#idk i just feel bad for april

[big-idiot-wolf-boys]

I've Been Thinking About April

I've seen a lot of people say that April was the end for Lorelai and Luke but I don't think that had to be the case.

I keep imagining an alternate universe where they introduce April a little sooner. An AU where Luke isn't scared to tell Lorelai about April-- instead, he turns to Lorelai, feeling overwhelmed and unsure. Lorelai brings them together and creates opportunities for them to bond so that Luke can focus his attention on his daughter and not worrying about planning things for her/them. This still leaves room for Anna to get her defenses up about Lorelai getting close to her daughter before she and Luke are fully committed and married.

I also think it would have presented a good arc to explore between Rory and April. I think it would have been very interesting for them to get into Luke being a father figure for Rory and April feeling like she missed out or was robbed of that. They could have a mildly tense relationship at first, slowly growing to appreciate each other as sisters. I think Rory might not have spiraled so much if she knew she had a little sister who's actually around and very similar to Rory in her youth, that she had to be a role model for. Or her pattern of occasional self-destruction could be something April picks up and then Rory has to grapple with feeling responsible and guilty? Is there something here? idk

#idk it feels like theres lost potential here #the animosity between lorelai and anna who are so similar could have been so interesting #maybe anna and lorelai become friends like lorelai and rachel and it freaks luke out #maybe in the end they end up having family holidays and its crazy chaos but its so good and so full of love #luke and jess are looking at each other over thanksgiving dinner and smirking because theyre the only normal ones there #idk i just feel bad for april #gilmore girls #lorelai gilmore #luke danes #rory gilmore #april nardini #anna nardini #lorelai x luke #not twilight #v talks

[aardvaark]

i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun

hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-

parker: i dont know

hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?

parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?

eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?

parker: that’s what i said!

hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now

sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?

hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.

sophie: …….july 12th

hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?

sophie: ………… (guilty silence)

parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison

hardison:

hardison: what the fuck guys

#leverageposting #wren speaks #leverage #parker leverage #alec hardison #nate knows his birthday i guess so i didn’t include him. if he was watching the whole time he would probably say ‘idk’ to mess w hardison #they’re having this convo in nate’s apartment but it’s like 3am & he’s asleep & they’ve all broken in to hang out #parker doesn’t know either bc of her ridiculously neglectful foster parents or bc she’s parker & her priorities are simply different to most #people. her birthday is irrelevant to thievery. and sadly probably not related to fun happy memories anyway. #sophie obviously is a good enough grifter to answer confidently but she feels a little bad abt lying to her family by now #meanwhile hardison had a normal foster nana who would have known his bday. most kids aren’t safe-surrendered like eliot so assumably #hardison would have a known bday. and he likes birthdays! #and he wants to throw parker a little party even if it’s a very unconventional parker bday that involves rappelling & jumping off buildings #but he is once again thwarted by the leverage team members having the strangest possible lives #he IS gonna give them each birthday parties tho. even if he has to make up some dates & stuff #sophie’s can be the fake date she gives if that’s what she rlly wants. nate’s real birthday is on file somewhere even if he’s being annoying #rn so hardison just has to do some basic hacking. eliot would have an approximate bday such as the day he was surrendered that his parents #would have celebrated throughout childhood. and parker’s would be april 1st bc that’s alice whites bday (and YOURE ALICE!!!) #as in it’s canonically in the online info abt alice white shown in the juror no.6 job & obvs that’s april fools so it’s funny :) #and hardison has a NORMAL bday unlike SOME ppl and yes he DOES expect presents you heathens!!

[oscill4te]

i genuinely love my mom so much but its also like you are the most confusing person ever

#i dnt wanna overshare cuz i always do that lol but mothers day is coming upp... uh. soon #so i guess im just thinking about her. i genuinely love her so much. as alwayz its hard tho #she is also the funniest woman in the world to me. most people would say shes a horrible person #shes just rough around the edges. idk #one time she pointed at a couple outside and wz like “those two are so ugly; its like they were made for each other!!” #is it bad that i find humor in her meanness? shes just like. so funny to me #her negativity makes me laugh i guess xD #and if shes nice to you she genuinely means it. I think i love my mom a lot bc i see a lot of myself in her #shes very “split up” like me her opinions change all the time and im like. me too!!! #yes she can be fake but i think she genuinely does “flip/switch” a lot the way i do #and i never met anyone else other than my mom who so openly did that yknow #she can love and hate you at the same time. she simutaneously will love animals and hate them. gay ppl. ect #she seems to idk. be really inconsistent and fragmented like me and only now do I see it #i love my mom. i cant help it even with everything thats happened its like how can i not love someone who held me in her jacket #as it snowed outside before school? i cling so hard to that memory #i will be seeing family 2 times this month but i feel quite at peace with it right now #in april i was not thrilled at all but today im feeling some peace

[why-the-heck-not]

hate hate hate the feeling of turning in a part of an assignment and being hella embarrased abt how it is :3 like, feeling someone’s just gonna email me like ”hey?? what the fuck ??? what are u doing here this is garbage” like yeah dude i dont know what to tell you, things did not go well this week

#doing one that’s like a bigger thing but has weekly deadlines #and this week hasn’t been good for that so it’s like very fucking pathetic of how little I got done #and it’s all basically shit anyways like i know it doesn’t work and won’t work with the way I’m going about it #also I’m only submitting the previous version bc i don’t even fuckin know what’s going on with this current one #like the code’s all bad and all over the place and I have no clue where i’m trying to go with it #so it’s like i basically didn’t get shit done this week #only made myself more confused #i need to take a step back and like really fuckin think what I’m going to do with this bc it’ll just get worse if I just keep trying to go #with this shitty thing i have on my hands rn #and also im like over an hour late already bc gotta write a weekly report and idk what the fuck to say like #’’oops sorry dude it’s shit rn i have no clue what’s going on but also dont have anything i could ask help with bc im too confused so it’s #just uhh this thing now; a mess <3’’ #the way i’ve been handling this course like ?? uh oh will i ever have the audacity to step a foot to my campus ever again lol #yes im now writing this to procrastinate writing that weekly report thing #ughhh yes im hella positive rn all is shit #(also there was parliamentary election today and it didn’t end well so that might be why everything feels 5x more shitty rn) #april 2023 #2023

[oflgtfol]

i was talking to my therapist last week about how i'm kinda excited but also equally apprehensive about starting grad school this fall because yes, i so so desperately needed a gap year otherwise i think i literally would have killed myself and/or had a breakdown big enough to land me in the hospital, and even beyond that i just needed to figure out a more concrete plan of what i'm going to do with my life in general -- while all of that is true, and i'm glad i took the gap year for it, i'm also apprehensive because i genuinely feel like an entirely different person than i was even at this exact point in time last year, nevermind anything earlier than that. it's only been a single year of me being out of school but my life has changed so dramatically, mostly for the better, and my whole personality has flipped on its head, it's just going to be so fucking weird going back to the same school, the same campus, potentially seeing my old friends around. augh

#sorry i was trying to find a post in my music tag in my archive and i scrolled so far back i got all the way to april 2023 #where i referenced sitting in a dining hall #and its like. DINING HALL ?!?!?! #im going to be sitting in the fucking dining hall again in just like four months. UGH #brot posts #it's almost similar to the separation between high school and college. where i feel like hs me was completely different than college me #and now only a mere year later i feel like. post-undergrad me is completely different than undergrad me #although now that separation is exacerbated by how short a time it was and just HOW drastic a change it was #like . a bitch goes on antidepressants suddenly theyre a whole new person. #like im lowkey excited to see my old classmates and friends again #but i also am dreading it bc like hi. hey. i have the same name and face as the person you knew but i'm someone else now. sorry #and also just the persistent fear that i'm going to regress or at least even just /feel/ like im regressing #just by being back in that environment again? #even if i'll be on meds this time and actually going to therapy and overall having so much more support than i did in the past #so as nostalgic as i am to be on campus again it's also like. hard to separate the present from the past #like despite it all. this bathroom was still the very same place i went to have a mental breakdown weekly #this bench outdoors was the place i sat by myself to eat lunch in the blistering cold bc i couldnt eat indoors during covid 2020-2021 #this bench indoors was where my friends had an intervention with me and forced me to call the on-campus mental health services #just . idk. feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and also being haunted by bad memories #oh the woes of going to grad school at the same place you got your undergrad. While mentally ill #but alas i need to save money by commuting and having instate tuition

[bunnihearted]

.

#im just so sick of doing and feeling bad #im stressed af for my schoolwork. bc all my energy goes to dealing w my anxiety and i barely have energy to do my work #i NEED to talk to someone bc im doing so so bad. but i've contacted my healthcare center & the psychiatric #but everyone just sends me on to the next place bc they cant help me :// so now im stuck waiting for this new clinic to contact me. #and with my health issue.... i need to wait up to 3 months to get an appt with a surgeon. then wait 3 months for a surgery appt #i might not get rid of my gallstones problem until april next year ._. #and bc of my gallstones i cant eat much at all. so im losing sm weight. #im actually so worried abt it bc i already feel weak and tired. and dizzy and ice cold. i will literally turn into a skeleton.... #and like it feels so lonely when i realize nobody cares. i contacted my healthcare center and said i was worried and dont know what to do #but all they said was 'yeah... u just gotta wait' #so... i need to prepare that i wont be able to eat or drink for another 6 months before surgery :D #this next phase in my life is gonna suck so fkn bad and idk how to get thru it #i just wanna feel ok. have energy. be able to eat and drink whatever i want. not be in pain. i wanna move forward not be sick

[arthur-r]

unfortunate set of notifications

#(this is talking about saturday not friday it says tomorrow cause it just turned midnight) #i got really sick and anxious today and i didn’t know why but my mom blames my birthday #so wish me luck 👍 i’m gonna be eighteen years old #(for anybody who doesn’t know i don’t TEND to celebrate my april birthday i do my october birthday instead #but saturday is the one where i actually turn eighteen.) #i will actually be having a sleepover on friday night though which isn’t about my birthday but will coincide #but other than that i’m just working a lot. and taking a test. and it will be whatever #idk wish me luck. i am just feeling sick and strange and weird but i’ll figure it out #IN THEORY I AM EXCITED FOR MY BIRTHDAY #like i don’t want it to be this sad evil day that i hate. and it’s not #it’s just so much worse to have a bad day when it’s your birthday. and i often have bad days. so that’s all that the problem is #so whatever. i will hopefully have a good day that day and then it will be a good day. i just like to have a failsafe so it doesn’t have to #count as my birthday if it doesn’t go good. like yeah it’s my birthday but no it isn’t. not until i say it is #idk i don’t make the rules except for i do. ANYWAY goodnight #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[byanyan]

...staring at my drafts and realizing i should perhaps consider pausing on answering ask prompts to start getting caught back up on those instead bc the number is back in the 40s & i just found a starter i completely forgot about bc it got lost on the second page :x

#a few weeks of mentally struggling & being out of it has really done a number on all that hard work i did getting (almost) caught up l-lmao #tbf everything except like. 2 threads (& a few unprompted asks that're in there) are all from march & april but. hhhh. #i was doing sm better at staying on top of stuff and then suddenly that all went to hell lmakjfakjs #really tho i suppose i should just keep doing whatever i'm feeling/enjoying the most right? #i'm here to have fun not stress over deadlines that don't exist for replies #need to get better at remembering that. need to..... idk. stop feeling overwhelmed over a hobby lmao #i just!!!! feel so bad leaving things for so long!!! i worry it makes people think i don't want to write w them #or i've lost interest or smth which!!! is not at all the case!!!! my brain just sucks so bad!!!!! #i'm rambling to myself ignore me ajsfksd i'll see what i feel like tackling tomorrow #hopefully?? i'll have some better focus??? bc my writing has still felt v disjointed today and i don't. like that. at all. #but my usual routine around the house is still kinda disrupted & off-kilter until monday which i think is playing a big part in my struggle #so. idk. we'll see. i'm still rambling i'm sorry pls continue ignoring me askjfsd #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.

[frecklystars]

me, knowing very well i cannot handle gore or copious amounts of blood in movies and am very easily alarmed by overly violent male characters: wow, i can't wait to watch only god forgives this month and add julian to my F/O list :)

#out of all Ryan F/Os julian is one ive been REALLY excited for. my top 3 most anticipated to kiss!!! #i need someone to watch it with me my first time bc theres no way i can do it by myself LOL #going thru doesthedogdie website and nodding my head while grimacing: ohhhh. funnnn ohh. yes #i already got spoiled on how it ends but i am curious to see how it gets to that point. i guess #god i just wanna kiss him tbh thats really it. #show me my new bodyguard boyfriend who would quite literally die and kill for me #what kind of trinket will i gift him i wonder?? a bracelet? a ring? a necklace? #or something else entirely?? #most of the time i give accessories but there's exceptions. jacob has a camera for example #driver has a rubik's cube and holland has a lighter. maybe julian will have something different! #i see julian and i having a february anniversary but i had already watched blue valentine for dean #but hey. april feels good too. for julian i mean. feels right. #february would have been best tho idk how to explain it... the vibe... fits better #but hey. april :) i think thats second best. a spring anniversary when the flowers begin to bloom #i wanna hold his hand so bad. i wanna hug. i love him SO MUCH already #ive been pining and yearning and longing for MOOONTHS #FINALLY I CAN WATCH THE MOVIE AND LOOK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN 99% OF THE TIME #AND THEN SPEND THE OTHER 1% OGLING AT HIS PRETTY FACE #the scar over his eyebrow ughhh im obsessed. anyway. anyway #woof #love notes #Julian tag TBA

[tkbrokkoli]

how are my mutuals doing

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #i was busy the last few days writing a report for class. on friday i spent 9 hrs w writing 😬 im drained now from the past few days #exams start in 2 weeks so i basically have to spend all my free time studying starting from today ugh #ive been on T for a little over 2 weeks now haven't noticed any changes so far except maybe some ~sensations~ considering voice and #bottom growth. my throat has hurt a bit for a few days but i might also just have gotten a cold. i feel however like my voice is a little #deeper right after waking up and trying to speak deeper than my usual speaking voice has become a bit easier. i have to put effort into it #though. also bottom growth idk if the sensations are just a usual phase of sensations dowm there that i sometimes get anyway #or if it's actual bottom growth. i could be imagining the voice and bottom growth stuff. that's how tiny the changes in sensation are #still it makes me euphoric 😁 #i haven't talked to my family abt trans stuff again and there's a slight tension between us that im not sure what to do w #but im seeing my therapist this week to discuss all of this #i don't have any health updates bc i haven't seen that doctor again yet my next appointment is in april and since I didn't get a call from #them i suppose nothing is urgently bad so i hope it's all just fine but ill hear abt it in april

[risingsunresistance]

hourlytechno posted something from the resistance so casual reminder. Soon 👀

#idk if i'll get to post much about it bc 1) idk if i work that day yet and 2) i HIGHLY doubt i will have a drawing #i have 2 ideas but i dont feel up to it rn i feel fucking awful tbh #dont know if that'll get better by then or not. probably not but we'll see #maybe i'd feel better if it would STOP FUCKING DROPPING 50 DEGREES #JUST STAY WARM!! OR STAY COLD!!!!! IM SICK OF THE BACK AND FORTH IT FUCKS ME UP SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! #whatever. gn im dead tired i fel ike im gonna fall over o/ #chat #it's april 16th btw if you didn tknow the day 👍

[guideaus]

reading welcome to the ballroom is seeing a poignant moment about the characters' passion for their sport followed by the most insufferable heterosexual nonsense possible over and over

#personal #its genuinely driving me kinda nuts #i thought that shit was bad in Your Lie in April but here is so much worse #not even saying this in a gay 'ew m/f pairing~' way but god this is... its something else #idk if i'd rather have a manga that never moves me in any way or one i equally hate and love. this is so weird #and it feels so easy to criticize too 'what if we removed the weird sexualization of the girls... huh?!!' im just. feelin a little crazy ab #it......

[oddly-casual]

Cant stop thinking about how Donnie feels different from his brothers always and not just because of his interest in tech, but the way he communicates and expresses himself. The fact that he knows he’s much different than the rest of them and that affects the way he attempts to be perceived by others. Donnie hasn’t forced himself to change, so does that mean he assumes the others will have to stay and like him if he builds things constantly?

Cant stop thinking about how Leo knows he’s different from the others because he feels he doesn’t have a solid title to defer to when talking about his family, because not fitting into a box means that he must not fit in at all right? Bogging down his own potential because he fears failing the people he loves most.

Cant stop thinking about April, who thinks of herself as a failure (thoughts of self doubt don’t just go away), who’s made friend and seen things a ‘regular’ person would never see or understand in their life time. Who is ‘normal’ compared to her brothers but too weird to relate to everyday people. Who doesn’t consider herself part of the family either because she just doesn’t feel she belongs or because she’s not related by blood. Who tries hard to make friends and fit in with other people at school but can’t because there’s just something different and ‘strange’ about her that people recognize but never say, so April doesn’t know what it is. This feeling like something about her is wrong but she can’t place what it is.

Cant stop thinking about how Mikey doesn’t feel like an equal in his own family at times, because him being the babyest brother means that he obviously can’t do anything by himself and he obviously can’t protect himself alone. Even by Donnie, who Mikey hangs out with a lot, proves he’s not immune to putting Mikey’s well being over his own (even making a suit to prevent injuries- making Mikey feel like Donnie perceives him as reckless or unable to keep himself safe).

Cant stop thinking about Raph either. How he made his first priority always taking care and watching over his family, no doubt being the primary responsible one among the four made him a ‘kill joy’ or a ‘bad guy’ in his brothers eyes. With his brothers being kids and growing up never fully aware of the childhood Raph didn’t get to fully experience because he had priorities and believing that Raph is always the killer of fun. With Raph feeling the distance between not just him and his brothers, but his own father who never sought Raph out on his own.

I just can’t stop thinking

#My entire body AAAA #THEY #They just make me feel things #like-no matter how you look at it one of the family members feels excluded or like theh don’t belong in the dynamic #which is stupid because they all belong and they all care about each other and I’m just- melted #like that could just be insecurities or teenage hormones making them feel bad #or maybe the consequences of neglect growing up coupled with the living conditions they grew up in too??? #maybe I’ll look into that idk yet #rottmnt #save rottmnt #I realized I had a lot to say about April in hindsight all I have to say about that is she is my favorite your honor

[kkujo]

caejose is smth that i can only think about once every few months bc if i think abt it too hard i start to feel sick to my stomach and get so deeply upset that my brain chemistry shifts and it's not good for me

#not to be dramatic but. yeah ☹ #idk what it is abt caejose specifically but #it genuinely makes me feel ill to think about #like #i can't explain it it makes me feel genuinely ill it makes my heart hurt it makes me feel real despair #I SOUND GOOFY AS HELL BUT I'M SERIOUS #i think it's a mix of like. their story is very tragic but frustrating bc it was so AVOIDABLE. #and the fact that it was my first jojo ship that i obsessed over #and the fact that. april-may 2020 was a rlly complicated time for me #bc i was happy and thriving in certain ways but also. w the pandemic and everything it was a. just rlly weird time #and a couple of really bad things happened #and idk it just takes me back to all these complicated emotions and it's like. i wanna go back. no i don't. yes i do #and i think too hard abt it and i start to feel genuinely poorly #😕 #i sound really stupid but yeah

[ghastbutlikegay]

honestly i wish more fandoms had tags for shipping in general, that way you can just filter one shipping tag and not have to worry about all the individual ship names and variations of them

#im an active hermitship enjoyer #but there’s some fandoms im in where i just. dont wanna see shipping. period #tmnt for example. there’s a collective tag for all the obvious ones i don’t wanna see #but then i have to individually block every tag for every ship between like #april or casey with any of the turtles #it’s just one of those franchises where i have zero desire for shippy stuff #like some stuff im neutral on (like rise splinter and drax) #but then like. i REALLY dont like apritello in general but it bothers me in rise in particular #and from what i can tell there isn’t a general catch all ship tag for tmnt #theres also the element of like. romance repulsion ig? #im generally pretty averse to romance in fiction unless it’s done a specific way #and on a bad day i feel like physically ill when im exposed to it lmao #idk im just complaining mostly

[mchiti]

my friends i usually don't make post like this because I choose peace usually n I don't like to indirect ppl but like. I guess i've reblogged a total of 3 old posts in recent times from aj*x gud days and I only went to check on one of those acc out of curiosity and I saw them posting about finding this amusing/weird. as in "what's up with the nostalgia from fans of these players, it's been years, u weren't even watching aj*x" (i guess this was about the ziy-ech ona-na post from yesterday lol) and on one side it was funny bc i watched *counting* 5+ years worth of eredivisi-e I should get a medal for that alone. My usb drive full of old memories I occasionally go through to feel happy. u want to know something about aja*x those days I have everything at ur disposal. 16 april 2019 in ams, I was there. I mean just to say we can't really assume what people liked or didn't like before just to shame strangers having fun u know

#i mean I don't want a prize even if I wasn't there I still don't think it's nice yaknow #I even had a tumblr blog to read I just wasn't into using it then bc I had a ig page then. sweet soul was I. I despise ig now #also I know this is depressing and none of u care about it #but like 2019 my mama passed away in january. it was the most horrible year of my life. and the previous year hadn't been great either. #I have been follow hakim/aj/ax since 2015 but football that year especially was my escape. #my brother brought us to ams in april to visit family and brought me to the stadium and brought me tickets for ucl #cause like I was completely out of it. Let's say I guess i was heavily depressed and I should have been to therapy honestly. #I don't remember ANYTHING about my life back then I only found escapism in that club and morocco and hakim and nous that year #so I mean u don't know whats up with ppl let's not shame people having fun on the internet. idk it made me feel bad gkfjdh #tw mental health #tw death #tw parental loss