#im honestly surprised that i still have friends

[angerygoomba]

is it weird that i dont wanna change my pfp—even though ive had countless moments where ive seen something, thought to myself "this would make an amazing pfp" or "i really wanna make this my pfp" and then like seconds later lose the desire as i remember my relationship to my pfp and how everything about my online persona from the past 5 years would change—and im okay with that?

#like im trying not to be sound entitled to being unique and special #but it feels so much like the opposite of what a normal person would do #like i get a lot of urges of wanting to have another pfp to the point where i have a photo album of potential pfps #change bot contacts pfps to see what they would look like #and even had an old discord account that i would change pfps so that i could express myself in that way #and its not like i feel forced to keep this goomb persona up or anything #i genuinely feel so connected to it #especially since half of my teenage years were spent online due to quarantine #and i got to dissociate from my actual physical self (even though at the time i didnt realise i was doing that) #cheesy it may sound but this just IS my online identity and to change that just feels unnatural #but i still naturally get urges to see what its like to have a different pfp #and honestly i love the system i have cause if i didnt have this i would probably change my pfp every day #so what im doing right now is basically perfect for me since i actually do have a solid online identity #it could also be because i tied my username to my pfp and therefore would have to change my username when changing my pfp #and thats really where the root of the persona comes from #because it makes no sense to tell my real life friends my username is angerygoomba if i have some random ass pfp in conjunction with that #but i will maybe never change my username because i absolutely love how it looks and feels to say #especially goomb #cause that just feels so natural to say that im surprised its not a word #or even a common username at that #also my nd ass will have to find a completely unique username without _ or . cheating cause i cant stand how they look #like it isnt transferable to the english language to have underscores or dots or dashes or whatever in a name #but whateva #goomb thot

[assmaster-8000]

Those were all hallucinations because if you're patient rook he'll be the best lover anyone could have he'd take you out to the sweetest dates they feel like you're living a fairy tale, as soon as 12 am hits on your anniversary he'll be awake, just to kiss your face and hold you tightly, it's important to him even if he knows you don't realize it's happening, and once you do wake up you wake up to the sweetest man to ever exist he won't leave your side at all in that day he couldn't bear to do so, that's why he makes sure to clear up everything in his schedule two weeks before. he'd want to travel the world by your side, take you to experiences he knows you'll never forget and cherish forever he wants you to be by his side at all times of his life he can't imagine how he'd be had you not stayed by his side despite his flaws

ur so sweet aster it'd almost be inconceivable if there were ever a situation else wise 😵

for realsies though i may be an easily irritated person, im very patient in dealing with people and emotionally tense situations so me and rook? we gang fr we tight like a booty hole in here 🤭 im a very heavy sleeper so unless rook shakes me by the neck to give me a kiss i would NAWT gaf 🔥🔥🔥

#not the most mature person in the world; i still have a lot to learn about myself and others #but i will say i have a surprising amount of emotional intelligence? #i say surprising because i don't think i give that vibe off #and when i was 12-13 i used to have many faults in conflict with friends #i mean that's 5 years ish ago so obviously id have changed #when i was 14-16 i had several conflicts with close friends too but i was more of bystander involved than particularly INVOLVED involved #and i usually keep my cool and communicate/listen well during then #though i can't say the same for afters #ive had a lot of opportunities to learn from people who are... how to say. hot and cold? the cold shoulder types i guess #and ive waited. months and years for friends. #still waiting for a few of them #im patient in that i can give time and space to people and work it out with them #but i also get irritated if you talk to me with the wrong intonation for the day so its a win lose thing 😿 #i don't know if you wanted to hear me talk about myself so i left it in the tags #but i like hearing about my moots. like who they really are behind the silly acoustic account #and sharing things about myself as well #honestly i think people like him and vil are the best types of people. not just characters. but people #for people like you. he's very attentive and observant and tenacious and passionate and i think that's what you need #˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ asterisk #˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ asks

[branmer]

hmmm

I don't really harbour any ill will to these kinds of posts because I think the intention is good but those posts that are like 'if you're feeling anxious about whether your friends like you and worry that you annoy them then that's really mean and bad of you to think about your friends like that!' always make me feel shitty because like, speaking as someone with a lot of social anxiety brought on by social rejection and bullying I received (in some cases from people I thought were my friends) I don't... want to feel this way actually and I don't like it! I do my best to work on it and put myself out there, but it's a long term project and my fear of rejection doesn't come from nowhere. Like I understand the intention of those posts is good but they always just make me feel worse, like I'm a really bad friend/person for struggling with this stuff. Idk. I guess they're just not useful to me specifically because of how my anxiety manifests so they're less likely to make me go 'oh wow yeah good point!' and more 'oh god I should just crawl into my hole' which is clearly like, my problem so i will just quietly ignore those posts and try to continue my practice of not treating my anxiety and its unfortunate manifestation as a moral failure and keep putting myself out in the world and forcing my victims friends to endure my presence despite the nasty little insecurities in my head

#personal post #i mean i am so much better than i used to be but i am still like #pleasantly surprised that i have friends and people who want to hang out with me and do stuff with me!!! #i feel like honestly i value my friends more because of it in a weird way aha #im like 'wow i have friends :D' #'these lovely cool people want to hang out with horrible gremlin me??? incredible!!!' #and then that leads to 'hmm perhaps i am not actually so horrible! perhaps i am even dare i say... likeable!!!'

[quietblissxx]

.

#I'm stung that b is cutting ties #but I've been using him to fill a hole in my chest and i can't say I'm surprised he's done with it #i was always very very clear with i could give to him and he always asked for more and i knew i should have closed the door myself #he never did respect my boundaries. even if they weren't necessarily fair. #still. he was an old friend and I'll miss his presence. #personal #im sitting outside listening to music wondering why i am so fucking broken. i can't use people to fix the sadness in me. #nobody is real. I'm not real. it's all just smoke and fantasy #nobody knows me well enough to actually be able to say they honestly care about me. #that's the truth.

[psrj]

Your art is amazing and I could stare at it all day! But I'm curious about your Ocs, specifically Jacque and Sloane.

Did you change anything about them? Like appearance or storyline?

Thank you so much!

The issue with Sloane and Jacque is that they never really had an established setting or storyline to begin with, and it has given me a lot of headaches over the years when it comes to actually doing something with them and develop them into more than just vague personality concepts. The sketches from last month is me trying to actually give them a setting and story to inhabit for once lmao.

I didn't use to actually write shit for my characters, but my friends have enabled me and I'm now suffering from trying to write actual characters and story. This has been most successful with Otto and Siskin, my tiefling oc's, and Jacque and Sloane to a lesser degree. To claim that they have an actual storyline is a bit of a stretch still, but I've established a more concrete dynamic and aesthetic for them that are both pretty different from what little I had for them to begin with.

In my recent re-hashing of them, the two of them meet as Sloane is taken as a prisoner of war after some sort of ~ambiguous magical disaster~ with her at its center. Jacque is a commanding officer of the opposing side, who for seemingly very selfish reasons offers Sloane protection in exchange for her service.

It's a fantasy setting with a magic system centered around promise, oaths and their binding power. Sloane is an anomaly, someone who's made a desparate choice that she's paying dearly for, and Jacque is someone with quite a bit of power, but not as much as she would like, who's trying to overturn the shape of the conflict they're in.

Their dynamic is tense with a spicy power imbalance. Sloane has wings because it's sexy. That's the basic framework I've got.

#anon #ask #honestly more than anything im surprised that anyone even remembers them from back when i first posted about them lmao #if people are actually still interested i'll try to share more shit in the future #if i manage to flesh this out into something interesting #but the reality right now is that i barely have jacque and sloane figured out and am trying to rebuild them from the ground up #and WHILE ive been doing this i also went ‟you know wht would be sexy? mafia AU‟ #so now im dealing with that as well #basically none of these characters were ever intended to be shared as more than characters designs #and now im dealing with the repercussions of that lmao #autoclave #meanwhile i somehow got my friends genuinely invested in otto and siskin so im riding that high at the moment lol

[apathyfairy]

.

#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like. #i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i #understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom #i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking #4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am #and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself #i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies #in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still #not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight #or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week #because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of #knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and #i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally #Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead #then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just #i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it. #but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i #want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess. #and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk #that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.

[danifandxm]

uh oh. feelings again

#at this point Im just emotionally numb #and at the same time #TOO emotional yknow #it has been two months since things went to shit #and one of my dogs died #had to be reminded a week after when picking up his ashes #in what was really a huge blur of a week of grief #im still fucked up from that #i briefly got sick w covid after going to paramore #i say briefly bc symptoms are practically gone now atp #only one has still considered me a friend despite everything #i think it's finally just. over #and no one wants to admit it #one's probably cut me off for good #i honestly wouldnt be surprised if he did #p sure he's hated me for a while #and honestly? maybe i deserve it #but also what the fuck #i wanna feel hateful I really do #but i just dont have it in me #i just wanna let myself blackout or smth #never wake up yknow #... i dont know what to do anymore. #vent

[lonelyvomit]

.

#hi im having a bad night and everyone is allowed to ignore this i literally just need to rant #......................................................................... #................................................................................................ #............................................................................................................. #......................................................................................... #........................................................................................................ #.......................................................................................... #it's just not fucking getting better is it #I've been fucked in the head for 3 weeks cus I cant stop thinking about how 4 years ago this time I was at the psych ward #and honestly? I lowkey wish I was again. it was the most stress free period I remember ever having in my life. #and I'm getting more tired and it's causing a lot more bad days and days I'm too tired to talk to people properly #and of course. that has the same consequences it always does. I'm not fucking surprised. #but it's spiraling me right back into feeling like the worst friend in the world which in turn makes me convinced no one actually likes me #that everyone is secretly just fucking annoyed with me but no one is saying it out loud cause everyone else is pretending to like me too #and the worst thing is I'm supposed to go meet a bunch of people in Helsinki in 10 days but I feel like no one really cares if I go or not #probably even prefer if I didn't uknow I'm not really part of that group the same way the others are #I'm fucking terrified of sticking my nose where I'm not wanted. #and obvs if I was a normal fucking person I'd just talk to people and make sure we're still good and no one hates me #but I'm ill and exhausted which has my social battery in the fucking negatives and I just cant do Conversations rn #which. is the exact fucking problem. literally here I go again. this is why people hate me. this is why they leave. #and I cant fucking blame them. if being friends with me is like talking to a brick wall half of the time #why would anybody bother? I cant expect them to. I don't expect them to. #the question is do I wait til everybody drops me or do I make it easy for everyone and just go away myself. #.. #anyway. like said my social battery is in the negatives anyway & I just wanted to scream. #no need to react to this in any way. not like I'll have the energy to answer 🙃 #im gonna go watch stupid lets play videos and try not to cough my lungs out #cheers.

[mxwhore]

what should I draw...

#im a bit sad (surprise!) but mostly so homesick #its been 3 years since ive put foot in my province. a lot more since ive seen the atlantic ocean #or seen the snow #my best friend i saw last year but i still miss him. and my girlfriends from highschool #i dont know! i miss the tundra #i miss being able to disappear on a whim into the tundra and not be back in hours. my home life sucks and everything is too far away #anyway i still cant get my itchio money outta there and if could i have to spend it in other things #and honestly i would happily submit myself to three days of land travel but the government STILL doesnt get their shit together #and continue the fucking austral highway to my home province #maybe ill do help tessa get home commissions #but till then its just distract urself and keep living. like in bojack #tessas txt

[toestalucia]

guhhh i rly enjoyed the lil event story....T_T grans casual speaking....theresa speaking about justice smiling and gran being curious & wanting to see that......allowing her to go on more difficult missions & immediadetly giving her info please ZERO wait. theresa being able to use her skills n learning more through her meetings with the crew.............justice.........mother....................collapses....the entire tea party...T_T uuuuuu captain.................

#stardust speaking ! #gbf spoilers #shakes cygames give me caim next #honestly the 'shes like ur mother huh' and captain laughing at their argument immmm...............so weak........................... #rly good content....................... #i lov parent relations........ #i miss suis event alrdy that one was SO good #i think that one. sincerely your dearest friend. and 8th anni r my fav events this year #w sincerely at top cuz it was so everything i want its terrifying. especially when they introduced star coffer and then released sincerely #like THAT hurt. more than anything #suis event about love..................the same yr i started reading mhyk........ #can i love you? can you love me? #aauugghhhh SUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIII #where is my cupitan event tho...i was admittedly expecting it now..........shes my fav chara since mika&shitori.......... #'they brainwashed my friend:( <- is the one being brainwashed BY HERSELF' #i adore cupitan im so sad i still dont have her playable #like i def think its overthetop gore so im SO surprised i liked it as much as i did #angst-wise too. especially w how fioritos dad........and also that the fire in kolulus story..........its rly. A Lot LOL #ok gbf talk over. i literally cant quit gbf cuz the events got me in such a grip

[maxillo]

just now occured to me that maybe I have vastly different expectations and presentation methods of content specifically because i got my start on wikia

#as in im more used to just creating repositories of information that others then read #in a space thats in some sense communal and interlinked in content #i have no idea how to consistently post about my work on social media like most people do #and it always feels like it goes against the grain of my brain because i want to keep everything centralized #and that i have to cater and trim it in a way that gives a reason for people to read it if they find it at all #versus people only needing to find a specific wiki of specific kinds of content where everyone contributes their ideas in the same space #its hard for me to even find and try to interact with fellow creatives on tumblr or elsewhere #it feels like such a goose chase of algorithms that demands way more energy than just being part of a wiki where people come and socialize #on their own terms and occupying a close and inherently blended environment where collaboration and interaction is much easier #maybe thats why i dont like 'advertising myself' in places either #in my wikia days people would just find my stuff and interact with me of their own volition all in the same space #it feels so weird and uncomfortable trying to pitch myself and my ideas in places where im not guaranteed reciprocation of interest #no surprise that i still prefer to structure my ideas through wikis but theyre not community spaces because tiddlywiki is 'solo' on its own #and i genuinely dont know how to bridge the gap between them and social media #im honestly wanting to just either find or create an actually communal wiki space and invite friends and mutuals to join or observe that #and maybe somehow integrate it with the wikis i already have #i just really miss being part of creative communities in a mutual way and thats the only method to organize it that makes sense to me #max yaks

[tarakau]

🎂

#Turning 29 today is insane #Just like every other queer depressed by person Im honestly surprised I'm still alive #My teenage self would not believe that not only have I survived #But that I'm stable and look good and have a supportive relationship and can be a dude! Like for real #Also that I have so many friends..... Thank you so much y'all I wish adult life wasn't so goddamn busy and we could meet up more often #And that I had cash to fly over the ocean 😢

[beskad]

.

#how do you say sorry to an old friend you already said sorry to in an email #and they responded and what they had to say about your past behavior was so mind-blowing #that you didnt even know how to respond so you put it off #and now it's over a year later #and you still havent responded #and tbh it was already pushing the line by apologizing in the first place over a year ago and you're surprised they responded at all #but like you appreciate the honesty they gave you about past-you #it just also caused you to have to go back to therapy because like wow i know i was super foggy because i was in a huge cloud of trauma #having just escaped a horrible home life #and that obviously doesnt excuse the past behavior #you just honestly couldn't see it when you were doing it because you were so fried and fucked up #idk it just feels like responding so much later on is....out of line and rude because i took too long #but i also want to say thanks for the honesty because i genuinely didnt know I'd done those things #like i apologized for the things i WAS able to see kn hindsight #but there was just so much more and being confronted with that was A Lot #but it was also A Lot for them to say it #this is mostly rhetorical i am just 'thinking out loud' i suppose #and this behavior im referencing is from like 2017-2019 and 98% Trauma Response and dissociation and passive s-word ideation #tbd

[chisatowo]

Headshots of the adult half of the main protags in this story

#keese draws #oc art #ocs #furry #furry art #oc posting #the first guy doesnt have a name yet I have like no ideas tbh #I might try giving him horns while Im still working out their design #she uses he/they/she prns btw and shes also ramp's roomate they both go to the same art college #I decided to make them a mix between ox and prairie dog #hes also one of melody's exes from their teen years but theyre not on band terms since they never rly planned on being a long term thing #that being said since melody sorta just left without warning one day she doesnt rly know what happened to him after he left #it didnt come as much of a surprise since melody had always desperately wanted out of their town but she still worries abt their fate #which makes sense since only abt a year before that another one of their close friends just sorta dissapeared too #the two dont reunite until ramp gets cursed then comes back and is like oh I should introduce my new bf to my roomate :) #so now our dear old ramp roomate gets to not only reunite with a friend she assumed to be doomed to die along with their missing ex #so very emotional day for him lol #honestly ramp is the one who is the most awkward abt the revelation that their roomate and bf are exes the other two are very chill abt it #ramp is mostly just worried abt how their roomate feels abt it since they didnt want it to look like theyre passing her up for melody #the two of them used to flirt a bit and played around with the idea of dating but ended up deciding against it #mainly because ramp was still working through some Issues in regards to relationships

[bitchkay]

whys it always a white girl... :((

#im not even mad like yes im a little surprised but i suspected it anyway #it just might've been nice to find out from their mouths and not someone else #honestly they deserve each other I can't be mad that they're together especially since they were always close and they seem happy #i have nothing but well wishes their relationship is still new and im not gonna bring them down that would be fucked up #like i did vent to her about him yeah but that was last year and i haven't talked to her about it since #im just surprised she ended up dating him like not really i expected it but just how i found out im honestly happy for them #im more so fucked up about like history always repeating itself for me #every time i like someone they always end up with a white girl #and i mean these are my friends theyre like family to me but it still makes me think #why's it always a white girl... #and after yesterday's car accident it just feels like ive been having a n unlucky week #and it's only tuesday #im definitely worthy of love but somehow its always a white girl taking a spot that was probably never mine to begin with #i should be working rn i need to lock in actually but i just dont feel up to it... #kay just saying shit

[diah-the-demon]

so guess who no longer has a gf :')

#we decided to break it off cause its not rlly working that great #we were both having doubts #we're still gonna be friends cause there was no hard feelings #just had to happen when i had a cold aswell ffs #im not as sad as i thought i'd be honestly #our relationship probably isnt gonna change much tbh we're just not dating #im surprised it lasted 6 months tho wasnt expecting it to be that long #vent #il be fine its just kinda shaken me a bit