#just bring my cat and lizard and bugs with me

[freesia-writes]

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

DISCLAIMER… apparently you should not invite me to contribute to these if you don’t want a freaking novel in response… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤓 So this is on you guys, @littlemissmanga @idontgetanysleep @wolffegirlsunite @anxiouspineapple99 @rain-on-kamino @sinfulsalutations @the-bad-batch-baroness

Were you named after anyone?

No, but my mom grew up in Santa Monica……. 🤷🏻‍♀️

When was the last time you cried?

In therapy, within the last month, but otherwise, I try far too hard not to cry, and rarely do. I used to say that in a bragging sort of way, but since growing up a bit, I have realized it is mostly just from being emotionally stunted. 

Do you have kids?

Yes, a seven-year-old girl and a four-year-old boy. 💕

Do you use sarcasm?

Never.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I mean… their appearance? But not in a shallow way? 🤣🤣 Like some of you have said — body language, expressions, general overall vibe. Apparently “childhood trauma gave me hypervigilance”. 🙄

What’s your eye color?

Hayyyyyyyyzel

Scary movies or happy endings?

I cannot handle anything even remotely intense or scary. Like, the emperor electrocuting Luke in the Star Wars movies still makes me squirm. So ALL THE HAPPY ENDINGS. I’m 34 years old and I think I enjoyed the new Super Mario movie more than anyone else in my family, kids included. 🤣

Any special talents?

Hmm. I’m trying to think of things other than writing, ADHD, public speaking, photography… SO, I have a particular “IDGAF” attitude when it comes to hairstyles and tattoos, where I would do pretty much anything for fun or if I liked it. I’ve had a mullet (and not the fashionable kind), a pixie, waist-length, a rat tail, and everything in between. The tattoos need a bit more thought because they’re $$$. 🥴 But my hubby and I have jokingly named my thighs Justice and Redemption, and I’d like to hide some tattoos of those names on each one, and some kind of joke, using lord of the rings lines from the mines/gates of Moria for my nether-yaeya……. You get the gist. I have serious and meaningful and artistic tattoos, on me and on the docket, but those are some examples of the fun ones.😂 I also am a white water raft guide, and I seem to have the ability to smile and laugh in virtually any situation (birth, medical emergencies, probably funerals if I went), but again, therapy has ruined that by calling it “masking” 🤣🤣🤣 OH — one more — I always have to leave a place cleaner than I found it. When we’d go drinking in college, I’d sometimes disappear for a while because I was cleaning the bar bathroom counter. Same with parks or anywhere else… I have to pick up the trash I see. 💕 ENNEAGRAM 1 PROBLEMS, best summarized by this gorgeous song by Sleeping At Last.

Where were you born?

California.

What are your hobbies?

Oh, I guess here is where I can mention the regular stuff up above. 🤣 I really love writing, spending meaningful time with Jesus, and spending time in nature just being completely present and delighting in every leaf, bug, etc… And as cheesy as it sounds, I love having fun with my husband. We really are best friends, to the point where we will sometimes stay up way too late at night just because we are having so much fun talking about nothing and everything. 🥹

Have any pets?

A bulldog-border collie mix dog named Teddy, a bearded dragon named Jabba, and usually something else like a blue belly lizard or tadpoles or whatever the kids find and want to bring home. I really want to get some kind of parrot like an African gray, or if I ever found an abandoned baby raven, that would be incredible. 🤓 I would totally have a few cats, but the husband is allergic.

What sports do/have you played?

I am not a land athlete… When it comes to things like agility or speed. I am, however, an excellent swimmer, and did swim team from age 4 through college, and I am also very strong and sturdy, so I enjoy lifting heavy weights. 🤓

How tall are you?

5‘10“, or 177cm 😘 And yes, I played basketball for a few years, but only because I went to a tiny school and they needed someone on the girls team to stand underneath the basket with their arms over their head like an intimidating ogre who might occasionally get a rebound.

Favorite subject at school?

ENGLISH!! Reading, analyzing, writing… Also theater, because I thought I was going to be an actress until I got old enough (read: 22) and realized I was TERRIBLE. 🤣 apparently a bubbly, charismatic personality doesn’t necessarily translate to acting skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dream job?

Honestly, I don’t think I even know. As a child, I wanted to be everything from a marine biologist to an actress to a vet to a dolphin trainer to an astronomer. I have always thought it would be fun to be a personal assistant to some high-powered CEO or something where my only job was to plan all of the travel and meetings, and get to go around the world that way, but none of the actual responsibilities of the company fall to me. Just simple organization and frequent travel. 😂 Also a food critic. 🤭 Or a stunt woman.

Apparently the jury is still out.

But the cool thing is that I absolutely love my job. I loved teaching in the classroom, and now getting to do my work from home while I enjoy my kids’ childhood is absolutely amazing. We are at a water park for two days, and I am sending emails and answering questions about online classes while I sit in a lounge chair with my feet in the water. God has been so incredibly kind and gracious to me, SOOOOO far beyond what I deserve or could even fathom. 🥹

So many of you have already been tagged! So I’m just going to spray and pray some tags here. 😂 Ignore if you’ve already completed it (and tag me if I haven’t seen it??). But if you feel like you fly under the radar around here, and would like to be tagged in stuff like this more often or have more engagement, feel free to comment or message me!!

@the-cantina @drafthorsemath @lightwise @cloned-eyes @lightspringrain @zaana @verndusk @pinkiemme @literallyjustanerd @alamogirl80 @clonemedickix @shitexcuseofausername @vimse @523rdrebel @annwayne @l-lend @lornaka 😘

[lords-of-mayhem]

For once something not horny from me. What kinds of pets do you think the LOC guys would have - if they’d have any. This is 100% inspired by my cat being very cute right now 🐈‍⬛

Oooh fun! Okay, let's see.

Metalion - Rats

I feel very strongly about this one. I've had this thought before, but he'd absolutely have pet rats. He carries them around in his pockets and adores them so much.

Occultus - Any animal

Occultus is 100% the type to adopt every animal that needs a home and he loves them all equally. I can see him having a really obscure pet like ferrets or sugar gliders. I also feel like he has a cat. His cat is older than dirt.

Fenriz - Hermit crabs (plus big dog)

I don't know why this one makes so much sense to me, but it does. He has a dog that's absolutely massive and seems so scary, but is genuinely such a sweetheart. Rottweilers immediately come to mind, but it could be any type of dog breed. I see it being very protective over the group.

Faust - None

I don't really see him owning any pets. He likes animals, he just doesn't have the motivation/interest in having one.

Euronymous - Birds (all kinds)

This one is obviously based off the fact Euronymous did have a bird. I think he'd love all kinds of birds.

Manheim - Snake then lizard

Manheim would have a snake because they seem like a cool pet, but he very quickly realizes he cannot handle feeding it live mice/rats. So, he switches over to a lizard, a nice small one that doesn't eat big live things.

Blackthorn - Rabbit or chihuahua

Blackthorn would have an animal that's just as finnicky as he is. He either has a rabbit or a chihuahua that shakes 24/7. Bonus points if he got either as an emotional support pet, but quickly realized he needed an emotional support pet for his emotional support pet. If he has a rabbit, he 100% makes it salads often. He goes out of his way to get the perfect blend of pellets, hay, fruits, and veggies. Varg is confused(tm) by the amount of effort he puts into this task, but it seems to make him happy.

Varg - None

He's indifferent to animals for the most part, he just doesn't have a real interest in them. If this is by the time he's living with Blackthorn, he just settles for having his pets in the house.

Atilla - Snake (scary version)

Atilla owns a snake that is absolutely massive and/or scary. His pet snake also has a habit of escaping from its enclosure which freaks out everyone. The snake also is big enough that it eats larger prey like birds or rabbits. (Manheim does NOT enjoy this fact and WILL pretend it doesn't exist as much as he can.)

Pelle -Snakes, spiders, bugs, butterflies/moths, salamanders, etc.

Pelle doesn't have traditional pets, but he will bring in whatever he catches while out on his forest adventures. He's had many jars that he keeps caterpillars in until they turn into butterflies/moths. It's not uncommon to find jars full of all kinds of creepy crawlies in his room.

He's surprisingly sweet/gentle with these. He's the type to build an entire enclosure, bringing in twigs and leaves for his new friend.

Necrobutcher - Cat or dog (family pet)

Necrobutcher does technically have a pet, but it's not his own. His family would have a cat or dog for him while he's growing up, but that's been the extent of his pet experience.

Hellhammer - Chinchillas

Hellhammer has a pair of chinchillas and they're the biggest assholes alive. They're soft and cuddly, and will bite if anyone except Hellhammer touches them. They love being cuddled by him and literally not another soul in the world.

#asks #lords of chaos

[septimus-heap]

Anyway marcia and septimus hc that once sep is comfortable Asking For Stuff he's like. Marcia can we get a cat. And she says no ofc so he goes. How abt a dog. A mouse. A guinea pig. A hamster. A parrot. And she's like. No. To all of them. And he starts bringing stuff home like marcia can we keep this snake can we keep this sparrow can we keep this lizard. And it gets to a point where he comes home and marcia's like septimus what are u holding. What is in the box. And he opens it and its just full of insects and its not even him being like if u don't let me have a pet I will release the bugs he just genuinely wants a pet bug. And that is the point that marcia goes. First of all kill those with fire. Second of all if I let you have a cat will you swear to never knowingly bring an insect into my apartment ever again. And that's how they ended up with a cat

#like septimus isn't doing it to harass her into letting him have a pet he would rlly truly love to have any of the ones he brought home #he thought if he kept trying there'd be SOMETHING she'd let him keep #and there wasn't but he got a pet anyway so. :) #sep talks #septimus heap #marcia overstrand

[motheyes]

also i meant to zonk earlier then this

#i rlly have been just zoning out to tik tok #it’s so easy to do #told myself i wouldn’t #but it’s just easier :) #then dealing with literally anything :) #like what if i don’t even wanna move in with them anymore #like what if it’s miserable #what if i can’t do it bro #literally i wanna die i can’t live like this #not gunna but i wanna #maybe i’ll just ghost everyone #i’ll buy a van and leave #i’ll get someone yo take care of my fish #just bring my cat and lizard and bugs with me #maybe just leave for a week #and drive #go the the coast #pikes place #walk around and cry and just #idk #i can’t live like this #it’s gunna kill me

[nat-20s]

for @jonmartinweek day 8! (which I definitely realized was happening and for sure did not forget lmao). The prompt was free day/au, so I picked my own theme of “pets”. The last few fics have been pretty loaded, so please enjoy some pure post canon (literal and figurative) fluff

~*~

“I can’t believe I married a dog person.”

They weren’t even supposed to be in the shelter. They had made no plans to visit a shelter. However, as Jon has been learning over the course of the past couple years, a Martin not under duress and given free time outside will inevitably end up trying to befriend any living nonhuman creature in the immediate vicinity.

“I’m not a dog person.”

“The lapful of beagle puppy would indicate otherwise.”

“Just because I appreciate the company of a very good boy, yes you are, doesn’t mean I’m a dog person. Dog person implies I have a preference. I like cats equally as much as I like dogs. Unlike some of us, my heart is open to all manner of furry friends.”

“I don’t...hate dogs.”

“Uh-huh. Is that why you won’t pet Rufio here?”

“He’s nippy, I don’t trust him. And it’s just that dogs are A Lot. I find most of them a bit overwhelming. And needy.”

“Pff, that’s no excuse. You’ve been best friends with overwhelming, and you married needy.”

Martin lets out a distracted giggle as Rufio finally gets in a lick on his face. Okay, maybe it is a pretty adorable sight, but that’s hardly sufficient enough evidence to actually let such an energetic ball of fluff into their home. Still, it’s enough to convince Jon to sit down next to them, and give Rufio a very tentative scritch behind the ears. “I think we both qualify as the needy one in our relationship.”

“Pretty sure that’s called codependency. What would our therapist say?”

“She’d probably say that’s a bit harsh. And that we still need to work on our separation anxiety.”

“Hey, you know what helps with separation anxiety?”

“No.”

“A dog!”

“No!”

They get a dog. Their flat is decently sized and they both have steady incomes and enough free time between them to take proper care of her. They don’t get Rufio, but instead a 7 year old mutt named Daffodil who is, admittedly, the most gentle and sweet creature Jon’s ever met. They also get a cat, a rambunctious 2 year old tabby named Jack (“We can change the name.” “Jon! How dare you! Jack responds to his name, clearly he likes it!”) who had already decided Daffodil was his mom, and they couldn’t possibly bear not adopting them together.

~*~

“You know, we could get a tarantula.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious! They’re not, like, evil in this universe, and some of them have cutest little pink toesie woesies.”

“You’re not serious, you’re being a bastard, and I hate you.”

Martin wraps his arms around Jon’s waist and presses a kiss to the side of his face, which Jon gives a half-hearted swat at, because, again, the man’s being a bastard. Stubbornly ignoring Jon’s pout, Martin presses his cheek to the top of Jon’s head, cheerfully replying, “I’m fine with that, as long as you promise to hate me for the rest of our lives.”

“Well, I certainly can’t make that promise. I won’t even hate you ten seconds from now. I suppose you’ll have to settle for love instead.”

“Hmm. Deal.”

“We’re still not getting a fucking tarantula.”

They do not get a tarantula. Their home remains admirably spider free.

~*~

Martin’s gasp is loud enough to echo, and Jon can feel him begin to vibrate next to him. The excitement is perplexing at first, they’ve been to this bookstore dozens of times, and it’s never elicited this sort of response. Then Jon looks over to the front counter, where a medium-sized cage and a “For adoption” sign have been put on display. With a wild, jubilant glee, Martin asks, “Sonja! Are those baby. Dumbo. Rats?!”

“Sure are! I’ve got a friend who’s a breeder, I take it you’re interested?”

“Yes, absolutely, 100%, we’re getting two immediately.”

“Well…”

Martin snaps his head over to look at Jon with a look of betrayal the likes of which Jon hasn’t seen since the panopticon. “Jonathan, no!”

“Um.”

“You can not tell me you you don’t like rats! Dumbo rats especially!”

“I…”

Ticking off on his fingers, Martin lists, “They’re adorable, they’re smart, they’re cleanly, they’re extremely empathetic, they’re tickilish, which is stupidly cute, they can be trained to use a litter box and do tricks, they’re snuggly and playful and perfect! They’re all the good parts of dogs combined with the best parts of cats in one tiny portable package! Look at their little ears, that are like that because of a slight difference in skull shape that has no negative health effects! Plus, we can set them up in the project room, since Captain Jack isn’t allowed in there anyway. How can you dislike rats?”

“I don’t know! They just sort of..freak me out. Or not all of them, just their feet. I don’t like their little man hands.”

Martin throws his arms in the air, proclaiming, “Their little man hands are one of their best qualities! Look, Jon, are you genuinely afraid of them, or just slightly discomfited?”

“I would say mediumly discomfited. This isn’t like spiders.”

“Cool. ‘Cause in that case, we’re getting the light tan one and the solid white one, their names shall be Peaches and Cream, and you will love them as much as you love our dog and cat children.”

“That’s a rather bold claim.”

“It’s an accurate one. You’ll see.”

Within a week, Jon is transporting Peaches ‘n’ Cream in the pocket of his hoodie, and he can feel Martin’s smug aura from two rooms away. Damn him.

~*~

“Did you know snakes don’t have an amygdala?”

“Okay? You didn’t have to bring me to a reptile store to tell me that.”

“I didn’t bring you to a reptile store to tell you that. I brought you to a reptile store because I want to hold a cornsnake.”

Jon rolls his eyes, but the fondness in his voice somewhat undercuts it. “Of course you do.”

Martin makes a scaly acquaintance in less than two minutes, and as the snake coils around his fingers, he continues, “Anyway, if they don’t have amygladas, do they feel fear in a way similar to us, or is it only a recognition of threats and instinctual response?”

“Martin, my love, I have no idea. Is this going somewhere? It’s fine if not, I’m just checking in.”

“Yes. Because if they don’t feel fear, I’m getting this snake and naming her Georgie.”

That makes Jon let out a sharp bark of laugh, and, for a moment, he’s able to reminisce without any pain. “You know, I think she’d actually love that? She also had a proclivity for all creatures great and small. And a terrible sense of humor.”

“Wow, you really have a type, huh. Also hey! My sense of humor is fantastic! It always makes my husband laugh, and he has very exacting standards.”

“Liar. Your husband finds joy with you at the slightest provocation, no good sense of humor needed.”

“Hmm. He is a bit of a softie, isn’t he? Which is why he’ll let me get this snake.”

“He most certainly will not.”

“But….look at her….”

“It’s not a matter of how cute she is, dear. It’s a matter of you made us get pet rats less than a month ago, there’s absolutely no way you’re going to be able to feed mice to a snake.”

Martin looks at the cornsnake, looks at Jon, looks back, and his shoulders slump. With a wince, he asks, “Maybe frozen mice won’t be too bad?”

“What if she’s picky?”

“...There are species of snake that only eat bugs.”

“Cornsnakes aren’t one of them.”

Waving over an assistant, Martin puts the cornsnake back with a defeated, “Fine. When you’re right, you’re right.”

Jon doesn’t particularly feel like he’s won an argument. In fact, he’s a bit disappointed himself, he always liked snakes. Big fan of reptiles in general, actually, which is probably what drives him to say, “Lizards don’t usually eat mice.”

That’s how they walk out of the store with three leopard geckos.

~*~

Jon’s helping Martin set up the gecko tank in what can now be affectionately called a zoo when all of the sudden it strikes him. Some of the animals in their home right now have life spans of 10-20 years, and never once had the necessary longevity of care come up as a reason to protest against them. Jon had felt so at ease with the concept of a future that he hadn’t even thought about it, hadn’t been steeling himself for the other shoe to drop. He’s stopped having bated breath every time something good happens, instead taking reassurance in a sense of permanence that he wasn’t sure he’d ever feel again. Martin must hear his breath hitch, because he immediately stops what he’s doing to take Jon’s hand into his own. “Something wrong, love?”

Jon shakes his head. “No, nothing. I suppose I’m realizing that we have time, don’t we?”

Martin must know exactly what he means, the weight behind the words, because he brings Jon’s hand to his lips and says, “Yes. Yes, we really, really do.”

#jonmartinweek2021 #jonmartin #jon sims #martin blackwood #tma #post canon #THIS IS JUST ME PROJECTING ON MARTIN FOR 1500 WORDS LMAO #also to anyone that spots the song lyric: :3 #also also the leopard geckos names are kirk spock and bones #or as jon calls them #captain first officer and CMO

[storiesofsvu]

I've been toying with an idea about how Casey would convince Rita to adopt a cat with her, maybe you have headcanon ideas about how it might go?

(Bear with me as i’m on my phone. Expect typos/formatting issues)

Casey loves all and every kind of animals. If she wasn’t so set on her career she would totally live on a farm. A whole slew of cats, dogs, goats, pigs, maybe even a lil cow or donkey to round out the bunch

She also has a thing for creepy crawlies. Loves bugs, (probably purposely ate a lot as a kid… dont come for me). She’s always kind of wanted a snake, and loves lizards, high key wants one of those.

Naturally, she’s waiting until she’s super solidified and knows she can take care of a pet/isn’t going to have to move again with all the extra crap.

So when her & Rita get together, she starts to think about it more.

She quickly realizes that her lizard dreams are dashed the day there’s a spider in the kitchen and all she hears is a scream, a plate smashing & she finds Rita ON the kitchen island her limbs all pulled up tight, absolutely terrified.

Casey naturally scoops up the spider (with her bare hands, which Rita makes her wash approx 8 times before Casey can touch her again) and drops it outside. Rita’s wishing she’d killed it.

Since they’ve had the kid conversation basically on their first date they both know that’s not an issue, but Casey starts to bring up getting a dog.

“Casey… I *know* you want a golden…. We cannot have a big dog in this apartment..”

“Okay what about a smaller dog?”

“Dogs are messy. And they take more time & care & we both work such crazy hours already. They slobber… and smell…”

“The Queen has corgi’s…. You cannot tell me you wouldn’t get the same dog the QUEEN has… they’re OBVIOUSLY classy.”

Rita lets out a slightly annoyed sigh. (Only slightly because Casey is giving her an adorable pout & her best puppy eyes & Rita almost always gives in when she does that).

They entertain the idea for a bit, and when Amanda takes a trip down south, Rita offers that Casey will dog sit Frannie (at AMANDA’s apt cause like hell Frannie’s getting near the prauda)

That’s when Casey is reminded just how much work a dog really is. And Frannie doesn’t even shed that much but Casey still finds herself (and as such, Rita) covered in dog hair *much* to Rita’s distate.

Casey lowkey sulks for a week about it, but Amanda always lets Casey take Frannie to play whenever she wants.

They’re coming out of a meeting one day with Barba & he’s all “why don’t you just get a cat? They basically take care of themselves…” Rita shoots him daggers, Casey’s eyes light up like the fourth of July.

They end up agreeing on fostering, because to Rita, it’s not long term.

Until she absolutely falls in love with this stupid little fluff ball she’d meant to hate.

Casey names it something ridiculous, like Bernard cause of the little grey tufts by his ears.

Bernard trots along after Rita no matter where she goes in the house. It doesn’t even matter if Casey’s home, she’ll have to come grab the cat as it tries to climb up Rita’s leg while she’s making breakfast.

Casey’s long passed out one night, having spent the day in the park with her soft ball team playing & drinking in the sun. It was an early night for her.

Rita’s working away in the office, heavy into a closing argument when there’s this scratchy little “meow?” And she looks up, Bernard is perched in the space on the floor in front of her desk, head tilted with a curious expression.

“Oh alright.” She half scoffs, waving the cat to her, “but you tell no one.” She gives him a glare while he happily trots up to her and jumps into her lap. First he tries to steal her pen, chewing along the end of it. She eventually gives up and lets him have it, and he very happily curls up in her lap and goes to sleep.

She ends up working three hours longer than she’d intended cause she doesn’t want to move him.

A couple of days later Casey comes home saying the shelter still hasn’t had anyone come forward & they want to know if they want to keep him. (Casey also happens to have come home with Rita’s fave takeout & her fave gourmet chocolates)

Rita tries to play it cool but it becomes pretty apparent as Bernard slinks through her legs and she scoops him up without a second thought, scratching between his ears as the conversation continues.

Casey shoots her a wicked grin & says something like “I think Bernard chose his rightful Mom already”

And obviously they keep the cat.

#rita calhoun #casey novak #calvak #rita calhoun x casey novak #calvak headcanons #law and order svu

[seacottons]

reaper ; — k.hj x reader

pairing: hongjoong x reader, platonic wooyoung x reader

wc: 5k

notes: i guess this is horror? pft. idk. mild violence. set in the late 80s? early 90s? technology isn't prevalent here so- yeah. probably needs to be proofread but i'm too sleepy as of now. maybe tomorrow. also, happy hongjoong day 🤍

synopsis: after an accident leaves three of your friends dead and one in a coma, you and wooyoung struggle with living expenses and piling medical bills. in the midst of it all, you’re stalked by strangers who resemble your deceased friends.

"Bad day at the tavern, Woo?" You asked, arms wrapping around the black-haired man who stood over the stovetop. A gentle fire simmered the stew he was cooking, a thin sheen of oil and spices pooling on the surface. He nodded with a grim frown and tight jaw, shoulders tense as he stirred a ladle into the pot.

"Got in a fight with some asshole who thought he didn't have to pay for shit," he grumbled back. You frowned at the sight of a bruise on his jaw, and he caught your gaze before scoffing incredulously.

"Don't look at me like that. This is nothing," he quipped hastily, voice thin with resignation.

"I think I have some leftover ointment for that," you sighed, turning away to fetch the item. After dinner, the two of you sat in silence as you tended to his bruises and cuts, your brows furrowing into a glare as you wrapped his finger with scraps of linen you managed to find," You should be more careful with people like that."

"We need the money," he retorted gently, "Mr. Lee would've taken it out of my paycheck if I had let the guy go without paying."

"At the expense of you getting hurt?" He ignored the glare you sent his way.

"We need every silver coin and more right now, y/n," he exhaled softly, leaning back against the old headboard of your bed, "Yeosang's medical bills aren't getting cheaper, and we promised the landlord we'll pay her this month." He groaned, reaching up to massage his temple with a tight frown, "And I can't keep making you work two shifts every day. I see the toll it's having on you."

"I told you I'm fine," you gave him a hard stare, defensively crossing your arms above your chest, "We both work overtime, so it won't be fair of me to just throw all the responsibility on you."

He gave you a tired smile, eyes fluttering shut as he hummed back a reply. Bringing you into his arms, he placed a gentle kiss onto your temple, before cradling your head against his chest while laying down, "I'll always be grateful to still have you with me."

Wooyoung sleeping in your bed alongside you became a silent agreement of some sort months ago when he couldn't bear to sleep alone in the other room he and Yeosang shared. Since then, the two of you found comfort in each other's arms, so much so that it became difficult to sleep without the warmth of his arms wrapped securely around your frame every night.

You sat in a comfortable silence, eyes closed as you relaxed back in your seat while holding Yeosang's delicate hand. The occasional beep of the IV machine and other monitors filled the air of the small room. You peek one eye open to look at Wooyoung, his back turned to you as he gazes out of the window. Neither of you speak for a while.

"You really think the doctor's words are guaranteed? That he'll wake up soon?"

You watched from your spot as Wooyoung leaned over the blonde-haired male, his hands brushing the hair away from his closed eyes. He appeared to be in a very deep and peaceful slumber.

"Yeah. I'm sure–.. I know he will. Things will get better for all of us," he drawled out tiredly, a soft smile finding itself onto his visage as he turned to gaze at your hand grasping Yeosang's limp one, eyes puffy from his crying session last night, "I know it."

An hour later, a nurse peeks her head in to politely state that you two have exceeded your visiting time. The two of you bid your friend farewell and left the hospital.

"I'm actually going to run by the cemetery real quick before my shift starts," you explained while walking down the road with the other by your side, half frozen autumn leaves crunching beneath your boots.

Wooyoung pulled you into a tight hug, hand reaching up to tussle your locks, "Alright, please be careful. I'll see you later, alright?," he readjusted the scarf around your neck with his gloved hands, "We'll have fried fish tonight, your favorite. Don't overwork yourself at work again!"

Tears nearly welled in your eyes, knowing fully well behind his cheerful demeanor hid a scared and tired being. The unspeakable pain behind his eyes killed you on the inside. He overworked himself both physically and mentally, and you can only wish you can rid some of the burden off of his shoulders.

You were just as hurt by the circumstances that the both of you were in, but watching his mental health erode with each day was A lump formed in your throat, and instead of replying, you merely flashed him a smile, not trusting your voice.

You pressed a quick peck to his cheek only to laugh as he flinched away from your freezing lips, your laughter escaping as puffs of white in the frigid air. You bid him farewell and waved back as the two of you separated.

The low mist enshrouding the cemetery did very little to bring warmth in the early hours of the morning. Your hands absentmindedly brushed along the dew covered grass as your eyes fixated onto the inscription on one of the three tombstones.

Where there are flowers, there are butterflies.

"It's your birthday next month, Joong," you muse to the grave in front of you, "I'll make sure to spend the day here with you and the others when the time comes."

You adjusted your position on the grass, the gentle beams of sunlight sparkling in the beads of dew around you. Sitting cross legged, you reminisced the times you spent with the male and the other two friends that shared his fate.

"Wait— how come you get to be the flower? You should be the butterfly instead," you whined whilst poking his cheek.

With a playful quirk of his brow, he reached up to lightly flick your forehead before pulling you closer for a gentle kiss, "You're the butterfly, because you always bug me, baby."

You smiled to yourself at the memory, reaching down to admire the various flowers that have finally bloomed on Hongjoong's grave. Similar blossoms and flowering vines were planted and grown onto the other two graves to the right.

"I miss you so much."

You startled at the sight of a small butterfly fluttering over your head, only to smile once it landed on the purple blossom. You stilled your frame in fear of scaring it off, and watched as it flapped its blue wings subtly.

A small lizard peeked through the gaps of leaves, sharply and swiftly clamping its mouth onto the butterfly. It struggled to keep the bug in its mouth, its head shaking rapidly as the insect wriggled in its hold. Moments later, the bug stilled and the lizard scampered off with its prey.

You stood up, shoulders slumping as you gave the three graves a smile and a wave, "See you guys tomorrow. I love you."

You tightened the sweater around your frame as you made yourself out the gates of the cemetery, sighing in annoyance at the lingering and dense fog. It was difficult to even make out the next tree as you made your way back to town. You faintly hear the sound of a crow's caw in the distance and peer down onto the ground as you feel a tremor beneath your feet. Your head snapped up in time to have a large vehicle's headlights reflect in your wide eyes.

You somehow couldn't quite grasp what day it was, or even what happened at work earlier. Your head spun as if you had just awoken from a drunken stupor.

The sun had set and the moonlight washed the town with a silvery blue hue. Flames flickered within the numerous lampposts and pebbles crunched beneath your feet as you walked through the familiar cobblestone path back home. The streets were deserted. Many buildings were left with shattered windows, small plants and moss growing in the most delicate fissures on their walls. Plastered advertisements and papers on the walls and lampposts looked withered and aged, drooping forward and swaying with the gentle breeze. It was quite an odd sight to see. The once boisterous town strangely felt like a ghost town.

You shrugged off the ominous feeling growing in the pit of your stomach as you trudged along back home.

Along the way, you crossed the hospital where Yeosang was kept. You peeked back to glance at the building, your eyes immediately catching sight of a figure who stood behind a third story window. Furrowing your brows, you turned around to continue walking, the sight of the stranger leaving a bitter feeling in your heart.

The male had the same patch of silver hair as—

Suddenly, your feet came to a halt and you turned back frantically, but the figure was gone. In its place, the blue curtain of Yeosang's room swayed gently with the wind.

Shaking your head, you continued your path whilst rubbing your tired eyes.

"I probably just had a long day," you explained to nobody.

In the distance, there crouched a dark figure, his hands caressing the top of a stray cat's head. You met eyes with the stranger moments later, and you paused in your tracks, your heart dropping down to the floor and leaping into your throat almost simultaneously.

"San?" the figure's lips stretched into a wide grin at your acknowledgement, before he stood up straight to face you. Your legs shook and threatened to give under the sudden weight of your body, "San? Is that really you?"

"Long time no see, y/n."

He silently nodded, arm extending to beckon you forward with a small smile. You took a small step forward, brows furrowing in confusion, "But this can't be you. You're dead."

"Your eyesight is still horrible, I see," he drawled out with a roll of his eyes. You stood inches away from him, eyes widening in disbelief. He sounded like and resembled your late friend with a terrifying accuracy. With a trembling hand you reached forward to cup his cheek, eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"You're..," you trailed off, eyes briefly glancing to your right at the reflection of the store glass window. Your reflection grasped at nothing but thin air, and you quickly retracted your hand from his face, eyes wide, "You're not real, are you?"

In an instant, the bright smile vanished and his gaze hardened into a dark expression. He silently bore holes into your head as a gentle breeze swayed his ebony and silver locks over his eyes. You took two hesitant steps back, and a blur of black flew towards you at an inhumane pace, your back roughly slamming onto the cobblestones underneath you.

Your brain scrambled to process what had just happened, eyes widening as San gripped your two wrists above your head with one hand, the other reaching down to wrap his lithe fingers around the column of your neck to squeeze hard. You released a pained cry, face contorting into a harsh wince. The heel of his palm dug painfully in the middle of your clavicles.

With eyes wide as saucers, you frantically kicked at your heels, hitting his frame repeatedly in an attempt to escape his clutches. Your attempt was futile as he released a growl, eyes practically slits as he seethed down at you, his grip tightening at an unbelievable level.

You wheezed, mouth falling open as you choked out his name, before furiously and blindingly sending a stomp onto his crotch repeatedly, your other leg jutting high to kick at his shoulder. It loosened his grip just enough for you to wriggle away, knees buckling as you attempted to stand up, heels kicking at the floor as you scrambled up, desperately trying to create as much distance as possible.

His eyes spoke of unfathomable fury as he regained his composure, taking two big strides to reach you.

Hastily rising to your feet, you dove in an alleyway and into the dark, mind not even processing your whereabouts as you quickly attempted to flee.

Your mind was in shambles as you ducked past clothes lines and the multiple abandoned carts near one of the taverns by the tea shop you worked at.

Turning around another corner, you collided with a strong chest, and you stumbled back at the sight of San's dark eyes peering down at you with a miffed expression. You gasped, face draining of color and chest heaving as you stumbled back and away from him. His chest rose with heavy breathing, brows knitted together furiously as he scurried after you.

"Y/n, y/n," he tsked in amusement, voice chiming like he was singing a song, "Come back, I just want to talk!"

Minutes later, the sound of his heavy footsteps ceased, but you did not have the time or courage to look back to see if he was still following you. You scrambled through dark alleyways, turning around every other corner, heart beating frantically in your ears and weak legs threatening to give way under your weight.

Tears prickled your eyes, and a sob threatened to escape your throat as you practically threw yourself against the frame of your door, fingers frantically reaching down to pull out the key from your pouch. From the corner of your eye, you spotted San madly dashing out from an alleyway to reach you, his voice growling out your name.

"Why are you running away?" He mocked, brows quirking up, "I thought we were good friends?"

Your trembling hands scrambled to unlock your door, hastily clambering in and throwing your entire weight to close it shut. A heavy weight from the other side thudded against the wooden frame, and your hands shook whilst reaching up to slide the chain into place. A loud gasp left your lips as the door jerked open slightly, the thin chain straining under the weight that threatened to break it.

"I'm hurt, y/n," a laugh escaped the man from the other side as he lodged his foot in between to keep the door ajar, voice rising as he attempted to shove himself in once more, "Don't you miss me?"

"Leave me alone!"

A hand shot from the gap of the door to clamp around the chain, rattling it viciously, as his other arm bent at an awkward angle to coil his fingers around the side of your neck, "Come out, y/n. I just want to talk," he chimed.

A sudden surge of strength overtook your frame and you threw your weight forward, successfully ramming the door shut against his arms. You expected to hear a cry of pain, but a chime of laughter sent a chill down your spine. With furrowed brows, you repeated the action, slamming the door continuously onto his hands and fingers, the sounds of bones and tendons snapping making you cry out in anguish.

Your hands trembled as you quickly locked the door with the key, stumbling back onto the floor as the knob shook threateningly. The door and chain rattled under the heavy kicks the male delivered from the other side, The impact of his frame against the other side shaking the door slightly. You fell onto your bottom, wobbly knees finally giving in, hands clutching your gaping mouth, and tears silently streaming down your face. You can practically feel the smile in his words, "It's okay. You'll come out eventually."

The dark shadow of his figure disappeared moments later.

When you woke, you weren't exactly sure when or how you fell asleep. You couldn't quite grasp the memories of the night prior. Sitting up, you emit a disoriented groan before realizing you weren't in your bedroom, but rather in the waiting room in the hospital Yeosang resided in. Peering around in confusion, you took account of the night sky, brows furrowing as you scrambled to find the nearest clock. It was well past midnight and visitors weren't even allowed at this ungodly hour.

The room was vacant, and you couldn't make out any figures of the receptionists through the pebbled sliding-windows. Your hand grasped the doorknob of the entrance door, only for you to sigh in frustration after finding it locked. You turn to the other side of the room only to find the door to the main halls of the ICU left ajar ever so slightly.

You called for any doctor or nurse, but you were met with silence. After much contemplating, you decided to make your way through the long corridors of the hospital, your steps reverberating throughout the empty halls. Where are the attendants, and why is a place like the ICU empty?

If you were stuck in here, you might as well stay in your friend's room. The lights from the mounted sconces petered out against the wall and casted the hallway with a warm glow.

After much turning and walking, you reached the end of the hall, hand reaching for the doorknob when the hallway lights wavered for a second. You peered to the side in confusion, before entering the room, only to stop after a step.

The room was empty, the sheets on the bed untouched and perfectly made. A hiss of air from the corridor startled you, and just as you snapped your head back, the lightbulb above you flickered rapidly before it shattered along with the windows, showering your shocked form with glass shards.

The room was engulfed in darkness, save for the streaks of moonlight filtering past the curtains. You jostled up from where you fell from shock, legs feeling useless as you crawled back out of the room with trembling limbs. Not wanting to look back, you clutched the wall for support before hastily speeding through the endless turns of the hallway.

Corner after corner, panic settled through your system because these were definitely not the same hallway layouts you remembered and memorized like the back of your hand. They were endless and vacant, and you felt like a helpless little mouse in a vast maze. As you quickened your pace into a panicked dash, the windows and light sconces on the wall flickered and shattered with every step you took, and you hastily covered your head and face from the flying glass.

This isn't real, you thought. It can't be real.

"Y/n!"

You froze in your spot, breath caught in your throat as you clamped a hand over your mouth to swallow back a scream threatening to slip past your lips. Did you hear correctly, or was that part of your imagination?

"Y/n," the familiar voice spoke once more.

Your heart hammered against your ribcage as you daringly poked your head from the corner and into the other hallway. Blood pounded past your ears, and it took more than a second to realize there was a figure of a man at the end of the very long and dark corridor.

He took a step forward and the soft moonlight pouring from the window beside him illuminated his figure, and your breath faltered at the sight of the man's smiling face.

"Seonghwa?"

"What are you running away from, y/n?"

You couldn't properly form a reply at his remark, hands reaching up to rub at your tear pricked eyes. A sob bubbled its way up to escape your throat at the sight of your late friend who merely chuckled at your tears.

"Missed me that much, hm?" he mused, shoulders shaking with an amused chortle, "Why don't you come here and give me hug? You know I don't like seeing you cry."

You couldn't help it as a gnawing feeling of unrest settled in the pit of your stomach. A shudder traveled down your spine, goosebumps decorating your arms, and hair standing on the back of your neck. Your mind couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was that had you so disturbed, but your body displayed all the signs. His tone felt off, and you realize he's playing with you. Toying with you. A small distant voice in your head told you to get away.

A sudden thought found its ways into your mind.

Where was his shadow?

Sensing your hesitation, the friendly expression on his face soon dropped, making way for a stone-cold frown and unamused eyes.

"Y/n."

His cold voice snapped you out of your thoughts, and you take a hesitant step back, words slipping out before you even processed them, "I know you're not real."

The feral look that overtakes his expression has you reeling back, and you took off running in the opposite direction. Glass crunches beneath your shoes as you dashed from corridor to corridor, lungs burning and muscles aching from the rush of adrenaline. He called for you repeatedly, and you didn't dare turn back to see how far he's caught up with you. With every turn, his voice grew louder and closer, before a flash of black sends you flying back onto the floor. Your body skids onto the ground, shards of glass pricking at your skin. With a rush of adrenaline fueling your system, you hardly wince as you scrambled back from the towering figure, glass piercing your skin in the process.

You feel an excruciating burst of pain in your foot, and before you had the opportunity to pull your leg back, he slams his foot down onto your ankle once more, grinding the joint roughly with his boot. A loud cry of pain escapes your throat and you to struggle wildly to escape his unrelenting grip.

You glance up and through your tears, you make out the gleam of a large piece of glass in Seonghwa's hands, his threatening, blown out pupils pinning you down like trapped prey. Turning the large shard in his hand to examine it, he hums sarcastically before peering down at you with a quirked brow, "You know, I'm offended." Kneeling down to your level, he traces your cheek with a glass, watching your skin split at the action and beads of blood oozing out from the scratch, "And here I thought we were such good, close friends."

Without missing a beat, your hands flew to grasp the shard, roughly ripping it into the soft tissue of his eye and slipping past his frame to stagger to the nearest broken window. You hear a groan from behind you as he doubles over in shock, blood overflowing from his ruptured eye and spilling down his scowling face. Pain surged with every step you took, but if this was your only option to escape, you think maybe the idea of couple of broken bones doesn't sound too bad.

Hastily, you stepped over the windowsill, your arms and legs catching on the jagged teeth of glass remaining, your clothes tearing in the process. You took a sharp inhale before curiously taking a look back at Seonghwa one last time. The sight of him lunging after you has you falling forward and out of the window. It felt as if gravity had slowed the pace of your fall, and you held eye contact with Seonghwa as your frame descended down from the third story floor. Darkness fogged your eyesight, his figure vanishing within the black abyss.

The impact hit you like a truck, and you sat up with a loud intake of breath on your warm bed. Your chest heaved heavily as you took in your surroundings. You suddenly realize you're in Wooyoung and Yeosang's shared room that hasn't been occupied in months. Your eyes fall onto your feet, and your brows furrow in confusion as a sudden thought invades your head.

You faintly remember your ankle being crushed, but it seemed to feel just fine now. When you attempted to recall why you thought it had been broken, it felt like your mind was searching for a forgotten and fragmented memory. After calming your breathing and thoughts, you sit up to go and find your friend.

You called Wooyoung's name repeatedly, but the silence you were met with indicated he wasn't home.

Peering into your room, you hoped to find him sleeping, however your eyes landed on the wall, the sight of messily painted words catching your attention almost immediately.

Where there are flowers, there are butterflies.

Painted flowers and butterflies littered the wall, the excess ink dripping down into lines onto the wooden floorboards.

"Do you like it?"

You jumped at the voice behind you, swiftly turning around to meet the sight of a familiar head of blue hair. You stood there, mouth agape as you silently stared long and hard at the man that once held and loved you in his arms. A long silence followed suit, hanging in the air like the calm before a storm. A breeze hardly stirred from the open window and not a sound could be heard save for the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears.

The forbidding, subtle grin displayed on his features filled you with dread, and the mere sight of him gave your brain a debilitating shock. Your knees couldn't hold your weight any longer, and with buckling limbs, you were sent crashing down onto the floor, the look of disbelief and horror never leaving your expression.

You stared at him but it felt like you couldn't quite focus your gaze on him as he peered down at you in mock pity, a condescending smile playing on his lips. His dark gaze seared you as he crouched down to meet your eye level, hand reaching to cup your cheek as he leaned in to press numerous kisses onto your lips. The gesture was void of the warmth and care you remembered, and you sat still as he trailed fleeting kisses down your the column of your neck, his lips attaching fervently onto your clavicles.

"I missed you so much," you began, catching his attention. Pulling away from your irritated flesh, he quirked his brows at your words, hands brushing the hair out of your face as he let out a chuckle. His finely-chiseled face, illuminated by the oil lamps on the wall, broke into a fond expression. Pulling you close to his frame, he pressed your head against his chest, head dipping to kiss into your hair.

"Do you really?" Your brows furrowed slightly, eyes blinking away the tears as you wrapped your arms around his torso, head pressed against his chest. It's been too long without the feeling of your lover's arms around you. It's just been way too long for you, "If you miss me that much then-"

While nuzzling his chest, you come to realization he lacked a heartbeat, and with that thought striking your mind like lightning, you detached yourself from his form instantly. He eyed your trembling form without any sign of amusement.

"Don't look at me like that!" Cowering back against the wall, you broke into screams of despair, fingers pulling handfuls of your hair as you shook your head rapidly, "You're dead— you're not real!" you slapped the heels of your palms against your temple repeatedly, eyes scrunched shut, "Not real! Not real! This is all just my imagination!"

He released a chilling laugh that traveled down your spine and left your fingers and toes numbingly cold. A sudden gust of wind sent the crispy, autumn leaves scampering wildly into the window while also extinguishing the lamplights that illuminated the room, plunging it into darkness.

You only had a second to register his close proximity, your pupils dilating instantly, before a hand latched onto your throat, ramming your head back against the wall in the process. His vice-like, lithe fingers squeezed around your windpipe, successfully blocking your air flow as you squirmed in his relentless hold, lungs burning and diaphragm spasming.

"You'll join me so we can be together again, hm?"

The fist around your throat choked your response, and he tilted his head with a mocking smile, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

His hold only faltered ever so slightly to give you enough air to speak, "I don't want to die," your reply was a little more than a ghost of a breath.

"But, baby," his fingers coiled around your neck, pressing unforgivingly hard until your darkening vision littered with stars, "don't you realize you're already on the brink of death. Just give in, y/n. Don't keep fighting."

The silence of the atmosphere contributed to the solemnity in the air, and despite the clear blue skies and warm sun, there was a relentless chill in Wooyoung's heart. The black-haired male crouched down over the grave, gently placing a small bundle of roses onto the base of the tombstone.

"Happy birthday, Joong," he mused sadly, his puffy, tired eyes flickering over to the sides where the other tombstones lay.

"I'm so sorry for breaking my promise," he blinked rapidly to rid himself of the stinging tears threatening to spill, nose scrunching slightly as he sniffled, "I should've been there that day- shouldn't have let y/n come here alone- and.."

"You know nothing was your fault, Woo. Stop blaming yourself for something you had no control of."

A hand clutched his shoulder, and he peered with tear-filled eyes to give the blonde male a grateful smile, before turning back to the grave, "Yeosang's awake now though and- and the doctors said that y/n's case isn't as bad as his was, so we have hope."

"Y/n is a stubborn fighter," Yeosang offered the other a small smile, crouching down to rub his trembling friend's back, "Everything will be okay in due time."

"I hope so.. and I hope you'll forgive me, Hongjoong," Wooyoung murmured, watching two small butterflies flutter and chase each other around the blossoming flowers atop of Hongjoong's grave.

#ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #hongjoong imagines #hongjoong scenarios #hongjoong x reader #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung imagines #yeosang imagines #seonghwa imagines #choi san imagines #ateez horror

[transfemlogan]

💔, ❤️, 🐾?

YAYY thank u ^_^

💔 - Least favourite Side?

IT'S... PATTON.

He isn't a bad character and I do think he's 1 of the most complex (if not, /the/ most complex) character in the entire series. However... I don't like him.

I don't know how to phrase the next thing I want to say. The sides' actions are not based around being human, they're based around being metaphorical concepts. They're humanised, yes, and I think that it's important to understand that they are humanised (I've seen a few people talk about how it doesn't make sense to be upset over, for example, Thomas ignoring Logan because it'a just a metaphor for Thomas ignoring his logic, which yes it is, but also they're humanised. You are going to view them as humans.) But i ALSO think that you should acknowledge the fact that they are not humans when judging their actions.

I don't like Patton's actions, but I know that a lot of it is because he is morality and he is a morality that is not working with the rest of Thomas' single personality. I am not going to judge his actions, just like how I am not going to judge Janus for lying or Roman for being creative. Like that is his role. His role is morality and that's why he does some of the things he does.

But do I like his actions? Absolutely not. I hate him.

I think I could have elaborated better, but I just woke up. I am just hoping you can somewhat understand what I mean by bringing that up.

Patton is my least fave character because I think he's annoying and I don't like his actions and I think Thomas puts too much focus on him when there's 4 other characters (excluding Virgil because he gets to MOST focus) but that's a whole new topic. Also his arc can't apply to me, I can't relate to him at all and as an autistic perosn his whole empathy thing in POF upset me (not that it's his fault, it's Thomas' fault for including that). He's always been my least fave, I don't like him very much.

❤ - Most favourite Side?

Oh man, I wonder! /s

If you couldn't tell by my logan themed blog or my phone lock screen which has always been Logan or my bracelet that I wear every single day that says '♡ Logan ♡' on it or the fact rhat she is the only side I ever really draw or the fact that I literally have delusions about dating her

It's Logan. My favourite side is Logan.

She has always been my fave side, I love her SO much, she means everything to me.

While I personally am not excited for Logan's arc, because I don't like how it's being handled by the writers & Thomas, I do really relate to her plotline. I wish it was handled better, because I do think it could be an important topic to talk about (same with Patton's arc), but... I 100% think it's going to turn out badly (I AM ALSO WORRIED IT'S GOING TO BE BEFORE ROMAN'S ARC).

I like her personality and (some of) her actions and I'm utterly in love with her (and she's utterly in love with me) etc etc etc.

🐾 - What pet do you think each of the sides would have?

HARD... QUESTION.

Patton: dog or bird (or frog). We all know he likes dogs, but I do think he'd really like birds too! I don't know too much about birds, but I am sure he loves them. ALSO THINK HE'D OWN A FISH. PATTON WOULD GET A FISH AND FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM.

Roman: maybe a lizard? Of course, I think he'd also have a dog, I think that's fit his personality a lot, but I think he'd love a lizard. Maybe a gecko. Idk I can see him cherishing his little gecko and loving them with his whole heart. I can only see him owning reptiles, which is kind of ironic considering he doesn't like Janus, but I think he'd be a proud reptile lover.

Remus: Hairless cat. I think he would own a hairless cat. I love hairless cats, there is nothing wrong with hairless cats they are my fave kind of cat, but they get bad rep a lot and I think he'd love and support them and cherish his weird little cats. I also see him owning a lot of bugs or parasites (like leeches), because they get a bad rep. I think he'd really appreciate animals that people don't like because they're "gross" or "scary".

And of course, rats, but everyone gives him rats, and as a proud rat lover and previous rat owner, I don't want to give him one.

Janus: I literally can't view him as ever owning a pet. He talks so much about self care and caring primarily about himself and being selfish, which is totally fine (I am like that, too), but because of that I don't think he'd own a pet. As someone who is very selfish and egotistical, I had a really hard time taking care of my rats when i had them (I am very glad I don't own them anymore, because I just literally could not take care of them as well as someone else could have) (and of course a lot of it had to do with the fact that I got my rats before I became disabled and then became disabled and it just made it incredibly hard to try and take care of myself with a chronic illness and take care of my rats).

Anyway, I can't see him owning a pet. The only pet I can technically see him owning is a snake, but that's because they aren't very "social" (unsure how to phrase it) and they're good pets if you're really busy because they don't expect a lot from you.

Virgil: cat, spider, dog, or scorpion. I think he'd be a lovely cat and dog owner, but I also think he'd like caring for spiders because they're pretty easy to take care of. I think he'd like owning a bunch and putting them on shelves like "decoration" (they're animals, not decoration, but I can't phrase it right). I don't know too much about owning scorpions, but I think he'd totally own one.

Logan: literally every animal on earth i don't even care (not literally, Logan would not support owning certain animals as it'd be bad for both him and the animal). I think Logan would totally own a dog or a cat, but also rats and mice! Or birds! Or bugs and spiders and parasites (like leeches!) Or snakes and lizards. Along with Remus, I think Logan would own animals even if they had a bad rep, because he knows that they're lovely animals. I love bug owner Logan, the concept of him caring so much for cockroaches or millipedes or centipedes means everything to me.

Logan loves the Earth and humans and everything on it, so I really think he'd love owning any pet.

Come ask me TSS questions

#THANK UUU 4 DA QUESTIONS #my BIGGEST fan /j #ask #these were fun ^_^ #and sorry 4 my confusing use of she/her & he/him for logan. when i am having a delusional episode or close to it I end up using different #prns 4 the sides because i view them as... real and they have told me they have different prns. so . i end up using diffrnt prns sumtimes #i hope it wasn't too confusing or weird. #sanders sides #blog tags -> #patton neg

[idontblushsrry]

Inuyasha Characters As Roomates

In honor of yashahime’s release i’ve decided to post this for no real reason.Can you tell who my bias is lmao. Lmk if I should do a Part 2 with the people I missed. Also I apologize I haven’t updated in like a year I have a post addressing this coming up soon. Thank you for your continued support despite the fact that I’ve been updating infrequently, I really appreciate it. Without further ado:

Warnings: Some swear words oop

Word Count: 1632

Inuyasha

You want Inuyasha as your roommate???Chile anyways...

No but fr tho in general Inuyasha isn’t an awful roommate, he pays his bills on time(ususally), doesn’t make too big of a mess but that’s just because he owns like 3 things and 2 outfits.

No, the real problem with Inuyasha is that he is LOUD

You walk outside to throw the trash away and he’s in his room screaming about a video game or something and the WHOLE neighborhood can hear him. 

People pokin they head out in concern and everything

Another time he was watching a horror movie and you guess the characters did something stupid because you hear a scream from the character and then Inuyasha screaming “WHAT THE FUCK, WHY WOULD YOU GO THAT WAY DUMBASS! THAT’S WHY YOU’RE DEAD NOW!”

Shit woke you up out of your sleep

After that incident you knew you’d have to ask him to be a bit more considerate of your eardrums.

So, you ask him to quiet down and he pouts like a child and huffs and puffs.

He does quiet down tho...for about 2 minutes until he stubs his toe on the end of the couch

God bless you and your patience but god bless his girlfriend Kagome

She’s a saint

If it were up to Inuyasha your groceries would consist of a cabinet of ramen like the man has the budget for ramen and paying his share of he bills why would he spend money on things like fruit???

This is where Kagome comes in, she comes by pretty regularly and she brings food or groceries because she of all people knows how terrible Inuyasha’s shopping habits are.

Bless her soul truly and every time she does this you thank her lmaoo

Inuyasha eventually does move out with Kagome but he does apologize for being loud before he leaves, you aren’t sure if he did that on his own or if Kagome made him do that

Kagome

She’s so sweet

Fair share of chores, groceries, she cooks for yall sometimes, truly a saint

Only 2 problems:

Ms. Girl has no moneyyy

Poor Kagome, she always tries to pay her bills on time but between trying to feed Inuyasha, helping out her family, and school the paycheck only spreads so thin(She does eventually quit school to start working more but)

Nothing wrong with this but you do end up having to cover for her sometimes.

She of course thank you and you don’t usually mind and your routine was functional for you two, until you meet problem number 2 

The loudest mf on the planet Earth, her boyfriend, Inuyasha

One day you’re in he kitchen grabbing something to eat and you hear pounding on the door like the police showed up.

You proceed cautiously because...what the fuck and you almost reach the door before you hear 

“I’ll get it!”

You’ve never seen Kagome run faster

She opens the door and you see this 5′5 mf who was banging on the door like he paid the bills

Inuyasha just has rbf but you don't know that so you think he’s making faces at you

Immediately you have a problem with him

“Hey Kagome, who’s this?”

She looks between you two before immediately rushing to introduce you to each other

“Oh, I forgot my purse be right back guys.”, Kagome left not knowing that yall were about 2 seconds from fighting

You didn’t like Inuyasha for banging on the door and glaring and he didn’t like you for glaring at him

After that you just avoided talking to inuyasha for the sake of keeping the peace

When he came over you exited stage left 

Eventually Kagome does move out with Inuyasha and she asks why you and Iuyasha had never spoken to each other

“Are you kidding me the first day we met he was already glaring at me?!”

“Ohhh, that’s just his face, he’s really sweet promise :D”

You doubted that

You liked Kagome as a roommate but you were glad she was moving out so you could find someone who could pay the bills on time.

Sango

She a baddie ngl

Aside from that, Sango is the perfect roommate

However, I hope you aren’t allergic to cats or Miroku because they’re pretty much a package deal

Also hopefully you don’t hate children because she does have Kohaku to worry about

But she makes pretty good money at her job so expenses aren’t a issue

She also isn’t home too often between her job, taking care of Kohaku and Kirara, and her relationship

She ends up spending more and more time at Miroku’s place anyways

Sango finally moves in with Miroku when she gets pregnant, yall still keep in touch tho because you’ve become good friends

And thus you say goodbye to the best roommate to ever grace this Earth lmao

Miroku

Miroku is the shortest lasting roommate on this list

Mans is a little creeper pervert and that shit gets annoying after a while

You’ll be walking out the shower and Miroku’s standing there like “hey lil mama lemme whisper in ya ear”

Needless to say you smacked the taste outta his mouth and he stopped with that real quick

He stops but you’re surprised when you see Sango come over 

Your hand starts itching with the urge to slap him again...

You meet Sango and what she sees in him is... baffling, scientists to this day still don’t understand 

Baby girl, you’re Sango do better, self love

Anyways, Miroku moves out eventually and he takes his nasty ass ways with him

Later you find out that Sango moved in with him and sje’s gon have a baby by him

But you know that’s none of your business 

Koga

If you thought Inuyasha was loud...

Inuyasha doesn’t have any friends, Koga has a wolf pack...

Parties all the time good luck homie

If you were tryna study, sleep, do work, etc. best wishes lmao

You come home and mans got 2 random people over like how ya doin   O-O

“Hello”

“Where’s Koga?”

They point to the kitchen and you head here ready to just “talk” with Koga

He turns around and gives you the cutest smile known to man and you immediately lose your will to argue

Can’t argue with a man that beautiful sorry...

Anyways besides being loud af, Koga is HYPER

Mans is up at 5 am knocking on your door like “hey you wanna jog to the gym”

“No Koga, goodnight”

‘No problem, it’s the morning btw!”

He’s actually a decent roommate and he moves into a bigger house with his friends and calls it the ‘pack house’

He actually invites you to come move in w him and his buddies 

You tell him you’ll think about it

Sesshomaru

The king of “I’m better than you”

He has his life so well together and you’ve gotta give him props

Mans is basically Caspar the Friendly Ghost of roommates 

Does he actually live here? the lights stay on and his name is on the deed so... I guess

Seriously tho, Sesshomaru doesn’t need a roommate but he does need someone to mind Rin

You might ask, what about Jaken, Jaken is busy (following Sesshomaru) or so he claims

Sesshomaru isn’t too bad honestly he covers the majority of the expenses in exchange for you watching Rin and feeding Ah-Un

So you’re basically Rin’s stay at home nanny

But you don’t mind because she is a SWEETHEART

Ah-Un isn’t too bad, just feed 2 lizards

(Although depending on who you are feeding them bugs might be your worst nightmare)

Jaken and you buttheads all the time, it’s almost comical

The times you interact with him mainly consist of you telling him to leave Rin alone or him telling you something Sesshomaru said

Speaking of Sesshomaru you don’t see him often and the only times you hear from him are in the form of notes he leaves around the house to the degree of ‘I fed Ah-Un this morning’ or ‘Make sure Rin takes her vitamins’ 

The other times you “hear” from him are when Jaken comes by saying things like ‘Lord Sesshomaru has requested that you prepare Rin to go out’

And for a while you were like who tf does he think he is because like yea he pays most of the rent but like he isn’t paying you for this so why does he think he can order you around indirectly

The first time you see Sesshomaru, it’s late and Rin’s been asleep for hours.

You walked into the kitchen and didn’t bother with turning the lights on but then you heard the smallest shuffle and a groan

And the moonlight comes through the window at the perfect angle and it reflects so beautifully off his silver hair

He turs some and you see his face and immediately take back all the times you’ve cussed him out mentally

And the you realize you’re in your pajamas staring at this man you’ve never met before that’s sleeping on the couch. For all you know he could be some random guy who broke in

He looks so peaceful that you loathe to disturb it but you poke at him w a stick and he groans out something to the tune of “Go away Jaken”

“I’m not Jaken”

He immediately sat up and stared at you like he was trying to figure out who you were in his head for a moment 

“Don’t you want to sleep in your room?” you asked him. He stood up and begun to walk towards his room in response 

You just watched him walk away but before he turned the corner into the hallway you swear you heard him say “You should get some sleep too.”

#inuyasha imagines #inuyasha imagine #and they were roommates #sango #miroku #sesshomaru #koga #koga inuyasha #kagome #inuyasha

[pizza-soup]

Summer things I love to do:

- Make shaved ice, obviously. Cutting up the fruit is time consuming, but the pay off is worth it. My favorite shaved ice is watermelon juice with just a bit of sea salt, or coconut and red beans.

- Set up the mist sprinkler on the clothesline so it sprays up and creates a soft rain to sit under. Even better when the breeze blows, instant relief!

- Harvesting things from the garden. Nothing like fresh grapes, tomatoes, peaches and cucumber in a bowl in the kitchen with the satisfaction that you grew them yourself.

- Canning the fruits I grew so I can enjoy them in the Fall and Winter, especially for making hot fruit punch, fruit tea and cobblers.

- Making salad from cucumbers and radishes that have been sitting in ice water all day, then turning the leftovers into overnight pickles.

- Hanging wind bells in various spots outside, but I especially like one near my bedroom window. Just hearing it catch a breeze and lightly ring is soothing, but hearing it ring a lot gets me excited since it might mean rain.

- Opening the doors and windows to bring in the cool breeze and smell of rain into the house. It's a treat during the night, because it helps me sleep better.

- Making lizard shaped bowls made of natural red clay to invite lizard spirits into the house so they can eat all the bad insects that bite and cause nightmares. Yes, it’s what children do but I still like creating them.

- Midday naps on floor cushions in front of the patio, especially after hanging out the laundry. Sometimes I wake up to my cats knocked out with me.

- Drinking ice cold barley tea or mint water straight out of the fridge.

- Eating seaweed pudding or grass jelly straight out of the fridge.

- Spraying myself with homemade body mist straight out of the fridge.

- Catching firefires and releasing them in the backyard. They only stay for a few days and eventually wander past the fence, probably back to the river again, but the sight of them for those few days are lovely.

- Catching praying mantis, caterpillars, tadpole shrimp, stick insects, geckos, cicadas, and june bugs. Don’t worry we release them again, except any cocoons, those stay with us until they hatch. 

- Late night urbexing and randonauting, there's some weird stuff out in the deserts and forests of New Mexico.

- Moon viewing parties and star parties with a bonfire and food. For the whole summer we’re always looking up at the sky, and have slowly been getting into astronomy as a result.

- I invested in a projector so we can watch movies outside against the side of the house or on a makeshift screen made with a white bedsheet.

- Evenings drives to the mountain pass and making light paintings with glow sticks on long exposure. It feels good just being up there too since it’s always cooler and rain clouds collect there. 

- Swimming in the river or creek and drying off under the bridge or in the shade of trees. Sometimes we just walk home wet, and by the time we get back we’re already dry.

- My brother's not much into it but I love crafting with shells and seaglass I collected on our vacations to the beach. I also like tie-dyeing and painting 'postcards' of special events in the summer.

- My bro likes photographing nature in the summer, animals are usually really active. He's also taken an interest in timelapse.

- Making lanterns from paper or punched pie tins and lighting them in the evenings. Or lighting floating candles in a large tub outside as we eat and relax.

- Going to a festival, but because of current events we make our own backyard festivals with seafood noodles, popcorn, falafel sandwiches, grilled chicken, octopus salsa and frozen cactus pear juice.

#summer time fun

[fluffle-friends]

RANMARU PROTECTION SQUAD !!!!!!!!! That OC question about recording animal sounds hade me ❤️(´；ω；｀)

I have some curious questions! If you don't mind

- What is Ranmaru's favorite texture to feel?

- Do they like short haired or long haired animals? Or maybe prefers those that have scales, or no fur at all just smooth skin?

:D I'm glad you like my boi! He's very sweet, and I tend to get all brainrotty with him every now and then. His mere existence brings me joy.

And your questions! :D I'll answer them below (^w^)

1 - Ranmaru's favourite texture has to be... Either the feeling of smooth silk, or some sort of soft, fluffy fabric (like Teddy bear fleece) since he fi ds it comfortable and nice to snuggle when he's asleep (he tends to sleep with numerous blankets made of soft/fluffy fabrics because of this - it's like sleeping surrounded by clouds!)

He also really likes the feeling of holding someone's hand! Regardless of softness, or Wether they have calluses or not, he's fond of the warmth and reassurance that can be shown through such a small gesture.

2 - He likes most animals!

He Adores birds that like to sing, and the feeling of feathers is quite curious when he gets a chance to pet one.

Furred animals do tend to have soft pelts, although he will admit that he doesn't like to pet creatures with more wiry fur quite as much (although he still likes them very much!) he especially likes cats since they make so many sounds! Like purring, and those little mewls, and when they look out the window and make weird sounds at birds! He can't suppress his smiles when he hears them!

And scaly animals! He likes to pet snakes and lizards with smoother scales, but will opt to steer clear of bearded dragons and other reptilian pals with spiker scales...

The only creature that he isn't fond of are bugs, mainly because when you touch them it's like and icky crawling feeling, and he absolutely hates it when he can hear a bee or a wasp buzzing around, but he can't quite place where they are or where he should go to avoid them. It's not a good time.

#ranmaru.suzuki #oc questions

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from "Jungle 2 Jungle"

Hey, bonehead, moron!

Keep your pencil to yourself!

Get out of my way.

You call that a hunch?

I call that an opportunity.

You're not still leaving, after what you did in there?

You give me that same patronizing little speech every time you play one of your stupid hunches.

I am outrageously pleased to meet with you.

He who knows what a woman wants, knows everything, but not even God knows that.

You look different.

I have a boat waiting.

I don't want any money.

Hey, stop! You can't leave me here!

What you're doing is very unprofessional!

Come back here!

I'm gonna need all these clothes back, right where they came from, all right?

Bring on the bachelors.

There's something that you don't know.

I figured you'd be happier that way.

You thought this would make me happy?

How long before you noticed I was gone?

Why didn't you talk to me?

Excuse me. The real world calls.

Look, I was right. I was right!

Coffee has gone crazy.

I realized that I had lost you somehow.

God, it's good to be good!

This is nuts. This is nuts.

This is unbelievable.

This is unforgivable!

It's a territorial thing.

No! Don't touch that!

You wouldn't happen to have a place where I could stick that, would you?

Talk about your wind instruments.

I gotta admit, this isn't easy for me.

I don't have any regrets.

Well, I have regrets.

Maybe I can teach him about commodities.

Baboon! Baboon!

Parasite.

Cut, infection, death !

So, you understood everything I said last night.

These shoes cost me $500.

Scared of snake?

I do not eat snake.

I have a whole 'nother life where I live.

I'm a trader. That's what I do, okay?

Don't move! There's a giant spider on you!

I don't want to hurt you, but I will.

I will crush you like---a bug!

This place is a nightmare!

The hair on your chest reminds them of a monkey.

Here, if you make a promise, you keep it.

Get on. It's just a moving sidewalk.

You do have a reason, right?

Oh, God, I'm dead !

Where are all the animals?

Just wait it out. Something will happen.

You can't always depend on a natural disaster.

We can hope for an assassination.

Behave yourselves here!

Something better happen fast, or I'm gonna throw your butts out the window!

What do you hotshots think about when you make these deals?

I'll shout, I'll yell, I'll scream as much as I want.

Look up! It's an alien circle with Mickey Rourke's picture in it.

Catch the damn spider, will you, please?

Wow! Nice shot!

I missed you. You never called me.

Just act natural.

So, did you miss me, darling?

There's a Fashion Channel?

So, what did you bring me?

You brought back a child.

This is my female.

Is there anything special you like to eat?

Great earrings.

Before you pee, you lift the seat. After you pee, you put the seat back down.

I'm gonna die up here.

Don't you ever, ever, ever do that to me again!

When I tell you to do something, I mean it. Do you understand me?

I was just worried about you out there. I really was. All right?

When I saw the shoulders on this gown, I plotzed.

A little champagne?

What is taking so long with the food?

I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy or nightshade vegetables, and, of course, I don't touch preservatives.

We eat cat.

We are not going to eat the cat.

You had no right to change the rules.

Are you saying that I knew that I had a child?

Well, if I had a child, I certainly would have known.

So now you're saying that you having a child is my fault?

This is cereal. It's just corn, brown sugar, yellow #5 and zinc oxide? They've added a sunblock to it.

I'd like to be around you, but, but I'm obligated to go.

You won't shoot any more animals?

You're probably in the bathroom, making yourself look beautiful.

You can never have enough pictures of your kids.

On top of everything else, didn't I tell you to wait in the apartment?

I've got a life here. I can't change everything just because you showed up.

Get out of the street! Come on!

This is a dangerous jungle.

No, you're not a man.

You are an adolescent.

You are free to do whatever you want.

There are no guarantees.

This is speculation.

When can we expect payment?

Now we're laundering money for the Russian Mafia?

You cannot walk away on this, please.

Tastes like lizard guts.

I haven't danced like that since I was a little kid.

I've been in this bathroom for hours!

Stay away from the door!

I'm gonna put it in the wastebasket.

It's still moving.

Put the thing back in its box.

It's as big as an ox!

A cat is a pet!

How do you know it hasn't already laid eggs in the apartment?

What if they miss one and it crawls into my ear while I'm sleeping and lays its eggs in my brain?

This is serious! We have to move!

You're blowing this out of proportion.

Look, if something dramatic has happened, it should be on film.

I look at something and see what it can be and who can wear it.

She doesn't like me.

It's not you at all. It's me.

Well, when you pick one to love, it's very different.

lt's a poecilia latipinna. They're from the Amazon.

You're walking around New York City with a million dollars in a suitcase?

Don't tell me. You're leaving.

You are the most important thing in the world to me, except for this other thing I gotta do now.

This better be an emergency.

Try everything once, I always say.

We'll manage to survive this, okay?

Beluga. Best caviar in whole world.

Believe me, shrewdness is not in the picture.

I told you. Time heals everything.

And this is supposed to be a bribe?

Now where is this champagne?

You're so feisty today.

What do you say we take the champagne and drink it in the bedroom?

I think what we have here is an intercultural misunderstanding.

You just downed $10,000 worth of sushi.

You started a wildfire in my yard.

Maybe you're overreacting?

I still don't understand the problem.

You have nothing to be upset about.

That's a pain that's here to stay.

Screaming's no way to deal with a child.

I'm a parent, therefore, I'm an idiot.

Anybody can land on their feet.

Don't make me lose temper.

Don't move! The spider could kill you.

Oh, that's gotta hurt.

I'm starting to really like that spider.

I have many enemies but none like that spider.

What do you say you and I get the hell outta here?

You know my back affects my work.

Money is honey.

Boys, we're gonna clean up.

Now that's a very big bug.

You're a professional.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp sta #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay memes #jungle 2 jungle

[songfell-ut]

Chapter 13, something luck something

I gave myself the feels, @lostmypotatoes send help

Link here.

“…AND THIS, MY INTREPID YOUNG FRIEND, IS…THE ROYAL GUARD!! NYEHHHHHH!”

They’d stopped at the head of the staircase in the Grand Hall. Her new skeleton friend had thrown his arms wide at a line of monsters standing motionless in shiny black armor, as proud as a child showing a visitor his favorite toys. “NYEHHH,” he added reverently.

The Royal Guard was quite impressive, like gleaming statues that could come to life and kill you, but Frisk wasn’t scared. She could see their ears poking out from their helmets, and some of them looked pretty silly: a couple of dogs, a cat, a rabbit, a bug, something like a lizard or dragon…

But then there was their Captain, who had just removed her helmet. She did not look silly. “UNDYNE!” Papyrus blared at the tall, eyepatched fish-woman. “THIS IS KRIS! SAY HELLO TO HIM! …ER, UNDYNE? HIS NAME IS KRIS, NYEH HEH! …HE IS A HUMAN! …NYEH? UNDYNE?”

No answer. Undyne’s scarred, scowling, evil-toothed countenance did not waver. Her webbed hand was clenched on the shaft of her spear, cerulean scales and mostly-yellow eye glittering in the witchlight. Even her red ponytail looked menacing as it fluttered in the breeze of passing dignitaries.

The human’s path was clear. Her expression went blank with determination. Frisk looked around and saw vases full of fresh flowers against the wall; as the monsters glanced at each other in confusion, the child selected a vase, tossed out the flowers, lugged the vase back to the Royal Guard Captain, and, with one almighty heave, threw the water right into Undyne’s face.

~

Frisk woke him even earlier than they’d planned, looking as though she hadn’t slept and sounding very businesslike. Sans was too groggy at first to remember last night, and before he could wonder if it had even happened, she was already laying out their plan for the day.

And…it was not what they had discussed yesterday. It was the opposite. “Lemme get this straight,” he said when she was finished. “Ya don’ wanna sneak out anymore. You wanna tell everyone an’ their mom that we’re takin’ the monsters back t’the Underground as a goodwill gesture in exchange for more cool monster stuff.”

“Yes.”

“So we’re goin’ out as a big deal that everyone knows about, on purpose?”

“Yes.”

“We’re gonna let ‘em think you already cleared it with the King ‘n everything’s fine?”

“Yes.”

“That’s…that’s a big fat lie.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes it is.”

“No. It isn’t.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“I’m not an idiot, Sans! If we disappeared without any indication whatsoever of where I’d gone, His Majesty would assume I’d been abducted and send soldiers after me. I just woke him up a few minutes ago and told him where we were going, and why.”

Something about the way she said it made him ask, “And he’s okay with it?”

Frisk smirked. “We’re going.”

~

Departing with a lot of fanfare actually took less effort than Sans expected. All he had to do was go down to the stables, announce that Her Eminence was leaving immediately on an important diplomatic mission, hand over her written instructions, and then stand back. For once, his scariness was a real advantage: by the time Frisk brought down the group of silent, shivering monsters, the wagons were already in place, the horses hitched up, and the cargo nearly loaded.

The priestess had been busy mobilizing a small army of assistants, which was a lot easier than their original plan to have him teleport everything from her room. Their provisions and gifts for the Underground were brought down and loaded according to the diagrams Frisk had drawn for the monsters: one wagon was for Ice Cap, who would travel with the majority of the food, while the other had Pyrope and Vulkin, who were wrapped in fireproof blankets and seated away from anything flammable. The other monsters would ride with them in order to stay warm—the canvas wagon covers were good for privacy, but didn’t keep out much of the wind.

Sans had made himself scarce while the work was going on, but when everyone and everything was in place, he stepped up to make Frisk get in with the flame monsters instead of riding up front in the lead wagon. She’d been standing in a corner of the freezing yard to supervise the last preparations; in her full High Priestess regalia, she was as impressive as ever, but he’d watched her closely and seen her trying not to cough.

As her personal guard, and her…whatever the hell they were now, it was his duty to not let her get sick again, but his official consideration was for her safety. They were traveling with a cortege of twelve guards, which would deter most attackers and also help clear traffic ahead of them, but there was no point in putting her on display for someone to take potshots.

They wheeled out of the castle gates and onto the main thoroughfare just after sunrise. Sans wasn’t a big fan of walking, or being in the cold, but his slippers and overcoat were mostly adequate. He wished he could poke his head into the wagon to check on Frisk, but she had asked him not to let the other monsters see him yet; besides, he heard her humming at a couple of points and figured she was busy keeping them calm. Pyrope was a twitchy little bastard, and Vulkin had a bad habit of “helping” via lava, so he’d just leave her to it.

The day passed, and to their pleasant surprise, they reached Frisk’s house on the outskirts of the city long before dark. That gave them more time than expected for Frisk to unload the monsters and shepherd them into the house; Sans grabbed enough food for that night and the morning, and the attendants took the wagons and horses to the nearest inn. Two guards took up positions outside the house before they locked the door for the night, and that was that.

None of the monsters had spoken or made eye contact with anyone all day, to Sans’ knowledge. As soon as they were gathered in the dining room, the priestess allowed him to step in and say, “Heya.”

Frisk retreated as the monsters came alive, swarming around the giant skeleton and all babbling at once in frantic relief. He had been somewhat scary to them in the relative peace of the Underground, but seeing him now was the best possible reassurance that the High Priestess had not been lying or playing some kind of sick game with them: they really would be home by the day after tomorrow.

After a few minutes, Frisk came back into the room, bare-headed and wearing a loose white gown, for Sans to re-introduce her as “Kris,” the not-really-a-boy from the human delegation. Six of the eight remembered her, and Pyrope got so excited that he left a couple of smoking holes in the carpet.

When everyone was done eating and talking, Frisk directed Ice Cap to the attic, where they could safely leave the little window open to keep it cold, while Sans built up the kitchen fire and made an asbestos-blanket fort for the flame monsters. The others sprawled out on the beds or any patch of floor they could, safe and well-fed; still, Sans noticed how uneasy they were, and understood what that was like. He just hoped they’d be able to feel safe again.

Once everyone was settled, Frisk was nowhere to be found. Of all the damn places she could’ve slept in, Sans finally found her wrapped up in her cloak in the bathtub. “Frisk,” he said accusingly.

She made a noise explaining that she was fine, a monster could have the remaining bed.

“Nope.” The priestess squeaked as he bent to scoop her up in both hands. “C’mon, kitten. Time ta sleep literally anywhere else.” Before she could object, he walked her into the smallest bedroom, dropped her onto the bed, and threw a comforter over her. “There. G’night.”

Frisk struggled to sit up. “Wait, where—”

Sans lay down on the floor and sighed noisily. “We’re not t’the Underground yet. Let’s just go ta sleep, okay?”

“…Okay. But, Sans—”

The boss monster emitted a loud, sustained fake snore, cut short by her pillow landing on his face.

~

Either the demon-child was still satisfied from the other night, or they were just too tired to be reachable, because they woke from a dreamless night to another stiff, sore day of travel.

The monsters were more animated today as they loaded into the wagons, which Frisk took as a good omen. Granted, there was a delay when Sans got too close to the draft horses and scared them so badly that the grooms had to unhitch them for a quick jog around the block, but the crowd gathering on the street to watch still cheered and waved as they set off.

It was another bitterly cold day, and as Frisk leaned into Vulkin, she tried not to think too much about spending the night in the no-man’s-land. King Stephin had still been sleepy when they talked yesterday morning, and the best objection he’d come up with on the spot had been the diplomatic ramifications of bringing so many humans so close to the Underground. She’d countered with the proposal that they leave all their attendants at the border and have Sans handle both security and transportation from then on, as he was a monster and knew the area well. The King tried to backpedal, but Frisk had gone on about a smaller group being faster and safer, attracting less attention, needing fewer provisions, etc., until he gave in.

“Very well. I will ask His Holiness to arrange the necessary financial matters for each monster,” the King had said coolly. “I am trusting you, Frisk, to bring back favorable news, and prove that this mission is any better than a child’s tantrum over not getting her way.”

“I wonder that Your Majesty has ever spent enough time with a child to see one,” she shot back, eliminating any chance of leaving him on a polite note.

Unfortunately, Frisk was now so busy thinking of that conversation – and trying to ignore the bruises she was accumulating from riding in a big, jouncing cargo wagon – that she forgot to mention it to Sans until they stopped for a break several miles outside the city. He’d started bemoaning the logistics they had to work out for that evening, trying to get all these guys fed and coordinated and bedded down and what they were going to do with the horses, and she had to cut him off with “They’re not coming.”

The guards and drivers looked up from their roadside sandwiches at a furious, smothered explosion of sound. They glanced at each other as the massive skeleton growled down at the priestess, but she didn’t seem worried, so they resumed eating as Sans carried on snarling and gesticulating.

Frisk could understand why he was upset, but the third time he ended a sentence with “—‘n did I mention I’m not a fuckin’ horse?!” was enough. “Sans,” she said, and he stopped. “Calm down and think about it. This may actually be safer. Have I ever shown you how I can hide something with a barrier?”

“Uh…” The boss monster shrugged crankily. “I know you’ve got a lotta different tricks.” Snort. “Any chance ya have somethin’ that’ll pull the wagons for us?”

“Yes. You.”

Sans blinked, and covered his face with one hand. “God damn it.”

Frisk turned her back to the guards so she could grin at him through the veil. “It takes a lot of strength, but if it’s just the two of us and the wagons, I could keep us completely hidden for short periods,” she said, more somberly. “In your opinion, is it safer to move by night, or camp outside the border till morning and then make as much time as we can?”

The skeleton tapped his dusty slipper on the grass, thinking out loud. “It’s probably better t’go at night. A lot of this place is so flat that you can see fer miles on a clear day. I can get by pretty well in the dark, so yer right. If we don’t have all of these dorks walkin’ with us ‘n makin’ noise, you’d just need ta cover up the wagons. It’s mostly bedrock out here, so with the wind blowin’ the sand around, we shouldn’t hafta worry about tracks.”

“I see. How far should we try to get tonight? I don’t think we can make it all in one push.”

“Not if I’m all we’ve got,” he grumbled. “Let’s get t’the fence and see how we’re doin’.”

Frisk had a word with the drivers; when they started again, they went at a quicker pace, the better to reach their destination and allow the men and horses time to get back to the nearest village before dark.

She grew more and more apprehensive as the hours passed, and finally dug out her satchel of clothing, asking the monsters to close their eyes so she could change into a more practical dress than her High Priestess leg-trap. Not long afterward, the wagon slowed and ground to a halt; they were at the border, a day’s journey from the Underground.

~

Sans waited till the other humans were almost out of sight to tell the monsters, “Come on out, guys.”

All but the flame monsters piled out to stretch their legs and wings while Sans ran a trace of red magic along the wire fencing. Frisk watched him pluck at a seemingly solid strand, revealing a length of twine holding two cut pieces together. “Humans go in ‘n out this way,” the skeleton informed her. “’s like havin’ a gate. They just untie it and tie it back up behind ‘em.”

Frisk shook her head and hugged herself tighter under her cloak. Sans didn’t have time to admire how the cold air had turned her cheeks red, or be really irritated at how the men had all gawked at her without her veil, but he did it anyway while the monsters got ready to resume their places. “So,” the skeleton said, resigned, “how’re we gonna do this crap?”

Five minutes later, Sans was trudging along in the fast-fading light, his hands shoved in his pockets, the wagon’s shafts wedged between his wrists and his hipbones so he could pull it in lieu of a horse. Frisk sat in the driver’s seat of the second wagon, whistling softly and watching the tufts of red magic keeping its shafts upright. Sans had to admit that the flat terrain and the laws of physics made it easy to keep the wagons going once they’d started…but it still sucked.

“Are you doing all right?” the priestess asked at one point.

“Neigh,” he responded, and she started snrrking so hard that he threatened to stop and make her pull the damn wagon. Then he had to deal with that mental imagery until it got darker and he could focus on maintaining a tiny speck of magic to sharpen his night vision. It was nearly a new moon out, perfect for moving in secrecy.

It happened some time after midnight. The monsters had fallen asleep; the priestess was dozing, and Sans was on the verge of stopping for the night when a shriek rang out from the wagon behind Frisk, who nearly fell off her seat. Sans had to lift her down for her to run back, leap into the wagon, and rouse Vulkin from a nightmare, humming urgently to quiet her.

“Shit,” Sans muttered as a torch flared in the distance. “Hey, kitten?”

She didn’t waste any time: a whistle raised a golden bubble around them, and Sans winced at the sheer power crackling through it. For the first time, he found he was less worried about being trapped inside a barrier than he was about the amount of magic it was costing her.

Minute after minute passed. Strange human voices drew way too close, and Sans could only stand there while Frisk held the spell steady, diverting enough magic to soothe the terrified monsters. The giant skeleton had no idea how she was blocking both sound and light and hiding the barrier’s presence from the other side while she hummed, but she did it, because the poachers soon concluded that it’d been a false alarm and wandered back the way they’d come. “They’re gone, sweetheart. Drop it,” Sans ordered, and he heard a ragged sound as the barrier evaporated.

That was enough. Sans set the wagons’ brakes, grabbed as many rocks as his remaining magic could carry, and formed stacks under the shafts to hold them upright, then stuck most of his head into the back of the wagon. “I’m so sorry,” whimpered Vulkin. “I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s not yer fault,” he said roughly. In the monster’s glow, he could see the priestess lying on the wagon floor, resting her head on her forearm as she struggled to catch her breath. “Hand ‘er over.”

Later, he would kick himself for dragging Frisk into the cold again, but he had to see for himself that she was okay. Sans bundled her under his coat and sat down against the wheel, folding her into the crook of his arm while he summoned up heat and softness, everything a skeleton usually couldn’t offer.

That was all well and good, but as she turned toward him, trying to reach up around his neck, something weird happened. He allowed her to stand on the ground and rest her weight against him, her arms sliding under his coat and over his bony shoulders; he’d almost gotten used to that amazing, fluttery, possessive thing his SOUL did when she was on him, but this time, it got physically warmer, and he felt like something was…leaving him? What—

Frisk’s whole body jerked. She pulled her head back enough to stare at him. “Sans? What did you do?!”

“I…” Sans had to close his sockets against a rush of dizziness. “I dunno.”

The priestess withdrew her arms and looked down at her hands. She raised one and snapped her fingers, and another barrier roared to life around them. “What the crap, Frisk?” Sans rasped. “Ya don’t have the strength fer that!”

“I do now,” she said blankly. “How…how did you give me magic directly? Is it—”

Just like that, the dizziness had become full-on vertigo. “Sansy needs t’go night-night,” the skeleton mumbled, and the darkness politely stepped up to pull him back down with it.

~

A band of poachers had made camp near the river. Their sentry glanced up from his breakfast, then leapt to his feet and called out as someone emerged from the morning mist. “Whoa! Easy, pal,” said the stranger, stopping a polite distance away and holding his hands up. “We’re not lookin’ for trouble. I’m just checkin’ somethin’.” He made a strange face, as if he wasn’t entirely sure how faces worked. “Have ya heard who’s s’posed to be out here right now?”

“Maybe,” the sentry admitted. He eyed the interloper’s oddly pale hair, the contrast it made with his black coat and red shirt, and lowered his crossbow. “Depends what you’ve heard.”

“Someone from the High Priestess is passin’ through, doin’ somethin’ with a buncha monsters,” said the newcomer, lowering his arms very slowly. “I was makin’ sure ya weren’t them. We’re pretty new at this, so—”

The sentry gave a bark of laughter. “Dumbass! It’s the High Priestess. She’s out here with nine or ten monsters, all by herself.”

“Really?” The stranger blinked too many times. “Hot damn.” He laughed, too, sort of. “Too bad we can’t get magic outta her, huh?”

The sentry leered at him in male camaraderie. “Ever seen her in person? I know what I’d get out of her!” He slapped his leg, oblivious to the stranger’s twitching eye and clenched fists. “Well, if you’re new to the business, take it from me: keep any humans you find and save ‘em for ransom, ‘specially her.”

Blink. “Ransom?”

“Yeah. Ransom,” the poacher said impatiently. “You know who her dad is, right?”

The pale-haired stranger blinked again. “Duke Whatshisface?”

“Seriously?” The sentry shook his head in disbelieving pity. “Her dad’s the King, dipshit. You never heard about it?” He gestured expansively with the crossbow, enjoying the stranger’s dumbfoundment. “No joke. The old man used to fuck anything that’d hold still long enough. There’s five or six kids left that we know of, and she’s his favorite.” His grin broadened. “You really didn’t know? Man, you’re fuckin’ stupid.” He flapped his hand. “Get out of here. Go on home before you trip ‘n kill yourself.”

In a daze, the stranger put his hands in his pockets and turned around. “Oh, by the way,” he said, and without warning, something erupted from the ground, impaling the sentry’s foot.

His screams brought his comrades running to see him clutching a huge white bone sticking out of the bedrock, and a stranger pointing wildly toward the river. “Holy crap, it came from over there!” he shouted. “It’s that big-ass skeleton thing! It’s definitely over there!”

Only one of the poachers tried to say, “Who’re you?” before another line of projectiles slammed into the ground heading away from them; he ran to follow the rest of the group, leaving the luckless sentry to try to wrestle the bone free. When he looked up to demand the stranger help him, there was no one there.

“Fuckin’ fuckstick,” Sans muttered to himself from a few hundred yards away, jerking a hand to summon more bones and make it seem like they were still under attack. “I oughta fuckin’…” He kicked a rock so hard that it hurt his stupid wimpy human toe.

Fuck-a-duck. He couldn’t go back to camp like this. With the mist covering him and the poachers haring off in the opposite direction, he could think things over for a minute, starting with whether Frisk had ever come out and said who her father was.

…No, she never had. He’d just remembered something about Rosa – who he now knew wasn’t even her mom – working for a duke, and reached a reasonable conclusion that was totally wrong. It was probably such an open secret that she either hadn’t thought to tell him or hadn’t wanted to in case he treated her any differently. She was probably sick of that already…

Sans was too lost in thought to see something moving in the mist, following him away from the poachers’ camp along the riverbank. When he absently turned to stare at the water, it vanished, only to reappear as he turned again.

So, Frisk had pulled this crazy stunt because there was nothing else she could do about the monsters being sold. According to everything Sans had seen, only the Cardinal or the King could go over her head; therefore, while Duke Whatshisass was in charge of doling the monsters out to new owners, it probably wasn’t him who’d actually decided to sell them. The Cardinal hadn’t bothered her since she said she’d be retiring, and she hadn’t mentioned him at all, which just left the King.

Sans had seen for himself how much the old man treated her like a daughter, go figure. Knowing Frisk, she’d probably told His Majesty to his face that she intended to free those monsters, and he’d decided to keep her out of serious legal trouble and also remind her who was boss by ordering them sold right away. No wonder she’d been willing to flip him the bird right back by stealing the monsters and getting public opinion on her side.

Against all logic, Sans felt his poofy lips curling upward. In a weird way, this was the push he needed to be a little less miserable about not deserving her and a bit more smug that she’d picked him over the zillion guys desperate to snag an illegitimate princess. At this point, she transcended the concept of anyone deserving her. He still thought he sucked, but so what? If he hadn’t imagined what she’d said the other night, then…

The mist was beginning to thin out as the sun came up. Sans paused and glanced behind him, but nothing was there. He turned back toward their camp, reaching for his chain. Better not confront her about something she hadn’t really been hiding in the first place, though now he was determined to ask about her m—

Only the hiss of something flying through the air alerted him in time to fling up a wall of bones, barely deflecting a blow aimed at his neck. Before he could even swear aloud, more things came at him, and he instinctively turned to run away from their camp.

“Hey! HEY!” a voice shouted. Sans’ human ears perked up at the sound. “Come back here, meat-wad!”

His aim wavered as he threw a wave of pointed bones behind him, just missing the figure in the mist. It easily caught one and threw it straight back at him, only to see it glance off another wall of bone. “You!” the figure snarled. “How did you get Sans’ magic? Where is he?! Tell me, you damn coward!”

Sans dodged another one. “Hey!” Dodge. “Hey, listen, ya crazy broad! It’s—”

“Sans?” They both froze at the sound of Frisk’s voice. “Sans, where are you?”

The boss monster finally understood that expression about blood running cold. Fighting chills, he turned his head and opened his mouth to tell Frisk to run.

That moment of distraction was all the figure needed: Frisk came up just in time to see a bone spin end over end and smash into the back of his head, nearly knocking him out.

~

The High Priestess had heard Sans’ attack on the poachers as she was balancing a frying pan on Vulkin, who’d volunteered to help cook breakfast. Frisk just prayed Sans could divert them without killing anyone, or that he would at least try.

Several minutes later, though, he hadn’t returned. She was passing the pancakes around and had retrieved the bucket for more water when she heard shouting. Her stomach lurched at the sound of bones breaking. Sans!

Telling the monsters to stay put, Frisk reflexively grasped the bucket handle and ran out of the warded camp, keeping another barrier ready. “Sans?” She looked around, squinting through the last tendrils of mist. “Sans, where are you?”

She saw him a split-second before someone threw one of his own bones straight back at him. Frisk choked on a scream as he hit the ground, blood darkening the sand. “Sa—"

“Hey. You.”

Frisk gulped as their attacker advanced on her from the edge of the water. “What’d you say about Sans, human? You know where he is?” The tall monster emerged from the mist, removing her helmet as she glared down with one mostly-yellow eye. “Oh, come on! Don’t tell me you took out a boss monster! How’d you do it? Cheating?” She almost spat the last word. “Start talking, you—”

“Undyne?” Despite her fear, Frisk smiled. “Undyne, it’s you!”

A spearpoint flashed in the air, stopping the priestess as she tried to step forward. “How’d you get my name? Did you torture it out of someone, human? Huh? Was it Sans?!” The spear poked at Frisk, forcing her backward. “Tell you what,” Undyne snapped, pivoting toward the human-shaped boss monster, who was still struggling to get up. “Let’s assume you care at all about your accomplice here. Either you tell me what I want to know, or…” The spear rose.

“No!” In sheer panic, Frisk threw a barrier between Sans and the other monster.

A moment later, she realized her mistake: Undyne had only been threatening him, but as she looked back at Frisk, her gaze was now murderous. “That’s it! That’s how you did it! You used a frickin’ barrier!” She stomped the ground so hard that Frisk felt the bedrock tremble. “I ought to gut you like a fish, you damn cheater! Do you hear me? A FISH!”

“Wait!” The priestess held up her hands, too distressed to be amused by Undyne’s choice of words. “Undyne, please! I’m—” She bit her lip. That wouldn’t work; Undyne wouldn’t believe that she was Kris. It might make her so angry that she’d try to kill them outright. Frisk racked her brains for some way to prove it—she had never shown Undyne her scars, but…

The Royal Guard Captain scowled deeper, this time in puzzlement, as Frisk stared at the bucket dangling from her forearm. “You’re what, human?” Undyne demanded.

Frisk swallowed hard. “I want to show you something,” she said, and took a deliberate side-step toward the water, ignoring the raised spear. “It’s not a barrier, and it’s not some kind of trick. Just watch, all right? And don’t hurt him!”

Undyne glanced around them in case this was a diversion, and at Sans, now lying still and silent. Frisk saw him, too, and her expression made Undyne lower her spear ever so slightly. “What is it? Make it quick!”

Frisk took a deep breath. To Undyne’s bewilderment, the human’s expression went neutral. She went to the river, dipped up a half bucket of water, carried it back to Undyne, and threw it into her face.

~

Through the haze of pain and gut-wrenching fear, Sans distantly heard Undyne yelling at Frisk, and he felt the barrier she put up to protect him. He wanted to shake her for thinking of him and not herself, and for showing Undyne she could do it. Then there was a dreadful silence, and he couldn’t get up to—

“NGAHHHHHHH!”

Sans threw himself forward, not quite gaining his feet. Hitting the ground again on all fours, he looked frantically for Undyne and whatever horrible things she was doing to—

Frisk was dangling, not from a spear’s bloody point, but from Undyne’s bear hug as the dripping-wet monster swung the human in time to a joyous bellow of “My little bestiiiiiiiiie!”

What the…no, never mind. With an effort, Sans pulled off his disguise and tried not to collapse as the world lurched sideways. “Ow,” he muttered, just to be part of the moment.

Undyne froze, not quite releasing Frisk. “Sans? What the—where’ve you been?” she demanded.

Sans’ glare would have set a lesser monster ablaze on the spot. “Almost gettin’ murdered by yer crazy ass!”

“Really?” Undyne looked puzzled. Then her face lit up. “Ohh, that was you! Ha!” She gave her giant-toothed grin. “Sorry about that, boss. How’d you do that? And why were you saying all that crap to that human back there?”

“I was tryin’ ta throw him off our trail! We’re the monsters and the High Priestess!” Sans sat up and raised one hand to heal his aching skull, indicating Frisk with the other. “Now let ‘er go before ya squeeze her t’death!”

“Hm? Oh, right.” Undyne set Frisk down, letting the priestess catch her breath. “So you’re Kris, huh?” The Captain planted her hand on one hip, watching Frisk brush herself off. “Did you know she was a girl?” she asked Sans.

“Nope. She had us all fooled.” Sans closed his eyes to focus his magic. Fuckin’ Undyne. If he hadn’t been a boss monster, that would’ve killed him!

“It wasn’t my idea,” Frisk protested as she picked up the bucket. “I was only ten, and they said it’d be safer. Can I help you with that, Sans?”

Undyne waved her spear. “Whatever! You’re here now! Ignore him, he’s being a big baby.” She glanced around. “Let’s move out before any more damn humans show up. No offense.” Frisk inclined her head. “You say you’ve got more people with you?”

If the monsters had been happy to see Sans, they nearly turned to dust when Undyne strolled into camp and announced that she would be escorting them the rest of the way home. Once everyone had calmed down, Sans had to admit the fish-lady knew how to get people moving: they scarfed down the remaining pancakes and some leftover oranges, then loaded right up and took off toward the Underground.

“Man…” Undyne was holding it together better than he had the first time he found himself inside a barrier, only betraying her fear of the dome overhead with a tighter grip and her eye darting back and forth. “I can’t believe it. She really is the High Priestess, huh?”

“Yep.” Sans was very pointedly nonchalant, sauntering along as the barrier crackled and the fish monster twitched. Served her right. “She coulda killed me a zillion times over, but she never did. Hell, I tried ta kill her a few times, an’ she smacked me down without hurtin’ me.”

Undyne shook her head. “It’s just…Kris is back, and he’s a she, and she’s the High Priestess, and she’s crazy strong…but she’s still Kris. It’s a lot to take in, you know?”

“Tell me about it.” Sans adjusted his grip on the shafts. He was pulling one wagon, and Undyne was pulling the other one alongside him; all it’d taken to get her going was a hint that she couldn’t do it. She was puffing a bit, but doing well now that they were moving. “So how’d you suddenly know it was her?” the skeleton asked.

“It was from the first time Papyrus introduced us,” Frisk said from the driver’s seat behind him. “I thought Undyne must’ve been upset because she was thirsty, so I grabbed a flower vase and tried giving her some water. …In her face.”

Sans guffawed, freeing one hand to slap his femur. “How’d that work out? Did the nice fish say ‘thank you’?”

“No, she just looked surprised. I thought she was feeling better, so I went back and—”

“The little punk tried to do it again! It was the stupidest thing I’d ever seen, but the kid wasn’t scared of me at all.” Undyne shook her head. “Then the King ordered us to be friends with the humans, so I figured I’d be the best damn friend Kris ever had.”

“And you were.” Frisk sighed. “When we get there, Undyne, I have something for you. In fact, we brought gifts for everyone. Did Alphys ever read the last two Adventure Lady novels?”

“Nah, and it’s been bugging her for years, the poor—” Undyne’s eye widened. “No. You didn’t!”

Sans let them chatter, profoundly grateful that they weren’t doing that weird thing where women hated each other for no reason. Having Undyne on their side, both physically and for moral support, was worth a dozen other monsters. “Did you get him that outfit?” she asked Frisk, nodding at the boss monster. “He’s been growing nonstop, so after a while, he just quit buying new clothes. It drives Papyrus nuts.”

“He’s my bodyguard, and it pays pretty well,” Frisk explained. “Those were a bonus for helping me shop for everyone.”

“Nice!” Undyne couldn’t reach over and smack him in congratulations, so she contented herself with jerking her head. “Good job, boss. Way to find a nice—what do humans call it? A ‘sugar mama’?”

Frisk burst out laughing and couldn’t stop, Undyne joining in as Sans sputtered. Stupid women, he thought sullenly. Why couldn’t they hate each other instead of giving him shit?

A few hours later, Undyne called a halt. “At this rate, we can get there by nightfall,” she said, offering a hand to the priestess half a second before him. “Er…do you have to, uh, go?”

Frisk looked uncomfortable enough for Undyne to nod hastily and point behind the wagon with her spear. “Not much privacy out here. We’ll just pretend you’re not doing anything, okay? Here, I’ll dig a hole for you.”

If that was awkward – and it was – it was nothing compared to the piscine monster making the others talk to cover the sound of Frisk’s business, then leaning over and whispering to Sans, very matter-of-fact, “Is it just me, or is it weird that Kris turned out to be so damn cute?”

Sans wished the ground wasn’t so flat around here, because then he could find a nice big pit and jump right on in. Luckily, Frisk suddenly said to herself, “Oh, dirt, why now?” and stuck her head beneath the wagon to call, “Undyne? Can you please get the little gray bag out of my satchel for me?”

The Captain obligingly found the only satchel with human clothing in it, rummaged around, and tossed the bag over the wagon and into Frisk’s lap. The young woman mumbled her thanks, but sounded so aggravated that Undyne asked, “What’s up? Are you okay?”

A prolonged sigh. “It’s nothing, just a stupid, ridiculous thing that human females have to put up with.” Frisk came back around a few moments later, stuffing the bag into the satchel. “Now, once we reach the Underground, should we all come in through the Grand Hall, or should Sans and I go through the Ruins into Snowdin?”

Sans exchanged glances with Undyne, who was munching on a roasted potato as if it was an apple. “You’d probably better not go straight to Asgore,” she said reluctantly. “When Snowdrake came back, he was pretty messed up, and the King was…uh…”

“Not happy?” Sans guessed.

Undyne’s eye closed. “Yeah. Not happy.”

“We’ll tell him what happened,” piped up Vulkin from inside the wagon. “We all heard the humans talking. Lady Frisk’s in big trouble for bringing us home, but she’s doing it anyway.”

The monsters made generally affirmative noises, and Frisk managed a smile.

“You are?” Undyne scowled. “Here, we’ve got to get going if we want to make it home before dark. Why don’t you give me the whole story on the way?”

They did, starting with Frisk being brought to the convent after her stint in the Underground and her memories being removed at her father’s request— “Oh, crap, that’s right,” Undyne interrupted. “That scumbag said the King’s your dad. Is that true?”

Frisk looked down at Sans in alarm. “Yeah, that’s what the guy told me,” Sans confirmed, not turning his head. “He was talking about her being worth a lot for ransom.”

The priestess grimaced. “I might not be, after all this.” She swallowed. “I wasn’t sure if you knew. I’m sorry if I—”

Sans made himself shrug. “It’s fine, kit—kiddo. Not like ya ever actually lied about it.”

“I don’t get it,” said Undyne. “If your dad’s the king, why aren’t you a princess?”

“Because I was one of many, many children the king had with women he wasn’t married to,” Frisk replied. “To be a princess, I’d have to have come from his actual wife. The first queen died childless, and his second wife died having the Prince.”

Undyne started. “Wait, so he…with just anyone, and you didn’t even count? What the hell is wrong with humans?”

“There’s the million-g question,” Sans mumbled.

Frisk sighed. “Anyway,” she said, “once I stopped begging to go back to the Underground, I settled down and studied as hard as I could. I was ordained a priestess when I was sixteen—”

The story continued until it was time for Sans to pick up with how he’d been caught by a party of five sorcerers almost a month ago. “I figured I’d hang out in jail until someone came ta get me, then kill ‘em,” he said conversationally, “but guess who came strollin’ downstairs?”

“The Duke asked me for help. There was a huge monster in the cells, and no one could decide who would be suitable to take him,” said Frisk. “I figured he must be a boss monster, and I scared them with stories about how powerful he was and how lucky they were that he hadn’t destroyed half the castle already. Then I said I’d take care of him.”

“And you tried to kill her?” Undyne snapped at Sans.

“Tried to burn ‘er, squish her, and blast her,” the boss monster said, almost proudly. “Nothin’ worked. Next thing I knew, I’d signed up fer a month of bein’ a witch ta learn how to grow better crops.”

“Which turned out to be much closer to three weeks, thanks to His Majesty,” Frisk said sourly. “I had each of these monsters taken from humans who were mistreating them so badly that even the Church wouldn’t allow it anymore, and I brought them out here to keep them from being sold again.” Even over the sound of the wheels crunching on sandy rock, they could hear her teeth grinding. “The King knew what I wanted to do, but he thought I shouldn’t have to worry my pretty little head about it anymore, so here we are.”

Sans considered pointing out that the King probably just wanted to keep her out of trouble, but decided he’d rather not be murdered. Undyne’s sole contribution was “…Damn.”

They rolled along in silence. “In three days or so, we can go back to the village and pick up the grain and other things Sans ordered,” the priestess said. “It won’t feed the entire Underground, but it will help.”

“That reminds me, Undyne—ya know the big farm over that way with the maple trees?” Sans nodded in a direction. “She’s gonna get it fer us.”

The Captain gaped at him. “She what?”

“I shit you not,” said Sans. “The human who owned it croaked, an’ she’s been negotiatin’ ta buy it. Turns out bein’ High Priestess makes ya super rich.”

Undyne muttered something under her breath, taking a fresh grip on the wagon shafts. Then her head swiveled, and without being told, Frisk immediately began whistling again. The air around them, which had been a translucent gold, solidified until it was nearly opaque. “They can’t see or hear us at all?” asked the fish monster, glancing up warily.

Frisk shook her head, and paused long enough to say, “They’d have to literally be touching the barrier to know we’re here.”

“No kidding?” Undyne squinted to watch the far-off group of humans through the barrier. Sure enough, they were moving away. “So,” she said presently, “how long are you gonna stay this time? Another month?”

“’Bout ten days,” Sans answered for her.

Undyne nodded slowly. The whistling stopped, and the human said, “Yes, if all goes well. It depends how long Asgore will let us stay, and what we’ll be allowed to bring back to the castle afterwards.”

“‘We’?” repeated the Captain.

It took Sans a second to realize what Undyne was even asking. He and Frisk had yet to discuss whether he’d be coming back to the castle after her visit, but the possibility of leaving her hadn’t even occurred to him, and she obviously felt the same way. “Yeah, I’ve gotta learn more witchy crap,” he said, hiding his elation. “Plus, the more monster stuff she gets ta show the other humans, the less trouble she’ll get in fer cartin’ these guys off in the first place.”

“And I’m not pulling the wagons back on my own,” Frisk added.

“Got it,” Undyne murmured, and Sans breathed an inward sigh of relief. Another thing they needed to hash out: what to tell the other monsters about…whatever they were now. Everything still depended on him working on himself, didn’t it? It would be easier to learn to control his magic in the proper directions inside the Underground. Who knew? Maybe if he kept thinking happy thoughts and not actively loathing himself, it’d really be possible. Maybe, if he was in good enough shape by the time they straightened things with Asgore, they could really—

The priestess resumed whistling, snapping him out of it. Undyne began bobbing her head along with the melody, and immediately started getting the rhythm wrong, but Sans decided not to say anything; he had a lot more thinking to do before they got home.

~

Very much against her will, they left Undyne just out of sight of the Underground’s principal entrance. She would announce their arrival, see the monsters to each of their homes, and then report to Asgore; knowing the King would insist on the wagons being inspected before he allowed them inside, they would also remain here.

Undyne checked over the little group of monsters as they climbed out, then paused. “Hey. Sans? Are you…gonna talk to Her Majesty?”

Frisk knew a loaded question when she heard one. Sure enough, Sans took a much longer time to reply than usual. “Yeah, I kinda have to. If she’s asleep already, I’ll leave ‘er a note.”

“Okay.” The Captain picked up her helmet from one of the shafts, pulled it back on, and nodded to them. “I’ll be in Snowdin as soon as His Majesty’s done with me. Good luck, guys.”

“We’ll see you soon,” Frisk replied, giving her a smile and ignoring the butterflies in her stomach. This was it. They were here!

The monsters trotted off, and they very faintly heard Undyne hail the sentries from atop the rise. “Welp,” Sans said. “This way.” Frisk obediently grabbed her satchel, which she’d stuffed with apples and potatoes, and set off after him, trying to be happy and grateful and not on the verge of barfing.

~

It was another cold, boring day in Snowdin. The monsters were pretty sure they knew what was going to happen today – nothing – and that it was going to keep happening, and it was hard to care much about it anymore. Sure, Papyrus kept nattering about how Sans and a mysterious human had told him they were going to come back to the Underground soon and everything would be all right, but…Papyrus. The denizens of Snowdin carried on with nothing as usual, secure in the knowledge that—

Every monster in town stopped what they weren’t doing and looked around in confusion. Magic was building in the air like smoke from a barely contained fire; there was a hhhwp, and in the empty space in front of the skeleton brothers’ house, there now stood a boss monster in black slippers and a tiny human peeking out from beneath his overcoat. “I told you to wait,” she scolded him, moving the coat aside like a giant curtain.

“What? You were the one whinin’ about how cold it was,” retorted the skeleton.

“Hey!” To their surprise, Undyne sprang up from where she’d been sitting on the step. “Where have you nerds been?” she snapped. “It’s been five frickin’ hours! Were you talking to Her Majesty, or what?”

“Nah, we got lost in the Ruins,” said Sans. “Tori’s asleep, so I left her a note like I said. What’re you doin’ here already? Is everyone okay?”

Undyne looked at them narrowly, then said, “Yeah, it turned out Asgore was already in the Grand Hall, so we didn’t have to waste time finding him.” She had changed into the outfit Frisk remembered: a short jacket, wool shirt, long pants and red boots. “Everyone’s home by now. I left Ice Cap with his family a few minutes ago.”

Frisk nodded gratefully. “What did the King say?” she asked, setting her satchel down.

Undyne hesitated. “Well…he was happy to see everyone, but then they started talking about how the High Priestess was coming in through Snowdin, and he wasn’t happy anymore.”

“How not-happy is he, exactly?” Sans demanded. “Is Frisk in any danger?”

“Nope. The others kept going on about how you saved them from the other humans, and when I told him you were Kris, he got really quiet.” Undyne put her hands in her jacket pockets. “He said you could stay until we ‘know your true intentions.’ I have to babysit you, and he wants to talk to Sans as soon as possible, but that’s it.”

Sans and Frisk breathed sighs of relief. “Good enough,” said the boss monster. He stood on tiptoe, the better to see most of the way across Snowdin. “Where’s Pap?”

Shrug. “I don’t know. No one’s in the house. He must be at the store or something.”

Frisk rubbed her arms unconsciously, turning in circles to look around them, especially at the light-spangled house. “I can’t believe it,” she murmured. “I—” She swiped at her eyes.

The Royal Guard Captain stepped over to the High Priestess and put an arm around her shoulders. “You know what? May I be the first, K—Frisk, to say: welcome back.” She gave the human what was, for her, a gentle squeeze. “C’mon. We’ll introduce you to everyone again. We can take it nice and slow, no pressure to—HEY!” Undyne had spotted a nearby cluster of monsters staring at them. “What are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a human before? I know you have!” She pointed at Frisk, who was still tucked beneath her arm. “Remember Kris?”

Frisk quickly forgot her irritation as several monsters hurried over. “Kris! Bro!” One dinosaur-like creature shouldered its way through the crowd, hopping from foot to foot. “Is that really you? Do you remember me? Hi, Undyne!”

Of course she remembered Monster Kid, who was only a little bigger now, still wearing the same armless sweater—twelve years obviously didn’t go as fast for monsters as it did for humans! There was the bunny who ran the store, Gyftrot – stuff still dangling from his horns – a couple of the various dogs she’d petted and thrown sticks for…

Once the first wave of pleasantries had subsided, it was time to tell them the reason for her visit, what Sans had been up to, and why “Kris” had turned out to be a lady. She noticed a few of those who hadn’t greeted her falling back to go spread the news, but saw no signs of Papyrus.

She wasn’t the only one: right in the middle of a very important discussion on someone’s baby sister being ready to hatch soon, Sans let out a growl that shut everyone up at once. “Where’s my brother?” he asked.

Shrugs and mumbles all around. “He was staring at the river again,” volunteered Gyftrot.

Sans waited for more information, then nodded. “Okay, everyone,” he told the little crowd. “We’re gonna head inside for a minute. If anyone sees Pap, don’t tell him I’m back yet, don’t mention Kris, and don’t do anything to freak him out. Got it?”

A chorus of agreement. “Don’t freak out,” someone said helpfully to Papyrus, who had just stepped into view.

Papyrus froze, staring up at Sans. “BROTHER?” he said. Then: “BROTHER! NYEHHH HEH HEHHHHH!” He leaped up and threw his arms around Sans’ massive ribcage, doing a pullup of sheer joy. “YOU’RE HERE! YOU’RE REALLY HERE THIS TIME, LAZYBONES! I THOUGHT…THE GREAT PAPYRUS THOUGHT—”

“Yeah,” Sans mumbled. “Hey, Pap.” He hugged him back for a long moment, then glanced downward. “She said she’d bring me back safe, didn’t she?”

Papyrus looked at Frisk, who was grinning. He looked at Undyne, who was grinning and nodding. The younger skeleton released his brother and launched himself straight at his best friend, tackling her with a wail of “THANK YOU, UNDYYYYNE! NYEHH!” Before the Captain could correct him, Papyrus dropped her and caught Frisk up in a less forceful but similarly enthused hug. “THANK YOU, HUMAAAAN! I—” He stopped, and turned his head to look at her quizzically. “NYEH. WHY AM I THANKING YOU, HUMAN?”

“Ya met ‘er the last time we talked, Pap, in the dream,” Sans reminded him. “An’ you were right. She is Kris.”

Papyrus blinked, still holding on to her. “I SEE,” he said sagely. “NYEH HEH HEH! OF COURSE THE GREAT PAPYRUS WAS RIGHT! I…I…” His eyes rolled up, and Sans caught Frisk just before she hit the snow along with the fainting skeleton.

“Geez. He probably hasn’t eaten anything or slept in a couple days. No worries, we can fix that!” Undyne punched Sans reassuringly in the ribs, then bent and rummaged in her friend’s “armor,” helping herself to the house key before slinging Papyrus over her shoulder. “Listen up!” she shouted at the assembled monsters. “This is all very exciting, but these guys’ve been traveling for a couple days straight to bring the others back to us. We’ll see everyone in the morning, okay?” She poked Sans as he turned to teleport into the house. “Not you! Asgore’s waiting. Get your bony butt over to Alphys’ place before he comes looking for you.”

Frisk gripped his sleeve, but she made herself say calmly, “It’s fine. We’ll be here when you get back,” as she picked up her satchel.

He stared at her for a moment, then gently removed her hand, and was gone.

Undyne let them into the house, flipping the witchlights on and kicking the door shut as Frisk walked into the living room. It wasn’t the biggest or nicest of dwellings, and it didn’t help that Papyrus had probably been stress-cleaning—it would explain why the couch cushions were still damp from the last time he’d mopped them, and why the pet rock by the kitchen was barely visible under a pile of rock-candy shards. Had Sans set those out for his brother to use, just waiting for the pun to sneak up and hit him out of nowhere?

“Here you go, Pap,” Undyne said briskly, tramping up the stairs while Frisk marveled at how much smaller everything was than she remembered. The priestess heard her deposit Papyrus in his pirate-ship bed, slam the door behind her, and come back down to pull a kitchen chair out for Frisk. “Have a seat. Sorry, but they don’t have anything in the fridge.”

“That’s all right,” Frisk said. She unbuckled the satchel and offered Undyne an apple.

The Captain took it politely, but as Frisk glanced down to dig another one out for herself, the monster chomped the apple nearly in half, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. “So,” she said casually, “what were you and Sans up to in the Ruins? No one’s dumb enough to just get lost in there for that long.”

Frisk felt her face grow stiff and hot. “I had to stop and rest because I used too much magic today,” she answered truthfully, and Undyne nodded. “I…actually, maybe you’d know this—is it possible for someone to directly give someone else some of their magic?”

The Captain paused, her eyebrows rising, a smile growing into a giant grin. “Haven’t you heard of—”

Frisk’s face got even hotter. “Not like that! I just mean, if you were weak and needed a little extra power, could, say, Asgore or Alphys give you a handshake, or a hug, and lend you some magic?”

“Nope. They couldn’t.” When Frisk looked skeptical, Undyne sighed, then made a fist. “Look, pretend this is my SOUL.” Another fist. “This one is…we’ll say Alphys.” Frisk wondered if it was her imagination, or if her friend’s face was turning red, almost purple under the smaller blue scales. “My body’s made of magic, and so is hers. But my SOUL is self-contained, and so is hers. Even if I took a chunk of my magic and handed it to Alphys—” She knocked her fists together. “Nothing would happen. She can heal me, but that’s just repairing damage, not giving me power that I could use to attack someone or do my own spells, assuming I knew any. There’s no way to combine or exchange magic unless you’re trying to have a kid, and that’s a whole different thing. It takes a lot of power and concentration, and…it’s different.” She was definitely purple now. “Why are you even asking?”

The priestess thought about it. She made a fist, and loosened her fingers until she could slide the fingers of her other hand through it. “After you left today, I was tired, and Sans gave me some of his magic again,” she said distantly. “Monsters can absorb a human SOUL, but…” Her fingers wiggled. “I don’t think it works both ways. Humans can’t take a monster’s SOUL, at least not directly into ourselves.”

Undyne suddenly looked very, very uncomfortable. “That’s true,” she commented, “for normal monsters. For Sans, the rules are a little different.”

Frisk was so startled that she dropped her hands. “Are you saying I was able to take some of his SOUL because I’m human and he’s a boss monster?!”

“Hell no!” the Captain snapped. More calmly, she said, “It doesn’t work like that. If you really took something from him that he couldn’t get back, he’d be acting a lot weaker, or he’d be dust already.” She shrugged. “If he did somehow give you magic and you had to wait for him to recover, and he did, then nah, there’s no permanent damage.”

That was something to think about. Frisk remembered last night, when she’d just wanted him to hold her. There was that jolt of energy, and he’d almost immediately passed out… She thought of a few hours back, when she’d gotten anxious and her magical exhaustion had suddenly kicked in, forcing her to sit down. Sans had – somewhat correctly – assumed that she was getting cold feet, gotten impatient, and picked her up, and when she turned to put her arms around him, it’d happened again.

Then, of course, they’d been in a uniquely ridiculous quandary where she was brimming with magic that wouldn’t help them get anywhere, and he couldn’t even stand up. Thank God she’d had something for him to eat in her satchel, or they might have been stuck out there all night waiting for him to recover. When she half-jokingly suggested she try giving his magic back to him, he’d almost bitten her head off.

Wait. Wait a second. If his magic was supposed to be so dark and terrible and evil, etc., how had she not felt anything like that from him, much less been poisoned? Frisk had the sudden, idiotic, schoolgirl-ish urge to giggle—did the good magic come out of the top half of his body, while the evil stuff came out of the other thing?

Undyne was shaking her head in wonder. “You need to tell all this to Alphys. She’d have a better idea of what’s—”

Crack went the window.

Both women whipped around at the sound of shouting outside. Undyne wasted no time, slamming her chair back and throwing the door open to roar, “What the hell is going on?”

A moment of quiet; it might have ended there if Frisk hadn’t peeked around her friend’s shoulder. A group of four or five young monsters stood a few yards away, holding stones, their body language scared but defiant. Their ringleader was a feathery snow monster who looked very familiar. “Chilldrake, isn’t it?” the human asked.

The hoodlums drew back as Undyne’s face darkened. “What do you want, kid?” she snapped. “If you’ve got a good reason for breaking Pap’s window, I’m listening!”

“We want her gone,” the drake said, shifting his feet and glaring at Frisk. “Haven’t you seen Snowdrake? He’s not Snowdrake anymore! How can you let a human in here after what they did to him?!”

“And what if she blows us up?” his friend added.

Undyne grabbed a spear from thin air and thrust it in the monsters’ direction. They shrank back, but stood their ground. “That’s not up to a bunch of kids like you,” the Royal Guard Captain snarled. “His Majesty said she could stay. Are you telling me you know better than Asgore?”

They shuffled back again, but a moment later, Chilldrake drew himself up. “Does he know she’s the humans’ High Priestess?” He raised his voice for the monsters standing nearby to hear: “Does he know she makes barriers?”

That got an anxious murmur going. Frisk felt sick; this was everything she’d been afraid of, no matter what Undyne said, or Sans. She glanced around instinctively, but he wasn’t there.

“He knows way more than you do, punk!” snarled Undyne. She advanced down the steps, leaving Frisk in the doorway. “Now get out of here before I get you out of here!”

“Fine!” Chilldrake shook his ruff, dancing a little in place. “If she’s here, it’s not safe anyway! We should all leave before she traps us and drags us off!”

The murmurs were louder and more upset now. The Royal Guard Captain looked at the other monsters in disbelief. “Guys, you were just telling her how glad you were to see her again! She’s the same damn person she was fifteen minutes ago! Are you going to listen to this little—”

“Is she really the High Priestess?” the shopkeeper asked Undyne.

The piscine monster’s face said it all. Too late, she snapped, “It doesn’t matter! She only uses her magic to—”

Everything happened at once. A stone came sailing over Undyne’s head, straight at Frisk, who did not stop to think that it was better to get a black eye or a bad cut than to confirm their worst fears. Reflex kicked in, and a barrier flared in front of her, pinging the rock away.

Her one piece of luck was that every monster froze in place instead of screaming or running to spread the tale of the human who had snuck Underground to use barriers on them—every monster but Chilldrake. “See?” he screamed, flapping his wings so hard that ice crystals flurried off them. “What did I just tell you?! Get out, human! We don’t want you here, and if I have to go tell His Majesty that you’re using barriers, I’ll—”

Whump.

It wasn’t a rock, or a spear, or a barrier. A ball of pure flame struck the ground in front of Chilldrake, who yelped and hopped backward, crashing into his friends.

The monsters’ heads turned toward the magic’s source, the edge of the field to Frisk’s right; each one immediately dropped to their knees or the equivalent thereof, with the hoodlums dropping the rocks and throwing themselves flat on their faces.

Undyne took one look, shook her hand to dispel the energy spear, and went to one knee as another monster advanced. “Your Majesty,” she said in wonder, then apprehension. Her head ducked. “Majesty, I can fully explain and take responsibility for—”

A gesture silenced her. The monster came to stand in front of the house, her amber eyes coming to rest on the High Priestess, features impassive.

Frisk’s heart constricted. She was suddenly ten years old again, not knowing whether to be afraid, whether she should bow or do something royal. She came down the steps, and to her horror, she found herself breathing harder, eyes prickling, throat tightening. “Lady Toriel,” she whispered.

Toriel folded her arms at the waist. She wore a plain robe, adorned only with the Delta Rune in white—the same thing Asriel had worn the day she fell into the Underground, only purple instead of black. The former Queen regarded Frisk for a long, terrible moment. “Where is the human named Kris?” she asked sternly.

It took all of Frisk’s training, all her experience as an exalted and lonely member of the Church’s highest echelon, to speak up. “The human child you knew was not a boy, and his name was not Kris. He was a girl, and his name was Frisk.” She swallowed. “I am Frisk.” Damn it, her voice wouldn’t stay steady. “I’m back, Lady Toriel. Please—”

Toriel took a step toward her. Another, and another. Her white-furred hand came up to brush Frisk’s hair from her face. The boss monster stared into her eyes…

And she stooped, opening her arms and folding Frisk into a huge, warm, cloud-soft hug.

Everything pent up behind Frisk’s defenses rose in a surge that crumbled the walls like wet paper. She still smelled like cinnamon and golden flowers, Frisk realized, and she wasn’t ashamed to grab hold of the velvet robe and get it soaked with tears again.

“My poor child,” the boss monster murmured, stroking Frisk’s hair as the priestess’ shoulders heaved. “My poor, dear girl. I’ve missed you so much.” She hugged her tighter. “I cannot tell you how very glad I am to see you again.”

Frisk was sobbing without restraint now, not caring what anyone saw or heard or thought of her. Toriel rested her hand on the back of the young woman’s head and looked up for the first time, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Am I to understand that this human is not welcome here?” She didn’t raise her voice. She didn’t have to. “Would anyone like to say anything?”

Chilldrake had collapsed in on himself. His beak moved, but all he could muster was “…High Priestess, Majesty.”

Toriel’s hand grew heavier. “Is this true, my child? You’ve become the High Priestess?”

Frisk didn’t have the courage to raise her head. She just nodded.

The boss monster inhaled, and sighed, her diaphragm moving under Frisk’s cheek. “Then we are very fortunate to have you, Frisk.” She glanced up, once. “Wouldn’t you agree, young man?”

Chilldrake did not nod so much as vibrate his head too fast for it to be visible.

“Splendid. We…what, my child?” Toriel listened as Frisk turned her head to mumble more clearly. “They broke Sans and Papyrus’ window? My word.”

Frisk didn’t see who rushed forward, but she heard a scramble to be the first to check the cracked glass and figure out how to fix or replace it or something right now.

Toriel waited for the priestess to get herself under control, then stepped back and took Frisk’s hand. “Captain,” she said, and Undyne was instantly on her feet, fist on her chest. “We have much to discuss. Please accompany us.” And with as much grace and ceremony as if the old house had been a marble palace, the boss monster went inside, allowing Undyne to glare once more at the crowd, then shut the door gently behind them.

#songfell man i love my mom but

[vomitpremium]

Ideas I've had for dnd/tabletop role playing campaigns:

1. Everyone's in a forest beast world and are like, anthropomorphic animals like mice or badgers or lizards, evem bugs! and are the same size as normal them. Their weapons and armour would be styled like woodland nature stuff or human trash i.e. A mouse using thumb tacs as daggers.

This one I feel is more aimed towards having a cute vibe to it, but could easily go down the route of Redwall or Warrior Cats and ha e some darker vibes to it too.

2. Stealing the plot of the Steven Universe movie since none of my friends have seen it and I think I could get them to cry over the Spinel stand in villain/friend.

Basing it in a fantasy setting I'd replace the gem reset mechanic with some sort of time travel fiasco. The garden can be a fantastical fantasy magic Grove or even a huge castle sumthin like that. The fun part would be getting them to make all these characters with interconnected backstories and pasts and allocating only one of them to remember it all uwu

Bonus, I get to use the soundtrack as background music, utilising the story beats in it to help accent the revelations in game.

3. Players are locked in a medieval city which is plague ridden. They have to escape. Avoiding catching the deathly illness and fighting gangs and guards to save any chance of getting out alive they'd have to deal/barter, sneak around alleys and hidden passages or fight their way through the high city walls. The players could even have friends or family that they want/need to bring with them out of the city to add more challenge!

Pros of this include, funny gang and guard office comedy routines, cool ass plague doctor aesthetics, and familial/close bonds being stressed for me to toy with their emotions!

4. The UnAlive game! The party are all undead!!! They want to change that! The necromancer that brought them back got crushed under a rock or overly ambitious skull for his next project and didn't drain their will away so it's now their perogative to find a way to restore their beating hearts (or whatever pumped precious life energy throughout their body)! Having to disguise themselves or convince townsfolk to let them in, this would be a fun angle for experienced players to have to think from! Even if they've played an undead before, there can't have been many people who've been in a whole party of them!

I've been saving a character for this who is an undead Bard who playes the guitar, his name is Dead Sheeran

5. Sci-fi superhero game!! Think like how overwatch has a bunch of superheros that are made through science and technology but have magical like powers too! I've already run a game like this, Basing it in a military like institute very much Like overwatch as a way to get the players on missions. Instead! This new game shall be them playing as Villains!! Now, I'm not too much of a fan of evil games as they do end up making people second guess themselves when it comes to harming the public and stuff like that, stupid morals (this is a joke. I also don't like running them since it leaves a bad taste in my mouth) so! These evil vagabonds shall be attempting to take over the world, megamind style! They dont want to kill anyone, they just want to right the wrong they see in the world! And be flamboyant and extra with every step of the way! Their secret base is in a volcano for petes sake! The evil mastermind sends them out on their next eeeeviiil mission to *looks at smudges writing on hand* kidnap the presidents daughter!... Again!!....

If anyone thinks this sounds fun, I urge you to check out the system Wild Talents. It's a little dense and a tad confusing on first read, but it let's you make a detailed superpower with limitations and everything! I used it for the said overwatch-like game I ran and it was heaps of fun once it got rolling!

(Edit- As I was using them as examples and not claiming credit for them I thought it would be fine using images to get the vibes of the campaigns down but it felt like reposting and I don't want to deal with the tumblr ballache so they're gone except the SU gif cos that's straight from the show)

#Dnd #Ttrpg #I want to play games again so badly #It's been since March...

[florvinhara]

hi, Kira💕 what's your go-to story/anecdote guaranteed to entertain at a party or social gathering? (remember real parties? me neither.)

"Ah man, excellent question," she smirks, rubbing her hands together. "Hmm, I've got a bunch, but probably one of my best tales is the Thanksgiving Catastrophe. Pun very much intended."

She leans forward in her chair. "So, my roommate in freshman year was named Julia. We weren't like, best friends or anything, but she was cool, you know. Pretty quiet, and really the only time we ever had a major interaction is when she just... brought home a chameleon. Like, as a pet." She shrugs. "She asked if I would keep it quiet, since we weren't really supposed to have pets, and I mean, I'm no snitch, so."

"Really, the most inconvenient thing about it was that it only ate live crickets," she grimaces, "which was kind of rough. But whatever. Anyway, fast forward to Thanksgiving break, and I obviously wasn't going home," her eyes flicker briefly with uncertainty before she continues the story, "and neither was Julia, so we decided to get a shit-ton of those microwave foods and have a giant feast."

She waves an arm out dramatically. "I'm on my way back from getting the food, and it's like, genuinely negative 15 degrees outside, and it's snowing like hell, and I see this cat shivering under a car. Which is super not ideal, right. And again, it's like the ninth circle of Hell outside, and I don't want the cat to freeze, so I kind of, like, coax it over and bring it back to the dorm."

"Anyway, Julia's fine with it, and we're microwaving some of the food when all hell breaks loose. It turns out that the pet store, or the... I don't know... cricket emporium, sells crickets in these," she gestures, "inflated plastic bags that look like balloons. And the cat," she swipes her hand at the ground. "Pounces at the cricket-ball and it fucking POPS."

"So, the crickets are all over the place, the cat is losing its mind, Julia gets the chameleon from its box and she's like, waving it around and begging it to eat some of the bugs, which, obviously it's not listening to her because it's, you know, a lizard."

"At this point, like, it's mayhem already, but then it turns out we forgot to take the fuckin' foil off the food before putting it in the microwave. So it's like, smoking and on fire and shit, and the fire alarm starts going off. Which, like," she emphasizes each point by counting on her fingers, "we're screwed if anyone comes into the room for inspection because we have two contraband animals in here, along with all these damn crickets on the loose. We can't open the door, because again, the crickets will escape, and this cat might go on the lam. But the department will already know the alarm came from our room, so they're definitely gonna come in here."

She shrugs. "Really, our only option was to smuggle the cat and the chameleon out of the room, hide the chameleon enclosure, and just... like, pray that the crickets have gone into hiding by the time they check our room. At this point neither of us is thinking far enough ahead to consider how disgusting it's gonna be to have all these loose crickets gallivanting about the place where we sleep."

"So I," she mimes the actions as she talks, "get the cat and hide it under my jacket, which it is not pleased about, by the way, Julia gets the chameleon secured, and we head outside with everyone else. Unforeseen problem time, the RAs are going around to check that everyone from their floor is out, so Julia and I have to deal with this incredibly chatty RA while this cat, like, is attacking me. I can't even blame the cat! Anyway, the RA finally moves on and we have some breathing room... for the moment."

"Shockingly, things turned out pretty well? Like, we didn't get in trouble for the microwave, and I'm pretty sure the RA could tell we were concealing a pet but figured that having to deal with all those goddamn crickets was punishment enough. Which it absolutely was, by the way- the rest of that semester was a nightmare from hell every time we had to go back into that room."

She smiles. "And I even found someone to take the cat! I checked for missing posters and asked around, took him to the vet, et cetera, but no one claimed him so he lived in our room for a few weeks before someone from Wayhaven adopted him. I've seen him a few times and he looks great! A happy ending for all of us, except I guess the crickets."

#fun fact this is loosely based on a true story! absolute hell pls never mix cats and inflated bags of crickets #andhdjdh anyway she's a disaster #twc

[hellofaer]

sugar daddy! mario x cat boy! @shinsouplays

(not proofread)

mario used to have a happy life. keywords used to. he missed his best friend for life, luigi, who literally got scared to death. mario had told him he was concerned about his obsession with the haunted mansion but luigi just didn’t listen. his companion yoshi mysteriously disappeared after a big argument with his girlfriend at the time birdo. toad and toadette were tired of being in the kingdom all the time which resulted in them running away together. Mario missed all of them, but who did he miss the most? his wife- well, ex wife peach. he thought everything they had was genuine. until he found out that she was sleeping another man- that man was bowser. apparently peach was too scared to reject mario and was seeing a man in a lizard costume behind his back. she had used the “kidnappings” as an excuse. and he believed it. once he found out about her backstabbing he banished her from the kingdom, never to be seen again. he didn’t want to do it, because deep down in his heart the fire still burned aflame for her. but he knew he had to let her go, so he did. mario spent his time dwelling in the kingdom, a lot of the time being seen either crying or eating a lot of comfort meals. but because toad and toadette ran away, no one was there to check up on him. except for his old friend waluagi. it had been years since waluagi had seen his old pal and wanted to check up on him.

little did he know, that call would change his friends life.

brrrring! brrring! brrring!

mario ignored the ringing, his face smooshed down into his dirty pillow. he had cried the night before again, and felt absolutely no energy to pick it up. until it rang once more.

brrrring! brrring! brrring! brrr-

mario fiercely grabbed his phone and answered it without looking at the caller id.

“what the hell do you want?” mario asked in an annoyed tone. no one ever called him, why now?

it was silent for a moment and mario was about to hang up before he heard a gruff voice from the phone. “ah, hello? hello? is this, er, mario?” the gruff voice asked. wait a minute. mario recognized that voice. “WALUAGI?” he asked in surprised, sitting straight up so the blankets uncovered his hairy chest. again, no one had ever called him. he thought waluigi retired and lived at a nursing home.

a loud laugh erupted from the phone, causing mario to slightly pull the phone away from his big ass ear. “yeah! mario, how’s it goin? haven’t seen you, since.. er, the uh, peach days.” waluigi said, the enthusiasm in his voice going down at the end. even though mario was still sensitive about that topic, he was focused on his old pal calling him after years of no contact. he cleared his throat awkwardly. “er, yeah, i think so.” he said with a fake chuckle. “Why don’t i stop by the kingdom so we could chat huh? bring some of your favorite pasta, how about that?” waluigi suggested. he wanted to see how mario turned out honestly. people always spread rumors about how mario let himself go and became a downer but waluigi wanted to see that for himself. mario wasn’t expecting the offer though. mario usually wasn’t a self conscious person- again, until the whole peach situation- and he admits he got bigger and his mustache has gotten a bit wild. mario didn’t want his friend to see him like that, he wanted his friend to think, “wow, mario hasn’t changed since i’ve seen him!”

“Er, how about next week? I’ve got, uh, a lot of.. cleaning up to do! rabbits trashed the place.” mario said with a sigh, rolling his eyes. he feigned annoyance as if waluigi could see him. waluigi sensed that mario was lying, but shook the feeling off. “Heh, good luck with that bud. See you next saturday?” “next saturday, mhm.” mario confirmed, swinging his legs over the bed to slide his feet into his house slippers. “Got it. See you saturday, mario.” waluigi said gruffly, hanging up before mario even got a chance to respond. hearing a small beep, he threw his phone beside him and sighed. “It’s gonna be a long week.”

and he was right.

he worked out and got back into shape (listen ik that’s not realistic but it’s fucking fiction about mario and cat boy kouda alright) and even cleaned up a little bit. his mustache was trimmed and shiny again, and plus he fight into his old overalls and red long sleeves. he had a bit of brightness and life in his big blue eyes again, feeling new and improved. he had even made a little meal for him and waluigi. pancakes, bacon that was a little burnt, and some scrambled eggs with fresh orange juice. mario tried as much as he could to cook, as he was used to toad making his food. mario was just finishing setting the last glass of orange juice down when he heard a knock at the door. “coming!” mario said, hurrying to the kingdom door. he open it, revealing a hunched over old man in purple long sleeves and some overalls. even though his mustache pointed down instead of being high and pointy, you could still tell it was him.

“Waluigi!” he gave the fellow old man a hug. Mario would never admit it, but having arms around him felt nice and warm. “Long time no see, huh?” waluigi joked. they both chuckled, until mario pat waluigi on the back. “come on in, come on in, i made food!”

- time skip 🤩 -

“a what baby?” mario asked waluigi, confused. “a sugar baby. I think it’ll be, er, beneficial to you.” waluigi grumbled. Mario sighed, facing the computer in front of him. He was on http://SugarHoney.com, a website for sugar babies and sugar mommies/daddies to find each other. “How will giving someone my money benefit me?” waluigi laughed. “you won’t be the only one giving. they’ll give you love and support in return.” mario didn’t seem convinced, waluigi could tell by the “what the hell” look on his face. waluigi sighed. “Just look at the profiles, lots of cute boys and girls there yeah?” he suggested, leaning back into the chair. Mario sighed. “Alright.”

and mario scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. “There’s no one interesting enough here.” mario complained.

“Give it here!” waluigi said in annoyance, tugging the computer away from him. “That’s because you’re not looking at the premium people.” waluigi grumbled after looking at the profiles. “here.” waluigi clicked on the premium tab. the premium tab was exclusively for the, how should i say it, *interesting* people on the website. mario sighed, grabbing the computer to search profiles once again. a few minutes passed, and mario still hadn’t found anyone that interested him. his eyes were still glued to the screen though. “waluigi, i don’t think that anybody- mama mia!” if the 😍emoji was real, that would be mario’s face.

arkouda chisaki.

major.

loves pasta.

cat boy.

he had just found the perfect one for him.

——

arkouda was sitting in the drivers seat of his car with his friends, waiting to be next in line at wendy’s. “soo why did you decide to be a sugar baby again?”

sisi asked. “do you see how much money they make sisi?” even though the question was rhetorical, sisi shook her head. kouda rolled with it anyway. “a lot. a whole lot.” he answered, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. “I wanna be a sugar baby.” jailani announced randomly, obviously intrigued. Kouda sighed. “Lani, you’re a minor. You can’t do that.” “No no no, but what if i just support them from a distance with encouraging words and they give me money!” “I would much rather get frog stuffed animals than money.” Khloe added, holding her own giant stuffed frog. Kouda only laughed. He pulled up to the drive thru of wendy’s, putting his car in park. “Alright, what do y’all want?” Kouda asked everyone, scratching his cat boy ears (🤩). “A strawberry lemonade!!”sisi answered with a warm smile on her face. “Just a sprite please!” khloe said, poking her head in the middle of sisi and kouda. “Baconator!“ lani responded.

After he ordered everyone’s food along with his chicken sandwich and a cherry mello yello, he drove by a little spot in the woods he knew of. kouda got out of the car, holding the bags of food while sisi and khloe held their drink and lani held a pink and white picnic blanket. They all headed towards their usual hang out spot in a comfortable silence, nearing closer and closer the clearing. lani set down the blanket, mumbling about how if she feels a bug on her she’ll sob. sisi and khloe laughed, setting their drinks down where they were going to sit. “Bugs aren’t that bad lani!” sisi said, sitting down behind her drink. “Yeah dude, they’re adorable.” kouda said, setting the bags down in the middle. Lani rolled her eyes, ignoring the twos words.

soon everyone was happily enjoying their meal/drinks, talking about trauma, character anons, memes and shit about each other. yknow, the normal stuff. until someone’s phone goes off.

Sisi looks at everyone like 👀 because she put her phone on silent. khloe took out her phone and checked her notifications, but quickly put it back away. “nope!” lani shook her head without even caring to look. “my ringtone isn’t boring like that.” she huffed. kouda rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. he got one notification.

http://SugarHoney.com: You’ve got (1) daddy request! From: papamari0

#i love it here #do not steal!1!1!1!!1 #this took 3-4 hours