#it is so hard to put things into words i am so sorry

[forbebeandjam]

Kiss & Makeup | Bada Lee x Fem Reader | Fluff

Summary: You’re tired of chasing after her but she doesn’t want to give you up.

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: mild cursing and make out.

A/N: Currently thinking about a part 2 smut for this one. What do you guys think?

"Wait! Bada wait!" You yelled as you chased after her. Your short legs were unable to catch up to her as she walked down the hall.

"Bada! Shit!" You said as she shut the door to the hideout. You never understood Bada. She hired you as her personal makeup artist three years ago and her attitude suddenly changed in the last few days.

You had to stay next to her throughout the filming of Street Woman Fighter 2 and it was draining.

Due to this, you knew about all of her deepest and darkest secrets. You knew that the relationship with her boyfriend was slowly crumbling away and maybe that's why her mood was changing.

Maybe that was the reason why she has been so mean and angry towards you. Because she knew she couldn't take it out on anyone else. And to be fully honest, you were tired of it.

Every time during touch-ups, she would be on her phone talking, or more like shouting, with her boyfriend about something. Whether it was about time, skills, cheating, or whatever other stupid things, you would hear it all.

So you had just come back from an agonizing fight. You had a pounding headache and you hadn't finished touching up her makeup since she decided to storm off. You sighed and leaned on the wall.

"Bada giving you a hard time again?" You heard a voice and your head snapped to where it came from. There you found Redy leaning against the wall as well with a sweet smile.

You were destined to have the same path but you gave up dancing for your family and you don't regret it since you always had Redy next to you to support your career and goals.

"Yeah. I don't blame her but I'm tired. I can't keep running around trying to get her ready for the camera if she doesn't let me," you said trying to fix up the makeup bag you had on your hand.

"Give her some time. Maybe she's just stressed," Redy said as she helped you put your things in order.

"But everyone here is stressed and not everyone treats me like that. I even do Jam's makeup sometimes and they are under more pressure but they are always nice. BEBE is nice to me as well so I just don't get why she's such an ass," you said causing Redy to chuckle.

"We all express ourselves differently. Is there something you do when she's feeling this way that might trigger her?" She asked.

"No... well... I try to get her mind off things by explaining what I'm doing and showing her the products but that doesn't change the fact that she's rude," you said.

"Ah~ I get it. I think she-"

"Y/N, can you come to touch up my makeup now?" You heard Bada's voice filled with sadness.

"Well, I have to go but I'll see you around," Redy said quickly getting up and walking away. You sighed and hung the bag around your shoulder to walk towards her.

You walked into the hideout and started patting away on her face using your brushes to accentuate her eyes and lips. You added a shadow to her beauty mark to make it pop and carefully curled her lashes with a hot wooden stick.

Suddenly you felt her grab your arm. You panicked thinking you had burned her.

"I'm sorry! Did I burn you? let me see," you panicked looking for aloe gel but she shook her head as she stood up.

"Why are you so quiet today?" She said with her raspy voice.

"Well, I just figured you weren't feeling well so for once I decided to give you some silence. I am also not feeling too well," you said.

"How come you were so chatty with Redy? You even called me an asshole. So, what is it?" Bada asked once more not letting go of your hand.

You dropped the brush as you felt her grip tightened around your wrist.

"Bada, let go. Now I have to wash and disinfect the brush," just as you were about to bend down to pick up the brush, she managed to pull you back up and pull you into her chest.

"Why are you so indifferent towards me?" She said.

"I'm not! Im just tired, okay?" You said as you pulled your wrist away and picked up the brush. You began to gather your things but paused in the process.

Maybe it was time to open up to her. Maybe it was time you told her how you really felt about her.

"I'm tired of always listening to your fights with your boyfriend. I'm tired of having to pick up the pieces. I am tired of having to deal with your attitude when you fight with him. I'm tired of chasing after you. I always have. In middle and high school, when we danced in the same crew, even when I graduated beauty school, I chose to be around you and I'm tired, Bada. I don't deserve this," you said as you closed your bag and swung it over your shoulder.

"I broke up with him," she said and you froze in your spot.

"Why are you telling me this?" You said as you looked through your bag for your car keys.

"You said you've been chasing me and I have to admit that I have been running away. I have been too scared and blind to see that through all my struggles you were right next to me. And you were right. I have been an asshole to you, and no matter how many times I push you away to not hurt you, you are still here. Why?" She asked this time. You felt her walking closer to you.

"Bada, let's not do this right now. you have to be on in fifty minutes and I really don't want you to be distracted," you said swallowing the true words you wanted to say.

She didn't say anything else and you made your way to your car. You knew she wouldn't follow you and you didn't expect her to. You planned to quit which was not your best option. You had no experience outside of being Bada's makeup artist and you were sure she wouldn't vouch for you if you found a new job.

Your thoughts were that she probably enjoyed having you behind her like a lost puppy. Or maybe she really liked your company but whatever it was, you didn't think your heart could take it any longer.

You couldn't believe that after all of these years, she had been so blind to your feelings. To the crazy love you have for her. How could she not see it after fighting your way through beauty school just to be her personal makeup artist?

You bit your lip as the tears threatened to escape your eyes. You couldn't cry. You refused to let anyone see you cry. You started your car and as you were about to drive, you saw a figure stand right in front of your car making you abruptly hit the brakes.

"What is wrong with you!?" You shouted as you honked at the dark figure before you. Suddenly they got in your car and took their hood. It was Bada.

"What are you doing!? I could've killed you. You need to be on that stage!" You said as you hit her arm.

"I don't go on yet. I have thirty minutes but I can't let you go like this. Don't walk away from me. I can't go onstage without you. I need you," she said as she gripped your arm. Her voice was filled with sincerity and her eyes were as teary as yours a few moments ago.

"What about what I need? It's hard enough having to deal with your nagging and attitude. You're never there for me," you said.

"Then let me be. Let me show you that I can be there for you. Let's start over again. Please stay," she said. You couldn't handle it. You were scared she was just messing with you again and the moment you gave in would all be the same.

"Bada don't do that," your last words come out as a sigh. You still refused to face her.

"Do what?" She said softly and you sighed once more in frustration. Turned to her harshly.

"Don't give me false hope. You will never see me the way I have seen you for all these years, Bada and it hurts, okay? It hurts to know that you will never love me the way I love-" Your words were cut short when she grabbed your head and planted her lips on yours.

A million thoughts and emotions rush through your body, making it difficult for you to process what is happening. Your heart was pounding fast and you were scared she might be able to hear it.

But that all went away.

It melted away when she moved her lips. You melted into her arms and moved your lips in sync with hers. Her tongue ran through your bottom lip asking for access that you gladly granted.

Your tongues massaged each other and you finally decided to break the kiss as you gasped for air. She connected your foreheads with her not letting go of your face. You could see a small tear escape her eye.

You two shared a moment of stillness when she suddenly kissed your cheek. She placed a soft peck on your nose, your forehead, your chin, and then your lips.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for making you suffer like this. I'm sorry I made you cry and tried to push you away. I'm sorry I used you for my own selfish reasons but... I can't live without you. Don't leave. I can't go on that stage without you," she had you in a warm embrace by this time and you were speechless.

"I have always loved you but I thought my life would only affect your career path. Then you came back to me and I was heartbroken when I saw you look at me dance with a wide smile on your face. I knew how much you wanted to be on stage with me. Please let me love you," she said not letting go of you.

Your soft sobs began to fill the car and she just held you tightly until your cries died down. She slowly broke away from the hug to ensure you were okay.

"Am I dreaming?" You said as you sniffled making her chuckle.

"It's all real. See? It's real," she said as she grabbed your hands and placed them on her face while she kissed them.

"Can you please stay?" She asked one more time. You felt a heavy weight lift off your shoulders. A huge smile was painted across your face and she kissed your tear-stained cheeks.

"I'll stay," you said and a warm smile adorned her face. You two shared a moment till a loud knock interrupted the silence.

"Bada, we need to go now. Share your lovey-dovey moment later!" Tatter said immediately when you rolled down your window.

The three of you quickly rushed to the stage and you tried to fix Bada's smudged lips and your own eye makeup.

That night you saw Bada shine on the stage like never before. Her charisma and smile were radiating and her energy was through the roof all because of you, defeating the opposing team.

After Daniel announced the winner, she blew a kiss at you not caring if there were fans or cameras around. She was finally the happiest she could ever be and she was determined to make you the happier you could ever be, by her side.

Thank you for reading and let me know if want a part 2🩵

#forbebeandjam #honeybee156 #street woman fighter 2 #bebe #swf2 #bada lee #fluff #street woman fighter x reader #bada lee imagine #bada lee fluff #bada lee x reader #lgbt

[their-little-writer]

“I’m here now, my deer”

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hi, this was requested so I hope you all like it! Not proof read

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧

This week was a rough week for you- there have been a lot of issues and chaos going on lately due to the extermination coming up lately. Auntie Charlie and vaggie have been running around and trying to figure out a plan. Uncle husk and big brother angel/ sir pentious have been making weapons and trying to build protection to help protect the hotel and you papa has been making sure things have been going ok and has been going to a lot of meetings with the overloads so you have been alone a lot this week. Heck you even got put in time out a few times because you were upset that no one was around and that your papa was missing.  

Like he was there for a few small moments at a time, and he always put you to bed but you still missed him and wanted to spend more time with him. This wasn’t fair to you; you were just a small little baby. You shouldn't be alone; you should be in papa's arms while he sings you soft songs as he feeds you a bottle. But no, you were in your tiny room all by yourself.  

It was in the late afternoon; the sun was beaming through the windows of your nursery, and you were in your crib. You had just woken up from your nap and you were not having it right now, 

you had a dream where people were saying icky things to you and your Carrers just watched and didn't say anything. You had tears in your eyes that were soon running down your face, and you were whining as you held your blanky close to you. Before you could roll over and see you heard the door open  “Sweet pea...?” you heard a familiar voice say as they walked over to you. When you looked up you saw your papa, he smiled softly but you could tell in his eyes he looked a little worried for you. “What is wrong my dear...?” He asked as he gently picked you up from your crib, with your blanket around you. You tried to use your words however you couldn't, there had been to much going on and you couldn't bear it anymore, you just felt your tiny self-get to overwhelmed and started to cry into your papas shoulder.   

“Now now my little deer what's the matter..?” he asked as he gently rubbed his hand over your back trying to calm down “Did you have a bad dream..?” he asked as he gently swayed with you. You nodded your tiny little head softly “Aw your poor thing.. Lets get you a bottle made..” he said as he gently carried you in his arms to the kitchen as he started to make you a bottle.  

He gently fed you as he carried you back to your room and sat in the nursery. It stayed quite for awhile however once you were done he sat the bottle on a side table as gently rubbed your back as you laid on his chest “Why did you have a bad dream my little fawn?” he asked softly. Words were  hard since you were small right now, so feeling bad you gently pointed at him. “Me..?” he asked softly as he tried to think about it. “Is it because ive been busy..?” he asked, and when you gave a small nod he felt horrible “I know ive been busy my little fawn... im so sorry i dont mean to be...it must be hard for you since its been so crazy..” You nodded again as a small sigh left your mouth.  

“I promise i will try to be here more my little deer..” He said softly. “What would you like to do today my little fawn.. We can do anything you want to...” alastor said as he gently looked over to you. You bable softly in respone, a soft smile on alastors face as you do “Hm, that sounded like music, am i right?” he asked. You cooed at his answer which basically meant yes so with a smile he gently got you up and carried you to your changing table “ok baby fawn but you gotta get changed first, and then we can ok?”. You nodded softly as he changed you and put you in a onesie, then he grabbed your blanky, paci, and stuffie as he made his way to his raido tower. He opend the window softly as he went and sat in his chair as he turned on his raido which turned on soft lullubys for you as he gently swayed with you and your stuffie. 

The night was peaceful as later made you dinner, read you books, and gave you a bubble bath, because no matter how busy he was, Alastor always made time for you, after all he was your papa, and you were his fawn.  

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#agere #little!reader #age regressor #age regression #agere blog #sfw agere #agere community #sfw interaction only #sfw littlespace #sfw regression #agere little #age re safe space #age regression blog #age regression caregiver #age regression community #age regression moodboard #age regression sfw #agere activities #agere board #agere caregiver #agere fic #agere headcanons #agere outfits #agere positivity #agere post #agere prompts #agere moodboard #agere sfw #fandom agere #hazbin hotel agere

[achaotichuman]

I will say this once, and only once because I am hardly losing sleep over Elain in the slightest.

Throwing around the idea that everyone who disagrees with the theory Elain would make a good High lady is not a direct output of internalized misogyny. In fact, not caring about Elain at all, is not an output of misogyny either.

The idea that people only dislike her, or otherwise do not pay her as much notice as other characters is because of misogyny, is completely false at best, and a half-assed attempt at morally upping people at worst.

I am sorry, but on my desk alone I can count 12 books with female main characters who are incredibly feminine and do not end up a warrior with a sword in their hands. So, to accuse me of disliking or discrediting Elain because I have internalized misogyny, is an insult, no matter how you try to spin it.

Quite frankly, I do not like being accused of being a misogynist over a fictional character, so let me go over this once and only once.

Elain is not a main character as of yet. She is a side character and so is Lucien at the moment. Sure, it's pretty damn obvious both are being set up to have their own book, but for now other than the bonus chapter we see very, very little of Elain. And when we do, she makes no major impact to the reader other than to people who ship Elucien. I highlight the word reader, because obviously with the whole stabbing of Hybern she made a pretty big impact to the story itself.

Which I will remind she would have never been able to do if she had died in the Hybern Camps, which she got herself into and had to be rescued to get out, but I digress.

Lucien has more impact in the story than Elain, Nesta had more impact throughout the entire series than Elain. When we go back to the human lands in Acowar, we see more of Nesta. We are talking Nesta.

So, already, Elain is not the biggest character in the series, in fact she tends to cause more discord and harm than good. Whether she is aware of it or not.

In the first book this is because she is another mouth that Feyre has to feed. And appears as completely unaware of the hard work Feyre is putting in to hunt. Which already starts the reader off as underestimating her. Whether or not she was doing more behind the scenes is ignored by Feyre and the bias she has, therefore this is the only impression we get of Elain.

This was retconned later, but I am not going to ignore it since we are talking about impressions here and not about the legitimacy of the statement "Elain can't grasp things". This is what Feyre says first up in the book, which is where the reader is being given their first impressions and laying out their first thoughts of the characters.

Later on, Elain is still a very minor character. Nesta was the one who went to the wall to try and retrieve Feyre, not Elain.

In the next books, Elain does not want to be in the Faery lands, with good reason. She is very much to the side trying to handle her own trauma, the only time we see her come out of her shell a little bit is when she is Seering. Which the IC doesn't even use her for in Silver Flames, they get Nesta to do it. Nesta talks to the Cauldron, not Elain. Nesta scrys not Elain. Elain only scrys once if my memory does me justice, and it is hidden from the rest of the characters other than Feyre.

Like it not, (I know I don't like it, but I recognize it) The Night Court is the Court of interest within the Acotar series and Elain appearing as not a part of it, or as different from it, is reason for the reader to not pay her interest because they are focusing on what is happening in the Night Court. Its Elain being put to the side again, because at this point, she is a side character.

She was the one who was lured into the camps of Hybern by the Cauldron, which created a frustrating problem for the IC and Feyre, who are the MCs at this point.

She is probably going to be the next MC in the series, but up until now, unless you do ship Elucien or otherwise care about what happens to Lucien. There is not a massive need to care about Elain, leading to people either not caring about her, or not liking her.

Of course this isn't a reason to be anti of her, I'm pro Tamlin and he is somehow the most hated character in the series. But like being Pro Tamlin doesn't mean you're an abuse apologist, not really caring about Elain is not being a misogynist.

Why do I not care about Elain? Because simply put, she's a side character who I've never seen be very driven for anything in a way that wholly affected the plot, and no matter what your headcanons for her are, they are your headcanons, not mine. She is never focused on, and not in a 'we don't care about her because she's feminine' way, in a 'she simply has no relevancy yet' way.

And no, I don't care about her potential, because she isn't my favorite character. That's okay. I don't need her to be my favorite character to not be a misogynist. And no, I don't need to acknowledge her potential to not be a misogynist either.

To try and accuse people of being misogynistic to support your claim of Elain being a High Lady is a blunt sword at best. And it all comes down to one argument, why do you not like Elain?

Because as of right now, she has no drive, because she has no reason to have any drive, because at the moment she is a side character. I simply cannot stress that enough.

It does not matter, if she is one day going to be a main character, she is currently a side character who drives no plot and has no call to action.

Of course, the A Court of Thorns and Roses series is a fantasy romance, and Elain's story will be for the most part non-violent. Which I enjoy a lot more than warrior stories.

I do not read fantasy most of the time. I have read like four-five fantasy series in my life. I mostly read historical fiction, regency fiction, mysteries and retellings of fairytale tropes. Elucien's book will be filled with high society and navigating the political world rather than the battlefield. I will probably enjoy it more than Nesta or Feyre's journey.

That does not mean I need to care about her or think her to be a good ruler. Because I am more than happy to read a story of Lucien and Elain travelling the world in a way that Nesta and Feyre always wanted to and never did. In fact, I think it would be a better fit for both of them to find a life outside of Prythian, and outside of the box they were both shoved into. Because regardless of how you see it, Elain and Lucien were both forced into the places they are now.

But sure, I'm the misogynist for not wanting another journey to becoming a ruler despite being in your early twenties and never being prepared for it, story.

I am not trying to pick a fight with Eluciens. But I am trying to get the point across at how it is a fairly half-assed accusation to throw at someone over a fictional character.

Do I think that everyone has some level of internalized misogyny because of the society we live in? Absolutely. But to act as though it is pure misogyny coming out when we discuss Elain is just plain insult throwing. And I put it in the same box as people who say people who support Lucien and Tamlin are abuse apologists. Because it's an assumption you are making about a person's morals and thinking with no real basis.

No matter if you ship, Elain and Lucien or Elain and Azriel, or Elain and Gwyn or Elain and Eris, or whoever else in the acotar world. I believe trying to question another personal's morals over a fictional relationship, or character in general, is rude, inconsiderate and invasive.

I will repeat, I am not trying to pick a fight, I am terrified of fighting. But that doesn't mean I won't defend myself. Overall, this was not meant at all to question whether or not Elain will be High lady, and if I see discussion about that, I will assume you did not read my full argument and will be ignoring you.

So, to recap. Elain is a side character, and her not being your favorite character does not make you a misogynist. People not acknowledging, disliking, or otherwise 'sleeping on' Elain, does not make them a misogynist. That is a crazy accusation. We are already in a highly toxic fandom that throws around labels and sticks them to people who disagree with them over characters. Let's not add to that.

I think if you can't make a critical analysis without sticking a label to someone than you haven't made an analysis.

Let's be honest, all the 'arguing' is supposed to be a debate, not a real argument. Unless the person you are arguing with is being deliberately disrespectful, then there is no reason to insult someone's person. Debates can get heated while still being respectful.

Calling someone an abuse apologist, telling someone they have internalized misogyny when you've never met them in person, or otherwise trying to degrade someone else's argument by insulting them, is childish. I am not going to allow any arguments against this whatsoever, because this shouldn't be up for debate.

Hating on a character because they are feminine is misogynistic. Obviously. But not caring for a character because they are a side character or have caused more problems than done good is simply not liking a character.

And let's be honest for a second, some people just don't like characters because they just simply aren't interested, and that is okay. You are not morally right, and they are not morally wrong.

This was a very long-winded rant, all to say, stop insulting people who have done nothing other than no agreed with a statement you made about a character. It's just not a nice thing to do at all.

And no, this was not a list of reasons of why you shouldn't care about Elain, this is MY reasoning for not caring about Elain in the present time.

You can argue that Elain did make some impression on the reader in x scene in x book at x time. But it didn't an impression on me, which led me to not caring about her. It's fruitless to argue that point with me unless we are engaging in a debate about Elain as a character.

And this was not meant to be a comment on Elain as a character, nor on what I think her story will be. This is a direct comment on the idea of people being misogynistic for not liking Elain. It's an insane comment to make.

I will repeat for the hundredth time, some people don't care for Elain because she is a side character. Some people don't like her because of the kind of impact she made on them. And some people just don't like her vibes. All of which are not rooted in misogyny. Her story has not been told, at all, we don't need to care about her yet.

Okay bye.

#acotar #elain archeron #acotar rant #kind of #more like fandom rant #since this a pretty popular idea #yall ignore that i forgot to put the read more thing at first

[holly-opal]

Hello...I wanted to make a request that I don't know if it's something personal and I understand that you don't want to do it...but you could do a mr puzzle x helping a reader who suffers from hypersexuality... I will understand that if it may seem uncomfortable to you I won't force you to do it, I just want to feel comfortable with my favorite character

Of course, I am sorry if I do this wrong. I have never written hypersexuality before, so forgive me if I do this wrong.

Tw: Mildly sexual content. Implied SA.

You were walking to your dressing room when Mr. Puzzles went up to you, he put a hand on your shoulder and gave you a warm smile, he asked if you could see him in his office later today, he wanted to talk about something. You blushed and nodded, you have always liked Mr. Puzzles, you found him charming and quite the lovely person to be around, and he was very attractive for a man with a TV for a head, then your mind began to wander and you thought about the two of you together, in your bed hugging and kissing each other, and you two taking your clothes off.... You were doing that again. Thinking sexually about someone or wanting to do sexual things with someone. You felt disgusted with yourself, and thought that Mr. Puzzles wouldn't like that either. He'd probably tell you to piss off, like everyone else you had sexual encounters with. You followed him into his office and sat down in front of him, he offered you a cigarette, you declined. You were never one for smoking, your ex did though, and he was the one who hurt you. Made you do awful things with him. Harmed you in bed. You felt so gross for doing, and even more disgusted with yourself when you actually sorta liked it. He shrugged and blew some smoke, he seemed tense. "I'm going to get real with you, Y/N. I am not very happy with ratings. I am working so hard and yet I'm not getting good results. And production is going up in flames. Ugh..." Mr. Puzzles smoked some more, he was stressed, you had an idea on how to release it though. You got up from your chair and sat on his lap, he started blush and stare at you in surprise, you began to praise him for his good work and rubbed your hands on his chest.

Mr. Puzzles was touched by this, his face was beet red and he was starting to like it. But he see that you weren't doing this out of your own volition, he could tell that you weren't happy about this. He grabbed your wrists and put them away, you were afraid now, you didn't know what came over you, you expected him to get mad at you or throw you off of him or hit you. He didn't though, he picked up you and set you down on your feet. He sighed and kneeled down to your level, you began to tear up and look away from his gaze. He had seen this kind of behavior before, in television and in his actors. He gave you a very big hug, you started to cry and hugged him back. Those thoughts in your head were killing you. 'Your disgusting', 'nobody will love you if you keep doing that', 'your just like your ex, only worse'. You've heard these words before, but still, it kept repeating in your head multiple times. You were sobbing into Puzzle's shoulder, leaving a wet spot of where your tears went. Mr. Puzzles pulled away from the hug, ye was smiling at you, and he was patting you in the back.

"Mi amor, I know that you are hurting, but this isn't the right way to go. You don't have to give yourself to me so that I could feel better. I am not mad, but we need to work on your issues." You nodded, wiping away some tears with your sleeves. Mr. Puzzles grabbed a box of tissues and handed some to you, you blew your nose and threw it away. He stood up and held out his hand. "How about this? We'll both talk about safe outlets for your behavior, that way you won't get hurt by anyone. And then afterwards, we can go to dinner. How does that sound?" Mr. Puzzles asked. You smiled and nodded, you clearly needed to work through your issues, a nice talk and maybe even a therapist will help. You took his hand and you both walked out of his office, you felt relieved in a way. He did not judge you, and he even offered to help you, many would've just left you immediately. Your love for him deepened, and his love for you has not changed, you were still his little star.

(Again, I am sorry if I did this wrong. I hope this brings comfort to you, my friend.)

#smg4 mr puzzles #mr puzzles x reader #mr puzzles #puzzlevision arc #smg4 puzzlevision #smg4 ships #smg4

[kangals]

way back in 2014, probably a few weeks or months after you posted that picture of boone with the stick on his head, i checked your blog out and so dearly enjoyed all the dogposting that i followed. i think you were the first dogblr blog i actually followed at the time, but it's been ages and my memory is bad, so i'm not fully sure. it wasn't long before then--2012 i think?--that i had gotten a new dog of my own, a border collie. iirc he and boone were just about the same age.

in 2018 i lost that blog i'd followed you with, and a lot of connections with it. i didn't return until 2021, and when i did, i didn't refollow most of the old blogs; i don't think i even really went looking for them. it took me a while to get back into the swing of using tumblr.

last september, my border collie had a sharp health decline, and i had to say goodbye. it's not the first time i've had to put a pet down, but i think it was the hardest. i'm still not over it. even just typing this now, i feel raw.

then in march or so, i made a new fandom friend who knows you, and i enthusiastically recalled following you before and how much i enjoyed it. i didn't even know about stellina, and now there's kep too! but... i also didn't know you'd lost boone. i followed because i still really enjoy your blog, and i love your collies too. and butters!!! so glad she's still here!

idk what made me look tonight... maybe because i talked about my old border collie with someone today. i went looking for the posts immediately around when you lost boone, because i guess some part of me wanted to know what happened. i spent the better part of an hour (maybe longer?) reading posts from the weeks before the decline, and then the loss, and then the deluge of old boone pictures after, and i've been crying pretty much the whole time just reading your posts and tags about him.

and this is a long and windy way to get to saying thank you. i'm glad you shared your grief, though that seems like a weird thing to say. there's something cathartic about crying over someone else's dog when you still hurt about your own, and knowing you're not alone in that kind of sorrow. boone was such a beautiful boy. i'll never forget that silly post that made me check your blog out in the first place, or the years of posts i stuck around for after. i wish i'd remembered to follow sooner, but the archive is still there, and it's so fun looking through all those old posts about him and his quirks and antics. he was amazing.

sorry for the length of this, i just... really wanted you to know that he touched yet another life, i guess. and i've been so deeply enjoying your posts about stellina and kep. i know it'll be a year soon... i hope there's some peace in how things have gone since he passed, and i hope the anniversary isn't too hard on you. thank you for sharing him with us.

i've been on tumblr for 14 years and this is, genuinely, the nicest ask i think i've ever been sent.

thank you - sincerely. there's been a lot of times over the course of this blog that i've felt like i was oversharing, or talking about pointless things only i cared about. i still so frequently start typing out a post only to stop mid-sentence and delete it because i can't help but think "no one cares about this." possibly it's why i like to talk about my pets so much - they're not me, but i'm the one who knows them best, so i get to say "hey look at this" and ramble and have people say "i'm looking" back. when boone passed, i lost that filter and i poured my grief out into this blog because it was the closest outlet i had. and to have hundreds of people not only acknowledge this but to commiserate, to reassure, to share their own stories - that helped healed me more than i can put into words. it's exactly as you said: there's a catharsis in grieving together.

i am sorry you also had to say goodbye. i wish i could say it gets easier, but i think that would be defeating the point of grief. your grief is your love and damn it if there isn't any act more loving in the world than choosing to say goodbye to an old, loyal dog. you think of how dogs were domesticated tens of thousands of years ago, of how human society and dogs have developed intertwined, of how we have records of ancient greeks and romans carving loving epitaths on their dog's graves, of how a prehistoric dog's skull was found with a bone placed in it's mouth after death, and you wonder if grieving a dog isn't one of the most consistent experiences in the whole of human history that there is.

i'm glad to know that this could bring you some comfort, in some way. it's incredibly touching to know that you kept me and boone in your thoughts for all this time. i am doing ok - i've been reflecting a lot as we approach the one-year mark. i'm not sure if i'll be able to condense those thoughts down into coherent words, but i'll do my best. i hope that my silly little pets continue to bring you some happiness, and that you've found peace with your own grief.

thank you, again - this is extremely touching and means a hell of a lot to me.

#i know exactly what you mean about reading posts about other peoples loss and grieving in camaraderie with them. i do that too #also mayhaps i am nosy sometimes and want to intrude. i cant help my nature to be a looky-loo #which is to say: you should never feel like you are intruding for doing so back to me.

[fl0w3r-33]

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

First Time

summery: its chris’ first time and you guide him through it….

WARNING: smut, sub!chris x reader, p in v, oral( fem ), no protection( wrap it up kids ), virginity loss, creampie, ma, mama, baby, nickname (NOT PROOFREAD)

( a/n: sorry it took so long for me to post again😭 i was on vacation and school is kicking my ass )

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

Me and Chris have never have sex before, we have talked about and we’ve made out and gotten close to it but he’s always kinda pulled away. I will never pressure him into anything bc i don’t know his side of it but ever since we got together (5 months ago) i haven’t had sex or even touched myself. I want to ask him about it but i don’t wanna push boundaries.

Chris was laying across my chest editing a video for his personal channel while i watched him. “ Chris can I ask you something?” i asked thinking about how to word this. “ Of course baby what’s up?” he looked up at me from his computer. I went quiet, “ Do you not want to have sex with me? Like do i do something that you don’t like or are you not ready, im just nervous im doing something wrong.” i blurt out. He turned his head back down motionless. “ im so sorry for asking that, it’s just been in my head for a while an-“ He cuts me off. “ i’ve never done it before” he says quietly. “ what..” i gasped surprisingly. “ yo don’t make fun of me” he rolled his eyes. “ im not baby i just thought you would’ve” i run my hand through his hair. It fell quiet after that, “ can we do it? i mean i never have but i can try” he looks up at me. “ don’t worry ill teach you”

i stand up leading him to my room, pushing the door open and guiding him to he was standing right in front of my bed “ Here sit down” i say slightly push him and straddle him. He smiles up at me pulling me into a kiss. “ Take off my shirt” i say lifting up my arms as he slips my shirt off. Normally when it gets to this point he pulls away, “ do you wanna keep going baby?” i ask breaking the kiss. “Yeah” he lets out a breath. I make eye contact with him reaching behind me uncliping my bra letting it fall off my shoulders. Chris’ eyes widened look straight at them. I picked up his hands pulling them up to grab my tits “ you can touch me baby don’t be scared” i wink i him. he lets a slight whimper slip as he stars getting harder under me. I rock back and forth creating friction between us. “ can i taste you?” chris whimpers. “ of course baby.” i say with a smile getting off of him and crawling to the head of the bed taking my panties off leaning back and spreading my legs infront of him. “ fuck you so pretty” he moved over between my legs. He pushed a finger in me, i let out a gasp and i look down at him. “your so wet mama” he latches his lips to my clit. he continues licking in my folds, he pulls away “ am i doing good” he looks up at me still pumping his fingers in me. “ fuck yes good job” i lightly push his head back into me rocking my hips on his face. He smirks onto my pussy at my actions and continues. “ fuck chris im close” i moan. his tongue speed up in me, i let go with a squeal as he laps up my cum.

“great job chris” i smiled down at him. “you taste good ma” he said connecting our lips. “can i ride you” i asked. “yes please” he said swapping places with me. i kneel on the bed next to him, i pulled off his sweats palming his hard through his underwear. I watched as his eyes roll back a bit as a touch him. i slide down his underwear my eyes widened at his size, i slung my leg over to straddle him giving his dick i few times before sliding down on him. “omg you so big” i fall forward putting my hands on either side on his head. He grabs my hips moving them up and down on him “ god you feel so good” he groans letting his mouth fall open. i start bouncing on him at a fast pace feeling him squeeze my things in pleaser.

I feel the knot in my stomach, i clench around him “fuck baby i’m so close” he whimpers from below me. “go ahead and cum pretty boy im right behind you i arched my back.” His hips jerk up into me as a feel strings of his hot cum inside of me as a fall over the edge with my legs shack and my nails digging into his shoulders. i get off of him and he moves over so can fit in the bed to and looks at me. “thank you” he half smiles at me. “for what baby?” i stroke his soft brown hair. “For yk… being my first time” he says. “no problem you did wonderful baby” i say getting up and going over to get him and i clothes and tossing him some sweats. “so did you” he breathes pulling clean pants on. i ran back over to the giggling and cuddling with chris until i felt his breathing slow and he feel asleep peacefully. “ my beautiful boy” i admire him…

#smut #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #smut sturniolo

[nohoperadio]

Here's a little breakdown of my personal relationship/non-relationship with various types of aesthetic self-modification (?, I feel like there might be a word or at least a more elegant phrase to denote this category). The point is not to offer my "take" on each thing but to express the different feelings/desires/inhibitions my psyche manifests around them. Some of these will approach awkwardly personal territory, fair warning! You may notice that basically none of them are especially positive; I'm going to leave off from analyzing that pattern for this post.

Tattoos -- I think tattoos as a concept are extremely cool, frequently they're cool in practice also and I like seeing other people's, but I don't think I've ever had even the smallest urge to get one for myself. I'm not totally sure why. The lack of an obvious thing to get is one factor, I feel like "band tattoo" would be the most likely thing for me to have but I don't like the idea of directly lifting a band logo or album art and I really don't like the idea of a lyric tattoo (I offer no justification for these prejudices), so I'd have to get clever with it if I'm doing that and I'm not very clever. More broadly, I predict that my enthusiasm for any artwork I put on my body would fade through overexposure in a matter of weeks if not days--other people describe "barely knowing it's there" after a short time--which on top of making the value of the project seem dubious, I feel like having a permanent image on my skin that I don't actively love would be something I'd feel bad about rather than neutral. Like "man, that thing's on my arm and I don't care about it at all, that sucks" rather than just not noticing it. Maybe I'm wrong about that.

(Tattoos are the one that got me thinking about this whole subject I think, it feels like they're reaching a ubiquity in the culture where it's almost like you're expected to have a reason not to have one rather than a reason to? Maybe that's just a people-I-know thing, anyway it got me thinking about why I don't want one.)

Piercings -- An interesting thing about me and piercings is that it's virtually impossible for me to notice when somebody has them unless I'm like, actively consciously scrutinizing their face (or whatever it is). When I was about ten months into my current job I asked my co-worker who I worked closely with almost every day "hey when did you get that septum ring" and she was like "well way before I met you". That is simply how it is with me and piercings and I make no apology.

If my inability to perceive piercings (perceirvings...) makes me indifferent to the idea of getting one, what makes me actively hostile is the total certainty that I would fiddle with it constantly if I did. I know these hands and their ways and there would simply be no dissuading them, it would be so bad you guys, oh my god. This is probably the hardest no on the list I think, although I haven't finished the post yet so idk maybe I'll think of a worse one.

Makeup -- There's undeniably a lot that's very beautiful in the universe of makeup and there's also the weird dark side, I have dabbled a little in this area and in my heart I feel more positively than not about it, but it's just never going to be a sustainable part of my life because (not unrelated to previous para) I am a perennial and unrepentant face-toucher. I will be itching and rubbing my face-skin and also inflicting other hard-to-characterize punishments upon it (is this "stimming"?) until the day I die and anything that wants to be on my face has just gotta deal. It would probably be better if this was not the case but I don't make the rules, sorry.

Haircuts -- When I was a child I haaaaaated getting my hair cut, like the physical sensation of it? Was so horrible and would usually make me cry and always ruin my day (is this "sensory overload"?), I didn't understand why I was being made to go through this ordeal and basically as soon as I reached an age when I realized my mom couldn't literally force me to do it if I just stubbornly refused hard enough--that age was 13 I think--I stopped. I haven't had a professional haircut since that time although I'm sure I could cope with the sensory aspect at this point, it's just not a habit I ever picked up again (I've had a couple of non-professional ones from my ex who just kind of wanted to try it, in a not particularly ambitious or dramatic fashion). Sometimes I feel like I should, but idk. My hair as it stands is not optimized for making me look hot but I don't think it looks especially horrible either, it's just kind of whatever I think.

Complicating factor here: I've had trichotillomania since I was 15/16, and it's hard to imagine it going away at this point but it's a lot more under control than it used to be, to the point where you can't really tell just from my appearance that something's up now. I say "under control", I have very little conscious control over it and usually no conscious awareness that I'm doing it, but over the years the compulsion seems to have unconsciously settled into a routine where it's just kind of... sculpting my hair into a more-or-less normal silhouette? Like I sort of have a fringe and stuff despite no haircuts. Oh I guess this doesn't make sense unless I clarify that I mostly break rather than pluck the hair nowadays, that's a big part of the gradual unconscious shift that's occurred.

A fun thing about trichotillomania is that it often makes people really uncomfortable when you talk about having it, which sucks for me because it makes me feel lonely, but I guess it sucks for the person feeling uncomfortable too in a smaller way. If you're one of the people who feel uncomfortable around this topic, sorry! Quite genuinely.

Gender transition in general -- I feel like I'm just, just on the boring side of cis-by-default. I think about transitioning shockingly often for someone who's never gonna do it, like it's not searing a hole in my heart or anything like it is for a lot of people but it occupies that "it would be cool to learn an instrument" kind of niche in my thoughts, if that makes sense? (Probably a bit stronger than that analogy makes it sound, it's on my mind frequently but not with a massive sense of urgency attached I guess is what I'm getting at.) I can see myself taking the plunge if the medical technology was like 10% better, or the social technology was like 20% better, or with some medium-sized changes in how my personality was configured, but this life being this life there's no way in heck the juice would be worth the squeeze. If I had one fifth of the executive function required to do all of that lying to doctors and learning how to clothes shop and having awkward conversations with people in my life and all the rest of it, well I can list like ten things I'd rather spend it on first. And I don't!

Glasses -- Love wearing glasses, 10/10 no notes. I knew since I was like 11 that my face should have a pair of glasses on it and I was very smug when the optician agreed (I did not cheat on the eye test in any way for what it's worth). The only times I'm not wearing glasses are sleeping and showering. I don't even carry a case because there's no point because I simply don't ever take them off. This is probably overkill, I think as a kid I was instructed to only put them on when I need to see something in the distance, ignoring that and just wearing them permanently has probably led to my vision weakening to the point where they're now pretty much mandatory in every situation, but I don't give a shit about that because just let me wear my goddamned glasses okay, fuck off. It's actually crazy how much I like wearing glasses, this is the only true thumbs up on the list.

I remembering trying to explain how I like my glasses to a then-close friend of mine many years ago when the subject of laser eye surgery came up in conversation, he said I should get the surgery and then just wear glasses with non-prescription lenses. When I tried to explain why that wouldn't be the same at all he was adamant that I was just being stubborn. That guy was a wonderful person in many ways and I loved him very deeply, but man what a dumbass thing to say.

Facial hair -- There are so many great beards and moustaches in this world, there are few more cheering sights than someone bearing some swish whiskers who's pleased about it, but personally I don't wish to be involved in that business at all.

I never learned how to ride a bike -- Obviously this one doesn't belong on the list, it doesn't fit with any of the other categories, and yet I feel compelled to include it here. And why should I resist that which compels me? This is my post. Yeah, I'm the oldest of four siblings, we were all given bikes at the appropriate kid-on-bike age, the others picked it up but not me. I liked it when I had stabilizers on my bike, then they took them off and I started falling off the bike, and after a very short amount of time I gave up. Like I didn't get mad injuries or anything, it just felt like I wasn't improving at it quickly enough and I didn't feel like keeping it up so I didn't. Early indication of my bad personality.

Fashion in general -- Clothes shopping has always been extremely aversive to me for whatever reason, it's gotten a little better in recent years, I have been able to exist inside clothes shops for long enough to purchase a small thing or two, but eh. Most of my tops are band t-shirts I bought at gigs, most of my bottoms are exactly identical pairs of jeans, there's just not much going on you know? But unlike with most of the items on this list I would really like to be doing this properly. I would like to wear cuter things with prettier colours and designs. This one's an actual goal. But so far I haven't really made progress. The aforementioned shopping sucks thing, plus a fear of being so aesthetically clueless that I just make myself look like a big idiot if I try anything risky, plus the fact that doing things that are not my established routine is tricky in general--these are barriers for me. I guess another barrier is that the things that would be most interesting to try out and therefore most potentially motivating fall into the wrong-gender-clothes category and therefore bring into play some of the barriers from that other category a few ones up. I did actually somehow get myself to dabble in that area some years ago to a modest but positive degree of satisfaction. It'll probably happen again. The patterns and causes that determine whether I can or cannot find motivation to engage in a thing--they are mysterious indeed.

Like horn implants or whatever other crazy miscellany -- I don't want anything in this category and don't have any non-trivial thoughts about it either. Including this section for completeness only.

---

Well, there you have it, that's the post. Now you know a bit more about some of my little weirdsies. If you actually made it through the whole thing, a) how interesting and b) why not tell me a little weirdsy of yours in return, whether it pertains to the above list or not? Why not get all antiphonal on my post, that way I'd get to know a thing about you as well, it might be a whole fun kind of deal. You don't have to though, I didn't make this post to try to snare people into letting themselves be known, I just kind of made it to be a post mostly. I make all sorts of kinds of posts you know? And so I thought I'd try one that's like this.

#selfposting #uninteresting #more uninteresting than average #and a bit too long #and yet putting it in a readmore didn't feel right for some reason; sorry all! #have you ever tried listicle oversharing? it's weirdly freeing

[egophiliac]

I was wanting to try doing an art piece in the style of the signature spell poster art pieces you create. But I’m not really the best at coming up with a composition for such a thing.

Do you have a process for how you come up with the compositions for them?

oh, awesome! it is an INCREDIBLY enjoyable style to work in; I hope you have fun with it! :D

I'm not great at putting my thought/art process into words, so my apologies if this doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'll try! my first step is always to do a LOT of thumbnails to figure out both the idea and how I want to show it; not trying to do a real sketch or anything, just little doodles to figure out what exactly I'm trying to portray. (I also call these "garbage passes" because they're not meant to be any good, they're just there to throw things out. aha. ha. ...anyway.) I think it's important during that first stage to really focus on the idea and the layout and not to get too bogged down in the actual drawing yet!

I tend to save my final thumbnails, so I'll use 'em as examples (I posted the ones up through episode 5 here if you're interested!) (and, uhhh, spoilers through episode 5 also in this post, hopefully that won't be an issue!)

the main thing I try to think about in composition is balance -- not necessarily in terms of symmetry, but in where each element is placed and how much space it's taking up. remember, empty space is still space! it's also really important to think about the parts that don't have anything in them, as much as the parts that do!

personally, I like to divide things up roughly by both halves and by thirds -- there's a lot more in-depth info out there on why the "rule of thirds" in particular works well visually, but in short, our brains tend to focus on things that are placed closer to imaginary division lines, instead of in the exact center of an image. so even when I'm doing something that is very centered and symmetrical, I try to keep that in mind and generally aim around those for landmarks like faces/eyes (or...where they would be, anyway) and other focal points.

it's not a formula of "the character's face should be in this division of this grid" or anything, more like "our minds like to focus on these areas, let's think about how to use that", if that makes sense! and of course rules are made to be broken, art is lawless anarchy, and so on. but it can be a good starting place for deciding where you want to put things!

(blue - thirds, red - half)

and against the finished versions, because they do usually end up changing a lot (including the empty space of the border):

(...these actually lined up a lot better than I thought they would. :') it makes me look like I do things way more intentionally than I do.)

other stuff I just try to keep in mind is that our eyes like following arcs and paths, which can be a good way to guide the eye:

and frame and control the focus:

honestly, composition is one of those things I feel like I struggle with a lot, so I'm not sure how much of this is helpful or actually makes sense outside of my head. but hopefully it helps a little! it's all just stuff to think about while drawing and not anything hard-and-fast, so don't, like, stress out about making sure things are lining up exactly on the thirds or anything. again, it's more "our brains think these are the dopest parts of the rectangle" than anything else! take advantage of the cool parts of the rectangle!

NOW GO HAVE FUN DRAWING seriously though, it is always super cool that other people like this idea and style enough to want to do it themselves and for other/their own characters! thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

#art #sketch #twisted wonderland #...technically i guess? it's not about twst but there is twst art present anyway #i did have a few more examples but then i wasn't sure if you were cool with episode 7 spoilers. whoops. 🫠 #many other people have explained the rule of thirds and directional flow way better than me and i apologize #it is so hard to put things into words i am so sorry #me: the...you know...the lines...they sort of converge? like a triangle? #the internet: mm-hmm. yes. go on. #me: (sweating) the...the triangle points here...because it...it has a point. #the internet: it's doing better than you are then #genuinely shocked at how well some of these line up though #uh. i mean. actually it was all totally intentional and i put actual thought into it! NOT an accident at all! #my eyes darting back and forth shiftily are just ✨following the paths✨

[majorshatterandhare]

Today I, an aromantic, was getting ready to attend a wedding… with Stranger on repeat.

#the mechanisms #stranger #ttbt2 #i knew what i was doing when i put it on but also i am working on an addtion to my brian-jonny foils post so i was thinking about brian #its always sad brian hours #i cant really read that song separate from him anymore. honestly not sure i ever could but. its just so unconnected from anything else.- #actaea and lyssa is pretty disconnected. but its still almost certainly on the city. alice is pretty disconnected but its a result of- #king cole’s war. the most disconnected songs are redeath. the ignominious demise of dr pilchard. drop dead. hereward the wake. and stranger- #(and frankenstein but i consider that its own thing). and redeath and drop dead are my least favorite mechs songs.dr pilchard i didnt- #really care for for quite a while. stranger has so few words in it. it’s my favorite song. but the story is minimal fron the song (ie w/o- #knowing the crane wife story) so making a story around it sort of makes sense? im having a hard time with the words here. like we expect a- #story. cause that’s what the mechs do. and stranger has a story. it just doesnt have context and so creatong that context for ourselves is- #understandable. to be expected even. hope that makes sense #side note: i think it would make sense for hereward to have been from the same place (system I guess) as the people that made- #fort galfridian. i mean hereward was more of a real person than arthur (since there was no one person arthur was based on. like thats a- #whole thing) and hereward was anglo-dutch. so it makes sense hed be related to that story somehow #its just a theory. obviously. theres nothing in the songs connecting the too as far as im aware. #OH also achilles pointed out to me the anti-amatonormative/aromantic reading of stranger and i liked that a lot #hereward was anglo-danish. not anglo-dutch. sorry danish and dutch people

[tswwwit]

Consider it a WIP! I really wanna continue it, I've just been struggling with how to structure the next chapter. I know where I want said chapter to end up, it's getting there that's giving me hell.

#answers #I've known how this story ends for YEARS #I definitely wanna finish it #I just gotta leap over some hurdles to get there. Including this weird little wibbly bit #I know what important Plot Points I wanna hit but getting there is some heavily rocky terrain #Hard to decide how to get the needed info in without it being super messy or leaving important things out #Maybe it needs to be two chapters but even then I'm still figuring out how to lay out the jigsaw pieces in a coherent layout #The Ending of that fic is within shooting distance but getting stuff shuffled together sucks. Wish I could just teleport one chapter ahead #In other news am nearly free of the Zelda Obliette and I made a few words today #Sorry for the big break everyone; April just kicked my ass and then Videoed Games #I'll get some things done as soon as I can spirit willing #First on the list is that Confessing It epilogue I've been putting off for ages #I'm always so damn slow at endings

[dreamerlynx]

.

#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash #and again I do have it super filtered #I’m just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didn’t happen #and life went on as usual #look I get it I’m the minority I’m aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping #but it’s times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice #look if they ever actually say they’re dating I guess I’ll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen #and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship #and no sap except as third wheel for said ship #sorry I’m the only one who seems to not care abt George 😭😭 not in a bad way just. he’s fine and funny sometimes I guess but #I Just Don’t Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest #why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and ‘oh he should interact w X person who wronged drm he’d ROAST THEM!’ #like huh #George is one of the most Don’t talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever #I’m not saying he hasn’t had his moments of public support for drm but I just don’t get it #(it’s probably because he’s so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him) #sigh anyway I’m done that makes me feel better a bit #no tags just venting #<- it’s funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags #bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol

[zannolin]

you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.

#zanna talks #i cant like word it good yet #but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever #that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath. #like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose. #but you left us alone. you left ME alone. #YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt. #and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know #i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving #you cannot change my mind on this #not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see #the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know #anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb #putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill #let me have my little ideas. let me be. #like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then #they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up #meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now #YKNOW.

[cervideity]

Expanding on the Vio nightmare idea: do you think Vio ever has nightmares about accidentally killing Green for real at Death Mountain? How does Link feel about these nightmares when he wakes up, considering it's one part of himself killing another?

I DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER THIS... UR MIND... i bet he does . like what a balancing act he had to pull. i bet Vio was stressed out of his mind.

I find it really hard to put myself in Links shoes when thinking about his separate selves and ive been trying ti imagine it all day. I feel like thered be the sense of a Near Missed catastrophe, like stopping yourself from walking into the road the moment a huge truck zooms by. Thats someone he cares about thats him its fine it didnt happen im fine im whole. vertigo.

#you know those nightmares where someone dies right in front of you and when you wake up its almost painful adjusting to reality. #but youre still scarred in some way. you can look at that person and see a ghost #that but link looking in a mirror in a half awake state #if you mean the idea of two of his parts fighting which im sure is what u meant and i cleverly dodged the question because it is so hard fo #me to imagine this #guilt betrayal horror fear confusion. #link is one guy using one brain rather than 4 guys 4 brains so i dont think he could fully occupy the brainspace of more than one of them #hopping around different povs as things settle. #sorry if this is confusingly phrased. hard to put my thoughts in words here #like a dizzying flicker of film frames. like touching the edge of a moving ceiling fan. painful and confusing #i still didnt fully answer the quesrion i just gave u a vibe. its ok. i am thinking about this a lot i may figure out my shit later

[seventh-district]

takes a 5 minute break in the middle of writing a scene to sob over Swan Upon Leda by Hozier

#that’s it that’s the post #Seven.txt #writing stuff #hozier #music stuff #cw assault #assault mention #i am. working on something. and realized that the song could fit well into a scene for extra ✨symbolism✨ #so of course i had to go listen to it and add it to the appropriate playlists #thing is i absolutely cannot listen to that song without breaking down in tears so. had a cathartic little cry #mid-writing session. as one does. #i’m sorry but if you expect me to be calm and normal when Hozier is out there being THE Man Ever. it’s not gonna happen #like not to be extreme but i don’t know if there’s another man on earth that i’d feel safer and more respected around #fighting for my life not to put him on a pedestal bc i Know he’s just some guy. he’s just a human like everyone else #but how can i be normal about it when he says women’s bodies have never belonged to angels #so they sure as shit have never belonged to men. #obviously he uses prettier words but. my point stands #comparing men assaulting women to an occupier upon ancient land??? *cries so hard i throw up* #Swan Upon Leda earned the honor of going on the very short list of songs that are too painful for me to listen to as Soon as i heard it #like yeah no i’ll never be able to casually listen to it but that is a Compliment. that means that it means Everything to me #okay anyways. *wipes tears* that’s all i just had to get that out of my system #crawling back into my writing cave now. i shall rejoin the world once this wip is Finished #*whispers* in related news. [N]MbD Sun may be the most insanely overprotective guy on earth but byGOD he never wants to hurt you #anyways eheheeeee back to writing my angst goodbye

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

#ask #hfjone #just cus . i like to think about ideas :) #and i dont think the effect the waiting room would have on the characters is talked about enough!!! #like yeah. the trauma around the plane is prob where the bulk of all their trauma is #but also. i think other things would STILL effect them and ppl like. brush over it?? #which is a shame!!! #note that this answer is LONG #which is bc i have soooo many thoughts #also if this is at all incoherent i am SO sorry . i have so many thoughts in my brain abt this stuff #but putting it into words is a diff thing entirely #also a side note that i think all of them get therapy Eventually #but that its difficult at first. bc its hard to work through that trauma without actual details #and what they all went through is. a bit hard to believe :( #(i think a lot abt how liam seems to dislike this. the whole 'neighbor hearing him' is literally what makes him Stop Yelling #but i dont think he was embarassed or anything. i think it just. set in? that bryce was all he had #and that all HE was anymore wouldnt even be listened to. #that he NEEDS to see this all through but no one but bryce would ever help him #and that if bryce didnt help him he really WOULD only have himself. which i imagine is very isolating)

[pillowenvelopchair]

Hi again!! This is my other analysis/ramble on SWRD which was written by @un-local (hi again), this time I'll be mainly talking about D and Fia for this :0)

The way everyone is written out is so interesting. I've noticed some small things that I could maybe link up to some other stuff I've noticed from my other ramble. Again, probably not a lot of new insights, just me going insane.

Darian’s grief

We don't meet D until chapter 11 (well, we do in chapter 5 but he’s not properly introduced there so I’m not counting it) and when we do meet him he leaves quite an impression

D, when we meet him in chapter 11 he is absolutely just pissed because of Rogier.

Rogier had gone after the thing that had made his brother rot from the inside out. And now that Rogier's gone to fuck around with it, he’s going end up like his brother. Rotting from the inside out.

Rogier knows what happened to Devin so why would he still go for it?

It strengthens his beliefs, almost. That TWLID should all be expunged. He does it earnestly but it’s not only because the Order casts them out but also because (though, it is probably his main reason) he doesn’t want anyone else to end up like his brother. It's a sort of revenge, for taking his brother away from him.

"He remembers the glint of his armor catching the firelight. The way his hand clung unsteadily on the hilt of his sword as he gathered himself, after his tirade. The wavering breath he took. Darian was as stoic as they came—made of beautiful stone, it truly seemed at times—but in that moment, even his voice shook." -Chapter 5

D is very similar to Rogier. He whole heartedly believes in something and puts his whole being into it. His resolve on the Order and his goal to expunge Death strengthens after his brother rots after they've messed with Death.

Both of their goals were made/strengthened by a loss that had broken the both of them.

Yet despite that, their goals are complete opposites. Neither one of them is willing to back down on their beliefs, wholeheartedly believing in everything that they strive to do. They have lost so much that they can't afford to back down and it breaks everything that they have.

D still cares

“—Damn fool, could never let it go, could you?” He makes to cast another incantation. “Searched for Death, and you—” His gauntlet, ablaze with an amber glow, comes down once more.  “—Fucking found it,” he snarls. Another surge of light. Another impact of his hand. Another ferocious cry. “You bastard, you should’ve left it alone—” There’s a shake in his voice, as he forces the words through his teeth.  Still, Rogier remains unresponsive. " -Chapter 11

(This entire thing makes me so sad oh my god. You can just feel D's hurt here)

D still very much cares for Rogier, and it really shows despite what has happened between the two of them. Notice how he's the first one to help Rogier when Magdalene enters the hold, and how he's the one saying the incantations to heal him, despite spitting out grief-filled bites toward Rogier.

I think in this moment he got flashbacks to Devin. The same vines that have taken his brother away are taking away another he cares about (me once again reaching).

Despite their differences in ideology, D still holds onto Rogier and what they had in the past.

So he heals desperately, spitting out all of his anger, his grief towards a man he had thought would have known better.

"It’s all too obvious that this is not for her eyes. It’s personal, it’s raw, and it is entirely not her business. She looks away into the hearth, beset with an absurd urge to slink away. To let D scream at him in peace, till his voice gives out." -Chapter 11

“This,” He jerks his chin down to Rogier, “This is why you don’t meddle with Death. It ruins you, in ways you can’t even fathom.”  “It takes everything from you.” -Chapter 11

“Heed the lesson,” is all he says. And after another moment of standing over Rogier’s unconscious body—in a way that distinctly strikes her as hovering—D leaves the room. “We’ll see if he makes it to morning,” he says, pausing at the doorway. -Chapter 11

Magdalene is just a bystander for the two exes fighting lol (well, it's just D being mad at Rogier, really, Rogier isn’t particularly mad at D but Rogier still bites when D does). She's just tired, give her a rest (with some prawns too).

“I will help.” It’s less of an offer and more of an order. Before Magdalene can respond, he continues. “I will accompany you, as your brother-in-arms. Help you vanquish the Death in that place,” He pauses. She can’t see his eyes under the helmet, but she feels his gaze on her all the same. It’s liable to catch her on fire, how intense it feels.  “No more, you understand?”   At that, Magdalene slowly nods. “Thank y—” But D holds up a hand. His voice has a new kind of friction in it, one that stops her.  “Don’t.” His hand falls. “It is my duty. Nothing more.”  So he says. The other motives he has, he seems loath to discuss them. In fact, he seems loath to even have them. So once again, Magdalene gives him a slow nod." -Chapter 15

Anything he does that opposes the Order, I believe he tries to reason it to think that it's still within the Order. That it is still within his duty to assist Magdalene with acquiring the knifeprint. That this is all within his goal to expunge TWLID (even though by doing this he's helping Rogier to save TWLID).

He suppresses his own personal desire to help Rogier. To him, this is just probably one last favor for a dead man (this is me rambling lol).

Masks, people, MASKS!

Also really like how D's mask hides his expressions:

"His helmet tells her nothing of his expression as he looks back at her."

"She can’t see his eyes under the helmet, but she feels his gaze on her all the same. It’s liable to catch her on fire, how intense it feels." -Chapter 15

"He regards her, but his helmet reveals nothing. -Chapter 16

“Take well the lesson, friend.” Despite the blank expression on his helmet, she can feel his eyes burning into her. “That's how you end up, when seduced by Those Who Live in Death.” -Chapter 16

We don't know what facial expression he's making, only his tone of voice and body language give us a hint of what he feels. It adds a veil of mystery to him almost. But to Rogier? It's obvious.

“Then spare me the sermon.” The huff Darian gives is animalistic, and wholly agitated, but it’s a tell: a self-righteous tirade was exactly what he had planned."

"Abruptly, the scrape of a chair fills the room. Darian takes a seat before him, the racket of his armor announcing it as he does. There’s a furrow in Darian’s brow. He only meets Rogier’s eyes for a moment, before he looks off, to somewhere far away. His expression changes, into one he’s seen many more times. He’s got that intensity in his eyes that says he’s thinking. That swallow he just did, the way his eyes never stay in one place, that jerk of his lips—it tells Rogier it’s a conundrum of some kind, that Darian’s in. Darian rests his free hand on his knee, taking in a deep breath. The fingers of his other hand tap against the helmet tucked under his arm. Ah. What Darian needs is permission. Rogier feels his brow raise a little, as a smile forms. “So, you have other matters on your mind?” -Chapter 18

Rogier immediately recognizes D's body language, not only that but also the language that D uses. Rogier immediately knows what D wants with or without the helmet (probably used to reading people's body language because of him being an ex-noble and his whole politics thing)

He immediately knows what D needs just by watching his body language, even after all this time.

When D removes his mask you know shit's real lol. This is something deeply personal to him, to both of them. So he removes that one last guard and reveals his face bare.

Just for a moment

“She’s hardly got the decorum you did,” Darian says, making one of his toothless little jabs, “but at least she could keep her mouth shut.” “Rogier can't help but arch a brow. “Interesting, coming from the man who spends half the battle grandstanding. Tell me,” he says, with a pleasant grin and a sly tone: “How long’d she fight alone, before you finally thought up a witticism and really started swinging?” -Chapter 18

It's bittersweet, how they go back to their old banter. They fall back to their old patterns and Rogier teases him like how he would (probably) used to in those bygone days. D even laughs after Rogier says this. In that moment it felt that "everything that sets them apart is inconsequential." (Ch. 18)

But that moment doesn't last long before reality catches onto them. Their principles and their faith come back and it just shatters that moment.

Trauma feeding into his beliefs

"Finally, Darian sighs, and his entire stance slackens. “I suppose it doesn’t matter.” He says it with such defeat, as though the deathblight in Rogier has killed him already. It makes a sort of sense, all of the sudden, that he would think that. It was always all or nothing with Darian. One thing or the other, but never both. Holy or heretic. Ally or enemy.  And apparently, either wholly saved or wholly dead." -Chapter 18

Darian is a man who believes in extremes, never in between (and so does Fia with regards to TWLID). He wholly believes that the Order is correct, that it is the truth of the world. I doubt having his brother being taken away by Godwyn's roots helps either.

But he refuses to listen to what Rogier has to say, because "there’s no room in Darian’s faith for uncertainty, for questions. There’s no room for examination, for adaptation. The answers can never change, and he can never be wrong. If the Order is infallible, then so is he." (Ch.18)

As of right now, he refuses to change. He cannot accept anything that is heretical, that opposes the Order he holds up. I think that it's hard for him to let go of his beliefs for just a moment and hear out Rogier because of the loss of his brother.

"And apparently, either wholly saved or wholly dead" (Ch. 18). D truly believes that Rogier will die because he has seen firsthand what happened to his brother. It’s taken Devin away from him, so why would Rogier be an exception to it?

Fia

“A puppeteer if he ever saw one.  Takes one to know one…” -Chapter 12

Rogier needs control. And he does have some semblance of control. It's sort of why he’s overthinking everything once he's stuck in the hold. He needs that control to be able to feel safe (ahh... nobility and politics...). Also Fia is quite literally a puppeteer, the whole Deeproot fight is just her puppets lol.

Played like a fiddle (Magdalene)

Fia is someone who truly is a mastermind. She's sort of the one who's controlling the curtains, so to speak.

She heard everyone's troubles, she knows so much.

She was able to get Rogier’s fragile walls to break. She even sort of manipulates Mags to get the knifeprint saying that it’s to further Rogier's goals (without telling her it also furthering her own goals), she was even able to kill D of all people and gets part of the rune mark of Death (you go, girl).

"As she enters Hewg’s domain, a voice stops her. “If I may?” Fia. She stands in the doorway across from her, her hands delicately resting on its frame. Without a word, she beckons Magdalene over.  In her room, Fia seats herself on the bed. Magdalene hovers a few paces away, until Fia wordlessly opens her arms to her.  Without preamble, Magdalene falls onto her knees before the bed, accepting the embrace. Fia wraps her arms around her. Magdalene lets herself sink further into Fia's arms, closing her eyes. That’s the thing with Fia: her touch is slight as a ghost, but entirely tender. It’s entirely unique to her. Magdalene feels the tension in her body begin to dissipate." -Chapter 14

Fia is someone who is naturally calming. Her velvety voice and entire aura beckons you to be relaxed within her presence. She whispers words to you when you are at your weakest (girlboss, manipulate).

She uses it to her advantage here with Magdalene.

Magdalene has witnessed something that's traumatizing as hell. She saw how "there’s blood, but up close she sees there’s also... there’s tendrils, vines, something black wrapped around his legs. They’re piercing them, burrowing into his trousers and boots." (Ch. 10)

Body horror in media is one thing but to actually see something like that with your very own eyes? Yikes.

Magdalene in the hold is just disassociating the entire time. "She lets numbness take her" (Ch. 11) as she and D try their best to salvage whatever they can. She sort of wants to escape the situation, probably to try and process everything that's happened so far.

When D leaves the room her body goes lax but her mind doesn't (crazy how she's able to stay up for so long, she literally fought Godrick and helped out Rogier). No one knows what'll happen to Rogier later, and it's probably making her super restless. Also, the whole traumatizing experience of seeing someone you know do something that fucks them doesn't help at all.

Magdalene afterwards, is sort of aimless again. She doesn't know how to help. She's not like D or Cohyrn who knows incantations or is she book smart like Rogier. She's just someone who's woken up back from the dead and trying her best (good lord someone give this girl real food and a bed).

So, Fia whispers words of how she could help Rogier, carefully hiding away the fact that this would also further her own goals. She kind of gives her a new purpose (albeit a temporary one). This is how she can help.

And it works. Magdalene immediately sets out to find the knifeprint for Rogier. (I also think in part that Mags HATES being useless, it makes her restless)

Their game

The game Fia and Rogier play reminds me of two animals circling each other. The both of them observe carefully for when the other one pounces. It's familiar to Rogier, who's practiced in political schemes. Yet both of them never pounce. This is like Rogier's political fight in here lol

Small slip

At the doorway, she turns back. “I know it makes you uneasy, but I think I’d like to visit you again, sometime.” She speaks with such gentleness—despite everything, it’s soothing to him. He could get lost in it once more, so easily.  -Chapter 26

Rogier almost slips with how Fia talks. Her voice velvet almost gets him trapped like a fly to a spider's web (I saw MindfulExorcism's comment on this and it just stuck with me, I probably would've never noticed that if I didn't read their comment). I really like this part a lot.

That's all for my crazy rambles again!! I swear the more I look there's like a billion other things I want to talk about lol. Happy Saturday everyone, have a good rest!!

#I lied guys. I can't wait. #i am not an expert on grief #I absolutely love how these two are written they feel like real people and not just words put together #she just kills her fling's ex and fades away like HELLO #I laughed so hard when that happened #sorry D... #I'll probably edit this in the morning when I obsessively reread the whole thing again on my phone and catch grammatical errors #and or when I remember another thing #elden ring #d hunter of the dead #fia #fia the deathbed companion #rogier #sorcerer rogier #magdalene #swrd #envelope rambles #sorry if there r like inconstancies with mu formatting its like 1 am for me right nwo #i think i talked wayyy too much about mags here when it was supposed to be fia centric #WHOOPS #this was written in a spur of motivation #edited to put in the link to the fic! extremely sorry- i just noticed it while going through my account