#i'm coping as i can okay

[stannisbaratheon]

Oh, my favorite girl.

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER (2023)

#cw flashing #i'm fine??? yeah it's okay i can cope it's fine. i'm fiN e. #the fall of the house of usher #tfothouedit #tfothou spoilers #tvedit #tvgifs #television #televisiongifs #dailynetflix #userstream #filmtv #cinematv #filmandtv #dailyflicks #horroredit #horrorgifs #bbqueue

[uncanny-tranny]

Your life isn't a to-do list. You're allowed to exist, to take life as slow as you'd like. The dreams you have won't suddenly disappear. It's okay to stop and smell the roses, or to engage with "childish" things, or to recover, or do what you need to.

#positivity #encouraging words #life doesn't need to be a speedrun or a 100% run #sometimes it feels like i'm wasting my life but... who gets to tell me what is wasteful? i'm surviving out here and that's okay #and it's okay if you're also somebody who people think is 'wasting your life' #that's such a meaningless and frankly a very cruel thing to say to a person #because you'll see people call somebody's life wasteful because they're simply coping with disability/mental illness/grief/ect #it's a meaningless saying to tell somebody how YOU think they're wasting life. your life isn't a waste point-blank #we ought to be kinder to ourselves for choosing what we want/need out of our lives rather than placating to what is imposed on us... #...or the expectations we impose on ourselves #be kinder to yourself whenever you can. it's hard as hell but please choose kindness toward yourself #just something i thought about and felt like it was impirtant to me #i couldn't complete high school 'on time' because of covid and because i was in crisis. i felt so much shame about that. i felt stupid... #...i felt unworthy. but who decided that i am those things? the crisis i was in could have killed me. i couldn't deal with school then... #...it humbled me because i had to learn that i am not immune to needing to be kind to myself. i am human - i'm not a mindless drone... #...you aren't a mindless drone either. you are an individual. you deserve to feel safe. you deserve understanding and compassion... #...but not ONLY from others. you deserve it from yourself as well

[cowsaresushi-coral]

It was as if...they were never together.

(Alternative version. Because I like the coloring, but god it's so hard to explain the full pic to people as a joke thing and not something sus. Gabe on the left is used for my portfolio, thankee very much.)

#doodles #drawings #2023 #ultrakill #gabriel #minos prime #it's still hard to explain but i can just pull out the babygirl pose and people can go 'ah okay' #the full image....is harder to explain. i have a sense of humor beyond mortal beings you know? #it's 'i can make it worse. i can make YOU worse' #also wow how did i not live with this new post editor. i hate how bubbly it is but WAY easier to edit #also i can put copy and pasted pictures next to each other instead of just coping bc i'm lazy!!!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

#bungou stray dogs #been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me)) #cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands) #but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people #first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now #he was groomed since childhood just like dazai #but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there #and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong #but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself #which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong #and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia... #and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO #where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!! #it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay. #chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself #and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him. #didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!! #i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess #and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just #One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall #he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!! #there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma #and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc #it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!! #even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man #both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation #i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda #and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death #oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)

[cakesandfail]

Got told about a spontaneous visit 'in half an hour' 45 minutes ago and I am deeply fucking stressed because announcing a visit with fuck-all notice and then being late for it somehow is the ideal way to make me want to gnaw my own arms off with frustration

I had PLANS for this evening because both myself and my house are filthy and I have shows to catch up on but now I won't have time for any of it because I have to pretend to be a regular human person

#i'm too autistic for this shit #i swear people are actually WORSE now #it's like they think that getting diagnosed means you can suddenly cope #like you get actual HELP or something lmao fuckin imagine #so they just do whatever! okay!!!

[malewifehenrycooldown]

yeah yeah i got recommended that Henry Cooldown analysis video whatever. i am still not over people comparing Henry to a medieval knight, NOT even taking the time to unpack that said mental image of a knight is 'mostly' associated with the British Monarchy*, an extension of its Empire that *checks notes* did a long list of atrocities like imperialism and colonialism, and also (multiple) genocides.

Henry is NOT British, he is Irish. Although considering the history of Ireland and how poorly the British Empire has treated them (amongst SO MANY OTHER COUNTRIES AND DIASPORAS), yeah it's NOT surprising that an Irish man like Henry is essentially forced to adopt quote on quote 'British sensibilities' to 'survive'. <- intentional imagery or not, the implications are not lost on me.

Like okay, calling out the comparison is cool but it sure would be nice if people went further to unpack what that means and implies in the long term. you know, like ACTUAL CRITICAL ANALYSIS?!

#I COULD do a whole essay about this. but i don't have the spoons to do so. #this is were i drop the big ball of information about me because fun fact! I am IRISH AND SCOTTISH. AND GREEK. so like. #so yeah i REALLY don't like the british #i hope in alternate universe i make youtube video essays about no more heroes and successfully argue how its about inter-generational traum #shallow rambles #nomoreposting #technically I was quite surprised by being recommended it. but looking at the comments i realised that their interpretation #is like the buy the books obvious surface level analysis of henry's character. not actually. thinking about the deeper things #behind his character. like. are we really going to ignore how his memories were wiped when he was adopted? okay. #to me henry is an example of someone finally confronting their trauma. how they cope is a whole other thing but henry is second #to jeane (the sister) that actually takes the time to confront the trauma although unfortunately this is mostly implied off-screen #travis BARELY acknowledges how fucked up it was for him and his siblings to be split apart and raised by different families #this got really fucking personal and i don't think anyone has actually cared enough to even consider the historical subtext #of these characters but that's just my take. #also i'm not fucking listening to a man explain to me what henry is. you know in a filmbro way. i have my own brain and interpretation and #that is all that matters to me. if you liked the guys video that's fine but honestly i am just not that interested in the essay. #you like henry for the rivalry trope. I like henry for other reasons that are open ended. we are NOT the same. #btw not EVERYTHING is about kill the past. it feels so reductive to ONLY analyse suda's work as a connected series #because it implies each one can't stand on their own merits!! that's NOT good analysis!! his work can stand on their own individually! #*about the whole knight and british monarchy thing there are other knights in other countries but unfortunately we only #think about knights in a VERY british-centric way. just thought to bring that up. #no i wont make a video essay about any of this i value my anonymity. #no i won't apologise for waking up and choosing violence today

[foolishnpd]

I go a while feeling like the hottest bitch on the block instead of wailing about my shortcomings, and I think I'm faking it all...as if I'm not desperately clinging to a sense of superiority as my only comfort

#lilyroaring #npd safe #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b things #like the moment I even start getting a little upset about anything #I instantly turn to the coping mechanism #that is just 'put everyone down because I'm better' #like just because it feels good doesn't mean it's necessarily a good way to live? #it's fine though isn't it #like okay I'm a little arrogant and annoying I'm sure #but it's better to live in that fantasy #rather than wanting to die because I'm not good enough #I'm happy to delude myself as long as it means I can shove away all those worthless feelings #like haha wdym I'm insecure no I'm not I've never been insecure in my entire life actually #.... though I feel like I am not the bestttt person when I'm in this better state of mind #not terrible or anything just probably very annoying and apathetic

[ghcstcd]

people who ask about my oc's and my silly made up lore for Ghost and Ghouls, I love you

#I know I have things that I would either do or work on #and I do want to #I'm just very slow #I did see another artist (who is way bigger on scale of following but that's not the point) who also said ''sorry I'm slow'' #and I'm trying to learn that /that's okay we can be slow AF to make art. I shouldn't be trying to stay as relevant as possible/ #I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm disabled. I'm making art because it makes me happy #it's been my coping and my escape since I was a little kid #and the fact that my art and stories makes some other people happy? #that's amazing. That's incredible. That's magic.

[rimouskis]

one of my new coworkers so delicately straddles the line between "pretentious" and "deeply interesting/cool" and I'm very curious if he will STAY on that line and not fall off into one end or the other

#I think ''pretentious'' is unfair to him honestly because like... #he will freely pass judgement on things but he hasn't done it to people (in my presence) #and he also enjoys simple things at times too so it doesn't feel in any way performative #but parts of him DO feel curated #he was standing outside at our post-work gathering in his dark sunglasses and his well-fitting black coat and I was like: oh he ✨styled✨thi #and I think a curatorial spirit that is very strong in its identity and that has found its niche can initially come off as ''pretentious'' #simpy because it... asserts itself so strongly? #but he's kind and works *very* hard (too hard) and he clearly has passions and this work is within his passions so... #it all makes sense. anyways he's technically a manager (not mine) so idk how deep I can make a friend out of him #but I'm curious if I can manage it. I'm (honestly) not convinced I'm cool enough lol #he goes to ART SALONS where a bunch of local art professionals and DOCTORS watch old films??? #idk stuff that would make you go ''okay tryhard'' but he like. genuinely enjoys it idk that's his personality #he was coping with this very stressful week by trying to do a rubik's cube today lol poor guy

[trans-cuchulainn]

also what is wrong with me that when people try and be gentle-sympathetic when i'm in grumpy pain overwhelm shutdown mode i just want to hit something

"are you okay? ❤" no i'm filled with murderous rage, stop being soft-nice to me before i break something

#everything seems condescending when i am in this state of mind #i can cope with a matter-of-fact 'you okay?' in a normal tone of voice #but a Soft Concerned Voice? no now i'm right back into punching things mode again #tbh i am just sort of generally in punching things mode #i hate being around people when i'm like this because i hate letting people see me like this #i don't think most of them are used to seeing me angry in this way #(they've forgotten that i don't relate to cu chulainn because of his Sweet Gentle Temperament) #(they did not know me in my Feral Child Fighting Everyone stage of life) #and it's just humiliating to snap and yell and not be able to control myself in front of people who don't normally see me like that #because i never normally let ANYONE see me like that #personal #i also got stuck in a. fucking 2013 memory loop trauma cycle thing. emotional flashback. whatever it's called. #2013. god. it has quite literally been ten years and i thought this was over #repeatedly reliving july 2013 is NOT what i wanted in the year of our goddamn lord 2023

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

It's almost funny how I talked with ppl from school like 'fair warning, lots of people overestimate me because I look like I've got it all sorted and I get good grades but please please listen to me when I say I can't cope' 'ohhh no we're not going to overestimate you!'

Guess what happened?

#Iconic!!!! Iconic the pattern of my life #Literally 'knowing how to learn' + having self insight etc? Makes people think I'm healthy normal functioning #When both skills were developed to try to cope with my inability to function in daily life #Studying? I did research for a long time and got to know myself so I can study efficiently bc I don't have a lot of energy. #Self insight comes from navigating group homes and care all by myself because all my mentors would leave within months #Iconic #Being able to sit in a chair and contemplate things does not equal being able to participate in society 🙃 #Unfortunately being on the spectrum + having undiagnosed untreated trauma means i have very little energy #And my ~ compensating by contemplating ~ also takes. Energy. #(Over)thinking to navigate the world is my life lol and I think its okay as long as i can find a place where i can like. Live. #Id like to graduate high school 🤡 start therapy 🤡 reassess after like a year of therapy #To see if i can like. Go to college or get a job i can cope with.

[nomsfaultau]

If one of the synapomorphies of mammalians is a single bone for the lower jaw, and scp Wilbur's maw distinctly falls into eldritch territory under extreme circumstances, is he possibly not a mammal?

#Okay this isn't actually how this works but I think it's funny #Maybe scp wilbur lays eggs #<lie the void doesn't understand human bodies enough to give him a functional digestive system #no way in hell can he reproduce even if he wasn't racist against humans #anyway I'm biology posting again and y'all just have to cope <3 #scp wilbur #sbi scp au #fault au #something to nom on

[sysig]

Mwah mwah mwah kissy kissy demon friend (Patreon)

#Doodles #LAC #Law Abiding Citizen #LAC Russ #Doug Peterson #Roug #Feeling so normal about them #So so so normal and not at all yearning and internalized bigotry and unhealthy coping mechanisms #Not even a little bit #Okay so that's pretty clearly a lie lol but I Can at least say that I didn't Expect it #I'll partially blame finally getting the first volume of KoiBo (❤️💖💕❤️💞💖) and thinking about Souichi's trauma #I swear I have a point it's not That tangential I just only subsist on parallels - anyone who's been following me for a while knows this lol #Specifically in reference to how his trauma manifests in aforementioned unhealthy coping mechanisms of lashing out and jfdlsafd #He's so interesting I Must dissect him #And then I was rewatching LAC around the same time so that mental vivisection vibe transferred onto LAC!Russ lol #He's not the most mmmmm level-headed well-adjusted person out there hehe #Him flying off the handle about smoking at some light prodding I just I'm feeling So Fucking Normal about it #I'm totally Not fixating on a minor character quirk and reading way too deeply into it lol #What does any of that have to do with them kissing? #:3c #So anyway they're still fun to draw canoodling lol #Doug is so curled around him hehe ♪ Holding him with his arms of course but also flattening his ear against Russ' arm and curling his tail #Hold him close so he doesn't go anywhere! He's so flighty! #Not that he looks all that inclined to leave atm lol #Been thinking about the ficlet I made with them all that while ago too I swear I am So normal about them right now lol

[wodkapudding]

.

#it's weird to have my catholic grandparents telling me that us non-believers cannot cope with death because we have no faith and no hope #and then see them suffer as miserably from the cognitive dissonance of reassuring themselves that my uncle now rests in peace while mournin #idk i contemplate catholicism more often than i like to admit #but somehow not when i'm in grief #it's probably when i feel furthest away from religion #death sucks and literally all i can do is deal with the pain #how can i find comfort in the promise of an afterlife when i can only take someone else's word for it #there's really nothing that i could believe in that would take that pain away from me and as masochistic as it sounds i'm glad it doesn't #i don't want to feel okay about knowing i won't ever get to see my great grandmother again in this life #personal #sometimes this is a diary #no offense to people who feel comforted by their religion #in case someone stumbles across this post #this is just about me and my family and my grandparents' weird fixation on turning everyone into a catholic #feeling very much all over the place

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps. #you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown? #that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes? #that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old? #im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed. #you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out? #I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt. #i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years. #i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best. #I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything. #any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic' #so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden. #i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door. #sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems. #that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too. #ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day. #therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed. #emotions are so hard to figure out.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

waiting for my period to start is literal terror like i can hear the metaphorical suspenseful music playing and feel nervous and can’t stop checking to see if he’s here and can’t stop thinking about when will it come? will i need to throw away any underwear this time? what if it comes in the middle of the night? should i just sleep on a towel?

#this post is really dramatic but i really hate my period so like it's okay methinks #sometimes you just have to be really dramatic about your period. you know. coping. #okay no look sometimes i throw underwear away that prolly doesn't Need to be thrown away but i have a weird thing with stains so if the #blood doesn't Completely come out - like if i can still see it - then i will never wear it again iuyghtfvdghyuiuytfgdw i hate stains SO MUCH #that's why i set aside specific underwear to wear when i'm on my period and that's the Only time i ever wear it #because they're black and like smaller than the usual underwear i wear so that way there's less fabric to bleed onto #i keep checking because i kNOW HE'S COMING my last one started dec thirtieth and it's always early #it was like five or six days early last month so i know he'll be here early this month ahhhhhhhhh #i just. hate being on my period lol i mean who likes it? #not to be dramatic on main but like. stop tormenting me and just come!!! why can't periods just have a scheduled date so you Know and like a #date that never changes pls and thank you or better yet how about no #periods whatsoever that sounds great omg typing these tags just made me remember why i felt so uncomfortable when i woke up the other day - #i had a dream about stains being all over all the sheets/surfaces i was sitting/laying on omg that's fricking it what the heck #ahem anyways #paul tag #tw periods