#i'm so stoked to be getting this done i dig this so fucking much

[clichenuance]

wip wip wip

#wipping intensifies #i'm so stoked to be getting this done i dig this so fucking much #clichenuance draws #cyberpunk 2049 #cyberpunk ttrpg #oc #his name is amadahy and he's gonna fucking fight you

[bonesandthebees]

So overall thoughts. Damn what a painful chapter. It dragged a lot to the surface. There’s a lot of shifting. The toxicity and co-dependency is really starting to rear it’s head. Someone save these boys it not healthy.

I’m not sure how to feel about Tommy right now. Like as a character he’s a lot of fun to analyse. He’s beautifully morally complex and a little fucked up. Probably the most fucked up Tommy of yours I’ve read. Which is starting to make me worried. I’m not sure if Wilbur needed to be pushed as far as Tommy pushed him this chapter. Definitely not as soon. Then again who knows when she might make progress otherwise. It’s the age-old struggle of making progress, not how you are supposed to do it to be healthy, but in a way that somehow still seems to work. Though there will be consequences.

Wilbur is a lot of fun too. I really need to start paying more attention to the name shifts because I keep missing most of them on my first read. Also, I’m very much neglecting analysis the bird metaphor, but I do love it. It’s a very good representation of Wilbur’s emotions as something he doesn’t really control but can’t fully repress. It’s essentially his subconscious or inner self screaming at it. It’s ‘Wilbur’ trying to communicate and get out. It’s a Phoenix getting stoked to live again and trying to rise from its own ashes. Reawakening the embers after all these years.

Once more question, cuz I just realised I forgot to put it in the actual ask. Did Wilbur realise Tommy’s tendency to make decisions for other people beforehand or was it more the pieces snapping into place because of how hard Tommy was pushing him?

That is all, for now. Banger chapter as always, Bee. I had a blast, and a decent chunk of energy and free time this time around (as you can tell by my truckload of asks). Have a great day everyone! I’m going to bed.

(10/10)

-🌲

honestly I think glass!tommy might be my favorite iteration of tommy i've written yet (at least in wilbur pov fics) precisely bc of how fucked up he is. he's so flawed and it's so fun to dig into. one of my favorite character traits of c!tommy that I don't think gets explored in c!crime often enough is how possessive he is of c!wilbur. so I'm having a really fun time diving into the ugly aspects of that with glass.

would wilbur have gotten to that point on his own? possibly. but ever since tommy forcibly began calling wilbur by his name, he set up a dynamic between them where he pushes and wilbur will listen, even if he doesn't want to. wilbur is getting to a point where he doesn't know how to make progress on his own without tommy pushing him forward, and that's DEFINITELY not healthy. but glass isn't about healthy relationships lmao

the bird is such a fun metaphor tool for me to write with. it's hard though because I'm trying not to overuse it, but also how tf else am I supposed to describe wilbur's emotions when he can't accept them as his own? it's a balancing act for sure

I'd say wilbur was somewhat aware of tommy's tendency to make choices for other people before, but what really snapped it into focus was jack actually. when he saw it through the lens of tommy doing that to someone else instead of just doing it to him, he was finally able to recognize it and realize how often tommy's done that to him as well.

ty for your thoughts as always spruce!! sorry i was so late answering this and ik you've already sent me one ask about ch 17 so I can't wait to go read that :)

#ask #spruce anon #through a glass divine

[greysvirgo]

WAYWARD I [Dean W.]

Author: @greysvirgo

WARNING(S): Straight up porn without a plot. Mature content. Graphic depiction of pretty much everything that occurs during sex? Like it's pure filth, y'all, I don't even know what to put here.

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Dean Winchester or any of the characters associated with Supernatural used in this fic. All rights to their respective owners in that regard. I DO however, own my original character(s) and storylines.

NOTE: This is a smutty standalone fic series from a crossover AU of mine on Wattpad but it felt fitting here.

Synopsis:

After the sudden death of his father, Jonah Singer became the head of his house. Between raising his twin siblings, keeping his father's company afloat, and the rising supernatural threats of his town, there were few moments Jonah could find peace. Luckily for him, Dean Winchester (A cocky, rough, crass monster hunter) knew just how to work out all of his kinks...

His arms circled Jonah's hips. Calloused hands cupped the man's ass. His fingers sank into the fabric and pulled. Eased Jonah's thick cheeks apart.

He broke their heated kiss with a smack. "Fuck," He breathed. He lifted a hand and clapped it against Jonah's ass. The thin fabric of his underwear did little to conceal the smack.

Jonah jumped onto his toes. His tightened his arms around Dean's neck. He pulled back to catch those devilish green eyes before Dean began nibbling on his neck.

"Not so loud tonight," He panted. "I don't want to wake the twins." His plea was muffled by Dean's leather jacket.

His younger siblings had complained before. As mortifying as it was, it couldn't compare to his younger sister blabbering to anyone who'd listen. He didn't need Miss Loris getting hold of it. She was quite the gossip. All of those worries combined couldn't fight the fires Dean Winchester ignited in him.

Dean's stubble scratched the heat of his neck. His tongue brushed against the skin. As Jonah shuddered from that, Dean suctioned his lips. His kiss formed a vacuum.

Jonah moaned. His legs wobbled. He tilted his head up to give Dean more access to his neck. He slipped the lobe of the hunter's ear into his mouth. He felt Dean's grip tighten on him.

Dean's fingers rushed one another to hook underneath Jonah's underwear. He tore the fabric. A less than apologetic chuckle as the fabric fell and Jonah sucked his teeth.

Jonah's hands fell out of Dean's bronze hair. He caught Dean's belt buckle. Easily undoing the worn leather, as he'd done for a year now. He pulled Dean's underwear and jeans down at the same time.

Dean lowered his arms. He cupped Jonah's ass and scooped him up. A growl rumbled past his lips as he did so. He walked Jonah to the beaten up dresser and set him on the edge. Little care for the picture frames that rattled so on the wobbly furniture.

"Dean," Jonah whined. He anchored his hands on the man's shoulders. "The twins." He warned harshly again.

"Right, right, I'm sorry. But you know how I get about my Apple Pie," Dean purred. His muddy green eyes glazed with hunger as he peered down at Jonah. A wink crinkled his face as he lowered himself.

Jonah panted. He lifted his legs and spread them as wide as he could. He knew just how Dean liked it. He bit his lip, trembling with anticipation.

Dean locked eyes with Jonah as he leaned in. His pink lips pressed a hot kiss against Jonah's hole. The kiss broke and allowed his tongue to slither through.

Jonah gasped. He laced his hands in Dean's hair. He moaned out. His body trembled on the shaky dresser. He squinted his eyes shut and bit a moan as Dean hummed against his skin. The vibrations echoed all the way to his chest.

Dean wiggled his tongue in and out of Jonah. He kissed, licked, and prodded to no end. Moaning and slurping the taste of Jonah's sweet hole.

"Oh, Dean," He moaned. He was unable to keep his voice low. His hands flew out of Deans hair. He swiped a frame off of the dresser in an attempt to keep steady. "Shit," He hissed. The frustration melted away as the tingling pleasure corked in his stomach. "Shit," He moaned.

Dean pulled his face free. His lips slick, stubble wet, and chin dripping. Just like Jonah's hole. "Fuck," He admired his work. He twinkled his finger on Jonah's hole just to hear it gush. He smacked Jonah's ass before he could stop himself. His cock twitched as he watched the jiggle.

He stroked himself slow and broad. His steel shaft was slick with his precum. He lifted himself standing. He took hold of Jonah's lifted legs by the back of his knees. He pushed the man's knees closer to his chest, smirking as he did it.

"You ready for me?" He asked. He tilted his head as he looked in Jonah's eyes. He lifted his cock and teased his tip against Jonah's hole. His dark grin only grew wider when he noticed the haze in the man's eyes.

Jonah could only pant a weak "mmhm." He teased back against Dean. Their combined wetness made a messy squelch.

Dean throbbed against Jonah's hole. He tipped his reddening head into Jonah's puckered hole. He was tight. "Damn, baby," Dean's voice was heavy. He pushed in further, watching Jonah's eyes roll back as he sank further and further.

Dean bared teeth as he sank to his hilt. Pelvis meeting the soft cushion of Jonah's ass. A sharp moan escaped Jonah. It was music to Dean's ears. He twitched inside of Jonah. He wiggled his hips as the man's walls trembled around him.

"That's it, take all of me," He encouraged. He released Jonah's knee and caught him by the neck. He retracted himself, just until Jonah's hole was hugging his tip. He thrusted deep again.

The mirror slapped against the wall. It swung like a mallet with each thrust. Each time the dresser rocked.

Jonah whined a rickety breath. His mouth hung open. It'd been a month since their last encounter. He was tight, but not so tight it hurt. The only pain he felt was the good kind. A tingling burn as Dean's length dig deeper and deeper inside of him. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist to hug him in. A moan wheezed from his throat as Dean pressed down on the sides.

"Sh, sh," Dean leaned in. He sucked on Jonah's jaw. His tongue lapped up to his ear. "You'll wake the kids." He teased. He captured Jonah's lips before the man could vocalize his retort, or moan, whatever it would've been. It died on their rolling tongues.

He released Jonah's neck. He grabbed onto Jonah's hip with one hand and his cock with the other. He circled Jonah with his palm and jackhammered into him simultaneously.

The mirror continued slapping against the wall. Harder, faster, louder. Clapping in sync with Dean's strokes.

"Dean," Jonah panted. It was practically a cry. The sparks and tickles inside of him had grown into a full blaze. "Fuck, you're so deep. I-I'm close." He confessed. He worked his hips as he chased his high.

Dean released him. He patted Jonah's thighs and waited for them to loosen around his hips. Sweat dripped from his forehead. He could feel his shirt and jacket sticking to his body. That along with the volcano inside of him was a hazard. He shrugged out of his jacket and slung it to the ground. He pulled his soaked shirt over his head, exposing his slick abs. Remaining still inside Jonah as he did so.

He flicked the shirt away. He hooked his arms under the smaller man's legs. "Hold on to my shoulders," He ordered.

Jonah, dazed, obliged slowly. His eyes still shut tight as he swam in stars. He could feel Dean throb inside of him. He inhaled a sharp breath as his body was lifted. His eyes startled open. He clung to Dean tighter.

Dean spun them and clunked toward Jonah's bed. Every step pegged him further into Jonah. He could feel himself teetering against the bulb of his second hole. He stumbled onto Jonah's bed, careful not to trample the man beneath him.

He grabbed Jonah's hands and pinned them above his head. Their fingers laced. Sinking into the thin cloth pillowcases above. His eyes, dark and stormy, bore into Jonah's. He watched the cycle of pain and pleasure stoke into fire in Jonah's eyes with each stroke.

He leaned in, breathless. He picked at Jonah's lips with his own. One pluck, then another, then a teasing trickle of his tongue on the skin. Until, finally, he captured Jonah's lips in a fervent kiss. Moaning into his mouth and working his tongue deep within the depths as his cock did below. 

He was close. He could feel his muscles tightening. Every fiber of them in flex as the rushing burn raced to his core. He pounded into Jonah harder, rutting and panting on his lips.

"Fuck, I'm close," Jonah reminded. He couldn't take it anymore. Dean was plunging his prostate over and over. The constant vibrations reminded him of a bell being stricken. He tightened his legs around Dean's hips. He wanted to touch himself but Dean held him there, and he knew why.

Dean could see it in his eyes. He could feel it all around him. Moreover, he knew from experience, that he could make Jonah cum hands free.

"Me too baby, fuck," He moaned. His mind lost to the sensations. "Fuck." He slammed into Jonah. "Here I come. Here I co—" A guttural groan bulldozed his sentence. He rutted into Jonah one last time, burying himself as deep as he could, and folded his head into Jonah's neck.

He could feel Jonah's walls hugging him. Quaking as he came on their flushed stomachs. Dean didn't withdraw himself, he held firm. He spasmed inside of Jonah until he felt empty. He remained until he was spent and soft.

They went another 3 rounds before they had their fills. Each man insatiable for the other. Their naked bodies tangled with the sheets. Both of them on their sides, drinking in the naked beauty of each other.

"So," Dean's voice rumbled low. He traced lazy circles on Jonah's hip. His eyes lifted into Jonah's. "What's new?" He asked.

Jonah snorted. A tired pant slipped past his lips soon after. He shrugged and chased a bead of sweat down Dean's chest with his finger. His eyes settled on Dean's pentagram tattoo. He looked into Dean's pretty eyes and licked his lips.

"Nothin' much has changed around here since you Hunters last came through the town. Another man went missing by the river, Mayor Milligan wants to shut down the town's borders at six, and make the curfew seven." Jonah informed.

"Another man went missing and all the he's gonna do is force the town to close, what, an hour early like it'll stop whatever's taking men? He needs to send men into the woods to find this monster." Dean's tone was laced with disapproval.

"Well, Dean, I don't know if you've noticed, but the town isn't doing so well. Men are afraid to go into those woods, even in groups. Water supply is running low, there was none in the saloon yesterday or this morning."

"Come on, Jonah, he knows he can ask me. I'm here damn-near every month, I'm willing to help."

"Then tell him that. He's your brother, after all, I think it would do you both some good to hash out whatever issues you still have."

"Issues? I never met that sorry motherfucker in my life until my Dad was on his deathbed. He built this town from the ground up after he was exiled from the Faction walls. He wanted Sam and me to take over, not fucking cowardly Adam Milligan. Men have been going missing in those woods for too long, good men, and if Adam is too pussy to do anything about it then my town is as good as a graveyard." Dean sneered.

Jonah sighed. He rolled onto his back and slipped from Dean's touch. He folded his hands over his chest. Eyes burning holes into the ceiling. He shook his head and tried not to allow his anger to get the best of him.

He hated when Dean got so righteous. While he sympathized with the tricky situation, he didn't want to bad mouth the Mayor. Who, as it happened, was his friend.

Dean sighed when he noticed the hardened look on Jonah's face. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I know he's your buddy."

"He's more than that," Jonah hissed quickly. "When my Daddy died, Adam was here for me. For the twins. I know you don't like him, or agree with his politics, but don't disrespect him. Not to me. Because he's been kind."

Dean nodded. "I'm sorry," He repeated with more meaning. He shut his eyes and rolled onto his back. "For all of it." His tone was tinged with guilt.

"Wasn't your fault," Jonah returned. "Bobby Singer was seldom a man that listened to advice. I warned him not to go into those woods, thinkin' he could go back to his monster huntin' glory days."

"I should've made him turn back the second I heard it in the trees. But Bobby was so damn stubborn," Dean shook his head. He opened his eyes and looked at Jonah. "I don't know if I'll ever stop being sorry for what happened."

The heaviness of sadness settled on Jonah's chest as it had every day since his father's death. He exhaled slowly to keep his breath from trembling. His eyes continued to mold with the ceiling over him.

He'd never forget the day. After being gone for 2 years, Dean and Sam Winchester had returned to Wayward intent upon getting their father's affairs in order. Jonah was reserved to ignore Dean (who'd run off the night before his 18th birthday, the day they'd planned to declare together,) but he could not give Sam the silent treatment. They were, after all, the ones who shared a crib as babies.

A lot had changed since they last spoke, however. As they were both 19, a year over the age of assimilation, and both on different paths. Sam was a full-fledged hunter by then. Jonah was just a books keeper at his father's steel factory. Dean was 21 and well minted in his job as a hunter. They'd proposed a hunting trip in their father's honor and that was all it took for Bobby to join. He left in high spirits, despite Jonah's ample pleas.

2 days later, when the rest of the men returned with slumped shoulders and poisoned wounds, Jonah knew before anyone said a word.

It was almost 2 years ago, yet the loss was still fresh. He felt it every damned day. Because every day he woke up, he had to be his father. The twins needed him to be.

"Me neither," Jonah finally responded. He turned on his side again and locked eyes with Dean. "Although, maybe, this is the silver lining." He motioned between the two of them. "Mind you, I would've preferred my father be alive, but if he was, he would kill you."

Dean chuckled. "He would," He shook his head. He pulled Jonah onto his chest and hugged him. Not tight enough to hurt but snug enough so that he wouldn't get away again. "Every time he saw me look in your direction, he'd put his hand on his revolver." He continued to laugh.

Jonah shook his head. A nostalgic smile burning his lips. "Oh god you should've seen the day he caught Sam and I having our first kiss. His face was so red, I thought he'd throw Sam out the window. He just made sure Sam watched him polish his shotgun before he left."

The laughter made them lighter. Remembering his father in a light that wasn't stained in crimson wasn't easy. Especially when all of the people that knew him knew him as a hunter first and a father second. Because the steel mill was named in his mother's likeness, most travelers had no idea the business was Bobby Singer's.

Athena's Steel was the name. It was the largest working building in the wilds, which was classified as everywhere beyond the faction walls stationed across the country. The war between humans and supernaturals pushed the world to the brink of collapse. Now, almost a hundred years later, not a thing had changed.

Humans left to the wilds were often meals for the supernaturals. Mainly werewolves. Their populations, despite the many wars between packs, continued to grow. Many of the smaller packs preyed on towns like Wayward to bite new members. They never anticipated John Winchester reinforcing the town's borders with mountain ash, salt, and silver to ward them out.

It was the only assurance Wayward had against the monsters. It was supposed to keep his dad safe. If only he wasn't so goddamned stubborn.

Jonah nuzzled into Dean. Melted into him, in fact. He knew it would only be for the night. Maybe the morning, if he was lucky. Dean never stayed for long. He was a hunter, furthermore, a Winchester. Supreme Araya, the leader of all Factions, was too eager to forgive the Winchester's offenses against President Argent. For the price of their souls in service until she deemed them worthy. He couldn't stay. No matter how much Jonah wanted him to.

Dean gave him a gentle squeeze. He brushed a kiss into Jonah's matted coils. His hair smelled of apples and honey. A smile etched on Dean's lips as he pulled away. He would've stayed forever. In fact, he planned to. He'd find a way to come back home. So that he could lay in this bed until the end of his days.

A pensive breath rushed from his nostrils. The wheels in his head spun a mile a second. Then, like clockwork, he figured it out.

As if their minds were in sync, Jonah asked, "How long are you staying?"

"Not sure anymore," Dean's voice boomed in his ears. "That creature stalking the river, whatever it is, it's dangerous. Not only to this town, but to all of the Factions. It's my duty to kill it. I should've killed the son of a bitch last year after what it did to Bobby." He rubbed Jonah's thigh.

Jonah's brows weaved. He lifted his head. "Dean you can't be serious. You can't go after that thing. You don't even know what it is, it could kill you!"

"That's the job, Jo." Dean retorted. "Besides, there has to be an investigation into this. Mayor Milligan should've told Sam, at least, they're close. Since I'm here, now, I'll do the investigatin' and that'll take time. Two weeks, at least."

Jonah, realizing where Dean was going, parted his lips in surprise. His eyes sparkled. He started to smile as Dean framed his face. "You're staying?" He asked.

"I'm stayin'." Dean confirmed.

#Jensen #jensen ackles #dean winchester #supernatural #dean is bi #Dean Winchester x male!oc #gaysmut #Male reader #Gay Imagines #Dean Winchester x male!smut #gay #gay smut #destiel #spn fic #m!reader

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 109 1Xs2) "Welcome To The Hotel Diablo"

@crystalbaby12 @5sosfam1dlover @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @rosefilledhearts-blog

Luna and Ashley may have a strangle on the #1 slot with Nightmare sitting tight for it's seventh week but Colson continues to control a vast majority of the Billboard Top 20 Pop Charts as Hotel Diablo debuts at #5. Not only with the two hits he has with Luna and Dom but also including a few of his own singles.

I Think I'm Okay has been holding strong at #2 for the last four weeks. Keeping the #1 position on the Alternative Charts for it's third also. Bad Things having it's own place at #3 on the Pop Charts for it's third week. Hollywood Whore is up three slots, grabbing the #5 spot this week while THAT Type replaces it at #8. El Diablo is sitting at #11 for it's own consecutive week while Bebe's climbing back up alongside THAT Type as Candy makes it's entrance at #19.

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Landing in Cleveland, everyone is pumped. Luna, Pete, Sam, Benny, Ashley and Dom excitedly passing Congratulations to The Boys over Hotel Diablo's immediate success. Everyone's coming in to town tonight. Meeting up for a full performance of the album at the Agora Ballroom for fans then another more intimate performance at Velvet Dog for the album's release party.

Dispersing from the hanger, Slim heads to his own Ohio home, Baze taking Sam along with him to his. Pete, Ashley, Rook, Dom and Benny dipping out to Colson's Cleveland House to meet up with Bullet while he immediately goes over to Emma's with Luna to see Casie.

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"Oooh, Sugar... I'm so fucking proud of yooou!! You have FIVE top 20 hits right now... We're gonna have to look some shit up, Buns, because I don't think anyone's ever done that before!" Luna gushes in the back of their Uber as she sprinkles his grinning face with kisses.

"No way. I'm not breaking any Beatles or Micheal Jackson records...." He pauses. "You really think it's possible?" Colson asks with hopeful look twinkling in his brilliant eyes.

"I do...." Luna reassures him as she pulls out her phone. "Here..." She says after a quick internet search. "You haven't broken anything yet... But you're close as fuck." She shows him her phone.

Only The Beatles out rank him with six Top 10 hits from February 29 to May 2, 1964. It's actually incredible and nothing he ever expected. For one of the first times Luna watches Colson go silent.

"I can't believe it fucking debuted at Five, Baby." He lowly admits with a slight hint of red to his sweet cheeks.

"Ohh, I can. You're whole soul is on that record." Luna replies with love.

"That's what I'm afraid of..." He says even lower.

"People always resonate with honesty, Bunny." She tells him, giving her opinion. "Why you think your fan base is so strong? Because you've always been honest." She pulls his cheek over to kiss it with her words.

"I love you." He turns to grin at her again while meeting her mouth.

Somehow, Luna always knows what to say to Colson. Whether he's at his most shittiest, pushing full confidence or the lowest of his lows, she never fails on telling him the truth in how she sees things. Colson doing the same for her. Neither being aware of deeply they truly take care of each other mentally.

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"PEANUT!!!" Colson shouts with a bellowing laugh as he scoops Casie up and spins her around.

Luna and Emma watch the two of them with their hearts oozing after they had greeted each other. Without thinking, Luna laces her hand inside Emma's and lays her head against her shoulder. Slightly catching her by surprise as she easily accepts Luna's affection.

"I love the way he loves her..." Luna sighs wistfully. "He's such a great dad."

"It's one of his best qualities." Emma agrees with a smile as she holds Luna's hand a little tighter. "Think you guys'll have kids?" She asks with a genuine interest.

"I... I don't know...." Luna trails off honestly as she lifts her head up, not bothering to mention Colson or Casie's wants from her.

"I think you'd make a great mother." Emma says, looking directly at Luna. "I see you with Case and how you make Colson a better man.... Not that that's any reason to have a baby... I'm just saying... Should it come, I think you'd be really good at it."

"Wow.... Thanks. That means a lot." Luna smiles thoughtfully.

Squeezing Emma's hand, she nestles back on top of her shoulder with Emma resting her head onto Luna's. Any jealousy or disparity from NY's lunch having already dropped away. Both thankful to have the other in Casie and Colson's life above all else.

Once Colson's finished with her, Casie greets an ecstatic Luna. The young woman dipping down to squeeze the little girl with love. Coaxing her inside with the promise of a new present to her parent's amusement.

"You didn't have to do that." Emma says after Luna gives Casie the new Nikon and tries to show her how to use it.

"Photography is my first love and she mentioned how she wants to learn, so how could I not?" Luna asks with a shrug and a bright smile. "Oh... And thanks for hooking me up with Bonnie. She's been beyond wonderful!" Going on to express her gratitude over Emma's connection and friend.

"Yeah, no problem. She had mentioned last week that you guys have been in contact. I'm glad to have helped... I can't wait to see how it turns out." Emma smiles warmly at Luna.

Colson's been watching all the important females in his life intently. Truly appreciating how easily Luna and Emma have gravitated towards each other while also attending to the youngest. It's easy to see the deep respect and enjoyment they hold for each other. Even in another life, they could easily be genuine friends also.

Grabbing Casie around the neck, he wrestles her around. Many shoutings of DAD escape as she tries to wiggle away to no avail.

"Wanna come to the show tonight?" He asks her as he slightly loosens his grip. "Don't play with me." He lightly shakes her when she hesitates with a sarcastic Uhhhhmmm.

"YEAH I wanna come!!" She grins up  at him. "Mom, can I?" She asks looking over.

"Yeah, Ma. Please." Colson pleads with her as he smirks.

"Ash gonna be there?" Emma asks to Colson's nod. "She'll bring her home after the show?"

"Lemme check." Colson reassures her as he let's go of Casie and digs into his pocket.

While Colson's on the phone, Luna chats with Emma about an array of things. Tonight's shows and the upcoming weddings along with Casie's findings and her adventures during the tour. Their conversation flowing easily while Luna continues helping the little girl figure out how to take pictures with her latest, prized possession. Her attentiveness not being lost upon the mother just like her dad.

"Ash said she can drop her off tonight before the album release party and then I'll just pick her up tomorrow before the Pop Up." Colson interupts them when heading back into the kitchen.

"And you'll keep her until when?" Emma asks.

Colson looks at Luna. "Uhhhh..." He hesitates.

"My girlfriend Deanna is flying in on Monday to try to finish up the wedding fittings... So Tuesday by the latest if that's okay?" She shrugs at Colson before looking at Emma.

With Casie's eyes pleading and her body hopping around her, it's hard for Emma to resist. Not that there's any reason to. Laughing, she says Yes to her daughter's excited hugs and kisses.

After Luna convinces Casie to leave her camera at home tonight, they hug and kiss Emma GoodBye. Arrival texts being promised as always before the trio wave GoodBye from inside the Uber.

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Back at The House, Colson's stoked to find Mod, Noah, Phem and Caroline. Along with a ton of packages and everyone else. Opening the boxes, he starts to shout for The Gang.

"Yo!! Pull up!!" He hollers. "I got one for you. And one for you. One for you and for you...." He says, handing the small boxes to Caroline, Phem, Mod and Noah before calling the others over that aren't within his long arm's reach.

A box goes to Slim, Pete, Baze, Casie, Rook, Dom, Benny, Bullet, Ashley and even Sam. He sets two boxes to the side for Ashleigh and Dub. Along with a handful of other's, amongst them are ones for Naomi, Trippie and Skies. Pulling Luna close, he hands her hers.

"Aight, bitches open 'EM!!" He shouts with a huge chuckle and grin.

Inside the box is a beautiful, thin, platinum and diamond encrusted Double X pendant on a slim rope chain.

"You're determined to have yourself all over me, hunh?" Luna asks with a snicker as she looks up at him.

"You fucking know it! Two rings, two tattoos, two necklaces. Two times, Kitten. Two times!" He grins wider at their inside joke while scooping her up to kiss her as Thank Yous explode all around them.

"GANG!! GANG!!" Slim shouts as he throws his arms up into an X.

Colson puts on Luna's necklace as Ashley helps Casie with hers. Everyone else assisting one another. Walking into the kitchen, Luna grabs a can of Sprite and an armful of beers. Passing them around, she opens Casie's soda before cracking her own beverage.

🎼Mothafuckas//KNOW//Who rides wit THIS Gang//By the way we be rockin'//Our Double X chains//They too soft//To know//HOW HARD UP WE CAME// Still swangen' around//Keepen' that//Bangen' A Rang thang//Got the baddest bitch//Locked wit tattoos and a rang//Checkin' into HOTEL DIABLO//You know shit's gon' be//FUCKIN' INSANE🎶

Colson shouts, bouncing around as they toast to Family and Hotel Diablo. His intimate circle hooting at his epic freestyle while Luna rolls her eyes and kisses his jawbone. In his soul he is still very much a Wild Boy.

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"Oh, Bunny..." Luna coos as her thighs tighten around Colson's waist.

They're upstairs in the shower getting ready for Colson's Big Night. He grips her ass as she clutches the back of his neck, thrusting him deeper inside of her. Both are panting in the steamy air as they suck on and fuck each other passionately. Pulling on the other's hair as their bodies throb and they pound themselves into one another.

"Fuck Kitten, you ready?" Colson gasps when he feels himself tingle from the upcoming explosion.

"Mmmhmmmm...." She moans as she bucks against him faster, giving them both permission to let go.

"Fuuuuuuuck....." They both sigh out in content as Colson continues to hold Luna and they rest their faces in each other's necks.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I have something for you..." Luna says while they're both still naked from their ShowerFuck, offering up her black portfolio case after finding it amongst their luggage.

"What's this?" He asks with intrigue, remembering the last gift the leather casing had held for him.

"Fuck.... I gotta get that framed." He suddenly thinks. "It'd be perfect in The Brownstone...." His mind drifts as he begins to muse to himself.

"Open it..." She encourages him with a gleaming smile. "I've been working on it for a minute..." She says as her lips drop into a tiny secret.

Unzipping the case, Colson is presented with another canvas. This time displaying an oversized painted replica of their punked out bunny. The background is a deepish purple with edgy whisps of creams and light colored violets flowing through out it. Making the hints of color in the white cartoon animal pop out of it's heavy black outline. The feeling easily representing Hotel Diablo's black and purple atheistic.

Arranged around their matching tattoo, with some items being embedded into the canvas, are physical pieces from The Tour. Their key card from The Watergate, the crumpled receipt from their coffee order in Detroit, a ticket stub from the planetarium in Texas. Amongst them is also the peeled off lable from their bottle of SpringBack 1919 they had shared in the San Francisco speakeasy and her BackStage pass from the Pittsburgh show. All secured and decorated with a slight black outline to showcase each of them.

A little larger than his huge thumb are eight small, intimate pictures of the two of them sprinkled throughout. Some are selfies but other's aren't. Luna breaking her own rule and using other's photography in her art. Angled in the the bottom right corner, in a black and light purple twist, lays a mutilated copy of Luna's lips spelling out Bad Things. Dotted in an iridescent paint to make it sparkle in dark wonderment. Fully tying the whole piece together.

Luna's art is truly like no other's. Combining multi-medias and dimensions with her muse's soul lingering inside of it. Colson's eyes are wide the way they were the night she gave him his first gift.

"Ready?" She asks, popping the switch sitting underneath as he stares silently holding her work.

Their bunny's eyes light up in a low, blue glow from the tiny bulbs buried deep inside the canvas. Colson's heart stops. Reminding him exactly of the night they met.

"Holy fuck, it's beautiful." His heart explodes once it begins to beat again. "How the FUCK does she do this shit...." He thinks in admiration as he continues to look it over.

"Wow." Is all he can say as he stares at his gift.

Luna watches as Colson takes his time absorbing the new piece. Her soul gleaming as he excitedly points out all their little memories. Once he's fully taken it in and sets it down, Colson pulls her in with one strong arm by her waist. Giving her a meaningful kiss.

"You like?" Luna asks with soft eyes and a loving smile.

"I fucking LOVE." He easily declares.

"Cool." Luna smirks, replying just the same as before as she kisses him back and wraps her arms around his waist.

"Thank you." He tells her as he runs his long fingers along her wet skull until his large hands cradle her head.

Colson kisses Luna with a passionate gratitude. Dipping their naked bodies onto the bed, he slowly and sweetly makes love to her. Taking his time as he softly kisses her while overfilling her body with himself. Running her hands lightly along his body, Luna enjoys their tenderness.

"Oh SHIIIIT..." Luna lowly moans as he kindly gives them both exactly what they want.

Sighing contently, wrapped in each other Luna and Colson let their kisses linger on each other's lips. Genuine and truthful I Love Yous being passed between them as they enjoy their quiet, intimate moment together.

Finally gathering themselves, they proceed to burn and chatter together as usual while they get dressed. Colson still railing his preference of Adderall while Luna pops her own three percs. She's trying hard but the gaping hole that ripped her shoulder muscles in two REALLY fucking HURTS.

Colson's dressed in all black while Luna pulls on loose, ripped jeans and a white crop top. A red and black flannel loosely tied around her waist as her hair flows wildly with a touch of natural curl.

"Make sure you wear your ring tonight." Colson tells her as he pecks the top of her head.

"Always do..." Luna gives him a weird look as she tosses up both hands, wiggling her fingers to display each of her beloved rings.

"Fucking better." He taunts her, slapping and jiggling her ass cheek to her pleased giggles as they walk out of the bedroom.

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The Agora Ballroom is sold out and jam packed. Colson is putting on a special concert to debut Hotel Diablo in full to ONLY his hometown.

Everyone is there. Colson, Ashleigh and The Boys. Luna, Casie, Pete Ashley, Dom, Sam and Benny. Mod's there, so is Caroline and Noah. Trippie Redd, Naomi Wild and Lil Skies all coming through along with Phem to perform their features. Backstage easily overflowing with artists and friends as Dub and Johnny come trickling in with a few other long time Cleveland friends. Sporadic industry pals making their way around also.

"What's happenin', My Dude?" Colson happily greets his friend with a dap and huge hug.

"Nutten' man... Worken' on the album, taken' care of Baby Girl. You know how it be.... What's poppin' wit 'chu?" Dub asks nodding in Luna's direction.

"You talk to Slim, hunh?" Colson shakes his head with a grin.

"More than your bitch ass." He replies with a joking tone.

Colson can see Luna but with the crowded room it's hard to get her attention. "Thanks Tommy." He thinks, smiling to himself, knowing exactly how to grab her.

"Hold up." He tells Dub before cupping his mouth with is hands and hollering "BROOOOKLYYN!!"

"This man..." Luna's mind laughs as she looks for Colson. Catching his eye quickly, she smiles brightly at him. "FUCK, I love his stupid ass." Her brain continues to tease her as she makes her way towards him.

"What's up, Ya Nut?" She chuckles once she reaches him, standing on her tippy toes to kiss his lowered cheek.

"Kitten, this is one of my bestfriends Dub. Dub-O... My Bitch, Luna fucking Smith." Colson beams with pride as he introduces the two.

"It's so nice to finally meet you! The way Colson talks about you, I feel like I already kinda know you." Luna says warmly as Dub loosely accepts her hug.

"That's funny because he ain't told me shit about you." He answers her with a snide look at Colson.

"Oh. No pleasantries? Straight to the Gate? Aight. What's good?" Luna's tone changes immediately as she pops her chin out with her last words.

Colson starts to laugh when Dub's top lip snarls at her fierce response. Cocky in his own right, Dub doesn't hesitate to hit back.

"You tell me, seems you always got my boy caught up in some shit." He cuts.

"Excuse me?" Luna draws back with her eyebrows furrowed.

"What the fuck you talkin' about Dub-O?" Colson jumps in with a slight attitude, just as confused as Luna.

"The streets speak, Kells." Dub says turning to Colson. "Word is Eminem's gunnen' for you even harder after whatever YOUR bitch pulled in Detroit." He continues as he shoots a glare at Luna.

"Motherfucker, you're out 'chour mind." Luna laughs at him. "And your streets don't know SHI..."

Colson cuts her off before she can finish, questioning his friend "What the FUCK you talken' about, Dawg? Luna held shit down as always and fuck that little bitch ass pussy. Let him come see me. I'll fuck his punk ass up again." Colson spits out.

"Bunny, don't." Luna says as she slips her hand into Colson's, both knowing she's trying to hit that natural anxiety reducer. "Look, I don't know what you heard and honestly, I don't care because it ain't right." She says directly to Dub before looking up at Colson then back at him. "But you better believe..." Luna continues looking straight into Dub's eyes as she points at him with her free finger. "Imma give you a legit reason not to like me if you fuck up his night... Because bestfriends don't do that shit." Luna states coldly before grabbing Colson's chin, planting a solid kiss on the side of his jaw and stalking away.

"WHAT THE FUCK DUB-O?" Colson balks angrily.

"I had to see if she could hang." Dub smirks at Colson bewildered confusion. "Slim said she rides hard for you, I had to see how hard." He laughs lightly with a shrug.

"You're a fucking DickHead." Colson snickers once he realizes what his friends play was. "Yo, you better get correct with her, she ain't nothin' to be fuckin' wit." Colson begins to laugh as he shakes his head.

"I see... Something tells me she can take a joke though." Dub laughs louder with amusement along with his old friend as he Buddy Slaps on the back.

"Actually, her fucked up ass probably would appreciate your stupidity." Colson continues laughing as the two of them turn towards the BackStage madness.

Luna's grooving. She'd love for all of Colson's friends to like her but unlike him, she doesn't give a flying fuck if they do. Honestly, she could give a flying fuck if anyone likes her. The less people that like her, means the less people that she has to unwillingly talk to.

Oddly enough, she's a hypocritical social butterfly. Floating around as she hangs out with their friends and kindly introduces herself to Naomi, Trippie and Lil Skies. Meaningfully gushing and talking to each of them regarding their personal contribution to Hotel Diablo. Going as far to tease Trippie about his Plan B, yeah. She loves the whole album, how could she not express her adoration and appreciation towards their work on it.

"Kitten..." Colson calls for her.

"You're on in 20." Ashleigh says, trying to redirect him.

"Hold on." He says putting up his index finger. "BROOKLYN!!" He says a little louder catching her attention.

"Hmmm?" Luna asks once she reaches him.

"I FUCKING love-LOOOOVE YOU!! He declares as he wraps a long arm around her waist and plunks a heart felt kiss onto her lips.

"Love you, Bunny." Luna giggles in sheer content as she pulls him in for a tight lip lock. "Fuckin' kill 'em." She grins as she squeezes his ass and sends him OnStage.

------------------------------------------------

The Band had been teasing his unknowing fans all throughout June with Sex Drive as they waited for his set to begin. Those who had experienced it, make the connection immediately and are going wild. As Cara's voice floats over top of them, welcoming them to The Hotel Diablo, the venue erupts into an excited explosion.

Colson is electric and in rare form tonight. The success of his album finally sinking in has him running, dancing and jumping like an overexcited puppy.

Luna's SideStage with Casie, Ashley, Pete, Ashleigh, Sam, Dom and a few others kicking out the lyrics to El Diablo as they bounce to the contagious hit. Jumping and pumping their fists as they pass bottles of Jamison and rattle along with Colson.

🎶I KNOW//PEOPLE HATE ME//JUST BY MY APPEARANCE//YOU MOTHERFUCKERS//CAN'T BE SERIOUS//EH🎶

Luna and Ashleigh shout as they bop together and thrust their fists into the air. Dropping their curled hands as they continue spouting about throwing dice and keeping their circle tight. Spinning their fingers in the air as they groove and grin at each other laughing. Pete headlocks Luna making Ashley shove him as AJ opens up with Hollywood Whore. Stopping them all in their tracks as the sweet reminder of Chester radiates through their souls.

Riding the riff side by side, they recite the lyrics alongside Colson. Happily joining them is Mod, Noah, Caroline, Phem, Johnny and Dub. Whose intently watching Luna. There was only a half truth to his rudeness towards her. He don't trust THAT Bitch at all. He also hasn't spoken to Slim in a week either.

As the bass kicks in the group of them slam into each other. Luna holding Casie's hand and protecting her with her body as they continue to sing along and bash into one another. The crowd is insane. Shouting the chorus along with Colson as he raps about two faces trying to fit in to his world when there's no new space while wanting to get him to commit third degree murder. Undercover exposing those who tried to play him like a Hollywood Whore in the City of Danger. Watching Colson rip into his guitar makes Luna's nipples hard as her pussy begins to salivate for him. He's fucking hot. On and off stage.

Colson talks to his family about the relevance of the song as the main chords to Glass House lowly play behind him. He mentions how he misses too many of his friends. Chester, Nipsey, Mac... Too many to list. Luna can hear his voice break slightly as he asks the crowd to sing along with him and Naomi.

Luna doesn't sing. She can't. It's one of the many songs on this album that breaks her heart too much. Holding Casie against her, she wraps her arms around the little girl's shoulders as she tries to hold back her tears. The ballroom is shouting along with Naomi as she begs to be thrown into damn flames and to be buried with gold chains. Luna braces herself and Casie for the most gut wrenching part of the entire album.

🎶Lately//I've been sick of livin'//And nobody knows//How I'm really feelin'//I always hated to smile//But I keep//What is killing me//Hidden inside//I didn't sign up//To be the hero//But I don't want//To wind up a villain//I put my daughter to bed//Then attempted//To kill myself//In the kitchen//Yeah//I should've screamed//But//Nobody listenedSo I passed out//With the blood drippin'//In this glass house//Feelin' like a prison//Me and death//Keep tongue-kissin'//I just fell out//With my lil' bro//The life gettin' to us//The drink gettin' to us//The drugs gettin' to us//It's highway to hell//And everybody knew//What the fuck//Were we doin'?🎶

Colson runs the bars flawlessly. Luna can't help the tears that drop from her eyes as her breath shudders. The truth of his lyrics are too painfully as she holds Casie a little bit tighter. With her mind flashing back to Justin's blank eyes she can't help the range of emotions she feels while thinking of Casie dealing with Colson in the same situation. Luna closes her eyes as she holds the little girl close and wishes for the song to end.

It does. The context of the next song isn't any easier though as Burning Memories kicks in. Colson's words shattering Luna's heart into a million pieces. The recording is nothing compared to his live voice finally asking his mother how she could leave him for another. Luna can only slightly vibe with everyone else as they sing about him dying before he wakes. Lil Skies comes out to the crowd's cheers to ask for Love and Truth before Luna's soul flips with the liquor in her stomach as Colson sings along with his fans about their dark days coming in the summer. Feeling the rumble of their voices, Luna finds it both amazing and soul wrenching that the album only dropped this morning, yet almost the whole venue knows all of it's intimate words.

Ashleigh grabs Luna's loose hand as she watches the blood drain from her face and tears drop from her unknowing eyes. Her touch and Pete's voice asking about More Dracula as him and Colson laugh and recreate the skit OnStage pulls Luna back to her senses.

"You okay?" Ashleigh asks her friend with concern.

"Yeah... It's just harder to hear it live." Luna sighs.

"I know..." Ashleigh squeezes her hand.

The lead up beat to Floor 13 starts flowing through their blood and Luna is quickly out of her wicked head. Smiling at Ashley, they rapid fire the lyrics at each other along with Colson. Luna laughs when he mentions what will happen upon a physical run in and Casie's hands. Rocking her good shoulder into the tiny Baker, Luna grins at her. Shooting finger guns at each other as they let off with her daddy.

🎶I heard that//They call me//Yeeeah//Let 'em in//I got somethin'//For 'em//Yeeeeah//Please forgive my sins//Blood on my//Ralph Laureeen//I can't wash this shit//Wake up//Say//Good morninnnn//Like I forgot🎶

Laughing, Luna swings Casie around from behind after singing the chorus together. Whispering Hotel Diablo along with her ASMR into her ear with a giggle. Casie cheeses while squealing and squirming out of Luna's grasp. Grabbing Pete and Ashleigh's hands as her dad kicks into Roulette.

This is Luna's favorite song on the album. She happily dances, sings and raps along with Noah, Mod, Ashley and everyone else about that Mothafucken' Rida Music. Sliding her thumb along her latest gift, Luna keeps her body rolling as she drags the double X along it's shiny string. Her and Noah grinning at one another as they share another bottle of Jamison and ask the other how many times they're gonna play with death before their 30yrs old. Cause they're chosen.

Things lighten up as The Boys joke around about Baze being Truck Norris. They were so fucked up the night Slim drunkenly tried to compare him to Family Guy skit with Chuck Norris's beard that none of them would have even remembered if it wasn't recorded. It's Benny's laugh that highlights the inside joke placed track, bringing a much needed lightness to the heavy album.

Naomi comes back in as her voice haunts the crowd. Taunting them as she sings about death in her pocket and how she feels so alive. Luna and Casie are holding hands again as they recite the lyrics along with Colson as he reminisces about him and Slim trappen'. Before he can mention his worry about passing down his addictive genes Sam scoops Casie up from behind. With so many people SideStage, this is the first time Sam has been able to make her way over to her smaller friend.

"What up, Homie!!" Sam laughs as she kisses Casie on the side of the cheek.

"SAMMY!!" Casie shouts excitedly as she turns to hug the dark haired drummer.

"I missed YOU!" Sam exclaims as she sprinkles kisses all over Casie's face. "I got you something..." She says as she digs in her pocket.

Candy is floating through the back Luna's mind as she watches Sam present Casie with three small band pins. "Who is this person?" She laughs to herself. "I wonder if this is how it felt with me..." She thinks of how six months ago she wouldn't have touched a child with a 10ft pole but now couldn't imagine not loving Casie. "Life is so fucking weird..."

"Shit Loons, I'm so sorry!" Ashleigh interupts her thoughts. "You're on in like 10 and I know you're not dressed."

"5:3666 is up after this, then me?" Linda asks as she hears Colson's opening chords to I Think I'm Okay.

"Yeeeeah..." Ashleigh answers sheepishly.

"Fuck it, how do I look because I'm not missing this song." Luna grins as she displays herself to Colson's manager.

"Great as always." She sighs out a laugh of honest relief.

"Then let's FUCKING GOOO!!" Luna shouts, grabbing her hand.

Pulling Ashleigh along, she rallies Casie, Sam and Ashley. Easily pushing their way to front right stage. Holding hands, jumping and screaming along with Colson, Dom and their fans, the group of girls rage.

🎶Watch me//Take a good thing//And fuck it all up//In one night//Catch me//I'm the one on the run//Away from the headlights//No sleep//Up all week//Wasting time//With people I don't like//I think//That something's//FUCKING wrong with me🎶

Everyone goes ballistic as Dom sings his solo. The venue is throbbing as they continue to rip through the pop punk song. Dropping their guitars, both boys jump into the ocean of waiting hands as they continue to sing together.

Climbing back OnStage, they grab their guitars again. Finishing out the song with multiple layered, intense GoodNights. The voices singing along with them so powerful, Luna swears she can feel the stage shake.

"Give it up for my brother, YungBlud!!" Colson shouts to the crowd's roars.

Phem joins The Band OnStage. Her moody voice wrapping around Colson's equally dark lyrics perfectly. His EST Fam chanting word for word with him. There is not one person in that building who isn't a Machine Gun Kelly fan. As the song comes to an end the ASMR of Luna and Colson in the studio plays over the speakers, making the walls shake in anticipation.

Dub continues to watch Luna as she swigs the bottle once more before disappearing. Like most people, he's not quite sure what he thinks of her.

------------------------------------------------

"Meh... Ash and Case seem to like her and she definitely ain't a member of The Slut Squad...." Dub thinks to himself while observing Luna. "Maybe she ain't as bad as Slim made her out to be.... She definitely got an attitude." He chuckles to himself. "Kells needs that though. Fuck... I don't know... who am I to judge.... Especially if Case and Ash bang wit her... Guess we just gonna have to see..." Dub decides as he watches Luna head OnStage.

------------------------------------------------

They start off as they have the many times before. Luna opening up delicately at the piano before Colson leads her out and The Boys kick in heavy behind them. Slaying his guitar, he raps about giving one another life while suffocating in the other's kiss. Bouncing around the stage, buzzing and teasing one another while promising each other how they'll want them forever and take them where ever.

🎶I'm just a LunaTic//With her Gunn//When we're together//Bad Things happen//The way you touch me//Is better than ecstasy//When we're not together//I still feel you//Coursing through me🎶

Luna and Colson hit the second chorus again together as Rook slams into his kit and Colson continues to shred his guitar. He tosses it SideStage as he joins her for last few verses. Pulling her in close as their bodies rock together and rush for the other. Grabbing her hand The Band drops away as they harmonize the last lyrics together.

🎶I'm all in//There is no maybe🎶

As they finish, Colson twirls her out. Letting go of her hand, Luna stops. Drops her head back with her arms at different angles and pops one knee. The response to their performance is volcanic. The crowd erupting for an ENCORE as the lights begin to go down.

Colson can't hear them, just his one thought. "I am going to FUCK the shit outta her..." His mouth salivating as he scoops her up to invade her willing mouth.

"You're so fucking hot." He pants as he continues to kiss her. "I wanna run an encore for El Diablo. What do you think? We'll get everybody OnStage?"

"Fuck YEAH!" Luna agrees kissing him back. "You tell The Boys, I'll grab everyone else." She grins.

"I fucking LOVE YOU." Colson tells her with a light laugh as he kisses her once more before they seperate for their missions.

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Word Limit 1 of 2

To be continued....

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[theinfinitesparkofbeing]

Hopefully you aren't too busy to help me with some confidence. I always knew I wasn't so bright in school I was just average, I'm in a community because no universities accept students with 2.5 gpa's. I recently found my passion for medicine and overall helping people, saving life's, making my parents proud. My family's blood runs in medicine, two rn's and a Doctor. I'm completely failed my first semester of college and my second which puts me at risk to even continue college. I'm so scared.

I’m never too busy to talk.I’m much older than you but I very clearly remember feeling the way you feel.Fear and guilt are massive stumbling blocks for people. I have a feeling you are struggling with guilt as well?I had a lot to say to you, but I keep deleting it.I even talked with my partner (intimate not business just to clarify) who is an RN that had a very hard time in nursing school about your message.Her advice was:•Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help. Swallow your pride. You might be the only one that’s not getting it but just ask the fucking question again if you need to. •Join a study group. It’s a total pain in the ass but building friendships and having study partners is a vital thing.•Try harder. Sometimes we think we did our best, but we really didn’t dig deep. Maybe we thought it would be easier and it wasn’t. She tells a story about failing some huge test as she was leaving school she pulled over and sat there in her car because she thoguht she’d just let go of the wheel and drift into traffic. Even in that totally depressed state, when she got quiet inside and sat with it she realize that she really didn’t do her best. The sadness wasn’t that she failed… again. It was because she realized that she hadn’t done her best.She was a waitress for 10 years and did just fine. Made great money. She thought she’d be able to do that through school but then she realized she needed to quit he restaurant job and take a job in the hospital for a lot less money if she was going to make this work. She did it. She cried. She spun out. She melted down. I watched her. I know how hard it was, but she did it.I couldn’t be more proud of her. She has GRIT!My Advice:Grit is an important thing. Scientists find now that grit counts more than grades even.Grit is that thing that lets you take a slap in the face or a crack on the chin and keep going.I myself was a terrible student. I had to talk and beg my way into a design program. Then I quit 2 weeks before graduation because I was offered a senior design position. That’s grit. Grit is, “FUCK YOU I’M DOING THIS!”

For me school was hard because my brain didn’t jive with the way things are typically taught. That’s a real thing.BUT if it is what you want then you find a way. Fuck them.I am a design and an artist. It is how I make my living. No side jobs or anything like that. I’m doing the thing that teachers and my parents told me was a 1 in a million shot. How? Because I REFUSE to live anyone else’s life other than mine.Do you want to be a doctor?Do you want to be a nurse?Maybe you don’t but you still want to help?What about fire/EMT?What about working for a non-profit?What about social work?Is it a REAL passion for medicine and helping?Or is it tainted with the need to please?We have to ask ourselves these thing.

Stop trying to please your parents. Life is a long deal. Your career should be your passion.YOUR FUCKING PASSION! Do you understand that? Do you know what that means? It wakes you up. Sometimes it sucks as things do from time to time, but it is still your passion. You find your passion by loosing your fear of what others think and just do the thing you love! If money were no object what would you do? FEEL THAT QUESTION IN YOUR HEART! Then do it. Fuck “them” and do pursue your passion.Is it easy? Fuck no it’s not easy. It’s fucking hard sometimes. But that’s where your grit comes in.When your parents are dead you’ll still be engaged in your passion/career.So do it for you. Not them. THEY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!!!!They fucking love you so much!!!! However, sometimes they project their fears on to you. It’s because they don’t want you to suffer. It was years before my parents thought, “Oh shit! You’re really doing this!” And they were stoked!

Last but not least:The Universe loves you. I love you. We are both each other! See what you want. See it till you can feel what it will be like to have it.Feel it in your fucking GUTS! Then do it. See the path you want to take.See the right things happening. THEY WILL HAPPEN!!! Because your birth right is to be happy and loved. I hope this helped. I meant every word.Heavy life stuff is hard without being face to face.Anytime you want to chat or talk just holler at me.Find ISB on Facebook and message me if you want.