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jaskiers-sweetkiss · 4 years

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Sunset Swerve - Part 4

Pairings: Luke x OC

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: none?

A/N: This one’s a bit longer but now we’re officially through episode 3! As always, let me know what you think and message me if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

Part 3 Masterlist

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“We have to do something to help Julie with Flynn,” Jordan said firmly when they landed in the garage. “It’s our fault she’s in this mess.”

“I still don’t understand why she can’t just tell her about us,” Luke said and Jordan sighed.

“Seeing ghosts, real or not, isn’t really ever perceived as a one-hundred percent good thing, especially when you’ve just lost a parent.” She explained quietly and Luke nodded, suddenly unable to meet her eyes.

When she turned to look at the other guys she was met with a curious stare from Alex as if he was trying to figure out what was going on between them.

“How’re you holding up?” She deflected, trying to get away from his scrutiny.

“Not great, actually,” Alex admitted beginning to pace in front of the couch where Luke and Reggie had plopped down.

Jordan crossed the room to join them, perching on the arm of the couch.

“I think he’s practicing his model strut,” Reggie speculated in a whisper and Jordan rolled her eyes.

“He’s so nervous it’s making me nervous,” Luke admitted.

“Alright Alex, spill,” Jordan addressed the blond and he stopped to stand in front of them.

“Okay, look, you guys know I don’t handle change well,” he spoke, waving his hands around anxiously. “Alright? Death? That was a change. Okay, then we became ghosts, alright? Another change. And- and now we can be seen whenever we play with Julie. Big fucking change!”

“Yeah but, bro, it was a good change!” Luke exclaimed. “With Julie we can play on stage again and be the band we never got to be! C’mon, you gotta be down for that.”

“I mean, yeah, who wouldn’t be?” Alex gulped, “I just… I wanna figure out why.”

“Forget why!” Jordan elbowed the brunet and he cursed, standing up to move away from her. “I say we invite Julie to join Sunset Curve.”

“Yeah, totally!” Reggie gasped, standing up as well. “I mean, like, think about it! With a new lead singer, this band would be legendary.”

“Hey! I’m our lead singer,” Luke pouted and Jordan snorted, earning a glare from the boy.

“Dude, that girl has the voice of an angel and she can make us visible,” Reggie explained, “Without her, we’re just elevator music.”

“I know, but you don’t gotta be so mean about it,” Luke whined, completely ignoring Alex who had begun pacing again.

“You deserve it,” Jordan quipped, receiving another glare from the boy.

“And we’re on the runway again!” He exclaimed, turning to see Alex’s pacing.

“Okay, I’m sorry, alright? I just…” Alex sighed, stopping his pacing. “I gotta go clear my head.”

He made a beeline for the door, attempting to grab the handle but his hand kept going through it.

“Dude you’re a ghost, just poof out,” Reggie said and Jordan leaned over to hit his arm.

“Don’t tell me how to ghost!” Alex cried before poofing away.

Jordan sighed when neither of the boys moved to do anything.

“I’m gonna go make sure he’s okay.” She said decisively, ignoring the boys’ arguments that he was fine as she poofed out.

When he had found her in the graveyard the day before he had said something about going someplace familiar, so she poofed to the first place she thought of: the Orpheum.

It didn’t take long for her to figure out he wasn’t there but she decided to wander around Hollywood to look. Sunset Curve had spent a lot of time in the area, playing gigs and just hanging out. She had stopped to scrutinize the costume of a fake Marilyn Monroe on the Walk of Fame when she spotted him. She immediately started walking towards him but stopped once she noticed that he wasn’t alone. He was talking to some long-haired skater boy and she silently awed when she saw the look on his face. Not wanting to interrupt his serendipitous meeting and comforted by the fact that he wasn’t alone, she poofed away before he could spot her.

She’d tried to poof to Reggie, wanting to tell him about the skater boy but she was immediately distracted upon arrival.

“What the hell guys?” She asked rhetorically, “Did you seriously learn nothing from yesterday?”

Once again Luke and Reggie were in Julie’s room, the latter once again laying on his bed. However, what Luke was doing was considerably worse. The boy was sat on the floor with Julie’s dream box open in front of him as he rifled through the pieces of paper.

“Did you not hear anything she said about boundaries?” The dark-haired girl huffed, attempting to close the dream box.

When her hand just went through the lid she plopped down in front of the box, pouting at her lack of ghostly abilities.

“This is perfect!” Luke gasped triumphantly, finally looking upon from the piece of paper in his hands. He jumped slightly when he noticed Jordan as if he had been so involved in whatever was on the paper that his brain hadn’t registered her presence. “Oh, hey Moss. When did you get back?”

Jordan raised her brows in surprise. “Wow, and I thought Reggie was the oblivious one.”

“Hey!” Reggie protested, sitting up on the bed only to be met with identically ‘come on’ looks from the ghosts on the floor. “Okay, fine, you’re right.”

“Anyway,” Luke redirected, sending one last side-eye at Reggie before addressing the room. “This poem would make killer song lyrics!”

“Ooh! Lemme see,” Reggie scrambled off the bed to lean over Luke. “Flying Solo. This looks great.” He mused.

“C’mon, we should start writing the melodies,” Luke said, poofing away to the garage, Reggie following suit but not before waving goodbye to Jordan who was still sitting on the ground. The girl dropped her disapproving look to smile at the boy before he disappeared.

She sat alone in the room for another minute before sighing and pushing herself off the carpet. She wandered through the house, searching for something to occupy her time now that all the guys were busy and Julie was at school. After a period of aimless wandering- time seemed to flow differently now that she was dead- she stumbled across a large bookshelf and paused. Jordan hadn’t read a book since ’95 but it had been one of her favorite pastimes after music. She browsed the selection of mostly unrecognizable title- of course plenty of hits had been published in the twenty-five years since she had passed- until she settled on a novel heralded as ‘The Next Harry Potter’ though she had no idea who Harry Potter was. The book was well worn as if it had been read many times and as far as Jordan was concerned, that was the tell-tale sign of a good book.

She pulled the blue-green book from the shelf, taking it with her as she poofed to the garage. The book showing endeavor had taken quite a bit of time as the books had kept falling through her ghost hands. Fortunately, none of the Molina’s had been home to hear the multiple thuds.

Despite the amount of time she had spent in the house, when she arrived in the studio Reggie and Luke were still stood around the piano working on their new song. Neither boy acknowledge her appearance- too immersed in their work- so she laid down on the couch and immersed herself in 2012 New York.

She wasn’t sure how long she’s laid there in silence, only that she’d reached Chapter 8: We Capture a Flag when her attention was finally drawn away. The guys had moved from writing to working it out on their instruments (which Jordan had selectively ignored because they wouldn’t listen to her anyway) when Julie got home from school.

“Guys! You’re not supposed to be out here playing alone,” she said, giving them her signature ‘are you serious?’ look.

“But we’re not alone,” Reggie explained as Luke came up to hold him from behind, “Because we always have each other!”

“Ugh,” Jordan groaned, rolling her eyes at their cheesiness.

“Agreed,” Julie quipped, smiling briefly at the ghost girl before moving to unplug both boys’ instruments from their amps.

“But we had the volume on level one!” Luke protested.

“But we rocked it on volume ten!” Reggie added, “Want us to play it again?”

“I really don’t think she does,” Luke whispered to the boy as Julie unplugged his amp, dropping the cord to the ground menacingly.

“We’ve actually been waiting for you to get home,” Luke changed directions, hoping to avoid the Latina’s wrath. “Okay, so, we have some pretty major news to tell you. We had a band meeting earlier and…” He pointed at Reggie who began a drumroll on his legs.

“We want you to join Sunset Curve! And no, you’re not dreaming,” The brunet exclaimed, looking very proud of himself.

Julie, however, looked less thrilled. “Oh.”

“Oh? That’s what you say when you get socks for Christmas, not when you get asked to join the most epic band ever!”

“Second most epic band,” Jordan spoke up from the couch where she had set aside her book momentarily to watch this unfold.

Luke glared at her while Julie began to explain herself.

“Sorry, I’m honored, but I can’t think about anything but Flynn right now. She’s still mad at me for lying, she hasn’t even texted me back!”

“Yeah, you’re in a tough spot,” Luke started, though clearly he wasn’t really considering what the girl had said, “So, you wanna join the band?”

“Read the room, dude.” Julie glared, turning to walk out of the garage.

“Way to be sincere doofus,” Jordan said harshly, returning to her book.

“Oh, come on!” Luke called, getting the girl to stop before the doors, “We need you and you need us because you need music! We found this poem that you wrote-“

“She’s gonna be pissed,” Jordan said in a sing-song voice, eyes trained on her book but clearly still listening.

“Reggie and I added this really cool melody to it. It sounds awesome!” Luke continued, ignoring Jordan.

“Where’d you find that?” Julie asked warily.

“Uh… definitely not in your dream box,” Luke lied, pulling Reggie in front of him to protect himself from Julie, clearly forgetting that she could just walk right through the ghost bassist.

“You went through my stuff?!” She shouted, quickly advancing on the guitarist while Reggie jumped out of the way.

“Told you,” Jordan muttered, though it was lost in the chaos of the room.

“I know, but-” Luke tried to excuse but was cut off by Reggie.

“Yeah, we can do that now!” The dark-haired ghost responded, completely contradicting his bandmate.

“No! No you can’t! Boundaries!” Julie shouted, reaching across the piano towards Luke. “Give it back!”

“No!” Luke denied, climbing onto the piano bench. “You need to realize how insanely talented you are! Okay? Listen to this:

“If somebody hurts you, I’m gonna get hurt too, and my life my life would be real low, zero, flying solo.”

“Oh-Oh” Reggie echoed from behind Julie and Luke grinned at him before turning back to the girl in front of him.

“It’s a killer melody,” he said.

“I wrote that about Flynn when she was helping me with all my mom stuff,” Julie sighed. “I gotta go.”

“Hey! What about the band!” Luke called after her as she turned to leave again.

Oh, I almost forgot,” She spoke, turning back around and an excited look grew on Luke’s face. “Stay out of my room!”

“Yeah?” Luke called, running after her and sticking his head through the door, “We will if you join our band!”

“Idiot,” Jordan muttered, finally turning her full attention back to the book.

She did her best to ignore the shuffling around her as the boys moved about. She was mostly successful, managing to get in a full page of reading before Reggie poked the back of her hand and she pulled her attention away to glare at him.

“What do you want?” She groaned as she turned to look at the two boys who were now seated in front of the couch.

“So, you’re a girl,” Luke started and Jordan snorted.

“Very astute observation, Sherlock,” she quipped, turning back to her book with the intention of ignoring them completely.

“Just let me finish!”

“That’s what she said.”

“Jordan!” He whined, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “Please?”

She sighed, closing the book and setting it down next to her as she swung her legs around to sit up on the sofa.

“Fine. Yes, I am a girl, what do you need?”

“We thought you might have some insight on what to do about Julie?” He said, though his unsureness made it sound like a question.

“She’s not going to even think about joining your band until she’s smoothed things over with Flynn. She’s her best friend and she means more to her than music does.”

“Woah. How’d you figure all that out?” Reggie asked, amazed.

“Girl code, man!” Luke answered, hitting Reggie’s chest.

“She’s literally said all of that to you within the last twenty-four hours,” Jordan said, staring at them with a look of pure disbelief. “There’s no ‘code’, you guys just don’t listen.”

“Okay, so how do we fix things with Julie and Flynn?” Luke said, selectively ignoring what she had just said.

“I hate to say it,” she sighed, “But you guys might already be on the right track with the song. Julie said she wrote the poem about Flynn, so maybe if she performs the song for her, Flynn’ll see how much their friendship means to her.”

“That’s a great idea!” Luke exclaimed and Jordan smirked, jokingly flipping her hair over her shoulder dramatically. “C’mon! Let’s get to work.”

Jordan moved to return to her reading when she noticed the brunet was staring pointedly at her.

“What do you need me for?”

“Well, Reggie and I can’t write the piano part.”

____

“So, when she says ‘deep-dish’, do you think she’s talking about pizza?” Reggie asked in all seriousness.

Jordan, who had kept playing the piano despite the other two ghosts dropping out, stopped playing then in shock.

“Dude,” she breathed, at this point in awe of the boy’s cluelessness.

It was just then that Alex decided to show up, poofing in right on top of the piano between Reggie and Luke.

“Oh! Hey man, where you been?” Reggie asked, immediately distracted from his previous question.

“Um, kinda everywhere,” Alex answered, “Yeah. No, I met a new ghost friend.”

“For real?” Reggie asked, amazed.

“Wait, cute skater boy was a ghost?” Jordan asked from behind them, brows raised in surprise.

“Yeah he- wait, how’d you know that?” He asked, turning around to peer at the girl behind the piano.

“Hm? Oh! I went to check on you after you left but when I found you, you had already found him so I just came back,” Jordan shrugged and Alex nodded.

“Yeah, anyway, he answered a ton of questions.”

“Like whether Julie’s gonna join the band or not?” Luke asked through the guitar pick he still held between his teeth.

“Uh… well we didn’t... didn’t really get to that,” Alex muttered, giving Luke a weird stare before turning back to Jordan and Reggie. “But, I think I know why we’re here. Okay? All ghosts have, like, unfinished business. So we have t do our unfinished business so that we can cross over.”

“Why would we do that?” Luke asked, immediately drawing everyone’s attention in a mix of shock and confusion.

“Some of us might actually want to cross over,” Jordan said crossly, frowning at the boy.

“I’m just saying, this is like our second chance. All we need to do is get Julie to play with us.” He explained and Reggie nodded.

“Not only can that girl sing, she can write too. Luke and I made a killer melody to one of her songs!” Jordan cleared her throat and Reggie blushed, adding on, “And Jordan helped too.”

“Oh… without your drummer, cool,” Alex mumbled as he looked over the song Luke had just handed him.

“Drumming is so ’90s,” Luke joked, clapping his friend lightly on the back. “We’re just gonna… stomp our feet now.”

“Okay. Well, you know what else is so ‘90s?” Alex responded, “Being rude. All right? Get woke, these are sensitive times.”

“Alex! Ow…” Luke whined quietly as Alex forcefully returned his notebook.

“I learned that from my ghost friend,” Alex whispered to Reggie and Jordan.

“What so they don’t say ‘fly’ anymore but they say ‘woke’?” Jordan muttered in a mix of confusion and distaste.

“‘Woke.’” Reggie repeated. “That’s a cool word, what does it mean?”

“No clue.”

Jordan chuckled lightly before noticing the petulant look on Luke’s face.

“Well, now that Alex is here maybe we can properly work on this song?” She proposed, “We gotta fix things with Julie and Flynn; we got her into this mess in the first place.”

The boys all nodded, Alex moving off the piano so they could all see each other. Fortunately, Luke and Reggie had already worked out most of their own parts and now all they needed were the piano and drum set. They got a good few minutes in working together, Alex drumming on the piano with his hands while Jordan played as quietly as possible, the four of them stopping every few lines to scribble in rhythms. They had the song just about finished when Julie burst into the garage.

“Grab your instruments, we need to rehearse the song.”

The four ghosts looked between themselves in confusion.

“I need to prove to Flynn that you’re ghosts but we only have a half-hour to rehearse, let’s go!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together as if to say ‘chop-chop”.

The guys began to scramble around the room getting everything set up, and Jordan handed Julie her piano part before retiring to the couch once more. She laid back down, grabbing her book and flipping to the page she had left off on while the new Sunset Curve began to rehearse their new hit.

The half-hour flew by quickly and before they knew it Flynn was knocking on the door of the garage.

“Thanks for coming,” Julie smiled as she opened the doors. “We just wanted to rehearse the song so it was perfect, which it’s not, but whatever.”

Jordan put her book down, wanting to watch what happened.

“No, if I’m gonna hear a song from your imaginary ghost band, it needs to be perfect.” Flynn objected, “So get back in there, all of you. You too.” She said, pointing around the space at the imaginary ghosts.

“Wow, she was way off,” Reggie said and the rest of the ghosts shook their heads. “I’m over here!!”

“They’re not out here,” Julie informed Flynn with a chuckle, gesturing the girl inside the garage.

“Oh, I know.”

“Alright guys, you ready?” Julie asked, looking back towards the guys who all gave thumbs up.

“Um, Julie?” Reggie spoke up, “Can you move Flynn? I need room to, y’know, rock out.”

Julie laughed but complied with his request, ushering Flynn to one of the chairs in front of the setup.

“If you’ll notice, there’s no equipment that can create a hologram. Feel free to look around the room.” Julie spoke, taking her place behind the keyboard.

She took a deep breath before addressing her friend, “The guys took a poem I wrote about you and put it to music.”

“Aww! I wish I didn’t have to talk to your dad after this,” Flynn sassed and Jordan laughed.

“I like her.” She said, and Julie glanced her way with a smile.

“It’s called Flying Solo, I hope you like it,” Julie introduced the song before beginning to play.

Jordan could see the song working on Flynn right from the start, the girl clearly vibing with the music and lyrics. At the risk of sounding cheesy, she felt like she was watching their friendship mend itself.

Flynn screamed when the chorus hit and the guys joined in, immediately becoming visible. Julie stepped away from the piano to crouch in front of her best friend, singing the next verse directly to her before pulling her up to rock out with the guys for the chorus. Jordan tried to hide the bouncing of her own leg to the beat, not wanting to admit she too was vibing with Luke’s song. Though, the boy had clearly noticed, moving over to the mic stand that had been left next to the couch. He perched on the end, making sure to smirk superiorly at her and she rolled her eyes, crossing her arms stubbornly.

As she sang, Julie guided Flynn around the room to each of the boys, ending with Reggie as they reached a break in the song, the guys continued to play lightly in order to stay visible. Flynn experimentally stuck her hand through Reggie before retracting it quickly in alarm.

“Weird right?” Reggie spoke and Flynn gasped.

“They’re ghosts!” She exclaimed and Julie nodded.

“Uh, we prefer musician spirits,” Alex corrected jokingly and Reggie nodded, pointing affirmatively at the drummer.

“Where’s the other one?” Flynn asked, peering around the room, “The girl?”

“Oh, Jordan’s on the couch. I honestly don’t know why she’s not playing.” Julie turned to look at the girl in question and Jordan shrugged.

“Not my song, not my band.”

“Hey, Julie?” Luke called, redirecting the living girls’ attention. “Does this mean you’re joining our band?”

“Actually, I think you’re joining her band,” Flynn interjected matter-of-factly.

“I’m gonna go with what she said,” Julie grinned, slinging an arm around her best friend. “You too Jordan,” she added, gesturing to the dark-haired girl.

Jordan smiled brightly at the invite, poofing behind the piano as the band started back up.

Julie and Flynn immediately moved over to her as she picked up the piano part. It felt nice to rock out with the girls and it felt even more gratifying when the guys dropped out, leaving only the piano part and Julie’s voice as she sang to her friend.

The four ghosts exchanged smiles with each other, Luke and Jordan to high off the performance to care about their rivalry.

“Still wanna talk to my dad?” Julie asked when the song had finished.

“No, I’m good,” Flynn responded and the girls hugged, the four ghosts vanishing from sight.

Part 5

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Taglist: @oopsiedoopsie23 @meangirlsx @angryknightstatesmantrash @onlygetaway

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s-horne · 5 years

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13. National Apple Pie Day

(some circa 2012 avengers-living-together-in-stark-tower fluff for y’all)

Tony padded down the hallway, his toes curling in at the cold. Some distant part of his brain muttered at him for forgetting to put socks on yet again, but he ignored it in favour of getting to the kitchen where the coffee was kept. If he couldn’t sleep, then he might as well keep himself awake with caffeine.

It wasn’t until he had poured himself a mug of steaming coffee into a frankly hideous cup from Clint and taken a long, much-needed sip that Tony realised he wasn’t alone in the kitchen. He let out a startled cry when he saw the other person, throwing his hand up to clutch at his chest as the other held his mug far away from himself in an effort not to douse his bare feet with coffee.

“Good God, Rogers,” Tony said, breathless, when he had recovered a little. “How long have you been there?”

“I did say hello when you walked in,” Steve said, a tiny smile playing around his lips. He was hunched in on himself at the very end of the dining table, his hands curled around a mug that didn’t smell like coffee. On his face was an expression that Tony hated to see, but one that tended to come out when Steve was a little tired or had a lot on his mind. Unfortunately, it was also one that Tony was seeing more and more lately.

The aliens of the world – or not their world, actually, that was kind of the point – weren’t giving them much of a break and as the weather turned colder, Steve’s memories of the ice were flashing up more often. Add in his apparent inability to sleep and it was no wonder that Steve’s smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Well, you could have said it a little louder,” Tony retorted, peeling himself off the counter and slinking over to the table. He threw himself down onto one of the chairs and made to tuck his legs up underneath himself. Taking another sip of his drink, Tony was too focused on the feeling of the hot liquid warming him from the inside and far too tired to actually coordinate his legs and he caught his knee on the table leg.

He let out a loud curse at the sharp stab of pain and his arm jerked in reaction, spilling hot coffee all over the table. “Oh, shit!”

“Oh my, Tony!”

There was suddenly a wet cloth on Tony’s hand, dabbing at his burnt skin in a soothing, circular motion, and Tony looked up in surprise. He blinked once, twice, a daze falling over him from the lack of sleep and the sharp sting of hot coffee.

“God, only you could do this,” Steve muttered under his breath, though there was definitely a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, well,” Tony shrugged and waited until Steve lifted his eyes to lock their gazes, “your fault.”

Steve’s smile only grew and he dropped his gaze again, swiping the cloth one last time before throwing it down on the table. “Of course it was. It always is, isn’t it?”

Tony huffed and lifted his now half-empty mug up to his lips when Steve stepped away again, taking a long sip and sighing at the taste. He wriggled his fingers and was pleased to feel that the skin didn’t feel tight or look too red – all thanks to Steve. Of course.

“Thank you,” he said softly, not expecting or waiting for an answer. Tony shifted a little on the chair to shove his toes under his thighs, eyes shifting over to look at Steve. “So, what’s got you up so late? Too many twitter arguments to win? Too many peas under the mattress?”

“Oh.” Steve winced as he flicked the kettle back on and leant against the counter, ankles crossed. “Not your best.”

Tony rolled his eyes and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I know, I know. I need some sleep. But once I’ve gotten that, you better watch out.”

Steve laughed and cracked his knuckles, rolling his head from side to side. “I almost look forward to it.” He stifled a yawn behind his hand and shuffled hesitantly, awkwardly, on the floor. “Hey, you’re not going back to bed any time soon, are you?”

Tony drained his mug and shook his head, scratching his stomach absentmindedly. “Nope. Don’t fancy staring at my ceiling for another three hours. Why? Got a job for me?”

“I do,” Steve replied, turning to grab a teabag when the kettle flicked off with a low whistle. “A top secret one, at that. It needs one of our best guys on it, I’ll have you know.”

Steve filled his mug to the top, twisting to grab Tony’s from him for a refill as well.

“I’m intrigued.”

Steve smiled again, this one a little warmer and it flickered in his eyes with a little more life. “Well, before Sam left for the weekend, he wanted to hone his baking skills. Bucky thought it would be funny for the two of them to cook up an apple pie in my honour. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of eating it in front of them, but every time I open the damn fridge it taunts me.”

Tony laughed and reached out his hand to accept his mug back, breathing in the warm steam. “Sounds like my kind of mission. But, the most serious question, ice cream or custard?”

That seemed to stump Steve for a moment and he looked to be deep in thought as he stirred his tea. “Hm. Well, I’m not sure what’s in the freezer ice-cream wise, but I know we have whipped cream. Real stuff as well, not that shit that Clint has.”

“Ugh, I know. That stuff sucks. I’ve tried throwing it out, but he seems to have a standing order for it. I’m pretty sure he has Jarvis wrapped around his finger to help him, the traitor.”

Steve chuckled a little and tapped his spoon on the side of his mug before throwing it in the general direction of the sink. “Alright. Two slices of apple pie with real whipped cream. Sound good?”

Tony took a long sip of his drink, fanning his mouth when it burnt his tongue, and nodded. “And don’t skimp on the slices. I don’t think I ate dinner.”

“Of course you didn't. Well, we have a whole pie in here and I’m not inclined to share it with anyone else.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony looked up and held Steve’s gaze, heart beating wildly in his chest. He was so tired that he almost felt drunk. If what he was about to do next all blew up in his face, then at least he could blame it on that. “What makes me so special then?”

“You’ve got a spark,” Steve said after a beat. “A warmth.”

In an instant, the whole atmosphere changed. There was a weird sort of excitement building, fizzing in the air. He felt like he was floating, as though he was in a dream.

“Oh yeah?”

“Hm. I kind of like it. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before.”

Tony lifted his mug to his lips again, still holding Steve’s gaze searchingly. “No,” he said finally, for once not in the mood to make a joke. “I don’t expect you have.”

They stayed there for a long moment before Steve dragged his eyes away as he turned and opened the fridge. He fished out the pie and made short work of finding plates and utensils before starting to carve.

“Gotta say,” he commented absentmindedly as he fiddled with getting the soggy slices onto plates, “I don’t know how this is going to taste.”

Tony cleared his throat, not sure whether he was glad for the subject change or not. “Well, I think I have more faith in Sam than I would Bucky.”

Steve snorted. “Obviously.”

They lapsed into silence again, the only sound a quiet murmur of thanks when Steve handed over a loaded plate. Tony dropped his eyes to the slice of admittedly impressive-looking pie, stabbing a soft piece apple on his fork.

“So,” he started, swiping the fruit through the sheer mountain of cream drowning the dessert, “if I were to ask you out for a real piece of pie, – in a restaurant, you know? The full deal and everything, – what would you say?”

Steve swallowed the mouthful he had just taken and looked over to Tony, face blissfully gentle. “I’m pretty sure I’d say ‘yes’.”

#I wrote a thing #a may medley #stony fic #stony ficlet #stevetony fic #avengers circa 2012 #stevetony fic rec #Steve Rogers #tony stark #stony fic rec

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kithalstead · 7 years

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January 10th, 2017: “Flight 6401 is Cancelled”

*Prompt provided by @rainyari-shoelessdante*

It started in Florida, because if the end of the world started anywhere, it would be in Florida. Power outages were reported across the state, and no explanation could be found when investigated. Walt Disney World in Orlando lost power in the middle of the day during the middle of July, catching the attention of the entire nation. Kids and their parents were trapped on roller coasters and on rides, the back-up generators not kicking on to at least get the guests to the ground. It took thirty hours to get every guest off each ride with cherry picker trucks.

Then, suddenly, two weeks after Disney World went dark, the entire state lost power, and Florida lost contact with the rest of the world.

Anyone who went in to help never came back out.

In Georgia, where Sam lived, the mayor had put the whole government in a state of emergency, every person that Sam came across living in a constant panic attack. Sam, who didn’t really trust the government, had been planning their getaway since 2012, when the Mayans predicted the end of the world. She had, hidden in a lock box inside her closet, a 3-inch binder filled with evacuation plans, emergency numbers, contingency plans, blueprints for bomb shelters, everything a pessimistic survivalist could want or need. Georgia, Sam thought, would be next, and when it was, they would be ready for it. They would not be bested by some entity that wanted the world to live in the dark ages.

“Come on, we gotta go,” Sam urged her dad, a middle-aged blonde man with deep dark circles and callused hands. Sam couldn’t say why, but the feeling that they should leave their home was overwhelming. She wanted to just go.

“Sammi, don’t be silly,” her father said with a yawn. He hadn’t changed out of his work clothes, lounged in the recliner by the door, his boots propped up against each other against the side. His first beer was already cracked open on the side table, the TV casting a white glow over the whole room.

“Dad, come on! I’ve got a flight out of Georgia. It’s really important! No one has come out of Florida, not even people who started walking! We gotta keep moving!”

Sam’s father sighed and shook his head.

“I’m not leaving this house, Sammi. If I die, I will die in this chair, and I will be drinking a beer when I do it.”

Sam huffed.

“Fine, die here then! Make me an orphan then because you’re too stubborn and old to get up out of your damn chair!”

She stomped out of the room and towards her bedroom. She slammed the door, the sound echoing in their too-large home. It was just the two of them now, two lonely souls in a house that was built for an expansive family in the suburbs of Georgia. She pulled her pack out from underneath her bed, and then went to her lock box in her closet. She typed in the code, popped open the lid, and removed her binder from the box. She had a stash of savings sewn into the pocket of her bag, as well as a few bartering items in case cash didn’t mean anything. She’d been planning, meticulously going over every detail again and again until her plan was perfect, or as close to perfect as Sam could get it, being human and all. She tried to include human error into all of her plans, provided enough wiggle room for plans to change, but she could account for all human stupidity.

She wished she could, though.

She pushed the binder into the backpack with just enough room to grab up her wallet and her passport, wedging them into the small space at the side. She checked and double-checked the bag, going through her mental checklist. She checked again, just to be safe.

Once satisfied, she put her feet into hiking boots, shrugged on a vest over her long sleeve shirt, and pulled the bag onto her shoulders. She swiped up her boarding pass and headed for the front pass. She stopped at her father, and set the spare boarding pass on his side table.

“If you change your mind,” she muttered, and then left her childhood home, glad to finally be shrugging of the cloud of ghosts and worry that had plagued her for months.

The first step was getting a ride to the airport. She pulled out her phone from the pocket of her vest, and dialed her uncle.

“Sammi-girl, what can I do for you?”

“Can you send a cab to my house? I have a flight out of town, and Dad is being- well, he’s being Dad.”

Her uncle, Matty, laughed and agreed.

“I’ll send Pippa for you, don’t worry about the fee,” he said. “Call me when you land, okay, kid?”

“I will. Thanks, Uncle Matty.”

“I love you, Sam.”

“Love you too.”

She hung up, and waited. Pippa showed up ten minutes later in one of her uncle Matt’s bright colored cabs, grinning at Sam.

“Hey Sam, heard you need a ride! Hop in! I’ll take you anywhere you need to go!”

Sam climbed into the passenger seat beside Pippa.

“The airport, please, Pip.”

Pippa was a good driver, most of the time. She had some road rage issues, and her lead foot had gotten her into some trouble over the years with Matty’s cab company. Matty had given her a job when she was down on her luck, after she had emigrated from Germany and needed someone to take a chance on her. She’d been with Matty and the cab company ever since.

She also didn’t ask a lot of questions which Sam really appreciated.

They arrived at the airport, Pippa pulling into the carpool lane with a grin.

“Have a good flight,” Pippa said.

As soon as Sam slid out, a harried business man fell into the backseat of the cab, hurriedly panting out an address.

“Thanks, Pippa.”

Sam hurried into the airport, and towards check in. She wanted to get there early, wanted to make sure she was ready to go as soon as the flight started boarding. There was a single group in front of her, a family with two screaming kids that didn’t want to go see their grandparents, their grandparents were mean and smelled like dirty socks. Sam held her laughter in, shaking her head as she adjusted the pack on her back.

The family moved on and it was finally Sam’s turn. She stepped up to the counter to check in, pulling her driver’s license out of her pocket-

“I’m sorry, Miss Santos, your flight has been cancelled,” the worker said.

“What? That can’t be right!”

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Is there anything you can do? I don’t- I need to get out of here.”

“I’m sorry, Miss, there’s not anything I can do about this flight,” she said softly. Sam nodded. “You can book another flight, if you want. I can get my manager if you need to be reimbursed.”

“I’ll- thank you. I’ll figure something out. I’ll let you know.”

Sam trudged off to a row of seats, sitting in the far corner away from anyone else. She studied her hands, then pulled her contingency binder from her bag. She flipped through the tabs until she came to the Flight tab, reading through her notes. She’d done extensive research on flying, since she’d never been on a flight before. She didn’t really know how airplanes worked, or airports for that matter.

She found the cancellation section of her Flight tab, and-

The power blinked out.

There was a collective gasp from the passengers around her. Airports, like most large public buildings, had backup generators that kicked on when the power went out. They couldn’t put the power back on.

“No,” Sam muttered, staring up at the dark. Only the light of the setting sun was left. She was stuck in Georgia. She could not get out now. She was trapped.

#daily writing #writing #writing prompt #apocalypse #this is set in Georgia because of BreadHeroDan honestly #all i could think of was THE DEEP SOUTH #so Sam lives in Georgia #ta-da

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

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tube thoughts vol. 7

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Rifftrax presents "Cool As Ice" --1991-- *Snow aka Justin Bieber gives Bella Swan goosebumps and crotch-rocket road rash.* 3 stars with riffing or running from zero to 1 star without

"Dumb and Dumber To" ---2014--- *Sloppy seconds.* 2 stars

VH1 --sneak peak-- "Suave Says" --2014-- *A "thrilling" inside look into the post music career, current evangelical motivational speaking venture, and wealthy domestic drama of a one hit wonder pop star from wayback in 1991. Gerardo aka Rico Suave.* 1/2 a star

"That's My Boy" (2012) *Topics like underage student and teacher sexual relationships and incest are dealt with maturely by Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, and Vanilla Ice. Of course not, but this isn't even creatively controversial or riotously raunchy in any remarkable way. It's just another formulaic Adam Sandler movie that hits all the same notes as usual.* either zero stars or 1 star

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- -The Comedy Network- (1998) *Bemused, pertubed, fumed. These are just a few of the reactions Tom illicits from anyone not in on the joke.* 2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark *"Pick the right door, and you'll go free. Pick the wrong door, and there he'll be." He being a cigar puffing, nightmarish, funhouse clown.* 3 stars

"Housebound" ---2014--- *"An active mind in an inactive environment." The Brits make a superbly spooky mystery with dry and subtle humor.* 3 stars

"Chonda Pierce On Her Soapbox" (1999) *Folksy entertainment variety and jubilee from a real life Peggy Hill.* 1 star

Buckmasters -Young Bucks- "The Misadventures of Bubba" (1992) *Near fatal hunting accidents hilarity with a Jim Varney caricature.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

"Dancing Outlaw, Jesco White" (1991) & Jesco Goes to Hollywood (1994) *''Sorrow, hatred, and madness. '' "If you wanna get to heaven, you got to raise a little hell."* Heaven for Jesco is dancing at Elvis' star on the Hollywood walk of fame and guest starring on Roseanne or huffing fumes.* 3 stars

Fargo: The Crocodile's Dilemma *"What's the policy? See, I'm sort of a student of institutions." Billy Bob Thornton can play indifferent malice like no other.* 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Sofa *Lord Snooty's couch, club card, co-opting of other people's conundrums, and crisis 'cause he can't stand to be cuddled.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

12:01 Beyond-- Christmas Special 2014 -------------------------------

*World Friendship Society - Please Just Go (music video)* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Le Passage (movie trailer): More badass than Home Alone and Rambo.* 3 stars

*Lobo for the charity "Socks for Tots" gently used socks for children at Christmas at the North Pole. Lonely odd socks for lonely odd kids.* 2 1/2 stars

*Ninja, the Mission Force: "Clam chowder can only mean a ninja challenge."* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo argues the Holiday Blues with his potted plant, Ms. Mittens.* between 2 & 2 1/2 *

*Fleischer Studios - Superman - The Arctic Giant: A kaiju nearly destroys Metropolis and swallows Lois whole.* 3 stars

*Treevenge: sentient x-mas trees turn the tables on crass Christmas celebrations and begin tearing the merry folk to shreds.* 3 stars

*Lobo fills holiday stockings full of leftover Halloween Candy.* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo meets Ro-Man the Robot Monster from the 1950s B sci fi movie, at the north pole, and suggests he kidnap Santa Claus.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Reverse Pharmacology: Incredibly hilarious imagined symptoms of a placebo taken by medical test subjects under lab conditions.* close to 3 stars

*Pueblo Sleep Solutions presents 'The Bedtime Bruiser' (commercial)* 2 1/2 stars

*Don't Open Till Christmas (movie): Scotland Yard is on the case of serial slayings of Santas.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo gets an 8 track player for X Mas* 2 stars

*The Lobo (DC Comics character, not the guy from the 12:01 skits) Paramilitary Christmas Special: The Easter Bunny hires the meanest bounty hunter in the galaxy to hunt down and take out the fat man and his elves.* 3 stars

*Sleigh Runner: The Communist tradition of Christmas is put to an end by a Eastern European Rob Zombie lookalike cowboy killer.* 2 1/2 stars

*Happy Holidays to all the fans of the New Mission Impossible (tv series).* 3 stars

*"This Christmas forget milk and cookies. He wants blood." TWo Front Teeth (low budget movie trailer). The elves in this flick look pretty nightmarish and the characters, especially the black cowboy, look interesting. Interest peaked.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures Serial -The Crimson Ghost- Chapter 3- The Fatal Sacrifice: The Crimson Ghost's hideous high wire act.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*The metal band HEMI perform the song Dust to Dust live in a club.* close to 3 stars

*Neon Harbor presents Space Ninja the animated movie: A cyber dystopia mixed with feudal Japan. technology and swordplay eyecandy-gorgeous must see for me.* 3 stars

*Ro-Man mistakenly beheads Santa for Lobo who claims no responsibility for the death of the mythical character.* 2 1/2 stars

*Action International Home Pictures presents the "Gruesome Holiday shocker." "Elves" starring Grizzly Adams (retro movie trailer)* 3 stars

*Vinegar Syndrome presents on Blu Ray "You Better Watch Out" aka "Christmas Evil": And they've added a beautifully twisted painted portrait of the movie's tragic hero on the box art.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tales from the Crypt: The Ventriloquist's Dummy *Pathetic weirdo and hack ventriloquist comedian Bobcat Goldthwait's idol Don Rickles isn't really a retired, bitter legend of ventriloquism. He's actually a prisoner of his own responsibility to keep his beautiful-woman-hating, conjoined twin freak brother from ever killing again.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Deadline ----------

*Writing obituaries does seem like the typically morbid Summer job that a Springwood teenager would have.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Springwood, where suicidal teenagers wish they were dead so that they can be reunited with their ghost bff(s) and douchebag, ponytailed dreamlovers.* 2 stars

---------------------------------------------

Red Shoe Diaries: Safe Sex *A smooth talker brings a sad, vulnerable business professional lady in out of the rain, and she still makes him wear a raincoat in bed. So, so, softcore stories sent in to a personal ad's post office box and then picked up and retold by shadowy anywhere North America David Duchovny character, which is nice trimming for the show, but damn is the sensitive lite soul torch singing background music awful. I prefer a cheesy, solo saxophone over this -Lifetime For Women lyrics- boner killing tripe.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Brian De Palma's "The Black Dahlia" (2006) *I'm a sucker for Los Angeles noir settings, slaughtered pretty girls like Laura Palmer, and conspiracy art like Alan Moore's From Hell.* 2 1/2 stars

Transparent: season 1 -episode 1 *Three self absorbed siblings can't see past themeselves enough to be aware of their father for what he truly is and themselves for what they might actually be. The conservative side of me wants to say that this is more of liberal Hollywood's agenda to undermine traditional America by saying everyone secretly wants and would be happier with an alternative lifestyle. Also, I can't remember the last time I saw so many aesthetically interesting (not exploitive or trying too hard to be sexy) glimpses of comfortable nudity.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Cyrano DeBraniac *"The savage game of sexual attraction" requires all of one's synapses to be firing and it doesn't hurt to have a time and space manipulating genie, who's also sexy, to unzip Einstein's undead brain out of the fourth dimension.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr the Barbarian: Den of the Sleeping Demon *A pair of clumsy junior adventurers, and their huge bird friend, help rebury a genetic research monstrosity that was given a high voltage reawakening.* 3 stars

--- Swamp Thing: The Dark Side of the Mirror

*Everyone in this town is so stupid and easily manipulated that Arcane could have probably just walked up to the new determined district attorney, at dinner in a fancy restaurant, and shot him in the head, instead of genetically mutating the musclebound moronic deputy into a Swamp Thing double assassin.

The town formed an extremely enraged mob, in a matter of minutes, and even the longest running protagonist human characteron the show (Jim's mom) is willing to throw her morals aside for blind vengeance.

Thank goodness Jim's brother Will, the new female lead Kari Wuhrer, and Swamp Thing are decent characters.

I'm glad for the upgrade from Jim to Will. Will is a better character and it gives the show more of an adult cast and less of a Timmy fell down the well and needs to be saved, each week, routine.

Still, some of the acting is low quality from the extras.

Feels like they used the stunt man from the fight scenes to do the lines, to save money, when it would have been better to switch him out for a real actor.*

between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

--------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 17 *A wild goose chase for the legendary Mothman. The leader of PRS probably doesn't realize how much he comes off like X Files' Fox Mulder as he keeps repeating the phrase "I want to believe."* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Sentry *"Don't linger in the shadows." It will "rile the bile" about lizard-men living deep within the earth where corporations and shadowy government organizations are storing their darkest secrets. The most daring reporter,ever, of tabloid monster mysteries makes his last (documented) stand down there.* 3 stars

"Room 237" (2012) *"The past doesn't exist." But film historians, and fans, are still dissecting the ghost of Stanley Kubrick and the symbolic filmic events surrounding the almost mythical Overlook Hotel.* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "Conquest" (1983) *Cro-Magnon man was ruled by a cruel dominatrix / naked lady performance artist / new-age goddess, along with her band of fanatical furries. That is until Ronnie James Dio & Luke Skywalker changed things. Conquest establishes itself apart from other low budget and dumb sword & sorcery flicks, of the early 1980s, with its dreamlike aesthetic and gore-crazy practical special fx.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Begotten" (1990) *Imagine a super 8mm National Geographic hallucination of twitching, early 20th century mental patients being tortured and abused in the ruins of a 19th century pastoral southern gothic wasteland lurked over by pre-modern-civilization tribal sacrificial rites that are even more hellish and nightmarish than actual pagan practices predating contemporary times. Black mold on the walls of farmhouses with sun peeled paint and holes in the tin roof where the sound of dripping rain and viscus is constant on rusting metal surfaces that lie just beyond open rock quarries crawled over by lepers, in rags, dragging shaved and mutilated Christ-like figures who spew black stigmata from their weeping eyes and mouths.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Taint Misbehavin' *A dying Dan Halen requires the citizens of Dougal County to join him in the paradise of the afterlife. Granny and Early get giddy because they mistakenly believe they're going to a resort town in Tennessee, when they're actually heading for the ancient Egyptian land of the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

Workaholics -2015 Season- --preview trailer-- *Some Comedy Central money went into a 2 minute parody of the new Mad Max movie, popular crime tv shows like Sons of Anarchy, strippers, bullet porn fx, and "cool" explosions.* close to 2 1/2 stars (for the misguided effort)

Hannibal: Apéritif *The mongoose meets the cobra.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The House of the Seven Gargoyles *An icy fate for an acrobatic dwarf creeping around a castle posing as a gothic statue and trying to choke his unsuspecting victims.* 3 stars

Dr. Who (4th Doctor - Tom Baker): The Android Invasion *A Benedict Arnold astronaut returns from being lost in space, now brainwashed by aliens carrying a shipment of human replicants and a deadly virus.* 3 stars

Farscape: Jeremiah Crichton *Crichton becomes a castaway on green planet inhabited by a tribal, and somewhat peaceful people, although there is some jealousy when the daughter of the chief becomes smitten with Crichton. After spending part of a cycle looking for Crichton, Rigel and Dargo find him all scruffy and weather beaten. In a Return of the Jedi C3PO twist, Rigel is the tribe's prophesized messiah and the three must save these exiled, forced by forcefield to be primitive people, or else be sacrificed themselves due to stupid politics and a conspiracy of priestly hierarchy.* 3 stars

Bob & Margaret: For Pete's Sake *Bob's brother is a pretentious tv chef, and when he gets a gig in India, Bob and Margaret have to look after his two annoying brats.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Dark Music *The power to control demonic forces, living in the root cellar, lies in the sounds on the radio. A tired of being picked on paperboy uses this knowledge to payback the scummy metal-head bully next door and his mean, little sister.* 3 stars

"The Initiation of Sarah" (1978) *This feels like a hazy 70s tv movie version of Carrie the college years. Two sisters pledge and go through the occult like Greek sorrority ceremonies. The good looking one gets picked by Morgan Fairchild's meangirl sisters and has to be cruel to the other. The timid one has her telepathic powers exploited by a witch wannabe Shelly Winters in the rival plain Jane house complete with a maze backyard.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

---Thrashin'--- (1987) *Square jawed Josh Brolin is too straight laced to be taken seriously by skatepunks in the 80s L.A. skatescene. The leader of a gang of Lost Boys also wants Brolin to stay away from his out of town and just visiting, Idaho pretty tomato younger sister. It hits all the right notes for an 80s extreme sports fun adventure flick.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Fitting Punishment *A cheapskate ghetto mortician is willing to cut corners no matter the cost to human decency. He embalms using dirty tap water. He buys cheap coffins from China. He clips out the gold and silver teeth of the deceased. He even blames his orphaned nephew for being a financial burden and cripples him, then sells his Air Jordans to pay medical expenses. When that's not enough, he murders him and saws him a foot shorter above the ankles so that he can stuff the boy into a cheap coffin for Chinamen.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Film At Eleven *Llama stolen from the zoo and almost used in a slumland apartment voodoo ceremony. Cops style film crew documenting the precinct. Herman Dracula, alledged wannabe vampire. It's funny until he commits suicide in his private cell. Ballistics confirms that they've found the handgun used in the near fatal shooting of officers Renko & Hill. Relief comes with uncertainty. It's raining in the police station, the roof is leaking and everyone is getting the flu because of it. This show can't help but end on a melancholy note due to all the lingering emotions. Rollercoaster, as usual.* 3 stars

Tru Tv- --South Beach Tow-- --Bernice's Top 20-- *"Best of" countdown of fake reality show beatdowns by an angry black woman?* 1 star

Botched: Vagina Bomb! *The same network (E!) that encourages viewers to idolize trainwreck celebrities and their fake bodies, also exploits sick individuals who've butchered their own bodies in order to achieve that phony Hollywood dream. Of course this show is under the guise of "fixing" plastic surgery mistakes, but the client/patient usually receives even more body enhancements and still looks like a nightmare.* either zero stars or 2 stars

True Detective: The Long Bright Dark *Heathen homicide in a hick shit-haven where if one doesn't parrot the standard beliefs of others, and oddly speaks in a stream of consciousness like Cormac McCarthy, then one's peers tilt their heads and cock their ears like a confused dog in misunderstanding and disbelief.* 3 stars

---- New Year's Movie Marathon ---------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Time Runner (1992) *Spoilers, for The Force Awakens, ahead. Be Warned. Years after Return of the Jedi, Luke is having a midlife crisis and skynet is using star destroyers to blow up Los Angeles. So he travels back in time to the Washington Canadian border getting in ugly rental car chases with human looking alien Rae Dawn Chong and gunning down well armed baddies, along side the goofy deputy from Twin Peaks, & watching their hilarious death throes. All while making sure Senator Palpatine can't prevent Seth Rogen and James Franco from nuking North Korea thirty years in the future. Make sense?* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 To The Moon ---plus--- "Dream to Design" -short- *The woman of the future visits the satellite of love and turns the robots crow and tom servo into kitschy househould appliances. meanwhile, the united nations of nasa proves earth's worthiness to the lunar neighbors.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without

Terry Gilliam's "Brazil" *A depressed Da Vinci with his wings clipped by the dulled scissors that society can no longer cut all the red tape with.* 3 stars

Fritz Lang's "Metropolis" *In my life of relative ease, I watch this movie on my cheap consumer electronics provided for me by workers in horrible third world conditions.* 3 stars

"Starry Eyes" (2014) *Ambition. Attrition. Ascension. All the way from Hooters Girl who can't get taken seriously at low-grade movie auditions to transforming into a Hollywood harlot comes at the price of one's soul taken by the Satanists who run the movie industry and helped sanctified with blood and betraying those closest also climbing the ladder.* close to 3 stars

"Messiah of Evil" (1973) *What if, after Thanksgiving, America honored the Donner Party Massacre by having Black Friday be masses of mad people tearing into raw red meat at supermarkets? This flick is like the eerie calm before an apocalypse. Too weird, almost, to describe, and if one tried to, a bug would appear on their tongue and they would cough up insects and lizards.* 3 stars

"Strange Days" (1995) *"Memories were meant to be forgotten. They were designed that way." Let old acquaintance as well. 20 year old predictions about the new century, by James Cameron, are still pretty relevant. Questions about the abuse of police force. Urban upheaval and riots. Voyeurism being a social media (though it's not as seedy as it's imagined in this movie).Things James Cameron got a little off are plenty too. Musicians stopped being, for the most part, political messengers. Trainwreck skank rock queens like Courtney Love aren't nearly as talented as James thinks or as worth going through hell over, but they're still a huge part of the media's obsession. Found footage and virtual reality may just be entertainment fantasy, but the themes in this movie are played out daily on actual viral videos.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max Headroom: Academy *What if corporations had their own legal systems? What if a death penalty trial was turned into a tv game show? Viewers of the HLN network sort of get to experience this. What if criminal profiles were assigned to innocent people who fit a certain stereotype? Wait a minute....* 3 stars

Joe R. Lansdale's "Cold In July" (2014) *A considerate and well adjusted family man has to stand his ground, on shaky legs, but isn't in the overzealous camp of his hometown neighbors who wanna pat him on the back for it. He never feels right about the incident and his remorse pulls him into a world of Dixie mafia killings, Texas Mexico border crime, and a friendship with a flamboyant and dogged private detective and the deeply burdened man who mistakenly stalked the family man's family when he was wrongly convinced the family man slayed his son in the stand your ground incident. In a bizarre twist, the three men come together to help the deeply burdened man solve his burden of putting down his wayward son who's making snuff films with hookers. It reminds me a lot of William Devane's "Rolling Thunder," another revenge flick with a lot of bitter sorrow and dark themes.* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- --The Comedy Network-- (1998) *Tom is an absurdist comedian who can sometimes be traditionally clever in his humor. He drinks purple koolaid with a cult who worship an alien version of Jesus Christ's brother, he ruins an Elvis impersonator street performance and almost gets his ass kicked for it, and he continues to try to prove he's the biggest idiot in the room.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Prisoner: The Schizoid Man *The Village have number 6 convinced he's twice the man he was using an uncanny double.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 episode 7 *"People work together when it suits them, they're loyal when it suits 'em, they love when it suits 'em, and they kill when it suits them."* 3 stars

"Under the Skin" (2013) *Scarlet Joe Handsome is an enticing alien, in a black wig and brightly painted lips, driving around Scotland, in a pedo van, indifferently observing all the quiet, everyday human suffering and luring horny, confused men back to her abandoned building / nest / spaceship(?) --where they step sinking into a surreal black pool of liquid.* either 1/2 a star or 2 stars

American Horror Story- -Coven -The Replacements *Sober Santeria. What other show is going to have a pothead, white trash mom molest her patchwork monster, back from the morgue, college boy son? or let a juicy and morbidly obese black virgin finger herself in front of a minotaur? not many spring to mind.* 3 stars

Gargoyles: The Edge *Zanatos uses the steel clan and a Tony Stark type tech gargoyle suit to frame the real gargoyles for the museum heist of 'the eye of Odin,' in order to have the cops chasing them all around town and scare them into coming back under the wings of his 'protection,' which would have the gargoyles inprisoned in a research lab.* 3 stars

Rifftrax - Total Riff Off - Man vs. Monster *"Meeting the channel's factual quota, we now return to the bullshit." Rifftrax skewers another one of those pretentious explorer douchebags, from National Geographic Wild, that are always trying to turn a simple creature of nature into a tall tale monster.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

Son of the Beach: With Sex You Get Eggroll *satire of sex slaves and sex jokes, both smartly done.* 3 stars

Carman -Yo Kidz! -The Vidz *Gnarly Jesus dudes, hip musical kids, and cumbersome cat costumes.* 1 star

Morton Downey Jr.: Cults *A man who once had a cult-like tv audience examines mind control organizations and self-help pseudo-religions.* close to 3 stars

Mel Brooks in "High Anxiety" *Side-splitting neuroses.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Korman's Kalamity *A cartoonist's monstrous creations come to life after years of nagging from an abusive spouse and his recent forced use of an experiment male potency medication.* 2 1/2 stars

"Al-TV" -April Fools Day 1984 *"I could just watch videos all day until my brain turned to mush. Couldn't you?" Weird Al takes over MTV from its bland video disc jockeys and turns the channel into the absurdity it should be.* 3 stars

"Traxx" (1998) *"Be good, be gone, or be dead." Shadoe Stevens is one tough cookie as he parodies every 80s action hero vigilante and western cowboy cliche come to clean up a Troma version of a Texas town in one of the weirdest, left field comedies ever.* 3 stars

Hippies: Protesting Hippies *Simon Pegg tries to spark a Y2K revival of the comedic rebelliousness of The Young Ones with a Britcom That 60s Show.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Pilot Episode *A "Jew, New York doctor" finds unspoiled land, wildlife, hell... even people (patients) "just waiting to be fondled" in middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.* 3 stars

X Files: Space *Otherworldy phantom sabotaging shuttle missions. A study on how stifled and subdued the space program has become.* 2 1/2 stars

"Freaks, Nerds, and Weirdos" -MTV (1994) *MTV NEWS looks at Generation X's social outcasts like nerdy hipster college kids, quirky celebrities, and alternative musicians and they talk about their struggles with being different from "the norm." Ironically, the show is framed with commercials featuring beautiful skin care and fashion model young people bragging about how great it is to be one of the in group of the beautiful ones.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Myth of the American Sleepover" (2010) *The last bittersweet days of Summer and the pre-conceived notion of sublimity for a group of suburban teenagers. Indie movies about the adolescent rite of passage to adulthood aren't as fun as exploitation flicks about the same thing, but the delicate and thoughtful manner in which the subject matter is approached allows for more personal reflection for the viewer.* close to 3 stars

Turner Classic Movies: Beneath the Planet of the Apes *Twice as bleak of an ending as the first.* 3 stars

--- "Bates Motel" (1987)

*After spending his youth in the looney bin with Norman Bates as his father figure, Bud Court (Harold & Maude), and a great casting choice, inherits the Bates Motel from the deceased Norman whom he carries around in an urn afterwards.

With the help of a spunky squatter (Lori Petty) and a Morgan Freeman esque handyman, he reopens the falling apart eyesore and deals with the rumors of the place being haunted and the fast moving yuppies of the 80s who wanna exploit the property to keep with the changing and advancing landscape of the times.

Tonally a weird mixture of maudlin and mockingly humorous. Whoda thunk they could take a legacy of a Hitchcock suspense thriller and throw in one those feel good fixing up the place montages, a Happy Days 1950s teen ghosts dance party with a dreamlover angel Jason Bateman, and Scooby Doo villain plot twist?*

either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"An Evening With Bobcat Goldthwait, Share The Warmth" (1987) *Bobcat chugs two six-packs of TAB and then proceeds to frighten uncomfortable laughter out of a group of yuppies in a nightclub.* 2 1/2 stars

"Beyond Vaudeville" (1986-90s) *Best of a weird NYC public access variety show with guests and acts like Grandpa Munster, Tiny Tim, "the Edith Bunker of massage," climbing Harpo's ladder with Wavy Gravy, Burt Reynold's fantasy Turkish woman (possible delusional stalker), Greg Brady, the arm and the giant from Twin Peaks, the theme from the Flying Nun on spoons, Rock Around the Clock in Yiddish, an Underdog / Dracula enthusiast / interpretive dancer, and many other pathetic bizarre folk. Sammy Davis who?* 3 stars

Morton Downey Jr.: Central Park Squatters *A heated shouting match between freaks and fascists over the issue of gentrification.* 3 stars

"Scoundrels" (1982) a Cecil Howard adult film *"Life's too fucking short." Ron Jeremy is the long dick, long suffering dad, just like Kevin Spacey, in a sexually frustrated slice of American Pie.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Murder House- "Rubber Man" *"What is it about being dead that makes me so horny?" Hysterical lady troubles.* close to 3 stars

"The Guest" (2014) *A psychotic super-soldier gone awol and come to roost with the troubled family of a fallen comrade. Pulses like an homage to 80s action movies in the vein of John Carpenter.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 1 *Bluegrass Helter Skelter.* 3 stars

Chrisley Knows Best: The Great Outdoors *Chrisley reluctantly takes his sons camping at the lake, while wishing he were more like his hero Oprah and scaring his 8 year old with the legend of Jason Vorhees.* 2 stars

Comic Book Men: Ghostbusting at the Stash *Sitting around ye ole podcast table and sharing spooky stories about things like the Jersey Devil.* 1 star

"The White Buffalo" (1977) *Charging out of Hell and into Heaven were men like Wild Bill, Crazy Horse, and Charles Bronson.* 3 stars

Kung Fu, the series: Dark Angel *Words lost, eyes blinded, and riches not found, but, at the same time, roots replanted, senses regained, and faith restored.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Invasion U.S.A. (feature) & A Date with the Family (short) *Rigid dinners with loved ones, or heavy drinking with a group of barflies, is a great opportunity to discuss how every American should do more in their part to combat the Red Menace.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

"My Mom's A Werewolf" (1988) *An underappreciated housewife goes to the pet store to get a flea collar for the family dog, and winds up having the mom jeans charmed off of her, and replaced with fur, by a hair-piece wearing lycanthrope (John Saxon).* 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Black Tickets ------------------

*A young Brad Pitt runs over himself running into himself running away from his problems.* 2 stars

*Having a baby is hellish, even if Brad Pitt is the daddy.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

USA Up All Night -with host Rhonda Shear -Valentine's Special -----------------

*Lovers Lovers (feature movie): Neurotic & horny 30 something year old professionals in the city of Angels. It's like a softcore version of Seinfeld.* 2 stars

*Starburst California Raisins style commercial where the Starburst candies get taken to the bad side of town called Twisted Town.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Girls of Paradise (phone sex commercial): 3 stars

*Rhonda hangs out in the honeymoon suite with a amorous bell boy who has chest hairs a plenty.* 3 stars

*Twix commercial parodies the plane crash movie "Alive" in a funny scenario where one guy tricks the other into thinking they're being rescued so that he can have both Twix candy bars to himself.* 3 stars

*Rhonda tries to get a honeymooning and arguing couple's bride out of her hotel room bathroom.* 2 1/2 stars

*Free brochure for TV Parental Ratings guidelines* 3 stars

*"Mel" (taking his name from a PayDay caramel candy bar wrapper) calls up a phone sex hotline to talk to the horny chick about covering her in peanuts and creamy caramel in a funny PayDay commercial.* 3 stars

*"Every day people like me and you are proving why the 'Psychic Solution' is so popular." Obvious payed employees of this phone scam network give false testimonials about their amazing experiences talking to phone psychics.* either zero or 3 stars

*"Imagine being forced to make love. Now, imagine thousands will die if you dont. Will she? Won't she? Or will she just kick some ass?!" La Femme Nikita preview for an upcoming 1997 episode. Haha.* 3 stars

*Rhonda coaches sweet talk to a dumb husband who gets all her amorous advice lines all wrong.* 3 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------

Weird Science: Magnifico Dad *Mom gets her birthday wish for dad to turn into male supermodel hunk Fabio.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Silence of the Clams *"The beach is meant for solitude, not senseless orgying. Cancel Spring Break or else."* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Fortress of Fear *A many eyed wizard wants Ariel as his bride.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Silent Screams *"Eye of the hurricane, listen to yourself turn. World serves its own needs, Dummy, serve your own needs." Arcane is selling eco-terrorism to the highest bidder. First in line to be served, shadowy agents of the U.S. government, and they're willing to sacrifice a small, swamp town to test the effectiveness.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Invisible Monster *Turn off the life light, don't let it shine or else be taken in by the hungering Pac-Man esque ghost of an animated mass of energy. Look out, because it's a one-eyed, giant, purple, people-eater.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Super Specs *Do "They Live" or is it just an April Fool's Day trick of the mind thanks to a phony trick gifts shop's surprisingly effective super specs glasses?* close to 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Shadow Boxer *A bum fighter uses cursed gloves to separate his dark side from his body and sends the shadow out to stick it to his opponents.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 18 *Penn State freshman lions turn themselves into fraidy cats with the passing around of campus legends and the playing of an ancient Japanese ghost story game called '100 Candles.'* 2 stars

Penny Dreadful: season 1 episode 1 *For a moment, I thought Frankenstein and his monster were going to passionately kiss on the mouth. It was weird.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 episode 6 *"He eats disease. He likes to be scratched behind the ears. He's horrible, beautiful." 3 stars

The Outer Limits: If These Walls Could Talk *CGI Ryan Reynolds. He's not Green Lantern. He's possibly a 'Casper' or at the very least a molecular anomaly. His mom can't let go of the mystery around his disappearance and his frequenting of a so-called haunted house. She's a paranormal believer. She swears she hears him crying out in the haunted house. She befriends a pyschic phenomena debunker. They get drunk, share their hearbreak over the afterlife or lack thereof. They stir up spirits or at least a cold case crime scene. They learn about the mystery behind a previous owner who was a reclusive scientist and find his hidden room complete with strange meteor. It ends with them covered in ectoplasmic goo.* 2 1/2 stars

"Father Guido Sarducci Goes to College" (1985) *Vatican City versus Disneyland.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Mute Witness to Murder *Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger. And some enchanted evening, you may witness a brutal murder. That enchanted evening may damage the psyche.* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Double Dare *Necessity is the mother of virtue. A business professional lady needs the thrill of an erotic game of show and tell via fax machine dirty messages and flashes of bare flesh across facing office building windows with a sexy stranger, but she can't take it to the next step and cheat on her husband in person.* 2 1/2 stars

"Computer Beach Party" *Weirdly played, and ridiculously overdubbed, dorky sex comedy that maybe comes close to deserving cult status.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Total Riff Off: Animals Behaving Badly *Horny deer. Smoking ape. Rascally raccoon. Pooping cheetah. Shoe humping tortoise. Horny dolphin. Indian woman breastfeeding a calf. Chicago city coyote. rat infanticide, and the classic panda attacking jacket guy.* 3 stars with riffing between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without

"RoadRacers" (1994) a Robert Rodriguez film *David Arquette as a scumbag greaser, James Dean wannabe with Salma Hayek as his main squeeze. Sounds unconvincing, but somehow they pull it off. Also, great tunes from the era of rockabilly, decent villains like the town asshole cop William Sadler, and Deadwood's Saul Starr as the sci fi and sinful thrills obsessed sidekick.* 2 1/2 stars

Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" (2014) *Maybe the best ever use of scripted reality in dramatic entertainment. Following two siblings for over a decade as we watch them grow and deal with their movie parents a psychology student-into-teacher mother (Patricia Arquette) and their sometimes deadbeat other times often extremely caring and liberal-slacker poet papa (Ethan Hawke), along with step siblings, abusive drunk stepfathers, plus all the growing pains and life steps that happen along the way to young adulthood.* 3 stars (for achievement in the portayal of life) or zero stars (for every character being so unlikeable)

--Starz-- --The Missing: episode 1 *A wrenching, quiet, and moody look at the frantic hours around parents dealing with the disappearance of a child and how the effects of that trauma are still haunting them, and others involved with the memory, years later.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Damned If You Don't *Dang ole' tornado of the soul.* 3 stars

"Din of Celestial Birds" (2006) *inherent iniquities* 2 1/2 stars

True Detective: Seeing Things *Pussy, fantasy, illusion, delusion, hallucination, justification, nightmare, and revelation.* 3 stars

X Files: Fallen Angel *Toxic cover up and lies with an official seal.* 2 1/2 stars

"Night Dreams" (1981) xxx *Bound by wild desire, Dorothy LeMay fell into a ring of fire.* 3 stars

--- MTV's True Life: I'm Preparing for the End of the World

*An obese, and (from how he's presented on this docu show) low i.q. suffering, young father moves his pregnant wife, two young boys, and yummy pet rabbits & chickens to an isolated farm in the mountains.

There he rambles about doomsday scenarios and his family assists in setting up booby traps that are more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.

My advice is to lay off the extra bunny, at dinner, and to not homeschool the kids about the proper way to filter goat piss into a drinkable water alternative, but instead to exercise as a family and to get out in society and work towards not ending up with an apocalypse.

Next, we have two priviledged college twins who are so quirky and idiotic that they jokingly form a two person cult where they bother college campus students and the city's homeless population with their pretend rhetoric.

Low point being when they claim to be getting prepared to raise their consciousness beyond the normal soulless zombie, just before tossing a twenty dollar bill into the air for a group of hungry homeless and junkies to wrestle over.*

1 star

-----------------------------------------------------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Feminism *Mort and feminist lawyer Gloria Allred go toe to toe and almost mouth to mouth with the sexual tension between them (just kidding).* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Television Terror *A t.v. station scores big ratings, when Morton Downey Jr. is murdered, live on the air, while investigating a haunted house.* 3 stars

"Too Young To Die?" (1990) *A trailer trash teen runaway (Juliette Lewis) gets the death penalty for the murder of her soldier guy former lover, thanks to her hick pimp/pusher (Brad Pitt).* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -Asylum- "The Coat Hanger" *Forgiving trespasses. Ian McShane almost seems too good for any show after his iconic role in Deadwood, but he finds one here as a blackly humorous and blasphemous sinner/killer in a setting that keeps getting more depraved and strange. Bucket of KFC chicken and skinning victims alive killer mixed piece joke. Priest drowning at a baptism. Priest crucifiction. The dirty history of pre legalized abortions. Cruel head nun gets on the other end of looney torture. A Nazi butcher / mad scientist seeking aliens because he appreciates their eugenic techniques and getting sent his own Mary with a possible alien seed in her belly.* 3 stars

Hannibal: Amuse-Bouche *"It takes one to know one." A human fungus wants understanding.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Friends for Dinner *"Another domestic dilemma." Bob and Margaret continue to define themselves different from their rude peers, while still retaining a flawed quality that makes them so relatable to the average person.* close to 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Model *"If she learns to swim, next thing she'll want to learn to drive." A nutter doesn't want his nude centerfold wife to take swimming lessons. Olives on pizza distaste, and a compulsion to pull any wallpaper off the wall -weirdness. Also, the swimming lessons oath includes everyone but practioners of karate and the pop star Sting.* 3 stars

Hippies: Hairy Hippies *The animals of Aquarius are gonna tear your prick off.* 3 stars

Farscape: Durka Returns *"The difference between a knife attack and life saving surgery." The outer space adjustment bureau can turn anyone they want into an attitude corrected slave.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Deities *When it comes to matters of the spirit, people often forget what it means being human.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Captured Souls *Sometime in the early 90s, the Obamas and their daughter nearly had the life sucked out of them by a mirror-spy-tech mad-science-geezer posing as an ole timey tween boy with a ridiculous hairstyle that was almost as bad as Obama's soul glow mullet of the time.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Fearful Pranks Ensue" *supreme sacrifice* close to 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: You Have The Right To Remain Silent *A lady cop kidnaps and forces herself on a strong willed guy who won't show her any attention at the gym. I would have laughed if it were a case of her not having any gay-dar.* close to 2 1/2 stars and 1 1/2 a stars for the safe sex sales pitch

Hill Street Blues: Choice Cut *supermarket standoff with a side of beef.* 2 1/2 stars

Fargo: The Rooster Prince *"Savagery, pure and simple."* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Orphans" *The most sympathetic character on the show, Pepper, has a continuation of maybe the most tragic character arc of any character in all of American Horror Story, with a cameo from a character from Asylum.* close to 3 stars

MTV's "Eye Candy" extended peak *Disney channel(?) teen pop idol and now hacker (rolls eyes) in a serial killer stalker show with MTV style "edgy" (crap) aesthetics. The psycho stuffing smartphones in the mouths of victims is unintentionally ludicrous and laughable.* 1 1/2 stars

"Living With Michael Jackson" *"We would wake at dawn and go up in the hot air balloon. I have the footage. It's all very charming and innocent. That's ignorant. Who's the Jack the Ripper in the Room?" Was it exploitive journalist Martin Bashir or delusional Peter Pan wannabe Jacko?* either 3 stars or zero stars

Prime Time Thursday -ABC- Martin Bashir on his Michael Jackson documentary (2003?) *ABC gets a few more nasty kicks in to the wounded weirdo.* 2 stars

The Michael Jackson Interview, The Footage You Were Never Meant To See *--FOX--* (2003)

*"Becareful what you do, because the lie becomes the truth."

Maury Povich pauses from hosting & revealing ghetto / white trash paternity tests to take an investigative behind the scenes footage look at the Martin Bashir documentary on MJ.

An almost propaganda piece trying to repair Jackson's image and justify his strange behavior, but it does shine a light on the deceitful approach of Bashir's manipulative tactics in getting close to Jackson via gaining his trust with comments approving of Michael's generosity and attitudes towards children and Michael's personal life in other ways, and then turning around and only showing the most sensational things in his "Living With Michael Jackson" documentary.*

2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------

The Greatest American Hero: pilot episode "UFO Encounter" *The teachers of troubled teens, those are the real heroes. This show has great music, and I don't just mean the cheesy wonderful theme song.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: I Accuse My Parents (feature) & The Truck Farmer (short) *Cultivate, refrigerate, exaggerate, denigrate.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Son of the Beach: In The G-Hetto *"Read my lips, I'm going down there and I'm going to lick your posse, and I'm going to enjoy it."* 2 1/2 stars

Black Sails: season 1 episode 1 *Blackbeard's snatch. Captain Flint's fluoride smile. Long John Silver's sexy good looks. I doubt these third world bandits were really this stylized.* 2 1/2 stars

Fred Olen Ray's "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" (1988) *Heaven for guys who like big tits and Hell for guys who don't like to be chopped into little bits.* 3 stars

Hollywood Hillbillies: Headin' For Hollywood *Another internet infamous sensation extends he and his grandmother's 15 minutes of fame by acting as crass and crazy as possible for the reality tv cameras.* 1 star

TLC presents My Husband's Not Gay *These Latter Day Saint women believe that they have it made, because, with another woman, their husband would never stray. I wonder if the LGBT community would stand up for the rights of the "same sex attracted" who don't act on it for religious reasons, or if... ha... of coure not.* either zero or 2 1/2 stars

"Monster" (2003) *A look at someone, on the fringes of life, whose feral impulses sadly couldn't be justified even though she endured a life of inhuman treatment.* 3 stars

Viper: Pilot Movie *Not just a tv show promoting a crime fighting futuristic Dodge motor company concept car, maybe also a question of whether giving career criminals a clean slate of memory is violating their civil rights or not.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Midnight Plowboy" xxx (1971) *Welcome To The Jungle as performed by Going To The Country's Canned Heat.* 2 stars

Woops!: pilot episode (1992) *99.999999% of the world's population has died in a fiery hot flash, but a few quirky yuppies survive to yuck it up on a small farm. Cue the laugh track.* 2 stars

X Files: Eve *bloodthirsty replicas* 3 stars

"Nomads" (1986) *Searching too deep beneath the surface of reality, a cultural archaeologist starts being stalked by a skid row spirit-tribe.* close to 3 stars

Manimal: Manimal *Transmutation is not for the faint or feint of heart.* 2 1/2 stars

---- "Tusk" a Kevin Smith film (2014)

*20th century man spent his time doing amazing things, and had tales to tell later.

21st century man spends most of his time talking about ridiculous things.

This time 21st century man accomplishes one of those ridiculous things.

How to go about summing up something like this...

3 stars for the crazy screenplay.

3 stars for the incredible walrus special fx by Robert Kurtzman.

3 stars for Michael Parks' truly demented serial killer / world's most interesting man character.

2 stars for Haley Joel Osment's nerdy twenty something podcast comedy partner.

almost 2 1/2 stars for Justin Long's obnoxious and self absorbed hipster mustached podcast comedian.

3 stars for Justin Long's suffering through hell tortured and experimented on in the most gruesome way possible walrus-man.

1 1/2 stars for all the podcast nonsense.

either zero stars or 3 stars for Johnny Depp's Mike Myers esque eccentric inspector character.

and to finish out the whole whacked out affair, either 1 star or 3 stars for the absurd ending.*

===================================================================

Wizards and Warriors: The Unicorn of Death *Mind over matter. Also, lightning hawks, hawks that shoot lightning.* 3 stars

"Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood" *"One fish two fish red fish blue fish, knick knack paddywhack give a dog a bone, Two thousand zero zero party over oops out of time, my bacon's smelling fine." The Wayans, just off of In Living Color and a handful of blackspoitation movies, take on Boyz in the Hood & Friday with their brand of satire that hadn't quite soured just yet like it would with the Scary Movie series. Somewhat not bad, nowhere as good as say an episode of Chapelle Show, but almost on the level of something like Comedy Central's Key & Peele.* 2 stars plus 3 stars for Bernie Mac's cameo speech

Freddy's Nightmares: School Daze ----------

*No more homework, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks. Just robotic students.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Standard Achievement Torture.* 2 1/2 stars

-------------------------------------

"Ben and Arthur" (2002) *I'm sure that everyone involved with this shot-on-video "movie" had their big, gay hearts in the right place, but the results are so oddly misguided that it cursed the gay rights movement and set queer equality back at least a decade.* 1 star

Tales From The Crypt: My Brother's Keeper *Two guys attached at the ass-cheek, now that's freaks. And it's definitely a wild half of the siamese situation if Timothy Stack is the straight laced one.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Cannon Video: Fifty Fifty (1993) *A couple of "in it for the money" mercenaries find a change of heart and purpose, when they're sold out by the U.S. government after initially being hired to train a ragtag group of villagers to overthrow a cruel dictator.* close to 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Double Danger *monkeying around with hallucinagens* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Operation Double 007 *"Terrorists were a lot more fun back then." Thankfully, Sean Connery's brother, Neil, also didn't try to rip off Highlander 2 or Zardoz.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

The Prisoner: The General *Blind memorization is a learn-ed way for a slave to show its appreciation to its masters.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 19 *"Balancing faith and science" as the lead investigator questions whether or not he should debunk a crazy lady's haunting experiences.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Walk A Mile In My Shoots *Arcane and Swamp Thing trade places.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

American Horror Story: Coven "Burn, Witch, Burn" *Ask me no questions and I'll tell thee no lie. Mama's little baby love shortenin'. Fry fry fry. Febreeze will get the odors out of any room where dead things lie.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Dead to the World *Denial ain't just a river in Bum-Fuck, Egypt.* close to 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 2 *Rhythm, romancin', runnin', and rippin' up the floorboards.* 3 stars

"The Census Taker" (1984) *"An outrageous invasion of privacy."* 3 stars

Hannibal: Potage *Manipulation in Maryland, Minnesota, and the media.* 3 stars

X Files: Fire *amorous arsonist* 2 1/2 stars

12 Monkeys: Pilot episode *Hourglasses of the hydra.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Thirteenth Floor" (1999) *"Hate to see that evening sun go down." Digital virtual deja-vu.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Birthright *Senator Al Gore is all about shooting up with supplements and saving the environment by saturating it with methane for his alien race to take over and inhabit.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Brains, Know How and Native Intelligence *singing the body electric and fixing the plumbing.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Love, Native American Style *firebush and big hose* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Island of the Body Snatchers *Ariel almost loses her mind and her body in the mystery zone.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Twisted Claw *Wish in one hand, let a vulture shit in the other.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Eegah! *RRRR! Richard Kiel is really big and really lonely and he wants to rape a gal named Roxy. It's like King Kong set in a resort desert town where a Ricky Nelson reject is constantly rocking out.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Weird Science: The Feminine Mistake *The guys get turned into chicks and experience what the other sex has to go through with horny guys like themselves.* 3 stars

Jack London's "Call of the Wild" starring Charlton Heston & featuring "Buck" the dog *Buck worth more than all the gold in the Klondike.* 3 stars

"Ax Giant" *"All strut and no gut." Paul Bunyan puts a cgi sawblade through Grizzly Adams' bear-sized head for eating his blue ox named Babe.* 2 stars

MLK Day Tribute ---------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Racism with Dr. Charles King (2 appearances on the show) *One of the last ballsy, crazy, and passionately confused conversations about race conducted by the media before political correctness closed the door.* either zero or 3 stars

---------------------------------------------

Abel Ferarra's "King of New York" (1990) *Max Shreck, magnanimous and soulful.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

X Files: Beyond the Sea *Serial killer -Brad Dourif- claims to channel the beyond and a grieving Scully's recently deceased dad. but is he just a coward staying execution?* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "The New York Ripper" *quacking misogyny* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Talk To Me Baby *"You gonna believe your eyes or are you gonna believe me?" Shared feelings and Samson-haired Bud "tries" to be less of a horndog for other women, but he's only a man afterall and after a night at the bar watching a wet t-shirt contest. If his hot foreign accent nympho girlfriend don't forgive him and talk, he's gonna flip his muscle car and go out Romeo style with her in the passenger seat.* 3 stars

William Friedkin's "Cruising" (1980) *assault, alarm, assuage, acclimate, assplay, and arrest* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Girl In Lovers Lane *Drifters and the females who foolishly fawn over them. A Route 66 romantic tragedy.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

American Horror Story: Murder House "Spooky Little Girl" *The apparition of the Black Dahlia is misdiagnosed with acute anxiety.* 3 stars

Nic Cage is "Left Behind" (2014) *Bono raptured. U2 concert postponed.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Cabin Fever -----------

*Fly the Freddy skies.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

*Freddy finds his Laura Palmer.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------------------------------------

True Detective: The Locked Room *Scarred snowflakes* 3 stars

"Night Warning" (1983) *"Fuckin' deviants, the world is full of 'em." Hoop dreams, ''homophobia'', and a hilariously insane Susan Tyrrell.* 3 stars

Svengoolie: House of Horrors *Creepin' on art critics.* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Secret *Blue hued and sweet toothed tale of a wolf boy adopted by vampires.* 3 stars

Charles Bronson in "Cold Sweat" *A History of Violence in a French fishing village with American muscle car action.* close to 3 stars

Viper: Once A Thief *Viper-Man takes a suped-up stroll down memory lane with his delinquent former protege, Robin.* 2 1/2 stars

Son of the Beach: Two Thongs Don't Make A Right *The Devil's butt floss and daddy's B.J.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Betsy Russell is a "Tomboy" *Battle of the sexes in a light-hearted, cheesy reality that's not afraid to get raunchy.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Magical Thinking" *Weak men and strong women.* close to 3 stars

Paranormal Witness: The Visitors *It's either one of two scenarios for this episode: A) A door to door salesman is duped into believing he's cursed with demons and uses his scientific background, and connections, to explain it. or B) A bored, middle-aged former scientist, and his tech buddies, try to establish a hoax with alledged proof of the paranormal.* 2 stars

The Greatest American Hero: The Hit Car *Heavier than air, heavy like Shakespeare.* 3 stars

"Killdozer" (1974) *Grizzled workmen in an isolated setting sci-fi horror that's similar to and yet almost a decade ahead of John Carpenter's "The Thing."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 2 *Cooking up a kingdom, of reprieve, through barter and betrayal.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Dolph Lundgren in "Dark Angel" aka "I Come In Peace" (1990) *Phantasm's The Tall Man the cyberpunk / heavymetal years, now available on projectile compact-disc, just in time for a White-boy's Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric -Bedtime Stories: The Endorsement *Subversive swipe at Sunset BLVD* 3 stars

Puppy-Bowl: Unnecessary Roughness *Puppies wrestling at the "50 yard line" and hamsters overhead in a tiny blimp. This is okay with PETA, yet I can no longer go to my cockfights on Friday nights.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Kung Fu: Blood Brother *Dignity should not remain surrendered or buried in the mire.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Roar of the Lion *(Traditional Chinese costumes) Lion versus dragon in a kung-fu dance off ceremony that's also comedy gold in a stunt filled comedy filled flick.* 3 stars

Manimal: Illusion *Manimal predicted the Siegfried & Roy tragedy, and Richard Lynch plays a diplomatic immunity villain before Lethal Weapon does the same.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

King of the Hill: It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings *"What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again." In Hank's reality, he loses it when he can't micro-manage any poor decision making that's always hilariously exaggerated.* 3 stars

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Group Dates *Dennis comes unhinged when women rate him, online, as a zero. Frank can't keep Mac & Charlie from offending their blind dates, and he can't keep his cockring from slipping off. Dee's plan to stick it to men by giving them one night stands winds up backfiring.* 3 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 7 *Black noises, thirsting voices striking, impeaching.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

15 Storeys High: Blue Rat *All of the energy, none of the fuss, plus a pony.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Finale *A is for anxiety and or African American spirit girl humming to a sensitive, young medium girl.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

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flighty37-blog · 7 years

Text

Martyn and Cornelia the Saga Continues

Warnings: Mature theme

Slight sex scene.

Also usage of Swedish endearments I found on the internet. Sorry for the horrible spelling.

Disclaimer: Martyn and Cornelia do not belong to me.

Rating: R-T (for theme.

Summary: I'm feeling in a Martyn/Cornelia mood. I feel like there are fanfics lacking for just them. Dan and Phil will make an appearance. As will Catherine and Nigel. Let's see where this takes us. Shall we?

Present Day:

Cornelia draped an arm across the pillow next to her. It was warm, but there was no head there. Likewise she felt the wrinkled sheets beside her, and there was no body there either. Her eyes sprung open. Where was Martyn? She cocked her head to one side, and then she smiled. It sounded like he was on an important call.

She pulled on a dressing gown and she padded to the lounge. He was seated with his back to her, in a straight back chair. She went to stand behind him, and ruffled his hair. He briefly looked up from his call and smiled at her. He blew her a kiss and then finished off the call.

"Hey Beautiful," he trilled as he stood up from the chair. She grinned at him.

"Good morning Handsome. I missed you. The bed was big and lonely," She mock pouted at him.

"Sorry Love. I had to go over 'business' stuff with our 'associates'," Martyn said, and engulfed her in a giant sized hug.

She hugged him back almost cracking some bones. She might have been tiny, but she was strong. He grimaced, but didn't let go, until they'd kissed.

"Ugh! Morning Breath!" But they didn't mind really. They let go of each other and had breakfast, then they brushed their teeth side by side.

"So how are Dan and Phil this morning?" Cornelia asked.

"Edinburgh's breathtaking, Phil got ill on the way there. The usual," Martyn answered, as he finished shaving and dried his face.

"How many selfies did they take before one, or both, fell on their asses?" Cornelia asked.

"Dan stopped Phil from falling off a cliff," Martyn smacked her ass and then jauntily walked out of the bathroom.

She followed him out and returned the favour. Okay enough talking about the babies of the family. Time to focus on them. She pulled a docket from a nearby desk. Yes, sometimes you had to have paper, and she snagged her laptop, and phone just in case.

"Serious Business?" Martyn quirked an eyebrow at her, from his perch on the chair.

"Online store, the IRL store here in town. The usual," Cornelia ran through the paper docket. Then she pulled out charts and graphs from her files on her phone and laptop.

"Increased sales here and here, but decreased sales, here and there," Cornelia pointed out.

"Mmhmm, well we can lower the prices a fraction of a few pounds and cents," Martyn spoke aloud.

"Good idea. We can have a flash sale. We'll have to run it by the boys first, but I think we can manage," Cornelia said.

"Absolutely," Martyn nodded.

"Morning business is finished," Cornelia launched herself onto Martyn's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him, and he returned the favour.

"God I love you. How many times can I say that without becoming boring?" He asked, as she just as, if not more, emphatically kissed him on more places than just his mouth. Her eyes closed, and she was feather light in his lap. He had his hands around her tiny waist, and her feet were swinging off the side of his legs....Life was grand.

"As many times as you like. I'll never tire of hearing those words," Cornelia assured him, as she cuddled closer. Inhaling the cologne on his neck. She spoke fluently to him in Swedish, and he leaned closer so he could take in her scent and hear the words.

Though he was still learning, yes even after seven and a half years....He loved when all she spoke was Swedish to him. Even when she was so angry at him that she couldn't articulate in English and punctuated her words by throwing small things at him.

Those moments he treasured as well. She was his everything. They had had fights. Especially during 2012. Both had opted not to take sides in that year, but both had been equally hurt. Phil being Martyn's biological brother, and Dan being the closest to a brother that Cornelia had. It had been a heartbreaking year and half. But they had pulled through.

"Your mind is far away my Sweet Unicorn," she placed a hand on his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Sorry Fairy Light," he whispered, and focused on her. They stared deep into each other's eyes and smiled demurely at the other. They did this every morning, to renew their feelings. To make sure nothing was amiss.

Phil called it scary, Dan just looked the other way. But they were their own couple. Things that didn't make sense to others, made perfect sense to Cornelia and Martyn. Marnelia, Cortyn, they had fun thinking of ways to meld their names together as one.

"Martenia?" Martyn asked, as he pressed a kiss against her throat.

"Cortyn?" Cornelia questioned as she nibbled on his earlobe.

"Mornelia?" Cornelia smiled as they gave each other eskimo kisses with their noses, and butterfly kisses with their eyelashes.

"Those are good! Write those down," Martyn implored, as Cornelia wrote them in her 'notes' section of the phone she held in her hand.

"If we're free until the afternoon....Let's go back to bed," Cornelia said in her best ASMR voice. She rubbed Martyn's cheek with the end of her long thumbnail.

"Anything for you," Martyn stood and still holding on to her, he went to their room and laid her gently down on the bed. With a slight 'floomp', and a bit of bump, Cornelia was now lying board straight on the bed, and looking at Martyn with what looked to be 'bedroom eyes'.

"Take me!" Cornelia's voice went softer, and Martyn had to lean in to hear her.

"Okay," Martyn said, just as his phone vibrated, and he sighed.

He answered, "Hello? If this can wait, please let it wait. I have a sexy woman in my bed."

"MARTYN!!!!" Two disgusted voices yelped out.

"Hello Boys!" Cornelia called out still not moving, and giving Martyn her best 'sexy eyes'. Which wasn't hard to do, because she knew just how to melt Martyn's butter.

"This better be good," Martyn huffed out, as he laid next to Cornelia, and lifted her shirt, drawing circles on her stomach with his finger.

"It can wait," Phil said.

"Yeah....Sorry for interrupting," Dan was chastened as well.

"Great....Bye," Martyn hung up on them before they could respond.

"M'lady," Martyn said, and he kissed her, and took off her shirt. No bra, this would make it easier access for him. She gave in and started taking off her trousers.

"Karaste (sher-a-steh)," Cornelia said, and reached for Martyn's shirt. He helped pull it above his head, and soon he was topless.

"Raring!" Martyn kissed her lips again, as she kissed his chest, and wrapped her legs around his torso.

"Hjartat," Martyn murmured. (Yair taht meaning the heart)

"The heart of what?" Cornelia asked. Though she had an inkling.

"Hjartat of our relationship....The fire that keeps us burning," Martyn answered, as he felt himself start to rise.

"Let go of your trousers and trainers and socks," Cornelia advised as she helped him unzip.

He continued to explore her body, cupping his hands under her breasts, and then he entered her. She gasped, as he went in. But she tightened her grip and she arched her back.

They had prepared for this moment, condoms and lube, safe sex. Always safe sex. Besides she was on 'the pill' as well. But all that aside, they enjoyed every inch of their bodies being explored by the other.

She screamed out, "Du ar javlight vacker!"

He answered in English, "No you're beautiful!"

They didn't care about the neighbours. They didn't register their volume. They enjoyed each other.

Martyn spoke a phrase he'd been taught early on: "Jag ar en passionerad ung man. Kyss mig odmjukt sotnos!" (translation: "I am a passionate young boy, Kiss me tenderly darling.")

She replied in kind, "Kat." (Horny.)

He said, "Snygg hack." (Nice arse)

She said, "Sjyssta spiror." (Nice legs)

He chuckled at one point and stated, "Sot." (Cute)

She said, "Du ar min sjals frande." (You're my soulmate.)

He replied, "Du ar sa vacker." (You're so beautiful)

She said, "Jag alskar dig sa mycket!" (I Love You So Much!)

He grinned and responded, "Jag gillar dig." (I fancy you.)

She said, "Kyss mig." (Kiss me.)

He replied, "With pleasure."

She stopped kissing him and whispered in his ear, "Du ger mig rysninger av vallust." (You give me shivers of pleasure.)

He said, "Du ar den enda for mig." (You are the only one for me.)

She said, "Du ar perfekt." (You are perfect.)

He responded, "Du ar den basta kvinnan i varlden." (You are the greatest woman in the world.)

She chuckled lovingly against his bare chest, and she kissed him.

The she threw him a phrase he had to translate. It was cheesy when he'd translated it in his mind. But he loved it anyway.

She whispered, as she trailed fingers down his spine, "Jag hoppas du inte gjorde dig illa nar du foll fran himlen min angel." (I hope you didn't hit yourself as you fell down from they sky, my angel.)

He laughed as he kissed her, and then added, "Jag vill kyssa dig." (I want to kiss you.)

She breathed out, "What's stopping you?" (In English this time)

He said, "Jag alskar dig." (I love you.)

She answered, "Jag alskar dig mer (I love you more)

He played with the tendrils of her hair as he said, "Jag alskar dig mest." (I love you the most.)

They were kissing, and prodding, and jabbing and scratching, and kissing again, and clawing a bit. And mussing up their hair, and just generally enjoying their day, as Martyn finished, he lay on top of her, holding her arms back, and above her head. His eyes half-lidded and he was smouldering. He reached for her again.

He said, "Sag att du alskar mig." (Tell me you love me.)

She answered in English, "A million times, a million times a million....I Love You!!!!" Her scream pierced the air, as he pierced her. She was shaking, but it wasn't out of fear. No. She loved him with every fiber of her being.

She whispered against him again, "Hej sotnos." (Hey sweetie.)

He grinned and finished once more, "Du ar sa haftig." (You're cool!)

She felt him release, and he was spread eagle on top of her, their fingers entwined, they were sweating, but they didn't mind. They kissed again. Fervently. Her Martyn, his Cornelia. He spoke, still catching his breath, "Du ar javligt vacker." (You're fucking beautiful.)

She smiled, "You're so wrong on many levels my love."

He shook his head, and grinned down at her. Just before round three could happen. Martyn's phone went off. He seized it and shook it, and declined the call.

"Shower?" She asked.

He nodded, and they headed for the bathroom, completely unclothed. He turned on the tap and soon it was steamy.

She wrapped her arms around his back, as high as she could reach; murmuring against him, "Alskling" (Darling/Sweetie.)

He returned, "Du har vackra ogon." (You have beautiful eyes.)

She blushed. She always loved his eyes. She chuckled against him, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine.

She repeated, "Du har en snygg rov." (You have a great arse.)

He softly added, "Jag laskar dig." (I love you.)

She kissed his lower back.

He helped her into the shower.

"My darling...." They helped wash each other, and then they made love in the shower, then they washed each other again, and kissed all the way into the bedroom. Reluctantly they dressed, because their alarm they'd set for 'business hours' was going off, and Martyn's phone was buzzing, Cornelia's phone was ringing. Time to get busy with work.

"Tomorrow morning?" She fluttered her eyes at him.

"You can count on it," Martyn tucked his shirt in, getting ready for a meeting.

She put on her best outfit, ready to Skype with someone important.

"Let the day begin," Martyn took the opportunity to admire Cornelia from top to bottom.

She took the opportunity to squeeze his arse. They quickly kissed again, and went their separate ways. She went to their office, he went to find his Oyster card. Normally he would be driving, but it would be near suicide in the London traffic. She came back from the office, and stood next to him in the lounge.

"Good luck. Safe travels," she said, and blew him a kiss. He 'caught' it and placed it next to his heart.

"Always my Swedish Flower. Thief of my heart," He put on one of his many hats, and went out the door. His phone started vibrating again.

She endured her Skype meeting. Afterwards her own phone's shrill ringtone sounded. She looked at the incoming call. Her practically mother in law. Catherine.

"Good day Catherine," Cornelia's eyes sparkled.

She continued, "He just left. He's got a meeting or two to attend to in person. I know they're in Scotland. They arrived safely. I don't think there have been any accidents. Well, Phil did try and fall off a cliff. Not on purpose...."

She laughed, they exchanged recipes. Boring things, but stuff that made Cornelia feel special. She was indeed part of this crazy family, and she loved every minute of it. Nothing she said was ever said against her. And living with Martyn, sharing his life, well it couldn't have been better.

"Sorry Catherine, I've got another call," she said into the receiver.

They said their goodbyes and she picked up the other line, "Hi Phil, I was just on the phone to your mum...."

"I've got some ideas for our merchandise. I just took some pics," Phil started.

"Was this before or after your near plummet off a cliff?" Cornelia asked, slightly amused.

"You heard about that?" Phil was non-plussed and also slightly amused.

"Well you know that Dan tells us everything. Us and Twitter. I'm surprised you didn't stalk his Twitter page," Cornelia said, as she examined herself in the mirror, and wondered what she should cook for dinner. That is if Martyn would let her cook....

"I'm sending them over to you now," Phil said, dragging her mind back to the present conversation.

"I'm Stalking Your Twitter Page!" Phil yelled over his shoulder at someone. Cornelia stifled a laugh.

"Like You Don't Do That Already!" Came the ready reply.

"You two," Cornelia said.

"Yeah we're weirdoes," Phil affirmed.

"You're my brothers, I love you, but go on and do what you need to do. I'm awaiting that interview with Sue Perkins," Cornelia spoke up.

"We're getting ready for it right now. Well I'm ready, Dan's procrastinating....Anyway did you get the pics?" Phil asked.

"Yes, and tell Dan if he doesn't hurry up a very angry Swedish sister, will reach through the phone and slap the back of his head," Cornelia replied.

Phil relayed the message and gave her the reply although censored, "He says frick you."

"I'll frick him alright," Cornelia said.

"She said she'll, 'frick' you alright," Phil said.

"I'm Not Buying Her Anything From Here," Dan yelped.

"We'll bring you some souvies, don't worry," Phil smoothed over.

"You're my favourite brother Phil!" Cornelia smiled.

"Awww I knew it! Dan says he's the favourite. But I told him that no he isn't. Because you two are so much alike, and it's opposites that attract. I knew you forgave me for 'eating' your gingerbread house that one year," Phil rambled.

"Get off the phone you silly man. I'll see you guys later," Cornelia got off the phone, as the two youngests argued.

She shook her head. When did she become the older sister? Oh right. When she'd gotten together with Martyn, and had had the pleasure of meeting Phil and Dan. Now to find some ingredients. Just as she turned to put the things on the cutting board, she yelped as her arse was grabbed. She turned and met Martyn's face.

"Hey Beautiful," he greeted.

"Who's beautiful? I don't see any beautiful....I see miles of handsome though," Cornelia pretended to look around for any 'beautiful people'.

"So how was your afternoon?" Martyn asked, as he stood beside her, and watched as she chopped up ingredients for a Swedish stew.

"The usual, Phil sent me amazing pics from Edinburgh, I threatened Dan...." Her voice trailed off.

"Why'd you threaten Dan?" Martyn was genuinely curious as he opened a jar of pickles and chopped up some lettuce for salad, and Cornelia got busy on the cooker and started to add the veggies for sauteeing and she grinned over at him.

"He was procrastinating getting dressed and Phil was dressed already to go to their interview with Sue Perkins," Cornelia explained.

"Did you threaten to hit the back of his head?" Martyn knew her very well.

"How did you know?" Cornelia batted her eyes at him, as she finished turning the gas on low.

"Because that's how you make him toe the line. And it's your favourite threat as of late. Did he get dressed then?" Martyn spoke.

"I don't know. He said he wasn't buying us any souvenirs," Cornelia shrugged as a smile lit her face. Martyn had kissed her cheek.

"Phil will pull through. He always does. He likes to give us presents. Even if they're not 'normal' pressies. Remember the raccoon penis bone?" Martyn spoke again, and grinned as she kissed the top of his hand.

"I remember the penis bone. We have to continually hide it from your mother every time she comes for a visit," Cornelia acknowledged.

"And the weird face banks?" Martyn asked.

"I gave ours to charity," Cornelia confirmed.

"But we don't tell Phil that. Do we?" Martyn continued the conversation.

"Definitely not," Cornelia affirmed.

They finished dinner prep, and went to wait in the lounge. They cuddled together and watched a bit of television. Then they went on Twitter and outlined the new layout for the online IRL store, and Dan and Phil's shop, as well as Jack and Dean's shop and then they looked at the Game Grumps merchandise, and JackSepticeye's merchandise as well.

"Markiplier has new merch too!" Cornelia smiled.

"Everyone's coming out with new merch. School's starting soon," Martyn said, as he went to Amazon to look at any new accessories for DJs.

"Well yes, but we have nice notebooks," Cornelia said.

"Dan and Phil's ideas of course," Martyn said.

"They're too smart for their own good," Cornelia shook her head.

"We are too. We're business savvy, and besides you're a singer. I've got the whole package," Martyn pulled her onto his lap, and she snuggled against him.

"Let dinner burn. Let the whole flat fall down in flames....I don't care. As long as I'm with you," Cornelia murmured against his chest.

He held her tighter and kissed her hair, "When I'm with you nothing else matters.

Her eyes teared up and she looked up at him. He shook his head and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Are you sad?" He asked.

"Not in the least," She answered.

"Good," He replied, and kissed her cheek.

"My love for you knows no bounds," Cornelia was going sappy.

"Turn that into a song!" Martyn encouraged.

"You're my song," Cornelia said.

"Ohhh another good title," Martyn smiled at her.

Just then....

"SMOKE!" Cornelia jumped off his lap and raced to the kitchen.

"SHIT!" He yelped.

Martyn got the extinguisher, and they put out the fire before it could spread. Even the salad got some fire extinguisher fluid in it.

"So much for a home cooked meal," Cornelia said.

"We'll order take away," Martyn soothed, as he tweeted about the disasterous dinner.

"Pizza?" She questioned.

"Veggie lovers?" He questioned back.

"What else?" She ordered online.

She ordered pizza, salad, and some breadsticks. Even some diet soda. Even though it wasn't that healthy of an option. She shrugged. Let them live a little. She was excited when the Sue Perkins interview came on BBC1.

"MARTYN! GET YOUR SEXY ASS IN HERE!" She yelled.

"I'm In The Bathroom!" Martyn hollered back.

"Our Brothers Are On The Telly!" She replied.

"COMING!!!!" He loped into the lounge, and they snuggled together.

The interview wasn't 'funny' per se, but the two made it very entertaining. Making the mature audience members laugh. Complimenting the target audience that was mingled in with them. It was a perfect interview. When was it never a perfect interview with those two? They were so clever. Clever boys turning a clever idea into clever and sweet YouTube channels. They were family most of all. She thanked her lucky stars that she had landed among this group of individuals.

"They're so nervous. Look at Phil! He never blinks," Cornelia said.

"And Dan's leading the chat as usual. He's very articulate," Martyn observed.

"They're hardly fidgeting; I'm so proud of them," Cornelia said.

"Me too," Martyn breathed out as he sniffed her hair.

She smirked at him, "I smell like smoke and fire extinguisher fluid.

"You smell like roses," Martyn differed.

"I love you," She said.

"Ditto," He grinned at her.

"Are you quoting 'Ghost' to me?" She asked.

"Duh," He grinned at her.

The interview ended, the telly channels were turned, and she stretched a little.

She tried it this time, "I love you...."

He grinned, "I know."

"You're the Han Solo to my Princess Leia," Cornelia smirked.

"I need a Chewbacca," Martyn said.

"You've got Phil, he's close enough," Cornelia returned.

"Dan's taller," Martyn mused.

"He's a Storm Trooper. He's definitely on the 'Dark Side'," Cornelia said.

"You do not know the power of the Dark Side," Martyn imitated Darth Vader.

"Soulless," Martyn continued.

"Like me. I'd rather be on the Dark Side. They've got bickies," Cornelia said.

"The Light Side has levitating powers and Yoda," Martyn said.

"I'd rather biscuits," Cornelia said.

"That's it, I'm defecting," Martyn decided.

"You'd be a traitor?" Cornelia pretended to be shocked.

"Yup! You're there and I love biscuits," Martyn nodded decisively.

"That means you're abandoning your brother," Cornelia said.

Martyn looked conflicted for a moment.

"It's okay, he'll befriend the lone Storm Trooper and they'll be the best of friends, proving that conflicts can be forgotten," Martyn answered.

"But then you've sold your soul to the Dark Side," Cornelia pointed out.

"Nuh-uh. I've got a loop hole, I steal you away and we go live in the hills fighting off the Jawas," Martyn answered.

"Hmmm I like that idea," she nodded.

"Reckon we could cosplay in Star Wars costumes?" Martyn asked.

"As amusing as this conversation is; let's do something else," Cornelia suggested.

"What other disaster needs our protection?" Martyn questioned.

"That made absolutely no sense," Cornelia admonished.

Martyn shrugged his shoulders.

"Have I ever made sense?" Martyn wondered.

"Not since I've met you. Although you did make me jealous of Kimberly the Yoga Instructor," Cornelia answered, as she turned the telly off.

"I meant to do that. There was never any 'Kimberly'," Martyn said.

"You lied to me?!" She feigned shock and she punched his shoulder, whilst he laughed.

Then she ended up laughing as well.

She put her whole self in his lap. Her legs across his lap, and she had her head on a cushion.

She fell asleep like that. She was presently carried to their room, and tucked in, Martyn lay beside her, and watched her sleep. He was like Phil, a nightowl. He watched her easy breathing and soft sleepy smile, she almost always had a 'sleepy smile' on her face when she was in deep sleep. He played with her curls. She smiled wider, and her eyes fluttered. He turned to his side, and steadied himself with his elbow, so he could properly play with her hair.

He then kissed the nape of her neck. She fluttered her eyes again, moaned a little. She turned to face him, and her eyes fully opened.

"Yes my handsome prince?" She was semi sarcastic when she'd said it.

"Ahhh True Love's kiss has awakened thee," He grinned at her.

She sleepily smiled back at him.

He drew circles on her stomach, until she sighed blissfully and went back to sleep. She was content. She was happy. Therefore he was contently watching her sleep. Guarding her. Watching over her.

"Lay beside me Martyn," She sleepily slurred.

"Okay," He did as he was bid and held her close against his body.

"That's better," she said and drifted off into heavier sleep.

"Shh...." his own eyes closed.

They slept very peacefully.

The End.

#Martyn and Cornelia fanfic

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