#ive been really agitated and thinking about this a lot

[cheesit-notes]

Simon Riley + Hand Kisses

tags: kissing obviously, ptsd for simon basically, gn!reader, overthinking simon, simon getting violent at one point, a/n: sorry i was gone for a week! i want to say i worked on stuff but ive been busy with things and this was the only thing i did. im not all that happy with the time to result ratio of this tbh but i love the idea of Simonand hand kisses so enjoy!

Ghost who cannot stand any and all kinds of intimate touches. he doesn’t like intimate touches. no, actually, he loathes those touches. it reminds him of a time he’d really rather forget. there’s no way to really kiss him without having to slowly practice. underneath the mask, he’s nothing more than the emotionally scarred, vulnerable Simon Riley who went through far too much for any human.

the first time both of you technically kissed, you had asked if you could kiss him, he said yes because you looked like you wanted it so badly. the two of you stood awkwardly in his barracks. he’s wondering if he should’ve changed clothes earlier, he just got back and was still in his uniform, probably smelled fowl, but you didn’t say a word. ah, he thought he could handle it. he really did. but to kiss was a lot easier said than done. and he’ll never fully forgive himself for shoving you away slamming you against the wall, and he was choking you. he didn’t actually hit you, you tell him that everyday, but the fact he fully intended to hit you for the moment scared him. plagued with the thought that he truly was no different from his father; he could barely look at you for the weeks following that, much less talk to you. no, he refused to do so much as to stand near you; petrified he wouldn’t snap out of it in time, terrified he’d hurt you.

months later, he asked if it’s alright to try again. the kissing thing, you know? it was months after the previous attempt, you and Simon had already reconciled, as much as possible anyways, so the question left you a little confused. you were happy to, but only if he was really ready. and he said he was, he swore it. although.. looking at you, thinking back about the previous attempt, made him anxious. but he already said he would. so he should? he should stick to his words, right? youd probably think hes a coward. god, a man shouldnt be a coward. and he cant be a coward. and all these thoughts ran through his mind. he doesnt realize he’s zoned out and that you’re staring at him with a concerned look on your face. its not until you decide to speak does he snap back.

“are you sure you want to do this?”

he’s not even sure what to respond. what did he want?  he’s only really thought about what you wanted. it’s not like his wants really mattered in his eyes.

“you know, we don’t have to do this. we can still have a perfectly fine relationship without–”

“no! absolutely, no, we.. we have to kiss.”

he insisted, almost yelling like he’s afraid he wouldn’t be heard. and that you’d leave him because you’d think he couldn’t kiss you, because he couldn't give you of a normal relationship. and you deserved it. you deserved a normal relationship with someone who could give you what you wanted. and god, he wishes he were normal.

anyone could tell he was agitated. honestly, it isn’t easy for you. you could tell he wouldn’t handle it well if you kissed him directly. but if you didn’t then he’d isolate himself, thoughts spiralling like a roller coaster in his mind, and you couldn’t be sure when or where the ride ended. so, grab his hands, hold them in yours, and plant a gentle kiss on each. you hold his hands, looking into his eyes, and for what felt like hours, the two of you stayed put like that. until Simon told you to leave.

it caught you off guard, you’re a little taken back. but respecting his wishes, you leave the room. not even a minute after you leave, Simon slumps against the wall, he can’t stop the hot, burning tears from falling. maybe it was how soft your lips felt against his caloused hands or how careful you were with him, how you knew that he likely wouldn’t react well to either choice and yet you made the perfect one.

Simon Riley who sometimes holds your hand, silently hoping you’d kiss his hand again. he likes it when you give each knuckle a peck. if you bent down on one knee, you’d look like a knight kissing the princess’ hand, and Johnny would say this whenever he saw the chance. Simon Riley who still isn’t ready to kiss you directly, but he’s slowly working on it. Simon Riley who will probably learn to like different types of kisses, but right now, he's smitten over you and your hand kisses that make him feel oh so loved.

next time he holds your hand, give him a kiss, will you?

#cod mw2 #cod mw2 x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #lieutenant ghost #cod mw ghost #hand kisses #mmmm yes #cheesy likes cod?!

[enbesbians]

just a little ramble because im confused and unsure if im getting the wrong idea…

my boss is a very mean woman. the place ive been working at ive worked for almost two years and from the time spent, all i hear from other managers and coworkers is that she’s an asshole. they’d tell me the thing she does and wrongly accused and it’s like, damn? she’s really fucked up….

with that being said, she’s a tiny woman. older but not elderly— a mom with a husband but all she ever does is talk shit about the guy. i don’t work with her as often since shes usually there in the mornings and im at night but every time i work with her she’s oddly nice to me. she jokes around with me a lot… not causally… a lot. whenever we do work at the same time, she places me in an area that’s close to hers and she’s always talking to me about something random or asking about me. one time she was saying, “oh i wish we worked together more often” and at that point i started thinking of the wrong idea… but the again she’s married.

i ask other managers if i fuck up a lot because she’s always telling people what they don’t do right and each one of them say, ‘you’re doing fine. she doesn’t talk bad about you at all.’ which i find weird because there’s places where i lack… i could be a little bit faster with what i do and speed is one of our biggest goals but she says im doing fine whenever i personally ask her even though there would be people performing better than me and she complains to them.

she doesn’t help out as much but when we work together she’s constantly helping me and picking stuff up after me and making little playful jokes opposed to being very passive aggressive with other people… the tone of her voice is very telling too. she’ll talk to other coworkers in a way where i think, ‘damn… you’re gonna let her talk to you like that?’. she drops things and bends down right in front of me and touches my waist when she passes by me. she even laughs in a way that’s really loud and dramatized when i say something.

she’s given me a ride twice and she’d ask me about myself. i mentioned that i was a lesbian and she said she knew???? she told me she could tell and then started talking about relationships rather than work. she’s given me her leftover food at times when im at break, willingly buying a certain type of food for me when i was talking to coworker and she wasn’t even in the conversation.

another thing is when it comes to scheduling, she assigns them. for the people she doesn’t like she barely puts them on… yet there’d be times where id work almost eight days straight. since the day i worked there people talked about our hours being cut after the holidays yet mine never was. i still work a whole fucking lot and when i ask for days off, she doesn’t think twice before letting me have those days… even when i call off she’s not mad????

just last night, before i came into work, my work wife told me that she was being a complete ‘bitch’. being snarky and agitated towards everyone but once i came in she was all bubbly and happy. still doing that playful banter she likes to do. she compared our heights, made everyone do my work (which i hate because im like working when im in the mindset to). two coworkers came up to me and asked why she was being so nice to me and one of the said, ‘i think she has a thing for you’. i was relieved that i wasn’t the only one who noticed.

am i just going insane or…?

#fern talks🍃 #fern’s random thoughts…

[buttfishfan]

People aren't completely wrong about Kara's story being really weak, but i also feel like people dont realize the amount of missed opportunity in her section of the game.

Kara's story could've been AMAZING if only David Cage knew what he was trying to write.

Sooo here's some ideas ive been mulling over for a couple weeks about how id fix Kara's story.

1. Making Alice human

Even when i was blind to a lot of the bad writing in Detroit this plot twist made me so agitated and confused because there was no plot twist it was seriously just david cage lying to the player for 12 hours 😭 making Alice human would fix many inconsistencies in Kara's story like how she just chooses to ignore the fact that Alice is an android and acts shocked when she finds out. Having alice be human also opens up the story to a more interesting themes about the bonds that can be formed between humans and androids like holy fuck david did you forget the story you were writing midway through 😭 If Alice was human it could also lead to new game mechanics or plot where kara would need to take care of Alice's human needs like food and water which then leads into Kara being put into situations where she is forced to do the "moral" thing and sacrifice comfort or to fight for Alice's survival.

2. Giving Kara's section of the game an actual overarching choice

The biggest reason i believe people think Kara's story is so boring is because in a game that prides itself on letting its players choose their very own story Kara's story allows for the least amount of choices. Both Connor and Markus have overarching distrinct choices that lead to VERYYY polar outcomes. Connor has the ability to deviate or stay a machine and markus has the ability to lead a peaceful or violent revolution. The only distinct outcomes in Kara's story is if you make it to Canada or not and even that is just if you chose the /right/ choices instead of the choices you consciously made. I wish there was more opportunities for Kara to be really evil and fucked up but all in the name of giving Alice the world. I know you're able to steal and lie in various chapters but it never felt like it had any true weight to how kara or the story progressed.

3. Give Alice an actual personality

Throughout the entire game Alice kinda doesn't do or say anything of value like I've seriously lost count how many times she's said "im cold". It makes no sense to me how you get the relationship status of family with her as Kara when you genuinely know nothing about Alice. She doesn't talk about anything. Even as an android she like must've had some sort of interest programing to act like a child but she just never shares anything even with the people that are supposedly the closest ones to her?? I feel like her personality should've been dependent on the way youd approach Karas story. If kara is willing to do immoral things for Alice's sake I feel like Alice should also be fucked up and evil cuz like, shes a kid and kara is her role model of COURSE she'll try an be similar to her mama. If Kara chooses to sacrifice comfort for morals then Alice takes after Kara in that respect too. So not only would you be responsible for how Kara acts you'd also be responsible for the way Alice acts which gives the player the choice of do they want this little kid to follow in the wrong steps or not?

Some ideas i have for how the story should've gone

Todd brings Kara home after she gets fixed and she meets Alice for the first time. Alice obviously knows Kara but after attempting to make Kara remember her she realizes that Kara's memory has been wiped. Since Kara would've probably been the only person to care for Alice before she was broken this would lead to Alice having a breakdown where she realizes her only protection and source of comfort is gone. Alice would probably resent or be distrustful of Kara a little in the beginning because of this.

I feel like running away should've been a more difficult decision on Kara's part. She's just come home from being fixed and she's already deviated i don't think she fully knows what she wants to do with Alice. Especially when they've started off their relationship with nothing i don't think Kara should've been leaning into the whole mom thing. It would've made more sense if their interactions started off as Kara just making sure Alice stays alive and then over time their relationshio actually has room to develop instead of starting off as mother daughter and ending off as mother daughter.

These are only some ideas. Im obviously not a writer but i just really care about this game and feel like it had too much lost potential 🙏🙏

#dbh #detroit become human fanart #d:bh #detroit: become human #kara dbh #dbh kara #ax400 #alice dbh #dbh alice #im the number one detroit become human fan

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Being Inarizaki's Manager:

Dating Atsumu Miya

*he really does have gorgeous eyes tho 😫

Atsumu Miya featuring Inarizaki x Fem! Manager Reader

Warnings: Swearing, possessive Atsumu, reader gets injured (very minor injury but this is Atsumu we are talking about 🙄)

AN: This was requested by Atsupremacy!

Oh YN... dear dear YN

You absolute sweet angel 🥺

Honestly we are all wondering how you got here

How did you manage to snag THE Atsumu Miya

Seriously, his fan girls are SEETHING rn we all know it

But, to many peoples surprise, it's not as complicated as you might think it is

It all started when you first became a student at Inarizaki

You were the new girl in the school so automatically you became the subject of many conversations

"Have you seen the new girl? She's gorgeous!"

"Hey that new girl? She's a second year right? Lucky assholes!"

It didn't take you long to become familiar with everyone

And soon, you found yourself befriending Osamu Miya

You probably shared a cooking class let's be honest 😏

You got paired up with Osamu who had noticed you around school

"Hey, yer that new girl aren't ya?" He asked

"Yeah! And you're Osamu Miya. I've heard all about you from the girls. You are quite the popular guy," you say smiling

Please YN you made Osamu blush so hard 😊

You chat and work with Osamu just as the bell for lunch rings

You grab your stuff, walking towards the door when Osamu approaches you and asks you if you want to have lunch with him and his friends

"Sure- I'd love-" you start to say

When all of a sudden, I hear this agitating, grading voice

"SAMU! WHAT THE HELL, IVE BEEN WAIT-" a man looking a lot like Osamu saying coming up to you, stopping as he stares at you

Atsumu rn 👉🏻👁👄👁

Osamu just rolls his eyes and walks away, hoping you'll get the hint and follow him

You don't get the hint 😐

"Hi! I'm YN," you say, smiling at the blonde version of Osamu

Atsumu is still just staring 👁👄👁

Osamu stops, turns and rolls his eyes again at the scene, "come on YN, I don't want to the stupid rubbing off on ya"

Osamu grabs your hand as you giggle, Atsumu still standing there

"Would you like to come with?" You say

Atsumu only nods, still looking like a fool and follows

From then on, I'm sorry to say but you've got yourself a permanent Miya shadow

Literally, once Atsumu opens up to you, he doesn't stop talking

Soon he's waiting for you after class, for lunch, heck the man is even LATE TO PRACTICE A FEW TIMES 😱

YN what is this affect you are having?!?!

It's one day during lunch that the situation of needing a manager is brought up

"Gin it's your turn to fill water bottles today," Suna says sitting down as Ginjima grumbles

"God I hate that!"- he says as Aran laughs, sitting across from you

"Well it wouldn't be a problem if we could actually have a manager,"- He says, chuckling

"Yeah that will never happen," Michinari says rolling his eyes 🙄

You look at everyone confused and ask, "why?"

"Because of dumb and dumber,"- Suna interjects, the table laughing

"I'll be your manager!" You say, smiling wide

Atsumu stops eating half way to his mouth, Aran and Omimi just look at you

"I dont know YN," Kita says

"Why not? I mean I can fill water bottles and help set up nets. I'm not incapable, plus I know a little about volleyball from watching you guys practice," you say, defending your case

Atsumu is just looking at you

Please this man is falling so hard for you

But it could be a catch 22 having you as the teams manager

Sure he'd be close to you all the time but that would mean the team as well as other guys would be close as well

And Atsumu is a jealous and possessive man YN ✋🏻

Before Atsumu can even open his mouth, Aran speaks up

"I say we give her a shot. I mean she seems to be able to stand Samu and Sumu so she can't be that bad right?"

"I'm beginning to think we should take offense to this Sumu," Osamu says

Atsumu doesn't say anything, still staring at you as you look to him and smile

God he loves when you're happy and if this makes you happy, then he'll do it

Unfortunately for Atsumu, his daily affirmations of "YN likes you and nobody else. You are the greatest setter in the entire world. You are better than Tobio" doesn't work ☹️

Because the first week of you being the teams manager, Atsumu has almost lost it on all of his teammates

Several times in fact, Osamu has had to talk him down off the "YN is not yours" ledge

Atsumu's blood would boil everytime he saw Suna's fingers graze yours when you handed him a water bottle

Or when Omimi caught you after you tripped over your own two feet carrying towels

But the final straw was hit when it was Osamu who was on the receiving end of your affections

Atsumu had just set the ball to Osamu for their famous minus tempo attack

When Osamu slammed the ball into the other court, you screamed in excitement

"SAMU THAT WAS AN AMAZING KILL!! HOLY CRAP I CANT BELIEVE THAT,"- you just being adorable

That is what set Atsumu off

"WHY ARE YOU CHEERING FOR SAMU WHEN IT WAS ME THAT SET THAT SPIKE UP PERFECTLY YN?"- Atsumu shouting

Ope 👀

The entire gym falls silent

You stare at Atsumu, lips pursed shut

You had no intention on hurting Atsumu's feelings, you were just so excited 🥺

"I'm sorry Sumu. You're right I shouldn't have done that. That was a great set," you say before turning to go to the hallway

Atsumu knew he messed up and he was so mad at himself

He let his jealousy get the best of him

Before anyone could say anything to him, he ran after you finding you sitting on a bench

He came up to you, kneeling in front of you as he grabbed your cheeks and lifted your delicate face, your eyes meeting his

"YN I'm so freaking sorry I yelled at you! I- I just got so jealous. I really like ya YN and I just want to impress you,"he said, his sad eyes now looking into yours

"You- you like me Sumu?" You said, stuttering

"I do pretty girl, I really do," he said

"I like you to Sumu," you said grabbing his face back and pulling him in for a light peck on the lips

When you pulled back, he smiled, pulling you in, kissing you harder

"Ugh will you two knock it off?!? YN I told ya the idiot liked you," Osamu said, Suna right besides him recording

"Wait you told YN I liked her?" Atsumu said looking from Osamu to you

"He told me this morning after I told him I liked you. I asked him how I should confess and.."

Atsumu smiled at you, kissing you again before pulling you into a tight embrace

"You're mine now YN," he said, whispering into your hair as he hugs you tight

"Sumu let yer girlfriend go! You're suffocating her!" Osamu yelled again

Atsumu pulled back, standing up and extending his hand to yours

You walked back to the gym, hand in hand as you continued practice

The next few months were a dream

You and Atsumu got into a routine of being a couple, much to the dismay of ALL of the Miya fangirls

You got use to the name calling and jealousy they brought because of your status as Atsumu's Girlfriend

You knew Atsumu adored you, always holding your hand or holding you close as you walked together

When Spring Nationals rolled around, you were so excited!

This was your first big tournament and you were ready!

You walked in the back with Atsumu as he held your hand, Osamu, Suna and Ginjima following

YN and her bodyguard squad I can't 😫

You started setting up for the teams first match against Karasuno

The boys were warming up when you decided to run to the bathroom

Karasuno had been warming up as well and everyone was ready to go

You figured a quick break wouldn't hurt so you didn't tell Atsumu or the team you were leaving

Bad choice already YN

Coming out of the bathroom, you walk back to the gym, the doors suddenly swinging open just as you reached for the handle, causing the heavy door to slam into your hand

"Ohh ouch!!" You wince as you see the person opening the door peer around it

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I had no idea someone was out here," the tall boy said, his Karasuno orange beaming

You shake it off and smile, you're sure you'll have a bruise there but it wasn't the boys fault

"Hey its OK! It wasn't anyone's fault," you say, putting your hand up and wincing again as the funny movement made your hand hurt

"Here let me look at that," he says, grabbing your hand

"I'm Tobio Kageyama by the way, I play for Karasuno," he says, checking over your hand

"I'm YN LN, Manager for Inarizaki," you say

"Yeah I know, I-I saw you in there," he says blushing

He looks so cute when he's blushing I can't 🥰🥰🥰

You chat a little as Kageyama checks your hand out, making sure it's not broken

What you both don't know is that the door to the gym is still open 👀

You know the gym where everyone is practicing... 👀👀

The gym where your boyfriend currently resides 👀👀👀

It's literally like 30 seconds of you and Kageyama talking before Suna notices

"Hey- what the hell," he says studying you

Osamu looks up at him and then to the door

"Oh shit-" he says

Atsumu turns around to see what's happening, his eyes following his brother and Suna's to see you standing with Kageyama

It takes 0.02 seconds to register before Atsumu absolutely loses his shit

"KAGEYAMA GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER," Atsumu says, running full speed towards you and Kageyama

Atsumu grabs your bad hand from Kageyama, causing you to wince and whimper

Atsumu looks at you, then at Kageyama, his eyes filled with rage

"WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?" He growls, ready to fight Kageyama on the spot

Osamu and Suna come up, the rest of the team as well as Karsuno in toe

"Sumu stop! It was an accident! I hit my hand on the door as Tobio was coming out. He didn't do anything to me," you plead, looking at your boyfriend

His gaze is locked on Kageyama, arms possessively around you

"Sumu please-" you beg as he finally breaks his stare with Kageyama, looking down to see you smiling at him

He breaths in, looking back up to Kageyama before turning away and walking you to the bench

You sit down, Atsumu at your side as he gently grabs your hand and looks it over

He grabs a wrap and tape, making sure to be gentle as he bandages you up

He doesn't speak, still seething with anger

You don't say anything, waiting for him to cool down

When he finishes, he grabs your injured hand, turning it palm up and kisses it lightly

You meet his eyes and melt 🥺

"I love ya pretty girl, and I don't like anyone touching what's mine," he says, pulling you closer

"I love you too Sumu," you say back, giving him a light kiss before he returns to the court, his intense gaze reappearing as he narrows in on his target

Boy would I hate to be Kageyama right now 😅

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyu! #haikyū!! #miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu x female reader #atsumu x you #inarizaki headcanons #atsumu headcanons #inarizaki x female reader #inarizaki x manager #inarizaki manager #aran ojiro #ren omimi #ginjima hitoshi #suna rintarou #miya osamu #akagi michinari #kita shinsuke #atsumu miya #hq atsumu #hq inarizaki

[todayisyourturntolose]

Share pdude hcs??? 😈

ok soooo. idk if you mean one pdude in particular sooo imma do the basic ones! (p1,p2,p3,p4)

good lord it has been forever since ive been able to write down my hcs for these sillies, and i have a whole bunch so i'll put it under le cut :)

p1

-well versed in ASL, uses it in overwhelming situations

-sunglasses double as prescription lenses (i give this hc to basically all of the other dudes, but i think p1 would need glasses more than any of them)

-probably the smartest of the other dudes. essentially a polymath. if you ask him a question about almost anything, he'd probably give you a reasonable answer

-surprisingly good at drawing. does better with drawing portraits rather than full body. has a very scratchy and rough looking art style

-(technically canon bcuz of like, the war journal) writes in a journal (essentially a diary, but he'd rather die than call it that), mainly writes about his emotions and internal struggles, but sometimes writes about the other dudes and his experiences with them

-cannot go to sleep in silence. he's gotta have music on or some sort of background noise or else his mind starts to wander

p2

-physically can't stay in one place without moving. whether it be rocking in place, tapping his foot, or shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he's always making some sort of movement.

-actually pretty friendly to those around him. he just has a pretty short temper, getting easily agitated by things (or people) around him

-besides p1, probably the skinniest of all the dudes. mans is all bones compared to say p4 or p3

-champ is his emotional support animal. he's been through a lot, and champ is basically his only refresher from the hell he lives in

-strangely flexible...can slip through fairly small cracks and corners easily

-has a LOT of vocal stims. this mf meows whenever he sees a cat. he makes random noises to himself. he repeats things that he hears others say

p3

-got a surprisingly good amount of muscle on him. goes to the gym pretty often. definitely flexes whenever he gets the chance

-slight southern accent. very noticeable when he gets angry or when he talks fast. if you point it out to him, he'd probably get really embarrassed

-average r&b enjoyer. out of the blue, p1 once asked who luther vandross was, to which p3 gave an almost hour long lecture about the importance of r&b and why it's one of the best genres to date, why old r&b is miles better than new r&b, quizzing p1 on different artists, etc

-also an unironic country music enjoyer. he begs and pleads the other dudes to let him play just a little bit of johnny cash whenever he's offered the aux cord. maybe a bit of dolly parton. hell, probably some shania twain, if he's feeling bold.

-a fairly good singer. he's no freddie mercury, but to say he's horrible would be an overstatement. knows what songs are in his range, and which ones aren't. isn't really one to sing out loud in front of a lot of people, though. (one time, he sang to p1 in an attempt to calm him down during one of his moments. it worked, surprisingly :0)

p4

-one of the happiest dudes. at this point in his life, he's not nearly as violent as the others (he still has his moments, of course, but he's not one to just spontaneously go ham) and just sorta accepts things as they are

-a genre GOD. this man listens to pretty much everything. his favorite genres are funk, nu-metal (or metal in general), pop, and r&b (he and p3 bond over their fav artists)

-while champ is basically an emotional support animal to p2, to p4, champ is more of a service dog. he's getting older, which means he isn't able to do things as easily as he used to, so champ is there to fetch things for him and in general, just help him with daily tasks

-very confident with who he is. he isn't embarrassed by the things he does. he takes pride in being different.

-doesn't give himself labels when it comes to sexuality or gender. it's not that he's against it, he just prefers the idea of being unlabeled. (though, i personally hc him as being pansexual and transmasc. you go grandpa.)

-DAD BOD. a fair bita muscle, though. he's pretty strong compared to the other dudes.

-has an array of random talents. one day he'll just start juggling randomly and be like "oh, this? yeah, i picked it up a few years ago. nothing to write home about, to be honest."

--

aaaaand that's all! sorry if it's a lot, i just rlly have a lot to say abt these goobers (and even more to say abt the dudes i didn't include!)

#postal #postal dude #postal 1 #postal 2 #postal 3 #postal 4

[squided]

Has anyone else experienced their parents getting progressively more rude, intrusive, and hypocritical as they got older? Like my mom had me pretty late in life (she was 37) so I recognize I have an older mom than most. And yeah during my teenage years and stuff I thought she was annoying but she was genuinely a good and caring mom. But honestly I've noticed since she's hit her 60s and went through a bad second marriage, she lashes out a lot, expects me to be productive 7 days a week, essentially work all day long, spend 1 hour of relaxation, and then sleep. Anytime this gets me agitated, she goes on about how she needs to work two jobs and 7 days a week and SHE never gets rest and I don't see HER complaining (she is literally complaining about it all the time). Essentially since ive had to live with her again temporarily I've put up with it and have taken on the same workload as her and I've discovered.... there's no way to please her. Every day I should be studying so I can get certifications, I should be looking at new jobs because she doesn't approve of how my managers treat me at my minimum wage job (every job I've had so far), I need to clean the house and my room, I need to go to work, I need to look at universities, I need to make 10 phone calls that will keep me on hold for an hour at a time, I need to pull the weeds in the yard. If I fail a single task, it's met with disappointment and talking about how much work she does and how little I do. If I do all the tasks, then come a list of questions: how's my money doing? Have I been saving it or spending it recklessly? Have I tried quitting smoking yet? Have I cleaned some obscure thing she mentioned a month ago and I forgot about? This keeps going until I give an answer she doesn't like and then we are back at my generation being so lazy, how the younger people just don't work as well as her generation did.

And the thing is... she never used to talk like this. She was always far left, full equality, against classism and ageism. But then the "unbiased" news changed. It stopped covering certain things the US didn't want covered. Suddenly I'm explaining to her that in Israel, people will have parties while watching the bombs drop, there are "settlers" going into Gaza and just claiming other people's land. And she says that's not true, she didn't see it on the news, she looked it up online and the major news sites never covered it once since 2014. Every time I bring up some horrible thing that's definitely happening, she just says I've become a conspiracy theorist and MY thinking is really dangerous and she's worried about me (at which point I snapped a bit and told her that actually her willful ignorance is extremely dangerous and what leads to all these atrocities getting swept under the rug. She threatened to kick me out for being so incredibly disrespectful to her).

I don't know what the point of this post is anymore. Maybe I just wanna ramble about someone I truly respected slowly becoming someone I can barely stand to hold a conversation with. Maybe it has something to do with how people are told to only trust big news organizations for real news and then they censor it so all real news looks like conspiracy theorist trash. Or maybe it just has something to do with age, some sort of thing that naturally occurs as you approach a certain age, and the only way to prevent it is to be aware it's occurring and reject its falsehoods. Or I don't know dude... I've been stuck inside for a month... I think I just needed to fucking vent to the Great Void. If you're listening, hey there Great Void, I hope you're doing better than I am.

[astroyongie]

NCT 127 - November Reading Edition

Note: Please remember to take these readings lightly and to enjoy. next coming : AESPA, NCT Dream, IVE, WayV, Red Velvet, BTS, Gidle and Treasure 

Taeil

Love: it seems like his situation hasn’t changed yet. Tail is still in a relationship with that idol and things are going very well for them. They truly have feelings for one another and they are kind toward each other despite the arguments or the toxic environment that surround their life

Career: He is reflecting a lot about his self worth, like he isn’t enough to be in the group. Despite the money he earns he doesn’t take profit of it and it seems like the idol life also pushed him away from his family and that’s something that hurts him

Health:

Physical: X

Emotional: he still feels pain from old wounds, still fears for himself. His mind is simply agitated due to overthinking

Dates: 18 days

Johnny

Love: Johnny was talking to someone whom feelings have been growing. This person was a very close friend of his and things really went good however it seems like his crush also made sure that he understood this was only a friendship and nothing more. He is a little bit disappointed and he keeps talking to them anyway to keep the friendship

Career: Things are complicated when it comes to career and money. There’s still some money issues and debts concerning people around him and himself. There’s a lot of external pressure weighting down in him as well for this money issue and for his idol image

Health:

Physical: Troubles in his kidneys, bladder and insulin levels. Has body feels too aged.

Emotional: His mental health isn’t that good either at the moment, he suffers in silence and quietly. A lot of blame eating him up and agitating his mind

Dates: X

Taeyong

Love:his situation hasn’t changed either. He is still suffering from his break up, his mind only thinks about this person. However it seems like he keeps this bad behaviors of going and getting out with other people to prove himself and to prove his ex he doesn’t need them. I have no idea how much time this is going to go this way. Defintily not healthy for him to be seeing this much people

Career: His career situation is going quite well, he is writing new music, trying to express himself the best he can. He would like to change concept when it comes to NCT, do something new. The company listens to him a lot actually

Health:

Physical: Hormonal troubles need to be looked up to, because he has a lack of something

Emotional: His energy is simply all over the place

Dates: 29 november

Yuta

Love: I got no info about his love life

Career: Everything is a pure mess. There’s a lot of injustice happening on his career field and Yuta is honestly fed up with everything that the company is making him do and agree on. There’s a lot of arguments within the company in order to find a common ground. I also feel like he will or wants to travel somewhere. Perhaps back to Japan ?

Health:

Physical: Digestive system is troubled. Needs to eat more properly

Emotional: Extremely tired and vulnerable and just fed up in general

Dates: 14 days

Doyoung

Love: Doyoung is currently dating someone, this person is really very pretty and known from the public eye. They started dating not too long ago, so they are still trying to manage their time to meet each other and know more about one another as well.

Career: This are surprisingly well for him. He is expecting a change in the next months when it comes to his career and he is also helping some of his members with what they need. He is taking the lead

Health:

Physical: there’s something going on with his heath but I don’t know what it is.  

Emotional: Okay

Dates: 30 november

Jaehyun

Love: I didn’t got much info about jaehyun all together. I only know that he is currently seeing NO ONE. Yeah, surprising. He is actually dealing with a bad moment when it comes to his heart (probably due that one idol that rejected him). He is not ready yet to get on the love field

Career: He feels trapped in the contact at the moment, he wishes more freedom to do what he wants either as a person or as an artist as well.

Health:

Physical: His throat feels sore

Emotional: His mental health isn’t the best, it feels as if he cries in secret, a lot of sensibility and dark thoughts over him

Dates: X

Jungwoo

Love: I couldn’t get any info straight, it’s very blurry probably because even him he doesn’t know where to stand. I don’t feel like he is in a relationship and more into a nostalgic moment concerning his love life

Career: Things aren’t the best either. Well he does work a lot, like overworking himself to get things right, because the company made promises and there was also money coming to him. But it seems like what he received made some of his members jealous and Jungwoo isn’t fitting in that much pithing the group

Health:

Physical: X

Emotional: Very tired, his mental health declining and poor self esteem

Dates: 8 days

Mark

Love: Mark situation is dedicated. It feels like they are still together but things aren’t going well at all, the relationship became too oppressive for him. He has thought about breaking up with his partner but at the same time there’s something holding him back from that

Career: I see yet another solo activity for him (perhaps a collaboration ?). in any case he is in a good period for his career, opportunities come to him very easily due to his talent and his contacts

Health:

Physical: Needs to be careful with his throat, vocal cords, sinus and colds

Emotional: Feels abandoned by someone

Dates: 7 days

Haechan

Love: Haechan is probably in a new realtionship as It feels someone entered his life not long time ago. This is very recent and I don’t have much info other that this person might be just a little older than him (like 2 / 3 years only) and that things seem to be going very well

Career: A lot of responsaiblitkies and a lot of work that he needs to take care off. Haechan is usually blessed with good luck in his career field, and despite this shaky moment, things are going to get back In track. However I also feel that we might heard of him through rumors or media in general

Health:

Physical: He is sick as well,  but I don’t know from what

Emotional: Despite his self doubts and emotional instability, he is rather going well at the moment

Dates: 9 days

#NCT 127 #NCT 127 astrology #NCT 127 tarot #NCT 127 reading #NCT 127 headcanons #NCT 127 reactions #NCT 127 scenarios #NCT 127 imagines

[purefandomonium]

It's The Thought That Counts Chapter IV

***After Closing***

With an almighty groan, Rody collapses onto the nearest chair as the final patron leaves. He lays belly-first on the furniture, his legs, arms, and head hanging against the floor. He doesn’t move despite the discomfort of his position. He should be working on fixing up the dinning area for the next day, but he can’t find the energy to do so. It just feels so nice to be off his feet. He soon finds himself dozing off to the sounds of the cooks cleaning up in the kitchen.

***

Vince stands in the kitchen doorway with his arms crossed, staring at the unconscious waiter. In this state, the man looks more like a drunkard than the employee of such an esteemed establishment. At least he had the decency to wait until all the guests had left before passing out. With a sigh and a shake of his head, he returns to the kitchen.

***

Rody is awoken by several firm shoves against his shoulder. It takes his semi-asleep brain many seconds to remember how his body works. Blinking the tiredness from his eyes, he lifts his head. Pain sparks though his neck in protest and he has to force his stiff limbs to push himself off the chair, regret flooding him the way pins and needles flood his nerves as his body is shifted back into a normal position. Why did he lay on the chair like this again?

“Perhaps next time you’ll sit in the chair instead of laying over it like some uncouth baboon,” Vince says as he watches discomfort flash across Rody’s face. Not that he needs to see his expression to tell that staying in such a position would come with regrets. The popping of stiff joints is more than enough proof for that.

Rody stretches and, barely fighting back a killer yawn, replies, “It seemed comfortable at the time.” The yawn overtakes him. It’s then he notices the change in scenery.

The dining area is tidied up, the chairs neatly aligned to their respective tables and the floor spotless. The lights are off, save for a few in the kitchen, and the artificial glow that bleeds through compliments the candles on the only occupied table. Two plates of lemon pie sit opposite of each other, one right in front of him.

If it weren’t for his confusion, he’d have wiped the dab of whipped cream off with his finger and ate it, no doubt to Vince’s disgust.

“Did you forget?” Vince asks, hand on his hip as he stands beside the bewildered waiter. “You made such a fuss about it last night.” He ignores the way the candlelight flickers against Rody’s features, forces aside any thoughts that consider how magical it makes him appear. 

‘He almost looks serene like this, despite the mess he calls a uniform and that rat’s nest of hair,’ he thinks. He remains stoic as he shoves the sneaky thought away with all the others.

Rody blinks and glances up at Vincent, confusion still lingering on his features. This… seems like an awful lot of trouble for some pie. “I, uh, really did forget.” What is he supposed to say, exactly? Today had been particularly rough on all of them, though Rody felt he got the worst of it. Everybody seemed to need something at all times, so many were agitated even before any mistakes were made, and those parties they had were especially difficult. And they barely even tipped!

Honestly, he’s amazed he lasted until closing. Speaking of which…

“How long was I out for?” He can’t see any light seeping through the blinds, though they’re closed tight enough that it wouldn’t have been able to even if it were there.

Vince watches the mess of auburn hair drift with Rody’s head turn and resists the urge to fix it. Does the idiot even own a comb? “You were out for an hour,” he states plainly, crossing his arms before he can do anything stupid. “You didn’t stir even as I was vacuuming.”

“Seriously?” Damn. The day drained him worse than he thought. He cracks his neck and almost sighs in relief at the pop. Craning it the other way brings the same thing. “Ahh, much better,” he says, oblivious to the chef’s annoyance.

His eye twitches at the loud sound of shifting vertebrae and he moves to take his seat at the opposite side of the table before he ends up giving the man’s neck a real reason to make such noise. “So are you going to try it or what?” he says curtly, internally flinching at the harshness of his tone.

“Of course! This makes today actually worth it.” He wastes no time in picking up the fork and scraping up as much pie as it’ll hold.

Vince tries not to make too disgusted of a face as the waiter shoves nearly half the pie into his mouth in one go. He thought about reminding the idiot of how much lemon they had used, but ultimately decided to let him learn the hard way. He takes a much more reasonable bite as Rody’s face scrunches and he chokes down the pie with several gulps of water. A smirk works its way onto his features as he watches the other man’s struggle, knowing full well he’d reach for the other glass of water shortly. It’s why he brought them out in the first place.

“Vince,” Rody says between gags as he slams the empty glass atop the table. “Can I-” His hand makes a grabbing motion towards the only other source of potential relief.

Smirk now an amused smile, he allows the waiter to snatch the glass and chug that one too. “Did you also forget that you insisted on adding as much lemon as possible so I could taste it?” He takes another bite, the faint tingle satisfying and the look of sour agony on Rody’s face furthering the feeling. “And even if you didn’t,” he continues, dragging the prongs of the fork along the remaining slice and leaving little trails, “did no one ever teach you any manners? Who just shovels food into their mouth like a heathen? Suppose it was hot.”

The words of wisdom are lost on Rody as his taste buds finally recover from the lemony assault. When he’s finally able to stop sputtering, he wipes his mouth clean and chugs the final swig of water. “Ugh… You know, Vince, you’re pretty lucky in a way.”

His fork freezes over the last bits of pie. “How’s that?”

“Not being able to taste definitely sucks. But… Sometimes it can be a good thing. Like if somebody you care about makes you something and you don’t have the heart to tell them it’s awful. You don’t even need to worry about, you know?” He catches the look Vince is giving him and realizes that he clearly does not know. Ah shit, not again. “Like… Like my baking, for example.” He saw somewhere once that self-depreciating humor put people at ease, made them less likely to take offense to what you were saying. He’s never tried this but he hopes it’s true for Vincent.

He’s sure Rody thinks he’s upset at what he’s saying. He’s never been one for a neutral expression, opting instead for a stern frown at the best of times. He doubts confusion is going to slip past it all that well. His tongue twinges with another soft sting of lemon as it passes over a bit of pie stuck to his teeth.

Rody tries to scramble out of the hole he believes he’s digging. His hand instinctively scratches the back of his head as he gets his thoughts in order. “Or… Well, I guess the reason why I brought this up in the first place is because Ma—my ex, used to always bake and it was always so bitter. I know she meant well and I always tried to be supportive but it was just… It was really bad, y’know?” He needs to stop because Vince does not know, dammit. “It just gets really tiring having to pretend because you’re afraid of hurting feelings.” Nevermind how his feelings were disregarded in the break up.

Mind no longer clouded by foolish love, Rody’s been able to look back and see all the signs that pointed to Manon not being as phenomenal as she seemed. She was nice, sure. Nice and very, very pretty. Gorgeous even. She held a sugary sweetness to her voice that would make any man crumble, and Rody had simply been closest to the danger zone at the time. He loved her so intensely it was destructive and at no point did she ever really take the time to point this out to him.

He loved Manon to his detriment, did everything for her, tore his life and self apart for her, and never did she once return the favor. The most he got was an uncomfortable smile that attempted to be encouraging. Or a vague suggestion that things weren’t going well for them. Or… Or her god awful baking that, much like herself, looked positively perfect yet tasted of nothing but bitter emptiness. Just like her, he put up with it for so long that he lost the ability to think about himself in the matter. He forgot that something supposedly made with love wasn’t supposed to make you feel disgust. He… He forgot how to make himself happy in his never-ending quest to please his girlfriend.

Vince says nothing at the sight of Rody before him. Barely contained sobs escape him and with each hitch of his breath Vince’s own heart jolts in worry. He has no idea what to say right now, let alone what he could possibly do to calm the waiter down. He squirms a bit as his brain switches into overdrive.

Rody continues to ugly cry in front of his boss, fully aware he’s being a childish moron and absolutely ashamed of himself for breaking down over something that happened months ago.

Even if those months had left him shattered and picking up the pieces of his life that weren’t completely lost to his self-destruction. He buries his face into his arms and cries into the table.

A hand begins rubbing slow circles on his back until he’s finally able to calm himself. It’s starting to get very uncomfortable, the way his face is practically pressed into the table, the small space of air between the fancy wood and his arms hot with his breath and wet with tears. He’d rather not suffocate in there so he slowly lifts his head back up.

Vince doesn’t grimace or shy away from the sight of Rody’s tear-stained, snot-covered face. He says nothing and simply hands him a napkin to clean himself up with, hand still rubbing his back. He feels… pretty bad about this, despite knowing it’s not his fault. Who could’ve guessed that a lemon pie would make the ever-cheerful waiter break down like this? He lets his hand move up to Rody’s shoulder where it gives him a soft squeeze.

“I’m okay,” Rody sputters out between the fading hiccups. He doesn’t dare meet Vince’s gaze. He doesn’t think he can deal with the judgment right now.

Even if the reassuring hand against his back is anything but judgmental.

“Are you sure?” Vince asks, mentally cursing himself for such an ignorant question. Of course he’s not okay!

The only response he can muster is a faint hum and a nod. He slowly stands, feeling Vince’s hand fall away. “I’m… I better get going,” he says, voice weak. He sucks in a breath and forces himself to get over his fears. Turning to his boss, he says, “Thanks, Vince. Really. Sorry I messed everything up.” He’s not really sure what everything is, and Vince doesn’t seem to know either, but it feels ruined somehow. Because of him.

He feels more exhausted than ever.

Vince isn’t sure what to say to Rody. His fingers itch with the desire to brush the remnants of tears from his eyes. Part of him wants to give the waiter a hug, to tell him he’s sorry for all the pain he suffered, but it doesn’t take a genius to see how much worse that will make the situation.

Still, he can’t let a repeat of last night happen. Placing a firm hand on his shoulder, he opts for a less risky approach. “Why don’t you take tomorrow off? I’ll have one of the cooks cover for you or I will. We don’t have as many reservations.”

“Vince, you don’t need to do that. I’ll be alright.”

He scoffs. “It’s late, Lamoree. You still have to bike home and there’s no way you’re going to have a peaceful sleep after all this.” He gives the shoulder a pat before moving past him to begin cleaning up. “I’m not arguing with you,” he says when he hears the breath Rody takes, no doubt to defend his stance.

Rody releases the air in his lungs as a sigh instead. “Alright,” he says in defeat.

“There’s some leftovers for you on the counter,” he adds as the footsteps trudge away. “Take them. And try not to choke to death this time.”

A ghost of a smile forms on his lips. “Sure thing, boss.” The doors swing shut behind him.

Vince stays in the dining area until he hears the heavy thunk of the back door. Abandoning the dirtied table, he moves to the window up front and parts a couple blinds ever-so-slightly. He catches the shadowy form of Rody as he pedals down the street into the darkness.

He can’t help but wonder if the idiot will realize the leftovers are in fact something he whipped up in the hour he had been passed out on the chair. ‘Probably not,’ he thinks as he continues to clean up.

#dead plate #fanfic #my writing

[socialbunny]

15 questions for 15 mutuals :3

i was tagged by @annieshowell, @obsoletepixels, @goatskickin, @shitysimp, @sicksadsim and @jsasimmer <3333333333 thanks guys ily >:3

are you named after anyone? no, my mom had two names she wanted to pick for me and she and my dad settled on the one i have. but she was alsoo watching this movie in the hospital and one of the characters has my exact birth name so i think that cemented the name lol. and my name dirk, i named myself after dirk dreamer bc he's so me fr

when was the last time you cried? can't remember exactly

do you have kids? No I don't need that that in my life rn

do you use sarcasm a lot? I dooo, never in a mean way tho bc i feel like using sarcasm to mask how u feel abt some1 is pussy fr. i love joking around and poking fun and just being silly and weird and chillin like? irl personality is hit or miss with people. ive been told i talk back too much or always have something to say like? 😭

what sports do you play/have you played? when i was in elementary school i was in a dance group (terrible at it i have no rhythm at all it's honestly embarrassing) and when i was in high school i was in a tennis class (which was a PE alternative where we honestly never did shit tbh, towards the end of the school year we'd just be in the computer lab most of the time) and i considered joining the actual team but i also sucked at it 😭 and i really don't like doing team shit esp sports bc people start acting weird and i start getting real agitated.

what's the first thing you notice about other people? like physical i guess their outfit and hair and other shit i wear my glasses forr but shittttt, like just talking to someone i can catch their vibe really quick. just the way someone talks can tell you a lot abt them

eye color? Brown

scary movies or happy endings? it really depends on what the movie is

any special talents? nothing in particular i can think of. i think anything i do i'm really good at but not especially good at you know. i used to be told i'm really good at drawing but i was told this by the type of ppl who say they cant draw a stick figure so. take that as u will

where were you born? Texas 🤠

what are your hobbies? I love drawing and writing and reading and all the shit in that sphere of hobbies in theory 😭 been in a slump lately and doing shit seems harder than it needs to be. I love watching animation analysis and critiques, and listening to those 3hr vids of ppl talking abt shit i will never watch or care about while i do other bullshit. i really like making renders right now it gives me something to do without getting distracted too much. i also love playing really old shitty video games that have pages of cut content on tcrf

do you have any pets? No :( never had any pets when i was a kid either bc my mom had a whole bunch of dogs as a child and she didnt fw the idea of having any more animals in her house

how tall are you? 5'4 :)

fave subject in school? I love English (predictably I guess 😭)

dream job? i'd love to work in the animation industry in any way possible <3 or work in tv in general. probably have my own cartoon some day but thats such a stretchhhhhhhh i cant even work on my sims fanfiction or any oc shit LMAO. if not then i'd accept nothing less than a job where i don't have to talk to a lot of people and get payed billions of dollars to do bullshit

i dont have 15 ppl to tag since i do ask games so slowlyyyyy but i'll tag @despairoftheendless, @junkskoer, @faghotline and @hyperthinks !!! <3

#chat

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

#does anyone else get disturbed by proofs of life #i made a list recently #mainly food bothers me the most #like people being hungry or eating just sparks deep fear in me because that proves they are alive and its a risk #its the strangest thing #because it can also completely snap me out of a rage episode #like if im mad at someone and I see them #pouring a glass of water #then i am suddenly desperately sad and scared instead of angry #how can you hate someone who is pouring a glass of water #half eaten food in the fridge is one of the most disturbing to me #but also the back of the head is a proof of life and terrible

[trainingdummyrabbit]

okkkk so ive been wonderingggg..... who are are the blue and the purple ocs you posted earlier 2day....i am so curious what is their lore

ouhg. ok. so. thats rose and wolfe, two of my lobcorp ocs part of a funy lil facility story im slowly ironing out :] um, nothing officials gonna come out of that, ijust write characters for fun, but they Do have an overarching.. Thing. going on. the lot of them.

but! those two mean a whole whole lot to me, theyve been on my mind a lot lately :] though um, their mess is. not as clear to me as some others', which is why i havent yet written up a loredump for them dkfjgndk;; but ill do my best!

wolfe is a character that Heavily self-isolates on account of not wanting to deal with anyone elses bullshit constantly. shes just kinda generally agitated at all times, snaps at just about anyone. which is on purpose, because if she has a reputation for being Scary and Unapproachable, well. people wont try. mostly.

unfortunately for her, rose is a character that Loves gossip and eavesdropping (under the cover of Simply Listening To People's Issues,) and That One Guy Who Sulks In A Corner And Hates Everyone is kinda prime material for digging into. And That She Does! Constantly. she is annoyingly persistent in trying to dig through whatever wolfe has going on, which she takes about as well as youd think she would.

rose posits it as Simple Curiosity, which wolfe doesnt really engage with, until eventually she nags so much that she starts giving one or two word answers just t get her off her back for once. ...buuuut that just means that its Working. and rose keeps trying. its just an on and on of pestering and shooing away and verrrry very slowly learning more about That Weird One That Doesnt Like Anyone.

and while wolfe keeps up that veneer of distance and disdain, its kinda.. weird. because even though it Is annoying, nobody has ever remembered what she talks about and builds off it like rose did. despite her own instincts to keep hidden, it Did genuinely feel like who she was was being respected for once. not as the caricature she put up, but simply As She Was. (she didnt know how to feel about that.)

on the other half of things, what started as a mostly disingenuous almost-game with herself ended up spiraling into genuine curiosity on rose's behalf-- she never shares much of herself much of ever, but she found herself unintentionally making exceptions with wolfe. every answer in between silences resonated in a way she wasnt really expecting. she keeps up her unruffled air, but... well, she does think about that one a lot. (that was new. and also an accident. huh.)

i dont really know what those two Have at that point in time, but They Have To Go Together, yknow?

um. dont worry about the issues. they dont exist if you dont look at them. nothing bad ever happens in lcorp.

anyway, you ever wonder what the difference is between an attack dog and a guard dog? which holds more beauty-- a prized flower or a weed growing through stone?

dont worry about it.

#petals in a glass case; a chain with no hand to hold it. symbols dont really choose to be symbols; do they? wonder; that is. #pikocs #tttttthe issue is that they have changed a non negligible amount since i first started writing them months ago #which is what is making this so hard kdjfngkdjfg #i spent like an hour and a half turning this over before switching gears completely; ill get to them eventually i SWEAR;; #rose is a pretentious lil motherfucker and i need to study her. basicaly. she is Always like this and it makes her impossible t read. #wolfe is... shes wolfe ! unfortunately this Also makes her impossible t read because she is a universal constant 2 me. #mmmmmeaning shes impossible to describe in laymans terms bc 'Well Shes Wolfe. Obviously.' so. skdjfndkfg #theyre the ones that r 'well you COULD read this as a relationship i guess but uhhh/hhhhhhh;/' which. well. yknow. well.

[menalez]

I'm from Asia, and the overwhelming majority of us would straight-up not date white people. Some ethnicities are more likely to date out than others, but overall we're good, no thanks. Women who do date white foreigners tend to be levelling up economically (no judgement there from me) which is a well-known fact. While there is definitely white colonialist beauty standards at play in the majority of places, I have lots of experience with the corners that bs hasn't reached (Nepal, for a generally big example, where they love dark skin and certain features) - and even within the spaces where European-centric standards do apply, the majority of non-white people aren't interested in dating actual white people as a first choice. It has nothing to do with white people's racism or disinterest in non-white people lol. I don't know about the Middle East of course, but I think your experiences of Asia seem limited to the more English-speaking, cosmopolitan areas perhaps - or maybe you are talking about Japan, which I am not familiar with personally. However even in Korea I have a white friend (born there) who can't get a boyfriend because- in her words- men there sort foreigners as "fun times only" and local women as "marriage material". It's a bit ridiculous to think that billions of non-white people are genuinely thirsting over white people, it's simple not true - most people prefer to date within their race. Lots of people do feel attraction to white people, for the reasons you outlined or naturally as well, but your experience does not seem univeral (outside the Western sphere). It was kind of bizarre at first to come across this thinking in Western spaces but now it's just deeply agitating, because I notice non-white people in Western countries really do act like they're less attractive and it's insane to me. Like sorry, but here in my part of the world, certain Asian features on women are considered the height of beauty among these communities (to the point where that's problematic in and of itself). Definitely white beauty standards have wormed their way here too, but again, it didn't change most Asians' sexual preferences - it just made them look for those features in their own (not everyone, but most - yes some people would date white).

interesting… my experience has been the exact opposite. while i know some people would not marry a white person, they’re still the standard of beauty and marrying a white person can be almost a status symbol & people do act like dating them means you’ve won somehow. this applies for the middle east and i know similar standards exist in south & east & southeast asia. my gf explained the same type of phenomena exists in taiwan and neighbouring east asian countries & ive observed similar mindsets around white ppl being considered the most beautiful among south asians and west asians overall.

i’m not referring to english-speaking cosmopolitan areas either, i’m thinking of countries like the philippines and india and pakistan and basically the entirety of the middle east. admittedly i’m not familiar with nepal tho— it’s interesting to hear they prefer dark skin there, which is in contrast to the rest of asia in which colourism is very prominent.

i did notice white people are generalised as more of a “fun time” thing in many cases but people will still not look down on you for marrying a white person & shun you for it the way they would for marrying a black person, for example. the people generally think white people are the most appealing but often prioritise marrying people of similar backgrounds for the sake of cultural and familial standards.. not bc white people are deemed unattractive in asia. in fact, the whiter you are, the more beautiful you are deemed.

#felt like parts of what u wrote seemed quite dismissive of my experience #and made it seem like bahrain is an english cosmopolitan place #anyways it seems like ur using marriage as the standard when i’m talking about beauty standards #features like pale skin larger eyes double eyelids long noses long faces light/coloured eyes and blonde hair etc are deemed more beautiful #ie features associated with europeans. this is the case for asia in general #people will prefer more white-passing ppl within our countries bc it’s the closest u can get to white ppl without upsetting ur family #a lot of the time at least. but what do i know 😭 i only grew up being berated by people from different parts of asia for being visibly brown

[petewentzisblack1312]

Have you done an analysis of bishop’s knife trick yet? I feel like you have but I’m struggling to find it. I am so excited for FOB8 but in the same token I’m not ready to be brought to tears again like “I know I should walk away, know I should walk away/But I just want to let you break my brain/and I can't seem to get a grip/No, no matter how I live with it” just broke me listening to it again

I’ve been going through really bad mental health period and usually I’m used to the depression like it’s whatever but that’s not what this is like I feel like I’m losing my mind, I can’t sleep and yeah not to bitch about my mental health in your ask box but this song means so much to me rn bc like I’m terrified to go on meds so those lines make me want to bite Pete so lol. TLDR I would love your analysis ❤️ I feel like you always do such a good job on bringing mental health into it bc I feel like a lot of people ignore that aspect of Pete’s writing and want to make it all about relationships and like, it’s much deeper than that and You Get It

yes i have dones an analysis of bishops knife trick, you can find that here! im flattered that you like my analysis

ive also mentioned in a different post how "blue" in fall out boy is ambiguous because it can mean so many things. like are they the blues we sing or the blues we take or the blues we feel? i think the line "these are the last blues were ever gonna have/lets see how deep we get" is a good example of this. is it the last time the persona is taking their meds and theyre anticipating flying off the deep end? is it the last time they expect to be sad but they dont think its going to last? is this the last time theyre going to sing? i like that it could be multiple different things.

also, i just want to say to you that it can definitely be scary to try medication. i was worried it would take away my creativity (though i was suffering so much i was willing to trade that) however it really just made the negatives of my mental illness more manageable. im more able to channel my creativity in healthy ways. it actually allowed me to be more me than ever! that being said, if you decide you dont want to be medicated (and that is an option!) many people find success with frequent regular therapy sessions to build a toolbox to handle their symptoms. in my opinion you can effectively do therapy without medication (although it takes dedication to improving), but you cant really do medication without therapy!

i can tell you that i know what its like to feel like youre losing your mind and not be able to sleep and feel out of control and stuff, thats how i feel when im manic, and its. bad. like it feels good sometimes when youre like agitated and happy. but when youre agitated and upset, god is it bad. im hoping you get through this without any major crises. i recommend telling a friend youre feeling unstable so that they can check in with you. that line that you quoted specifically too, its so insane. like it describes the feeling so well. you know youre crossing lines, and maybe you been this way before and you feel like you should know how to deal with it but you dont because the feeling of being in it is so intoxicating that you just keep moving past the breaking point cuz you cant seem to get a grip no matter how long you live with it.

when i hear bishops knife trick all i can think is "i'll live if it kills me"

#dils declares #dils dissects #i hope you feel better anon! #its rough. boy do i know it. #but you can weather this storm!

[bwoahtastic]

Other alpha’s being slightly wary about Max? Their omegas all start talking about this wonderful and sweet alpha that lives on the street and it makes some of them really worried that Max is trying to seduce them. But they’ve only really spoken to Max in passing so they don’t know him quite yet.

Some days when they come home they’ll just find Max sitting in their kitchen chatting to their mate and smiling like he has absolutely no idea that it’s upsetting them (he really doesn’t have a clue)

Someone, maybe Lewis? Coming home late one night only to be able to smell Max in the house and he’s agitated because what is this alpha still doing in his home. Only for him to find Max and Lance in the kitchen cooking something and it smells really good but it looks way too domestic for his liking. Lance doesn’t even like being around other alphas. But max just gives him a big smile before hugging Lance and saying goodbye. And Lance just shyly tells Lewis that Max showed him how to make Lewis’ favourite food.

Lewis coming home later one night a couple of days later to again find Max in his house, and he can hear the pups playing. But he’s immediately angry when he sees Lance sitting really close to Max. And he growls at them, but Lance doesn’t move away like he expected. Max is the one that reacts and he just bares his throat lightly. And Lewis can see tears in Max’s eyes and immediately softens at the younger alpha.

Turns out Charles has been away for work this past week and Max has just really been missing his mate so that’s why Lance has invited him over so much. He hates seeing Max look like a lost little puppy without Charles. Max gushing about how Charles is so beautiful and amazing and Lewis just realizes, Yep ive got nothing to worry about. They invite the couple over when Charles is back and the heart eyes that Max makes at Charles makes him feel a bit stupid to think that anything would’ve happened between Lance and Max

plllss Maxy is just such a clueless sweetheart and the other Omega stay at home parents are just so fond off the darling Alpha that is slightly clueless and just so in love with his chaotic mate! The neighbour omegas often invite him over cos he is just a darling and the pup is obvs a cutie too!

Lance has him over a lot because they are direct neighbours and he understands what its like having a mate that travels quite a lot. Max just gets a bit lonely so Lance invites him over to help him good cos Max is quite the talented cook! But it does make Lewis a little uncomfortable, especially when he sees Lance practically snuggled into Max one night...

Lewis growling threatingly and being surprised when Lance just frowns back at him. But Max panics and bares his throat, whining and stumbling off the sofa, just being scared and quickly getting his child from where it was sleeping in a little nest, holding her close and still baring his throat a lot...

Max just having been so so lonely with Charles gone for business... He just loves his Mate and wants him to life his dream life, but he also hates CHarles being away from him. Lewis softening realising what is going on, and from then on its Lewis who invites Max over a lot when he sees Charles is away!

#asks #sahp au

[dojunie]

Hello, it's "time goes by fast" anon. May I ask you for some tips for writing? How did you get into it? I've tried to myself, but I mainly draw and it's so different and harder compared to writing. It might be because my first language isn't English, so when I try to come up with sentences, it kind of gets stuck at finding the right words.

tips for writing!!!!! my goodness i wish i had a specific set of rules or thoughts or whatever but i have no set lines that i follow 🤕🤕🤕🤕 and i used to draw too!!!! i had this blog on tumblr where i used to upload my art for bts, but as i gradually grew out of bts and drawing in general, i stopped updating it lol

i got into writing fanfiction in 2014 when i was fourteen i think (5SOS... 💀) but ive been making up stories for basically my whole life, so i have no concrete rules... so i'll just mention a few of the things i do that help me put out a finished product that i'm proud of!

[a/n]: i got WAY too into answering this so it's going under a readmore LOL, please scroll if this doesn't interest you

what i do is that i edit... a lot. probably too much. definitely too much. if i had to give you the #1 thing i do that i think has the biggest impact on my work, is that i am Always Editing. ive heard other advice where people say to not edit until you're done, but i just don't operate that way; i gotta edit as i go. i just gotta. every single time i open something i'm working on i read it over from the very beginning of that chapter/scene, and always end up fixing a few things on the way down that i didn't notice while writing. and if you do this every time, or often enough, eventually you will shape your words into something you've really thought through and understand the purpose of. for example, like you said, a sentence where the words/idea doesn't quite flow as well as i envisioned it in my head. i take things out, i delete it altogether and try rewriting it with a different feeling, i move the sentence to a different part of the paragraph, i try a different word (i LOVE the thesaurus.com website for helping me find different words for the same meaning, cause it really spices up a sentence if the word sounds too... stuck. i literally have it saved in my browser bookmarks lol.)

and besides my habit of excessively overediting i'm not sure what else to tell you 😔 so i'm going to list a few things ive realized i really pay attention to while writing! ⇩⇩⇩⇩

sentence length!!! vary your sentences!!! this really helps keep the reader engaged with reading and comprehending tone and feelings; i.e long sentences feel very descriptive, they draw you in with a lot of information at once and (especially in dialogue!) / and shorter sentences feel important, sharp and direct, they snap quicker and more suddenly. long and short work well together!

character voices!! for me, this means the way each person in the story thinks, acts, or talks; like how in misdial, Jeno's 'voice' is very matter of fact. it's a little more blunt, a bit flat and unemotive, to the point that his true feelings are often misunderstood because people can't tell what he's thinking. he's serious. still. careful. so i use a lot of periods and short sentences to try and get this across! with mc, however, i want her to come across as spunky, easily agitated, hard-headed and quite relaxed; so i make it a point to have her talk back under her breath, she curses a lot, sometimes speaks before she thinks about what she's really saying. a lotta exclamation points, wordy sentences, smart-ass retorts and playful comments. the way your character talks (in their head and out loud) really sets the tone of the writing!

if something sounds weird and clunky, or stuck, try reading it out loud! not like yelling it or anything, but maybe just whisper it to yourself. i've found that this helps me figure out which part of a sentence is the weird bit that needs to be changed to flow better.

dont be afraid to scrap certain parts or change a scene completely! this is something i struggle with still, lmao, but ive unfortunately realized that it does actually help to cut a part if it's giving you hell. (by this i mean it doesn't flow right no matter what you do, doesn't fit the rest of the scene, or feels clunky and weird and wont sound right no matter how you edit it). i was stuck on a fic once for almost a week, trapped by a scene that i couldn't bear the part with because i thought it NEEDED to be in the fic... and then the moment i removed it and tried to write it a different way, it just worked. (and just to be clear, i dont delete it completely! i just copy paste the problem section into a temporary doc so i dont lose all that work, but sometimes just getting it out of the way is enough to get the gears turning again!)

and that's all i guess!?!?! WOW i kind of went crazy with this but ive never been asked this question before, and really wanted to give you my honest thoughts... so i genuinely hope this helps you in some way!!!!

tysm for asking me this! thinking about this so seriously actually helped me as well 🙇‍♀️

(i'm going to dub you 📚 anon <3)

#dojun talks #dojun talks Too Much #📚 anon #advice #??? #i give advice now 😭 what a historic day this is #mom i made it

[creaturebehavior]

hi! ive followed you for a long time and ive always appreciated how openly you talk about your mental health struggles, it's something that always resonated w me and has made me feel less alone during hard times, so thank you <3

i do have a question, which of course you don't have to answer if it's too much, but i was wondering if you've ever been on welbutrin? i was just prescribed it, starting on my third week so still v early into it, but it has been a rollercoaster (mostly negative) so far...

if you've had an experience w it, can you share what it was like for you? how you coped and what the journey was like? dealing w negative side effects (dissociation, anxiety, agitation, unpredictable mood ect) that not many people in my life can relate to has been very isolating.

anyway thank you for reading this and have a lovely end of the year <3

i’m glad my openness has helped you feel less alone ❤️‍🩹

obviously everybody is different, but i have tried wellbutrin and it didn’t work for me. granted, i was already pretty fucked up and in psychosis whenever i started taking it.

if i remember correctly i can relate to those side effects. i think it made me manic, i did feel agitated, more anxious and it made my psychosis worse. i definitely had mood swings during that time. But, i also had more and more life pressure piling on me at the time, so who knows what was the meds and what was just stress. it created a perfect storm for a nervous breakdown. my psychiatrist took me off of it after a couple months.

trust your instincts and reach out to your psychiatrist/doctor if you feel like it’s making you worse. i know december is a rough time to try to get help in regards to meds tho cuz people are out of the office for christmas. :/ hang in there, i hope you can get your meds figured out asap and that your situation improves.

i’m sorry that trying to find the right meds can be such a pain. i don’t cope with symptoms well, i do the best i can. a lot of bottling it up best i can in public, getting alone and crying, clawing, biting, screaming, hitting, panicking, rocking and hugging myself, praying on the floor begging for help while i say i can’t do this anymore, making vent posts, scrolling tumblr compulsively, smoking weed.

and it does feel and can be really isolating to go through this. i always have the instinct to start pushing people away whenever i lose control of my emotions, because i’m scared i’m gonna hurt their feelings or freak them out in some way. then everyone ends up feeling shitty anyway.

best of luck okay? i’ll be rooting for you. you’re not alone.