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imagine-knowing-a-name · 8 months

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Spies and Secrets

Summary: Natasha has never met her handler, she couldn’t give you their name or identify their face because she doesn’t know it. When she rants about this to you, her wife, you have to laugh... because you are her handler.

Word Count: 2048

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, lying in the relationship (not in a bad way, just in a spy way), but otherwise it’s just fluff!

A/N: I went back and wrote this idea since it seemed semi-popular. Hope you enjoy :)

»»————-　★　————-««

"Will you finally tell me who they are?"

"This again, Romanoff?"

"Just a first name?"

Fury sighs to make his vexation clear, but that's not enough to dissuade Natasha; she remains determined as ever in her mission and smirks boldly in the face of her exasperated boss.

"Just an initial will get me off your back," the spy continues through his silence.

Fury scoffs and Natasha knows she needs a different approach.

"If it's you, you can just say, Sir."

"Me? You must be losing your touch if you think I have the time for that, Romanoff. Should Hill be taking your next mission?"

Natasha stops and stares with faux hurt while Fury continues on, grinning to his own amusement. He wasn't going to let her keep the upper hand for long.

"If you want to know, ask them yourself!" Fury calls over his shoulder, "Mission debrief. C12-2. 10 minutes. They won't tell you though; above your clearance!"

Natasha groans. As much as she hadn't expected a substantial answer from Fury – she'd been asking him the same question for years – she thought she might be getting somewhere, but no matter which trick she tries, Fury doesn't budge.

On top of that, he'd reminded her that it wasn't home time yet, her mission isn't over until she's briefed her mysterious handler. So Natasha sighs and makes her way to the conference room, still wondering why only her handler chose to shroud themself in mystery. All the other agents meet theirs directly, while Natasha sits in a room alone, waiting for a shadowy silhouette to call in.

The first few years went by without a comment – it wasn't her place to ask – but as she rose the ranks and found her role, her handler, too, remained just above her clearance. Even now, as one of the highest ranking agents, her handler was higher still. Curiosity built like a dripping tap; manageable and menial to start, only to provoke greater displeasure the longer it went on.

"Hi Agent!" the disembodied voice crackles through the speakers. That's the other thing driving Natasha towards irritation, her handler's tone. It's nothing like Fury's commanding orations. No, her handler speaks with an eagerness and informality reminiscent of a junior agent meeting their hero, rather than the commanding officer that they are, and have been, since Natasha first joined SHIELD almost a decade ago.

"Officer." Natasha replies. She had never been told her handler's surname, or even a title she could use to address them. Any attempts she made to learn had been properly shut down, forcing her to stick with the appellation of Case Officer.

"Always so formal," her handler laughs. "As far as I'm aware, the mission was successful, so what's got you so grumpy today?" they continue, noticing an uncharacteristic clarity to Natasha's mood that day.

"If you told me your name, I wouldn't have to be so formal, would I?" the spy snaps back. "And I'm not grumpy."

"Natasha, we've worked together for nearly 10 years now. I know when you're grumpy, and I can throw in an educated guess that my identity is the cause?"

"I've spent my life working in secret," Natasha shrugs, then pauses in search of the right words. "I'm well accustomed to dubious legalities and taking orders from the shadows. I'm also well aware that I would be a risk to security from the moment I joined until I gained the trust of this organisation, so I understood your secrecy."

Natasha stops again, noticing the silhouette begin to fidget; whether out of boredom or discomfort, the assassin can tell the time is right to make her final argument.

"We've worked together on hundreds of missions over this past decade, enough for you to know every detail of my life and mind, while I still know nothing about you. Have you thought about how that might hurt, officer? because it does! to believe I still haven't gained your trust after all this time. That hurts."

The room stills to a silence as fragile as Natasha felt. Her handler's reaction would dictate the situation; any information given could redefine the relationship between the two spies, just as another brush off would leave Natasha spiralling further into this curiosity.

A sigh finally echoes through the speakers; its long pause circling the sole inhabitant of the room. "It's above your clearance," the voice admits. Natasha slumps; she should have known better. "But-" The speed at which Natasha perks up draws out a small chuckle from her handler, before they continue with an audible smile, "I'll talk to Fury. See what I can reveal."

Natasha settles in her seat, unable to keep the broad smile from her face. "I do trust you, Romanoff, I hope you know that… I just don't think I'll be who you expect."

As a trained spy, Natasha wouldn't let that last line slide, immediately thinking of its hidden meaning. But before she can ask further questions, her handler clears their throat. "I think it's time we actually start the mission debrief."

»»————-　★　————-««

Natasha can't wait for the meeting to end. She understands the need – giving her side of the story, answering questions, sharing the intelligence she'd gained – but it drags on without incident and without any further comments on her handler's identity, so she'd much rather be at home.

What reason was there for her not to do this from home? Her handler calls in from wherever they are, so realistically, Natasha could also pick up from wherever she is. Ideally at home, after a relaxing shower and a little time with her wife. Natasha supposes that's where the issue may lie: you, her wife, who has been led to believe Natasha is a security guard and nothing more. If you overheard a debrief, not only would SHIELD's confidentiality be compromised, but you might never forgive her lies. Natasha's home office was soundproofed though and, because of that, the assassin would take the risk if it means extra time with you.

Throughout Natasha's homeward journey and all through the mission debrief, you are the only thing to occupy her mind. Her mission finished in late afternoon, so she had planned how she would surprise you and spend the evening together upon her return, but then the debrief cropped up, and by the time her key is in the door, the sun has long since set, leaving her to wonder if you're even still awake.

You are. Just about. Your pyjama clad figure appears in Natasha's sight and you rush down the stairs to meet her by the door.

"You're home!" You beam as you wrap your arms over her shoulders and take her cue for a kiss.

"I am."

"How was your mission?" you tease. You know how seriously she takes each assignment, always doing prep work in her office ahead of the trips; she treated them akin to a secret mission and you never missed your chance to rag her for it.

One of your favourite methods of teasing is to liken her to James Bond, which only gets more realistic when you catch her mouthing along to the movie lines.

"Top secret. Can't tell you," your wife jokes back, her smile threatening to burst off her face.

"No injuries this time?"

"None at all."

"Good girl." She preens. "Have you had dinner?"

"Not yet, I came home as soon as I was done. Couldn't wait to see you."

"Sweet talker," you laugh and kiss her again, then take her by the hand, "I put some leftovers in the fridge, you clean up, then you can eat and share your 'top secret' thoughts."

The evening's plan formed just like that; you reheat the noodle dish while Natasha takes a shower, before the two of you come back together to sit at the dinner table.

"So, how was it really?" you ask her.

"The job itself was alright, no problem." Natasha replies, but by the way she's stabbing the noodles with her fork, you can tell something else is coming. "But my bosses…they just won't tell me all the information. Say it's 'above my clearance'."

"The cheek of them."

"Don't mock me."

"I'm not, I'm not! I promise, love," you say, though you can't hide your barely contained laughter thanks to the prominent pout on your wife's face. You school your face back into an expression of neutrality before you talk again, "that sounds annoying. Do you need this information?"

"No," she sighs, "it's just a matter of trust."

"Well, you must be working with idiots for them not to trust you after all this time."

"Mm, you reckon I should tell that to them?"

"You definitely should."

The smile comes back to Natasha's face as she shakes her head, "you're going to get me fired, sweetheart."

"You're too good for them to do that. Just keep it up, you're going to be leading them one day, I'm sure of it. Then all the secrets are yours."

»»————-　★　————-««

Another week, another mission. And with another mission comes another mission debrief. Natasha asked for her handler's identity three weeks ago and still knows nothing more. With how poorly her recent mission went, she doesn't even feel like asking the question again.

"What went wrong, Romanoff?" that same anonymous figure asks her, and Natasha can only groan: what didn't go wrong?

"We were ambushed to start with; whoever gave us the heads up got their information wrong, or someone sold us out. Either way, the plan went to shit the moment we arrived and the team went to shit by throwing mole accusations around. Splitting up only made it worse; nobody trusted their teammates to do their parts and it resulted in a mad scramble. My orders were ignored, but my team members were injured and I take full responsibility."

"That won't be necessary, Agent," the voice hums, "as leader, the responsibility falls on you, yes, but it is each agent's responsibility to trust in you and follow your plan, and you will not be faulted for working with idiots who don't trust you."

Natasha starts to defend her team, before the familiarity of the phrase has her searching through her mind for a recollection. What she does remember is a long shot, but she'll lose nothing by asking.

"Do you have a wife, Officer?"

"I do," they reply.

"Is she a redhead?"

"She is."

"Works for SHIELD?"

"Why, it's almost like you know her," the handler goades. If one had an illustrated list of all of SHIELD's employees, they would know that the short game of 'guess who' still left a couple dozen potential employees in the running, but the teasing and testing tone is the final clue Natasha needs to make her assumption.

"Y/N/N?"

"Hey love," you reply, with as much adoration as you can muster, glad to finally be rid of the voice modulator while you talked to your wife.

In front of Natasha, the screen flickers before the silhouette that had become so familiar to her is replaced by another familiar sight in another familiar location: the smiling face of her wife…in her office.

Natasha's face falls at once, striking you with panic that this wouldn't be the gleeful revelation that you'd expected; that is, until the assassin speaks again. "Is that my desk?"

"It's your whole office, my love. I'm not taking these calls from our bedroom."

"Is that why it's sound proofed?"

"I gave the approval for that, if you remember, and it's certainly not because you're taking SHIELD calls at home; you haven't even had one while we've lived together!"

"That's because you organise it straight after the mission so I don't have time to go home!"

"Because that's where I am! you'd be suspicious otherwise."

Natasha falls silent for a moment. You know her well enough to leave her to her thoughts, only twiddling your thumbs as you watch her through the screen.

"So can I do debriefs at home now?"

"I don't see why not," you shrug, "remember I still have to take notes though, so I get the desk and no cuddling until after."

"No chance of that."

"Come back now, Romanoff, and we can put it to the test," you challenge.

She accepts. "I'll be there in 30."

"I know."

»»————-　★　————-««

Tagging: @supercorpdanbeau (since you mentioned you’d like to read it on the original post!)

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff x you #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x y/n #black widow x you #marvel #mcu #fanfiction #ikan writes

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aime187 · 3 months

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Hiiii how are you today :3

Oh, hiiiiiii! Moot and friend :3

I'm okay, not feeling bad which is nice.

Just finish playing TF2 on a community server (Skial 2Fort lol), might eat dinner after this (it's 10:15 PM here, which is kinda late to eat dinner ^^').

My mom cook this dish called Ikan Siakap Asam Pedas, which is a soupy fish dish that is kinda oily and spicy. One of my favourite dishes to be honest.

I also finished making a SFM poster of Sniper. I am also trying to work on the WIPs of my OCs.

How are you doing? I hope you're doing well. If not, I hope your day will be better :D

I've seen your art, your OCs. Very nice as always, love them. (I should have said that when reblog them, but I'm still a bit shy to do that a lot ajdgajhdjaj. I'll do that for sure next time, yes.)

(I write too much here, whoops ^^')

#turns out i can be a bit talkative of sort #lol #sorry if this is too much #i can't stop myself sometimes TvT

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snow-and-saltea · 3 months

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Hihi how are you doing today? 💜

hiya! i'm doing great today actually!! today's dinner project was my favourite fish dish, and it turned out great! i hope you had a good day to or if it just started, it goes well! 😎🐢

it's called ikan 3 rasa. translated directly to 3-flavoured fish haha. it's sweet and sour and spicy and i've loved it ever since i was a child!!! and i finally made it at home!! we've made it at home before, but i wasn't the one to "lead" the project, so to speak. i'm very proud of myself heheheh. we ate it for dinner and everyone rated it very highly so i'm patting myself on the back for it!!

OH also, i forgot to follow up to your ask BUT just as you answered it, the same day i got marius's enduring light card KAHRSKDJDJFK what did you not like about it? i haven't finished it (only on part two before i fell asleep yesterday after levelling it up) but i was kinda like. Going Through It in a manner of speaking. the first cg with marius pinning rosa to the table had me feeling UMMMMM 😃😄😁🫢🫣🧐😳🤒🤧 <- like that. i was sick. i was throwing up. i was astounded. i wanted to close every door i was capable of closing. I'M NOT EVEN A MARIUS STAN HOW THE HELL DO YOU GUYS LIVE LIKE THIS 💀💀💀💀

i also lowkey rlly like how bossy and domineering he sounds, its a nice contrast. it might also be because the one sounding domineering is ishikawa kaito who has a very good warm sort of boyish voice!! i really like how different it feels as an AU compared to the canon story. in vyn's too (i went for him first and used free pulls on marius and got lucky LMAO) his dialogue writing is a lot less condescending and he sounds more petulant and childish because he drops the honorifics and respectful language due to his character in the AU. personally, i like the AU, but not because i like the writing LOL tot could use a lot of improvement there, but everyone's fits were very cool + i like the opportunity for the voice actors to try out a different "tone" for the characters. since in canon / modern world, they're all fairly even tempered and not very animated + respectful, so it's nice to see them getting openly pissed off or bossy or Mean.

lowkey kinda didn't like vyn's story for the enduring light SSR tbh. i liked it well enough because of the refreshing VA work, but the story was just alright for me. it makes me want to write my own take on the AU, but i don't know enough about the historical context and i don't feel shameless enough to bullshit things about a culture that's not mine, haha. plus i already have a vyn thing in my drafts (but still not written out orz) so i'm Tired!!

this was long as always!!! this might as well be my signature in how i post!!! fajsklfjaskjsafjkf but thank you for dropping by, friend!!! i hope your weekend goes well!! >:D

(i'm not sure how to refer to you so if it's alright i'll just go with pirate from your url!)

#yuu rambles #pirate-with-internet-connection #man i used to just use their name tags for rbing posts that are Themcore and i want to keep this post under those tags but at the same time #i dont wanna spam tags and randomly have them show up for people who are following those tags #plus im a big hater of tot's writing so ill def be a party pooper jfskjfksj i dont wanna rain on anyone's parade #these are for my blog's own uses ->#marius von hagen #vyn richter #i hope they dont show up if you follow the tag!! it should be fine bc i put 5 tags before i put their main tags

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quitefair · 1 month

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10, 11, and 18 for Marduk?

Thanks for asking!

(answering these for my tav!)

10. Does your Tav have a last name? Is there a meaning behind it?

She doesn't have a last name - since her 'clan' isn't so much a traditional one with the rules and structures of Tymanther, and the fact that she and her rookery-siblings were essentially adopted into the Church of Ilmater. So if there was a formal situation or such that required introductions, she'd usually go by 'Marduk, Paladin of Ilmater', or something like that.

11. What is your Tav’s go-to comfort food?

She can't decide between sate babi or ikan bakar. Food from Tymanther is canonically Indonesian/Malay cuisine to me now.

18. Where/with whom do they feel safest?

Her siblings, particularly Enki. I've talked a little about them in this post, but the reason is that Enki essentially was the reason she even hatched, and kept close to her throughout her childhood. He supported her through her entire identity crisis, the one that led her to become a paladin in the first place (and also to her realising she was aroace... which is lmao, I should get back to writing that fic).

#meera talks #asks #optiwashere #marduk #enki #god now i want sate babi.....

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allieebobo · 10 months

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Hi Allie!! The update was really gooooodddddd! Anw, ive been stalking and reading through the asks & while I’m enjoying those, i don’t think anyone has asked u about urself yet. Or maybe i miss it but I’m interested to know more about the author who wrote 2 of my fave IFs. Just general questions like;

1. which part of SG were you from?

2. Fav food?

3. Fav place to lepak?

4. Pri/sec school (if you were educated in sg)

5. What made you migrated to USA?

6. Where are u currently based in?

7. Are u still a student or a full-fledged career womann

8. One place in sg that will always carry beautiful memories for you, now that u’ve moved abroad.

9. What sparked your interest in writing these IFs?

Hehehe. If some of the questions are abit personal, you don’t have to share ur answers. Have a good day ahead 🤍

Ooh!! Anon, these are great questions hehe!! Sure, we can do a get-to-know-me session!

I will answer a couple, and get back to the rest at some point, OK? If there's a question that I didn't answer that y'all are really curious about, you can send me an ask with the number and I'll get to it sooner rather than later.

(P.S. no, none of them are too personal, I just think it'd take me a gajillion years to reply if I tried to answer them all!)

Got long, so the answers are below the cut!

1. which part of SG were you from?

Redhill/Bukit Merah! There's a moment in Merry Crisis where MC talks about it, and that's directly from my life! West side, best side! If me and my partner were entitled to a subsidized public housing flat (we aren't, for so many reasons including we're queer and she's not Singaporean), I'd absolutely buy a flat in the exact same neighbourhood.

2. Fav food

Wow... I can't really choose one, but if I could cheat and pick a whole cuisine then Peranakan food, hands down. Petai (stinky bean) with ikan bilis is one of my fave dishes—and it reminds me of my grandma. Otherwise, ban mian is a big comfort food for me, and so are red chili oil dumplings. I also love kaya toast with eggs for breakfast. Herbal bak kut teh and teochew fish are things I love but wouldn't eat every day... All of these might show up (the fish already has I guess!) in the game at some point!

For non-Singaporean food, I could eat udon, all kinds of pasta, and som tum all day every day.

3. Fav place to lepak

<Lepak is Singaporean/Malaysian(? I think) slang for like, 'chill' or 'hang', btw.> As you can already tell I added a lot of my own experiences/things I love into Merry Crisis already, so I'm going to have to go with Labrador Park and Sentosa. As a kid my mom would bring me and my brother to the rocky coast in Labrador after school with a box of Sarpino's pizza and we'd play in the water and eat and get really sandy. Sentosa back in the day was less commercial/touristy, and we'd just park in the carpark for $2, and spend the entire Sunday just chilling on the beach (yes, I'm a huge beach person haha), and my dad (not a big beach person) would be napping under a big tree probably wishing his wife weren't such a big beach person because it's been inherited by his kids and now this is how he'll spend his weekends for the rest of his life.

6. Where are you based in? 7. Are u still a student or a full-fledged career woman

Have a full-time job, sadly. I've been working as an urban planner in Singapore for three years now. (Think that answers both questions at the same time.) So yeah, I plan the city. Mostly I make sure future generations have enough housing, even though I'm not entitled to one myself. 🤷‍♀️ I enjoy my work and I think it's fulfilling, but it's also tough and my hours are too long. One day I hope to write full-time but I really don't think it'll pay the bills. Maybe if I live somewhere cheaper than Singapore!

Quite excited to answer 8, 9 as well, but maybe those are for another day?

#author #kinda merry crisis related I guess #mostly because merry crisis is so much drawn from my own experiences #Q&A

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lilguiguinevere · 8 months

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hm. just the order i have them in on the doc bc i got bored yaaay

(CAN SOMEONE WHO IS FLUENT IN JAPANESE PLEASE CHECK THESE FOR ME THIS WAS DONE USING SEVERAL BABY NAME WEBSITES, WIKIPEDIA, AND THREE TRANSLATORS)

鈴木春 [suzuki haru]

南春美 [minami harumi] *goes by a completely different name (kai haruni) but never writes it

白鳥リザベス [shiratori rizabesu] (lizabeth) *her parents wanted an american name but dropped the e

??? [ikan umaiyuu] *she always writes her name in the roman alphabet. (this is my poor excuse for not knowing why i named her that)

雪ーN3 [yuki-N3] (yukine) *the N3 will make sense eventually

石山蓮 [ishiyama ren]

石山凛 [ishiyama rin]

山本博登 [yamamoto hiroto] *nothing to do with the real person. / 月宏 [tsukihiro] *vtuber name

天野協 [amano kyo]

武士田愛莉 [bushida airi]

空雪 [sora yuki]

蛍幸輝 [hotaru koki]

牧野にょか [makino ni~yoka] (nyoka) *her first name is swahili

に四せミラ（ーガール） [nishise mira(garu)] *she added the garu part herself, she never writes it; its only how she says it verbally (if that makes sense)

シオマラフラワーズオルテガ [shiomara furawazu orutega] (xiomara flores ortega) *shes hispanic. nothin else to say ab that

じんかはしマハ [jinkahashi maha] *made up language lmao

#phoenix's hope

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sagarmatha13 · 1 year

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30 Days Writing Challenge

Days 16, someone i miss

Someone i miss... hmmm dua hari saya mikirin tema tulisan ini karena bener-bener bingung siapa sosok orang yang saya rindukan. Mungkin ini lebih ke orang yang sudah lama ninggalin kita, ataupun orang yang sudah lama tidak bertemu dengan sosoknya.

Tiba-tiba terlintas di benak akan sosok kakek saya, mungkin dia salah satu orang yang saya rindukan, meskipun saya tidak terlalu banyak akan kenangan bersama beliau tapi kebersamaannya cukup membuat saya bisa lebih mengenal banyak hal. Kakek saya seorang PNS di Pemerintah Kota Bandung, Lahir di Sumedang, entah tahun berapa saya lupa kakek saya ada di Bandung, meniti karirnya hingga meninggalnya pun di Bandung. Mempunyai tiga orang anak, dua laki laki dan satu perempuan, Bapak saya adalah anak pertamanya. Sebagai cucu keduanya saya sering diajak olehnya jalan jalan pakai motor, entah itu hanya sekedar beli koran, beli pakan ikan, ataupun ikut menonton beliau main badminton bersama teman teman kantornya, karena main badminton adalah salah satu hobinya sampai menjelang ajalnya. Saya sangat dekat dengan beliau, ketika saya sakitpun saya lebih suka di urus oleh kakek ketimbang orang tua. Setelah pensiun dari kerjanya, kakek memutuskan pulang kampung ke Sumedang, membangun rumah disana untuk kelak nanti anak dan cucunya tinggal ketika singgah kesana.

Di lingkungan rumah kakek adalah sosok yang disegani oleh masyarakat, seingat saya dia juga pernah menjadi kepala keamanan yang paling disegani di lingkungan daerah rumah. Sosok yang humble dengan setiap orang, sering menolong kalau tetangga atau siapa saja yang datang kerumah membutuhkan bantuan beliau selalu sigap menolongnya, tak perduli jam berapapun itu. Sama halnya dilingkungan kantornya, sering bjuga teman teman kantornya meminta pertolongannya. Entah bagaimana cara kakek saya menolong orang orang tapi saya yakin kakek adalah bukan orang yang sembarangan hahaha

Kebersamaan saya dengan beliau bisa dibilang sangat singkat, hanya 15 tahun, tepat di tahun 2004 beliau meninggalkan kami, waktu itu saya masih SMP, nenek saya wafat terlebih dahulu ketika saya masih SD, sedih rasanya ketika ingat tentang perjuangan nenek yang harus berjuang dengan penyakitnya sampai dia wafat.

Tapi diwaktu yang singkat itu banyak sekali yang saya terima dari beliau, entah kenapa meskipun di usia saya yang masih terbilang remaja beliau memberikan saya pengetahuan atau pengalaman yang belum seharusnya saya terima di usia itu, saya sering diajak dalam hal urusan agama, budaya, sampai dengan pengalaman supranatural oleh beliau.

Sepeninggal beliau sering muncul rasa penasaran dengan apa yang telah beliau berikan waktu semasa hidupnya, mungkin disitulah awal ketertarikan saya akan sejarah, khususnya sejarah sunda. Dalam kebersamaan yang singkat itu tentu sangat banyak yang saya dapatkan meskipun saya sadar bisa mengerti dengan hal itu ketika sudah dewasa.

Terimakasih atas segala kasih sayang dan pengalaman yang sudah engkau berikan terhadap anak dan cucumu ini, semoga menjadikan Amal Jariyah untuk kakek. Sekarang cucumu ini sudah punya istri dan anak kek!

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cometchasr · 2 years

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rule 1 of medicine cats: they're all gay

also i'm gonna read AVOS (and tiger's shadow) for no reason other than "i need to write alderpuddle (and 3rd cat it's just NOT COMING RN) and i fucking need it now" so yes

god the gay poly cats keep continuing. THE NEXT GEN FOLLOWS JAYKESTRELFLAME

also, SH doesnt exist. it wont hurt me (and my very neutral perceptions of bramble from pre-whenever-he-became-important (post-OOTS))

like really the bramble thing. i just... he doesnt seem like a bad guy. just morally gray. yes he did bad things. yes squilf did bad things. yes squilf did bad things to bramble too. and the same other way round (keep in mind i didnt read past OOTS) (squilf wanting more kits, the 3's parentage, the sisters, hawkfrost (and the giant shitshow coming from that), etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.).

i cant find anything else to add here. also apparently someone who defended bramble got attacked by moonkitti here, so thats something.

oh, and one last thing. i am fucking bad at analysis, and dont get me started on doing it over a fucking ridiculous amount of books. like, from TNP to where we are today? holy fuck that is a lot of books. of which half i have not read. take all this with a metric ton of salt (or ikan bilis seasoning, if you prefer) and if youre going to object stay civil. oh and if moonkitti comes over i'm just going to ignore her to the end of time. and meme the hell out of it. it'll be a fun ride.

I think this post needs a proper sign off, so uh yes. I have no idea how i turned alderpuddle+third cat that is not coming to mind rn to fucking bramble discourse. whatever.

-Comet

#mine #warriors #GAY CATS GAY CATS GAY CATS #as valid would say on xenos discord #ah the fella #oldest guy in the server #at the age of 23

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gerryforlife · 7 days

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Dear, Gerry..

I am so grateful to have you by my side. I am so grateful to be able to write our story with you. I am so grateful to be able to see your happy laugh when you are by my side. I will always cherish every moment we spend together. Every laugh, every story, and every happiness we create will always be my motivation to live my days. Thank you for expressing your love to me every day, i really appreciate it. And i'm truly grateful for everything. I love you, and always.

Thank you for sharing your sincerest laugh with me. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Thank you for coloring my days with thousand colors. Thank you for making me always excited for tomorrow. Thank you for being my gerry.

Aku seneng banget bisa ketemu kakak. Bisa temenan sama kakak. Bisa cpdp sama kakak. Bisa satu CA sama kakak. Bisa ngobrol sama kakak. Bisa ngeberantemin tentang saki dan youngjae sama kakak. Aku seneng buat semuanya. Makasih banyak ya. I love you. I really really love you. I love you so much.

Selamat tanggal 21 pertama buat kita ya! Janji ketemu lagi di tanggal 21 lagi ya. Aku saaaayaaanggggg banget sama kakak. Lebih dari saki. Lebih dari ikan-ikanku. Lebih dari indomie aceh. Aku sayaaaang banget pokoknya. Salam dari kucing dongo.

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desireflows · 4 months

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Virgule of My Rosewood Lanterns.

I’m fond of reading comics such as manga, manhwa and manhua. Berserk and Sakamoto Days are my current favorite, the rest of them are mostly mlm or wlw that I will constantly babble on personal message or channel.

Besides comics, I also read novels. Again, I prefer digital readings but I sometimes read on physical books. What I have read this far and became my favorites are The Song of Achilles, Semua Ikan di Langit and Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint.

Anime that I’m fervently hyping are none, but I’m still actively watching anime and have some favorites such as Monster, Hellsing Ultimate, Tondemo Skill, Violet Evergarden, and Black Butler.

Others.

⋆ Vtuber.. Shu Yamino, Claude Clawmark, Uki Violeta! ♥

⋆ Genshin Impact, chronically attached.

⋆ ORV, S-Class, Lookism, chronically attached too.

⋆ Ships: Haikaveh, Joongdok, Wriolette, Tartali, Shuca, Shuuki, HJYJ, YHYJ, SPKDJ, SWKDJ, Sangsoo, Hualian, Jingren, Jingheng, Caeheng, Gimcentric.

⋆ I write on free and not-lazy time.

Music.

Linkin Park, Evanescence, Taylor Swift, Mitski, MCR, Radiohead, Green Day, Oasis, The Smiths, Laufey, Matt Maltese, Fleetwood Mac and more similar artists.

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asrisgratitudejournal · 5 months

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Story

Lagi capek aja kerja, makanya buka blank page di word buat nulis. Sebetulnya belum ngapa-ngapain yang bermakna banget juga sih seharian. Baru nyelesein nge-reply semua komen reviewer 2, terus mau lanjutin ke reviewer 3 tapi males. Nanti deh jam 3 mulai. Besok balikin lagi ngulang dari awal sambil masuk-masukin revisi di manuscript. Tadi makan siang di Linacre kenyang banget Alhamdulillah. Ada gnocchi ikan gitu sama carrot dan kentang(?), terus makan red velvet cake juga gede banget jadi ga habis. Ketemu sama Oliv dan temannya, dia nanya how’s writing, kujawab panjang lebar (ada apasih Non dengan tidak menceritakan segala keluh kesah ke orang lain?? Tapi ya emang just me being myself aja I guess). Dari situ, si temannya Oliv ini cerita tentang dia ambil geografi pas dulu undergrad dan intrigued dengan snowball earth. Terus dari situ ku jadi mengeluh gimana most of what we are doing in earth sciences is reconstructing earth history without no one actually being able to confirm the truth? Dan itu capek banget. Debat-debat yang ujung-ujungnya jawaban akhirnya adalah: “ya gatau juga ya ini bener apa nggak”. Tapi penting. Ini bukan ku lagi bilang apa yang selama ini ku pelajari ga berguna. Berguna banget. Kalau ga berguna u semua ni gaakan bakal bisa baca teks yang w tulis ini karena hp butuh listrik buat baterenya. Listrik dari mana? Di Indo, masih dari PLTU dominasinya (unless u pake solar panel dipasang di atap rumah). PLTU jalan karena batubara. Batubara itu apa? Literally swamp sediments yang kekubur dan kekompres. Kalo ga belajar histori bumi, tahu dari mana kita nyari batubara itu di mana? Iya intinya kalau mau dicari ujungya, gaada field ilmu yang ga berguna di dunia ini.

OOT iklan sebentar, tapi tadi pas makan sambil scrolling twitter (I will forever call it twitter, not sorry), ketemu tweet bagus banget bilang: “how beautiful the concept of rizq is, how the fruit that we are eating right now, has been destined to reach us since they are in seeds”. Intinya kalau rejeki gaakan ke mana. Ku jadi keingetan tweet ini karena ku barusan bilang di atas tentang gimana kalian bisa baca tulisanku ini, buat klen bisa sampe sini dan baca tulisan ini aja tu udah ditakdirkan sama Allah. HUHU. Merinding.

Anyway, balik lagi ke atas. Jadi intinya kan ilmu w ini adalah “mengarang cerita” yah, tentu saja berdasarkan bukti-bukti dan data-data saintifik. Dari mana kita tahu ada 5 big mass extinctions, kalau bulan itu pecahannya bumi, gempa bumi itu karena tectonic fault di batas lempeng (gaada orang yang beneran pernah ngeliat dengan mata kepala langsung kalau subduksi beneran terjadi), kalau kita lagi global warming, kalau bumi itu ada inti luar cair dan inti dalam padat, kalau dulu ada hewan yang namanya dinosaurus menguasai bumi (gaada yang pernah beneran lihat dinosaurus hidup), kalau ada gangguan sirkulasi udara di pasifik ekuatorial yang kemudian dikasih nama El-Nino dan La-Nina. Pokonya beneran semua yang kusebut barusan itu mengarang bebas aja kan ya. Hasil karangan dari berbagai recorded data, terus di-buat trend-nya, modelnya, terus di-publish as “truth for now”. Nanti akan ada orang lain yang menyanggah, kemudian “truth” ini di-revisi, dikoreksi, di-update/perbarui. Gitu aja terus.

Nah dari aku ngobrol itu ku jadi sadar, susah juga ye berarti jadi saintis kalau gabisa “mengarang cerita”, terutama buat orang basic science seperti aku yah, atau kupersempit lagi, terutama kalau kerjanya di earth science seperti aku. Terus ku jadi paham kenapa buat jadi saintis butuh high level of creativity juga. Pas nulis beneran bisa flowing kalau emang jago cerita. Pas baca paper juga bisa kita bedain mana orang yang nulisnya bagus mudah dimengerti, mana yang njelimet.

(Btw ku pas lagi nulis ini barusan di atas kedistrak baca e-book??? Lagi baca Daniel Levitin’s This is your brain on music: understanding a human obsession karena kepo aja sama kerja otak sendiri karena ku merasa music has a very important role indeed in my life. Ku nyelesein half chapter yang kemarin di rumah belum selesai kubaca karena perih banget mata baca font-font sekecil itu, baca di screen jauh lebih enak, bisa di-zoom pulak).

Anyway, iya sebetulnya gatau initeh awal mula mau nulis mau ngomongin apa. Cuma mau bilang aja: a great scientist is a good story-teller. Plus oot juga tapi semalam sama Listi di-suggest buat nonton Saskia Putri dan beneran 5 menit into the vid komenku langsung “buset ni orang ngomong rapi bener ye, artikulasinya bagus, susunan kalimatnya teratur, dengerinnya juga jadi enak”.

Berhubungan sama ini, sebetulnya ku juga mau ngasih commentary sih tentang moral etika dari menulis karena ku lagi baca Yellowface juga kan halfway. Yang menurutku sangat menarik konsepnya: a chinese-descendant (Kuang) writing a novel as a white woman stealing her chinese friend’s manuscript. What a good satire. Tapi sepertinya ku akan ngomongin ini semua nanti aja sambil ngereview bukunya.

Baiklah. Kembali ke R2R aka Response to Reviewer! Semoga the rest of the week goes well for all of you guys! Tinggal Jumat besok minggu ini!!! Hwaiting!

30.18 15:28 07/12/2023

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imagine-knowing-a-name · 5 months

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A Study of Silence

Summary: Your life of married bliss is failing. A moment of heated arguing finally reveals the reason Natasha is pulling away from you, so you offer her the choice: stay or leave?

Word Count: 862

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warning: Angst

A/N: I wrote this at 1am when my flatmates set the fire alarm off, so forgive any mistakes lol. It's loosely based on 'Fluorescent Adolescent' by the Arctic Monkeys.

»»————-　★　————-««

Silence. Then the occasional turning of a page. In your mind, there are three types of silences: a comfortable silence, a suspenseful silence, and an awkward silence.

This fell firmly into the third category, but you made no move to change it - wondering instead how and when such an activity – sitting silently in your wife's presence – had turned from comfortable to awkward.

It hadn't happened just in this session: that was doomed to awkwardness from its start - but a month ago? a year ago? It was hard to recall a single moment of comfortable bliss outside of the early days of your relationship.

Everything had seemed so bright: an Avenger falling for a simple mechanic, a match made only in your dreams… though sometimes you wondered if it should ever have gone beyond that. She'd promised to quit her job for you, retire herself to deskwork upon marriage. "I want to do it," she had promised, "my love for you overshadows any job I do, and if this means I'm not spending months away from you and you're not spending months worrying, then it's an easy decision."

You swore your life to her then, showed her your love and your devotion. That love never faded. But where did it go wrong?

"My love?" you said. The redhead didn't look up from her book; you tried to see what it was, but she maintained her senses enough to shield that from your sights. With a sigh, you continued into the silence, "I was thinking maybe we could cook together tonight?"

She looked up now, fingers sightlessly marking the page. "Again? Didn't we do that..." she trailed off, searching for a memory, a recent excuse.

You finish her sentence for her: "last month? Yeah. I thought we could maybe do some bonding this month too, but nevermind."

"Y/N, we can-"

"You're clearly not interested, Nat, I'm not going to force you, so go hang out with your old Avengers buddies again and I'll make dinner alone."

There was a bite to your words that you knew you'd later regret, but in the moment you couldn't bring yourself to care. Fighting had become the only sure fire way to end the stagnant silences, and these days, neither you nor Natasha were afraid to use the method.

"You always do this," Natasha seethed, "they're my friends. I used to spend my every moment with them, living together, working together, everything! And I gave that up for you! You want me to give up even seeing them too? Would that finally be enough?!"

The silence fell again. A fourth type: one of contemplating, one of heated feelings and unwitting confessions and, finally, understanding. You understood. In her anger, Natasha had revealed the secret to it all, where it had all gone wrong.

You softened your voice, speaking quietly as if your wife were an injured animal, easy to startle. "I didn't make you give that up. I don't want you to give up more and I don't want you to blame me for your choices."

She stayed silent, though her jaw tightened and her eyes focused on a point behind you. You didn't have to turn to remember which picture lies there.

"I love you, Natasha," you confessed again, knowing it could be a last confession. "I love you and I want only the best for you. And if you miss the superhero days, the risk, the team, everything... if leaving that and marrying me is the mistake that's making you miserable, then I'm giving you the chance to undo that mistake. I don't want to be the reason you live your life in nostalgia and regret."

You didn't wait for her to respond, what was the point? Her gaze was still fixed on the picture behind you: the team in its heyday, when they were still young and wild and disorganised. She clang to until she got sentimental, forgetting that you had been the one to take the photo, right before Natasha became the first of the group to settle down.

Her response would come soon enough, you knew, so you went to your room and waited. You hoped for the eventual knock on the door, the long awaited conversation, then either the forgiveness or the conclusion. You hoped all through the evening, even as you cooked by yourself, ate by yourself, and slept by yourself.

A night with the Avengers might have been what she needed to make her decision.

Natasha Romanoff came into your life with a burning passion and a humanity to her that few people could ever achieve. You expected it to last forever, but come morning you realised the truth: Natasha Romanoff was a spy born and raised, and no amount of humanity can ever erase that from her.

Her ring was on your bedside table in the morning, the house left in a state of suspended silence. Natasha herself was nowhere to be found, disappearing like a spy, with no words spoken on the matter.

She had made her choice, just as you had made yours.

You loved Natasha too much to keep her; she loved you too little to stay.

»»————-　★　————-««

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