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jackyjango · 9 months

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What are some of your angsty Charles Xaiver headcanons? I love your writing so much!

Hello, Anon! You like my writing you say!!? EEKS! Thank you so so much.

And as for my angsty Charles Xavier headcanons, oh boy, where do I start? I’m not sure if these are headcanons, or just canons, or something else entirely, but here goes some of them, nonetheless (And this doesn’t stick to much of canon… It doesn’t stick to much of anything really) So, bear with me, for I got carried away.

The doctors and nurses at the hospital are annoyingly kind. Charles hates it. Because behind all their smiles and assurances, and ‘You’re healing exceptionally well from the surgery Mr.Xavier’s, is sheer pity. Days pass in a hospital bed, and so do more faces behind tags. ‘There’s still hope, Dr.Xavier,’ some one says, ‘The feeling in your legs can return over time. Things will get better, you’ll see.’ Hope? Charles laughs bitterly. And how can things get better? Erik isn’t there.

Out of everything, it’s probably the loneliness that drives him insane, the absence of Erik’s bright mind beside his. So Charles drinks. He drinks to make the rest of his body as numb as his legs. Especially his aching heart.

Anger and violence doesn’t come easily to Charles, but he’s angry now. Angry at Erik. He could have, and for the most part has, forgiven Erik for everything - for his legs, for hurting the children. But he cannot forgive Erik for leaving him alone.

The school is thriving. The Children and Raven are there, yes. But it’s not the same. It never has been.

A man named Logan breezes into the school one summer morning biting on the end of a cigar. They call him the ‘Wolverine’. He’s burly as a beast and has the claws like one. And when he asks Charles, ‘Wanna fuck bub?’ from the end of a kitchen table, Charles agrees readily. Whether to prove something to himself, or something else to Erik, or just to feel like his younger self once again, Charles doesn’t know.

Logan doesn’t tease Charles with his clever words, doesn’t gather Charles against his chest like he’s something precious, doesn’t kiss Charles like a man possessed. He doesn’t make love to Charles like Erik. He just fucks like a beast, and Charles is extremely thankful for it.

Logan leaves as quickly as he’d arrived, promising to bring a few mutants who could benefit from the school.

There’s only so much Charles can hide in his study drowning himself in expensive scotch. His children need him. Slowly, he eases back into his role of a Professor, and with it, some of the anger and bitterness abates.

Logan returns a few months later with a girl with healing abilities. With the help of her powers, Charles gets back most of the feelings in his legs. He still has to use his wheelchair for the most part, and his entire body hurts, but Raven cries in delight and says, ‘This is great, isn’t it?’ Is it? Charles can’t say. Even with the feeling in legs, Charles feels just as numb as before.

When Logan asks Charles a few nights later if he’d like a repeat of last time, Charles smiles woefully and says, ‘Good night, Logan.’

Probably the only good thing to come out of this entire ordeal is Charles’ new found understanding of his mother. She drank herself to a stupor in denial of his father’s demise, ignoring Charles in the process. How was Charles any better than her?

Charles wakes one night to the sight of Erik floating into his room through the window. For a few seconds, he thinks it’s a dream. But when Erik starts accusing him of naivety on an article Charles had published about Mutant Education a few days ago, it becomes all too real. He punches Erik in the face like he’d wanted to all those days ago. He stumbles from bed, and his legs ache, but he doesn’t care. They argue, spew insults at each other, and almost tear each other out for two hours straight before falling into bed.

‘Wait,’ Charles says, stopping Erik’s frantic hands. ‘I slept with Logan.’ He feels stupid now that he has said it. He and Erik haven’t defined their relationship in any way. Still, keeping it from Erik feels wrong. ‘And I slept with Emma.’ Erik says. And that’s that, Charles supposes. Erik leaves the next day before the sun or Charles is up.

He doesn’t hear from Erik for 4 months after that. Erik comes in one night sans accusations and assertions, and sans that damned helmet, and whispers fiercely into Charles’ mind, I’m sorry, for … everything. It’s all too easy to fall into bed with Erik then. After all, It’s one of the only things they agree upon whole heartedly.

In the winter, they hire a new teacher for the school. Abigaile has a PhD in Mathematics and Physics, and comes highly recommended. She has lovely eyes and a bright smile, and bats her eyelashes coyly at Charles. The intent in her mind is unmistakable. Charles smiles at her kindly, and calls in for Hank. ‘Please show Ms. Brand to the classes. ’There really can’t be anything between them. How can there be? She doesn’t have large and callused hands like Erik’s. She doesn’t have a sculpted jaw or broad shoulders like Erik. She doesn’t possess a baritone voice that wreaks havocs on Charles’ body. Hell, Charles wouldn’t even fit perfectly against her like he does with Erik. Charles curses under his breath and closes his eyes. ‘You’ve ruined me for women, you Bastard.’

Charles gets a call on the phone in his study at 2 in the morning. The person on the other end is silent, but he knows without a shred of doubt in his mind that it’s Erik. Charles takes in an unsteady breath and says, ‘Please tell me you’re okay, Erik. Please…’ Erik grunts in response and the line goes dead.

To say that Charles misses Erik is an understatement. He misses arguing with Erik. He misses training the children with Erik. He misses their late night chess games, Erik’s teasing smiles and knowing looks. He misses the fire of passion smoldering in Erik’s eyes when he look at Chearles. Hell, he even misses Erik’s smoking. Sometimes, he misses Erik so much that it manifests into a physical pain somewhere between Charles’ heart and stomach. It doesn’t lessen over years, only dwindles into absence for a few hours he’s with Erik, and flares stronger than before once Erik leaves.

When Charles is feeling maudlin beyond reason, which he is for most of the week, he writes to Erik, knowing full well that it’s a moot cause.

Dearest Erik, I feel like a Regency heroine writing to you…. ……. ……. Bobby froze the pond on the grounds today. Can you believe it? I’m so proud of him, Erik. The poor lad hes been struggling with his control…. ……. ……. I wish you could see it too. Yours Faithfully, Charles

My dear Erik, Ororo threw a fuss today. So much so that it started to rain over the mansion for a few minutes….. ……. ……. Wish you were here with me. Yours truly, Charles

Old Friend, The children threw a small party for my birthday today. Raven baked a caked. And no, it wasn’t as awful as the one she had baked for Alex’s birthday, but it was threateningly close….. ……. ……. Not a day goes by without me wishing you were beside me. Love Aways, Charles

My Love, There was an post in the paper today that a Mutant Experiment lab was destroyed in the East Coast. It reports that the damage was extensive and that the authorities are searching for the cultrip. You know that I don’t agree with your methods, Erik. But I admire your intent. So would all the mutants you saved from that lab. While I know fully well that you can take care of yourself, and your own, I can’t help but worry for your safety, my love. I worry about you constantly. There are more and more scars on your body each time I see you, and how I wish I could kiss it away. Are you eating on time? Do you sleep at all? Please take care, Erik. Yours Forever, Charles

The letters sit tucked chronologically in a box under Charles’ bed, and some of them are still wet at the corners.

Once night, Erik floats into his window with cuts on his face and blood on his uniform. Charles cleans his wounds with blurry eyes, and vows to tear the next person person who accuses Erik of being selfish.

Despite his promises of not looking into Erik’s head, Charles traces Erik’s activities through Cerebro, and refuses to feel one bit guilty about it. It's the only way he'll know Erik is safe. Sure, Erik’s damned helmet makes it all the more difficult, but through the years, Charles has gotten creative. He can pinpoint Erik in a crowd of people even across two states.

‘You should date someone,’ Erik says one night as he sits on the edge of Charles' bed dressed to leave.

‘Really?’ Charles asks, ‘And why should I do that?’ ‘Because I want you to be happy,’ Erik says, and Charles wants to punch him. How dare he!? How dare Erik tell him to date someone else when he holds Charles’ beating heart in his fist. It’s cruel. ‘And what makes you the authority on my happiness?’ Charles asks with no less cruelty. Erik doesn’t deign his question with an answer and leaves.

Gone, too, is the box under Charle’s bed that hold the map of his heart.

Erik goes missing for eight months this time, and Charles all but leaps out of bed when the phone in his study rings at 3 in the morning.

‘Erik, please don’t hang up,’ he pleads, and when Erik stays silent, ‘Please say something.’ ‘There’s nothing to say. I just wanted to hear your voice,’ says Erik. Charles knees give away and hot tears fall out of his eyes. But he can do this, he can keep talking. Anything to keep Erik with him. He wipes at his eyes and smiles into the receiver. ‘Do you remember Jubile? The tiny girl with two braids? You won’t believe what she can do, Erik…’ Charles talks into the night and doesn’t stop even when his voice turns horse. And even after that they simply listen to each other’s breaths.

Charles keeps a set of Erik’s clothes in his wardrobe. Over the years, the turtlenecks smell less and less like Erik, but when Charles drapes it over his pillow, and imagines that it’s Erik chest under his ear, he can still smell the sharp scent of Erik’s musk, spicy and clean and fresh.

He also keeps Erik’s favourite bottle of scotch and his preferred brand of cigarettes in a cabinet in his office, and guards it like a dragon guards its gold.

For all that Charles loathes smoking, and has banned it on the grounds, Erik seemed to be the exception to that rule. Hell, Erik has been the exception to all of Charles’ rules.

They hire Jonthan in the fall to teach Mutant History. He’s a tall man with blue eyes and auburn hair. He looks at Charles with a knowing smile and intent in his mind. He would be good for Charles, wouldn’t he? He’s smart, well read and kind. He even holds the same integrationist ideals that Charles does. But... Jonathan doesn’t have Erik’s razor sharp smile, the kind of smile that lights up Charles’ insides and heart. He doesn’t possess the wicked wit that comes so easily to Erik. He doesn’t bear the piercing focus, which when focussed on Charles makes him feel invincible. Jonathan doesn’t even smoke. Charles laughs in exasperation. ‘Good God, Erik! Must you torment me so?’

It’s almost a year later that Charles sees Erik. They fall into each other’s arms way too easily.

‘Don’t tease me, Erik,’ Charles commands when Erik’s mouth meets the lobe of his ear, ‘I won’t last long.’ ‘Me, too,’ says Erik. ‘That means we’ll just have to go again.’ ‘And whose fault is that? You were gone for more than a year.’ At that, Erik stops, ‘Does that mean that you haven’t…’ he gestures between the two of them. Charles laughs woefully. ‘There hasn’t been anyone other than you ever since you came floating into my room all those years ago.’ ‘Oh,’ Erik says, surprised, ‘There hasn’t been anyone for me beside you, either.’ Charles laughs wetly for a long time. ‘I thought I was alone,’ he says softly. Erik kisses him, and whispers to his lips, ‘You’re not alone, Charles. Not when you I have something to say about it.’

And it sounds equal parts like a promise and a challenge. It sounds just like Erik.

Charles remembers reading somewhere, Like because, and love despite. However impossible, maybe the author had Charles and Erik in mind when they wrote it.

#cherik #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #anon #thank you so much for your lovely message. It made my day #and if you've made it this far #wow #thanks #also the quote at the end id from 'Half of It' on Netflix #I heard and thought... well it's for cherik #so there you go #jjcherik

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jackyjango · 10 months

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Cherik LJ recs

I realised that I forgot to post my stash of cherik LJ recs. So here they are:

Fics recced by @gerec and @eugeline earlier can be found here

I've been reading and adding these fics to my list since before the dawn of time. So the descriptions on many of the fics are somewhat wonky. Plus, you know how the kink meme works on LJ *shrugs*. So read them at your own risk.

I'll start with one of my favourites:

Desperate Measures https://temperance-k.livejournal.com/37682.html The inhabitants of Charles' estate (Charles, his conniving younger sister Raven, his adorable but mischievous adopted children, and their live-in handyman Erik) have been growing restless. To keep the children (who range in age from kindergarten to fifth or sixth grade) from destroying everything in sight, Charles comes up with a scavenger hunt of sorts. The objective? To find his "heart" (which is actually a heart-shaped photo of everyone)

1. Shelter https://niched.livejournal.com/1456.html ‎Prompt: In his attempts to help Erik let go of his anger Charles manages to break/unlock something in him and Erik takes it out on him in bed, taking him extremely roughly Erik is too rough, and Charles is too tender. They almost get it right. But the realms of each other's bodies are foreign, incomprehensibly difficult to conquer

2. Mehrdeutiges Lächeln https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/4418.html?thread=5842242#t5842242 Erik's smile frightens the children but Charles loves it

3. Silent Music a. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/6527.html?thread=10707327#t10707327 b. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/6527.html?thread=10707583#t10707583 domestic!Cherik dancing in the kitchen

4. photography http://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/3115.html?thread=3334699#t3334699 photography in bed

5. Five Packages Charles Xavier Did Not Order [and one he did] https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=4030196#t4030196 It all started, Charles thought to himself sometimes, with that damned catalogue. It arrived with the day's mail addressed to one "Anon Y. Mouse", which was such an obvious pseudonym his immediate reaction was to wonder which of the students had sent for it. After deciding that there were some things he was better off not knowing, he hastily did a mental sweep of the house to make sure there was no one heading his way and slowly began to flip through the pages.

6. Night Time Friends https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=4288294#t4288294 Erik helping Charles through his headaches

7. Cheers https://zamwessell.livejournal.com/2532.html Charles is drunk. Slightly less drunk Erik finds it oddly endearing

8. (we're) a beautiful mess https://dastardlywords.livejournal.com/925.html The longing Erik can feel coming of Charles in waves now is not charity nor friendship nor some misguided attempt to con Erik out of his ideals: it feels selfish and human and so clearly irrational that it can’t be mistaken for anything but stupid, helpless love.

9. shake it baby now (let me know you're mine) https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/3115.html?thread=4509995#t4509995 Charles makes Erik listen to pop music (especially 'Wild Thing' or 'The Twist'), and Erik is like "how is this even music, etc etc etc" but he secretly really likes it, especially when Charles tries to teach him to do the twist.

10. The Methods (are always the same) https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=384038#t384038 Charles is taken in by the government (who managed to block his abilities). He's brutally interrogated, tortured and raped until he finally breaks. Erik finds out and he's on the warpath, saving Charles and taking him to his lair to nurse him back to help and put the pieces back together.

11. Surprise! https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/4418.html?thread=6809666#t6809666 They are halfway to the bed/or any available surface, tugging at each others' clothes before they noticed the kids were in the room, hosting a surprise party for them. So much for being discreet.

12. Hush-a-bye https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/6084.html?thread=8283332#t8283332 One of the guys is shirtless and holding a baby? And the other is all, 'that is both dawww and hot'?

13. Not Wrecked with the Day's Work https://saavikam77.livejournal.com/324815.html Charles falls asleep on Erik while they're waiting for a bus on their mutant-recruiting road trip

14. The One About The Turtleneck a. https://zamwessell.livejournal.com/2910.html b. https://zamwessell.livejournal.com/3149.html c. https://zamwessell.livejournal.com/3335.html d. https://zamwessell.livejournal.com/3689.html e. https://zamwessell.livejournal.com/3892.html Charles borrows one of Erik's turtlenecks. Things quickly get out of hand

15. Be Not Ashamed https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/6527.html?thread=9819775#t9819775 Charles and Erik inadvertently.... ok probably during sex or snuggles... figure out that one of them (you pick which one, I'm not too choosy!) finds suckling the other's nipples is comforting and arousing. So they fall into a routine where (dry or wet, doesn't matter to me) nursing becomes their go to for foreplay and for soothing away fear/stress/ upset/angry feelings. But I want it to be a special thing just between them, so obviously not something the children know about; and for them to remain adults throughout (i.e. different from "adult baby")

16. Blue Sniffles https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/6527.html?thread=10166911#t10166911 Charles sneezing a lot? And Erik's just like "Are you all right?" and all bemused by it.

17. dirty morning sex https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/6527.html?thread=11974271#t11974271 18. Vanilla https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7315.html?thread=11897491#t11897491 Still sexy and affectionate but Erik's still got his business socks on and Charles is maybe thinking about what's for breakfast and they're both so comfortable with each other that they don't really mind when someone yawns in the middle or if someone gets called on for bad morning breath? 19. Charles yelling at Erik https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7315.html?thread=14084755#t14084755

20. Charles is protective of Erik https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7315.html?thread=14201491#t14201491

21. it's a disaster (but that's all right) https://freezer-penguin.livejournal.com/8256.html domestic cookery failure

22. Magneto analysing sleepy!Charles a. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=15216465#t15216465%2F b. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=15213393#t15213393%2F

23. Erik likes to make Charles squeal https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=15539281#t15539281 Charles is naturally a very talkative person, and that dribbles over into the bed scene a bit; he whimpers, mewls, moans and groans, laughs, and makes every little sound in between. But what Erik loves the most is when he draws out Charles' undeniably, absolutely girly squeal, because he knows Charles finds it utterly embarrassing

24. Just a Star in Your Sky https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=14945361#t14945361 Charles may have felt more for Erik than Erik did for him

25. Fast as I can https://neriwind.livejournal.com/546.html#cutid1 Erik can't say: I love you

26. Razor Sharp https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=15779921#t15779921 Erik boxing with bloody knuckles. h/c

27. Childish Things https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=14844497#t14844497 Charles is extremely ticklish. This gives Erik ideas

28. this constant state of war https://pidgeoned.livejournal.com/11844.html#cutid1 Charles and Erik are the Odd Couple. Quasi-cracky, teeth rottingly fluffy

29. My Arms Will Hold You https://koala-ecrit.livejournal.com/26907.html Charles brings three young recruits to the mansion: Ororo, Scott, and Jean. Much to Erik's dismay and annoyance, the children - especially Ororo - take up all of Charles' time. Erik realizes, however, that he and Ororo may have more in common than what first meets the eye, and that he has hidden parenting skills that he never knew about

30. A little soft https://themadwritings.livejournal.com/44817.html Erik likes sleeping on Charles' pudgy stomach

31. Try, Try Again https://and-backagain.livejournal.com/6669.html Except that this has happened before, he thinks with a start, and something in his throat closes up as he revolves on the spot, already knowing what he's going to see. Charles' back is arching as he falls, his eyes wide, and the crumpled bullet falls to the sand beside him like a calling card. X-Men: First Class Groundhog Day!AU

32. mutant school AU https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=100390#t100390 Future AU in which Erik stays with Charles and helps him establish his school/teach new mutants.

33. I CAN NEVER TELL https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=23078#t23078 Charles still gets shot and is crying in Erik's arms- but instead of leaving, Erik realizes that being vengeful will only ever hurt the man he loves. So he stays with Charles and confesses his ~feelings~ and kisses him and takes care of him as he gets better and they're beautiful and in love.

34. Belonging a. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=258342 b. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=258598 Charles and the Children celebrate Erik's birthday

35. Response https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=560166#t560166 Charles and Erik have to attend a black tie event (to spy on an evil dude, maybe) together. Before they leave, the others mention to Charles that Erik looks dapper as fuck, and Charles is all "mhmm didn't really notice," and the others are like, "uh-huh denial is not just a river in egypt" and he's all like "wut." But Erik's tux is tailored to his body, and throughout the night, Charles is unable to resist stealing glances. Maybe they end up having sex? Maybe they end up making out in the backseat of the car like teenagers on prom night?

36. Held Taut https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=615206#t615206 Erik is bleeding out fast, but help is on the way. he just needs to stay conscious, which is getting increasingly difficult. It feels like he hasn't slept in years, if only he could close his eyes for just a few moments...luckily Charles is there with his telepathy to help him out.

37. Technicolor a. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=2301222#t2301222 b. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=2302246#t2302246 c. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=2302502#t2302502 Charles don't know the meaning of 'excess'

38. Lemon Twist https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/806.html?thread=386598#t386598 Charles is the one with the nightmares, and Erik has to bring him out and comfort him. Maybe when he sleeps, Charles can tap into random minds. Or maybe he just remembers people he's touched.

39. Molten https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=3559156#t3559156 Metal Sex Toys

40. Scarred a. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=1129972#t1129972 b. https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=1133044#t1133044 Charles wonders about Erik's scars

41. coming back for even more of exactly the same https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=1115380#t1115380 Chess turns into something more

42. wait to watch the fire https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=1315060#t1315060 something tear-inducing and horribly tragic. Maybe they only realise their feelings for each other just before Erik's changing of sides?

43. Five Times Charles Taught the Younger Mutants An Important Lesson/One Time They Taught Him One https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=1207796#t1207796

44. Overload https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=2603252#t2603252 Sex and Telepathy

45. Language Kink https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=2515700#t2515700 Charles gets turned on when Erik talks to him dirty in the many languages he knows

46. speed-dating https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=9705716#t9705716 Charles and run a speed-dating service, and Charles participated

47. Entangled https://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/2292.html?thread=1565428#t1565428 It's ridiculously hot and humid where I am and I just have this image of Erik and Charles tangled together in bedsheets, sticky and hot but unwilling to separate because they want/need to be close.

#cherik #cherik fit rec #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #cherik fits on lj #I've been making this list of sometime now... and the descriptions on many of them might not be accurate #so read them at your own risk #jjcherik

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