#i was gonna do more but i'm kinda tired

[sunglassesmish]

just some closeups

#my gifs #misha collins #i was gonna do more but i'm kinda tired #if you have any specific moments you want done then tell me otherwise i might stop for now

[xhanisai]

hey lads if you’re not gonna comment on a fic you enjoyed, at least leave a kudos man

#delete later #on like half of the stories i've written on ao3 or more #i don't even get 10% of the viewers leaving kudos on my work and that's just kinda tiring man #we've come so far from the fanfiction.net days where writers solely thrived on comments and private messages to KNOW if their work is well #received by the online people #now you can just press a BUTTON to know that you enjoyed a story and it only takes like half a second! #there are so many people online who are constantly BEGGING everyone to PLEASE comment or review or let them know somehow that you've enjoyed #their work because we get so little feedback often and it is demotivating af #but if you're not gonna comment AT least leave a kudos rather than staying silent and consuming the stories like it's nothing #one thing i loved in the beginning of the ml fandom was how interactive everyone was with fanfics and how it had such a positive status #people were happily reblogging and leaving kudos and commenting LOADS back then #now???? it's literally SILENCE #back when my writing was worse prepandemic i easily got hundreds of kudos in a few days #but now i'm struggling to reach even 200 kudos in three months on my newer oneshots #engagement rate is soooooo bad now and it's demotivating af #i think this is why i prefer to write and send drabbles on discord because people there do respond and react to my works and it gives me the #push to keep going

[neon-catarina]

Hiii :D!!!

This time I didn't come to pats you dgdgjfjsjs

Can u draw my sister sona :3

With our birb :P (u know the birb)

of course!!!

Your sister's sona is so cute!!! She gives me calming comfy pastel vibes

#Would do more but I'm so tired (this was scheduled later but I did this right after that 1 Heart drawing I did beforehand) :[ #neon's nonsense #catgetsasked #I KNOW SHE HAS DARK BROWN HAIR I KINDA FORGOT WHEN DRAWING HELPDNDNFN #I was gonna draw the bird in the corner next to the full scale drawing of her as well urghhfhffhn

[zebratimw]

#svsss #scum villains self saving system #shang qinghua #how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg #I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg #how nice it would be to not exist #everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate #time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times #I haven't felt real in most of those years either #Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times #tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias #I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it #but at the same time I really want to do more too #I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person #and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig #I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg #priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore #idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things #like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing? #Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything #I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me #I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha #ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so #chug chug going along #I also have to make wushi before I die. haha #god my life is so empty #what am I even doing #I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this? #so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much #I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more

[zaggyzoo]

it's official ‼️

#from march 1st i'm gonna do part time instead of full time #i can't fucking wait i have 10 more days of work to power through then a week off and then hopefully I won't feel so tired all the time #😭😭😭🫶🏻 #also i have a hairdresser appointment on my week off i kinda wanna do some sort of curtain bangs even though i have the middle part cowlick #i think it could work what do you guys think #also i need my stomach to assest right now. please don't act up again

[genericpuff]

at this point with all of the IRL art markets i've done where i've made genuine connections and the fact that this tumblr is probably the most successful thing i've run almost ENTIRELY in secret, i'm ready to just tell people to put in the effort to find my art on their own damn time because i'm done with the self-promo social media bullshit ╰（‵□′）╯

#i stg like 90% of the things i've read and engaged with in the arts were things that i found completely by accident or thru pals #it's never been stuff that was shared to twitter and 'went viral' or whatever the fuck #and yeah that kinda includes webtoons tbh but i'm gonna get more into that later #just tired of the grind of posting to a void #i've had way more success doing art markets and conventions even during the ones where i've walked away with less money than i started #social media can suck my dick #self post #rant

[knight-engale]

Reminding myself that I CAN draw even if it's not full-body, heavily detailed background, pieces... So this is what I've been doing since like 2:30 PM. It's currently 10:40...

OCs borrowed:

Donna: @bottomvalerius Misery: @misery-lake Cyrus: @pageofsuns Uno: @ace--of--swords

#uno the magician #misery lake #apprentice cyrus #donna the magician #digital art #2022 #the arcana oc #there was gonna be one more but it's turning out to be way more complicated than i anticipated #uno's hair is. so fun to draw. will be doing that again #so was cyrus's aaaa #i'm pretty happy with how these came out. mostly #but at this point i'm kinda tired so

[front-facing-pokemon]

#bonus under the cut where they're just a tiny bit closer because i couldn't decide which one was better #lairon #lairon is also pretty good. they have this Really big nose thing happening here which i'm not sure if it's supposed to be a nose or not #but it definitely looks like one from this angle. it definitely Looks like they're snifsnifsnifsniffing that kind of vibe #even though it's kinda on the top of their head. either way lairon is a steel-type and that's inherently cool #i very much like steel-types that look less like Objects or Mechanisms and more like Creatures. Animals. but that's just my personal taste #notably it's also part rock-type because reasons i guess so 4x weakness to fighting my belovèd. just like weavile #and ground also. but at least the rock typing nullifies steel's weakness to fire! in exchange for. a weakness to water #ahh well i dunno anything about the stats of this bitch. i assume they're good and very tanky because steel-type but i'm not #gonna look it up. i usually do but i am tired this morning and i need to just get some coffee and take my meds so i can call someone to #come pick me up and take me to fedex because i don't have a fucking car anymore and also driving is very scary and hard #probably my grandma. which is ironic because she's the one i sold my car to. she'd be taking me to fedex in my own car‚ technically #i dunno y'all. i need to work‚ too‚ so i should probably stop writing. y'all have a good day. brits out there take care with the heat wave #if that's still going on by the time this posts

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

Me @ Netflix if they cut Foxglove and Hazel or A Game of You or yassify any of the girls

#sandman season 2 #a game of you #fucking bullshit man this comic say what you want in not saying there's nothing to criticize but christ #where else even today do you get queer women characters this un-polished and prettied up #to still be appealing looking to cishet men who are allowed to be messy and Problematic without #being punished by the narrative. And Wanda god she's a nerd she's a scene gal fashion wise she's everything #Barbie is desperately recovering any sense of identity at all and it's so compelling. I don't even trust netflix to do them justice #at this point but if the lesbians the fandom was least likely to find Palatable background extras aka the most human ones #are cut? If Wanda is yassified if Barbie is cut? Because we have to streamline everything and cut off everything that made #sandman unique to pull as many bucks as possible? Yes I AM going to take that #personally actually. It kinda does feel like a slap in the face. Queer women and women in general were the core fanbase of the comic for ye #but if they say fuck us when it's time to make $$?? Then fuck them right back. Bye #We don't need yet another time that if queer women aren't looking like models #they're not fit to be seen according to executives and audiences alike #also it goes without saying that if h0b g*dli*g gets one second more screen time than is necessary #I'm gonna chew my way thru Netflix hqs walls #Has he not taken over enough. The fandom is already insufferable about him #and I'm so fucken tired of it we DON'T need more #yes I know this is all fears and speculation. I WANT to be wrong. You don't know how happy I'll be if i have to eat my own words #But until then I'm so nervous

[drewsaturday]

as a lesbian sometimes i wish i followed more lesbians so my dash wasn't SO full of old men disproportionally but i kinda prefer this to the time in 2017 where all i saw for days was a gif of katie mcgrath beckoning at the camera with 2 fingers because people wouldn't stop imagining what that would feel like inside of them

#txt #maybe i just dont pay attention to what ppl r saying about male actors on my dash because... i don't care... #but that kind of thing abt actresses + the way ppl on twitter talk about the y*llowjackets cast.... #i'd kinda rather not see half of that in all honesty #anyone can be weird about actors #and at least on tumblr they're probs not gonna see it #but it does feel like at least in some of my fandoms the sapphics get VERY weird in particular #(which i say As A Lesbian pwease don't say i'm perpetuating predatory tropes or w/e) #so i'm chill with my dash being the way it is rn #even if it's less about the sapphics being weird and more about me just not caring enough to notice other ppl doing the same w men #fj;aklsdjf ALSO IN ALL HONESTY #I do not care about most of the actresses lesbians my age seem to give a shit about so it's a shot in the dark anyway #and unfortunately some of the lesbians out there being REALLY WEIRD about real people in their 20's #also can't stomach the fact that sometimes older women r hot and it is tiring to have to deal with that discourse time n time again #next time i get called gross i'll just fuck their mom i guess

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[queerstudiesnatural]

everything is pissing me offffff

#my friend was supposed to pick up a table that i have that i've been wanting to get rid of for weeks #and she said she wanted it so i didn't throw it out or sell it #it's been sitting in the middle of my room for weeks and i basically can't take a step without bumping into it #there are shelves now where it used to be so i can't put it back #i need to get rid of it i hate this table so much #and after weeks of me holding it for her she was supposed to pick it up today #and she just sent me a message saying there's no room in her truck so she can't take it today and she'll come back in a week or two for it #and i'm just #UGH. no. #like i'm in such a bad mood i may start crying over this table #i hate it i hate it i hate it #and it's so typical of my friend #she always does things like this. just assumes i'm gonna be fine with doing things according to her schedule or her mood swings #im so tired of always putting myself second #so fuck this table #i told her if she's not picking it up today i'm getting rid of it #it kinda feels good to say no to someone for a change #i should say no more often #rain.stuff

[edelorion]

#edel vents #disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh... #so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!! #today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today #and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go #i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with #aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there #and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to #discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual. #had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore) #so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood. #went home tired. can't really do anything right now. #at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks. #...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone #worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..? #i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed #as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them. #when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness. #to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth #and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her. #she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred #i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many #i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating. #i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin. #i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out. #i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it. #and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved. #i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something. #maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now. #sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.

[applepies-and-starlight]

Hi hi it's 1am here and the thoughts are Not Great so scroll past if you don't want to see the pettiest vent in your life 'k thanks ♡

So you know that post about me being scared about sharing my work if it isn't the popular opinion or anything generally commonly appealing? Yeah so as I was typing out the tags my brain threw a core memory at my face and went "you absolutely know why"

Anywau basically like, i was an undertale fan during the undertale renissance (is that how you spell it?) And i was fucking OBSESSED over glitchtale (until early season 2 + before camila was outed to be a shitbag) and thought glithtale was very very cool

Ankther thing is that i was a chronic deviantart scroller at the tjme (also on google images) and i love lovr loooooved looking at people's art

So i was like "hey i could do that too!" And started making fanart for glitchtale, specifically that final battle part where they're in The Orb™ in s1

I was doing it in school because at this point everyone was basically just hanging out (my elementary's system was 1st grade to 6th grade (i was... 5th grade iirc) And also had this weird systen where the younger half of elementary would go home 2 hours earlier than the older half (1pm), idk why) and like, because there was literally just 4 people here because small school, i showed my wip to the other 3 people present in the area

They made fun of it

Yeag,,

They made fun of. Basically Everything.

The thing that primarily stuck with me was how they teased about frisk's posing and the overall edginess of the piece, but mostly how frisk looked stypid (which, 1. Y'all play fnaf and brag that you're cool though kids you don't have room to talk; 2. It was The Orb™ fight,,, of course it was gonna be edgy,,,,)

It's somewhere in a landfill now, i threw it in the trash and never fished it out... probably decomposed by now, it's been 8 years (holy shit it's been 8 years)

I... think they apologized? Idk i just know they had a "wait shit no-" moment when i threw it in the trash but i was already mad about it so, yeag

Like... i like to say that it doesn't affect me that badly anymore but i'm pretty sure it still is? I literally can't look at my art anymore without thinking of how bad it looks compared to everyone else's and i also am physically unable to Not agree with others (i literally forced myself to hate homura akemi pmmm because a friend didn't see the nuance in her character and just relegated her to "bitch" lmao) and Good Lird i have crippling perfectionism because if 1 person hates it then everyone does right??? Lmao

Deadass nowadays i just can't bring myself to make or share any ideas or pick up anything creative because i HAVE to get it perfect in 1 go otherwise i'll be ridiculed for it; I'm Trying to outgrow these problems but it's jist So Dicking Hard akfjshdjdhr and it seriously doesn't help tjat there was a seperare (smaller) incident where i found one of my drawings crumpled on the floor by someone

Man i'm kinda fucked up am i?

#cw: vent #void screaming #not gonna bother correcting my grammar or spelling for this #too tired to do so lmaooooooooooooo #[this is a filler tag to make sure the rest of the tags are put under the read more button] #man i feel like i'm gonna cry lmao #i'm actually processing this by typing it out and now i just realize how fucked up it was #semi-unrelated but did you know i tried to make art for a teacher by tracing over someone else's art? #it's kinda goofy tbh #iiii also have a tendency to get anxious and obsessively check for a response once i post something... #probably also a byproduct of the incident #who knows #my dumbass is defined by people kicking me around #sooo yeah.

[bearsace]

not the way motonari route has me by the THROAT rn... and i thought ieyasu was the one who bias-wrecked me for my ikesen replay...

#ikesen #motonari #ikesen motonari #i am so WHIPPED for bitches who have a rough exterior but are very romantic and sensitive lovers #it took me so long to play his route cuz i thought it was gonna be rough on rough #but every time they say motonari's eyes were gentle? his touch was soft? his voice was tender? good SHIT. #i promise you. i will 360 my ass right back into his route as soon as i am done with it #he has so much more depth than i thought he would wow. #my overall takeaway about the fandom discourse when he first came out: #it seems to me like the whole “owning you” thing got blown way out of proportion? i totally see why people were squicky about it. #tbh it kinda irritated me too a lil. #but as his route goes on i'm like “ok yeah honestly this was a good jumping off point” #i really disliked what he was doing at first but i'll say he goes to redeem himself #i think mc's headstrongness was the redeeming factor up until we got to see his side that's lmao. head over heels for her #also .......... everytime the game is like “he's so clever. he's so smart. what a sharp mind he has” i'm like BRING ME MORE #i have the hots for a smart boy #i also have the hots for a bad boy #who would've thought it would be motonari of all suitors to marry those two tropes perfectly for me #honestly i was getting tired of replaying mitsuhide route and that's why i slowly fell off ikesen #but damn if motonari isn't changing that rn lmao....? #anyway. that's where i'm at.

[keeps-ache]

april fools :> get spooked!

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #animation #april fools #ghost :D #//i should do some more quick animations like this is was kinda fun #//anyway i am Dog Tired so i'm just gonna. drop off the face of the earth for a bit loll #see ya :>