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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 3 years

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It's Delicate: Part II

Summary: Spencer Reid finds himself at a gas station at 2:00 am, thinking he’s only leaving with a cup of crappy coffee. But something taped to the door catches his eye. Spencer leaves the gas station with more than he intended: the chance at a friend, and maybe something more along the way.

Word Count: 3.6 k

Author’s Note: Here's the second part in It's Delicate, my first chapter fic. I've planned out kind of where I see this eventually going! Thank you to anyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs. It really means the world to me.

Content Warnings: Expletive language (3 uses), mentions of drug use, sexual innuendo

READ PART I

It's Delicate Masterlist

It's Delicate

Sitting on the plane, Spencer looks out from the little window. For hours, there’s been nothing but corn fields and clouds. It’s eerily peaceful, being there high above the clouds. His whole life Spencer has felt this distance between him and everyone else, but nothing makes that feeling more prominent than being strapped in a glorified metal box 35,000 feet off the Earth’s surface. But the thing is, Spencer does need to be flying above the trees to feel lonely. He can do that with two feet on the ground.

Luke sits across Spencer, the table between them and a deck of playing cards are spread out across its surface. He has to nudge Spencer’s leg from under the table, trying to bring him back to reality as he stares out the window.

“Whatcha thinking,” Luke asks, Spencer has been noticing more and more that Luke is one of the few people that actually listens to him.

Spencer, whose mind is racing too fast to even formulate an articulate thought, attempts to dodge Luke’s question with a noncommittal shrug.

“Reid, these cases are hard for all of us, you gotta know that man,” Luke says, laying down a four of a kind.

Spencer narrows his eyes, shocked that it hasn’t clicked yet for the rest of the team. He cracks his neck, preparing to answer Luke.

“We almost locked up an innocent man, Alvez. I almost sent another man to the same fate as myself. What kind of fucked up message is that?” Spencer says, throwing down the cards on the table. He doesn’t wait for Luke to respond.

“I fold,”

Spencer walks off into the small kitchenette to make a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to think about his increased reliance on coffee, because he knows it’s a hot cup of coffee or a cold needle of Dilaudid in his veins. Spencer checks his watch, it’s 10:17 pm, maybe too late to find a meeting at a church or rec center somewhere.

He sneaks a peak at his phone, which was still unfortunately on Airplane Mode, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to see if Y/N has responded. He doesn’t know much about her, just as much as she knows about him.

It’s a brave new world for Spencer and he’s knee deep into the unknown.

Spencer can feel Luke’s eyes on him. He just knows that the minute he gets home, a certain tech expert will be ringing him. He knows that it’s Luke’s way of caring, but for someone who’s been alone for so long, having people that actually care is almost drowning.

Walking back to his seat, Spencer hands Luke a coffee. He smiles slightly; it’s the awkward smile that he used to make when intimating police chiefs and idiot cops would look him up and down like he’s a TA. It’s a peace offering for Luke, who despite his tough looking exterior, is one of the kindest people Spencer knows.

“Look, Reid. I’m sorry that we didn’t put it together. It’s just that man that we caught, he’s not like you. He’s not innocent of crimes, he’s just innocent of this crime,” Luke says in an attempt to make Spencer feel a little bit better.

“The thing is Luke, I’m exactly like that man,”

Spencer returns to staring out the window. The cards and the coffee on the table are long ignored for the silence that is found when you’re high above the clouds.

Spencer hears Tara and Emily murmur quietly about going out for a round of drinks. Luke accepts, while JJ and Matt decline, eager to get home to their families. Emily looks over at Spencer, her eyes silently scanning him, his body language. Spencer knows that there’s nothing he can hide from Emily, so there’s no use in trying to pretend he’s alright when she can take one look at him and know that nothing is right.

“You guys have fun, I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I plan on visiting my mom tomorrow and mornings are usually better for her,” Spencer says, slinging his go bag around his shoulders and making the trek back to the security to check out.

He walks slowly, enjoying the sound of the crickets chirping as he trudges along. Spencer tries not to think about the man, Richard, who was almost locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit. Spencer is pretty sure that being the person to throw an innocent man in jail is worse than being the innocent man in jail.

Spencer’s phone buzzes loudly, disturbing the silence of his walk. He looks at the phone to see a couple of messages from Y/N. Spencer slides open the lock to his phone and hits the button to read her messages.

Y/N: Spencer...that has a nice ring to it. So tell me a little bit about yourself. Your big three, but as books. Go! 🌞🌙⬆️

Furrowing his brow, Spencer reads the message over again. He does not have a clue what “big three” means, but it seems like some sort of pop culture thing that he’s not skilled in. He wants to text Garcia for a translation, but he’s also not too keen on telling her how he came across Y/N’s number.

Y/N: I assume you’re working, but I'm kind of impatient so I’ll give you mine 🙃 I’m a Little Women sun, an Emma moon, and an In Cold Blood rising.

Y/N: Oh no….I hope my astrology didn’t turn you off

Y/N: Not that I was trying to turn you on

Y/N: omg Y/N please shut the fuck up

Astrology? Spencer isn’t one to judge, but he’s a scientist first and foremost. The idea that there is something written about him in the stars seems like ludicrous. He decided to ignore the other messages, particularly the ones with a little more than slight innuendo.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m sorry I just got out of work. As for my big three, I’m not sure about astrology. I don’t particularly believe in pseudoscience. But those are good choices. In Cold Blood is an excellent choice. Capote spent years researching the case. In fact his prose and technique inspired the entire “Nonfiction novel” genre. The world of journalism and true crime would not be where it is without Capote’s work.

Y/N: Oh my god. You are a total nerd. 🙀

That stops Spencer right in his tracks. He’s only a couple of yards away from the Volvo at this point, but somehow it feels a million miles away. You are a total nerd. The words replay in his mind as the small gray bubbles pop up again. Spencer can feel his heart constrict at Y/N’s words. It’s ridiculous, he’s nearly 34 and is getting upset that a stranger called him a nerd. Spencer unlocks his car and tosses his go bag, phone included onto the passenger seat.

After a couple of minutes his phone buzzes again. He’s half tempted to answer it, but the way his heart seems to beat faster tells him to ignore it.

Y/N: I fucking love it and I think you’ll love this too

Spencer’s entire demeanor changes as he reads the message. He’s always had difficulties reading emotion in writing, especially when he can’t analyze the handwriting. Sometimes, it’s even harder to judge inflection during conversations. Maybe that is why Spencer has spent all this time studying people, studying the way that their minds work. Before he can get too lost in his thoughts, another message pops up.

Y/N: Meet Capote and Second Cat

Y/N: They are the loves of my life

Spencer: They are very...distinguished looking. Capote is an excellent name choice then. Second Cat is also quite catchy.

Spencer hesitates before sending the message, he notices that Y/N uses what Garcia calls “emojis” quite frequently. He assumes that it’s some sort of “texting lingo” that expresses emotion in small graphics. Great, he thinks. He already has a difficult time deciphering Y/N’s cryptic wording and now he’s got to analyze these emojis.

Maybe he should profile her. He re-reads the message and settles on a “😄” because he figures that he can’t go wrong with offering Y/N a smile.

Spencer: I don’t have a cat, but when I was a kid I always wanted one, they’re quite good companions for those that live several different kinds of lifestyles. From active to sedentary, they are adaptable and independent. Honestly they are the perfect pet.

Y/N: Is this your way of telling you’re a crazy cat man? 😜 🙀

Spencer, still sitting in his car that’s parked in the parking lot, chuckles at Y/N’s response to his message. Maybe it’s just easier to ignore his rambling when it’s done through 1s and 0s and there isn’t a face to the words.

Spencer: I’m actually more of a fish guy

Y/N: Like a “I-like-to-go-fishing-and-post-picture-of-myself-kissing-my-catch-on-Tinder” kind of fish guy or...I can’t think of any other kind of fish men

Spencer, not totally understanding the obvious joke that Y/N is trying to make, settles on something that he hasn’t really ever tried: being himself.

Spencer: Not quite sure what a Tinder is, but I think fishing is terrifying and kissing a fish is something out of nightmares. But his name is Leo

Y/N: DiCaprio?

Spencer: Uhh, Tolstoy

Y/N: Good😉 ⚔️🕊️ 🇷🇺

Spencer glances at his clock on the control panel, it tells him that he’s been messaging with Y/N back and forth for nearly 22 minutes. He nearly forgot how tired he was.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m so sorry but, I just got to my car to drive home from work. I’ll text you tomorrow morning about the book club, maybe we can figure out some things.

Y/N: OMG Spencer!! you should have told me. I’ve been talking ur ear off. sleep well and yes please tomorrow we can talk about the book club

Y/N: Good night, Book Buddy 😴

Spencer wants to respond to Y/N, but he doesn’t know what to say. She seems to text so easily, and judging by that, she must be around Spencer’s age or a little bit younger. Besides JJ and Penelope, Spencer has never had a friend close to his age. It’s a strange new territory for him and he’s walking in head first into No Man’s Land.

He starts his Volvo, the check engine still lights but, reminding him once again to go get it fixed. Driving away from the parking lot, Spencer hands over his ID to Gina, the security guard. She checks his ID and gives him a tired smile. Spencer, as he drives home to his apartment, thinking about what books he and Y/N will read together. He wonders what kind of books are her favorite, if they have any authors that they can obsess over together, or if what she thinks a poet’s prose is.

The summer air rushing in through the window is nowhere as warm and as comforting as thought of Spencer finally having a friend that isn’t able to read the scars of his past in the text bubbles that pop up on her screen.

When Spencer opens his eyes for the first time that morning, he isn’t sure where he is. Sometimes, before he can stop his thoughts from travelling there, Spencer thinks he’s still in jail. He hates the feeling of terror that rushes over him but he hates the idea of being vulnerable a little bit more. But the softness of his pillows and the coolness of his cotton sheets remind him that he’s not sleeping on a hard cot with only a layer of fabric over his body. The light streams in through the half closed blinds, and Spencer judges by how brightly the sun shines in, it must be around 9:45 am.

He supposes that he prefers the way the sun’s rays paint horizontal bars across his face more than the vertical bars that cast gray shadows over his cell at Milburn Penitentiary.

It’s a day off from work, so Spencer didn’t set an alarm, instead allowing his mind and his body to catch up on some much needed rest. The nightmares have been getting better, but his dreams are still haunted by the way that he hardly recognizes himself anymore. Deciding that it will be a day spent in pajamas, Spencer goes to his bookshelf in his bedroom to pick out a couple of novels to read while he drinks his morning coffee and defrosts some of Luke’s strawberry pastries.

Before heading out of his room, Spencer stops himself in the doorway. He replays the events of last night. He declined to go out with the rest of the team, while he walked to his car he thought about the crickets telling the temperature, and he read over Y/N’s messages.

Y/N.

He promised he’d text her back in the morning about their book club. Last night, she didn’t seem to mind Spencer’s long messages and awkward phrasing. He still doesn’t really know how this Book Buddy thing would work, but since he found Y/N’s number on the flyer, he can only assume that she knows what to do. He leaps on his bed, landing with thud on his belly, to grab his phone that charges on his nightstand.

Spencer settles at his kitchen table, a cup of steaming hot Dark Roast coffee in a Captain Spock mug in one hand and, surprisingly, his phone in the other. He scrolls through the messages from last night, Y/N’s cat and emojis tempt a smile to Spencer’s face.

Not entirely sure how to start the conversation again, Spencer looks around for inspiration until his eyes land on a certain fish tank in the corner of his apartment. He snaps a quick picture of Leo and attaches it to the message.

Spencer: Good Morning from Leo & Spencer

Spencer sets down his phone after a moment when he realizes that Y/N is probably not going to answer him back in a couple of seconds. He takes out a strawberry pastry from his freezer and puts it into the toaster oven on a non-stick baking sheet. His thumbs run across the texture of the book he started on the plane ride after his and Luke’s ill fated poker game. It's a thin book of collected essays on the meaning of life. Camus, to Spencer, is a little pessimistic with his droning on about the meaninglessness of life. Though Spence has seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, he still has to believe that there’s a deeper meaning behind it all.

His toaster oven rings, altering him so that his toasted strawberry pastry is cooked. He plates his breakfast and pours himself another cup of coffee- he’ll need it to get through Camus’s section on Absurdism this early in the morning. But the flash of Spencer’s phone screen sends him reaching for his phone. Y/N replied to his message.

Y/N: hi leo!!!

Y/N: and you too Spencer :) Did you get a good night’s sleep. You got back late it seems.

Spencer, taking a bite of the strawberry pastry, ignores the burning sensation in his mouth. He types out a response to Y/N as he washes down the bite with a swing of coffee.

Spencer: I did, thank you. Can you tell me a little bit more about this book buddy thing. From what I gathered from the flyer it’s like a little book club of our own and we meet at the bookstore?

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to respond. The little gray dots pop up almost immediately after Spencer’s message is delivered.

Y/N: That’s about right! Is it okay if I call you? Kinda easier to talk that way 🤷‍♀️

Spencer reads over the message a couple of times. He doesn’t really like to talk on the phone and only does it out of necessity. He’s pretty sure that his voice is grating and his vocal fry is quite irritating. Yet, he finds himself replying “yes” to Y/N. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand and Spencer has to remind himself how to pick up a call.

“Spencer? Um, this is Spencer Reid, right?” the voice says. It’s a woman’s voice and he can only assume that it’s Y/N, considering it is her phone number calling him.

“Y/N, uh hi. This is Dr. Spencer- I mean this is Spencer,” he says, nearly forgetting that Y/N doesn’t know him as Dr. Reid, but as just Spencer. It’s been a long time since someone has known him as Spencer.

“Oh great! It’s wonderful to finally have a voice to your name. So about these buddy reads. You seem to have a good grasp of what they are,” Y/N’s voice trails off a little bit at the end and Spencer finds it natural to fill in the silence.

“Yes, the flyer was quite informative. But I was wondering, do we read the same books or do we read different books?” Spencer asks, trying to restrain himself from scaring Y/N off. But something about her made him think that she didn’t scare easily.

Y/N chuckles lightly in the speaker of her phone, “that’s a good question, uh, I was actually going to ask you what you would rather. We can read the same books, or if it’s okay with you we can choose what the other would read for that week,”

“Oh really?” Spencer says, very much aware how his voice rises a couple of octaves. He can’t trust himself to hold back on rambling over the phone Y/N, so he resorts to using his strained, brittle voice that’s full of hesitation and restraint.

“That’s the plan, so whatcha thinking, Spencer,” Y/N says playfully, like she can sense that phone conversations maybe not make him feel at ease. There’s something so natural and silvery about her voice; it reminds Spencer of an audiobook reader. While he’s not too keen on audiobooks, he’s sure that he’d listen to anything she reads or has to say.

“Um, I think it sounds interesting to pick out books for each other. I tend to gravitate towards more technical books or even books that aren’t in English so, uh, I think it would be interesting to get out of my comfort zone,” Spencer says, cringing internally at using the word “interesting” twice in a couple of sentences.

“Well, as long as you don’t pick out something in physics or anything by Ayn Rand then I’d say we’re good,” Y/N says. Spencer thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not too sure how to respond.

“Will you still be my Book Buddy if I read 1 out of 2 of those?” Spencer asks, hoping she’d get that he is trying to continue the joke.

“Oh no Spencer please don’t tell me you’re an Ayn Rand fanboy,” she says, and by the airy way she laughs, Spencer ventures to guess his joke landed successfully.

“So,” Spencer starts, he never has made plans with people outside of his team, and on top of that, there’s something about Y/N’s quickness that makes him a little nervous to meet her.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? Please Spencer, if you’re going to be my Book Buddy, you’re going to have to get used to me talking a lot, especially you pick out good books, which, I already have a feeling you’re going to be favorite Book Buddy,”

For once in his life, Spencer doesn’t really know how to respond. He lets out something in between a strangled laughter and a noncommittal chuckle.

“So,” Y/N says, mirroring Spencer’s earlier words, “so are you free tonight, I can meet you at the bookstore..”

Y/N’s voice trails off and Spencer leaps to finish her sentences. It doesn’t feel like his interjecting or interrupting, but like he’s snapping a puzzle piece together.

“Does 7 work?” “7 is great, Spencer. It’s a date,”

Those three little words send Spencer’s eyes flying wide open. He scrambles to come up with answer to louden the silence that falls, but he swears he can hear a string of quiet curses before Y/N manages to squeak out a small “goodbye,”

Y/N’s last words play back in Spencer’s ears. He scolds himself for being so weird and awkward that the very idea of going on a date with him would send Y/N in a tizzy. It’s not a date, because Spencer can’t think about it being a date. It’s not a date because of the looming photo above his mantle that freezes his future in the past. It’s not a date because of the nightmare of vertical bars that haunt his dreams

It’s not a date. It’s so not a date because Spencer would call Luke to come over to help him if it was.

“Hey Luke,” Spencer says, trying to control the nervous waves in his voice, “no man, I’m fine, it’s uh, easier if you just come over. I’m fine, really,”

Y/N: I really hope you're not an Ayn Rand fanboy 😉

It’s so not a date.

--THANK YOU FOR READING--

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horansqueen · 5 years

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BabyGirl 5.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.8k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ i am not totally happy with this chapter, but i hope you guys like it. Thank you so so much to those of you who still read this story. It means so so much that you gave this a chance and stuck to it as readers. thank you times a million! btw im sorry this is a bit late!! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.

♥ PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3 // PART 4

5.0 ♥ GUILT TRIP & FIREWORKS ♥

HIM

"Mommyyyyyy!"

The yell coming from the living room made my lips curl and I took my hand away slowly, looking up in her eyes. She chuckled and we left everything behind to walk to Chelsea who was searching through the dvds. I glanced back, not liking the fact that we didn't clean anything, but I tried to put my attention back on my daughter as she pulled on a movie, making a few others fall on the sides. She quickly turned to us, her messy hair flying around her face, and held out the dvd to her mom who took a step closer to grab it.

"It's movie time mommy!"

I noticed her face immediately change and I frowned as she looked back up and tilted her head, clearly torn and unsure of what to say.

"We normally watch a movie on Christmas morning." she just explained without sending me a glance. "You're welcome to watch it with us, if you want."

I slipped my hands in my pockets and nodded slowly, a bit unsure of what exactly was happening. All I knew was that this whole morning had changed me. I couldn't believe what being there with them made me feel, and at the same time, I couldn't really explain it. I wanted to stay, and I was happy when she proposed me to. I walked to the couch and took a seat right before Chelsea jumped next to me, making the whole couch shake. She leaned her head against the back of it, a large smile on her lips, as she looked at her mom put the dvd in.

I looked down at her and chuckled at her excitement before I noticed her shirt again. It was an old Ramones white shirt and it made my lips curl into a fond smile, this time. I didn't even look for it, I knew exactly where it was, and i didn't mind. It was not the only thing I forgot at her place and I didn't know if she kept the rest of my stuff but knowing this particular shirt survived through the years was endearing.

I remembered it was my go-to shirt during our lazy sundays, and even if i was always the one who'd put it on in the morning, she was always the one who ended wearing it during the afternoon. The first few times were coincidences, but after a while, I did it on purpose. I loved the way she looked in my clothes, but this shirt in particular meant lazy weekend sex and although it felt a bit weird to see it on a kid, it was also an incredible memory I cherished. And it suddenly hit me. That time we actually 'made' Chelsea was probably one of these mornings and seeing her wearing it now had an even deeper meaning.

"Have you ever listened to the Ramones?" I asked my daughter, grabbing the shirt between two fingers, near her shoulder, pinching it up slightly before letting it fall back.

She looked down at her shirt and then back up in my eyes, shaking her head slightly as she stared at me. For some reason, it made my heart twist and I sent her a smile.

"I didn't know what it meant." she admitted, tilting her head.

I chuckled low and licked my lips, bending down slightly.

"It's a good band." I explained.

She stared at me a bit longer and frowned.

"Are they on spotify?" she asked, making smile more. "Mommy and I, we have a playlist with our favorite songs."

"They are." I answered with a laugh.

The movie started and we both turned to the television. Chelsea let out a loud "Yes!" and I glanced at the dvd box on the coffee table. I felt my heart skip a beat when I read the title and licked my lips as a bunch of questions appeared in my mind. "Smallfoot" was clearly visible, even upside down, and when I finally looked up, my eyes met my ex girlfriend's. She sent me a shy smile before getting up and sitting on the other side of me. I didn't know why she didn't sit next to our daughter but I was too surprised by my daughter's movie choice to ask about it.

"It's Chelsea's favorite movie." she explained in a low tone. "Louis brought her to see it at the movies and when she came back, she begged for me to buy it."

I turned to her and noticed her lips curl immediately into a fond smile. I did the same and just nodded as I heard the movie play near us. Chelsea laughed and then talked with the characters, quoting them before laughing again.

"Did you tell her..."

"No." she cut me in a whisper. "I didn't tell her that her father wrote and sang a song in it. I just... I didn't know how."

I nodded slowly, not really surprised, but kept staring at her. She was close, almost too close, and I was suddenly aware of her arm and thigh pressed against mine. I cleared my throat and swallowed, trying to think about something else.

"For someone who doesn't like getting into other people’s business, it seems like Louis gets in ours a lot." I pointed out, making her laugh.

"Tell me about it." she agreed, raising her nose up in a grimace.

"Hush you two!"

We both jumped and turned to Chelsea who sent us an annoyed look, frowning at us. We waited until she turned back to the tv and looked back at each other, holding a laugh. I couldn't believe I was laughing with my ex girlfriend after so long and I enjoyed it more than I wanted to admit to myself.

"I'm gonna go wash the dishes, you can stay here with Chelsea." She murmured, getting up.

It only took me half a second to get up too and follow her to the kitchen. I glanced at Chelsea who was singing one of the songs in the movie and looked at the screen, smiling slightly. It was making me happy that my daughter enjoyed that movie, even if she didn't know her father had something to do with it.

I grabbed a towel and started drying the dished she finished washing. We remained silent, glancing at each other from time to time and trying to ignore it whenever our fingers would touch. It still felt electric, and I started thinking that if it was not from that big fat lie she managed to keep for five years, we could have a chance. This time, I wouldn't be so stubborn. This time, I would really give her all of me. The problem was that every time I thought about telling her how I felt, I remembered the fact that she robbed me from over four years with my own daughter, and that was something hard to forgive.

"So, that's what it would be like."

I turned to her, getting out of my own thoughts, and frowned. She sent me a sorry smile and tilted her head slightly as I put the towel on the counter, moving my body to face her without really realizing it. She did the same and leaned her hip against the counter, licking her lips. Her eyes met mine again and she sighed in a sad way, making my heart twist.

"That's what it would be like to be a family." she explained in a lower tone, as if she was ashamed. "You, me, and Chelsea."

I felt myself tear up at her words but swallowed my pain quickly, my eyes roaming quickly on her face. I hadn't thought about it but it was true, that's what our life would be like if we had gone through all of this together, as a family.

"Well right now we'd probably be with my family in Ireland, and we'd have a break at being parents because my mom would definitely take care of Chelsea and entertain her for as long as we'd be in her house." I added, smiling fondly at the thought. "And I'd lock the door of my old room and make love to you lazily on Christmas morning."

I watched her as her face changed and she held her breath, probably imagining it the same way I was. It was more of a memory from a few years back but somehow, I had the feeling it would be even better than it used to be. After a few seconds, she blinked a few times and took a step back as if she was trying to push away the thoughts, and me at the same time.

"Well, I guess we'll never know." she just said, turning her back to me and putting the clean dishes in the cabinets.

I watched her for about a minute but when she walked past me, I stopped her, putting myself in front of her and holding her arms gently. She didn't dare to look at me as I let my hands slide down until her hands before finally letting her go.

"I loved you, you know."

It was extremely hurtful to admit it out loud. I had spent years trying to convince myself I didn't have those type of feelings for her, and that losing her hadn't been the hardest shit I had to go through, but here I was now, admitting to her that what we had was more than a fling or some light infatuation. It was real, and she needed to know.

I was just not sure I was telling her for the good reason. Did I want her to know she broke me and that I would have done anything for her? Or did I just want to bring her into a guilt trip she may have deserved?

"I know I ruined it, Niall." she finally apologized in a whisper. "I know it's my fault. But I promise my intentions were good, at first. I didn't want you to give your dream up, and-and I thought you would resent Chelsea and I for holding you back. I-I thought you deserved to do what you like, and to become famous. I knew you were talented, I knew you were meant to succeed. I just... I didn't want us to be what would end it all."

No matter what my intentions were, I had managed to make her feel guilty, and for a reason I ignored, it made something stir in my stomach. Her words were genuine, and although the result was horrible, I knew she didn't mean wrong.

"It still hurt, you know." I pointed out, looking away. "When you wouldn't answer my phone calls and text messages I thought.. I thought it was the only way you found to let me know you didn't care about me, that you never really loved me."

I was bitter, I knew it, but I couldn't help thinking I had every right to be.

"I loved you." she quickly confessed, shutting her eyes tight. "I was... I was in love with you. And leaving you was torture. It was probably the most hurtful thing I had to do in my whole life."

There were so many things she didn't know, and I couldn't tell her. The words were stuck in my throat and I ended up trying to swallow them.

"I'm sorry we misunderstood each other so much that it ended up this way."

We remained silent for a few minutes and I finally sighed, closing my eyes for a while and finally opening them again.

"There's some sort of funfair, for Christmas." I explained, nibbling on my bottom lip. "There are games and shows and it ends with fireworks."

It seemed to take her an incredible amount of courage but she turned her head my way and her lips curled a bit.

"Yea, it's okay, you can bring Chelsea."

My heart was heavy when we looked at each other and I licked my lips, nodding.

"Thanks, but I thought we could all go. The three of us."

HER

I was sorry too, so fucking sorry that it all ended up like this. So fucking sorry that I cheated him of so many memories and time with his daughter. So fucking sorry that I made him think I didn't love or care about him. So fucking sorry that what I thought was the right choice turned out to be a fucking big mistake.

When he proposed we'd go all together, I felt guilty and almost refused, but the way he looked at me brought into me a sensation I hadn't felt in a really long time, one I didn't think i'd ever feel again.

I wanted to be close to him, I wanted to know if he could forgive me one day, and I was ready to do anything to get it.

For once, Chelsea and I were ready on time and when the doorbell ranf on the next afternoon, we both rushed to the door. I was glad my daughter hadn't asked any question about Niall, because I wouldn't have known what to answer. I didn't want to lie to her but at the same time, I wasn't ready to tell her who he really was, and I think he wasn't ready either. Besides, i felt like he deserved to be there when she would find out

The door swung open and Niall's eyes met mine before a surprised expression appeared on his face. He looked good, his hands in his pockets and a long scarf around his neck. He was wearing a beanie and I couldn't stop my heart from skipping a beat. He was dressed casually and It made me feel better for dressing up the same.

"Wow, you guys are ready?" he asked, an amused smile appearing on his lips. "If my memory serves me good, it's not in your DNA to be on time."

I raised my nose in a grimace but sent him a smile, knowing he was right and that I clearly couldn't defend myself. Chelsea rushed to Niall and wrapped her arms around his leg. The look on his face was priceless as he looked down at her, holding his breath in. I was endeared by his reaction and I took a step back to give them more space, even if it was useless.

It was not surprising from Chelsea to hug people, but I could see Niall hadn't expected it at all. When she pulled away, he quickly crouched to her level and sent her a genuine smile that she returned.

"So, Chelsea, are you ready?"

She nodded quickly, her eyes getting bigger with excitement.

"And, is your mommy ready too?"

With a glance at me, she quickly looked back at Niall and nodded again, jumping slightly, barely containing her enthusiasm.

The car ride was quite short and we ended up walking in the streets alongside other people trying to enjoy the fair. The first thing Chelsea asked for were fries but after eating a few, she handed the rest to me and begged for a ride on a carousel.

Niall and I leaned against the fence, both of our phones out, taking pictures every time she would pass in front of us. We hadn't really talked much, and with the discussion we had the day before, I was scared it would become awkward between us.

"Chelsea really likes you." I finally just said, waving back at our daughter again.

"She's incredible." he simply answered, not looking at me. "I know It may sound crazy, but I started loving her as soon as I found out she was my daughter."

I felt my lips curl, understanding the feeling a bit too much. Niall was going to be an amazing father, and I swallowed the guilt invading me once again.

"D'you think it's crazy?" he asked, turning to me, his arms crossed on the top of the metal fence.

His eyes seemed to shine and I shook my head slightly, sending him a smile. I moved a bit closer to him and tilted my head, my hair falling on both our arms.

"No, not at all." I admitted in a whisper.

I felt his fingertips brush gently on top of my hand and hold my breath, staring back at him. These moments seemed to happen so often between us that it was starting to drive me insane. Were we cursed to feel that way around each other forever without being able to get anything more? Was I going to lose him a second time? Once again, by my fault?

"I'm amazed that we actually created... her..."

He sighed and looked down, lost in his thoughts, but all I could focus on was the shivers that ran all over my back as his fingers still grazed on my skin. I wanted to answer, but I just didn't know what to say. He looked back up in my eyes and i licked my lips.

"It's a part of you, and a part of me, and now we will always be linked, you know?" he added, this time taking my hand in his and turning his body gently in my direction.

I nodded again, trying in vain to calm the beatings of my heart. He was close again, so fucking close I could feel his warm breath on my face, and I desperately wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to find out if he tasted the same way he used to, if our lips fit together as well as they used to.

He smiled at me and sighed, finally taking a step back, and watching him back away broke my heart. I tried not to show it but it hurt more than a slap in the face. I don't know what I was expecting anyway. Niall and I have been over for years, and although we had both admitted that what we had back then was real, it didn't mean the love we both felt for each other was still alive. The fact that I lied to him probably didn't help things, and I couldn't blame him for wanting to focus on Chelsea. But I was scared. I was scared to fall in love with him again, and realize that he didn't have these feelings for me anymore. I was scared to see him with an other girl, to suffer from having him so close without being able to really be with him. I was scared I could never find someone else like him, someone I would love as hard and as deeply as I loved him.

"Mommy! It was so cool!"

We both turned to watch our daughter step down from the carousel and run to us. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and shook it hard, making me laugh.

"I want to go again! Please!"

I laughed again but Niall quickly bent down to look in her eyes and answered before me.

"There are many more rides to try, do you want to try this one?"

He pointed behind her and we both looked at the ride with hot-air balloons of different colors that seemed to fly. Chelsea's eyes got bigger and she turned back to Niall, nodding quickly and making him laugh. She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her as I followed them, eating a cold fry.

When Chelsea was sitting in the ride, Niall stood next to me, one of his hands in his pocket as he dug his free one in the punnet i was still holding, grimacing when he noticed how cold the fries were.

"She's so happy to be here." I pointed out after throwing the rest of the foor in the nearest trash can.

"I'm happy too." he pointed out. "I'm happy we're all here together."

I sent him a fond smile. He didn't have to add me, but he did, and it meant more to me than I could explain. I tried to push away the fears threatening to invade my mind again. I had to take it day by day, or else I was going to drive myself crazy.

After winning a pink unicorn for Chelsea in a game, Niall brought us near the river. I held Chelsea's hand tight in mine, a bit scared to lose her in the mob of people surrounding us. I noticed she had gripped Niall's hand too and it made me smile. I felt like things would be easier now that i knew she liked him.

Niall crouched down again and immediately, Chelsea gave him all her attention.

"The fireworks are about to start." he pointed out. "Do you want to get on my shoulders?"

I saw her lips curl and she nodded slowly, waiting for his next move. He placed his hands under her arms and pulled her up easily, moving her so she straddles his neck. She held herself on his head and it made me laugh. His hand grabbed her legs and her head moved back to look at the sky. I felt like a simple witness of a new relationship growing right in front of me and i loved it, every seconds of it. I took my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of them together just as the fireworks started. My lips parted when I looked at the picture, barely believing I got to take a picture like that, especially with a phone. I sent it to Niall quickly and started a video to keep a memory of this moment.

I had no idea how i managed to stay so far away from Niall for so long, but having him around in the past two days had made me feel happy in a way I thought I never would again, and seeing him so kind, patient and sweet with Chelsea was an incredible bonus I hadn't expected. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't hide my pregnancy to him. It brought more bad than good. Unfortunately, it was impossible to start over, and I would never find out what would have happened between Niall and I. We could still save the relationship between Niall and Chelsea, and I intended to do anything I could do to make this work. Chelsea deserved a father like Niall, and Niall deserved to be in his daughter's life. I just hoped that somehow, somewhere, there was also a place for me.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fic #niall horan writing #niall #niall fluff #niall fanfic #niall fan fic #niall fic #niall story #niall writing #my fanfics

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tornadorojo5 · 6 years

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Top 10 Dumbest Promotional Mistakes that Made Companies Lose Millions Marketing going Wild

If you are a small business owner and get angry because of that small Facebook Ad you paid for $5 didn't work all that well, well, imagine that you are one Chief Marketing Officer, working for a "Blue Chip" company and realize that instead of making the company money, his marketing mistake actually cost his company millions.

So here it is, the Top 10 Dumbest Promotional Mistakes that Cost Companies Millions!!!

Number 10: Apple-U2 Giveaway

You would have probably heard of this one, the story that made U2 part of the meme world for years to come, but just in case you don't know, let's go ahead and explain it a bit.

Back in the year 2014, some genius at Apple, Inc came up with the idea that people would love to have their new product prepackaged with an album that no one really cares about. At this point, you might think, "well, just a simple give away, what is wrong with that.?" well, aside from the annoyance it caused for people logging into iTunes for their very first time, there is also a mythological thing called "Royalties." So Apple, Inc paid an undisclosed fee in royalties to U2 and also took a whopping of 100 million in marketing campaigns for the band to promote their new album. As shocking as this might seem, Apple even stepped in to defend the promotion and the band which clearly led to a bunch of undesirable responses within various online communities.

Number 9: Walkers Weather Prediction

Answer quick, when I say "British Weather" what comes to your mind.? it was RAIN, right,? well you are probably smarter than the guys running marketing for Walkers Crisp and this is how the story goes. Some genius decided that people would have fun predicting the weather if they could win a prize for it, so Walkers Crisp decided to pay their faithful customers 10 pounds if they correctly guessed where the rain will fall on a grid map of the UK, of course, they weren't that stupid as they charged everyone the cost of a bag of chips (40 pence) to have a go, but as you've probably guessed, offering a total of $25 return to anyone that can guess the climate of a country with such a predictable weather pattern is not a great deal. Rain kept pouring during the time of the promotion and Walkers bravely followed through with their promises at a great cost. After the contest was over, Walker Crisp had to pay nearly 700,000 pounds to cover the entire contest but to be honest, you can conclude that it ended up working well as a marketing promotion since it made people remember the name "Walkers Crisp" for years to come.

Number 8: Ballon Fest in 1986 in Cleveland

For some people, the word "balloon" would cause them to have a flashback to the time United Way decided to release 1.5 million balloons over Cleveland and screwed up miserably. The whole stunt had a neat little idea behind it, since they basically wanted to do a little fundraising and grab the town's attention for a while, so they built a giant box the size of one city block and had 2500 students do the balloon filling while they waited for the crowds to gather. Once the launch started, it was one of the most beautiful things you could see, that is, for about 2 minutes, you see, nobody actually accounted for the fact that wind exists and therein lies their downfall...literally. The 1.5 million balloons started falling into the ground causing massive damage, the clogged the streets, waterways and pretty much every nook and cranny in town. If this wasn't bad enough, the balloons were blamed for the death of 2 fishermen who were found drowned 2 days later after the balloons interrupted coast guards in their attempt to rescue them, in fact, one of the fishermen wive's sued the company for 3 million dollars but settle for an undisclosed figure.

In the aftermath, United Way ended up paying millions to the city and the cleanup crews, not to mention settling several lawsuits from not a few citizens who were damaged by the balloons.

To think that the Persians in the "300" movie used arrows to bot out the sun, what a waste, they should have just gotten United Ways to plan their attack and doomed the Spartans to a certain death.

Number 7: Jagermeister's Pool of Death

If you think the title is a bit too much, as you read on you will realize that is not far from the truth. This goes again to show that the marketers sometimes ignore the basics. So let's go a little into chemistry, some genius in the marketing team department decided that they'll make a gigantic pool party for Jagermeister's drunken fans, which I must admit, it was a great start, but then they wanted to have a lot of fog above the pool for that added effect which again, should be a plus to the sick party, however, what was not nearly nice was the liquid nitrogen they used to create the fog by pouring it into the water. Now, this is where everything goes to hell, the liquid nitrogen basically made an unbreathable fog above the whole area when it came into contact with the water and the marketing team must have been shocked big time upon realizing that humans need air to survive. This whole event was a mess and actually left one party-goer in a coma while hospitalizing 8 others. Jagermeister never actually disclosed. Now I realize that you need to see this by yourself so, here it is.

youtube

Jagermeister never actually disclosed how much they had to cough up for this mistake, but considering that they put someone in a coma, we can assume that it was a lot. Just goes to show, if you want to play smoke on the water, don't go happy on the chemicals.

Number 6: The Energizer Bunny

How can a cute little bunny screw up a company that much.? well, to answer that, go ahead and tell me the brand of the batteries in your remote. I bet you don't have a clue, and that was what the marketing team of energizer realized after it was a bit too late. While the bunny is actually a cute little mascot and it's probably known amongst the young whippersnappers of my readers, you can't really pull off that kind of marketing for something like a battery. The campaign was successful for sure, but the problem was that the actually managed to advertise their competitor in the battery field.

Duracell released a report after the Energizer Bunny first aired showing that their profits had actually doubled at that time because people thought that the bunny was advertizing Duracell, in fact, it worked so well that Duracell uses a bunny as their mascot now.

Now, as you may see, while the company didn't lose money, directly, the drastic drop in sales and all that money wasted on promoting your competitor is enough of a burn to make sure that they are more careful next time.

Number 5: The Tesco Math Problem

Tesco is praised for being a fairly cheap place to go shopping in the UK, but after this marketing failure, you might think that it's just because they really suck at math. Back in the year 2011, Tesco decided to do a special little promotion to outdo its competitor ASDA. Basically, it was the whole: "we will refund you twice the difference if our competitors item is cheaper." Tesco sadly forgot that most people go to school and know basic operations and count, and even if they didn't, they managed to learn on the way, so all its customers got savvy by only buying items that were on sale at ASDA, so they could go to Tesco, buy the same items on sale at ASDA and then after checking out they'd request double the difference by refering to ASDA website. For example, 1 shopper spends 200 pounds on Tesco in a shop that would have cost 120 pounds on ASDA (on sale products), so he or she is entitled to claim a 160 Pound voucher, therefore, Tesco is actually receiving 40 dollars for all that shopping.

You can see that doing this multiple times would save you a whole lot of money at the expense of Tesco. While this was a monetary and marketing catastrophe for Tesco, you have to give them props, they actually made a promotion that ended up being great for its customers...(dumb asses).

Number 4: Oprah and KFC

As we all know, Oprah is the omnipotent master of our destinies, so when she offers people a free KFC 2 piece meal, we all jump to get it, so why was it such a catastrophe.? Well, you can imagine that KFC was not all that pleased when people managed to print out over 10 million free food coupons from Oprah's website. During the time of the promotion, KFC gave away over 40 million dollars worth of free food and probably paid Oprah and an obscene amount of money to get her to do the promotion for them. No need to say that KFC will not be contacting her anytime soon.

Number 3: Silo...Bananas for Stereo

Now, this one didn't cost a lot of money but it was really stupid on the marketing side. So the same old formula comes to play,

savvy customers + dumb exchange = price

Silo, a chain of electronic stores decided that a dumb exchange item would be bananas and the prize would be a stereo. Imagine their surprise when after the whole thing settled, they ended up with 11,000 bananas in their warehouse and a lot of stereos given away for around 40 dollars. So the only way to go is being nice and giving away all the bananas to the local zoo. Still, it kind of makes you think how wasted you have to be to come up with an idea like that in the first place.

Number 2: Mc Donalds Olympics

Well, pairing McDonald's with something that requires you to be fit, is a bit weird, but it gets weirder fairly quickly.

During the Olympics of 1984, McDonald's had a catchy slogan "If the U.S wins, you win." They included a ticket you could scratch on every meal and you would win a Big Mac for a gold medal, french fries for silver and a coke for a bronze medal in the event that was on the ticket. The problem was that the Soviets boycotted the Olympics and the USA ended up with 83 gold medals, 61 silvers and 30 bronze.

Basically, Mc Donald's lost a huge pile of money because the Russians were too lazy to compete. It seems that Russia can screw American businesses, even without the hackers.

Number 1: Lucky Number 349 by Pepsi

Riddle me this, what happens when you over estimate the powers of numbers.? If your answer was extreme riots and lawsuits, you probably work for Pepsi. Back in 1992, Pepsi had its "Number Fever" promotion and promised to give away 1,000,000 pesos, the equivalent to 40,000 US dollars to one lucky person with the right number on its bottle cap, the problem was that they had accidentally printed the winning number, 349, on 800,000 caps, due to an oversight in the manufacturing process. Consequently, they accidentally promise to give away a total of 55 billion of today's dollars. So people calmly understood the mistake and caused no trouble...Hell no!! people got furious, thousands of Filipinos began writing on the streets, demanding that Pepsi paid their rightful prize, which now totaled in millions. People even filed 689 civil suits and more than 5200 criminal cases for fraud and deception. However, Pepsi wasn't entirely at fault. It is believed that this marketing failed was caused by DG consultors, a Mexican consulting firm that Pepsi had hired to randomly pre-selecting the winning numbers which were clearly instructed not to make the number 349 a winner but, they clearly didn't read the memo.

Obviously with such a costly mistake, Pepsi couldn't affort to pay everyone, instead settled on giving just under 2000 US dollars, so Pepsi ended u paying nearly 10 million dollars for the whole campaign, rather than the original budget of 2 millon dollars.

Till next time friends,

https://ift.tt/2s6rJDU

#What If-Nowadays Interesting Facts #https://whatifinteresting.blogspot.com/2018/05/top-10-dumbest-pr

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fesahaawit · 6 years

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My Resume of Failures

Remember when that “CV of Failures” went viral last year? Where a Princeton professor (Johannes Haushofer) decided to share all his scholastic fails to better “balance the record and provide some perspective” around his successes?

I’ve always thought that was incredibly raw and beautiful. Not only for such great personal reflection, but then to throw it out there for the world to ingest too! Cojones!

Here’s a clip from it:

“Most of what I try fails, but these failures are often invisible, while the successes are visible. I have noticed that this sometimes gives others the impression that most things work out for me. As a result, they are more likely to attribute their own failures to themselves, rather than the fact that the world is stochastic, applications are crapshoots, and selection committees and referees have bad days. This CV of Failures is an attempt to balance the record and provide some perspective”

(You can download it here (PDF))

So so true… Most of what’s “known” out there are all things that people have chosen to place into the world consciously, while conveniently ignoring the not-so-great things. A very popular technique, and one that’s rampant on social media like Facebook and Instagram, and even here in our financial blogging community!

But shocker: we all fail. And typically the more successful you are, the harder you’ve fallen.

Check out this list of Elon Musk’s biggest fails! And it’s only a 10-year snapshot!

1995: Unsuccessfully applied for a job at Netscape*

1996: Ousted as CEO of his own company, Zip2.

1999: First Paypal product (which he co-founded) was voted one of the top 10 worst business ideas

1999: Crashed his brand new $1 million McLaren F1

2000: Ousted from Paypal while on his honeymoon

2000: Almost died from “cerebral malaria”

2006: Launched 1st rocket and it exploded

2007: Launched 2nd rocket and it exploded

2008: Launched 3rd rocket and it also had a critical failure

2008: Both Tesla and SpaceX on brink of bankruptcy

You can’t NOT fail. Especially if you’re going for greatness.

So today I thought we’d do some of our own “balancing of the perceptions”, and share our own epic fails so that others are reminded they’re not alone. Especially since we’ve done a crap ton of tooting our own horns here on this blog lately, haha….

I’ll go first, and then it’s your turn :) Though feel free to keep them to yourselves if you’d rather… Unless you’re a blogger, in which case you must accept my challenge and publicly share them too!

******************************************************

J. Money’s Resume of Failures

******************************************************

(I’m swapping in “Resume” for “CV” as I still don’t know the difference for the life of me, haha… And I will also narrow them down to *financial* fails since that’s the focus of our blog here, but feel free to adapt it however you’d like for your own purposes and reflection.)

************************************* DIRECT HITS *************************************

2017: Commissioned a series of articles for $2,800 and then scrapped them

2016: Overpaid for my Lexus SUV because I rushed it

2013-2016: Lost over $90,000 in cash due to cash flow issues (!!!)

2013: Invested $6,000 into a friend’s company and lost it all

2012: Invested $10,000 in another friend’s company and lost $6,000 of it

2010-2013: Launched a number of websites that never panned out despite how clever I named them ;) (TakeOurStuff.com, BlogSexier.com, GiveawaysAreSexy.com)

1997-2010: Spent wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much on alcohol, eating out, $40 bottles of water, cell phones, pagers (remember those?), credit card bills, and a string of mindless shopping out of pure boredom because apparently I’d never heard of the term “side hustle” before…

*************************************** WORKS IN PROGRESS ***************************************

Being stingy with my money

Donating more money to charities

Treating my businesses too much as hobbies than businesses (sometimes by design, others not)

And the hardest of all to break – feeling like an imposter. Otherwise known as “Imposter Syndrome” (when you feel like a phony and/or not smart or capable enough, despite accomplishing a lot)

*************************************

Whew – that felt good! And I’m sure I’ve forgotten over half of them too!

But as you can see, no one can escape failure as much as they try. Because to try is to fail! That is life! And an important thing to keep in mind as we trot alongside our neighbors in the new year…

(Fun Fact: did you know that even the Joneses can’t keep up with the Joneses?)

So if you’re feeling up for it, I encourage you to come up with your own Resume of Failures today, or later in the week, and then pass it along to whomever you think it could help.

I’ll leave you with one last clip that was the inspiration for our Princeton friend here in starting his viral CV… It comes from scientist Melanie Stefan, though again, easily adaptable in your own lives.

Log every unsuccessful application, refused grant proposal and rejected paper. Don’t dwell on it for hours, just keep a running, up-to-date tally… It will probably be utterly depressing at first sight. But it will remind you of the missing truths, some of the essential parts of what it means to be a scientist — and it might inspire a colleague to shake off a rejection and start again.

———– *Apparently after being ignored he walked into the Netscape offices with his resume in hand, but was too shy and embarrassed to talk to anyone and walked back out!

UPDATE: You can read about some of my fails in more detail here in this older article I published: 8 Fails over 8 Years of Blogging… Totally forgot to include earlier, sorry!

[Pic up top not me (obvi), but I feel like we’d be good friends :)]

My Resume of Failures posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

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sciwriteblog-blog · 6 years

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CHRISTMAS 2016 LETTER

I just read over last year’s Christmas missive, the letter at least one of you didn’t receive in the mail until March. When I first got word that some of you hadn’t gotten your letter, I walked to the Berkeley Post Office, one of the few U.S. Postal Service offices with a permanent street-person encampment reminiscent of the Occupy Wall Street camp ins of 2011. The so encamped were protesting the planned closure of the Central Berkeley Post Office even though most of the protesters have no permanent address so don’t the don’t get mail and can’t afford a post office box either.

Once I got past the encampment and into the lobby, I talked to a certified U.S. Postal Service clerk, who said he and his fellow staff have one billion mail pieces to deliver before Christmas and can’t be expected to get all of them right. I considered switching my voter registration to Republican, but held off.

Think of it, there are 324 million souls in the U.S. That’s only three pieces of mail for every man, woman, and child in the country. Surely, the Postal Service can do better than that; with 617,254 employees in 2015 according to Wikipedia, that’s 1,620 pieces of mail per employee. Seems like a lot, but machines do some of the work, is the post office forbidden from using labor-saving devices?

So this letter is something of a crap shoot. Might get there might not.

In 2015, after wasting most of a year writing a proposal for which the data in hand would not support the envisioned analyses, I decided to try my hand at writing. I had already written about drought in the West, and 40,000 words of a memoir mostly about my epic medical problems. Publishers limit a first memoir to 80,000-90,000 words, and I was going to exceed that. But I didn’t really like what I had written and didn’t like writing it. Maybe some day, but not now, and done much differently. I was looking over the courses UC Berkeley Extension offered in Spring last year and ran across Science Writing, mostly by accident. I signed up. Like most UC extension courses, it was a lot of work, but worth it. Jennifer Huber, a physics Ph.D, taught the course. She had worked at UCSF in imaging; probably living in the soft money world of grant-to-grant funding where I worked for 18 years. She has been writing for 10 or more years now and has it all up on a web site. She was a tough grader and superb editor. I had to shed my technical writing style for something more compelling to the educated lay reader.

She liked my final project, “Climate Change, Climate Cycles and the Syrian Civil War,” and suggesting “pitching” it to a publisher. That was in the first week of June. I thought I needed to establish that climate is in fact related to civil war before writing about a single example of climate actually causing civil strife. That was a big mistake. Six months later, I’m still polishing the article, having stumbled into an academic controversy that got into the press. Does climate cause civil war? Not climate change, though the topic has obvious relevance for that inevitability, but just normal variation, which can at times be extreme; think of the 1930s Dust Bowl. A group of UC, Berkeley economists says, “yes;” a group of European political scientists says, “no.” I’m still undecided despite plowing through many journal articles.

I’ve spent more time on this than on any writing task since my dissertation, often going far astray into topics like Bayesian statistics. Lesson: Keep it simple. It’s already complicated enough and the average intelligent reader isn’t interested in esoterica. Most science articles for the non-specialist are about one journal article; I’ve read scores plus additional textbook material for this article, enough to write a book, though I never intended to do that. I have one set of notes that’s 76 single-spaced pages long, mostly copy and paste material from various articles, but also my “ideas.” I never looked at it again after building the thing up. There are other sets of notes not so epically long. Didn’t look at those either. Regardless of the notes, at some point, I’ll try to market what I have. Selling is not my strong suit. Tune in again next year.

A little more substantively, let’s see if I can discuss this earth-shattering election without stepping on toes.

Almost every pollster, forecaster, and pundit got it wrong. Probably no one was more surprised by this than Donald Trump. Maureen Dowd in the Times had it right: Trump never really wanted to be president. At one point Trump seemed more interested in a media enterprise involving himself, Steve Bannon of Breitbart News, and Roger Ailes, late of Fox News until scandalized from his lofty perch there. Hilary was a professional politician: first lady, senator, 2008 presidential candidate, Secretary of State, no media ambitions.

I often thought last summer, this lady can’t give us one good reason why she wants to be president other than to just have the job. In the California primary, I voted for Sanders to register a protest. If Joe Biden didn’t have a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease, and wasn’t 76 years old, I think he would have won because he had blue collar appeal. How good at handling the presidency, I don’t know.

Maureen Dowd, a Times columnist, had the following to say about Hilary and her flaws as a candidate:

“Hillary’s campaign message boiled down to “’It’s my turn, dammit.’”

“Hillary should have spent less time collecting money on Wall Street and more time collecting votes in Wisconsin.”

“As she cuddled up to Wall Street, Hillary forgot about the forgotten man — and woman.”

FDR coined the phrase the “forgotten man” in the 30s, championed their cause, and made them loyal Democrats. Nixon stole them from the Democrats, largely over race and campus protest, and called them the “Silent Majority.” Under Reagan, the media called them “Reagan Democrats.” In elections going back to Reagan, the forgotten man voted against their own working class interests by supporting Republicans who then enacted policies favoring the upper classes every time despite their base of solid blue-collar support; think “trickle down,” that is, tax cuts for those who need the money least, the rich.

The Democrats either forgot about the forgotten man or ignored him. Bill Clinton told his wife to campaign for working class white voters, but she wasn’t interested in “The Deplorables.” Hilary blames her loss on Putin’s meddling and FBI Director Comey’s pseudo-revelations about her private server two weeks before election day. This is small ball and misses the larger point of the Brexit vote and Trump’s win: Many people have been hurt by globalization, they are just out of sight to the rich and powerful beneficiaries of the global economy. These are mostly big city dwellers on either coast, New York City, San Francisco, Seattle, etc., and includes the Wall Street bankers Dowd notes above and whom Hilary charged a quarter million per speech to hear about the glowing future the global economy has in store for them. The forgotten man was forgotten until November 8th.

But it should be kept in mind amidst all the talk of white backlash, populism, the Alt-Right, etc., that only once since WW II have voters stayed with one party for three terms. That was the first Bush (G. H. W. Bush) who served Reagan’s third term; Bill Clinton turned him out after a single term. People want a change after eight years of one party rule, and if you’ve lost your high-wage manufacturing job under the Democrats, you’re going to vote Republican even if the corporation that off-shored your job to China or Mexico is run by Republicans.

Given that automation took most of those jobs, or as Thomas Friedman put it, “You didn’t lose your job to a Mexican, but to a micro-chip,” Trump can’t deliver on his promise to bring back manufacturing jobs, the Carrier deal notwithstanding. But he might deliver on infrastructure, and this would be a good thing if done right. The country’s roads, bridges, ports and grid are in bad shape.

The nation needs to spend at least $3.6 trillion according to the American Society of Civil Engineers. Rebuilding America would bring back jobs to some, but not all. Tax cuts of any kind will be more fiscal stimulus; no wonder the stock market has reversed its view on Trump and set off the recent upward spike. With the stimulus will come inflation, higher interest rates, and eventually some sort of crash or cool down. But it might get Trump re-elected if he doesn’t blow up the world in a Twitter-feed temper tantrum.

Stay tuned. It promises to be a wild ride.

Happy New Year,

Fred

One thing you must know: There will be a total eclipse of the sun on August 21. Here is a website with many maps for all to consider:

http://www.eclipse2017.org/2017/maps.htm

For those of you in Washington and Oregon, the arc of totality will cross I-5 just south of Salem, Oregon. For those in Idaho, Idaho Falls is near the center of the band of totality, which then clips the southern bulge of Grand Teton National Park. If I lived nearer, I wouldn’t miss it, but my present state doesn’t permit getting much closer than downtown Berkeley.

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kj1966-blog · 6 years

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Usually, when lawyers came up with defence strategy, their statements are supported by rock solid logic which makes them crystal clear.

To formulate the strategy based on logic could be extremely difficult if a number of facts cast a shadow on the reputation of a client. However, if the client is Donald Trump, it is highly unlikely that arguments of the legal team could have anything to do with the logic.

For example, recently Donald Trump appeared to tweet what some characterized as a self-incriminating admission of obstructing justice. John Dowd, one of his lawyers, has claimed that he, not the president, wrote the tweet.

But the style of the tweet made Dowd’s claim not believable. And as a result, a lot of people, including other lawyers, were not convinced.

The embarrassment which suppose to follow the tweet story, does not stop Trump’s legal team to continue making fool of themselves.

The Independent reports that Donald Trump’s legal team has suggested appointing another special counsel to investigate the existing special counsel, Robert Mueller, who is probing the Trump campaign’s possible ties to Russia.

According to the Independent, Mr Trump’s lawyers said that they see conflicts of interest within Mr Mueller’s team. Jay Sekulow, one of Mr Trump’s attorneys, said: “The Department of Justice and FBI cannot ignore the multiple problems that have been created by these obvious conflicts of interests,” he said. “These new revelations require the appointment of a Special Counsel to investigate.”

The nature of the statement made by Trump’s lawyers suggests that they are desperate. From the legal point of view, to mention “conflict of interest” not not onlu unwise, it was stupid. Because it draws attention to another issue related to Trump – conflict of interest.

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Meanwhile, the Business Insider reports that Donald Trump’s transition team was warned at least six times about potential conflicts of interest and compromising conversations between Michael Flynn and Russia’s ambassador. But Flynn was not asked to step down until February 13, nearly a month into his tenure as the country’s senior-most national security official.

According to the ABA Journal, Special counsel Robert Mueller’s legal team reportedly interviewed former acting Attorney General Sally Yates in July, suggesting lawyers want information on what Donald Trump knew about the FBI investigation of Michael Flynn before the president allegedly asked former FBI director James Comey whether he could let Flynn go.

During the interview, Yates reportedly told the lawyers about concerns she shared with the Trump administration about Flynn, then the national security adviser, the Wall Street Journal (sub. req.) reports.

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It seems that not only Donald Trump is concerned that the investigation is getting closer to expose the truth.

Republicans and conservative media have been arguing that the aggressiveness of Mr Mueller’s probe stands in contrast to a lack of oversight for a 2010 deal in which a Russian nuclear agency acquired a controlling stake in a Canadian company, Uranium One, that had mining licenses for American uranium deposits.

Republicans trying to hobble Robert Mueller’s sprawling probe into President Donald Trump and Russia matters are about to get a new weapon: the special counsel’s budget. They’re already setting up a fight over how much the probe is costing taxpayers — and the fact that there’s no end in sight.

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Trump himself took to Twitter just one day before he fired FBI Director James Comey to say: “The Russia-Trump collusion story is a total hoax, when will this taxpayer-funded charade end?”

Rep. Ron DeSantis (R-Fla.) tried in August to offer an amendment to the House budget resolution that would have halted Mueller’s funding just six months into the job. “No fishing expeditions,” he told Fox News as he tried to sell the measure.

Investigation of this kind is a very costly process. However, the case of Donald Trump is unprecedented and it is only natural that it will cost a lot.

The Newsweek reports that in the 1990s, former federal prosecutor Ken Starr took six years and spent more than $70 million looking into former President Bill Clinton and first lady Hillary Clinton’s real estate holdings in Whitewater and other dealings.

But while Republicans are screaming about the cost of investigation, somehow they forgot that Donald Trump spends much for something which doesn’t represent urgency in terms of national security.

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According to Dose.com, Trump’s spending appears to be off the charts. Though the Secret Service keeps its expenditures confidential (unless it gets sued for them), The Washington Post estimated that over the course of four years, the cost to protect Trump and his children (and grandchildren) could balloon to hundreds of millions of dollars.

Bloomberg’s live counter shows how much New York has spent on Donald Trump. This is a screenshot which I took on 12/12/2017 @2100 KL time

Bloomberg highlights that when President Trump is in New York, the price more than doubles to $308,000 a day. This counter will estimate those expenses depending on the president’s whereabouts. Even before he took office, security for Trump’s Manhattan home had cost the city of New York $25.7 million, according to the NYPD.

CheatSheet reports that the required security bill for Trump Tower in Manhattan amounted to roughly $500,000 per day in expenses, all paid for by the American people. The people of New York City were also fronting the bill for an extra 200 police officers.

Trump’s Florida resort, Mar-a-Lago, has the unofficial moniker of “White House South.” Trump likes it and has been spending his weekends there at the beginning of his presidency. But it’s not cheap. With just three visits, he burned through more than $10 million in taxpayer money.

In September, Salon reported that Tom Price, President Donald Trump’s Secretary of Health and Human Services, was forced to resign on Friday after an investigation by Politico revealed that he had spent more than $1 million in taxpayer funds for travel expenses since May.

Salon highlights that while Trump was upset about Price’s expensive travel plans, he has expressed no concern about the great cost that his own trips to his golf resorts have cost taxpayers.

According to TrumpGolfCount, Trump’s expenditures for golf so far cost to taxpayers almost $90 million.

But apparently, it is not only about Trump’s astronomical expenses. James Corden, host of The Late Late Show with James Corden, said that Omarosa is one of the highest paid of the White House staff but it is not clear what does she do.

The hypocrisy of the Republican Party has breached all possible and impossible limits. They continue to openly lie because so far they have not faced consequences. As we know, if there are no consequences, it means that it is allowed.

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HIPOCRISY OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY Usually, when lawyers came up with defence strategy, their statements are supported by rock solid logic which makes them crystal clear.

#45th president of the United States #dealing with complex political issues #dealing with complexity of international politics #dealing with international politics #Donald Trump and his administration will be remembered as the most scandalous president and administration in the U.S. history #Donald Trump as the president of the United States #Donald Trump completely ignores the fact that nine women accused Roy Moore #Donald Trump is not only shameless but he also does not believe that he has done anything wrong by grabbing women by pussy #Donald Trump is under investigation #Donald Trump&039;s policies already started to have a negative impact around the world #Donald Trump&039;s inability to understand basic things #evidence #facts #investigation #lawyers #lies #people #public #Robert Mueller #the legal team of Donald Trump #the United States #the White House #To formulate the strategy based on logic could be extremely difficult if a number of facts cast a shadow on the reputation of a client #truth

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fesahaawit · 6 years

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My Resume of Failures

I’ve always thought that was incredibly raw and beautiful. Not only for such great personal reflection, but then to throw it out there for the world to ingest too! Cajones!

Here’s a clip from it:

(You can download it here (PDF))

But shocker: we all fail. And typically the more successful you are, the harder you’ve fallen.

Check out this list of Elon Musk’s biggest fails! And it’s only a 10-year snapshot!

1995: Unsuccessfully applied for a job at Netscape*

1996: Ousted as CEO of his own company, Zip2.

1999: First Paypal product (which he co-founded) was voted one of the top 10 worst business ideas

1999: Crashed his brand new $1 million McLaren F1

2000: Ousted from Paypal while on his honeymoon

2000: Almost died from “cerebral malaria”

2006: Launched 1st rocket and it exploded

2007: Launched 2nd rocket and it exploded

2008: Launched 3rd rocket and it also had a critical failure

2008: Both Tesla and SpaceX on brink of bankruptcy

You can’t NOT fail. Especially if you’re going for greatness.

******************************************************

J. Money’s Resume of Failures

******************************************************

************************************* DIRECT HITS *************************************

2017: Commissioned a series of articles for $2,800 and then scrapped them

2016: Overpaid for my Lexus SUV because I rushed it

2013-2016: Lost over $90,000 in cash due to cash flow issues (!!!)

2013: Invested $6,000 into a friend’s company and lost it all

2012: Invested $10,000 in another friend’s company and lost $6,000 of it

2010-2013: Launched a number of websites that never panned out despite how clever I named them ;) (TakeOurStuff.com, BlogSexier.com, GiveawaysAreSexy.com)

*************************************** WORKS IN PROGRESS ***************************************

Being stingy with my money

Donating more money to charities

Treating my businesses too much as hobbies than businesses (sometimes by design, others not)

And the hardest of all to break – feeling like an imposter. Otherwise known as “Imposter Syndrome” (when you feel like a phony and/or not smart or capable enough, despite accomplishing a lot)

*************************************

Whew – that felt good! And I’m sure I’ve forgotten over half of them too!

(Fun Fact: did you know that even the Joneses can’t keep up with the Joneses?)

So if you’re feeling up for it, I encourage you to come up with your own Resume of Failures today, or later in the week, and then pass it along to whomever you think it could help.

———– *Apparently after being ignored he walked into the Netscape offices with his resume in hand, but was too shy and embarrassed to talk to anyone and walked back out!

UPDATE: You can read about some of my fails in more detail here in this older article I published: 8 Fails over 8 Years of Blogging… Totally forgot to include earlier, sorry!

[Pic up top not me (obvi), but I feel like we’d be good friends :)]

My Resume of Failures posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

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