#ive only watched the first episode and looking through the tags

[mxrisacoulter]

well well well... if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions

#hdm #mine* #his dark materials #hdm s3 #his dark materials spoilers #mrs coulter #marisa coulter #ruth wilson #lord asriel #james mcavoy #ive only watched the first episode and looking through the tags #it appears most of the gifmakers for this show are english #anyway i know the asriel girlies are gonna be happy this season by the looks of it #ill watch the second episode this evening and will be back with more ruth stuff do not fear #anyway its 5am here now so im going to go to bed lol #peace and love xoxox

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter IV - The Iron Enters the Soul

Chapter Summary: You travel to the Fold, to see your skiff setting off on its first journey. But something goes terribly wrong and it returns soon after with many dead and wounded. Not everyone is dead only thanks to a surprising revelation. Back in the Little Palace many things change.

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Fedyor Kaminsky, Ivan, Zoya Nazyalensky, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Marie, Nadia Zhabin

Word Count: 4137

A/N: This chapter contains plot and dialogues from episode one to four of season one. Inspired by prompt: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089791935/

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

It takes a small thing for you to finally figure it out. Suddenly, you know what exactly is needed for building a lighter and faster skiff, and you know how to make it. You even impress the King with your idea. Albeit, you're sure he has no idea what you're talking about when you introduce your idea to him and just pretends to understand that, since other smart people in the room are looking at each other in astonishment. Still, it's not that you care. You have his permission to build it.

The next days are filled with planning, sketching, work and a bit more work. You're sleeping schedule is pretty much not existing. You sleep just enough to rest, so you could continue working. Most of the times you're on Alkemi's potions that keep you focused, awake and full of energy (some Durasts even say you have now a bit too much energy).

Aleksander is, of course, worried by it and tries to talk some sense into you. But after he tries to drag you to sleep, you actually hiss at him like a very angry cat with a murderous look in your eyes. Kirigan is sure he hasn't backed out from anything as fast as this time. Or hasn't been that much scared of anyone.

The day comes, however, when the skiff is ready. You actually cry when you look at it in all its glory. Out of emotion, but mostly because you're just so glad it's finally finished and your work with it is over. Now all that remains is to take it for the first journey.

For some reason, you're not on the list of Grisha that are about to come across the Fold on the new skiff. True, Durasts don't cross it usually, but you assumed that since you're the one responsible for creating it, you'd go and supervise how it goes. Not that you're complaining. You are, however, to be present during its set off.

You arrive on the day the skiff launches. Together with Aleksander in his carriage. You jokingly ask him if he's going because he believes your new ultralight skiff is going to be a shining success or a spectacular failure. He looks you seriously in the eyes and answers he doesn't take into account the second option, because you're the one that supervised the creation of it. You blush, shut up and don't speak a word until the end of the journey.

Once you're there, Aleksander gets out of the carriage first and then helps you out. Immediately, you look at the Fold warily.

'It's your first time, isn't it?' Kirigan asks. 'Seeing it.'

'I wouldn't mind spend my life without seeing it,' you confess grimly. 'It's… massive. Much more than I've imagined. I'm really grateful I'm not the one who has to cross it.'

'Well, thanks to you, the one who do, will do it much faster now,' Aleksander says. You smile at him. You quickly stop, when a Grisha hurries to Kirigan and whispers something to him.

'The skiff launches in twenty minutes,' the Darkling says to you. 'Shall we find a good spot?'

'Might as well,' you agree. Aleksander gives some orders. Then, together you go and take your places in front of the Fold. You watch how everyone assigned for the trip get on the skiff. Soon, the gate is raised up and the sail lowered. Zoya summons the wind and the skiff moves. You're sure your heart stops for a moment when it happens.

'Don't worry,' Aleksander says, grabbing your hand. 'Everything is going to be perfectly alright. You made that skiff.'

'And that's why I'm so scared,' you admit. 'If something goes wrong… it will be my fault. Deaths of the people will be on me.'

'They're not going to die,' Kirigan says. You smile sadly.

'You can't know that,' you say, shaking your head. In silence, you watch how the skiff sails into the Fold and is swallowed by it. You exhale slowly.

'Now all we can do is wait,' Aleksander says. You nod and follow him into his tent.

You're not sure how much time has passed when it happens. But you're sure it's not much. You're standing in the entrance to Kirigan's tent, looking at the Fold. General has given up on trying to get you to stop and go back inside. Suddenly, a burst of light is seen in the Fold. You hear shouts of surprise. Your eyes open wide.

'General?' you call hesitantly. 'Either something is wrong with the new source of light David has made… or something strange is happening in the Fold…'

Aleksander comes to your side at once. He stiffens, baffled. He frowns. Together you watch how the light disappears.

'What is it?' you ask, afraid a bit.

'I don't know,' Kirigan answers. 'But I'm sure we're about to find out.'

You wait. After what seems like forever, the skiff returns, hurrying out of the Fold with a crash. It's destroyed in many places. The mission was a failure, but at least some have returned. Before Aleksander can stop you, you hurry to the skiff, to find out what happened, what went wrong. If something was wrong with the skiff… whether it was your fault…

You pass people rushing around your creation. Shouting orders, taking the wounded to the medical… taking out the dead… You hurry to the skiff. You almost crash into your friend.

'Zoya,' you say, relieved to see her alive. 'What happened?'

The Squaller grabs your arms tightly. You look at her with surprise.

'It was not your fault,' she says sternly. 'You hear me? Not your fault. Not the skiff's. It's not on you. Okay?'

'Okay,' you say quietly, nodding. You try to break free of Zoya's grip and see to the damages. But she just tightens her hold.

'Don't go yet,' she says. 'Let… Let them clean up a bit. You'd only be in their way.'

You look her in the eyes. She looks away. You know what she's trying to do. She doesn't want you to see more of the dead, more of the wounded. She doesn't want you to blame yourself for what happened to them.

'Zoya-' you start, your voice low.

'Anyway, you should go back to General's tent,' she interrupts you. You frown.

'Why is that?' you ask. Zoya glances behind her back.

'Because in a moment they're going to bring there someone who I believe is… the Sun Summoner,' she says hesitantly. You stare at her blankly. You blink and ask:

'I'm sorry… the who now?!'

*

You and Zoya reach Aleksander's tent before the (alleged) Sun Summoner. On your way there she tells you what happened and you're left speechless. You look at Kirigan, but as usual, his face is a mask void of emotion in public. So, you wait.

Finally, a young girl from the First Army is brought into the tent by two soldiers and a Healer in tow. You can see the fear in her eyes when they fall on the man in front of her, Aleksander, who's standing with his back to her by the table.

'Bring her closer,' he orders. The soldiers take the girl a few steps closer and let her go. They back away themselves. Kirigan turns around slowly and assesses her.

'Closer,' he says. She looks around, unsure, and takes one step forward.

'Well?' General asks, raising his eyebrows.

'Well, what?' the girl asks and hastily looks down. 'Sir.'

You smile slightly, already liking her. Zoya gently elbows your side and you quickly become serious.

'What are you?' Aleksander asks.

'Alina Starkov, Assistant Cartographer, Royal Corps of Surveyors,' the girls answers and you see something in her eyes. 'They're all gone. It's my fault. That's why I'm here, isn't it?'

'Answer the question,' Kirigan says, raising his hand, and leans on the desk. 'What are you?'

'A… mapmaker, sir,' Alina answers, confused. Some Grisha laugh. You clench your fist. Zoya discreetly takes your other hand and gives it a squeeze.

'Quiet,' Aleksander orders and the laughter stops. 'So who actually saw what happened? Zoya? You manned the main sail.'

'We were attacked barely two markers in,' Zoya, on whom all eyes are now, answers. 'Someone lit a lantern.'

'And?' Kirigan asks, looking at Alina, who's clearly feeling uncomfortable under his penetrating gaze.

'The Volcra went after the riflemen and our Inferni first,' Zoya goes on. 'And then there was a searing light.'

'It was her,' a soldier from the First Army says, pointing at Alina.

'Our mapmaker,' Aleksander says and tilts his head. 'Is this true? Can you… summon light?'

Alina shakes her head, scared and confused. Kirigan mimics her gesture.

'Where did you grow up?' he asks.

'Keramzin,' Alina answers.

'Hmm. And when were you tested?' Aleksander asks, but Alina doesn't answer. 'You… don't remember? Well, let us just… make certain.'

He stands up as he says it and walks to the map maker. He places his special ring on his thumb. You can see fear in Alina's eyes.

'Lift up your sleeve,' Kirigan says to her. He clouds the tent in his shadows.

'What's happening?' Alina asks, her eyes darting around.

'Your sleeve. Please,' Aleksander repeats. The cartographer lifts up her right sleeve slightly. Kirigan takes her hand and rolls it up higher. He cuts her arm… and a burst of light shots out of it and cuts through the tent. Everyone looks up at it. Alina stares at it in awe and shock.

You're stunned, too, of course. You look at Aleksander. He and the Sun Summoner (it's certain now) are looking at each other. Kirigan is smiling. She is afraid.

Aleksander lets go of her arm. She takes a few steps back, gasping.

'Take her to the Little Palace immediately,' Kirigan orders. And just like that, Alina is taken away. You stay for a moment longer inside the tent. When you get out, you see the Sun Summoner riding away in Aleksander's coach. An injured soldier is running after it, shouting her name. She's also shouting something at him from inside the coach. He doesn't reach her. You feel tears in your eyes.

Mama!

[Y/N]!

Mama!

No, please, what are you doing?!

MAMA!

'[Y/N]?' a voice pulls you out of your memories. You turn your head. Aleksander is looking at you with worry. Your look hardens. He takes a step back, surprised. You've never looked at him with such anger.

'What is it?' he asks.

'You didn't even let her say goodbye to her friends,' you say.

'She's in a great danger now, there's no time to lose,' Aleksander says. You scoff.

'I need to check on the skiff,' you say. Kirigan frowns and grabs your arm.

'[Y/N]-' he starts, but you harshly pull your arm away. You glare at him and march toward the skiff. You vent your frustration during repairing it. Some people want to help you, but quickly scatter away after seeing the murderous look in your eyes. You only look away from your work once, when you catch a glance of Aleksander riding after Alina. You scoff, still angry at him, and almost break a mast.

When you're done, on your way to the Grisha's tents you pass the First Army. You stop, noticing the man that was running after Alina. You stop and look at him. He's in a bad mood, same as you. You hesitate only a moment.

When he and his two friends notice you, they quickly stand up from their seats. You stop in front of him. You both eye each other warily. There are no warm feelings between the First and Second Armies.

'She didn't know,' you finally say. The man blinks.

'I'm sorry?' he asks.

'Miss Starkov,' you explain. 'She hasn't been hiding this from you. She was genuinely surprised during the testing. She didn't know.'

The man purses his lips. His friends exchange a look.

'She also didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you,' you say. 'Or explaining this.'

Well, you're not sure about that. But judging how she was shouting and pounding on the coach when she saw her friend, you're pretty sure that's true.

'Thank you,' the man says after a moment, nodding. You nod back and turn to leave.

'What's your name?' the man calls after you. You stop and look behind your back.

'[Y/N] [L/N],' you answer yourself and glance at your kefta. 'A Durast.'

'Mal Oretsev,' the man introduces himself. 'A tracker.'

'Pleasure to meet you,' you say, smiling slightly. Mal opens his mouth to say something, but he stops seeing Zoya marching to you angrily.

'There you are!' she says, exasperated. 'I've just found out. Seriously? Have you really been repairing the skiff on your own the whole time?'

You glance nervously at the soldiers and see them staring at you with shock. You shrug at Zoya.

'Not my fault everyone has run off,' you answer and beam at her. 'But it's alright now. All fixed. It should be ready to go when they decide to try again.'

'One day my hair is going to turn white because of you,' Zoya says after a moment and grabs your arm. 'Come. You need sleep. And then you're going after General. No discussion. I'm setting off right now, but you need to rest.'

You do try to argue. No avail. Apparently Kirigan has left specific instructions before following the Sun Summoner. You are to be taken to the Little Palace as soon as the skiff doesn't require your presence to be fixed. But since it's already night, you're going the next day. Every Grisha agrees on that. No one wants to disobey General. Well, maybe you wouldn't mind, but you're clearly outnumbered on this one.

*

When you arrive at the Little Palace, everyone is already talking about the Sun Summoner. She's already been introduced to the King, showed him her power and has received her own kefta. She's also have had her ass kicked by Zoya. All of that you know from the rumours that travel fast in the walls. It's almost impossible to keep a secret here.

You see Alina again during supper. As usual, you arrive as one of the last. David is pleased to see you and asks you all sort of questions about the skiff and the catastrophe. And some about the Sun Summoner. The girl in question notices your arrival and looks at you with a frown, recognizing you from Kirigan's tent.

'That's [YN] [L/N],' Alina's new friend, Marie, an Inferni, says and rolls her eyes. 'General's favourite Durast.'

'Or pet, as some say,' Nadia, a Squaller and another of Alina's new friends, adds. 'No one really sees what he sees in her. But everyone knows it's better not to do something to her.'

'Why?' Alina asks, not taking her eyes off you.

'Or the punishment from General will be severe,' Marie answers. 'Honestly, all that fuss about her and she couldn't even make that ultralight skiff right.'

'There was nothing wrong with the skiff,' Alina quickly says. 'What happened… had nothing to do with the skiff.'

Marie and Nadia exchange a look but don't say anything. They finish their meal in peace and stand up to leave. At the door they almost collide with you.

'Miss Starkov,' you greet her. 'I'm glad to officially meet you. I'm [Y/N] [L/N], a Durast.'

'Pleasure,' Alina says. She's well aware of the little smirks of Nadia and Marie. You ignore them and focus on the Sun Summoner.

'I… I hope you won't think I was out of line,' you start slowly, causing Alina to frown. 'But I spoke with your friend. The one who… tried to talk to you before you left.'

Alina's eyes go wide. Nadia and Marie exchange a look.

'Is he alright?' the Sun Summoner asks. You nod.

'He's going to be fine,' you say. 'I… told him you didn't want to go before saying a proper goodbye to him. And that you didn't know. About being a Grisha.'

Alina blinks away the tears. She tries to calm down her breathing.

'What did he say?' she asks.

'He… thanked me for sharing this with him,' you answer. 'He couldn't say more, because our duties called.'

'I see,' Alina says and suddenly grabs your hand. 'Thank you. Truly.'

'Anytime, Miss Starkov,' you say and smile. 'And I mean it. The door to my room is always open for you.'

'Alina,' the Sun Summoner corrects you. You smile at her, glance at her friends who have a decency to look embarrassed, and turn to go. Only to collide with Fedyor chest.

'[Y/N],' he greets you. 'General wants to see you.'

And here goes your good mood. You force a polite smile.

'And I want the moon,' you say and walk away, leaving baffled Fedyor, Alina, Nadya and Marie. Yes, you're still angry. So, you go to the workshop to vent out your frustration on some poor piece of metal. Which maybe wasn't a good decision, since it's the first place anyone goes if they look for you. Including one certain General Kirigan.

'You know, I don't think I've known anyone who has the nerve to disobey me so barefacedly,' he says, walking to you casually.

'You must have spoiled me with your attention,' you murmur, not looking at him.

'Maybe I have,' Aleksander agrees.

'Then you can go away and not give me your attention,' you say, waving at him to go away. He raises his eyebrows. Then, he sighs.

'What have I done?' he asks, spreading his hands. 'Please, tell me.'

'I already told you,' you say, glaring at him.

'Is it about not letting Miss Starkov to say goodbye?' Aleksander asks. 'I told you already. She was in danger and could have been attacked at any moment. And she was. She almost died. She probably would have if we had waited a moment longer.'

'Do you know how she felt?' you ask, turning to face him abruptly. 'In one moment, she finds out she's a Grisha. All her world has crumbled around her. Usually, people go to someone they trust in such moments. And you… you pulled her away from them, not even letting her talk to them one last time. Do you know how she must have felt? Because I do.'

Tears shine in your eyes. Slowly, realisation downs on Aleksander. He looks at you, horrified.

'Saints, [Y/N]… I'm sorry,' he says and gulps. 'I forgot. I'm sorry.'

You blink your tears away and turn away from him. After a moment you feel him gently put his hands on your arms.

'I didn't mean to bring this memory up for you,' he says softly. 'I'm so, so sorry. Please, forgive me.'

'I know you didn't mean it,' you say a minute later and turn around with a sigh. 'I'm sorry. I overreacted.'

'No, don't be,' Aleksander says and hesitantly pulls you in for a hug. 'I know how much memories of your father upsets you. Especially the one about him taking you away from your mother.'

You let him comfort you for a moment longer. Then, you pull away.

'I missed our tea,' you say. Kirigan smiles.

'That's nothing you can't make up for,' he says and takes your hand in his. You smile back and let him take you to his chambers. All is good again between you two.

*

Alina takes you on your word and often comes to you for advice. At first, you're baffled by her interest in you. You quickly suspect she has some ulterior motives and plans to use you for something. After all, everyone else does. But you realise that with understanding how she felt and talking to her friend, you gained her eternal friendship. You're still not sure whether it's a good thing.

At the beginning, you're happy that she wants to be your friend and seeks you out. She even comes to you after one particular training with Baghra. You listen to her and nod understandingly.

'Honestly, is she such a nightmare to everyone?' she groans at one point.

'I've heard she is,' you confirm. Alina looks at you with suspicion.

'You've heard?' she repeats. 'She wasn't a nightmare to you?'

'No, for some reason my lessons with her weren't as terrible as everyone around me were talking they were,' you answer, tapping your finger on your chin in wonder. 'Maybe I got her respect after I almost killed her with my powers.'

'You did what?!' Alina asks, astonished. You don't answer her and hurry away. She chases you, demanding to hear the story. She doesn't, but you're both seen later laughing hysterically.

The days when the Sun Summoner's presence is a blessing to you come to an end at some point. You think it happens when she finally finds what was blocking her and her training with Baghra finally has some effects.

It starts when you come for your daily tea with Aleksander one day. You're surprised he's not in his chambers. You do find Fedyor there however.

'Oh, [Y/N],' he says, surprised, but quickly understand. 'You're here for your tea with General? I'm sorry to tell you he's left.'

'It's alright,' you say and head toward the table. 'I can wait.'

'He…' Fedyor stops you, clearly uncomfortable. 'He's just left. For a ride with Alina.'

You're still for a moment. You force a smile at the Heartrender.

'Thank you for telling me,' you say and head for the door. 'If you see him when he comes back, tell him I'm in the workshop.'

Aleksander doesn't come to the workshop. You don't even know when he's returned. You go to your bed with a troubled mind that night.

Sadly, it happens again. And again. And again. You can't tell how many times you've come to your daily tea not to find Kirigan there and hear he's somewhere with Alina. At some point… you simply stop coming to his chambers. He doesn't speak about it when he sees you. Your heart clenches in pain.

One day, you get out of workshop to get some fresh air. You stop dead in your tracks, seeing Aleksander walking with Alina. They're coming from the direction of Baghra's hut. And they're both smiling. Your stomach turns.

'[Y/N]?' Ivan asks with a frown, stopping by your side. You've been standing still for a few minutes now, staring at the pair with a blank face. He already considers shouting for General, thinking you're about to faint or something.

'Are you alright?' the Heartrender asks. You're silent for a moment. You watch how Alina says something and Aleksander laughs. She grins. And you mourn.

'You never know how much you love someone, until you watch them love someone else,' you say quietly. Ivan looks at you with wide eyes.

'You…?' he asks, astonished. You turn to him with a sad smile.

'Wasn't it obvious?' you ask. Ivan looks softens (which everyone believes is not possible).

'You've hid it very well,' he says quietly.

'I'm glad,' you say. Ivan hesitates.

'[Y/N]-' he starts.

'I'm not the first girl to be foolish enough to fall for General,' you interrupt him. 'And I certainly won't be the last.'

Ivan has no idea what to say. He's not the one people look for to seek comfort. Fedyor is better at that. Actually, anyone is better at that than him. He can pat you on your arm but he doubts it's going to be much help. Should he hug you? Oh, Saints, he hopes not. He'd be so awkward at this.

'I'll be fine,' you say and force a smile, knowing your friend is worried. 'I already know how to deal with a broken heart.'

You turn and start to walk away. You don't want to meet Alina and Aleksander. Not together. Not while they're laughing and giggling like teenagers in love. You love them both and don't want to hurt them with harsh words your jealous heart would surely cause you to spit out. Ivan stops you by grabbing your arm.

'Will you distance yourself from him?' he asks, knowing very well how much Kirigan needs your company. You close your eyes.

'As if I ever would manage to do that,' you say. Ivan lets you go. You hurry away and back to the Little Palace, blinking away the tears.

Your torture continues. Alina grows stronger. Aleksander spends less and less time with you. You throw yourself at work to ignore the pain in your heart. But it hardly helps. Because while you're used to people breaking your heart, it feels different with Kirigan. He actually saw you and understood you. And now he chose someone else. Once again, you're left with metals and other substances. Alone.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/133684612

#aleksander kirigan #aleksander morovoza #the darkling #general kirigan #reader #aleksander kirigan x reader #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling x reader #general kirigan x reader #aleksander kirigan/reader #aleksander morozova/reader #the darkling/reader #general kirigan/reader #aleksander kirigan & reader #aleksander morozova & reader #the darkling & reader #general kirigan & reader #aleksander kirigan x you #aleksander morozova x you #the darkling x you #general kirigan x you #aleksander kirigan/you #aleksander morozova/you #the darkling/you #general kirigan/you #aleksander kirigan & you #aleksander morozova & you #the darkling & you #general kirigan & you #shadow and bone

[youngpettyqueen]

RE: MASH: I keep hearing about The Hauntolgy and the Time Loop Theory, and I wanna torture myself a little by reading more but I can’t seem to find any tags or anything on the blogs I’m following, and we all know search is broken.

Any ideas? I know these are pretty popular AUs/concepts.

oooo yea these are both pretty big within the fandom here. ill be the first to admit I havent looked at a ton of the time loop theory stuff, but I do think its a fascinating concept. my personal favourites are the ones that involve Henry being the one who's conscious of the time loop, or the ones with it being Radar

Henry's is really just a beautiful and painful tragedy with the idea of him trying to escape his death but he cant. the idea of him trying to go home so many different ways but it always ends the same, and when he wakes up right back where he started. @thebreakfastgenie has a post about it thats great, I know ive reblogged it at least once so ill see if I cant find it quick and reblog it for ya anon

in terms of Radar's I dont remember any specific post but I think its an interesting take on his more clairvoyant-like moments. being able to predict what people are saying, apparently being able to read minds to some extent, etc. its a fun gag in the show, but putting him in a time loop setting and having it be that he seems to have clairvoyant abilities because he's already done all of this before... its a fun take and also it hurts <3 im not sure what id have Radar's time loop be centred around, what he would be trying to escape or change, but its definitely interesting to think about

then there's the haunting which I have looked at quite a bit more and have talked about here a couple times, though thats usually in tags. there's a lot I could say about hauntings and MASH because the show itself is just... haunted. everybody's haunted by something, the entire narrative is haunted. the ghosts of the deceased, ghosts of the loved ones they left behind, ghosts of the ones who left, ghosts of their failures, etc. my personal favourite way to look at it is through how each character's loved ones back home float around them, influence them, haunt them in their waking moments and in their dreams. theyre not dead, but theyre not there. they exist only in pictures and letters, maybe the very rare phone call just so you can remember the sound of their voice

I remember there was a post listing the best haunted episodes of MASH with like, explanations as to why each episode was haunted and by what. I dont remember who OP was unfortunately- it might have been @variousqueerthings but I could be mistaken. I think Follies of the Living is my favourite episode for this, the episode's take on ghosts is fantastic, and that last shot just really stuck with me. its one of my favourite episodes in general tbh, this desperation and then this quiet sadness of a ghost hanging around camp, watching but unseen, listening but unheard. makes me wonder how many other ghosts sometimes hang around

#mash #Hawkeye in the time loop theory is also good #he does have an awareness about him that suits it #but I like to look at different characters for the time loop theory because you can make some really interesting cases there #and then the hauntings... #I know I have a tag analysis from months ago about Dreams and how Peg haunts BJ #because I think about that fairly often #kinda wanna write a fic now from the POV of Tommy's ghost hanging around camp after his death #gonna tuck that idea away for later #I have several other WIPs to finish first #but yeah MASH is haunted I think about it all the time #my thoughts aren't particularly organized on the matter but I could write an essay about it

[halforcdad]

Regarding your post on fandom and Yas, it's definitely weird and honestly concerning how intense they can be. I'm new to the fandom and honestly find it very hard to participate in it, because people on twt can be so Intense™ sometimes but there's almost never new content on Tumblr unless there's a new ep and even then it's really just gifs and not like...conversation. So sometimes when I'm in need of new content I go on twt and see some very aggressive fans and I...go back to tumblr and look through my own reblogged Kacy post lmao I just want to talk to Kacy fans why is it so hard

twitter is a wild, wild place, but i agree that it definitely is livelier there than here. i feel like it definitely attracts more of the louder, younger fandom, because half the people ik here are too busy with their jobs/grad school to even watch the episode within the first week of airing let alone post nearly that much (though theyve got a lot of older adults there too tbh, who are arguably more intense than the younger fans). i only use it casually to watch edits and see bts stuff and i still get overwhelmed and leave pretty quickly.

tumblr was def more active when s1 was airing and the kacy angst was at peak capacity, but lucy being absent and the lack of a significant kacy plot this season is probably what's contributing to the lack of conversation unfortunately. it will probably pick up though when new episodes start airing again next month so youll be able to strike then!

a lot of those gifmakers have a lot to say if you message them! and idk if you read fic at all, but all the writers for ncis: h ive interacted with/messaged on here/twitter are very cool and more than happy to talk about kacy!

if im remembering correctly, there are a few kacy discords floating around here that im sure you could jump in as well if you ask about them

if all else fails you just gotta keep making posts in the tag and scream until someone hears you! LOL

#asks #i wish i had smth better to say but it really is just that you gotta send asks/message people first im sorry LOL #none of my friends watch the show but i still talk about it and force feed it to them and they indulge me LOL #im sorry its hard i feel like fandom always is but hey you sent me an ask so youre already doing it #sometimes you gotta find whos posting the most about something and message them and theyll almost definitely respond #and as always curate the hell out of your experience find a few good people and hunker down and ignore the more intense crowd #there are a lot of fun and very smart people here!

[dauntingday]

top 15 tv shows (in no particular order except i did number them bc otherwise i would forget to do 15)( love u @soleadita and fuck with the icon change immensely)

crashing (2016) call me marissa cooper the way i am ruthlessly stealing this pick but yeah it's. it's insane and fantastic and terrible and beautiful and so much happens so fast but its so so important to me

inside job (it's gross and weird and funny and sad and it's one of the only times i was genuinely upset when i heard about a show being cancelled)

young justice (pointing at an on fire garbage can - this is my son and i love him)

gilmore girls (comfort media of all time what else do you need)

bob's burgers (similar to the above it's very i am falling asleep to the weird bisexual man who is a mess at all times except for how much he loves his family)

fleabag (why yes i have a perfectly normal relationship with the catholic church and the concept of being truly known. why would you ask. and yeah i real life cried)

yuri on ice (idk if anime counts but fuck around and find out this is My List (tm)) ((it's beautiful and soft and lovely and sad and stressful and i listened to the instrumental track so many times it was on my spotify top songs. it's literally just a piano and a boy with a dream and i have wept about it))

given (it's the first anime i ever watched all the way through which in retrospect, fucking insane way to come out of the gate. as a Band Kid (tm) who wanted to be a theater kid but was bad at speaking in front of groups of people, this show did a lot to my psyche in the best way possible)

will (enough with the tears its time for something almost embarrassingly niche. in 2017 TNT had a drama series about william shakespeare and to this day it remains one of the greatest things ive ever seen. jamie campell bower plays the sluttiest version of christopher marlowe you've ever seen in your life. it's chaotic and ridiculous and i absolutely adore it. i have no idea where to find it im pretty sure they want us to forget it exists but i cant)

numb3rs (silly little show about a nervous man who solves murder with the power of math and being a pathetic little wife guy to the hottest woman ive ever seen. theres an episode about trains that i think rewired something in my brain)

white collar (look at me. obviously im a white collar guy. come on now)

invincible (i think ive seen the pilot episode like 4 times. i genuinely think it redefined to me what superhero media could be. oh i adore it more than anything. it's only 9 because i haven't seen season 2 yet but holy shit. holy shit. media of all time. if you want to know me fundamentally and wholly please watch the pilot. i'll watch it again anytime im not kidding)

teen titans (cherished childhood media of all time. only group of people who have ever understood dick grayson)

bridgerton season 2 (i'm bias on account of just finishing it yesterday but holy shit two people have never been in love like they are in love)

the flash (cw) (im sorry to both my mother and god for this one but unfortunately i don't have taste and also it's the reason i started caring about dc in the first place which is the reason i got back on tumblr and met all the cherished gay people in my telephone so yeah. barry allen's allowed to be cringe as fuck i owe him everything)

leo already tagged everyone i know on here but if u see this pls do it and @ me im nosy

#btw if i think about how many of these i've seen with and/or because of the gayest person in my telephone i will start crying again #been thinking about richard gansey too long now im emotionally compromised #i love you fucking freaks so much what the fuck #anyway watch crashing. i think thats the main takeaway

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

fandom get to know me better

was tagged by @nozunhinged AND @jeffsatyr so i had too

3 ships you like:

ok 3 that im into lately

villaineve- they make me turn into the joker <3

aobpuen - like i feel lik if you get it you get it like... i dont have words for them if i think about them too hard i need to bite something

sakuatsu - ride or dies the great fan artists and fic writers of the world have done such wonderful work

the three that im obsessed with currently (like fundamentally changed me

sandray - if you follow me on here you know. literally the last thing i think about before going to sleep and the first thing i think about when i wake up. they were manufactured in a lab to make me periodically lose my mind actually like, id never watched a thai series or heard of them and the only reason i chose to watch only friends was a ray edit someone made right after episode ONE that felt like it was bat signalling me and here i am 7?? months later a fully changed person..... like they will forever be a part of me now i think ill never be the same

vegaspete - similar to sandray in that i watched kinnporsche because of the vegaspete gifsets on the dash and was surprised to find out the series was not about them having bdsm sex in front of the corpse of a hedgehog like i was led to believe, not that i didnt end enjoying kp anyway. they alone would have been enough to make me obsessed but the things people create about them have changed me, thoroughly, like i am unrecognisable to myself after certain fics and fanart....

bokuaka - they are essential to my lore actually, like i dont post about them or engage with them as much as i used to because they are like my eyelashes like they are just a part of me now. bokuaka fanfic was what got me through high school tbh.

First ship ever: idk because ive wrote fic about characters since i was like 8..... actually im gonna be cringe and say chad and ryan from high school musical cause they were real to me when i was in elementary school <3

Last song you heard: good for what by little simz cause it will always get my pumped no matter what

Favorite childhood book: i read like a book a day when i was a kid but i think my favorite was the box car children even tho it traumatized me...

Currently reading: im always in a state of rereading my poetry collection and its recently been claude mckay but i need good novel recs PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME

Currently watching: at the peak of covid fever i started pit babe and im around halfway? thru now, also 23.5 the series as it comes out, and abbott elementary, and tsukutabe, also want to rewatch iwtv 2022... then theres all the shows my mutuals i posting about that i want to watch (im looking at you dead friends forever and moonlight chicken)

Currently consuming: hamantaschen that are supposed to be for tm but there raspberry jam flavored so im celebrating early 🫡

Currently craving: for food: i havent had cheesecake in like 5 years but i think about her everyday. in life: to try to get into the drag scene

ill tag @le-trash-prince @lilleeboi @jenyifer @kitas-cleaning-supplies @luminouschaotic @bokuto-my-beloved

and whoever wants to!!!

#tag game #abe rambles

[casualavocados]

alright, here comes the long ass super personal and sentimental post absolutely nobody asked for (you’re welcome)

i watched episode 1 of bad buddy the day it aired (1 year ago today!) out of sheer luck. i dont even remember how i discovered it, but my initial thought was: “im bored. it’s 11pm and i dont want to go to sleep. this trailer looked fun. oh it came out today? sure what the fuck.” and i watched it in bed, on my phone. completely fucking unaware of what was about to happen to me and my life - and this honestly amuses me so much when i think about it because let me tell you...

i am NOT one to watch romance for romance’s sake. i really couldnt care less for it tbh. i’m not what i’d call a shipper at all (though i used to be, and if you remember my blog back then i owe you financial compensation bc tbh that whole spectacle exhausted me ANYWAY-). 

romance is just something ive always preferred as a side dish to plot, bc i only tend to like it when it’s super well done, and ive never found any of it very realistic. this was actually pretty unfortunate for past me bc fun fact, i am a little bit of a hopeless romantic, and romcoms are my guilty pleasure. the problem is i also dont like any of them enough to care about them after ive satisfied my initial “i want to watch something cheesy and cute” urge. i’d seen a few other bl’s over the years but only bc i was bored or wanted to watch something gay, and none of them had ever stuck in my mind after i finished them. i actively avoided those fandom spaces so i definitely wasn’t keeping up with what was new. 

(now listen, i have very specific thoughts on bl itself, but im not gonna get into that here (and actually miscellar said yesterday that the bl difference between 2020 and 2022 is unrecognizable and that basically sums it up so i dont have to lmao <3)).

- and ep1 of bad buddy is pretty typical bl! i adore this about it tbh because i was completely unprepared for everything the show was about to pull. my initial reaction was that it was something fun to look forward to every week.

so then-

I dont!! i dont even know how to explain it! ive tried too many times!

but it really is That Bitch, and truly feels like something i’d been waiting my whole life to see. a romantic comedy that was incredibly realistic in the sense of being overwhelmingly human, and also overwhelmingly queer. it’s so effortlessly fucking funny, while simultaneously a very (very very very) layered and emotional story. i will sing its praises to the end of time. it is quite literally the most well crafted show i’ve ever seen, and every time i rewatch it, or go back and reread old meta, im reminded that im not insane believing that. it just literally is that good. it’s such a simple story done so. extremely. well. it’s so ordinary, and that makes it extraordinary, and that was the intention from the start.

but i also have to say, one of the best things about having this show, is getting to be apart of the amazing community i found here loving it alongside me. bc i avoid fandoms. i stick to the places and the people/mutuals i know. i drift through edit tags more than i follow individual blogs. i block people like lightning. i have always had anons and replies off and i enjoy my privacy!!!

and i have talked to more people and made more friends and have had more fun this past year than i ever have before on this site. 

it took me until after bb finished airing to start following people back, but by then i knew which blogs posted what and what i’d want to see more of on my dash - and there are still many many people im not following, or who arent following me, that i talk to! i love each of you so very much, and i want to do a couple special shoutouts, if thats okay. ♥️

SO, in no particular orderrrrrr:

@mrdumpling nuria you were the very first bl-centric blog to follow me, and as such gave me a little bit of a heart attack that day, because i knew you were a popular blog and i Was Not Ready For Attention lol. but im so glad you did! ik we don’t talk often, but i love lurking on your blog and following what you’re interested in, and most especially, sharing this show with you. to say your edits are beautiful is an understatement! i always love to see what you make!! 🧡

@actually-yikes SORA I MISS YOUUUUUU!!! 🌹 i love talking to you, i love bonding over warrior pran with you, i love the edits you make. i think you’re very funny and delightful. seriously. ...im kind of at a loss for words here bc you’re one of the blogs i went to the most while bb was airing, and the first person i followed after it ended. i really just think you’re wonderful, and idk how else to say it! ily!!!💕💕

@miscellar you have some of the best takes ive ever read, and you somehow seem to read my mind and write (in much better words than i ever could!) exactly what im feeling on so many different topics. i love reading your analysis, your criticism, and just in general whatever you have to say. you impress me very much tbh and im always a bit amazed whenever you talk to me. i love sharing meta with you! 💚

@pranparakul KATIIIEEE when you’re not on my dash i miss you. even if you’ve got posts in your queue ill be like 🥺 where’s katie? is she having a good day today? literally it doesnt matter what you post abt, bc your enthusiasm for whatever it is always makes me so happy. keep doing you <3♥️🌸💗💕💜🌸❣💗💜♥️💕

@snimeat GEI. okay we dont talk OFTEN but when we do we talk a LOT. your excitement is sooooooooooooo contagious and it always matches mine and i feel SO SEEN. i think your edits have such a mystical vibe to them...they always make me feel very wistful (in a very good way). luv u 💛

@pranpats Kit!!! your gifs are GORGEOUS. and you are one of the sweetest people on this site. you always say such lovely things in the tags, and i love occasionally coming to talk to you about gifmaking things. you are such a warm presence on my dash! 💜

and of COURSE @grapejuicegay - kk i think we speedran our friendship in the last 6 weeks. idk how we never really talked before, now that i know we were BOTH lurking on each other’s blogs this whole year. i don’t even know what to say that i haven’t already said in our dms. i fucking love talking to you. there are some people you just click with and im so glad you’re one of them. 💙💌💗💖💜💙💕💛♥️🌹💌💖💙💕

there are so many more of you i want to mention here!! and if you read this far please know im probably also thinking of you, and i want you all to know that i have loved every minute watching and sharing this show with you.

im constantly blown away by everyone’s kindness and how welcoming all of you are. this is truly my favorite place to be online. thank you for all the tags on my gifs and meta. thank you for being so warm.

im so happy this little show means as much to all of you as it does to me. happy one year everybody. 🎆🥂💚❤

#julian watches bb #long post #i SAID thered be emotional posts today and i MEANT IT #also huge shoutout to all my wonderful incredible and lovely mutuals and followers #who have stuck around while this show consumed my life #i love all of u i really do #and i love this show with my whole heart #its home to me <3

[quodekash]

Viren sucks but also maybe kind of not?

Hello there friend! If you haven’t seen a post by me before, you should know that this is part of a series I’m calling “tdp rambles with bj” (me being bj (which is a nickname ive had since I was 3)), you absolutely don’t have to read the others to understand each one, each part is individual. But if you liked some of the things I talk about or the way I’ve analysed things, you are very welcome to check out the tag (it’ll be the top tag for this post) and have a look at some of the other stuff I’ve done! You don’t have to, I just thought you might like to if you enjoyed this. Thanks!!

Anyway, into the analysis! (It’s a lot longer than I initially thought it was so brace yourselves)

(Also, once again, apologies in advance for the bad quality photos)

“Each of you standing here today, you betray humanity!” 

It’s interesting to me that he uses the word “standing”, because in that moment, Viren is actually the only one standing. Everyone else, they’re sitting down. They haven’t done anything to betray humanity. But Viren, he’s standing. He’s trying to destroy what last little dregs of hope there are left to bond with Xadia. 

And (I think) we rarely ever see Viren sitting. He’s always standing. Sure, he sits sometimes, like once when inspecting the mirror. He sits on a horse. He sits dramatically on the throne. But most of the time, he’s standing. Most of the time, he’s betraying humanity. (And arguably when he’s sitting he’s still actively betraying humanity but that doesn’t go towards my point/metaphor thing so we’re ignoring that) 

But then in season 4, he’s sitting. A lot. I know he was just dead so he’s low on energy. But in most scenes, he’s sitting on the ground, letting Claudia and Terry (but mostly Claudia) do all the work. 

(And I was saving this particular ramble for later for continuity, but who cares about chronology, barely anyone’s gonna see this anyway so I might as well do it out of order, so.) LETS TALK ABOUT VIREN 

First and foremost I want it to be known that overall I still hate Viren, he’s horrible, he’s abusive, he’s a terrible father, he’s manipulative, and he kills butterflies to make his face normal. 

Ah but… that last thing. He kills butterflies to make his face normal. All throughout the entire show, from episode 1, we see him using dark magic to hide the effects dark magic has had on him (physically, at least, but the physical reflects the internal so it really doesn’t matter). But then, in season 4, his face is normal. And he uses no dark magic at all. 

Now, I could go on a rant about how this is a social commentary and it’s about society and society sucks cos it makes us change ourselves physically to appease to what is socially accepted but I won’t. 

Instead, let’s talk about… uh, not that. 

So. A lot of the time while watching seasons 1-3, I think about how carefree Viren was in all of those flashback scenes, and how… he definitely wasn’t a good person, but I felt like I could kind of see why Harrow kept him around for so long. But then in all the present day scenes he was horrible and mean and smelly and eugh. And then, after two years of being dead, he’s so different. 

I’m absolutely certain, and you cannot change my mind on this (well… maybe you can but I highly doubt it), that Viren was a good person. But all good people have bad parts. And dark magic affects what’s inside, especially after such a long time. The dark magic made all the bad parts inside him deepen and grow, until the good parts were hidden under the surface. But there’s still some hope, the good stuff is still there, slightly visibile! But then Aaravos came along. And the good parts were drowned, buried so deep they shrunk, and then you couldn’t see them at all. Still there, but so small even he didn’t know they were there. 

And then he died. He didn’t have dark magic swirling through his system, affecting his every being. He didn’t have Aaravos whispering in his ear, influencing him, manipulating him, making those bad parts grow. He just existed. (But I suppose he didn’t exist because he was dead?) 

He just… floated, I guess. Not alive. So he couldn’t be affected by anything at all. 

And I think a lot of those bad parts slowly started disappearing. But, since he was dead, there was no way for the good parts to grow. So in season 4, there’s these tiny  little nuggets of good hidden in this expanse of nothingness, and the occasional drifting badness. He’s so empty inside now, and I think over time he can improve and grow those good parts, he just hasn’t had a chance yet. 

And yeah, there was that part at the end where Viren did some dark magic again. But then, immediately, in the credits you see the little sketches, and two or three of them are Viren collapsing and Claudia and Terry trying to hold him up.

The dark magic was so sudden, so different to the emptiness of two years. The darkness in the abyss was starting to take over, and it grew so dramatically and he couldn’t handle it. Maybe the little nuggets of good act like white blood cells, fighting off the disease of dark magic, and made him pass out as a defence strategy. Kind of like sneezing. Dust (or something that’s not supposed to be in your nose) gets in your nose, so your body tries to forcefully get it out and makes you sneeze. And I’m just realising when Callum uses dark magic for the first time, it overwhelms him and he passes out. So it’s possible that Viren’s gonna have a dream that mirrors what happened to Callum and he’s gonna have an epiphany and truly realise that dark magic isn’t the way? 

But yeah, there’s so much emptiness inside him, and there’s just tiny little good pebbles, but then a sudden cloud of darkness blew over, and it was such a dramatic change to what he’d been for two years, that his body needed to conserve energy in order to fight the darkness (or at least try and get used to it) so it made him pass out. 

Claudia, though… she’s had Aaravos whispering in her ear for two whole years. “[She] had do to things [she] never imagined [she] was capable of doing.” And each one of those indescribable horrible things made the bad parts grow, the good parts shrink. 

Her hair is a good representation of it. The darkness hasn’t taken over her completely, there’s still that smidgen of hope. It’s not as extreme as it was for Viren, where his entire face looked completely different. Claudia’s hair is only about 50% taken over, which means her… soul, I guess, is only 50% taken over by darkness. But I think that’s only because she was doing the most extreme dark magic things for people she loved, i.e. saving soren, saving viren. So there’s those good parts, the parts that care for her family and friends. But they’re almost faded. They’re there, but faded. Like, if the good parts were a colour, let’s say yellow, hers would be less of a canary and more of a light goldenrod that’s breaking apart into smaller pieces. So overall it’s still about 50%, but rather than a whole lot of it super vivid, it’s really light and broken up. Like it could all disappear at any given moment.  And with Aaravos having been inside her head for two whole years, it’s like he’s constructed a fragile bridge out of her good parts, and bounced on it with all his might. 

There’s probably more to talk about, but I’ve been trying to figure out what that is for four days and still haven’t gotten there, so if I think of it later I’ll make another post or something. 

There’s only two rambles with bj left (that I currently have planned, but there’s probably gonna be more coming), and they’re the biggest ones so I keep putting it off.  One of them is a whole analysis of why Viren is a horrible father (specifically to Soren but also to Claudia but more-so to Soren), and there’s so much research and specific screenshots I need to find for it and I will do it I just haven’t found the motivation yet  And the other is an entire explanation of why Terry and Claudia’s relationship feels weird and my thoughts of Terry and currently the title is “everything to do with Terry” and I’m pretty sure that one’s also gonna be a long one that’ll take a lot of time cos I’ve personally never been in a romantic relationship so I might need to do research and ask people things and rewatch season 4 a million times to psychoanalyse Terry and figure out What His Deal is cos I have no clue as of right now and I’ll need to figure that out for that post and yeah. 

So don’t expect anything big from me in terms of tdp for the next little while. They will be there, just not until I can find my motivation. (Which sucks cos I’ve literally had a whole week of absolutely nothing and so much time and so much energy but no motivation at all, and I just know I’m only gonna feel like doing it when I finally have something going on.) 

Anyway that’s that, Viren sucks but also he’s kinda getting better and it’s confusing me so much pls I’m trying to hate him, I’ll post more at some point, I love you all, have a great day, bye! 

#tdp rambles with bj #tdp #the dragon prince #the dragon prince season 4 spoilers #tdp season 4 spoilers #viren #lord Viren #stuff you viren #viren tdp #claudia #tdp claudia #claudia tdp #I’m confused

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Tagged by: @thevoiceofthanatos​

Favorite color: warm bright yellow, mustard yellow & old gold, and just yellow in general. its a good colour. it makes me happy

Currently reading: idk, probably star trek fanfic my friend @rubbertplant​ was writing to give my opinion on it. i often read through my own stuff too lol, like whoah i wrote that??? ADHD has taken everything from me including my capability to read though, for real. ive been thinking of trying to listen to some audiobooks recently though, this cannot continue... its just that i also have no ears disease so idk how well that would go. determined to try though

Last song you listened to: havent been listening to music so much bc ive been playing videos instead but my last.fm has all my spotify listens so itll stay up to date on whatever i listened to last. currently seems to be “please play-bite” by pinocchioP. i often just let spotify play me whatever it recommends anyhow so theres variance. and i only started this account like a few months ago max so its not really a full picture of my music-listening

Last movie (in theaters): its not really a movie, but if it counts, the first ginga nagareboshi gin stageplay (recorded and released in finland in theaters with subs)

ginga was always huge in finland for some reason. idk. the anime is so violent though that i got really afraid of bears for some reason. theres so much blood... i never read the manga either i just knew of the anime and partook in my share of wolf roleplays (dogs were uncool! so i didnt do dog roleplays. iirc that really was my reason).

heres some funny wolves from my wolf rp days

2010. one of the first things i coloured digitally... i painstakingly cleaned the scanned pencil lineart with a mouse

2011. i had gotten my first drawing tablet as a birthday/xmas gift and practiced a ton around this time (more than just wolves lol)

Last series I watched: trigun stampede. even changed my phone bg into vash... but millions knives is probably my favourite. he just does everything wrong and makes his life worse. and everyone elses life too bc he sucks. but hes multifaceted so hes also my meow meow and whatever. i hope a ford explorer drives over him

if it counts though, ive seen some star trek TOS episodes and movies because my friends have been watching them. im not super into it but its always fun to hang. i also dont watch a lot of stuff. i dont even know what i do. guy who doesnt read or watch things but listens to jerma videos on youtube without actually looking at them while i “draw” and “write”

Craving: food honestly. i should cook something lmfao. i also want soda so bad but i dont have any. id make some tea but its disgustingly warm in my house so i only want cool drinks. could kill for a nice milkshake or a smoothie rn i think

Tea or coffee: tea... im the only finnish person who doesnt drink coffee for real. also got really into loose leaf tea bc i befriended a chinese lady who is really into tea and has a tea shop in the city near where i live

Currently working on: drawing this and trying to think how i want to do it. somehow want to incorporate flat colours and maybe shade his body naturally, and make the blood look realistic instead of flat colours... hmm not sure yet what i want to do

other than that im trying to proofread the chapter of my ryanyuri fanfic i already published because theres a lot of typos and strange sentences in there but its been a chore bc my body breaks down when it gets too warm smfh... not looking forward to when my apt goes over 30 degrees celsius it is unlivable. im also trying to complete a “lookbook” of my tnb sims. but i always start huge projects that take three million years to complete and im really slow lmfao

Tag people you’d like to get to know better: i could just ask these questions from everyone i talk on discord with. fuck my friends i know irl or otherwise, only asking people who r my friends through tumblr. no need to do this though. also this isnt probably meant to be answered so long-windedly... thats just me. i cant answer with one word i gotta write an essay. heres three tags though @basslinegrave​ @vita-divata​

(record scratch before 3rd tag) and @rubbertplant​ bc they were streaming a game in discord when i started typing this and i was like hey wanna do it and they were like yeah

i expect replies on my desk by 5pm TOMORROW!!!!get to work!!!! no i jest, do it or dont, i dont mind either way, just if you feel like doing this. if you see this and want to do it feel free to consider yourself tagged. godspeed

#gabriels ramblings

[legy]

random game roundup 3

A Hell of a Journey - PWYW

what if it was the divine comedy but virgil was just an absolute piece of shit. he had no fucking idea what was going on. you have to go through hell to get to purgatory and this idiot is no help at all

this is a short & sweet twine game. the illustrations carry it. it's pretty cute and took me under 5 minutes to read

Samorost 2 - $4.99

hey i said this was random game roundup not random itch game roundup. i just have 3000 itch games

amanita design is literally like the all-timer for 00s indie devs. ive known of their point-and-clicks for basically the entire time ive been conscious. i think ive only played samorost 1 and machinarium before now.

its hard to beat the level of vibes-based gaming samorost operates on. this is what gnome tumblr is all about

apparently in 2020 this got a remaster that let the game support modern resolutions using AI upscaling on old assets, and to its credit it ran awesome for a game this old. it didnt fuss at all about tabbing out or using a second monitor while playing. however i think the upscaled assets look pretty shit? lol. like the art direction in this game is extremely strong but the raster images definitely were not meant to be seen bigger than 1024x768 and it makes the characters who scaled up much better stick out suuuper bad.

music completely rips ass tho. hell yeah brother

i actually went ahead and finished this at an entire half an hour playtime. big fan of samorost 2

T.A.R.S - $1.99

included in: Bundle for Ukraine

first thing i got struck by with this game is that it is extremely good looking for the price tag and my lowered standards. there is also a lot of voice acting which is pretty amateur but a lot of heart went into it. i could not find an option to subtitle the dialogue which kinda sucked

T.A.R.S is a third person shooter with a focus on difficulty via being killed in one hit and having very limited resources. you're fighting werewolves or something. i didn't play long enough to see them do more than just chase after me in a straight line so idk if the enemy AI is interesting

one of the big downsides of T.A.R.S is that the game is dark as fuck. shot like a modern hollywood film. like that one episode of game of thrones. i cant play this on my high refresh rate monitor because the sun is up right now and the ambient light in my room is too much and i cant see anything. also the game emphasizes wearing headphones and focusing on hearing the enemies before you see them but the sound design is um. not great. i kept getting snuck up on because the guys dont make any noises until theyre two inches away

i don't think i gave this a good enough chance but i'm not a horror fan nor am i a shooter fan so it's really not for caelums. maybe you'll like it tho

Panic Factory - $1.50

included in: Bundle for Ukraine

panic factory is a puzzler pretending to be a shooter. you are an eco-activist that has been trapped in a torture dungeon by a corporate CEO and need to figure your way out. with a shotgun. and whatever ammo you can scrounge up

the voice acting in this is very hammy and the pixel art is appealing to look at so the presentation is pretty solid. i found this difficult to spend a lot of time in because again i don't like shooters and i found that the reaction times this game expects out of you in the first level to a be a bit extreme. also required arrow keys to move :thumbsdown:

Weird Grief - PWYW

im so fucking sorry for how hard i laughed

i honestly really liked this. weird grief is a twine about the immediate aftermath and slow recovery after the death of a loved one. and you are poly. and furry. it has explicit sex scenes so watch out for that. but this is worth reading imo

#random game roundup

[everybodysaycbx]

YOUR TAGS ON SOO’S FILMOGRAPHY ALFHAKHSAKBit really do be like that 😭😭😭

Like 75% of his stuff hits straight to the water pipes, even the stuff he only has a minor role in

LITERALYYYYYY its so hard to watch most of his stuff even tho i want to bc hes such a good actor but when theres a new movie of his coming out its almost always a serious drama and im like,,,,,,,,,,do i wanna watch him die again or do i need some happiness rn bcjskqkwjjdjshhhsqjj

probably why i rewatch 100 days my prince so often its my favorite kdrama of his (i love historical dramas so im biased lol) and yeah theres some sad and even tragic moments but its overall a good time and very interesting (plus he and nam jihyun are wonderful in this (and everything they do tbh) and so are the supporting actors

also now im going to use this as an excuse to ramble about my thoughts on the show bc i love it but i have Critiques™ so ill put a read more for spoilers bc ill talk about them a lot

almost all of these issues if not all are all about the writing so there wont be any criticism of the acting which i thought was pretty good overall by kdrama standards (there were only a few times where i thought it was detrimental to my enjoyment but again it was still more to do with my problems with the writing)

so to really get into it, the pacing suffers with the back half of the episodes feeling a bit rushed especially in the last few episodes. i didnt feel like the first half was dragging much except in a few areas but again it didnt detract from my enjoyment. the last id say 5 or 6 episodes really feel like they were speedrunning which made the ending less satisfying

so when i looked at reviews of the show years ago i saw many people criticizing how the main antagonist died bc it felt anticlimatic and i do agree, especially on first watch. while its not as jarring as the first time when ive rewatched it the way he dies still doesnt feel built up as well as it could have been and i think it could have worked if the pacing for the ending wasnt so rushed (plus the numerous twists during the last couple of episodes made it a bit hard to follow where it was heading and some of what WAS set up i think was lost in that but tbh thats par for the course for kdramas lol)

speaking of the ending, i get why it ended the way that it did with the marriage mandate happening again to make everything come full circle, but character wise i dont think it was the way to go. wondeuk has always expressed even before he lost his memory that he hated being royal and never wanted to live that life because of what his father did to get it. and even knowing that he wasnt wondeuk and was probably a noble at the very least he wanted to be with hongshim in the village or wherever they needed to go. hongshim similarly has already gotten used to being a commoner and has lived that way longer than her former life. even in the epilogue she doesnt really live her life as a noble even if her status has been reinstated. i think it wouldve made more sense if he renounced the throne and chose to live with her in the village.

adding to the last point, if they had stayed in the village together and he abdicated, then his half brother would be the crown prince and the queen wouldnt be on her bullshit even at the end of the show!!! dude literally killed the guy who was threatening you and controlling your husband and you still cant stop trying to fuck him over so your son can be king??? i know the evil manipulative queen is a trope in these but shes so illogical it was a bit annoying which is a shame bc i usually love those characters

the show like,,,,,less than halfway through forgets wondeuks half brother is even a character like why was he even there. theres some indication in the beginning of the show that he likes the crown princess but that doesnt really go anywhere (its only brought up in like 2 scenes at the beginning and in the epilogue wheres shes moved to a remote location with the baby and goes to visit for some reason.....dude yall had maybe 3 lines of dialogue between each other. why are you here) and he even tells wondeuk that he hates him but we never really figure out why bc he doesnt really want to be the crown prince that much (not that i can recall rn) so his only role in the story is to help the queen be a red herring but not be a real character of his own

this is more of what i felt upon rewatch but every time i rewatch it i find it more and more annoying but the palace drama where the queen is spreading rumors and then the guys who support the antagonist make fake fliers about how the kingdom wants her deposed for this in order to manipulate the king is just,,,,,extremely uninteresting upon rewatch. like so much is happening that goes on for so long and its dragged out for way longer than it should be AND it takes time away from the village plot with wondeuk and hongshim aka the actual interesting part. so now i mostly just skip those parts even tho when i first watched the show it was fairly interesting tho i felt it dragged on a bit too long so i wont say this is a huge strike against it or anything

while i knew the brother was going to die bc thats how these kinds of stories work i was still upset fjisjshdsjsh he was a great character and while i think it still makes sense why and its still narratively satisfying imo, i think it would still be satisfying if he lived and he and the princess escaped successfully. i think it would work a little bit better actually bc it would make the antagonists decisions make a little more sense in the finale bc not everything is going to his plan and hes losing more control (plus they deserve to be happy :(( they deserve the happy ending wondeuk and hongshim get too) plus it would still tie in with hongshims motivations for rejecting wondeuk initially before the epilogue

thats the last of the criticism but this isnt a praise so ill leave an idea i had for like a what if scenario ig: so i always wondered what would happen if either the antagonist doesnt get to wondeuk in time during the festival or he gets killed by the people the king sent to attack him and hongshims brother gets there to take them them plus her dad with them into hiding. and the awkward tension that would ensue when wondeuk either figures out her brother is the assassin thats been coming after them or just immediately knows when he sees him come to get them but they both dont want to hurt hongshim by telling her what they know about the other but shes distressed that they obviously dont like each other and this is all happening while theyre running around the woods and trying to find a place they can hide out and her dad is just,,,,,,,so confused the entire time but trying to make everyone get along fjwwqkdhuheuedh idk i could add to this later bc i have so many ideas on how it could play out but ill stop there fisksjbdjssjdjssj

#i could also make a praises list of things i liked about the show but thatll make this post go too long so ill reblog and add more later #if anyone wants to talk about this show with me im always open to it!!! #qkmlh #ask

[belovedcherie]

I posted 498 times in 2022

That's 498 more posts than 2021!

94 posts created (19%)

404 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@luymani

@pcktknife

@tizzymcwizzy

@belovedcherie (lol its me)

@buggachat

I tagged 497 of my posts in 2022

#art - 137 posts

#reblog - 128 posts

#fav!!! - 101 posts

#cherie's chats - 69 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 64 posts

#project sekai - 56 posts

#cherie watches stuff! - 30 posts

#cherie's aesthetic - 21 posts

#spy x family - 20 posts

#splatoon - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if i had a penny for everytime we were worried bakugou died i'd have 2 pennies which isnt a lot but its concerning that it happened twice..

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

THAT TEASER IS GOING TO PUT ME IN A DAMN COMA

9 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#4

thoughts on multiplication

bc i need to scream about this SOMEWHERE. LIKE WOW. OKAY.

obviously spoilers are under the cut !!

tld;r: yelling abt adrien and WHAT ARE EVERYONES INTENTIONS??

ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE

yes im gonna yell about this first because adrienette holds my HEART YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME </3

ive been waiting for adrien to pin for marinette in canon for so long and season 3 def delivered with the little stares he was giving her BUT NOW THAT ITS FRFR HAPPENING?? HIS BLUSH WHEN HE LOOKS AT HER IN THE MORNING? HIM IMMEDIATELY CALLING HER UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TELL HER HOW SPECIAL SHE IS? SOBBING

okay but the fact that he probs tried to kiss her every. day. we only saw 3 sequences but if that montage happened over the span of several weeks..... i am swooning. i am in tears. shambles.

adrien had me KICKING MY FEET AND RUNNING LAPS OKAY I HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMESSDHFK

that being said before i write an essay on light of my life adrien lets talk abt,,,

reverse love square??

i love the idea of reverse love square bc adrien being a lovesick fool for marinette is my aesthetic but iM JUST HJDGSFSGKF BC OF THE TIMINGG

i was kinda hoping for some sudden rapid development today but im not complaining at all dw 🙏🏾 simp-drien is enough

the ladynoir moments are real cute tho :( them playing cards im cryingsdjhs

im excited to see the ship dynamic in the future episodes heheheh

GABRIEL. AGRESTE.

this man becomes more of a loser every episode what else is there to say

him digitalizing adrien.... funny... not funny haha...funny weird....

i hate when this guy gets smarter cuz he always has some wack trick up his sleeve 😔 but i wanna know more abt those weird siri rings

ALSO HOW DOES TOMOE PLAY IN THIS?? i think she knows hes hawkmoth but why is she helping him?? ik they were leading up to their partnership before so i guess we'll finally see why they were so secretive in the past!!

lie-la

i was gonna talk abt her in the gabriel point but this girl is so annoying she deserves one for herself

SHE GETS ON MY LAST NERVEEE

the genuine irritation i feel whenever i see her character on screen is actually funny

"ladybugs just a kid we need to forgive her ;(" GIRL I HOPE PARIS CAN FORGIVE U FOR THE CRIMES YOU'VE COMMITTED??

im sorry theres nothing productive to say abt her other than the fact that it seems shes going to play a bigger role this season (sadly) (but also yay cuz she brings the spice)

okay last point is abt felix

HELP WHEN HE APPEARED AT THE END 💀💀 THIS GUY WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME????

i hope and PRAY he treats dusuu well homegirls been going through it D:

WHAT. ARE. HIS. INTENTIONS.

See the full post

11 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#3

i saw miraculous was trending and i was like OMG IS THERE FINALLY A NEW SEASON 5 EP?? but it was just beau 😭

12 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#2

HI so um. back in 2020 kade made this meme thing and i dont think ive ever recovered from it bc I WAS SO TOUCHED LIKE 🙁 NOBODYS EVER MADE ME A MEME BEFORE

since we started talking again a month (+ a day bc i am late) ago i had the idea to make him one in return bc TALKING TO U MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND U DESERVE THE WORLD !!!

sooo here ya go @luymani ILYSM!! happy one month anniversary /p (that sounded way funnier in my head im so sorry LMAO)

13 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

thinking abt my son syaoran li ♡

See the full post

27 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #omg fun !! #i dont have much stuff cuz i started my blog in the summer but lets try to beat some of these stats next year :D #the bakugo thing being my longest tag LMAO #long post #cherie's chats

[magireco]

Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!! 

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc... 

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka... 

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation. 

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them. 

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

#asks #luna-mistrunner #homura akemi #analysis #THIS MAY HABE TAKEN ME LIKE 2 DAYS ON AND OFF

[sun-daisies]

ahhh quick euphoria 2x05 notes (spoilers, duh)

first of all to the people who are upset about no fezco and lexi, not sure we're watching the same show? last time I checked rue and her addiction was the anchor of the show and fez and lexi were side characters but 😬 like yeah I miss them too but it's not about them and it never was

anyway rapid fire thoughts because brain very full

the entire family intervention oh my god

ahhh and jules was there the whole time and the change on zendaya's face from the raw anger and terror and everything straight to shame and embarrassment and then back to a mortified rage and then it all comes out- ashjfhdsjga

real quick I just also wanna say that the portrayal of a drug addict in too deep in their addiction and how it turns you into the worst version of yourself to a point where you cant even recognize yourself anymore and how that shit affects your loved ones- damn they nailed it. every single one of them. props to the entire crew for not shying away from the ugliest parts of addiction, and for portraying it with such a nuance that it never once feels like theatrics. this was so raw and so real.

"you don't love me, you love being loved" or whatever the quote was. TWO things. 1- this is very deep rooted and so foul for rue to throw at jules, because there is some truth to it. but also, and I think from some of the posts ive seen in the euphoria tag, I think people are missing the point, that jules "ratting out" rue to her mom is the ultimate act of love for her. I'm also curious as to how this intervention echoes anything jules has experienced with her mom too, and if we'll ever get to explore that connection further. like I'd love to see a jules special episode like sea blob but after this has all transpired. or just. maybe I'll write a fic. idk.

"I liked rue the way she was" I've been really on the fence about elliot this whole time, a lot of his decisions are contradictory and it's really iffy to me what he's here for. last episode he knew rue went to the bathroom to do drugs, went in after her as if he was doing them too, then suggested stealing alcohol knowing damn well she shouldn't be mixing the two - all the while she has no idea that he's not mixing them too (if that makes sense). then he tells jules, and I think it's genuinely from a place of worry. because honestly? I think he does care about both of them, and its clicking for me this episode that they really are some of his only friends. I think this was expressed right when we met him, but this quote (which im seeing everyone get mad about and call him a bad guy, and I get why) is huge when we remember that he only has two friends that we know of. rue and jules (by extension, at least originally). and now after telling her mom that she's on drugs and seeing this side of her, he's lost one. it's seemingly a selfish sentiment, to say that he wishes he never told, that he liked her better before. but I think it's incredibly real of him. because now he feels guilty, he thinks he's destroyed one of his only friendships beyond repair, I mean just look at the way rue screamed at jules, all the horrible things she said to her. how did jules find out? through elliot. and maybe rue doesn't make that connection now, but she will, and elliot knows this. and keep in mind elliot isn't exactly the clearest mind in the room either - he's also on drugs, which gives him a certain degree of irrationality as it is. he's like in the beginning stage, and he's seeing how the same damn drugs that he does are affecting rue now, and its gotta be scary, because he could go there too, you know? or maybe he's thinking that could never be me. wow apparently I have a lot to say about elliot I think a lot of his character clicked for me this episode (if next episode he's some sort of villain like everyone says he is I'll just chug my dumb bitch juice and write a fix it fic).

oh my gosh and fez having to kick rue out, that's how you know it's bad too. rue's family to him.

this ep was a masterpiece in cinematography btw and the blocking of all the scenes was incredible- rue running into traffic, the entire police chase, gosh

cassie's "just take it day by day" as if she hasn't spent this entire season absolutely petrified from the what ifs of maddy finding out, as if everyone in that room has not seen her hyperventilating on the phone late at night and getting shitfaced and having an identity crisis. (it's still so frustrating to see all the hate she gets this season, she's sure as hell not the only one making dumb decisions and being a reckless teenager and breaking down but yet she's getting arguably the most hate for it.)

rue drops the nate bomb, maddy's pissed of course, cassie's worst fear comes true. we don't see what's next, and that's a good thing, this episode is a pivotal rue rock-bottom episode and if we suddenly switched to nate drama it would be absolutely jarring and would take away from both rue's story as well as the nate storyline. I desperately want maddy and cassie to realize that nate's abusive and treated them both horribly and after the arguing and screaming, they make up, are stronger friends than ever, kick nate's ass or whatever.

ohhhh laurie. obviously there's always been something off about her. I was fully convinced after her whole "being a woman means you can pay in other ways" thing that when she got rue in the bathtub she was going to do something, because obviously she knows that rue can't pay her back, and most likely is fully aware that rue never had any intention of following through. honestly, I think she knew this from the start. she totally set rue up. but anyway, woman sexual predator, I'm 75% sure that's what's going on here, whether she already did something to rue or will do something. I don't think rue's going to take her advice and sell herself to pay laurie back, but you really never know with this show

anyway I think that's all I got for now? this episode was so incredibly heavy adjghgjdshaj brb while I curl up in bed and stare at a wall for a bit

#euphoria #euphoria spoilers #holly gushes about euphoria #incoherent thoughts as per usual sorry #did not proofread im sure there's a point in here somewhere that I meant to elaborate on and then never went back to

[mari-beau]

GIVE ME A REASON: PART THREE - A Rogue One Fanfic

This part/scene went in a little bit different direction than I had thought it was going to go, but I regret nothing!

Read Part One

Read Part Two

Title: Give Me A Reason: Part Three

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Jyn Erso POV, Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn (mostly pre-ship?)

Spoilers: Rogue One; Episode IV A New Hope

Setting: Post-Rogue One AU (Cassian & Jyn live); Also during/post A New Hope

Warnings: Looking, Ogling, Leering, Letching, Yearning… Okay, Lusting. (Only Jyn doesn’t realize she's there yet...) Let me know if this needs a 'nsfw' tag... I'm not sure. There's nothing explicit.

Words: 1217

Story Summary: Jyn’s entire universe has been turned on its head, so maybe she’s clinging a little too hard to the one thing she feels certain of (strangely enough) as she tries to figure out her place in the galaxy. And maybe she’s being a little overprotective of a wounded captain.

3 hours until the ceremony…

Jyn was loathe to do it, but there really was no other alternative. She could at least try to be gentle, even though being gentle honestly never had been in her nature. Before.

She’d also been fiercely independent. Before.

With a sigh, she sat down on the edge of the bed, indulged in a moment to study the unconscious man, who deserved the few hours of peace he’d had over the past week, after the decades of suffering she often found reflected in his eyes, in his voice, the tense way he held his body.

His body…

She’d be a liar if she tried to claim that she didn’t find his body appealing, and not just because it felt so good when she pressed her own against the warm, sinewy flesh of his, feeling his heart beating in his chest and the rhythm of his breathing. With Cassian, she felt safe and content in a way she hadn’t since childhood, which was ridiculous with the state he was in. If anyone would be protecting anyone, it would be her protecting him.

And gladly.

It was a possessiveness she had never experienced before, having precisely one item she valued, her mother’s kyber crystal necklace, and no one significant to her.

And maybe it was that unbidden possessive feeling twisting her up inside which rendered Cassian Andor the most beautiful being Jyn had ever encountered. She could just look at him for hours, study the contours of lean, wiry muscle on his slender frame, his tan skin with its abundance of scars that rivaled her own collection, the smattering of dark downy hair across his chest and trailing down from his navel to beneath the waistband of his shorts.

The angles of his face intrigued her to no end. And the broody downturned curve of his mouth, which if she just brushed her fingers across the sharp plane of his cheek…

Cassian’s mouth softened and his cheek rounded as his lips curved into a contented smile, which pulled a smile from Jyn’s lips as well.

He. Was. Pretty.

And part of her ferociously insisted that he was hers.

Whether she could keep him beyond this moment, these past few days of easy, quiet intimacy more or less apart from the rest of the universe, remained to be seen.

But reality could not be avoided any longer. She brushed the unruly hair that had fallen across his forehead out of his eyes.

He murmured her name in his sleep and heat blossomed in her chest. Jyn tamped it down the best she could. She was letting herself get carried away by this… whatever it was… Infatuation?

She’d never been infatuated with anyone or anything in her life. She was not a romantic person, but was she romanticising the rebel captain?

He was stubborn and single-minded with his goals. At first, she thought he could only follow orders, thought him cold and hard. But she’d learned he was soft and warm and wounded inside. And wounded outside now. And that damned blind loyalty she’d hated when they’d first met -what, 9 or 10 days ago- it was what made him hers. Well, maybe it made him hers. She’d never had anyone’s loyalty before. No one had ever come back for her until him. No one had ever stuck by her. To the end. He'd been with her through what should've been the end. But somehow hadn't been. And now… She would stick around for him.

Jyn took a deep breath and placed her hand on his shoulder. His skin was warm and inviting but she resisted skimming her palm down his arm, resisted exploring the shape of triceps and biceps with her fingers. Instead, she gave him a shake.

“Cassian. It’s time to wake up.”

He whimpered, a low throaty sound that was so filled with gravel, it was practically a growl. It did things to her she didn’t have the capacity to consider. And when he said her name, all sleepy, thickly accented and heavy on his tongue, she had to dig her fingers into her palm to prevent herself from grabbing him and doing things to him.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, the effort making his muscles twitch shift beneath his skin, making him wince, but then he was running a hand over his face and the back of his head, ruffling the messy overgrown hair. His dark eyes settled on her face, as clear and alert as ever. He was no longer on meds for pain and Jyn was happy to find all the clever sharpness had returned to those deep brown eyes of his.

“How long?” He asked the same question every time he woke, something a soldier, a survivor asked, always wary about what might have happened when they were asleep, as if they had no right to a moment’s peace.

“Thirteen hours.”

Cassian swore softly in his native language before addressing her in Basic.

“You promised me you wouldn’t let me sleep more than ten hours.”

She shrugged, but wouldn’t meet his eyes, not worried he was upset with her, but afraid that he could see straight through to her possessive thoughts about him.

“You need it.”

“I need to move around or I’ll get all stiff.”

Jyn bit her lip. No. She wasn’t going to-

Her eyes convulsively dropped to his lap and thenshot back up to his face, and just as quickly darted away.

He was stiff.

And not just his back and leg as he'd actually meant. But his partially aroused maleness wasn't intentional, she knew. And the times when she'd woken up tangled in him with the feeling of him half hard pressing against some part of her, despite the interest her own body returned, she knew it wasn't a conscious choice of his. He was asleep and his body was just doing its natural thing. It wasn't as if he actually wanted…

Cassian swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting so close, her body practically hummed in response, began gravitating toward him. Why? Why did she need him, so deeply she could feel it in the marrow of her bones? Sometimes she felt as if they had actually been hit by that energy weapon, while they were embracing on the beach waiting for death, and were fused together on the subatomic level.

And then felt like maybe she’d suffered a brain injury they hadn’t detected, which scrambled her survivor’s practicality into delusions of romantic grandeur.

Get your head on straight, Jyn Erso.

Cassian got to his feet. It was a bit of a production, difficult to watch and also heartening, but Jyn made no move to help him. Oh, she would assist him. And she had done so. But not when he could manage on his own, not when he needed to know he could.

“I’m going to wash up,” he said. “Then maybe we can go to the mess.”

Jyn raised an eyebrow. Did he really feel like he could walk that far? She hoped he was feeling that strong, because,

“You’re going to need to shower. Command wants us to go to this Award Ceremony thing.”

“What?!” Cassian’s look was pure confusion, as if she’d let him sleep for thirteen years and he’d woken up to a completely unfamiliar galaxy.

She sympathized. It made no sense to her either. And she’d much rather just curl back up in bed with him. Just Cassian and her, together.

Nothing had ever felt more right. But since when had the galaxy ever given Jyn what she wanted?

#fic: give me a reason #Rogue One #fanfiction #rebelcaptain #Jyn Erso #Cassian Andor #ust

[chaotic-archaeologist]

hi! im a senior in highschool and i want to go to college for either something history-ish or art related, ive recently been looking into archeology type stuff. What does the secondary education for that look like? or how do you get into the field? Thank you! :D

Hi there!

First, check out my advice master list. There's more detailed information there from questions very much like yours that I've already answered. Maybe also browse through my academic advice tag, which is dedicated to... academic advice. You might find some useful stuff in there.

Some basics though: you can be what we call a "shovel bum" which is someone who just excavates. This is often for private archaeology firms doing something called Cultural Resource Management (CRM) as part of preparation for construction. Shovel bumming generally only requires a field school, which is an intensive hands on class where you learn how to excavate.

However, in order to advance any further in archaeology you will need at least a master's. A graduate degree allows you to be the primary investigator for a project, and allows you to direct excavations, which in turn gives you more options and control over where and when you work.

Beyond a master's, if you want to go into academia and do research archaeology, you will most likely need to get a PhD. PhDs are for teaching and research, and master's are for digging. Neither is better than the other, they just open doors to very different paths.

To get into the field I would suggest taking Introduction to Archaeology and an Introduction to Anthropology classes if your college/university offers them. Make good relationships with the professors teaching those classes. Show up to department events. Join your school's anthropology club if there is one.

I would highly encourage you to take a field school early. These are often advertised in archaeology classes, but you can also look up programs near you. Field schools are a prerequisite for archaeology grad school programs, so it's good to get at least one under your belt, but doing it early also lets you find out whether or not you like excavation. If you do, that's great, but if you don't you now have time to focus on something more like a museum studies or curation track.

As a side note on field schools, there are tons of very "sexy" programs in Europe, South America, the UK, etc. These tend to be much more expensive than field schools run in whatever your country of origin. They can be great, especially if you think you want to go into Medieval archaeology, classical archaeology, Mayan archaeology, or other non-North American subfields. But you will be able to learn just as much and get just as valuable experience for significantly less money if you choose to stay more local. My first field school was around $2,000 and my second was around $5,000, and combined that's still less than one that I looked at in Ireland.

Finally, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, check out Time Team. It does a great job portraying archaeology realistically, without a lot of the dramaticization that other programs have. If you're in the US you can watch full free episodes on their official YouTube channel, and full episodes are also free on the Timeline YouTube channel. You can also get Time Team on Amazon video and Acorn. This show is one of the things that convinced me that I wanted to pursue archaeology, and a big part of that was how honest and authentic the program is. Please check it out.

Good luck with your senior year! You're always welcome to come back with more specific questions that you come up with in the future.

-Reid

#he speaks #he answers #archaeology #academic advice