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jenoutof10 · 1 month

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Hi.... If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

hi! i definitely dont mind, this is such a fun ask so i'm SO SORRY ive only answered now 😭 also im horrible at explaining my thoughts so please bear with me...

1. jujutsu kaisen

i can go on and on about jjk but I'm trying to keep this short so I don't go on an endless rant. OKAY. i love the power system of jujutsu, it's simple but also pretty flexible and creative, i love the historical and traditional aspect of it + how it ties into clan culture, i love how it branches into barrier techniques, reverse cursed technique, binding vows, etc. for characters like gojo in particular i love how he's pictured as the strongest and how akutami shows the gap between him vs all other sorcerers, like he was in a whole different league and how his birth changed/tipped the balance of the world of jujutsu. i love the whole "saving others" thing like how yuuji wants to save everyone, megumi wants to save good people, nobara wants to save the people who mean alot to her, gojo thinking abt how he can only save people who want to be saved, geto wanting to save sorcerers from non sorcerers, etc. i like how the series has aspects of history (like how sugawara no michizane was a sorcerer and how his descendants include the gojo clan is ⅓ of the three main clans of the series, and basically the entirety of tengen (lol)). i love the anime adaptation and how crazy the animation is (when s1 came out i was alr baffled but after watching s2 and looking back at s1 im even more impressed at their development), the manga's artstyle i was a big fan of but now not so much (the scratchyness and alternating thick and thin rough lines around the time of shibuya arc were PEAK). besides that as a buddhist myself, the multiple buddhism references in the series really cemented my love for it as it felt familiar and it feels like ur getting a shout out esp since most shows feature themes of catholicism and christianity.

2. blue lock

i'm honestly unathletic af idk why im here. i think what hooked me was the whole individualistic + egoist concept and the elimination setting (like squid game) 🙏 for me blue lock's prime is [2nd selection, 4v4] until the end of [u20 arc], i really liked the art style during that period! sadly, i feel blue lock has fallen off ever since the current NEL arc, it feels as if theyve deviated from the original ego concept (fuck this whole "protagonism" thing man wtf) and the artstyle has undergone changes im not particular to. also the anime wack af.

3. bungou stray dogs

im going to be honest. i did NOT like bsd. s1-s3 was too all over the place for me and i really did not get the series at all, i actually thought it ended but then they released s4 & s5 in 2023. almost a year since s4 came out, i came around to watching it and i got HOOKED, i think a big factor was that there was less fillers and a lot more action scenes, plus the detective vs mastermind thing truly popped off in s4 + s5. besides that, i enjoyed the introduction of new cast and the return of previous ones (now as allies). sure, there's plot holes and the anime cuts off a handful of scenes but it WAS an incredibly enjoyable watch. plus i'd say bsd has mountains of content (atleast in comparison with other serieses) because besides your usual manga, anime, and occasionally stage play adaptation. you have the alt univ. BEAST, light novels like stormbringer or 55 minutes, wan!, and even bsd gaiden (which has nothing to do w the main series)

4. haikyuu

THE classic. it was the first anime i got into when i started quarantine and it brought back my animanga phase. i love how the characters all have interesting stories to tell, their own motivations and personalities. lots of teamwork, teambuilding, found family(?) aspects, plus all the themes have their own specific themes which i dig a lot (ex. inarizaki and their foxes + shrines). plus i love how this series captures the thrill of watching sports, it MIGHT be overexaggerated to some but i get lightheaded when theyre at match-point and on the verge of losing so it does provide some kind of high. OH and i like that they show realistic wins and losses.

5. hunter x hunter

i have not read the manga but this show was serious to me. i'm a sucker for meta and power systems, and nen is like... actually insane. i love the characters SO MUCH, the variety of designs and appearances, how the series shows the way they grow throughout their adventures and experiences, the way they show a character's relationship with the rest of the cast, etc. it also gives a somewhat nostalgic vibe? i love the opening, endings, OSTs + narrator. it truly does feel like ur tagging along on their adventures, it was a real tearjerker for me tbh.

6. avatar: the last airbender + the legend of korra

i think atla is an amazing show bcs 1. cool setting and world building 2. the cultural references 3. cool dynamics 4. character personalities and development 5. cool power system and fighting styles 6. found family etc etc... ITS A COMPLETE PACKAGE. im p sure not much are fond of tlok but i love it. i think some reasons include the fact that korra isnt like aang, but i think thats what makes tlok interesting, korra is 17 when the show starts and the show continues to follow how she grows and develops into a fully realized avatar both physically and spiritually. i also think its bcs of how they modernized bending and how lots of the cultural aspect is lost but i think its an incredible and interesting way to showcase real life modernization.

7. jojo's bizarre adventure

jjba CHANGED ME 😭 this series is actually insane like if it was a person please get it to a mental ward. i think as an artist, it holds a very dear place in my heart. the show itself is absurd and unbelievable so it keeps you on your toes (dont mind the plot holes and inconsistencies, at some point you're just gonna have to live with it). but the selling point for me is the characters, everyone has amazing, colorful and distinct designs that match well with their personalities and overall air. not to mention the artstyle and references in everything to everything? lol. the show's different parts also feature different main casts, dynamics and storylines, sometimes they do a callback to a previous part.

okay! it was very hard choosing between the 7 of them but i think they actually were the ones that truly left an impact on me. thank you so much for the ask i finally got the chance to ramble about the stuff i consume 😭😭😭 there's a lot of media I'd love to talk about and mention so maybe one day ill make a post on hopefully all the media ive consumed.

honorable mentions:

genshin impact

i started genshin in 2021 when 1.3 came out, i was dead serious about this game during quarantine. i love liyue so much its what truly got me hooked (everything from the music, the sights, etc. for me liyue/pre inazuma was prime genshin), i enjoyed building characters and doing showcases too. started losing interest when sumeru came out and slowly stopped logging in/playing daily. the reason i wont put this in the actual list is bcs im pretty clueless about the new characters and story, nor do i have much interest in them. (i came back to do the lantern rite event, love the new liyue regions!)

detective comics

i love action and fights, especially when they feature powers, so liking superheroes makes sense 🤷 DC gets shit on alot bcs of the DCEU but the films aside i like DC better than marvel. im particular to gotham and the batfam, it's just more dark and gritty, plus there's lotsa drama going on LOL. the gotham knights cast also branches alot like to young justice (I LOVE YOUNG JUSTICE 😭), teen titans, titans, birds of prey, and ofc justice league.

chainsaw man, mob psycho 100, code geass, assassination classroom, neon genesis evangelion, trigun, fairy tail

#ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK I HAD SO MUCH FUN HAHAHA #🍑 ask jen #🍑 jen geeks

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tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors · 2 years

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Are adopted children able to inherit a noble title in the Pieces!verse?

thank you dear nonnie for giving me an excuse to infodump about the aristocracy and inheritance law of Westrand /gen

so. short answer, yes, with caveats

long answer went under the cut because i physically could not shut up

the nobility of Westrand is divided into two tiers, the royal families and the noble houses. i'll explain why first

Westrand is a country in an interesting spot, geographically speaking. it's on the coast, and bordered on the other side by mountains (think california, approximately, though not the same shape really)

it used be a coastal territory of the Aprendian Empire (now just called Prend, their neighboring country)

about 600 years ago, a group of five Aprendian noble families pooled their resources and initiated a war of secession from Prend. this was mostly possible because of their geography - Prend had more resources but little to no experience fighting in mountainous, snowy terrain, and Westrand composed the majority of their navy.

there was a very brief cold-war esque civil war after this, where these five families were like "well, now who's king?." eventually they settled on an odd system in which all five of thise families are considered "royal families," and the monarch is selected from one of the five heirs to those family upon the death of the previous, by vote of all the nobles (this system is referred to as elective monarchy)

i would explain that whole process but this is already like 600 words im so sorry alsdkjalsjd

the heirs of the royal are determined by an inheritance system called cognatic seniority which basically means that men and women can inherit, in order of eldest family member - not eldest child

so if the current Grand Prince/Princess has a younger sibling older than their children, the sibling inherits, not the kids. basically - oldest person with the last name "Laurent" is the Laurentian Grand Prince. (except Katherine Laurent is queen rn, so its the second oldest)

Royals can adopt children, and those children are granted a courtesy title of prince/princess, but they can never be Grand Prince or inherit the throne.

okay. i hope that made sense alskdjalkj now! noble houses

noble houses are, nominally, chosen by the monarch. at the first go round, those five royal families (who have declared themselves to have a sort of shared divine right by this point) chose the nobility from both the previous nobles who supported the war, and from other war supporters such as high class merchants and even some military generals.

Monarchs can name new noble houses at any time (the fitzroys are a relatively new noble house, declared a couple hundred years ago from the illegitimate peasant child of a particularly unpleasant king) but they cant be stripped of their title for any reason other than treason.

because these noble houses are less "divine right" and more "chosen ones" vibes, their inheritance laws are slightly different. by default, they use cognatic primogeniture or absolute primogeniture - eldest child regardless of gender of the current title holder inherits, and if one doesnt exist, the next oldest sibling. currently, Roman is Logan's heir, because Logan doesn't have any children, and next is Remus because Roman also doesn't.

However in practice, noble houses most often choose their "most suitable" heir from among their children or niblings. This includes in their will, which sometimes causes Drama. Technically, they can name anyone their heir, it's just assumed they'll choose someone in the family.

the Philosophy is that the royal houses chose the nobility from "the best" people of Westrand, and therefore now the nobles choose "the best" for their heirs. as you can imagine, this causes a LOT of sibling infighting, with parents often pitting their children against each other to "prove" their suitability as heir.

#ask #anonymous #pieces verse #words words so many words #walls of metatext #can you worldbuilding is basically crack to me

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abacus-jpg · 2 years

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Someone asked about Lucy and I got excited cause I absolutely adore her!!

(I will add that Lucy is apart of my system, no im not diagnosed so I will not talk about it that much since I do not have a defined answer on whether it is did or some other split personality disorder, but I want you to keep that in mind with her and any of my other characters. Thanks!!)

So this is Lucy! She is a surrogate baby. She has selective mutism, autism, and another disorder I will not talk about since it is a sensitive subject for some. She gets along well with her parents but in some cases she physically cannot speak due to her being mute, when in public she will not speak since well, she can’t. But if she’s at home where it’s just her and her parents she has no problems usually. She likes to draw from time to time but her main focus is chemistry. She spends most of her time when she’s not busy with lilac, her girlfriend!(lilac is a tomtord shipkid please bare with me, I might explain on her I might not,, she’s quiet) Lucy adores lilac in every way and they’ve been friends since the age of 12 however their relationship started when they were 15. Lilac is one of the few people Lucy feels comfortable speaking too. Yuu and yanov think the world over lilac since she was always there for Lucy no matter what.

Lucys most noticeable physical features are her freckles(she gets them from yuu), her heterochromia(also from yuu), her black hair + the cow lick (from yanov),her personality is both, and her double lidded eyes (lord I hope I worded that right, she gets that from yanov too. I know this picture doesn’t really show that well but in more recent drawings they are noticeable. When I was drawing this one I had no reference to go off of :v)

Lucy reminds yanov a lot of himself when e was younger just because on the outside she has that ‘tough as shit’ look to her, she isn’t, she could easily defend herself yes, but she prefers no conflict. When yan was a teen he had that look through him, he did prefer no conflict but if someone treated yuu the wrong way he was fast to defend him. Yuu is a very shy person and if someone talks shit to him he will not say anything back.

Lucy has other friends besides lilac! She’s been friends with Piper since they were in preschool. (Piper is Paul and pats daughter go figure, I love her just as much too!) That’s kinda all for friends friends, she has a close relationship with her grandfather yael and her uncle Xavier, both are from yanovs side. (Xavier is also mute aswell except he has total mutism) when yuu was in and out of hospital across town Lucy spent most of her time with yael since yanov was usually travelling after work to go see yuu.

That’s all I’ll share for now!! If you have any questions for or about then lmk!! Lilac as a bother and a sister aswell they’re triplets, Piper has a younger brother and sister they are twins. And Lucy is an only child.

#eddsworld yanov #eddsworld yuu #yuunov #ship kid #Lucy #eddsworld #eddsworld headcanons

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rin-and-jade · 18 hours

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Hi, this feels a little odd to ask. I'm sorry if it bugs you. I'm questioning if I am a system. Two different people I know (both systems) have either asked if I am a system or expressed that they think I am a system. I've been questioning for awhile and the uncertainty is spiraling. I have already been diagnosed with adhd and know there are some overlapping symptoms + looked into the dsm5 to better understand if did/osdd really is what I experience.

That might sound convoluted. I'm sorry. I relate a lot to quite a few different experiences (emotional amnesia and selective amnesia primarily) but now I don't know what to do with this information. Talking outloud to communicate with alters I'm unsure are even there feels like I'm grasping at air for answers and writing a question and then writing the first response that comes to mind feels false or that I must have just made it up because I just wrote a question so I'm the only one that can be answering right?

I'm a little scared to keep asking my therapist about finding answers because being told "no you don't have this disorder" feels like being put back at square one when the answer fits so closely and yet to claim I have this disorder feels like I'm trying to enter a group that I don't belong in. If that makes sense? Again, I'm sorry. I'm not really sure who else to ask these questions and reading some of your other posts, you are more knowledgeable and experienced.

Its true i have made hundreds of posts regarding to system things, thankyou for trusting your question to me because i am very much capable in answering it for you!

While amnesia is a criteria for plural folks, you're right for saying that many symptoms overlap each other, especially when you have adhd, as memory-related things are rather difficult for these kinds of people from the general population.

I suggest looking for the main highlight of this disorder itself; identity inconsistency and forgetfulness that doesn't seem to fit the typical norm of how adhd manifests it, it would be harder to detect which forgetfulness belong to which, so in this case some clues like messages that didn't look like what you would say in a certain situation or change of preferences/reaction that can possibly contradict each other. I doubt that part is an adhd thing, but the part where multiple, constant changing hobbies are harder to tell because this can belong both to adhd and cdd's.

Im also aware of the internal monologue that runs wild and constant in an adhd person, this further makes it more difficult to discern wether it is another alter or just your own voice, so my easy way of saying this is if they seem very varieted/different or some statements that can get you off guard because such words never aligned to you at the first place. Another one, is cdd's monologue is often commentary like a live chat in a stream, if you catch that, there's a chance it doesn't belong to adhd.

I know, its very hard to separate which belongs to which, but i promise it is possible! I hope these two hints you have to look for suffice to conclude wether you have the possibility to be a system or not, plus, feel free to continue this issue in my DMs when this isn't enough/finished yet.

Don't forget to learn, read, and understand more about cdd and it's experiences in any community (like here too, tumblr), and see you.

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #janswersask

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blissbitescbdgummies0505 · 21 days

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laxczfoot · 1 year

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trainingtrust · 2 years

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There's also RoyalTSX which I haven't tried personally, just remembered seeing it mentioned in the Mac RDP client discussions before. Start Watching Episodes & Movies Extras Details Season 1 Filter/Sort sorted by. ETFs are funds that contain a collection of securities typically stocks or bonds that track a particular stock sector or index. there are no limits (TSX:MDF), a leader in SaaS commerce technology. hairless apes-and he looked up to see an equine of some sort fall off a. If you’d like to invest in a particular sector of the stock market, consider exchange-traded funds, or ETFs. Sometimes it's necessary to change the default port (3389) to another one. we- Do any of you have any- Word Connect Level 15922 answers Start Over. Windows 2000 doesn't sup port this feature!) RDP Port Change the target RDP port. The Front Line Against IT Chaos & Cyber Threats.

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uploadtrust · 2 years

Text

Cant send companion to sanctuary

CANT SEND COMPANION TO SANCTUARY INSTALL

CANT SEND COMPANION TO SANCTUARY MOD

Damn, i just tried to make it work with maximum settlement population cap, like sending piper to sanctuary, going there, recruiting here again, sending the maximum amount of settlers. Only if you havent sent them anywhere else first. I did arrive at a point where I couldn't send a companion to sanctuary hills. All you have to do is cancel out of the selection and they will go to their default home, pretty easy. They are friendly, litter box trained, socialized and ready to move into your lap! They are ready to live the life they were always meant to live. Well, there is a limit in that they can't go over the settlement's population limit, which is 10 + cha. Either they live at the ‘home’ shelter which was designed for their comfort or they are fostered by very generous families who open their doors for these cats. Today a few of these same cats live with their many new friends who are also in need of their own “forever homes”. In 2007 the cats moved into their new quarters at Purr-fect Companions Sanctuary. A facility to comfortably house the cats was purchased which accommodated the needs of all the animals. When in 2006 the owner of that original shelter announced that her shelter would be closing and the city would take the cats, most likely to euthanize them, our founder and director rolled up her sleeves and went to work. They remained this way for well over a year. If that don't work use the vault tec V.I.P target system if you have vault tec workshop.idk if it can track robots though.

CANT SEND COMPANION TO SANCTUARY MOD

Im thinking it may be a mod that is conflicting with it, as I never experienced this in. My charisma is a 7, and the only settlers there are Cosworth and Preston and friends. Some had been put in windowless rooms with only artificial light by day or in cages in a warehouse, sometimes two to a cage. Im trying to send Cait to Sanctuary now that we have max affinity, but when I switch her out, sanctuary isnt even in the list, not just grayed out, just completely gone.

CANT SEND COMPANION TO SANCTUARY INSTALL

also there is a Bell you can install and have all companions come to a central location, look under resources where your food is, it's in misc section. Sometimes I lose them in the settlement I am in. The cats had come from deplorable conditions and needed to be vaccinated, spayed or neutered. Get the terminal as ragnaroknroll, it allows you mark your companions with a question like marker to find them. The owner of the previous shelter had taken in a very large number of cats from 2 separate hoarder homes in another county. One person who answered the call is now the founder and Executive Director of Purrfect Companions Sanctuary. In 2004, a call for help went out from an animal shelter in Cleveland, Ohio.

#Cant send companion to sanctuary

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autisticandroids · 3 years

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Okay so this was a while back but im preety sure you had mentioned an au of yours where dean is a serial killer and cas successfully stalks him but i don't think you talked about it more than that and i just really want to hear a bit more bc that idea sounds so tastefully fucked up

okay so. weeks later i finally end up answering this ask. it inspired this post btw. anyway spn is a show that's like. all about justifications, as i said in the post inspired by this ask. it's about having no choice and doing what you have to do. and like there is the phantasy embedded in it, a phantasy that is both indulged and punished. but most importantly it's justified. the monsters are super strong to show how brave our heroes are for fighting them, the main characters let out great wails of grief every time their lady loves are violently ripped from them (even though now they are free to do whatever they want), the narrative twists to show our heroes as correct whatever they do. the fantasy (of being allowed to enact violence, of being free from feminine "control," of being right) comes first. the material construction of the universe of supernatural comes afterward. whatever the fantasy is, the universe of supernatural will provide material conditions to justify its acting-out.

and what this means is that our protagonists, dean in particular, are constantly doing just horrific things, which in any other circumstance would be unconscionable. but the universe of supernatural provides justification for these acts. the point of my serial killer au which i think about so so so much is to ask the question: what if these justifications melted out from under their feet? what if dean was left holding nothing but a lie and the weight of everything he's done?

therefore, the premise of my au is such (under the cut because this baby is long):

john and mary winchester, in the mid seventies, joined a doomsday cult known as the men of letters. the men of letters were rather unusual for a doomsday cult, in that they believed that the apocalypse could be prevented by human behavior. this started as correct living, correct worship, yadda yadda, the kind of behavior and thought control that cults are known for, but with the justification of: if you don't do this, the world will end. eventually, this escalated to human sacrifice. the men of letters managed to untraceably kill two homeless people in the late seventies. but they eventually fell apart. however, a month after john and mary left the men of letters (mostly john's choice, mary still believed), mary died in a house fire. john took it as a sign from god that actually, the men of letters were right, and the world would end unless john himself did something about it. so he took some of the (intensely numerological) theology of the men of letters. and he worked out his own formula. and he applied it to the yellow pages. and started ritualistically killed people to prevent the apocalypse, with his two sons in the back of the car.

now, obviously, this is some kind of grief induced temporary madness on john's part, shaped by the mental abuse he suffered in the men of letters. but the thing is, once you've killed a couple of people to prevent the apocalypse. well. there's this thing called the sunk costs fallacy. john wasn't gonna question his own beliefs after that.

and he raised his boys to believe it, too, or at least he raised dean to. they didn't tell sam what they did until he was twelve, and sam didn't buy it, tried to call the cops on them several times but in the end, they always prevented him. eventually sam ran off to stanford, where he now lives under a cloud of guilt that he's too loyal to his family to rat them out.

john died a few years back of a heart attack, but dean is convinced it's because he messed up a ritual two weeks before it happened, so it pushed him further into this belief system.

dean's killings (and john's before him) are ritualistic and distinctive, obviously the same killer each time. but they happen anywhere in the united states, seemingly at random, there are inconsistent amounts of time between each one (sometimes as short as days, sometimes as long as years), and there is no particular victim profile. obviously, since our killers are following an arcane mathematical formula to make their choices for them, but the police don't know that.

castiel novak is an unemployed shut-in with a small inheritance which he's living off of, a cryptography degree, and an obsession with all things morbid. he spends most of his time on the reddit true crime forums, playing amateur sleuth. by complete chance, he happens to recognize one of the symbols frequently used in corpse displays by the so-called sioux falls satanic slaughterer (so named because the first time three of his victims were in the same part of the country, it so happened that they were all in sioux falls, south dakota. this was in the late eighties.) as being mostly only used by a little known cult group called the men of letters, which dissolved in the mid eighties.

he only notices this because, as a teen, he had a special interest in cults and fringe religious groups. the men of letters weren't a particularly notable or well known phenomenon; they were small, and a lot like every other cult that formed during the seventies cult boom. (no outsider ever heard about the human sacrifice; there were rumors, of course, but they were garbled, sensationalized, and mixed up with satanic panic fodder.)

(the men of letters' two sacrifices were nothing particularly romantic or fantastical. they first lured panhandler josie sands back to their compound with promises of food and a warm bed when she admitted she couldn't get a bed at a shelter, and was thinking of getting caught shoplifting just so she could be under a roof in the county jail. the men of letters' leader, a man who took on the name alistair, forced his inner circle to dress in the ceremonial black robes he had given them when he initiated them into his nearest and dearest, and which his wife had sewn out of old bed sheets and dyed black with home made oak gall dye. these robes still left black smudges on the wearer's skin occasionally if they sweated too much. josie was laid, bound, on the altar, a slapdash thing constructed over the course of two days from scrap plywood and a couple of milk crates. a rich red tablecloth purchased at macy's for $3.99 hid its ugliness and gave it grandeur. alistair attempted to kill the struggling miss sands by bringing a sharpened kitchen knife down on her bosom and piercing her heart, but, having never killed a human or even slaughtered an animal before, was unaware of the problem presented by the human ribcage. after rather ineffectually poking at the area beneath sands' bosom with his knife while she shrieked in pain and terror for about ninety seconds, alistair tried a different tack, and slit her throat, which worked just fine, and she bled out quite nicely. the second and final victim of the men of letters was a local vagrant named larry ganem, an older gentleman who walked with a limp. he was lured back to the compound in approximately the same manner as sands, but instead of being bound, he was fed stew laced with sleeping pills. even if alistair hadn't slit his throat, he wouldn't have woken up. it's actually arguable whether he was still alive at time of sacrifice; mary winchester (eight months into her first pregnancy), who, as a member of the inner circle, was in attendance, actually tried to take ganem's pulse as he lay on the altar (now covered by a different tablecloth; the red one had turned stiff with sands' blood and been subsequently burned) and found nothing, so it is entirely possibly only sands' death can be directly laid at alistair's feet, and ganem's is the fault of mrs. ellen harvelle, who prepared the laced stew. regardless, these two deaths are lessons in the nature of human evil: it is very rarely skilled, suave, or smooth. it's often slapdash, half-hearted, and just plain incompetent. but that makes it no less grisly. alistair may have begun to drink his own kool-aid, as it were, and escalated this far out of genuine belief that the apocalypse was coming and it was up to him to stop it, but it is far more likely that he sensed the imminent collapse of his little empire, and wanted to bind his subjects to him through the horrors of shared guilt, considering two lives a small price to pay for the continued loyalty of his inner circle. and the tactic worked: the men of letters didn't start to collapse in earnest until almost four years later. perhaps if alistair had continued the killings, the men of letters could have lasted for far longer, maybe even up until the present day. but it seems that alistair, a psychiatrist by training and unused to violence, simply didn't have the stomach for it. unlike, say, john winchester, who before his time with the men of letters had done a two year tour in vietnam, during which he had killed three living, thinking human beings with the american government's go-ahead.)

anyway. castiel is the first person, ever, to make the connection between the men of letters and the sioux falls satanic slaughterer. and once that connection is made, castiel begins to research the men of letters far more in-depth. and he notices something: the theology of the men of letters was intensely numerological, filled with patterns, significant numbers, and even spiritual equations.

castiel thinks of the seemingly random selection of the slaughterer's victims, and has an epiphany.

he cracks all his fingers, and gets coding.

six months. it takes castiel six months to discover an equation that could fit the slaughterer's pattern. it's complex, but also clearly based on several of the men of letters' holy numbers, and accounts for every single one of the killings. it also suggests that there should have been two or three more deaths scattered across the years, but more than likely those did happen, it's just that they weren't reported as part of the slaughterer's portfolio.

but much more importantly, castiel's model can also make predictions. there will be two killings, fifteen days apart, in a city seven hours' drive away, six weeks from now.

so castiel waits. and he books a hotel room. and two months later, he's waiting outside 217 oak street when a shadowy figure climbs up a tree and lets itself into the upstairs window.

dean winchester is feeling particularly all alone in the world when he breaks into maisey banks' home (217 oak street). his father has been dead for half a decade, and he hasn't spoken to his baby brother for twice that. it's not like this whole grizzly saving the world business makes him a lot of friends. so once he's done killing maisey (which is easy, she was ninety three and dying of cancer anyway. she doesn't even wake up when he slits her throat) and arranging her corpse in the appropriate manner, with prayers and sigils, he turns around. and sees a man standing behind him.

smiling slightly.

as he watches dean gut this old woman.

dean freezes.

the man takes a step forward.

"you're very attractive for a serial killer who's been operating since the eighties."

dean is silent.

"family business, is it?"

silence continues.

"i'm not here to report you to police. i'm just here to see if my algorithm worked right."

and dean finally breaks his silence: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

what's fun here is that dean knows (or rather "knows") that he isn't a serial killer. so he finds what cas is doing, this amoral serial killer stormchasing, morally repugnant. because cas has no way of knowing he isn't a regular serial killer.

there's also the fact that that cas proceeds to flirt with him. aggressively. and follows him back to his motel.

but the thing is that dean is all alone in the world. and as cas continues trailing him around, he starts getting, well, flattered. and feeling a little bit less alone.

it doesn't take very long before they fall into bed. even if cas is an amoral stalker with a fetish for what dean considers a distasteful yet necessary vocation.

so. they fall into bed. they fall in love. they make a little life together, in dean's big sexy car. dean tries to explain to cas that he's saving the world. that these people's lives are a necessary price to pay. and cas seems to listen.

of course, castiel doesn't believe a word of it. but he's found that he likes dean. really likes him. and he realizes that the collapse of dean's belief system would destroy him.

so he sets about becoming as complicit in it as possible.

even to the extent where, when dean is hit by a car and ends up into the hospital a day before one killing is meant to take place, castiel agrees to take on the job. (he doesn't actually kill anyone, obviously. but he does use his extensive skill with computers to create three fake newspaper articles which make it look like he has.)

but five years later, something goes wrong. really, really wrong. dean miscalculates the formula. and by the time he checks his work, the actual date of the next kill, as demanded by the formula, has passed. in fact, so have three others. and the world didn't end.

dean collapses. he hyperventilates. all those people. all those people. for no reason. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people.

cas seems totally unfazed. dean stares at him in shock. but cas just takes dean in his arms, and whispers in his ear: "oh, dean, i never believed in the equation. i love you no matter what you've done."

and dean buries his face in cas' chest.

#spn #asks #anonymous #abuse tw #violence tw

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mindblindbard · 3 years

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im an anon from the patreon demo, and i just wanted to ask, would it be possible to have an option where-- AS AN ALTERNATE (not a replacement) to button answering "Let's let K and my cover story be that we're dating", have somebody else joke about it and then let it become a thing??

because, and this cant just be me, my button would never. my button might think about it, but my button would never say that aloud or THINK about saying it aloud. but i do want to potentially go down that avenue of K's romance without ut being wholly OOC for my Button to suddenly have this confidence to say that?? like maybe the option is "I open my mouth to offer a suggestion but [Sally/Glitch/idk] cuts me off with a joke, 'You and K could always fake date lol'." and when you select that option, it then cuts to a scene then of button looking to K, embarassed, and K saying "(cue me simplifying K saying "I can do that. Are you okay with doing that?" into) Can you do that?" and Button stutters "Uh, I, sure? I-I can do that." and the joker is like "I did not think you two would be down for that but okay we're doing that now" and BAM theyre fake-dating

i can get if button bringing it up is important for K (i assume it is anyway? idk), but is there a way to compromise maybe?? im just spitballing here

Hmm . . . possibly! Probably, even, once I start on the second draft. (You don’t need to pick the undercover dating option to romance K, but that route does have the most romantic moments.)

To be completely honest, I need to go back and rework all the coding for the crush and relationship variables because I coded most things at whim with vague ideas of “oh yes, this is how the relationship will probably go” while also trying to leave things open so that players aren’t locked in until they’ve had time to explore the ROs. And then I never remember what I coded in the past chapters (I need a better system, and that will be the first thing done once the story is on the page).

I could definitely see Glitch and Sally being sly and trying to set things up if Button has expressed interest in K to both of them and not pursued anyone else!

#spoilers #Mind Blind

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junkworldusa · 3 years

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belated book asks, thank you for indulging me!

1- What book are you currently reading? bros karamazov, 2/3s through atm.

i hate that i’m thinking about pathologic (video game) the entire time but i can't help it. the way characters are constantly bursting into people's houses & going "you’re an angel, you're the best person i've ever met, you're a saint" to someone they just met 5 minutes ago is so. distinct. i joked on twitter that the first half of the book is just alyosha running around completing sidequests, which i still think is true, but once i got to the grand inquisitor part i was like "Okay mr dostoevsky, you’ve got me."

2- What book did you recently finish? "selections from science & sanity" by alfred korzybski, recently featured in the gumby quotes. a while back i listened to a 6 hour long interview with robert anton wilson where he talks about korzybski & general semantics so i gave it a shot. it's an abridged version of a 900 page book & i definitely plan on reading the full work at some point, it's wild. if you’re interested in language, consciousness, the gap between words & meaning, and/or hacking your brain i would recommend it. he repeats himself a lot but that's a side effect of his pedagogy, the goal of which is the eventual re-wiring of your entire nervous system in order to achieve a more rational worldview/healthier reactions to things. (so repetition via words/sounds/actions is necessary 2 engage the organism-as-a-whole.) the most important takeaway for me is that everything & everyone you interact with is a completely unique object, and this necessarily extends to temporality-- Bob in 1999 is NOT the same person as Bob in 2010, and treating them as though they were is a harmful mistake. interestingly enough, im taking a class with J.F. martel (weird studies podcast, author of "reclaiming art in the age of artifice") & last night he said what amounts to exactly the same thing, except he was arguing for like, a soft animism (i-thou vs. i- it) & korzybski was arguing for a more "rational" & secular world. so fascinating.

3- What’s a book that’s been on your to-read list for a long time? ulysses. i know. i know. i have a copy but keep bouncing off of it. idk why, i liked portrait of the artist as a young man. i think i’m worried i’ll turn into this person:

4- What’s the next book you’re hoping to read? i just got "speech play: research & resources for the study of linguistic creativity" in the mail so probably that. i'm on a childlore kick rn & this is like... horizontally related 5- Is there a book you own, but aren’t planning on reading?

around 2 years ago i was walking home after a show high on E & i ran into a guy i had met at work a couple times. went over to his apartment because MDMA is like, "everything is SO meaningful and SO much fun." i barely remember our conversation but he ended up being like "you would like this book, here take it, i have 3 copies." so i now own a copy of "the eater of darkness" by robert m coates. i still haven't read it. the moral of this story is [???]

6- What was your favorite series as a kid? Would you still read it now? so many of you asked this question :P

THE TRUTH: i was obsessed with lotr from age 8 to 13 with a level of dedication that i've never known since. yes, i would still read it now. i reread the silmarillion last year & it was naturally a way more rewarding experience than when i was a kid! 8- Fantasy or sci-fi? i like & have read a lot of older sf/f (le guin asimov pkd etc etc) but im not actively into either nowadays. i read whatever reaches me from the queer sf/f twitter pipeline (like whatever's on wizards vs lesbians) but otherwise dont pay much attention. so the answer is "idk!!!”

12- Have you ever read a celebrity memoir? If so, whose was it? the only memoir i've read in recent years has been "memories, dreams, reflections" so if jung counts as a celebrity, there you go 14- Fiction or non-fiction? non-fiction in both quantity of books owned & what i prefer reading. i almost view them as 2 separate activities bc the motivation for & experience of reading them are so wildly different 15- Favorite fiction genre? i know i said im not "actively into" sci fi but 16- Favorite non-fiction genre? "philosophy" i guess. i also really love any phenomenological/experience-based studies of paranormal stuff, like "the terror that comes in the night" by david hufford or anything by jacques vallée. basically books that both a) take strange experiences seriously & b) examine/catalogue them scientifically (to whatever degree).

22- How do you organize your books? “poorly” 26- What’s your favorite book? fav non-fiction book: “time loops” by eric wargo. what if freud's career-making "irma dream" was a premonitory dream about the oral cancer that would severely impede his quality of life in his old age? (fantastic blog entry by the author, serves as a kind of intro to this topic: http://thenightshirt.com/?p=4326 )

when i read “time loops” it felt like everything i had ever read (& will ever read future tense) was for the sole purpose of understanding it. “time loops” picks up where J.W. dunne's 1927 "an experiment with time" left off. i won't say too much more about it but everyone should read it. it's so smart & engaging & will totally blow your miiiind, maaaan speaking of "an experiment with time," in 1964 a guy named vladimir nabokov began an experiment of his own following the directions dunne laid out in his book. dunne encouraged readers to write down their dreams in order to test the theory that a later event could generate an earlier dream.

nabokov’s experiment with dreams & time strongly influenced “ada or ardor: a family chronicle” which happens to be my favorite novel. i first read it when i was 18, and i've reread it 3 times since then (with the help of ada online, my beloved http://www.ada.auckland.ac.nz/ ) i would not recommend this book to anyone who doesn’t already like nabokov & know what he’s about. it’s fucked up & self indulgent & i love it so much

30- What character do you connect with the most? when jung said he was bad at math? i felt that

#asks

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miss-bibbles · 2 years

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SO I read a lot of fanfiction...like more than is probably healthy for me, but it brings me a lot of joy so I'm gonna keep doing it. I recently finished Evolution is spelt with an R by de-sire and I was pretty obsessed with it, I just there are so many things I love about it. I loved the world-building and that it approached the wizarding war from a different perspective

My taste tends to vary pretty widely, I'll go from mature to general. If you haven't read operation toebeans by moonymoment you should because it's so adorable I'm obsessed with it.

I also read "Don't blame me, love made me crazy" by coupe_de_foudre recently and it was adorable. Flirty Jegulus gives me life!

ALSO Quite like Us is so cute and I am waiting with baited breath for the next chapter. I really want to see how the author is going to work with Sirius and Regulus' relationship. It's so clear they love each other but they are both a mess who don't really know how to have actual real conversations. I haven't read the other two you mentioned yet, I'm not a big wip person, I have to really be in the mood to get into one, I tend to read fics all in one sitting and I get anxiety sometimes when I don't know what happens immediately

Don't hate me but I'm 100% the person who purposefully spoils movies and things sometimes for myself because the waiting makes me anxious, so I follow Yaz on here and am pretty much up to date on what's happening in WYWM and I'm super excited to read it when they are finished with it, and I'll live happily knowing all the spoilers thus far

SO for my favorite Au's, I'm pretty partial to magic au's, I absolutely adore seeing how authors see the world and how they expand on it and all the magical theory they put behind it (I'm a huge nerd for magical theory). I enjoy a good modern au when I'm in the mood for it. I've been known to read a time travel fic every once in a while (back to magical theory, I find the theory behind it truly fascinating)

I'm getting ready to read "The things I did" by lolo-row which is a wolfstar fic that just finished. All I really know about it is that it's based after james/lily die and Remus realized the Sirius azkaban thing is fishy and he works to get him free and also works to get Harry away from his shitty relatives. I have high hope for it, so we will see.

What's your favorite fic you've read recently? What au's make you go high-key feral?

-Chaotic Fanfic Anon

i read fanfics a lot that everyone in the household is kind of concerned about me but i'm me and i'm always insane. but i had a humongous increase in my prescription after i started reading fanfics till very very very late in the dark, under the covers. so. probably not healthy

de-sire is such a great writer! they have so many amazing fics but i've yet to read the one you're referring to

i added tobeans and don't blame me to my tbr! thanks for the rec

yess quite like us is pretty adorable. i love it! i've read way too many wrong number AUs but i think there's only one for jegulus. i don't follow many wips too. at first i read everything under the tags but then i came to love a select few and i follow only them.

SAME i ruin everything by going and searching the events of a movie or a book online but i can't fucking help it. no one actually understands how my brain works. its a mystery that im going to pretend ik the answers to

wywm and yaz is a void that sucks everyone in whether or not you're reading the fic. please its just so funny and sweet how you followed them and then stuck around for updates and spoilers of a fic you haven't read and now love as your own

i got sick of sad, canon compliant magical au jegulus so i haven't picked up a magic au in a while. but i agree with being a nerd and freaking out over well developed magic systems in fantasy books. like omg its the most fun part to read and also to write if you're a writer

i've read two or three time travel fix its. there's one i beta-ed for which is Ouroboros. the others i don't recall.

my favorite recently read fic...omg i haven't started new fics in a while. eesh. but i did post a list of comfort fics so you can check that out

what AU makes me go feral. mmm. i love modern AUs bc there's so much potential for everything. i hope this makes sense but i really love how writers translate a certain event from canon to the modern AU and change it - like werewolf remus has a chronic condition instead. little things like that.

enemies to friends to lovers makes me go *incoherent shrieking* which is why i've started writing my own romeo juliet business rivals AU for jegulus bc if gods provide me no content then i will take my destiny in my own hands

#chaotic fanfic reviewer #asks #miss bibbles speaks

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preciousthingsareprecious · 3 years

Text

Finding Us Chapter 21

Alright! Here I am at last with another Tim chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it.

AO3 Link

Tim couldn’t deny the excitement bubbling up in his chest at the idea of progress in the stalker case. It fueled his desire to keep moving in other directions, while he waited on Damian to finish his sketch he dove back into work on the Alkali case.

Currently, he was trying once again not to backseat hack as Barbara was finally digging through the Alkali’s files. After their trip to the physical location, Babs had used the access gained through Stephanie to create her own back door and they’d sat on that for a little while to make sure no one found it.

It was early the morning after Damian’s encounter with the creepy man and Tim was in the belfry standing over Barbara’s shoulder because there was nothing to currently do on the stalker case. Tim hadn’t recognized Damian’s sketch of the guy he’d seen, and so they were waiting on facial recognition to grab his identity. The kid’s sketch was definitely good enough for the system to pick something up, they just had to wait.

“Have you found anything interesting yet?” he asked, trying not to bounce on his toes.

“Lots. Nothing we’re looking for. Though, there is a guy here who’s last name is Bandersnatch, which is pretty cool.”

She was teasing, but Tim could also hear the note of warning in her voice. When she found what they were looking for she’d tell him, and he shouldn’t keep pushing. He sighed, and turned to step across the room, over to a mini fridge installed for snacks.

“Want a soda?” he called.

She shook her head, “It’s too early for that, toss me a tea.” she answered.

He grabbed a bottle of tea out for Babs and a can of orange soda for himself and moved back over to the computer.

“Thanks for helping on this.” he said, handing her the tea, then cracking open his soda.

“Of course, the sooner we get these guys the better.”

Tim agreed, and sipped at his soda while he played a matching game on his phone in an attempt to both distract and stop himself from tossing advice Barbara’s way. He got stuck on a particularly difficult level and found himself totally lost in it for a while, trying again and again to win. It made the waiting a lot easier, even if he also kind of wanted to toss his phone out the window and watch it crash at the bottom of the building.

“Got something.” Babs said at last.

Tim looked up bleary eyed, blinking away red diamonds and orange squares. It took his brain a moment to register what she’d said before he stood up, the chair shaking.

“Great!” he hurried over to look at the screen again, “What’d you find?”

“Well, under the private files I found some that were locked with a password, after cracking that I found these.”

The file she’d opened was filled with unreadable text.

“It’s encrypted?” Tim asked.

“I think it’s some kind of cypher. See it follows a sort of pattern. Nothing too overt or easy like a caesar cipher. It’s got to have a key.”

Tim hummed, she was right, the text was filled with letters and numbers and broken up in a way that looked like lines of real text, if they’d been in any kind of legible order.

“Well then we’d better get to cracking it.”

They worked for a couple hours trying to figure out what cypher had been used, and testing various codes to no avail. Eventually they decided to give it some time to breathe, and their brains time to think of new ideas. Babs forwarded him the files so he could keep looking over them later and Tim left her to work on other projects.

As he was leaving, he found Cassandra waiting for him down at the base of the Belfry. She was eating a cinnamon roll like it was a doughnut.

“Hey.” she said, handing him a cup of coffee, and shaking her wrist and the plastic bag hanging off it.

Tim took the offered cup, then tugged the bag off her free hand checking inside. A second cinnamon roll sat tucked into a nest of napkins. He fished it out, careful not to spill his drink then copied Cass, taking a huge bite out of the side.

It was still warm, and the taste of cinnamon and sugar danced across his tongue in a way that made him think of home. Of early Saturday mornings with Alfred, stirring together a bowl of butter, sugar, and cinnamon so the man could carefully spread it across dough. Or of Bruce dropping off a few in his room, ruffling his hair, and telling him he should probably finish his homework before working on another case.

“Ready to head back?” she asked.

He washed down the bite of bread with some coffee and nodded, “Yeah, I think Babs and I have done all we can. How’re things back at the manor?”

Cass shrugged, “Everyone is still waiting on the results of the search, so they all split up to work on other things.”

They moved to the car Cass had brought to pick him up in, it was one of Bruce's many cars, black and not too fancy. Tim held a hand out for the keys and after an eye roll Cass dropped them in his palm.

“I drove here.” she argued.

“You drive too fast for me and my coffee.” he replied.

“Fair.” she shrugged.

As Tim pulled away from the clocktower, still munching on his cinnamon roll Cass pipped back up.

“Can we stop at the craft store?”

He glanced at her, “Sure, but why?”

“Damian wanted some more colored pencils. He sent a list and asked me to stop if I had time.” She tugged a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and opened it to show him.

A detailed list of colors, brands, and what not to buy’s filled the page in Damian’s neat, tight, handwriting. Tim was surprised to find a little picture of a dog at the bottom of the page, it wasn’t as detailed as Damian usually did, and smiling for some reason.

“He drew it as a thank you, and promised to make me a better one with the pencils.” Cass said, catching where Tim’s eye had fallen, then she added, “Eyes on the road.”

Tim flicked the turn signal on the car to indicate he needed to go left, towards the craft store Damian frequented, “Why didn’t he come if he wanted to restock?”

Cass shrugged again, and folded the paper instead of crumpling it back up. She set it in her lap, fingers tapping on the paper with gentle tip taps.

Damian rarely missed a chance to get his own art supplies. He was as picky about them as Tim was over film or lenses for his cameras. Sure it was just a few replacement pencils, but even those Tim knew Damian would linger over for an hour if he was left to it. He wondered briefly if his mild concussion had anything to do with staying home. Maybe Alfred had told him he couldn’t leave? But no, it had been days at this point, he was probably cleared at last for most activities.

Maybe it was because he knew Cass was headed to pick up Tim.

He tried not to think too hard on that thought. They hadn’t really talked much lately. Both had been busy with their own things, and besides that, they didn’t really talk a lot to begin with. He’d thought they were doing better, but at the same time Tim knew they weren’t.

Tim reached out to snatch his coffee and take a sip from it. Now that he thought about it, maybe they were doing better after all. Damian had called him by his first name the night before. And he’d gone looking for clues as to Tim’s stalker. A queasy feeling bubbled up in Tim’s stomach. He’d been quick to dismiss Damian’s attempted apology back when they’d been at the mall, and now he was starting to wonder if he'd been really trying to mend that bridge. T im loved the idea of having a little brother, and way back when he'd first met Damian he'd been happy to have one, for all of two seconds. Still, sometimes he thought they had found that perfect spot of being siblings, and other times it felt like there was a gaping hole between them. Especially lately.

He pulled into the store’s parking lot not even realizing they’d made it there, his body on autopilot. Cass cheered as she climbed out of the car, and Tim stayed quiet.

When he looked up at the storefront he figured it out.

He might be jealous. Of the squirt.

Maybe it wasn't their past that was bothering him so much lately, but their present. Tim thought he'd shaken off those feelings in regards to Jason and Damian, but maybe he hadn't. Even in the wake of the family’s eyes turning on him Tim still couldn’t stop thinking about how Damian seemed to draw everyone in all the time. Dick, then Jason, Bruce with his fretting after they’d gotten hurt. It was--it was like he fit in a way Tim couldn’t quite imagine himself fitting again. Like they were both the same piece, and there was only one spot left on the puzzle, and Damian had swooped in just in time to fill it. Even now, he felt odd about the attention. Like the moment everything was done his family would stop looking at him again. Stop seeing Tim, because he’d messed up. He’d failed to be the one to fix everything and he no longer deserved to be seen.

“Tim?”

“Coming!” he said, locking the car door.

Inside he was hit with the smell of paint and paper. The whole place was a kaleidoscope of colors and supplies crammed together in a space that should have felt cluttered, but instead actually seemed homely. He followed Cass to the pencils and held each as she selected them, reading Damian’s list carefully, then making Tim double check “ just in case” .

He thought they’d be in and out, but once they’d found Damian’s stuff Cass insisted on browsing. Tim followed her, feeling a bit like Titus pattering after Damian as he instructed the dog on something very un-dog-like and soon his arms were full.

Cass had added extra packs of less high quality colored pencils, crayons, thin markers --not thick, because apparently those didn’t trace well-- and made him pick out a coloring book. She selected one full of animals, and Tim picked one that was more abstract. Like black and white stained glass. He and Cass locked eyes on an adult swear word coloring book and both grinned.

“For Jason?” Tim asked.

“And one for Dick.” Cass grinned.

Soon they’d selected adult coloring books for the whole family. Some simply because they knew they’d get a laugh out of them, and others from the knowledge of the recipient getting genuine delight from it.

By the time they left, Tim was feeling better. His day brightened even more when Cass hooked an arm through his at home, and dragged him into the living room.

“We are going to color and watch She-Ra.” she declared.

He could have argued and said he had work to do. But he knew Cass would tell him a break was good. And wasn’t that what he’d just told Babs? He could have fallen into other cases or dug out his 3Ds to play some Animal Crossing. But the best idea in the whole world right then was sitting on the floor and coloring with his sister, and he wasn’t going to pass it up.

He filled in two whole pages, first lined with marker --Cass had been right about the thin ones-- then colored in as dark as he could with his own box of colored pencils. At some point the sounds of She-Ra had been turned down as he and Cass chatted about everything.

She told stories of an adventure with Steph. He talked about Mindbender and how weird it was to have Jason in the house again. Then about how cool it was to have Jason in the house. Cass told him about a ballet she’d seen. All of it, whether it was little nothings or big changes, ebbed and flowed to the scritch scritch of pencil on paper, and legs folded up or kicked into the air.

At some point, Alfred brought in cocoa and water. Then sandwiches. Dick breezed through and gasped over his book, stopping to color in all of an F before getting bored and breezing back out. Jason cackled over his book, and then genuinely thanked them for thinking of him. Damian collected his pencils, didn’t complain about a single one, and stared at his own book of animals to color like it was made of gold before tucking it under an arm and scurrying away.

Bruce stayed the longest, lounging on a couch to add his own commentary between theirs, infrequent, but enough to say “I’m here, I’m listening, I love you.” before he too was called away. He planted a kiss on each of their heads before leaving.

It was Stephanie who broke up the peace. Showing up like a tornado, and stirring them from settled spaces into laughter. They traded pencils for controllers and fired up Smash Brothers for a wholly different, but still perfect, adventure.

There, surrounded in waves by his family Tim wondered if he’d been wrong earlier. If maybe the puzzle had room for all of them. And every time someone new came in, it just expanded and made room for them. He certainly felt like he fit in, and it was really nice.

#finding us #tim drake #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #other batfam are scattered in this one #fanfiction #precious posts #chapter 21 #I am flabbergasted every time I see how many chapters this fic has #it's so many #past me wrote a lot

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word-addict-lisette · 3 years

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Dear Lisette,

I am back in you inbox, yay! How was your day? How's life? How's school?

I am really mad because we had this piece of work and it was like "pen down your idea on this statement, 'i can do whatever i want on the internet as long as i don't get caught' and i put down my thoughts which were 'this statement is true, i stand by it and you can do whatever you like as long as you don't get caught and don't own up' and then people were like throwing shade at me and i looked at it. I have 5 comments.

My teachers tried to delete it, my classmates literally lectured me and then she read it out loud and the whole class went looking for that one note i made. In the comments, people are spelling my name in caps. It was my opinion, and oh, look all of them are basically hypocrites. Let me just say, these people make me uncomfortable, they don't talk about exactly nice things or approriate things and they are all commenting ( without names too may i add) like "KAT, THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK!" but with my real name and just arghhh.

Also if my teachers wanted me to say, "no, that isn't the right thing to do," or any other answer that the others provided them with, they shouldn't have asked for my opinion. They should have just forced us all to just type the same thing. The other people all wrote like, "no, its unethical and bad" or "False, no, its bad" and stuff like that, filmsy evidence and elaboration. I HAVE MORALS, i am just saying the truth. I feel like the victim of a hate crime. People don't like me enough already, i am a very intresting person, uh, yeah, we are gonna stop there.

Enjoy the rant i guess? I don't know? I am sorry for loading on you but there's a little extra rant so uh, yeah. im just gonna take this out, one sec.

Ok, so uh my teacher was like, next week, we are making pancakes. Fluffy pancakes. It was changed to pancakes without eggs? and now we have to make it ourselves, at home. Where do i get flour? What do i do with the extra flour? I don't know how to cook at all, my partner who has been extremely controlling and like kinda driving me insane, ( ahem i did the whole coursework) also she uses my friend's name for everything? Like, bestie i was literally helping out and you went all, "Oh you don't want (friend's name) to see you burnt right?". Obviously i don't but if i burnt down my house, she wouldn't be surprised. I BURNT MYSELF LAST YEAR, SHE SAW ME BURN MYSELF. Well, my friend burnt me and then the week after that, she burnt herself.

This happens a lot. Also, the very common questions and statements of, "Are you straight?" , "aren't you and (friend's name) dating?", "you guys would make such a cute couple" , " aren't you bi?" and "i thought the two of you were dating," there is nothing wrong with being bi but i am not attracted to her like that. So, they use her for leverage over me to get me to do what they want and also think im dating her? If we were dating, we would both be homeless. I like my house. This doesn't only happen with her. I once got shipped with my brother. I hugged him and some guy was like, "oh you guys like each other," that was awkward. Can i just add, a lot of people like majority of that community know we are siblings.

I also get shipped with his best friend, thanks to a rumor my brother made up. So, sometimes, i would get like comments like, "oh, you like him" or "(brother's name) told me that you and (brother's best friend) are dating," we are not dating. WE ARE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. I LIKE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. LEAVE ME ALONE. Also, everytime i have a picture of a guy on my phone or something my cousin just has to tell my brother. THEY ARE STREAMERS. ONE IS OF V FROM BTS SO I CAN TRAMATISE MY FRIEND.

Everytime i cry, someone comes in my room. It is so annoying. LEAVE ME ALONE, I WANT TO CRY. This is why i started reading sad books, listening to sad songs, watching sad movies so i have a reason to cry. There was this once, i wasnt selected to be part of my choir's competition and i was sad about it because i didn't feel good enough. THEY SAID I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. So, i cried but it wasn't enough so i read the saddest book i could find so i had a reason to cry but by that time, my feelings were gone. This is why i get breakdowns when im overwhelmed because of all this. You know how old i am. I have to deal with this and the pressure of always wanting to be perfect. What else can i do? I am not pretty or smart or talented or have friends, i have like 6 friends and nobody ever keeps me company. So, i focus on being perfect. 100%, i deal with not having any attention because my parents didn't pay me any attention just because i was "independent" or something?

Did i mention, i babysit all my siblings? I am the second child. I baby-sit my older brother. I am sleep-deprived because i can't sleep well at night and i constantly worry about everything and i have to take care of all my friends and it is so exhausting. Yet, i can not cry.

Thanks for staying with me through whatever that was. Uh, yeah, i took the quiz and got chaotic academia. That is my aesthetic. I really want one of those fancy skirts they wear like on pintrest and stuff? Like you know what i mean? The academia skirt? Yeah, i don't have one yet.

Question of the day, what is your dream profession or you could answer my other question which is what would you want to look like? Or you could answer both?

Ok, thank you again. i am gonna go study. Love and hugs and just literal joy sent your way!

- Kat, the ultimate dino mom of Leo, Billy Bob, Jessica, Sophie, Jackson, Sarah, Lily, the Micheals and all her other kids. (Jessica, Sophie and Jackson are mailboxes and Lily is a computer, Micheal is my screwdriver and laptop pencil, there are two micheals.)

Dear Kat,

It's really good to see you in my inbox. I'm sorry for replying late, but exams really had occupied my schedule today and I got my Saturday exam tomorrow. This week is going to be stressful and today's day has been pathetic. I had nothing to do except study and write exams. I feel like I haven't really been social recently and That I'm losing touch with people that I used to be close with and basically I'm letting overthinking take over my mind.

That is so sick. Why is someone's genuine opinion bothering them so much? I totally wouldn't be able to tolerate that. They ought to understand that there is a fine line between a fact and an opinion, and what you stated was just an OPINION. they have no right whatsoever to come at you like that. I totally agree... the teachers ought to have not asked for your opinion if all they desired was a particularly specific answer which opposed the statement. one of the reasons I hate the schooling system has to be THIS. people who are putting comments like that ought to realize that what you stated is exactly what they do in real life. They just want to be seen as the good kid here. At least you have the guts enough to speak the truth.

Miss! You don't have to worry about ranting out to me. You can rant to me for days and I'd still listen. Just go on ranting nobody is stopping you.

Ahhh! I've had that happen to me. I really understand how tough that can be. I really really hate being shipped with someone who I am just platonically friends with like you've got no valid proof to believe that we are romantically involved with each other. I've burnt myself plenty of times too. It's not a pleasant experience. Plus I also hate having controlling partners. Cause all they do is boss you around while they are barely doing a thing. It sucks.

Why? Just why? Why does it even matter to them? Who you date and what your sexuality is, is none of their business. I have no idea why people concern themselves with topics that really don't involve them. It's like people are just ready to make gossip out of anything. A person can't have a bestie without not liking them? I don't get what's so difficult to understand about that. I hate it when I'm casually talking to a guy and people start shipping us and start spreading rumors of us being in a romantic relationship. Another thing they do is, if a person likes me, they automatically assume that I like him back when I've barely even ever spoken to that guy. And yes! I like fictional characters! Don't even assume I like any of you fools cause You idiots bully me and ship me with total crackheads... And my standards are good enough for me to not include you guys in my list of *appropriate candidates* which consists of non-existent people.

Similarly, the moment I'm chatting with some guy, or like have a pic with someone on my mobile phone people just assume that fact that I'm crushing on him. Like no! I don't. We are friends... the others are celebrities, Why can't you understand that? I can't imagine how thick their skull must be considering they can't let a small statement like that sink in.

The crying thingy... I feel personally attacked. Nobody lets me do anything in peace, let alone crying. I literally use the washroom in my room and even my sister comes in there just banging on the door asking me to get the heck out of there and go somewhere else, like can't she use the other two washrooms or what? I like listening to sad stuff and reading angst cause somehow or the other it calms me down... it makes me feel at peace cause I know I'm not the only one who feels like crying. I've got a lot of friends, nobody remembers my birthday, I remember all of theirs'. They don't even text me, It's always me who takes the first step. All my friends just want me by their side cause I'm a smartass they want to show off as a trophy and cause I've got much better sarcasm than them. They just want to benefit from me. That's all. GOD, I'm not pretty at all. I look like a random idiot all the time. I look pathetic. And I lack talent... And you! I warned you, miss! You are pretty, beautiful, talented, smart, friendly, caring, kind and THE BEST!!!

I've never been given attention. Never ever. My sister has always stolen the spotlight. And I hate it. Not even my friends acknowledge me, my parents just ehhhhh. No matter how good I score, No matter how good I behave, No matter what. I'm just never good enough. My parents think of me as a rebellious kid. And I don't know what to do about that. All I've ever done is listen to them. My parents never allowed me to go out and play with my friends when I was a kid, they never let me go on overnight trips, and they barely let me spend time with the few friends I have. They never let me go to outings my school friends planned. Despite that, I never complained. I never had good friends because of that, yet I never complained. A lot of kids my age roam around in shopping malls by themselves, have sleepovers, spend money, roam around with tons of makeup on their faces, are in relationships, and even get into illegal shit. I've never done anything Like that. And yet... I'm never the good kid. I'm still the rebel.

I've got to take care of my sister almost every day. Get her to study, study myself, take care of myself while tolerating my grandmother. I really don't like my grandma, she s very fussy and just keeps yelling around the house the moment my dad and mom leave the house. I've got sensory overload because of her voice. And now I sit and have an anxiety attack almost every time she speaks. I've always got to strive for perfection as well. And I too can't sleep well at night just cause all the worries of the world, keep weighing me down.

Chaotic academia sounds good. It's the same aesthetic my sister got when I asked her to take the test! And oooh! Me too! I love those skirts and outfits they show on Pinterest. I'd love to have them someday.

My dream profession has to be that of a writer. Or perhaps even running a library. just something cozy. Ohh! I'd love to have brown hair, and I'd want to be tall just a little shorter than What I am right now. I just reached my father's height yesterday. And more or less, I'd like the rest to stay just as it is. and perhaps a lighter shade of skin tone. What about you though?

My question for you! If you were to be stranded on a beach island for a week. Who would you bring with you and how would you spend your time there. You can include whatever elements of nature you want to include like forests, lakes, and all.

Sending love, warmth, hugs, and whatever I have to spare that you would like to you!!!!

-Love from Lisette

P.S. That's an interesting family you've got, right there!

#kat the eccentric(indeed)#sweet sweet asks #dear kat #love from lisette #long post

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