#just fucking terrified and lost

[hikeyzz]

can life just cut me some fucking slack for once god dammit

#family member living on an actual island in the middle of the ocean has a fall and goes into surgery with no family around #idk what to do idk what to do idk what to do #i'm just sitting and waiting for someone to tell me what to do #the older adults of my family are taking point on this but my caretaking controlling urges are flaring up and i feel a need to take over #i just ... she's all i have left of my mom #like i know she's not but she's my mom's mom #she's me if i had 60 more years of trauma and was horribly unhealed #and i just ... i just can't do it #but i have to and i will #just fucking terrified and lost #hikey

[kingiefisher]

“This creature is almost all muscle. Very little brain. No sense of morality. Just muscle, synapses, and teeth.

Motivational note: Congratulations on getting close enough to scan it and living to see the results!”

#my absolute favourite creature in the game #they’re fucking terrifying #but they’re good puppies #I drew this a while ago bc I wanted to draw the other leviathans and post them together but I just lost all motivation #my art #subnautica #reaper leviathan

[poisonousquinzel]

"a dude in Texas legally changed his name to "Literally Anyone Else" and he's attempting to run for President against Biden & Trump" [source]

okay, but putting aside the comedic aspect of this, it is concerning the amount of people who are prompted to vote for candidates just because it's funny. I'm not the biggest fan of how his policy about the boarder sounds [Site], but I do implore anyone who is able to vote in the 2024 US election to please research other candidates.

The media is only going to continue pushing the idea it's inevitably going to be Trump vs Biden 2.0 and we have no other options, that we have to vote for Biden again because of Project 2025. Is that whole thing terrifying?

Yeah, fucking absolutely.

But voting for Biden will not solidify our safety from that. Biden is exactly like the rest of them. He always has been. You can't make the lesser of two evils argument when they're both just plain evil.

You cannot say that Biden is even mildly a better choice than Trump when he is currently directly involved in a genocide. That is not some little fucking thing. That in and of itself disqualifies him as a lesser evil. Biden is just as bad as him and he will not save us because he doesn't fucking care.

Cornel West [Site] is an Independent candidate running for President in the 2024 Election. [Policies]

Claudia De la Cruz and Karina Garcia [Site] are running for President and Vice-President as the candidates of the Party for Socialism and Liberation in the 2024 Election. [Policies]

There are options.

There are people trying to change the corrupt foundation our system is built on, but we have to help amplify them because the mainstream media will not.

#have you looked at what's happening in New York & the subways #There's so many reported shootings and deaths and it just seems to be getting worse. #I just looked up subway shooting ny because I wanted to check before saying something #There's reports from like 3 hours ago about someone getting pushed in front of one of the moving subways & there's so many others #or how about the like thousands of police officers that they've got stationed at subways in ny literally doing fuck all #or how everyone's going through a housing crisis and cant afford rent and cant get medical care because it can cost #$4000 to get a fucking ambulance and that's cheap. That's a ride to the hospital less than 20 minutes away probably. #or the rise in hate crimes and bigotry and all the shit they're now trying to censor with the kosa bill #or how terrifying places like Florida have became for anyone thats not seen as an equel by people who dont view most others as equels. #or how they're pouring billions into wars while we're in the midsts of a homeless crisis #suicide rates are at record levels in the us and it's only going to get worse. theyre pulling telehealth which will take away #life saving medical care for people who dont have the ability to go in person. people's ability to get therapy and meds being taken away #Is going to kill people. or how the Biden administration has fucked up their Covid response so goddamn badly #people are referring to the pandemic in past tense and have lost understanding for others who they'd have understood before #they've lied and they've concealed and its killing millions of people and disabling even more. but they will not take accountability. #long covid is ruining people's lives and they've successfully led the narrative that its not real or not that serious. #they will sit there and they will lie. they will say they've protected women's rights and that its a top priority. #they'll say that healthcare is a top priority but have suggested that they'd veto a healthcare for all bill because of its price tag #but will spend billions and billions and billions on a genocide that the majority is against. the system isn't going to begin collapsing #it already is. #its crumbled and we must demolish the corrupt remains and rebuild a better government that gives a shit about people #ALL people. #they use basic human rights as bargaining chips. #the Democrats and Republicans on a Venn diagram is a circle. wake up.

[tomfrogisblue]

QSMP UPDATE! :)

Q!Pac is alone again! :)

#oh for fucks sake hes fucking lost everyone again jesus christ what the fuck is up with this guys luck #walter bob has been gone for months. richas is still fucking missing. he only just got mike back. #last time he saw Fit he had just watched him be kebabed by his teammates #AND NOW Mike and Fit are gone. Terminated. whatever the fuck that means #like he still has tubbo but what the fuck man #the only other brazilian is fucking cellbit who hes terrified of!! (and really fucking should be afraid of now Roier's gone) #like can my man catch a little tiny break please #ok felps is technically here and maybe Santo Felpinho is the guiding light we need #but like bruh #let pac just have his family back ALL AT THE SAME TIME FOR ONCE #qsmp #qsmp lore #qsmp pactw #pactw #qsmp purgatory #i have rambled becuase it is the middle of the night and again i am awake and sad over little block men

[ear-motif]

what kills me is that hannibal very clearly wants to be a provider and caregiver, but he just cant be because he can’t give up control over those he cares for

#hanniblogging #imo his drive for killing and eating his victims is yes to establish superiority over them #but what does that do? it establishes his control over them #over who? literally anyone. which means everyone. literally everyone #if anyone can be a victim the moment they cross hannibal then what does that really say. imo it says that hannibal views EVERYONE #as a potential threat #im sure he tells himself hes a god exacting old testament justice but man i dont think a god complex would sustain you this long tbh #you didnt slice beverly up and encase her in glass for the fbi to see to flaunt your power over them #they were already too close. he already lost control #beverly GOT INTO HIS FUCKING HOUSE #THE TRAINEE GIRL WHOS NAMR IM BLANKING ON JUST SAW HIS DRAWINGS AND SHE GOT TRAPPED FOR TWO YEARS!! #he let williford graham slice him up and put him behind glass and hes fucking terrified #hes bending over backwards as a warning and to scrabble for some kind of control over all of humanity bc he views everyone as a threat #bc he learned early on that everyone IS a threat. your parents wont protect you. your countrymen wont protect you. you can love someone and #they can use you while youre vulnerable with no guilt or shame #but those he cares for he also needs control over because they will be taken from you at a moments notice #so their free will doesnt really matter when youve been in fight or flight mode for 40 years straight and are convinced #they will be consumed if you dont consume them first

[mossyflowers]

puts you in the house

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT PUT ME IN THE HOUSE

#moss talks #I LOST SOMETHING YESTERDAY AFTER I FINISHED IT AND I WAS. SO FUCKING SCARED #I FOUND IT TODAY SO WE'RE CHILLING BUT AT THE TIME I WAS TERRIFIED BECAUSE I LOOKED EVERYWHERE WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AND IT JUST. WASN'T #anyways moss torturing hours ig

[eskawrites]

word randomly deciding to fuck with my files and screw up the saving process is going to give me a fucking heart attack

#truly feel like I’m about to throw up #nothing is lost but something is definitely wrong #and I’m TERRIFIED to open the Nancy pov so if the new chapter isn’t up tomorrow it’s because I haven’t edited it yet #because word has decided to move and rename all my files and make them hard to save correctly #and I almost lost the lethal company au and nearly had a panic attack about it so! #we’re doing our best out here tonight #remember to regularly back up your files kids #on external drives NOT just online backups #man fuck the constant presence of the internet sometimes

[arthur-r]

heading into my latin final exam 😖

#i’m actually terrified i haven’t studied the vocabulary half as much as i should have #i’ve been too busy with all my other terrible evil assignments. i forgot that grammar knowledge can only get you so fucking far #at some point you have to know the difference between pareo and whatever that other verb is #cause pareo parere is obey and takes a dative i think. but i swear there’s a parere verb that means to seem #anyway i have 20 minutes to get to the exam room. i can handle that. in the building rn but a little lost and anxious #BUT I WILL GET THERE. and then i’ll just have a different test and a different paper left over #spooky scary. idk wish me luck i guess?!?!?!?!!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[ghost-proofbaby]

Not to indulge the BG3 " brain rot " but.... can we see what your tav looks like? Maybe hear a little bit about them? Sorry I'm just also on a BG3 kick right now

sure! don't apologize for that <3

this is my first tav, for my only currently completed playthrough. named her seraphina, she was a wild magic sorcerer elf and she romanced astarion, and she was 100% a goody two shoes. not to flex or anything. always gonna hold a special place in my heart. kinda sad i don't have more screenshots of her. also, i went through this playthrough without any mods!

and then my current playthrough is actually my first durge! i've made a couple so far (my bad), but this is going to be a redeemed/resisting the urges playthrough. her name is aruna, and she's also romancing astarion (what a shocker). she's a storm sorcerer elf you can tell i have a preferred class and race huh. i also caught the wonderful lil sideye exchanged during the gur encounter between her and astarion which i laughed at for a good five minutes. so far, this playthrough has been 100x more chaotic, and is definitely giving her and astarion sharing a brain cell (the blood of lathander quest is still a sensitive topic for our dear pale elf womp womp). she's simply bhaal's god's favorite princess with her crew of scary dog privilege while she fights the voices. (and yes, this playthrough i am using mods. sue me.)

i also have two bard durge playthroughs (one as a tiefling, one as a half-elf), and one of them in a multiplayer campaign with my friend in which uh.... we're gonna do full on evil ! wish me luck !

#terrified of the full on evil playthrough and losing karlach and wyll #gonna have to fight for my life to keep gale as he's been assigned as my stray cat in our playthrough #also at this point just assume all my tavs romance astarion lmao #i keep saying i'll romance gale or shadowheart and then DON'T #he just gives me those puppy dog eyes and i'm back in the house ya know #my first playthrough had a lil chaos but nothing compared to the durge one so far dear lord lmao #i did end my first one with telling gale to just fuck off and ascend to godhood if he really wanted to because i was so tired of him asking #like bro you're not my problem anymore stop #I ALSO KILLED SHADOWHEART ON MY FIRST ONE I'M TRAUMATIZED #HOW DO I SAVE HER??? HELP???? #also i didn't get to keep halsin in my first playthrough because i didn't notice the quest for him #AND I LOST THE LAST LIGHT INN SO NO JAHEIRA BC SHE DIED IN BATTLE #I WENT FUCKING THROUGH IT Y'ALL #thank u ily #ghost plays bg3 #<- that'll be my tag for bg3 stuff #also yes seraphina is the one who fucked the mindflayer my bad my bad

[prettyboysmlm]

ah. help.

(tw sa mention in the tags)

#so #pretty sure my friend lost her virginity last night #(not sure she hasn’t said anything yet) #but if she did #i know for a fact she’s gonna be hella annoying about it this week #bc she’s annoying about everything #but this is different #bc she’s gonna be bragging about how she had sex and how the rest of us are virgins #(two of us aren’t be she doesn’t give a shit she just wants to be better than us) #and i am going to be super uncomfortable if she talks about this nonstop (bc she will) #bc of. experiences. i’ve had. #that she knows abt. and that she has insulted and joked abt before. #and im terrified she’s gonna do it again in front of all of our friends #and i can’t take that i can’t fucking take that #she’s an idiot and she doesn’t think about what she says before she says it but that doesn’t matter bc there are some things you need a #filter for and she doesn’t seem to realize that #anyways i’m terrified of going to school tmr bc i don’t wanna deal with that #like yay i’m happy for u that u had sex with a guy you’ve been dating for two months! now please shut the fuck up! #anyways why am i venting on here? #bc i don’t wanna tell my friends bc they’ll think i’m a hypocrite #i’m the one friend who makes sex jokes and is the ‘horny one’ #bc i’m hypersexual bc of my. ‘experiences’. #and they’ll think i’m a hypocrite if i tell her to stop talking about sex when that’s what i talk about a lot #so i’m just gonna suffer and pray she doesn’t say something to upset me #k.txt #vent tw #sa tw

[jedidragonwarriorqueen]

I. I just. Okay.

Wow.

I just . . . Geez Louise

#i mean this show is ruthless but i'm PRETTY SURE they didn't just kill off their 4 MCs (and jaune) #but when yang fell i was terrified bc killing off one of them? i could believe #ren and nora as far as they know just lost another member of their team in addition to their friends #i had to watch penny die AGAIN #i cannot even IMAGINE what winter is feeling right now holy fuck #your home quite literally fell from the sky #you stood up to the abusive man whod been grooming you for years #your best friend died #you watched your sister fall into the void #the last thing your best friend ever did was gift you with magical superpowers #and to top that all off #you're the only remaining authority figure to lead thousands of refugees stuck in the middle of a sandstorm being attacked by monsters #like. what a DAY #i sure do know hot to pick 'em #rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8

[faetreides]

haven’t used tinder in a long time and i rlly only used it heavily when i was 18 bc i could and i was feeling very hypersexual, but seeing multiple guys be like “swipe left if you’re over ___ lbs” was soooooooooooooooooo

(vent in the tags, cw)

#srry im just thinking about a lot #i live in such a small town that smth like that is rlly my only way of meeting anybody but its hell #idk if i should manifest someone better on there or irl #and this whole thing with losing my virginity #like when i lost it the first time i was a child who couldnt and DIDNT consent bc i didnt even know what sex was until i was forced to know #so now its like 🧍‍♂️ bc i still consider myself a virgin but i freak when a guy actually touches me irl and idk how to even explain it #-to a s/o bc there’s such an importance on fucking and having done everything under the sun already by now #but as much as i write about evil men i NEED someone to treat me like glass if i ever trusted them enough #-to fuck them #bc so many guys didn’t care about hurting me that i actually cant handle it irl #and every woman (on my tinder feed) is just straight and is looking for friends or a 3rd #like objectively am i worthy of a loving relationship? yes! #does a fair portion of society think so? well! #terrified that if i open up to a bf or smth he’ll victim blame #bc that’s all i dealt with when i tried to get help #🫁.vent #📜.scrolls #tw r4p3 #tw csa #wanted to throw up typing this out

[loumauve]

as someone who's gone through some level of sexual assault (and stalking and just gross crossing of personal and physical boundaries) in the past, there's something particularly fucked up about a guy you're somewhat close with telling you about how their group of guys has a running joke about how someone needs to (kindly put bc translation for that fucking sentence.. fucking yikes. I'd rather not think about it) get it on with you to improve your mood. apparently they're now at 125,- as price money for the one who does it.. which jfc. (why did I ask what they were talking about, and for fucks sake why did he feel so comfortable telling me)

like.. for context: work/school has been hell since March bc there's so much hate speech and crossing of even just the most basic of boundaries and all manners of snide comments and loud screaming and yelling and hitting desks and slamming doors and just.. guys escalating any tiny situation into what would usually lead to someone being fucking fired from their job and maybe slapped with a lawsuit, but here there's zero consequence and now I'm being gaslit into believing that I am the problem for being offended. and I just.. I'm at if not way past my limit. so I've had a near constant migraine for the past months. which.. sure I'm a little grumpy but I've still been polite and respectful, so honestly there's nothing for any of them to get annoyed with other than how one of them told me, and yeah... I know, to smile more..

just.. I feel so grossed out and uncomfortable and there's nothing I can do except hope the internship stuff is sorted out next week so I can be away from that place and those people for the next few months at least.

fucking hell tho. I'm literally in hell. this is worse than the 2 years of group bullying and mistreatment at my old work place. talk about draining experiences. this is the last thing I needed on top of all the grieving and anxiety

#sometimes I think I'm gonna throw up. insert the '*chuckles* I'm in danger.' meme #sa mention #every time I think I may make some progress in trusting guys to be around me again this shit happens #and I hate that so much bc there's so many sweet and wonderful guys out there #but all that gets drowned out by the panic I feel from all that bad history being dredged back up to the forefront of my mind #like. there was so much fucked up shit (not just done by guys. just all the stuff that didn't happen in relationships) #anyway. I hate it here. I was making some progress in being more comfortable around intimacy and with my sexuality again #which.. is a big fucking thing for someone who's grey-ace. and most of that progress is now overshadowed by all this grossness #I just want to be alright again. and I miss my therapist now more than I ever did before bc she knew #the full extent of it. of what it did to me. of how to cope and move on. bc there's little to do except try and forget #and now I'm just lost and scared and terrified of something else being added to the pile of dreadful memories #a day in the life of..

[djevelbl]

Coñuelamadre con esta peste hijaeputa que me agarré nojoda llevo la maldita semana entera tosiendo pulmón y medio estoy hartaaaa

Y me dió un dolor de cabeza constante como por 2 días????? Hola????? Que te iba a servir helado premium de la heladería kreisel supra nojoda, sabor el cerebro mío que voy a meter en la maquinita de plástico esa si es que se le ocurre joder de nuevo con el tiqui tiqui tiqui de dolerme la cabeza--

#vent #more serious on the tags than the post itself but eh #the tumblr tags are just post part 2 #post semicolon. if you will #AND I HAD TO SKIP CLASS WHEN THEY WERE ENSEMBLING THE FUCKING INTRO !!!! FOR OUR DANCE RECITAL !!!!!! #if i have to miss next class WHEN THEY'LL MEASURE US FOR OUTFITS???? i'll genuinely cry #& my mom told me if my coughing continues they're most likely gonna take me to the hospital #RIGHT AFTER MENTIONING SOMEBODY ELSE HAD RECENTLY GOTTEN HOSPITALIZED WITH BRONCHITIS???? #that terrified me #ngl #if it happens i'll probably side-eye the one girl in class who couldn't do the choreo that day #y'know. the day i said MY THROAT WAS MESSED UP??? #i'll sooooo side-eye the living shit outta her istg #the only good thing that came out of this was rereading Just One Mistake (is all it will take) bc i never finished it #& this masterclass in venezuelan ofc #now imagine the fucking ad playing as you read it #hELADERÍA KREISEL SUPRA HACE HELADOS DE VERDAD EN POCOS MINUTOOOO-- #idk WHY i remembered the fucking ad bro #literal core memory #i havent slept #i lost my mind #anyway #mano quiero churro manía :(((

[bisaster-energy]

okay what you have to understand is that while against the kitchen floor is a dean song...willard! has cas written all over it

#guess who really started listening to will wood 😳 #like just listen to me ok hear me out... #i dont owe u my heart or my body but shit i do fuckin owe u and im so sorry that i cannot be good as u are #the irony of dean not thinking of himself as human as cas learned to be is not lost on me #and even tho he fucks up constantly he cant bring himself to want cas to end their relationship (wtv it may be) #apologizing for the way he is bc tbh if dean never figures out how he feels simply because he himself doesn't know #what he wants he probably would end up just giving cas.his body because he owes him something and #he cant figure out what he can possibly give in the face of that all consuming frankly terrifying love #ahem. onto willard #ik i said cas knows how to be human but that's in dean's eyes. cas doesn't get being human at all even tho he does (?) #like his homeless/steve arc he cant get a grasp on how humans do all the things they do and live they way they live #the beginning of the song he talks about not being able to step on ants and crying for moths #now that could be cas talking about actual insect but ALSO humans! bc he's learned to care!! #but yea if cas had some sort of animal he saw every now and then while on the street? a cat or a rat etc that's how i envision #him with this song #he himself has been stepped on so many times! it started to feel like his place! not truly part of the winchesters not truly angel #just cas now... #is there room for me in your cage whether that be earth or a real rat he feels he understands #it's confusing for him to connect! never learned what to feel from childhood like humans do! #he was thrown into the deep end #they call me crazy but their words all seem made up to me -> honeybee cas fr #also i can see steve bringing a little creature into the gas n sip his own little guy #also the peace vs freedom thing. animals are put in cages. humans locked in heaven. #and cas has achieved free will but he has to wrestle with whether it's better to be content or break chains #you might seem behind bars but friend this cage is inside out! dean and sam are trapped in this destiny #but they both say fuck it !! but heaven wasn't just a cage to humans it's a cage for angels too #yeah ur fate is fucked but at keast you had a fate to change yknow. cas didn't just change his story #he didn't have one so he literally wrote it #i can't listen to this song without thinking about cas human hungry and alone #it's AWFUL out here socrates. it's DANGEROUS out here socrates. it's lonely out here socrates 🤡🤡🤡

[vulpixelates]

trying to find a balance between "module that's easy to understand and follow bc i am terrified of DMing and might cry" and "module that's not boring af especcially in the first adventure bc that might be as far as i manage to get through before losing my mind and i at least want my forever DM to have fun as a player for once" is killing me lmao

#apiewofoaiwjefaoijfew #i REALLY do not think she will find the beginning of waterdeep dragon heist compelling unless i make changes but like aoeifja #i'm so overwhelmed by the idea of making changes #i just want something i can follow from start to finish so i can MAYBE learn that DMing isn't as terrifying as i think it is 😭😭 #trying to desperately not to talk myself out of this lmao #uuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #she also suggested the lost mines module bc it's meant for newbies but i'm just like OIFJAEOWIFAOWIJEF #she doesn't even really use goblins in her own games she's not going to find this beginning part interesting at all 😭😭 #and i'm so nervous about any other modules bc it's just going to be her playing + an npc i'm controlling who is a fighter but like aofeijao #they still might get crushed even if i have her start at like level 3 for a level 1 adventure. i have no idea how any of this works anymore #idk OIFJAOEWIFAE the last time i tried to run stuff it was all homebrew and i was so fucking bad at it #i feel like everything i did made everyone miserable lmao #any time i tried to like just go w the flow it didn't work #esp bc i get so anxious about it aofiejaoijfwe #i am so not cut out for this but my wife literally never gets an opportunity to play and she has DM'd me almost every single day for like #five to six years now faoewijfaoiwjef she deserves a chance to play and has been really sad about not having one in the past #so i have to try at least #*dykeposting