#is the joke that he doesnt Want to go to high school? that hes plenty ambitious? that hes just dramatic ?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ktchie · 9 months

Text

'It's the hope that kills you'

Ted Lasso x Reader

Fluff and Angst

♡ other tags: attempt at humour/ no proof read we die like Rupert should've / possible part two

♡6.1k words

◇ In which Y/n wanted to confessed and Ted has a pastel pink apron.

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She consider herself as a tough independent woman who rather die and be beheaded than show any ounce of feelings or a hint of affection.

Her therapist said it's because she grew up in a household that doesn't show much emotion or any vulnerability. And they're right, she remember the time she saw her Dad shed a tear on the night of her high-school graduation, hiding behind his hands and cool dad stance before abruptly going to the bathroom and staying there for 40 minutes - he came back with red eyes and a terrible pun joke. As if nothing had happened.

So it is perfectly understandable that she grew up hating vulnerability, choosing to stay rigid and emotionless rather to have her whole soul on the palm of her hand. It doest help either that she's the eldest kid, the pillar of her siblings, the one who lays awake at night thinking any and every problems her parents throw at her way, worrying about it to the point her chest hurt and she has to learn to calm panic attack in such a young age.

So that being said, she never really had the full experience of romance or being in a relationship. She flirted with a few men on her lives and had fucked them plenty of times but she never really did the whole holding hands thing and all that cheesy stuff that people always whined about once the clock hits 10 and loneliness hits you like a freight train.

But meeting Ted, meeting Ted makes her want to dive head first on whatever corny things couples do in this day of age. Whether it be kissing on the rain or robbing a bank at 2pm in a Sunday afternoon.

She stared at him from across her, sitting so patiently like an overgrown child with a cup of steaming hot coffee.

"Something you need, Ted?" Her tone of voice held nothing but pure professionalism that made her quietly hissed.

Ted looked at her with his big brown eyes that makes her heart all googoo gaga, she sometimes wonder if Ted is secretly part of some hidden government group because she swore that puppy eyes could stop a international fued.

"Oh you know, just wanna visit ya'" he stated with a cheeryness only he can produced in the morning, all dimple and wide smiles. "'been awhile since I saw you, thought you're actually avoiding me but boss said that you're six feet under with all the work you got goin' on"

She chuckled at his words "Ted, I don't think there's anything in this world that could keep me away from you" she answered with a subtle smile, if she wanted him she would get him, whether it be by words or thousand of prayers.

Ted looked at her silently, wide eye and a blossoming blush on his cheeks. He looks ethereal underneath the early morning sun, a fallen single strand of hair dangling on his forehead that makes her hand itch with yearn to fix it.

"But I have been awfully neglectful to the rest of you, haven't I?" She decided to move on from her flirting (?), she doesnt want Ted to dropped dead on the floor from all the blood on his head. "I've been busy these past few weeks, but Will told me about the team plan get together on Sam's restaurant. I'll make sure to attend it, even shoulder the payment if we can get Sam to give us the bill"

Ted nodded his head, tounge tied for once, some part of her rejoiced while the other part, the one who always fear rejection and if she's being too much or too stupid, fear for whatever friendship they have (or had, if worse comes to worse)

"I-well" he cleared his throat, looking at her through his weirdly long eyelashes that always made her tear up in awe and envy.

"We can uh' y'know, we can split the bill, don't hav'ta shoulder it all by yourself"

"No its alright" she shook her head, she contemplate touching his arms, feel the soft fabric of his awfully comfy looking sweater and the skin underneath it but she decided not to, Ted might freak the fuck out and leave the room yelling 'HR! HR!' And have her fired and be shamed by the rest of the Richmond community for touching their beloved American wanker. "Consider it as my payment for forgetting to visit the locker room"

"Wasn't your fault, anyway" he shrugged before gesturing to the tower of folders and impending blueprints for the upcoming renovations and building upgrades. "I mean take a look at that, the great mt. Everest would cry if he saw this monstrosity. Even looking at it makes my stomach all funky" he shudder at its sight. "Do you even take a break? Jeez."

She sighed and leaned back on her office chair "from time to time, 15 minutes or 5. I like to finish my work early so.."

Ted frowned, he has one of those upset looks that makes her heart clenched and crack little by little until it exploded on her chest and she has to pretend she wasn't in pain so he could view her as a normal human being and not a lovesick teenager. "Ya should take a better care of yourself, you can't just go 'n on 'n on workin' till you drop dead" if it's possible, his doe eyes turned even more sadder. " its not good for you"

She bit her lip, her thighs moving up and down underneath her desk. She never liked it when he's anything but happy. "I can go take a rest when I go home and take a rest some more once I finish of all this work. its fine, don't worry too much about me"

"How can I not worry about you?" Ted leaned in, sad eyes and furrow brows. "Youre my-" he sighed before he shake his head "heck, If I had known you're over 'ere slowly killin' yourself i would have yank you from your desk till you're screamin' and cryin'"

Screaming and crying huh? Oh she can do that, alright.

"Ted.." she sighed, trying her hardest to ease the furrow on his brows "its fine, im fine. Don't worry about me too much. there's another game coming up, thats what you should be focusing on yeah?"

Ted sighed deeply, leaning back on the chair before nodding. A lock of hair fell down on his forehead, perfect it was, and y/n thought he never looked more beautiful then. She wonder if Ted kept his hair perfectly gel all the time or if he had ever let his guard down on the four walls he had been forcely call his home.

She would love to see him just him, just Ted, with his goofy smiles and bad puns and old reference from a bad film made years before.

She would love to love him, flaws and imperfections and bad days. She would paint him beautifully, perfect at every stroke of her brush and no smudge of mistakes and yet she knows she still wouldn't do him justice. Ted is just too perfect, too lovely, too godly to be even be depicted on a rough white canvas of this wretched world. Ted deserves to be painted in the walls of the church, or at every thread of the clouds, he was meant to be seen and to be watched and to be memorize until his kindness and his generosity and smile are engraved deep within everyone's heart. Y/n wanted to worship Ted with utmost devotion that her mouth would utter prayers like a second breath, until her two pressed hands bleed and flowers grow between her palm.

She watched him sat across her, his gaze darting everywhere on the carpet before a smile slowly broke on his lips, eyes suddenly lighting up and whole body perking up.

"Hey" he looked up to her, grin and joyful gaze "guess what I cooked last night" he had said giddily

"if you get it right I might just have to take a peek on that ridiculous sitcom you've always buggin' me to watch"

She scoffed, offended. "Modern family is not ridiculous, it's the best thing that ever happened to television-"

"Now hol' up. You're gettin' ahead of yourself now, sugar" she pretended the pet name didnt make her stomach flip and twist and did all kinds of wwe wrestling stunt.

"I'll have you know that you're wrong, there are tons of- you know what, I ain't even gonna argue with you because we're both too tired for this and I'm too excited to tell you what I cooked last night, so just guess, come on"

She squinted her eyes before sighing as she started to think. "Well, last time we spoke you wouldn't shut up about barbecue and kebab and that one burger that sounds like it could kill you from one sniff"

"Triple cheese burger with bacon crisp, 3 sunny side eggs and curly fries dipped in ranch and garlic sauce with side on-"

"Sounds awful. Americans and their ridiculous food, seriously how are you not dead yet?"

Ted had shrugged with a sickeningly sweet smile "have no idea, but its good 'n ya know what they say 'enjoy life while it lasted'"

"Curse that qoute for manipulating you, let's just pray you wouldn't drop dead in the middle of the court because we can't handle your decaying body and another lose at the same time"

"You betcha! Now guess what I cooked!" Ted was almost jumping from his seat, propping his head on his palm as he stared at her.

"Come on, now"

"Curry"

"No"

"Friend chicken?"

"Nope, but boy I would love to have that right now"

"Salad?"

"Heck no! You kiddin' me?"

"Uhhh, curry?"

"You already said that!" Ted pouted lightly and she almost reach out to trace the bottom of his lips and mumbled how sweet he look right now but thankfully she stopped herself.

"Allright I give up" she threw her hand up and sigh "anything you cooked is fantastic anyway, doesn't matter what it is"

"Oh, arent you a sweetheart" he smiled at her so adorably it made her tooth ache. "I'm glad you think so because I just cooked f/f!" Ted yelled so excitedly, arms spread wide and eyes bright.

She looked at him with agape mouth

"F/f? Are you serious?" She grinned so widely, it has been awhile since she tasted it, mainly because the only f/f she had ever ate is the one her mother cooks.

"Course! I wouldn't lie to ya!" Ted had stated "I couldn't get some shut eyes last night so I decided to make it, better to do something than nothin' at all am I right?"

She's still looking at him, as if in trance. "Wow Ted..I mean im pretty fucking pump but-well, why did you make it? You could have baked, you usually bake when you have nothing to do"

Ted looked away from her, cheeks suddenly getting warm and pink under the sunlight. "Oh you know..just miss ya' I guess"

Her heart crumbled and melted inside of her chest, she could feel its warmth drip from every nerve she has and settle deep within her guts and lay there until she has to curl her toes in a pathethic attempt to calm herself down.

He took a peek at her under his lashes. "I was so used seeing you every darn morning 'ere so it makes me all sad and upset when I don't. Even coach beard had to knock some sense in to me, told me to keep my marbles together or else he'll hide my barbecue sauce" he lightly chuckled "pretty heavy threat, if you ask me"

"I didnt know you miss me so much"

"Are you kiddin' me? I miss ya a hell'ava lot more than 'much'" Ted had almost yelled "i miss ya more than Roy misses running! And thats alot"

She laugh quietly, both in amusement and the tickling feeling deep on her stomach that normal people (with normal amount of love on their heart) would refer as butterflies, but for her, for someone who love too deep and too vast and too much and for a girl like her that grew up reading stories and fairy tales and movies characters with soft confession under bright stars and harsh rains, she could refer the feeling on her stomach as a clawing beast, a magnificent one born on legends and shaky words of the fear locals, with a ferocious growl and wild eyes and fangs as big as a tallest house.

In short, everytime Ted does something so adorably lovely on her eyes she could feel the entire animals on her stomach.

She looked at him with a gentle smile, eyes bright and so so soft - looking at him a like proper lover would. "I miss you too, Ted" she had said almost like a whisper, like a sin. "More than you could ever know"

The statement sounded too intimate, the tone too romantic to be said between casual friends and even the silence after it could be written in a pages of old romance stories - describe it like moment after the music, where the two of them stares at one another with that yearning look that makes all the reader sick to their stomach.

Her words sounds like a confession, one that is so gentle even the gods up above would melt where they stood. She didn't utter the proper words of 'i love you' and didn't open her palm where her bleeding heart lay and offer it to him with a desperation - but the way she said her words, the way every letter soud so much like a sudden whisper in a night of passion and sudden realization of devotion and adoration makes her statement more than a confession - as if it was an oath, a promise set on stone. Like a knights word as he kneeled on his king and offered the edge of his swords, bare against the world, bright steel and fierce glare as his lips mouth his promise, the words he would live and die on, where war would start and where it would end - be it by his blood or his foes. And similar to that y/n is ready to be let down on where she sat, to spill her heart like a leaking wound and let it stains them both, let him know how she feels, how serious, how much time she had spent pinning after him, yearning, adoring him so silently like a lovesick suitor from afar.

Ted grinned at her, dimple deep on his cheeks and that damn fallen hair on his forehead that makes him so so lovely. He opened his mouth and y/n waited with bathed breath and wonder what words would come out but before he could even roll his tounge the door of her office opened with a harsh loud push.

"Y/n we have to- oh. oh Ted! Good morning!" Higgings strolled in clumsily and no matter how much she love the little dork she kinda want to crush his glasses on her palm and send him home.

"Higgins! Nice to see ya today, buddy" Ted stood up to greet him and to give him a pleasant hug and if the coach is annoyed at anyway, he didn't show it. God he's so kind its annoying..

"You too, Ted. You too" Higgins replied with a smile that reserved only for Ted, filled with gratitude and adoration before he turned to her and she watch, with great amusement and a little irritation, when that smile fell down on his lips. "And uh, we need to talk"

She sighed mournfully, waving a goodbye to the wonderful conversation she was having with her love and to the words he would say earlier. She gestured Higgings to sit across her before she met Ted's eyes.

"Im afraid we'll have to cut our cheesy conversation here, Ted. Duty calls and if you want someone to blame, blame Higgings" she pointed at the man with a teasing smirk that had Higgins poor heart rapidly beating with nervousness.

"What? But I'm merely doing my job-"

"Im fucking with you" she patted his shoulder with a light laugh before glancing at Ted, who still remained at her office with a smile.

"I'll gave you a call later" Ted had said "let's have a dinner, ill cook for ya'"

She bit her lip to keep the ridiculous love sick smile threatening to rip her mouth apart and nodded "ill look forward to it, have a good day"

"You too, sugar"

And he was gone and if Higgins wasn't infront of her, staring at her with that bewildered look only spooked squirrel could do she would have stood up and do a cartwheel on her carpeted floor because holy fucking shit Ted is going to cook for her, just for her, not like those times where they eat together on the locker room and she has to sneakily steal his lunch - tho she knows Ted wouldn't mind Beard is another problem, she still thinks Beard has a few dead bodies on his back, the man has a stare of a despondent convicted murderer inside a prison cell. Its crazy.

"Oh." Higgings blink rapidly, his mouth subtly and slowly forming a smile. "You and Ted?"

She squinted her eyes "We're friends"

"Not with that look in your eyes, no"

"What did you eat today to have you acting this cheeky, my dear Higgins?" She looked at him up and down with a scowl.

The man let out a grin

"I should be the one asking that" he then leaned in "or should it be 'who did you meet today that have you acting this lovesick, my dear y/n?"

She flush red "You're fired"

"That'd be the 205 times you've fire me and I will continue to ignore it as long as I live"

"The first time i did that you sobbed on my shoulder"

"Well its.." he looked away "it was a different time"

"Sure it was"

____________________________________

"Look what we have 'ere-"

"JESUS, ROY!" She had jumped 2 feet from where she stood, clutching her heart and her car keys.

"What the hell man!"

"What? You got yourself an American man and suddenly you're weak of heart?"

"That doesn't even make any sense.." she mumbled with a disturbed look as she stared at him. "What are you even doing here? and I dont have an American man, get your head straight"

"Its a fucking parking lot, im allowed to be here" He commented with a glared as he not so softly leaned on her car.

She sighed through her nose, annoyed. "What i meant was, why the fuck are you even standing about in here and suddenly appearing from the darkness like a...hairy angry batman"

"Im not fucking hairy!"

"you shed like a golden retriever, you're not fooling anybody!"

Roy, the dog, growled in annoyance before he blocked her way to the driver seat.

"Please move or ill yell bloody murder" she stated suddenly so so exhausted.

"Why actin' so rush? Got somewhere to be?" She squinted his eyes at him, suspicious and contemplating why is he being such a dick.

"Why are you talking to me like you're about to take my lunch money?"

Roy, with the little patience he has, growled once again before he shook his head, as if he was the one getting annoyed and tired on the conversation. Then he stared at her, right on the eye, as if wanting to burn her soul and cook her alive.

"Youre really not going to tell me?" He had asked, hands on his hips.

"Is that how it is?"

"What?" She ask, confused.

"You and Ted" Her eyes widen, what is he on about?

"Me and Ted? What about us?"

"Higgin-" he cleared his throat "I mean, someone told me you and the little prick was getting all chummy in your office. Even got yourself a fucking date, how lovely"

She sighed "there wasn't a date Roy, Ted and I are friends. And we aren't getting 'chummy' or whatever kind of meaning that word has in your vocabulary and tell Higgins-"

"It wasn't higgings"

"-tell him to keep his damn nose out of my business or ill key his car"

Roy stared at her for a long second before he clenched his jaw and mumbled a 'fuckkkkk'

"We're-" he swallowed before he looked upwards to the sky, as if begging the gods above to give him more strength. "We're-..f-friends, arent we?" Her eyes soften in both adoration and amusement as he grimaced with every letter he spoke.

She chuckled "we are, no matter how much you disdain that word"

"Then," Roy had sighed "believe me when I say that that cowboy Mr. Rogers is fucking inlove with you"

Suddenly the air felt too thick and her clothes felt too hot. "Roy, i think you're wrong. Ted wanst-"

"Don't you fucking dare tell me he wasn't because a blind bloke could see it in a mile away, he wouldn't fucking shut up about you. fuck sake, He even draws you!" He yelled dramatically, hands shooting in a air in a form of exaggerated irritation that only Roy Kent could do. "Those past few days where you lock yourself up in your bloody office has been the worst days of my entire life, Ted looks constipated half of the fucking time and all he does is broods and broods and fucking complains about you. He's insufferable! Beard has to talk to him in the bathroom to get him straight!" He massage his temple before sighing and looking at her so gently then, so softly, like a brother would, like a friend would do, like someone you can hold onto when life gets though and days gets bad.

"Believe me, he's inlove with you.." he softly said like a whisper.

"In every possible way a human could love, he's inlove with you"

Her breath hitched from her throat, tounge heavy on her mouth and her heart beat could be hear from miles away. The beast inside of her guts fell silent, almost asleep, like his words strike straight to his heart and send him down on the ground, wounded and shaken and could never get back up.

"I came here to.." Roy cut short, finding the proper words. "To tell you how happy I am that he finally work the balls to ask you out, but turns out he's still a fuckin' pussy and a mess of a man"

She chuckled and shook her head.

"Ted is.." She lick her lips and leaned on her car, Roy beside her and shoulder apart.

"I don't think Ted would do the first move, he's..afraid, I think. All his life Michelle was the only woman he knew, only woman he loved and if what you're saying is not true, then she's the only woman he would forever love" she said almost mournfully. "Divorced is hard, specially for someone like Ted who loves too much and give too much, maybe that's the reason why I'm hopeless inlove with him to the point of humiliation but who fucking cares, right?" She shrugged.

She then swallowed before sighing a shaky breath. "I'll uh, ill confessed tonight. While we eat dinner, ill..ill try, and if- y'know, he doesnt like it then I'll back off" she bit her lip as her gaze burn holes to the pavement.

"I'll love him from afar, cheer for him from the stands and sob on my office if I saw him and sassy together again"

Roy chuckled "i remembered that one" reminiscing her worst times of sobbing half dead on her office table mumbling how cruel it is to love Ted and asking what Sassy has that she does not.

"Maybe ill hire a hit man too, have them kill you so you could forget about it" she bumped his shoulder with her own and lightly laugh when Roy grunts.

"I'll write it with my fucking blood, believe that"

"Write it with your chest hair and ill believe it"

"You fucking cunt-"

____________________________________

"Sorry 'bout the mess.." Ted gestured to the perfectly clean living room with a sheepish look. "didn't have time to clean up. I'm just too excited to cook for ya I forgot about everything else"

"That so? Well I'm excited to taste it, I'm sure it'll be wonderful" she smiled at him as she put the bottle of wine down on the marble kitchen bar.

"Oh it'll blow your socks off, its nothin' like the food at Sam's restaurant but its darn good if I say so myself" She watched silently as Ted, adorable adorable Ted, wore his pastel pink apron, tied it around his waist and fluff it with a lovely smile that almost had her clutching her precious weak heart.

"Im sure it'll be delicious" she say, referring more to the cook rather than food. "I like anything you do anyway, so"

Ted glance at her and smile, all dimple and bright eyes. It made her smile too, softly, subtly, like one of those yearning smile that hides thousands of words and promises and hopes and desperation.

Ted went back to his cooking, whistling a tune she swore she heard before. He was telling a story, one about a fish and a basketball and a prom that gone wrong but for the life of her she could not listen.

She thought about her conversation with Roy, the words he had utter that made her want to pour her heart out and confessed to her love. She dont want to be hopeful, being hopeful is nothing but a wish on the wind in this place. It is the poison that rots your mind, that decays the flower and the trees and the grass, break the ground you stood up upon - watch it crumble and crumble until your legs become weak and your bones break from your flesh and you fell ill and sick and cough blood until you die and wish that you should have done better, that you should have stayed quiet and at peace and settle from staring from afar instead of watching your own skin slowly peel away as you continue to hope and hope and hope and watch as the filthy earth swallow you whole and- Jesus christ she should really stop reading those sad terrifying books Nate had been recommending her alot, its ruining her head in the worst ways.

"Ya feel alright?" Ted's voice woke her from her thoughts.

She looked at him furrowed brows and concerned eyes. "Im good, it's nothing"

"We could just watch a movie, you know? Order some good ol' pizza and have a laugh on some bad movies and oh! You know what? we could just watch your favourite-"

"I rather just taste your food, Ted. If you don't mind"

"But you look tired" and there it is again, the puppy look, the vain of her existence. God he's so terrible she kinda want to kiss his face and pinch his cheeks.

She chuckled "arent you sweet"

"Oh gosh! I didnt- darn, I didnt mean it that way, sugar!" He was panicking, going all over the kitchen with his cute apron on and little sauce smudge on his cheeks.

"You l-look tired but y'know still pretty, and cute and-and you know? Please darlin' I didnt mean to offend you i just want to-"

"Hey, hey, hey.." she called out to him with a barely contained humour smile "I get it, I was fucking with you. I'm just joking, calm down"

He slumped dramatically on the counter with a sigh "oh goodness, you had me there. Thought I was gonna loose ya'"

They had talked a little bit, or maybe too much, she couldn't exactly remember how long it was or what it was about but she had know they had laugh and jest and share a few stories of their childhood and back when they're still a foolish teenager who didn't know what they want and where they belong - she still don't know now if she was being honest, she wasn't really the kind of person that plans ahead of time, or give a genuine thought on what she wanted to do in the future and how she will get there but Ted is, Ted knows, Ted understand what he wants and how he will get there and what he see himself on the future and in which place and who he was with, it made her fall a little more inlove with him.

"How was it?" He had asked as he leaned in, nervous and fidgeting.

"Oh gosh please say somethin' I'm about to blow a nerve over 'ere"

She laugh "it was good!" And it is, the best curry she probably had.

"Its perfect, Ted. Even the spiciness is perfect"

He blew out an air "oh thank god, I was so worried ya wouldn't like it! And to be completely honest with ya' I thought I switched up the salt and sugar halfway"

She laugh again, it wasn't even funny, she's just inlove and a complete fool.

Ted started to talk about his day, down to what he had ate for breakfast and how terrible his coffee was 'it tasted like cow piss' his words. He then talked about his theory that Nate is secretly a goverment spy forced to work with him for a very dangerous top secret world breaking undercover mission - when she asked why he think that - 'because nate is a genius and there ain't no way he was a water boy before I came here and coach beard told me he saw nate yesterday slap a fly in a speed of light and didn't even flinch'

It was ridiculous theory but she then remember the amount of gory psychological thriller books Nate has been recommending her for the past few days and a good amount of them involves a spy or two. She wasn't convinced but she'll keep an eye out just incase.

"-it wasn't that much of a big deal"

"You set your school on fire!" Ted had exclaimed rather dramatically, on her opinion, as she told him her high-school tales.

"Thats like- Thats arson!"

"Its not arson if they don't know someone set it on fire" she tap her forehead lightly as if gesturing Ted to see how smart she is. And Ted, bless his heart, actually nodded.

"Youre right, thats smart. Look at ya' getting away with crimes in such a young age!" He grins so beautiful she was actually proud of what her foolish younger self did back then.

"You sounds awfully proud of me bring a criminal"

"Well its kinda awesome and speaking of awesome!--" his eyes was bright and there's a little smudge of sauce near his lips, he looks adorable and loveable and she just suddenly want to kiss him stupid and tell him how much she loves him-

"--Sassy and I are going on date this weekend!"

A glass shattered on the background.

She wasn't adventurous or a sucker for pain and near death experince but if someone had ask her what it would feel like when an arm go through her chest and crush her heart in one fist, she would describe what she's feeling right now in exact gruesome detail that even Nate would vomit on the corner.

She couldn't stop her smile for falling from her lips or the soft disbelief of 'oh' that escape from her tounge, its amazing how a simple two letter words sounded so broken out of the millions she had uttered before.

"Thats great, Ted" she thank every God there is that her voice didn't came out robotic "im happy, you deserve someone who can take care of you"

Ted nodded his head with a grin that is far too wide for his cheeks and then he stared talking, he was saying something but she couldn't hear it, didn't bothered to hear it, she was too busy wondering if the feeling of absence on her chest had been there long before or had just recently appeared now.

"-aint it funny?"

"Yeah" was her response even if she didn't hear any word of it, she avoid his gaze as she wiped her mouth with a tissue and cleared her throat - there's a vile stuck on it that she couldn't seems to swallow.

"Ted, I-uh, I think I'm gonna go home. I'm not feeling very well" she was a liar and a coward but she rather die than cry infront of him - and suddenly she was young again, alone in her room, toes cold from the floor board and clenching her hands into a tight fist and wondering what is it about her that is unlovable.

"Oh, uh, okay" Ted stood up from the table "are you feelin' dizzy? Does your tummy feels funny? Do you wan-"

"I don't" she said firmly, she was upset, mad, not to him but to herself, for even hoping that she could have this. "I don't need anything, thank you" she lied and swallowed the humiliation of even wanting to say everything she wanted to say to him. All those words she wanted to confessed makes her sick to her stomach because how fucking dare she believe she even has a chance? How foolish to even assume she could have Ted?

"Nothing like a good rest would fix" she had stated, hoping to ease his mind but her chuckle came out weak and sad.

"Okay uh, ill walk you to your apartment - I mean, flat, christ-"

"Its okay" she grab her bag "I can walk by myself"

"I don't think its safe-"

"I can handle myself"

"Still, you look a little pale and I can't have a gal like yo-"

"Fucking hell Ted!" She had yelled and the guilt settled on her stomach as soon as she did so.

Ted look at her like she wasn't her, like another person came on his flat with a face of a friend he adores and she wanted to laugh because how could she want to love him and care for him when she could barely be half of a kind person that he was?

"Just- fuck, I got it. I can handle myself just dont-" she sighed through her nose and looked down, she could feel the tears on her eyes and but none of them fell down.

"Just let me be, yeah? I'm not a fucking toddler you need to be coddle all the time"

There's a pause before Ted nods "Okay" his eyes were sad, sadder than anything she had ever saw and it would've break her heart if it weren't shattered before.

She looked at him silently, a second. She almost wanted to say it, say the words, just lay it all on the table and let Ted feast on the remnants of her broken heart and whatever is left. He'll take good care of it, she knows. That's a kind of man he is. Maybe even fix it together with some melted gold.

"Im sorry" Ted was the one who apologized even if she should be the first, it made her guts coil. "I didnt mean to upset you, I was just-just worried. I'm sorry"

She looked down and clenched her fist, dig her nails on her palm.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I was being a dick and I have no excuse-"

"Youre tired and you're not feeling well, 's okay"

"Its not, Ted" she shook her head "I shouldn't have talk to you like that, you're my-" she swallowed "youre my friend, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry"

Ted smile, sad and worried all at once. "Its okay, I forgive ya'"

He shouldn't be, atleast not this easily.

"Okay" she nod her head once before she turn to the door with trembling hands.

Ted appeared next to her and held the door open for her. "Be safe, sweetheart"

'Don't' she wanted to whisper but felt too tired to do so.

"Call me when you get home"

"Will do"

The ground was wet as she walked and the road felt much sadder than before, the cold night air beg her for warmth and instead of the heat of her flat her mind travel to the warmth of his hands, of his touch. Y/n briefly wonder how she came to be like this, how she love so fiercely like a beaten dog and dig claw marks on everything she ever love just to watch it be yank away from her as easily as her tears could fall.

#ted lasso #jason sudeikis #ted lasso x reader #fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso gif is not mine #possible part two?

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mangateru · 6 years

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#hanazawa teruki #mango teru #ch101 #1126 #hey lol can someone explain this joke to me #idk how many times ive read this exchange and yet every time i dont get what mob means here #is the joke that he doesnt Want to go to high school? that hes plenty ambitious? that hes just dramatic ??#help a fool out

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limitless-shadows · 3 years

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Picking up gofushi crumbs from the manga pt. 3

Disclaimer: Beware of anime/manga/fanbook/light novel spoilers. This is just me commenting on the manga with the lenses of a gofushi fan. So... it’s just my opinion.

This section runs from chapter 26 to 79.

About character developments, gofushi first meeting, “Oh, nothing <3″, and others.

[Chapter 26]

Bless Yuuji’s imagination creating gofushi material LOL

[Chapter 32]

Megumi’s disappointed and nonchalant face when others connect “that moron” to Gojou www :surprisedpikachu: it’s even more funny when it’s Megumi who says that.

[Chapter 33]

Megumi being sharp at noticing changes in Yuuji. If he’s that keen, would he have sensed anything different on Gojou after Getou’s death?

[Chapter 45]

“You really can tell even with that guy’s drawing” Dang it, now I have to add great artist to my list of type standards.

Well, Gojou can do almost anything as stated in the fanbook, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that he can communicate well with art as a medium. Ack, is that why Nobara said he had high standards.

I like how fast Megumi is able to dial Gojou’s number here www

[Chapter 55]

If Megumi never tells them anything, what do they think about the gofushi dynamic? Domestic feeling? lolol

Especially Yuuji, who can be perceptive (when he noticed that Junpei was being bothered by his teacher).

[Chapter 56]

Knowing Gojou’s schedule again.

[Chapter 58]

Aaah it implies that Megumi doesn’t usually ask Gojou to train him :(

"Is it that annoying? To ask me?"

...either doesnt want to ask him because he is annoying and/or because he doesn’t want to feel more indebted to him ;-;

I like the face that Gojou makes here haha like: eeeeh~ why is that? what’s wrong that you don’t want to ask me

Did Gojou realize Megumi’s self sacrificing tendencies from just the bunt? or did that already confirm previous suspicions? I liked the anime adaptation of it~

Of course Gojou would be so angry at that that his finger flick made Megumi's forehead bleed. Megumi who isn't growing up in the correct way to be strong enough as was asked from Gojou during their first meeting:

“You better get strong, don’t get left behind.”

And also Megumi throwing away his life in such a manner after Gojou protects him so much ;-; Gojou knows Megumi has plenty of potential but isn’t tapping on it effectively. Disappointment.

Then follows it up by asking him to be selfish so he can grow up strong (it's ok to ask your sensei for training! ;-;). Megumi freeing himself from the chains that bind him to a lesser self valuing is such an amazing character development.

Adding to it is that this flashback was used as the base for Megumi’s change aaaah

I also wanted to add that Ep23 was released 1-2 days before this post and it was such a great adaptation of this chapter with the sunset, the shadows and if that wasnt enough gofushi food, they went with the jujusanpo and and violinteacherhomewreckersformationbgaaah

what is formation a??? or c??? the gofushi interpretation of megumi’s gomeeeeeeeen?andsorrythatepisodewastoogoodImenjoyingthenewgofushiviolinarts

[Chapter 59]

A suspicious dude with white hair who is tactless.

Yaaay way to go with first impressions :D It's funny how Gojou hasn't changed and is still disrespectful in his speech XD

[Chapter 79]

Gojou guessing that Megumi already manifested his cursed technique...

While the fanbook said that he wanted to recruit a talented person, I also fancy believing that Gojou didn’t want Megumi to grow up under a harsh Zen’in training.

Ah. I like how Gojou kneeled down to talk to him about his father’s death. Imagine a 190+ cm tall stranger coming to you, a 6 year old, and telling you from that high up that he killed your father lololol

At this height, Gojou is near Megumi’s stature or at least close to seeing him eye to eye. That pose is also less threatening and even seems childish in Gojou manner lolol but that’s sometimes how Gojou approaches serious things: in a joking way.

Gojou has such a similar reaction where he doesn't say what he is thinking directly, but masks it. In the chapter where Todou says that they should continue with the exchange event, he questions Todou’s age XD and here he asks if he really is a first grader.

That right panel tho... what was going through his mind in that moment? Surprise? Pity? This kid is not normal.

Akutami-sensei Q&A mentioned that the one to tell Megumi about his father was going to be Gojou... and I wonder how it’s going to go? also, Gojou getting out of the box? aaa-

I wonder how it must have felt for Megumi... when the suspicious dude with white hair actually did take care of things. The fanbook with the following Q&A for Fushiguro:

Q: How did he become so insightful?

A: Maybe it's because he has negative thinking and doesn't just trust people.

Source: JJK Official Fanbook (fan translation)

Oof, his own upbringing made him like that. Especially with how he regards himself...

When it says that he “doesn’t just trust people”, Megumi then probably didn’t expect much from Gojou after their first meeting and is surprised when Gojou comes back :(

His father and mother leaving him, but Gojou coming back... although the situation doesn’t get better when later on Tsumiki goes into a coma and Gojou is sealed...

He will take care of things after a hehe~ ;-;

---

Oh, yeah and:

Q: Has he known Maki and Mai even before entering the school?

A: Yes. When Gojo was working on Megumi and the Zenin clan issue, he took him to the Zenin house, so I think that's when they first met.

source: JJK Official Fanbook (fan translation) (same as above)

Seems like the Zen’in house is in Kyoto? Because of Maki and Mai’s birthplace not to mention Naoya’s kansai dialect. So... did they go on a trip to Kyoto? :D

---

Then, Gojou counting on shotagumi to work extra hard.... so he can be strong ;-; and maybe become part of his nakama group to change Jujutsu's society huhuhu

On the topic about being granted a choice, I only came to realize it after reading this excellent work, Close Your Eyes (To See) it’s a lovely soulmate fanfic, please consider reading it if you haven’t ^^. Megumi usually goes on about unfairness randomly granted on people, so to be given a choice about going to the Zen’ins or not is quite big. Particularly when it comes to how the Zen’ins would have treated Tsumiki, a non sorcerer. It’s too good.

The look when he says that ;-; counting on Megumi to get strong enough to rival Gojou? Then Gojou wouldn’t be the only one going against the conservative higher ups.

When Gojou closes his eyes, it seems to convey regret/resolution where he sets in motion his plan to reform the Jujutsu society so that no more sorcerers go stray or overwhelmed by duties following a rigid doctrine ;-; as if preventing them becoming like Getou. And thats so aaah because while I knew what Gojou's wish was, I didn't know the why behind it, and that would be a great reason. Megumi has been with Gojou since the start (or near the beginning of it), so it’s even more beautiful.

That transition from closed to eyes to the present where the 1st year trio wakes him up. Was he recalling all those events during the nap?

I- I just love Megumi's pouty face here. But it's still not that angry looking, more like, he is used to it (as always). Then my gofushi brain telling me that there is a hint of concern in Megumi's look- its almost affectionate. Could it be concern because he is worried about how much sleep he gets.

About Gojou’s sleep:

Q: How many hours does he sleep?

A: Seems like only for a short while.

source: JJK Official Fanbook (fan translation)

And Megumi being aware of his tendency to eat sweet things:

“When he’s busy, Gojou-sensei tend to eat more sweets like these, after all…”

source: JJK First Light Novel - Chapter 1 (fan translation)

aaaaaaaaaaah

Gojou lifting his blindfold to look at Megumi with his left eye because Megumi is on his left side.

Wait... it’s the same left eye from the second opening of the first season.... is that a hint.

The legendary “Oh, nothing <3″ with the heart~

Is he being fond of Megumi because of dreaming about their first encounter or because Megumi did get strong, or, or, both of those. aaaah what if it was from recalling everything that happened in the 9 years they've known each other? Calm down! Probably because he got strong comrades now! ;-; i-it’s not just because of Megumi! ...but I like how he has his body turned to Megumi only...

It's a "Megumi has been with him all this time (9 years) while he is trying to achieve his dream and he became this strong"

They... they just look so good together ;-; my gofushi feelings... Chapter 79 is special grade.

[Part 4]

#gofushi #五伏 #self indulgent #re-reading jjk with gofushi lenses

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bemey · 3 years

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[found this in my drafts] Skwisgaar, Toki, and Murderface in Tamriel

combining my hyperfixations let's gooooooooooooooooo

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

it's very obvious that as a Swede, his race in a fantasy universe would be that fantasy universe's version of our world's ye olde Scandinavians (aka, he'd be a Nord, duh) BUT i like to think if you gave him a pair of fake elf ears matching his skintone, he'd pass as just a really pale Altmer

he's beautiful, tall, slender, arrogant and talented, im sure he'd fit right in with either group, maybe even less so with Nords since Nord society values brute strength and high tolerance for alcohol, of which Skwisgaar has neither (I know he beat up that one guy with his guitar once BUT!!! he's absolutely the least violent fifth of Dethklok)

as a non-metal-musician in Tamriel im sure he'd have mastered a magic school instead of electric guitar, but i can't really figure out *which* school, *maybe* enchanting, *maybe* mysticism, but if i had to pick i'd settle on one of the schools governed by Willpower (alteration, destruction and restoration) because, let's be real, he's more dedicated (to his life passion) than he is intelligent >_>;;

the thing is, i'd make an argument that epic guitar solos heal people (not physically), so that'd be restoration, BUT if he was in a party of sorts I can't really imagine him as just a healer on the sidelines (that's Toki and Mface's thing hehehe), he needs something, hm...... Flashier. like fireball spells, but then again he's not really violent on the show and doesnt get into many fights (unlike SOMMMEEE people), so i'd say both Destruction and Restoration

BUT there's also Illusion magic, with which you seduce, make yourself shiny, paralyse, calm people etc and i cant think of a better analogy for guitar playing that stuns you and puts you into a trance because it's just so good

(also FYI nord males get a penalty in willpower and personality but i suppose he overcomes that, because i have trouble imagining him not heavily using skills governed by those stats)

and for the class- im forcing myself to pick from the set of 21 standard classes and looking at (this page) for reference because if i took custom classes into account it'd really complicate things-

an obvious answer'd be Bard, which makes sense because, you know, being popular and attractive, but in a gameplay sense it's more stealth and less magic (also if we picked bard just because he's a musician in the MTL universe, all other DK members would be bards too and that's pretty lame)

looking at the page i linked, the ''Healer'' class fits the bill, governing personality, willpower, destruction, restoration, speechcraft, and illusion. i wont lie, it doesnt sound the coolest (compare to a class desc like Nightblade, now that shit's awesome), but it makes the most sense to me

TL;DR nord by blood BUT looks and acts like a high elf, class: healer

------------------------------------------------

Toki Wartooth a nord as well but! i've met plenty of nord dudes in ES games who are really nice to me but kind of not too smart (think Thrud in Godsreach in Mornhould the city that came with Tribunal the DLC for TES3 Morrowind), and im not saying Toki isn't smart (he's educated enough, has geeky interests, knows a thing or two about model-plane building, i think he might be one of the smarter DK members actually) but a nearly-fatal flaw is his naivety which would unfortunately translate into a low intelligence or maybe personality stat in a TES game

when you have a low personality stat, NPCs dont like you as much, and (in Morrowind) whatever options you pick while Persuading an NPC are less effective, even taunt and intimidate)

but i wanna argue in the case of Toki in Tamriel, that low personality stat wouldn't come in the form of being an intimidating douchebag, because we all know Toki's really, really nice, and he has his moments of being a jerk on the show, but he's mostly kind and polite, especially to strangers, and *definitely* holds the title of ''Dethklok member most likely to agree to an autograph and selfie with a fan after a concert and then give them a friendly hug''

it's difficult for me to decide which attributes he'd govern, and a lowered luck isn't possible at character creation, but i'd lower it if possible

high strength, yes, i can imagine Toki with either a blunt or blade

high willpower, competent with restoration and destruction like Skwisgaar, but not as dedicated to the mastery, duh

high endurance- knowing the shit he's been through, might be pretty high

(''cheats death'' and ''unpredictable'' are both keywords i'd describe Toki by)

i have my eyes on either Crusader or Spellsword BUT I thought the class description for Scout fit Toki just perfect and I even made a little joke about it to my friend once

TL;DR nord spellsword or crusader, but i'd pick spellsword if i was forced to choose

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William Murderface

ive been so exicted to get to this one because, hear me out- khaijit pilgrim

Murderface's spirit animal is a dang tiger, man, and now it's true Murderface isn't very athletic or agile like a khaijit BUT listen, in Oblivion Khaijit get a daily power that let's them intimidate opponents because they're like, big cats, literally, like a tiger or lion and wouldn't you run if you saw one IRL? AND Murderface isnt very popular with fans, which I'd imagine would translate into low personality maybe, but Mface is dare i say pretty dang skilled at making people hate him or hate others or get into fights, aka using a high personality stat for bad (taunt/intimidate) not good (admire), which is why I instantly thought he'd be a Pilgrim (''They profit in life by bartering in the market, or by persuading the weak-minded.'')

look me in the eye and tell me lockpicking, sneaking and punching people arent things Murderface would love to do, also scamming merchants and stabbing people, and khaijit conveniently get a small bonus in Blade and you know who loves knives? M u r d e r f a c e

inappropiately urinating in places? cat. face like an inbred white tiger? cat. sneaky jerk? cat. also i just really want him to be a catboy, man

i did think of him as an Orc too because of the whole martial culture and being a race that was cursed with 'ugliness' (not always true, some orcs are pretty hot), *but* the martial culture orcs have isnt really the barfight kind nords or dunmer have, it's more organised and honourable is it not? they take fighting seriously

would you say Murderface'd rather practice like blunt weaponry all night and day, then go to war and die for his clan, *or* would he sneak in a tavern, steal shit, insult someone, then get into a bar fight? that's what i thought !!!!

fuckin obviously you cant appoint the latter to khaijit because that'd be racist and im not a huge fan of discrimination against beastfolk myself, an orc could be a thief too, but have a look at this:

(for orcs), and the minuses in intelligence is mostly what makes me think Murderface wouldnt be an orc because he's pretty smart

smart as in street-smart and smart with people, specifically at what makes people mad or do ugly things, and thats something I have to hand to Willy, he's cunning even if not always sucessful in that endeavor because of his bad luck and unattractiveness, but in terms of raw people-skills he's not so bad

and for his class- I know i said pilgrim earlier but i wanna consider some alternatives: rogue or thief

''a tongue as sharp as a blade'', and ''profits from the losses of others''? both Murderfacecore, but I might wanna stick with Pilgrim just because they're history nerds

TL;DR Khaijit pilgrim

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(this was an old wip i found in my drafts so i havent written Pickles's or Nathan's parts yet >_> sorry, i do have the ideas ready in my head though) (also feel free to share your opinions)

#adhd hyperfixation #ramble #tesblr #metalocalypse #the elder scrolls #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #william murderface #nonner made this #urine m

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mccarricks · 4 years

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( brittany o’grady / demi woman ) WESLEY McCARRICK is 23 years old and is a SENIOR at thales university. SHE is majoring in FILM and is known for being THE MAVERICK as THEY can be HUMOROUS and OPEN-MINDED as well as DITZY and IMPULSIVE. every time i see HER/THEM, THEY remind me of PURPLE SKY IN THE DESERT, SKATING AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO FEEL THE WIND ON YOU, A JOKE TOLD WITH A TOOTHY GRIN.

hero’s back w character no. 2 and yet......

full name: wesley ‘wes’ elaine mccarrick

birthdate: february 2, 1997

age: 23

gender: demi woman

pronouns: she/her/they/them

zodiac: aquarius

nationality: american

ethnicity: black (louisiana creole) and white (irish)

hometown: santa fe, nm

languages: english, intermediate spanish

family:

theodore mccarrick, father

elaine barlow, mother

ruby mccarrick, older brother

delphine mccarrick, older sister

sherri barlow, maternal grandmother

many cousins

orientation: bisexual biromantic, pref. towards women/nb people but will date men

religion: agnostic

height: 5 ft 4 in

distinguishing features: eyebrows, hair, lips

character inspo: ilana wexler (broad city), harley quinn (dc comics), phoebe buffay (friends), prob more

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

TRIGGERS: divorce, mentions of crime, drug and alcohol use

the youngest child of ted and elaine mccarrick, wes was a kid who is full of life. she’s the kind of kid who did things to make you smile, and it usually worked. she was warm and inviting, a little naive, but she had a strong support system.

her parents divorce when she’s six, she doesn’t quite understand it but her dad moves out, and her grandma and multiple cousins move in. it’s a lively household, between her mom, who works as a nurse, and her siblings, and her cousins, it was never really quiet and there was never a lot of room.

despite the split, her parents maintain that their children have a relationship with both of them, and truthfully, wes is a daddy’s girl. she and her dad were cut from the same cloth, happy go lucky, fun loving, a bit silly, he’s the one who introduces her to movies. it’s their thing, watching and critiquing them together, and it’s not whatever is in theatres either. they went for all times of filmmaking, new wave, surrealist, and more.

it really stuck with wes, who herself had begun making movies, mostly horror/fantasy/scifi stuff with her friends-- she writes and directs and occasionally, she’ll don a costume and star in them. they’re silly little things, but her family always sat down for her “premieres.”

her formative years are marked with plenty of things, sports, deaths of distant family members, a cousin or two who gets caught in the wrong crowd and ends up in jail, and throughout this, wes remains a rock for her family.

she’s in high school, and she gets into the eclectic crowd, the outcasts, the weirdos, the ones who smoked under the bridge, and partied out in an abandoned trailer near the desert. these freaks were her freaks. they accepted her with open arms, as she them.

she chooses thales because she always wants to see the east coast, and frankly, as much as she loves her family, she wants to be free of them. and they have a fantastic film program. so!

she meets steven in their first film class together, and they’re fast friends, despite her usual weariness of YET another film bro, steven proves to be a good egg. so she thinks. she finds out through him talking that he might not be the most faithful to his girlfriend, and as much as she doesn’t like meddling, she thinks it’s only right to let clarissa, who she doesn’t really know well, know. however, before there’s a chance, everything happens-- now she’s stuck wondering if she should reveal the truth, or let sleeping dogs lie.

nana is different, nana and her dated her sophomore year, nana’s freshman year. it wasn’t serious. but they were fond of each other. they eventually break up, but they stay friendly, waving to each other in the halls, chatting at parties.

both the disappearance and the murder is weird for wes, who by all accounts, isn’t great at dealing with bad shit. she prefers to laugh about things. laugh about everything. because if she doesn’t laugh, she’ll cry.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

wes is a mess, a free-spirit, a walking contradiction. she’s very independent minded, the kind of person who does things without thinking so much about the consequences, this leads her into trouble sometimes. like nicking something from a convenience store, or stealing a stop sign as a prank. she’s definitely the kind to goof off and not exactly dedicate her full attention to something. and while she’s in genuinely good spirits on most occasions, she has a staunch ‘no asshole’ policy. the type to defend the underdogs, and go after bullies. she’ll punch you with a smile on her face, and yet it ends up being more unnerving than you realize. she’s a bit of a ditz, as well, never the best at school, but can talk your ear off about the going ons of the world. she’s a lovable dumbass, for sure, and loyal to a tee once you get her as a friend.

𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒

horror movie fan! her favorites are some of the oldies, like dracula and the bride of frankenstein! and some new ones! big fan of jordan peele’s work, as well as ari aster’s! but mostly really advocates for women directors and directors of color!

also does roller derby! she picked this up her first year at thales and fell in love with it, i can’t think of a name for her yet, but she’s a blocker, won’t hesitate to elbow some dick at the bar

kinda a tomboy? she’s always been! she’s rough and tumble and not afraid to get down and dirty with someone, i.e. will join those football games on the quad or crawl through the mud for a scene to shoot

doesn’t know if she wants to be a director/writer or a cinematographer honestly.... she loves the technical aspects of film as much as the making the stories

definition of a bruh girl, says it a whole lot, but also just if you tell her you love her, she’ll just roll her eyes and be like you’re an idiot (which means she loves you too) she’ll be affectionate if she’s close to you

kinda a wh*re oops....... texts multiple girls at a time and doesn’t want to hurt any of their feelings she doesn’t know how she keeps ending up in these situations... also a bisexual disaster

a stoner as well..... always has a massive jar of weed

unclear whether she lives on campus or off campus but if she does live off campus she has a pet turtle named elsa lanchester after the bride of frankenstein actress

a drummer! she’s in a band (name tbd) she started drumming at a young age and found it was a good way to manage her aggression

doesn’t really do well with emotions, so she’ll either be like there, there, or try to make jokes.... she really said kids can you lighten up

walking meme... such a walking meme... doesn’t know so many things she’s like a cute puppy with no thoughts head empty but she’s so fun to be around

life of the party.... nana she came fr ur spot and she took it and she’s not sorry but she does miss u a lot

doesn’t rly feel like she’s allowed to be upset anyways bc some people have it...... way worse.... can u say Imposter syndrome

kind of an enabler...... will be that person to push u to try things but not in a peer pressurey way, more like if u are unsure abt sending a text she says do it

wears fun earrings and socks! think lollipops or gummy bears or found objects like she collects that shit it’s her lifeline

boxes! she’s been boxing since she was abt 12, courtesy of her older brother (who is now a doctor thx ruby) and it’s a good way to exercise and release stress

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

best friend -- two of a feather, cut from the same cloth, or complete opposites it doesnt matter to her (the abbi to her ilana)

roller derby friends -- she’s p close to the team, margs on her

makeup artist pal -- i think it would be neat fr someone to try and teach her makeup whether its normal or sfx bc she wants to look like a monster or smthn

she’s gullible, u take advantage of that -- u just tell her lies p much and she’s like yeah ok that sounds right

party friends

classmates

fwbs (f/m/nb) -- tbh she might have one or two of these but they literally are the def of pals who bone sometimes... like v good abt being like you good? u dont want more? cool me too

exes (f/m/nb) -- mostly dated women or nb people but def cld have had a guy

she smokes you out -- p much the only reason u hang out w her is bc she has good weed

someone she’s fought -- like fully decked in the face, prob said something that rubbed her the wrong way and it just devolved from there

people who dislike her -- she could definitely be seen as annoying bc shes loud and dorky and funny so ??

breaks someone out of their shell -- p self explanatory, pushes them to have fun, w everything happening shes rly like lifes too short to not take the opportunities around u

cousins! probably on her dad’s side! i figure she has some east coast fam

anything? truly?

#pyrrhic.intro #intro.#divorce tw #crime mention #drug use tw #alcohol use tw #i pulled this out of my ass

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familiaanteomnia · 3 years

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~Nathan~ -Nathan’s interest in photography/theater stems from his mother aside from his general interest- what he photographs reflects his state of mind in a sense/his decline. When younger used to just take photos of everything. In better moments, with somebody he likes being around might take photos of them. (ie: him getting sidetracked with samantha posing for him when he was taking photos and then him bringing her ice cream out of guilt) -As Hayden put it, he really can be Fun Loving/Funny when in an good high/certain company. Like if you catch him after an small vortex after hours in somebody’s room on the way back to his. It’s so obvious how mellowed out he is, likely dishelved and happy (better yet if you get to see him in those circumstances he’ll be cracking jokes, likely end up with Hayden in his side,etc) -Likewise boy goes to bed early usually, out cold to whale song in an normal sweatshirt with some pj pants after making sure his many many door locks are locked (has an established do not disturb with victoria) but he does have sleep issues naturally which will lead to occasional nighttime wandering,etc -If you get to see Nathan in an regular tshirt, jeans or literally anything that isn’t his usual attire either highly trusted/lucky or it’s circumstances where he is not in the best of headspace and or he will snap about it (likewise his first actions in the morning are usually tame his hair and get dressed- even if he’s going for an shower) real lucky people might get morning selfies with his messy curly bed hair and an middle finger -Really loves to hide from the camera, jokingly with people he cares for if they pull out the phone camera he’ll cover his face with middle fingers or make an face,etc also only lets those super close take photos/trusts them to not like post anything too ridicolus -Has an large amount of pillows,etc on his bed or not that he doesn’t use/usually is just extra for if his brother decides to crash the night on his dorm floor ------ ~Xav~ -In an way of supporting his brother growing up, learned about photography,etc in his plentiful free time then would ask questions to cheer him up and help him with his homework on bad days etc even though isn’t into photography much or drama -Use to constantly use the video camera to record his siblings/or swipe an camera to take pictures of his twin (has an horde of childhood videos (both og unedited and edited caused deadname etc for depending on his headspace), pictures/pictures of times he’s been able to spend with his twin -Poetry, Reading (secretly works in the school library), Song Writing/making. (doesnt do/or actually record often) Can play all types of guitar. Will joke about ‘god no tried to get me to do piano but i slammed the cover on my hands to make an point’ taught himself anyways cause ~free time~ never enough hobbies or things to learn -Art style is chaotic, feral like him... Really likes graffeti, colorful/multi color outline simple stuff. But also just whatever comes to mind. Does an lot of like chalk pastels onto buildings before it rains,or for an photo then done. Ditto his fire art. Plus really like drawing people. Little differences in their types of smiles or the light off their eyes. Faceless couples being intimate,etc. -Issues asking for attention,etc especially from Nathan due to his issues, their combined issues,etc so sometimes just steals one of his jackets because asking for an hug would be “bothering” likewise sometimes resorts to old habit of sleeping on nate’s floor when super upset or naps on his dorm bed (goes for people in general he wants an hug from you? he’ll steal an jacket or something instead/he just steals friends,etc jackets- but an stray jacket in general if in his path might end up in his collection regardless of possible owner) -Chaotic/Feral will text or post things like ‘okay but i want to replace my blood with citric acid powder’ like normal memes nah dude hits you up ‘you remind me of an baseball bat stuck in a metal slide which is an good thing’ -Flowers have meaning, color right? He is well aware/has his own meanings for colors like an kind of code,etc Which he really likes flowers, buys himself them from time to time cause has nobody to do it and well “people are stupid about guys and flowers etc” Also loves stuffed animals, has an massive always growing collection (especially mishappen ones thrown aside unloved in a store/thrift store plushies)

#headcanons #long post cw #♥ drabbles 》 xavior carver #♥ drabbles 》 nathan prescott #(tried to go for the somft cause i got soft feelings for these dumbasses and nobody to babble to)#(mightve mentioned some of this before here idk my memory sucks so who knows where ive babbled before or what ones lmao)

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lcmontagne · 4 years

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(CHARLIE GILLESPIE, MALE) - Have you seen JAMESON LAMONTAGNE? JAMIE is in JUNIOR YEAR year. The HEALTH & PHYS ED MAJOR is/are 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say HE is/are CHARMING, OUTGOING, DIMWITTED and GULLIBLE. Rumors say they’re a member of KINCAID. I heard from the gossip blog that THEY WERE BLACKMAILED INTO RELATIONS BY THE COACH’S DAUGHTER TO KEEP HIS SPOT ON THE BASEBALL TEAM.

this is my newest (old) baby, Jamie! a summary is Himbo Rights, basically.

STATISTICS

name : Jameson Elias LaMontagne

nicknames: Jamie, JJ, James

age : twenty-one

school year : Junior

major : phys ed & health education

date of birth : dec 25th

zodiac sign : capricorn

sexuality : pansexual

+ traits : charming, outgoing, kind,

- traits : gullible, , dimwitted, stubborn

PERSONALITY:

he’s a straight up himbo, but a himbo with a heart of gold. Funny dude, loves to joke around and make those around him laugh. Will beat up frat guys who try to take home wasted girls, will also pass out at the same party huggin a pillow he found in an upstairs bedroom.

loves hobbies, especially cooking!! his dad owns a family restaurant down near bourbon street, so he’s picked up on quite a few family recipes. A stress cooker, loves 2 feed people.

thinks being in kincaid is chill as hell, it means fun parties and plenty of people to meet. Doesnt really buy into societies?? like he doesnt get why some are so prestigious, assumes theyre all the same. 100% accepted the invite because his buddy was invited too and he didn’t wanna miss him.

He knows damn well he’s not the brightest, doesn’t pretend to be. But he loves when people are passionate about things they love, even if its academics. Talk his ear off for an hour about shakespeare or russian lit, he won’t complain. He’ll smile and follow along, even if half goes above his head.

he feels everything, whether its extreme highs or extreme lows. He doesnt let many people see the lows, still hasn’t brought himself to ask for help about it. His dad just said he’s got a big heart, too big for the fucked up world they live in. Jamie doesn’t like to think about more than that.

can be a but of a dick on the defense if you openly imply he’s a moron though, it’s a sore spot at such a high stakes school

a little ?? about the death and drama. Does now carry pepper spray that he’s almost certain is expired.

DETAILS

tw: mentions of injury, car accidents

He is very pretty, & very nice. That’s about all we got goin’.

Born the only child of Kelly & Daniel LaMontagne, result of a drunken hookup between friends & cause of a shotgun wedding to follow. Born on christmas day at 2am, his mom called him the best gift they’d ever gotten. (his dad joked about losing the gift receipt. its a thing)

They were married until he was 4, & then decided they truly just made better friends. amicable divorce, no lingering trauma.

Dad moved back to New Orleans, mom moved up to Rhode Island, he spent his time growing up bouncing between the two, but spent a lot of the time including the school year in New Orleans, due to his mom being a surgeon and his dad being able to devote more time and waking hours to their son.

repeated kindergarten, got diagnosed with ADD pretty young.

his dad thought he needed an outlet for his energy, so after school clubs and sports became the Thing. Soccer, karate, gymnastics, he tried it all, but nothing ever stuck before baseball.

The boy fell in love, ate slept and breathed it. Was actually really damn good too, and played all through middle and high school in hopes of playing major league.

His junior year of high school he and his best friend were driving home from a late practice when a driver fell asleep at the wheel, and veered head on into their lane. Jamie woke up with a broken collarbone and a concussion. Tyler woke up paralyzed from the waist down. He was out for the rest of the season, and the guilt he has about Tyler he still carries with him to this day. ( they face time still, though less these days. He thinks it hurts ty, to see him here.)

Senior year he was back, but behind. & slowly lost any chance at getting majorly scouted for D1 colleges. So he did his best, even if it wasn’t ever quite enough.

Yates was solely due to a very large donation made by his mother to the medical program at school, hoping her son would take being on campus as a chance to branch out, explore other programs and passions.

Joke is on her, he enrolled as a goddamn phys ed major and spends most of his non class times on the field or gym. He’s determined to make it count, and do what he feels he was Born To Do.

His grades majorly tanked the end of last semester, and he fell just under the GPA he needed to remain on the team. Desperate to remain, he gave in to the offer of going on a date with the coach’s daughter in exchange for her talking to her dad about remaining on the team.

Joke’s on him now, because she definitely expected more than just dinner, and every few months she dangles his fate in her hands and he’s forced to give in all over again. Not proud of it, but he’s resigned and accepted that fate.

loves people!! & activities and life most of the time. A sweet dude who gives solid hugs. & that’s where i’ll leave this.

his WANTED CONNECTIONS can be found clicking anywhere here! pls holla @ me or let me @ u bc he needs it all.

#yatesintro #jamie — abt.

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fictionxo · 5 years

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Pay Attention - Jaemin (M)

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2,026

Group: NCT

(A/N: There IS a READ MORE option! If it doesnt show, that's tumblr acting up! Pls read rules before requesting! I wrote this story before on a different account, some of you may recognize it, some may not! Let's keep in mind that as of now Nana is considered 20 years of age in Korea, no longer a minor, and hes 18 international, so legal everywhere else too. They are not minors. (Unlike Jisung and Chenle) So please consider that before you send hate 💕)

~~~

"What?!" You were sure your cries could be heard for miles.

A grimace takes over his face before he responds.

"You heard me. Do you, or do you not, want extra credit?"

"S-sir I.."

"Do you, or do you NOT, want extra credit."

His words clearly growing tired of your complaining. You stare down at the floor, contemplating the large offer. The amount of extra credit he's offering would send you well over your A+. So much so, that even a few bad exam scores wouldn't take you below an A+. But that means...

"So..all I have to do is tutor him right sir..?"

"For at least two hours every other day, and make sure he passes. A straight A+ student like you shouldn't have any problem with this. You tutor plenty of students." Your principle reasons with you.

"But sir, the normal students are willing! And they're not, rude and overly popular!" More whines.

Your principle stares you down, giving you a look that clearly states that you don't want to argue with him. Or else.. Your college grades are riding on this. Defeated, you nod in agreement and let out a very unpleasant sigh.

"Look. I know it's hard, and he may put up a fuss, but please..you're one of the smartest in our campus, you have every class with him so you know the material, and his parents are our biggest funders for the school. If he fails..we all fail..that includes you. Better yet, especially, you. Do you understand me?" The threat laced perfectly off his tongue.

Nodding, you stand up and dismiss yourself back to class with a heavy heart, and an even heavier mind. Upon entering your class, you notice the absence of the teacher, and the students chatting with one another. One student in particular. Na Jaemin. The schools wealthiest, and most popular bad boy, rocking pink hair, and a wide crystal smile. He strokes the cheek of one of the many girls surrounding him and they all swoon.

"Get me a soda and maybe I'll give you a kiss beautiful." He chimes out in a velvet deep voice.

All the girls practically trample one another to race out of the room to find a soda for him. Luckily for you, you dodge them just in time. He and his friends laugh at the girls ignorance, and joke about how ugly some of the girls were, or how they could use them to get anything. It was then when Jaemin looked up from his posse and noticed you. He cocked a brief smirk and rolled his eyes at you. Clearly unhappy about the little agreement, and very much wanting you to know. Typical Jaemin.

~~~

You find yourself here, standing outside of Na Estates on a Saturday evening, at exactly 6pm. Before you could knock on the overly large door, it swings open with force, blowing a short gust of wind past you. There in front of you stands a very tall man with kind eyes, and an extremely beautiful young woman with long black hair, on his arm.

"Right on time! Punctuality is close to godliness!" The woman chirps in a velvety, high pitched voice.

Not quite the saying but okay. She welcomes you in with a small hand on your back, and you thank them both, removing your shoes before placing them by the door.

"Jaemin is upstairs in his room. Sorry to have you come all the way here dear, but it's better to have you here where we know our son is safe. Not that we don't trust you or anything." The woman smiles at you, before checking her golden watch.

"Look at the time! We must be off." She states in a hurry.

"You're leaving?! Us here?! Alone??" You damn near choke.

"Of course! You're college students, you can take care of yourselves. Jaemin has the card in case you both get hungry. We'll be home tomorrow. Bye now!"

Before you could even complain about the whole 'tomorrow' they're off, slamming the door behind them. Leaving you gawking in their large mansion.

You turn from the door to face the inside of the house, gradually becoming annoyed and wonder for a brief moment if your grades are even worth it. That's when you notice the interior of the house. Large sculptures, high chandeliers, and designer furniture litter the place all in a neat fashion. Complimented with high ceilings, bright walls, and light crystal looking floor.

"Aren't you little miss punctual."

Your eyes avert to the voice at the top of the grand staircase. Jaemin. You frown and cross your arms, rolling your eyes dramatically showing him how annoyed you are, similar to how he did to you in class.

"Let's get this over with so I can go home." You groan unpleasantly.

"I might just take my time then." He smiles brightly at you despite his apparent threat.

Your frown deepens as his smirk increases. The idea of leaving after knocking over one of the sculptures pops into your head. A fleeting thought at best.

"Come on up then miss punctual. Let's get started." He beckcons, motioning you to him with two slim fingers.

You sigh, and head to the staircase, walking up each crystal encrusted step with awe, eyes staying glued to the glistening steps. Unknown to the eyes watching your every step, carefully. Once you reach the top step, Jaemin turns on his bare heel and walks down the impossibly long hallway at a brisk pace. Before you follow, something large catches your attention.

A portrait. Jaemins Mother, Father, and him. With black hair?

"He looks so much more like a normal person with black hair, and not the fuck boy he is." You think to yourself.

Jaemin clears his throat to gain your attention. His eyebrows high on his forehead as if asking you what's holding you up. You nod at nothing, and lightly jog to the doorway he disappeared into. His room is the first door on the left.

Stepping inside, you notice how large it is. Larger than your whole apartment together. A king sized canopy bed, neatly made up with black and white rose patterned blankets and matching pillows. A large white vanity with a glowing mirror, large windows covered with black curtains, and posters neatly lined against the walls.

"I bet my room is bigger than your place as a whole. Also, close your mouth, you'll catch flies." A chuckle falls off his lip, as you quickly close your mouth, which you didn't notice was open to begin with

"We'll study on the bed. I don't have a desk anymore because I'm buying a new one so I donated the old one." He says nonchalantly, climbing onto his large bed with his books laid out evenly.

You stand there unsure of what to do until he pats the other side of his bed, calling you over to him with a blank expression. You obey and crawl onto his bed beside him, feeling the soft mattress and blankets. Impossibly soft! This must be what it means when people say they've slept on cloud nine.

"So," you ask, breaking the peaceful silence "where should we start?"

"Whichever you want to start with sweetheart. I don't care." He shrugs, leaning his chin on his palm, already bored.

Your cheeks heat up a bit at his choice of nickname, but you push that thought to the back of your head for later. You grab ahold of the statistics book and open to the page you're both currently studying.

"It's a good thing we have our classes together. That makes this a little easier I think." You mumble, reading over the questions.

Jaemins eyes bore into the side of your face, unknown to you as he drinks in your features. He nods more to himself before answering:

"A very good thing indeed y/n."

~~~

An hour into studying, you realize Jaemin is a lot smarter than what he let's on. Perhaps it's not that he's dumb, but more that he's too bored to actually work hard in class. Before you could think anymore on it, his hand brushes your leg as he points to a problem in the book. When he asks you about it, he pulls his hand back but instead of pulling it all the way back to his lap, he rests it on your lower thigh. Leaning in closer to peer at the book.

"You smell really nice." Jaemin suddenly mumbles, nose burying in your hair.

You freeze momentarily, heat rising to your cheeks before you clear your throat and attempt to read the problem aloud to him.

"X always marks the spot. So to find the answer to th-"

"Does X mark your spot too princess?" He mumbles deeply, nose brushing against your ear, and slowly down to your neck.

You haven't noticed that his hand is slowly creeping up your leg until he squeezes your upper thigh.

"Maybe we should move onto English!" You chirp a little too loudly for your own good. You forcefully close the math book and lean away from his touch, to reach for the English book.

"I like this view beautiful."

You sit up abruptly, English book in hand, refusing to look at him for fear you'll get trapped in his eyes.

"You want this as much as I do. I can practically smell your arousal." He laughs deeply into your ear, pressing his body against yours.

Before you could lean away, his arm snakes around your waist and pulls you into him. Your eyes stay glued to the closed book, a part of you hoping he'll stop, but a bigger part of you hoping he'll continue. You can't deny it, Jaemin is incredibly attractive, anyone with eyes can see it. But to doesn't mean you have to agr-

His fingers grip your chin and force you face to him. Finally meeting those alluring eyes which bore into your soul as if he's a starved man looking at a feast.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you princess. I hate being ignored." He states seductively.

The hand that was resting on your thigh, snakes it's way into your leggings, greeting your core through your laced panties. Your mouth opens slightly to let out a short gust of air as his fingers lightly palm your sticky core, paying the most attention to your clit.

"You're so wet. I didn't even have to work that hard yet." He smirks, his eyes never leaving yours.

You're too far into it to say anything snarky back at him, you'll have to remember that for later. As you start to feel your orgasm approaching, Jaemin pulls his fingers out and brings them to his nose. Inhaling deeply as his eyes flutter closed for a brief second.

A low groan sounds from him as his eyes open again, staring hungrily into your excited ones. Jaemin pushes you down gently, your back resting on the soft cloud like mattress as he crawls on top of you.

Leaning down slowly, his hot breath fans your quivering lips once over, before you're met with his fluffy lips, molding perfectly against yours. The kiss itself takes your breath away, but you don't fail to notice the sound of a belt buckle unbuckling, or the sound of a zipper flying down.

Without breaking the now feverish kiss, you struggle to pull down your leggings and underwear in a haste fashion. You were no virgin, nor shy to the idea of sex.

Jaemin grips the hem of your shirt, and slowly pulls it off you, breaking the kiss to remove it fully before removing his shirt as well and attaching his lips to your neck. He settles between your legs, his hard on pressing against your bare core, as he sucks purple bruises into your neck. You glide your hands up his naked back, and latch into his luscious pink hair, quiet gasps sounding from you as he continues his delicious assault on your neck, trying to mark every visible spot.

"Your moans sound so beautiful baby. Let me hear more of them." He commands quietly.

His hips start to buck against your sticky core, rubbing himself off on you, and against your swelling clit. You don't hold back the soft moans mixed with his name as they roll off your swollen lips.

"Please Jaemin.." You beg pitifully, the tight feeling in your stomach becoming too much to bear.

"Please what?" He asks, abandoning your neck and sitting up to stare down at your breasts, muttering the word "beautiful".

"Please fuck..me.." You shiver at your own words and shuffle uncomfortably below him, ready for him to take you, ready to be one of the many he's taken before.

"Your wish is my command sweetheart."

He pumps his fat, swollen cock a few times, before positioning it at your core, and pushing in a little harder than he meant to.

"F-fuck yes..mm.." You cry out, gripping the blanket beneath you for support.

His hips snap into you, balls smacking your ass as he grips your wrists and pin them above your head tightly.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to fuck this pretty little cunt of yours." He groans out, almost seething.

You squeeze your eyes shut, enjoying this feeling, until he commands you to open them, and stay focused on him or else he stops. Staring into his hooded eyes, your head begins to feel light, like the world is spinning and only you and Jaemin are in it. No man has ever been able to make you feel each and every thrust. Feeling his cock, rub against your tight walls, hitting you deeper than you've been hit before.

You watch as his silver necklace swings quickly up and down, up and down matching his thrusts.

"You feel so good y/n..you feel so fucking good. Taking my cock like a good little slut."

You nod, vigorously, crying out at his degradation. Something that turns you on beyond compare. Jaemin releases your wrists and your hands quickly fly to the back of his neck. He repositions himself, hitting you in a place that makes you scream out and beg him to fuck you mercilessly in that certain position. To which he complies. Thrusting into you and cursing. Your climax hits you harder than expected, sending your body into violently shivers. Jaemin follows soon after, cumming deep inside of you, filling you to the brim, with a little bit of his cum spilling out of you. He gazes down to watch his cum slip out of you slowly, admiring how it looks mixed with yours.

"So beautiful..just like you baby girl."

He leans down and places a quick kiss to your cheek before rolling off you and plopping next to you. Jaemin pulls you into him, cradling your body against his for fear if he didnt, you'd disappear. It stays silent between you two for a few moments.

"We should finish studying though..you need to pass.." you say breathless.

You snuggle closer into his chest, burying your face in his warmth, wondering how long this will last, or if he'll even talk to you anymore after tonight.

"I'll pass. I already know the material. Just never had an interest in it. But I know what the principal threatened you with, so I'll pass." He mumbles sleepily.

~~~

After you both dress again, neither of you say much to one another. He offers you stay the night, but you decline, not ready to be left by him come morning. This was a one time thing, you're just another girl added to his black book. Nothing more, nothing less. You both say your goodbyes, and you carry on home in the car Jaemin called for you, his personal butler who lives not too far. Once home, you reflect on what you've both done.

"I can't believe I fucked him..all he wanted was my body..I mean nothing to him." You mumble to yourself as you plop down on your hard bed.

Come morning, you're at school, stalking slowly through the halls, head down, eyes tired, and body missing his warmth. Most of all, dreading going to class to see him his friends laughing at you, treating you like everyone else he's fucked. He'll ignore you, like he does every girl the night after. You'll sit in your seat, and try not to cry, like every other girl. You'll get over it and still be bitter. Like every, other, girl. Upon walking into the class, everyone hushes and just stares at you. Jaemins friends tap him and he turns to see the disturbance. You feel your face heat up. He must've told the class already..so soon.

"Haha there she is-" Jaemin bellows, making you jump slightly.

Here it comes..what he does to every girl..the jokes, the teasing, the mean comments about how bad you were in bed..

"My.. girlfriend." He states calmly.

Your eyes shoot up to meet his. Incredibly confused as he beckons you over. The kindness showing in his eyes, like how he looked at you the night before. It's real.. he's not treating you like everyone else.

He's not joking about you. The evil glares from his 'fans' are clarification. You're not being treated like all the other girls. You're his girl.

#nct smut #jaemin smut

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ca1e70-deactivated · 4 years

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a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years.

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid.

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best.

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever.

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment)

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair.

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going.

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

#theres probably so many more i mean #ive been on parp for at least 5-6 years now #ive been on cherubplay probably the same amount of time #and my memory is totally shot to fuck but these are just what i know ive done in the last YEAR #or thought were wild enough to remember #i put it under a read more bc frankly its really fucking long #and i dont want this to represent me entirely #these are also heavily situational based and not like. emotion or reaction based much?#some of them are #i guess i could rename this to like. things ive done on parp #but theyre technically still headcanons a lot of them can coincide with whatever #so theyre not very specific situations #anyways #this took me an hour

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ofgeneration · 5 years

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━ ✧ ( nico mirallegro, 26, he/him ) did you hear about generation’s new record ? it’s totally bitchin’ ! isaac carberry was killing it as lead vocalist. people who have interviewed him say they’re really quixotic & convivial, but they can be sort of impish & ungovernable if you catch him at a bad time. a mischievous grin, northern grit, your ex-record label’s offices looking like a jackson pollock after getting your revenge in the form of vandalism.

hello, my loves! — i’m jess, i’m 22 and over in rainy england. i’m recently done with university which gives me a lot of downtime until i find a job so hopefully i can dedicate a lot of that downtime to this fuckin’ rp because it’s gonna be lit i just know it. i’m a huge stone roses fan and 80s/90s-music-obsessed in general so getting to play this character is super exciting for me, so without further ado, meet my trash son: mr isaac carberry. PLEASE HMU FOR PLOTS!

BACKGROUND

born 14th april 1960 in manchester, england to a normal working-class family, isaac was the first born child of james & rose carberry, with a younger sister coming along a few years later. the little family of four lived fairly happily, but struggled financially just as many people did in northern england at the time.

when isaac was five, his father lost his job as a result of coalmine closures, and times were tough. however, the family kept their spirits high by keeping close-knit, as well as listening to a whole lotta’ music. music was key in the carberry household. it was all around you at all times.

when times would get particularly bleak, his dad would pick up an guitar and play to the kids. he wasn’t very good but watching someone play an instrument and have fun with it sparked something in the eyes of isaac carberry.

tw violence, corporal punishment — during his teenage years, he was a problem child. he was the kid that always got pulled out of class by the headmaster to receive the cane in his office. he could never sit still, was always cracking jokes when he should’ve been doing his schoolwork, etc. it wasn’t talked about at the time, so it went unnoticed, but what isaac was probably dealing with was undiagnosed ADHD. despite this, though, he was a clever child. he had a way with words and looked forward to english class every week, where he would take great pleasure in writing exercises, especially poetry.

writing was a dreamy, escapist haven for isaac, and this extended to his life outside of school, too. the works he was producing were mostly tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted stories and poems with a recurring “stop taking life so seriously” theme. when he turned 16, however, these poems began to turn into songs. this started to take up a lot of his time especially when he finished secondary school at 16 and went onto sixth form college, where he took music alongside english.

isaac desperately wanted to learn to play guitar, so that he could form some structural melodies to these songs, but struggled with honing the skill of learning an instrument. luckily, when he was 18, he made three friends who could do just that. the four kids would bounce ideas off of each other and hold jam sessions in the tiny little basement of isaac’s family home, but things never went much further than that (at least not yet, anyway.)

isaac decided against going to university, mostly since his family lacked the funds, and instead picked up a full-time job in a grocery store to help out his household’s shared income.

in 1979, margaret thatcher came into power as the UK’s prime minister, and times got even bleaker. money was even tighter and the working-class situation became an even harder one to be in. the carberry family started sending isaac out on the street after work to sing some of his songs for tips.

in 1983, aged 23, isaac was in a dark place. no opportunity, no degree, no wealth in the family to fall back on. he ‘rallied up the troops’ so to speak and practically begged his friends to start a band with him. he had plenty of material, after all.

to his relief, they said yes, and were determined to make it work. they were hungry for attention and throwing themselves at any gig opportunities they could get, to get them a bit of money into their pockets. that was it, GENERATION was truly alive and kicking.

at a show supporting another band, generation were noticed by a fellow musician, who took a shine to the band and booked them to support his upcoming uk tour. thus, the band were rising to prominence. fast forward a year and before isaac even had the chance to process it, generation were shaping up to be the biggest band in the uk. isaac could finally give his family everything they needed to better their situation and was having the most amazing time ever doing what he loved.

after independently releasing their own singles, the band got themselves a record deal in early 1985 and released their first full record, a self-titled album. their management wanted to introduce them to US audiences, and thus — that’s how we find ourselves here.

PERSONALITY

ok sorry for that LONG ass background here’s the nice lil fun part where we can just dick around lmao hey meet my baby boy chaotic aries who is a lovable mess and i will protect him at all costs

literally so much of his personality is inspired by myself lmao we love an aries legend with ADHD but also i owe some of his characterization to the stone roses’ ian brown so if you ever want a look into isaac, watch some interviews or smth because Big Isaac Mood. the last aesthetic in his app references this video

nice, but a fuckin firecracker of a man. intense boi!! he’s a Lot

on first impressions he’s cool and collected and laidback but when you get to know him he can be very exhausting to be around, talks a lot, never tires of energy, etc

has that lopsided, wonky grin that you can’t help but love

lowkey isn’t really overwhelmed by the fame at all, he’s kind of narcissistic in the fact that he??? just feels like it’s really deserved? he knows hes talented jfjhgfjkghf

lowkey maybe highkey a sweetheart

a favourite with the ladies but not good w commitment

has slept around a lot. ladies, fellas, you name it. probably has it in him to settle down someday since he likes the idea of falling in love, but just hasn’t found it as of yet

charisma literally oozes from him

tw drugs & alcohol / dOeSnT LiKe To sHoW eMoTioNs but then will literally cry w u and pour his heart out if you’re close enough to him or if he’s hella drunk or high on ecstasy

Reyt fokin’ northern accent, yeh get meh?

man i dont even know can i just post this dumb shit already because this is getting LONG

WANTED CONNECTIONS

ex-girlfriend / groupie — i have this as a wc on the main

best friends will prob be taken by his bandmates but at the time of writing this only one other spot is taken so maybe ill branch out

give me some ppl who just DONT fucking like him

hookups / ex-hookups

someone he can be a bad influence on

someone who is a bad influence on him

someone he’s had beef w in the industry, maybe they said some shit about his band in an interview or something

a slow burn love interest plot................. listen.... gimme the one person he’s falling for and would consider being tied down for. i’d be so soft for that

gimme anything and everything my babies

#1986.intro #FINALLY #i'm so sorry #me: wants interactions earlier bc im in the uk #also me: isnt ready to post my intro til 40 mins before it was originally supposed to open for ints #im a mess #also this is long sorry #forgive the graphics #they look low qual on the dash but i had to make them 350px bc of my theme!#HMU FOR THOSE PLOTS

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leejrdans · 5 years

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you can try to conceal your heart with red and gold titanium, but you can never truly hide from your demons.

Merlin’s beard, what is ( LEE JORDAN ) doing out at this hour? For a ( HALF BLOOD ) who is ( 19 ) years old, ( HE ) really ought to know better. You know, I hear that they’re aligned with ( THE ORDER ), but that could be just a rumor. I do know that ( HE ) is ( A CIS MAN ) and a ( GRYFFINDOR ) alumni though. They’re very ( FORTHRIGHT ) and ( CAPTIVATING ) but also quite ( IRREVERENT ) and ( BIASED ), which could be why they remind of ( LAUGHING TO FEEL ALIVE AND SPEAKING UP TO STAY ALIVE, A RESTLESS FEELING IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH THAT ALWAYS DEMANDS MORE MORE MORE, HONESTY AS YOUR NATIVE TONGUE ). Some people say they’re the spitting image of ( TREVOR JACKSON ), but I’ve never heard of them.

LINKS: pinboard. stats page. wanted plots is COMING.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: will be added one day when my brain does work

HEY GUYS, it’s mar again. lee is a new muse. as in NEW. completely fresh. i am Nervous! but i love 1 man!!! note: lee is quite a Social Man, so i kind of went ahead and assumed some stuff about his position at hogwarts ( like, popularity & how the slytherins receive his biased commentary ) but i’m not trying to generalise at all and say that THIS IS HOW YOUR CHARACTER SHOULD FEEL bc i hate that LMAO take it all w a grain of salt its just how i?? ig imagine things went but if they went differently that is Okie

history.

lee is born in st mungo’s, to a halfblood mother & a muggleborn father. they’re not married. hell, they’re barely in love, but she still squeezes his hand during it all, and he cries, and for a moment they think that - maybe - they can be happy. ( someone should have told them that a child is never the solution, that it doesn’t work like that. )

lee’s mother moved into his father’s place -- a tiny flat, in peckham, but it was bigger than her own place -- and brought only two suitcases and a backpack ( warning sign one ). they tried, hard, for a while. lee’s father worked and his mother was at home, most of the time, looking after her son and making empty wine bottles appear ( warning sign two ) and then staying away during weekend nights ( warning sign three ).

she leaves for the first time when lee is nearly one, taking one of her suitcases and her backpack and slipping away in the death of night. lee’s father is lost -- for a while, but finds help in neighbours and sisters and his mother, mainly. and that’s how it went for years --- his mother coming back, and leaving, and coming back, until she didn’t come back again, not really. lee’s dad said it was enough, one day, and lee’s mother retreated to her own place. his father tried to get full custody and got it, eventually and then there was his mother, not cut from his life completely, but only semi-there, appearing when she could and - most importantly - wanted to.

he doesn’t really get it, in all honesty, as he’s five when his father tells her mother she can’t live with them any more, and most of his life after that is him and his dad and his aunts and his grandmother. plenty of family --- plenty of reasons to be happy, but an inexplicable gap, still.

lee grows up in peckham, london, and attends muggle elementary there. he goes to diagon alley on afternoons after school and weekends, with his dad, and later alone. he likes gazing at brooms ( wistfully ) and hanging out with fellow wizarding kids and magic, magic, magic. there’s magic at home too, of course, but his grandmother and aunts are all muggles, so there’s not much, but in diagon alley there’s so much of it. he likes the muggle world, sure ( especially video games & music ), but it’s nothing compared to the wizarding world.

i mean --- it’s not like he’s bored, because everything is excitable for young lee, and there’s fun to be found in everything, but there’s just more in the wizarding world - more mystery and excitement and ways to wreak havoc. because that he does love --- pranks, innocent and less innocent, hijinks and shenanigans. getting on his teachers nerves with bad jokes and cursewords.

lee doesn’t grow up with a lot of the things that some might consider crucial -- financial stability, a stable family life, a nice neighborhood. but it’s good and it’s whole in its own way. there’s plenty of people lee loves and plenty who love him back and it’s good, and when he’s off to hogwarts he’s both mad excited and secretly a bit scared and sad to leave his fam behind.

hogwarts, though, is a BLAST. lee is sorted in gryffindor ( because where else? ) and finds friends, fast. in his own house, outside of it, in his teachers, kind of ( he personally is convinced that minerva mcgonagall adores him, despite her disapproving glares ). he’s okay at his classes -- he has the skills, sure, but not the concentration and focus -- and better at everything else.

lee starts commentating on quidditch matches after he doesn’t make the team. he’s not broken up about it, in all honesty --- he sees how hard the team has to work and laughs at his mates who have to sweat while he gets to sleep in. commentating is more fun, anyway. it gains him some popularity, some enemies in slytherin, maybe, because he’s not very unbiased in his commentary. he loves his time at hogwarts, in all honesty, even more when he gets that gig.

his father meets his current girlfriend when lee is in his fifth year. they marry in the summer after his sixth year and have their daughter -- zoe -- about a year later. lee loves them. he’s conflicted at first, but he’s happy for his dad, and his baby sister is CUTE AF.

lee jordan is a rebel. in tiny, fun-loving ways ( pulling pranks, cracking jokes, being a bit of a class clown ), but also in a political, angry way. it doesn’t show in his earlier years, but as the war starts, and he grows older, too, he finds his priorities shifting. lee knows injustice. he’s dealt with prejudice his entire life --- at muggle school, at hogwarts, even. and as prejudice and bigotry gains the upper hand in the wizarding world, he grows angrier. restless.

the DA is a way to rebel more effectively, he supposes. protesting when he’s not in school. cracking open history books when he’s supposed to be practising for his NEWTs ( and he is not taking history ). lee looks at the world and he’s angry, he’s restless, he wants to do something but he does not know what---- because where do you start when so much is wrong?

right now.

lee has graduated hogwarts ( believe me when i say that those last months without fred & george were fucking boring, but he at least got to focus a bit more on his NEWTs ) by now and he’s floundering around. i like to think that he’s working for/with the twins, helping with inventing stuff and marketing kind of things for the www, but if this doesnt mesh with any potential fred/george players, i can 100% alter this skjsdf.

he wants to do something more, though. tell stories. speak up. journalism has always pulled at him --- not written, but on the telly or radio. he likes music too, of course, and the truth, especially --- and an idea is starting up in his mind. he’s slowly working towards setting up an underground radio, gathering equipment and figuring out ways to organise it. potterwatch is coming, and once the ministry is taken over ( if -- of course, that’s where this rp’s plot takes us ) it will be there, the urgency bigger. i don’t know exactly --- i’ll probably discuss this w sarah too but i think right now potterwatch is just an untitled work in progress.

lee’s not an official order member, but i do think he’s alligned, in one way or another. he’s willing to do what’s right, keeps his DA coin on him because of it, but also tries to take the world with a grain of salt, still. laughter is what makes him feel alive, and everything else he does to stay alive, to still make this world a livable place.

rebel boi.

personality & tidbits.

lee is a dank meme lordt who would be an icon on social media, if we had it. he just likes dumb ass humour. a bit of a class clown --- he just likes attention, but he also likes making people laugh and having a good. fucking. time.

lee is hilarious and it’s the truth.

he rly loves his fam!! is worried abt them!! he still lives at home its a blast but he wants to move out tbakjdsf.

his mother doesnt rly ... idk he does think of her as his mother but not rly as part of his family, bc family is not blood anyway. he’s had a few good talks w her since he’s grown older tho but it’s a sore, complicated spot.

lee loves music a Lot. hip hop, trip hop, some punk here and there ... bonus points if it’s a political bop!!

has the mouth of a sailor and now that he’s out of school he doesnt even try to fight it. no mcgonagall around to tell him off after all!!!

enjoys smoking pot & drinking beers w his buds. just -- letting go, having a laff and relaxing to the fullest. likes watching muggle tv when high especially, such a hobby!!!

idk!!!!!!!!!!!! will add more mayhaps???

#potter intro #YEET

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gracedandelioninkmind · 5 years

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Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

#gray asexual #personal experience #asexual spectrum #bisexual #pansexual

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banesbottombitch · 6 years

Note

hello beautiful bean!! i need some bowers gang as a biker gang hc’s please :>

Lemme start off by saying right here and now, that this was 100% brought on because I’ve been watching too much Sons Of Anarchy while writing. Also, @hockslutter thank you thank thank you for indulging me, because omg I’ve wanted to write this AU for DAYS.

Disclaimer: These Assholes are all 21+ for this AU, and Patrick is always two years older for my own nonsense purposes.

Notes:

The boys are the second generation of a motorcycle gang in Derry, Maine. They are part of a small chapter of a larger group called “The Hellraisers”, and dub themselves in private and in name in their town as “The Bowers Gang” as Henry Bowers is the current President of their chapter.

Butch Bowers was a dirty cop for plenty of years for the original Hellraisers chapter, and hid their business dealings and bailed them out numerous times

Belch’s dad was an original member and founder of the Derry chapter, so he was ‘born into’ the family and had an easier time getting into the chapter than the others.

Belch’s dad owned and operated a mechanic shop for Derry, that Belch took over when he passed. The chapter or “club” as they liked to be called in town, works out of there and the near by bar owned by Vic’s parents.

Henry Bowers

The current President of the chapter, taking over once Belch’s dad passed.

Has the unwavering respect of anyone in his ‘family’, despite being a hardheaded and crueler man

Was enamored with the OG generation when he was younger, and was often dragged to events (kid friendly stuff like birthday parties, barbeques and 4th of july parties) by his dad, and has been fascinated with bikes since he was tiny

Tried to become a prospect time and again when he had barely started freshman year in high school, eventually dropping out completely to be a full time prospect (which is honestly an errand boy/guard/look out tbh) and loved every second of it

Got his first bike from Belch’s dad, who is saw as a surrogate father, and despite it being a piece of junk, he loved it to bits

Worked long and hard to fix his first bike, and rode it with pride, even if the old men would poke and prod him, joking about it. He’d defend it until his ears were red and he was stuttering excuses, but wave it off

Fought against Butch tooth and nail to get free of him, and left home at sixteen, moving in with Belch and his parents, emancipating himself and earning a target on his back by his dad

Butch tries his damnedest to hook Henry with every warrant/charges he can, but they never stick

Prefers knives over guns, for torture and to do the deed. Has a special made switchblade with a particularly curved end that looks positively menacing

No mullet, sorry, its buzzed on the sides and styled on top, liken to his style in Henry Gets A Haircut

Hates dealing with discussions about drugs/gun dealing, and grows bored too easily, always itching to get a better deal and usually doesn't think of the other party involved.

Still too young to e in the position he’s in, but he’s there to stay

Reggie “Belch” Huggins

Still a Mama’s boy, and tells her about EVERYTHING that happens in the gang, which they all call the “crew” or “club” as an easy cover, for where they work out of Belch’s dad’s mechanic shop.

He is the muscle, the glue, of the Bowers Gang. He is the voice of reason when Henry or Patrick get too worked up.

Takes his job as a mechanic as seriously as he does being the Vice President of the chapter.

Hates having to come to violence, but he is ready to blow jaws off for his crew, no questions ask. Henry points, and he will shoot, no matter the circumstances.

Helps Vic and Patrick train the Prospects, and is the nicest of the group. Oddly a father-like figure for the younger guys who pull through, but he’s quick to warn them that the club isnt for anyone.

Has scars all over his hands and up his arms, from his work as a mechanic and brawls he’s gotten into. Has a nick in his ear that he doesnt like to talk about.

Never really thought he’d join the Hellraisers, since he saw how bad the dynamic screwed with his parents as a couple, and how it affected him as a kid, but ended up doing so when he got into his late teens.

Usually the one who talks to law enforcement, as they know he’s the mos likely to listen to reason.

Did two years in state for arson, getting out on a four month probation, and earning himself some friends on the inside. Keeps them up to date with the happenings of the world outside the bars, and tries to give them some money for commissary.

Came back to find Patrick Hockstetter in the gang, and still has some issues with him. They get along, but just barely. Tolerance, really.

Victor “Vic” Criss

The youngest of the group, but the smartest is you disqualify Patrick.

Was always on the outskirts of the Hellraisers as a kid, since his parents run the bar that the original generation visits still, and grew up with a mindset similar to Henry’s, idolizing them

Rode with Henry the first time he got his junky ass bike and knew he would do anything to get that rush for the rest of his life, and join the men he considered heroes

Became a prospect in his senior year of high school, already friends with both Henry and Belch, who he grew up seeing coming and going through the family bar.

Always the first to jump in if Henry is getting to hot headed with a potential ally, and charts them away to discuss trade

The money keeper, the information rat, he’s got all the business for the club in his head and rattles off numbers on the daily. He knows when and where they’re all meeting for a hand off, and where the items need to be at at what time.

Established his parents bar as the new meeting zone for the club when he was first brought into the gang, closing off the back rooms for his brothers and brothers only, giving everyone their individual rooms and use of the backroom, which became the conference room

Got is first bike at nineteen, and crashed it three hours later with minimal cuts and bruises. Henry laughed his ass off, dusted the poor idiot off, and told him he’d help Vic get his bike back up and running in no time.

Almost went to state for murder, but the charges dropped when a witness confessed (lied) new information that totally derailed the trial, counts his lucky stars every day

Picks up girls with his bike allllllllll the time, oh my god it’s horrible, he might as well have a patch on his leather that says “Man Whore”

Patrick Hockstetter

Ghosted into Derry without a past, and without an identity. Just a bike, and bruised knuckles.

Kicked ass at a bar, Henry saw, and bought him a drink in congrats. The two chatted up, and Patrick glued himself to the Hellraisers from that point on

Seemingly the most eager to fuck someone up, but only waits for his chance to arise once someone else has cause the problem. It’s as if he’s waiting for an okay from Henry, and the moment he gets it, he wont stop until the victim and bloody and hard of breath

Slipped into the club within the first year of his arrival, but only because the elders of the Hellraisers liked his willingness to get dirty

Leads most if not all of the drug and arms trafficking, willing to drive over state lines to deliver. Refuses to leave the coast, however. Wont say why.

Hates. Hates. Hates. Law enforcement. Has spat in officers faces, and has no fear of the DEA or FBI when they try and comb through Derry.

The most in likeness to Henry, and they drink together often enough, though Patrick can easily be found tangled in a bar girl’s arms after a ride out with the club instead

Spent 100% of his youth (12-18) in Juvenal Detention. Admitted this while drunk once, but wont elaborate on it.

Lives in the room Vic provides him, while the others have homes to go to. He’ll wake up early and stumble into the bar area with a five o’clock shadow and down a fifth of whiskey, then go back to his room, silent and empty eyed.

Goes for rides alone if he’s pissed, and sometimes disappears for days before he turns back up, as if nothing happened

The most tatted of the guys, and has a huge back piece of the gangs symbol on his back. It’s the devil, horns and all, carrying a scythe and sickle, inked in black.

Usually wears his hair slicked back, and you can see all the piercings he has.

#the bowers gang #IT (2017)#Henry Bowers #Patrick Hockstetter #Victor Criss #Vic Criss #belch huggins #Bower Gang hcs #Biker AU #Bless #Pattycake-hockstetter

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abitofafatass · 3 years

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11-17-14 Grif and Kaikaina ( @bluegrif) (hsau)

Abitofafatass asked: ((brother/sister angst ahoy!)) What did you do?

abitofafatass

My muse visits yours in hospital.

“Grif?” Kai asked, leaning in the door. She wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but once she heard her brother was in hospital, Kai hauled ass. What did she do? More like what did he do? It was Simmons- she thinks- that told her that Grif was in hospital, but she doesn’t remember. Kai sat down and stared, confused and emotional. “What the fuck, Grif?”

Grif had a rather sour look on his face, and had one leg propped up in a cast. “I didn’t do anything. Some dickhole thought it was going to be funny to loosen the front tire of my bike before we started riding them.” But that didn’t seem to be the only reason he was here. They didn’t hook that many machines up to someone with only a broken leg. Also, he’d already been here a night. Didn’t they normally send people home once the cast was on?

She tried to put her hands on her hip, bumping her elbows an casually moving them back, her point failed. “Okay, but did you like, make him?” Kai tried. “Did you fuck with his shit first?” She leaned back, taking it in. “Can I draw on your cast when we get home? Cause, you’re all patched up, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.” She paused. “Wait, when are you coming home? I don’t see a release date…”

“No I didnt make him! I guess he thought it was a joke or something. Or maybe he was trying to get brownie points with Sarge…” Grif shrugged, and then bit his lip. “Well… I might not be getting out of here for a while, Sis. Turns out that my kidneys suck major cock, so… Gonna have to wait for a transplant…” In a way, it had been kind of a happy accident. Having to go to the hospital caught the problem before it started to actually get really bad. But that also put him at a low priority on the transplant list.

She frowned. “Awww, Grif! Why don’t you look after yourself? I mean… you look after me…” That deepened the frown. Since their mother fucked off, he had taken good care of her, and it was kinda upsetting that he hadn’t done the same for himself. “How many do you need?”

“Like, one working one.” He shrugged, “I guess they’ll see if you’re a match since we’re siblings, but it’ll suck since then you’ll only have one, and shit.” He leaned over to pull her into a hug, “Dont worry, ok Sis? It’ll be fine.”

“Just one?” She asked, practically squeezing her brother. “I mean, we only need one, right? Each, So I guess you could have mine. If it fits.”

He laughed, “It doesnt quite work like that, but yeah, thats the idea.” Grif rubbed her back comfortingly. “You gonna be ok at home by yourself?”

“Pfft, obviously. I’ll be fine, we have plenty of frozen shit. And it doesn’t take a genius to work the oven, right? I mean you do it every night.”

“Just dont forget about the food in there. And if the smoke alarm goes off, dont just unplug it because its annoying.” Grif was going to need to make a list of everything she needed to watch for, now that he thought about it. “Maybe I should just have someone stay with you.”

“Ew. No. You’ll pick Sarge or Simmons.” She wrinkled her nose. “I can be fine at home. Trust me. I swear I won’t have any wild parties again. At all. Not even a little one.”

“Like fuck I’m letting Sarge in my house.” Grif shook his head, mimicking her distaste. “Whats wrong with Simmons? Sure, he’ll make you healthy food, and try and make you do your homework… Actually, Simmons wouldnt be a bad idea.”

“No, no. He’s really dorky. No.” She pouted. No way was she letting Simmons in the house without Grif. He’d rearrange everything. Alphabetically. “Oh hell no. If Anyone, Make it Tucker, or Donut!”

He gave her a long look, “No. If I let Donut stay with you, I’d come home to a redecorated house by Martha Stuart or some shit. And if I let Tucker stay… Its best if you two arent even in the same room alone.”

“-But Simmons is your friend, and he’s not even the hottest.” She pouted. Okay, maybe Donut would take house sitting a little too seriously. And Tucker… Well, she wasn’t that smart, be she knew what her brother was getting at. Fucking like rabbits. It wasn’t even surprising. “Well, What about Church? He’s not really that good-looking, and he’s boring as shit? Or Caboose..?”

“Ok, maybe Church or Doc,” Grif conceded. Having Caboose over would be like the blind leading the blind. “Church is kind of a prick, and probably wont do that much, but I think he’ll manage to keep you out of too much trouble, and make sure the bills get paid on time.” He tucked a bit of hair that had gotten in Kaikaina’s face behind her ear and smiled. “Hopefully it wont take too long before I’m back home.”

“No way! Not Doc.” She retorts. “I don’t him doing all that pilates shit, or eat organic stuff. Gross.” She sighed. “fine. Church or Simmons.” A moment later, she gave a small smile. “You better get better soon, you know.”

Grif nodded, “Of course I will. And I’ll see if Simmons can stay with you soon. It might take a little convincing to get Church to do anything.” Now that that was settled, he leaned back in his hospital bed and relaxed. “So, how was school?”

“It sucks dicks.” She replied. “You won’t believe this, but they kicked me off the cheerleading squad again.”

“Really?” He heaved a huge sigh, “What happened this time?” How many times did this make? He couldnt remember.

“It’s the third, or the fourth. I can remember, but they were really bitchy.” The was an aggravated sigh. “Oh well, I guess I’ll just join the nerd club or something.”

He gave her a long look, “I’m sure there’s other clubs you can join. I don’t think the nerd club is ready for your type of awesome.” Or ready for a girl to be in their midst at all, really.

“No.. But I’ll be bored sitting at home.” She replied. “I mean I could invite people over, but Simmons will have an aneurism or something.”

“Simmons has an aneurysm every four minutes anyways.” Grif shrugged. “No wild parties. Dont do anything that would get you in a hospital bed, or the clinic.” She knew what he meant.

“Really? Maybe he should be in hospital too!” Kai gave a sigh. Crossing her fingers. “Fine. No parties. And no… Other stuff… Not like Simmons will let me anyway.” The last part grumbled.

That made him laugh, “I don’t think Simmons gets the whole talking to girls thing. He’d probably faint if you were just walking around in a bikini.” Besides, he was pretty sure that Simmons wasnt as straight as he made it seem (no he was not just hoping for his own sake).

“No shit. But It’ll be funny, so I’ll record it and take it in to show you. Maybe it’ll help your fucked up kidneys. Or made you giggle… And you totally know which one I’m talking about..”

He grinned and nodded, “Just make sure you dont kill the poor asshole. He may be a nerd, but… he’s not the worst guy in the world.” Grif felt bad for Simmons, almost. But what were friends for if not to take care of promiscuous younger siblings?

Kai wouldn’t be that bad. Not enough to kill him, obviously, because she didn’t want to go to prison. BUt that wasn’t the point, he seemed okay, but he was kinda a stickler for rules. And Kai, if not anything else, was one for breaking them. “Sure. No murder. Totally got it.”

“Good.” he nodded, and pulled her close for a hug again. That should take care of just about everything, he thought. “Sooo…” Grif started, “Anything, or anyone new in your life?” He may be taking care of her, but he was also her nosy older brother.

She raised a brow. “You wanna talk about boys?” That was new..

“Why not? Its not like I have anything better to be doing.” He was purposefully ignoring the stack of binders Simmons had left him that contained school work that he was going to miss.

“Awesome.” She replies, grabbing a marker and taking it to the cast. “Well, you know about Tucker. I mean that guy isn’t the worst I’ve had - You remember that last one right?” Kai spoke loudly, working with the pen.

“You mean the one I told you was bad news, but you said he had a cute ass so it didnt matter?” He couldnt see what she was drawing from here. At least he could trust her to not draw too many dicks.

“Yeah, him! He was kinda cute. I suppose Tucker is better. Well, he seems kinda desperate, but it’s cool. He’s nice really.” She nods, writing ‘Kai was here.’ In block caps.

“As much as it pains me to say it, Tucker is the better option of the two of them,” and that really was difficult to say. At least he was sort of friends with Tucker.

“Yeah. I think that guy does hard drugs now.” She smiled, finishing up a drawing of a smiley-faced dick with a hat.

“Yeah… I think now would be the time that I say stay the fuck away from that.” Grif nodded, craning to see what she was drawing. “Awesome. That looks absolutely awesome.”

“Thanks! I called it Simmons… Cause his name is Dick, right?” She grinned. “But yeah. Not cool. Not hot.”

Grif snorted, and leaned forward to give her a high five. “Nice one! And nice choice. You usually dont get over someone like that this fast. Could it by my baby sister is finally growing up?”

She slapped his hand and grinned. “Ain’t I just?… And I’m not a baby. You’re like…. Only some years older than me. But Yeah. And that means I don’t have to be baby sat, right?” Truth be told she wouldn’t mind an extra person wandering around the house whilst Grif was gone.

“I’m still gonna ask someone to stay with you, just because I know otherwise the bills wont get paid, and then you’re going to complain that you dont have any lights. Or food because the fridge would be broken.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know..” She pretended to pout. “Suppose it could be awesome for you to come home to a place tidy and that.”

“I think it’s going to have to be when I get those transplants done anyways…” Grif shrugged.

“Still, that’s plenty of time for him to clean up the whole entire house.” She grinned before adding. “-And I bet he will.”

He laughed, “He’ll clean and actually like doing it. Why do you think I suggested he stay with you?”

“Yeeahh. But Donut likes that shit too. And he’s not as… Obsessive. ”

“Yes and no. Donut may not be as big a neat freak, but I bet you anything he’ll want to redecorate, and paint and shit. Be a lot more work in the long run.”

“As long as its him working, why would you care….” She paused. Donut seemed to favour ‘lightish-red.’ “Okay, fair point.”

“Yeah…” he nodded, “I know it wouldnt make much difference to you, but I do not want to come home to a pink house.”

“What, why?! You’re hurt. Why do I still have to do homework?”

Grif gave the stack of binders on his bedside table a sour look. They seemed to be multiplying already. “I dont get out of classwork either, you know. Some dickhead thought that he was helping by getting the work I’ll miss.”

“…Is it the same dick that’s on your leg…” Kai asked, he would get it. “I don’t wanna. Maybe I can talk Simmons into doing it all too.”

“Kaiii,” he whined, “You cant do that when that’s what I was gonna try to do! I’m the sick one here! And yes, its the dick on my leg.”

“Well, we can both do it. He can practice with mine, then do yours afterwards. See, easy? How else was I gonna pass Algebra?”

“I don’t think Simmons is going to think like that. I think he’s going to think this is the perfect opportunity to tutor you.” He smiled, “I think its kind of a good idea.”

“Urgh… Don’t go all ‘Mother bird’ on me, Bro. Not cool.” Kai shook her head. “When do I get tested?”

Grif just laughed, “I’m still your big brother, no matter how cool I am.” Then he grew a little more serious. “I’ll make an appointment for you this weekend so you dont miss anything for school. Or anything else important.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a dork, you know that?” OKay, so maybe it was probably better that she stay in school. Simmons would be too, and if she stayed home, there probably won’t be anyone there, unless she convinced Tucker to bunk off. “Okay, fine..”

Grif smiled and gave his sister’s hand a squeeze, “Thanks for being willing to go through that for me Kai. Even if we’re not a match, it means a lot to me. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You big dork. Ditto.” Kai gave a smile, and nudged her brother with her shoulder. “I mean you would do it for me.. Though mine are probably healthier…”

“Probably.” He agreed. “I dont want this to be you in the hospital bed for the same reason a few years down the road, ok? Dont do whatever it was that turns kidneys to shit.”

She frowned. “…What does turn kidney’s to shit? I have no fucking idea… But yeah. I’m not going to bust my body, so it’s all cool.”

“You know… I actually dont know what does that… They said it was genetic, but I dont know if that means that we both have shitting stuff, or what.”

“Nah.. I’ll be fine, Bro. Don’t worry about it, yeah?” Then she sighed. “Trust our mother to fuck us over one last time, I don’t care how cool the circus is, that’s fucking mean.”

Grif bit his lip, and shook his head, “… She had to go follow her dreams man. Where else is she going to be able to show off those wonderful talents of hers?”

“Yeah, I know.” She agreed reluctantly. “I mean who else can be fa,t and bearded, and a woman all at the same time? I don’t think I can..”

“I wouldnt want you to try, either.” Grif laughed. “It seems like it’d be fucking difficult, doesnt it?”

#v: seven periods of nap and lunch #bluegrif #archival footage #jesus i had no idea this thread was that long lakdjflks

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whitegirlconfessions · 7 years

Text

My first time (Blacked)

(Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the naughty)

They always say you will remember your firsts. Your first kiss, your first date, your first boyfriend, your first time. What they never tell you is you’ll always remember the first time you were blacked. Nobody prepared me for this. Nobody warned me of the long lasting effects from it. In fact, I was always told that it was something that should never be done. Before I get into my first time. Let me give you some background about myself.

I was born in a small Southern town. Like in most southern states, there were plenty of black people around. Some nice people, some..not so much. When you’re young you don’t see thing in certain ways. As you get older though things become clearer. I was a good girl growing up. My parents southern princess. A cute dirty blonde haired girl that loved dresses, boots, horses, camping and being outdoors. All my friends were white in school. Its not that I was racist, I didn’t know what racism really was. It just seemed that I had more in common with white kids. I was a Southern Baptist, showed up early for Sunday school. Everyone in our church was white, most of the people my age were fellow classmates at my school. We just all blended well. There were quite a few black kids in my school. I wasn’t mean or rude to them. Id talk, laugh, cut up and be friendly but we just weren’t friends. Why? I don’t know. Nothing was wrong with any of them. They were really nice kids. Not trouble makers or thugs. Fast forwarding as I grew up my looks and body developed more and I started getting more attention from guys both white and black guys. I never dated a black guy before. My parents would lose their lid. My parents are good people. They will do anything for you, regardless of color. Ive seen them help white people, hispanic people and yes even black people in times of needs. However there was just something that made them say no when it came to their white daughter. The “N word” was dropped a few times in my house by my parents. It never seemed to be directed towards any certain individual but maybe seeing something on TV would spark the reaction. I have to admit, I have said the word myself. So with all the attraction of course I dated a few boys throughout Jr High and into high school. All of this is really irrelevant because I know what you’re all reading for. So lets just jump ahead....

The night it happened I had been dating my boyfriend at the time (Tommy) for about 7 months. He was truly a nice guy but also still a hormone filled teenage boy. He was 17 and I was 16. I had had sex with 2 other boys previously. Tommy knew, maybe thats why he liked me...maybe not..I dont really know. He never made any hints or advancements about sex until about 6 months into dating. I liked Tommy. He was a really cute boy and came from a really great family but I had felt so heart broken after being with the past two boys that I was just scared to be with anyone again. Tommy started to get more persistent about getting together and I just had to keep telling him no.

One Friday night after a football game we were invited over to a classmates house. Their parents were out of town for the weekend so they were going to throw a little party. Tommy & I showed up a little later then everyone else. After the game we stopped and had a late dinner and then made phone calls giving our parents excuses as to why we wouldn’t be home. I had changed from my jeans into a skirt & heels that I had hidden in Tommy’s car (I liked to dress mature for dates but my parents usually made me change before going out so we had to hide clothes for me to wear haha). While at the party Tommy brought up now would be a good time for us to hook up for the first time. We had a way to be alone and could slip away easily into one of the bedrooms. I still stood firm on my stance. I “loved” Tommy but I just didnt want to do that again. We got into a little argument and just decided to walk away from each other for a little bit. He went to hang out with some of his friends and I went with some of mine. After a little while Tommy approached me again and asked me to go upstairs with him. I asked him why and he said “because I want you...everyone else you’ve dated has had you...I want you too”....I was stunned when he said this. At the time he said this I didnt know if he meant it the way I was taking it. Did my boyfriend just call me a whore? Taken aback I tried to explain to him that I wanted to be with him and I didnt care about the other guys any more but I just wasnt ready yet. The time will come and when it does he will be the first one to know and that it will all be worth the wait. Then he said something that broke my heart. “You’ll spread your legs for everyone else but seem to have no problems keeping them closed for a guy who’s good to you.” As the tears started to roll down my cheeks, he just walked away from me and eventually left the party. I was totally crushed as I tried to casually find my way to somewhere private where I could crawl up in a ball and just die.

I ended up in one of the bedrooms closets. It was a small walk in but private enough where I would be alone. I guess my sobbing was louder then I expected as I was heard from the hallway by another boy from school. Marcus was 18, a senior. Tall athletic type. He wasnt a typical jock. He was a really nice guy to everyone and was a really good student. He was the type of guy who you wanted to take home to your parents....if your parents were ok with you bringing home a black guy. Marcus found me sitting in the floor and sat down with me. He asked me what was wrong and after telling him I didnt want to talk about it he eventually broke me and I reluctantly started telling him the story. I knew who Marcus was but I probably havent said 5 words to him in school. Seniors just never seemed to talk much to underclassmen. After telling him everything, Marcus slid over closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer against him. He told me there’s nothing he could say or do to make me feel better but it never hurts to just have someone there while you cried. I leaned against his shoulder/chest for what seemed like forever crying and crying until i couldnt breath. Once my tears dried up a bit Marcus started joking with me and making me laugh. It was a nice feeling going from my world crashing to being able to laugh. As I leaned up to wipe the rest of the tears away I made the comment about looking like a raccoon from my make up. Marcus reached over wiping around my eyes cleaning them up the best he could with his thumb and looked me in the eyes and told me that I was beautiful. My heart fluttered. I just went from a boy I loved telling me I was a whore to a guy I barely knew telling me I was beautiful. The compliments he gave me were so flattering. I couldnt believe this handsome black athlete was spending his party time in a closet with a crying wreck of a white girl. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him thank you for everything tonight. I left the closet to go find Tommy and eventually discovered he had left. This night was just getting better. My bf calls me a whore and then leaves me at a party with no ride. I was ready to go home but nobody else was leaving and I didnt want to make anyone else take me. After walking around for a bit I decided I just wanted to be alone and I would just go back to that closet and crash until morning. I went back upstairs and opened the closet door. When I did Marcus was still sitting in the floor. I looked at him confused and he smiled and looked up at me. I asked him laughing why he was still sitting in the closet alone. He smiled and told me that it still smelled like me and he liked the way I smelled. I cant describe what it was I felt but I just knelt down beside him, leaned in with my hand on his face and kissed him on the lips. I couldnt believe it as it was happening but I was kissing my first black guy. I had never had any desires to do this before but this guy was treating me how I wanted my boyfriend to treat me. I felt Marcus hands move to my waist as he pulled me away. He looked up and asked me why I did that. I told him because I wanted to and I leaned back in and kissed him again. He again broke my kiss. He smiled at me and gave me more compliments but told me that if I wasnt ready to sleep with my boyfriend then why was I coming on to him. His hands never left my hips as I could feel his fingers reluctantly squeezing my body. I smiled at him and told him that sex with Tommy is suppose to be meaningful. I wanted it to be special and important. He gave me a laugh and asked, “so whats sex with me suppose to be?”...After a brief pause and gave him a smile and said “fun?”.... Looking back I it doesnt make sense why you would have meaningless sex with a guy you dont really know but wont with your boyfriend but when your emotions are a wreck. You make decisions you could regret later on. This wasnt one of them.

Marcus pulled me on top of him as I positioned myself and straddled his lap. His hands explored my body as I kissed him almost lovingly. Each time his fingers found a new spot he would squeeze my body and I would moan into his mouth. My skirt was hiked up and bunched around my hips so I could straddle him. My thong still tucked tightly up my ass. His hands moved up to take my shirt. Breaking our kiss just long enough for my top to go over my head before our lips were together again. I was almost a C cup at 16 so I had a nice chest on me. As our kiss grew longer I felt his hands run slowly up my back and with ease my bra was unclasped. I had to laugh to myself in my head. All the boys that have struggled taking my bra off and this guy just did it with ease. Like he knew his way around the female body.

He pushed me away a bit as my perky young breasts were freed. He leaned in with his mouth and began sucking gently on my nipples. His hands were all over my body and his mouth was sucking and licking on my nipples. He made them so hard and erect. I was getting so turned on. I looked down and saw his dark lips on my white breasts and a fire was turned on inside of me. Before switching to my other nipple I took the break to reach down and help him out of his shirt...oh my God this man was an adonis. He wasnt like overly huge and muscular but he was just toned and fit. He smiled at me as I ran my fingers over his chest and arms. He was such a specimen. My fingers traced along his body as they rippled over his abs. He laughed as I smiled and asked me what was wrong? I shook my head and told him I had never been with a boy like him before. He laughed and asked “you mean fit?” and I nodded replying “yes....and black”. I reached down and started to undo his belt and he grabbed my hands to stop me. I looked at him confused as he smiled and said “you first”. I quickly got to my feet, pushing my bunched up skirt down my legs. I could see his eyes all over me and they locked right to the lace of my thong. My fingers hooked the waist as I slowly pulled them down before stepping out of them. Standing naked in front of Marcus he took me in as he brought me back down on the floor with him. Laying me on my back as he moved to my feet, looking down at me smiling. I couldnt believe what I was doing but my legs parted for him, exposing myself t him. Sure I had sex before, 2 guys maybe 5 times total...but I still had a great looking tight little pussy. Not to brag but I knew what was between my legs was something special when I heard Marcus let out a sigh of pleasure. He started to lean down between my thighs but my hand stopped him. Not yet I told him as I raised up and my hands found his belt. Pulling it loose as I looked up at him smiling. A smirk on his face as he said “You really never been with a black guy?”.....I smiled shaking my head and told him no as I unfastened his jeans, unzipping the fly and slipping my hand inside.

As soon as my fingers felt it my head snapped up and looked at him. “OH FUCK” I said as he started to laugh. I pulled and pulled until this thick piece of meat was hanging out of the fly of his jeans. I stared in awe at the size of this thing. Dont get me wrong, he wasnt a porn start but semi hard he was already bigger then all my boyfriends..including Tommy. What absolutely amazed me was the thickness of this thing. I wrapped my fingers around it to give it a gentle tug and my fingers wouldnt even touch. He worked his jeans off as he stayed on his knees. I completely forgot about him wanting to go down on me as I adjusted myself onto my hands and knees and leaned down and wrapped my lips around him. I felt his cock start to grow as my tongue made contact with it. His hand found its way to the back of my head. Pulling my dirty blonde hair back from my face as he let out a moan. My lips started moved up and down his long thick black cock. Each time I went down he would let out a moan. I had never given a blowjob with my eyes open before, I know that might sound strange however I couldnt not look and watch. I loved seeing my pink lips slide down his black shaft. Every time I watched it disappear into my mouth I could feel him throb as well as feel my panties soaking wet and clinging to me. My head bobbed slow...and then fast. Working as much of his cock as I could. Id twist my mouth around and get a glimpse of his big, low hanging balls. Ive always heard the racist terms describing black men. Greasy, smelly whatever....but none of them ever described this. This was heaven...this was DELICIOUS! I bobbed my head faster, making sure my tongue found that thick vein on his underside. I worked his cock lovingly. I could feel him throbbing inside my mouth. Each slurp made his swinging balls tighter and tighter. When his balls stopped swinging and hanging and that sack was nice and tight...I knew he was ready. My mouth slide up around the head as i sucked just the head nice and slow. I felt his fingers tightly grip on my head and heard him say I was about to make him cum. Without warning I felt that hot black shoot from his cock and onto the top of my mouth. Then another and another. His cock throbbed each time he shot a load into my mouth. My mouth quickly filled and I started swallowing his thick load. He was just like I imagined. His cum was delicious. He tasted amazing. Was his because he was black? Was it his diet? Who cares!?! I wanted to feed from his love pipe for the rest of my life!

I finished him off, or so I thought in my mouth and raised up onto my knees with him. Smiling as I wiped his mouth getting his approval. I told him that was the most delicious blowjob Ive ever given. I told him I hated swallowing because it just taste so salty but he tasted so good. Thats when I realized I had ruined this whole thing. I made him cum and cum hard and a lot. I apologized telling him I was sorry. He was confused asking me what i was apologizing for. I said “I know you wanted to have sex with me but I made you cum”....he laughed and said “so?” I never had anyone cum before and could still keep going but before I could explain that I thought we were finished I looked down and his saliva shined black cock was still rock hard, sticking out towards me with a long string of cum dangling from the head. Seeing him ready for me again I felt like the odds were against me. You dont have a condom do you? I never bought condoms before. I always left it up for the guy but I dont think he was planning on having sex tonight. He shook his head and told me no, asking if he really needed one. I looked down at his cock. I had never been taken bareback before. Mainly because I wasnt on birth control but I wanted this. I shook my head no and began to turn around on my hands and knees. Positioning myself for him as I looked back over my shoulder and told him to not cum inside of me. He positioned himself behind me, smiling as he slapping his cock against my wet pussy lips. I waited for him to agree but he never did. Instead he slid his cock nice and slow into me. Parting my tight pussy lips his thick black cock suck into me like perfection. Its like his cock was perfectly sculpted to fit inside of my white pussy.

I felt his hand slide around my hips. His fingers hooked my hip bones as he began to pull me back to him while thrusting forward. My head sank into my hands as I leaned on my elbows. It was long before my moans were loudly filling the closet. Marcus wasnt like any other boy I had been with before. Not just physically either. Marcus knew what he was doing and my body responded. With each thrust, each squeeze. Everything he did my body reacted to. If there was a pace that needed to be set, he set it. If there was a spot that needed to be hit, he hit it. Before I knew it a screaming groan filled the closet as I exploded all over him. My God this guy made me cum in the matter of minutes. Im so use to the poor stroke game of white boys that I have to play with my clit and hope I get off before they do. Here I am cumming like never before on this black guys cock and he just tightens his grip and fucks me through it. One of his hands found its way to my long dirty blonde hair. Wrapping it around his fist as he pulled my head back and fucked me harder. “How do you like it?” he asked me. I told him I loved it...He smacked my ass hard and said “no, how do you like to be fucked?”.....I never had anyone ask me that before. Sex was always so vanilla and boring. Suck his dick till its hard, lay back, spread legs and lay there till he cums. His hand again came across my ass. He wanted an answer. The only thing I could think of was Tommy calling me a whore. I blurted back out to him, “fuck me like a whore” ....his hand again smacked my ass “fuck you like Tommys whore?” he asked...my pussy was throbbing I was going to cum again on his cock. “Im your whore...fuck me like Im your whore”

He pushed my head down into a pile of clothes in the floor. Forcing my back into the “perfect arch”...He held my head down and pounded my tight little pussy from behind until my legs started shaking and I exploded again cumming all over his cock. Squealing with pleasure, never having a 2nd orgasm before in my life. His cock just keep pumping my pussy. With each thrust I could feel my juices running down my thighs. i adjusted my head the best I could to look back under me and between my legs. My thighs were slick and shiny. Every time his cock thrust in you could see a stream of pussy juice run down my legs. My pussy had room for only one thing...Marcus. I watched in awe and ecstasy as his cock thrust in and out of my pussy. His balls slapping up onto my clit. He was easily twice the size of the two boys I had been with and I was able to take every inch of him.

It wasnt long before I was cumming for a third time. I had never cum 3 times in a night...I dont think I had cum 3 times in 3 days before. He was fucking me like a whore and I was loving it. Ive never cum so hard. Im pretty sure I had to bring eyes back as they were starting to roll in the back of my head. When I looked down again I could see his balls tightening again. I could still taste him in my mouth. He heard me tell him to pull out right? He’s going to get close and pull out and cum in my mouth again and I can swallow it once more. I felt his fingers digging deeper into me. His strokes long, deep and powerful but slowing down. I look at his balls again and they’re not moving. His sack is hugging them tight and I look back over my shoulder and see him looking at me, he’s there....and he’s not leaving. I cant stop him...I wont stop him...I dont want him to stop. I look him in the eyes...he’s ready and I tell him “cum inside me!” The room is filled with his groan, quickly followed by my moans as I feel his big black cock exploding inside of me. I can feel spurt after spurt inside me. He buries himself as deep as he can, using me to drain his balls. There wont be a 3rd round. He’s emptying his sack inside me. Im taking every drop. He pulls back and gives a few more thrusts releasing the last few drops. Finishing himself off inside of me.

I crash to the floor on my stomach. He falls on top of me. His cock buried in my pussy as we both pant heavily gasping for breaths. Im in heaven. For meaningless sex nothing has ever felt better physically or emotionally then this. I feel his cock slowly retracting from me until he slides out. I feel him gush out of me. I filled...Im filled full! Marcus pulls my hair to the side, kissing me behind the ear and says “you’ll take care of that right?” Take care of it I think to myself, Im 16...you just shot the biggest load in the history of mankind into my pussy. Im not on birth control. Im going to get pregnant...with a BLACK baby. My parents will disown me. My church isnt going to let me back in the doors...Im ruined!....but my body nor mouth can connect the thoughts in my head. I simply nod and moan out “yes” to him. He uses my thigh to clean his cock, stands up dressing himself leaning down kissing me on the back of the head one final time and leaves me laying in the middle of the closet floor. I wasnt committed to black men just yet. This was my first. Are they all like this? If so then Tommy was right. I am a whore. Im a whore for black men.

I fell asleep in the floor. I woke up a mess. Pulling my thighs apart looked like a grilled cheese made with swiss chees...how’s that for an image? I found a towel in the nearby bathroom and wiped myself as clean as possible. I still had 2 problem. I needed a ride home....and I needed to take care of what Marcus just did. I texted Tommy and apologized for our fight. I told him i was wrong and he was right. Maybe I was a whore but if I was going to sleep with my other boyfriends then I should sleep with him too. I knew this is what he wanted to hear. I told him I was still at the party and didnt have a way home. If he would come get me, he could have me. I asked how much money he had on him and he asked if I wanted him to stop and get condoms first. I told him no, I wanted him to enjoy me like he should have. I was going to take him bare and let him cum inside of me....only if he promised to get the morning after pill for me. Without hesitation, Tommy agreed. Tommy picked me up about 45mins later. We went back to his parents house (who were gone). I told him how horny I was as he wasted no time getting me into his bedroom. His dick was so hard I didnt need to give him a blowjob to get him ready. Once my clothes were off he was 5 inches into me pounding away. This wasnt exciting me at all. This was awful. If it wasnt for Marcus still inside of me, my pussy would be as dry as sand right not for Tommy...But he loved it. Less then 10mins Tommy was done. Laying on his back gasping mumbling about how great it was. It was hard to pretend to have enjoyed it but I put on a good act until I got him dressed again and out the door. Tommy took me to the pharmacy and paid for my morning after pill. He watched me take it saying “I dont want to get you pregnant”...I couldnt help but to reply “I dont want you to get me pregnant either”....he didnt get it obviously.

I learned so much in that 24 hours. I discovered Tommy was a complete tool, black men are amazing in bed...or closet floors. I also learned that you can easily sucker a white boy into doing anything for you with the promise of pussy.

I broke up with Tommy 3 days later. Im 18 now and Ive yet to have sex with a white boy since that day. Believe me, you all will soon learn all about my adventures!

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