#idk man its hard LOL

[pxppinmolly-archived]

thanks everyone for your patience with me, by the way ...

I apologize, I know I haven’t been very talkative ... Like in general but especially lately. I haven’t been engaging too much on the dash or getting to my drafts.

I’ve been just having a hard time, you know?

With my writing muse and also like. My place in the RPC.

Like I really just am reaching a point where I feel ... Alienated? Like. I just feel out of touch and that I don’t really belong. I don’t wanna say the unending harassment and bullshit I keep dealing with here is finally getting the better of me, but ...

Man.

#OOC #TBD #im stubborn n petty n ik someone here who has vagued me telling me to just leave already #so like yk. im still here! KASJD #but yeah im jus #its to a point if i see an ask in my inbox w/o a notif its from a mutual from my phone #i immediately get nervous that its anon hate #like its gotten to a point im EXPECTING someone to try n start shit with me! #and it feels like also just in a writing stand point not many rlly give a fuck bout Molly and what shes up to or #wanna rlly engage w her #besides like ... a few people yk #and yall know who u are- KAJSDF #if the shoe fits!! #anyway i just. #idk man its hard LOL

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

#jhariah #this one just rawrrfrrr #and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’ #nice #im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it #god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like #hnnnghhh #hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot #the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM #sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’ #like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke #but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me #and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards #the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome #the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear #its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe #but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill #and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill #you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit #and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it #and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was #very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me #which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me #yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍

[vamprnce]

this was so self indulgent but I got hit hard w the insom Peter as a dad thoughts last night and had to doodle some stuff, mainly Pete just giving his baby her own web (silly string) shooters bc honestly he would lmao

#my art #peter parker #mayday parker #insomniac spider man #honestly tried my best at a 1048 mayday lol im torn on a look but atsv gave me inspo #also idk when this would be timeline wise so dont think that hard abt it 😭 #i was going so wild abt peter being a dad on twt sjdjfhdgd #but yeah he would build her own web shooters but he doesnt wanna give her actual webs yet so mayday is just annoying everyone w silly strin #the whole house is a mess its in everyones hair (peter has to clean it up bc its his responsibility and he gave it to her lmao) #okay bye thats all my dad peter thoughts (for now) #spiderman

[nametakensff]

Little AuDHD complaint under the readmore (skip over if you can't be bothered with the negativity because even I can't be bothered with my own feelings right now)

I've been struggling a bit this week - likely PMS which has now become a late period - but my friend is coming down this weekend. Originally we had plans for her to come down Friday but that moved to Saturday for reasons beyond her control. I've been thinking about it all week and trying my best to get the house organised and all that but it's been hard to even look after myself. Like I can't concentrate at all either so I'm just having a hard time being a functioning human. I've failed to get half as many things done as I planned but I really tried.

I was supposed to pick her up at like 11am at the train station but now she's said that another friend will be around at that time so she'll just meet me at 1pm at the location we planned to meet up with our mutual friend. And I know to most people this is totally reasonable, like why wouldn't you try and see as many friends as possible when you're not often in the area?

But it always just makes me feel like I'm just an option when this kind of thing happens? Like I'm an interchangeable friend or a box to be ticked rather than THE reason she's coming to visit. I matter so little that a last-minute spontaneous meeting with someone else takes priority.

It also messed with my plans and one thing I really struggle with is spontaneous changes in plans. I can't force people to comply with this because I'd just feel selfish but it completely throws me off, especially when I'm in this state where everything is so hard for me to keep together.

Idk man it's probably worsened by rejection sensitivity dysphoria - scratch that, it's TOTALLY worsened by that. I'm incredibly sensitive and I have to keep it in check constantly.

Even if I rationalise the situation and know there was no intent to hurt me and ofc my friend cares for me, it doesn't change the initial 'oh...' feeling of my heart sinking a little bit. Which makes me feel pathetic which makes me feel insane which makes me feel even worse about myself even though I shouldn't beat myself up over my neurological disabilities.

Just another joyful day of feeling shame when people hurt me because the hurt I feel is unintentional on their part and people don't think the way I do. Rationality only goes so far. I still feel like a very sad individual right now.

#idk man my sister gets it and agreed its lowkey shitty #because she's undiagnosed ADHD but probably exhibits more obvious symptoms than me and it's been hard for her w/ executive dysfunction #so we both feel a little like...the effort we put in for other people is rarely reciprocated? at least to the same degree of consideration #and this is one of my closest friends and I KNOW there is zero malice involved but again. my brain's wired differently lol #it's just all round unfortunate #nttalks

[batz]

room stuff! im still decluttering tho so i have less n less stuff. rlly no longer interested in my old collection or at least the old disney stuff. keeping SOME of it for sentimental reasons tho ofc<3 i need more wall art tho my walls r Naked mostly

also squeak image , well, shes snoozing

#frank.txt #decluttering is taking so long bc iive been collecting shit since i was young so its hard parting w some stuff #and surprisingly easy to part with other stuff LOL idk im not into a lot of the stuff i was into #i want more spooky things. more Nostalgia Items that i wanted when i was a kid. like emily the strange or begoth dolls n stuff #but begoth dolls r expensive and the emily the strange doll i had when i was a kid is HARD to find now so fhskdhdjd #man that emily the strange doll went thru hell. she was made of a rlly chewy rubber material so i gnawed her arms off bc i was idk 6 or 7 #the fewture nirasawa doll i have on my shelf ALSO went thru hell bc i had her since i was 8 but she wasnt chewed on like at all luckily #bc i still have big soft spot fkr that doll #AND the lenore doll i found when i was 9 for like $3 at value village #ANYWAY idk i wanna decorate my room wjth more Spooky Stuff. more wall art n stuff #and jsut have a dedicated raggedy ann corner <3

[godsfavoritescientist]

I will die on the hill that ford's paranoia is not a character flaw

#godsrambles #like would you call anxiety or depression a character flaw? maybe people out there are doing that too idk. but that would be equally false #one of these days i'll give in and make a list of his actual character flaws since its apparently so hard to figure out #obviously every character is open to interpretation and personal readings. but man #no wonder this guy didnt trust anyone. people take his every action in bad faith even in the real world </3 #no i will not say why this is on my mind right now. im simply having a moment #edit: I made a follow-up post with better phrasing since character flaw and moral failing are not actually interchangeable words lol

[fourteenthz]

I got tagged by @impossible-rat-babies tysm owen!! God you’re so good at poetic description. when will it be my time to be that good!!

So yeah, this one got away from me and I spent the entire day thinking about some of those even though I had a pretty clear idea on the answer already, but I always struggle a bit. She’s so not me I always have to stop and ask myself “would she say that or would I say that?” but I think I got it. anyway. please perceive my most special girl.

— B A S I C S

name: thesa

nicknames: estinien called her “thes” once, she almost killed him and he hasn’t stopped ever since.

age: 80~ (aragorn age coded)

nameday: 22 sun of the 5th astral moon (9/21)

race: viera / rava

gender: female

orientation: only had male partners but I don’t think she cares tbh

profession: adventurer!

— P H Y S I C A L     A S P E C T

hair: grey-ish/white with pitch black ends. pretty thick and mostly unkept tbh.

eyes: darker grey, so shiny tho……..

skin: brown, with warm undertone and some darker patches/spots, especially on her face.

tattoos: going for parts here so first, the tattos. back in her forest days she didn’t like the whole “permanent” thing so she usually painted her marks everyday. as soon as she leaves, she decides to get a tattoo on her back, along her spine. white and with the clan/family marks. after shb she adds the azem symbol to it.

scars: multiple. getting my sketchbook to list you the relevant lol. a bunch of tinier ones from wood days and a claw one on her forearm from her chocobo (rael) when she first got him, burnt/lightining scar on her thigh from thanjit/fatebreaker, a bite from a tiny sineater she didn’t have the nerve to kill, a blasphemy one on her hip that mimics perfectly one azem had (not that she knows) and lastly another claw/grab one on her biceps from zenos (ew instance).

— F A M I L Y

parents: she was born back when her village still followed strictly male/female living apart, so she didn’t really meet her father. her mother is alive and well as far as she knows, but she didn’t visit them after leaving the forest so she wouldn’t know better tbh

siblings: her mother was much more of a leader than anything else, so strangely enough, she has just one brother and he’s half-hyur.

grandparents: only ever met her grandmother who died not much long after she was born (which is how the leadership passed to her mother)

in laws and other: blood related there are few around her village. not blood related, well, is it here where I gush abt her and the twins?

pets: technically, just her chocobo.

— S K I L L S

abilities: dragoon + gunbreaker mainly but really aces in any physical combat (bad with magic tho); has pretty great smitching skills, animal handling and survival instincts too. also, ofc, dominates the echo pretty well by now.

hobbies: exercise/sparing, camping/hiking/gathering (outdoor stuff), tinkering her weapons/armor, collecting stuff from travels (loves art, bad at it. could recite one or another poem but would never admit it willingly) and weirdly enough, journaling.

— T R A I T S

most positive traits: quiet, loyal, practical, independent, focused, perceptive, very loving with a couple of people and cares a lot.

most negative traits: also quiet, blunt, stubborn, prideful, judgmental, paranoid, reckless, private, competitive, bad guilty complex, very limited communication/emotional skills and also… cares a lot.

— L I K E S

colours: red and black.

smells: wood, rain/wet soil, herbal/flower aromas, anything forest adjacent.

textures: again, loves having dirt under her feet, rain on her skin, etc. also cold metal and worn/loose linen.

drinks: really doesn’t have any. she is very used to eating/drinking just to sustain herself, so she doesn’t have any cravings for that. 

— O T H E R    D E T A I L S

smokes: probably when she was younger once, but never was her thing. and ofc, she is paranoid.

drinks: only with friends, sometimes not even then. also, see above.

drugs: only medicinal ones, and again, sometimes not even then. she really should take more.

mount issuance: one of the first things that made her go “ugh. civilization.” when she first got to gridania but she got it lol prefers traveling than using aetherite tho, so it was for the best.

been arrested: never. technically she should’ve for a few things she has done right after she left the wood (stealing rael included, don’t worry about it, he was always hers anyway) but well. what can I tell you, she’s good at getting away with things like that.

__________________________

Saw a bunch of ppl doing it already but trying to tag ones I didn’t saw yet!! I may be wrong lol but also pls talk to me abt ur wols I need to know about them (being extra, no pressure in doing this):

@galadae @aethergazing @birues @alackofghosts

@thefreelanceangel @myreia @coldshrugs

#not a single new gpose with just her so take the one with the manderville gunblade again. #tag game #ffxiv viera #wol posting #man everytime I do one of those I get overwhelmed I LOVE HER SO MUCH. heads in hands. I care her. #also I joke abt her being aragorn age coded... jokes on you she's entirely aragorn coded #I really have a character type. quiet nurturing leaders save me... save me quiet nurturing leaders.... #also the nicknames... just a fun fact for u: she is taking thancred’s nickname/petnames for her to her grave. you dont get it either 👍 #and decided to just put nickname related to her name bc ofc she has a BUNCH of allias but its just warrior things. #also. just putting thesa there tbh bc she has eryut BUT idk.... she doesn't always use it tbh and i'm kinda into changing it to rael #kinda want to change bc thesa lore reasons but also don't want to let go of eryut bc ily fran u will always be with me YOU KNOW? yeah #the orientation is hard too ... ofc I have my non wol!au where her and lyna are a thing. but idk she just doesn't care abt partners at all. #like full stop. it just happened that thancred changed her mind and her first time was with a guy friend but that's not here or there #/i/ would say probably pan/ace spectrum but again. it feels weird to label her at all tbh lol so get that vague ass answer 👍

[grapecaseschoices]

UP TOP: Is the Tadpole Consumers! Sometimes being 'Power Hungry' means eating an actual worm.

Kendis Wolfcrossing (left): Bearbarian (Druid and Barbarian), She/They (nb). Romance Rolan [Maybe Minthara. Maybe Halsin. I'm just fucking around in the PT]

Kaeliana (right): aka The Dark Urge, Soradin of Kelemvor (Sorcerer and Paladin), She/her (trans). Romance Wyll.

BOTTOM DOWN: The Parental Trauma Cleric Sibs (and potentially both technically undead).

Amryl Shadowhoard (left): Ranger/War Cleric of Bahamut, They/It/She (in order; nb). Romance Wyll/Lae'zel/REDACTED [yeah that's the polyam!]. Is, technically, Isyl's younger sibling.

Isyl Shadowhoard (right): aka The Dark Urge. Cleric of Light [hhaha] of Lathander, ???? (trans and nb). Potential Romance Barcus. Is, definitely, Amryl's older sibling. Isyl remembers that fact and Isyl remembers Lathander. Everything else is secondary. Right?

#meet my tavs #grapes chars #bg3: kendis wolfcrossing #oc: kaeliana #oc: amryl shadowhoard #oc: isyl shadowhoard #bg3 tav #bg3 durge #grapecase posts #meet my ocs #the thing im most excited for isyl is tthe sibling stuff and the struggle between past and 'nature' and ofc exploring duergar shit but i #hope isyl can be a particular shit to wulbern #im more excited about the barcus 'romance' than i expected? #i need to learnmroe about him #kendis is supposed to have a scar over their black/white eye. idk if its hard to see bc of teh tadpole eating or if a mod took it off #i'll check later #this is my current [mostly] active PTs. #but i have like six others in the shadows? lol and one nebulous plan. bc i dont have a geriatric. i wanted to make an old man githyanki but #then the enbies ate my brain #also tho some people put nb as under the trans umbrella i know some people see it as a separate umbrella. #i feel isyl sees themselves as both. they transitioned but they also see themselves as nonbinary. kendis sees being nonbinary as both in #a weird way like its own seperate thing but also under the umbrella? idk a venn diagram? i just vibe for kendis #kae proudly has a girldick. and proudly is a woman. i have mixed ideaas on when she transitioned. im sure it would have been a mess. but it #HERS. #[on the one hand i dont think bhaal cares. but on the other hand idky i feel bhaalists would get very evangelical about it. like THIS IS TH #BODY BHAAL MADE. A RE YOU SAYING BHAAL ERRED???] #amryl is they/it nonbinary. trans. wte. but they're also i think one of those nonbinary unless it's 'god forbid women are allowed to do ANY #HING' #lmao #okay okay im going back to my burrow

[todayisafridaynight]

tw // suicide

on twitter some ppl were talking about THAT jo scene from iw again and someone commented fucking "you know he was thinking about using that gun on himself" and im not sane anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! added something something his faith in ichi kept him hopeful enough in the moment but then when he went to jail oh. ohhh !!!!!!!!!!!

nooo cause if That Jo Scene is the flashback scene with hoshino's death that really had to be SUUUCH a low point if not top five lowest points for him i wanted to throw up watching that <- replays it in my brain constantly

#iw spoilers #snap chats #UGH I WANNA REPLAY IW SO BAD i still wanna see the scenes with english dubbing but i wanna finish lost judgment first #in any case no i love that scene. like you can see the will to live leave jo's body as he goes to sit down #god naw cause i was laughing (read: crying) over how jo really let that dog comment get to him. loved that really .... #i do enjoy the added context to sawashiro and his relationship with ichi even if its sort of one sided #like ichis never really harbored ill will towards him- hes not happy about how sawashiro treated him back then LOL #but it was still clear he respected him #with sawashiro- like once you know the whole locker mix up secret then it contextualizes their relationship (from jo's pov anyway) #but just sawashiro having actually MET akane and speaking with her and listening to her wish .. idk. #its a nice thought that- for as hard as he is on ichi- he is trying to look out for him for akane's sake #emphasis on For As Hard As He Is like my man you dont gotta take his finger off 💀💀 in any case ... #maybe thats just optimistic thinking but its a nice thought. This All In Relation to having faith in ichi to Not game end himself 💀 #god but sawashiro in jail .. i really wouldve paid money just to know what was going through his head #how he reacted to aoki's death the moment he was told- like he already knew aoki never valued him but still... fathers love and all #ive rambled long enough vjlLKVEJVLKEJ BYE

[ollyollyaxe]

ooof fuckin Thinking about hoffman and angelina being orphans, maybe not from birth- but pretty young, 5 & 15 ish, spending a few months in an orphanage/foster care before angelina gets adopted, but mark never does, he stays in the system until he ages out, his only real human connection being his baby sister - anyway im cool im fime

#idk what the popular fanon for this is #i know ppl like cute things bc its a nice dichotomy but I love making mark hoffman a tortured bastard #this is canon.. to me #i think their parents died probably in an accident so like together and suddenly- and they had no living relatives to take them #so they were put into the system for awhile- id have to do more research abt orphanages in the 80s #but for dramas sake- mark has to protect angie from the other kids/mean adults which is why he starts to like the idea of protecting ppl #bc i always have to rationalize my man being a fucking cop - i fucking hate cops irl so this is a hard stretch #so like he gets into the police system and guess what it Sucks so thats why he gets down with jigsaw so quick #also bc he was already cheating the system for years lol #anyway #sawposting #hoffman #saw

[lemon-wedges]

...

#getting back into perspectivr and bg drawing and only letting myself practice in sketchbooks #its real hard man #bUT #i wont feel bad about this!!! #i will catch up to where i was last year and get better #and this time it will be for ME #i gotta look more into landscape and bg designers and just decide where i want to go #i really did love will westons classes #for some reason he can just break down perspective and design in a way my brain understands #his stuff is so....weighty? idk its satisfying to my eye in a way i like figures to look #..... #i cant wait to make better fanart with this lol

[quenthel]

It's so funny that a bunch of ppl started hating on Gale mansplaining the shadow curse claiming that this is some kind of sign that he's a mysoginist while a) he does that no matter your PC's gender and b) if you tell him you know Abt it he gets excited and you can just have a chat...

#quenthel special #also i hate how most fans saw how hes lowkey straight coded bc he only shows interest in women except for tav and ran w it #instead of recognizing that as a blunder on larian's part to write a bisexual man 🤭 #like i get it ig tgis is a problem w bi characters bc its a bit difficult to showcase attraction to begin with #esp hard w bisexuality ig bc there are less cultural shorthands avaliable also #like ngl everyone assuming some companions are gay imo was not necessarily bc they are biphobic but rather the idk #lgbt rep writing portion of bg3 is not good LOL #i think the only character i would say is good fantasy lgbt rep is arueshalae in wotr #and its bc her struggles work as a methaphor and shes supported by her community (a lesbian couple) not just the pc #the other would be lann's bisexual journey but he is a straight romance option so it never happened LOL

[temporarywoundz]

my friends were holding me at gunpoint 2 post this yesterday but it was kinda late so. have at it now

#completely ignores everything that just happened in the last 3 hrs. whats up sm fandom lovely day we're having #spooky month #leon manson #sooo ready 2 b the sole poster on that tag u guys have no idea just How Many leon sketches ive been hoarding. i care him #hopefully ill post em some time soon. teehee (<- totally not planning on following that through) #scrawlz #o yea shoutout 2 my friend j3nnix 4 the gumi hc LOL i told them that i hc leon rly liking vocaloid but idk enough abt vocaloid 2 decide- #-who his fav one would b n they said he gives em gumi vibes so ill take their word 4 it i feel like it rly fits him lol<333 #ALSO ABT BUFF LEON......leave me alone its my first time drawing buff ppl i tried so hard man #N E WAYS. i like him a normal amount:)) (<- delusional)

[puppyeared]

how cool are you with like. spam reblogs bc i keep staring at ur art really hard and then doing a total 180 and end up not reblogging anything which is REALLY lame but it's bc i know myself and wanted to avoid spamming as much as possible bc id end up reblogging 95% of ur posts BAUDHJSF

MEGA 10000000% ENCOURAGED ACTUALLY if you like it a lot then go for it!! i dont find it annoying at all and im surethat goes for a lot of artists. i think i can safely say we're just glad u like it enough to go "HEY LOOK WGAT THIS PERSON MADE". also id take it over a row of likes any day

if you are worried about spamming notifications you could always try queueing or saving it as a draft!! so you can decide when you want it reblogged or let the site decide for u <3

#ALSO SHUCKS.. TY FOR STARING AT MY ART WE ARE HOLDING HANDS ANON.. PEACE AND LOVE ON THE PLANET EARTH #i know i talk mad shit abt ppl not choosing to reblog art but like. I KNOW UR NOT DOING IT TO BE MALICIOUS but id like it to be shared /nbh #CUZ I LIKE ATTENTION WHY ELSE WOULD I POST SHADOWPEACH SONIC ADVENTURE 2 #and something ive learned being on here for a while is to think of your blog as like. your house #imagine showing your friend all the cool stuff youve collected over the years yknow. or someone walks in your house like man thats #balling where can i get something like that. IDK!!! i like to check my mutuals blogs every once in a while #literally nobody is going to look at your blog and say 'damn bitch you live like this'. UNLESS your bg color and text color are hard to rea #*read. but otherwise u do it for YOU #im gonna be honest i dont really use queue because im impulsive and i want to put it on my blog NAOW. but its there if u wanna use it lol #asks #good question!!!!!! #yapping

[sidebaxolotl]

Yearning for the ex hours ig

#im like 99% ok so pls dont worry abt me #theres just like 1% of me that still loves her and still yearns #and its like a quick pinch in terms of pain but im not sure its ever going to fully go away #she and i were like. so perfect together and i feel like we understood each other in a way that no one else did -- even now #its kinda like. hard to move past #and even if i could date girls none of them would make me feel like that #and im sure as hell never getting that from a man #sighhh idk #time to project onto my ghey rat ocs then lol

[fourteenthz]

Hey guys that house of hope quest WTF WAS THAT GUYS WHY NO ONE WARNED ME ABT THIS

#its hard and SO OVERWHELMING #BUT THE SONG IS SO GOOD HELLO???? #i had accepted the deal with Raphael but i went there for my girlie karlach #IM SCARED ABT THE TIMELINE WHERE I DONT DO THAG QUEST #its so damn good wtf #I'm not the biggest fan of hope staying tbh lol feels off bUT ITS SO GOOD. Like everything abt it is INSANE #WHATS UP WITH THAT INCUBUS GUY my paladin girlie would never but I gotta search whats up with him #for research purposes #anyway now im going to do wyll's quest and I'm postponing bc I DONT WANT TO PISS OFF GOTARSH #I HAVE A FEELING I WILL.... idk if i can be stealth abt that quest tbh but oh I WILL try it. #for him 🫡 i want to be able to deceive that man for power until the last second 🫡 #can u tell my paladin girlie is insanely fixed in the neutral alignment or what #kelly plays bg3 #kelly says #dl #also props to larian for putting the best song on a fight that takes hours 🫡 they TRULY popped off 🫡 #the fact u dont get annoyed with it listening to it on repeat SO GOOD.