#its like !!! bitch what the fuck are you doing !!!!! literally fucking stop!!!!!!!!

[pinkandlilacroses]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Angel - Paige bueckers

part 3

• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}

• warnings {drug use, angst}

• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist

bella’s pov

“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless

“oh”

“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact

i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked

“have a nice night”

i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.

‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’

“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically

“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out

i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.

“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl

“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells

my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.

“tell me what she did”

i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.

“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response

“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation

“you are never gonna speak to her again”

“im gonna go off to bed”

i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.

i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.

“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before

“wheres my weed”

“bella no”

“shut up avery”

i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god

i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking

after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect

knock

ugh

knock

fuck off

knock

“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words

“its azzi, is avery here”

who the fuck is azzi

“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag

“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that

“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound

“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch

“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad

“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people

“yeah”

“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says

“cool” i reply, dryly

“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen

“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball

“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation

“nah, i dont watch basketball”

“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus

“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says

“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi

“nah, i dont smoke”

“boring” i say, bluntly

“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says

“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her

“who” i ask

“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists

fuck my life. im to high to care

“yeah whatever” i say, lazily

“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly

“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once

“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag

im so high. god damn

10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck

avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch

“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks

“yeah im bella”

“hey im ice”

“hey im nika”

“hey im ashlee”

“hey im aubrey”

to many people to remember

until

“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery

avery says nothing, myself included

“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold

“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room

everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing

conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable

paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.

paige’s pov

fuck. why do i keep looking at her.

she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.

its not that deep

“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.

“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me

“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”

“yeah lets go”

“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus

“buy guys” is said in unison

azzis pov

“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine

A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers #uconn #uconn women’s basketball #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #azzi fudd #nika muhl #kk arnold

[todayisafridaynight]

reasons number A Million why not every rgg character needs to be +6ft he looks so fuckin stretched out. actually got put in the willy wonka taffy puller

#snap chats #do you guys know how obsessed i am with this picture its the funniest shit ive ever seen in my goddamn life #why the fuck kume actually look like a politician. Like No Shit but he just /looks like a politician/ yk #oh my god wait its cause he literally looks like ben shapiro i fucking hate this game #i just know aoki put a gallon of hand sanitizer on his hands after that photo shoot jesus christ #THE BACKGROUND stop. #AOKI LOOKS SO LANKY. SICKLY EVEN ITS SO UNNERVING #theres a politician over here God Help Me Remember His Name #JOHN FETTERMAN. GOD HE SUCKS AND HE'S 6'8 LKE WHAT THE FUCK LITERALLY FUCK OFF #would actually make aoki look normal sized ANYWAYS. laugh at this picture with me #petition to retroactively make aoki 5'6 or 5'7 or god even just 5'10 i dont fucking know #i dont usually fuck with canon heights cause im a COWARD but i already fuck with aoki's body (pause) as is #AND YET ITS SO FUNNY SEEING HIM BE TALL AS DICK NEXT TO EVERY OTHER MFER #the worst part about this post is that i know exactly what im referencing and its not a taffy puller #in the tim burton charlie and the chocolate factory movie some bitch ass kid goes in a tv #and he's super teeny and the only way to reverse it is to just Stretch Him Out #tho now that im recallnig i think they did put him in the taffy puller.... lol... #ok this post is done bye

[boxwinebaddie]

okay, so, idk if anyone else does, but i enjoy my weird little dialogue segments and i wanted to share a pretty important one with you that takes place during part three of the ravesey hate. it was honestly much more groundbreaking information when we were still trying to put a finger ( except, Absolutely Not; no one put a finger on #baeven unless he asks you to put it there, no one touch my son :'c ) on what ravenstan's real personality is and why he's not acting super cool ( bc he is naught, lol ) so now it's a little Less shocking but...still relevant.

so it starts out really cute, but it's kind of a Heavy dialogue exchange because for context, they're at a diner, they're chatting, ravenstan is kind of stressed out/nervous and a little drunk bc he had some box wine, brought the 'Emergency Escape Hatch' flask and dumped it into his soda fml, so he is sharing a liiittle too much information w/ kyle. but idk, kyle is his super best friend, even though it's a secret, he feels comfortable around him, so it all kind of just comes out bc he's been keepin it buried inside him for so long…tldr, sa tw. :(

but again, it's mostly just dialogue? i wrote in some stage directions for zest, but if i had finished any of the dialogue w/ actions i would have posted my chapters...which i didn't...bc i couldn't, lol. so have this! its spelled wrong in many places and all the weird waxing poetic descriptions don't make sense...lol, i'm sweating. but once again, as always, darlings, pls enjoy the worst part of your day...Literally. </3

ps. hold on, for additional context, ravenstan tried to slyly ask kyle about his past boyfriends to which Whore Slut Floozy Jerseykyle was immediately like 'I Don't Do Boyfriends' skhdlkshdsk but went on to mention that there was one guy in his english class freshman year that Was Naught His BF who kyle saw more than other boys.

anyways! roll clip! xx <3

#i'm sorry this is not that quality u know how i rock and roll #this makes me want to scream every time i think about it #ravenstan baby i love you so much #he endured sm #and like it just made him kind #all that evil and he never stopped being good #i love u bb #okay anyways not them both being jealous very unserious #ravenstan saying I'm The Virgin Sacrifice #WAS SOOOOOO OUT OF POCKET BITCH #kyle was screaming #not wh0resey repenting he was Embarrassed like #his room is a revolving door he throws guys out the window #and raven of crimson dawn is watering his plants #hell is place jersey kyle go to temple holy fuck #the funniest part of that was kyle awkwardly gesturing to stan and was basically WHAT DO U MEAN UR LITERALLY SO HOT #i was cryin he was deeply amused like uh huh anything else ;) #but uhhhhhghghhfhdhdhdhdhd stan :( stan i love you i love you i love you his whole life was just fucked up #i will just say that its not just stuff from the la flashbacks randy marsh...that man needs to die for what he did to shelley shar & stan #like truly evil and insidious things that do unfortunately tie into this like i want to die...kyle being like so hardlined and being gentle #the way he was like why am i unreasonably angry why do i want to hold him what the fuck is happening to me #after that btw stan freaked out bc he wa slike oh fuck oh fuck i shouldnt have said anything SHITSHITSHIT & knocks the water over #it gets everywhere & hes like apologizing to kyle bc it got all over his sweater and kyle just v calmly gets napkins #and is like...shh raven its okay Its Only Water <3 grabs stans hand & squeezes it like he used to when stan had panic attacks :'( #ugh my sons who i luv they are so qt also after that ky had to run to the bathroom bc he panicked & called marj i like a boy #wtf do i do im gonna throw up i hate this everything he does is cute to me am i havin a stroke kill me i want 2 die #also sorry abt the note screenshots i get stressed when the words dont fit perf on the lines and the tumblr font annoys me

[puppyeared]

child of divorce moment

#just finished the shadow play episode. you alrready know where im going with this #i like how macaque was like yeah i was gonna torment you emotionally but youre already doing that lmao #its like when i was on call with my brother and cousin and our cousin was like 'im gonna steal your diamonds >:)' #andthen theres a pause and hes like 'wait wheres youre diamonds' 'dude we dont have any' and he was like 'damn thats sad. do you want some #DUDE LITERALLY BREAKSINTO OUR HOUSE FOR DIAMONDS AND HES LIKE DAMN BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS? HERE #i really like how this ep makes it clear that macaque doesnt actually have a beef with MK and its really a beef by extension bc hes with #wukong lol. literally tells him hes a good kid and doesnt pretend to have a beef with him just because #doesnt stop him from using mk like he did in the first ep he appeared in which i cant remember the name of. but its there #maybe im reading into this too much but idk. does this say something about his morals like how he didnt go further with tormenting mk when #mk basically spilled everything to him? like he absolutely could have done it so?? this fucking show man #ALSO he might be right about mk just having a terrible teacher because he knows firsthand as a former friend of swk. so there are some part #that mk might not know of based on stories or what swk has shown to him. especially since hes supposed to be someone mk looks up to #this feels very obvious now that i said all that and something the show is probably trying to show me anyway i know #yapping #lmk

[ars0nism]

least favorite thing about existing is how engrained h*rry p*tter is in society like if i dont like dsmp yeah whatever block the tumblr tags and dont go on tik tok too much whatever. dont like that shitshow??? good luck trying to avoid it!! its fucking everywhere!!

#im all for just. letting people exist #i dont care what fandoms ur in. just tag ur shit #if i dont have it blacklisted ?? thats on me #but p*tter is so engrained in modern society its in random unrelated quizzes. its what your classmates talk about randomly #doesnt matter which fucking fandom youre in. what group youre with (unless theyre all hp antis). theyll mention it #'whats ur house 🥺🥺' my house is go fuck yourself #listen im a zodiac sign bitch. i get it. but stop. fucking. talking. about. the terf world. #'i dont support jkr tho death of the author' oh but you support blatant antisemitism & fucking slavery apologizing ??????? #the media reflects the views of the author #and YEAH im a 19th century literature enjoyer. but guess what. bram stoker isnt gaining SHIT from all of us reading dracula #not to mention i can recognize and criticize these novels on their problematic bits #ive never met a h*rry p*tter fan with critical reading skills #'all this bc of a kin quiz' ok listen they gave aroace & alloace as options but not aroallo i was already upset and then boom #no tik tok i dont care about the new fantastic beasts. if mads and jude law want to be gay for each other they can do it anywhere else #and no classmates im not being a killjoy im just not tolerating literally every kind of bigotry under the sun #because im a normal person #and you know what else im fucking sick of #WHEN THEYCGET MAD AT ME FOR NOT LIKING IT ???? #'please dont talk about that franchise near me it makes me uncomfy & upset' 'youre overreacting' #AM I??? AM I???? #IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD TOO AND IM TRANS MY CHILDHOOD IDOL HATES PEOPLE LIKE ME #I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HATE IT I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET #i would give my life defending trans women. you wouldnt even give up a single fucking kids franchise #anyway #i should quit my antidepressants i should go back to being too tired for anger #back to therapy i need coping mechanisms but for anger this time

[hecksupremechips]

My mother was genuinely pissed off tonight about the concept of two guys showing affection towards each other in any capacity and was ranting about it for like 20 minutes. And she still claims she’s not homophobic 😞

#the klock keeps ticking #im genuinely so sorry i feel like i keep bitching about being home but hnnghhhh this woman is so exhausting to be around #like here she was complained saying that boys nowadays are really affectionate towards their male friends #like. hugging them #THATS LITERALLY ALL IT IS THEY HUG THEIR FRIENDS FOR MORE THAN HALF A SECOND #and my mom is like I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS BUT- #like bitch you so fucking clearly do have a problem you specifically brought this up out of the blue and bitched about it #and im like literally what is the problem here its a good thing these kids are being affectionate with their equally affectionate friends #especially since boys ESPECIALLY around here are pumped up on toxic masculinity and dont express love in healthy ways #and she literally I SHIT YOU FUCKING NOT said that shes worried a) about the fact that boys apparently #arent ‘touching’ girls anymore (which she specifically said was cuz of metoo era parenting so shes literally talking about assault) #so yeah i guess shes mad boys arent sexually harassing girls as much??? #then b) said that boys as a result are going to and i quote ‘stop touching girls and start only touching each other and living together’ #and this is an issue cuz humans will no longer procreate #IM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP SHE SAID LITERALLY ALL OF THIS AND SOMEHOW DOESNT SEE HOW ITS HOMOPHOBIC #i really really am just. exhausted she is too much #i kept desperately trying to move on but she kept TALKING ugh #i hate her #i need comfort and a restraining order

[muscosus]

i know and very well understand that deeply hurt people have a hard time trusting others with their feelings and reactions and that the shame they feel makes them deal with their situations in private and quietly but as someone with szpd for whom putting so much effort into trying to be a good friend and support no matter what, being just allowed to say helpful things is genuinely fucking alienating and frustrating and makes me feel rejected and unwanted. because i offer physical closeness and want to act on it. i need to. not for me but for them. but im getting doors shut in my face even though i know. I KNOW. that's what the other person needs the most right now

i don't know how many more supportive massages i have left in me. i'm this close to giving up because all my efforts end in rejection

what do you do if the person you're the closest to is literally in the next room and only lets this type of conversations happen over text. you literally live together but can only send supportive text messages. because your offers of spending time together, hugging or a mere presence are shut off immediately. you are best friends. she's ashamed to cry. there's literally one wall separating you. she says she doesn't need anything yet she's the loneliness person in the world who gives up on any closeness

#what do i do #like #do i just walk into her room and hug her? #i know i'm annoying at this point and maybe forceful #but if she won't understand that this coping mechanism isn't healthy and is only making things worse like right now #i don't know fuuuck #i don't know what to do #roro.txt #i know its because of her relationship rn the gf she's been with for the past 8 months is a fucking bitch #she's literally dating her parents who gave her ptsd #she's gone numb #you do not fix this overnight #but she only gets deeper #how do i stop this

[snekdood]

I do think its pretty strange how MUCH people emphasize not putting your cats outside bc it hurts the environment vs... the myriad of other things you could *also* stop doing to hurt the environment. Really hard not to feel like the reason why is "uwu cats are babbies and need to be sheltered protected forever" like can you just say you have a bias for a certain animal and move on instead of pretending you give a deep shit abt the environment. Obviously i dont think cats should be outdoors either but the PASSION with which yall deliver a speech about it and then never talk about what ppl could stop doing to help the environment elsewhere leads me to believe its... Not really about the environment.... Lmao...

#bc wheres that passion for literally anything else you could do for the environment #its the same bitches flicking their cigarette butts on the ground and going 'doesnt matter bc oil billionaires' that turn around and feel #entitled to yell at ppl about their cats. stfu. #...yall realize theres BIGGER threats to birds than just cats right? #not downplaying what cats do. but if we're talking about what immediate action needs to be done- #idk theres a loooooooooooooooooot more shit yall need to be doing if you actually give a fuck about birds. #did yall know that animal agriculture plays a big part? #if your individual action of removing a cat amounts to something then so does your individual action to not eat a #fucking beef burger. #either individual action means something or it fucking doesnt pick one or else stop acting like a cop to people.

[onthevirgooftears]

the midnights tracklist is fucking insane

#I FEEL LIKE SHE IS PURPOSEFULLY RUINING MY LIFE BECAUSE WHWG #she's giving us everything and i am not (and never will be) prepared for it #what does she mean lavender haze and you're on your own kid (fucked up and insane that she would give me that title with zero context #and expect me to be like slay thats so cute * insert tongue sticking out emoji here * BITCH NO #I HAVE BEEN GOING INSANE OVER THAT TITLE SINCE I FIRST SAW IT BECAUSE NOT ONLY IS IT A TRAXK 5 BUT ITS ALSO CALLED THAT????? #im going so crazy over this dont even #and then you have midnight rain which is the closest we have to a track title and the most taylor swift-taylor swift song title ever #SNOW ON THE BEACH WITH LANA DEL FUCKING RAY #literally stop it shut up i cant even #Bejeweled hhas me so fucked up i cant even deal with it #ANTI-HERO BEING ONE OF THE MOST PERSONAL SONGS SHE'S EVER WRITTEN AND IT DELVES INTO HER INSECURITIES #STOP IT I AM GOING INSANE AND CRAZY I CANT EVEN DO IT #question...? is so true because thats all ive been doing since she started mmwm #vigilante shit had me actually on the floor because taylor swift is re-entering her reputation era and i love that for her #i hope she kills people in that song and i hope she does it so unapologetically #mastermind is giving us literally everything whilst simultaneously being the title i cant predict at all #is she the mastermind? is it somebody else? is it a metephor? the question...? keep me up at night but like fr #maroon and laybrinth are gonna do things to me and i can tell i will either be shaking my ass or crying like my life depends on it #SWEET NOTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME LIKE ACTUALLY IM NOT EVEN JOKING #ive not even heard it yet but i can tell from that title that it is going to be THAT song #i bullied people who thought karma was reL but apparently you guys were right so i take it all back you guys are actually geniuses #taylors nation hinted on twt that it might be the lead single and i hope to god we get it soon #because i need to have a clue about what this album sounds like I would die to know what this album sounds like you dont understand #taylor swift #midnights #midnights tracklist

[saltysalmonkid]

Thinking abt the time i saw jim adressed as gentlethem in a fanfiction completely unironically. Anyway personally i think jim should be allowed to round all those bitches up and shoot them in the back of the head point blank as reparations

#nothing worse than coming across the most horrific 'gender neutral' jargon used to adress jim in fanfiction that was otherwise good #the whiplash is unparalleled #like you did this.. for what #sorry i'll never stop complaining about this it really fucking irks me to no goddamn end it makes my eye twitch #like its such a distinct flavour of millennial tenderqueerism idek how else to explain this weird fucking phenomenon #and also just if you are doing it to be accurate to the time or whatever. these bitches travel from place 2 place in the span of days #do u rlly think david jenkins no.1 priority is accuracy please get ur head out of ur ass #you are literally writing about edward teach getting fingered and railed in varied locations this is not high literature nor is it a #nuanced critique on transphobia you literally can just omit that shit i promise you nobody is going to fucking care #ok sorry rant over im just rlly annoyed abt it again for no reason lol #ofmd #jim jimenez

[larryjohnsoncosplayonthursday]

last

for realsies

#HELLO IM VENTING AGAIN IM SO SORRY #i am sick of everything the usual but i just need some fucking therapy and my diagnosises are taking too long because the system is shit #over here and i feel like i am a literal walking disaster a hazard to myself are my meds even working anymore idk? someone needs to lock me #in a fucking wardrobe before i loose my shit and do something stupid as fuck at least im self aware ok were growing this is called growth #wow ok amazing spectacular #like tonight ive decided i hate everyone again i want to quit uni actually might do it this time i just applied for a random job for no #reason i have a job but if i have 2 then i can over work myself to the max so i dont have to go into uni #i have three weeks off so now im cutting everyone off who knows how long this episode is gonna last for #i am loosing my god damn mind i do not want to do anything everything is so hard why is everyone so pressuring #i stopped doing some of my stupid habbits but now im just going full circle again so im thriving rn live love laugh am i right guys or what #AND WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A THERPAIST WHO CONTACTS ME ITS BEEN SINCE OCTOBER U FUCKING BITCH GO FUCK URSELF #anyway im in huge amounts of pain too idk what i do in my sleep or something but my shoulders hurt so bad #i hate wet tags on clothes when they stick to you throws up actually #i had stale fucking garlic bread today and i want to move out but if i move out then things will get worse for me #why cant i maintain a normal friendship without loosing my mind and hating everyone i mean no one knows my friends are pretty good with me #they understand but i dont know #ive come to the conclusion that i am just a shit

[candyradium]

sea of thieves ships make me sad, but like, in the way that you get when you see unhealthy cat breeds. like. holy shit where are the shrouds. where are the staysails. actually where are the stays in general. there should be ratlines but instead there are ladders and they aren't even on all of the masts. who combined the clewlines and sheets what is wrong with you. do any of them even have jibs. halyards. sails past an upper topsail or a t'gallant. anything. who is breeding these ships i want to speak to the person in charge

#candy posts #unreality #<- just in case #this post is literally just me exposing myself as an obnoxious sailor but sea of thieves innacuracies are my one and only pet peeve #the ships look like plastic kids toys but in the worst possible way #''its stylised'' yeah well stylised humans still have fingers and legs and ears and shit #stop leaving out essential anatomical features just to appeal to a ''simplistic'' and ''pretty'' style. its bad for the boats. #they need shrouds to be healthy. do you want the fucking masts to topple or break. i dont fucking think so #i do actually think that they miiight have halyards but i can barely fucking tell and all the yards look pretty tightly affixed which is :/ #i will not play your sailing game until you make the ships and mechanics more accurate. bitch. i will die on this fucking hill #if anyone wants to know what any of the weird sailing words in this post mean then feel free to ask me #but you may be signing yourself up for a long ass lecture #sailing terms are extensive and make no sense unless you take into account the fact that its been a thing for like. several millenia #and often words get smashed together or shortened (haul yards (function) -> halyard etc) #cant explain why theres a rope thats called a horse tho. ive never understood that one

[penisliker-moved]

im like *Gets mad at my parents*

#im like constantly baseline mad at them but i cant be Mad at them all th time bc i run out of fuckign energy yk #i just wish theyd stop trying to give me financial advice like 1. Stop fucking looking at my bank statements leave me the fuck alone #my dad literally said it up so hed stop seeing my bank statements why the Fuck is my mom seeing them. shes not even connected to th acct #2. you think im going to take financial advice from ppl who had kids at age 20 one hs a shopping addiction the other buys new gaming #consoles when his kids r starving. You think im gonna take financial advice from th couple who hve been on th brink of divorce for 15 years #and then decided to BUY A FUCKING HOUSE as soon as one of them got a job that paid like 25 dollars an hour. full offense. if i want #financial advice im not fucking going to you two chucklefucks. #if my childhood has taught me fucking ANYTHING its 1 #what not to look for in a marriage 2. what not to do with my money 3. how not to raise kids 4. Dont ever be like my parents #like. gddd #and she ws like #bitching at me abt having a savings acct. which i have #and i have a decent amt of money stockpiled and she knows that bc she snoops on my shit #and ALSO shes literally never had a savings acct in her fucking life afaik #ik its mot their fault explicitely that we live in poverty ik both of their families r like. well theyre both pretty poor #but yk like. theyre bith so fucking irresponsible with their money qnd i hate that theyre trying t act like paragons #when again. th only thing theyve ever taught me is What Not To Do. i never wanna be like them id genuinely rather be dead. #ik im just like a dramatic teen but. the thought of ending up like either of them is my biggest fucking fear. whatevr #and ik ppl say moving out rly helps yr relationship with yr parents but gd i. Ik theyll keep asking me for money and keep rpetending that #either of them r like. even Slightly worthy of being called a parent #GD. WHATEVER

[oatbugs]

IM SO FUCKING PISSED RN . tonight was bad but good but bad

also ran out of tag space so rest of tags in rb

#the only other autistic person amongst my friends was like one of my closest friends and i just . ughh #basically we used to hang out a lot esp into sunrise etc and hed tell me abt his problems andnstuff and i just #had to delay my exam and thenfire and everything and i thought hed be there for me too and we all met up last night and i was like #hi i need to vent and he said . and i quote . get in line bitch . which was bad and also weird #he then proceeded to leave without a word after like an hour . and my other friends said he was just in a bad mood etc but whatever it felt #weird . and i texted him that night to check up saying hey u seemed a bit upset are u ok etc and he ignored it #while responding to stuff on the GC . and i was obviously upset bc he said that and proceeded to ignore the text etc #and what he said wasnt ok . anyway tonight we met up and he showed up super late and like . didnt talk to me the whole time despite making #direct eye contact and when we were leaving the bar i literally told him hey stop being a dick bro . like w a smile but like yh #and he kind of got rly upset and his first question was is this bc i talked to K and not you (K being one of the only girls in the group) #(who also treated me weirdly but whom i still care for a lot which he should Know) and i said no its bc you ignored my text after being rly #rude last night. meanwhile my friend with whom i had a kind of deal w for like . not smoking and stuff . took a long drag off a cigarette #and obviously i just saw it happen and his hair being too messy and idk it was like an instant heartbreak kind of moment like why would u #do this you said youd never smoke so i kind of just . looked at him and asked him why hes doing this and he looked back and kept smoking . #upsetting situation but the friend i was talking abt first took this as me walking away from him or whatever ?? like bro ? you see this #happening in front of you #anyway a bit later on into the walk i fall back w him and i ask if he wants to talk and he literally fucking #proceeds to say how he left that night bc his discord friends were doing smth better or whatever and he was standing behind me and i didnt #talk to him first and how he doesnt want to talk and hes sick of talking to people meanwhile im out here being a bitch #and as hes saying all of this hes getting louder so i tell him to not raise his voice bc our friends are in front of us #and i dont want this to be a fight i just wajted to talk to him and he blows up even louder like NO IM NOT GOING TO LOWER MY VOICE IM #TRYING TO MAKE A POINT and he keeps going abt how im being bitchy and he was just right there and i apparently ignored him or whatever . #and like i just let him talk bc i was like . hes not calming down so im gonna let him say whatever and then respond calmly . he then #proceeds to leave . just turns around and leaves w no chance for me to say anything #i had bigger concerns (i.e. drunk friend) but it was still so fucking confusing like ??? i texted u if ur ok and u ignored it why is it #now on me to approach u irl again ? what gives u the right to raise ur voice at me and call me a bitch ? #what gives u the right to be a dick to us but esp to tell me to get in line just bc ur friends are on discord and ppl are chewing too loud? #like what the FUCK bro. but anyway after that we went to a park and i talked to my friends friend and we had a lot in common and it was #like 1-3 AM but ppl kept coming and going and laying down and sitting on the swings and playing old music #and staring at the stars there were so so many stars . i checked up on my friend who smoked and made sure he was ok etc (S

[lovecrazedpup]

i dont want to sleep

#im like a toddler LMAO throwing things around my room bc im so fucking angry and upset #(im throwing a plushie into my bed but still) #i genuinely think i want to breakup like idk this isnt even a joke or looking for reassurance anymore #like maybe im weird for thinking abt a long term relationship and marriage at 18 but .... #we arent ? very compatible ? long term ? #its unfair to him if i keep this going considering hes a bit older than me yk #nvm im writing this out and im crying maybe i DONT want to break up #im tired of overthinking and obsessing over everything . im tired of seeing him as better than me and perfect . i want to be equals #i just want to be normal and to be in a normal relationship where we do normal things #i just want support i want love i want literally ANYONE to tell me that im ok and that im loveable #i hate our stupid time difference and his stupid job i wish i was like this earlier on in the day it is AWFUL being alone #my head hurts and my throat hurts and i hurt #i want to scream and cut and stab someone #i fucking hate her #so much #shes a fucking bitch i wish i could kill her . like genuinely . i want to pull out her teeth lmao if she didnt exist id be happier #GOD i want to stop comparing myself to her and thinking abt them together but ill always be a second experience and its depressing #'youll be my first for anal' yeah great bc thats exactly what i want to fucking hear #not doing much to stop the 'you only want me for sex' thoughts but YEP GREAT THANKS #me : pouring my heart out and trying to say what im thinking !! him : haha yeah sex ! oh also have some inspirational quotes #god just kill me . get me out . i dont want to be here . i dont want to think abt him. i dont want to talk abt him . #i wish we never fucking met ! i wish i never picked up that stupid game #i dont want to lose you though #i hate how attached to him i am . why did you start talking to me again . #shouldve fucking forgotten me while youre fucking your friends and getting high up north island #cant say shit to him though bc itll be the end and ill probably kill myself bc i unfortunately live for him #its over when we meet anyways lol so i got ? 2 months ? 3 months ? of happiness before its gone #i think im gonna do smth bad but i doubt he would care at all . would probably be happy if i die or ghost him . #gives him an excuse to talk to his friends again lol . its so over for me #jamie.txt

[milo-is-rambling]

How do me and my mother manage to get into a fight every fucking day I want to dieeeeee how have we fought about bullshit and it’s not even ten in the morning like what the fuck I’m so fucking miserable and no one likes me they all make fun of me I need to move out or I’m going to fucking ruin my life !!!!! (Also why won’t my fucking period just start so I can get all of these emotions to stop bothering me!!!)

#literally been home for less than three days and every interaction with my mother has felt like a punch to the gut #today she was bitching to me about my brother leaving his hoodie and his hat on/around the couch he sits on and my mom was bitching about #how he leaves his shit everywhere and whatever else and I was like dude you gotta cut him some slack yknow like he’s been used to living in #a dorm and having a living space where he could be a person and my mom proceeded to be like ‘he doesn’t live here’ AND IM LIKE HE DOES NOW #HE GRADUATED AND MOVED BACK HOME AND YOURE TREATING HIM LIKE A CHILD HE IS DOING ONLINE COURSES AND LOOKING FOR JOBS AND YOU TREAT HIM LIKE #A CHILD #UGHHHH #my mother then proceeded to once again tell me off for being bossy and telling her what to do and I’m sitting here like maybe you should try #fucking listening to me then and treating my brother like a part of the family instead of like company #I know he’s in the guest room technically but he’s part of this fucking family and you and I both have side tables to put shit on its not #his fault that he put his jacket on the couch he has no where else to put it he’s gonna wear it again next time he comes out like what the #fuck why is she such a bitch and then she gets mad at me like idk what you want from me #I used to never get along with my brother and now I’m defending him to you and you act like he’s the worst person ever #like why do you hate your children so much why do you love him but you hate me I’m so sick of crying over mommy issues #but if my mother could just like me that would be incredible I really feel like everyone hates me constantly and no one wants me around and #I try to defend my brother and be nice and it only makes my mother hate me so I just go into my room bc I’ve tried over and over again to be #nice to my mother and apparently I’m doomed to just fucking hate her and have everything I say be an insult or some nit picky bullshit bc my #mouth won’t stop saying whatever my brain is thinking and I keep apologizing and then I keep saying shit it’s like I have the happiest two #few days after months of being alone and miserable and then I come home and immediately it’s like my mother just no longer likes me #I feel like I’m stuck in perpetual coming home from a sleepover mode #do you guys remebrr that? coming home from a sleepover after being happy and your family would instantly make fun of you for being happy or #excited or wanting to talk about the sleepover and then you’d cry and go into your room and feel like shit bc everyone hates you and then #you’d start to assume that everyone at the sleepiver thought the same thing as your family and thought you were annoying and interrupting #their lives by being happy I mean whatttt haha yeah did that happen to anyone else or just me 😭👍👍👍👍 #life recently feels like it’s ​me being happy vs me realizing joy doesn’t last vs me needing to ruin my own joy so someone else doesn’t do i #first. I have very strong need to hurt myself before someone else can energy but all it does is make sure I get hurt twice cause someone’s #always gonna hurt my feelings and not care so I should be showing myself compassion but all I want to do is tear my skin apart #been so fucking depressed since I got home I’m fucking miserable and my family hates me I hate everything and I’m so stressed I hate this #anyways 😭😭😭😭 can’t stop crying recently after not crying for months now talking about anything makes me cry and I hate it #I’m embarassing myself constantly bc I can’t hold back from crying