#in the end it is i who do not deserve u

[sunofmoon]

olá, meu amor 🩷

i've been thinking about writing u a letter for so long, but u know so much about me already, i know my words will never be enough to tell u how i feel 💌

but still i want you to know that u are very special to me 💕 i never expected to meet someone as nice as u when i started this blog, and it's crazy how u became an important friend to me in such a short time. to me, u have the most beautiful soul, and i'm lucky to have u as my friend 💖

idk how to explain this...but sometimes i feel like i'm such a bad friend to u...i know u have been nothing but patient with me, but i feel so sorry u have to hear stories about my ridiculous life over and over again 😭

i can be a mess sometimes and i hate myself for it, but u r always there for me, so all i could do is to promise i'll be there for you too 🫂 i'll be here to listen whenever u need me, and be a better friend ✨️

remember that song i told u about? the most beautiful thing, that's what u are to me.

you deserve to be the happiest person in the world, ik u have been thru a lot and it's absolutely unfair for u to have to experience all that, but i'm sure things will only get better and better from now on.

i wish the best for u and the ones u love! u are a wonderful person, pls don't let anyone make u forget that ❤️ ilysm!

oi, meu amor <3

i spent a long time thinking about how to answer u in the way u deserve, but i chose to let the words flow freely. forgive me if i don't correspond in the right way, no matter how much i pretend and put a few smiles on my face i'm not well and today i woke up with a huge desire to disappear from the world or just hide under my covers. i apologize again for being dramatic when u and others have much more significant problems than mine. i avoid talking to my friends when i'm like this bc i don't want to spread negativity, but i brought this up especially bc ur little letter made my heart a little warmer tonight. 💕

you are a very special friend to me, bells! don't ever doubt that, ok? i feel safe to talk to u bc u give me peace and the certainty that things will get better 🤍 you are the sweetest person i know, u are kind, caring and patient. i don't mind hearing stories about ur life bc that's what good friends do, regardless of whether they are happy or sad stories.

keep on being just u, the rest doesn't matter <3

thank u once again for ur words and ur eternal affection, u deserve the whole universe and don't believe it if someone tells u otherwise 🫶🏽

i wish many good things for u and ur family and want u to know that i'm here for u whenever u need me 🫂 ilysm ❤️❤️❤️

#don't overestimate yourself u are perfect just the way u are #i'm very lucky to have found u on my path and somehow become ur friend #in the end it is i who do not deserve u #but thank u for putting up with me every day #my asks <3 #minha bella <3

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT? #LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page. #but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW? #ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much.... #AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012. #almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS. #only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess. #i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

[lameow-l]

so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play

wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?

like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this

#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo #like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!! #i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha #no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara #thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players #and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just.. #but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t #at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name?? #unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away #there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own #it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role #and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’ #or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth #maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name #same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him #i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly #like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus #traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler #like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname #2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char #tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name #genshin impact #furina #fontaine archon quest #scaramouche

[aq2003]

series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems

#dr who #i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life #they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different #like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him #even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT. #but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously #and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show #but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying #the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like #having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy #but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat #i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room #series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short. #i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all #she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving #and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think #it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent #martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME. #anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak #series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2. #even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao #ten and martha #10 era

[stinkrascal]

omfg people on antinatalists subreddits are fucking demons. i get being childfree, i am myself and i have no intentions of having children ever. but being an actual child hater and seething whenever you see people having children, blaming poor families for their decisions to have children “maybe you wouldnt be poor if you’d kept your legs closed,” actively talking about people and primarily women who choose to have children in the most degrading and objectifying way possible, and relishing in the misery of real actual children who suffer the most under poverty bc these people dont actually care to fix the problem, they just want to point blame and laugh at people who are suffering with it. like u ppl are literally insane, how do u not realize you sound like a fucking fascist 😭 like these freaks will insist they just “care about the children” and “dont want children to suffer under capitalism” while blaming poor families for being poor (bc poverty is always a choice people make and not at all tied to generational circumstances which are often out of your control, duh) and calling actual living breathing children who exist “crotch goblins” and “failed abortions” like man shut the fuck up, we get it youre miserable and you wish your mother had aborted you too. just do the world a favor and take it out on yourself next time.

#I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS SOOOO MUCH #listen i will NEVER have kids for many reasons. but u will never catch me being mean to them! or to ppl who want them! #bc at the end of the day that is completely none of my business what others do w their life #and ppl deserve respect! especially tiny little developing ppl who did not ask to be born!! #people who say poor people shouldnt be allowed to ‘breed’ like are you literally a billionaire are you literally working for the FBI #you sound like every .1 percenter who wants to eradicate homeless people btw #let’s just wait for them to slowly die out 🥺 - you fucking freaks

[cinna-bunnie]

im a top leaning switch but being an angelic sweet sweet pisces has me fighting the bottom allegations and losing

#this is so funny. yeah i talk cute but if i know ur into me and we're hanging out in person it's a little Different 💅🏾 #i also bottompost a lot more bc it's more well received/less embarrassing than top posting lmao #im so picky about tops.. i don't think i even like tops like that tbh like my perfect matchup is a switch bottom #and just ppl who r switches in general.. mm I've kinda always dated bottoms 😐 which is fine y'all r sweet precious angels and #i will hold u and cherish u and take care of u it is truly a joy BUT.... sometimes a girl wants to get railed yk? #sometimes i wanna look up at someone who's a little to excited to do something to me. i wanna fight for dominance sometimes etc #u ask a bottom to top and 😭😮‍💨 i don't like always being on the giving end but i myself couldn't fully be a bottom for someone either #it's so funny... i feel like subs are the ones who deserve to dom me the most as a treat ykwim.. y'all have been so good #but. ya know 😐 lmao #im not sure how many switches I've had the pleasure of hooking up with but now she's reminiscing 😵‍💫

[tonteriyoung]

travis martinez was a dumb traumatized teenage boy in the 90s stop villianizing him for some stupid shit he said literal days after his dad fell out of a plane in front of him goodbye

#travis martinez #yellowjackets #i love travis :( #pls i know he's one of two (2) men who are main characters in the past version of the show #and the only cishet one of them #and i know we all villainize and hate most men #but travis doesn't deserve it he was a kid dealing w trauma and the societal expectations of 1996 #yeah he was a dick but do u blame him???? #do u know a single man who was a teenager in 1996 who WASN'T a dick back then???? #pls i beg of u #travis doesn't deserve the hate the yellowjackets fandom projects onto him #he's a tragic character bc you root for him (or i do) in the past only to find out very early on that he dies in the future timeline #travis never gets his happy ending #he never gets to find peace or contentment or happiness #he's always haunted by the wilderness and what happened out there and the people they left behind #never in my life did i think i would be defending a straight man like this but c'mon #y'all seem to forget he's a child

[swordmaid]

so I was looking up the tenets for lolth’s paladins and I found this little list. not sure how canon exactly this is but I thought it was interesting -

kind of laughing that shri’iia does the exact opposite in act 1 which leads to her oath breaking. she girlflopped so badly lolth decides to drop her ass then prob hunt her ass down for being an embarrassment and a failure. like girly was not exerting her power at all - it’s her first time in the surface ever and she’s surrounded by people who could literally kill her any given moment (considering all the stories she heard abt how surface dwellers hates drow) not to mention that the tieflings you encounter when you see lae’zel were ready to attack you that just fueled her paranoia. > she was not sowing discord at all she was laying low and keeping her mouth shut …!! she has no allies here! and she doesn’t know where she is! and there’s an illithid tadpole in her head! it would be foolish of her to paint herself as an enemy when she’s already so out of her environment so she keeps her mouth shut … thoughts to herself … bides her time and sees who’s useful to her and who’s not … she can always get rid of the ones that she doesn’t need later but for now she’s seeing what she can work with first …… > have a plan… shri’iia had no plans…. at all. she was following lae’zel around because the crèche was her only lead … but then they mentioned a druid named halsin who’s a very good healer so she turned her objective to that … then a goblin mentions their priestess is a healer too so guess she’s looking for her as well… honestly who thought making the drow who’s never been to the surface and literally does not know where she is or what she's doing the leader of the group a good idea….. in my hc the leader is gale

#but I’m like 🤭🤭🤭 at the idea of shri’iia being considered an embarrassment by Lolth just bc apparently lolth paladins are pretty rare #like she doesn’t give her blessings easily and they mostly go to her clerics but to a paladin … and for someone who’s not noble birth too…. #like she had potential ..!! she was mentored by a matriarch of a noble house ..!! but then she flopped soo badly 😭😭 #and I hc mid/the end of act 1 she still hasn’t accepted that she’s an oathbreaker and she’s still delusional thinking that she can get #lolth’s favour again it’s like no 💗 girly. she hates your ass 💓 if you ever return to menzoberranzan she’ll turn you into a drider probably #and it’s only in act 2 where she accepts that she is an Oathbreaker. and she does Not need Lolth. and Lolth doesn’t deserve her (delusion) #but I love that idea for her bc she was So proud of herself … and she devoted herself to her goddess to the point that her sense of self is #essentially Gone.. but then she gets rejected. so now the thing she’s most proud of is taken away from her #by HER own actions no less .. like she can’t blame anyone bc it’s her own fault ..!! and that’s what stings more ..!!!!! she’s the one who #fumbled the bag … so it’s like where do u go when the very thing you dedicated your whole life to rejected you #and you’re so far away from home. and you CAN’T even go back home.. where do you go. no choice but to keep going…. #then she eventually accepts the role as an oath breaker bc it's the only thing she has left. her oath no longer binds her ; every choice #she makes is hers and hers alone.. which is so ..!! girls when you're faced to reclaim your own agency or else you'll fall into the void #you're left with ...!!!!!!! also it is so perfect bc the oathbreaker dialogues are all abt freedom and agency of self. #being free from dogma and making your own decisions! and you also want others to be free too … #and the fact that the oath breaker knight helps you make that decision I hc she becomes similar to him as well #where if someone chooses they want to be free she will help them … but it has to be their own choice … #which ties in perfectly with the act 2 and 3 quests esp for the companions .. all abt making ur own decisions … #so the leadership role goes from gale then to her … #should be heading to bed bc I have an early start tomorrow but hrk head filled w thoughts of my oc... #but act 1 shri'iia is essentially her getting such a bad grade at being Lolth-Sworn Drow that lolth disowns her 😭 #im so ill at the thought of her not being able to return to menzo tho ... i dont think the underdark is safe for her either like she should #b getting hunted like sport .... maybe thats why she released the vampire spawns down there lol #like <3 revenge. everyone loves revenge especially an ex oath of vengeance girly <3

[starlooove]

He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point

#like one of the main #Idk if theme is the right word #but issues surrounding Batman in general and Gotham specifically #is the high standards he holds not just those closest to him to but also the people he controls #NOW DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN UR GUT REACTION CONTROL IS A STRONG WORD BUT IM USING IT FOR A REASON #like i think the fandomification of the batfamily and seeing every character as reliable in the way they tell their own stories #is making people forget that yes bruce lowkey controls them #like not in a mean way or whatever but as much as dick and Jason rebel and say ‘fuck you old man I have my own people to take care of’ #at a snap of Bruce’s fingers where are they? #right back in Gotham #which ppl say is an issue with writing and I agree like they really just can’t take anyone away from Gotham #but THATS meta like the in universe conclusion is what creates in universe analysis #and these issues are being spoken about from an in universe pov #that was just me justifying my point anywayyyd #what im saying is that like #in conclusion Ppl are forgetting that Bruce is scary and still runs this shit lmao #like a few snappy quips about emotional distance and some ‘X deserves better’ fics is making yall forget shit like spyral #or at least how it went down and ended up today and what that says about the characters involved #it’s tragic and Ik we like to ignore that but like. when look at shit like the no killing rule #yes bruce thinks he’s being slighted or failing whenever his kids kill someone and they to an extent think that too which is why they don’t #do it #or at least partly #even for Jason that’s why the killing is not just what needs to be done it’s a form of rebellion for him #everyone who agrees jason should just leave Gotham but still present as pure rebellion and anger and spitting at Bruce don’t get why Jason #should leave is all I’m saying #that’s why Dick never got away #it’s still all about Bruce #even if we don’t want it to be #reading this back it’s disjointed as hell but I’m not fixing it if u get it ily heh just a peek into my dark mind #if u don’t it’s not ur fault not everyone can withstand the alphas prowess…

[calpicowater]

Week 28/52: July 10th- July 16th 2023 | Xiaolongkan 🍄

Reunited with Esther for hot pot lunch hehehe ^_^ it was so funny because I was walking behind this random person on my way there on the street and then Esther went up to them because she thought that person was me HAHAHAHA help??? XLK was decent as usual but I kept ordering tripe but they kept not coming and they didn't even tell me they don't have it :-( kind of sad. And then they kept giving us food that we didn't order??? Anyway I never think it's worth it for me to do AYCE but XLK is so expensive usually anyways so either way I save money I guess LOLS.

#365 #52 #hot pot #xiaolongkan #xiao long kan #don't wanna come back here anymore tho #this meal ended up being $50 help #was supposed to be a bit less but the man who charged me said my 15% tip for them was not enough???? #so he randomly charged me an extra $5 to “make up for it” but then i ended up paying 23% tip LOL..... fuck #that was so uncomfortable lol he made it seem like i gave no tip or s/t #it's not like their service was so good that it would deserve 23% no offence #but maybe the restaurant should be paying servers decent wages instead of pulling this shit smh #anyway what do u think????? am i in the wrong lol #also i asked for a receipt and he just ignored me even tho he asked me if i wanted it.... and then in the end i never got my fkn receipt... #i never had a super bad experience eating here and i eat here a lot but today pissed me off... #:-( #sad...

[girlwithfish]

also my ex was convinced i cheated on him before i officially got out of that apartment and stuff and i can find screenshots of texts before i "cheated" where he repeatedly told me he broke up with me so Broken up was def in both of our dialogues. like yeah sure babe. ur just triggered i slept w someone else after enduring horrible abuse for a year+ and i stayed faithful to him the entire time too and he did not even deserve that and actually cheated on me when we were still together😭😭😭multiple times. Lmfao

#like i foudn a txt of him even insisting he was the one who initiated the break up cuz i like said it too and hes like i broke up with u x #oh but i cheated on u🙄 #But u broke up w me🙄 #Lol #that man did not deserve my loyalty im sickkk #i was sooo trusting too i felt so blindsided and sick when his like weird internet sexting shit got out and he betrayed my trust severely #lol #and continued to do so until the end of the relationship like id always find shito n his phone 😭 #just fucked me up so bad cuz i felt sooo bad and dumb for never ever suspecting hed ever be unfaithful to me or betray me or disrespect me #that way..... now im suspicious of anyone i date like u cant trust those mfs literally any man w a phone is a MENACE #they always hide somethin idk😭

[aezyrraeshh]

LUNA X JOSEPHINE doomed love // the second chance

template | icons

#HERE THEY ARE BESTIES #also meet josie... luna's ex from the time she worked for carina #i love them so much and their relationship drives me insane ive been thinking abt them for days now #ive been tagged to do this template by a lot of people but it's been awhile.. so im not gonna tag anyone <33 #also the template is very very nice and pretty and ty leah for making it a psd you are the best #<33 #pair: luna x josie #they are basically ''the annoying one (luna)'' and the ''one that is not so secretly into it (josie)'' #also a not so fun fact their relationship ended with josie's confession bc luna is scared of commitment and can't face her emotions :)) #but after their break up and then during the whole getting back together thing josie is the one who is like ''do i know u? 🤨'' #''have we met? 🤨🤨'' #you go queen luna deserves to be put in her place once in awhile

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i say goodbye to my boss tomorrow #not like officially officially bc im still employed into August so we have meetings #and hopefully we'll collaborate in future on projects and i have papers to write with her still #but like this is the last time ill physically see her bc shes not coming back until August and ill b gone by then #so its like. sad. bc shes my science mum. today she was complaining abt some stupid politics stuff #that went on this week in the department and she was like i kno i should b more professional but i feel like since ur leaving now #were more colleagues and friends. and im like 😭 god dammit ur gonna make me fucking cry #i came this this school to work with u and u were so great. i was so lucky to have ended up in her lab #bc i didnt kno wtf i was doing and shes not perfect but i learned a lot from her and ill b really sad to not b working with her so much #but thats how it goes. ill have to make her something cool as a parting gift #god. thatll b a fucking pain but she deserves something that takes a lot of effort #were meeting tomorrow to go over a protocol but im not sure if that's actually what were doing or if theres a surprise involved #bc she likes to do that and it stresses me the fuck out. she's been wanting to get me ice cream for the last 2 months so that might actually #b what's happening. or both could b happening. ugh. anyway. just me crying abt how im gonna miss my boss who im literally seeing tomorrow #im gonna have to giver her a painfully earnest letter abt how great she is and apologize for kinda having a breakdown #i mean i wasnt totally nonfunctional but like. it was not good and im sure i kinda sucked to b around #but whatever. god. the move it finally on the horizon. it finally feels like its getting real #unrelated

[lordiavolo]

to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.

when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.

but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.

#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL #ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as #possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch #i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my #peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts #i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont #even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix. #i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a #part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase. #i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know #there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem #for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes #im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times #anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better #than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know? #being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be #that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends) #hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a #good person it is within ur hands i promise u #ok love u goodnight #personal

[perenlop]

another wc take is that the girlbossification of mapleshade is boring as hell

#why was she suddenly involved in like. everything. #as a crookedstar's promise truther she was honestly at her best in that book imo bc she was one fucked up woman #who took it upon herself to torture the bloodline of a man who hurt her even years after hes gone and no one knows his name #and the descendants have done absolutely nothing to deserve her vitriol. like she was hurting but what made her a villain #was how she took it out on a literal child who was already being treated like shit by his mom #this is also why i dont like takes that are like ''oh shes a good person actually she was just angry and mad and everyone wronged her #and shes actually a nice ghost that helps people'' bc that was never who she was and she was still fucked up for the murder #im not saying shes a bad character for doing that like shes an antagonist and i appreciate her #but i feel like ppl latched onto her being the one female villain and went ''oh my god shes a girlboss shes so awesome and not bad actually' #do u think mapleshade had girlpower when she made a disabled child watch his family die bc of a bloodline he cant control #to an extent its kinda like how ppl treat thistle? who's obviously much much worse than her but like its the same #''oh its bad writing for them to be punished and treated as antagonists bc they had like one nice thing at one point- #and that one nice moment outweighs every single evil thing they did even if it was literal child murder. its ok if ur sad #'' #idk i think its obnoxious like its in the books and the fanon at this point and its just made me bored of her character #sometimes less is more and when u start trying to excuse her actions or forcing her into everyone else's story #the character has a lot less impact #like i still remember her ranting at the end of crookedstars promise when she was raging at crookedstar that he shouldnt have been born #i dont think i remember anything from like. tigerclaws fury or whatever. #echoed voice

[clare-with-no-i]

okay but i'm still LOSING my MIND over the fact that in theogony james literally killed a man for lily’s sake like. not to save her life bc she wasn’t in danger anymore but just because he could see how tortured she was over the possibility that she’d done it. i feel like it’s such a great parallel with chapter 8 where we see him thinking about war and the innocence of the young boys who were fighting for the first time. he saw her in shock over the possibility that she’d taken someone’s life and just to relieve that burden from her he was the one to kill the man like WHAT!!!! it’s devotion to the max it’s love taken to it’s most extreme form like i would kill a man for you just to keep you steady what the fuck!!!! he is so !!!!!!!!! i have no words you are so insane for this i’m literally incoherent

"I would kill a man for you just to keep you steady" well I didn't prepare myself for HOZIER to enter my ask box today that's for damn sure!! certainly was not prepared to be bowled over by a blithe little sentence in an anon ask today!!!!

#ask #anon #theogony #theogony spoilers #like ok poet!!! #but seriously thank u so much this warmed my cold dead heart <3 #here is my essay about that scene (in tags so ppl can avoid it if they choose): #that was something I knew was going to happen p much from the jump yeah #I went back and forth a lot about who should do the respective saving in that scene #and to what end I could even give Lily agency in a situation where she's in objective and imminent peril #so when you see her yelling at them and unleashing all of this anger and vitriol #it was sort of the only way for her to reclaim any sense of personhood or choice #so then upon liberation from that the question became 'what are the consequences of her choices and how can she deal with them' #and then with James's involvement it's not only 'how can I help her here' but also #'will I confront (in front of her) the fact that I am capable of the thing that she thinks is so horrific' #bc he's just reckoned with his place as a soldier in the last chapter #wrt: Charis and the larger scheme of the Greco Persian war #and you see him sort of continuously grapple with his own violence versus what he thinks she deserves in a partner #aka “I am not kind!!!” #so there was a lot going on in his head at that moment I like to think #except it was all sort of superseded immediately by this very pressing and very mounting desire to just alleviate whatever pain of hers he #could #and there u go! #<3 #but again THANK YOU this is really so so sweet it absolutely knocked me flat