#im so tired and im trying to function

[moeblob]

I literally ate One Thing today and my stomach has decided to rebel.

#witewawwy so tired of being sick #i feel mostly fine except for you know the excessive amounts of time ive spent hunched over clutching my tummy #i at least am not still in back pain which is what killed me yesterday #u ever take 4 showers in 1 day (yesterday) to try soothing the pains ? #u ever eat 1 meal in 1 day (today) and regret it for the next 8 hours? #ive tried so hard to be good and rest and FOR WHAT ! a still horty tummy #inhaling too much still hurts and im like please body this is a basic human function ? breathing? why hurt?

[nolongerexistingsadcatface]

Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?

#aph nyo america #aph america #i want engagement <3 #secret confession i actually hate that canonically america doesnt do well in the cold #it gives too much ammo to the west coasters (villains) who can’t let my poor baby alfred be the east coast girl he truly is #also in a broader sense i feel like it creates a weird divide in both the portrayal of america and the connection he has with his country #as its representation #america is one of the most climate diverse countries in the entire world and i feel like making the REPRESENTATION OF AMERICA not be able t #handle a large majority of his country’s climate is an Odd choice and creates an unfortunate barrier between american culture #and the way it’s portrayed in hetalia #imo one of the most amazing parts of the geography of the us is its ability to be a metaphor for the american people #so insanely diverse and fundamentally different and completely irreconcilable—but it works anyways. #the land works together anyways //we// work together anyways we become one anyways despite what any and all logic dictates #what any and all logic DEMANDS #so for america to not be able to represent that cohesion + community—and in fact represent an intense and almost INNATE complete inability #to even try being accepting of and embracing our differences—is just.. not something I like + insinuates a very odd view of American cultur #my eyes are shutting as i type this im so tired #sorry if this is horribly written rip #i see this a lot in the hetalia fandom (IK I JUST DID IT IN THIS POST LMAO BUT I SWEAR I DO IT AS A JOKE; I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE WEST #COAST AND AM FULLY AWARE OF ITS ROLE IN THE US CULTURE AND FUNCTION) where people write alfred as being almost hostilely exclusionary??? #towards certain areas of america—city al who doesn’t like the country; country al who doesn’t like the newfangled cities; northerner al #who hates the southerners (because theyre poor + dont fit the author’s view of respectable people BUT THATS FOR A DIFFERENT POST);southerne #al who hates the northerners—and it’s all very gross to me. america is not—at its core—a country/culture founded on separation!! our ideals #are based on being—at our most basic—separate multi-faceted individuals who COME TOGETHER!! as one because of common ideals and love #E PLURIBUS UNUM!!!!!! #ok im done gn

[whatthefuckisasweep]

cant sleep … plagued with thoughts.. overstimmed… also starving… time to scroll tumblr till i have to go to class :,((

#my thoughts #i slept like 3 hours but my roommate kept moving and it bothered me where every movement made me irrationally angry #and i keep waking up and having immediate brainrot lfjkfnfjnf so its fun but also not bc im literally SO drained pleasssseee shut up brain #like baby i have a presentation tomorrow at 8:30AM and i have to do a whole reflection paper #go to fucking sleeeeeeep #and the worst part is i FORGOT to eat . before bed . cuz i was too tired and said fuck it ill eat in the morn #which is horrible bc now im like. starving and gross bc i also didnt do anything i kinda just collapsed JFKDNDKDN #but i dont wanna get up. because. um. four am and i dont wannnnaaa eat.i waanaa eat in the morning #so ive just been holding stan bunny close and thinking thoughts while actively trying to sleep JFKDNFKDJD #anyways. Im a functioning human person! #: D ! #GggfrRRRAGGhggh #so annoying bc i usually can sleep on command like its nothing lmfao #but i have too many things on my frickin mind i cant shut it up pensive #anyways THIS IS A LONG TAG THING NSJFJDKFJD UHHHHH runs away #DELETE LATER????

[championrevali]

Something that I see often on the revalink tag here is hate for revalink under the ship's tag- which is messed up.

I get it if you don't like revalink, if its not your thing, but leave that shit out of our tag. We're all out here just trying to enjoy a ship that doesn't deserve hate.

I have issues with Sidlink, but I'm not about to go tagging that in this post or if I ever made a post about my issues about it.

Basically, just let people enjoy their ships as long as they're not actually messed up. If you don't like seeing a ships content, filter it, or just don't interact, don't hate on something that makes someone happy.

#less organized ranting about to commence #look not liking a ship is perfectly fine #i dont like sidlink #i dont like miphalink #or there are other ships i dont like #but i just filter the tag #we have that function on this app #USE IT #besides 99% of the hate i see towards revalink is the fact that “revali is a dick” #but if you look at the subtext of the game #and the original translation #hes more insecure than anything else #besides enemies to lovers is one of the most popular fic tropes #so if thats your reason for hating on revalink? #hypocrite #anyway rant over #im just tired of trying to enjoy something #only to have to see people bashing something that makes me happy #revalink #the legend of zelda #breath of the wild

[vectorworm]

watching Castle Freak again and...

#DADDY ISSUES #carnally.. as a father figure #the reason i love characters who are just a cube of concentrated daddy issues with legs is bc I AM just a concentraed cube #like that Dad is a fucking mess but hes trying his best :( #activating me issues #also hot #(that outfit though... a mess) #debating putting this in the drafts bc im so tired and but WHO CARES #(kinda which there was a self-destruct function for posts. wouldt that be fun) #the family is such an unrepairable mess #Barabara though <3 #love you Barbara Crampton. shes always amazing #Castle Freak

[silenthillbunni]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[strawberri-syrup]

i am gods sleepiest soldier

#me when my anxiety hasnt let me get a good nights sleep in a little over 2 week #i am so tired #no sleep for sami tho #how do i politely tell my math teacher im trying to pay attention but i dont have the mental energy to think about statistics #taking all my energy to be a functioning person #i have an exam first block tomrrow this wont be pretty

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i feel like im building sandcastles with dry sand #im just. i dunno. im frustrated and tired and resentful of the fact that in order to recover u have to rest #bc i mean i haven't been like cough cough sick. my immune system was freaking thr fuck out for 10 days and i can feel the damage internally #like. i compulsively exercise and theres this feeling u get when u kno ur stressed and run down but u dont stop physically overextending #like u can feel the muscles start to tear and not heal. and thats how i started to feel last week #so its like i kno i need to rest but its like. u just had a 5 day weekend ur supposed to b refreshed for the end of the semester #but no. im just discouraged and tired. back to making dry sandcastles. shocking. when u feel bad its harder to function #lets see how this affects my ccaps score when i see my therapist Monday lol #itll b fine. just frustrating. im gonna meet with my advisor tomorrow and b like yo my ability to function had been severely limited in the #last week and a half. but yes im not ready to try reviving some new cultures. and hopefully i can autoclave at some point #i just feel like im being lazy and i hate it #the burdon of being ill of body and mind #unrelated

[trixree]

My therapist told me that when I feel hopeless and defeated by my physical limitations that I should take a lot of care not to let that define me. Instead he says I should focus on my adaptability and strength for surviving despite them... But god is that so hard to do when I feel like literal dogshit and can't even get off the floor long enough to put clean sheets on my bed

#it's been months without an actual functioning migraine prevention #picture the worst bout of carsickness or motionsickness youve ever had and then add a pounding headache to that. #that's pretty much me once or twice a week for 12+ hours at a time #and the one thing that helps me manage that is marijuana. but she triggers my HEART CONDITION. #so i can be symptom-free only so long as I dont try to stand up or walk anywhere. #so tired. all the time. #and when I FINALLY get myself to eat today my mom wont shut up about how she feels about what i ate. #dude im so glad me being here is temporary. (not entertaining the idea that it might be as long as a year. because ill actually go insane.) #trixree speaks #misery posting #chronic illness #disability

[aberooski]

If I take a second to breathe and think and 3 seconds into it someone calls me over the radio to come clean something they could do themselves again I'm going to actually scream

#like god I knkw I'm the only usher here rn cuz im the opening usher on saturdays but FUCK #give me a second tk fucking BREATHE #I HATE when I'm doing something and one of the managers calls and is like actually can you stop what you're doing even though what you're- #-doing is more important and come sweep up this like 3 cernal popcorn spill literally right next to us that we could get ourselves but won' #I hate this job so much I want to quit so bad #somebody else hire me right now so I can leave this shithole #and also have a real job that pays mlre than 10 bucks and hour so I can actually pretend to be a semi functional adult #I can't even pretend right now #I've been stuck in limbo for the last 2 years at least and I really don't know how I'll ever get out #I probably won't let's be honest because I wasn’t born into a world where that's possible anymore #and my mental health has only been slowly but surely deteriorating for even longer than that but it's really crashed and burned lately #but i'm trying #and I honestly don't want to try anymore #I'm so tired

[sad-leon]

Forgor to clock out but already took melatonin so even if I wanted to make that 30-45 minute round trip, I couldnt ;-;

I know its not a big deal, but the anxiety doesnt know that

This why I liked swiping my badge, much harder to forget to clock out (though also much easier to forget to clock in)

#try not to forget again #:( #rambles #vent #rant #i need to get this out cuz if i dont my weekend will be shitty and i dont want it to be #wait.. maybe i can email the hr person #tbough i dont think shes in today #fuck #i really hate this #i know im gonna get the speech from whoever i talk to but it doesnt matter because I cant help it #my brain just doesnt function how it should #especially not when its my friday and ive been exhausted all fucking week #tired and angry and frustrated #imm try to sleep now and hope i feel better when i wake up #the amxiety will hopefully chill #so tired and anxious i cant type anymore #gonna stop before it devolved into anger

[symphorine]

.

#personal #i was like. already being gloomy lol thinking god i wish i could be a normal fucking person #talk to and message ppl and form and maintain friendships and know what to fucking say #and then i realized. even if i finally understood how it works and how to do thay. chronic fatigue means #i am literally unable to sustain the effort it would need. i cant do it. i cant reach the aspect of normalcy i desperately want #im already so close to my limit. i owe several people very overdue replies. and i want to talk to them! but. energy #and now im just sad. forget the autism the depression the chronic pain. the fatigue is what's worst for everything #i can never function to the level normal people can ever. i thought maybe the realisation would be a relief but #im just sad and frustrated and it sucks it just sucks #i want to make friends i want to fight that yawning pit of loneliness that i cant shake but i literally cannot #i dont understand what i have to do to matter enough to other ppl that they see me as a friend. idk how to interact with people naturally #its all learned its all painstakingly learned and built patterns and now i cant even try to learn more. im too fucking tired

[the-kipsabian]

i think that went? well??

#i have no honest clue ough #she was very happy with my resume tho. really appreciated the previous experience in the same job and all my social media and it experience #and i was enthusiastic about doing anything and as much as possible so i hope that was good for something #idk. im too tired and cold and in pain to process it #technically this could have been a video chat but also i function better going in places and being there in person so this was better for me #shes gonna let me know on wednesday so. Time To Stress wooooo #im gonna have coffee now and try not to pass out my back hurts ough #night is an absolute mess on main

[compulsiveobsessing]

i quit my job on monday, after a year of working there

i dont have anything lined up, and thankfully im living with family rn so i was actually able to do this, but it felt like something i wasnt supposed to do, mainly because i was laid off from my previous two jobs and it was difficult to get this job in the first place

but looking back at the past year, my mental health has never been worse. really consistent depression and suicidal ideation, very frequent and persistent instances of dpdr when i usually would only experience that in the fall, ridiculously high anxiety levels at times and frequent crying spells, my ocd has never been this bad for so long....

im glad to be done with it

#genuinely how was i functioning #i mean i wasnt i didnt engage in my hobbies or cook or bake or clean #you know this given from how often i posted #im slowly getting through my backlog of laundry and im gonna try to revive my poor plants #i unintentionally lost at least 10 lbs working there. because id be so tired when i got home i wouldnt bother eating a real meal #and then when in depressive eps i couldnt make myself eat #i dont remember much of last year and i didnt feel like a person for half of it

[woundedheartwithin]

It’s amazing how I am a nervous, timid wreck having to make phone calls until I hit peak efficacy of my adhd meds and then I can fucking do anything. Like this medication has actually turned me into a functioning adult and I still can’t fucking believe it

#she speaks #like I took it late today cuz I got up late so I’m functional a little later today #but like I just had to call five different pharmacies trying to chase down the generic vyvanse #and I wasn’t nervous once #like that’s not a thing that happens to me I’m always fucking nervous #EXCEPT NOT NOW CUZ IM PROPERLY MEDICATED #I could NEVER have made five phone calls in a row before I’m not even kidding #I would’ve gotten my dad to call because I’m scared and he humors me lol #but no I did it and I’m still just like eh had to be done wasn’t a big deal #and I’m absolutely marveling at that #like I don’t even feel tired after all that #and two of the pharmacies had rude ass techs answering the phone #one was SO SWEET tho #she goes I can look and see if any pharmacies around here have availability so you don’t have to keep making calls #and I was like OMG IF YOU CAN DO THAT I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL #and she was just like of course and I’m sitting there thinking why the FUCK didn’t any of the others offer that??? #like not even my own primary pharmacy offered that #anyway she gave me the number and I went #as earnestly as I possibly could #thank you SO much #and she was so taken aback she jus kinda paused and then went of course! it was my pleasure to help! #like no girl you just saved me a whole bunch of leg work I am indebted to you fr

[silenthillbunni]

🐰🩹🧸🏨

#i hate being in pain like this #bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else #im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain #it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly #im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it #idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr #im dramatic i know but ​it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again #im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know #im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :(( #i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life #i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain #i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit #getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up #i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked #which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for #i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :( #and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues #im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong #idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this