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tlcwrites · 3 years

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By A Nose

Submission for Writer Wednesday 5/12

Summary: If you're going to talk the talk, you better be able to walk the walk. Or, proof Poe Dameron is a terrible loser.

Word Count: 1528

Tags/Warnings: Poe Dameron x Reader, Modern AU. Implied smut but mostly in passing. Some bad words. Poorly edited because as usual I finished this at like 11 and my kids get up at 5 so I need to go to sleep.

Author’s Note: THREE FICS IN A WEEK WHO AM I?

Okay, so I cannot be the only one who saw the photo for this week's Writer Wednesday (thank you once more for hosting, @autumnleaves1991-blog!) and went the direction I did. If I am the only one, well, just further proof my brain is certifiable. Make sure you comment on when you figure out where this fic takes place.

There will also be an accompanying headcanon coming for this probably tomorrow, because there was SO much material I wanted to use but couldn't make fit. Thank you @paper-n-ashes for brainstorming with me and being the best hype-woman ever.

“AAAAHHHHH.”

“WE’RE GONNA DIE.”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“FINN!!” You smack him. “There are small children here!”

But he’s too busy screaming to pay attention.

On the other side of you, Kaydel looks decidedly green. She lets out a pained moan as your vehicle makes a particularly hard turn. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this…”

You pat her knee as you fly through a kitchy town. “Hang in there, honey. It’s almost over.”

The village elder’s well wishes still ringing in your ears, you pull up next to another idling transport. From the driver’s seat, your boyfriend winks at you.

“You’re going down, Dameron!” you holler at him.

He makes the universal ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. “Eat my dust, losers!”

Finn yells back something that has you smacking him again, shooting an apologetic glance to the second row of Poe’s transport, where Snap and Karé are sitting with their daughter Nora. Snap’s hands fly to cover Nora’s ears while Karé laughs heartily.

Next to Poe, Rey holds her thumb and forefinger up to her forehead in an ‘L’ shape. “Second place is the first to lose!”

Before any more trash talking can occur, you see a flash of red out of the corner of your eye and then both vehicles take off, bursting out of the dark into blinding sunlight.

You both fly over the rusty terrain, neck and neck as you navigate under rocky overpasses and around hairpin turns. From the second row of your car, you can hear Maz lobbing profanities at Chewie in the other ride. He’s yelling back in his native tongue (which you still only understand half of). Beside Maz, Leia and Han are both laughing like kids.

A shriek of joy erupts from you as you fly over a series of hills, the momentary weightlessness thrilling. Finn has both hands in the air, while Kaydel grips the safety handle with white knuckles.

Finally, you come out of a turn to see a sharp drop. You look to Poe, who grins back at you, his vehicle slightly ahead of yours. Damnit, you HATE losing to him. He’s the worst winner.

At the last moment, your ride leaps ahead, crossing under the checkered banner by a nose. The passengers of your car cheer and high-five in victory, while Poe’s passengers groan in good-natured defeat.

As you roll through the red-lit cavern, you laugh as you catch sight of Poe’s face. He’s a terrible winner, but he’s an even worse loser. Even if his loss comes at the hands of an algorithm.

Anthropomorphic cars wave you off as both vehicles enter the unloading zone. On the other side of the platform, Chewie is lifting Rey out of the front seat as she pretends to collapse in agonized failure, her laughter completely destroying the illusion. You accept Finn’s hand as he helps you up, both of you turning to support Kaydel as she crawls out of the car.

A ride attendant watches her warily. “Does she need assistance?” he asks Han.

Han waves him off, wrapping an arm around his wife’s shoulders as Maz and Chewie beeline for the ride photos. “She’ll be fine. No protein spills here.” At the cast member’s astonished look, the charming rogue gives his trademark grin. “Ain’t my first rodeo, kid.” As he and Leia stroll past you towards the exit, he catches your eye and winks. “That, and they haven’t changed the lingo since the 70’s.”

Laughing, you rub Kaydel’s back as Rey swaps places with Finn and helps bracket your green-tinged friend. “Let’s get you some water, yeah?”

Kaydel manages a slight nod, and the three of you make your way towards the exit.

Behind you, you can hear Poe and Finn bickering, as they’re wont to do.

“It’s a ride, dude,” Finn is saying, the exasperation clear in his tone.

“It’s physics, dude,” Poe shoots back. “There’s NO way the car on the outside of the turn would be able to finish first.”

Worst. Loser. Ever.

Your rag-tag alliance eventually makes it out of the exit tunnel. Ben’s waiting across the walkway, those ridiculously long arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the guard rail and steadily ignores whatever Armitage is ranting about.

On the bench next to them, Rose perks up, a smirk crossing her pretty face as she sees Poe’s expression. “Well, I don’t need to ask who won.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” the most-competitive-pilot-in-the-galaxy grumbles back, adjusting his backpack. You help Kaydel to a bench, where she quickly curls up.

Rey rolls her eyes as she forces her way into the circle of Ben’s arms. “It’s not like any of us could have actually controlled the outcome, you noodle.”

“Not without some kind of magic,” Ben intones dryly, resting his chin on his girlfriend’s head.

“How cool would that be, though?” Rey’s getting her Down-The-Wormhole-We-Go eyes. You and Rose exchange a Look™️ as she starts gesturing wildly with her hands. “Like, imagine if you could just look at something like rocks and, like, make them fly. Or make someone do whatever you wanted them to do. OH!” She looks up at Ben with a slightly manic expression. “Lightning bolts from your fingers!!”

Well-used to these kinds of rambles, Ben gently captures her hands and wraps her into a hug that doubles as a straight jacket. “No more SyFy channel before bed.”

Rose slides her arms around her husband as Finn joins her on the bench. “Did you behave?”

Nora, in all her 6-year-old innocence, giggles. “Mr Finn said a whole lot of swear-jar words.” She casts a critical eye on the young man. “You probably said enough you could buy an Elsa doll.” The ‘for me’ is unsaid, but implied.

Karé rapidly turns her laugh into a cough.

Finn glances down at his wife as Rose smacks him upside the head. “Hey! That tractor thing is terrifying. And Maz said WAY more than I did!”

“Age before beauty, Finnigan,” Maz says haughtily, waving off Finn’s ‘m'name’s not Finnigan, damn it’.

Giggling, you tune out the ridiculousness that is your found family and turn your attention to your still-sulking boy toy. “You know,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around his waist, “you make that face for long enough and it’ll stick that way.”

He huffs. “This is just how my face looks.”

“Uh huh.” Considering yourself quite the expert in his face, having spent countless hours studying every crease and line until you could have drawn him blindfolded, you call bullshit, but say nothing further.

“It is,” he insists.

“Okay,” you agree.

The King of Sarcasm narrows his eyes. “You’re doing that thing.”

You widen your eyes innocently. “What thing?”

“That thing where it sounds like you’re agreeing with me but you’re really telling me I’m a dumbass.”

“What?!” You bring your hand to your chest. “Moi?! I would never.”

He huffs again, but you can see the hint of a smirk starting to break though.

“C’mon, First Runner Up,” you tease. “No sulking in Disneyland. Let me buy you a drink at Trader Sam’s, and then we can sneak off to the Haunted Mansion and make out like teenagers in our Doom Buggy.”

He tilts his head, considering it.

“Or-“ You brush an inky curl off his forehead and stand on your toes until your lips are just about caressing his ear and whisper, “-we could get back in line right now and go again.”

Even before you’ve finished speaking, Poe’s grabbing your hand and hauling you back towards the entrance, tossing a “See you jerks later!” as he pulls you under the Radiator Springs Racers sign. Their laughter echos behind you as he leads the way through the mostly empty line (thank goodness for parade lulls).

As you wait in the queue, only a few dozen people stand between Poe and his (re)shot at victory. You see that competitive gleam in his eyes start to come alive again.

“Hey.” You tug on his tee shirt until he looks at you. “If our car doesn’t win, tonight I’ll do That Thing you love.”

“Babe.” The look he gives you is one of pure torture. “You are killing me here.” He really loves to win. But he really, really loves That Thing. “What about when we come in first?”

You shrug demurely. “Then you wear Those Pants™️ tomorrow.”

Hm. Poe’s always been quick to calculate his odds, and this is quickly turning into a win/win situation. If you lose, he gets That Thing. But Those Pants™️ turn you about feral, and when you’re in that kind of mood- let’s just say Poe still has the scars on his shoulders to prove it.

“Are those terms acceptable, Flight Commander Dameron?” You smile sweetly up at him.

His licentious grin says it all. “Hell yeah.”

For the record, your car does lose a second time. And the next morning, Poe hardly has Those Pants over his ass when you’re ripping them back down his legs and shoving him backwards onto the bed.

Oh, yeah, he thinks to himself. This is better than any dumb kid’s ride.

…doesn’t mean he’s not going to ride it as many times as it takes to win.

A/N: I almost titled this “Tell me you have children without saying you have children”. I am so fucking sick of ‘Lining McQueen’. Yay 4-year-olds.

Thank you for reading; likes and reblogs feed my soul.

#writer wednesday #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron fic #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x gender neutral reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron #hot space droid dad #my writing #modern au #star wars fanfiction #star wars fanfic #poe dameron fanfic

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imtrying-butimpissed · 4 years

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Having a tough week ahead...

The struggle is keeping my head above water..

The always wonderful abusive mother is having us do a "family portrait" where we look like a real happy family which makes my insides boil. Shes telling me what to wear and she'll tell the photographers to edit me to make me look better, as she always does, right in front of me. Like.. I get it. Im ugly. But thats her fucking problem. Not mine.

Tomorrow is my bday. I dont get to have any say or choice in what i do to celebrate. My amazing mother demands she put on a show to prove to everyone else that she is in fact a great mother. She forces food on me and forces dessert on me and then continues her triggering "Do yOU kNoW thE cAlOrIEs in tHAT?!" routine. Then shoves a camera into my face and records everything and it makes me want to die. My bday has never been about me or for me, its been for her to feel good about herself. I just suffer through it knowing the demon she really is. I wont get into details here but people should be in jail :/

After that i have to do a tour of the venue for the art showcase. I'll probably meet other artists there. Im nervous. I feel and look like crap. Im not that smart. Im inexperienced. Im shy and stumble over my words..

After that i have to complete all the art pieces im working on. Im tired of it and getting really depressed.

Then the showcase is happening and i have to stand there and talk about my art to strangers and try to sell it and im so bad with words i cant speak coherently and i know there will be triggering things there and the only "safety blanket" i have is a magicians coat im going to wear. Im dreading everything.

On top of all that, all we have to eat here is meat.. Meat on top of meat on top of meat. Relying on my protein powder to not die, here.

#sign the dotted line

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kweebtrash · 6 years

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Greedy (M)

Sexual Liberation Ch 5-Kino/Hui

Pairings: Hui/Kino/Hongseok/E’Dawn x Reader/OC

Features Full Sex Scenes with: Hui, Hongseok, Kino, E’Dawn, Hyuna

Genre: College AU, Heavy Smut

Summary: College is about experimentation, being free, and having no strings attached fun. Hui, Kino, And E’Dawn have messed around with their best friend ever since last spring. Now that summer is over and they’re back in America, their sexual antics have intensified especially when everyone starts catching feelings. Throw Hongseok into the mix and it creates a swirling mess of emotions and an ultimate decision that might hurt everyone.

Warning:

Features: threesomes, anal, public sex

Word Count: 5.4k

A/N: I sometimes flipflop between stage names and real names. italics are for past events. Updated edits are done for this chapter! Enjoy.

Sexual Liberation Masterlist

____

“Um...hey…” I swallowed hard, my throat still dry from sleep and nervousness building. “What’s everybody doing here?”

“Well we live here so….” Kino took a bite of the cereal from the bowl he was holding. “What are you doing here...in Hui’s room?” He asked with his mouth full.

I adjusted the scarf around my neck. “I need to get to class.”

“Oh, honey, it’s 8 at night.” Hui came over to me and smoothed out my bedhead. “You were so tired I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“HUI! I needed to go to class! It’s my dance class! My professor is going to kill me.” I groaned.

Hui wrapped his arms around me. “Sometimes you have to put yourself first. I’m glad that you slept in. Do you want to hang with us? I was just about to kick Hongseok’s butt in Mario Kart.”

Hongseok looked up quickly when he heard his name. His eyes caught mine for a second before darting over to Hui’s. “It’s hilarious that you think you’re that talented. Stick to singing.”

Time had passed and there was no reason for me to fuss over something I couldn’t go back and fix. I would just have to get chewed out next class. I needed to focus on what was going on currently- me being an animal trapped in a cage surrounded by the men that made my mind, body, and soul go crazy. Their curious stares were still kicking my nerves into overdrive and I wanted to shift the attention back to their brotherly banter. I patted Hui’s chest and sighed. “He’s right, Hui. You couldn’t beat anyone at Mario Kart. You’re always last place.” I teased. He made an adorable pout and whined at me for taking Hongseok’s side.“Besides, everyone knows that I’m the champ and no one has beaten my streak yet.”

Hyojong looked straight at me and had the audacity to final utter any communication my way. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” That was all he had to say? My brows furrowed in anger.

“Why don’t you learn how to text people instead of just using them?” I spat back at him.

Hongseok traded glances between Hyo and I, a look of confusion on his face. “Am I missing something?”

“No,” Hyojong replied. “It’s nothing at all.” He avoided looking at me now as my eyes were filled with hurt and bitterness.“

Hongseok seemed to take that answer though he was still unsure of the whole situation and I wanted to keep it that way. He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled nervously. “Well, you’re more than welcome to stay and play with us.”

I shook my head. “No, I wish I could but I should really get back to my dorm.” That was my blatant excuse for not wanting to be surrounded by the men I fucked and the one I wanted to fuck but couldn’t. “I've got a lot of things to catch up on.”

Hui rubbed my back gently, his overbearing nature poking through. “Do you want me to walk you back?”

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me.” I kissed his cheek before grabbing my backpack and dealing with the awkwardness of goodbyes. Seeing Hyo again really hurt, especially since he hadn’t even acknowledged me in class and his only words to me now were related to a game. It was too casual and felt like he didn’t give a damn about me at all. I couldn’t deal with it all at once. I was halfway down the hall when I felt a presence appear beside me. I glanced over and saw the devil himself which made me roll my eyes.

“Hey.” he said rather softly. I didn’t answer him and continued walking, increasing my speed a little. That didn’t deter him and he stayed quick on my heels. “They caught me up on what's going on with you.”

My jaw set in anger. “Nothing is going on with me. You’re the one that forgot we were friends and didn’t bother to talk to me all summer. Now we’re stuck in the same class and working on a stupid project together. I know where I stand with you, Hyo.”

“No, I don’t think you do but you sure seemed to have gotten back on track with Kino and Hui.” He quipped.

I stopped and whipped around, almost crashing into him. “Hui knows how to treat people kindly and is working towards rebuilding our friendship. I wouldn’t say I’m back on track with Kino just because we slept together. He’s still an asshole but you’re an even BIGGER asshole!”

“I am not an asshole. I was busy and I’m sorry that my life didn’t revolve around answering you back. I don’t want us to be fighting, ok? I do want us to be friends again. I don’t want you to think that you aren’t important to me because you are. It was a bit hectic back home.”

“If you want to be friends so bad then start acting like it and stop acting like I’m an inconvenience.”.

He slipped his e-cig out of his pocket and took a deep drag off it. He exhaled slowly, the smoke pouring out of his nose and mouth. “I’m sorry. Things were...they weren’t easy for me to deal with when I went back. A lot of stuff went on that I can’t exactly talk about.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “i'm glad everyone has excuses.”

“Look,” He took another drag. “I’m ready to move on with you. We have good chemistry; musically, sexually, platonically. I know i messed up but would you please give me another chance?”

That was a difficult decision. The rationality in my brain was telling me that I shouldn’t give in a third time but my heart and body wanted to fall into his trap. He was also right in some ways. When we made music together it was amazing. Our raps were pristine and his beats showcased how much of a genius he was. I loved the way we sounded. Avoiding him was going to be almost impossible with this project. I dreaded us working together but parts of me were still excited to spend time with him. I was basically defeated in the war against myself

“We'll work together for the sake of the grade, ok?” I stated, deciding that was the best solution I could come up with for now. I would try my damndest to not let it go further than that but there were no guarantees. ‘But once someone hurts me I'm not quick to trust them again.”

Hyojong took my hand in his and placed a kiss on my knuckles. “I’ll work hard, on the project and on getting you to trust me again. I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah….” I sighed and gave his hand a small squeeze before resuming my walk. He kept my hand in his and stayed beside me. “We can set up a day to work on it. Oh, I just thought of something. Have you heard from the others? Yuto, Shinwon, Yeo One, you know?” Our friends had returned back to their home countries once the spring semester was over. My conversations with them were sporadic at best due to the time difference but I was at least able to stay in contact with them.

Hyojong nodded and explained that he had classes with a few of them. There were fortunately gaps of time where we could band together and have lunch or practice which i was ecstatic about. “I'll make a group chat in Line for us and invite you.”

I smiled. “That sounds good. I can’t wait to talk to them. Yanan told me he’s been really sick ever since he got back to China and almost didn’t make it back for this semester. I checked in on him a few times but I still want to see him.”

Hyo nodded and stopped as we arrived at my dorm. We stood in front of the large glass doors, readying our goodbyes. “I’ll set it up tonight, ok?” He promised.

I nodded and pulled my keycard out of my backpack. “I'll probably be up all night since i took that nap but what else is new. My sleep schedule is always shit. Dance club is tomorrow too and hip hop club is the day after. I'll just die, it's fine.”

He chuckled. “You wont die. Just don’t wear yourself out so much. I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Is this you trying to care about me?”

He stepped closer so that our bodies were almost touching. “I'll always care about you, dumbass.” He took another drag and before I could even retort, his slender fingers wrapped around my chin and pulled me to his lips. He shared the smoke between us in a small stream, reminiscent of our first hookup. It still made my knees weak as did his slow kiss that followed. I pushed him away gently.

“D-don't do that.”

“Why?” He whispered in a seductive voice that was dangerously enticing. He knew exactly why he shouldn’t do such a thing but decided to tease me anyway.

I swallowed hard. “You'll make me want to take you upstairs and do bad things to you.” I admitted.

“I like bad things. I especially like when you do them to me.” He tried to give me another kiss but managed to jerk my head away quickly.

“No! No.” I commanded both myself and Hyo. “I'm going upstairs now. Away from you. Go home, E'Dawn.” I swiped my card in quickly, not giving him a chance to protest or worse- seduce me, and ran through the doors getting away from him before i ripped his clothes off and fucked him hard.

____

Later on that evening, I was bent over my laptop typing up some parts of my research paper. My roommate was asleep and I was trying not to disturb her. Our room lights remained off and I was left to strain my eyes against the minimal light of my screen. Suddenly, my phone vibrated beside me and I saw chat bubbles pop onto the screen. Hyo was adding every one to the group chat as he said he would. It was slow going at first, as expected since it was late at night, but soon enough a few of them started to respond. Each time I got a new notification it was a moment of saving grace. My brain was starting to fry after working on this stupid paper for so long and I was only five pages in.

Another vibration signaled a new chat altogether. I recognized the tiny profile pic as Hongseok and my heart skipped a bit. Holy shit, what was I going to do?! Of course I accepted his request but I was nervous and unaware of what I should actually say.

Hongseok: Hi :)

uh, hey. How are you?

Hongseok: I’m good, what are you still doing awake?!

I cant really sleep now after that giant ‘nap’ i took this afternoon so I’m working on my paper. What r u still doing up?

Hongseok: Studying:( i have a test in two days and im worried i will fail.

He seemed so proper when he texted. I didn't want to look like a complete illiterate fool.

What class is it for?

Hongseok: History of European Music. It's kind of boring, ha ha.

I took that class. I think i still have my notes from it. Do you want to take a look at them? Also do you always type like that?

It felt weird for me to text so grammatically correct.

Hongseok: Like what?

Like all perfect with your grammar and everything.

Hongseok: Oh, sorry. It just helps me keep up with my English. Sometimes I can be a bit rusty.

Oh, I see! I was just wondering. it’s kind of cute...

I hit send before I could take it back and internally hit myself. I wasn’t supposed to do that. I wasn’t supposed to flirt with him. Would he even see it as flirting? He didn’t respond for awhile and I started to panic, thinking that I had somehow offended him. I flopped back onto my bed, trying not to check my phone every so often but ultimately failing. Still nothing had come through so I decided to try and get back to my paper. I made it about three more paragraphs before my phone finally vibrated again. I scooped it up quickly and smiled when I saw his name pop up again.

Hongseok: Sorry, i was showering. But if you’d like we could try meeting tomorrow?

Ok, so he didn’t completely sound upset that i called him cute. It wasn't entirely an accident that I called him cute but him ignoring the comment in general was a little heart breaking.

Sure. I can meet you somewhere. I get out of class around 2?

Hongseok: Two works for me. Is the library, ok? We can go back to the top floor.

Oh lord...the library.

Yep! That sounds good.

Hongseok: Amazing. Have a great night :)

That seemed to be the end of our conversation which also disappointed me. I didn’t know what exactly I wanted the outcome to be of our talk but at least we were getting somewhere as friends. A study session would be fine as a first hang out. I just had to keep telling myself that it was purely platonic.

_____

I sat uncomfortably staring at the table that I had been fucked on just a few days before. The ache in my hips was just starting to go away but the urge to feel Kino again seemed to be coming back. My mind swirled with memories of being bent over and feeling Kino’s cock relentlessly fill me. It was the most perfect sensation and- my thoughts were cut short when I heard a voice coming nearer.

“Sorry, i’m late.” Hongseok huffed as he pulled back the seat beside me and sat down. “My vocal lesson ran over and I rushed here are fast as I could. I didn’t want you to think I had forgotten about you.”

I cleared my throat and tried not to be too obvious in my blushing. I didn’t think I could ever be mad at him even if he was late. I didn’t mind at all and I was definitely grateful for the distraction from my barrage of Kino thoughts. “You didn’t have to rush. I was totally fine with waiting. I haven’t really been here that long anyway.” I pulled out my tattered spiral notebook from my backpack and set it between us. “Sorry it’s a little torn up but the notes should still be fine. If you need help studying i got you. I got a B.”

He chuckled and smiled that perfectly stunning smile at me. “I might take you up on that offer. I don’t know why I can’t seem to grasp any of the concepts. Maybe I’ve just been distracted or something.”

“Distracted?” I asked. “By what?”

Hongseok avoided me and instead looked down at my notebook, flipping through some of the pages. “Um...I’m not sure. Maybe just all the TA stuff…”

“Yeah, you do have a lot on your plate. But you’ll make it. I know you will.” I smiled at him and scooted my chair a little closer. “Here, what Unit are you on? I should remember most of what we discussed. Tell me what you need help with.”

Hongseok licked his lips and rubbed this palms over his thighs. I noticed our knees had touched briefly when I moved in closer but I didn’t really think much of it. What I did notice was the faint smell of his cologne lingering on the collar of his shirt, the same he had worn when we first met at the library. It was the perfect scent to get wrapped up in. I realized that he hadn’t said anything then and wondered if he had even heard me. “Hongseok?”

“Oh, right, yes!” He seemed to have snapped himself out of whatever distraction was capturing his attention. “So, I’m having trouble with this.”

We sat huddled together for hours as I explained whatever I could remember from the course. Every once in awhile i would catch him staring at me and I didn’t know what to make of it. I was over thinking about what I felt made me unattractive, wondering if that was why he was staring so much. I questioned if my breath stunk, if i needed more deodorant, if my hair was turning into a mess. I had been twirling it in my fingers it in for awhile now and had probably made everything frizzy. However, in the midst of studying, or conversations started veering which provided me a bit of relief. Questions about music class switched to comparisons of Avenger superheroes. He was such an Ironman fanboy and I argued that Hulk and Thor were much better. He said that I only liked them because Mark Ruffalo and Chris Hemsworth were attractive and I had to school him in my knowledge of comics. It only made him laugh and smile more which made my body seem like it was radiating warmth. That laugh was infectious and made my insides bubble with excitement. I didn’t want anything to end with him but soon after Hongseok noticed the time on his watch.

“I would love to stay and talk to you more but I’ve got to get going. I have one more class coming up in a few minutes.” He stood up and gathered the notes we worked on and stuffed them into his backpack. “It was um...” He swallowed hard. “I had a really nice time with you. Would you want to maybe help me study again sometime?”

I agreed a little too quickly, absolutely ecstatic that he wanted to hang out again. “Yeah, of course! I would love to. Just let me know when you’re free next.” Could I sound any more thirsty?

“Will do.” He gave me one last smile before getting up from his seat and heading over to the elevator. I stood behind and set my head on the table once he disappeared. Why was he so damn beautiful? I guess I was a masochist because I loved just piling on one exchange student after the other to make my life a living hell. I was also becoming a pathological liar to myself. No matter how many times I told myself not to get involved with anyone else I would still go and do it. Sometimes I wondered why I was trying to get my Bachelor’s Degree in music when I could just get it in “Roping Gorgeous Men into My Life that I Don’t Need” Studies. Tuition was free and I was already getting stellar grades.

____

I stood face to face with the bane of my existence, staring him down as i was ready to destroy his ego little by little. Our groups had been chosen by our dance club to do the usual after-lesson battle. We were the leaders and I was determined to have my girls go harder than ever. I wanted to drop him down a few pegs and remind him that he was nothing to me (no matter how much of a lie that was). I squatted down to stretch out my hamstrings and popped my gum obnoxiously. “Try not to get a boner, Kino. It’s just a dance battle.” i teased.

“Try not to squirt all over the floor this time.” he spat back with a wink. I rolled my eyes at him and scoffed.

“Pig!” My teammate shouted to him.

“Shut it and pick.” He rolled his eyes and gestured towards the coin we had to make the decision for us. “Heads or tails.”

“Oh, we don’t need to pick.” We’ll go first. Song is ‘Swalla’. Watch and learn boys.” I said.

He scoffed. “Boring and overplayed.”

I ignored him as our fellow club member started the song. Room was made for the dancers and we settled into our beginning moves. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hui within the crowd. I hadn’t expected him to come but he was already clapping and cheering in excitement. It made me smile and become much more confident as I landed each body roll and pop. Kino was quick to retaliate with his own teasing moves that were a bit sharper than mine. He worked his way over to me, adding a few body rolls of his own while lifting his shirt and sticking his tongue out. I wanted to roll my eyes into the next century at his fuckboy ways.

Oh so you want to play dirty then?

When our team switched turns i danced closer to Kino, bouncing my ass and dropping low into a split, which got a lot of cheers from the crowd. I danced my way back up to my feet and bent over at my waist, shaking my ass a little more. The rules were that the teams couldn’t touch each other while dancing but we could sure as hell gets as close as we could. I could tell he probably wanted to smack my ass to get me to move away but had to be a good boy. I looked out into the crowd and saw Hui biting his lip. He probably just came here to see my ass move, that pervert. I pushed my hair back and ran my tongue against my lips, smirking because I knew we had won.

Kino took his last chance to tease me. He got close to me too, rolling his body and biting his lip as his teammates battled with mine. I wanted to push him away but also i wanted to wipe that smug look on his face by winning. The song ended and the jury went to the crowd. I gave a little wave to Hui who had his hands suspiciously covering the front of his jeans. He only smiled at me in acknowledgement.

My team was announced as the winner and I stuck my tongue out at Kino who had to swallow his crushing defeat. Our club president got everyone’s attention and announced that time was up. We were already running a little bit over and had to wrap up quickly. I went to my gymbag and pulled my crop hoodie off. I grabbed my towel and dabbed at the sweat on my forehead and neck.

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Kino toss a bottle of water at me. I caught it and twisted it open, taking long, fast gulps. “You were ok, I guess. You rely on your fat ass too much.” Kino quipped. Hui came up to us quickly.

“Don’t insult her like that.”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry Hui, Kino likes it too he just won't admit it.” I felt Hui’s hand outline the curve of my ass. “Hwitaek, is that your way of flirting?”

He blushed and moved his hand. “Sorry.”

Kino looked around as the room was mostly empty now. He and Hui exchanged a suspicious look. “What?” i asked sternly, knowing they were up to something.

“Nothing...nothing.”Hui said.

“Ya'll are weird. Goodbye.”i grabbed my stuff and exited the dance room. It was pretty dark out and the way back to my dorm wasn't really illuminated enough. I hated coming this way, even with the short cut but i did it for dance. I adjusted my gymbag on my shoulder and browsed through my phone. I was hoping someone had posted a video of my team's dance so i could see how well i did. I was scrolling through our dance clubs instagram when i heard a crunch behind me. It sounded like a twig snapping. I swiveled around like an owl, trying to find out where the sound was coming from. But no one was behind me. I swallowed hard and started walking a little faster.

I could still hear the crunching behind me and i was ready to start running when i felt someone grab me. I tried to scream but my mouth was covered. I was picked up and taken into the more densely tree packed area, towards the back of the dance building. I tried squirming and wiggling my way free when i was suddenly let go and pushed up against the dance building.

“Did we scare you?” Kino laughed.

“I told you you shouldn’t have done that! She’s gonna kick your ass and I’m gonna laugh and watch.” Hui added.

I growled. “If you ever...EVER pull that shit again I will end you.”

Hui pulled me closer to him. “I’m sorry baby. I wouldn’t let him really hurt you.” He kissed my cheek gently.

“Ahh, c’mon, what’s a little fun?” Kino rubbed my hips gently. “Besides it was Hui’s idea to do something a little...public.”

I glared at Hui who held up his hand in defense. “I just- i mean i thought- i just wanted to…”

“He was just so turned on by the way you shook your ass.” Kino whispered in my ear. “And maybe i was too.”

Hui stepped closer and rubbed my thighs. “We couldn’t help ourselves, baby.” He placed a kiss flush against my lips. “Can we show you how much we enjoyed your dance?”

“I’m hot and sweaty and angry.” I said sharply. “What makes you think that I want to fuck outside in this woodsy ass shit behind this danky building? Hmm?”

“Maybe not, but we think you’d want to be filled and cum so hard you see stars.” Kino licked the shell of my ear and nibbled slightly..

“And you’d know that if i’m on my knees I’d do anything you’d like.” Hui said lowering himself down to his knees in front of me.

God, he looked so good down there. He was already sliding my leggings down my thighs, kissing them as they became exposed. I was still mad as hell but Hui loved kissing every inch of my skin and had in fact spent hours doing it once until it lulled me to sleep. I wanted to curse him for exciting every nerve inside me. Kino was already shoving his hands beneath the band of my sports bra, pushing it up and over my breasts so he could cup them. The chilly night air hit my heated skin, making me shiver.

Hui took off my sneakers and made me step out of my leggings. His lips went to my center, kissing and nibbling at the fabric of my thong.

“Hyung, get her against the wall.” Kino commanded. Hui stood up and tossed his jacket aside before pressing me to the cold concrete. I pulled my sports bra up and over my head, tossing it by my gymbag.

“Don’t make me wait so long. You’ve both already pissed me off.”

Hui reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He tossed something to Kino and tore at a small packet between his teeth. He spit away the part he ripped off and Kino pulled my thong down quickly. Hui’s fingers slipped between my cheeks and i gasped as i felt the cool lube against my rim. I gripped Kino’s shoulder tightly as Hui’s fingertip rocked little by little until he pushed through. “Have you been practicing for me, love?” He cooed in between kisses to my shoulder blades.

Kino’s fingers teased at my other entrance. “You know she did, Hyung. I can almost see her on her bed with her legs spread. That cute vibrator you got her stuffed in her ass while she fingers herself.” he slid his fingertips up my folds and rubbed my clit for a second before stroking me again.

“Is that right, Baby? Do you still use the vibe i got you?” His finger was firmly pushed inside me now and my ass struggled to relax around it. I bit my lip and nodded.

“I got bored. No one to play with and I couldn’t travel like 7 thousand miles to fuck.” I grabbed Kino’s wrist and rocked against his fingers faster. “M-more.”

Hui’s second lubed finger pressed against my hole, squeezing in beside the other until he scissored me open. “Fuck…” He breathed. “Relax for me, baby, I want to fuck you good.”

I was panting already, my clit throbbing at both sets of fingers inside me. My body eased into a comforted lull wanting to hold off just a little longer until they were both inside me. Kino kissed at my neck, licking wherever he pleased.

“Your hickies are starting to go away, it’d be a shame if you got some more. You’d look like a cheetah.” Kino moaned against my sweat slicked skin.

“You do that and I’ll make sure I bite you so hard you bleed.”

“Damn, is that a threat or a promise, princess?” He said the pet name mockingly. I leaned back away from him, pressing my back to Hui’s chest and guided his head towards mine. He didn’t even hesitate to slide his tongue into my mouth and moan my name into the kiss. I gripped his dark locks as his third finger threatened to join the others. I winced into the kiss and mewled.

“Hui...ahhh…”

Hui drizzled a little bit more lube between my cheeks and his fingers went in even smoother. He gripped my shoulder with his free hand, pushing me down slightly so his fingers could dig in deeper. In front of me Kino had dropped his shorts, his cock suddenly bobbing free, a bit of precum glistening at the tip. “I’ll punish that mouth of yours, sweetness.” He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me to his cock, completely bending me over between them.

Kino pressed the tip of his cock against my lips, forcing my mouth open to envelop him. I grabbed his hips, desperately trying to anchor myself as my mouth stretched open mimicking my gape. He was already rocking his hips which made him slide deeper into my mouth. My tongue tried to keep up, swirling around and rubbing against his veins but his grip on the back of my neck kept me in place. Hui’s fingers left me for a moment and i heard the clang of his belt buckle hit the ground. I had a little bit of time to catch my breath, popping off of Kino’s cock and swallowing down his precum. He tilted my head up and looked down at me. “We’re not done yet, princess.”

“Call me that one more time.”I said through grit teeth. “And you wont have a dick for me to suck.”

He gripped his base and traced the outline of my lips with the head of his cock. “Be a good girl and don’t scream, would you?”

I felt Hui spread my cheeks apart, the length of his dick sliding up and down my slick hole. He stopped every once in awhile to pressed against my hole, pushing in until i sucked in his head. As soon as Hui made his way in Kino resumed his invasion of my mouth. My moans remained trapped in my throat as both men rocked their hips into me. My hand made its way between my legs rubbing the wetness that was already building up. I shoved three fingers inside me, wanting to be filled in every whole. I wish Hyojong would suddenly appear and fill my pussy so i could be complete. My fingers would have to make due for now. But even that was taken away from me. Hui pulled my arms behind my back and pinned them in place.

“No, love. None of that.”

“You’re mouth is mine tonight and Hyung said I could have your pussy too.” He yanked my hair back so my mouth was freed of his deep thrusts. Then, in one fell swoop, Kino set my legs on his shoulders and lifted me up completely. Hui braced himself against the building wall, thrusting straight up inside me while my dripping center lay fully open for Kino to see. I was sandwiched between them, panting as my knees were practically against shoved to my ears. Kino quickly rolled on the condom, which i assumed that was what Hui tossed him earlier. He kept me propped up against them both and thrusted deep. I couldn’t help the scream that escaped me. Their thrusts were hard and fast and god did i love getting fucked like this. My head rolled back onto Hui’s shoulder where his labored breath ghosted across my nipples. Every inch of my skin felt so sensitive now, like i could cum at any moment just from one touch. I never wanted their cocks to leave me.

“I want to cum so bad,” I panted. “Please.”

I could hear Hui’s hips slap against my ass as his thrusts got rougher. “I know, love. But we want you to feel so amazing first. We know you love being gaped open like this.”

I nodded quickly as i bit down on my bottom lip, tearing it open. I could feel myself tiptoeing closer to the edge. My slick sounds of Kino fucking my wet heat filled my ears. My thighs quivered and I heard Hui whisper, “Your ass is so fuckin’ tight for me.”

“She gonna cum everywhere, Hyung. Just look at her.” Kino swallowed hard, trying to keep up the facade that he wasn’t going to burst at any minute either. Hui was the opposite. His face was already twisted in pleasure, cock swelling and stretching me further.

“Yes!”I hissed. “Kino, baby, make me cum. I want both of you to make me cum!”

Kino’s thrusts were becoming sporadic and wild and Hui was following suit. My nails dug into my arms Hui was still holding captive, my toes curling in the night hair, and my lungs burning as i moaned loud. My orgasm came gushing out off me seeming to never end. My body seized and thrashed against them as i felt them cum with me. Kino stayed inside me for a moment until his arms couldn’t support me any longer. My lower half fell instantly, with only Hui keeping me from falling completely. Kino rolled onto the building panting heavily.

I shivered and Hui kept me close, petting my sweat drenched hair and whispering that it was ok. He slipped out of me slowly so i could lay flush against his chest. His heart was racing with no sign of slowing down. I kissed him gently and pushed his hair back.

“Get a room,” Kino panted. He made his way over to me and kissed my shoulder. “You ok?”

I parted from Hui momentarily and kissed Kino. He nursed my bleeding lip gently. “Hmm, you bit your lip hard.”

“Yeah well...shit happens. I don’t think I can walk.” I said.

Hui finished buckling his belt and putting on his jacket. “I’ll carry you to your dorm.”

Kino looked down at his drenched shirt. “You’re lucky I have some more clothes in my gym bag. You soaked everything.”

My face turned bright crimson. “I didn’t mean to, ok?”

Hui laughed as he helped me to get dressed. “Don’t listen to him. We love it.” Once i was sensibly dressed for travel back to my room, Hui hiked me onto his back, giving me a piggyback ride while Kino carried our gymbags.

Kino tossed the used condoms in the trash as we headed back to my dorm. “Is your roommate home?”

I could barely keep my eyes open. “I have no idea. But honestly she’s probably at Bible study or something.”

“Where’s your key?” Hui asked me. I barely motioned to Kino who was already digging through my bag.

“Got it.” He swiped into the building and I didn’t even notice the awkward stares we were getting. The elevator ride was short and down the hall was my room and most importantly my bed. Kino swiped the key and flicked on the light and illuminated the empty room. Hui laid me down on my bed and rubbed my legs.

“Do you want us to stay here a little bit?”

I nodded, still not really opening my eyes. Kino lifted my legs up so he could scooch into my bed. He propped himself against the wall and set my legs back down on his lap. Hui occupied the top of my bed, lay my head in his lap. I felt their caresses slowly work across my body easing me into a deep sleep.

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quackspot · 5 years

Text

ok ok ok o k so its like 4:33 am y’know so that means i talk about fire spirit because thats normal and i totally didnt mean to sleep around 3 o-o

but liek uh h h lemme think a bit ok so

from the start before he was a spirit (its in my beliefs that he traded his past life for that sexy little bead) he wanted to be STRONG and powerful so fire spirit skidaddled over to the red dragon and BOOM it woketh or maybe he was already a fiery cookie and he burnded the red dragons nose hairs who knows! maybe he just likes to visit every few years and thats why he was expecting a bigger welcome back party

so like hes growing weaker right? yeah hes kinda alternating between “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I NEED POWER” and “AAAAAAAAAAAAA I HAVE POWER AHAHAHAHA” and he doesnt like that he’d much rather just be him or more powerful because fuckin YEHA POWER

so this story ends two ways. fire spirit trying to get his powers back and failing (dustyass lord of ass who looks pretty nice frankly i like the colors a lot to be honest but thats just becuase devsis is making me emosexual. it started with crescent moonlight then fire spirit idk about night raven for sure but oh well)

dark enchantress. hes like “hurr dburr doesnt corruption make you stronger in a way” and ends up getting “corrupted” but instead since hes already so chaotic neutral he only gets stronger (i stole this from another post i probably reblogged) like the person i rb’d mentioned the horn thing that tommy who is big love de mentioned to because tommy loves dark enchantress and thats about all i know about tommy they also love wasabi and its understandable

im not gonna rant and talk about my internet life so ANYWYAS

fire spirit keeps the same runes yeah? so . yeehaw? idk what to make of that i just thought it was interesting how theyre basically all the same.

frankly dustyass edgelord is my favorite of the two costumes and im glad i had 15,280 guild coins saved up but now im too broke for the jelly set o-o

do we even get any fire spirit lore or are we watching him almost die in the event

oh well i guess BUT fire spirit is really prtty in all his forms the least favorite of mine is god of flame but i still love it of course but really could be better. like. yeah thats a lot of fire and i cant handle the heat and its pretty but its bright and im kinda edgy o-o

so that explains my preference plus im broke on the internet money i have 20 dollars irl might ask my grandma if she can help me buy fire spirit costume

almost crying every time i see edgy ass his wings have a little capelike thing and its kinda holey and its beautiful and edgy i should edit him with vampire and he also looks sorta confident

so like hes kinda serious in lord of ash BUT hes also still somewhat him y’know? yeah you do

oh my god i just ghouth of big funny

so picture youre dark enchantress, right? off to go corrupt another legendary! BUT

you cast ur diddly dark magic and....

FIRE SPIRIT LOOKS MORE PURIFIED THAN ANYTHIGN... chaotic good lord of flames .

fire spirit is pretty much chaotic neutral all around besides in lord of flames nothing can stop him o-o fdkljsuadiSKJIOFKLSKL JKLFS JKLFJKL SJKLFFJKLSKJL

OK SO I HAVE COOKIE RUN OPEN RIGHT I KNOW THIS ISN T THE RIGHT TIME BUT HE LEGIT WAS LIKE “finders, keepers! ahaha!” I LOVE HIM

god im excited for tomorrow im getting a haircut and i MIGHT ask for the costume if i feel confident enough though i could get rejected.. . .. .

dont fool around just chill out you might get REJECTED. .. . . .. . .

OK BACK TO HTE FOCUS HOW THIS TIES IN WITH FIRE SPIRITS OVERALL STORY SO

ok bear with me

fire spirit wants to be powerful, of course. from the start. as not fire spirit yet maybe sweet potato but who knows besides himself and maybe devsis idk, he becomes fire spirit! trading off whatever the bored dragon wanted so fire could get stronger.

also proof of fire spirit being a powerlover is very much in his relationships . knight and wind ! sea fairy’s is about his hair which is “fire” magic i suppose what kind of hair conditioner does he use

ANYWAYS

over time his flames are starting to go wild becuase of all this CORRUPTION in the cookie kingdom and around and its making his magic funky becuase thats just a random thought i just had like what if corruption messed with magic? imagine that. so hes alternating between too weak and too strong and he doesnt understand so he heads to dragons valley all like “heyo whats the answer” but nobodys there

i havent finished the event but hes basically just looting every dragon he’s ever known like what they left behind? his now

maybe the dragons will come back home.... .. . . pl eas....... i miss them

anywhoodle

the thing about two possible ends of fire spirit

the first end is dark enchantress finding him then boom ur corruption only makes him chaotic good instead of chaotic evil

(chaotic tends to not follow or give regards to law. chaotic good breaks the law for people, neutrals just do whatever they want for themselves, and chaotic evil goes out of their way to hurt others)

so like

dark enchantress doesnt know how to take this, right? her magic failed her for once. fire spirit is going batshit crazy becuase hes like “WOAHAHAHAHAH HAHHAHH H H HH H H IM STILL SUPER STRONG :OOOO” and then he goes even MORE batshit crazy and maybe burns down a town or something becuase hes going wild from the power but then he calms down

he’d probably be willing to do things for dark enchantress if it were a deal or something but lord of flames might not go all the way out to kill tree like what the fuck

ALSO

LORD OF ASHES is probably NOT AS WARM AS FIRE SPIRIT who is already somewhat huggable if ur not fuckin uhh water or ice or if u dont like being a little warm ANYWAYS LORD OF ASHES is HUGGABLE becuase being weak makes him cool down and so you can hug the edgelord (which i would totally do if he were real and not a cookie)

i like to repeat myself a lot but its almost 5 am anywaysy uhhh im going to talk about his personality

so hes like really energetic of course and very chaotic neutral he just do what he wana do hes like “finders keepers!” and he probably enjoys showing off his power to other cookies. praise makes him more happy than others and he has a very high ego that can only be doused by less power. the more powerful he is, the more egotistical he is. lord of flames is a fucking pain to be around if you dont wanna listen to him brag about accomplishments and thats the only reason he doesnt work for de

lord of ashes is a downer and kinda sad but he still has a little bit of fire spirit in him hes basically just “you gotta die sometime” but hes not gonna die becuasei wont allow it hes only allowed to die in a completely comedic way like he tries to hug wind and hten actual wind blows and he gets thanos snapped by the air and wind is like “OH FUCK OH SHIT” and all that’s left as a relic is his gem and wind archer tries to fix it and fails though who knows maybe hes night raven because in hte game night raven came before lord of ashes so???!? !?!? !? ?!?

night raven walks up to lord of ashes “bitch im going to fucking kill you” then blows lightly and fires just like “oh noooo aww shit here we goooooooooooo again” and hes just a gem now

maybe fire spirit causes the next mass extinction as lord of flames because hes like “DSKLJFS KLJ*(UJIORWKSFOR IEKANHWOI JSKFN IJDLASKSF IM SO POWERFUL AHAHAH HUAJKAKL JKLA JAH HA HAHL HAH AH HAH HAH HHAH AH HAHAH A *JUMPS INTO A VOLCANO AND BLOWS THE FUCKING WORLD UP*”

#fire spirit cookie #i tlaked about him a lot whoopsies #mostly just concepts about what i think about him becuase its almost 5 am and i like to say my opinions on things

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kyberled · 7 years

Note

sends you this from my main bc i'm lazy garbage BUT consider this: Obi and Braig, "Five Times Survived. (or not.)"

Send “Five Times ______ed” for a Drabble of 5 different times our characters… did that. || Accepting

Five Times Survived (Or Not).

The first time Braig was sure he was about to die was on his Gathering. He would remember those chunks of ice falling away from his feet for years to come. He would remember the dark tunnels, the frost, the struggle to find his way out once he’d found his crystals. He would remember the blizzard lashing his skin and the way the world blurred under the icicles forming on his lashes. But, he would also remember the feelings of triumph and excitement, he would remember what it was like to build his sabers the first time, to spar with his friends with his sabers, to feel like a real Jedi. More than anything, he remembers the look of pride on his future mentor’s face when he congratulated Braig on a job well done. He would disregard the pain he had been through, and count it as one of the best days of his life.

The second time he very nearly died was in the ruins of Geonosis, and he vowed to himself that he would never return there for as long as he lived. … Though, perhaps he wasn’t being entirely fair. Yes, his torment had technically begun in those damnable catacombs, but it had been on the flight back when things had gone so wrong, so fast. Sometimes, he could swear he still hear the creature chittering, screeching its triumph as the most basic of freedoms was stripped from him, as his limbs moved and his mouth spoke without his consent. If he hadn’t been killed by the worm itself, he would have died by a blaster or saber if anyone figured out what he was, or if he managed to tell anyone. And he would have told them, if he could - he just wanted it to be over. And then the cold came. The cold, so chilling it dug into his bones, into his core. Cold enough that he could feel the moisture in his eyes freezing over, felt the air burn with every breath he was forced to draw, and felt the parasite scream its agony and rage and thrash and scratch and grind its sarlacc-esque teeth against the inside of his skull and it hurt so badly he couldn’t tell if it was of his own will or the parasite’s when he clutched his head and fell to his knees, and he was sure that he or it or both had screamed, and then everything was dark.

He had thought he had died, then, and mused to himself that the Netherworld was a lot plainer than what he’d expected it to be. Then he noticed that his neck was stiff, and hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with it for the rest of eternity. A frown flitted across his face, and he rolled his neck to banish the discomfort, and the floodgates of stimuli opened. The dark quickly faded into a painful, near-blinding white, and his chest burned a bit and every single joint in his body felt stiff, and he let out a groan that mingled with a soft, electronic hum that seemed to be coming from somewhere far off, and his face scrunched in confusion before a thought struck him and he froze, eyes stuck on a random spot of the wall. He pauses like that for a moment, breathing unsteady and soft, and voice barely a whisper louder.

“… I can’t hear it moving.”

It takes him another moment to realise that the thought was vocalised.

That he’d been able to say it himself.

His hand raised to his mouth, then pulled away. He slowly curled his hand into a fist, then let his fingers unfurl, and he would have laughed out loud if attempting to hadn’t sent him into a coughing fit. It took him a moment to catch his breath, but by the time he had settled, there was a gentle hand on his back, comforting and supporting, and he looked up into the familiar eyes of his master, and clung to the familiar cream fabric as best he could in his weakened state - but it was his own doing, so he was content.

He had survived.

The third time, it wasn’t him who had survived.

He remembered begging, pleading, screaming to the Force to give him his master, his mentor, his father back, but it hadn’t answered.

Not until now.

He had imagined, on those nights he had allowed himself to dream of a happier reality, when he had been so desperate for a balm that he would accept the increase in agony such thoughts brought with them, what it would be like to have a reunion with his master. He had never had an explanation for how Obi-Wan had been pulled out of the Force, since everyone knew the dead didn’t come back, not really. He didn’t need one, not when it was just an escape. He always imagined it being likely more emotional than either of them would have allowed (Or, more than Obi-Wan would allow, anyway), with tears, spine-crushing hugs, apologies on both of their behalves, Obi-Wan repeating that familiar reassurance of ‘I’ll never leave you’, and everything would be okay again, and he could put this all behind him.

It hadn’t happened like that.

Not in real life.

Instead, he found himself looking up into the eyes of a stranger (a stranger he would have gladly killed, even only moments ago), and being told that it had all been a lie.

Obi-Wan had never been dead. None of it had been real.

The world seemed to spin around him, swaying like an inebriated dancer, and he took a half-step back to steady himself.

None of it was real, but…

But it had felt real. The funeral, the grief, the… The body. The body had felt real, and heavy, and dead in his arms, and that had been real. He had reached out into the Force without thought, had found it empty and unforgiving, and that had been real. He had mourned, and grieved, and tried his best to honour the master he had thought lost, and that had been real…

Except that it hadn’t.

There were no hugs in this reunion, no warm embraces to chase away the chill of loss. The man before him reached to put a hand on Braig’s shoulder, and the padawan pulled away as though he’d just been scalded, muscles tensed and stance guarded.

“Braig, please, I was only doing what was necessary,” the stranger’s voice said, still masked in an assassin’s guise.

“What was necessary?” He’s not shouting, is far too exhausted for that. Instead, his voice is incredulous, dancing on the egg shells he had been treading on so carefully before.

There are no tears in this reunion, much as he’d like to cry, to scream, to yell and lash out; But there are other Jedi, here, and he’s not sure he could handle another lecture, not now. He’s quite sure that the heartbreak, the betrayal, the pain and shock and anger etched itself clearly into his face, despite how he struggled to keep his composure (and it was a struggle, a battle he knew he was losing in spite of his best efforts). Air was a had thing to come by, but he did his best to draw in one strained lungful after another to keep his composure from shattering right there.

“I’m so sorry,” says the stranger who had once been a father, “but, I had to– If there was any other way, trust me, I–”

“I did trust you!” Now Braig was shouting, and the Force around him snarled along in time. He holds that ice-blue stare, more alien than any distant planet, and he’s not sure if he’s shaking or not, but he knows there are eyes on them, and he can’t help but feel ashamed. Brown eyes flick down, then once again look up to meet his master’s gaze, the fire from before had faded, just slightly.

“I did trust you,” he repeated, voice dropping to a more reasonable volume as he exhaled a shaky breath. “But you taught me never to make the same mistake twice.”

With that, he turned on his heel and left.

Braig had survived.

Obi-Wan had survived.

But something had died that night, and Braig wasn’t sure it was ever coming back.

The fourth time, he had still bee nursing his wounds when the Force around him tensed. Kamino had been a makeshift sanctuary for him, taking comfort in the presence of the other half of his makeshift parentage, in the distance between himself and the Order.

The quarters he’d been afforded were spartan, but that was nothing new; In fact, he thought that this room was bigger, and possibly nicer, than the cells the padawans slept in back home. It even had a desk, and that was where he had himself stationed, now - comm placed neatly in the corner, in case he was needed, pens lined up to be parallel with the desk’s edge, notebook open to one of the few blank pages left (he’d have to go shopping, soon, and get some fresh ones added in). He’d been sitting like that, tip of the black-inked disposable pen hovering over the slightly-worn page, for the better part of five minutes; with a frustrated sigh, he dropped the pen into the spine of the book and his head into his hands, propping his elbows on the desk.

It was hard to organise one’s thoughts when one didn’t even know what they were.

He stayed in that defeated position for a moment longer, until the disturbance rippled through the Force around him, and he started, just slightly, looking up and around with a furrowed brow. He waited for a moment, and a similar jolt pinged on the edge of his senses, and he stood - another jolt - and walked quickly to the door, leaving his notebook behind for the time being. Lingering in the open doorway, he glanced around the hall, but noticed nothing out of the ordinary. A passing trooper offered a greeting, and he gave a distracted response, staring at the floor with an utterly perplexed expression before retreating back into his room, ignoring the desk and sitting cross-legged on the floor instead, closing his eyes, breathing deeply, and concentrating. … No new disturbances came. A frown painted itself across his features, and he was left only with the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Later that evening, after he’d gone about his duties (he wasn’t staying for free, after all), he’d been getting ready for bed when the disturbances returned with a vengeance. Far from simple tugs and annoyances, there was actual pain associated with these. He wasn’t sure when he’d leaned on the wall for support, or when his senses had left him, but blinking focus back into his eyes saw him surveying his room, one hand braced on his hairline as though warding off a migraine.

He doesn’t wait for the next sensation to start packing. His pack slung haphazardly over his shoulder, he was already striding down the hallway, wondering where he might find Master Shaak, when he nearly walked into her. He couldn’t hide the concern on his face as he looked up to her.

“I have to get back to Coruscant.”

It was a short flight.

Short, tense, and quiet.

Braig thanked the soldier who had served as pilot, but kept his worried expression all the way to the quarters he shared with his master. He didn’t bother to unpack his belongings, simply threw the bag down by his cot and set about pacing, pushing his hands through his hair. He’d made it this far, but, now what? He knew something was wrong, he could sense it likely involved Obi-Wan, but, what could he do? Ask the Council? Yes, because they’d proven themselves to be such beacons of truth in the recent past… How did he even know the disturbances were real? Whose funeral would he be forced to endure, this time–?

The door opened.

The sight of his beaten, bloodied mentor was enough to banish scepticism from his mind, and there was only a heartbeat before he flung himself forwards and wrapped arms around Obi-Wan’s torso. He didn’t say anything; didn’t think he could, not yet. He only held on more tightly, even for the brief moment of shock that seemed to overcome his mentor, before Obi-Wan returned the embrace. It would be a long time before they would be back to where they had been - if they ever could go back - but, they had survived. Somehow. They had survived.

By the fifth time, things still hadn’t gotten better.

… Well, that wasn’t entirely true.

Things were still tense, even between Obi-Wan and Cody, but they had improved, even if a little bit. Of course, upon reflection, Braig had to agree that saving the Chancellor had been top priority, but he still didn’t agree with the methods. Surely, something else could have been done…

He looked up from where he was kneeling with his scopes, down the ridge to where Obi-Wan was standing with one group of the 212th. Cody was on the far side with his own detachment, and then Braig had his own group on the far eastern side. Still within eyesight of each other, but at a decent enough distance to allow them to cover the entire ravine. Braig pressed his mouth into a thin line, then stood and turned as much as he could without losing his balance to gaze out at the village they had been tasked with defending. He could see no life in the streets; the locals must have gone inside to wait out the coming battle. The Separatists were no threat to take lightly, especially under the officer who had been sent to this planet - General Grau Tessk again, Braig reminded himself, remembering the Trandoshan Separatist’s cruel fangs and crueller tactics from the last time he and Obi-Wan had crossed fire with Tessk’s droids. There was no way he could let that cold-blooded filth sink his claws into the innocents here…

“Sir!” The sudden voice broke through his thoughts, and Braig looked up, straightening his posture, to see one of the men saluting. “Artillery is in position, waiting orders, sir!”

“Good,” Braig nodded, clipping his scopes to his belt and folding his hands behind his back. “Thank you, Steppes.” Steppes nodded, and his posture seemed to relax now that his message had been delivered.

“It’s going to be a hard battle,” Braig remarked, letting his eyes sweep over the ravine, to where the cliffs dropped away to divide the dried-up gulch into three sections. “But I think we’ll be able to outlast it.”

“We’ll do our best, Commander.” Steppes replied, taking a few paces forwards to stand a bit closer to the sheer drop of the cliff’s face.

“That’s all I can ask of you.” Braig nodded. “That, and to make sure the medkits are ready. I don’t want any unnecessary casualties, so make sure the bacta is set and easy to find, and everyone knows where it is. … And remember, unless I say otherwise, I want you all up here. It’ll be easier, and safer, for you all to pick the clankers off at a long range. They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

“Yes, sir.” Steppes saluted again, turned, and jogged over to where the rest of the men were gathered. Braig couldn’t keep the hints of a fond smile off his face as he shook his head, then took his scopes back out and returned to surveying the area. Noting that nothing had changed, he shifted his gaze up, and noticed Cody doing a similar sweep of their surroundings. When it looked like the Commander’s gaze was in his direction, Braig waved, then turned out to the future battlefield again - noticed a dark mass advancing on the horizon.

“Here they come, boys!” He called over his shoulder, before flicking his comm on. “We’ve got company.”

“I see ‘em, too.” Cody’s voice was grim; the model soldier in his element.

“Well, at the very least, they’re punctual,” Obi-Wan commented, his own tone jovial. Braig snorted.

“How kind of them.” He remarked, then clicked his comm off. It joined his scopes on his belt, and his sabers found their way to his hands. The hordes were advancing quickly, for a droid army, so they had a good few minutes to get into their respective positions. Braig measured each breath, counting down from ten.

When he got to three, he crouched, and by two, he was already airborne, descending rapidly as amethyst blades screamed to life. His feet hit the ground in time with the heads of the droids unlucky enough to have been in his path. Blasters fired off - blue and red painting orange sandstone. Fire from the artillery above peppered the ground, thinning out crowds in front of Braig, set to cut down any who might have tried to make it past. Parry. Deflect, duck, impale. Evade, behead, backhand. It was a dance long since memorised, movements learned in time with his first steps, and he found himself feeling more comfortable and at home than he had in so long. Sidestep, slash. Rollers came; a B2 unit made a convenient stand before his sabers buried themselves in its back, and he stepped carefully onto the Roller’s back (mindful of the speed limit on the shield - a blessing, really). The droid reacted nearly instantly (improved programming?) and he jumped, letting its momentum propel him forward to drive plasma blades into a set of B1s just ahead. A shout from above and a flicker of motion alerted him to the droid poppers being hurled down; a sway of his hand had the Force guiding the EMP grenades just into the Rollers’ path with a satisfying boom. Focus had been aimed elsewhere- A shot whizzed by his head, and he cursed, loudly - enjoying the freedom of fighting on his own, yes, but damning himself for having been so careless. His ear stung slightly where the heat of the bolt had burned it, but he reminded himself to be happy he was alive. Dodge, roll, remove legs, stab. Duck. How often had he done this? Too often. Block, stab, deflect, deflect, counter. Another shout from overhead, and a familiar whoosh - vulture droids. No matter; the 212th would be ready.Artillery shifted fire with a mighty roar, and the shining weapons dropped from the skies like stone from all directions (looks like Cody and Gramps were having just as much fun as he was). Jump, stab. Turn, slash, guard, spin, slash. He grit his teeth in frustration when he had to jump back, catching a B2 that had almost gotten past. There was no way any bucket of bolts would hurt that village, as long as he drew breath. Another leap forward saw his knees colliding with a B1, blades on either side making short work of two identical units before he stood, turning to remove the head from the one he had knocked over. A vulture droid flew over head; A rapid series of brilliant blue lights brought it screeching down. It collided with the ravine wall, not far off from where Braig was; He cursed again when rubble fell, having to turn rapidly to avoid being shot in yet another lapse in concentration. The amount of droids flooding into the gap was beginning to get overwhelming; how many of them could have gotten here? He couldn’t afford any more breaks in focus. Stab, block block, deflect, block, slice– He turned to deal with another incoming Destroyer, nearly lost his footing on some of the smaller debris, and yelped when a bolt connected with his arm. A snarl saw the Force throwing the aggressor back, and Braig had to force the pain down, as best he could.

Even with such focus, a damaged arm was a damaged arm, and his technique was slipping accordingly.

“Kriff,” he said plainly, quite glad that Cody wasn’t in earshot. Another set of vulture droids came overhead; as Surefire turned his canon loose on it, Braig’s eyes flicked to the rubble behind him, to his arm - he wouldn’t be able to fight the droids off for much longer, not like this.

But a Jedi’s duty was to protect.

If he must give his life to save another, then that was his fate.

He didn’t give himself time to think as he threw the Force around the now-flaming vulture and hurled it against the other side of the ravine, ad another wave of rubble cascaded down. A B2 was slashed across the front with his sabers before being subjected to a similar fate, and that seemed to be enough to trigger the desired result. With a roar like thousands of thunderclaps, the cliff face gave way, and a wall of rock rushed down, cutting off the droids’ route to the village.

“May the Force be with you all,” he murmured, a quiet prayer that Obi-Wan and Cody’s fight be going better than his. He could hear, over the comm-channel set up with his men, frantic yelling, demands to know what he thought he was doing, but he didn’t respond, only turned to face the droids with the resolve of someone who is sure of his own impending end. He gave up on his damaged arm, let his sabers interlock into a staff to do what he could one-handed. Blaster fire still rained around him. He held his ground only a moment longer before being caught in the leg, then the ribs. With a defiant snarl, he dropped, tried to stand and failed. Closed his eyes.

He wished he could have been with somebody, when this happened, rather than surrounded by lifeless droids.

He wished he could have told someone.

Told Obi-Wan that he was sorry for how he acted, for being so childish, for saying those things he said. To tell him that he was grateful for all the old Master had done for him over the years.

Told the men that this wasn’t their fault, and that he was proud of them.

Told Cody that he was the finest soldier and best brother Braig ever could have asked for - but not to tell Wolffe that. Just in case.

Told Master Shaak thank-you, for being so caring, even when she hadn’t been his master.

He wished he could have seen the look on Grau’s face when Obi-Wan and Cody and the men inevitably drove his forces back.

But, more than anything, he wished–

Another bolt.

Silence.

The fifth time, he had not been so lucky.

The Force accepted its child back without fuss; the battered form in the ravine was empty long before it fell to the dirt.

…

He wished he could say good-bye.

#long post //#death //#child death //#<3 #ectochoir #does this need a read-more??#idk it's late #if you guys want one here lemme know #i will edit tomorrow if i edit at all (i probably wont we die like men)#&& brave new worlds; padawan #&& to make you proud; braig and obi wan #&& far far away; drabbles #&& as best i can; answers

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survivorsunsetrodeo · 3 years

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Ep 9 | I’d Rather Make Moves When I Need To - Emma

Okay, I am so sad Brandi is gone, but at the same time, it's not the worst thing for my game. The good part of it is that we tried to make a move on Emma, we flushed an idol, and we weren't detected. I think this twist is actually super helpful in these moments because if you try something, and it fails, no one knows unless it gets leaked.

Another good thing is that Taylor's closest ally is now gone. I know that Taylor is super close with Ari, which is good, but I also want her to be super close with me. Not just for strategy reasons. She's also super cool and I like talking to her! Apparently she did tell JABARI of all people the vote was on Emma, so no wonder they knew how to idol tonight lmao.

Idk I feel pretty okay about my position in the game playing the middle rn I just need to not spread myself too thin and keep the targets in front of me.

Soooo Tribal went off without a single hitch. brandi went home despite playing both of her advantages and Jacob wasn’t even near getting voted out. The main clownery of the night happened right after tribal. Ali started going on about how he felt like Brandi didn’t deserve to go home, when there were people currently in the game who didn’t care. If you think she deserved to stay, maybe you should’ve given her your immunity? Or better yet, volunteered to go home? And while we’re on the topic of who cares, haven’t you either flopped in or just not submitted in multiple challenges? Since I was still on the tribal call, I asked him who he was talking about, even though I kind of had a good idea of who it was already. He said Emma. and since Emma wasn’t there, we are aligned, and I know she was going through some things, I felt the need to stick up for her. I found it pretty disrespectful that Ali would say that so it did make me a bit mad. I of course alerted Emma right after it happened because I feel like she deserve to know, and she confronted Ali about it in the call after tribal. I’m sure everyone knows Emma and I are working together now, but I couldn’t let her be dragged through the mud like that. I’m really worried Ali and Taylor, who I know are aligned, will try to target me now. I understand where Ali was coming from though. I’m also a person who is driven by my emotions and I tend to say stuff without thinking about it first.

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WELL all things considered that vote went pretty alright! i didn't manage to mist emma into using an idol for jacob so they could get blindsided, but other than that, things worked out pretty much how i hoped. jacob was saved, an idol (and lots of money) was flushed, and i can plausibly tell both sides that i voted with them even tho actually i voted ali for insurance purposes >:~) also we got major info about the location of the other idol when brandi didn't play it and it didn't go back into the shop, i.e. jabari MUST have it because there's no other possible place it could be. i know none of my people have it, and nic was so convinced that me/jacob did that i have to believe none of that group have it either, which leaves little old jabari who's been asking soooo many questions about everyone's funds and where items could possibly be. color me a little shocked but honestly kudos to her! now she gets to stay alive another round since that gun is an idol again.

other shop updates are that taylor's gonna buy something next round and so is dan probably, which will be great for getting them out of other people's hands and knowing for sure where they are. i can't believe i own shares in 2 of the 3 items currently in the game, how cute of me honestly. everyone else is now broke so that's delightful, i prob should've extorted myself for even more money so they'd think i was fully broke too but ah well what can you do.

i am a little worried about how ali's antics last night could potentially reflect back on me this round but i think i've done a pretty good job of covering my tracks there - i talked to both nic and emma immediately after and was like yeah i don't condone that behavior, and josh knows i wanted ali out over jacob because i got him to throw a vote that way with me, and obviously none of taylor/dan/jacob are gonna let me get targeted for that either sooooo i think i'm all good. once again, jabari is a wild card but i think i trust her a little more after my call with her yesterday and i don't think she would have the pull to do anything anyway.

so at last i can have a day of peaceful rest while i await these awful touchy subjects results! me taylor and ali are making a music video so that'll keep me busy for a while. overall feeling very grateful and blessed to not be stressed at this current moment in time!!!

Not mr ali making me regret voting off brandi out should of been ali oh well no point in voting him out now tbh that would be a waste things i think are slowly getting better for me i am talking to jacob and ari more idk how to approach taylor because ik we on different sides but ik we may or may not need eachother soon i feel so bad about brandi she was probably the nicest person here i said this about megs but brandi for second chances.. Yeah i just need to think of something that will seperate my gameplay from josh and nic if im stuck with them eventually that means i could get myself voted off its hard to like make moves rn but i rather make moves when i need to make moves.

also maybe ali should of put his immunity on brandi and not ari >:)

i also hope i break the record for most wasted idols im coming for that record im also so nervous about the future of the game i dont wanna just follow ppl around but like i kinda fucked myself over due to reasons out of my control oop

I just sent my nightly hellos to people and that’s already too much social interaction for me

I’m already fricken paranoid about this round and we haven’t even gotten immunity results ugh. I think it’s because I know I flipped that mastermind comp. like I really could have done much better than I did.

Additionally everyone was so quiet today so I’m just assuming everyone hates me and wants me to die.

am i playing a good utr game or do people just forget i exist? i've got a lot of good (but conflicting) info from Dan and Taylor and I want to sit down and compare notes with Ari BUT WHERE ARE THEY you can't expect me to remember all this by tomorrow. I feel like I have somewhat of a good relationship with everyone aside from Ali and Jabari and I feel like I've gotten a few info that I find personally relevant moving forward but I need someone to compare this with. I think I'm playing a much more smarter game than before.

[Tumblr Survivor Riau reference] I feel like I was in a position like this before where I had the opportunity to play a good game being in the middle but fucked it up and sent one of my allies home because I was vetoed by my actual alliance [end Tumblr Survivor reference] so I'm doing the same thing this time around but keeping my sources a secret. The only person I am 100% honest is Ari and I hope it's mutual. I obviously can't take Ari with me to FTC but what I need the most are honest opinions and legit information and i think both of us are providing just that with each other.

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ali needs to stop saying dumb shit to nic because it ALWAYS gets back to dan and i have to be like "omg lol im sure he didnt mean that" while running to ali and being like "hushhhhhh"

anyway i think the best thing i can do today is sit back and let everyone else tire themselves out scrambling and stressing!! it'll all resolve itself eventually and if it doesnt then oh well

I wasn't going to be making a confessional because I didn't wanna get an OTTN5 edit and also I felt like it was obvious I was going home and I had nothing to really say. There is a tiny bit of hope now, and it lies with Jabari and Dan. If everyone is telling me the truth, I will be staying. And if I do, I'd love to create a 5-person majority alliance with me, Dan, Jabari, Emma, and Josh. It'd honestly be perfect. I really like them all and am comfortable with them all.

If I go home, I wont be mad or anything, I'll just be sad that I didn't really come across the way I had hoped to in this ORG. I feel like a lot of things didn't come across correctly, and a lot of things were just pinned on me that were outside of my control.

Oh well. Let me remain positive. This is me being positive :] (Also I'm forever thankful for having Josh and Emma as allies without them I would've gone crazy by now. Thank you for everything you do.)

Power Rankings: ONE - DAN (+2) Threat: 8 (+2) Trust: 8 (+3) Dan’s at the top of the rankings this week because he’s in the position that I wish I were in. Despite losing Brandi, who was Dan’s #1 idled out by the minority alliance, he still was approached by the minority to vote with them. He knows each plan and he can decide whether he wants to flip or not. He decides who goes home this round. TWO - ARI (-1) Threat: 10 (+1) Trust: 9 (+1) Ari ranks #2 because they know everything that’s going on and they know it first. They’re the first to hear about any messiness or change to a plan. They aren’t included in it necessarily, but they hear about it. Ari’s threat level though is through the roof and hiding behind them as a meat shield is going to be key for my game. They should want to take a shot at Ari before me, and I plan to keep it that way. THREE - TAYLOR (-1) Threat: 7 (NC) Im starting to lose grasp and hold on my power as more of my allies leave. If the minority perception and gameplay wasn’t so awful I would have a lot more control over what goes on this round. Its just bad survivor gameplay to assume someone would never work with you because you voted their allies out. Because what they fail to see is that regardless of if im included in their plans or not, I still find out. I had 3 different people approach me that me name was out as I woke up at 9am this morning. It shows I have control, I just wish they’d include me so I had the power to deal with it rather than relying on others. FOUR - JABARI (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 2 (-2) Jabari is here because she seems to want to give the minority.a chance. I don’t really understand her logic because regardless she’s at the bottom of an alliance. The one round where the majority wanted to count on her to prove she’s with us, she jumps. And she doesn’t even know that she’s completely fucking her game because of it. On top of that every suspects she has an idol. She only ranks 4 because of the information she is receiving, but she’s no threat because her gameplay is poor and everyone believes the rumour of her having an idol. FIVE - JACOB (+1) Threat: 7 (+1) Trust: 8 (NC) Jacob does know what each side is going to do, but unfortunately hes always the last to find out. Im not sure if its because of how late he sleeps in, or if hes everyones last resort but either way it’s not good for his power ranking. Jacob’s smart, hes going to be seen as an immunity threat sooner rather than later. SIX - NIC (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 0 (NC) Nic is in 6th because hes the only one trying to steer a vote on the other side. He isn’t doing it successfully, but hes trying. If only he could put as much effort into challenges and he would trying to get people to save him. I dont trust him at all, he threw my name out. He has a little influence over Jabari, but that’s not too big of a success. SEVEN - ALI (-2)  Threat: 1 (-2) Trust: 9 (-1) Ali unfortunately just doesn’t have the power he needs to get himself out of situations like he is in this round. When the name was between Ali and I it should have easily landed on me. But Ali doesn’t have the social capital that I do, which is why I had multiple people tell that side “lets do Ali over Taylor”. Not to mention Ali made a hugeeee mistake buying the dress for literally no reason. But I trust him I guess? EIGHT - JOSH (NC) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 5 (+2) Im starting to see a little fire with josh come out this round and im happy. Hes not willing to do anything about it, but the gears are turning in his head. I think our relationship will be important down the line but as of now he has no power and just follows everything Nic says. NINE - EMMA (NC) Threat: 0 (NC) Trust: 0 (NC) I literally don’t have anything to say about Emma. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t do the challenge, doesn’t care. Not worth my time.

I feel like im not winning this game unless if nic goes and josh goes right after idk im feeling a bit bad how im playing i was planning to go balls to the wall but like i find it really hard to do that when i am a known goat for something i could not control i try hard to change what people to see but idk how to do it anymore im totally not gonna stab josh and nic in the back at this point i just cant write their names down.

This vote is for all of the victims of the people that nic has voted off, nic is going home I know of it. All he's been doing has been working against me and for that ciao Bella

GOD. What a day. I was pulled back and forth about this vote by both sides and this vote.

Ari/Jacob/Ali/Taylor want me to vote Nic Jabari/Nic/Josh/Emma want me to vote Ali

Neither option is ✨great✨ for my game. But we can’t vote out Jabari for personal reasons so here we are.

I’m worried about idols and such, but at the end of the day, I can’t get too in my head. If the idol comes out as long as they don’t end up voting for me instead of Ali... we’re good!

I’m voting for Nic because I don’t fuck with people who try to make you feel like you’re gonna lose if you don’t roll with them. Even on OG Pearl he didn’t take a ton of time to get to know me and even now all he wants to do is talk game. In comparison, TSL has known me two rounds and I know so much about her.

Obviously voting out ANOTHER OG Pearl probably isn’t wise, but at the end of the day, New Pearl and OG Beeho seem to be the people I bond with the most and trust the most. And I might be dumb, but I am enjoying their company and would be proud losing to any of them.

#confessionals #AintNoGloryInTheWest

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riice-riice-baby · 6 years

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Rules:

1. Post the rules

2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

3. Write 11 questions of your own

4. And tag 11 people

Well I'm like 2627281819 days late, and got tagged by both @smo1cactus and @aliferous-ly so Im just gonna do both of your questions in one post.

1. Which fandom are you the most active in?

I don't really do shit for fandoms, but I do some edits for boku no hero academia, so I guess that one. I'm in LOTS OF fandoms as someone only enjoys the content and leaves long comments written with capital letters on fanfics tho.

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would choose?

Not sure? Maybe Canada? Japan? Nah. America seems wild but not sure if I'd like it. I'd have to see some places to decide. Something Im sure is that I WANT COLD CLIMATE.

3. What’s your ideal vacation like?

Hmm,, just traveling with friends. Ah! seeing lots of historical and cultural places!! And there are places I really want to see like Scotland, Iceland, Spain and Japan.

4. Explain your url/blog title.

Well 'francis-the-fuckface' is from a fanfiction called Bottoms up, it's my favorite fanfiction in the hetalia fanfom and aph romano calls aph france 'fuckface' in it,, so I really liked that.

And 'Titus get the memes' is basically from those crusader memes with "Titus get the cros!!"

5. What food do you never get tired of eating?

YOGHURT.

6. What would you do if you could stop time for a day?

hmm, I'm guessing that security cameras and shit wont work too. So I'd steal some money, and would kill some people. Like our fucking president who will be the end of this country.

7. Do you get along with your siblings?

Don't have any siblings.

8. Have you ever been on a boat?

Bitch I have sailed a boat on greek waters with a fake ass greek flag even tho we did not have permission to enter.

9. What’s the biggest injury you’ve gotten?

Ho boi what's the biggest one?

I had a cracked bone, I got hit by a car and had a deep cut on my leg? Those two probably.

10. What website was your first account on?

Should be on some lame online game website, but the first I can remember is Facebook.

11. What do you dream about?

Lots of things. Living somewhere else, living with someone I love, being happy, or death, sometimes, that's fun to dream about too.

~ ~ ~

1. If you had to stay the night in one store, what store would you choose?

Bookstore.

2. What’s your favorite time of day?

The ungodly hours between 2am and 6am

3. Do you like swimming?

Yeah, but sea creeps me out. With all the sea weed and weird fish and shit.

4. What’s the meaning behind your name? Do you like it?

I think it has a meaning like "the wise one" in Greek, which is the origin of it. Other than it is also from an empire's name that existed hundreds of years ago in the place Turkey exists now. So it's really nice, and I like it.

5. What’s your first fandom?

Well, I haven't really gotten that into the fandom but I have been into South Park for half of my life. So probably that. Other than it,,,,, Teen Wolf,,,,,,,Divergent,,,,,,,yea. But my first anime fandom was Fairy Tail because that was my first anime.

6. What’s the quickest way to annoy you?

Make fun of my height, and I'll show you what they mean when they say short people are closer to hell. Or insult my problematic faves,,, like Izaya or Bakugou... I'll be ready to defend my babies 7/24.

7. Who are your rolemodels/who do you aspire to be like?

Gordon, godly coOKING DADDY. I have worshipped him since I was 8 years old.

8. If you could be in any tv show, which would you choose?

Does,,, does South Park count? Like,, voicing a character,, I'd die from happiness.

9. Favorite pun?

Myself.

10. What song makes you instantly relax?

Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

Fake Your Death by My Chemical Romance

And a turkish song called

Ah Bu Ben by Mazhar Alanson

11. Do you like baths or showers more?

Baths? I guess,, I don't take baths often because water bill tho.

And I'm not gonna write questions or tag anyone, fuck the rules, Im a lazy piece of shit with a literature exam tomorrow.

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get-the-treasure · 7 years

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school log #1

9-5-17

Happy last ‘first day of high school’ I’m finally a senior let’s fuck shit up.

Assembly: i came in and first went to hug taylor cause jahsbfjfaks i havent seen her all summer nd did i tear up? yeah kind of lmao i missed taylor sm what a gem. then i went by like. the squad (for memory reasons: ???? ppl on the side, jade, bean, yadi, eren, rye showed up, dalon showed up, sammy showed up, ashley showed up, might be missing someone?). eren gave me a bitching smoothie (bless ty) nd i think we all just talked like we normally would. its nice to just slip into normal conversation with people wou havent seen in what feels like forever.

Hour 3 (Homegroup): sat in hg for like 2 hours. we got some new freshman of whom i only can name 3 because i missed the others names. nd i also only kno one of the sophomores by name cause i forgot the others. maybe we should talk w maya sometime? ive seen her around a few times and she looks like shes mostly alone? we got our lockers too. sike some middle schoolers took our lockers and now we have to wait until tomorrow to figure out if we can get them b a c k. then i knocked over the smoothie eren gave me nd like a little came out but not much so um thanks god. we filled out this helping sheet thing that were going to be checked on every monday soooo better keep up on work i guess. also there was a lot of talk of grilled cheese up the ass???

Hour 1 (AP Bio): i turned in my poster board and we just went over the same rubric we went over when i signed up for the class smh. doesnt seem like itll be hard tho? sammy might have to drop it if she doesnt do her entire thing over and turn it in tomorrow and even then he might say no. so heres to hoping. also sabastion sat by our table nd honestly w h y do we have to have mutual friends i hate my life.

Hour 2 (ROPE): went over like oNLY the autobiography part of the rope packet tbh. also amy said we should know who our thesis paper advisors are but 1. i didnt even know what the thesis paper was and 2. the day ended and i still have no idea who my thesis advisor is weLL GUESS ILL SUFFER. im worried i wont have a good autobiography and that i wont be able to keep up with rope, but if i just dont goof around (lol) then it shouldnt be a w f u l. i notice a big student mood is being like ‘i want to die’ when school starts but christ its not rlly that bad? u get a normal ish sleep schedule, its easier to hang out w friends imo, and the work isnt even that hard you just have to pay attention and do it. it kind of bugs me honestly when school breathes and someones like THIS IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ALL THE WORK THIS SUCKS cause its literally not that bad if you just idk. dont goof off all the time. sometimes u can goof off im sure everyone does sometimes. just. do ur work nd dont get so uppity about it. also idk if nyone will even read these but this isnt directed at anyone.

Hour 4 (English 12): our class is huge lmao. sammy and i got seats by jimmy, josselin, and ariel but i think eren wants us to get to class earlier tomorrow so we can sit together w yadi at the back of the room. but we get out of hg when peter lets us out soooo we cant rlly control when he lets us out.

Lunch: there was a lil spider where i sit so i kind of shooed him away so i could sit and i ended up cramping a lot. the worst part abt school imo is the chairs are just as hard as the floor and i have awful pelvis issues so my entire lower half starts to freeze and lock up and it hurts rlly bad getting up or shifting after sitting still for a while, so i fidget a lot and shift positions a lot so i can try and reduce the pain. nyways i played music nd sidney nd alexis sat down by us and theyre really quiet (whenever i would see them in the halls on the way to class and they had a free hour or it was lunch nd id see them they were always quiet then too) and sidney left her chapstick and i hope she remembered to grab it (i told her at the assembly at the end of the day because i forgot to grab it to give back to her). i cant rlly remember what else happened honestly??? thats of noting at least.

Hour 5 (Free): eren and i are probably going to sit in michelles room for this hour since she has chairs and 3 hours in a row on the floor is going to bust my ass so bad. eren started doing work but we ended up just talking and eating and listening to a vine comp.

Hour 6 (Free): sammy came down and we did basically the same as the previous hour but more talking and laughing. i cant remember what we talked about tho?? or nything else?? (edit: we tlaked about fucking and spanx)

Hour 7 (Government): eren sammy nd i had put our stuff down in michelles room early to save our spots (but i bet ill be the only one still at the table tomorrow because they have to go to the front) and then eren nd i left to go to the bathroom then fill sammys water bottle and by the time we came back in michelle was like ‘please arrive on time’ like 1 we were in here first nd 2 the bathroom was packed nd were supposed to go between classes i couldnt piss any faster thanks tho. we got the syllabus and an intro to the class/classroom and thank god jared isnt in this class fuckkkk. also we have to do debates like in front of the class?? no t h a nk you i hate it

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): we just sat around ny amy was like ‘heres what well do’ but ariel sammy nd i basically talked the entire time we all know how art works.

Assembly: a final assembly to wrap everything up with all grades together (since middle nd high had separate assemblies this morning) and i dont kno if we got any important information i think it was just things only 6th graders nd new students need to know cause we hear the same spiel every year. then i guess we all left???

After School: my dad picked me up and hell be picking us up every day from now on (unless like smthn comes up u kno its whatever). he didnt say anything on the ride home unlike when he and mom would both pick us up and theyd both ask a lot of questions. i thought he was angry and i ended up being right. he and my mom got into a bad argument she told me later on and now shes changing the locks so he doesnt have a key. its kind of upsetting how she said i should be civil with like whoever my parents may end up dating nd the entire family and whatnot but she (vise versa) cant even be civil with him or the rest of our family so??? nice example you set for your kids, parents. anyways my dad is also apparently switching up stuff he says like what hell pay and what theyll keep asset wise and how theyd cooperate for our sake and now hes changing what he said during court and all this mess and i feel like hes doing it to spite my mom but hes also spiting us in the process because we rely on our mom. ughhhhh this is stupid difficult to deal w id rather just not have to hear this stuff but moms always on the phone talking about anything and everything and were forced to hear. nyways lol

#im going to put info here for future reference #day 1 #tardy: 0 #absent: 0 #late: 0 #im not counting kims class because i wasnt actually late k thanks

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beatmyaudio · 4 years

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Sing For The Moment Song Lyrics – Eminem

Sing For The Moment Song Lyrics

Sing For The Moment Song Lyrics From Popular Hollywood Artist Eminem from Album.

This song is sung by singer ” Eminem ” in Year 2003.

Lyrics of Sing For The Moment :

these ideas are nightmares to white parents whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings like whatever they say has no bearing its so scary in a house that allows no swearing to see him walking around with his headphones blaring alone in his own zone cold and he dont care hes a problem child what bothers him all comes out when he talks about his fuckin dad walkin out cause he hates him so bad that he blocks him out if he ever saw him again hed probably knock him out his thoughts are whacked hes mad so hes talkin back talkin black brainwashed from rock and rap he sags his pants do rags and a stocking cap his stepfather hit him so he socked him back and broke his nose this house is a broken home theres no control he just lets his emotions gocome on sing with me sing sing for the years sing it sing for the laughter sing for the tears come on sing it with me just for today maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you awayentertainment is changing intertwining with gangsters in the land of the killers a sinners mind is a sanctum holy or unholy only have one homie only this gun lonely cause dont anyone know me but everybody just feels like they can relate i guess words are a motherfucker they can be great or they can degrade or even worse they can teach hate its like these kids hang on every single statement we make like they worship us plus all the stores ship us platinum now how the fuck did this metamorphosis happen from standin on corners and porches just rappin to havin a fortune no more kissin ass but then these critics crucify you journalists try to burn you fans turn on you attorneys all want a turn at you to get their hands on every dime you have they want you to lose your mind every time you mad so they can try to make you out to look like a loose canon any dispute wont hesitate to produce handguns thats why these prosecutors wanna convict me strictly just to get me off of these streets quickly but all their kids been listenin to me religiously so im signing cds while police fingerprint me theyre for the judges daughter but his grudge is against me if im such a fuckin menace this shit doesnt make sense b its all political if my music is literal then im a criminal how the fuck can i raise a little girl i couldnt i wouldnt be fit to youre full of shit too guerrera that was a fist that hit youcome on sing with me sing sing for the years sing it sing for the laughter sing for the tears come on sing it with me just for today maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you awaythey say music can alter moods and talk to you well can it load a gun up for you and cock it too well if it can then the next time you assault a dude just tell the judge it was my fault and ill get sued see what these kids do is hear about us totin pistols and they want to get one cus they think the shits cool not knowin were really just protectin ourselves we entertainers of course the shits affecting ourselves you ignoramus but music is reflection of self we just explain it and then we get our checks in the mail its fucked up aint it how we can come from practically nothin to bein able to have any fuckin thing that we wanted thats why we sing for these kids that dont have a thing except for a dream and a fuckin rap magazine who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs or for anyone whos ever been through shit in they lives til they sit and they cry at night wishing they die til they throw on a rap record and they sit and they vibe were nothing to you but were the fuckin shit in their eyes thats why we seize the moment and try to freeze it and own it squeeze it and hold it cause we consider these minutes golden and maybe theyll admit it when were gone just let our spirits live on through our lyrics that you hear in our songs and we cancome on sing with me sing sing for the years sing it sing for the laughter sing for the tears come on sing it with me just for today maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you awaycome on sing with me sing sing for the years sing it sing for the laughter sing for the tears come on sing it with me just for today maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Sing For The Moment Song Lyrics

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Lyrics, Edit, Eminem, English, Hollywood, Sing For The Moment from WordPress https://ift.tt/2VqIf0z via IFTTT

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alittleyellowdinosaur · 4 years

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rant

Big tw for covid.

mkay we are having. a bad day folks. Real bad day. first of all, I’m tired. Woke up way to early, again, bc my darned cat is a needy bastard. then i just feel like shit all around, just exhausted physically even though ive done nothing, massive headache, big brain fog hours, neither of which related to hydration bc ive been drinking water i promise, face feels kinda clogged, you know what i mean, and just. ugh. Like i swear i cant think even enough to text people if it requires more than a “nice” or “mood.” Like. When i say brain hurty, i me. Brain. Really. Hurty. And to top it all off i am ranging from ice cold to flushed and hot, all while sitting on my bed doing nothing.

So basically i freaked out a bit thinking i might have covid. Feeling flushed (and LOOOKING flushed), brain feeling like it weighs about two tons and foggy, exhausted physically and mentally? Can you BLAME my anxiety??? I took my temp and it was normal (98.0 and 98.3 the two times i did it) but i still feel like shit. And i feel even more shitty bc i didnt do any of my homework thats due tomorrow, including edits for an essay, and a journal response, and other shit. Which. Sucks. Its a grade floor and i wont be penalized for not doing it, it just sucks bc i hate the feeling of not doing work, and when i mentioned to my parents im not doing the work bc i feel terrible they were like who gives a damn go do it right now bc oh yea, they totally dont put pressure on us to be good in school ahaha absolutely not why would you think that...So like that sucks, my brain feels like its drowning, im so tired i could probably fall asleep now which is SAYING SOMETHING bc i have insomnia like a bitch and only take naps when im sick or depressed.

its just a big ol pile of shitty bc my anxiety still be like “covid? think you have covid. you had starbucks two days ago you definitely got covid then, you’re going to wake up feeling like utter shit because this is just the start but itll get bad tomorrow just you wait and oh right you have asthma you’re definitely going to die from it” like please and thank you shut the fuck up no one asked you for your opinion brenda. anyways we stan feeling like a garbage bag and your brain making you anxious about it for like 800 reasons. I should probably email my teacher and just be really honest like i feel like crap and just couldnt do it but i want to wait until tomorrow for some reason because idk maybe i can get it edited then? even though i have to edit another essay then? just. fml rn honestly.

#tw covid 19 #anxiety rant #please ignore me

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fanfictionofthesoul · 4 years

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Destiny Came Knocking On Our Door - Chapter 1: Mysterious Forces, a Teen Wolf Stiles-Centric FanFiction

Summary: Stiles gets bitten by an Alpha, and the fox that bit him wont stop following him around. But apparently, that’s the least of his problems.

Chapter 1: Mysterious Forces

Note: Not edited

Will be posted on AO3 When it is finished.

0o0o0o

"Damnit," Stiles growled as he shined his flashlight on the tree, a red 'x' in chalk written on the trunk. "We've passed this before."

Scott sighed as he stepped in front of another tree, "Twice."

Stiles huffed once more, lowering his flashlight and looking around. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but maybe-"

"We need to split up." Scott winced at his own statement, "Again." He said a little quieter. Only three hours ago did they split up with Malia and Lydia. Scott hoped that they were having better luck then them.

"Alright," Stiles sighed heavier this time before shining his flashlight along the trees, "You go left, I go right?"

"Sounds good." Scott said, but the frown on his face said differently. He looked worried, a kind of look that Stiles was getting all too familiar with. Not just because of what they've been through, but because of the recent amount of supernatural creatures that have been wandering into Beacon Hills and causing complete and utter chaos. It was why they were in the woods in the first place - searching for the Nameton that, rumor had it at least, doubled in size and was causing these beings to go insane.

At least, that was the theory they were working with.

"Remember, at least every five minutes we say something in the walkie to make sure we don't get too far." Stiles said, waving his own walkie talkie in the air. Stiles wasn't entirely sure how much distance these things could take, but it was the best thing he could do on such short notice.

He couldn't exactly steal some walkie talkies from his dad - especially ever since they upgraded their security system since who knows how long - and he couldn't really tell his dad what he was doing, either.

Well, he could, but lately his dad hasn't been very fond of him practically looking for danger.

"Got it." Scott said, "Let's try to meet up at your Jeep around midnight, okay?"

"Midnight? But-"

"Stiles, you remember we have a Chemistry test tomorrow, right?"

He groaned, rolling his head around just to be dramatic, "OK, OK, fine." He huffed, "See you then," He said, spinning around and disappearing into the darkness. He could only hope that they would figure this out tonight. He really didn't want to search these woods again tomorrow after school, especially since in about a week they have a 3-day Lacrosse event out of town. Beacon Hills was screwed without them.

He sighed, lifting up the walkie to his mouth, "What happens if we don't find this damn tree stump?" He asked, but he had a feeling he knew the answer.

Supernatural beings that they've never seen before will keep coming, wreaking havoc on Beacon Hills because of the energy that is driving them insane.

There was silence for a moment followed by Scott's voice over the walkie.

"I thought you said every five minutes? Plus, don't we need to save our battery, and all?"

Stiles scoffed for a moment, shaking his head as he stepped over a giant root and continued looking around. The woods were pitch black because of the New Moon, but at least it wasn't a full moon.

"Uh...five minutes, starting now?" He questioned, clicking the button once again and adding, "Plus, you didn't answer my question."

He wasn't even sure why he was asking. He knew the answer. He didn't like the answer.

But, he kind of wanted to see the optimistic spin Scott would somehow put on it.

"I don't know," He could hear the sigh, "But lets not waste our battery, ok?"

He sighed. He was right, but the fact that he wasn't even going to try to be optimistic really made Stiles feel...anxious.

Just focus on the task at hand, he told himself, eyeing the forest around him carefully. He had a feeling they weren't going to find it tonight, but here they were - wandering the woods alone and looking for something that only shows when it wants to be found.

"This is useless." Stiles stopped in his tracks and dropped his hand, a huff of frustration escaping his lips and his free hand running through his sweaty hair. If they couldn't find the Nameton, then the question was why did it not want to be found? Did the Nameton want a bunch of supernatural beings to come to Beacon Hills and murder people?

Why am I acting like this tree stump is a person? Stiles wondered as he continued to walk without even realizing it.

"OK, think," Stiles said. It seemed to help if he thought out loud to himself. Not like anyone was around to hear him, anyway. "The druids believe that cutting or harming the tree would cause death and destruction to the town and surrounding locations, right? So either rumor is wrong and someone did something real stupid, or..." He stopped once again and huffed, "If the Nameton really did grow, why would it cause death and destruction? Why would it make supernatural beings go insane?" His eyebrows twitched together in confusion as he looked around, "And how come anyone in Scott's pack seems to be immune?"

Was it mercy? Was the tree angry for someone cutting it down all those years ago? After all, it was Scott's pack that brought the Nameton power again, but...

No. That didn't seem right. Because...why now?

"Why us?" Stiles mumbled to himself as he continued walking again. He wondered how often he kept stopping and going, but quickly pushed that thought away as his thoughts went back to the Nameton. If he could just figure out the reason why it grew and released basically a supernatural virus, maybe he could just figure out how to find it - and stop it.

Because right now, their current plan sucked. They were trying to find the Nameton which will then hopefully show them the reason why it grew.

"That's it." Stiles stopped once again, now in some kind of clearing. No Nameton, unfortunately. "Maybe that's why it gave us immunity. Maybe it does want to be found." He trailed off, eyebrows twitched together once again, "And maybe the reason why we haven't found it yet is because it wants a certain person to find it? But who..." He huffed, "Probably Scott." He rolled his eyes a little, "It's always Scott." He huffed a little in frustration. He might as well head back towards the Jeep. Even if he was wrong, they were probably better off looking for the Nameton during the day time, anyway.

He turned around, lifting the walkie to his lips and saying, "Hey, Scotty-" He stopped, hearing a snap somewhere in the distance. He let go of the button and stiffened, hoping beyond hope that it was some bunny or deer instead of a large predatory animal or worse - some supernatural creature lurking in the night.

He gulped, then nearly jumped when Scott replied in the walkie.

"Found anything?"

He was silent, his heart thumping in his chest. His body felt frozen, but he tried to shake it off as he lifted the flashlight and shined it all around him.

"Stiles? You there?"

He sighed with a sense of relief. "Yeah, I'm-" He turned back around and froze, finding himself starring down the barrel of a gun as his eyes widened in shock. "Wait, don't-"

Two shots rang out, and darkness soon followed.

He wasn't sure when he closed his eyes. All he knew was that his eyes felt unbearably heavy as he tried to open them. He wanted to sleep so bad, but given that he was currently looking at some branches, leaves, and beautiful stars in the sky...this wasn't really the place.

Either someone stole his tent (was he even camping?) or something bad happened. Was he injured? He wondered as he tried to sit up, but his eyes widened as pain erupted all over his body. It felt like...god, he wasn't even sure what it felt like. Like something was ripping through his freaking body. Like the thing that was inside was burning, only if it truly was, eventually it would be damaging his nerves and the pain would go away - only, this wasn't the case. It just kept burning and burning, yet the liquid that he could feel dripping down his chest and side was cooler. It felt like freezing cold water that left a trail of pain.

What happened to him? He tried to think. Come on, think, think... he sucked in a deep breath and winced. Maybe a little whimper even escaped his lips.

Gun. That's right. He had turned around and was starring down the barrel of a gun, and he wasn't even sure who it was that shot him.

He wasn't even sure if he - or she - was still here. Maybe they were waiting...watching as he lied on the dirty ground bleeding to death from his wounds. Maybe they were waiting to finish the job.

Stiles winced again as he tried to lift his head. There was no way he was going to just sit here and die. He was at least going to attempt to do something, even if right now that means looking around to see if anyone was still here. Pain immediately erupted throughout his body once again, but this time he could feel where it hurt the most. His right hip was in agonizing pain, and it almost felt like the pain was right down to the bone. But the worst - and most concerning - was his chest, and after attempting to look around him and seeing nothing but trees, he looked down and felt his heart skip a beat at the gaping hole in his chest.

Blood. There was so much blood.

"Ah!" He yelled as he fell to his back once again. His head was spinning, but he tried to blink the dizziness away. Maybe it would blink away the heaviness, as well, but it seemed a little useless as he found himself starring at the sky once again.

I'm going to die.

The thought rang loud and clear in his head, and despite the fact that he thought that it was going to send him into a panic attack, he felt...calm, instead.

I'm going to die, he thought again. I'm going to see my mom again. I'm going to see Allison. I'm going to see Erica and Boyd and Heather and hell, even Aiden, even if I never really liked the bastard. I'm going to die.

I'm Okay. The words were quieter this time, and he felt his heart rate start to slow. He wasn't sure if that was because of the blood loss or because of the strange sense of peace and calmness he was feeling. He suddenly realized what Allison must have felt the day she died.

God, I'm going to die, he thought, I'm going to leave my dad all alone. The mourning of Allison was bad enough. The mourning of his own mother was terrible. He couldn't imagine how it was going to feel for his friends...his pack...his father when he dies.

When.

Because he was going to die.

And he felt calm. He felt peaceful. And that was...that was wrong. That was wrong, right?

He took in a deep, shaky breath, a tear streaming down his cheek as the realization finally settled in.

He wasn't even sure who shot him. Or why.

He should have never split up.

That was a dumb idea.

That was always a dumb idea.

Would Scott develop PTSD after this? Maybe he'll never let anyone else split up again. Maybe he'll be like one of those helicopter moms because he is absolutely terrified of losing someone else.

He once heard that losing a pack member was like losing a limb, but Stiles couldn't remember who said that. He couldn't remember...he couldn't think. And yes, it was pointless and stupid to rack his brain to figure out who it was that said those words, but maybe he just wanted to cling to something - to anything - as he laid there on the forest floor dying.

It took a long moment (and he wasn't even entirely sure how long he was laying there, bleeding to death) to realize that he could hear someone's voice. For a moment, he thought his killer was back, but then he slowly started to register the voice and he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or devastated. He didn't want Scott to hold him in his arms as he died. Not like Allison.

But he also wanted to tell him that it will be OK.

He had to know.

He didn't realize how cold he felt until he moved his arm, feeling the dirt and grass beneath him until he finally found the walkie.

He could hear Scott panicking, his voice nothing but huffs, screams, and static. He pressed the button, his voice finally stopping as he slowly brought the walkie to his lips.

"S-Scott." He didn't mean to stutter. Maybe a part of him was hoping that he could just act like nothing happened, but he knew that wasn't a good idea. Scott no doubt heard the gunshots. "Scott...listen to me," He didn't release the button yet. He didn't want to hear Scott argue with him or question if he was OK. He didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to tell his best friend to please, please, take care of his father. To take care of the pack. Of himself. "It's OK." He gulped, feeling something in his throat. Blood, most likely. He was going to choke on his own blood.

"Stiles-" He heard, realizing he accidently let go of the button. He quickly pressed it again and took in a deep breath. He could hear crackling in his chest, but chose to ignore it.

"Please take care...of my dad." He felt weak, but he tried to gather all of the energy he had to speak. To ask him one last thing. "Please...take care of the pack. And don't..." He gulped, "Don't ever...forget your dreams, buddy. Take care of the town and all...keep fighting those villains but...don't forget...you deserve to be happy, too. Scott..." He felt more tears escape his eyes, and slowly that feeling of peace was starting to disappear. It was there, but there was still that part of him that didn't want this. He didn't want to die. "Tell my dad I love him. Tell him I'm sorry. And Scott..." He trailed off, his hands growing weak and nearly letting go of the button, "I'll tell Allison you said hi." He chuckled, but it was a little weak. Maybe a little pathetic, too.

"Stiles, don't say that." He finally heard, "You aren't going to die, alright? I'm coming to find you - damnit where are you?" He trailed off, voice a little distant as he slowly started to panic, "Please...please don't die, Stiles. I can't lose you. I can't lose you, alright? So just...please stay awake. Don't die. Don't die!" His voice grew louder and louder, and Stiles wanted to say something to cheer him up. He wanted to say that he'll be OK, that he'll live, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't because he was going to die, and because he couldn't even find the energy in him to hold up the walkie talkie anymore.

It slowly fell to the ground, Scott's voice seeming to grow more distant as everything grew quieter. He wasn't sure when he closed his eyes, but the realization that he was slowly slipping into sleep only hit him when he felt something wet on his face.

His eyes slowly fluttered open, but it seemed to take a long time from how heavy they were. As he attempted to pry them open, he could now feel what it was that was touching his face.

A tongue.

A very wet, animalistic tongue.

Dear god, I'm going to get eaten alive. Can't I just die, first? He felt a small sense of panic as his eyes finally opened, but now the licking was over with and he couldn't see a damn thing.

"Wha-" He questioned, then suddenly felt pressure on his stomach. A wave of pain hit him once again and he let out a groan, attempting to lift his head and blink away the blurriness in his eyes. There was some sort of blob sitting on top of him. An animal, of some sort, only it hasn't yet barred it's teeth and attempted to rip him apart.

He gulped, and the blurriness soon finally started to disappear as he could now see what it was standing on top of him.

A fox.

A very beautiful, very fluffy, black fox. He watched it carefully, wondering if he was imagining it. Maybe this is how death shows up - in a form of a fox. Or maybe this was just some sick joke sent from Lucifer himself because he was possessed by a fox before.

But even so, as Stiles watched the animal stare at his wounds and appeared to be finding a comfortable position on top of him, he had a feeling this wasn't some animal looking for it's next meal. No, as a matter of fact, it almost looked like it was...

It pressed against the bullet hole in his chest, and he immediately hissed.

Was it trying to stop the bleeding?

Oh, the irony. But now wasn't really the time. Maybe he'll laugh about this later.

Later.

Right. He almost forgot that he was dying.

"Hey...there...little guy." He mumbled, and he couldn't help but notice by the way he spoke that he sounded both incredibly weak and perhaps a little drunk. And he felt drunk as he watched the fox tilt it's head like a dog. "Girl?" He questioned. The fox lowered it's - her - head and whined. Almost like a dog watching it's owner die. It was sad, really, but for him it was just...incredibly weird.

Suddenly, he couldn't help but notice he wasn't in pain anymore. Weak still, but not exactly in pain. And he was curious - to his very last dying breath, apparently - as he sat up a little and noticed that the pain was more like a dull ache now.

"You aren't...a normal...fox." He realized. He wasn't sure whether to feel terrified or not. Clearly it wasn't here to harm but...would it...?

Was it an alpha?

His heart raced, but it was still way too slow.

The fox looked up at him, letting out another whine, before it's eyes suddenly glowed red.

His head immediately fell backwards and he slammed his eyes closed, "Please no." He panicked. Just a little. "Don't turn me. Don't bite me please." He begged, and he wondered how much he meant it.

No.

No, he did mean it. He didn't want the bite. He didn't want to be turned into a werewolf or werefox or whatever. Getting possessed by a fox was bad enough, and honestly, being a werewolf (or werefox, in this case) didn't seem so different. The wolf was still blood-thirsty and basically possessing the human.

No. He didn't want that. And he definitely didn't want to see the look on his dad's face if he finds out he was turned into some animal. Some supernatural creature.

Dear god, when was he going to slip into the darkness? Into peaceful oblivion? When was all of this going to be over? And where the hell was Scotty? Not like he wanted him to watch him die, but...

Still, it was odd, but suddenly all he could think about was one thing. One place. One reason why Scott hasn't found him yet.

And as Stiles turned his head, feeling the fox's tongue on his cheek once again, he noticed it. The giant tree stump, though in the distance, looked like it was just illuminated by non-existent moonlight.

It was me, he realized. The Nameton wanted me to find it?

Maybe he was wrong about his little theory, but it was all he had right now. He was clinging to it like he should be clinging to life, right now.

This didn't make sense. None of this made sense.

Did it lure me here to die? Stiles wondered as he looked back at the fox. His heart was no longer beating rapidly, his breathing now slower than what was comfortable, but even in this state - somewhere between life and death, almost - he knew.

It lured me here to get turned, he thought, and it was with almost 100% certainty, even if there was no evidence to suggest he was right - he knew, just knew he was right. It was a gut feeling that was stronger than anything he ever felt in his life. Stronger than the feeling that his best friend was turning into a werewolf, way back when.

Stronger than the feeling that something was incredibly wrong before he realized he was possessed by the Nogitsune.

Stronger than the feeling that chaos was coming right before chaos always came.

He wasn't going to die.

He was going to get turned.

"Shit." He muttered weakly to himself, then watched as the fox whined, it's eyes glowing so bright as it crawled a little closer and began licking his neck as if preparing for the bite.

His eyes slammed closed once again as he prepared himself for what he knew was coming. He didn't move, knowing that fighting in his condition was absolutely useless, and practically counted the seconds that ticked by as he waited for the sharp pain that was sure to come.

"Stiles."

He opened his eyes and felt his body practically turn to stone.

"Fuck."

#teen wolf #stiles stilinski #stiles #fanfiction #teen wolf fanfiction #stiles fanfic #stiles fanfiction #scott mccall #Dylan obrien #ao3

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readfelice-blog · 6 years

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moominland chronicles fünfzehn: felice vs the german health care system

Hello you,

It’s 4am on Friday morning, I’m lying in bed with one of my 3 flowered ikea lamps burning away, holding my cuddly pig tight to my chest whilst I tap out this blog on my iphone, balanced on a pillow.

I cant sleep.

I’m going to get a taxi to hospital in 5 hours.

Before we start all that please administer any of the below music to yourself as an accompaniment, I’ve been dipping my toes into the clear water of pop shoals this week, I might be the last person to have listened to blond (an article in vice insisted upon me lining it up on my google play - still no cd player, I know):

Frank ocean

Nikes (song, always a fan of a big opener on an album)

https://vimeo.com/179791907?ref=em-share

Blond (album, yes you've probably heard it already)

https://www.discogs.com/Frank-Ocean-Blond/master/1046042

I'm also late on the train for Mitski I’m sure, but the words, restrain in her voice and divergent harmonies (discordant, is that better?) are searing through me, might listen again in the hospital tomorrow.

Though perhaps as she grows older she wont long for that kiss quite as much as she does now, because prince charming will never save her really (though she does acknowledge that from time to time on this album)

Mitski

A horse named cold air (song)

https://youtu.be/ce3m-o1pZqY

Be the cowboy (Album)

https://mitski.bandcamp.com/album/be-the-cowboy

And just this one song, which kind of speaks frankly from my heart a little, or at least I sympathise with, though in a fuller sense my situation is very different and it’s only my little brain that identifies with the lyrics.

SZA: the weekend

https://youtu.be/PALMMqZLAQk

So then.. youre suited and booted musically, lets press on shall we? After all I mentioned hospital, it would be cruel just to taper off now.

Heres my small brain again:

Fuck the fucking german health system, fuck all those uptight bigoted cunts that put the phone down on me this week, fuck my insurance for charging me since july and slyly adding it to my bill, fuck the man at the tk queue yesterday who aggressively shouted at me for talking on the phone with my sister, about my illness, at the first opportunity that day after a very strange experience with the gynaecologist.

Ok,

I’m breathing, my small brain is retracting, lets continue a bit less aggressively now.

Health health health, we’re jumping back on the theme from last week, because sometimes illness doesn't go away, and as this blog is my warts and all document of the weird happenings of my life, I am going to be very very open about whats happening to me this week.

So I’m bleeding, like all pre menopausal women do who dont take contraception that inhibits it, thats what was happening in Paris, thats what has been happening for 3 weeks.

I’ve been bleeding for 3 weeks, yes.

I had really bad period pains last time round, which is unusual for me these days, I took buscopan plus, i soldiered on, then it stopped for a week, then it returned, light some days, heavier seemingly at the weekends. I pigheadedly pushed through physically exhausting weeks of cleaning, travelling, working, I’m a freelance cleaner, I don't get sick pay or holiday pay, I have to work or I can't pay rent.

I wrote a blog about it last weekend. But that was just before the blood clots starting coming, when the first one fell out it plopped in the toilet, I was so shocked I fished it out and curiously studied it (warts and all, I’m sick of skirting the weirdness in my life: its there: get used to it). I thought it was a dead baby, it was monstrous and displayed a horrid kind of plasticity as it eerily shifted round the jar in my hand I was gently coercing. It was an alien, more like rosemary's baby than my cherub cheeked nephew.

That was MONDAY.

I thought, ok the babies fallen out, now it’ll surely stop.

On sunday the bear got in touch, he'd been trying to phone, he was annoyed he couldn't get in contact, he was horny. I told him I was still bleeding, he insisted I go to the doctors, in his very forthright way, he sent me money to go even: because i was clueless about my insurance at that point. I knew i’d been getting letters I couldn't read from tk (die teckniker, german health insurance provider) for months, since I stopped working at the hostel, but I’d just carefully ignored them.

I didn't have the money to pay for health insurance.

I botched my first attempt to see a gynaecologist, I made an appointment online but the transfer the bear made was not in my bank so he asked me to phone them and check payment methods. When I did the receptionist point blank refused to speak English to me, my quandary was simply, “Do I need cash today?” But she was haughty and unsympathetic, another colleague took the phone, who even through garbled understanding felt kinder but it soon transpired that my appointment was for November 1st not October 1st.

“Im very ill i dont think I can wait that long.”

I phoned Meoclinic to be told by a woman with razors in her voice who suddenly became sickeningly sweet after she’d told me it was €400 just to see someone. I felt like the pleasure she was deriving from me tripping over my words and despairingly saying that was to much money for me, was enough for her to take home and masturbate over later, in her silky agent provocateur corset, on silk sheets, with a flute of champagne on the bedside table.

I gave up for the day and decided that tomorrow I’d go to the doctors I went to for my sti test a few months ago, they were very nice. They spoke english, they had open appointments the next day at 18h.

TUESDAY

More clots started coming, big, gloopy, just pouring out of me, they were announced by a tirade of blood, I was soaking through organic pads at an alarming rate.

So that wasn't the baby on Monday then.

I went to clean first, I cant afford to not clean for reasons stated above, at an office where the woman who employs me talks to me through gritted teeth as if our every interaction is painful to her.

Lowly pauper girl, know your place.

Anyway due to logistical issues she had probably not envisaged, I didn't do the whole job and left early. I walked out on to the money lined streets of Uhlandstrasse, Cara Delevine’s svelte androgynous eyes staring out at me from various glass paned monoliths, and sat on a moth eaten bench, very upset from the shift, feeling utterly worthless, responsible and at fault, bleeding.

Then I had a cigarette, collected myself and went to tk: Round 1.

I waited, gushing out blood, in line for 25 minutes to see the receptionist, then a further 10/15 to see the sales girl. I dont have to pay them straight away but when november comes I will have to pay them 720+€ , plus from then on 180€ a month, from an average wage of 800€.

In retrospect I was probably fully within my right to protest starting the contract from July 1st, but I was so grateful for someone health related to be talking to me in English and perhaps it will stand in my favour now the hospital bills will be tallying up.

I left with no card or proof of insurance.

I went home, lay down, then showered, laced my trainers and went back into the world depleted, to Mehringdam to see the emergency doctors, it was raining heavily outside.

They were different this time, I had no proof of insurance but I had the bears money so I was paying cash, I waited dutifully and wrote in my diary.

It was a different female doctor, a more boxy and less vital woman than the previous medic I’d met at the same clinic. About halfway into my bloody tale of woe she stopped me panic stricken.

“You know this is a doctors surgery, you have to go to a gynaecologist.”

“Ok, so you cant help me.” - i start putting my coat back on.

A pause.

“Can you at least refer me to one? I’ve had a hard time trying to find a gynaecologist, I can't really speak German, people have been very rude to me so far, I came back here because I remember people were kind and tried to help me, even though I wasn't sure it was the right place.”

We go out to reception where I stand in front of 2 receptionists who speak in German and totally ignore me, the doctor hands me some measly bits of paper with contact details printed on them and hurries away. Shaken from my bloody tale of woe I imagine she just sits in her office for 10 minutes alone obsessively sterilising her hands and shuddering.

I continue to look at the 2 women in front of me who carry on as if I am invisible for a further 5 minutes, I tell them I’m going to the toilet and then coming back, they brush me off. More blood pours out of me. I return and finally they allow me to pay them, I plod back out into the rain and miserably wait for a bus, head home via the shops and climb back into bed.

WEDNESDAY

Is a national holiday, so I can't sort anything, my client offers me the day off, I take it. I make 9 drawings for my project, bounce the rough edit of the album I’m working on, pull myself to the dance studio I’ve started to rent to practise my live show. Have a long overdue singsong, though I can't really dance i can still sing.

Sunday edit: I’ve since missed 2 bookings at the studio because of this infernal bleeding, hope I can go back soon, it was utterly riveting to finally find a place I could sing as loudly as I wanted.

It's a glorious day even though blood still rains, I’m not cleaning, I’m doing what i really want to do.

THURSDAY

I need to be at my clients early, but I go via the apotheke on the way, there a pharmacist advises me on the best way to take iron and vitamin supplements, sells me ibuprofen and alerts me to the gynaecologist upstairs, but she’s only open till 13h, my job is supposed to finish at that time.

I hum and haa as I hobble to my clients and when I get there decide to finish the job early and see if I can get an appointment.

On the way into the building there's a system of doors, I enter alongside an elderly gentleman with a walking stick and we have quite the time not understanding each other, me holding doors for him, him very jovially propping them open with his stick. I have no idea what’s being said but something tender and wonderful is occurring between us that puts a lightness back in my step.

This reception is slick and clean, the receptionist is neat and elegant. But the doctor isn’t there. They wouldn’t accept my tk insurance anyway, they’re going on holiday till November.

Ok,

I leave and just flop down on the street outside, I’m supposed to be doing a double clean today but I have a 2 hour window before my next job, which is only a 15 minute walk away. I’m getting closer to seeing someone. Still crouched down on the street, still bleeding, I dig out the contacts handed to me, one is for a doctors I’ve called before. I call 2 numbers from the 4 sheets I have, both go through to hard voiced women who utterly refuse to attempt to speak English to me and relish the goodbyes they bestow before they coldly put the phone down. To the second one I say in English:

“I’m really sick, but if I don’t speak German I am just going to continue to be sick, is that what you’re telling me?”

I found a list on google, theres a male gynaecologist just up the road, a man rummaging in my lady bits is a bit disconcerting but truly I’m beyond pride now.

This reception is more modest, I place my cleaning bucket on the floor and then just start with

“I’m losing a lot of blood, can you please help me.”

He’s in.

These receptionists are gorgeous humans, they speak to me in broken English, they’re shocked I’ve been bleeding for 3 weeks, yes he will see me, please take a seat.

He’s a big warm man with no sexual energy, I tell him everything, I feel so grateful just to be able to see him that I’m bowing as I say thank you. I get sent to a little room, remove my trousers and knickers, get let into another room, climb on the chair, he inserts the spy camera dildo (ultrasound) device inside me, then on the screen we look at a ball like thing inside my womb.

Hes glowing when he tells me its probably a very early pregnancy, he’s so excited, though it’ll most likely be a miscarriage, but he paints a future where my little fetus determinedly survives the bloodletting and in 9 months time arrives in my life.

I cover everything in blood, which freaks him out.

“You’re really bleeding a lot.”

He gives me the ultrasound photo, then after some confusion I go to the nurses and deposit a urine sample on the counter of another room.

“Thank you so much for seeing me.”

“Of course: you have been bleeding for 3 weeks.”

As I wait in the reception for the test results a new future, inconceivable before this point, rolls out before me, where I have the baby and take the government stipend to look after it as a single mother, I thought I didn’t want kids but something seems so precious about this vision. It’ll just be me and my little ball of love, together in some warm cosy flat in Prenzlauer Berg, surrounded by all the other Berlin mothers.

The test is negative, a jolt of dismay passes through me, the vision is shattered, I have to go to the hospital he says. They give me the bill, without proof of insurance I pay in cash, thanking the bear silently. He also tells me to go to my insurance and get a letter, because the hospital will really cost a lot.

So I go home, breathe and collect myself, go back out. Spend over an hour wandering around looking for a photo kiosk for my insurance card (not blind> I’m using google maps to try locate one), finally I find it nestled into a dark part of the s bahn station, it costs double what the machine costs but I just eat the charge, earlier I’d spend 30 minutes wandering around the crossroads outside Leopaldplatz: the fotofix on the map was apparently invisible, I need a picture. I then wait for another 30 minutes to have my photo taken.

When I get to the u bahn where tk is there is a fotofix booth right there, to my left as I walk out of the station, I really hold myself back from screaming and kicking over all the chairs arranged outside the cafe before me. I finally manage to call my sister and it's a glorious funny loving chat, cut short by the aforementioned man in the tk queue.

I tell him in english which he insists he doesn't understand, that I am having the day from hell and that was the first time I’ve managed to speak to that person, he abuses me again in German but then stands very far away from me, the shame weaving around him, I curse him, but its a little thing, just that I hope he gets eaten by spider babies.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

I retrieve my letter from the receptionist, the same sales woman I spoke to on Tuesday who doesn’t recognise me at all.

It’s getting late in the day, I call back my sister and head to Charite Campus Mitte, as I get there it dawns on me this is where I was an extra on an art video shoot around 3 weeks ago.

There is no discernable entrance, it seems mostly deserted. I travel up in a lift towards the gynakolgie department, but when I exit the skybent box that is my vehicle there is no clear signage towards it, just a door to an emergency exit staircase, wind billowing behind it, with a note in fluoro yellow fixed on its metallic facade and a bridge / corridor leading to empty waiting rooms.

I give up, decide I’ll go to the address given to me by the doctors tomorrow. I’ll go home and sleep now.

Home, I eat then I crash, I get into bed at 19h, I’m still here its now 6am and I’ll try sleep a bit more before I get a taxi at 9am.

I’m scared

It’s like some sick version of the night before christmas, black humour and absurdity have been welcome companions but armour fades in bed, so writing this in the knowledge I will share it with the online community has been the only thing I can do to douse the fear.

I’ll probably have to beg receptionists later but I just hope I get to someone who can start to mend me, because the blood is still coming, for the first time since it started it stained my sheets last night but I’ve wiped them down a little.

Sunday edit: the sheets are now in the wash.

Saturday edit: they did see me, I’m having an operation on monday at 9:30, the saga continues because I have to rush back to the gynaecologists first on monday to get a note so I can be operated on : as by the time I got out of hospital on friday the gynaecologists surgery was closed and nothing is open on the weekends.

And on the anaesthetists form where it asked me who would be collecting me or looking after me for 24 hours after the procedure I stubbornly wrote noone. Though my mentor will be around as I swallowed my pride and asked her.

And, of course, I just expect more bullshit: that was my dads very astute advice:

“Expect more bullshit Felice.”

So then, yes I should speak German, yes I should of sorted my insurance, yes I’ve been irresponsible.

Saturday edit: I’ve been utterly irresponsible and disrespectful to the country I live in, I MUST learn German and make more of an effort to learn their culture, right now I’m truly an idiot abroad.

I might cancel all my jobs next week as well if I’m really sick, I might not be able to go to Krakow and watch Eartheater,

Saturday edit: All my jobs are cancelled, one of the days next week is my birthday, which I’d scheduled a double clean on so perhaps it’s not all bad.

But I’m not going to see Eartheater, if you’ve heard irisiri though ( LISTEN TO IT, I IMPLORE YOU, MORE THAN ONCE, on the first listen it’s quite harsh: https://alexdrewchin.bandcamp.com/releases) then you’ll immediately understand that not going to her show because I’m having my uterus forcibly wedged open and something cut out of it, is utterly appropriate, it’s like missing formula one because you got hit by a ferrari.

I hope I’ll be better by turin.

Saturday edit: very much.

I will still finish this project whatever happens.

Saturday edit: Now I have a week off it should help.

But I’m not 100% sure how I will make ends meet this month.

Saturday edit: Perhaps the polyp they cut out of me on monday is really an alien and I get paid hush money not to leak the story to the press.

I really miss the nhs, its a big soft Pugsy bear I just want to hug and hold and thank for everything it’s done for me over the years.

The german health system is an amalgamation of all these callous female receptionists, ignoring you and filing their niles whilst you just bleed out in front of them.

But still, I’m stubborn, its a test and i will overcome it whatever it is. I am not leaving berlin, I am standing taller, stronger and more powerful than before. I’ve experienced completely new angles and feelings this week, it’s been abhorrent but kind of sickly enjoyable as well. Life is always entertaining as it energetically throws its bounty of strangeness, cruelty and beauty (etc) at you.

It’s all good fun, even the dark days.

I’m going to try get a bit of shut eye now, might move my alarm back a little see if I can get 2 hours before i wake up to get a taxi.

Take care everyone, if you made it to the end then I guess thank you for reading as well, it’s a long fraught one this week eh?

#die teckniker #german healthcare #idiot abroad #self growth

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