#ive helped at the church

[thatoneluckybee]

I think I found it but not even I’ll go this far for the bit

Me neither I found it and I’m so scared and I’d like to save a shred of sanity

#reddit says its very well written but i aint subjecting myself to this #freakin tentacles man #my day man first half was helping teach small children at church second half stumbling upon let it all out fic #tw suggestive #i feel like id be scarred #im learning my lesson that id rather not know SOMETIMES. im learning not to google stuff #considering this is also how ive become acquainted with horrors. #did i tell yall my stupid curious self found the freakytown video once #CENSORED and muted but like. still. #I CLICKED OFF IMMEDIATELY. #asks #quintessential-candles

[1ncend1ary]

blorbo of 5+ years. wowza

#rvb #red vs blue #caboose red vs blue #caboose rvb #church rvb #churboose #i own that caboose plushie. #church help ive been turned into a marketable plushie!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

[lazorbeanz]

AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH I love my brain 😃🔫

#YALL IM HERE THINKJNG ITS SUNDAY TODAY #IM GETTING READY FOR CHURCH AND EVERYTHING ONLY TO FIND OUT ITS SATURDAY #BECAUSE MY TIRED AHH CHECKED THE CLOCK LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS PASSED MIDNIGHT #SO IT WAS ALREADY SATURDAY #AND MY BRAIN JUST FAILED TO TELL ME THAT IN NEXT MORNING IS ALSO SATURDAY #LIKE I WAS WONDERING WHERE THE HELL FRIDAY WENT #BBRUUUUUUUHHHHH I COULDVE KEPT SLEEPING #NO WONDER MY ALARM DIDNT GO OFF THIS MORNING #I JUST WANNA SCREAM AND PUNCH A WALL AND BANG MY HEAD ON A WALL AND BURY MYSELF AND AAAAAA IM SO MAD AND EMBARRASSED #HOW DOES ONE SCREW UP LIKE THIS #IM TRIPPIN YALL TRIPPIN 😭 #help me- #sez says #BIG FRIGGIN RANT POST BC IVE CLEARLY LOST IT

[protoformx]

I almost never think about it, but it's kind of funny to think about how like, when I was drawing the most in like middle school and highschool I STRUGGLED super hard with coming up with outfits for ocs and figuring out how fabric worked to draw out and how to piece together garments correctly when drawing them so I like..

That's what drove me in highschool to join their fashion design class as an extracurricular and I stayed in that class the next year when it became double blocked too.

and we learned basic sewing and watched runway shows and learned about matching colors and textile types and it was one of the only classes I every fully got bullied in tbh but I still enjoyed them a ton!

and every once in a while I think about how I hated figuring out outfits stuff and struggled so bad to draw clothing that I straight up joined the schools fashion program to make myself figure it all out and current day me just genuinely enjoys drawing fabric and making outfits and thinking about how the fabric textures and pattern cuts work for different characters.

it's just fun how one positive push in a direction I used to suck at made such a difference in how I see the same stuff today.

#kass speaks #there was a girl who was mean to me in fashion design and a girl i sat with who would defend me but to be fair I alienated myself a lot #being the only person in the class skilled with a sewing machine from helping my stepmother do costume repairs a lot for her church #and i hand sewed stuffed toys constantly in middle school so like i would take off making stuff and run around to help ppl finish theirs bu #i think i may have came off badly with that somehow ive always wondered

[niishi]

Lgbtq ppl who make fun of church in general are lame tbh. It's not all horrible. There are more open and welcoming churches in my area than there aren't. Y'all gotta stop with the nihilism and the individualism like genuinely. It's poison. I'm not saying you gotta go to church but you're rejecting a majority of community and belonging and then wondering why you feel lonely and like no one is there for you.

#churches ban together for the ppl going there #any time anyone had a problem at the church i went to #no less than 10 ppl would volunteer to help #its a real solid community and you bond over extremely powerful and loving messages #yes homophobia and bigotry exist in a lot of churches but its not all of them #church isnt inherently bad #its the ppl and the vibe of the congregation that makes it bad #its not all like that #idk im really tired of ppl shooting themselves in the foot(stomping out their own irl community access) #and then complaining about how their foot hurts (how they have no tangible community support) #it doesn't even have to be church but im focusing on that bc its the only ACTUAL community ive ever had

[esterigermaine]

Astarion needs so much therapy.

#astarion #and yet it is so therapeutic to see him kill his abuser #i mean I wouldn't do that #but i wouldn't lie and say I didnt spend a good decade or so fantasizing about burning a church down #with the priest the staff and half the congregation inside #but I was a child newly free from years of torment and angry at the world with the misguided belief it would help others #and so is he #despite the fact he is over 200 #ive had time to heal and let go of my anger and he needs time to do the same #i could not imagine 200 years of that sort of hell or the amount of time and work it would take him to even begin to mentally recover #bro would need his entire immortal life to deal with this #what I am trying to say is that a lot of people relate to him #but also that some of his behaviors and beliefs can be a part of his trauma #gaining power over others before they can do the same over you/make you a victim again is common as well #lashing out towards totally unrelated people who share some sort of link with an abuser? YEP #some gurs beat Astarion to the point his choices were death or becoming a spawn and living 200 years in literal hell #it is so easy to see all gurs as just like the ones who hurt him and/or take it out on all of them #i could write an entire presentation on astarions trauma and people relating to or seeing themselves in it #spoilers #abuse tw

[squirmydonnie]

Vent: it's really just me rambling.

I thought about saying it yesterday and today. There will never be good time to say it.

So theres no point in trying to find one. But I'm quite nervous about it. I've told no one the details or even about what Cookie 12 is to me. And why I've had to stop daydreaming about him and everything else imaginary.

It makes me wonder if I actually can say it. Say anything.

Recently my dad has started telling me that the things I say matter, and that they are important. And while I believe that (to a degree), it doesn't stop me from not saying things. I don't trust people very well anymore.

My parents don't even know I've struggled with it because I never told them. They haven't got a clue. No one does.

I know its because I don't say anything. I'm to afraid to say things. Even if they are things I like. I'm to scared to call someone a friend. So i say i have no friends.

It feels like I, myself, don't know if I have friends. Im too scared to figure it out. To get close.

When Grayless called me her friend, I was confused and could barely respond. I'm too afraid to be someone's friend. Because they'll hurt me.

The closet friends I've had are imaginary. They aren't real.

And now that I'm not letting myself go back to daydreaming or fall back in the beliefs, I've become very upset.

People do not like my presence. At least that's how I see it.

The person i had tried to comfort a bit ago doesn't seem to like me.. We were waiting for a substitute to come and I came up to where everyone else was sitting.

They asked a question so I responded. The told me it was " A-B conversation".

🙂

Well first of all it's not because your talking to 3 people. Second of all I'm sick of getting left out on purpose.

Theres a student that people generally dislike. We were getting put into teams for dodgeball and the students were picking the teams.

Tell me why they picked the student they disliked so much before me and I was picked last.

Why do people do that?.

Why do people pick me last, and right before pick someone they hate.

I know that if I don't say what I like people can't connect to me. But I don't think I can connect to these people. I don't think they want me.

But my NBB likes me. She likes me a lot. I feel bad that I don't really. Shes broken me down a whole lot.

I didn't want to think that one person could be the reason that I don't trust others. And I'm right, it's not just her, but shes a big part of why.

Despite that I haven't been able to not help her when shes in need. I've never been able to do that. To not care about another person.

People say it's an admirable trait. But they fail to recognize how it works. Having high empathy doesn't mean you can comfort people well. It doesn't mean you can help. It just means that you feel it.

I feel it so hard that I don't always help. Empathy itself is a skill, but it's not a fix-all.

This is so disjointed, but maybe I will say what cookie12 is. If I can manage.

#cheeseburgerboy #im kind of complaining actually. #im not turning this back on. #im actually closing my eyes. and walking away. and um seeing other things unrealted. and waiting. and this isn't actually important #and other such things as well. my mom is calling #shes at some church thing. she'll be there until Thursday #in her prayer yesterday she prayed that dad would be paitent and kind #i get patient. but kind confuses me #she also told me to keep to keep him stable or something like that. #i don't really having to do that with you guys. its not a regular occurence. but its an irregular occurence. #helping you guys can be stressful. but recently when i end up having to help them ive started kind of breezing through it until you stop #i either cry or just take a break after that. depends on the context of the conversation #non of this is important. #it doesnt matter #so so panicked for what. close your eyes #im going to take a shower tonight

[blye-flower]

.

#my thing is always gonna be this #how are you upset with me because im trying to have a boundary??? #how are you upset with ME that YOURE ALWAYS OVERSTEPPING MY BOUNDARIES #like yes i babysitter im a babysitter but you cant expect me to babysit just cause you need a babysitter!?? like what??! #“oh we needed to go to another church and the kids didnt wanna go” okay?? so you just dropped them off without saying anything to me??! #you didnt even ask if i could you just assumed i would cause im home??? like i dont deserve a moment??? #like im not a parent #i dont have any kids and i definitely dont fucking plan on it so why tf do i feel like a single mother in my day to day?? #why do i never have any free time to myself why is my free time volunteered to making sure children are supervised??! #“well since you decided this im just gonna come get the kids” yeah im within my fucking right so why are you phrasing it like im wrong #god ive never been this frustrated that im fucking crying like can i have some fuckinf breathing space AWAY from other ppls kids #blymi rants #update:: my sister did in fact come and get them #and told the kids “yall cant stay home cause auntie doesnt feel like watching yall” #definitely feels like shes putting the blame on me cool cool cool #just peachy. #love that for me lets make it MY fault whatever #god i really cannot catch a fucking break #and trust and believe im gonna have to hear some stupid ass better than thou speech about how i need to help out my sister #“because shes a student a mother AND working” as if any of those choices are my fucking concern yep wonderful #especially for a sister. that while i love her. feels entitled to peoples help because shes “going through so much” #and now i cant even fucking relax or draw or write because im so fucking pissed #which is why i wanted the afternoon to myself ANYWAYS so no matter what the fucking days a goddamn bust for me regardless

[swisscheeseghoul]

i cannot explain it but every time I hear it, “Hell’s Comin’ with Me” by Poor Mans Poison makes me think of Copia

#it might be the maladaptive daydreaming #but every time I hear it I picture copia being thrown out of the church when he’s young #and then turning back eventually- with the help of sister- and overthrowing the church #the band ghost #cardinal copia #papa emeritus iv

[lasdelaintuicion]

every year someone else in my family or childhood social circle turns to religious lunacy after their life starts to go to shit or they hit rock bottom and everyime it feels like watching a car crash but going "ok!" hoping they wont fall too far down the cult hell <3

#and like #ive actually been there lol im not judging #i thankfully had enough support that i didn't fully get absorbed into the church and the worldviews they parrot (completely unrelated #to the religion too) in my search for something that could help #and my little cousin had a similar experience and came to me about it because he was scared of “ending up” like his mom #since he knows i still sometimes go with her for church events and when im feeling bad but disagree with so much of what their organization #and social circle promotes and how she completely changed her behaviors in such a short period of time and got WORSE in her mental health #and it was a good talk! i hadnt felt close to him in ages it was nice #but my point is I'm not judging them #it just feels like this is becoming TOO MUCH of a trend in the family #hope the others get out of their zealot phase unscathed #my older cousin has been much more normal lately than he was in his first few years of converting to islam #he was such a stereotype #but converting or being interested in a new belief system isn't a negative thing it's just too commonly the peak of a nervous breakdown <3 #which leaves people vulnerable to cultish behaviors <3

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 209

Adjective: Voracious

Noun: Churchyard

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Voracious: wanting or devouring great quantities of food; having a very eager approach to an activity

Churchyard: an enclosed area surrounding a church, especially as used for burials

#so a coworker of mine that ive been having quite a few various issues with the past few months seemingly got fired today #(i cant confirm he was fired but between the phrasing of his departure email and him not putting in a two weeks it seems like he was fired) #and it honestly feels like a massive weight has been lifted off of my chest #(despite knowing we still have a long way to go in terms of inclusivity as a whole organisation but im hopeful to make changes with that) #cos i know that our clients (at least legally) are going to be getting the best help possible between me and our other legal advocate #and im hoping that now that his (honestly) oppressive energy is gone the environment at the office will be much nicer to work in #im just worried about potentially getting overwhelmed or incredibly busy cos ill have to take his existing clients #and any new ones needing help in my specific service areas cos im now the only person serving these areas #but ill handle that if it happens #i just feel like i can breathe and that ill feel a lot more comfortable being myself at work #also our supervisor has been out all week while being on vacation so she is gonna come back on monday to a real big surprise #anyway sorry for the rant #but these prompts are lowkey my diary so kind of not sorry #anyhoo back to our regularly scheduled programming #the prompt gives the feeling of the 'churchyard' (whether the church or the cemetery) pulling people or souls or corpses in to feed on #and for me there is the added theme or element of abuse through the word 'churchyard' reminding me of the song of the same name by aurora #there is just a lot to play around with here #definitely more than there appears to be on the surface #aurora #aurora aksnes #aurora music #infections of a different kind #thanks for reading #writing #writer #creative writing #writing prompt #writeblr #trying to be a writeblr at least

[crvstybowlofcereal]

Church doodles

It's different when someone is right next to you, practically looking over your shoulder.

Also church was... Interesting today.

First they opened worship singing happy birthday to the lead guitarist/singer (he was not expecting it)

I got super overwhelmed during worship (the drums especially were so loud) so I went to hide in the bathroom and when I came back an older man had passed out (he's on blood thinners) and everyone was doing that cult-y feeling thing where the whole groups prays and reaches their hand out in that person's direction (we had like 5 nurses who rushed over to help him, he's fine as far as I'm aware)

The pastor called his wife hot during the sermon

Pastor also joked about not paying tolls crossing state boarders

#i am not christian #but my family is and they don't know im not #i usually help my mom run kids church but we sat in for the sermon today #the older gentleman who passed out said he was fine and then threw up in the next room #someone had called 911 and all his vitals were fine but they still took him to hospital anyways #but as far as ive been told hes ok #oc art #paper doodles

[felidthing]

i have been feeling incredibly like. spiritually neglected and i just googled the chalice lighting/extinguishing words bc i had forgotten them and started Crying

#posts #wrote them down now i can stare at them. girl help i have to get back to church #i am absolutely going to visit my usual church at Some Point because i HAVE to. i must #'cause like. idk where im gonna be living after this lol. I'll probably have to find a new chcurch :( #but my usual churh is SPECIAL on account of it being like the only one ive been going to since i was. idk. 6 or 7 #i would love to go to the christmas eve service i just have no idea whatll be possible rn

[ink-livi]

My town is fucking haunted! And it's utterly consuming and feels so impossible to escape it's genuinely insane. It's dying and dead but it's beginning to thrive. Everyone hates it here and wants out but nobody wants to leave. I don't know what to make of it.

#liv talks #i dont know what it is about growing up in a small town. especially here in the midwest #but fuck is there something so wrong and suffocating about this place #lmfao this is why i wanna write a horror story about this place. it would be so so easy #nothing to worry about btw ive just been thinking about this place a lot #but im okay #going a little insane but im okay lol #these past few days have been weird. this whole ass year had been weird #prolly doesnt help that i grew up in a place so small it cant even be considered a town. a fucking village with what? 5 churches? #god. man. kinda wild to think about #and now i live in the next town over #where my dad grew up and its a bit bugger and livelier and has more people. but rhe feeling doesnt leave #and i could keep going and just. talk about this town and the things here but maybe not #i have lists of things. lists. #just been thinkin a lot. last night kept myself up till 11 am thinking #i need to write something LOL #i am so sorry mutuals i am so mentally everywhere. then again yall choose to stick around LMAO #yeah im gonna write something or do some story planning. yeah #i talk too much