon :') RYUU WILL MEET HAORI TOO #also. asougi talking about how no matter what would happen in england he just wanted ryuu to be with him i......ok...o<-< *cries* #LAST TAG. THE PHOTO AT THE END IM 🥺🥺🥺🥺 THEYRE TOGETHER I will keep looking at it....*starts to fucking cry* i am not ok ITS 3:58AM </3

[neo-shitty]

so uh i couldnt wait kaya binasa ko na HAHAHHAHA in class pero were doing projects lng naman, since tapos nako mag edit free time ako 😌 ngayon lang ako natuwa na maaga ako gumawa lmao

reading it made me want to rewatch bsd too AND continue jjk. nasa baby stay phase ako when i started jjk kaya parang na drift away ako sa anime pERO START KO NA TALGA after hometown at pag rewatch ng bsd idk if biased lang ako towards stories na puro narration pero nakaka amaze talaga writing style mo. ALAM KO PAULIT ULIT KASO TRU NAMAN KC LAGI KO SYA NAIISIP AFTER KO MAGBASA NG WORKS MO 😭

"Two people whose hands have only known violence for as long they could remember, standing together to keep destruction at bay; determined to protect a home they’ve taken part in destroying themselves"

my favourite part hehe ^^^ and i though that sneak peak you posted i think last week, got included in this one. im rly curious of what would the outcome of that paragraph be. i didnt feel that 2k wc tho, i thought it was shorter lmao e sabe nga nila pag nag eenjoy ka, di mo mamamalayan oras HAHAHHA legit, it made me miss the bsd universe 🤩

anyways story time, my friends and i were talking abt anime earlier and i realized na ako lang sa lahat ng magkakaibigan na action>romance LOL so nung linapag ko ung animes that ive recently watched, di sila relate kc di pa nila napanood 😭 and ganon den ako sa kanila pero romance usapan. hbu u? did something happen or just the normal ?

no, ineefortan ko talaga 100% mga projects (major man or minor subj) para high grades ng first qrtr 🤩 bc the school i want to transfer to relies the possibility of you passing mainly on your first semester grades kaya 😌👌

oy pati pala sayang unti lang makakabasa nung tainted. ung mga stalkers este naka fl and on notifs sayo ung makakabalita lang Y^Y pero isipin mo din parang limited copy lang eon so swerte kami 😗

and wheres angst-lover anon? :<

- 👻

hala bad HAJHA pero i can't say smth abt that kasi di ako pumapasok. we're talking abt edits and it's reminding me of this bungo stray dogs edit i have tapos yung song na ginamit ko all in.

all this talk abt bsd really made me rewatch bsd. also why haven't you finished jjk? T_T i don't like it as much as i loved jjk but i liked it naman skdjks sukuna 😌

thank you for the compliments regarding the writing pero yeah im not much of a fan of dialogues kasi zzz also i'm glad you liked that o.O mej nakulangan ako sa elaboration ng pairing. i wrote that 2k in one sitting <//3 i'm really proud of it hngh i'm not sure when i'll drop the sneak peek fic lmao i lost inspo for that.

really omg that kinda sucks ;n; my friends dont even watch anime HAHHA aw iilan lang tapos iba iba pa yung taste. shockingly i have a guy friend who likes romcom animes and im like wot. do you have anime recommendations na mej short lang? uhh my friend came over today kasi nagpatulong siya sa proj. im so done with PE man.

sipag mo namang student uy penge ng gana xd tapos hanggang first quarter lang pala or baka ako lang yung ganon. ay oo nga magsshs ka palang pala!! good luck! work hard if you're aspiring for the big schools for college, they take grades from g9 to g11 if i remember correctly.

i think only three people read tainted including you. idt ppl lurk on my blog that much so XD limited edition but i'm debating to post it? maybe here or sa anime blog go. idk lang tho ;n; i want to work on the dazai fic but i'm still on a call with my friends umay hngh

idk di na bumalik yung anon umay din HAJSHJAH

#toff.asks #👻 anon

[seoschangbin]

nooo don’t apologize!!! no worries about being talkative!!! i’m super talkative too!!! i’m actually worried i’ll end up sending multiple asks omg, i don’t wanna overwhelm ya😥wishing you the best during finals week!! mine start later this week so time seems to pass so painfully slow😤a blessing n curse🙇🏻‍♀️ i definitely agree with your thoughts!!!😚although i learn more towards the “tough” sound with skz i really really really love this title!!!🥺 -🎁💫(yes i’ll sign them all off like this!☺️)

i love talkative thank u for indulging me.. sometimes when ppl send me back one word im like :O heewoeo send Help 

nd dont worry!! send as many as you’d like hehe but i’m gonna put under a read more bc i’m scared its gonna get LONG (i.e. my rambling be taking up everyone’s dash) 

it’s so beautiful and it perfectly shows the different sides to skz n what they’re capable of!!! so so so proud😭the album omg.. def love it all as well!!! you can stay is so heartfelt🤧💕my favorite definitely has to be booster though😎💕💞not to be utterly biased but channie in the mv... the fit....😔✌🏼💕💞 i think the MV was just so pretty too... perhaps it’ll become my favorite!!! your words about jeongin😭😭... FELT! 

last night a jeongin fansite posted some HQs of him from last year when he was prime squish and i just)))):

omg thank u good luck with finals as well!!! my first one is tmr and we boutta Die, up in this fine establishment but thats okay! it be like that! how many finals do u have + what are u studying if u dont mind me asking!! 

oo interesting!! i know a lot of ppl like their tough tracks more but ur right!! levanter rly was so beautiful im sad. they rly are the best boys ever :( versatile kings we love that!! 

oh i love booster too hehe it’s the only kind of non sentimental one nd i love the beat in it!! i hope booster or astronaut is the b track they’ll be performing but i’d honestly be happy with any of them performed!! omg chan. Thoughts on his hair (v important discussion to be had here) chan stans r biased though soo....!

omg noooo which fansite!! i am you jeongin rly is my fav ever he was so fluffy nd babie and his curly hair!! braces!! im sad i miss him!! 😣😔 he rly is so adult now his cheekbones r so sharp honestly who is he! i dont even recognize him anymore!! but yes ur so right im emo abt them growing so much :’( when did u get into skz! :o 

i didn’t catch the liev this morning but i went thru the liev really quickly like an hour ago to see if there was anything i wanted to gif!! i’m going to watch it again when its subbed!! they’re so soft and babie and chan/changbin stealing felix’s lotion still sends me.. i was hoping they would do a couchtalk w animals again too 😌 + i didnt know they were gonna be on asc!! i’ll probably watch it too bc im weak like that 

#🎁💫 #me writing u essays in the middle of our finals season: i am so sorry #me writing this vs. me not writing the letter of intent i'm supposed to write: unstoppable force vs immovable object #oke that didnt even rly make sense but the energy is there #anonymous #ask

[anyhao-archived]

okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:

so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing

and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol

ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao

when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome

ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him

lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢

but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!

AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️

i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol

the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure  hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.

OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO

baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao

anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet...  i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)

then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~

oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.

at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure. 

then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it. 

i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing

anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav

#vav #mtxt #vav in chicago #vav meet and live tour #please reply to this i spent so long typing it lol #honestly i cant tell 100% about ayno but.. #idk it might be wishful thinking #but i really thought i saw changes in his aura depending on who talked to him #anyways.. my time of death was ayno eye contact o clock #lmao

[twixremix]

tagged by the bomb.com, @minisculestarcrystal​ !!! thank you bud 4 saving me from the 

5 things you can find in my blog 1. flavor of the month B] im sorry im such a lil shit, i just get hooked on things too easily especially when i’m in mental danger lmfao (aka right now it’s v.oxman, could u tell) 2. anything dwampy touches is on this blog (pnf & mml) 3. fma & fma:b !! 4. pokemon 5. and then a variety of other cartoons, anime, manga, and personal postS 5 things you’ll find in my bag 1. snacks like granola bars, a banana, or pistachios 2. water bottle 3. laptop (and accessories like headphones, hard drive(s) and charger) 4. wallet & school id 5. a grab-bag of prescription drugs & advil 5 things you can find in my bedroom 1. a bed ! 2. collection of cartoon/anime figures (i just moved into a new place this weekend and ash & ed are on my desk waiting for me to position them like a kickass crime-fighting duo) 3. my dog (she knows where i hide the treats) 4. a bunch of art books from stuff like lok, fma, pokemon, su, etc 5. multiple stitch & perry figures/plushes hiding throughout the room. i never noticed how many there were until my friend pointed it out uHH 5 things I always wanted to do 1. reiko’s previous answer reminded me of my goal, too, of going into remission from ivig after 13 years,,, god that’d be great,, 2. meet dwampy, just to shake their hands and say “you are the best lads” 3. get adobe certified in after effects ? 4. never grow tired of animation 5. this is really reaching but to be able to leave earth’s orbit for a lil bit? i would be too chicken to live on the moon or mars or anything but to just see the world from up there

5 things that make me happy 1. friends & family & MY DOG 2. editing 3. that initial sense of accomplishment or success (and then it dies down once reality sets back in) 4. making people laugh 5. all my fandoms and ships 5 things I’m currently into 1. o.k. k.o.  2. danger & eggs 3. keeping my shit together, my dudes! haha!1111 4. not giving up on “will there ever be an english dub/sub of stitch&ai? and where are the rest of the 39 episodes” 5. bo en and glass animalssss 5 things on my to do list 1. now that the semester is here, it’s all homeworK AHHHB HJNM,. 2. go to focus group tomorrow & maybe start on some assignments early for work on friday 3. obnoxiously refreshing tags in case of new v.oxman content  4. finish 2 video games and catch up with bnha manga & psam anime 5. either finish a jumba/pleakley video or work on this new thing uH

5 things you might not know about me

1. o.k. k.o. 2. danger & eggs 3. keeping my shit together, my dudes! haha!1111 4. not giving up on “will there ever be an english dub/sub of stitch&ai? and where are the rest of the 39 episodes” 5. bo en and glass animalssss

5 things you might not know about me 1. we’ve known each other a long time, @ most followers/mutuals, but hmmm something fresh would be.... i have a job now? im an art director at a cool company and they always have amazing food in the kitchen hhh 2. i love green tea with lemon & honey and sometimes a lil bit of sugar 3. idk i dont wanna sound like,, braggy i guess? but at this last infusion, my doctor went on this whole speech about how proud he is of me. the reason i include this here is because it means a lot once you know why he said it.. he co-owns this doctors office (it’s pediatric but they let me stay bc my case is familiar and they’re my primary) and has seen a majority of his patients either die or give up on their dreams because their illnesses destroy them in more ways than one. i guess im just proud of myself too for surviving a lot of stuff and not showing him how much things really get me down so uh YEAH, s/o to all my fellow peeps who hide their depression/anxiety rly well! 4. i have ma.r.k c./uba,n’s phone number  5. i like the taste of pickle juice

ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT ME, i wanna hear about these peeps = @you   if you are reading these words with your eyeballs or text-to-speech assistance, i want to hear about ya!!

#.twx

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

#WOW THAT TOOK LIKE THREE HOURS HAHA #hopefully next time it wont be as long!! #daveanswersstuff #long post

[imjohnnydora]

what is this u may ask?? idk either!! so a couple of days ago i hit 700 followers (wth?!? ilysm?!?) and i wasnt in the mood to do anything Big but i still wanted to give u guys some love!! ♥ so i compiled a list of mutuals i’ve grown rly fond of!! (tho its supes risky bc any of u who know me know that my memory is the literal worst so if we’re friends and i left u out (SORRY) its 110% bc im an awful person not bc i dont love u and u should lmk so i can add u)

disclaimer: i narrowed this down to people i’ve spoken to on several occasions, spoken to recently, and/or have known a super long time. bc otherwise this would literally just be a list of all of my followers bc ur all my best friends ily ♥

**sidenote i included people (read: literally just emma) that only follow my sideblog @johnnydora bc i have no boundaries deal with it

♥♥ I LOVE YOU ALL ♥♥

!!! these are in alphabetical order btw

@alyxhathaway11 is more adorable than u could possibly imagine tbh. we havent actually rly spoken ever but i love you so much and u always leave the kindest comments on my poetry and i appreciate u a lot ♥

@dogworldchampion is my jACKET TWIN and like a nice person and my friend but jacket twin tops everything so idk wyd. anyway ur so fun to talk to and yell with and ily ♥

@elsaclack is honestly a goddess bye. pal idk i love u a lot and u write the best things and im still like 70% too scared to talk to u but ur rly sweet and fun so im working my up there. anyway the hearteyes emoji is me @ u thats all ♥

@eunoiaschaos is a poetry goddess who also yells with me about bones so like the best of both worlds tbh. and i do not talk to u as much as i should but i always see u and hope ur doin great pal ily ♥

@feyrhysandd is a Fairy Queen like literally im not kidding. ur the coolest and ive been Slacking on talking to u lately but honestly every conversation with u is incredible. ur incredible. ur art is incredible. ily ♥

@finnicko-loves-anniec is not rly a tumblr friend but a friend nonetheless. i’ve known u for an impossibly long time and neither of us has spontaneously combusted yet so thats a good sign. cant wait take over the world w/ u ♥

@ivegotthislove is the cUTEST LIL PATOOTIE wait potootest? idk how to make them rhyme now anyway we dont talk often but every time ur on my dash my gay heart skips a beat i see u and im proud of u ♥

@karlenalvthor is my bestest friend in this WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD and i love her more than words can describe. ur a treasure babe and idk where i’d be without u in my life ♥

@minyardx is that Mutual Who’s Too Cool For Me. but pal ur the sweetest lil bean and i always smile every time i see u on my dash and im so happy i got the nerve to speak to u ♥

@mytholgie is a super duper sweetheart. im always smiling so fondly when ur on my dash and im v grateful for the times we’ve spoken bc ur so friendly and lovely and i should talk to u more oops ♥

@oblviqte is a gross bread hater but its ok bc i can see past our differences and love her anyway. u’ve got the warmest spirit and i know that if i send u an ask when im sad u’ll always cheer me up (even if u dont know that ur doing so) ♥

@ohmyperalta is rly sweet and cute. i loved yelling about potc with u and im v excited to yell with u about future things bc ur a good yelling partner and a good friend in general ♥

@roscoesantangelo is obsessed with loves jorma taccone but im not allowed to use the word obsessed. anyway ur a gem and i dont even mind that im bad at making u focus bc then i have more time to talk to u ♥

@santiagostyle is my pal my friend my love and also probably Satan but its ok bc i sold my soul to her it’s all good. talking to u every day has become a Constant in my life and i get so happy when i see notifs from u ♥

@scorpius-hyperions is also not rly a tumblr friend but she’s a cutie and we have a sc streak sooooo. ur honestly the brightest person i know babe like i love ur spirit u always make me so happy ♥

@sergeant-santiago is rLY FUN TO YELL WITH. and im lame bc i should yell with u more often tbh bc ur sweet and adorable and supportive and did i mention fun to yell with??? ♥

@softsawyer is a nerd who turned off her entire askbox to force me out of hiding or something like that but this is my post so. and anyway i admire u way too much but u actually? answer my messages? unbelievable ilysm babe ♥

@three-drink-amy is a relatively new friend but i have zero (0) chill so i love her already. anyway pal i love hearing bout ur fics and reading ur fics like they Kill me every time ur so great ♥

@theodorenctt is a babe and ive known her a long time but havent spoken to her in also a long time which is bad i should do that. but ur an angel and i think ur Too Cool To Be Real and i smile always when ur on my dash ♥

#jo does things #jo does a weIRD THING #jo lOVES EVERYONE WAY TOO MUCH AND NEEDS TO CALM DOWN

[virginia-werewoolf]

Hello to all!!! It’s been a crazy few months and I haven’t had the time to really go on Tumblr much less post about everything going on in my life but i am going to today!!

I’m currently finishing up my senior year of high school and lemme tell u - it’s been wild!!! But so fun. This last Relay for Life was probably my favorite one yet & I wish I could just have one more. When I went my freshman & sophomore year I was still so, so shy and only talked to people I already knew. This year, though, I talked to the new speech & debate kids and they were some of the sweetest people I have met in high school!! I always get so nostalgic for speech and debate when I am around the newer kids in the club. I can’t lie - being in that club was the only time throughout my whole high school experience that I felt as though I was a part of something good. I quit because it did stress me out a bit and I wanted to join photography my sophomore year and just always kind of found an excuse not to go back after that (even though I always knew I should’ve). Prom was nice - we ate at the Venetian and danced our lil hearts out at Panis Hall. I felt moderately pretty. I got into an argument with my best friend, Vincent, that night - he’s been a real dick lately & I couldn’t put up w it anymore that night in the Red Rock parking lot!!! I have been holding a few grudges against him since then but this weekend I have gotten some time to think it over for the first time & I think I’ve made my peace with him!! After prom was the Disney trip - which has been a WILD ride for a few months now. There was a lot of fishy business going on w the stuco advisor but finally - LITERALLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS LEFT - I got a seat on the bus!!!! I wasn’t ready at all because I didn’t want to pack a bunch & get excited just to end up having to go to math that day - but I had such a good time in my bummy school clothes & 2 best friends!!! Even if I didn’t get to take pictures and we didn’t get to finish exploring California adventure because we were all grumpy and tired. The bus ride with Vincent was so fun and I didn’t really think about all the things I was upset at him for. On the 24th, then, we had grad walk AND senior awards!! I did the travel grad walk with Ni-Ni and we got to go to our elementary and middle schools + pat diskin in our caps and gowns with all the current students lining the halls cheering us on!! It was so pure. The elementary schoolers were so so so cute n proud of us & it was the first time it rly set in that this is happening!!! Plus I saw my 4th grade teacher and she remembered me BY NAME. I foreal cried on the way back to the bus bc of it. Awards night was nice too - I sat next to a kid I hadn’t talked to since middle school but it wasn’t awkward and we made jokes to each other all night!! It was kinda cute. Like it really felt like we were all in this together. I luvvvved cheering on my friends & just other kids in my classes who I may not talk to much but it still feels like we’re on the same boat supporting each other!! I got my Ronald Mcdonald award that night + my hispanic educator award (two scholarships totaling $1500!!!!) I also have to go to a HUGE district wide ceremony & read part of the speech that won me the hispanic educator award the day after graduation!! Yikes but I’m excited. I think that’s basically all the senior events left except maybe the senior bbq??? But that’s not a big deal. I’m not sure if there’s a senior sunset and I know I posted about being upset that I didn’t go to senior sunrise but on the bus ride home from Disney, I woke up for a split second and saw the sunrise over the California desert with my best friend sleepin next to me, his arm latched onto mine & maybe that’s enough.

BUT YEAH. IM FUCKING GRADUATING. My checkout card is signed !! My 7th grade english teacher who i am super close to has her flight booked !!! Can u believe it!!

Work-wise, I was having a really hard time for a while. I was desperately looking for another job & was about to transfer because the theatre made me want to kill myself!!! My exs friends and my managers were talking so so so much shit abt me. They said some of the worst things they couldve possibly said about me - and were so condescending at a time where i was extremely insecure because i was hung up over a boy that treated me like shit & had just lost so many friends. I couldnt even imagine staying until summer - but the universe helped me out and made it so that 2 of my most condescending managers transferred & i stopped getting scheduled so much with my exs friends and things just got… better. I stopped crying everyday - or any day - at work and actually turned down an interview because i figured id just wait until july to look for another job (thats how long im required to stay at my current to qualify for a 10k dollar scholarship i think i have a good shot at getting!!). I dont feel trapped and dread going to work anymore anymore and its so so so relieving. For a second there, it really had such a strong hold on my life and im so glad thats over. It was not healthy at ALL

Driving wise - ive been driving a lil bit a few days a week now and im really enjoying it !! It is not as scary as i thought itd be. I still have a lot to learn but i think im doin pretty good + i have 3k saved up for a car & im so excited !!!

This summer is also gna be super fun - im gna throw so many parties bc all of my bffs are leavin im august for college + spend a week explorin LA w my sister which im so excited abt !!! Im super broke atm bc i had to borrow a bunch of money from my mom for grade nite & am trying to pay it back asap but hopefully any grad money will be enough to cover it so i can buy books n cute knick knacks freely while im on vacay!! Especially since my body decided to hit a second fuckin puberty this winter & none of my summer clothes fit me anymore :( ive been dressing so bummy lately bc of it but ive been too busy to care. I gotta get clothes b4 going to LA tho!!! Other than that though i really just want this summer to be abt me. I feel like even tho i KNOW i need time to myself, i always try to get the most out of literally ANY possible relationship in my life :( its such a bad thing but i hate passing up opportunities like that bc what if, u know? To love and be loved in return is what I always thought i wanted most in this world!!! But i think i just need to consider where situations like this are really going before i compromise the time i set aside to work on myself for it. SO unless i can really see something going somewhere, this summer is goin to be about reading, writing, filming, and taking care of myself !!! I want to eat better (vegetarian & vegan whenever possible!!) and exercise and take care of my skin and just get shit done in general (maybe learn to knit finally???) Im even gonna start a bullet journal!!! I think it will help keep me feelin like myself as well as stay productive & organized in college + its just such a cute hobby Not to mention my sister is ENGAGED?????? My BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! I will save the sappy stuff for later posts/my maid of honor speech but she really deserves this more than anyone. It hurts to see her movin out after 18 years of sleepin 10 feet away from her - if it were any earlier than this i wouldnt have been able to handle it - but im excited to be independent & im sure we’ll be sendin each other funny memes and visiting each other 24/7!! She is my best friend after all, and im just so happy to see her happy that i cant even be that sad abt losing our early morning laughs and late night talks - at least not yet!! Maybe it just hasnt set in yet

#personal #update: theres no senior sunset my school sucks

[cliveboney]

hhhhhh

im tryin to get over this & move on w/ my life so maybe making a post abt it will help

so i applied for a zine a while ago (well like. 2 weeks ago) bc i’ve never been part of one & i thought it might be cool (also free copy + $$ right yell heah yeehaw). from the beginning i wasn’t really expecting too much like im just basically like “it won’t hurt to just apply & see what happens”

so i spent a bit of time gathering up some recent pieces to put in my “”portfolio”” so i could send it over because like. applications were open but there was like a week until the deadline to send yours so i took advantage of that to finish up some drawings i’d been working on etc (that’s why i was suddenly super active on my art blog for like a week lmaoo)

Anyway i did all that & put it in my portfolio & then submitted it the day before the deadline & it was all taken care of, time to wait. the next step was for the organizers to post the list of accepted artists, so they did that & i checked & unfortunately i didnt make the cut which is like. cool, fine, i wasn’t expecting much anyway, right? they had a ton of applicants so chances were slim, etc etc

not gonna fuckin lie to myself tho ok i rly did want to be a part of the project & i was pretty proud of the things i had worked on in preparation for the application & yea i did think i had a p decent chance li ke i obvs didn’t know who i was up against & it could’ve totally been a bunch of amazing artists who blew me out of the water but i felt like my stuff was at least. u know. nice to look at 

anyway i didnt get in & i was like rip & the organizers were like “we’re gonna send out emails to everyone including those who weren’t accepted” & i was like ok cool at least this way i’ll know for sure they got my entry

except. i never got an email?? they were like “we’ll send them out today/tomorrow” & it’s been almost a week now & i haven’t gotten anything so now instead of moving on like i’m supposed to be doing i keep thinking about what if my entry didn’t go through, does this mean i actually did have a chance but some random error prevented it from happening? they had so many entries & there was so little time between the deadline for submissions & the announcement of the artist list, did they really look at all the entries, or did they stop before they got to mine? did i fuck this up by waiting too close to the deadline, ensuring that my work never even got considered? but if i had submitted early i wouldn’t have had any examples of my current work to show, and my art has definitely changed since the last time i posted smth i was actually proud of so it wouldn’t have been good to submit at that point anyway

im just fucking overthinking everything & it’s so. ugh. and im literally /literally/ the worst person for doing this, but i did look at some of the accepted artists & i did compare my work to theirs & i absolutely did feel like mine could have easily been accepted over theirs but then again i have the creator’s point of view i dont know what my art actually looks like, maybe it looks like shit maybe it looks dumb as hell with weird proportions & unintentional warping that just makes it so goddamn ugly no one wants to look at it & that’s why all the things im proud of never get reblogged, who knows!! 

i don’t know what the organizers’ criteria for judgement was & i dont know what precisely they were looking for all i know is i didn’t get into the thing i rly wanted to get into & im upset abt it despite my best efforts not to be & i wish i could just move on and try again next time but that was literally the only time i’ve ever seen a call for applications to a zine, i have no idea how tf people actually find these things because the only way i ever find out about them is when they’re done and being advertised to sell so even though i know it’s not the case this felt like a special one-time opportunity which is making the rejection feel even worse & im just overall rly mad abt this bc i went into this so casually & somehow came out so unhappy

i just wish i could forget about it & get on with more important things in my life like hmm maybe the one month i have left to catch up in my classes & not fail them both like uhhh this shitty 90 second animation for this shitty piece of shit class that someone somehow tricked whoever’s in charge into labeling an “animation class” for which neither of those words apply as there is teaching of neither animation nor any other fucking thing in the entire universe going on during what i like to call the Three Hell Hours, each referred to respectively as “i woke up this early and walked this far and climbed this many stairs for This”, “holy shit it’s only 9 am how”, and “just 55 more minutes until i can get the fuck out of this time trap and spend the rest of the day trying to figure out if this moment right now even happened or if it was all a terrible fever dream that i had while really spending the morning actually asleep”

this got away from me, it’s well past midnight, im tired and not happy ok, today was a bad day for no reason, just generally a shit day, i gave a presentation on my half-assed painting project today which was about aromanticism & ended up telling my class im aro which didn’t seem like a big deal at the time & probably isn’t in the long run but for some reason i’m regretting it big time now like i feel like i shouldn’t have been so casual like that with a bunch of strangers & i was trying to explain the project but people were confused bc i forgot that most people don’t even distinguish between romantic/sexual orientation & people know basically nothing abt aromanticism bc nobody ever talks about it except sometimes on the internet and hhhhhh it went fine and all but i feel retroactively uncomfortable at having been so open about myself in front of a bunch of people who Don’t Get It man what a wakeup call after having been online w/ people who do get it for so long

my only consolation is that i have a friend in that class who Gets It & she’s like. my one support in that class, she said i handled it well so that was reassuring at least. but god. i can’t wait for the semester to be over so i never have to go back & face those people again lolllool godddddddd

anyway that’s all the venting i want to do for now lmfao sorry about this i just. hohjhj

#text posting #vent post #negative / #i didnt reread this so it's complete trash don't read it im the worst

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours. 

#another thought trail rant #this time on buying art in form of post cards and now stickers for the first time and being unsure about everything #when am i sure tho