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sephyathredon-writing · 7 months

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Whumptober #1: Slipping Through The Cracks

Summary: The night before the Knighting Ceremony, Ambrosius just wanted to have dinner with the love of his life. What he didn't expect was for the excitement around the ceremony to lead people to swarming him and asking him for autographs. He quickly gets overwhelmed. An Entry for Whumptober under the prompt “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

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What's this creepin' feeling? It's like impending doom I think I've got to go, but it's me, it isn't you What's wrong with me? My foot starts to tap It's cold but sweat drips down my back I don't like this, I'm slipping through the cracks I was fine one moment then it all went black ---- Panic Attack by Scotty Sire ----

If there was one thing that ever cracked the mask that Ambrosius wore in public and sent his anxiety skyrocketing, it was being around large groups of people. Sometimes it would be alright. He’d hold Ballister’s hand or have a hand on his shoulder for comfort and stability, while he flashed his so-called ‘winning smile’ at the crowd.

He needed to remember that they were there for him, because they loved him so much that they wanted to see him, wanted to get autographs. It was just, when there were so many eyes on him, so many people so close, it got overwhelming. It was okay when they were seated at the Glorodrome, but so many bodies packed in so close to him always gave him anxiety. Especially when they were loud.

Even worse, some people didn’t understand that he needed his own private space. They were always up close to him, especially if it was a large crowd.

It seemed like with everyone anticipating the upcoming Knighting Ceremony, everything in Ambrosius’ life had gotten a whole lot more stressful. Nonstop photoshoots, public appearances, and other duties left him absolutely drained. On top of that, he had to make it to rehearsals for the ceremony too. He hardly had enough time to get a good night’s sleep, and he’d be lucky if he even got to see Ballister.

They were going to give him a day off right before the ceremony so that he would be well rested for it, Ambrosius just had to make it through the week, which was easier said than done. He spent the whole week thinking about what he was going to do with Ballister when that one day came around. He was thinking maybe they could go out to dinner together.

That would be nice.

Soon that day came, the day where Ambrosius didn’t have to do anything. It was a rarity for him. The descendant of Gloreth was always busy with something. So he took this opportunity to sleep in late, then when he woke up, he called Ballister.

Unfortunately, the day passed quickly and Ambrosius’ nervousness about the Knighting Ceremony was clear, despite his efforts to cover it up with goofy jokes and bright smiles.

Soon it was time to go to dinner. The two of them picked a fancy restaurant in the middle of the Kingdom. They both heard it had good food and they were excited to try it.

Ambrosius would later find out what a mistake it was to pick such a popular place to eat at so close to the date of the Knighting Ceremony.

Everything was fine when they sat down, but Ambrosius could tell that they were getting a few stares. Ballister must have noticed him looking around the place, because he reached out to take one of Ambrosius’ hands in his.

“You seem nervous,” he started.

“Of course I’m nervous, Bal. The Ceremony is tomorrow,” Ambrosius replied. “What if I mess up?”

“Well then, I’ll have some material to tease you with,” Ballister retorted with a small laugh, “No, but really. You’re going to do fine.” The hand that was on Ambrosius’ went up to his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze, “You need to get out of your own head, Amb.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Ambrosius responded, taking a few deep breaths and looking down at the table. “It’s just… hard… trying to live up to the title of ‘Most Anticipated Knight of a Generation.’"

“Then don’t,” Ballister responded. “Just be, Ambrosius.” He moved his hand back down to hold Ambrosius’ hand.

He was quiet for a few moments, and then he looked up at Ballister, squeezing his hand lightly. “I know you’re worried too, Bal.”

“Psh, maybe a little bit.” He scoffed, but he didn’t make eye contact with Ambrosius.

“More than that, I can tell.”

Ballister was quiet for a little bit, before a smile appeared on his lips. “Ah, you know me too well. Nothing escapes your eye. Alright, I admit it. I’m just worried-”

A voice cut through the restaurant, interrupting Ballister.

“Is that Ambrosius Goldenloin!?” someone called from across the room, and when Ambrosius looked, he saw a woman approaching with a whole group of people.

His fight or flight instinct was kicking in, and in flight mode.

It was too late, people were closing in on all sides. Why did they have to get a corner booth? Ambrosius’ thoughts were running a mile a minute, but he still chided himself for being so stupid.

He realized as his fans closed in that he should really say something.

“I’m not accepting autographs right now…” His voice was small and unsure as he stood from the booth. He hated to let down his fans.

“Please, I need one for my little brother, he’s a big fan!” someone in the crowd cried out.

“I need one for my niece. She’s only four, but you’re her favorite knight!”

“I need one for my little cousin. He’s like, your biggest fan ever!”

“Please! My son absolutely adores you!”

They really knew Ambrosius’ weakness. He wouldn’t dare disappoint a kid. In the back of his mind, he wondered how many of these people were lying and were just going to sell his autograph online instead.

“He said no autographs.” Ballister got up and was standing next to him, hands on his hips, trying to look threatening. Ballister often had to do these kinds of things for him, especially when anxiety and fear of letting people down stole Ambrosius’ voice away.

“I’ll sign them, I can’t let the kids down,” Ambrosius responded, reaching for the nearest notepad. The crowd became bigger and bigger just as he was doing the first few signatures. Some people muscled their way to the front, all of them were chattering excitedly and asking Ambrosius questions that he tried to answer haphazardly.

When he finally had time to look up, he was suddenly dizzy, swaying in place. The room was full of so many people. He could swear it wasn’t this busy before. It was like there was a neon sign outside that read ‘Ambrosius Goldenloin is here’. His head was swimming with thoughts, and all plans of a nice dinner with Ballister went out the window.

What a shame, he had really been looking forward to it too.

Ambrosius felt firm hands on his shoulders and would have jumped if he hadn’t realized it was Ballister.

“Ambrosius, you okay? You know you don’t have to sign all of these, right?”

There were shouts of protest from the people in the back. Several tried to move to the front, and the ones in front only ended up stepping closer until Ambrosius had to slide into the booth to get away from them. He stopped answering questions, just looked at the crowd like a deer in headlights, his breathing getting heavier as he felt the panic rising in his chest. He swore his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

Someone slid into the booth next to them. “I like your hair, what do you use to make it so soft and fluffy?”

It didn’t register at first, but this person was playing with his hair. Ambrosius jerked his head away from them. He wasn’t just some doll that the Kingdom could mess with. He was a person. He needed to be treated like it.

“Okay, that’s it, everyone give him some space!” Ballister recognized the signs of an oncoming panic attack when he saw them. Ambrosius knew Ballister hated being intimidating and scary, especially against the people of the Kingdom who already thought so very little of him, but he’d do it if he needed to.

Ballister spread his hands out in front of him and made gestures for them to step back, especially the person that had been messing with Ambrosius’ hair. Once there was enough space, he reached his hand for Ambrosius to take.

He was surprised when the hand that reached for Ballister’s was shaking. He was Gloreth’s descendant, surely this couldn’t have affected him that much.

He was even more surprised to find out that his legs were shaky too. Still, when he got to his feet, he reached for the next notebook and forced his hands to stop shaking long enough for him to sign it.

“Ambrosius, we should go. You’re clearly not comfortable here,” Ballister stated, trying to get his attention.

“No, I can’t, not yet.” His voice was still small and betrayed just how anxious Ambrosius still was.

“Ambrosius, I insist.” Ballister grabbed his arm and pulled him along. “If they really want your autograph, they can get it after the ceremony.”

“But… but Bal, the kids.” Ambrosius only had time to hand the notebook back with a half finished signature on it, before he was pulled through the crowd by Ballister. He tried to get everyone to move aside, but it didn’t work as well as last time.

This was even worse than just standing in front of everyone. He could swear that people were touching him on all sides. Hands on his armor, on his hair, brushing against his own hands. It was a severe violation of his privacy, and it only caused his panic to build.

“B-Bal…” He only barely managed to say that, his voice was so shaky, but Ballister seemed to have caught it over all the noise. He looked back at Ambrosius.

It was all too much. Too many people, too many sounds. He just wanted it all to stop.

Moments later, he collapsed.

“Ambrosius!” Ballister shouted, barely managing to catch the other before he hit the ground.

People stumbled back in sheer terror and surprise at the sight of their beloved idol dropping to the ground like a sack of bricks, finally giving him the space he’d been struggling for this whole time.

Ballister lifted Ambrosius into his arms, a sad expression on his face as his gaze rested on Ambrosius’. Then he looked at the crowd.

“You all did this, because you couldn’t leave the poor man alone. He is a person. He needs space, he needs privacy, he needs the freedom to do things without having to worry about you all following him everywhere he goes.” The anger was clear in Bal’s voice. He may have just tanked his reputation in the eyes of many of the Kingdom’s citizens, but he didn’t care at the moment. It wasn’t fair that this was how Ambrosius was used to being treated.

“I want you all to think about what you’ve done, how you’ve ignored the signs of a clearly panicking man, all because you wanted what? An autograph? To touch him? What about what he wanted? What he wanted was just to have a nice dinner with a friend. Next time, put yourself in his shoes and show him a little respect.”

And with that, Ballister left.

----

When Ambrosius awoke, he noticed that he was staring up at ceiling of his own room. He lifted his head up and confirmed that he was, indeed, on his own bed. He could only assume that Ballister brought him back to his own room. He was the only one with a spare key to the room, after all.

Ambrosius searched his mind, trying to remember everything that happened, and when he did, he threw his arm over his eyes and let out a loud, frustrated groan.

“Ah, I see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Ambrosius sat up and looked at his hands, they were still shaking slightly and he could feel his heart still pounding in his chest.

“Still shaky,” Ambrosius replied, “But I think I’ll be okay.”

He leaned back against the pillows, putting his head in his hands. He really had just made a fool of himself in front of a lot of people the day before the Knighting Ceremony. Oh how he wished it had just been a nightmare instead.

“I can’t believe I did that, Bal…” he spoke, his hands muffling his voice.

“I’ll admit, that was a disaster. I don’t think it could be considered your fault. You were just trying your best to please your fans. They’re the ones that invaded your privacy.”

“But Bal, I’m Gloreth’s descendant, I’m popular, I should be used to large crowds and all the attention.”

Ballister smiled at him, “I think even a descendant of Gloreth can be forgiven for being overwhelmed in a situation like that. Nobody, no matter how popular they are, should have to suffer through being treated like that. You have a lot on your plate, all the time. People admire and look up to you so of course you’d be concerned about what they think.”

It was almost magical the way that Ballister seemed to assuage his worries. He always knew what to say.

Ambrosius was almost surprised to feel an arm looping around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. He leaned into it, taking deep breaths, and feeling the last of the anxiety leave his body.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Ambrosius’ stomach growled.

“Right… we never did get to eat…” Ambrosius muttered as Ballister pulled away.

“Well, good thing I ordered from our favorite take out place,” Ballister responded as he grabbed a bag from the bedside table, showing Ambrosius.

Ambrosius smiled at that, “Bal, did I mention I love you?”

“Maybe once or twice,” Ballister replied, returning the smile with one of his own.

The two of them got comfortable on the bed and ate their takeout together. After a few moments, Ambrosius spoke up again. “How long do you think it’ll take me to be able to live this down?”

Ballister moved his takeout container to the side and grabbed his phone. He appeared to be searching for something for a few moments before showing it to Ambrosius. “I don’t know about that, some people genuinely seem sorry that it happened.”

Sure enough, there were dozens of posts on his social media from people apologizing for what happened in the restaurant.

“Oh…” He watched as Ballister scrolled through them. When he saw enough, he looked up at Ballister, “What changed their minds?”

“Well… I may have given them a good talking to.”

Ambrosius scoffed, “Bal, you know that’s not good for your reputation.”

“Well, I figured… you stand up for me all the time, have been ever since we were kids. I wanted to do the same, reputation or not.” Ballister’s reply was heartfelt, Ambrosius could tell, therefore he couldn’t possibly be mad.

“Well, I appreciate it.” he responded, getting comfortable right next to Ballister as he ate.

Ballister put his phone away and grabbed his food again, continuing to eat too. “Gloreth, I can’t believe the two of us are going to be knights tomorrow.”

“I know, Bal. I can hardly believe it either.”

A good portion of the night was spent in each other’s company, and Ambrosius felt more relaxed than he had all week. Then Bal had to leave to get some sleep.

#whumptober2023 #no.1 #“But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”#nimona 2023 #fic #panic attack tw #anxiety tw #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister boldheart #goldenheart

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