#it really does get better my dude

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[wolves-in-the-world]

having thoughts about my friend julio in the miracle job, who we know best as the guy with the gun in his waistband. <3

like, okay, the "even gangsters recognise the sanctity of catholic priests" thing is…… problematic. just nodding towards that because I think it needs to be nodded towards.

but I love how little ego julio brings to the scene once the secret (that one of his people took a side job without telling him, a job he emphatically disapproves of) is out there. hardison shoves the guilty party to reveal his injury and eliot glances to julio to see if he means trouble, but julio's attention is just entirely fixed on the guy. he politely asks for the gun back and uses it to get the answers that hardison and eliot need.

it's transactional, practical. respectful of eliot as someone who's shown he's not to be messed with, who's on julio's turf, but who's behaving with respect and restraint himself - eliot's there for entirely reasonable answers on one specific issue, uses violence only in reaction to and in proportion with the threats against him, and frankly de-escalates the situation pretty damn well by grabbing the gun in julio's jeans and knocking out the next guy who threatens him. (seriously, for violence-type criminals, it was practically diplomatic.)

and it's clear that julio's underling Broke The Rules. like, I'd have preferred we had this encounter with a different underlying message than "priests are inherently good and respecting them is the obvious choice," because oof. (this show is kinda about acknowledging when people in power all too often abuse that power, after all. that and seeking justice.)

but it's an interesting little unquestioned-by-the-narrative-or-the-characters nod to honour among thieves.

and this fairly formal, mutually respectful, almost ritualised encounter ends with "gentlemen, I'll leave you to your internal affairs" which:

very cool, nice job eliot

possibly discreetly requests that julio not start in on any punitive actions until eliot and hardison are away, so they're not privy to that specific crime (the last we see of julio he's crouching and pointing the gun at the guy very close, and eliot gets them out of there pretty quickly, so there could be some implications there, and it's a very understated moral messiness if so)

gets eliot a little nod from julio like "thanks for bringing this to my attention, I appreciate your civility here, not ceding my authority though" (and eliot doesn't ask him to.)

it's a great little interaction. it's a (sigh, mostly) great little scene.

#the miracle job #leverage #I'm from an xtian background but not a catholic one so I'm guessing & hoping that this acknowledgement of the messiness is enough #my friend julio #he gets a tag now because I like him #so help me I kind of want to make him a character in fics now but I don't know how to include him without leaning into cop show type shit #I suppose they could just run into him on a job again? end up in the area in need of a place to hide from the cops? #find him tied to a chair like ''dude you need a better job'' ''tell me about it‚ last year a guy threatened me with muffins'' etc etc #never getting over that. martin's an absolute freak <3 #anyway this is probably going to be it but. I do like him. #takes a heck of a guy to react to that jeans situation with grace and composure #and he does manage that eventually. #and I feel like eliot walked a very subtle line here with making sure he was respected #but also not stepping on julio's toes? not putting him on the defensive? #he was In Julio's Territory and he was fully acknowledging that #eliot being so competent in frigging gang diplomacy is weird as hell to see so early #like I know in theory he's had dealings with those sorts of criminals before but we never really see it #and that's just fascinating #orig

[horrorwebs]

why are men literally the fucking worst

#theres a guy in one of my uni friend groups who has a crush on my friend also from the friend group #and she feels so so uncomfortable plus she hasnt done ANYTHING thatd give a hint that she likes him back. bc she doesnt #and now she doesnt feel ok around because hes so attached to her and so so needy and its like. well. way to fuck it up dude. fuck you #he has been acting so strange lately and not in a good way. strange awkward and needy and like. possesive. #her and i also have another friendgroup where frankly i feel much better with and she does too. and its like. well the guy is always like #butting in but now really being part of anything? like its not like he comes over to the grouo to be with all of us hes just sort of . there #talking only to her or sometimes me but its like not nice its weird and annoying #ALSO HES SO PATRONIZING TOWARDS HER ITS AWFUL #AND hes like. a bit older.... where its not like. the weirdest age gap i dont think so. but it IS a bit weird considering some of the things #he has said. like the other day he made a comment about how my friend 'well shes so young like people her age sometimes dont get [x]' like? #if you think she is SOOO young and SOOO out of touch with people your age well why the fuck are you asking others if you have a chance w her #get away from her really #sidenote: today she was telling me and a different friend about this problem and my other friend said it was really uncomfortable and bad + #that he used to think the guy had a thing for ME BEFORE??? and i dont know if he also thought -i- had a thing for him but please god no. #even the hypothetical made me feel super uncomfortable. also i used to feel like that a bit like he might like me and it was bad and gross #so i dropped a comment that let him believe i was a lesbian i think? also got much colder towards him . like. thats what you get fucker #about the lesbian thing i meant that he told me about a friend of his that had it hard coming out as a lesbian and i said like oh yeah being #like that was hard for me also. finding out i was not straight was tough etc . #dont remember if i said the word lesbian i dont think so but i did say i like girls and i didnt mention boys at all so i hoped itd be enough #also people dont really -get- what being asexuas means + didnt want to tell him im ace + techically i Can like boys bc romantic attraction #is undefined to me but i was definetely not going to tell him that bc 1. im much more prone to like a girl and 2. not trying to get his hope #up. #so anyway it was gross to realize other people saw it too so i mightve actually not been insane to think he had a crush on me but it was bad #and also. i really need for my friend to be comfortable in class so i might have to kill him who knows. well see #spikeposting #personal

[arsenicflame]

well i think its finally time to open this box

#sorry gang apparently i am incapable of sticking to my word and am continuing to have a personality on main and subject you all #to all of my bullshit #i am doing my best but i am a weak bitch who does not know how to process feelings #so its a fucking miracle im opening this box tbh. ive wavered a lot around this one #this round of thinking is being brought on by the probable imminent break up between me + my gf 🙃👍 #its been on the cards for a hot minute i mean. she hasnt sent me a message since the 8th of march until today and its like a. #we need to talk message so. like im not surprised. ans ive been thinking about it all a lot recently #i dont really want to realise im aro while im with someone so ive been avoiding it but like. ive been thinking. and ive been thinking if we #shouod break up too anyway because like. i get i am so hard to be around. but nothing. for a month. even a silly picture. it hurts dude #but i kinda didn't want to push because. i know i am. me. and a lot. and i know shes got stuff on her plate. but so do i #maybe we're both no good #to be around #nyxtalks #this is very not helpful in my whole. everyone i love leaves me eventually so i should isolate myself and push them all away thing i guess #but i dont think. i want to cling. i dont wanna be that pathetic. #she can do better than me (i cant do better than her) #i mean. idk ive been questioning if im aro anyway so. idk #i dont fucking know #honestly this is gonna be so cringe if this isnt what she wanted to talk about but like. what else could it possibly be i guess #dude i am so sorry if you read this this turned into relationship vent rather than my feelings around aromanticism #those are.complicated enough for their own post and i probably need to talk to some actual aromantic people about that

[byanyan]

got a brand new weighted blanket today so i'm taking it for a test drive rn to soothe my anxiety as i finally crack my laptop open for the first time since sunday

#for some reason i've been. afraid. to try writing anything while i'm in this... weird state. #i've been afraid to do a lot of my usual things?? #hard to explain. i think i'm afraid i suddenly won't enjoy it or smth. and i haven't wanted to ruin the few good things i have lmao #god but this whole week has been fucking weird as hell dude idk how to explain any of how i've been feeling #other than like. you know how when ur sick and things don't feel normal? but it's okay bc u know it'll only be a few days #before ur feeing better & things are back to where they usually are? #it's been like that except there's been no reassurance of 'i'll feel better & back to normal in a few days' #just this dread of things perpetually feeling Off and Not Right with no end date in sight #......fortunately things have slowly been getting less terrible. it kinda comes & goes in waves now #ANYWAY sorry to keep ooc posting... typing it out really does just help me process & get some of it off my chest lmao #gonna. try to eat some lunch quick & then hopefully see about poking those text prompts ♡ #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me. #personal cw

[suntraitor]

i feel like one of those "MINORS DNI" 18 y/os on twitter but i swear to god turning 18 made me realize none of the queer discourse i got into actually mattered and nobody really gives a shit in the real world

#like i see what people mean about it gives you brain rot.... #context: people were arguing about lesboys in this one game on roblox #LIKE DUDE IT DOESNT MATTER I SWEAR TO GOD IT DOESNT MATTER #god #i was so brave (i didnt get into dumbass discourse on the lego game) #traitor.txt #queer discourse is so fucking stupid stop arguing about who is and isnt 'really' queer it literally does not fucking matter #i love being a weird queer person that isnt palatable to cishet people (i feel like theres a better word than cishet for this point idk) #love lesboys love bigays love xenogenders love neopronouns love objectum love kinksters love all my weird queer ppl

[tropicalisima]

I'm going to be honest with you friends but that new Wakui's manga looks MAD UGLY!!!

#tropicalisima #how are mfs celebrating his artistic downgrade? #you are supposed to get better at art not worse wtf #the shonen style does not suit you my man #like get the money and all that but dude you used to make really good stuff #anyways nana and ichigo will be forever the best boys #and hina the best girl #miss me with that shit

[deancoded-deangirl]

hello can nick and i get married yet just asking for a friend

#he's the weirdest dude but he's so fucking patient with me #i need someone patient and stable to ride the emotional waves with me until i get better at self regulating #so far i'm getting really good at telling him that i need a minute or i'm going to be mean and passive aggressive #so then he gives me a minute and i regroup and then can speak rationally #which is GREAT for me who was once so brutally cruel instinctively #anyway by patient and stable i didn't mean he's my punching bag #i just meant that he doesn't match my extreme emotions (he will match excitement and happiness) and thus provides a baseline #like he stays steady so when i'm upset or mad he'll ask why and i break it down and by the time it's broken down i'm like... okay #so there was no reason to be upset #and we talk about impact vs intent all the time like sometimes he a lil weird in talking so it comes off bad #but yeah he's just really stable and so it's easy to bring myself back if no one is hyping me up #and whenever i'm irritated with him i'll still call his ass and put myself on mute and fall asleep with him on the phone #he's very good at calling me out too (he's also great at taking accountability if he does something) #like one time he showed me a video and i only watched a sec before jumping down his throat #and he called me out and i apologized and redirected and all #one time he had an attitude (when I was upset) and i was like dude what's with the tone #he's also good at like... idk what to call it #but he told me during one of those times when i was upset that it wasn't fair to him to say no but then expect him to do it anyway #because how was he supposed to know when to listen to me and when to not? it was a no win for him and it wasn't fair #and you know what? he was so correct and true for it #i apologized for that too #anyway. when can i marry him. #nick

[lynaferns]

Thank you for the comments in the vent post from yesterday, it made me feel better.

#I talked to my brother and there was a misunderstanding #he thought that I was getting stressed with the fanart thing because we had a conversation some time ago where I said that it scared me tha #people were only following for the fanart and not for my art #so he told me to draw my OCs more to get out of the 'draw only fanart for your followers' hole #the thing was that I already decided to draw only what I want and made me happy #both my OCs and DCA make me happy so that's what I was doing but my brother thought I was jumping into the 'only fanart' hole again #we basically had a big miscommunication #(and he sucks at expressing his opinions‚ like‚ dude‚ really‚ there where better ways to word your thoughts) #he does value my AUs and stories‚he's not into fics or AUs himself but he was worried that I was doing it for the numbers and not for mysel

[pansyfemme]

i am a faggot before i am a man

#filling out the trans survey and its like. are u a man? or are u nonbinary? and its like. yeah im a man but like. not in the way u think #i dont rlly identity with the concept of binaries at all enough to identity on or off of them #like. i am a dude. but if someone else were to experience what im feeling they would think im nonbinary do u get what i mean #im a man bc i like being called one- my maleness is wayyy different than a cis dudes maleness #im a man because thats whats most comfortable #when i identified as nonbinary i really disliked how i was seen. i like being seen as a guy better #but like. am i actually a guy? who knows call me he/him in the meantime lol #im binary in the way that i label myself that way. but my maleness is not the same as other people’s #so does thay make me nonbinary? or just a dude in a different way

[r3dblccd]

God, I almost forgot how much of a cleanliness freak Yi actually is.

#about; yi #//my dude instead of hiring people to clean his bigass mansion (he only does it when he's away for a long period of time) --- #//because he's never been satisfied by any house keeper's work #//so cleans his home all by himself and even twice when he's around so he can make sure there's not a single spec of dust in there #//you want to come inside? then you'd better wash your dirtyass hands before you touch anything #//actually don't get near his home at all #//i truly feel bad for taeshik having to deal with this lil shit #//you're telling me THIS guy is the one who's painting with basically people's guts? #//while simultaneously gets disgusted at the littles of things #//I don't get him myself I really don't I hate him

[scary-senpai]

Idk. Felt cute, might delete later:

—Oi, wolfboy. Sit.

Suiryu watches him with the patience of a river carving itself into rock. The effect on Garou is the same; wearing him down as he wears away.

Garou narrows his eyes. —Why?

Suiryu sighs, shaking his head. —Why, why…You love that word, don’t you?

But Suiryu is already shifting his body, making more space, trusting that Garou will follow as surely as smoke follows beauty, or night follows day.

Above them, the sky flares with the first flames of a firebird sunset. Lurid hues of orange, and red consuming pallid shades of yellow and blue.

Garou is shivering. From the cold, from the scene, and from something else. He digs his fingernails into the bare flesh of his crossed arms. He shouldn’t feel like this.

—Sit with me, Suiryu says. Please.

But Garou’s body is already moving for him, toward him, moving on its own. There’s no question of heart; it doesn’t occur to him. But the answer comes easily enough.

Suiryu watches with a sly smile and eyes you could drown in—how chilling, how dark, how deep.

Garou stares back with eyes like flame; with a gaze as readily kindled as extinguished.

#one punch man #opm #opm fanfic #garou #garou x suiryu #idk probably won’t delete? Unless I come up with a wildly better draft and even then #my drafts are like my children I love all of them equally #it’s just that some of us are no longer on speaking terms #if you couldn’t tell it isn’t going to end well #I think I am getting tripped up writing this bc at that age / in this scenario I am definitely Suiryu #as in ‘indulging people’s desires without understanding that they have different feelings about sex than I do”’ #‘so uh we did some stuff last night… technically what does that make us?🥹’ ’idk dude very close friends?’ #I bring a ‘consenting adults are free to explore whatever mutually beneficial arrangements best suit them’ to the conversation #that many heterosexual men do not like to hear from a 21 y/old girl #(and still don’t really like to hear from a 30-something woman tbh) #anyway sir please kindly get dressed and leave my dorm room I would like to go back to drinking $5 Trader Joe’s wine & reading atlas shrug #*shrugged #plot twist ! the entire time I was asexual which in retrospect explains a lot

[kashilascorner]

the way the lotr movies didn't really bother to properly close (or acknowledge) Eowyn and Faramir's story arcs and they just kind of threw them in together at the end

#just for the record yes eowyn's arc mostly closed since she was able to go to battle and got recognized by her uncle #but she needed more than that tbh. also doesn't help that her arc in ttt also heavily revolved around her attraction to aragorn #and they don't really talk abt it but ok. let's say I'm being picky because her character had a mostly satisfactory arc #fatamir is all over the place though?? because everyone around him puts so much emphasis in that 'oh but your dad actually loves you' #so he is sent to this suicide mission despite his own better judgement. and then he FAILS so he never gets #to do what he wants (get his father's approval). but then denethor never shows his so called love hor him. dude literally light the pyre #while his son was still breathing like. ok he's grieving terribly and not in his right mind but???? #and because of this faramir skips the final big battles #so does eowyn and they both juat kind of are left alone to heal. which is nice don't get me wrong truth is i do like them together but #i don't like how we got there because it was lazy as hell!!! and because for eowyn in particular it's sooooo disappointing as an ending. #because she was not typically femenine but then you throw her into this kinda romance that really came out of nowhere #also hate that her wounds just kind of disappear magically like dude. her arm was messed up what the hell #eowyn is my girl and i WILL complain #laura watches stuff

[designernishiki]

next task on my trophy crusade is winning all the climax battles and so far I’ve won all of them except the ultimate section and hoo boy. let me tell you. my hands fucking Hurt

#what’s stupid about ultimate battle 1 is that the two Big Important Characters you fight aren’t even the hard ones #it’s the first round where you fight some dude and his goons that’s annoying as hell #I can get through it basically every time but the problem is. having a decent amount of health left to move onto round 2 and so on #cause boy is he good at fucking up your health (especially when you have to start by fighting off like 6 other guys) #Oda’s the second fight and he’s actually pretty fun becuase all you need to do is go into beast mode and fling a bunch of chairs at him m #and/or throw him around as much as possible. and usually that does the trick #kuze is round 3 and he’s meh. hard to judge it really when the main challenge at that point isn’t kuze himself its just. beating him with a #sliver of health left #I’ve got the strategy for that down pretty well tho. like I said it’s that first round that just fucking SUCKS #I need to have at least a DECENT amount of health left to tank some of oda’s attacks hgghhhh #anyway sorry no one wants to hear this #I’m a champ for doing these without my friend who’s Better Than Me at fighting games helping me #like I’ve gotten pretty good by this point I think (if beating all three other categories of climax battles says anything) #but. he’s good enough to probably do this kinda shit competitively #at fighting games In General. he’s got prior skills galore and I literally only play yakuza #I should. stop. for the night. I’m realizing that yeah wow my hands are Really sore #rambling #y0

[ayyponine]

girl help im going back n forth on whether or not i should send an email to thank the beautiful man fr letting me join the drawing session last week (more info on that entire situation here and here) and letting him know i probably wont be back but appreciate having had the experience either way. great or horrible idea leave a comment or DM to lmk.

#anyway more nuance on the whole situation is this. i am very single and this guy keeps being on my mind but i do not have any read on him #the last contact we had was me makin an ass of myself by going like hehe yeah this was nice everyone was nice ok yall have a nice evenin bye #while my heart was like visibly pounding out of my chest and u could probably see on my face i was internally thinking girl shut UP!!! LEAVE #so im like ok either hes weirded out by me so let me say thx AGAIN now in a composed way AND giving him peace of mind knowing i wont be back #unless?? i was not as awkward as i thought & get reassured i can return any time and then i could still b like thanks! and just Not go #i mean even then he might say it's fine even if he IS uncomfrtable w me just to 1. be nice and 2. make money w a participant locked in yknow #it does NOT help that the line btwn casual and professional was like NOT there btw its him just hosting the event as we all do our art idkkk #anyway if you THINK youve PROBABLY been a lil off is it better to 1. have a do-over and get closure or 2. fuck off forever hoping u never #like EVER run into the dude again and be awkward AGAIN bc well! u live in the same city and are both into art so?? there IS a possibility #I CAN SEE THE PROS AND CONS OF BOTH OPTIONS REALLY #yay for sending email: get a response get some clarity NOW. nay for sending email: girl u met him twice. please. leave the stranger alone <3 #the one positive abt me feeling Dumb and Embarrassing is at least every time i think back i heave a Big Ole Sigh. feels nice tbh feels good #sad part is i rediscovered how much i love doing art and want to improve. would love to return it was so cheap.. pleek ill get over my crush

[broodygaming]

We got a house!!!

I haven’t talked about it much but my mom and I (really my mom whom I live with haha #disabled) have been looking for a new house and property. We’ve both been living with my brother and his half a dozen children and general chaos for about 2 years now.

We are moving literally next door to them lol. But that’s more than fine. It’ll be good to still be close to the kids and such. The nightmare of a hill we live on is another story but I’ll adjust I SUPPOSE.

Its 5 acres of blackberry bushes and one not so old but very poorly taken care of mobile home. The dude who lives there and is selling to us has had a couple of breakdowns in the last year and has been in and out of jail and just needs to get out of owning a house. He’s spiraling in there and needs less to be responsible for. He had a pension and will be renting an rv space on the property from us until he either leaves or we kick him out if he’s being belligerent or dangerous. (He’s been in jail twice this year for violence soooooOOOO). That’s a little scary but we’re making it work.

So excited to build a great property virtually from the ground up and make it beautiful. Have to clean up all the trash and old pill bottles and broken glass and abandoned vehicles first haha. Also paint the inside and outside. Also redo the flooring. This weekend is gonna be Dump Day lol.

We’ve got so many plans and ideas. Gonna put in trails and set up for meat goats (gotta utilize all those hilly blackberry areas haha). A big big old garden. Stairs and there’s a little campsite tucked off in a corner we can clean up and make nice. 🥰🥰🥰 I want a food forest like Liziqi on YouTube. And we’ll have the rest of our lives to make it Good and Pretty and Nice.

#personal #homesteading #do I feel like we’re taking the home of a mentally ill dude?? kinda ?? but really he’s Not Happy there and #has said he’d feel happier being a vagabond and just roaming and living off his pension #am I scared he’s gonna have a mental break and come back and kill us in our sleep for ‘taking his house’ #YUP but I’m a light sleeper and my guard dog is nocturnal so #we’ll be fiiiiiinneeee #his mom came and helped him clean up a bit to make it better for us to buy it #it was even worse before she came and it’s still very bad haha #but she said it was the house his dad lived in and died #and it’s poisonous to his mental health and he’s been stuck there for too long #and needs to get out #so i feel guilty on some level but it’s not like we’re forcing him to sell #he wants the money and also to be free from the house #which he just Festers in #ya know #and for the record this isn’t me implying that mental illness = violence #but this year he tried to strangle his girlfriend and pulled a knife on ppl at an attorneys office #when he wanted to sue the county for defamation (cuz they arrested him for trying to strangle his girlfriend) #so when I say he does in fact have violent tendencies when he’s not feeling mentally wel #i mean it